The Garden Shed

New Direction

2012-05-28T01:02:00.000-04:00

It has been a rough few weeks in trying to determine our next direction. I have decided that I can no longer raise my children in the same environment as my mother-in-law. It's true, there can only be one woman in a household. Grandparents should have their place in children's lives but it is not as the director and disciplinarian ruling over both you and your children. Especially when your views on parenting are extremely different. I have always felt that my children are intelligent and do not need me to control their every move. I do my best to treat them with respect and honor raising them and guiding them into their adult years. I am currently reading a couple of books on parenting. One book is giving me a French take on parenting. It's written by an American woman raising her daughter in France. So far I have been challenged by the methods I am learning and surprisingly I actually was already doing some of the ways. I am learning how different cultures raise their children. I have decided to take the kids camping for the summer. During this time we will be looking for a new place to live. We are going to look in the county we live in currently due to the kids loving the school system here. The house that was built recently, Matt's mom will live in alone. I am having to lay down some very thick boundaries and this is the first time in my life I have ever done that. It's been good for me to step up and stick up for what I believe in and how I want my children raised. Some people are going to think it's crazy to walk away from a house that is paid for. But my children are worth more to me than any house. They are the greatest gifts the Lord has given me. I will do my best to protect them and create a positive environment for them to live in. As they are getting older I want them to realize that the only stability in this life comes from God. It does not come in the form of a house, car or even a job. God is the one we should look to for our needs and direction. Through Him, I will not fail them. My heart has been aching for a friend that is about to get a divorce. Of course this person feels as if they have failed as a mate and parent because of the direction they are going. Yes, there are so many studies that support divorce as being bad. From a biblical perspective we hear how God hates divorce. However, God does not hate the divorced, He still loves his people. He is still a God that will be beside you through all of it. I can say that with confidence as one that has been divorced. You may lose friends, you may lose respect, but you can gain a perspective and a longing to want to do things right. My children understand why I am divorced and they even say that they are glad we are at the point we are. Children remember fighting and if you are miserably living out your existence before them. They know and remember the difficult times. My daughter has said she was happier with me and her father separated because I am a better parent away from him. Interesting how children can sometimes have more wisdom than adults. So the summer awaits. A time to do what I love to do and that is spend time with my children as we camp out in Indiana. My Kianna will be a senior this next school year. How time has flown in raising her. I look forward to watching her in her adult years. Praying her through all of the challenges life will bring. It doesn't seem like so long ago me holding her in my arms and rocking her to sleep. Now this time next year I will be helping her pack and prepare for college. Seems unreal.

Complications & Being Still

2012-05-09T23:23:00.000-04:00

There are times when the verse, "Be still and know that I am God." has came to mind. Several times in the past few months I have learned to stop engaging my mind into conversations and thoughts that I should not be having or involved in. To be still does not mean to do nothing. There is actually a lot to it. It is probably one of the most difficult things to do in this society we live in. I normally do not give exact details of what is going on in life, however I wanted to share this mountain that I am dealing with. At this time we live in a brand new house that is completely paid for. We thought we were making the right decision by moving our family and Matt's mom into the same house. We were wrong. I know that there are cultures that combine generations together and some how they make it work. I now know why the Amish have a smaller house on the property for the parents. There has to be boundaries when living with other people. I have no problem teaching my children that, yet they eventually are going to leave the nest. I am ok with that. I want to see them grow and experience all that God has for them. I want to see them fly. I have learned that not all mothers are like that. There are some moms that want their child to be dependent on them even into adulthood. It's not good. Everything about it is against what I have learned from God's word as well. There is a reason the umbilical cord is cut. Just as the bible clearly states that you are to leave your mother and father and cling to your spouse. We are to clearly help widows, I will not deny that and we are to help our family. Sometimes helping them means setting a line in the sand and saying this is as far as I can go, you will have to make it from here. So we had some decisions to make. We are doing something strange. We are leaving the new house and Matt's mom will be living in it by herself. She will have plenty of space. I had asked her to do two things. First, was to keep her hands to herself and not lay a hand on my children. Second, was to talk to all of us without constantly being critical. She can't do it. She justifies herself plenty with all sorts of reasons, however, none will work for me. As I said my peace and she listened I could tell that there was a struggle going on within her. Nothing I said or the way I said it was disrespectful. I just pointed out what was happening and how I thought it was wrong and I didn't like the effect it was having on my children. I have never had to deal with a person that believes they are always right. That their ways are the only way. I honestly just wanted her to see that I can choose to not live the way that she does. I don't expect her to change. I am just choosing to not be around it any longer. You see my children are not perfect. Yes they need discipline. However, I have yet to see any success come from hitting a child. I have spanked before. My son Joel was so onry as a little one. I would explain why he was being spanked, spank him, make him sit, then talk to him about choices and what it means to do what is right. Just spanking to react to a child that is doing something wrong, I have a problem with. However, I have learned that 3 of my children benefit much better from conversation about their actions and discussing what is right. My twins, they are a whole other playing field altogether. They exhaust me and once I am at at that point I have to send them to their room for quiet time because there is no peace until they calm down. How we react to our children teaches them so much more than we realize. We have to learn how to discipline each one of them in a way that will work and what is right for one child will not be right for the other. Lesson learned, lesson learned. We will be waiting for answers in the next few weeks. There is one property that we are looking at they I would love to be on. The first time I was there, I felt like it was home to me. I have never felt that way before about any place. I told Matt I was willing to be Amish if it meant us being able to raise our children in a peaceful environment and teach them about God's ways. You see, our parents have had their chance to raise their children. Now we have the right to raise ours. As a grandparent, I pray I respect how my children choose to raise their children. Also if I disagree I hope there will be a way to talk to them so that I can understand their reasons. God's ways are not like our own at times! I have never really wanted a brand new house. I was thankful for no mortgage, however I love old things. I love old houses with character and in all honesty one of the most peaceful times in my life was when I didn't have a house at all. A friend of mine after seeing the new house smiled at me and said, "You are not going to be happy here. All the houses you have ever lived in were old farmhouse styles. This house is not like you, it's not who you are." I thought of that today. Old friends know us sometimes better than we would like. She is right. Being still and waiting on God to bring solutions to our questions is an active process. It takes your heart through so much that it can be quite tiring and make you almost weary. But there is strength that can be found in the midst of it all. A strength that really doesn't make sense, but is so needed in order to keep you going and it only comes from God.

Raising Children In The Lord

2012-04-30T22:21:00.002-04:00

"As for me and my household we will serve the Lord" Joshua 24:15 There have been times in my life where I have struggled my way through. During those times my children have always been my priority and because of that I believe there is a bond between us that nothing can break. As their mother they are the greatest work I have ever achieved and yet they are not mine alone. I have dedicated each one of them to the Lord. I have prayed for them before each of them were born. We have seen one another at our worst and we have celebrated during the best. We have all had growing pains through the years. Mason and Dawson are just beginning in those times. The years that God asks us as parents to mold and shape them into the child He calls them to be. Emalyn has a fire inside her that I know all too well. As her mom I have my work cut out for me, however I adore everything about her...even the spunk that some others don't. When I look at my son Joel I see that I am raising a man that loves the Lord and gets excited over new discoveries in wisdom. As he chooses the direction of a career I know I am raising a young man that will show others who Jesus is. Kianna is on her way to her senior year and it's bittersweet for me. I am now reminded that it wasn't so long ago that I was searching for answers in what I wanted to do with my life. I watch as she tosses and turns in her head what she is going to do next. This next year is going to be big for her. I look forward to every step and praying with her through it all. My stepson Jared is growing into a man that I now almost have to look up to with my neck tilted. His voice is cracking and he is hitting all those awkward years where his dad is vital to his development. I am thankful that my husband is now a man of God that without a doubt is devoted to me and his children. Jared loves being along side him as they work on projects together. So many life lessons are taught in those times that will shape Jared into who he is meant to be. He smiles at me when I correct him on something because he knows it's coming and then says, "yes mam" with respect that mom's long to hear. Our Lucas is hitting the preteen years where everything is a huge deal to him. I smile at his determination to be his own person in the midst of his siblings and we celebrate each of their differences. He too is soaking up the time with his dad and I love watching them stand side by side worshiping the Lord during church service. Lucas has a sensitive heart and God is going to do big things with that. All of our children have purpose and we are blessed to be their parents. I am reminded of when my husband first saw the movie Courageous. They have a Resolution that a husband can sign so that he can dedicate himself to his God, Wife and Children. He can proclaim a list of things that he promises he will keep on doing. I realized my husband didn't have to sign a document to proclaim anything, he was already doing that with the life he lives before us. He has come along way in a few years. We both have. With our struggles we have remained steadfast to one another and to our Lord. It hasn't been easy but digging in and facing the hard times really does make you stronger.

I Pledge My Family

2012-03-20T07:08:00.000-04:00

A Keith Green song was playing this morning as I was reading my Bible. I listen to Keith often, his lyrics are so very much a part of God's heart. I just become consumed with powerful message through song. His song, "Pledge My Head to Heaven" is kind of where I am right now.
My life has taken a huge turn as I am now in ministry full time. Although I must admit that I have always looked at every job I have had as ministry at one point or another. Serving others, living out the gospel in front of them...this is what God calls us to do. My small ladies group that I meet with every Wednesday night finished "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis. Our hearts were changed some in big ways,some in small ways but one of the ladies has come to a place where she has felt God telling her that her and her husband are being called to adopt a child. They will be adding to their biological children. The gospel in real life. God took us as His Own, there was a separation but Jesus made it possible for God to adopt us once again to Himself. I was adopted by my stepfather when I was in 5th grade. Until he came along I didn't have a father in my life. It set the stage for me to understand the gospel. Although there was a pain of not knowing or understanding why my biological father didn't want me in his life or choose to make me a priority in his life I understood that God made me a priority. The truth in it's most truest sense.
I have at times struggled with what I was to do with my life. What is my mission, my place, my call? I wanted to be a pastor more than anything for such a long time. I wanted to be in a position where I could point the way, direct all those that God sent my way toward the gospel. All the struggles to get here, to this place have been worth it. It's made me understand the reality of what God calls us to do as a christian. People want real. They want a person to be real to them. This is what Jesus did and what he asks us to do.
As I get my degree in Biblical Studies and what that will mean to me, I realize that I am right where I need to be.
My husband and I were discussing what we are feeling led to do in life. He has such a heart for helping others and serving. Such a heart for me and our children...and as we had a little visitor last night that was 3 years old I was reminded how tender and wonderful he is to our kids. Don't get me wrong, Dad is the type of man where they have to walk the line and they know it but behind that is a love for our children that is from God. I honestly can say that him being in full time ministry is something I see in the future. God is building his heart for it. It's wonderful to watch and be a part of.

In Keith's song he says, "Well, I pledge my head to heaven for the Gospel,

And I ask no man on Earth to fill my needs.

Like the sparrow up above, I am enveloped in His love,

And I trust Him like those little ones, He feeds.

Well I pledge my wife to heaven, for the Gospel,

Though our love each passing day just seems to grow.

As I told her when we wed, I'd surely rather be found dead,

Than to love her more than the one who saved my soul.

I'm your child, and I want to be in your family forever.

I'm your child, and I'm going to follow you,

No matter whatever the cost, I'm gonna count all things lost.

Well I pledge my son to heaven for the gospel.

Though he's kicked and beaten, ridiculed and scorn.

I will teach him to rejoice, and lift a thankful praising voice,

And to be like Him who bore the nails and crown of thorns.

I'm your child, and I want to be in your family forever.

I'm your child, and I'm going to follow you,

No matter whatever the cost, I'm gonna count all things lost.

Oh no matter whatever the cost, I'm gonna count all things lost.

Well I've had the chance to gain the world, and to live just like a king,

But without your love, it doesn't mean a thing.

Oh no matter whatever the cost, I'm gonna count all things lost,

Oh no matter whatever the cost, I'm gonna count all things lost.

Well I pledge my son, I pledge my wife, I pledge my head to heaven,

I pledge my son, I pledge my wife, I pledge my head to heaven, for the gospel."

Matt and I have made our priorities to be our God, our family, our ministry and work. However they are not separate by any means. They are entwined together...living out the gospel in each one. Striving to place God first in all things and to know him. No matter what. Living out the gospel can be so many different things to different people but what we understand it to be is what we are going to do. Pledging ourselves to this cause of living out what is real and letting go of what is not.

Leadership in the Church, Kingdom Leadership

2012-02-16T12:43:00.001-05:00

"The Bible doesn't blink (even though some Christians may) when Deborah, Esther, Mary of Nazareth, Priscilla, Phoebe and Junia emerge as strong , courageous leaders. The world is a better place, and God's kingdom surges forward because of strong godly leaders like these women....The definition of leadership according to Jesus is radical and potent. His brand of leadership doesn't mean having a following or being popular. Often it means standing alone, feeling isolated and fearful, but doing what is right in God's sight anyway, regardless of what others think. Kingdom leadership doesn't mean being first, but being last. It's not about being the boss, but showing indescriminate grace to others- even those who wrong us, even when it goes against the natural grain of our hearts. This is how the kingdom advances."

by Carolyn Custis James

I read this section in Carolyn Custis James book yesterday called 'Half The Church'. I read it over and over til I almost had it memorized. It moved me beyond what I could write in words. It hit the core of me and would not let go. I went on to read several more pages and then went back again. Just to stare at the words on the page.

I have struggled the last few weeks. In ways that I can't even imagine. I have been angry at someone for the way they treat others and it led me to a place of honesty within my heart. That person is lost and self centered and because of how it affected my children, husband and home...I was ready to fight. I was ready to pull out the momma bear instinct and take them out with not only words but I felt a rage within me that I had no problem if this person lived or died. Yes it was that bad. However in the last week of making changes in my life I have come to the conclusion that I still don't have what it takes to forgive this person. You hurt me, I will go on fine eventually but if you mess with my kids or husband and it will take God to hold me back. It will take God to push mercy into my heart because I will find none. For this person's sake and my own I am thankful I love God and want to do what He calls me to do. I have a greater understanding of how difficult it is to forgive. I know I should forgive because God forgave me. Knowing and doing is so different.

So as I read this quote, "Kingdom leadership is to show indiscriminate grace to others- even those who wrong us, even when it goes against the natural grain of our hearts." I had a battle go on within me. I want to tell and do what God asks of me. So where does that leave me with this person that I visualized their head exploding because of the wrong they had done. I stand and tell God "Now you wait one minute! Did you not see the damage this person caused? Did you not hear the words that came out of their mouth?" I suddenly have an overwhelming desire to just fall to my knees and cry. But I can't because I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for my children to come out of school. So I go on my knees in my mind and ask God to give me the ability to forgive even when the person doesn't deserve it. I ask God to make me into the Kingdom leader I know He has called me to be. I wrestle with the words. I struggle with the place I am at but I know that I love God with all I am and I so very want to do what His Will is for my life. How very against the world this is. How very against my frustrated heart this is.

There is also another part of this quote that struck a part of me. I have been asked by a Pastor friend of mine why I am not preaching and teaching. I gave him the answers that held me back. I am a woman. I have been divorced. I have not always lived the christian life because in all honesty I was not convinced that what I seen is the christian life is all that great or different than any other person on this planet. From the time I got first got married until just about a year ago I honestly wasn't convinced that being a christian was what I wanted. I mean it did not seem far different than the life I was leading. Yes I knew who Jesus was. Yes I accepted Him as my Savior. For the first two years of my Christian life I loved it. But something horrid happened in my journey, instead of staying in love with Jesus and living the gospel out in my life I stopped listening to God and started looking to the church for guidance. It sounds crazy doesn't it? Isn't this who I was suppose to look to for growth? Isn't that what we are taught to do? I have never heard a preacher say, "Don't listen to me this morning I am going to mislead you into thinking that what you are hearing is what God is directing." I didn't test it to see if it was true. I just followed. Shame on me, shame on me.

I do test scripture against what I hear now. I have made bad choices in my life and walk. I have struggled and will continue to struggle until that glorious day when I finally get to meet my savior face to face. However the struggle is different now. It's like a have a new vision, new glasses. I am not going to be leadership in the church that I once thought was the church. I am going to be in Kingdom leadership. Advancing God's kingdom means sharing with others what it truly means to a child of God. Encourage them to read the scripture for themself, search it, test it. Even if I feel isolated or fearful, I will say 'Yes Lord, here I am what would you like me do today? Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to say?'

Lord give me a love for people that only you can give me.

Jesus Wrecked My Life

2012-01-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

I started the book "Kisses from Katie", a true story of a girl Katie Davis that is now living in Uganda with orphaned children. I didn't even get past the introduction and already knew that this young girl is a kindred spirit of mine. She at 18 years old left the life she knew in comfortable USA and chose to go live with the poor and abandoned children in a country that no one with a right mind would want to send their child. Thankfully God doesn't use people that are always in their right mind. I smile rather large when I type that. I remember as I was packing for my trip to Mexico to live with orphans for a year at the age of 18, my mother stating, "you are out of your mind." She was so correct. You see, just as Jesus "wrecked" Katie's life, he also did that to mine. He totally wrecked the life everyone thought I should have and how very blessed I am that it happened.

Alot has happened to me since that trip to Mexico. I learned the hard way that if you don't have people in your life that are willing to give you guidance and encouragement to follow God with wreckless abandon then it's easy to get sucked into a comfortable Christian life. Yes that sounds strange doesn't it? It very much happened and because it happened I was never content in life for quite sometime and now looking back it's because God never wanted me to be. He wanted me to live this life that I have lived so far with that memory of me sitting in a dirty road holding a child that had rags on for clothes and feeling a joy that I have never felt since. He wants me to remember dressing orphans and combing their lice filled hair and being overwhelmed not because of the lice that I picked from their scalp, I was overwhelmed because I had never felt such love for another person before in my life.
I remember when Kianna and Joel were ages 3 and 4. I was dressing them for our routine sunday morning. We were on our way to church as a family. I love my children so very much and wanted them to know Jesus. I did my best to show them in my life and the stories I taught them. This sunday was different, I looked at these two pairs of eyes staring at me as I cried getting them dressed for church. Joel says, "Momma what's wrong?" How could I tell them the truth? How could I tell them that I was miserable in this life when they were my joy. I remember telling them at that young age, "Don't ever settle for what people tell you about Jesus and how you are to live. You are going to have to test and learn the truth."
Alot of life has happened since those days. Kianna is going to be a senior next year. She's 16. Joel is not far behind at 15. We have struggled to find a church for quite sometime. However, I am proud to say I have two amazing teenagers that know Jesus and are learning more of Him each day.
Last year I prayed for God to show me where to take my children to church so that they could discover other teenagers their age that had a love for Jesus. Trusting God directed me, I found a place called The Rock. I had never even been to a service of this church. I found it on the internet and read about the church. I prayed. Then one wednesday evening I told my teenagers to get ready I had a place for them to go. They have learned to trust me and got ready. I pulled up to the Rock offices and said, "ok. This is where you are suppose to go." They went and God answered many prayers of mine. You see, I can teach them about Jesus til I am blue in the face but when people in their peer group or leaders in their group confirm the things that I have lived out before them a wonderful thing takes place....confirmation that mom is not a freak. (Well, that's not true entirely. Mom is a Jesus Freak.) However, besides confirmation about mom, they get to learn how to fellowship with others that may not have the same love and devotion that they do but they are going to find others that do not have that same love. It's important to find both because they are going to have to learn the difference and choose which way to be. A person who is fully committed or a person that just goes to church. There is a difference and once you have been without a doubt in God's will you and doing the very things Jesus taught in the Bible than you know when you are not in His Will any longer.
So in July I am taking my teenagers to Guatemala on a mission trip. My prayers so far have been that God opens their eyes to who He is. I also want them to see an orphange. I want them to see poverty. True poverty, not what americans think poverty is. They have seen the difference in parents who care for them and some of the parents that their friends have. My son Joel has come to me several times asking me if I could adopt some of his friends that he has in school and then tells me about their horrific lives and experiences. My heart breaks for them and we pray for them. I have told both of my children several times that the best thing they can do for those friends is share who Jesus is and what He can do for them. Of course if I could adopt all of those children I would. I very much would.

One of my absolute favorite verses in the bible is John 14:18
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
This is what God says to us. A promise to us and all the actual orphans in this world. You see, you can have parents and still be an orphan. A vacant parent is worse than no parent at all. A very hard truth I have come to know. God promises He will not leave us as orphans, I am no longer an orphan I have been adopted by a loving Father so worth getting to know.

Beyond the Storm

2012-01-19T16:45:00.000-05:00

Jesus Calms the Storm
Matthew 8:23 Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. 24 Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. 25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

If I had seen the storm would I have acted differently? If there in my boat was the King of Kings, the very Son of God would I have looked at that storm and been afraid? Yes, I think I would have at some points in my life. However today after being in various storms through out my life I have come to learn that the trust I place in God to see me though is strengthening. So after the disciples seen this storm calm down just from spoken words from their savior, how did it change them? They wanted to follow him more intently. They wanted to give more of themselves to the work that was set before them. How little did they know that the experiences they had with Jesus was going to transform their lives after He was no longer physically standing beside them.
The greatness of this story is that it was a stepping stone in their lives. An event that happened that they could look back upon and remember what God had done for them. Have you ever seen those tv shows about the child stars of television? The Where Are They Now shows? Wouldn't it be wonderful to look through the lives of the disciples and see what all became of them because of the transformation that happened in their lives because they knew Jesus? Or even better what about their geneology? What was the lives of their children like because of what they knew. I am positive that their lives were changed.

I am in constant longing to know more of this Jesus that even the wind and waves obeyed Him. How wonderful it is to have a life that I get the opportunity to know this storm tamer and to have a legacy that I can share and leave to my children and those after me.

A Thankful Heart

2012-01-12T08:45:00.000-05:00

I am at a point in my life where I am free to do ministry. I am here. I look around at the unfamiliar territory and I am in unbelief at times. I have prayed for this time in my life. As a single mom working 2 or 3 jobs to provide for my children I did things that I could out of the goodness of my heart but I was so exhausted most of the time I barely could make it to church let alone do the things I longed to do in my heart. I was surviving. Now as Matt and I sit in our home with no mortgage hanging over our heads it seems unreal. What a gift.
So now it's time to pay it forward. I am starting by my garden ministry but there are a few other projects in the works. God is good.
I am starting a book with my study group about a young girl named Katie Davis. I have put a link to her ministry on my blog. Check it out.
I am looking forward to my mission trip to Guatemala with my two oldest children. I am excited to see how it changes the hearts of us all. True religion is doing what Jesus says and living like he lived. Completely committed and with my whole heart.

My Husband, The Good Samaritan

2011-12-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

Luke 10
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[c]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”

28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

A few days ago I awoke to my husband coming into our room soak and wet from his knees down. It was already past time for him to be a work and I was a little confused what was going on. He explained to me that he was on his way to work and came across an area that was flooded up to the running board of his truck. My husband has a rather high truck so that made me concerned. I said, "are you ok?" He told me he was fine but he came across a woman in her sixties that was stuck out in the midst of this high water. She was sitting in her car as the water was coming in to her vehicle. She was waiting on her husband to arrive. Matt put his water boots on and waded out to her. As they were talking a car came flying over the hill and almost hit them. Then as the car slows down it passes them by. Not stopping, just kept going. The lady told Matt that had happened all morning. People just drove on past her, leaving her there. Not one stopping to ask her if she needed help. Matt sees a truck slow down at the edge of the water. It was her husband. He told her, "we've got to get you out of her before we both get killed." He picks her up and carries her to her husband. She thanks him with tear filled eyes.

Jesus tells a story of the good samaritian in Luke 10. I posted it with my story because it's the first thing I thought of when my husband told me what he had done. You see my husband is a man of God. He isn't the type of man that you will see preaching from a pulpit on a sunday morning, but he is a man after God's own heart. In the past few years God has taken him through some difficult situations and through the fire of troubled times it has made him more into the man that God has designed him to be. People do change over time and how wonderful that is. My husband and I are not the way God wants us to be all the time but how great it is that we are in the process of learning and evolving into the people that God is calling us to be.

I am thankful to be married to a good samaritan. I am blessed that he is the father to our children that he is. How wonderful life is when we walk the way we are suppose to go, even when it's difficult. The results are worth the effort.

I Have Decided

2011-12-01T20:22:00.000-05:00

Matthew 19:16 Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”

18 “Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’[c] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”

20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”

26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

27 Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”

28 Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife[e] or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

Last night at our Women's Bible Study we watched a video from the series, "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman. The story was after a story of Jesus and the Rich Young Ruler. I give the story above. I have been going through a transformation the past few years that has lead me to many tough decisions. In my quest to find a church for our family I became very disappointed. I had went to the same church for several years until my divorce in my first marriage. I don't want to go into details of the demise of my marriage however I will say that when you are going through difficult times in your marriage be wise about the counsel you seek out. Also if you have ever struggled with depression be wise about the counsel you seek out and even if it's someone you respect and trust don't be afraid to seek medical treatment and not just counseling. If I had only known but moving forward the search for a body of believers where my now mixed family can be a part of has been a quest for my husband and I.
My husband has experience with the Methodist Church and a non denominational church. I had sought out several different types of churches. My experience had been anything from a non denominational church to being a part of an abusive ministry or as scholars have confirmed to me I was a part of an abusive cult. So we wanted to be sure that we find a safe place yet a place where we can be challenged to be a follower of Jesus. Not just a part of a lukewarm congregation but a place where we can serve with others and give of ourselves and the blessings that God gives us. A place where we can have opportunity to love and be loved as we are taught by Christ.
Right now we are attending The Rock in Portland, Indiana. Our teenagers have become a part of the youth ministry there and I am so thankful for the fruit I have seen in their lives since joining this congregation of believers. I am encouraged by those I have met that want to live a life of service for Christ.
I want to continue to be challenged and to fall more in love with God than I ever have before. I know that sounds strange but it's where I am. I have always had this burning inside me to know more of God, to experience different cultures and to see beyond this little world view I have.
Jesus asks the young ruler to give all he has to gain something he could never achieve on his own. Selfish desires and worldly riches are tempting however I have decided to follow Jesus and the more I learn about what that really means the more I want to.

Black Friday...Black Christmas...Teaching Values

2011-11-25T11:45:00.003-05:00

While a lot of people are hitting the stores today I am reminded of how materialistic we have become as a society and how some christians are part of that group. I struggle at times in finding the balance of what our needs and wants our as a family and trying to teach our children to be thankful for what they have and to stop the "wanting this for Christmas" remarks. I don't understand how the birth of Jesus evolved into getting things wrapped under the Christmas tree. It makes me sad really. I am realizing that I am trying to teach our children values that are not even taught in most families that our children know. We have a blended family. Kianna, Joel, Emalyn, Jared and Lucas have two sets of parents. Dual parenting is not easy. What is allowed at one house may not be allowed at the other home. What values we try to instill in our children in our home may not be a priority in the other home. It could be something as simple as hanging your towel up after you take a shower to sitting down to eat together as a family or this time of the year it's how we celebrate Christmas. We hear the differences as we are sitting listening to them talk to one another at dinner time or during the course of the day as we are spending time at home. I believe that they can pick up great values from both homes but when there is a conflict they have to choose how they are going to act and believe for their own value. The difficult part is if there is not always good communication between the sets of parents and when the values and lifestyles contradict it can be a challenge.
We don't even have to say our beliefs to our children they learn it by watching us. Choices we make with our time and what we dedicate our selves to. Matt and I are noticing this in our children more and more as they are growing into adults before our eyes.

Kianna is now sixteen. As we watch her grow into a woman she has had some bumpy experiences through her teen years. She has made some bad choices and also had some things happen to her that was out of her control. As I have stood beside her through it all praying that she will develop adjustment skills and an ability to overcome obstacles she has learned to make better choices and gained some character qualities that many adults I have met don't have yet. She still has no desire to get her license but we have encouraged her to take drivers training this coming summer when her brother Joel is taking it and I think she will do fine. They have always been close even when they drive one another crazy they have a bond that I could only have wished for in a sibling. I am so thankful that they are both involved in youth group and are growing in their walk with the Lord. Kianna is developing strong beliefs that is going to be a huge help to her as she goes through life. I love watching her change and express her thoughts on the things that go on in highschool and the times we are living in. She is considering being a therapist or going to school for social work. She has a strong love for animals and wants to include that in her work. While at the same time she is in shooting sports and is developing quite a good knowledge of the sport. After going through a difficult situation she clinged to how the sport of shooting built her confidence in herself. It's been wonderful to watch her coming into her own.

My son Joel has an amazing heart at fifteen. He is sensitive to others people and is developing a heart for ministry. If he disagrees with his siblings behavior he is not afraid to tell them however he is still in the teenage years of not explaining to them why he thinks the way he does. I have heard him say, "stop acting stupid" instead of explaining to them why they shouldn't behave the way they do at times. Then again, I guess that's part of my job as a parent to help him develop an ability to encourage good behavior by setting an example. The most challenging relationship in our home for Joel is his spunky sister Emalyn. He also is very different from his brothers Jared, Lucas and Mason and I see how that causes some obstacles in their relationships. It's a good thing to have some diversity, however it is testing for Joel and sometimes it brings out some of the bad qualities of his personality. He has learned to walk away and bring himself together before ripping into his brothers. I have said to him "Joel go walk it off" and he does. His relationship with his father has been difficult because of the choices his dad has made at times. I think it has been good however because they had to work through the rough times. Joel and I have had some bumpy moments where he seen my weakness in parenting the twins and he pointed it out to me. A parent struggles when their children "call them out" on something. However I have tried to correct and as much as I can my struggle. I will explain more in another post when I discuss the joys and trials of parenting twins. (Smiles)

Emalyn is our spunky strong willed middle child. She has 3 older siblings and 3 younger. However Lucas reminds her that he is not that much younger than her. She has gotten straight A's until this year as 3rd grade is always more challenging. However when she got a C this year in one six weeks it quickly went up the next semester because I could see how it frustrated her terribly. She plays chess for the fun of it and annoys her big brother Joel when she beats him in few moves. Kianna and Emma are my readers. They love to read and if I don't know where they are I can bet they are laying on their bed with books in their hands. Emma's is very strong willed and even if she is wrong she will argue her point to the ground and back up again. We are convinced she should be a lawyer. She loves her Dad very much and is the most affected by divorce and two households to live in. She challenges Matt because he is very strict and expects things to go a certain way and she will push it I think just to do so. However they have their moments where I can see that Matt will be a great influence in her life because she is a lot like me and lacks certain discipline that Matt is quite the opposite. Although like me, she struggles with her weakness yet will try to improve. Where I use to say whatever I thought I now remain silent and think about how to word what I want to say before I say it. Emalyn is in the "let it fly" stage and it sometimes lands her in the corner standing until I let her out. I have found the standing in a corner even affective in the older years of my children. Having to be "still" is not a practice that many of us learn. Being still is quite different from standing and doing nothing. As I put them in a place to be still and tell them, "you need to think about what your choices are and then we will discuss them." The end result usually is a very good one. I learn what it is that troubles them and they learn how to express themselves without making a bad choice.

I will share some more of our other children in other posts.

Tomorrow all of our children will be home together. We plan on decorating the christmas tree and celebrating Emalyn's 10th birthday. As the holidays approach I don't want Christmas to be about the gifts. In years past I had bought each one of my children 3 gifts and told them the story of the Three Kings bringing Jesus presents on his birthday. This year Matt and I decided that they will each get only one gift under the tree. It has nothing to do about the money. We have been blessed financially this year. It has to do with teaching them that Christmas is not about getting what they want. They all are showing how they are influenced by this world and it's values of "got to have more stuff." Kianna and Joel are the only two at this point that I see are changing this view and so we are going to do something to help teach them that Christmas is about a Savior and spending time with one another and celebrating our needs being met. I don't want Christmas to be a time of celebrating stuff we receive. It needs to be a time of giving that has nothing to do with materialistic things. Simply giving our time to our children, eating a meal with them at a table instead of in the living room watching tv. (That never happens here in our home now.)

I would like to encourage everyone to not make this a Black Christmas. Celebrate and give of yourself to others and your children.

Winter

2011-11-12T21:44:00.000-05:00

Fall has been beautiful. I have been able to experience some great days outside with my clients and enjoy time in the garden getting things ready for winter. Next season is going to be a lot different than this past one. I am going to be having a bigger crop and selling at the Farmers Market to raise money for my two teenagers and I to go on a mission trip to Guatemala if we are accepted at the end of the month to go. The trip will be in July however so only the spring crop is going to be sold before we go and of course any seedlings that I get started for sale.

Getting things ready for Winter also consists of me doing a little more in my spiritual life as well. This time of the year has always been where I hit my low times. Indiana weather and my mental health do not always mix well. Ever since I can remember I always battle depression in the winter. I have made trips to different conservatories so that I can just sit and be among plants that are full of life instead of the cold snow covered yard that has my sleeping beauties hiding. My husband is convinced I need a greenhouse for year round gardening. I think he's right. I also tend to read more in my bible during this time. I read every day but I dig more when I am low. I would never consider depression a blessing but it could be a mercy in disguise I guess.

I have read in Song of Songs chapter 2. We can look at this as a loved one writing to their beloved however we are also God's beloved. When our mood is down, when we hit that dark place in our thoughts that we wouldn't want to admit that we have been we have to remember there is a God that is calling out to us in the midst of our depth. He tells us to come to Him and when we do we find rest and peace. It doesn't mean the depression will go away I have learned, but I deal with it.

10 "My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”

Children, Politics and Religion

2011-10-19T22:23:00.001-04:00

"Mom can Democrats be Christians?"
Those words came from my nine year old daughter. Long silent pause with a lot of thinking on how in the world do I answer this one the way I should.
"Yes, why would you think they couldn't be?"
"Well a girl at school says that Democrats are not Christians and they are going to go to hell." Wow. Really? I am having to explain this to my children when I don't even get politics half the time myself. Uuuggg! Then one of my five year olds say, "Obama is a Democrat."
The other one says, "Did you vote for him?"
Clearing my throat and trying not to smile because I totally see where this is heading. "Yes actually I did vote for Obama."
At times I have regret.
One five year old says to the other, "Great, Mom is going to hell with Obama." The sound of a gasp from the other child about makes me burst in laughter but I manage to keep it together.
"No, I am not going to hell because I voted for him. People go to heaven if they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior and I have done that."
No comments coming from my little peanuts, just silence for a while.
Then one five year old says, "well I guess you better vote for Jesus next time then." Ok, I couldn't hold the laughter anymore I almost peed myself.

Yes my friends, I now know why there is a seperation between Church and State. It's because they didn't want to have to explain or justify themselves to their children.

A Worthy Life

2011-10-17T22:08:00.002-04:00

Life Worthy of the Gospel
Phillipians 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel 28 without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. 29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, 30 since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have."

A life without struggle or suffering is not promised thoughout the Bible. I find it interesting at times when I am surprised that I am struggling with something. I mean who am I to think that I should not have difficult times in this life? Who are we as christians to think that we should never struggle?
It doesn't mean we shouldn't want for better or ask for prayer because God wants us to communicate with Him. He is our everything. However I at times find it difficult to pray for my burden to be less when compared to giving my life for another person is not something I have done fully. Admit it, how many of us have really laid down our lives for another? Put ourselves out for doing something for someone else?
As a mother I would gladly sacrifice so that my children have what they need. I am appauled when I see children dressed poorly and then look at their mother and she's decked out to the max. I have been surprised at how many parents I have come across that don't take care of their children as the treasures that they are. It breaks my heart. As my grandmother has said, "A mother that puts her needs before her children should never be given the title mother because she's not worthy of it."
We as mothers should be worthy of that title just as we as followers of Christ should come to the realization that the gospel Paul speaks of is not a health and wealth gospel. It's one that people have suffered and died for. I mean really suffered not just the prayer request of "I can't make my car payment and pay all my other bills, I need God to provide." The reality may be your not managing what you have be given the way you should have been managing it, so you struggle. That is not the kind of struggle I am talking about. I am talking about driving a car that doesn't need a high payment and helping out those that are less fortunate with the extra money you save from not having such big payment. That would be sacrificing that makes sense.
I am just beginning to understand what living a life worthy of the gospel really means. The more I understand, the more I realize I have a lot of growing and losing of myself.

“To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss.”
― Elisabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes

Women and Theology

2011-10-12T18:43:00.005-04:00

I have come to a disappointing place in my spiritual journey. No, I am not disappointed in God. I am disappointed at some of the things I was taught from the church and my rediscovery of what it means to be free in Christ. Of course there are still words to live by that I did get from some great women and men of God throughout my life and for those little gifts of wisdom I am truly thankful. I remember when high school was coming to an end and we did our senior memories publication. There was of course the "Person most likely to succeed", yeah that wasn't me. I was voted "The Person Most Likely to be a Pastor". Yeah you got it, my name was on the girl's column. I don't remember who the boy was that was voted this. But what was interesting about this is I was told by some leaders in the church. "I hate to be the one to disappoint you but you can't be a pastor."
So I packed my things after graduating from highschool and instead of going to Bible College like I had longed to do. I went to the mission field. I lived with the poor in Mexico. I was taught by a very strong willed woman that ran the orphanage I lived in that I could be whatever God calls me to be. She smiled and said, "Yes Robin even a pastor." I had some horrible things happen to me when I was a part of a "ministry" gone bad. I remember walking away from the men that were the leaders and thinking "God if this is Your Will, I am sorry but I can't follow it." It took a lot of years and a lot of counseling to get my view corrected. I went through a divorce. Yes, there were some fellow christians that I thought were my friends that put that scarlet "D" on my chest and actually stopped speaking to me. Come to find out I am better off without them. Some of those women that were my so called friends are so weak willed I imagine even God himself wants to scream "I didn't create you to be a doormat and this is not what a biblical woman is."
So here I am. God has never let go of my hand. I have let go of His at times however. Imagine that...a sinner that actually struggles with sin.
No I will probably never be a pastor of a body of believers. However I will be what I know I am suppose to be. I don't know what title I will have after my name eventually when it comes to my job. But I do know this...when I make it to heaven I will be bowing down to the King of Kings with men and women that were pastors in this life. I also know that some of them won't make it because they just didn't get it. They didn't get what God really is saying and what He is asking of us as believers.

I look forward to learning more. I love that I have the freedom in Christ to be the person He is shaping me to be.

The Next Step

2011-09-18T23:20:00.002-04:00

Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan, that has been a true statement in my life. I have struggled with my plan vs. God's plan for my life ever since I accepted the fact that there was a God that loved me and wanted what was best for me. I am now in a wonderful place in my life after taking a rough road to get here. I am a mother of 5 beautiful children and two step-children. A wife to a husband that loves me beyond measure. I am now working in a job that is a ministry which I have wanted since I was in high school. I have tried so many different paths when it comes to a career. I have been at a place where money was a priority; that didn't turn out so well. When money becomes a priority the end result is not one that is after God's own heart and is not fulfilling.

I have wanted to get my Bachelor degree ever since I started back to school. I just wasn't sure what I wanted to study. I love the job I do and so I am not really sure what more education I would need to fulfill what I am already doing. So I have been doing alot of thinking about it and as I was reading today I realized I just want to get deeper into the Word of God. I mean that's what I am longing for, that's what I have always longed for. I thought I would go to Bible College after highschool. That was the plan when I went on a mission trip to Mexico I thought I would go to Bible College and work in this ministry that actually ended up being more of a abusive cult than an actual ministry. This experience set me on a path that I would not have changed because I learned a lot from the experience but it was a very difficult journey.

I have been checking into Bible Colleges. My oldest daughter is going to be a senior next year in high school. Her and I have been discussing christian colleges for her to go to. She is getting the guidance I wish I would have had. She is being smart about her future and for that I am thankful. I am considering doing some Distance Education for my B.A. degree in Biblical Studies. Going to have to put alot of prayer into this one. I think it's a good choice for me and my hunger to study. I just want to be able to devote the time to it. We are getting ready to move into our new home. This is going to take most of the fall in getting everything organized and functioning the way it needs to be. Having seven children makes you learn to run a house like a well oiled machine. Thankfully our home is paid for so the financial stress is no longer there for me. Ever since I was a single mom I always had this fear of never having a home to call our own. Now we have that. I also think that we should never owe money on a vehicle, it's a bad debt situation to get into because a car depreciates in value so quickly. I would like to be able to do the same with my education and my kids education as well. We are going to do our best to keep it as debt free as possible. As I was checking into Bible Colleges, Eternity Bible College (one of the founders is Francis Chan, a fav author of mine) makes a point to try to keep the tuition as low as possible so that you don't have to go into debt. I thought this was a very honorable quality to have for a college.

So maybe in the near future I will be doing some Biblical Studies. I am looking forward to the next step.

All that Glitters Doesn't have to be Gold

2011-08-29T21:20:00.004-04:00

I had a very difficult thing happen this past week. My wedding ring gets a beating when I am loading the wheelchairs that my clients sit in. There are locks that you have to put on the base of the wheelchairs when you are loading them in the van and of course you are banging your hands around trying to reach the bars and taking them in and out of doorways in this not so handicap friendly world we live in. My ring broke at the back of my finger. When I started inspecting it I noticed all of the scratches and dents from being so rough on it. Made my heart ache a little bit, it's the symbol of my commitment to my husband. When we were looking for rings I wanted something that looked Vintage or Edwardian I found it in this ring.
Hubby and I have had a rough road that at times we traveled together and at times attempted to travel apart only to find that we are better when we are together. We have both been married before and didn't want to make the mistakes that we had made in our prior relationships. It sounds funny to say this but when you have failed before you really want it to work even more so the next time and your almost afraid to say this commitment is going to last 'til death do us part'. However on our wedding day when we spoke those words I knew in my heart we meant it. As our preacher spoke and we began to exchange rings he reminded us that it represents the commitment and the symbol of eternity. The symbol of the spiritual bond that you make with that person.
I realize the ring is just a symbol, it's not the commitment itself. We are doing great in our marriage and for that I am so thankful. We have seven beautiful children that God has blessed us with. We communicate wonderfully and work out our differences with ease. The rough road has produced some great qualities in our marriage.
Today when I didn't have my ring on my hand I just kept feeling like I was missing something. Hubby says, "we will get it fixed or I will get you a better one, don't worry." I am not worried I still have him and our children.

Keeping My Eyes Fixed

2011-08-25T21:29:00.002-04:00

This past week has been difficult at times. I love my job but there are times when working with another person can have moments of...well how do I say it? I get weary. Max Lucado says that you should find a job that can be your ministry because you spend most of your day there. I agree. I have worked jobs where it's difficult to keep my eyes fixed on the God that I want desperately to serve. This job working with handicapped clients is an answer to my prayer after struggling with depression and being disatified with my jobs in the past. How wonderful the opportunity to invest in someone else's life. To actually get paid to encourage a person and bring a bright moment in their day is a joy and benefit to my job.
This week one of my clients asked if I would like to hear her sing a song that she wrote. Of course I did! The song was about keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus and your hand on the throttle as you are moving through life like a train in the mountains. Such a beautiful song by a wonderful creation of God's.
So this evening as I am weary I am reminded to keep my eyes fixed on the author and finisher of my faith.

Hebrews 12
The Race of Faith
"1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

In the Yard

2011-08-01T21:01:00.006-04:00

Fried Green Tomatoes?
My hubby would not want anyone to know that one of his favorite movies is "Fried Green Tomatoes" with Kathy Bates starring. I sat and watched it this evening and thought of him. He is on the road this week, this will be a new adjustment for our family. It's a good thing in many ways but I sure do miss him.

The pic is of the tomatoes in the garden. They are slowly becoming ripe. It's almost canning time!

I realize it's hard to see what this picture is, but it's a burrow with some baby bunnies in it. We found it in mom-in-law's yard as we were moving. It wasn't in a place you would expect. It was right beside a small hibiscus plant. Unfortunately my hubby ran over it with the truck backing up to the door. One bunny didn't make it. Today I went to check on them and there were two bunnies in the burrow. One jumped around in the yard. They are so tiny.

This gave my twins inspiration after seeing rabbits at the 4H fair. They now want rabbits! I don't mind, they are adorable. So next summer I have a feeling we are going to be the proud owners of some adorable rabbits.

I have been struggling with a few things today. I am just going to have to lay them at the Lord's feet. I am not sure what direction to go with the situations. Thankfully I don't have to know all the answers.

So Over It

2011-07-29T19:06:00.002-04:00

I had a frustrating couple of days. I don't understand why there are people that prefer to not accept truth and would rather live in denial of events that happen. Or when they go to speak they have no regard for the feelings of the other person. They just let their words fly...come what may...and then damage is done. Sometimes the pain from words said or actions done are difficult to let go of or forgive. Forgiveness is difficult when you feel as if you have been betrayed by that person.

God calls us to forgive because He forgave. I can't do it in my own strength. I have tried and failed. I am to a point where I only want to interact with those that make an attempt to communicate with me; who actually want to spend time with me and my children.

I asked my oldest son and daughter if at this point there was anything I have done in my parenting that would later cause an issue between us. I have witnessed some parenting that in all honesty is just ridiculious. My kids laughed and said, "no mom we are ok." I was relieved to hear that. I don't want anything to come between us that would not make a good relationship. I told them that I wanted them to come to me and talk to me about anything they had a problem with so we could work it out and not let it linger. The lingering stuff just destroys a relationship between people. I can testify to that.

I remember a conversation with a therapist that I had grown to trust her advice. I was struggling with an event that happened in my life and I told her, "I just want to be over it. I want the truth to be revealed and I want to be able to stop the denial and move forward." She smiles, "when truth is revealed some people would rather go back to denial because its safer there; you don't have to "deal" with things." I reply, "I want to deal with it. I want to be over it." she replies, "then you will..but you have to accept the fact that others in your life may not and that's the hard part." She was right. The harder part is dealing with others thoughts and feelings on things. So, where does that leave me? Frustrated. It was easier when I didn't care about what people thought or said. I liked being there.

Live Simply. Serve God.

2011-07-24T20:41:00.002-04:00

This weekend we have been packing up mom-in-law's belongings so the building of our new home can begin. So many years of accumulating things takes a long time to sort through and pack away. There were many sentimental items that reminded us that dad-in-law is gone. He was a good man that worked hard all his life to provide for his family. I was fortunate to have known him and for him to have known our sons.

I know it's bittersweet for mom-in-law to come to a place where she has to admit that there are times that she needs help. She gets tired easily on hot days. Her diabetes tends to cause a little problems at times. On the other hand she has been so much of a blessing to us and the raising of our twin boys. She wanted to watch them instead of us taking them to daycare. They started preschool at age 3 so they could get their social start. They are well rounded little guys; all boy and challenging at times but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Our home has always been a place that is very family oriented. The kids all have their chores they have to do. There is a lot of laughter, lots of busy moments when all seven kids are home. We have our "quiet time" where they are to read or play quietly to themselves. The one thing that I am frustrated with is finding a church for us to belong to. I have visited several different churches in the area but have yet to find one that I would want to be a member of. Hubby and I both agree it needs to be a place where we can be a part of a family and worship. Although hubby will be on the road a lot he has been a big part of the decision making. After all we have been through in the past few years, I am thankful that those events have turned my husband into a man that loves God and leads our home. It has been a big answer to prayer. I am so thankful.

God has blessed us in so many ways. The new home we are building, the best feature about it is that there will be no mortgage. Mom-in-law has given us our inheritance while she is still here to watch us enjoy it. While we were packing today she said how she was going to be so glad to have it all done and us sitting in the morning in the sunroom drinking tea after the kids are off to school. I had to laugh at the thought of the hussle and bussle of mornings before school and once the kids are off. I sit and have my morning devotion with my cup of coffee or tea and try to put my thoughts toward my God. The Amish have an unspoken motto to live simply and serve God. I love that. I believe I am going to adopt that lifestyle. I have seen how so many people are striving for wealth or the accomulation of things. It seems they easily become disappointed. Especially the way the economy is right now. The more I read and learn about God the more I realize that if you truly want to serve him, then you have to let go of the things that can keep you from living a life service. Sometimes that can be "stuff" that people think they need to be happy.

I stood out in the rain tonight and let it fall on my face. It felt so good after working all day. I went over to the garden and pulled a few weeds. The tomatoes are starting to weigh the vines. I am going to have a ton of roma tomatoes to make spagetti sauce with. This year the garden is doing wonderfully. I am going to have a lot to share with family and friends. Life is good.

Independence

2011-07-01T21:28:00.003-04:00

I have found a job that I totally love. I am thankful that it has finally happened. I am a trainer with a program that works with people that are handicapped and have the diagnosis of MR (mental retardation). I was sitting in the library with a client today and she was looking at an organic gardening magazine. She looked at me and said, "I wish I could grow tomatoes." She lives in a nursing home and although I have seen nursing homes have gardens before this one doesn't. I realized that if I could get hubby to build a table that holds enough dirt to plant in than she could garden. The wheels are turning and I know that almost all of the clients I work with would love to be able to get their hands in dirt and grow something. I am even picturing it on a bigger level where I have a place where more than just the clients I work with are able to garden. I have noticed that people with disabilities love to work with their hands and see a fruit of their labor. It's so heartwarming to see a client look at me with that look of "see what I did" when they are showing me their crafts that they have worked on.

Every one of my clients are in wheelchairs. There are a lot of places that are not wheelchair friendly. McDonalds in Portland for example is a nightmare to get into with some clients. The doors are double and are not straight across from one another so you have to attempt to get the wheelchair turned into a small space. Most people are willing to hold doors and for that I am thankful. However it's amazing how many people just go on pretending they don't see us struggling to get in the door. The clients are troopers though. I have a few that I will hold the door and encourage them to push themselves through. That is giving them the independence back that they all strive to have. I think a lot of us take things for granted. Even the simple ability to go to the restroom on our own can be a challenge for someone in a wheelchair.

This weekend we are celebrating independence day. I think I have a different perspective now that I have my new job. I am thankful for independence I have.

Something to make me Smile

2011-06-27T12:57:00.001-04:00

I had hubby drill holes in these antique pots so I could plant in them.

Succulents! This is my first go at gardening with them. I love the texture and look of them that I am excited to add them to my gardening adventures. I went to Caroloee's Herb Farm in Hartford City and picked up these beauties! I love her lavender field that is starting to tease with blooms starting. I also snagged some dried lavender and a little sachet to put it in for my dresser drawer. Who doesn't want their clothes to have a scent of lavender on them to make cozy?

I am looking forward to enjoying these!

Canning Season

2011-06-24T22:11:00.000-04:00

I was pulling weeds this evening and realized that canning time is going to be interesting this year. We are building a new house on the lots that my hubby grew up on. Which is where my garden is that I share with my mom-in-law. I am very thankful to have her in my life. We enjoy spending time together and she has helped raise our twin boys while I go to work. God brings people into our lives that encourage us and push us to be who we are meant to be. I have had amazing women in my life that have showed me no matter what happens in life you can always push forward and make things better.

Mom-in-law has had some health issues this past year. She has managed to get through them and pushes through every day. Her diabetes has given us a scare a time or two so I am glad that we are going to be sharing a home together. When we were picking out the features that we wanted in the home she designed the kitchen of her dreams and it is going to be a great gathering place. I picture canning for many years to come in that kitchen. It's an art that a lot of women my age don't know how to do. It's rather sad that so many families normal routine for dinner has become eating out. That's not the case at our house. Eating out is for special occassions or some evenings we support our local pizza place and have a movie night with the kids.

Just a little north of us are a lot of Amish. I go to the farmers market in Berne and have moments when I want to adopt their lifestyle. I drive through the country and see their white houses the laundry drying on the line. I must say my favorite house style is the cottage look with white siding and maybe a dash of color with shutters. It's simple, clean and relaxing. Our new home will be white pearl siding with burgandy shutters. Cottage look with a front porch to enjoy summer evenings. We look forward to getting started on the house in a few weeks. Right now hubby is building the garden shed. We are going to call it "Grandma's Barn".

2011-06-21T23:17:00.000-04:00

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener."
John 15:1-3

I fell in love with gardening when I was a child. My grandmother had a three tier strawberry patch that I remember sitting beside and amazed at how the plants started their cycle of life and then produced fruit. Eventually the patch was removed and alot of life was lived until I was an adult and could discover my love again. Ultimately there are a lot of lessons learned from the adventure; life and gardening both.