The Gatsby Diaries

ironic night

2012-02-13T09:22:00.000-06:00

This weekend we stayed in a hotel- five miles from our house.

The in-laws had planned a visit but had to cancel unexpectedly and had a non-refundable deal. So we took a vacation from the clutter and pets and capitalized on free breakfast and happy hour. Plus hotels don't use an antenna to get four real channels. They have cable! And the Food Network!

I fell asleep at 10 p.m. fully clothed only to be awakened at midnight by the couple next to use having...er...LOUD relations. Ick.

At 4 a.m., Henry woke up SCREAMING at the top of his lungs and continued for a good 15 minutes.

That, my friends, is a heavy dose of payback. And birth control.

six months

2012-02-12T14:42:00.001-06:00

Dear Henry,

Happy half birthday! You are the happiest boy I know.You looooove cuddling and have started reaching out for whoever you prefer. You stroke my cheek and pull my hair for comfort. You talk loudly to the pets and love grabbing their fur. Your grumpy cat, Pica, actually tolerates you the most. She might even like you.Your dog Mac is the source of much curiosity.

You're a little guy though seem so big to mama and daddy. You weigh in at 15.1 pounds and 25 inches long - 10th percentile. You can wear three month pants but starting to wear the six month outfits. Your newborn pre-folds are getting more difficult to wrap around your growing waist and chunky thighs.

It's been such a fun month but hard sometimes, too. You have two teeth (on the bottom) now which didn't come in without fussy pain. Sometimes we think we've got you all figured out and then you scream in the middle of the night for what seems like no reason at all. You always send up in the cry room at church during sermon time but always end up smiling at total strangers and friends alike.

You are starting to get the hang of daycare and smile when you see Miss Mindy. Sometimes you come home with cute stickers on your back. You'll be crawling around with the others in no time. You also have showing fear, mainly for loud noises like the coffee grinder or blender that never bothered you before.

We've been busy with class and work but you take it all in stride. We love you so much little man!

Mama

liquefying

2012-02-06T12:57:00.000-06:00

This weekend was dominated by teething and the crying, diaper rash and wet chin mess that goes with it. Poor kid.

In preparation for the great solid food experimentation, I attempted to make baby food which really means making human food and blasting it into liquid form. I used this site for inspiration.

Sweet potatoes: Bake for an hour until skins easily peel off. Mash in bowl. Puree in blender. I could have probably skipped the blender part but I was on a roll.

Pears: Peel and core. Boil for five minutes. Liquefy in blender. I am not usually a huge pear fan but this was delicious!

Carrots: Steamed with rice cooker sans rice. Puree in blender.

I froze everything in ice cube trays and then moved the blocks into freezer bags to store. I am awaiting my Oxo trays to arrive before I make more. Frozen peaches, peas and bananas up next.

We tried a teeny bit a applesauce this weekend. I am not sure if the applesauce was a hit or if it was the cold metal spoon but either way, he wanted more.

More reading: Interesting article from my pediatrician's office on myths of starting solids.

mom guilt

2012-02-01T09:12:00.001-06:00

Dear Henry,

I'm sorry that you are getting formula a couple of times a week when I was too busy or too dehydrated to pump enough milk for you the day before. I'm sorry for my attitude about pumping some days. When I want to throw it out the window and give up in a exhausted, annoyed huff.

I'm sorry that I routinely forget to put Vitamin D drops into your bottles as instructed. I'm sorry that sometimes your snot really needs to be sucked but I don't do it because I hate when you cry. I'm sorry that sometimes we've gone a week and a half without a bath.

I'm sorry that although you have some super cute clothes I usually put you in sweatpants and a long-sleeved onesie. I'm sorry that I don't always wash your new clothes before I put them against your precious baby skin.

I'm sorry that you lay on a blanket on our wood floors that are only vacuumed once a week at best and washed once every two months. I'm sorry that we often use your nursery for the land of unfolded laundry. I'm sorry I never gave you the skills to sleep in your own crib. And for the chaotic transition that is sure to come.

I'm sorry that I am drinking coffee to stay awake despite the fact it also goes directly into your little body.

I'm sorry I send you to daycare where I can't protect you from another kid throwing something at your head. Or you getting a sniffly, feverish cold. I'm sorry that even though we can afford for me to stay home, we've chosen debt payoff and graduate degrees instead.

And just so I am covered, I'm sorry that you can't be a soldier, professional football player, construction worker, high-rise window washer, police officer, fire fighter, truck driver, power line repair man, coal miner or pilot.

You might have a caffeine-wired brain that is not always covered with a warm hat, but you're certainly loved to pieces!

Mama

showering with books

2012-01-31T13:10:00.004-06:00

Last weekend I hosted a book-themed shower for my friend Jenny who is due with a baby of unknown gender in March. On the invitation, I asked everyone to bring a children's book in addition to their gift. Out of 15 guests, there were no duplicates. Win.

I decorated with stuffed animals and children's books from my library and supplemented with some newer books from Henry's stash.

Made cupcakes with a book theme, borrowed from this site. Do not judge my frosting skills. I had a fever of 101, and they got a little roughed up in the transport and transfer to the plate.

The menu was a crepe bar. I made the crepes myself and had toppings of strawberries, peaches, blueberries, Nutella, powdered sugar and whipped cream. Everyone loved it and other than the intense crepe making, it was low on the labor scale.

We introduced ourselves by talking about our favorite book from childhood and then played an alternative book title game.

Next time, I'll go to the used book store and purchase books there for the decorations and then give them to the guest of honor as my gift. Good gift and easy clean-up!

job security

2012-01-23T22:09:00.000-06:00

I am a needy sick person.

Even into my high school years, I wanted my mom to sit on the edge of the bed and read me books. And when it was time for me to sleep, I still preferred she sit there so I wouldn't be alone. She made me malt-o-meal, birdie bites (bites of toast with cinnamon and sugar) and bought all my favorite juices. There was (and still is) nothing better than my mom when sick.

Henry got his first fever this weekend. Followed by an exhausting night of crying, moaning and no sleeping until 4 a.m. Even with medicine to bring his fever down, his nose is running and eyes red and watery.

The hard part is I can't make him birdie bites or reassure him that in a few days he'll feel back to normal again. I can't lay on the couch and watch daytime TV as a special treat. Instead I rocked him, let him sleep in my arms for hours, didn't pull my hair away when he wanted to twirl it around his fingers and googled "baby fevers" once every hour.

If I could control it, I would have him never be sick again. I'd certainly be less sleep deprived. But it's cool to remember that when he does get sick, he'll always want his mama.

baby commercials rock

2012-01-21T10:47:00.003-06:00

Happy Saturday!

one hundred percent class

2012-01-18T16:32:00.001-06:00

Henry has never been a good sleeper.

On the upside, the kid loves to play, stroke my cheek and pull the hairs from my head. He's curious. He loves to play. And his 3 a.m. smiles are worth it (possibly not worth it when my face hits the keyboard mid-afternoon).

Just when we thought he had it figured out and was only up at 5 a.m., he, like all the books predicted, regressed into his new-to-the-world state. Hello, 1 a.m., 3 a.m. and 5 a.m!

This change collided with two unfortunate goals.

First, the hubs and I had made a pact to get up before 6:30 a.m. to avoid the frantic rush and always ended in us being late to work. Me with wet hair and no makeup. Twice last week I wore my shirt backward - all day long.

Second, I am trying to up my milk production to accommodate his additional night feedings plus just trying to keep up with the daycare bottles after the holidays and messed up routines. This all has led to intense hunger (me, not him) and really not a lot of additional milk to show for it. I'm holding out hope.

Sarah's body: "I'm tired. Give me a nap or give me some carbs."

Sarah: "Dude, I'd nap if I could. I'll give you the carbs."

Sarah's body: "How am I supposed to keep you alive plus make enough food to keep a baby alive? GIVE ME FOOD!

So today, I ate peanut butter. Straight from the jar. With the only utensil I had - a steak knife.

Pretty sure one of my shirts also might be on backward.

My life is the definition of class.

and, done.

2012-01-17T09:11:00.000-06:00

Finally updating my 101 things. Yeesh, I need to get cracking!

#2 Send out Christmas Cards.

#58 Find good sushi in Kansas City.

Drunken Fish. Yum.

#67 Find a writing freelance job.

Check out my Monday blogs at Lauren Wants to Know.

#74 Forgive them even if they don't deserve it.

I think I did.

search words

2012-01-12T09:03:00.001-06:00

Search words used to find my blog in the last week:

1. Five people are googling lightning in pregnancy? And finding me? It's this post.

2. KU peeing on K-State? I don't really care for KU in that sports kind of way but I'm pretty sure I've never peed on them or written about such a thing.

3. I have four plants, two being on their deathbed.

five months

2012-01-11T15:43:00.003-06:00

My sweet little Henry,

Happy five months! I skipped month four because it was really busy - the beginning of many motherly oops moments.

You are changing crazy fast. You had done your mother well by sleeping til 5 a.m. or even later. You've regressed, though, and throw in a 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. feeding, sometimes complete with crying. The articles tell me you're growing and developing so fast you need more food and also just have more trouble sleeping. I tiredly repeat, it's only a phase.

You grab for everything now especially my hair but even glasses of water. You are the loudest baby I've met and routinely scream happily (but very high-pitched) in public places. You get louder if you think people are talking to each other rather than you. You don't care much about rolling over and have found your feet only a few times but you are DYING to sit up and try your hardest. You love playing in your gym and walker (circa 1983) and will sit quietly while Daddy reads you books. I spend a lot of time trying to distract your gaze from the TV.

The last two months you met your extended family including cousins Jace and Adilyn in Minnesota, started daycare, met Santa and the Grinch, got baptized by Pastor Scott, attended an ugly Christmas sweater party, had your first Christmas and added two states to your list when you cheered on K-State at the Cotton Bowl.

Godmother Ashley at your baptism

You want to eat more. You still hate your crib. You fall asleep with your hand on my cheek which is partially why I am not making you learn to love your crib. The Cloud B giraffe and my old baby blanket are your favorite loveys at night. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my blanket to you. Maybe you'll get it as a reward for not spitting up on my dry-clean only coat again.

The bigger you get, the more wonderful and more confusing this parenting thing becomes.

I love you, always.

Mama

Bowlin'

2012-01-10T11:03:00.001-06:00

We spent last week in the Dallas area cheering on K-State in the Cotton Bowl.

First up was the pep rally at the Texas Rangers Stadium in Arlington. Henry was enthralled with the 20,000 + K-State fans, fireworks, big screens and familiar fight songs. He yelled right along with the best of them.

Followed by the game at Dallas Stadium, which is unnecessarily huge and left me nauseated for the first quarter. We also visited the Fort Worth stockyards where Henry sat in his first saddle. Giddy-up!

Now we're home. There are no more road trips, holidays or extended periods of time off. Hello, real life.

obligatory resolutions post

2012-01-03T11:15:00.002-06:00

Last year I didn't have time for resolutions because I was too busy trying to keep raw almonds and buttered noodles in my stomach and avoid smells like deodorant, cookies and lotion. Weird smellage and queasy stomach turned into a Henry.

There's something about this kid that makes me want to be a better person. So here it goes.

Get Henry to sleep in his crib or at least give it the good ol' college try.
We tried for four days. High-fived, rejoiced and then accepted defeat. We gave up because the holidays busted any semblance we had of a routine. Then on Christmas, Henry slept on his own but in our bed which means he does not need us particularly but just prefers a cozy bed to a stark crib. In this moment I realized a almost-five-month-old is bossing me around.

Routine and organization. Routine and organization.
I thrive on chaos but in a really unhealthy, angry sort of way. The fact I have multiple junk drawers, multiple to-do lists and a refrigerator that needs a hazmat crew makes me often feel like my world is falling apart. I will post about my actual plan to fix this when I find time to make a plan.

Do things to make my body less mushy.
I am back at or below my pre-preg weight but when they say your body changes, it's true. When I sit, there is this weird mushy stomach roll that I never have seen before. I got a Garmin Forerunner for Christmas last year. For my birthday, I got new running shoes. All signs point to me working running back into my life. See previous resolution.

Go on at least one date every month.
We thought we'd be immune from the post-baby marriage hurdles because we're best friends and love each other. We are not immune. It's hard to find a babysitter. Hard to have enough energy to want to dress up (i.e. something other than sweatpants and a ponytail) and go on a date. Hard to go on dates and not talk about running to Target afterward because I'm out of wipes. Hard to be light and happy when I am totally ticked off after discovering there are no diapers left and I have to get up at 3 a.m. to switch the dirty ones to the dryer so they are ready in time for daycare.

Pay it forward.
We've had a lot of people do a lot of really nice stuff for us. I fail miserably in doing enough for other people. So I've decide in 2012, I'll focus on the other new moms in my life who need a friendly face in the hospital, a freezable dinner dropped off, a date night or just an encouraging email. I will be a better friend.

the best year

2012-01-01T12:51:00.000-06:00

In January,
I told everyone I was pregnant. And then it all seemed real when we heard a galloping heartbeat.

In February,
we made a video that eventually got a lot of YouTube views announcing we were having a boy. We also made a less popular video of our cat opening the door.

In March,
we registered for the baby boy. I talked about my aversion to a lot of baby stuff. I take back my hatred for pacifiers and infant car seats. The bumpers, nursing pads, pack n play, bouncy seat and huge swings? Haven't needed them yet.

We also went to Belize where Shea felt the baby kick for the first time. I also drank a lot of watermelon juice, climbed pyramids in 115 degree heat and rode bikes along the ocean.

In April,
we accomplished some really big budget goals. Then I gave up sugar for a week but wimped out and ended up passing my glucose test regardless.

In May,
We moved into a rental house. Got a temporary roommate. I got bigger, our fridge stopped working and my little sister graduated from college. I also had the worst day ever.

In June,
I had my first shower and received a lot of cloth diapers. Then it started to get really hot, and I got proportionately moodier.

In July,
we had two more showers. Freaked out about the car seat, and then freaked out about our marriage never being the same. Lots of freaking out.

In August,
I gave birth really, really quickly after crying eight hours before that I COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. Henry heard me apparently. Then I lost blood and had iron infusions. And slowly got better. There was a lot of crying and not much sleeping from all members of the household.

In September,
life was hard. And too busy for eating and showering. We were totally in love and totally and completely overwhelmed.

In October,
Henry got a cousin. And I got new tires.

In November,
I celebrated turning 29 with pizza in bed. Henry started giggling. And I started work.

In December,
we completely failed at getting Henry to sleep in his crib. But succeeded in making him way cute for his baptism.

By far the best year of my life but also the most challenging. I have no idea what 2012 has in store but I am confident my average weight will be less and my sleep will be more.

public nursing

2011-12-29T21:40:00.000-06:00

Places I have breastfed my baby:

- My desk at work

- A bar while watching college football

- A burger joint. A sushi restaurant. A barbecue dive.

- A college basketball game.

- The front seat of my car at a truck stop.

- On a bench at the mall.

- My husband's cubicle.

I am not obnoxious about it. Unless by accident, no one sees anything they would normally except an odd blanket covering my front or a huge baby head underneath my shirt. I am not out to prove anything but I am certainly not hiding anything.

The hubs actually directed me to a story about Kasey Kahne, a NASCAR driver, who started a public debate after he tweeted his disgust about public breastfeeding. Here are some comments from the ESPN article (grammar unedited):

"Breasfeeding in public and NASCAR are very similar in that they're both technically legal, but most people find it very distasteful and unnecessary"

Why people find breastfeeding disgusting and distasteful I can't understand except chalking it up to immaturity and ignorance. Unnecessary though? Babies that are exclusively breastfed (no formula, water, food) for at least six months are protected from a long list of viruses and infections.Breastfed children have less risk of developing diabetes, obesity, childhood cancers and inflammatory bowel diseases (source). Breastfeeding boosts intelligence, prevents allergies, lowers the risks of SIDS and reduce the mother's risk of depression and certain cancers. How lucky we are such a preventative is available naturally. No prescription needed. I'd say it's very, very necessary.

"If a man gets in trouble for taking a leak in public, why cant a woman for breastfeeding?"Clearly urinating and breastfeeding a child are unrelated. But this seemed to be the most common argument in support of Kahne. The two aren't even comparable.

"We have restrooms for a reason."

I will breastfeed my child in a restroom stall the day you take your Big Mac and fries an proceed to eat it for 20 minutes in the same place people defecate.

"This is the 21st century. They invented pumps for a reason."

Except every bit of expressed milk I can muster I have to send to daycare the next day. It's like living paycheck to paycheck, and there is no extra. Pumping isn't as efficient as nursing so like hell I am going to waste a hard earned four ounces when my baby is with me.

"Privacy only takes 1 min to find."

Actually it's not. And I am fairly certain the same people that think finding a private place to breastfeed is easy are the same folks who would shoot judging looks when my baby is screaming for food. My car might be an option but then I am expected to leave the table and sit in my car for 30 minutes, which in that case should have just stayed home.

Only 13 percent are exclusively breastfed, maximizing the benefits, through six months, according to the CDC.Only 17 percent are breastfed for a full year which is what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends. The World Health Organization still recommends at least two years of breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is a self-sacrificing commitment a mother makes to her baby and his or her health. It's not a convenient choice. Most days it's a whole lot of work, especially when you add in public outings, pumping at work and a baby with teeth.

It's a tough job for mothers already doing the toughest job. A natural, beautiful process that should be applauded, not viewed with disgust and ridicule.

breaking heart

2011-12-29T13:37:00.000-06:00

A couple we know lost their baby after being pregnant for eight months.

I don't know how they feel. I'm not even going to imagine.

But as a mother, I can tell you their story made me go home and hug my baby. And realize even more how much of a miracle he really is. Dropping him off at daycare this morning was possibly even worse than the my first day back at work. As if somehow having him in my arms will protect him from all this world offers.

I knew that being a mother has changed me. When it comes to movies, TV shows or news stories involving anything happening to kids, I process it differently. More deeply.

At eight months pregnant with Henry, we had a nursery, clothes... everything. We were ready to meet this little boy. Having that chance ripped away from me when I thought everything was just fine paralyzes my soul.

For this couple, I hope they find peace. And hope in an altered future. And faith in a God that will carry them through.

a first christmas

2011-12-26T11:32:00.000-06:00

Henry was rather neutral about his first Christmas. Though it was full of experiences including ringing the Salvation Army bell, candlelight Christmas Eve service, opening presents (puppets and books were the favorite), a turkey dinner he slept through and an overflowing stocking.

Puppets!

Aftermath

dapper

2011-12-19T11:47:00.002-06:00

Henry and his godmother, Ashley.

This weekend was in-law visit, early Christmas and Henry's baptism. I'll tell you all about it soon. But OMG isn't he adorable?

For those of you boy moms with no place to find good boy dress clothes, try Dapper Lads.

the crib transition

2011-12-14T13:01:00.001-06:00

We tried. Really.

At 7 p.m. the boy was falling asleep, and we got him successfully lying in his crib with his favorite giraffe. We crept out of his room. Then I made Shea creep back in to make sure that the baby monitors work. Because God forbid the boy make a squeak and I not hear it.

We high-fived. We wrote celebratory Facebook status updates. I settled in to study for my grad school final, and Shea started doing the dishes.

By 8 p.m. the wail started to come through the baby monitor. And after a few minutes of self-restraint, he was once again in the living room. We played. Laughed in the mirror. Danced to Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. Ate his evening meal and was rocked to sleep.

At 11 p.m., we tried the crib again. Success! More high-fives. I tempted fate and pumped assuming the boy was asleep for the night.

At midnight, we went to bed. Figured we could fall asleep cuddling for the first time in four months (probably longer. Pregnant cuddling is annoying).

12:40 p.m. Baby is back in our bed, curled on his side to get close to my body. Out cold and happy. Accept defeat.

Baby 1, Parents 0.

remind me to breathe

2011-12-12T15:16:00.001-06:00

End of grad school + Return to work + Baby + Husband + Christmas + Baptism + Family in town =

work to-do list

meeting santa

2011-12-05T10:44:00.001-06:00

As a child, all I remember about my annual Santa picture was getting a candy cane after sitting on the bearded man's lap followed by later my mother insisting that I take a picture with the man every year despite the fact I was 14, and it was SO embarrassing. What if someone saw me and thought I really believed he was real? Social suicide.

My mom had to get creative. Picture with the purple Santa at the Alamo Bowl. Picture with my Uncle Randy dressed as Santa. Picture with Santa in another state. Picture with high school boyfriend dressed up as Santa.

But then I realized that 18 years of Santa pictures are actually kind of cool. Lucky for me, I have now someone else to keep the tradition going. Let the torture begin.

the first and hardest day

2011-11-28T09:25:00.001-06:00

7:20 a.m. Drive to daycare, cry the entire way. Does not help that song All of Me is on the radio. Though I'm pretty sure an Eminem song could have been playing and I would have found a way to relate it to my morning.

7:45 a.m. Drop Henry off at daycare. Do not cry.

7:50 a.m. Cry saying goodbye to Shea. Cry on my way back to work.

8 a.m. Arrive in new cubicle to see note from previous worker.

8:15 a.m. Successfully avoid crying when four people ask how "the separation" went but end sentence with "Idon'twanttotalkaboutit."

8:45 a.m. Break out in tears when co-worker hugs me and says she knows it's a hard day for me. Receive super cute pic of my little adaptable son. He certainly does not get this trait from either of his parents.

9 a.m. Successfully avoid crying (and screaming) when finding out that pump room is not really available but I should just bother someone with an actual office every three hours to ask if I can borrow their space.

10 a.m. First pumping session in which I have to skip meeting to use an empty office which majority of staff has key to making for not so relaxed session. Master double pumping but realize how many bottles and supplies this uses each time. And washing shields in work kitchen? Embarrassing. New respect gained for working moms.

10:45 a.m. Get a report from Shea who has already visited Henry (hello, attached parents). He's happy and even slept in a bouncy seat without being held.

12:30 p.m. Visit Henry who is hungry but happy. Feel better. Change diaper and get back to work.

4 p.m. Have to send mass email asking whose office I can use to pump. Grumpy. Finish first chapter in just-for-fun book. Determine I have accomplished nothing today except survive.

5 p.m. Leave to pick up my baby.

6 p.m. Arrive home to discover that dinner still has to be made, laundry done, dishes washed, diaper bag repacked, grad school paper written and house cleaned. Well hello, new reality.

quick, everybody look in all different directions

2011-11-26T21:14:00.001-06:00

This is the largest group of kids Henry has ever been around. His head did come one-inch from the cement fireplace. But you know, I'm such a cool mom that I trusted daddy and kept snapping pictures.

And then I disinfected all the toys because OMG THE BABY SPIT.

health challenge

2011-11-17T22:13:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago we started a health challenge run by our personal trainer friend, Becky. I'm doing it to lose my last four pounds and get some abs back. Shea is doing it because I said so.

We get points for good behaviors each day.

Two fruits (this is my most challenging item.Winter fruit bites it.)
Three vegetables
64 ounces of water
30 minutes of cardio
Strength training (abs, arm weights, holding baby)

We each picked one behavior we are going to work on throughout the challenge. Mine is two desserts or less per week. I'm not really a dessert fan but considering this challenge runs through a time when there are white chocolate pretzels, fudge and pumpkin pie available in large quantities, it's going to be tough.

Cardio has proved really challenging (read: non-existent) in Minnesota this week. It snowed. And it's cold. And being outside stinks.

My goal was to register for the Rock the Parkway half marathon after getting back into a healthy routine through the challenge. But working out while taking care of a wee little baby is proving to be more than hard. Especially when I start work and only get a couple hours a night with the little man (sob).

Tips?

send ice cream

2011-11-17T11:21:00.001-06:00

In August, 12 weeks seemed like an eternity.

I had plans to finish a scrapbook, clean the house up and down, reorganize the closets, bake bread and get my running groove back.

It's now been 14 weeks; 2,352 hours spent singing, rocking, nursing, wiping, nursing, laundering, nursing, and cuddling. There has not been a lot of baking, running or organizing. Or sleeping for that matter.

But there was a day when maternity leave stopped feeling like a painful marathon and more like the most wonderful gift. We're off to Minnesota for a week tomorrow and then I'm back to work. Today is our last day at home together.

Just like that, it's over.

This lump in my throat that has been growing slowly has now erupted into tears.

I was totally unprepared for this transformation. I thought I'd be bored, anxious to get back to a job I enjoy most days. I thought I would feel like I do at the end of a vacation - sad but excited for a routine again.

My routine these days is sleep as long as I can (7:30 a.m.), lie on a blanket for an hour tickling and making weird noises to elicit a smile or giggle, nurse every two or three hours, do dishes and laundry one-handed, psych myself up for a few hours before a Target run and do everything possible to keep him on the good side of the line. Oh, and I also watch a lot of Gossip Girl and Army Wives (don't judge me).

I remember when I lived in Iowa for my first job out of college. I had few friends and lived in an apartment alone. I would come home for the weekend to visit, and as I would get ready to drive back on Sunday night, it didn't make sense. I was happy and alive at home, in Iowa I was sad. And I chose the sad because it meant career, money to pay the bills and probably some sort of "this is making me a better person" song and dance.

This feels the same. Except way worse.

Maybe I'll adjust and the routine and return to the adult world will be refreshing.

But right now it feels really, really painful.

Which is why after our Target run this afternoon, Henry and I are getting a lot of ice cream.