The Gay Dot

Moving Along

2013-01-28T23:18:00.002-05:00

It does go without saying that it has been a while since I've written anything on this blog. My last post doesn't count because I was reposting something I originally wrote for Facebook. But, it was something that should have been posted here. Things in life have a way of changing. I haven't been all that busy, but I have been remarkably lost in activities of distraction, which fed my writer's

My New New Year

2013-01-22T20:35:00.003-05:00

I originally posted this on Facebook on December 21, 2012. Happy Winter Solstice everyone.Today marks the dawning of a new year. For me, it's a time to reevaluate what is important to me and work toward better awareness and alignment of what I believe vs. what I truly value. Each day is a step in a direction. Not necessarily forward, but a step nonetheless. And when each step is taken, it is

Limerence

2013-01-11T15:14:00.001-05:00

It's my nemesis.

How I Roll

2012-07-14T13:58:00.000-04:00

Even so, I still don't like to cook.

But I Was Only 5

2012-06-27T20:58:00.000-04:00

2012 has been kicking my ass. And yet, I feel stronger now. At least I feel strong when I'm not actually feeling hopeless. I started off 2012 just diving right in to some of the most intense social situations I've ever had. I wanted to push myself to get out there, overcome my shyness, meet people, and make new friends, get connected to others and be part of something. The first

The Thoughtless Police

2012-05-26T15:38:00.002-04:00

Lots of discussion going around on Facebook, on blogs, amongst distant friends in distant cites and elsewhere, all talking about all the great people in their lives, all of the wonderful dates they have been on all the wonderful support and sex they have with their dates, partners and spouses. The envy, the jealousy, is difficult. I do not like being alone, I do not like going months if not

Justice and Mercy

2012-05-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

At the second coming of Christ, when all are resurrected, I imagine there will be great justice when Jesus walks up to Joseph Smith, restored in flesh and blood, and kicks him in the crotch. At which point, Christ will show his great love and mercy by allowing the rest of us to do the same.

What's next? Bestiality?

2012-05-13T11:42:00.000-04:00

In paraphrase: SG: "So if gay marriage is legal, what's next? People are going to want to marry their horse?" OG: "Why in the hell would I marry my horse? I already own the god damn thing?"

My Blog

2012-05-08T09:26:00.002-04:00

This.

It needs saying even if it's wrong.

2012-05-01T22:19:00.001-04:00

A sure fire way to affect change in a difficult emotional thinking pattern is to state it. Give it voice. Put it into words, whether spoken or written. And sure enough, whatever beliefs that arise out of that exercise will suddenly dissolve; especially if that belief was not formed from a rational headspace. I don't know why that is. But it is why I write in this blog. And it is why I need

Horseback Riding With Myself

2012-04-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

I would love to say that my story with horses has come to a wonderful conclusion. I dearly love them as I love all animals, but I haven't been able to reconcile my past experiences as well as my new found ones. I still feel at times ignorant and undeserving of the knowledge and still a bit frustrated that I'm not as good of a horsemen that my fellow riders are. I'm also insanely jealous of

Horseback Riding With My Dad

2012-04-15T10:26:00.000-04:00

My older brother affectionately called them Dumbass and Shithead. Euphemistic terms of endearment I'm sure. And in many ways, a direct reflection of how our dad thought of us as kids. But the horses' real names were Stormy and Lancer. Stormy was whitish in color. Lancer, a much younger sibling to Stormy, was black. I wasn't a fan of most horse names. I usually just referred to them as "The

I Am Still, No One

2012-04-07T11:37:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a long time. I've been stuck in a sort of a midway point between, "It's too esoteric to post, besides who am I that anyone would care about the strange things in my mind?" to "I wish there were people out there who could understand me in all the forms that I inhabit." It's self defeating in that I'll never find those people because I just can't bring myself to tell all

It’s Not Over Until It’s Over

2012-02-08T20:02:00.000-05:00

So, the Internet is all a buzz over the 9th Circuit Court ruling overturning Prop 8 in California. So much is being written about its details and specifics that I don’t think I need to add anything to it. This is such a bittersweet moment. I'm happy and I'm sad at the same time. The talks, discussions, arguments and yes, even the insane, bigoted, demonizing rants from some active LDS

The Question of Choice, Again!

2012-01-28T22:52:00.002-05:00

Well, controversy! It appears that Cynthia Nixon has been saying things that have gotten a few people in a tizzy in the past about the concepts of choice and homosexuality. And now, this recent article has brought that all back in to the discussion again. (The money quote can be found in context on page 3 of the article.) I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience,

Version 1 Results of LGBT Mormon Survey

2012-01-07T08:57:00.001-05:00

The first version of results regarding the LGBT Mormon Survey has been released. Contains explanations about the charts released in the prelim results. Please click here: Version 1 of LDS SSA study newsletter now available (Previous reference: Prelim Results of LGBT Mormon Survey )

Reclaiming Complex and Nuance

2011-12-12T22:08:00.000-05:00

This post is about my anger, frustration, pain, anxiety, fear and all that baggage that is associated with my inability to know what to say about my dear sweet friend who attempted suicide yesterday. But before I get into my shit, I want to direct you to Mr. Doodle's: Top 10 Reasons Why I Left the Church Top 10 Reasons Why I Came Back to the Church Feel free to leave Mr. Doodle a comment or

Prelim Results of LGBT Mormon Survey

2011-11-09T20:29:00.000-05:00

UPDATE (Jan 7, 2012): Version 1 of LDS SSA study newsletter now available Some preliminary results are in for the Utah State University conducted LGBT Mormon Survey. Please click here: Preliminary Results of LDS-SSA Survey Now Available (Previous reference: LGBT Mormon Survey)

where no one wants to be

2011-10-29T22:04:00.000-04:00

Why don't I write here anymore? I think a part of me doesn't want to answer that question here. It's not safe anymore. After all this time, all these months, I've realized that I've been bullied to keeping my mouth shut about some aspects of my life. The realm of my mind that needs a voice doesn't have an understanding ear. And I'm sick and tired of trying to say what it is, without saying

Disillusion

2011-10-19T23:30:00.001-04:00

It hurts. When one set of friends talk total shit about another set of friends, it compels me to question the value that I am to people. Especially If someone's value can be so easily tossed aside. So, as I sit in stunned silence for a moment, I am deeply afraid to say anything, and not sure what to say. What I fear, if I do say anything at all, is what my rage will say.

LGBT Mormon Survey

2011-07-05T21:40:00.004-04:00

UPDATE (Nov, 9, 2011): Preliminary Results of LDS-SSA Survey Now Available UPDATE: Survey is closed. Utah State University is conducting a survey for all Mormons or former Mormons who identify as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender. Go here: Exploration of Experiences of and Resources for Same-sex Attracted Latter Day Saints Click next to read the consent form and more about the person(s)

Those Nasty Recruiting Homosexuals

2011-06-07T18:23:00.001-04:00

I have been meaning to post something about my resignation from the LDS church but life has gotten so busy lately that I've, well, sort of let this blog collect spiders. I'm not really going to disturb the spiders much right now but I wanted to draw attention to this post by Maureen over at My Black Bikini. Since I've already resigned, I don't have much else to do other than go out, proselytize

Spot of Dirt

2011-04-08T19:46:00.005-04:00

I find it really hard to be impressed by a religion that builds commercial centers for wealthy people and invests little to no money in homeless shelters or soup kitchens. Many times my old ward would set up service opportunities wherin we would volunteer to work with another denomination's soup kitchen. All time and money came out of our own pockets. No LDS church funds were ever used to

The Question of Choice

2011-03-12T00:52:00.000-05:00

It took me awhile to become aware of my gay behaviors. But from day one, they were gay. Such as, whom I checked out, crushed on, felt emotional, physical, and spiritual attraction too. They were all gay behaviors. But I didn't see them as gay. I wasn't aware that I was doing anything different from anyone else for many years until expectations from the church told me otherwise. But even

My Patriarchal Blessing

2011-03-03T00:00:00.092-05:00

I had originally set out to do a post about my Patriarchal Blessing late last year but decided to hold on to it until now. I thought it might be an interesting exercise -- if not slightly narcissistic -- to post it on the 20th anniversary of receiving it, just because it's been, well, 20 years. Going in to this blessing was sort of a test for me. I was testing the church, the patriarch and