A Daily Dose of The Gerald

If You Feel "Rain" You Should Roll Up The Window

2009-02-05T09:35:00.003-05:00

Do you ever “shoot yourself in the foot” and then beat yourself up about it for days or weeks, or even longer? (Different foot shots can affect you for different lengths of time). Sometimes it can be so bad it consumes every thought you have. Whether you’re watching a movie, driving, at work, learning to play the banjo, or studying your ninja handbook, all you can think about is when you pointed the gun at your foot and then proceeded to pull the trigger. The best occasions are when you don’t even know that you’re doing it. At first it is startling, until you realize from the pain shooting through your body that you’ve actually just shot a bullet into your own foot! Then the process of breaking it down in your head, “who, what, when, where, why, and how did I shoot myself in the foot”. This process will repeat itself over and over and over until you grab a hold of your own thoughts and pull yourself out of the gauntlet of questions going through your head.

Remember that time when you were a kid and you set a fish free (stole) from the open market and dropped it in a pond because you thought it was going to live again, only to realize the hard way that it was, in fact, not going to live and that you are going to get in so much trouble you’ll have to stuff your pants with tissues because of the paddle beating you’re going to get? Or maybe the time you got in the back seat of the car on a long road trip, so your little brother could pee in a cup and dispose of it easily from the front seat? You laughed hysterically as he tossed the cup out the window and it sprayed all over the windshield of the car next to us, who also happened to be driving a convertible with the top down? And then, as you feel beads of wetness hit your tongue while you laugh, it dawns on you that your window is also open, and you now have your brother’s urine all over your face?

Well, the truth is, you’re gonna shoot yourself in the foot here and there. It happens, its part of what makes us who we are today. I no longer steal dead animals, and I’m no longer an advocate of tossing pee out of a moving car. The key is not to shoot yourself in the foot for the same reason twice. You sometimes do something that you think is right, only to find out you were wrong, so learn from it and move on, all the while keeping your head up.

Walk the Walk

2009-01-24T02:47:00.000-05:00

Ya know, I don't know if it's turning 30 that's getting to me, or if it's something else, but lately I've been feeling a sense of emptiness. I have plenty of friends, and a few close ones who are always and will always be there for me, so it's not that I'm lonely or feeling unloved. What it actually is, is a desire to find happiness, true personal happiness. That may sound stupid, but one of the most important things in life is finding happiness within yourself. This doesn't mean sitting around on the couch everyday, eating truffles, and playing with your belly button. You have to figure out what it is that is going to make you happy, really happy. Dream a little, not about flying on a magic carpet or slaying dragons with your mystical ninja skills, but something that you've always wanted to do or be. Something that fifty years from now you can say you did, instead of saying you wished you did. Pursuing this dream of yours may seem overwhelming at first, I know because mine have always overwhelmed me to the point that I do not act on them. Don't look at it as a mountain that you have to somehow get to the top of. Look at it instead as a series of small steps that you have to take, one by one, that will eventually get you where you want to be. You must be careful not to cut any corners when pursuing your dream, as that just wouldn't be fair to you. So, if you want to be a weather girl (insert whatever dream you had in mind), start reading up on what it takes to be a weather girl, practice being a weather girl in your bathroom window (that's how I learned to dance while watching "The Grind" on MTV) and occasionally for friends, allowing them to give you constructive criticisms, and paying close attention to your role models on the news. You're gonna need to find yourself somehow in or around a news room, probably in an entry level position at first, but with your goals in check and a smile on your face I'm sure I'll be watching you on the weather in no time (and I do not, nor have I ever watched the weather, so this is BIG). The only problem is that normally when someone that determined who also possesses all of the necessary tools (pretty face, bright personality, confidence, and intelligence (both book and street sense), the station's gonna want you to be more of a figure head, so either the weather girl becomes the new host of the news, or you end up an anchor.

Please understand that I, in fact, do not aspire to be a weather girl. I only use this example because I'm done talking about my dreams in '09. Barrack says that the change will begin with us, so I am done talking without walking. I've got a lot of walking to do, I'm gonna be exhausted...

Just Know That You’re Going to “eat it”…a lot.

2009-01-12T01:16:00.001-05:00

Crash pads…don’t know what they are? They are pads to protect your buttocks for when you decide to pick up snowboarding. So, I did make my first snowboarding trip this weekend with some friends. We rented a nice little house right across from Wisp Mountain in Maryland; we could walk to the slopes in just a few minutes. We rented a four wheel drive for the trip, turned out to be a great investment. My loving mother picked up snowboarding apparel for me (gotta love a loving mother when you’re preparing for such a pivotal, non-mid-life-crisis related, adventure). I even picked up wrist guards, as this was strongly suggested, as apparently many snowboarding beginners seem to injure their wrists. Guess what else was strongly suggested?? That’s right, Crash Pads… They did preach it (by “they”, I mean my loving friends, Hou and Te who lead me right into the belly of the beast by talking me into snowboarding in the first place…), “get crash pants, Jerry…you’re really gonna want crash pants, Jerry…”, and so on. Well, I do believe I’ve said more than once that there is always a better way to say something when you want the person(s) on the receiving end of whatever you’ve been preaching, to understand to the fullest extent what you’re trying to get across. What they should have been saying was, “Jerry, seriously…you’re going to fall directly on your ass repeatedly throughout the course of just over an hour that it will take you to get down your first pass on a green trail. Every time you lose control of which direction your body is moving, and which opposite direction your ass is moving, you’re going to eat it. Oh yeah, and guess what? It just started freezing raining on the mountain, so your rear end is gonna be connecting with ice covered snow each and every occasion of sudden ass-to-ground impact. Eventually, sometime during your second day ever of learning to snowboard, you’re going to have landed on your butt that you’re going to be afraid of landing on your butt. This will lull you into a state of uncontrollable stupidity where you’ll decide it’s a better idea to take a page from “The Matrix” the next time you take a spill and spin your body while still in mid air, trying to land on your front side. WRONG! You will never make a full rotation in the air, and instead you will twist your ankle in your snowboard binding and slam the side of your head into the ice covered snow. It will hurt. Once you’ve determined that this tactic of “eating it” likely would end in broken limbs and possibly a concussion, you will continue falling towards your ass, but will now attempt using your elbows to brace your falls and protect your ass. WRONG AGAIN! After trying this a few times, you will have such a sharp pain in your elbow that you’ll think you may have shattered it. Get the crash pads, Jerry.” This would have spawned a strong sense of urgency and importance toward procuring crash pads. So, from me to all of you tossing around the idea of learning to snowboard please do learn. Once you start to pick it up it is awesome. It’s exhilarating, good exercise, and it gets you to experience the great outdoors in a way you never have before. But first please get some wrist guards and some crash pads, because the great outdoors in the dead of winter on a mountain is not very forgiving on your ass.

Just Know That You’re Going to “eat it”…a lot.

2009-01-12T00:40:00.001-05:00

Those Filipinos...

2009-01-05T11:34:00.000-05:00

Charice Pempengco, remember the name. She is something special, and she’s most likely going to be Diva-Status in the next 6-10 years. She’s only 16 years old, she’s already won every singing competition there is to win in The Philippines (and that’s not easy, ‘cause all Filipinos can sing…), she’s already been on Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Good Morning America, a tribute to David Foster, and she sang on stage with Celine Dion in during a Celine Dion concert at Madison Square Garden. You know you’re good when Celine Dion wants you to come perform her song at her concert while she sings back-up for you… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tgBQbPop0s&feature=related).
I only hope she is taken care of properly as he grows into her new role, as we wouldn’t want her to be the next Michael Jackson…

And then there was light…

2008-12-31T10:50:00.000-05:00

So…I haven’t written in a minute and I finally came to grips with the fact that I miss it. Easy cure…start writing! Whenever I get asked why I haven’t posted in so long, my excuse is always that I’m not motivated anymore, that I’ve lost the drive to write, that I used to be inspired everyday to write about things that happened around me and for some reason the inspirations haven’t been there for me. There’s a perfect term for this kind of excuse…”BULLSHIT”. The inspirations are always there, they’ve always been. I constantly find myself surrounded by interesting people with great ideas and points of view on different topics. At least once a day I find myself intrigued by something that has been said or done around me, so I should write about it, and I will.

I know that first paragraph sounded strange, think of it as a submission to The Gerald, by The Gerald, for The Gerald to put more effort on me. The New Year is upon us. It is a time of self-reflection and plans for self improvement, you infidels call them “New Year’s Resolutions”. Most of you (unless you were hiding under a rock made of ice in the mystical mountains of Mars) heard Barrack Obama echo a message of change. Well, there’s always going to be changes in the universe, it’s just a matter of how you effect the changes that happen within your own life, which will also affect the people closest to you. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you always say how you wanna play softball in the spring, then play softball in the spring. If you always say you wanna get your master’s degree in astrophysics, then go get your damn degree and stop talking about it, and if you want to call Jerry back after he obviously called you at 8:30 in the morning to straighten out some VERY serious information like “is Maureen’s birthday really on New Year’s Eve? I thought it was on New Year’s Day…” before he had to get a phone call from her unexpectedly early at 9:42 in the morning wondering why I had not yet wished her a Happy Birthday, then please do. Phew! So, ring in 2009 like it could be the last. Live for today and do all the things you always say you wanna do, but be conscious of the future (try not to spend your life savings doing it), as I’m sure 2009 won’t actually be the last. Happy New Year everybody.

-The Gerald

A Tribe Called Quest Knows What I Am Talking About

2008-10-02T09:49:00.004-04:00

“Stress.” It’s all there…there in that terrible little six letter word. It’s like a little word in black, size 11 Calibri (Body) font text that grows from within you at times that are tough. Times when nothing seems to be going right, instead feeling like a ball of fiery ash, rolling down the side of the side of a volcano, picking up size and momentum as it goes. Pretty overwhelming that little six letter word can get…

Some people let the stress take over their lives, and eventually just give up. Some people will inebriate themselves in continuous glasses of merlot every evening, just to help them forget about those stresses that seem to plague their lives, even if just for a short while. They know and accept that tomorrow will begin a new day, sure to be haunted in a shroud of stress. And then there are those who rise to the occasion, welcoming stress into their arena. An arena built over the years, as family, friends, and experiences instill ideals and values that do not allow for self pity and sulking. These people live to be challenged, they live for the opportunities that life provides to push themselves to new heights of accomplishment. These are the men and women who train to be ninjas in the mountains of Cuba! You still payin’ attention? That was just a joke about the ninjas; I don’t think they really train in Cuba…

I guess my point is that most of us let stress get to us and put us into a funky mood, only having a negative attitude about your day. I know I do it quite a bit, but it seems to help if you step back from your miserable day for a minute and try to picture the day’s challenging events as just that…challenges. Then you just line them up on a mental or written list, and start facing each challenge and knockin’ ‘em down one by one! Preferably with throwing stars or a blowgun…

Well, good luck with your life stresses. Just remember that sometimes your stresses will feel like they’re drowning you and you have to sink or swim. So swim.

Katy Perry vs. Zooey Deschanel

2008-07-21T06:40:00.008-04:00

Hi, It's Maureen this time, not Jerry, because it might be slightly weird if he was the one posting this but it needs to be addressed, so i'll be the one to do it. So the topic of conversation amongst lots of our friends has been Katy Perry of the "I Kissed A Girl" fame. Ok not her so much as how much she looks like indie actress Zooey Deschanel. And by "looks like" I mean her super twin that was stolen at birth by wild robot monkeys.

You know you realized it too when you were watching So You Think You Can Dance last week. (Kirby, I'm looking in your general direction).

The first and second pictures are Zooey, the third is Katy Perry, click to enlarge.

For the Love of Football...

2008-07-17T13:58:00.003-04:00

Waddup, waddup. Welcome back to a Daily Dose of The Gerald. Today I’d like to touch on a subject in the world of sports, as I recently had a couple of unexpected and somewhat heated conversations with females about it. It is an interesting and somewhat sad topic for me, as Brett Favre has become a legend of football basically right before my own eyes, all of our eyes. His rise to a Hall of Fame caliber quarterback in the NFL has happened in our lifetime, and it has been an awesome growth to witness.

As many of you know, Brett Favre retired after last season, thus ending one of the most storied careers in National Football League history. Now, somebody like that doesn’t just leave the game behind. They can’t, it’s been their life, and especially for someone like him. He’s shattered records, he’s won a Super Bowl, he’s broken wide receivers’ thumbs with his zipline passes, he was in “There’s Something About Mary”, he’s overcome addiction to painkillers, he’s supported his wife through her development of cancer, and he’s mourned the passing of his brother-in-law and his father. And what has helped him get through all of this? That’s right, football. He is and always has been a warrior on the field, who also often looks like a kid playing and laughing out there with referees and opposing players.

He’s not just a football player, not even just a legendary football player. He is football. He optimizes everything that football is; strength, honor, hard work, persistence, motivation, emotion, leadership, sweat, blood, tears, respect, passion, and heart. And when it comes to heart, nobody who’s ever seen Brett Favre play the game could ever deny his heart of pure gold. I’d like to point to a Monday Night Football game between The Green Bay Packers and The Oakland Raiders on December 22, 2003. Brett’s father had just passed away the day before in a car accident, possibly cause by a medical condition. Who plays football after that? Brett Favre does, that’s who. He gave his father what may have been his greatest game ever, the day after losing him, and just days before Christmas. His entire team saw the heart in that, and they all lifted their level of play. He passed for four touchdowns in the first half, finishing the game with 399 yards passing and beating Oakland 41-7 on international TV. In an interview after the game, he said, “I knew that my dad would have wanted me to play. I love him so much and I love this game. It's meant a great deal to me, to my dad, to my family, and I didn't expect this kind of performance. But I know he was watching tonight.” I am blessed to have been able to watch that game live.

Now, some have argued that he should stay off of the playing field, as he ponders a return as an active player. Green Bay has said they would welcome him back…as a backup. Give me a break! Someone like that does not ponder a return to the field in a backup capacity. Are you kidding me? He wants to compete, and compete he will if he decides to come back. And if Green Bay doesn’t want him as their starter, then let him go elsewhere! But I will go on record as saying that the Green Bay Packers organization would be a bunch of idiots to not start Brett Favre at quarterback if he was willing to come back, actually they’d also be dumb to let him play elsewhere because he would crush them when he met them on the battlefield. Those who have expressed he should stay off the field have suggested he get a job with ESPN, sip coladas on the beach, also say that it would not be fair for anyone to pick up Brett Favre as their starting quarterback.

They say that the current starting quarterback’s on these teams have worked hard and earned their starting roles, and for someone like Brett Favre with all of his accolades to come in and strip that starting role from them would be ludicrous. Not so much so. Plain and simple, he is AWESOME. Any quarterback in the league should be happy to have the opportunity to learn some of what makes Brett Favre tick. They could all benefit from it, and some of these starting quarterbacks are not doing their teams any favors. Not to name any names, but Josh McCown (Miami), Kyle Boller (Baltimore), and Tarvaris Jackson (Minnesota), Alex Smith (San Francisco)…

Brett Favre is set to be the first inactive player ever to be on the cover of the John Madden Football video game, but will he be? Only time will tell, but if he says he’s got gas in the tank, please do not doubt him. Let him play, or it won’t just be his loss, it’ll be all of our losses.

I May Never Get Married

2008-06-03T18:31:00.004-04:00

Nationwide's motto "When life comes at you fast..." hits home pretty well these days. When I was young I could be pretty much carefree, do whatever, not worry about getting hurt (never got hurt), not worrying about being sore from playing too much, not worrying about working to make income so you can survive and take care of yourself, not have to work as hard at my ninja training, and not have to worry about getting MARRIED!

Well, I'm pushing 30 now (that's the only time you'll hear me say that, for at least the next 4 years I'll be 28), and marriage is definitely something that crosses my mind here and there lately. I've also heard peers of mine express that they are feeling pressured to settle down and get married. I get the pressure once in a while from my grandparents, from my parents, and from my friends who are married and now having children of their own (It's so crazy, it feels like we were just children ourselves just yesterday). So now I'm getting the, "Hey, Jerry just calling to say hi, and sooo... Matt and Angel just had a son last night, and we just had our daughter recently, and so...when are you gonna have one?" And actually I understand completely.

Ever since my two best friends got married and started having children, I feel kinda like I'm being left out of the club. We grew up together and pretty much did everything together, and now they have different priorities than I do, and they want me to be part of the club. It would also be really awesome if all three of us could have children close in age to grow up together like we did, and we would all be going through the same types of things with our kids at around the same times if they were the same age, which would also be cool.

Well...here's the thing. I'm not ready to get married, not because I don't want to be, but the fact is that I'm not where I want to be in my own life, and I feel like I need to get a full grip on my own life before I ask someone else to share a life. I've heard recently that maybe we haven't found "the one" because our egos are too big and we feel like no one has been good enough, or may ever be good enough. I can definitely understand that because I have felt like that before, but usually I think it's probably true.

That's not to necessarily say that many of these girls are not as good as me, but more so that they are not or have not been compatible with who I am or want. If I were to get married tomorrow, there's only really one person that I would even consider, and that's because she grounds me, keeps me honest, and will break me down in a heartbeat if I step out of line.

I think even for us egotistical guys, there's always going to be a girl who will be "good enough", she will ground you, and when you're with her you'll feel completely satisfied, like there's nothing else out there to look for. You'll finally calm down, settle down, and naturally start to build your own family. Maybe I've added a little bit of a dreamer's touch to the whole story, but hey I'm a dreamer!

I guess what I've been trying to say is just be you. Whatever it is that helps you get through the day and be happy, do that. Don't rush into what you're not ready for, or with someone you're not sure about, 'cause chances are that you'll just end up regretting it. Whoever you end up with will accept you for who you are, I mean you shouldn't be frequenting bars and clubs anymore, or getting drunk all of time, but once you've found someone, it's other things that will make you happy. Now go forth and continue with your life, as I continue with my path to Ninja Mountain.

Team Keating Day

2008-06-02T14:08:00.001-04:00

Team Keating Day, Team Keating Day, what a wonderful event to have two months after May... A day when family and friends alike will be merry and gay (mostly just Shannon will be gay, Jimmy will be merry, Jessica will be boring and weak, and Jerry will be busy winning...everything).

Team Keating Day is a day that comes to us once a year. It's inception was last July, and it was pretty good then, but looks to reach new heights this year. We will have a plethora of team games, great food, and stories to tell for years. My siblings and I came up with the idea as a way to spend some quality time together. We are all older now, working in the real world, and such, so it's not always easy to get together. Once the idea for a Team Keating Day came up, my sister Shannon just ran with it, planning events that test our ninja skills instilled at birth (some of our ninja skills stronger than others...) as well as our alcohol consumption abilities (Shannon may now be a full-blown alcoholic through her yearlong Team Keating Day training regimen), setting up tents for guests to crash in overnight( as there would be a slight consumption of alcohol involved in the day's activities), and even creating a trophy for the event. It's a great way to bond with each other, and also invite some close friends into the world of Team Keating.

The idea is not a new one, people have been having family reunions for years, but it's a great idea and can really help families get together, let off some steam, and have a good time. In this world of war and hate, high ass gas prices, typhoons and earthquakes, Hillary not getting out of the race when she should, the ninjas still warring with the samurai, Batman coming out of the closet (it will happen, Donny...) it's good to get together, have a good time, and remember what's really important in this world of ours. I may not spend as much time with the family as I should, and I should be better about that, but one thing's for sure, I won't ever miss a Team Keating Day.

Who's the Coolest? Me, That's Who.

2008-05-30T10:44:00.002-04:00

IIIIIIIIIItttttttttt'ssssssssssss Friiiiiiidaaaaaaaaayyyy!

Good morning, and welcome to WJReeZy live on the radio! Yes, I need a radio show...or maybe not. So, I've been a pretty boring guy as of late. Not going out much at all, haven't even had a drink in a bit. I've been trying to focus on work, as well as some other endeavors that I had temporarily dropped the ball on.

I've decided through much advice and coaching from people around me, that if I'm going to make any moves it's gotta be now. It's time to start "walking the talk" instead of just talking all of the time (I'm pretty good at talking all of the time). In the beginning it will be easier to stay motivated, but it will definitely get harder to push myself over time. Finding ways to keep going, and having a support system will be important for me.

I haven't done research on the subject, but I'm willing to bet that the majority of successful people in this world have had some sort of support system, whether it be friends, family, wife, girlfriend, robot monkeys, etc. A good support system will help keep you honest, keep you on a straight path, pick you up when you're down, bring you back down to earth when you're getting too confident, and overall just be there for you.

Luckily for me, I do have a great support system, full of friends and family who push me, give me new ideas, shoot down my bad ideas, and let me know that no matter what happens, I'll always be the coolest person they know... Okay, time to get back to business. Have a good day everybody, and remember...I'm the coolest person you know.

Batman Vs. Iron Man

2008-05-28T09:57:00.001-04:00

Today I'd like to bring an ongoing debate I've been having with one Donnie Nussbaum about whether or not it's okay to enjoy a massage from a man when you are in fact a man ( a straight man). Actually, let's save that one for another time...

We have actually also been having a debate about wealth and fortune. In one corner we have Bruce Wayne, maybe better known as Batman. In the other corner we have Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man. Both are fictional characters that command significant fortunes, but which has the grander fortune??

My initial thought was that Tony Stark would be the wealthier of the two, as Stark Industries is a defense contractor, supplying the best weapons to the U.S. military, also indirectly supplying weapons to other countries in the world, and is based in New York City. Wayne Industries is also a defense contractor, based out of Gotham City. So, I'm originally thinking that Bruce Wayne has Gotham City money and Tony Stark has international money, deeming him the more wealthy fictional character, and then Ms. Suzanne Sanderford sheds some light to the topic by providing a link to the Forbes Fictional Fifteen, listing the top fifteen wealthiest fictional characters yearly. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forbes_Fictional_15)

As it turns out, Forbes disagrees with me and has Bruce Wayne coming in at No. 8 on the list with an estimated fortune of $7 Billion, leaving Tony Stark behind at the No. 10 spot with an estimated fortune of $6 Billion. Soooooo, I guess that would make Donny right and Jerry wrong...unless anybody else might be able to provide documented proof otherwise?? Or maybe Tony Stark should just teach Bruce Wayne a lesson by beating his ass, just like Superman did...

Wouldn't It Be Cool If There Really Were Robot Monkeys?

2008-05-26T13:44:00.002-04:00

DO YOUR JOB, DUDE! What the hell is wrong with some people? One thing I cannot stand is a person who displays his/her laziness in the workplace by hiding behind, "That's not in my job description..."

These people should all be replaced by robots or monkeys, or maybe even robot monkeys, as I'm sure we could train monkeys and robots to just follow a specific job description, no human common sense and basic decision-making abilities needed. Everybody runs into little things at work that are not necessarily their responsibility, but if they just spent the few minutes to complete, would really help everything run more smoothly.

It might be something like filling in some blanks on a form that was supposed to be there, taking a phone call for somebody else because they're busy, helping out other team members when they're in a bind or in the weeds, doing something nice for Jerry, you know...

They are usually simple things, but can make other people's lives easier and they'll always remember you as someone who helps out, instead of someone who bitches out.

On a brighter note, I watched a movie the other night that was awesome. It was suggested by my mother, and I would also suggest it to you all. It's called "The Great Debaters" and is based on a true story about a black college's debate team during the civil rights movement. It was very moving, and made me open my eyes for a couple of hours to challenges that many others have had to face in their lifetimes, finding a way to somehow overcome and still be successful.

I mean, some of the things that went on would literally make you sick, and yet many were able to endure the suffering and find a way to come out on top. It really puts things in perspective, as the challenges we face in being successful today are nothing compared to what it took for the blacks to find success during The Civil Rights Movement.

I don't have to worry about lynch mobs, the KKK, being considered an equal, etc. So, let's try to stay away from excuses like, "I can't because I have kids now", or "I'm married now, so I can't", or "I'm so tired from working a 12 hour shift", just don't say it, and don't think it either. You would be counting yourself out because you don't think it's possible to be successful or you're just too lazy to find out.

That just doesn't make any sense. I mean, how would you feel if your kids end up adopting the same way of thinking when they get older? You would be a big reason why they either give up on their hopes later, or decide they don't want to be like you and find success that way. Be a role model, be successful, do something great in your life, be alive, and have a good time with it along the way. We do have that opportunity today that many did not have in the past. Take advantage of it.

You Can Learn A Lot From Your Friends

2008-05-20T14:44:00.002-04:00

You can get almost anything you want if you know how to ask... Well, maybe not anything, but it's definitely a good idea to be cautious of how you ask for something. Telling someone to give it to you is never a good idea, unless you're The Ninja Emperor. In case you're wondering, yes, I am The Ninja Emperor...

Whether it be advice, an object, attention, work to do, intercourse, the world, or a date with The Gerald, there's always a good way to ask and then some not-so-good ways to ask. The good way to ask may not always get you a "yes" answer, but at least the askee will consider what you're asking. The bad ways to ask will usually get the askee defensive or non-cooperative.

Example: Just this past Friday I'm driving to dinner with a friend, and she says to me, "Jerry, I think I'm awesome and I deserve all of your attention, and if you even think about answering your phone from here to dinner or back, I'll jerk the wheel and send us both into the cliffs of George Washington Parkway!" Wow. That's when I really realized that I don't need a girlfriend after all. I get all of the great perks of having a relationship with a high maintenance chick already!

So I explained to her that I am in fact The Ninja Emperor and that you can't talk to me like that. She abruptly changed her tune and began to ask everything in a much more pleasant manor. It was almost as if she had developed a glow about her (like the glow that some of the soap opera stars get that make them look like angels). I couldn't even say "no" to her anymore, so when she asked me to teach her the secrets of the Ninja, I was lulled almost into a dreamy state and agreed.

Okay, so I went off on a random story, but the message is simply to be weary of the manner by which you ask things, no matter what it is that you're asking. You will get a better, more cooperative response, and many times will even get a "yes" (even when you're asking for ancient sacred ninja secrets).

Ronnnn-reeey...I'm so Ronnnnrrreeeeyyy

2008-05-16T11:30:00.002-04:00

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone... Man, lately somebody's been feeling lonely... I'm not gonna say who, but his name starts with a "G", ends with a "D" and rhymes with "Awesomest in the whole wide werald!"

I think maybe it's about that time for...DUN DUN DUUUUUUUHN...a girlfriend.

Though the single life is definitely pretty awesome, no fights about nothing, no answering stupid questions like "Do you think I'm pretty?", no obligations that somebody else made for you, no explaining why you're home so late after a night out with the guys, no justifying going out with the guys, no jealousy over your attractive female friends (I guess I can kind of understand, I do have some pretty fly female friends), the list goes on.

Buuuuuut, having said all of that, somehow I miss it a little, and I bet it's possible to find a girl who's not overly jealous, not too high maintenance, and is an advocate of spooning. One of those girls that you can be friends with and just chill, a situation where it makes you happy just to make them happy. I used to think that maybe I was just being too picky or asking too much, but then some of my close friends started finding girls that fulfilled everything they could have possibly wanted and more even.

I'm not saying they have "perfect" relationships, but genuine they do have. Genuine is what you need, I've dated too many girls who just wanted me for my looks until they found out it was only the lighting (I've figured out all of the places that have lighting that favor my appearance and only take dates there in a rotation).

Now there's also the advice that you don't want to look for someone, 'cause you'll never find the right one because your looking. It just has to happen, if it hasn't already. Well, that's frustrating. Screw it, maybe I'll go desperate and have all of you send me suggestions and hone numbers on who I should date, a la Michael from "The Office...

Good luck to me, I'll keep you posted on "The Search for The Gerald's Eternal Servant!"

Immigration Issue

2008-05-16T11:29:00.002-04:00

I met with a woman today looking for a home. She's a single mother with a 4 year old daughter. She's from Sierra Leone and came over to the U.S. through a process initiated by the Red Cross and the U.S. Immigration Service a couple of years ago. The program is apparently set up so that U.S. officials can go over to Sierra Leone and execute a number of interviews with local peoples of the country who may qualify for refugee status.

Well, she's not able to procure an apartment home with us, nor probably any other property management institution in the area, and probably a good portion of the continental U.S. She has no form of valid photo identification issued by either the state or the federal governments. She was originally processed when she came over in New York, as were many others in her situation. She was then issued a photo id card for employment eligibility and told she would have the same legal rights as other immigrants.

Well her i.d. expired in '07, it is now April 24, 2008 and she is SOL here in the U.S. of A. with no dice. She can't get a driver's license, she can't open another bank account, and if the check card for her current checking account expires, well she may be screwed there too. She also cannot be approved for an apartment home because she can't really prove she is who she says she is. Tough problem, huh?

Possible Solutions??

I asked the woman to go to the immigration services office tomorrow. She insists that she must make an appointment first, so I urged her to do so for tomorrow, and not to take "no" for an answer. I asked her to show up there no matter what, and never to take "no" for an answer when it came to her rights. I asked her to get in front of an immigrant service official and put him on the phone with me. I will then explain her situation and ask him to get her an authorized letter extending the expiration date on her employment permit. We could then process her for an apartment.

Bigger Problem??

There is a much bigger problem here. I know she is not the only one in this situation, can I help them?? Probably not, but there could be a solution to at least part of the problem. This area is probably full of people in this poor situation, as we are in the DC metropolitan area. Is it possible, as much of a headache it may turn out to be, to contact the Red Cross and the Immigration Service and come together to house these people legitimitally? Could we come together with the other major property management institutions in the area and have the Red Cross and the Immigration Service set up clinics around the area where they can present their expired identification and be given extensions? Could we have property management representatives on hand to help these individuals find housing that they qualify for based on income? Some of them may even have been able to build credit with bank accounts they procured when they arrived here. Because of the real estate boom in the last few years, many property management companies have somewhat high vacancy rates, so...we have the homes, we should find a way to fill them with good people trying to live a real life...

Gerald A. Keating

When Will My Dreams Become My Reality?

2008-05-12T12:34:00.002-04:00

Phew! Long weekend for me, it was a nice and relaxing retreat from the everyday grind. Now me thinks it's time to get back to work, make some moves and take care of some business, player!

Opportunities present themselves to us everyday, we just have to be prepared to notice them and take full advantage of them when they do appear. You see, opportunity is not really going to knock. It'll just be there momentarily, waiting for you to recognize it. If you don't, then it will pass, just like those two gorgeous, lingerie-clad bombshells that keep taunting me to follow them to bedroom. I hesitate for just a second to judge the reality of the situation before deciding I just want to see what happens. By the time I get to the room, they're gone. Everytime, man! It's always right after I drink this nighttime tea that I got from a witch that lives in van down by the river. Wait a minute, who was that witch anyways...

Okay, I guess the moral of this little side story is that when the opportunity to buy tea from a witch who lives in a van down by the river presents itself, don't buy the tea...actually just don't approach any van down by the river that witches live in. That seems like a good rule of thumb.

Okay, back to reality. So, opportunities will present themselves on a daily basis. Figure out which one's you're interested in exploring, and run with it. Just don't get caught hesitating too much, before you know it those opportunities will pass you by, you'll be pushin' 30 with no monumental achievement to speak of, all of your friends will already be married with kids, and you're still trying to figure out what you want to do with your life...

Alas, there is still hope. Russell Simmons could walk in here tomorrow and tell me that he wants me to take over Def Jam! Damnit! Witches and their tea!

It Was a Crazy Game of Poker...

2008-05-07T12:41:00.001-04:00

Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. It's actually pretty good advice, and I have been known to disregard such advice in the past as I'm sure many of you also have... but you should especially heed such advice when your name is a one letter name that starts with a "J", ends with a "J", and rhymes with "J". For those of you who may not be familiar with the term, it's derived from the game of poker, meaning to know when you have a hand worth playing, and also to know when your hand is weak and should be tossed away. Holding onto a weak hand can sometimes benefit you, if you find good cards on the board that compliment your hand, but the chances of this are slim. Usually holding on to a weak hand and playing it, only means you're going to lose some money. When you have a good hand you still have to be weary of your opponents, as one of them may have a stronger hand than yours. Play your cards tight, and your chances of winning always go up, play your cards foolishly, and you may just lose your ass.

This advice also relates to real life situations, as we are always posed with important decisions to make that can change our lives in a positive or negative manner. For instance, let's say you stumble upon somebody's blog. Let's also say that the persons responsible for the blog just happen to be REALLY AWESOME. Now, maybe you don't know that the people you're dealing with are as awesome as they are and you decide to take stabs at them with well thought out (the hand you thought was strong) statements. What happens next is a bit of a blur, as a flurry of samurai maneuvers and ninja tactics blindside you, slicing and dicing with swift verbal swords, pounding you repeatedly with fierce ninja-like English skills. Alas, it seems as though you may have retreated, tail tucked between your legs, and having learned a lesson about trying to attack a Ninja Master and a Samurai warrior, backed by their oh-so-stealth Peers of Mass Destruction!

Again I say, know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em.

Let's Break It Down For Just Moment

2008-05-06T14:37:00.005-04:00

Destined for normalcy?? Could it be that I am "just like everyone else"? Wait a minute, that might be one of the most unintelligent things I've ever written... Nobody is just like everyone else. And now that I've thought about it for 1.2 seconds, no chance I'm "normal". I am lucky enough to have many acquaintences and friends, all ages, races, sizes, personalities, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, etc. They are all very different and all have something to "bring to the table".

The only people in this world (unfortunately most people seem to be like this) who accept living "normal" lives and who think that's the way things are "supposed to be", are ignorant and blind to what life is really all about. The meaning of life, in case none of you have figured out yet, is figuring out what your part to play is. Figuring out what would fulfill your life for you. Everyone has a gift, and usually their gift ties in somehow with their dreams. If you spend your life ignoring your gifts and your dreams, then who are you?

Well, fortunately for me I do know what my strengths are, and I do know what my dreams are, and I take steps everyday to reach those dreams. I'm a big dreamer and the type of person who would never doubt that those dreams will come true.

It has been said recently that I may have "Napolean Issues", as anyone who would "charge a large sum of money just for the privilege of hanging out with him" apparently is a short guy with a power trip. Well, this is the part of today's blog where we explain the meaning of "humor".

Humor is defined as: a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement. Guess what, all of the stuff that I write about how awesome I am, those are jokes. I know that some of you, or at least one of you is having trouble grasping the idea that I wasn't being serious about charging people to hang out with me, and in fact you're probably really excited to think that you now have an opportunity to hang out with me for free!

Next on our agenda for today is the matter of me "dispensing advice that no one wants to know and cataloguing what I eat without caring that no one wants to know". Well, the thing about the advice I give, is that it's mostly advice that I need to take. You see, this whole blog started out as a simple morning email. I was in a bad mood one day, and to catch a quick laugh I sent out a mass email that simply said, "Your Message of the Day: Jerry is Awesome." I did it because it made me laugh, changed my demeanor, and actually helped me to be more productive that day. Apparently it also made other people laugh in the middle of their days, which somewhat changed their demeanor and added to the quality of their day. I don't write this stuff everyday for you, I do it for me, but if it cheers other people up or motivates other people to make improvements to their own lives...then that's what is really awesome.

And finally, I'm starting to think I've been writing this whole time about events that don't really matter, i.e. the shattering glass tray on the stovetop... Maybe I should be writing about events that really matter... Maybe I should write about important stuff like the presidential race, the war, religion, orrrrrrr maybe not.

Politics in general are all a big mess, and nothing I say right now is going to change the fact that we put so much time and effort into picking the next jackass that's going to represent our country to the rest of the world and take the fall when things don't turn out right. Maybe we should talk about which religion is the right religion, or if Jesus was black or white, or olive, or purple. Maybe we should talk about the fact that we spend billions and billions of dollars every year to build the next machines that can kill more and more people at a time. Maybe we should talk about the fact that this country is full of people less fortunate than us, people who don't have homes or food, no medication for the illnesses they contract, and that we're more concerned with the homeless in China than we are in the homeless people who live just down the street. Maybe we should talk about public schools only teaching to the standardized tests and not really teaching kids about the things that are really going to matter.

You see, now I'm not so happy because I'm worrying about all of the things that really do matter, that I can't change today. But what gets me by everyday are the little lessons I learn in stupid and humorous little occurences, lessons that can be used later to really make a difference in the things that really matter. It all matters, don't take any of your life for granted, learn something new everyday, and put it to some good use.

Have a good day everybody, and remember, life will throw insults at you all the time, sometimes in the form of anonymous commenters on your blog. They are there for a reason, don't let them get you down, let them instead motivate you in a positive manner. It's not what makes me great that I'm concerned with. It's what's going to make me the greatest that I'm looking for.

E-Mail Subscriptions

2008-05-05T09:54:00.003-04:00

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I Am Not Unlike A Super Hero

2008-05-05T09:45:00.000-04:00

Good morning, hope you all enjoyed the weather this weekend, pretty nice. So I've been noticing some battles going on in the trenches of my blog comments. Interesting stuff you'll read there... I actually really appreciate the comments, as it means you're reading my entries. And, while most might retaliate against such criticisms as you might find in the comments sections, I appreciate them.

Did Jesus go without criticism? Did Martin Luther King Jr. go without criticism? Did Ghandi go without criticism? Did Superman go without criticism when Batman almost beat him in an issue of The Dark Knight Returns released in 1986? And so...understandably, The Gerald will not avoid criticisms. Really though, I can learn from such criticisms. I am, in fact, not perfect. I know, I know, you're shocked.

Well, it's true and I have accepted it, and I vow everyday to train hard and hone my ninja skills to near perfection, so that I may one day be able to defeat The Twin Samurai!! To be continued...

I'm #1!

2008-05-01T22:37:00.004-04:00

Welcome back, where have you guys been? Okay, I've been slacking. Maybe I've been lacking motivation, but I've had time to reflect a little and am starting to focus on what to do with my own life.

I've always got all this great advice for everybody, maybe it's time for me to put as much of my own advice as possible and make some things happen! So... I'm going to put on a Superman costume, or maybe a cross between a superman and a ninja costume... Then I'm going to learn how to fly, by jumping off the cliffs of The Grand Canyon!! Wait a minute...I'm not doin' that, that's crazy!

Okay, I'm going to write a list of "things to do" and strengthen all the pillars in the foundation of my life, start knockin' 'em, out one by one. Once you've gotten complete control of your life, then you can start chasing the dreams. I'm gettin' that Aston Martin, betta believe that. But I think I'll wait until I can walk into a car dealership in England and pay cash for the car of my dreams, without so much as a bit of hesitation. Don't worry, I'll make sure to notify you via email, text message, phone calls (pre-recorded mass phone calls), planes flying with banners, a big gorilla hanging on the side of the Empire State Building with a sign on it, to let you know when I'll be driving by your house to show off my new status defining toy. Damn, that's gonna be tight!

Okay, back down to Earth, Jerry. I've been wanting to say that I very much appreciate the people who read and comment about my rantings and imaginations everyday. People always ask about it, joke about it, sometimes even criticize it. I really appreciate it all. You would be shocked at how much this type of therapy can change a person. I get to wear my emotions not only on my sleeve, but also in writing. Then people that I know and people that I don't know give me feedback and insight. It's crazy, even just how much this world has changed in the last ten years. Anyway, thank you all for motivating me by reading my random thoughts everyday and letting me know that you do, it's pretty good ego fodder. Ha! He's got jokes, jokes and more jokes!

That Jerry guy is awesome.

I'm Feeling A Little Crazy Today

2008-04-29T14:24:00.001-04:00

What will be the legacy of me?? You ever wonder that? Okay, your mental question to yourself was probably in more proper english, but really...ever wonder what you'll leave behind? Once again my mother has casually reached into my mind and turned on a light.

She reminds me that although many of us feel like today is never going to end, and maybe take our own lives for granted. She reminds me that we will get old and eventually we will all pass on.

I'm watching replays of the Chicago Bulls run to glory in the 95/96 NBA season, and seeing Michael Jordan as he used to rise above the rim and conquer the basket over and over no matter what. Now he is older and his days above the rim have passed him by, but the legacy he leaves behind is immortal.

The thing is that time will pass, and opportunities for you to find greatness in yourself will also come and go. I'm not always going to be young and full of energy to go out and get things done, make things happen. My ninja maneuvers are not always going to be a strong as they are now. My ability to woo any woman will weaken in time... And don't let yourself get too tangled up relying on the time you still have either, because no matter your age, wealth, health, or superpowers (and I have many), tomorrow is promised to none of us.

Take hold of your life, your goals, your dreams, as you are the one who gets to decide how you are remembered. You are the one who gets to decide what you leave behind. And I am the one who will flirt with the idea of world peace, while hocking my "Peace Dove" t-shirts.

E-Mail Subscriptions

2008-04-28T09:54:00.002-04:00

If you signed up for the e-mail subscription and did not recieve one this morning don't worry - I'm working on it. I'll let you know when this service is up and running. You may have to sign up again, I know, I know, it's annoying. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get A Daily Dose of the Gerald.

-The Gerald's Blog Master.