But as much as I’d love to just keep making fun of Chad Botcho-Cinco, there is something that I hate even worse, and that is Twitter. You see, Twitter is like Agent Smith from one of those sequels of The Matrix where he infects people by sticking his hand into them and they become a replica. One Agent Smith isn’t so hard to handle, but a thousand of them is a different story. Well Twitter is infecting us and turning us into mindless drones that perpetuate it’s existence. I am the Neo of the world of Twitter. I don’t know why I have been given this extreme responsibility, but I am taking it very seriously and I will not stop until Twitter becomes the Internet equivalent of Creed (it will still have a huge following, but at least the rest of the world will make fun of it relentlessly).

The moral of the story here is that it’s not Peyton Manning or Tony Gonzales that’s wanting to Twitter, it’s the dumbest player in the league. It’s only fitting that he would be the one that wants to use the dumbest service on the web during games. Do you really want to be using the same thing that a guy like Chad Johnson is using?

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

SPOILER

In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (”T2″ henceforth) the Autobots (good guys) have been fighting along side the same army guys from the first Transformers (Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson) for 2 years against the remaining Decepticons in order to purge them from the Earth. Shia goes to college and the comic relief his parents are sad and also so is the eye candy his BFF/GF Megan from the first T’frmrs who works at an auto shop around grease monkey douche bags and is inappropriately dressed and extremely hot and is not ever messed with or looked at by any of these guys because that’s realistic. Shia finds a shard from The Cube which gave life to all the TFRMRS but was destroyed in the first one and gets secret codes imprinted onto his brain and is now the key to Megatron’s resurrection and also the savior of the world, which means the Autobots have to keep him safe and the Decepticons want to find him and extract his knowledge and kill him and steal the shard so they can re-ignite a machine hidden under the Pyramids in Egypt that they started building 20,000 years ago which is capable of shooting the Sun and blowing it up, which is their ultimate goal (because it’s possible to blow up a star). But even though all that sounds like it’s really important, what’s more important in the movie is how Megan is sad because Shia won’t say he loves her despite the fact that they are both still teenagers and their relationship is based solely on the extreme circumstances of the first Transformers (the movie Speed already taught us relationships started in this manner never last) and also despite the fact that he’s going away to college to live in a co-ed dorm filled with the absolute hottest women ever gathered into one building, the hottest of which, Isabel, immediately attacks him and gets him into bed his second day. One other thing, every car in the movie, even the ones in China and the Middle East, are obviously and conspicuously made by GM (except the Decepticon cars, they are made by German car companies).

The Good

The graphics were done by Industrial Light & Magic. Also, I have to give it to T2 in the sound editing department. Just like T1, I was blown away by the very imaginative and powerful sound effects. I know that doesn’t seem like something that could make a movie good, and believe me I have never noticed sound effects in a movie before, but if you watch the opening credits where the Dreamworks and Paramount logos are shown you will know what I mean. Some of the surround speakers way in the back in the movie theater had to do things I don’t think they’ve ever had to do. They were suddenly shouting “THIS IS WHY WE WERE MADE!” to each other across the room and giggling hysterically at 20,000 Hz.

The Bad

You know how when you go to a wedding and you don’t really know or like anyone and it’s really awkward and there is no alcohol and it’s in a really bad facility but you go through the buffet line and amidst all the terrible food there are those little cocktail weenies that you really like, and when people ask you how the wedding was you respond “well, they had those cocktail weenies” and by that they know what you really thought of it since that’s the only thing you can say? Well the sound effects mentioned above are the cocktail weenies of T2 (I wish I thought of another word besides “weenies”).

T2 was the most ridiculously unrealistic movie since Tomb Raider. Nothing in this movie ever has or will happen on our planet or any other. I sat there trying to figure out what exactly goes through Michael Bay’s mind on a daily basis. He’s literally like a dog who sees a squirrel and then a bone and then a fire hydrant all at the same time and then has no other reaction but to bark out of sheer sensory overload and that bark became this movie. Except at least squirrels and bones are real things that exist.

First of all let’s look at the premise of blowing up the Sun. It is so shallow to believe that ultimate evil only exists to just wipe us out and exterminate us. That, to me, is a 15-year-old boy’s view of evil. How does it benefit the Decepticons to extinguish the Sun? The movie does not explain any benefits they will receive from this. They just go from solar system to solar system blowing up Suns and that is why they exist. OK. Also, Michael Bay might want to do a little reading and realize that the Sun is, by definition, a perpetual nuclear explosion happening all the time. You can’t explode an explosion that big without just adding to it and making it stronger, thus doing the opposite of what you were trying to do. Also it is not large enough to create a supernova when it finally dies, so it’s not like that’s a plausible mechanism that can be artificially triggered by the Decepticons. The machine they want to use to kill the Sun is inside the Pyramid of Giza, which is about 700 feet long by 400 feet high. This covers but an infinitesimal fraction of the Earth’s surface. You can fit 1.3 million Earths inside the sun. MILLION. How in the world is this tiny machine supposed to dominate the power of the Sun? Luckily, 15-year-old boys don’t like school and thus don’t like science class and thus don’t care to be bothered by these types of explanations.

That is only one example of how this movie completely lacks physical realism of any kind. None of the maneuvers that the robots or human machines make are doable in real life – they would simply break with that amount of force applied (I don’t care how technologically advanced they are, the laws of physics still apply). Shia is again thrown 40 feet in the air multiple times and never breaks a bone. A large, sharp metal transformer with spikes and tenticles climbs forcefully through his mouth into his brain and ravages around to find information and comes back out and Shia doesn’t have the slightest bit of brain damage as a result (or even pain for that matter). Everyone in the movie experiences things that would put normal people into shock, but no one seems to be at all affected by any of it – they just keep going through the movie like super heroes. I wish they would’ve called this movie Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen In A World Full Of Regular Looking People Who Are Also Super Heroes.

I have never seen a group of more eccentric people in a movie. Dwight from The Office makes a cameo as a college professor who very conspicuously includes sexual innuendo in every other word of his lecture directed specifically at the freshmen girls in the front row, and this is done WHILE THE DEAN IS WATCHING and he is not fired and nobody says a word.

When Shia’s mom drops him off at college she eats some reefer brownies from a random student which are in a plastic bag with A LARGE MARIJUANA LEAF IMAGE ON IT and somehow didn’t realize what she was eating. She proceeds to act extremely drunk and belligerent which doesn’t make sense because she didn’t eat vodka brownies she ate reefer brownies. I guess 15-year-old boys are more prone to begin experimenting with alcohol than weed at that age and thus think that being high is just like being drunk and that would explain how this scene appealed to them?

(sorry that image doesn’t have anything to do with what I’m talking about)

A government official comes in and decides that the Autobots need to leave Earth even though they have been protecting us for 2 years because he is a politician and somehow he has the power to tell the Autobots to leave the entire planet instead of just America. Josh Duhamel later throws this government official off a plane at 30,000 feet and doesn’t get reprimanded since it is understood that even though he was still directly appointed by the president to oversee this operation, he was “a bad dude” and really everyone could see it if they looked hard enough.

Two of the Autobots (”The Twins”) are all rusty and old and so they simply drive into a garage and park next to two Scion-looking GM cars and the camera rotates and they magically become replicas of these cars because Transformers don’t just transform they BECOME ANYTHING THEY WANT JUST BY PARKING NEXT TO IT.

John Turturro from T1 who now works in a meat shop goes into his basement and has all the secret government files they need to find and defeat the Decepticons but no one else has these files or knowledge.

Megan trains a Decepticon like a dog and he ends up becoming good because he is attracted to her and eventually humps her leg even though he’s a Decepticon robot.

Megan, Shia, and John Turturro take a tazer gun into the National Air and Space Museum and break in and take down all the guards and cause wreckage and devastation to the priceless exhibits for hours and then go outside and draw symbols in the dirt for a few more hours and NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT OR CALLS THE COPS.

Do you seriously want me to keep going? Are you sure because that’s maybe 10% of the unrealistic things in this movie. I’m literally blown away by the amount of time I spent sitting in the theater thinking how blatantly unrealistic the movie was. At one point I looked around and saw several grown adult men glued to the edge of their seats and audibly cracking up at Michael Bay’s trademark genius one-liners.

This is not an exaggeration: more than one of the Autobots were voiced by what sounded like Eddie Griffin and existed solely to fill the token black guy bout-it bout-it funny man spot that all Micheal Bay movies create for themselves and then fill in with these annoying types of characters. I mean it was ridiculous when I sat back and processed what I was seeing. Large, majestic transformers suddenly bumbling around the screen saying things like “Aw sh*t, this was a bad idea” and “Boy you betta shut yo face for I bust it up, b*tch” and “Man look at this jerry-curl scrub – it’s like he’s got a porcupine on his head, yo!”

If you think what I just typed is at all an exaggeration or a joke, please go see T2 and come back and visit my blog and write your comment which will say something like “You warned me and I didn’t believe you. I will listen to you and believe you from now on. I am sorry.” You will be forgiven since your punishment was to see this movie.

The Beratings

Acting – One person in this movie was decent, and that was Aaron Pierce from the 24 TV series as the commander of the army. Everyone else was terrible. Megan was terrible. Tyrese Gibson was terrible and he only had 3 lines. For heaven’s sake John Turturro wasn’t even that good. It’s like his acting ability was purposefully stifled. I have to give this movie 2 Beratings for acting.

Plot – Like any sequel that is forcefully spewed out as quickly as possible following a blockbuster, this one had no plot because the first one didn’t leave any room for a second movie. There was no integration and the two films felt totally disconnected, and thus the plot for the sequel was picked out of thin air and felt totally forced the whole time. 2 Beratings.

Inconsistencies – Optimus Prime sacrificed himself to destroy The Cube and killed Megatron and it was over. Oh wait Megatron wasn’t even injured, just shut down and had to be rebooted. Then Optimus Prime died and everyone mourned and it was over for him and the key that could have turned him back on exploded into dust but then it came back and he lived after Shia died also and went to a weird robot heaveNONE OF THIS IS CONSISTENT WITH ANYTHING. 2 Beratings.

Unbelievable Events – NINE HUNDRED BERATINGS. Shoot I can only give it 2. Ok, 2 Beratings.

Schematics – 1 Berating. Great sound, great visual effects. The soundtrack was just a copy + paste from The Rock/Armageddon/Transformers 1, but that alone isn’t enough to earn the movie a berating. No, I’m docking this movie because at least 68% of the scenes were shot in the terribly played-out Michael Bay style where the camera is circling the action in a grandiose way as to say “this is the greatest scene of any movie” whether the subject is Shia and Megan kissing or the Pyramid of Giza being destoyed or Optimus Prime standing valiantly on a hill or a GM car driving on a dirt road or a person sitting on a chair reading a book on a Sunday afternoon.

“Mike, how should we shoot this one?”
“Let me think… have we used the Helicopter Circling Shot yet?”
“Yes”
“Cool. Let’s use the Helicopter Circling Shot again.”
“You are all things perfect to me.”
“I am Micheal Bay.”
“I love you Micheal Bay.”
“Thanks, I do too.”

That dialogue that probably happened in the studio almost made me change my mind to 2 Beratings, but I will be kind since it’s Friday and only give it 1.

9/10 Beratings = Never watch it

0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
1/10 See it the first weekend
2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
>> 9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it

Rest assured I will be seeing this movie. Martin Scorcese has never let me down. Even with Gangs of New York (it was enjoyable right?)

P.S. sorry for the format of the embedded video. I couldn’t find one that was narrower. Oh well, it still works. You know what, I take that back. This is my blog and I apologize to no one! (I apologize for my arrogance.)

First of all you may be thinking that I should be happy about the 10 percent of users making up 90 percent of tweets due to my stance on what Twitter should be: a platform for subscribing to interesting/smart/famous people (a small number of total users), instead of for everyone in the world to post pointless tweets. But, the reason this statement is alarming is because the 10 percent should be closer to .10 percent. Think about it, if there are, let’s say, 70 million people on Twitter, 10 percent is 7 million. There aren’t 7 million interesting people on the Earth, let alone on Twitter. .10% of people should be making up 90% of tweets, just like .10% of people should be making up 90% of the music I listen to.

Secondly, the statement about 60 percent of users not returning from one month to the next is very alarming. That means that the majority of users that I come across on Twitter aren’t even there. What’s the use in following them or replying to their tweets if I’m not going to get a response? This number should be closer to 10 percent, not 60. I guess people sign up and then realize that there literally is nothing to do on Twitter.

Finally, here is a segment Conan O’Brien does to bash Twitter. It’s called TwitterTRACKER and it’s hilarious, but it also makes a good case for the argument that Twitter is stupid.

I personally prefer the theme called Tree because it changes with the weather. All you have to do is type in your city when you select the theme and it takes care of the rest. It’s awesome, and also very accurate. No joke – one time I was checking my email and saw that it was snowing on the screen behind my emails and then I turned my head and looked out the window and sure enough it was snowing. Had it not been for my Gmail theme I might have never known! Based on this principal I have thought of a really fun challenge that you can do. It’s pretty hard because I haven’t even been able to complete it yet. So it’s hard and it’s fun. At least it’s fun, though.

I have been using the Tree theme for about 4 months and up to this point I have only noticed about 4 different weather possibilities. That is until today, when my Gmail suddenly showed a dark and ominous sky that I had never seen before – even during rain. It scared me. It really really scared me. No it didn’t, but anyway I wanted to find out just how many different types of weather my theme was capable of showing me. It turns out there are a total of 12 possible variations of the Tree theme!

Here’s what I usually see:

And here’s what punched me in the face and gave me a dose of reality today:

So dark, I know! Really really scary. Not really, but you can imagine my shock nonetheless. Ever think you’re about to take a big swig of coke and it turns out to be ice tea? You have to be careful in this life. On with the challenge.

So the first ever (and probably last) TGM reader challenge is: can you find all 12? Here’s how to play:

1. Change your Gmail theme to “Tree”:
   • In Gmail, click Settings (top right)
   • Click the Themes tab
   • Click “Tree” (about halfway down the list)
   • Make sure your location is correct (below the list of themes)
2. Note your current weather and then have a look at all 12 possible weather conditions so you’ll know what yours is called (sunny? hazy? cloudy?)
3. Now here’s the hard part: change your city until you find all 12 conditions

So far I have been able to find 6 of the 12. The way I did it was to look at current weather maps and then change my city in Gmail to where it looks like that weather is. For instance, I saw a bunch of rain over Kentucky this morning, so I changed my city to Lexington in Gmail and just like that it was rainy and all my emails were wet (literally – this theme is sweet!)

Tip: each time you change your city, make sure you refresh your browser to see your new weather.

The 12 possibilities are:

1. sunny
2. hazy
3. windy
4. foggy
5. mostly cloudy
6. cloudy
7. rainy
8. stormy
9. thunderstorm
10. icy
11. flurries
12. snowy

Here are the ones I’ve found so far:

Sunny In El Paso

Mostly Cloudy In Cleveland

Cloudy In Alexandria (Louisiana)

Rainy In Lexington

And finally, I’ll help you out with a gem I was able to find today:

Hazy In Los Angeles

So, it’s up to you to find the 6 remaining weather conditions: windy, foggy, icy, thunderstorm, flurries, and snowy. Take a screenshot and post it in the comments (do my comments accept screenshots?) or at least the city, weather condition, and time. I bet thunderstorm is the rarest, and fog is probably hard to snag too. I wish they would add the following conditions: sleet, hail, tornado, hurricane, humid (90%+) and sweltering (100°+).

Good luck and enjoy the weather!

It is a husband’s responsibility to zing his wife back. If he doesn’t, the ensuing relationship is his own fault. However if my wife ever smiled at me as condescendingly as the woman in this commercial I would probably throw up all my lunches from the past 4 days straight into her little bowl of soggy oat rings. It literally makes me gag just watching it. It makes me GOL (that’s a real thing starting now).

Seriously, Multigrain Cheerios?! Do you think men are really this petrified of their wives? Also of note: what kind of slogan is “Because it tastes good”? That’s almost as bad as Rally’s “You gotta eat!”

I’m not a fan of how men are being portrayed on commercials and sitcoms and pretty much anything on TV these days. If men are really this dumb and women are really this insidious, how is anyone getting together? Especially if they’re as ogre-ish as the actors in the Multigrain commercial? As usual, Seinfeld has the answer:

Don’t get me wrong, men are very stupid. I am a very stupid man and I do stupid things every single day. I also witness other men doing stupid things all the time. We don’t do it on purpose (usually), it’s just who we naturally are. But as much as it is in our nature to be stupid, there is one thing that is not in our nature, and that is to be scared of things. And “things” includes women.

My wife and I have been commenting on this phenomenon for years. We will see a commercial with the obligatory scene of a husband and wife about to engage in some banter, and we will frequently predict that the woman is going to be the smart one and the man is going to be the ridiculous idiot who gets no respect from his wife (or his kids – but that’s a different story). My wife is just as sick of this message as me.

But there is hope. Someone out there had the same thoughts as me and decided to go to marketing school and get a job at a big marketing firm so they could make this commercial:

It starts off like all the rest, but then *gasp* the man actually zings the woman back! It just feels so right. Bravo T-Mobile commercial writer! Couples of the world: rise up and bust each others’ chops, starting now!

In case you missed my previous Twitter posts I believe Twitter holds value in obtaining quick information on any topic from multiple platforms. That is the only value it holds. Nowhere in that sentence did I say “Twitter holds value in finding out why Jeff thinks he should start going to a different Subway for lunch” because there is absolutely no way anyone could care enough about that to dial-up their modems and log on to Twitter and search for it and read about it.

In case I haven’t beaten this point into the ground enough, here are a few examples:

How Twitter Should Be Used

Woot:
$149.99: iRobot Roomba 535 Robotic Vacuum with Lighthouse Technology http://www.woot.com

ESPN:
proof it’s our Skip RT: @RealSkipBayless Outrageous 6th foul call on DHoward! OK, refs making sure LeBron lives another day. Makes me sick.

Coldplay:
New songs added to Coldplay iPhone Tap Tap game, price reduced until Sunday – http://bit.ly/vn59e

Why I Want To Leave Earth

KendallS24:
Studying at starbucks til 2, running, shower, work til midnight. Ew.

panicxpandemic:
Dyed my hair black. I feel so emo. XD

jessica_shaw:
going to see JONAS BROTHERS THE 3D CONCERT EXPERIENCE! i’ve been waiting about a year for this!

But, according to the video, the latter examples are what Twitter was built for! Why are you being so mean, Gimcrack Miscellany!? Mean! Why! It’s because as Stephen Colbert so eloquently put it, “how can we go further? I know you’ve been on Twitter… but have you been on Nothing? The user interface is so intuitive!” Basically what he’s saying is that Twitter is dumbing down communication to the point of uselessness.

Debunking 7 Points Made By This Video

Point 1: It’s interesting to know what everyone we know is doing at all times, even if it’s just mowing the lawn or cooking dinner.

Counter-point: Actually it is not interesting to me. There, I said it. There are times when it’s ok for someone to be that interested, like when a mother wants to know what her son is up to at college because she misses him. He could call her and tell her each time he blinks and she would love it. But that is not normal. We have public and private lives, and our private lives are private for a reason.

Point 2: Unfortunately, most of our day-to-day lives are hidden from people that care.

Counter-point: No they are not. Have you ever heard of a blog? Or email? Or instant messengers? Or texting? Or free long distance from every single cell phone company? That’s why these things were invented, so that our day-to-day lives would not be hidden from the people that care.

Also, what the creator of this video does not understand is the concept of “people who care”. A random person on the internet does not care about your day-to-day life, thus they are not included in the “people who care” category. Your friend from college might care about your day-to-day life (although unlikely, but I’ll give the benefit of the doubt), in which case you can tell this person “Here is my email address, also here is my phone number and my IM username. There are no boundaries to what you and I can share with each other now. Absolutely no boundaries.”

Point 3: You wouldn’t send an email to a friend to tell them you’re having coffee.

Counter-point: I have sent more than one email to a friend to tell them I’m having coffee. It’s because I’m asking that friend if they want to join me for coffee. In real life. Where we would talk with our mouths. And interact. Nevermind.

Point 4: Meet Carla. She’s addicted to her mobile phone, reads blogs all day, and has contacts all over the world.

Counter-point: I don’t really want to read tweets from someone like Carla who has an addiction to talking and reading blogs instead of working at her job. Adding Twitter to Carla’s life would make her head explode.

Point 5: Within hours she saw a different side to people she chose to follow. She didn’t know that her friend Steven in Seattle was a baseball fan.

Counter-point: If you haven’t gotten to know someone well enough to know one of their favorite hobbies was baseball (not exactly an intimate detail), you must have a problem listening to them when they talk to you in real life. Steven has probably tried to talk to you about baseball and has gotten his feelings hurt when you stopped listening. That’s why Steven moved to Seattle.

Point 6: Carla became a fan of Twitter and started posting updates. Her friends could see her life between blog posts and emails.

Counter-point: One of the reasons I like to get together with friends on the weekends is so I can talk about all the new things that I’ve experienced throughout the week, and listen to what’s been going on with them. This is how the world works and it’s the reason it’s still fun to get together on the weekends even though you may have been doing it for years. If your friend already knows every possible thing you’ve done and thought since you’ve seen them last, what are you going to talk about when you get together on the weekends? I find this type of mentality to actually lead your relationships to be less personal, which is the opposite of the apparent goal.

Point 7: This is exactly 140 characters. Twitter means you do not ever have to read long messages.

Counter-point: Doesn’t that seem like a bad thing? Something inside me feels like that’s a bad thing. I mean it’s sort of good, but it’s bad though I think right? Because it’s too easy. Isn’t reading a good thing to do? I don’t know if this is a counter-point, I just had this instinct that you would be able to create your own counter-point here. Maybe you should Twitter your counter-point and I’ll go check it out. Sike.

It seems like a lot of people, including the creator of this video, are rooting for Twitter to succeed (which it will) and are even pushing for it to succeed. They’re almost audibly cheering for it. Twitter is good for certain things and bad for other things. You know what this argument sort of reminds me of? The Mac vs. PC wars. Everyone’s always adamantly on one side or the other. The whole fanboy/hater thing is getting old. As old as Diane Keaton.

Ashton & Demi are threatening Twitter, or us, or someone, to leave Twitter if it does a TV show. Why? Why are you doing that? I think they are mumbling something about invasion of privacy, being stalked, and intrusion on their personal lives. Do they not know what it is? Do they use it every day and not know what Twitter is?

ASHTON YOU ARE VOLUNTARILY POSTING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND THINKING EVERY SECOND TO EVERY PERSON AND ASKING THEM TO READ IT. AAAASHTONNNNN!

You seem to be forgetting that in order for people to stalk you and know where you are and what you are doing, you have to tell them. I have found the solution, Ashton. When it comes time for this TV show to be made and whatever that looks like and Twitter and Tweets and all that (ugh), here it is, get ready: don’t tweet your whereabouts. You’re welcome!

Regarding the threatening, you probably think you’re threatening Twitter but that proves once again that you don’t know what Twitter is because it doesn’t care if you’re on it or not because there are other incredibly sophisticated famous people who use it too, plus the most interesting man in the world, plus everyone. So I guess you’re threatening your followers? That makes sense because they have a lot of say in the matter (they don’t have any say). There’s only one other group of people and that’s people who are not your followers, which includes me.

Through my sound logic we have determined you are threatening me. Threatening is abuse. Stop it. Also please continue to write entertaining tweets for us to read. At least you are famous unlike most people on Twitter. Your take on climate change is much better than a boring person’s.

P.S. For the Twitterers: this whole post is @aplusk.

*I still give him props for That 70s Show

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

Gabe is the one with the purple tie, FYI.

Now, switch gears for a moment to a blog called Videogum. How did I end up at this blog? I listen to thesixtyone, which has several songs from a music blog called Stereogum, and from there I saw an ad which read “The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time” written about the movie The Family Stone (I, too, hated that movie). After reading the post I was intrigued as to what Videogum was all about. I read a few more of the Worst Movie posts, agreeing with all of them, and loved how poignant the writing was and how the writer was able to bash a terrible movie in a much more elegant way than I could ever hope to with my insanely popular “beratings”.

I started reading more and more of the blog and eventually ended up subscribing and keeping up with every post (there are at least 10 a day) for the last 3 months. When I realized I was addicted to Videogum, I wanted to know more about the writer(s). There are two: a girl named Lindsay Robertson and a guy named Gabriel Delahaye, who goes by Gabe.

I did some research and found out that he is actually a young, normal looking guy (figured he had to be a troll, great writers usually are for some reason), who is actually really funny on camera as well.

Check out another Gabe video making fun of Details magazine and “man style”:

The only problem I have is that I’m afraid Videogum will not be as funny now that I have a face to put with the name (of the writer). That usually seems to ruin it for me because when you take the mystery away things aren’t as intriguing. Why does that happen? In any case Gabe is such a uniquely funny writer that it makes me want to shut down TGM like when they shut down Treadstone on that Bourne movie and all the lights and computers and servers were linked to the same light switch and it all went dark at once. But don’t worry I won’t do that because it only costs me $10 per year to keep TGM running.

*UPDATE*

This one’s really funny too: