The Girl Named Pearl

2013-08-01T06:59:00.002-07:00

Somewhere there is someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile.

You ---

2013-07-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

were the light that lit my path,
A flame constantly glowing
On a journey with no end.
Amazed, I reached out to touch you
And my skin was burned.
If I was broken before,
Now I'm a shattered,
Irreparable, and meaningless.
My eyes distinguish no angles,
Caught in a blur, I fight mere existence
And lose; forever to succumb
My heart, dear God, is missing
My brain, much to my dismay, mush
And I am empty.

Every Turn There's You

2013-05-31T08:03:00.001-07:00

I say this all the time: why did you buy me flowers? Yet, for whatever reason, he never stops.

But I'll admit, when I step foot into my room after a long day, I love the smell of roses and fresh flowers on my desk. Even if it's temporary, even if the flowers will fade petal by petal, it helps remind me of him. And maybe? Maybe that's all I need to get through the day to day.

Underneath

2013-05-30T08:35:00.001-07:00

My sunshine came to town and all I wanted to do was rest. When all the world pulls at you at many different directions, sometimes it's best to put your head back and relax. The Polish boy's spirit carries a piece of home with him; when he visits, my only desire is to immerse myself in it.

I have a deep connection with the sense of home. I ground myself within it's walls and recharge my batteries. It's the place that I feel safe and warm, letting my guards sink down for the time being, and to smile with ease without the slightest bit of caution. Home to me is a treasure --- it's not so much an actual home but recognition of one --- a place to call my own.

Anyone who knows me would know specifically --- and dare I say they might understand --- my obsession with blankets and perhaps not so specifically, my obsession with making them. I don't know if it's better not to have children at this stage in my life, for fear that little baby would have a new blanket everyday (with the rate that I'm going) or if it's better to have any as to not have any time to make more. Nonetheless, I've done it all. Crochet, knit, sew, and quilt. (If there's more ways, please do tell.)

Call me crazy, but I just love a handmade blanket. I'm a sentimentalist. In every square inch I see hands creating, straightening, pulling, adjusting, perfecting ... weaving love and care into every stitch or sewing it in every corner. I'd like to think that each blanket I make is an extension of myself. Why? Because I chose it. I picked out the yarn and the pattern. I chose the fabric, cut out the squares, and poured over the sewing machine. I finished it off, tying the knots, binding the edges, and making it whole.

In it, I see countless possibilities, but the only one I want to concretely imagine is the softness of cheek against fabric or material. The smile of ultimate comfort, of ease and satisfaction, and heads laying to rest.

I really miss the Polish boy. Do I say this enough? It's only been eight or nine months since he's moved and I don't think I'll ever accept it. To do so would be as if to let our dreams float away --- I'm so pessimistic about this long distance thing. Perhaps it's hope that has caused me to pick up quilting with such fervor? Maybe soon we'll be able to create our home together, and I'll be prepared.

Rolling

2013-05-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

I'm back in San Diego now, and the normal routine of life is slowly pushing itself out above the daydreams and warm fuzzy feelings from this holiday weekend. I drove back from LAX with tears in my eyes because I found myself faced again with the difficult task of assimilating to days spent alone, and by that, I mean without my best friend.

It never gets easier. Never. I think we could appease ourselves with the thought that we will see each other soon or reason that the gap of time is shrinking slowly, but it is never enough. No amount of vacation is enough. No amount of phone calls, text messages, FaceTime sessions would ever bridge that loneliness, and my efforts to engross myself in work, crafts, books, or movies are almost futile.

Let's face it. Oxytocin wins, and I'd rather have that hug than imagine it.

While driving in the rental, I noticed several times that I'd be driving somewhere between 80-85MPH without realizing how much I've increased my speed. If only time could speed itself up without notice. If it could fast forward itself to my happily ever after, then there wouldn't be a need for daydreams.

When I got back into town I took a detour to Torrey Pines. There's something about living in San Diego and hardly ever going to the beach that is appalling, but we tend to take for granted what we have close at hand. We assume that it will always be there at our beck and call when we remember to acknowledge it, and it's only when it's time to say goodbye do we understand it's true value.

I don't know how to deal with goodbyes. I don't think my parents ever taught me how, and even if they did, I don't think I'd be satisfied because I don't ever want to part ways. Dropping the Polish boy off at the airport was so hard, being one step away from dragging him back into the car and riding off into the sunset with my spoil.

I try not to let my face betray me because I can easily unfold.

And that's my problem. I detach myself and become like stone, hoping that my cup of emotions doesn't completely empty itself out. My heart is a constant outpouring --- sometimes draining --- of tears, and I've been taught not to spill.

What comes from this is a meager embrace and a brush of the lips, and when that moment had passed, I would wish for more and be denied. I don't know why I do that to myself, and to others, to hold them away because I don't know how to mitigate the sadness inside of me. When posed next to the possibility of never again, why don't I seize the chance?

So I drove to the beach ... because I missed it. Because it was familiar to me. Because the Polish boy and I used to go there. Because there is something about the ocean waves rolling back and forth that soothes some inner part of me that can't be done with words or daydreams.

For whatever reason, I wanted to photograph it. I thought I'd make it to the beach before sunset, and I did at 7:23PM, but there was hardly a sight to see. The clouds covered the sky and any hint of a sun was occluded by the cottony horizon. When I took up my camera to shoot the frame, my media card was full.

I don't delete pictures from my camera after having uploaded them onto my computer. I keep them in there as long as I can, and when it gets full, I simply delete the oldest ones but never more than I have to delete. Perhaps, in some way, I think I could hold onto the memory longer. There are days where I will scroll through them to see where I have been and the smiles it brought.

How lucky I am, I realized, to have a memory card full of pictures. To have the laughs, and to have captured them in color. To be able to relive those moments of happiness. And to at least have the opportunity to experience more.

When I got to Torrey Pines, the Polish boy's plane took off for flight. Somehow, I made it.

Every Turn There's a Goodbye

2013-05-28T23:26:00.001-07:00

It's been over two months since my grandmother passed away.

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When I moved to San Diego, I would see her at least once most of the times I would fly back home, but when I graduated those visits became less and less. In the past year, when her health was steadily declining and my trips back home were few and far between, I hardly saw her at all.

Yet, now that she’s passed, I keep thinking to myself “When will I see her again?”

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The next morning I boarded a 6:30am flight back to San Diego, and as I sat silently watching the sun rise from my window seat, I thought I saw her there.

Somewhere.

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There is a lot that I don’t understand about Chinese culture and the deep-rooted customs, values, and beliefs. English was so readily available that it won out over the need to hold on to the dialect of Chinese I spoke at home. At best, I took it for granted that it would always be there should I need to call upon it.

My mom keeps talking about a mountain that my grandma has to climb. In this day and age, I did what most young adults would do and I immediately reached for my iPhone and I googled it --- the Chinese core belief system and afterlife --- and could not find any mention of a mountain. Asking about it was difficult as it isn’t proper to speak of such things, and this makes understanding incredibly hard. What I didn’t like about Chinese culture was that there never seemed to be an answer for my questioning mind. It wasn’t until much later that I realized that this “mountain” she was referring to was the ascension of the soul into heaven. Whatever the belief system was or whatever it's grounded in, I just wanted to know that my grandmother was okay --- safe.

I couldn’t help but think that although my grandma has already lived such a long, tough life, her journey isn’t over and I hope --- I so desperately hope --- that she makes it there.

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I cry so much whenever I think of her. They told me that I couldn't cry at her funeral because she'd be unhappy seeing me cry, but since she passed, I feel like a piece of me has gone with her --- a hole that never stops hurting, never even closes up --- and what else could I do but cry? What else can I do but mourn the loss of a woman who dedicated herself to her family, who loved beyond depths I could only hope to love, who I am sad to report that in the last years of her life must have felt alone and abandoned by the family she cared so much about?

I have so much regret and guilt amongst the grief, it's hard to let go.

She taught me so much. When I was a child, she bought me days of the week underwear, apparently because I didn't like wearing them too much. She took care of me and loved me when my parents were busy working, brushing the tangles out of my hair and feeding me warm bowls of rice porridge and soup. She loved us because that's what she did best as a mother and a grandmother --- nurturing her family and taking care of them however she could. And even in her death, in the sorrow that I feel over her passing and the turmoil I feel over not prioritizing her in my life, I've learned so much. I've learned the hard way, and sometimes, that's the only way it sticks.

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When I wake up in the morning, sometimes I stare at the portrait of her that I took home after her ceremony. I say hi to her, even when I feel she's millions miles away. Since I don't live back home anymore, I can't light incense for her, and sometimes I don't know if my prayers reach her because she didn't speak English, but I miss her so much and I didn't realize how much I would until it was too late and she was already gone.

Wordless Wednesday

2013-02-06T22:23:00.003-08:00

Food edition, apparently.

Things will be changing on my blog. Unfortunately, I feel I have to be more reserved and cautious about what I am writing freely, and so this may end up being one of those blogs that just feature a random eclectic mix of pictures and superficial (or not) observations. In any case, there isn't much of a loss!

A Day in the Life (Weekend Snapshots)

2013-02-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

Sunday, in review.

ONE. My morning started with a cup of green tea, pulling up all of the blinds and letting the morning light filter in. It's days like this that I don't want to do anything but listen to songs about Sunday Morning (Maroon 5).
TWO. Stretches on my mat. Unfortunately, I don't have Sunday Morning on my Ipad (but curiously there is She Will Be Loved) so I settled for some Michael Buble.
THREE. A quick cardio session at the gym, so I can spend time FaceTiming with the Polish boy in the evening. I'm desperately trying to transition to a morning gym routine, but can you blame me if I love my sleep?
FOUR. Breakfast. My favorite lately is a piece of warm toast with cool avocado (refridgerated) and salt and pepper. I added in some almonds because this was after my workout, and a few delicious strawberries that have been popping up everywhere.
FIVE Mass. An interesting homily on the ol' "Love is patient, Love is kind" 1 Corinthians 13:1-13.
SIX. You can see my bra.
SEVEN. Cauliflower at the Farmer's market. I bought two gigantic heads, salivating the whole time because I couldn't wait to steam them up. I'll be using one to try and make a cauliflower crust for ... pizza!
EIGHT. Flowers, although at this time of the year the selection isn't as impressive and the prices are slightly higher than they usually are. I had to pass.
NINE. Interesting booths. Although for whatever reason, I don't know why there is a booth selling bedsheets.
TEN. My favorite sign. All the signs here are endearing, you know, for vegetables and fruits.
ELEVEN. It was a whopping 72F degrees by 3PM, but it felt like 80F. I swear that on my walk to the Farmer's Market, I got a few shades darker. The warmth makes me love San Diego but hate walking underneath it's sun.
TWELVE. These bags were heavy! The cauliflower plus zucchini and strawberries that I bought were over 10lbs, and my bag had my Canon Rebel and my Instax Mini 7S plus wallet, full water bottle, and etc. My shoulders killed!
THIRTEEN. My spoils. But I cheated, the zucchini were not from the Farmer's Market. It's not the season for it, I believe, and so these were from the Farmer's Market store and probably grown in Mexico. They were HUGE!
FOURTEEN. I love sauteed zucchini. I just add some butter to a pan, let it melt, throw in all my sliced zucchini and crack some lemon pepper over it then let it do it's magic.
FIFTEEN. An early dinner. I really need to stop eating those Boca veggie patties.
SIXTEEN. Hanging out with my three little stooges like I do every Sunday afternoon. They love to add "ta-ta" to the end of my name and chase me, climbing into my lap as a safe place and being the sweetest kids ever.

Unfortunately, my day stopped at 6PM, at least in terms of pictures. It's dark at 6PM and I got sick of photographing all the mundane things. I went to the store for some items I can't pick up elsewhere, and got home with bread and a pound cake I knew I shouldn't have had. It'll be good with tea, I think. Hell, it'll be good anyway, it's pound cake.

Anyway, that's basically my weekend. I joined the linkup at Sami's Shennanigans. Also, I did write a guest post over at Love and Life in Nicosia if you want to check it out. Hope you had a great weekend and that your week started well!

P.S. Did you know that if there are more usages of personal pronoun's and "I's" in your speech and writing, you are seen as more personable and relatable, but you are considered typically in lower status?

TBT

2013-01-31T00:00:00.000-08:00

How far do Throwback Thursday pictures have to go? I just want to say #tbt.

I love my Polish boy.

Of People

2013-01-30T21:33:00.001-08:00

When I was in the third grade, there was this girl named Samantha that I wanted to be friends with because she was such a nice person. Everyone wanted to be Samantha's friend, and I found myself in the same camp. I can't say that it was a girl crush because back then I didn't think about girl crushes, but there probably was a slight hint of childhood infatuation.

I loved to write little notes for Samantha. I probably wrote about how nice she was. When you're in third grade, you don't really write about much besides how good someone shares with others or how amazing they are for twirling on the bar four times without stopping. I would draw little round smiley faces as well, writing "Samantha Smiles" in my fanciest cursive script that we were practicing at the time and I would tuck these notes inside her desk.

There was also this other girl in my class, her name was Megan, and I would say that she was closer friends with Samantha than I was and she would always take these notes out and read them herself. She would comment to me about what I wrote and sometimes I think she even stole the notes so that Samantha wouldn't find them herself. But Megan let me have her potato chips that she didn't want during lunch time, and so I wasn't mad at her about it. How could I be? It was the third grade.

Times have changed a lot in the third grade, I think.

I always thought it was odd that Megan would circle around Samantha's desk like a pitbull, sniffing out every new thing in her area that she guarded. She acted all nice, of course, but in many cases she was just putting on a show. To this day, I still don't understand what threat she sensed with me writing friendly notes or why she gave me the cold shoulder.

I've surmised that people are just weird. They will always be likely to pretend they are someone that they're not. The only time they will look up to you is if you have something that they want, and once that is out of question, they will mock you and stalk you until they're satisfied that you don't come out of it better than they do.

All my life, I've felt like the clear message from others was that I was not good enough. My parents always did as Asian parents do and compared me against the fifteen hundred cousins that I had in my family. There was always someone better than me at spelling (his name was John) and that I was always doomed to win second place. Megan was telling me that I wasn't good enough to be Samantha's friend.

And it seems, up until recently, I've always settled for those who treated me in the same way. People who loved to act benevolent and kind, but deep down inside they were just as dark as the night sky. Those who loved to point fingers and manipulate others and those who were only your friends so long as you listened and agreed with them.

There are those who painstakingly take the time to detail and follow every trail that you leave, hoping to find some weakness they can prey on in order to shake and rattle you.

I've noticed that their behavior is just a reflection of themselves and what they see inside.

Hypocrites. I've been up to my eyeballs with people who will swear up and down than their heart is gold only to find that it is only gold foiled, and I was the one fooled. I used to romanticize that there were people who were truly nice and kind, but everyone's got their schtick --- even me! --- and now I'm starting to find that it's either 1) not true at all or 2) rarer than I thought.

I suppose time just shows you that you've made the right decisions, and God leads you to where you should be, and true colors will eventually show through at the end.

Personally Speaking

2013-01-30T09:45:00.003-08:00

If you haven't noticed, my weblog has lost a lot of the personality from it's personal website description. Fear not! I'm not trying to make money off this but rather I think it's a reflection upon myself and my life lately. What can be so personal when your life is in a bit of disarray? My things are still in boxes, but I refuse to spend the time unpacking. In some sense, I don't want to go back to the life I had defined by my belongings before. I live out of my gym bag on days when I'm out of the house, and my body is changing with the effort I'm putting into my workout sessions. I've shifted gears in my thinking with the projects I'm working on. My heart has sealed itself with its defenses.

So it's no surprise when I look back at my past entries and I see things that are meant to entertain rather than a collection of thoughts and things that I hoped would inspire me (and possibly others).

I think I've lost myself somewhere in the past month or two, or perhaps I never knew myself at all? And then, I think, that life is a story book in which you are constantly adding, editing, and finalizing your story when you go to sleep at night and wake up the next morning with more to add.

Aside from a few key penchants and obvious characteristics, I've always been one to avoid defining myself in any way because life is so dynamic. You see people trying to attach themselves to certain things, much like how I've attached myself to polka dots and this website here, and when things don't stay afloat what else can you do but sink? Then, afterwards, you see them desperately cling onto some other buoy to keep them above water.

I hope to find a little more about myself each day, and to always find myself growing.

Last night, I saw this interesting website called ArchetypeMe.

My first quiz ended with these results.

However, I didn't make an account and so I had to retake it. It's interesting why my answers changed and shifted from intellectual to spiritual (of which I would think are viable descriptions but perhaps I needed one more than the other). This website is supposed to pull up things that fit the description of you from the short quiz. I haven't tried it completely so far, but it's definitely an interesting website.

Besides that, I'm still looking for me today as I carry on about my usual business. I feel like I could get lost in this Rumi poem, though:

The moment I heard my first love story I began seeking you,
not realizing the search was useless.
Lovers don't meet somewhere along the way.
They're in one another's souls from the beginning.

For some reason, I keep going back to this picture. There is something so romantic about a painter on a cliff in Malibu by the beach, at least in my eyes. He was only painting the landscape. But how often do you drive out to the cliffs overlooking the beach and spend hours immersed in painting? How often do we unplug ourselves from our TV, laptop, tablets or phones? The Polish boy told me last night that he'd ban my iPhone usage when we're married. To be able to get lost in such a peaceful and creative endeavor --- what could possibly be more tempting, more entertaining than this?

Happy Wednesday.

Weekend Recap

2013-01-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to do an instagram picture filled post, and what better way than in a weekend recap?

My weekends are always boring, and filled with many empty promises to unpack all of my belongings, ~~finish~~ start working on stimuli for a new project (the other one lost funding, so I have to step up my game), get in a good gym workout, talk to the Polish boy and call my parents, grocery shopping, clean out my car, and work. I would say that I get 30% of my lists done, and that's better than nothing, considering I could easily sleep the whole two days!

I started out with some shopping at World Market because I love to find interesting things there that I couldn't find at the local Target. Their "Lunar New Year" display is pretty pathetic, I must say. I'm excited to fly back to the Bay Area for Chinese New Year! The markets are filled with crazed Asian drivers; it's like a voluntary death trap!

For which I plead temporary insanity when I decided to visit 99 Ranch (a Chinese grocery store) here in San Diego. No cars were harmed during my temporary visit, but it doesn't mean I'm scared of going there. I love seeing all the New Year decorations and goodies. It's just too damn bad I'm banning myself from a lot of it!

You see, I'm trying to eat clean and healthy. But eating clean and healthy isn't the problem.

The damn snack aisle is! Oh well. I've been working out the gym consistently, and I'm glad that although I can't report a weight loss, my stomach is slimmer and my legs are more toned. The best part? I did it all TAN FREE! It's the reason why I joined a gym in the first place. I love that San Diego weather but it makes me look like I stepped into an oven and baked myself black.

I worked a few extra hours this week and so I bought myself a brand new gym bag and shoes. They were much needed. If I kept going in with the gear I had before, I would surely be stopped for a homeless person at check in. My other gym bag was a duffel and where the long strap met the bag, on both sides, were big gaping holes because I carry so much stuff that the bag couldn't support. I love this new one because it's more like a gym purse and I can carry it by the handles! My shoes are now better fitting --- the old pair was almost a whole size bigger since my feet have shrunk and they were worn in for a long time.

I dressed like a grandmother for Mass. It's how I do.

All this work in the gym has to pay off because 1) I need to fit into the My Favorite Macaron modcloth dress that the Polish boy surprised me with (that naughty boy) and 2) I love it when I come home fit and noticeably smaller so that my parents get in a tizzy about me being a vegetarian. I have to keep reminding them that it's hard work to exercise and work out while eating HEALTHY!

Some other notable events this weekend were meeting up with the Polish boy's sister for coffee and tea while she came down for San Diego. There's something intimidating about a future sister-in-law; girls can be quite mean! But we had a good two hour chat and I found myself not wanting to go. Don't you hate that?

And of course, I got to Skype more with my Polish boy. These weeks are hell sometimes, since I go to the gym at night after work and the boy is ready for bed. I think, in part, I fill my schedule with things that are necessary to be done because it helps fill in some of the sadness! It really tests a relationship, and I've been a bit unreasonable in ways. I guess I need to change that, and if not, at least I already have the ring.

Haha. Just kidding. I think. I love him very much.

How was your weekend!? I'm joining in the linkup hosted over at Sami's Shenanigans!

To follow me on instagram, click here!

As The Saying Goes

2013-01-28T01:45:00.000-08:00

In my senior year of college, I took a heavy load of upper division courses that all lead me to decide that language and cognitive development were my main interests in psychology. Language is just so fascinating, once you think about it, and the Polish boy gets annoyed when I'm nitpicky about his use of words. My mother and father speak three different languages fluently, as well as bits and pieces of Spanish and English, but they didn't have much formal education beyond the sixth grade. Yet it wasn't so much that language learning or language production was interesting --- I was more captivated by idiomatic and metaphorical language.

Idioms are present and prevalent in everyday language. For instance, we often say the grass is always greener, a piece of cake, break a leg, don't judge a book by it's cover, or don't let the cat out of the bag. I don't mean to make this a history lesson, but generally these idiomatic expressions have some origin that has become outdated, but the meaning is still intact and we use these often in our regular speech.

And that's what I love about them --- the words themselves sound a bit strange to use to describe something but it has some figurative meaning that we all understand.

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When Kate Spade came out with a line of jewelry with idioms on them, I immediately fell in love. I actually thought it was a stroke of genius (haha, there I go) because many of the idioms that they chose to engrave on their jewelry invoke a sensation related to the expression that was used.

1. "Et Cetera, Et Cetera." Usually those etc's are used for when you try to list out a number of things and find yourself falling short and finding it easier to just tack on an etc at the end. However, a bracelet with that saying calls to mind the "and so on and so forth" in ways that makes me think of whimsy, of frivolous fancies, and that life goes on, etc etc.

2. "Get Carried Away." This is the original bangle that I fell in love with, among the many great idiom expressions they have, because there's something about allowing yourself to "get carried away" that plays my heart like a harp. One does not simply find themselves carried away; you need to give explicit permission. I tend to be an idealist 98% of the time (and a striking realist during the other 2%) and I get carried away by romantic notions and fantastic ideas. If I had to choose one, this would be it.

3. "Stroke of Luck." This would be a bangle that I think would be perfect to wear to a job interview or a first date with a guy that you've been crushing on for ages and knew you were completely compatible. Something about it screams "lucky boxers" ... if girls wore lucky boxers! A stroke of luck is a lucky happening or a fortunate event, so it's fitting isn't it?

4. "Mint Condition." Something that is in mint condition is something that is in perfect condition. Can you see why these bracelets are amazing? It's an ultra feminine confidence boost --- much unlike that horrible phase of fashion where labeled clothing (think "delicious" plastered across the chest of someone's t-shirt) was "in."

5. "Take Heart." This idiom is so endearing --- it means to receive courage or comfort some fact. There's also "take to heart" which means something is considered dear, as if held close to the heart. Either way, this would be great for something who has a kind and gentle nature.

6. "Hit Your Stride." This expression usually means to start to do something confidently and well. It would be perfect for someone who is starting a career or going after their dreams, don't you think? Or it could work as encouragement for something to go in this direction.

Anyway, they have a great collection of idiom bangles and necklaces out so far --- the variety allows one to choose an expression that resonates with them best. The only thing I don't like is that there are some that are thicker bangles with designs to them, and I prefer the ultra thin, simple design or color for it's chic feel and femininity.

I foolishly imagined myself waking up and choosing one to set the tone for the day. Life would be nice, wouldn't it?

I put together a list of some of the idioms that Kate Spade offers. Which would you choose?

Heart of Gold – A very kind and good nature
Off The Beaten Path – Out of the ordinary
Stretch Your Wings – To make full use of one’s abilities
Break The Ice – Make a start, pave the way
Take the Plunge – Venture into something, commit oneself
Happy Go Lucky – Taking things easily
When in Rome – Behave however the people around you behave
The Glass is Half Full – A person who views the situation optimistically or hopefully
Strike Your Fancy – to appeal to yourself; interest you
Stand Tall – Be brave and proud
In Fine Feather – well dressed; of an excellent appearance
Might and Mane* - strenuously, vigorously – should be MAIN but play on words
Take the Cake – Be the most outstanding in some respect; best or worst
In a Twinkling (of an eye) – Very quickly
Find the Silver Lining – You can derive some benefit from every bad thing that happens to you
Skirt the Rules – Avoid the rules without breaking them
Lay in Lavender - To show in best light
Earn Your Stripes – To do something to show that you deserve a particular rank or position and have skills needed for it
Go the Extra Mile – Go above and beyond
Go To Town – To work hard or efficiently; to do something with gusto, speed, or energy
In the Pink – In very good health, in very good condition physically and emotionally
Come Full Circle – To return to the original position or state of fairs, complete an entire cycle
Put on the Ritz – To live in elegance and luxury
Flying Colors – With notable victory or success
In the Spotlight – Center of attention
Under the Sun – everything under the sun is everything that exists or is possible; possibilities
Sing a Different Tune – to change ones manner from bad to good
All Wrapped Up – Packaged nicely
On Cloud Nine – To be very happy
Gild the Lily – To add ornament or decoration to something that is pleasing in its original state
Make a Day of It – Devote a day to some pleasurable pursuit
Tickle the Ivories – Play the piano
Happily Ever After – Spend the rest of ones life in happiness
Kick Up Your Heels – To celebrate or have a wonderful time
Take a Chance – Try something where failure or bad fortune is likely
Make Your Mark – to do something that allows one to receive appropriate recognition
Strike a Pose – To position oneself in a certain posture
Play Your Cards Right – to work or negotiate correctly and skillfully
Bright Spark – Intelligent person
The Midas Touch – The ability to be successful; making money easy
True Colors – Your true identity
The Jewel in the Crown – The best or most valuable thing in a group of items; a prized possession
Rise Above – To move up above something
A Breathe of Fresh Air - Someone or something that is new and different and makes everything seem more exciting
Hand in Hand – Together, one with the other
Paint the Town Red – To go out and celebrate
Crème de la Crème – The best of the best
Rain or Shine – No matter the circumstances
Sink or Swim – Succumb or succeed
Hot to Trot – Ready and willing, eager
On the Ball – Knowledgeable, competent, attentive
Sweeten the Deal – To add something to an offer to make it more attractive

Quite frankly, I love "Tickle the Ivories" but I'm not a piano player!

I actually miss being in my old laboratory for the studies they did on children and idioms. But looking up all the different idioms in the above list almost made it feel like I was doing research in it again. For the most part, these idioms exude a certain confidence that is irresistible!

If you had your pick, which would it be?

Ryan Gosling Memes

2013-01-27T23:37:00.003-08:00

Okay, so this morning I somehow stumbled upon some more of the "Hey Girl" Ryan Gosling memes, but this time it was one particular to my alma mater. I've seen a number of the regular memes going around and definitely have a few choice favorites, but somehow having ones created about the college I went to made it hilarious. And who knew? There's even a dedicated tumblr for it.

In all honesty, there were funny things about UC San Diego, but in the end they're all pretty dry jokes. It just helps if you've attended as a Triton because you would get it. So that would make two of my readers that would understand them --- the Polish boy and I. Haha! Here were my favorites from the tumblr.

More after the jump, which I hate to use but it's quite picture heavy.

And here is where I decided I'd cure my Sunday night boredom by making a few of my own. Clearly, I have no life.

Okay! I'm done. If I could, I would've used the Polish boy's pictures instead, but I wouldn't want people making him a meme!

Wedding Related Questions

2013-01-24T23:30:00.000-08:00

I sent the Polish boy a Groupon for a restaurant in his town tonight, leaving the message that I wish I was actually there to have dinner with him, but that this would be the second best thing. He's saving it instead for when we're together, and although this is a pittance compared to other things, I think he's the sweetest person in the world.

I learned a long time ago to be careful with my questions, and to never assume things even if it were commonplace to do so. You know how they say, "don't assume --- don't make an ass out of 'u' and 'me'"? It's totally true. You might think you're being friendly, but likely you're not always, and while I understand it doesn't make me feel any better. Like touching peoples babies? Yeah, that's a big no-no. Don't touch babies unless you have expressed permission. Don't invite yourself to someone else's party or shindig, assuming you were on the guest list. In fact, leave your assumptions at the door entirely and think before you act.

A few years ago, one of my high school best friends got engaged. I was over the moon for her, but our schedules made it such that we didn't see each other often and didn't have much time to catch up. Lo and behold, one day I was at the parking lot of a department store and saw her and her betrothed walking by. I didn't want to bombard her but took the opportunity to run up to her and stop her in her tracks while in a parking lot in order to chit chat and congratulate her.

Except ... I think that my impression of "congratulating" her was similar to a cat hyped up on crack, because I was all over the place excited for her while she barely had time to digest the fact that we were there in the parking lot.

And then, I did it. I assumed. I made an ass of myself.

While she was still holding her fiance's hand with her right, I asked her "let me see the ring!" And she looked at me oddly with her hand raised to my outstretched palms.

There was no ring, not yet anyway. But she had already been "engaged" for quite some time already.

And I assumed. I made an ass of myself. I assumed that all couples who are engaged have an engagement ring for the bride-to-be and I completely called to attention to the fact that there was no damn ring and there I was holding her hand in a freakin' parking lot while her fiance stood there confused as to who the hell this crazy Asian girl was and shuffling his feet at the fact that he hadn't gotten his fiancee a ring to seal their engagement yet.

Oooooops.

Did I mention we were in a parking lot? For some reason this key piece of advice brings the most shame when recalling this memory.

Ever since then, I have been careful with my assumptions as best as I could be. If I'm curious about something, I ask, but I leave my disclaimer that it need not be answered. When I hear about other friends getting married, I don't ask and I let them tell --- anything and everything --- but I no longer gush with glee unless they are showing that reaction, and I don't ask about plans unless they offer it up first.

So it's no surprise that ever since I've gotten engaged, I've been a little self conscious about the impending questions that I'd receive about my engagement. I was really worried about explaining an engagement while the Polish boy and I are both at a distance from each other. Why? Because I don't know what the plans are in the future --- I don't know the steps that we'll take, I don't know how we'll get there --- I just know that we will. When people ask, they aren't satisfied with the simple "we don't know" answers. A snowball always forms and I find myself sweating each consecutive question that comes my way.

It bothers me.

Not so much that they are curious (that's natural) but that they seem to pass judgment based on my answers and that's the thing I fear. People will always have their thoughts and ideas, but they don't know when to hold it and keep it to themselves.

A popular question I get is about dates --- have we set a wedding date? It's a valid question; most people pick a date first and from there they start their wedding planning. For us, they are particularly interested because of the situation we are both in, being two thousand miles away and all.

I should stick with a "we don't know yet" answer but that always brings more questions about distance and such, and so I always try to explain it all in one breathe but it always comes off as doubt. Why? Why can't I be unsure of a date or not have a date? Why can't we have a longer engagement? Why can't things be "up in the air" so to speak, and figured out later on? Why do people think there's always some hidden motive behind it?

When it comes down to it, I won't be pressured into doing something I do not want to do (I have had enough of that in my past) when things haven't fallen into place yet, nor do I want to force them into place.

It just seemed completely offensive to me because someone had commented that it appeared that I had second thoughts about saying yes, when I've tried to explain that that was never the case. The so called second thoughts are all related to when the wedding will occur, which is what people are interested in. How is it possible to judge that based on not knowing what their wedding date is?

Doesn't that undermine a person's love for another? I mean, it really doesn't, but it does. And this person kept saying that I could get married without having children, continually stressing this point, when it was never called into question. In my mind, I think they were putting their own perspective into my situation, adding to it some of the things I may have mentioned in the past about my future.

They are assuming that I haven't set a date yet because I'm afraid of setting a date, which is partly true, but for reasons beyond that. I don't know what life will be like in a year and what decisions we'll make, and so I don't want to assume that in a year's time we'll be in the same city again. Doesn't that make sense? The last thing I want to do is plan a wedding for both of us and still live in different cities thereafter (which wouldn't happen, but theoretically one can find themselves in tight situations).

I had to get that off of my chest. I know people are just excited for me or happy that I'll spend the rest of my life with the love of my life, but sheesh.

Project Life

2013-01-23T10:12:00.003-08:00

I've been cleaning out the closet and all of my shelves so naturally I came across a few pictures, mementos, and the scrapbooks that I had been working on of the Polish boy and I's adventures. It's not that we did an impressive array of living-your-life-to-the-fullest kind of things --- we just enjoyed spending time together. Even if it were as simple as a walk in the park or cooking together, I loved every minute of it.

When I came across the Project Life scrapbooking idea, I was immediately in love with it. I love scrapbooking, but it takes a long time to keep up with it and a lot of my scrapbooks are half done because there's so much to do and very little time to get it done. With Project Life, you document your lives by weeks, and there's no pressure to scrapbook the fun things of life like vacations or celebrations. You simply add in things that you've done throughout the week, and the layout makes it interesting yet easy to put together.

Theoretically, all you need to start the kit is a three-ring scrapbook album (I bought mine for $13 at Joann's) and some page protectors. You can buy the ones from Becky Higgins for $25, and it sets you up for a long time but there are other types you can purchase for variety and visual interest. Then all you need are your memories. Print out labels and dates, use scrap pieces of paper (adhering to the name scrapbooking --- not the fancy scrapbooking pages with $20 worth of product) or save pamphlets and receipts to add into the pockets!

Anyway, this isn't a pitch for the Project Life products. I just loved this project so much and wanted to share some of the pages that were completed.

I quit adding to the book because it was no longer enjoyable if I was only documenting my own day to day life. It's sort of like the 365 Photos project --- I have about THREE YEARS (consecutively) of photographs of me, but after a while it became a 11:59PM grab the camera and snap a quick photo sort of project. I liked adding the simple things about our life and when the Polish boy moved away, it would have been one-sided or filled with a lot of photos about text messages. Every now and then there'd be a week where I could add things from a trip seeing each other, but it no longer held it's charm.

I'd definitely start it again when we're near each other once again! It's sad to see it go into a box, but c'est la vie.

More Reasons to Love Me

2013-01-22T23:55:00.001-08:00

Ah --- in typical fashion, here I am at the eleventh hour (literally) typing my post for the linkup at Whitney's blog. I woke up nauseated this morning, wrote an email to the lab coordinator praying she doesn't think the worst of me, and then ferociously started stuffing all my belongings in moving boxes. I must've stolen every pen I could from hotels because they kept popping up everywhere!

Anyway, without further ado, I present you, annoying facts about me that you may or may not have already known:

My legal name consists of only seven letters total, and for this reason, my kids will hate me when I give them names like Susanna Betsy Jo Patricia Marie because I was always jealous of the other kids who took more than 30 seconds to fill out the bubbles for the letters in their names during standardized testing.
I can sing all the words to Notorious B.I.G. "Hypnotize"
I grew up on a farm but still manage to kill every single plant that the Polish boy has given me.
When I was a little girl, I literally made mudpies in the back yard --- I think this makes me a normal person.
I have an unhealthy obsession with the Cheesecake Factory, but not for their cheesecake. I ALWAYS have to get me some sweet potato fries and avocado eggrolls. My last request will be for some of their oat bread.
All the cities I've lived in started with "San" in the beginning.
I went to Chinese school for eight years and learned nothing; my mom wouldn't let me sleep in on Saturdays so instead I had to watch effeminate boys play Pokemon in the school hallways
I have a great fear of using an airplane lavatory and am PROUD to say I've managed to overcome my fear and use it twice.
I win second place at everything. Even life. I'm the mysterious middle child.
I laugh at my roommate who takes "crazy cat lady" to new lengths but I don't realize I baby talk to my Siberian Husky.
I'm a fat vegetarian. Seriously.
My first kiss was stolen by a boy in a movie theatre and to this day I want to cut his balls off for it. I don't speak of it much. The plan is still in the works.
My mom used to give me the typical bowl cut hairstyle (I have pictures to prove it) and so I have a slight irrational fear of hairdressers.
I still crave the texture of some foods that cannot be replicated with vegetables --- like fried chicken. Whenever I fly back home, my dad has fried chicken on the table, hoping to tempt me back into a carnivore.
I'm engaged to the love of my life, the best friend I have.
I've been rear-ended five or six times. In a car, mind you. I mean my car has been rear-ended. People always jump to the fact that I'm an Asian female driving and that must be the case, but I always blurt out the fact that I was at a STOP each time I was hit from behind.
By the way, I always thought I was born into the wrong race/skin color. I am all "white-washed" inside. I can hardly identify with my race anymore. I don't eat rice regularly and I don't even own a pair of chopsticks anymore. I don't speak in the language that was spoken in the household and Chinese people make me nervous.
I have a slight infatuation with polka dots. Some days I feel like I'm a walking advertisement for Kate Spade.
I love photography --- I could take photographs all day --- but I hate uploading them onto my hard drive.
My laundry basket is always overflowing because when I try clothes on, I toss them in the hamper even if I haven't worn it. I say it's dirty already, but the Polish boy says I'm lazy. Shrug.
I've had boobs since I was ten years old and I wish they would go away. I get made fun of for them a lot, and I always hated the "Where did you get *those*?" jokes.
I couldn't run to save my life and I hate exercising, but I can't back down from a challenge.
I had a pet turtle once. For about two hours. It's the saddest story I have to share with anyone.
When people ask me how many children I'd like to have, I always tell them fifteen. I may or may not be joking. The Polish boy is scared.
I love watching court TV shows (JUDGE ALEX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and ID on Discovery. It's my most shameful vice.
I'd love to travel the world but the thought of being on an airplane for more than four hours makes me nervous and want to throw up.
I love driving down windy, twisty roads.
I will never, ever teach any subject to high school students. You couldn't pay me enough money to do that.
I want to live in a city where there are no streetlights and most of the stars are visible at night. Actually, I'd love to see the sky the way it looked in Yosemite --- the most beautiful night sky I've ever seen.
I hate carrying around a purse. Sometimes I pretend I could take someone out with it, but honestly I'd rather use my fists.

Well, seriously, I could go on and on. But I'll stop here, for your benefit. I can't wait to go through all the other links in the linkup, and if you've posted on yourself, please leave the link below! I'd love to read them. "About Me's"and fun facts are my favorite thing to read. It's interesting to see what people list as a description of themselves, especially beyond the tired "I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, etc" and what they find unique about themselves. I once had a social psychology professor who was so psychotic and narcissistic that she spent the whole quarter convincing the class how cool she was and I was too scared of her to question it. Once I broke free, I saw how insecure and unsure of herself she was, and so she tried desperately to appeal to others how unique and different she was.

Not that y'all are, though. Nope. Not at all!

P.S. I'm slowly going through all the links from the link up since I love these types of posts. I have two things to say about 'why I hate your blog' if you fall into any of these categories:

I HATE YOUR BLOG IF YOU HAVE VISUAL VERIFICATION ENABLED! First of all, hella annoying. Second of all, most of the time I don't know if it's enabled until after I've hit a reply when I've typed up a good comment. Third, my laptop won't let the images load, so I just wasted so much time for nothing. BOO TO YOU!
I HATE YOUR BLOG IF YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO JOIN THE LINK UP WITH AN INTENDED POST ... MEANING YOU LINKED UP JUST SO YOU COULD GET HITS! SHAME ON YOU!
I HATE YOUR BLOG IF YOU DON'T LINK THE POST CORRECTLY. IS IT THAT HARD???

Okay, I don't really hate your blog, but those things are annoying.

Gratitude

2013-01-20T18:11:00.000-08:00

Someone I know continually tells me I'm prideful.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've learned to take what people say to heart, especially those who supposedly cared for me, because I thought they would never say anything to hurt me. That anything said was out of love and compassion for me. That they could never lie to me or say something that was untrue.

I spent a lot of time trying to correct myself. I just wanted to please them so bad, you know? Because I loved them so much, and that was all I had to really offer. At first, it was my parents. Then it was my friends. My first boyfriend. My employers, and the little girls and boys who looked up to me. My second boyfriend. Finally, after many years, it was only then that I came into the picture and I learned God was the only one I should be pleasing.

It's hard to deny being prideful. My feelings are easily hurt and I think too much for my own good. No matter how much I've tried --- this is just how I've always been. It's my nature. I'm sensitive to the things people say and don't say to me.

Sometimes, I don't understand why being prideful is such a bad thing.

Like, for instance, I have pride in myself that allows me to act with a moral conscience that seeks to uphold the values I've espoused. I take pride in avoiding things that will debase my character. I take pride in knowing myself, my limits, and likes and dislikes, and choose to live my life accordingly being true to myself (in this way I am more effective than if I were pretending to be someone that I'm not).

But maybe because the word prideful means to be full of pride, my answer to that is that I'm not. I have pride, as does any righteous person, but I am not full of it.

And as they say, the cure to pride is humility, and that's something of which I think I have.

I am usually easy to admit all of my faults and mistakes. I have done so much wrong in my life. I've hurt others --- people whom I love dearly and people who I hardly even know --- and I've also hurt myself. There are more times that I've thought only of myself instead of others than there are stars in the universe. Each time I realize it, I do recognize my mistakes and I do try to correct them, but I'm still so flawed.

I don't think of myself grand but instead as something broken that can still be fixed --- like a bike with a spare tire that just won't get you anywhere.

I have such a hard time taking compliments. People have told me that I need to ease up on the fact that sometimes I'm the quickest to shoot myself down because I don't like to let compliments get to my head. I am extremely awkward accepting gifts or things from people that I automatically tell people that I don't deserve it and think of a way that they can benefit themselves instead.

I've learned from an early age that excessive pride can be the downfall of a person. They've taught it enough in Greek literature about heroes and their hubris. When I saw someone who took selfish pride in themselves, it made me think that the character trait instead portrayed someone who was unpleasant rather than someone to be admired.

Sometimes when the Polish boy would show up with flowers in hand, he'd already know what the first line out of my mouth would be. He joked that they day he'd stop buying me flowers would be the day that I said a genuine "thank you" rather than "why did you get me flowers?!"

Can humility also be accepting that I am a person that is loved? That there are things people see in me in which I can take a little pride in?

I don't know. I haven't gotten there yet. I cry a little inside each time someone buys me a gift, knowing they thought of me. That is enough. I just don't know what to do with the gifts (of word or material objects) because to be thought of, I know, is a luxury in itself in which I am extremely grateful.

And while I am no good at true humility yet, I know I can work on gratitude at least. Thankful to God to be alive and well, no matter what the circumstances are at any given time. Thankful to a family, whom I've feared would abandon me (trust me --- there were a lot of jokes), who support me even if it's in their own way. Thankful to friends who have come in and out of my life periodically but remain good friends. Thankful for a fiance, my love and the bestest friend I have, who loves me and teaches me to be a better person each day without using pressure or shame. Thankful for the people, the acquaintances, the cashier at the supermarket who always flashes me a smile, the man that greets me in the morning with a parking pass for Mass, the little kids who scream and make my life hell but cuddle up next to me when they're tired, my dog who never ceases to present me with a laugh --- to a car that works, a place to stay, food to eat, a bed to sleep.

Even my gratitude is limited when I start reflecting on myself and my own issues, but I try and I remember all the blessings that I have in my life, to let go of the anger and the pain that has crippled me so far in life, to be happy that I am where I am despite wherever it is I want to be --- it will come. And only God knows that's in store for me, and I should patiently wait.

I know I'll find myself cursing one thing or another, perhaps as soon as I sign off on this posting. But at least, if I think about what it is I'm doing, then there is a chance to change it.

Maybe I am prideful. Maybe I'm not. I won't focus on it. Maybe I'm humble. Maybe I'm not. I won't focus on it. Instead, I'll be full of gratitude, and thankful.

Thank you all for reading.

On the Dot

2013-01-19T02:35:00.001-08:00

I've been wedding dress shopping. Well, by that I mean wedding, dress shopping. I've somehow stumbled at that ripe age where it's acceptable to be engaged (my mom tells me that I'm old) and most of the girls I've grown up with are engaged or already married. It's quite an exciting time, actually, especially if you're attending weddings of girls you grew up with --- I've always wondered what kind of man each person would end up marrying.

Anyway, I've been looking for a new dress. One of my best friends from grade school is having a Friday wedding reception and it's going to be an Indian wedding. She called me and let me know that I could borrow one of her saris for the event, but I'd feel a little self-conscious wearing one although I find them absolutely breathtaking and beautiful. I just don't think I could ever pull it off but I wouldn't mind admiring them the whole evening!

I despise clothes shopping --- there's something about being in front of a brightly lit dressing room that accentuates every flaw and flab I have on my body. Thanks to my gym being situated in an outdoor mall, I've walked by countless stores and noticed that many of the dresses out on the racks nowadays are ridiculously short. I haven't dared to try any on yet, but that will have to come soon.

I'm partial to polka dot print, and so I had a little bit of fun on Modcloth.

1. Heart Will Go On 2. Pennsylvania Polka Dot 3. My Favorite Macaron 4. Milkshake Things Up 5. Refine Mint 6. Too Much Fun in Blue 7. Could Come in Candy 8. Come On Indigo

The dilemma is in choosing a dress that is not too casual but not too dressy either. I've already taken a peek and the reception venue looks gorgeous in the photos they offer on the venue's website. It'll be in Los Angeles too, which means beating traffic and driving home late will be difficult, but I'm looking forward to it!

My favorite is number three --- perhaps with a blazer and some jewelry, I think it'll lessen the cutesy pink look. I'll need to figure out a way to curl my hair so that it doesn't look like a four year old did it, though.

Of those, what would be your pick?

Inner Peace

2013-01-18T14:44:00.002-08:00

On my way to the gym the other day after work, I called my dad to catch up. He spent a while in the ER the previous day getting tests done ruling out complications associated with his pacemaker.

My parents ask me how I'm doing. They're parents, so they will always do that, you know? They ask me if I've eaten, they ask me if I have enough money to spend, they ask me about graduate school, and they ask me about the Polish boy. Always in that order, though the Polish boy is a recent addition. They ask a lot of questions --- and, well, the current state of things are always the same, but I think it helps ease their mind to know we've kept up.

They ask me if it's cold down here in San Diego, and when I tell them the temperature they love to one-up me and tell me that it's ten degrees colder there. I tell them how one night, I slept with a sweatshirt on over my pajamas and used three blankets and my fluffy robe on top and I was still freezing. They tell me I'm too skinny now. My mom laughs and she says that she just invades my dad's space in bed and she never gets cold, and the way for me to not freeze anymore is to eat meat again.

I sigh. They always bring this up.

My parents have this obsession about my vegetarian lifestyle. It's been four years and I haven't lost any weight, nor have I keeled over and died due to the hole I'm supposedly burning in my stomach. In the summer, they tell me that I'm too dark because I'm vegetarian, and in the fall when my tan is fading away they tell me my skin is sallow, and the winter I'm white because there is no meat in my diet.

It's a losing fight.

My dad tells me that when I fly home next month, he'll buy two big huge crabs for me to eat. I'll get stronger, he says, and when I ask why I'll get stronger from eating crabs the answer is because crabs are strong. When he was sick in the hospital, I remembered how there were steamed crabs on the table some nights. Through rough translation, he told me that by eating crab, it would help him walk sideways (as a crab does). I saw it as another 'ism' in the Asian culture that I don't understand.

Though after he mentions the crabs ability to give me strength, I tell him that curiously enough, I'm headed to the gym. That's where I can get my strength, and he scoffs.

Crabs are symbolized with cycles, trust, emotion, protection, regeneration, and transformation. In the Chinese language, the word for "crab" is similar for the word for "harmony." Crabs are often associated for their hard, protective shells but soft underbellies. When a crab walks sideways, it helps them move along the ocean waves so as to not fight the waves that are crashing back and forth. It symbolizes not all paths in life are direct.

I tell my dad that rather than look out for me, he can have all the crabs to himself so that he can get stronger and he could continue to walk sideways. I start and finish my workout, go home and shower, fix myself something to eat and then the cycle continues.

I've been thinking about this quote a lot by the Dalai Lama. How frustrating it is to be guarding and protecting the things you hold onto the most. How --- especially those closest to you --- should love you and shelter you the most, but that is hardly the case sometimes and they're your most voiced opponents. It would be so easy if they could accept you as you are ... because it feels as if they don't accept you unconditionally, then who will?

And most importantly, no matter how someone treats you, does that automatically influence the way that you treat them? Can you love them just the same? It would be such a blessing not to take to heart the things that some people say to us. I don't mean to give up our gift and ability to feel, to empathize or sympathize, or to be happy but to be able to feel more grounded in ourselves (and the love of God) to not be swayed by ocean waves or strong currents.

This is what I try to do every single day.

By the way, I was born on July 22nd, meaning that at the time I was born, the sun was in the constellation Cancer, which is latin for "crab" --- but I don't think my dad would ever understand.

Shine Like a Star

2013-01-17T06:18:00.000-08:00

So, I've become obsessed with something.

My friend Jessica told me about a cleaning solution that her jeweler gave her when she got her engagement ring, and she shared it with me --- the name, not the bottle --- and I was instantly intrigued. Amazon has raving reviews on this product and the best thing of all? It's dirt cheap and makes your jewelry sparkle!

I don't wear jewelry, usually, and maybe it's because I grew up in an old school Asian family. Instead of the barbies and tamagotchis I wanted as a little girl, I usually received chunky gold jewelry from my parents along with the story of countless relatives who used their gold jewelry to flee from civilian wars and troubled times. One day, I'd appreciate it, they said. I'm still waiting for that day to come.

When I turned 21, my parents gave me the thickest gold necklace with a flat square pendant featuring a rabbit on one side and the Chinese character for rabbit on the other. I could vouch that with my current neck issues, if I wore that bad boy nowadays I'd probably fall straight to the floor. I wore it once --- on the said birthday --- and it's been sitting in my jewelry box ever since. It just doesn't make sense for me to own something valuable that I won't ever use, you know?

Besides, I'm more of a silver or white gold person anyway!

Apart from my engagement ring, the only other piece of jewelry I wear frequently is the Tiffany & Co. open heart pendant that I received from the Polish boy for Christmas the year before. It never comes off, except for the time the chain broke and I had to get it repaired, but it stays with me through the gym sessions and the daily showers. You can imagine how gross it is by now, after not having it professionally cleaned since I got it back.

Anyway, I bought the Connoisseur's jewelry cleaner for precious stones, gold, diamonds and platinum and tried it with my ring. It's very easy to use, and it all took less than a minute to do. The jar comes with 8 oz of cleaning solution along with a plastic "basket" (the white object pictured above) that holds your jewelry as it is submerged in the cleaning solution. You simply drop your jewelry in the basket, let it sit for about 30 seconds, and then pull it out. Rinse it under some warm water in the sink and pat it dry, and your jewelry sparkles as if it's out to blind everyone.

Also, you have the option of using the brush to clean out the gunk from the small spaces in your ring that can be difficult to clean. Give it a quick scrub after you pull it out of the solution and before rinsing.

Voila! Looks good as new. It's silly, I know, as mine is practically new but I couldn't help but clean it. So far I've fought the temptation to clean it everyday since it is so quick and painless, but a once-a-month cleaning sounds reasonable, don't you think?

PROS:

Affordable! It's less than $10 on Amazon, and I even found it at Target for $5. This is especially good since you don't have to take your jewelry to get professionally cleaned so often.
Quick and easy process! Thirty seconds in the solution, twenty seconds taking it out, rinsing, and patting it dry. All less than a minute! Love the use of the basket and brush that is included as well.
Solution would last forever. I read reviews from some women who've had the same jar for years. That's not something I recommend but I can absolutely see why that's the case. Since you are dipping the jewelry in, not much is taken out unless you wash frequently and use it on a high volume of jewelry.

CONS:

This could be a fun spill if I decide to be clumsy and knock it over. The jar isn't too big and the solution is nearly at the top when first purchased, so accidents may happen.

Honestly, I can't think of anything else! I'm dying to try the silver cleaning solution to take that dull away from my Elsa Peretti necklace, but I hear it stinks and so I can make do without for the time being. I figure anyone who gets close enough to examine the necklace would probably get a nice slap across the face anyhow!

I just thought this product was fantastic and had to share! I am not open for reviews, unless it's to review a million dollars --- just let me know where I need to sign up for that one. I'm willing to sacrifice the time for that!

Cups of Tea

2013-01-16T14:45:00.004-08:00

This is what I like to call one of my "daily random" posts --- an amalgamation of different thoughts that could be written out in an individual post, but I'm not being paid to bore you. I kinda wish I was. So here we go.

Daily Randoms

I didn't get out of bed until 1:45PM today. I just don't feel well. Curiously enough, I woke up at 6AM from a phone call with my love and felt like the day was off to a great start. Somehow, I didn't have it in me to get up and get ready for the day and although I have a laundry list of things to do, the only pertinent thing I had was work and I had to promise myself a cup of tea, and in order to have it, I had to get out of bed. Silly me.
No packing done. Everything is still in a disarray. I'm screwed. At this point I should just pick up a box of trash bags and hope I don't scoop up my roommate's kittens in there as well.
I think life has a poignant way of showing you things. Warning signs are there, if only you were willing to see them. The funny thing is that people often misconstrue these signs as dangerous, but in fact they could not be any more beneficial. Signs of a bad relationship? GTFO! Getting sick often? Maybe you need to change your eating and lifestyle habits. Your car is making bad noises? Get that fixed, son.
A lot of exciting things to come in the next few months. I view myself as an observer --- the kind of person who watches others grow in their life but find it difficult to translate that growth in their own. Sure, life is interesting, but I think that's just inherent in my nature that rather than wishing I were the one who was traveling the world or starting a family, I'm interested in how others are doing it.
Baby fever. The little ten month old girl has captured my heart now that her personality has started to show beyond her baby-ness (the drooling, the ferocious teething, and the poopy diapers). She cuddles up to me as a source of comfort and everything I do makes her laugh; you know that when a baby laughs it comes from everything they have in their tiny little bodies and it just melts you even more. It seems that a number of people are pregnant or have had their babies recently!
I've used the next few days off to plan doing laundry. This is pathetic. San Diego has been bitterly cold lately and I can't stand going out in the mornings or evenings with baskets of laundry. I've always boasted being a farmer's daughter but sheesh, I've been weak lately and I don't want to tumble down 80 steps (3 flights of stairs) just to get to the laundry unit in my apartment building.
I am lucky to be loved by those who love me, and I am lucky for the capacity to love.
Wait, how the hell is it already January 16th?
I cannot wait to be married --- yesterday I asked a high school friend whose wedding is in September whether she had her wedding dress picked out or not. She did, and mentioned how that is a big moment where the whole "Oh my goodness, I'm getting married!" appears. Yet honestly, I don't feel as if I could care that much. I think it would be a signal of "Oh my goodness I'm going to have a wedding" but anyone can have a wedding. A white dress next to a suit and tie is incomparable to the collective moments I have spent next to the Polish boy, and I realize I want that so much more than a beautiful wedding. In the past, I've admitted to him that there were days where I'd wake up and wish that we were already in that state --- married --- and that all the logistics and in-betweens were gone, because in a way they don't matter. But I have to be realistic. There's a reason I haven't moved to Illinois yet, a big feeling of intuition that tells me that we/I should wait. If we could only fast forward our lives to when we're successful and happy! So I bite my tongue, and try to cherish each day.

My tea is done. I have fifteen minutes to get ready for work. Would you share your random thoughts?

A Quote for the Day

2013-01-15T02:26:00.001-08:00

As far as quotes go, for this one, I'm guilty as charged.

It's not so much of a surprise that this happens. After all, we know love to be as we have experienced it.

Valentine's Day Activities and Gift Ideas

2013-01-14T23:00:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day is coming up! If there were any chance that I'd forget, stores like Target and Michael's would have been there in a heartbeat to remind me since immediately after Christmas ended, there were rows of heart-shaped frames and kitchen towels out on display. And oh gosh, the candy. Why do they torture us? First Halloween, then Christmas, and now Valentine's Day.

I bet there are quite a few people out there who are frantically searching for cute ideas and gift ideas for your significant others. Last year, I searched a long while to come up with 365 unique activities to do with the Polish boy, and put them all on a book for us to check off.

In another post, I'll show you how I put the book together and designed it to be like a scrapbook. The first pages listed the activities, and the pages afterwards detailed some of the activities being done or the date that they were completed.

Here are some activities that you can plan for the sweetheart in your life! And hey, there's no discrimination, you can also do these activities with your friends and treat it as a get together. In my eyes, the typical Valentine's day is spent at a restaurant eating their special Valentine's day menu with fifty million other people who are doing the same thing. Why not make it a little more unique?

Plan a night in and cook a meal together. The Polish boy and I did this last year. We had thought about a number of things we could do, like one of the beautiful dinner cruises here in San Diego, but in the end we decided against it. We stayed in, made a special dinner together, and afterwards we curled up next to each other while going through the gift I made him for Valentine's day. It was honestly a meaningful and memorable thing than going out to dinner and making a big fuss about it.
Pack a picnic basket with finger foods and a place with a killer view. The Polish boy and I have had our fair share of impromptu and clandestine picnics. We always include our favorite things to have --- some pasta salad, caprese sandwiches, fruit and veggies with dip, cheese and crackers, and fresh made lemonade or our favorite Martinelli's.
An all day outing around town. Valentine's day falls on a weekday this year, so it makes it harder to do this. An IOU also works as it's near enough to the weekend. Have you ever fully explored your city or town? Chances are there are a number of things that you might have missed, or even neighboring cities might have something fun to offer. The key is spending time and not spending money, and so simply going on an adventure locally is just as memorable (if not more) than dinner at a restaurant.
Do activities together. This is so simple --- do a workout at the gym. Paint/glaze pieces of pottery at the ceramic cafe. Go bowling. Play a few games of tennis or go for a run. Go to the zoo. What are your favorite things to do with your significant other? Our lives often get really busy, and so doing them in a special way can be a great activity to do with them on Valentine's day. It really makes the day about both of you rather than some silly commercialized holiday.

And gifts. The flowers and chocolates thing? Overplayed! The date coupon book? It's been done.

Gift basket of their favorite things, or baked goods and trinkets that your significant other likes. Be mindful that quality over quantity wins here as well. It's better to get good items that your significant other appreciates or has a certain affinity for rather than a bunch of stuff he/she might like.
Personalized scrapbook or CD. I don't think Valentine's Day qualifies as a day where one receives presents like they do on Christmas or their birthday, so gifts that are personalized to the couple or the significant other are completely welcome. Some people think "handmade" is cheap or tacky, but it could not be less true, as the time plus materials usually exceeds the cost of something else. Also, places like Shutterfly sometimes offers free photo books (I have a coupon sitting in my email box for it, if anyone wants it!) and it only costs about $8 for shipping.
Bucket list or activity books. As I mentioned before, I made a book with 365 activities that I wanted to do and they were tailored to my relationship with the Polish boy, but you can definitely make your own as well! What kinds of things do you and your significant other like to do? What do you wish you could do, especially with them? Creating this list is a fun thing to do and it also shows you look forward to spending time with them.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to share now as that's what I've done in the past. The trick this year is to show the Polish boy how much I appreciate him although we are two thousand miles apart! It's a whole different dynamic of course, as the premise of spending time with each other is completely out, but it can be done!

If you're looking for some activity ideas, here are a few (20) that I've picked out of our book at random.

Feed ducks at the lake. (12)
Make pizza from scratch. (29)
Sign up for a charity walk or run a 5K together. (13)
Fly a kite. (61)
Take photobooth pictures. (121)
Lay on the grass and count how many airplanes fly by in an hour. (158)
Rent bikes and ride them along the beach. (84)
Write messages in the sand. (227)
Explore a cave together. (214)
Split a decadent dessert at a new restaurant. (237)
Spell a message out with rocks. (244)
Watch an old favorite cartoon. (260)
Have a pancake breakfast. (251)
Jump and play in a huge pile of leaves. (269)
Ride a ferris wheel together. (285)
Drive down a long, windy road. (305)
Hide a love note in their pocket. (308)
Eat pie on March 14th a.k.a PI DAY! 3.14 (314)
Have a tickle fight. (332)
Explore a different city. (359)

The idea isn't to have something completely new or exciting, but to do things together!

Happy Friday

2013-01-11T12:02:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to first a dark, overripe avocado and second a burnt piece of toast. I vowed to make it my best day yet. It's Friday, how can you be sad?

I did a little desk reorganizing. One of the other research assistants in the lab told me about how simple things in the morning can lift up your mood. Some things such as making your bed in the morning or boiling water for a cup of tea can make all of the difference, and I can clearly vouch for that. I can't say that the rest of my place is organized --- it will all have to be boxed up in the next week or two, and I'll finally have my chance to purge many of the things I've *ahem* collected over time, but for now I have my little desk space neat and tidy.

If you can see in the back, I have my instant film pictures framed. They were like this before:

And with a little trip to Michael's, about two hours sprawled across the floor of both the frame and scrapbooking paper aisles, a hedon's amount of double-sided tape, and twenty minutes of embarrassingly crude measurements with a ruler --- voila!

It isn't the most original, but for three bucks out the door, I love it. It's only hanging above my desk temporarily until I find a new, suitable place for it but I thought it fitting nonetheless. The gimmick with an instant film camera (the one I have is the Fujifilm Instax Mini 7S) is that there is only one of those pictures --- there are no negatives or digital copies, and I suppose you can cheat and scan a photo if it makes you look particularly ravishing, but otherwise it's unique.

Anyway, I'm off to put some order to my room and if I'm lucky, the bed will be made and my mountain pile of laundry won't topple over. Then it's off to the gym, back for a shower, and then off to work. A lot of the detox symptoms have subsided for now, and so it's going to be a beautiful day.

What are your plans for the weekend? How are you spending your Friday?

Yesterday, I got to see a family that I've known since I moved here to attend college. They moved to Northern California in June and it was sad to see them go because they were honestly the best. Their daughter was 15 months when I met them, and now their second child is nearly at the same age. It's heartwarming to know that the connections you make don't automatically disappear just because one party or the other no longer remain in semi-frequent contact.

As for me, I'm still working this weekend but I've pulled out this project to work on once again. Can you guess the inspiration? I'll dig out my 365 things book that I made for the Polish boy and I and publish the list as well.

By the way, the blanket is a reversible crochet pattern called the Sweetheart Ripple Afghan. One side is a pattern made with hearts, and when you flip it around, you get this:

A ripple pattern! The blanket is reversible --- I loved it as soon as I first saw it.

Happy Friday!