The Girl Who Loves Horror

Review: Masters of Horror: Family (2006)

2012-01-28T15:05:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've found another Masters of Horror episode that I love! Family is getting moved quite close to the top of the list of the best ones. It was quirky and fun, with a fantastic story and some great acting by (almost) all involved. It's fairly campy and has the sadistic black humor of a Tales from the Crypt episode but it's all done extremely well and makes for a fun hour of horror.

Harold Thompson is a robust, lovable but lonely serial killer who kidnaps and murders people to make them a part of his "family." When a young couple, David and Celia, move into the neighborhood, Harold takes to the young woman and wants to make her his new wife - not knowing that these two might have something up their sleeves as well.

The "Master" behind this tale is John Landis, who is another director that was kind of an odd choice for this series because his claim to horror fame basically consists only of An American Werewolf in London (and maybe Michael Jackson's Thriller video). But I think Family was the perfect choice for this guy because it shows his immense talent at satire and dark comedy. This episode could easily become a feature-length film which I no doubt would enjoy just as much as this hour-long awesomeness.

So right off the bat, we know what's going on with Harold - that he's a serial killer and all - with the great opening sequence going from the perfect little American neighborhood into the perfect little American house, with it's cute and clean decor and an upbeat Jesus-y song playing... then down into the basement where Harold is up to some nasty business.

You see, Harold has got a bit of a Norman Bates thing going on with what he does with his murder victims. He has this whole elaborate routine where he burns the flesh away from the body with acid, bleaches the bones, then puts the skeletons back together and dresses them up. They hang out in one room of Harold's house that looks like a Leave It To Beaver living room and seem very alive to Harold, as he can easily carry on conversations (and arguments) with them. These scenes with Harold's family were hilarious to watch, probably more so when they make it look like the skeletons are talking than when they bring in real people to act out Harold's hallucinations.

Celia and David also seem like the dream couple. They're young and successful, making a cushy life for themselves in the Midwest so that they can start a family and be even more disgustingly happy. Sure, they seem to have had some rough patches in the past but they've obviously moved on. Harold is attracted to Celia almost right away (he has some funny hallucinations of her saying stuff like how she's not sexually satisfied with David and how she wants to, uh... orally copulate Harold) because he thinks he'd be a better husband for her than David.

All this plays out in a wickedly funny fashion, interspersed with some brilliant scenes of Harold both getting new members added to his family and getting rid of one to make room for another, i.e. Celia. George Wendt plays this character almost perfectly as he becomes the most likable and charming serial killer I've ever seen portrayed. And he's not charming in the creepy way that most actors play bad guys. He's charming in the way that, when he's normal, he's just a really nice guy. Not standoffish or creepy or pervy at all. He's not good-looking or hot, but rather is like the guy you talk to at the bank or meet in the line at the grocery store. Completely nice and trust-worthy.

I can't say that I completely expected the twist ending, but I knew that there was something going on with David and Celia, I just couldn't figure out what it was. Celia was way too bubbly and upbeat around Harold, even though there did seem to be something else brewing behind her eyes, especially in the scene when she tells Harold that they had a daughter who died of cancer. And while Meredith Monroe delivered a surprisingly excellent performance as Celia, Matt Keeslar as David was a bit of a disappointing, as he often seemed very fake. Although, in retrospect, I guess that could have just been his character's apprehensiveness about what he was going to do.

Also in retrospect, I'm wondering if Celia and David actually planned everything they did from the moment they moved in. Was hitting Harold's mailbox part of their plan to get close to him? If it was, then that could have messed things up because it could have caused bad blood between them and Harold. Anyway. Another thing I wasn't too keen on was that one effects shot of Harold pouring the acid on Grandpa's head. While on the one hand it was awesome to see this effect in full view without cutting away, it was disappointing that the CGI was so obvious (do I complain too much about "obvious CGI" on here? Maybe I should make it a new label so you guys know to stay away from those particular posts). Then again, this melting-people effect is one of my favorite/most hated way to see someone die in a movie because seeing melting flesh kind of makes me want to vomit. Strangely, that is a big compliment for horror films, so there you go.

Family is another one of the few highlights I've discovered in the jumbled mess of episodes in the Masters of Horror series. Though the horror part is fairly minimal, I think fans will still enjoy the wicked sense of humor and appreciate the effort put forth by the main actors who make this episode a must-see.

Michele is in Resident Evil Heaven

2012-01-24T13:29:00.000-06:00

In the general definition of the term, I'm a gamer. I enjoy wasting a few hours here and there in front of my PS3, but my problem is that I'm a very picky gamer. I only like third person shooters, and nothing fantasy like dragons or magic or stuff like that. To give you an idea, the only games I still own right now are The Godfather 1 and 2, Red Dead Redemption, The Tomb Raider Trilogy, Resident Evil 4 and 5, and Uncharted 1, 2, and 3. See? The same games over and over. But I'm cool with that because I love all these games and they are exactly what I want out of my gaming experience.

Why does this matter? Because 2012 is turning out to be one freaking amazing year for one of my favorite, and one of the most popular, video game series - Resident Evil. So far there are three new RE games coming out this year alone, which is an amazing treat for fans since it has been 3 years since RE5 came out. I loved RE5 myself but most fans were unimpressed because the game was mostly just an adventure/shooter and seemed to do away with the scare factor that helped make the series a hit in the first place. Well, as previously mentioned, this year Capcom has three chances to make things right with fans with one minor and two major game releases.

Resident Evil Revelations

Platform(s): Nintendo 3DS

Release Date: February 7, 2012

Not much interest in this game for me since it is exclusive to the 3DS, but I'd be interested to see how it would play out on the new platform. The gameplay is similar to RE4 and RE5 and the story centers around RE favorites Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine. Plus from what I can tell from the descriptions, the setting seems like it's going to be much different, as it takes place on a cruise liner and not some desolate, isolated landscape.

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

Platform(s): Windows, PS3, XBox 360

Release Date: March 20, 2012

This one sounds the most interesting as the gameplay seems completely different than what I've played before and will be a fun change from previous RE games. Players actually get to be the bad guys in this game and the story takes us all the way back to almost the very beginning of the game, right back to the outbreak of the T virus in Raccoon City. I never got to play the original games so I'm so stoked about this! Players can also vastly change the outcome of the storyline depending on what decisions they make, and they can also choose to become infected by the virus as a strategy for helping to complete the mission.

Resident Evil 6

Platform(s): PS3, Xbox 360, Windows

Release Date: November 20, 2012

What a glorious surprise! The big boys kept a tight lid on the development of this game, so I never even knew that Resident Evil 6 was a possibility until I got slapped in the face with the amazing game trailer that was released just a few days ago on January 19. I admit I was happy enough with the news of Operation Raccoon City, but I am a helluva lot more excited for RE6! The trailer is (as I described it on another person's site) pretty much orgasmic, Leon Kennedy and Chris Redfield are back, and it looks to be the same kind of gameplay that I have come to know and love from this series. The only downside is the 10 month wait until I can get this piece of awesome in my hands!

Resident Evil: Retribution

Release Date: September 14, 2012

And to put the cherry on top of the Year of Resident Evil, the fifth movie installment of the series is also coming out in 2012! However, my liking of the franchise slowly dwindled after the first film, so I can't say I have high hopes for this movie yet. The story sounds interesting, though. We get to find out more about Alice's past, seemingly before her involvement with Umbrella from that one shot of her on a street with a kid, along with continuing the storyline presented in the last movie. Ada Wong, Leon Kennedy, Albert Wesker, and Jill Valentine will also all appear in the movie as Alice travels the world trying to put an end to the zombie madness. The zombies in the film will also be the Las Plagas parasites, which appeared in the RE4 game, so those effects should be at least fun to watch. As for the 3D... no thanks!

With all these RE goodies, I think this will be a bitchin' year.

Weekly Movie Roundup: 1-15-12 to 1-21-12

2012-01-21T17:06:00.000-06:00

Bad Teacher (2011)
I'm seriously digging on Cameron Diaz after watching Bad Teacher. With this and The Sweetest Thing, it's not a stretch to call Diaz pretty much a comedic genius. This role was perfect for her and she plays it without fear and just goes balls out. The movie was so much more funny and raunchy than I expected, because really all I was expecting was a stupid comedy about a bad teacher who probably turns good at the end, you know? Not at all what I got! There's f-bombs and sex jokes and pot smoking and it was all hilarious - no joke. I've also had to admit in recent years that Justin Timberlake is actually NOT a horrible actor - I at least like him better in movies than that other thing he does. So I would definitely recommend Bad Teacher if you guys are looking for a good ol' dirty comedy - would also recommend that you keep the kids out of the room while you watch it!

House on the Edge of the Park (1980)

Okay, um... WOW. This movie was rather... interesting? Weird? Disturbing? Stupid? I really haven't quite decided yet. David Hess (R.I.P.) is playing the same character that he did in Last House on the Left except he's changed his name to Alex and gotten himself a simple-minded friend to boss around. They go to some rich people's house for a party and hold them hostage and torment them for a while, but it was so frustrating and retarded because the victims never once acted liked they were scared or even the least bit concerned about anything that was happening to them! Sure, you learn the reason for all that at the end, but come on. The first two-thirds of the film is so unbelievable that watching this movie for the first time is akin to actually being tortured yourself. I know lots of people defend this movie and find hidden meaning in it or whatever, but this one is going to have to stew for a bit before I get there. Did love the Cillian Murphy look-alike, though.

That Thing You Do! (1996)
So I've got this movie pretty much memorized by now, but when I saw it was available for streaming on Netflix while I was perusing around the other day, I couldn't help but immediately start watching it again. It's so good, you guys! It's that feel-good movie that says that dreams really can come true and, short-lived or not, that's a good feeling to have. It's a love story, it's a comedy (Steve Zahn really shines here and Ethan Embry in the background is just genius), and it's a freaking musical with some songs that are so "snappy" that they just put you in the best mood you've been in all year. Am I praising this movie too much? Who cares! I completely love it. And yes, I totally purchased the soundtrack when it first came out, you better believe it.

Megan Is Missing (2011)

This film takes a little bit of a different approach to the found footage genre, in that the story of two teen best friends that go missing weeks apart is told through the use of web cam footage, personal video footage, and fake news reports. This film is quite graphic not only in the last part of the film that shows what happened to the girls but also in its depiction of teen sex, partying, drinking, etc. It reminded me a bit of Kids, a movie that made me want to jump into the screen and beat the snot out of every one of those dipshits in the movie. Megan Is Missing is supposed to be a (yet another) cautionary tale for kids and parents alike about the dangers of the internet, but should the movie be lauded or condemned for going perhaps too far? Those pictures of Megan were pretty fucking messed up, I'll give them that. I might have more to say on this movie in the future, but for right now I'd say this one might be worth a look because it is rather interesting and different.

Tomb Raider Trilogy

Now is as good a time as any to declare my love for Lara Croft. I have already played and beaten all of these games several times but when I saw that I could get Legend and Anniversary AND Underworld (which I traded in several months ago) in one game for 30 bucks, I figured I should get my raid on again. Gaming in general takes up so much time that even though I love it, I hardly ever do it, but Tomb Raider is my kind of game! Third person shooter, puzzles, climbing about on things, and using your brain (or in my case, cheating and reading walkthroughs)... it's all here in all three of these games. They don't have much replay value and they're not terribly exciting or enthralling, but the graphics are awesome, the locales are beautiful, the puzzles are elaborate, and Lara Croft is hot. What more do you want?

Review: Masters of Horror: Right to Die (2007)

2012-01-19T18:13:00.000-06:00

Director Rob Schmidt could hardly be called a "Master of Horror" at the time that he directed Right to Die because he only had one horror film under his belt. But seeing as how that one horror film was one of my favorites of all time, Wrong Turn, I was excited to see what he could do with this episode. Truthfully, I had been majorly disappointed by most of the Masters of Horror episodes so I stopped seeking them out after a while. However, since they're only an hour long I gave this one a shot the other day and I'm glad to say that this is one of the better ones.

After his wife Abby is left badly burned and in a coma after a car accident, Cliff Addison has to make the horrible decision of whether or not to "pull his plug" on her. The problem is that every time Abby flatlines, she visits Cliff in the most awful ways, hellbent on revenge for recent slights committed against her. Cliff then has to figure out a way to keep Abby alive, or risk becoming one of her victims himself.

The first thing that attracts me to this episode is that the plot is one of the most creative I've seen in a while. It is essential a ghost story (do you know what I'm going to say here?) and I loves me some ghosts, so I was impressed with the unique perspective they took on the typical ghost or haunting story. Abby basically has one foot in the grave with how nasty burned up she is, and whenever she "dies" in the hospital, she takes the opportunity to get back at her husband. The visits last only as long as it takes for the doctors to revive her. I really thought that was genius, especially when you consider Cliff's dilemma - it'll solve all his problems if she dies, but her spirit will mostly kill him if she dies, as well.

One place that the Masters of Horror have never disappointed me on is the gore factor and Right to Die has got some great gore moments. I have a pretty severe fear of being burned by fire so this episode did absolutely nothing to alleviate that. Abby has been burned basically over 100% of her body so she's bandaged head to toe but when she visits Cliff's mistress, Trish, and his sleazy lawyer (Corbin Bernsen rules) she is gored-out and bloody and oozy and I was very uncomfortable. But that scene where she's propped up on the table and the doctors are doing something like removing skin or whatever? YEESH. That was disgusting. Oh, and you know how when you pull a slice of pizza out of the pie and the cheese gets all gooey and sticks to the edges? Yeah, that's what it looked when the doctors use the defibrillator paddles on Abby while trying to resuscitate her.

The climactic scene comes when Cliff learns that the doctors only have a few hours to save Abby using skin grafts and they need a donor. Cliff finds a donor himself in the slutty Trish girl and proceeds to tie her down, dose her with laughing gas, and skin her alive - because, of course, the skin has to be fresh. The makeup effects here, and really throughout the whole episode, was very impressive and seamless. Everything is shown in all its bloody glory with nothing left to the imagination and it was fantastic. High five to those guys at KNB because they really know their shit.

By the end of the episode, I couldn't help but be on Abby's side. Sure she's kind of a vengeful bitch, but when the truth about what happened to her is revealed, you realize that Cliff has gotten off easy for all the things he has done. He had an affair, basically murdered his wife, and though he shows remorse for it all, his reasons for wanting to save her are completely selfish. At the end, when Abby has finally died (for good), Cliff walks through the front door where his wife's ghost is waiting for him and apparently takes his punishment. I was expecting a more bloody end for Cliff with a big climactic battle with Abby's ghost but this ending was so much more effective. You don't really have to see what happens to Cliff to know that he is pretty much fucked in the hands of the woman he betrayed and killed.

Schmidt definitely has some talent in the horror genre with this and Wrong Turn, so I would be more than happy to check out anything else he has to offer. Right to Die had a great story and was delightfully and disgustingly gory. Gives me hope for some of the other episodes I'm still catching up on.

Movie Review: Night of the Creeps (1986)

2012-01-18T18:30:00.000-06:00

Oh, joy! Another 80s horror classic! Did I love this one as much as most of the others I've watched while to play catch-up? Hell yes, I did! Night of the Creeps has again made me think that I've just been wasting my time with all the other shit that I've been watching lately and that I need to get my hands on more classics like this.

Night of the creepy plot (that's terrible I know): Two college friends, Chris and J.C., inadvertently release slug-like aliens onto their campus when they unthaw an infected man who has been cryogenically frozen since the fifties. Now with the help of a sorority girl that Chris is crushing on and an aging, cynical detective, they have to stop the slugs from infecting their friends before the whole campus turns into murderous zombies.

The thing I loved the most about Night of the Creeps is that it is a B movie, and it loves the fact that it is a B movie. In fact, it is quite clear that this is a B movie that actually strives to be the best B movie it can freaking be. This is evident in the first scene (well, the scene after the weird little wrinkly aliens are running around) which takes place in 1959 when the alien slugs first come to Earth and attack a boy out on a date with his girl. This part is shot in black and white and looks like the most cliche 50s drive-in movies ever. There are sweaters, ponytails, and words like "dreamy" and "neato," plus the main guy in this story is named Johnny, just like every other hunky stud was named in the 50s, apparently.

Flash-forwarding to the present (well, 1986) and we meet the two dorks Chris and his unexplainably handicapped friend J.C. One minute into this scene with these two and I knew I was going to love the rest of the movie. From Chris's line, "Her! The vision, the angel, the goddess!" to J.C.'s seemingly unending tirade of one-liners, this movie isn't just 80s awesomeness, it is actually well-written and entertaining all the way through and the actors are surprisingly good. Some of the dialogue might be intentionally cheesy and ridiculous but the way that the actors delivered them made it all highly enjoyable.

There are several elements of the horror genre alive and at work here in Night of the Creeps. It's a little bit sci-fi, a little bit creature feature, a lot horror-comedy, and even a little slasher at times. The final battle with the slugs also reminded me a little bit of Carrie, as it takes place on the night of the school dance and all the college kids are dressed up in formal wear. The gore was a little disappointing but there definitely a few great moments - zombie cats and dogs are definitely included in that!

And here again we have another movie that decided to show its horror chops by naming several characters after famous horror film directors. Cronenberg, Romero, Cameron, Miner, Raimi, Landis, Dante and DePalma are all in there, plus a double whammy since J.C.'s full name is James Carpenter Hooper. Perhaps in a future homage-y movie and somebody wants to do the same thing, they can include director Fred Dekker's name in there as well. Although he only has a few titles under his belt as the big cheese of the movie, Night of the Creeps and The Monster Squad are enough for me to believe that this guy deserves a bit of recognition.

The characters are awesome. The 'Thrill Me' detective, Chris and J.C. are all hilarious and even the blonde-coiffed dickhead Brad is not as bad as he could have been. Cindy was not your typical girl-in-peril, which I liked very much. She put on that flamethrower and gave it to the alien-infected zombies with all she was worth.

This was quite a strange little movie but I'm always up for a movie that seems to love itself and what it is and Night of the Creeps is that kind of movie. Fun and entertainment are not far off with this gem so run to see it if you haven't yet! Though most of you probably have... I'm always the late bloomer.

Weekly Movie Roundup: 1-8-12 to 1-14-12

2012-01-14T11:55:00.000-06:00

The Countess (2009)
Hungarian Countess Erzebet Bathory is either one of the most prolific serial killers of all time - or not. Many tales have been told about Erzebet supposedly bathing in the blood of virgins to keep her youthful looks, but this 2009 psychological drama seems to be a more accurate portrayal of Erzebet's life and psyche. She falls in love with much younger man after her husband's death, but when her enemies conspire to keep them apart, she becomes depressed and consumed with a desire to look younger. Julie Delpy portrays Erzebet in this wonderful movie and directed it as well. Although not as interesting in the bloody sense (there are no literal "blood bath" scenes, just Bathory dabbing blood on her face with a cloth) I enjoyed this movie from a historical perspective. The sets and costuming are spectacular to look at and Delpy's performance and directorial efforts show quite a talent that I didn't know she had.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011)

Gosh darn, was this movie one of the biggest disappointments ever or what?! I was bored out of my mind the whole time I was watching this, looking for other stuff to do and not believing that this movie could be so ineffective and dull. And stupid! I didn't know anything about the plot really before I saw it and when the creatures were revealed, I just had about had it. Little mean tooth fairy creatures? Really? Sorry, I'm just not into it. The house was beautiful and it was the perfect setting for a spooky film, but apparently this wasn't the right film. The acting from Katie Holmes, Guy Pearce and the little girl (who was great in this one episode of Law and Order: SVU) was fine and they did the best they could. The movie lacks serious scares and with that it also lacks a scary or believable villain.

Dead and Buried (1981)
One of the only good movies I watched this week, along with The Countess. My full review can be found here, but I'll say that I really enjoyed this one and thought it was an awesome 80s classic that needs more recognition and love.

The Bleeding House (2011)
This is one of those ones I'm still not completely sold on. The plot is interesting enough - mysterious stranger asks to stay the night at a family's house, the family stupidly agrees, the family has major problems and the stranger exploits those problems and messes with the family (in really weird ways, I might add). It's a dark, disturbing little flick and Patrick Breen is great as the stranger Nick, but the overall result was a little less than I expected. The teenage girl with serious issues is a confusing character who keeps pretending to want to go along with the stranger and then thwarting him. She has several opportunities to fight back if she wants to, but she doesn't until the end, which is frustrating because she could have done more to help. Nick's method and reasoning for collecting blood from his victims is never explained so I'm confused about the symbolism behind his acts. It's a movie some will enjoy and some will hate. Me, it left me a little underwhelmed.

Mum and Dad (2008)
Ugh, I didn't even finish watching this one. Well, I watched for the first 45 minutes or so and then fast-forwarded to the predictable ending. I thought this movie had a great premise for something really disturbing and disgusting and maybe it was in some of those scenes I fast-forwarded through, but either this movie was slow and boring or I wasn't in the mood to watch it. I'm passing it up for now and don't plan to try to watch it again any time in the future. And no offense to English people, but the accents were just funny in this movie and kind of took me away from the darkness of the situation. Dad is a gross bastard when you look at his acts (masturbating into a human organ???) but most of the time he kinda looks like this cute little plump English guy with glasses and not as menacing as he should be.

Movie Review: Dead and Buried (1981)

2012-01-12T17:33:00.001-06:00

Shouldn't have let this little gem sit in my queue unwatched for so long! Dead and Buried (I'm nixing the use of the ampersand in the title because sometimes they show up all funny on Blogger) is not without its problems - and really, what movie isn't? - but heck, was it a fun, gross-out good time. It has a surprisingly different take on the "zombie" film, is very gruesome at times, and seems to be quite underrated, despite the fact that its plot is so much different than other horror films that were coming out at that time.

Dan Gillis is the sheriff in the small Eastern seaside town of Potters Bluff who becomes increasingly suspicious and curious about his neighbors when several visitors are brutally murdered. Things get even weirder when the dead people start showing up around town, apparently alive and well and living amongst the townspeople.

The movie's opening scene is delightfully misleading. There is a photographer on the beach, "Freddy", snapping away at all the beautiful scenery, when he spots a pretty lady through his lens. The two start chatting and flirting, and Freddy starts taking sexy pictures of "Lisa," all while this annoyingly romantic music plays in the background. I thought the whole scene was ridiculous bullshit and that if it went on any longer I was going to turn the darn thing off. But just as Lisa is propositioning Freddy for sex, the scene suddenly changes and about a dozen people turn up, beat the snot out of Freddy, tie him to a pole with a big fishing net, and freaking set him on fire.

I couldn't believe it! This movie was going to be awesome!

Dead and Buried actually has some great talent behind it. I haven't seen anything else that director Gary Sherman has done but he seems competent with this one. Dan O'Bannon, creator of Alien, also co-wrote the film and the special effects come courtesy of none other than Stan Winston. The effects especially are a big part of why I think this film is noteworthy, not to mention the interestingly original plot.

The zombie mythology in Dead and Buried is more akin to the Haitian voodoo mythology of zombie creation and how all the zombies are under the complete control of their creator. The quirky mortician Dobbs uses voodoo and dark magic to bring bodies back to life after he has restored them, because he believes so much in the beauty of his "art" and can't stand burying people after he has worked so hard to make them look like they did when they were alive. The funny thing in this movie, though, is that the zombies are not brainless flesh-eaters but rather just rebuilt and reanimated corpses who then go on living their happy and quiet little life in a small town.

This film can boast that it gave me probably the biggest freak-out of my horror life. After poor Freddy has been burned at the stake, Sheriff Dan and others are at the scene investigating. Dan (oddly) asks the mortician to determine the cause of death and when he goes in for a closer look at the body, we are treated to a nice effects shot of Freddy's gooey and burned-up-beyond-recognition face. The freak-out comes when the obviously dead guy suddenly screams in our faces! HO-LY SHIT. I almost fell out of my chair. Little hard to believe that anybody who looks like that could still be alive, but that's obviously where the shock comes from. Later on, poor Freddy is also the victim of another freak-out scene when Nurse Lisa pays him a visit in the hospital and stabs a needle into his eye.

All the other effects are quite well achieved with the exception of one. One of the victims of the Potters Bluff Zombies meets his demise by having tubes full of acid shoved up his nose. The prosthetic head is way too obvious and almost ruins what could have been yet another great gross out scene - although the flesh bubbling and bursting is still rather disgusting. The real stand out sequence is when Dobbs is reconstructing the head of a young hitchhiker (who was bludgeoned with a big rock) and they show, layer by layer and using dissolves, how she goes from looking like a bruised and bloody mess to looking just as she did the day before.

The acting by all the main leads and everybody who plays one of the townspeople is pretty good - nobody is as "80s annoying" (as I like to call it sometimes) as I thought. Melody Anderson as Janet, Dan's wife, became my favorite in her final scene, when she's talking to Dan after Dobbs has revealed his secret to him. Did I mention there's also a young Robert Englund in a small role here? The random townspeople are great at acting zombie-like, or carrying out the wishes of their master, especially in the scene pictured to the right when they go after a vacationing family cruising through town.

The aforementioned scene also showcases the film's likeness to a movie that came out the previous year, John Carpenter's The Fog. The family is driving through a thick fog; the residents are walking down the dark street surrounded by fog (and perfectly backlit as well); and in the scene right after this, Dan chases after the man he hit with his car through the foggy and misty alleys. I just couldn't help but think of Antonio Bay during this part. And since Potters Bluff is in Rhode Island and Antonio Bay in California, we now know that there is a creepy fictional seaside town on both coasts.

Now the ending is a small problem. The "twist" at the end seems like it was just tacked on there last minute just for shocks, without the filmmakers really thinking about it. It doesn't make any kind of sense with the rest of the story and essentially just ends the movie without resolving anything.

On the whole though, Dead and Buried was quite the surprise. I liked the plot and at times darkly humorous script, and of course I loved pretty much all the killing sequences. Give this one a look if you haven't yet!

Movie Review: Kidnapped (2010)

2012-01-09T18:51:00.000-06:00

Home invasions are probably some of the worst crimes committed against a person. Your home is your safe place, where you put your guard down and think nothing bad can touch you. So when evil invades this sanctuary, it is all the more horrific and terrifying - and it can also make for a damn fine horror film.

Kidnapped is about a family who, on the very day that they move into a new house, are held prisoner by three masked men. Unexpected guests often hinder the intruders' plan, along with the family's determination to fight back and protect each other.

Though variations of this scenario have been done a dozen times in other movies and TV shows, I realized fairly early on that Kidnapped was trying to do something different. That horrific opening scene scared the ever-loving shit out of me - as did several other well crafted moments throughout the movie - but it was the next scene that showed the film's use of a unique technique. The whole movie consists of only 12 long, unedited takes, something I have not seen since Alfred Hitchcock's Rope from 1948. When I realized that this is what they were doing, I thought it would make the movie too gimmicky, or too artsy-fartsy, but it was beautifully executed.

So why then did the filmmakers choose to shoot the movie this way? It must have been incredibly difficult to achieve, not to mention time-consuming. I think it was for the simple reason of making the movie more realistic and believable, and for that old stand-by of putting the viewer right there in the situation with the characters, making it impossible to turn away for even a second. In fact, the lack of real character development, save for the first part of the film before the intruders appear, almost doesn't matter that much because this more of a situational film. It strives to show the horror and atrocities that can have been committed in these types of crimes and I think it does a wonderful job at that.

For the first part of Kidnapped, the violence against the three victims is relatively tame, but it slowly escalates over the short period of time the film runs. When Isa's boyfriend and a security guard show up, the intruders are forced to do extreme things to keep the plan going, and the family in turn is forced to fight back even harder. The filmmakers get down and dirty with the characters' emotional turmoil, but they also keep the gorehounds happy with an insane head-bashing, an in-your-face throat slashing, and shootings and stabbings, not to mention a quite graphic sexual assault.

Many will probably be put off by the very brutal and surprising ending, but I loved it. No, it's not what the audience wants to happen and maybe the filmmakers chose to do it simply for the shock value. It works, though, and those last few minutes turn out to be the the most brutal and so much more engrossing than the whole rest of the movie. You realize at the end that the opening scene was there to set you up with a false sense of security and you hate it and love it at the same time.

Usually I try to be an equal opportunity reviewer and find faults even with the movies I love, but there wasn't anything here that really bothered me. Kidnapped was thrilling and engaging from start to finish and an excellent entry to the new "home invasion horror" subgenre.

Sidenote: Okay, I take back the previous about not liking anything in Kidnapped. There was one thing I hated and it wasn't the movie's fault at all. Netflix only had the dubbed version! Gah! How annoying! I don't see how anyone can find reading subtitles more irritating than a person's mouth not matching up with what they're saying. So distracting.

Weekly Movie Roundup: 1-1-12 to 1-7-12

2012-01-07T08:51:00.000-06:00

For this, the first week of the new year, we have two winners and two losers. I like it when things are even like that.

11-11-11 (2011)
Oh my goodness... what a piece of crap. I am very nearly speechless about how crappy this movie was. It could have been good, it really could have but a lot of things just don't work here. It has an interesting premise, I guess with the whole 11-11-11 thing, but the actors don't do their jobs well. Then again, I feel bad blaming them because the story is plain retarded and the way it is presented is sloppy and silly. If all the devil worshippers needed was the boy and to have his parents away from him so that he could become the devil or whatever, then why the hell do they bother dropping hints all week to anybody who will listen? Wouldn't it have made more sense to act completely normal and then just bombard the family on the kid's birthday, kill the parents and let the son do his thing? But no, this way, the bad guys give the good guys plenty of opportunity to thwart them, and guess what? They do! What a shock! The father in this movie is also terrible and completely unbelievable and unlikable in everything he says and does. Bad movie. Bad, bad movie.

Hostel Part 3 (2011)

Jiminy Christmas, another piece of crap. I have this whole love/hate relationship with the Hostel movies. I don't love all the boobies and the overall misogynistic tone, but I love the overall concept, and the gore and the insanity. The movies really deliver on those counts. So I was expecting something maybe ten times as insane as either of the first two movies and what I got was the complete opposite. There is hardly any fucking blood or gore to be found anywhere here! What bullshit! All of the torture scenes were way too tame and immensely disappointing. Even at the end, when they had the chance to make up for it with that death by tilling machine, what do they do? They cut away and don't show us a damn thing. LAME. One thing I did like about the movie was John Hensley, the guy with the gimp leg, because for once I got to see him in a sympathetic role and he's not playing a douchebag like the other stuff I've seen him in (i.e. Nip/Tuck and the movie Shutter). Otherwise, avoid this like a venereal disease.

Revolutionary Road (2008)
And now for something completely different!
YOU GUYS. I don't just love this movie, I am freaking IN LOVE with it. I remember seeing Revolutionary Road for the first time after reading the book - a fantastic book - and being utterly amazed and ecstatic that this beautiful story I had read was being put up on the big screen exactly how I pictured it in my head. Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio (whom I usually don't love all that much) far exceeded my expectations in how they brought Frank and April Wheeler to life - these very complex and emotional characters. I love this story, whether you think it is more a tale of a conflicted relationship or a social comment on life in the 50s. It works both ways and if you blend them together, it works even well. By far though, my favorite part of the movie is the final scene. Kathy Bates' character is complaining to her husband about how she didn't really like the Wheelers, how they were weird and neurotic. Her husband looks at her... and then slowly just turns his hearing aid down. The whole point of the movie is in that one gesture, and goodness help me, I abso-fucking-lutely LOVE IT.

Kidnapped (2010)

Not gonna say too much about this movie here because I want to do a real review of it in the next few days. Let's just say that although the style choice is nothing new and the plot has been done a dozen times over, I still loved the movie and thought it was quite successful at sucking me in and keeping me watching until the very bloody and surprising end. Excellent camera work and acting (although Isa was a tad annoying most of the time) make this one a very engrossing tale. Good entry to the whole home invasion horror movie thing.

Movie Review: Lady in White (1988)

2012-01-05T20:11:00.000-06:00

So I don't think I've mentioned it yet this week, but did you all know how much I loves me a good ghost story? And I was ready to have an 80s style ghostly good time with this flick, Lady in White, even though I didn't really know that much about it before seeing it. Not the most talked about movie out there but it seems to still have some pretty damn loyal followers, so I hope I don't inadvertently piss any of them off with this review.

In 1962, young Frankie Scarletti is locked in the school's coat closet on Halloween night, the victim of a little prank by some fellow classmates. It's one hell of a night for Frankie as he witnesses the ghost of a young girl reenact her murder from 10 years ago and is also attacked himself by the same man. Frankie therefore gets himself smack dab in the middle of a murder mystery too big for his small town.

While I did like this movie to a point, there are a few things that are amiss here. As the story is told from Frankie's point of view, the movie starts off very cute and seems as if it is more of a kid's movie. Frankie has a funny home life with his older brother Geno, his father, and his constantly bickering grandparents, so all of these earlier moments are quite entertaining to watch - Grandpa lighting his pants on fire and Frankie riding his bike into wet cement, for instance. All the actors here were wonderful, too. It seemed as if they really enjoyed playing their roles and took them seriously while still having fun with them. The movie as whole is similar to stuff like The Monster Squad, with all the childhood hijinks, so that definitely got me into it in the first third.

But the movie also has a very serious undertone as the murder mystery Frankie becomes involved in is not just about the ghost girl he keeps seeing. She was the first of eleven victims, all molested and murdered over the last ten years. The school janitor was the only other person in the school when Frankie was attacked, so he immediately becomes the main suspect - and it doesn't help that he's also black. So then there's a bit of a racism element to deal with, even though that quickly gets shoved to the back burner as the story progresses. When it pops up again, it doesn't really matter too much to the main mystery, since it is quite obvious from the beginning that the janitor is innocent - it's not much of a mystery if the bad guy is caught right away, you know? These scenes really only slow the movie down, and I think it would have worked better if they had been left out.

The murder mystery is actually not that hard to solve if you've watched enough of those kinds of movies. As soon as those two nice-guy, friends-of-the-family dudes show up, Phil and Tony, I was thinking, "Yup, the murderer is one of them." I wish they wouldn't make it so easy sometimes. But the actual reveal of the murderer, and therefore Frankie's devastating realization of who almost killed him, is a very good scene. It's quite suspenseful and a little disturbing, too, because we know what this guy has done to all these other children, and here's our young lovable Frankie, all alone with him, with the murderer also knowing that he's been found out.

Now the effects are another problem. I know, I know, it was 1988 and they really didn't have a heck of a lot to work with effects-wise back then, but they are definitely less effective now simply because they are so dated. I actually liked the effect of the ghost girl, Melissa, as she was just kind of see-through and glowing. It's a classic way to say, "Hey, she's a ghost!" and it works in this movie. But later on, things get really hokey when the ghosts (yeah, there are actually two ghosts in this movie, Melissa and the titular Lady in White, who turns out to be Melissa's mother - I figured that out before Frankie did, ha!) start flying through the air and stuff. The climactic scene in which the two ghosts fly off together in a flash of light is extremely hokey, too, and almost made me laugh. But then I had to remember that this was from a child's point of view, so all these scenes were enhanced with a more fantastical element and it gives them a feel not unlike a fairy tale, which a child would better understand and relate to.

In fact, there are perhaps too many effects in this movie. Then again, that might just be a personal preference. I can get rather picky and overly vocal about my ghost movies, and I know what I like and what I don't like - or at least, what works for me and what doesn't. I understand the use of more exaggerated effects in Lady in White, so it is more fantasy than scary, but I'm of the mind that the unseen is much more chilling and effective. The famous ghost is called the "Lady in White" so of course she's this huge, floating figure, with her billowy white nightgown constantly flowing all around her - the typical ghost image perhaps taken too much to the extreme.

Many have said that Lady in White scared them a lot as a child, but that must just be a kid thing because I didn't see a single thing here that scared me. The only really creepy shot is when the Melissa-ghost is in Frankie's room one night (she's invisible here) and she's just singing and playing around with Frankie's things. She flips through his comics, goes through his drawers, puts on his slippers, rocks in his rocking chair and then BAM! The camera pans to the window where there's the Lady in White standing outside! That was a little unexpected, and I quite enjoy the unexpected so this was a great moment.

I understand that this is probably a movie that if you grew up watching it, you still love it to this day. I guess upon first viewing, I have mixed feelings about it. I'm a bit turned off by the dated effects (not a good enough excuse, I know, but I can't help it) and the story progresses far too slow, with too many characters and red herrings getting in the way. I do love the blend of the classic ghost story and the amusing fantasy world of children, all told from the point of view of a very capable child actor to boot. I suppose I'll have to let the movie simmer for a bit in my brain and then maybe give it another go around in a few weeks.

Guest Review by Dylan Duarte: Salvage (2009)

2012-01-03T06:14:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 2012, bloggers! The new year here is going to start (a few days late) with another guest post by author Dylan Duarte. Dylan wrote a review for me earlier for the film Wake Wood and now he's back reviewing another film I haven't seen, a low-budget British flick from 2009 called Salvage. The plot from IMDb reads as such: "When a container washes ashore, the residents of a sleepy cul-de-sac are plunged in violence, terror and paranoia. Ring fenced by the military, a single mother must overcome all odds to save her daughter." Well, that's not exactly how it reads on IMDb... I fixed the grammatical mistakes. And I have no fucking idea what "ring fenced" means but it doesn't sound good.

Salvage kicks off with a scene that's all-too-familiar to horror fans. A child darts off into a forest, eventually makes his way off the screen, at which point a tree is splattered with blood, signifying that he met his end, probably in a gruesome fashion. I wish this scene wasn't in the film. At least, not this early on.

What follows is a car ride with a father and a daughter who share an obviously close relationship. The father is taking his daughter to her mother's house for the holidays, a visit the daughter isn't looking forward to. Eventually the daughter shows up, finds the mother engaged in adult activities, storms off to a neighbor's house, and before you know it, we've got a family drama on our hands. Salvage isn't just a horror film with dramatic elements, it's a successful blend of the two genres. There does come a point where you might forget that you sat down to watch a horror film, which is outstanding, because the unexpected is scary.

Most horror films work by eliciting fear in the viewer. Salvage elicits panic. There are the more subdued moments, where everything is calm and quiet and creepy, but there's always an underlying panic. People are trapped in a house with multiple entrances while god-knows-what is lurking outside. They don't know what it is. We don't know what it is. They have ideas, but we don't know if we believe those ideas. It's an age-old concept, the idea that you're imagination will whip up something far scarier than anything you could see on the screen, but it's used effectively. Little hints are dropped along the way, the most terrifying of which is that the military is having trouble containing whatever it is. What's a middle-aged woman looking for her daughter and a cheating husband going to do? Salvage has a tiny cast of characters, some more likable than others, but as they rise to the occasion we began to appreciate just how genuine they are.

Not only is Salvage low-budget, it's one of those films were it could only be low-budget. I think more money might've ruined the picture by stifling creativity. What they don't do in the film is just as effective as what they do. Salvage manages to maintain a heightened sense of tension all the way to the end, but I'm not crazy about the ending. It's a concept that's been used before and its effect has just diminished over the years. Not to mention it's cynical as hell, but I do think that the heroism of the main characters balances it out. Salvage is a nice, quiet little horror made by people who know what they're doing.

Guest author Dylan Duarte wishes he lived in a sleepy little cul-de-sac. When he’s not immersed in cinema, he’s writing about Halloween costumes. He can be reached at dylnduarte@gmail.com.

Weekly Movie Roundup: 12-25-11 to 12-31-11

2011-12-31T18:48:00.000-06:00

I might try a new feature on this here blog where I do a recap of all the movies I've watched in the current week - horror or not - because sometimes I watch so many movies and don't have the time or energy to review them all. And some of them are so underwhelming that I can't really think of how to review them, anyway, so then I don't post anything for days on end even though I've watched a lot of movies, you know?! It's crazy. Cray-zy. So hopefully this feature will be something I can stick with. Ready? Okay!

Super 8 (2011)
Cheating a little here. I watched this last week but hoo-doggy did I freaking love it. An homage to Steven Spielberg that is The Goonies, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T. all wrapped up in a mind-blowingly beautiful movie with some of the best kid actors I've seen in a long time. Is there some tension at the Fanning household now? Methinks there might be, because Elle, Dakota's little sister, is fabulous here and steals the show. The train crash at the beginning was big and loud and crazy and a lot of CGI but it didn't bother me so much because it was just awesome to watch. At the end of the film, all I could think was, "Hey! I really wanted to see the movie the kids were shooting!" And they totally show it in the credits which made me giddy. Pretty good little zombie flick for it being shot by 10 year olds, I must say.

The Help (2011)

So many rave reviews and award nominations came out of this movie and I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff so I had to at least give it a chance. Though it's a bit long, I really enjoyed this movie as well. Emma Stone is one of my new favorite actresses, as she has more than delivered performance-wise in everything I've seen her in (I even loved Easy A) and as Skeeter in The Help she adds to much of the film's comic relief and heart. I always get angered at movies set during the 50s that focus on the civil rights movement (is that supposed to be capitalized or not?) because it absolutely boggles my mind that people acted or even ever thought that way. Building another bathroom in your house because you don't want your black maid to use the same toilet as you? Really? Yet they counted on them to raise their children and do everything around the house because they were too lazy to do it. That's insane to me. So the story that this movie explores - where the maids get to share all their horror stories about working for bitchy white people - is a breath of fresh air to me, and I think the movie handled it well and produced something really good.

Clue (1985)
Seen this one about 25 times already but for some reason I had to break it off the DVD shelf the other day. Clue is by far my favorite board game EVER, though no one likes to play with me much because I always win (never be afraid to make a guess! And keep notes on who has what cards, that always works for me... and never forget that I am always Miss Scarlet) and the movie version of this great game is fantastic. Tim Curry, Lesley Ann Warren, Christopher Lloyd, and one of my all-time favorites Madeline Kahn all make this an immensely entertaining and hilarious movie to watch from start to finish. Kahn is a bit more subdued in this role but she does have that great scene... "I hated her SO MUCH. It was... FLAMES... flames... on the side of my face... heaving... heaving breaths..." Kills me every time.

Straw Dogs (2011)

Oh, another remake. And I'm not for sure on how I feel about this one yet. It was fairly well-made, and James Marsden didn't bother as much as he usually does so that's a plus. But they break away from the main storyline too much and dwells on that Jeremy dude who apparently is some kind of pedophile but it's never explained. Speaking of that, the rape scene here is just as confusing as it was in the original. I feel horrible saying this, but in both films it looks like a half-rape half-sex scene between Amy and Charlie like she sorta wants to do it but doesn't at the same time. Not very feminist of me, but you can't deny that this scene is a little weird because I can't tell if she's giving in out of fear of more physical pain or because there's still some feelings there for Charlie. Anyway. One thing this movie does wrong is the end battle where some of the killings are too stylized and not realistic at all - the nail gun and the bear trap, mostly. Also, the movie takes too long to get to the exciting parts and has too many characters, when the story should have centered more on David and Amy and the hooligans.

Leon: The Professional (1994)
Ah, one of my favorite movies ever! I used to watch this all the time on TV (it was one of USA's favorite movies for a while there, too) and liked it as a fun action flick but when I watched it as I was older and was looking at movies in a different way, I saw this movie in a completely different way, too. This is a movie with a big heart and a very emotional story to tell, it's not just about guns and blowing things up or Gary Oldman acting like a psycho, although that is always fun to watch. Natalie Portman delivers one of the best movies of her whole career, even though she was only 11 years old and it was her first movie. She and Jean Reno are beautiful together and they, and Luc Besson the director, created something very special with this movie. Love it to death.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)

This guy I work with talked about how excited he was for this movie a while ago and I never got around to looking into it or anything. But I saw earlier this week that it was on Netflix and decided to give it a go right away. So glad I did! Though it was not quite as funny as it could have been, I loved the story of two nice hillbillies being mistaken for the cliched butchering hillbillies that so many other horror movies have relied on. Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine play the title characters to a T, although I was more excited to see Tudyk (love him from Firefly) when the movie was more about the Dale character. But Labine is so freaking lovable in his role that I was totally sucked in and loved watching this story unfold. The psycho preppy kid with the popped collar was also hilarious in his role of wanting to kill Tucker and Dale, plus some of the death scenes were fabulous and hilarious as well. Diving into the woodchipper and impaling yourself on sharp sticks is simply brilliant. This movie was a fun ride, really enjoyed it.

Movie Review: We Are What We Are (2010)

2011-12-27T20:18:00.000-06:00

Wow. I didn't know cannibals could be so boring. I had such high hopes for this Mexican horror-drama-thing after reading about it but it turned out to be quite slow and uninspiring, something that has all the potential in the world but somewhere makes a giant misstep.

After their patriarch dies suddenly, a poor family of cannibals try to figure out who will lead them in their rituals of kidnapping and eating people. Meanwhile, two city police officers are hot on the family's trail.

So again, yeah, We Are What We Are should have had it all. It should have been dark, gritty, and deeply disturbing with the gruesome subject matter that it promises. Instead it is way too tame and safe. The movie never takes the story by the balls and tries to go for it. It takes baby steps to the edge of the chasm instead of jumping into it, and if it it had, the movie could have been so much better.

Even the title promises more than the movie actually delivers. The family consists of the mother and father (who dies in the first scene of the movie in a mall after puking up some black stuff... ew) and three teenage children - Alfredo, Julian, and Sabina. The father is a watchmaker and fixer and is the sole provider for the family. "We Are What We Are" implies that this family has had to resort to cannibalism in a desperate attempt to survive (why the three able-bodied children can't go out and work is never explained but whatever) and also implies that they perhaps have no shame about what they do. Is any of this explored? Nope. Not a bit.

The actors are good enough in their roles and certainly could have handled darker and more outlandish material. The girl playing Sabina is best of them all, as her eyes convey so much intensity even when she's not saying anything at all. That final shot of her at the end is just fantastic and she milks the moment for all it's worth. The boy playing the eldest son, Alfredo, is also good as the one who reluctantly tries to take his father's place to the dismay of the other, more violent and capable son, Julian. This sibling rivalry takes over many of the scenes when this part wasn't really all that interesting and just became more boring as time went on.

What also brings the movie down a lot is the story of the two cops hunting the family down. They first show up when the coroner presents them with a human finger found in the dead father's stomach (which eerily doesn't shock them or anyone else in the least) and then they spend the rest of the movie acting like the most incompetent bunch of nitwits I've ever seen. They sleep in their cars, stumble across a crime scene without calling for help, and of course, allow themselves to get killed in the most embarrassing ways - well, embarrassing for them because they're cops and they should have freaking known better.

Now comes the horror part of this horror movie - the all-important gore factor. Survey says that We Are What We Are is also fairly tame in this aspect which is another sad disappointment. These people are cannibals, so we should be treated to some awesome scenes of them butchering and eating people, yeah? Again, no, not really. There's only one butchering scene and though it is done well, there's not really much to see. The blood looks good and the scene has a very dingy, realistic feel which sets the mood wonderfully. However, I wanted more. I wanted more action and more gore and they just did not give it to me.

So though the look of We Are What We Are is decent and is well shot, edited, and acted, the viewer can't help but feel like there's something missing here. Maybe the filmmakers were going for a more dramatic, quieter tale of cannibalism and family strife but had they gone further and really shown us the disturbing and gross side of this family's story, it would have been so much more effective. I liked it to a point and it's a beautiful movie but it just wasn't as great as I expected.

Happy Horror Holidays!

2011-12-22T19:40:00.000-06:00

Ah, it's the time for Christmas cheer and everybody being all nice and shit. But what fun is that? Thankfully, for years filmmakers have known how to spread the holiday joy in a way that makes fans giddy with delight. Mainly by making movies so seasonally inappropriate that only true horror fans could love them.

So here are some random screengrabs from some of our favorite horrific holiday flicks!

Do you feel the warm tingling in your heart yet? I sure do.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday (even if you don't do anything, surely you've got time off of work, right?) with lots of joy and fun with family and friends and all that happy crappy stuff. And you know the rules if you happen to get a Mogwai in your stocking.

Movie Review: Fright Night (2011)

2011-12-18T15:28:00.001-06:00

Okay, I can't resist. I have to say it... WELCOME TO FRIGHT NIGHT! I've still only seen the original 1985 version of Fright Night once, but that was enough to make me fall in love with it. News of remakes don't shock me anymore, in fact they rather bore me, so I was neither hopeful nor skeptical of this remake. And I have no shame in saying that I loved 2011's Fright Night just as much as the original.

When teenager Charley Brewster's old friend Ed tells him that his new neighbor Jerry is a vampire, Charley of course doesn't believe him. But after witnessing some of Jerry's strange behavior on his own, Charley is convinced and soon enlists the help of a local magician and vampire expert named Peter Vincent to take Jerry down for good.

The film is very fast paced and after the first throwaway scene and some setup with Charley, his mother and his girlfriend Amy, we get right into the vampire action. I was glad for the lack of lulls, so to speak, because what I wanted out of this movie was just some good old-fashioned vampire comedy and fun, and boy howdy, did they ever deliver here.

I didn't find out until after watching the movie that the wonderful Marti Noxon, one of the main writers from the Buffy, the Vampire Slayer TV series, wrote Fright Night, but I completely believe that her talents helped make the film as good as it is. It's full of subtle hilarity and smart jokes (and maybe one reference to Buffy when Peter describes Charley and Amy as a "Scooby gang"), not to mention the best line from the original film... "You're so cool, Brewster!" This line was perhaps not as well used as in the original movie - I probably would have missed it if I wasn't paying attention - but it was still good to hear it.

All of the actors were pretty much perfect in their roles, even Colin Farrell as Jerry, the one I was the most unsure about. I knew he would be a great charmer like Chris Sarandon was, but I wasn't sure how he would do with the comedic side. However, Farrell played Jerry as a much more sinister and cunning vampire with a hint of comedy here and there, and I think it made the movie all the better. The real star of Fright Night, though, was Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Ed Lee. My favorite line from the whole movie was at the beginning when Ed says to Charley, "...and I'm really so angry that you think that I read 'Twilight.'" His performance is nothing short of genius with every line that he delivers, even something as simple as that line. One of the movie's shortcomings is that they severely underused Ed's character. For shame!

Also, did you love Chris Sarandon's cameo? I did. Very happy that he agreed to do that. I also thought that I would hate the new Peter Vincent, changed from the aging Roddy McDowall to the more modern Criss Angel-wannabe guy with black hair and leather pants. However, David Tennant was equally fabulous in his role and played it with hilarity and ease.

As the movie was made for a 3D experience, there are a few shots of things flying at the screen and some very unnecessary use of CGI blood. Argh! I hate CGI blood! In fact, CG is used quite a lot here where more practical effects would have been undoubtedly better. Other times it works pretty well. Loved the part where Doris explodes in the sunlight and Ed's death (though not as sad as the original). One of the scenes I was not too crazy about was the part with Charley, his mom, and Amy in the car as they are running from Jerry after he tries to blow up their house. It is one continuous shot weaving in and out and around the car as various things are happening all around them, and it is so obviously fake - meaning green screen - that it took me completely out of the moment.

Classic scenes from the original are not exactly copied, everything is just more updated and modern. Not a bad thing here. The story works well in the new setting, and speaking of sets - loved them. Peter Vincent's loft was a great place for the showdown with Evil Ed and I loved at the end where all the vampires come out of the dirt, plus Charley's final fight with Jerry was very well done.

Despite its relative lack of attention at theaters, I think they hit a slam dunk with Fright Night. It was good vampire fun with lots of humor and some terrific performances.

Movie Review: Quarantine 2: Terminal (2011)

2011-12-15T15:55:00.000-06:00

The stellar 2007 infection film [REC] spawned a Hollywood remake, Quarantine, that was damn near the same film. Both films now also have sequels but the Quarantine sequel took the story in a much different direction than [REC] 2, which is a good thing in this case. And while Quarantine 2: Terminal is not nearly as good as either of the original films, it's not exactly a complete failure either.

On the same night as the quarantine in the apartment building from the first film, passengers and crew on a red-eye flight from Los Angeles are forced to land prematurely when one man shows symptoms of the same deadly virus. They think they are safe when they make it to the airport terminal, until the government quarantines them inside as well. As the infection spreads, the survivors try to find a way to escape the terminal.

So for this sequel, the filmmakers have completely done away with the found footage style, which was a welcome relief. It would not have made any sense for this situation and would have made the movie seem too gimmicky. Instead, they go their own way with the story while still answering the main question from the first movie which is what is this virus and where did it come from? The reasoning they came up with was not exactly what I expected nor does it make all that much logical sense but who would watch this movie for the amazing writing anyway? We want to see infected dudes and dudettes eating other people.

The first third of the movie is on the airplane and centers around a young flight attendant named Jenny, who later becomes the reluctant leader of the survivors. When a fat guy gets sick and pukes all over her, that's when the fun starts. And this wasn't in a 747, either. The situation is made more claustrophobic by the setting on this tiny plane with only one aisle and few passengers. The audience is glad to finally see them land and give the characters more room to move around - and therefore make it easier for them to fight off the crazies and escape being infected.

Sadly, most of the gore work is simply okay. There's lots of blood and neck ripping and biting, and even a part where an infected kitty cat bites an older woman, but there's nothing really new or exciting. Actually the freakiest part of the whole movie has nothing to do with the infected. It's when the bad guy, Henry, first puts some drops into his eye to numb it (you even see him pat his open eyeball with his finger - without blinking!) and then sticks a needle into his bottom eyelid. Yeesh. For those of you who don't like eye trauma, this might be a good scene for you to close yours!

The part I liked the most is the end when Jenny and young George are crawling through that tunnel, with George using the thermal vision goggles to see where they're going. It's quite suspenseful, especially when George looks back one time and sees the bite mark on Jenny's side. This is really the only suspenseful part of the movie as the rest is your standard fare of people running and fighting and getting bitten and infected. The survivors get into a lot of unnecessary fights and their characters are severely underdeveloped. You only really get to know Jenny and George, but only in the most basic way.

I can't completely recommend Quarantine 2: Terminal because really, if you don't see it, you're not missing a whole lot. But you won't be totally disappointed if you do see it either. It's better than I expected for a straight to DVD sequel even though I'd much rather watch the original, and even more than that, I'd rather just watch [REC].

Review: "Bag of Bones" Miniseries (2011)

2011-12-13T17:35:00.000-06:00

Oh-kay. How to talk about "Bag of Bones"? It's always hard for me to review an adaptation of a book I love so much and have such a strong connection to, and Bag of Bones is definitely one of those books. Most people would probably say that you have to look at the book and adaptation as two separate entities. To a point, I agree. Movies and books are different mediums and therefore must be dealt with in different ways. But when a movie has such strong source material, how can one not judge the movie based on its ability to effectively recreate what was presented in the book? Let's see how Mick Garris and crew did with my favorite Stephen King book.

Part One Review: Honestly, not much has happened so far. Jo Noonan died, Mike Noonan grieved, Mike went to Sara Laughs (even though it was never mentioned in the miniseries that Sara Laughs was the name of his lake house but whatever), Mike found out that Sara Laughs is haunted by Jo and Sara Tidwell, Mike met Mattie and Kyra, Mike got involved with Kyra's crazy grandfather Max Devore. There's still much to be covered and since they didn't get very far in the first two hours, a lot of story and action is going to have be crammed into the last two hours. Good or bad? We'll see.

I must say that the first part felt a little slow, and not necessarily suspenseful. Mike's dreams and his ghostly encounters felt like the filmmakers were just recycling the same old horror movie cliches, when in the book the mood was creepy but much more subtle. I loved the inclusion of the refrigerator magnets and Bunter's bell as how the ghosts communicate, though. Pierce Brosnan's crazed laughing about these incidents was a little weird, but Mike expresses in the book about how he is both terrified by the ghosts and a little excited at what he is experiencing as well, so I guess that fits.

I'm still not sold on Brosnan as Mike. He's a bit older looking - though that doesn't matter much - and he doesn't have Mike's sarcastic sense of humor or overall way with words (he's a writer, remember). The actors playing Max Devore and his yet-unnamed "assistant" Rogette are also quite good so far, though they haven't had much to do. Max has just the right amount of cunning and evil behind his eyes, just how I pictured him from the book and Rogette is perhaps even creepier looking than I pictured.

The big change I ~~got pissed off about~~ noticed was how Jo died. In the book, she has a brain aneurysm in a parking lot and Mike wasn't there. In the show, she gets hit by a fucking bus. I understand the need for making things a little more dramatical or whatever but this is going a bit far. And to have Mike running out and holding his bleeding and dying wife? I don't know that they should have gone for that big of a change for the sake of drama. It was too gruesome for me, but I admit that it did manage to hurry the story up a bit and get Mike to Sara Laughs, so I'm letting it slide for the moment.

A couple things I did like: Really liked the dream sequence where Mike kisses Sara, Jo, and Mattie. It set up for the audience who the important players were in this piece and was quite beautifully shot. Also really liked the actress playing Sara Tidwell. She's absolutely gorgeous, and if that was really her singing in that one scene, then she's pretty freaking talented, too. Though Part One is starting out a bit dull, I'm excited to see how the dramatic events of the conclusion play out. Time for Part Two!

Part Two Review: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Part One may have taken a few liberties with the story and changed things around a bit, but Part Two done fucked the whole thing up. What I'm complaining about though, is not just that they changed stuff (although, yes, I was very annoyed at some of the changes). The real problem with this was the way everything was handled. All the action went down too quickly and they seemed to treat the audience like they were stupid.

What I mean by this is that at several parts, they had characters literally spell out what was happening instead of revealing it in a better way and letting the audience figure it out for themselves. The worst part was in the scene of what happened to Sara Tidwell. They actually had a bloody Sara say to the men, "I curse you! You will kill your daughters! Your sons will kill their daughters! And so on and so forth!" before she died. Ri-donk-ulous. What, is she a witch now or something? Mattie had to actually say to Mike, "That's why Jo didn't tell you she was pregnant! She knew about the curse!" What about the fact that all the children's names that the men killed started with a "K" like Sara's daughter Keisha (in the book, it was a son and his name was Kito)? All those little facts just make the mystery seem more involved and bigger and more powerful than the miniseries made it out to be.

I did love that they included one of my favorite parts from the book, which was when Mike met Rogette and Max on The Street and Rogette starts throwing rocks at Mike in the lake. It was a much longer scene in the book and always felt a little ludicrous to me, but also very funny and showed how crazy those two were. I actually had an actress in my mind for Rogette while reading the book - Marian Seldes.

I'm telling you, when that chick gets angry, she is the scariest-looking person on the planet. The other lady is great in the role, though, and she has a great look with that black hair and costuming.

I admit that Bag of Bones was probably a hard novel to adapt. Much of it centered on Mike alone and his inner monologue which is not only difficult to translate to film but it also would have been very boring to watch Pierce Brosnan get scared at ghosts for a couple hours. Some scenes were great, like the dream sequence of Mike and Kyra at the fair but other important scenes were either watered down for TV or hyped up too much to make them more exciting.

A couple random comments: Rogette kissing Max in the bathtub before she killed him? Ew! She's supposed to be his daughter! They don't say that in the show but for people who've read the book and know that fact, this was a very weird little scene. Also liked the reference to Lisey's Story when Mike mentions "Booya Moon." Liked Mattie's death scene - that bullet wound in her cheek was horrendous. Did not like the scene where Mattie Devore appears to her daughter formed out of water. Too silly for my tastes.

On the whole, though, "Bag of Bones" was a complete failure. There was too much information that they tried to cram into the last two hours and the result was something very sloppy. This book is really so much better than the miniseries made it out to be. I know that must be annoying to hear, but I have mad love for this novel - it is probably my favorite book, period - and I think the story is so beautiful and heartbreaking and this adaptation does it no justice. Mick Garris, you are hereby banned from adapting anymore of King's work. Leave it to Frank Darabont, because believe me, he does a helluva better job than you.

"Bag of Bones" Miniseries Starts Tonight!

2011-12-11T05:48:00.000-06:00

Mick Garris takes another shot at adapting Stephen King's work with the premiere of the two night event of "Bag of Bones" starting tonight at 8 pm! Bag of Bones is probably my very favorite King novel and I have been awaiting an adaptation pretty much ever since I first read it. The miniseries stars Pierce Brosnan and Melissa George in the lead roles (Brosnan was definitely not who I had in mind for Mike Noonan, but George fits well as Mattie) about a man who retreats to his vacation home after the sudden death of his wife.

Is the miniseries a better form for King's work? Will they stay close to the source material? Will I ever like anything as much as the book? I guess I'll find out tonight (and tomorrow night...)!

Anybody else out there plan on watching this? What are your thoughts on what you've seen so far?

Movie Review: Ichi the Killer (2001)

2011-12-07T17:37:00.000-06:00

So occasionally Netflix will give me the kick in the ass I need to watch all the movies in my queue by mysteriously making them unavailable for streaming on a certain date. Such was the case with Ichi the Killer, which is a film I know I should have seen a long time ago. And although it was quite a different movie than I was envisioning, it was no doubt a fun journey into the realm of mind-fuckery, courtesy of that austere auteur mind-fucker, Takashi Miike.

When yakuza crime boss Anjo disappears with a lot of money, his loyal henchman Kakihara - a sadomasochist with blonde hair and a heavily scarred face - goes on a revenge mission to find out what happened to him. He learns that Anjo was brutally murdered by a mysterious killer named Ichi, who is infamous for the fantastically bloody crime scenes he leaves behind after he's done his work.

To get the obvious complaint out of the way, no, that is not Ichi on the cover up there. That is Kakihara, who actually turns out to be a much more interesting character. Just his look makes him ten times cooler than anyone else in the movie, with his flashy rock star clothing and those weird-ass piercings on his mouth that seems to be holding the skin together (a later scene tells us that this is the truth - gah). Kakihara's character is also used to show the funny side of sadomasochism - as in the scenes where he gleefully tortures people ("KAKIHARA! What is going on here??!!" "Just a little torture.") and the one scene where Anjo's girl Karen attempts to sexually satisfy Kakihara by beating the crap out of him.

But apparently Kakihara has nothing on the elusive Ichi in terms of blood and guts. So that we get an idea right off the bat of how dangerous Ichi is, the first main scene involves some men going into a room to clean up after him. There is gallons of blood literally dripping from the ceiling and walls, and all kinds of body parts and viscera on the floor, which one of the guys ends up slipping in. Ew.

And just who is this Ichi the Killer? In reality, he's a wimp. He's a whiny, pathetic little crybaby who can't be more than 25 years old. Turns out Ichi is under the control of Jijii who uses hypnosis and mind control to plant false memories into Ichi's head of him having been bullied at school. These memories enrage Ichi, and make him commit the murders that Jijii wants him to do. The best part is the fact that Ichi has this great all-black superhero outfit that he wears to do the killing, with the number 1 in yellow on the back. I thought this was silly at first, like Ichi was trying to say that he was Number 1, but a little research tells me that "ichi" is the Japanese word for "one." So I stand corrected.

Now I hate to sound like a jaded horror fan but it's true that I was a little disappointed by the violence and gore that this movie is supposedly so famous for. Or was I just not as affected by it because it was presented in a mostly comedic fashion? I'd say that's probably it. Many of the scenes reminded me of Tokyo Gore Police with the excessive blood-sprayage, especially in the two scenes where Ichi heel-razors those two chicks in the neck. I don't see how people can have a problem with this kind of violence, when it is very obviously cartoonish and so extreme that you can't really take it seriously.

The only parts where the violence was definitely not funny to me were the two scenes of the pimp beating up and raping a prostitute that Ichi likes. Though it is a bit over-the-top in how hard he punches her in the face, I wasn't too fond of these scenes because of how graphic they were and how close they were to reality.

I'm not saying that there wasn't some great gore gags in this movie, though - not by a long shot. Ichi the Killer has got some nasty stuff going on in it that I would have never thought of in a million years. When Kakihara takes out the piercings in his mouth and skins that guy's hand with his teeth? When Suzuki is strung up by those body hooks and has hot oil poured over his back and head? When the prostitute-abuser and rapist gets sliced down the middle of his body? Wonderful. All of these scenes were so much fun to watch, even if the special effects were mediocre on some of them - especially the body that gets split in half. I don't know if I was laughing at the effects at that part or the way the guy died, it could go either way.

As one of the most well-loved extreme Asian horror films, Ichi the Killer did not disappoint me. Even at over two hours long, it never felt drawn out or boring. I loved every minute of it and enjoyed the story that turned out to be so much different than I thought it was going to be. Another point for you, Miike! Good work!

Movie Review: 100 Feet (2008)

2011-12-04T14:23:00.000-06:00

I first saw 100 Feet quite a while ago and never got around to reviewing it here, even though I liked it very much. And maybe I shouldn't like it as much as I do, with all the numerous nitpicky problems that other reviewers have with it, but fuck it. Sometimes certain elements of a movie are good enough to let you overlook obvious flaws, and the performances and specific scenes are enough to make me totally love 100 Feet.

Marnie Watson has just been released from jail after murdering her abusive cop husband in self defense. Now under house arrest for the rest of her sentence, Marnie is forced to live in the same home where the murder took place - and where her dead husband has now become a violent and malevolent ghost, hell-bent on revenge.

This movie was not only written by the incredible Eric Red, but also directed by him as well. The guy behind such amazing films as The Hitcher and Near Dark can't possibly give us a miss with this movie, can he? I don't think he does. Maybe there are a few plot holes and maybe the special effects can be seen as extremely hokey and/or lame but let's forget about that for a minute and focus on what the movie gets right.

For me, Famke Janssen's performance as Marnie makes up for a good deal of the movie's faults. She is a fantastic and beautiful actress whom I have always loved, and she can easily hold her own against anything crazy that happens here and gives the movie believability and class. She's frightened, she's angry, and she's even slightly comedic at times - easily going along with the shift in tones that occurs. This role also calls for quite a bit of physicality with things that aren't there and it all looks pretty seamless to me, even if the ghost effects don't look as well done.

As it turns out, Michael (Marnie's husband) is not your typical movie ghost. A few creepy ghost-like things happen at first - candles re-lighting by themselves, footsteps and shadows - but the big reveal of the Michael ghost is fairly early on and what he looks like might not be to everyone's liking. After he's thrown Marnie down the stairs, he appears before her, fully formed, with a shaky, smoky, gray digital effect that seems ridiculous even to me at times. The effects during the climax when Michael is finally eradicated are also, admittedly, pretty freaking bad.

This ghost is also different in how completely cruel and violent he is towards Marnie. Sure, she killed him, but he beat the shit out of her for a long time and got away with it because he was a cop. As a ghost, Michael is perhaps more violent than he was in real life - throwing Marnie across the room several times and actually punching her in the face, something I don't usually think ghosts should be allowed to do. Down in the cellar, Marnie is even able to kick him in the face as well. She also gets dragged down the hallway by her hair, has plates and knickknacks and furniture thrown at her, and has Michael's ghostly arm pull her hand into a running garbage disposal.

There are several parts in 100 Feet where the special effects are freaking awesome. You can't watch this movie and not be completely shocked at the poor little grocery boy's demise. Young Joey has befriended Marnie, which pisses off her ghost husband. But he doesn't really lose it until the morning after Marnie and Joey have sex and he kills Joey in the most gruesome way. He punches him a dozen times, breaking his teeth and dislocating his jaw until the bones protrude from his cheek. Then he twists his wrist around, then both arms at the shoulders, then slams his head at the ceiling, breaking his neck. DUDE. Brutal. Completely and utterly brutal, and I loved it. The scene right after this when Joey's body falls through the floor is also unexpectedly hilarious.

Bobby Cannavale as Michael's old partner Shanks plays his role way too cliched as the cop with a bad attitude and his entire character almost brings the movie down. First he's openly angry at and hates Marnie for killing his partner, then in the next scene he's offering to protect her. This actor needs to get his shit together because there is not one thing I've seen him in where I believed even an ounce of his performance.

So putting aside the cheap effects and the plot holes (the biggest one being that the distance from the box to the front door is most definitely NOT 100 feet long), I can't help but have a strange attraction to this movie. The ghostly action is more intense than other haunting films and having Famke as the star gives it a big boost. I say give it a chance if you haven't and at least be prepared for something different and exciting, with a little bit of a comedic edge. But don't be expecting something scary or with the greatest effects.

I Am An Awesome Guest Poster

2011-12-03T12:08:00.000-06:00

I recently read a post on William Malmborg's Blog where he posed a question for a guest post on what people consider the most frightening Stephen King book they've read. My definition of what really "frightens" me was perhaps different than what William had in mind but I believe in my opinion 100% and I hope others either agree or look at the book I have chosen in a different way if they don't agree.

Clicken here to read my guest post, and also take the time to peruse all the other good stuff William has to offer.

Book Review: Zombies vs Nazis: A Lost History of the Walking Dead

2011-11-29T19:06:00.001-06:00

Since I thoroughly enjoyed my first foray into the writing genius of Scott Kenemore - Zombie, Ohio - I thought it imperative to read more great stuff from this author who has immersed himself in the world of the undead. Next on the list was Zombies vs Nazis: A Lost History of the Walking Dead, and though I much preferred Kenemore's writing in novelization, this book was no doubt a joy to read as well.

What COULD have happened at the end of the book.

The story is told in a series of letters, or reports, to SS Obergruppenfuhrer Reinhard Heydrich by three Nazi officers sent to Haiti during WW2 to research the possible existence of zombies and to harness the secret for creating these monsters to make an army of Nazi zombies. These three characters are Gunther Knecht (the leader of the three), Franz Baedecker, and Oswaldt Gehrin.

Though not technically a narrative book, Zombies vs Nazis does read similar to a novel, as each letter from the three Nazi inspectors tells a story of their progressing findings about zombies. They meet a zombie, meet several Bocors and Mambos - priests and priestesses with the power to raise zombies - and eventually learn and participate in the ritual to create a zombie. I don't know how much, if any, of this is part of actual Voodoo mythology, but it makes sense for the story.

I was immensely pleased to find that Zombies vs Nazis contained the same dry/black humor that made Zombie, Ohio such a joy to read. In this book, the humor comes with a bit more subtlety, like the perfect English and big words the inspectors use to describe the ridiculous situations they are in. Personal parenthetical comments given by Knecht were perhaps the best ones. I especially like the part where Father Gill (a clergyman working in Haiti) has introduced Knecht to the Bocor named Grandmarnier, like the "libation," and Knecht says "Though this surprised me at the time, in retrospect, I should have known that a drunkard like Gill would naturally associate with people bearing a relationship to alcohol in one way or another."

Author Scott Kenemore

The entirety of "Communication 10" from Inspector Baedecker to Heydrich, however, is the highlight of the book. Nothing to do with zombies, but it is freaking hilarious when read in the context of previous chapters. Read the book and you'll know! The personalities of each character are cleverly laid out in the missives in the way each person writes and the things that others have to say about them. This chapter in particular is more than an indication of Kenemore's talent for the hilarious and obscure.

The illustrations in the book by Adam Wallenta, albeit a bit sparse, also add to the humor and overall tone of the book. I love the style of the drawings, with the subtle detail and thick black outlines. The zombies look both gross and very, very funny. Page 204 is probably my favorite! In fact the overall look of the book is part of the appeal, because aside from the illustrations, the pages containing Knecht's letters are splattered with blood.

Perhaps it was just an unfortunate consequence of the style the book was written in, but I was a little disappointed at the lack of bloody zombie action! It's the gorehound in me, I apologize. When looking at the story as a whole, though, I can't help but love what Kenemore has presented here. I also can't help but believe that this book would make a fantastic zom-com film. I'm thinking actors like Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman, and/or Harvey Keitel for the main roles. Somebody get on that, right now.

As far as I'm concerned, the self-proclaimed zombie expert Scott Kenemore has done it again and delivered a comical zombie tale that shows the disastrous side of people's attempts to control zombies or otherwise mess around with the walking dead (Day of the Dead, anyone?). Zombies vs Nazis: A Lost History of the Walking Dead is a fun, fast, and immensely entertaining read for anybody who loves zombies and the hijinks they can create.

Project Terrible: Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

2011-11-26T21:03:00.000-06:00

Maynard, start running. I have finally stopped playing Uncharted 3 long enough to grudgingly watch Manos: The Hands of Fate and all I can say is... YOU. ARE. SO. FREAKING. DEAD. I am literally two minutes into this movie and I'm dreading the next hour. I mean, this has to be a joke, right? This can't really be an actual movie, can it?

Well, yes and no. A quick search on the Wikipedia tells me that Manos was made on a bet by a fertilizer salesman. A fertilizer salesman. Okay. It was shot in and around El Paso, Texas with some community theater people as the stars and a budget that was pooled together by everyone from what they could find in between their couch cushions. How in the hell did they even get this played at a theater?

Anyway, the "plot" of the movie is as such: A family of three - mother Maggie, daughter Debbie, and father Mike - get lost on the road toward their vacation spot and end up spending the night at some house where there's a weird guy named Torgo who worships some "Master" and the Master has six ugly wives and nothing else makes sense or is worth talking about. Oh, there's also a random couple that keeps making out in their car. What do they have to do with the plot of the movie? Nothing. Grrrrr.

Where do I start with the bad in this movie? The obvious thing is the production quality which is... well, let's check out thesaurus.com for all the synonyms for "bad": abominable, atrocious, garbage, godawful, beastly, inferior, inadequate, poor, substandard, unacceptable. Yup, that about sums it up. The people who made this movie admittedly didn't know what the hell they were doing and dear goodness, does it show. The editing, however, is a thousand times worse. There are countless mistakes in continuity and an obscene amount of jump cuts that made me cringe every time it happened. Oh, did I mention the part where the clapboard comes into frame? Bad, so bad.

And the sound - jeebus. For the first twenty minutes, there is absolutely no ambient sound at all which is something I have never seen before. All you hear is the shitty dialouge and the annoying music that sounds like it would be more appropriate in a jazz bar. There were times, though, that I would have preferred no sound over the incomparable shitty acting by these theater geeks. When they weren't just standing there delivering their lines like pieces of wood, they were giving stupid awkward pauses that lasted about five seconds before delivering their lines. Several times there were awkward pauses where everyone in the scene stood around and didn't say anything! It was so freaking aggravating.

Let's talk about everyone's favorite crazy guy - Torgo! He's the Master's crony and man-bitch who does his bidding. He's also a guy who repeats himself a lot and walks around like he's either really drunk or trying to hold in a large dump, I can't decide. All I have to say is that I hope the actor was drunk while making this movie because that way he would have no memory of the horrid stuff he did.

The Master is actually played pretty well by whatever-his-name-is but the women playing his six wives are another story. They suck. Really, really suck. Which is kind of sad considering that the Master's wives don't do much except argue with each other for ten minutes about whether or not they should kill Debbie. It's really the worst argument I've ever heard. They literally say the exact same thing about seven times so it's no surprise that they can't come to an agreement. The wives also (famously) get into several spectacular cat-fights with each other for no apparent reason. They include some random bitch slapping and the shoving of faces into the sand, but I found that these fights were sadly not as sexy as they could have been. For shame.

So, Maynard, congratulations. This is the worst, most obscure movie ever made and I can now add my name to the very short list of people who were able to sit through the whole thing. Hopefully I will never have to do it again.

I did kinda dig the Master's cloak, though. When he spreads his arms out there are these two huge red hands on it. It'd be awesome to have that thing just to wear around the house.

Random Non-Horror Reviews

2011-11-21T20:12:00.001-06:00

It's no secret that sometimes people need a break. Recently, I got a break not only from my work, but also from my whole freaking state and the people I see every day. And it was glorious. When I got back, I fully intended to get right back into watching those good ole horror movies again, but I just wasn't into it. It was time to watch some of those other movies that are out there, and thank goodness that the two films I randomly picked out from Netflix all turned out to be really good.

The Killing Jar (2010)
I will freely admit that I only wanted to watch The Killing Jar because Michael Madsen was in it. Plain and simple, that was the only motivation I needed. Who doesn't love this man, really? You know you do, so go out and watch this movie.

The Killing Jar tells the story of several patrons at a small town diner who become suspicious of a strange and rude man who enters the establishment late at night. Reports of the brutal murder of an entire family spook them into thinking that this man (Madsen) is the culprit.

Along with Madsen, this movie actually has a very nice and recognizable cast. The lone waitress of the diner, Noreen, is played by the wonderful Amber Benson, best known (at least by me) as Tara from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Harold Perrineau is John Dixon, another stranger in the diner. Danny Trejo is the tough diner cook and Lew Temple is the sheriff with a big mouth and no courage. Later on, there's also Jake Busey, who is the same sleazy character he pretty much always plays. In fact, Madsen, Temple, and Trejo all play to their respective types in this movie which was disappointing at points. Madsen even seems a little bored with his role in certain scenes, but then other times, he's right on the mark. Bad day, maybe?

More so than Madsen himself, I'd have to say that his shotgun is a big star of the film. I mean, look at that thing! What the hell is that? With the shells on top? That's so AWESOME! Anyway. The Killing Jar is a lot more bloody than I thought it was going to be and there are some great effects work on several people's deaths. Heads are blown off and throats are cut. Keeps it interesting.

For a small film with really not a lot going on, I was surprised at how into it I was. There are several twists in the plot, and even though they become rather predictable once the story gets going, they no doubt added to what otherwise would have been a rather boring film. Once we really get into the meat of the plot, there's enough there to make you want to watch the rest of the movie, if only to see how it ends.

Trust (2010)

Hello, my name is Michele.

Hi, Michele.

And I am a Law and Order: SVU-aholic.

Thank you, Michele.

I am so addicted to everything about that show - the hard-hitting stories, the intense drama, and the unabashed show of emotion.

What does all this have to do with this 2010 flick Trust, you ask? Well, again, I didn't need much more motivation to watch it after reading the synopsis which could very well have been an episode of SVU. Clive Owen plays the father of 14-year-old Annie who becomes the victim of an online sexual predator. And while the father obsesses over finding the man who hurt her, the daughter delves deeper into confusion and despair.

Though this sounds like your standard Lifetime movie fair, the progressing story turns out to be a little different. One of the biggest things that annoyed me, or that I had trouble understanding, was the fact that for most of the movie, Annie doesn't even believe that she was raped by this man. She is admirably a little put off when she finally meets up with her online friend, "Charlie," and finds out that he is about 15 years older than he said he was. Still, she goes with him to his motel room and... you know what happens. She's convinced that the two of them just had sex, and though she has strange feelings about it, she is still protective of Charlie and is constantly angry at her father for trying to catch him.

The movie is not so much about the apprehension of Charlie than it is about the disintegration of the family and everybody's mixed feelings about the situation. Annie is young and impressionable and I can't honestly remember what it was like to be 14 so it's hard for me to get into her mindset. I am, however, very attracted to Clive Owen's portrayal of Annie's father, Will. He never hides his emotions about what happened to his daughter, even when those emotions and actions are causing more problems with the family. Will's character is probably the most honest and heartbreaking one of the whole piece.

The conclusion may not be enough to satisfy what people want to see happen - Charlie is never caught - but for what the story was about it makes sense. It's about Annie and her father finally understanding each other and each other's feelings and coming back to what they used to be before their world fell apart. Trust is a very effective drama, and quite a surprising one for it being directed by David Schwimmer!

Ghostbusters Mini-Tour in NYC

2011-11-16T20:06:00.000-06:00

I'm back from the Big Apple, people. It was a great trip all around, just so's you know. We had great weather, saw lots of sites, and, aside from the blisters on my feet from all the walking, it was a fantastic time and I'm ready to go back and catch up on all the stuff we didn't have time to see.

I went to New York City because a friend from high school lives there and it was a great excuse to go visit her and see the city, as well. One thing I made her do was go to the famous Ghostbusters firehouse, now known as Hook & Ladder No. 8 on North Moore Street in Tribeca.

And here it is as it stands today!

And there I am standing by it! I saw some dudes inside, but was too chicken to ask if I could go in. I know this location was only used for the exteriors, but they apparently have some memorabilia from the movies hanging around inside. I don't think they would have let us, anyway. Boo.

During our trip, we made a stop at the beautiful New York Public Library, which, as Ghostbusters fans know, is also a landmark from the film. It's where the guys encounter the terrifying librarian ghost and is also the first shot of the movie, with that spooky music playing over it.

The building looks a little dingy in the movie (maybe it was just how it was filmed or something) but in real life, it is an absolutely gorgeous building outside and in.

And here's me with the lion on the right side of the steps, the one that appears in the first shot of the movie.

I know there's a lot of other places we could have seen - Dana's apartment building or maybe the hotel where Slimer shows up - but we only had three full days for sightseeing so I was happy to work these two locations into our itinerary. Yay for Ghostbusters!