Television rarely stops me in my tracks anymore, but the third episode of Lanterns shook me. 

I felt intensely compelled to put these thoughts into words because the series does something incredibly rare for a comic book adaptation: it strips away the glossy myth of the superhero to expose raw, truths of the Black experience in America.

I am deeply grateful for this show, not just because it gave us Mr. Arron Pierre’s brilliant iteration of John Stewart, but because it had the courage to hold up a mirror to the quiet, systemic terrors that so many of us recognize all too well.

When I watched the third episode of Lanterns, seeing young John Stewart left completely alone to navigate his way home hit me with a crushing weight. The scene cut straight to the bone because the irony it highlights is razor-sharp — a wealthy, manicured white suburb does not protect a Black boy. It never has.

One only needs to remember the tragedy of Trayvon Martin who’s murder compelled me to write an essay “America Eats Her Young” and countless other Black boys to remember that in a world primed to view Black skin as an inherent threat, a pristine neighborhood becomes a hostile gauntlet. For a young Black child, that manicured lawn isn’t a sanctuary; it is a crucible where he might have to fight or flee just to survive.

What makes this show’s adaptation of John Stewart so devastatingly poignant is that his stoic, unbreakable fearlessness isn’t just a natural superpower—it is the product of profound generational trauma. When we see a flashback of his father, John Stewart Sr.( J. Alphonse Nicholson) shooting an apple off young John’s head, we initially dismiss it as erratic, abusive behavior. But the truth is far heavier: the ring originally chose John’s father, who was rejected simply because he admitted to being afraid.

Drop a Black child into a wealthy white neighborhood, and that is where he truly has to earn his ring. In the poor Black neighborhood, he is shielded by a community that claims him, recognizes him, and wraps him in a collective warmth. But in the rich white neighborhood—isolated under the blinding, perilous light of a world that refuses to see his humanity—he isn’t protected. He is hunted.

Shamed by a cosmic system that threw him away, his family weaponized fearlessness, isolating young John from his siblings to explicitly groom and condition him for a destiny he didn’t ask for. This twist brilliantly redefines the hyper-vigilance forced upon Black children in America. His mother, Bernadette (Jasmine Cephas Jones) perfectly articulates this burden when she admits they lied to him about the Guardians watching over him, explaining that “sometimes a Black man needs to raise his own hand to be noticed.”

The Stewarts: Jasmine Cephas Jones & J.Alphonse Nicholson

In the universe of Lanterns, Black excellence is inseparable from cosmic mythology. Hal Jordan can be a reckless, impulsive hothead and still be deemed a hero; John Stewart does not have the luxury of mediocrity. He was raised with the suffocating pressure that being “good” is a death sentence—he has to be perfect, precise, and entirely devoid of panic just to be seen as human.

That heavy sense of survival instantly made me look back at how profoundly we misunderstand danger in America. I grew up in The Bronx, New York in neighborhood that plenty of outsiders would be terrified to walk through at night. Yet, I never felt afraid. Not once.

During the suffocating heat of summer, when nobody had air conditioning, our entire life happened outside. The streets were vibrant, healthy, and beautifully loud. I can still see the old heads playing dominoes on the sidewalk at all hours, hear music spilling from open windows, and see the young cats hanging out on the stoops or gathered by the corner store. When I walked those streets at night, eyes didn’t track me with suspicion.

Instead, older ladies would lean out of their windows to look after me, asking who my people were and making sure I got where I was going. Even the guys dealing on the corners I was told to stay away from never messed with civilians—for them, it was about commerce, and disrupting the neighborhood was bad for business. Nobody wanted more police around. There was a profound, collective watchfulness born of pride and unity that kept me safe.

I understand why a kid raised in the suburbs might drop into a heavily urban, underserved community and feel frightened by the raw noise and the concrete. But they have the danger completely backward. The real test of survival isn’t the block; it’s the HOA gated suburb.

Drop a Black child into a wealthy white neighborhood, and that is where he truly has to earn his ring. In the poor Black neighborhood, he is shielded by a community that claims him, recognizes him, and wraps him in a collective warmth. But in the rich white neighborhood—isolated under the blinding, perilous light of a world that refuses to see his humanity—he isn’t protected. He is hunted.

Ultimately, Lanterns gives us a hero who wears his trauma like armor because he has no other choice. When John finally sits across from the Guardian in that abandoned mall, he isn’t jumping through hoops out of blind loyalty; he is a man reclaiming a legacy that fractured his family.

Like the communities in The Bronx that protect their own when the world turns its back, John Stewart proves that true strength doesn’t come from a cosmic ring or a manicured lawn. It comes from the fierce, unyielding willpower to look into a blinding light that wants to erase you, and still demand to be seen.

The post In the Dark: How HBO’s ‘Lanterns’ Exposed the White Suburb as the Ultimate Crucible appeared first on The Good Men Project.

By Kristen Hanna for Felina

Summers across the United States have always been hot, but Climate Central reports that average summer temperatures have risen across 97% of the 243 U.S. cities it analyzed since 1970. More recently, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) recorded July 2026 as the warmest month across the contiguous U.S. since recordkeeping began in 1895.

So getting dressed has become harder to get right, especially when people are trying to stay comfortable through hotter stretches of weather without giving up the clothes they normally wear.

Cornell fiber scientist Larissa Marie Shepherd told The Washington Post that dressing for summer heat is more complicated than simply wearing less, since uncovered skin absorbs more heat from the sun and burns more easily.

And the same focus on comfort is showing up across apparel, where Felina has examined how construction affects comfort in clothing worn close to the body. So with hotter days harder to ignore, people are looking more closely at what their clothes are actually made of.

The Fabric Choices That Matter More When Temperatures Rise

Fashion has always been and will always be about self-expression, but during the relentless heat of summer, it also comes down to function and comfort. As temperatures climb, the fabric touching the skin becomes much harder to ignore, and even small irritations can make a hot afternoon feel much longer.

Guowen Song, who directs Iowa State University’s Lab for Heat and Thermal Protection Research, told Time that “we human beings really need to balance heat and moisture to feel good.” His observation helps explain why linen and cotton remain common warm-weather choices, even though neither performs the same way for every person or every climate.

Georgia Tech materials scientist Sundaresan Jayaraman offers a closer look at why linen gets so much attention, noting that it moves moisture vapor faster than cotton or polyester, while its natural stiffness helps keep it from clinging to the body.

Song also explained to Time that engineered textiles can move moisture away from the skin and dry quickly, making some synthetic blends another practical option for hotter conditions. Still, higher humidity or more activity can make these differences easier to notice, especially as fabrics respond differently to air and sweat.

Breathability vs. Moisture Management

Among the comfort-related properties of fabrics, how the material handles moisture from the skin ranks near the top.

Breathability describes how easily air and water vapor pass through the small openings in a fabric, and research published in the journal Materials points to fabric structure, especially porosity, as a major influence on that movement.

Moisture management begins once sweat reaches the fabric as liquid, where wetting and wicking affect how quickly it spreads and moves away from the skin.

The two processes do not always perform equally well in the same material, since a fabric that lets vapor escape easily may still struggle to move liquid sweat efficiently.

Glen Kenny, a physiology professor at the University of Ottawa, told The New York Times that “there’s a misguided belief that wicking away that sweat from the skin is somehow going to keep the body cool.” His warning helps explain why airy fabrics and fast-drying fabrics can feel very different during the same hot day.

The Rise of Lightweight Layering and More Flexible Wardrobes

Layering is usually associated with colder weather, but summer heat has given the same idea a different purpose. Rather than adding warmth, lightweight pieces give people more control over what they wear as the day changes.

Stylist Heather Newberger told The Washington Post that lighter summer fabrics bring back some of the flexibility people rely on during colder seasons, and this is especially true when clothing needs to be adjusted throughout the day.

Thin cardigans and lightweight overshirts fit naturally into that approach, since either can be added or removed without rebuilding an entire outfit. And having that option makes a flexible wardrobe easier to rely on during daily routines that move through different settings.

The Air-Conditioning Paradox

There is nothing wrong with wanting to wear less in the summer heat, but indoor air conditioning can make that choice harder to rely on for a full day.

USA Today reports that 78 degrees is commonly recommended as a summer thermostat setting, yet a 2024 Consumer Reports survey found that many Americans set their thermostats closer to 73 degrees during the day and 72 degrees night.

So summer dressing now has to account for two very different temperatures within the same workday. And experts who study indoor comfort account for that tension by looking at both room temperature and the clothing people wear.

Activity is also part of how they judge comfort, making clothing directly relevant to how a person feels inside a cooled space. So, with clothing affecting comfort across both settings, the question of what to wear before leaving home becomes harder to separate from how the day will feel.

Comfort Is Becoming a Bigger Part of Fashion Decisions

Comfort has always influenced what people wear, but hotter weather has made it harder to overlook. One sign of this comes from McKinsey’s State of Fashion 2026 report, which says consumers are placing more value on well-being in their daily lives. And clothing has become part of that conversation, especially as people look for pieces that still feel good several hours after getting dressed.

Experts on hot-weather dressing point to looser fits as more comfortable, helping explain the move toward relaxed silhouettes and clothing that feels less restrictive. The same desire for more ease extends to underlayers, including bras, where the need for breathable designs and a less confining fit become harder to ignore.

Hotter Summers Are Changing Seasonal Fashion Cycles

The beauty of fashion is that it is always changing, and much of that change has traditionally followed seasons on the calendar. But hotter summers are making those dates harder for retailers to rely on.

Industry analysis notes that autumn collections can arrive while shoppers are still experiencing summer temperatures, leaving heavier clothing waiting for demand that has not arrived yet.

But a sudden drop in temperature can create the opposite problem, bringing demand forward before stores are ready. And with shoppers buying earlier or later than retailers expected, stores have to rethink launch dates and how much transitional clothing they keep available.

The same uncertainty is also making a more seasonless wardrobe feel practical, since clothes that work across several months are easier to keep wearing as temperatures change. And as more people dress this way, apparel companies have to plan for clothing that stays useful when the weather does not follow the retail calendar.

Conclusion: What Climate Adaptation Could Mean for the Future of Apparel

There’s no way around it: Summers are getting hotter and lasting longer, but recent decades also show that clothes can evolve to meet warmer conditions. One place that progress is already visible is in research on clothing for extreme heat, where lighter, more breathable construction has been shown to help reduce skin and core temperatures.

And those results give designers a practical place to start, with textile development offering new ways to make everyday clothing more comfortable through longer periods of heat.

Similar thinking is already appearing in intimates, where breathable fabrics and flexible construction are being used to make clothing worn close to the body feel less restrictive. But clothing alone cannot protect someone from extreme heat. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidance still emphasizes staying hydrated and spending time somewhere cool when temperatures become dangerous.

Even so, clothing will still be part of how people respond to hotter summers, with more people choosing what to wear based on how hot the day will actually feel rather than what season the calendar says it is.

This story was produced by Felina and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.

—

Previously Published on hub.stackernewswire

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By Tessa Armich for Talkspace

Have you ever texted through an argument? Sent a meme or reel to break the ice after a confrontation? Used a dating app? Digital tools and technology are already part of relationships today, so it may not come as a surprise to learn that artificial intelligence (AI) is also entering the field of therapy. Couples are increasingly using it to navigate communication issues and conflicts and foster connections with their partners.

AI-assisted couples therapy platforms use tools such as chatbots, relationship apps, and AI-guided check-ins. If you’re intrigued by how AI is being used for couples therapy, what it can (and can’t) do, and what you should know before trying it, keep reading. Talkspace explores everything you need to know about AI couples therapy.

How AI Is Being Used in Couples Therapy

AI-assisted couples therapy and marriage counseling are becoming resources. AI offers new, cost-effective ways to support couples. AI tools such as chatbots like ChatGPT and smart apps can help you communicate and grow with your partner. So, how exactly is AI therapy used for relationships?

Chatbot-based pre-therapy assessments

AI-powered bots create an easy way to engage with the therapeutic process. You can ask chatbots questions about your relationship, communication habits you’re struggling with, or areas where you have conflict.

A chatbot’s assessment of your concerns can be less intimidating than working with a real therapist for the first time. You can share information upfront in a low-stakes way, and chatbots can clarify your goals and even offer tools you might find beneficial.

Communication tracking and conflict pattern analysis

It’s common to feel like you’re on a hamster wheel when it comes to arguments and conflict in your relationship.

If you constantly have the same argument over and over, AI tools might be able to identify patterns leading up to or contributing to your issues. The insights these kinds of tools offer can help to identify triggers, track emotional responses, and develop healthier communication skills.

AI-assisted relationship coaching apps

Relationship coaching apps powered by AI provide on-demand support. This can be useful for couples who struggle to express their feelings or navigate difficult conversations. These kinds of apps use natural language processing (NLP) to understand tone and intent. This allows them to provide personalized feedback and tips that can promote meaningful, healthy connections.

Examples of AI-Assisted Relationship Coaching Apps

Guided conversation prompts and journaling tools

It can be easy for partners to fall into a rut, especially when it comes to patterns of miscommunication. Guided prompts and journaling are tools that can help to break the cycle.

AI-driven tools and conversation starters can help you and your partner reflect, clarify, and discuss sensitive topics with empathy and grace. These tools can be useful before real therapy sessions, helping you organize your thoughts, so your time is more productive. They can also allow you to process what happened in an argument, so you can move forward in healthy ways and stop repeating the same mistakes.

Hybrid models (AI plus human therapists)

The AI component offers real-time feedback, and interaction with a licensed, qualified mental health professional can offer more in-depth insight into your issues.

For example, AI can analyze communication patterns and suggest effective communication exercises for couples, and a therapist can then use the data you provide to tailor sessions to address the more complex problems you’re facing.

Benefits of Using AI For Couples Counseling

AI couples therapy isn’t a magic fix, but research and reviews indicate that it can provide meaningful and impactful support that enhances and strengthens relationships.

“The implementation of AI as a tool for helping couples therapy can be beneficial. It’s about how to meld the information given to you through AI and using your own voice with it,” licensed mental health counselor and Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, M.S. explained. “For instance, you may want to communicate an issue that isn’t a ‘big issue’ but something that needs to be addressed. You can use AI to help craft a template that may sound neutral but also informative of the situation. Adding your own spin to it helps it be more personable. It does not replace the need to talk and use your own voice. AI statements can sound robotic and emotionless because they are.”

Here’s how AI is impacting couples therapy.

• Accessible: AI-powered tools are accessible 24/7. You can find support when you need it. Even if it’s late at night after an argument or during a busy workday, AI is there. If you can’t afford therapy, AI also offers a free alternative.
• Personalized feedback: AI can analyze unique communication patterns in seconds. It can offer insights and effective strategies that will address the heart of your issues.
• Real-time support: Especially during heated moments, AI tools provide immediate feedback, which can prevent things from escalating further. It can suggest calming exercises or remind you to stop and listen before responding.
• Enhanced self-reflection: Apps that offer journaling tools and conversation prompts help you become more aware of your emotions, feelings, and triggers. They can also help you improve self-understanding and develop empathy toward your partner.
• Low-stakes entry point: If you’re hesitant about seeing a therapist or are unsure of how to start therapy, AI can be a safe, nonintimidating first step.
• Convenience: AI can be a convenient option if you’re new to therapy, have time constraints, or are in a long-distance relationship that makes traditional couples counseling more challenging.

Risks and Limitations of AI for Couples Therapy

AI tools for therapy are not entirely without risk. AI isn’t going to be the perfect solution for every relationship, and there are limitations to consider before you commit to using AI for advice in your love life.

AI can misinterpret emotional nuance between partners

One area where AI excels is identifying patterns, but it struggles with some of the more subtle emotional cues that shape interactions with your partner.

For example, ChatGPT and other chatbots often miss sarcasm, and they can’t see body language, both of which are essential context clues a therapist can use to get to the root of your relationship issues.

Chatbots also don’t know the history behind an argument or repeated problems you continue to encounter. Deeper layers of your relationship can go unnoticed, including unspoken words or resentments that have developed over a long period.

Chung notes, “With the use of AI, we can forget that the information we receive isn’t from a person because of the way it communicates the information that was found. However, it is important to remember that the information given through AI is a broad search of material on the internet, given to us in a way that is easier to read. So the information may be accurate, but the emotional question asked may not be truly addressed. Sometimes, it’s not about the information given but the reaction given that is important. AI can’t discern the difference.”

Generic advice may oversimplify complex relationship issues

Your relationship is unique and deeply personal. It’s shaped by factors like culture, values, and life experiences—not just with your current partner, but also from past relationships. While AI can share effective strategies a lot of the time, it often relies on more general advice that may not fit your exact situation. This can become a problem when you’re dealing with things like trauma, broken trust, or cultural or religious differences that demand a deeper understanding and a more empathic approach.

Lack of human mediation can escalate conflict

If you’re dealing with an escalated conflict or deep-seated problem in your relationship, you might need more than the script or prompt AI can provide.

Sometimes, a human response is necessary to navigate the really tough conversations. If you’re relying on AI-guided discussions, you might feel misunderstood or unheard. While trained therapists can read between the lines, pick up on body language, and understand your history, AI might not provide the same level of emotional safety you need to heal or grow in your relationship.

“Couples therapy is important when the two partners are struggling within the relationship,” Chung said. “It isn’t just about advice about the situation, but also the counselor’s ability to see the nuances of the situation to understand how to de-escalate a situation or even provide insight based on observation. AI, like ChatGPT, can’t do that. There is no ability to observe the situation. Rather, relying solely on AI to help with relationship issues can be like reading a script and hoping it will make sense.”

Privacy concerns around shared conversations

AI therapy is new enough that privacy concerns understandably exist surrounding its use. Couples counseling involves being vulnerable and sharing deeply personal details you probably wouldn’t feel comfortable telling just anyone. Some tools promise confidentiality and safekeeping of your personal information, but they’re not bound by the same ethical standards and laws that human therapists have.

Data breaches and questionable retention and sharing practices can put sensitive information at risk. It’s crucial to explore the privacy statements of any platform or tool you’re considering to ensure your data is protected.

Not suitable for crisis or high-conflict relationships

If your relationship is at a crisis point or you’re dealing with high-conflict dynamics, AI might not be the best tool for you. This becomes even more critical if safety or mental health concerns are evident. Situations like these should be handled by a licensed and trained mental health professional who can utilize their expertise, knowledge, and empathy to provide effective support.

Will AI Replace Traditional Couples Therapy?

Technology will continue to evolve, and the power of AI in couples therapy will likely grow with it. The truth is, no one really knows exactly how AI will transform couples therapy, or how AI and mental health will evolve in general​. What we do know is that human connection is irreplaceable when it comes to therapy. AI can complement the process, but it can’t replace the empathy, adaptive insight, and real-time emotional presence a therapist offers. Human-led therapy remains the gold standard for couples therapy, especially if you’re dealing with complex relationship issues.

Therapy is more than just advice. It’s about being seen and heard by someone who understands and can help you do the deeper work necessary to heal and grow.

This story was produced by Talkspace and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.

—

Previously Published on hub.stackernewswire

The Good Men Project is part of a multi-platform ecosystem: flagship site, Medium publications, Substacks, social media. We publish experts, authors, therapists, coaches, activists, and wellness professionals. AI tools look for stable, context-rich domains with clear topical focus. GMP’s mission-driven content helps articles perform better in AI-powered discovery.

If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.

Photo credit: iStock

The post How AI Is Being Used for Couples Therapy appeared first on The Good Men Project.

“I’m tired of fighting with my body.”

I was in my early thirties when I said it to a yoga teacher on the phone. I hadn’t even started taking classes yet. I was simply trying to explain why I thought yoga might be something I needed.

She stopped me. “That’s a powerful statement.”

At the time, I hadn’t meant it to be. It was simply true.

I never followed through on that first call. It took me another twenty years to understand what I had already known: I needed a different relationship with my body. I finally began practicing yoga about ten years ago.

I spent my twenties, thirties and forties trying to whip my body into shape by pushing it through exercise routines that did as much harm as good. Stretching didn’t feel particularly good, and it took time away from the endorphin hit I was in a hurry to get. And I punished my body in order to get it.

I am not naturally flexible. But yoga has taught me to focus on my own journey and not compare it to anyone else’s. My Down Dog may not be as elegant, and my Pigeon pose may never reach the level of my neighbor’s. But it’s always better by the end of class than it was at the beginning. That is the measure I use now.

When the alarm goes off on a Sunday morning, sometimes I would rather roll over and sleep for another hour. Sometimes it is just inertia, in which case, I push through and make the effort. But I have learned that not all resistance is the same. Pain or fatigue says maybe today is not the day. And that’s ok. Yoga has taught me to listen to my body.

Today’s class was tougher than usual. I haven’t been exercising regularly lately. But yoga has taught me to relax into resistance when I meet it. My body and I get along much better when we look out for one another. When resistance comes, I hold the pose gently, but consistently. Midway through the pose, the resistance relaxes. And then all feels good again. I have learned that powering through is not always the answer. Sometimes the right approach is just to stay the course: not to force, not to retreat, but to stay present long enough for something to soften. This works elsewhere, too.

I am never going to teach yoga. I once said as much to my ex-husband, who had watched me struggle my way through enough poses to know my limitations. “Well…you could,” he said, “But you would have to say, ‘This is what it’s supposed to look like.”

He was very funny, my ex-husband. He was not wrong.

I will never be as physically flexible as I would like to be. But my body and I are friends now, and we’re both better off for it. And I have become far more flexible in ways I had not anticipated. I’ve learned that sometimes I need to push through, but sometimes I just need to listen and attend, and stay the course. Life keeps giving me plenty of opportunities to put this into practice.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

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The post Relaxing Into Resistance appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Tons of amazing stories are told in this graphic novel collection

Over the years I have read a number of Usagi Yojimbo graphic novels. Each one has been wonderful and has taken me on some amazing journeys. When I learned that a special edition collection was coming out I looked forward to reading it. I was able to get a digital copy of this collection and here are my thoughts on it.

You can read the plot for this graphic novel collection here:

For the first ten years of his career, the battling bunny was published by Fantagraphics Books. In honor of his 25th anniversary, Fantagraphics is releasing a deluxe slipcase set collecting the first seven Usagi books, including the earliest stories; the origin story, “Samurai”; “The Dragon Bellow Conspiracy,” a full graphic novel; and literally dozens more. With over 1000 pages of story, this is the complete, definitive, early Usagi.

But that’s not all! This Special Edition will also be brimming with extra material, some from the long-out-of-print hardcover editions of those first seven volumes, some brand new. Just a few of the goodies are a complete full-color gallery of the more than 50 Usagi covers from that period (never-before-collected); many preparatory sketches, including Sakai’s original first draft of the “Samurai” story; two “non-canon” Usagi stories by Sakai co-starring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (with whom Usagi also shared screen time in the TMNTs’ TV series); and an updated and expanded, long out-of-print and feature-length, career-spanning interview with Sakai from the pages of The Comics Journal.

This was a really great graphic novel collection. There were tons of action-packed tales here, many I had never read before. Usagi faced some deadly enemies and made some long-term friends on his adventures and also had times where tough choices were made. Along the way they learned many lessons and even ran into some people who they thought were long gone. Fans of this character will definitely want to pick this collection up. You can learn more about this graphic novel collection here.

Usagi Yojimbo: The Special Edition is available now. You can follow Fantagraphics on Facebook and Instagram.

The post Hear Many Thrilling Tales in ‘Usagi Yojimbo: The Special Edition’ appeared first on The Good Men Project.

There are shards of bullshit behind every grand theory or product due to the researcher’s biases. This is a common and expected phenomenon that happens to every creator. Yet, some of the works out there don’t contain just fragments of bullshit. They have an abyss of it below them.  – by me.

It was 1992 when a short and simple book from some Christian Baptist pastor hit the shelves and made one Hell of a crater in the relationship advice industry. The little book that changed so many lives was called The 5 Love languages, and that random pastor who wrote it was the now-famous marriage counselor, Gary Chapman.

Everyone who was at least somewhat interested in relationship advice bought a copy of his book. It was so popular that even the people who didn’t buy it never dared to admit that. In fact, they often lied about how they purchased it to avoid embarrassment within their tight social groups.

Soon after the release of Chapman’s book, its ideas spread around the world like wildfire. And soon, they took a life of their own and overhauled the Internet. By now, everyone and their dog have been exposed to them in some form.

Be that through several discussion in Reddit groups, via Instagram-quotes like, “pizza is my favorite love language,” or memes like this one:

The book’s popularity became so massive that marriage consolers began to use it during their therapy sessions, and relationship experts started preaching its content at their overpriced, overhyped seminars. And don’t even ask how many other relationship books copied or, or as they call it, expanded on Chapman’s ideas.

Ok, enough of the hype.

You’re probably wondering, what the Hell makes this book so fucking revolutionary? Well, here’s the gist of it.

Dr. Chapman’s claims that each person has a primary love language. That is, a favorite and most frequent way of giving and receiving affection. Big surprise, there are 5 of them to choose from. Here’s a description of each one:

• Words of kindness and affirmations: These are your basic expressions of endearment like “thanks for making dinner,” “you’re so great, I love you,” “you look really hot in that dress!” or “you look adorable in that button-up shirt.” In general, people with this love language love to hear how much they mean to their partners.
• Physical touch: This love language relates to unsullied affection. The partner who has this language will respond best and feel most loved when you kiss, hold hands, hug, or cuddle them.
• Gift giving: This love language is all about giving gifts to your partner, which can either be materialistic, such as baking them a bitching three-story cake with extra fudge, or abstract like checking out their new artwork piece. The person who holds this language will feel most loved when you buy or create and give them stuff.
• Acts of service: Similar to abstract gift-giving, people with this love language appreciate it most when you help them out in some way. For example, by doing the dishes, mopping the floor, or taking the time to prepare a kickass dinner.
• Quality time: People who have this love language will appreciate you the most when you invite them to an adventure or prepare an activity where you both engage with each other. In the realm of relationships, this translates to a date.

It’s also often addressed that the above five love languages have an alternate form—a dark side per se.

For example, if your favorite way of receiving affection is, by physical touch, the absence of it will make you feel unloved or unwanted. If your love language is quality time, and your partner is not giving you any time, you’re, again, going to feel less loved in your relationship. Or if you’re the type of person who prefers acts of kindness as his go-to language, a shortage of support and care from your partner will also make you feel less cared for.

Chapman also claims that if we learn to identify and speak our partner’s favorite love language, we can boost overall relationship satisfaction and the frequency of our “fun times.” If ya know what I mean.

But now comes the fun part, that is, my humble opinion.

After researching all the material surrounding Chapman’s famous book, I find the information presented in it vague and the claims he makes farfetched. Some even utter bullshit.

First of all, the author never addresses compatibility issues when teaching about love languages. In Dr. Chapman’s world, partners are always compatible, relationships are effortless, and the satisfaction in them easily achievable. Now, these delusions annoy me.

Relationships are not as easy as he presents them to be. In fact, they are chaotic and unpredictable by nature and a shit-ton of hard work to be kept intact.

There’s so much more to relationships than just finding your partner’s love language and calling it a day. You need to develop solid communication skills, practice meeting your partner’s needs, keeping respect unimpaired, holding and setting boundaries, dealing with logistics, keeping sex spicy.

Like, I don’t know if the guy was high while writing his book, but seriously, maintaining a relationship is fucking hard work.

What’s even more worrying is that the only cited reference that backs up all of Chapman’s theories is the Holy Bible.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with the Bible, but the lack of referenced scientific studies means there were no real tests performed on the validity of Chapman’s theories relating to love languages.

Luckily, due to the book’s popularity and massive reach, I’m not the only one being skeptical of its ideas. Other relationships and marriage researchers began questioning its assumptions and testing them early on.

Their findings were…unsurprising.

One study informs us that following Chapman’s theory makes us perform relational behaviors such as practicing present moment awareness and empathy or affirming commitment. These behaviors are linked to higher relationship satisfaction; but, they don’t guarantee it.

Another more practically oriented study found that love language alignment between couples wasn’t necessarily an accurate predictor of relationship satisfaction. The research in them showed that if you share the same primary language as your companion, you won’t be happier than a couple where both people have a mismatch in love languages.

But it doesn’t stop there.

There are even more problems with what the book teaches, mainly regarding how people use its information. For example, people who read Chapman’s work love to seek, find, and prioritize their preferred love language. They even begin identifying by it, while the book’s sole point is to find your partners’ love language.

Even though identifying your or your partners’ go-to love language is unnecessary, it’s at least a healthy aspect that the book teaches.

Nevertheless, people wholly neglect this altruistic feature today. I mean, that’s why you see a storm of self-absorbed posts like “Hell, yeah, my love language is acts of service, what’s yours?” splattered all over your newsfeeds. This hyper-focus on solely your love language at best only leads to less relationship success, not more of it.

And, don’t even get me started on how the people who believe that discovering their partner’s love language will cure their, for example, their nasty cheating-and-covering-it-up habit.

Let me make it clear that finding and speaking your lover’s love language isn’t the cure for their acts of unfaithfulness, shitty communication, or any other toxic behavior. It’s not the fix for incompatibility or an insecure attachment type, nor is it a way to rebuild broken respect or trust in a relationship.

Here’s another crucial fact. When it comes to couples where each person knows each other’s go-to love language, it’s also worth remembering that their language may change over time. In other words, the love language (or love languages) that your partner finds mindbogglingly awesome now is probably not the same one they’re going to find amazing in ten years.

Let’s say that your girlfriend/boyfriend is a gold medal champion cuddler right now, but after ten years, they might begin to gain interest in just spending some quality time with you. It varies from person to person; just be aware of that.

The bottom line is that these “languages” are hyper generalized, to the point where I would state that a primary love language doesn’t even exist Hell, I believe it’s all bullshit. Yes, your partner may prioritize one, maybe two, or three, but most of the time, it doesn’t fucking matter. One study even recommends you see Chapman’s work merely as a personality test at best. I love that study.

What I believe to be true is that all 5 love languages are just indispensable ingredients of any loving relationship. It’s not about finding the right one. It’s about practicing all of them as much as possible.

This means you date your partner, perform acts of service for them, tell them how hot and cute they are, kiss and cuddle and surprise them with a gift here and there. Do it all fucker. These acts of love are simultaneously ways of meeting your partner’s emotional needs and making them feel special in the relationship. Ultimately, Love languages are common sense. And far from some mysterious thing, you have to study or read a whole book about.

If you’re interested to know more about love, that is, what is love, why it’s overrated, and how to show it in aa healthy and mature way, feel free to read my two recent articles on those topics:

• Two Ways To Show Love
• What Does Love Mean To You? The Guide To Love And The Startling Truth Behind It

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Previously Published on maxjancar.com

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iStock image

The post The Abyss of B.S. Below the 5 Love Languages appeared first on The Good Men Project.

By Harvard Gazette

Kerry L. Ivey is a nutritional epidemiologist, clinical dietitian, and bioinformatician. She is a Harvard Medical School assistant professor of medicine at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and the corresponding author of a review of yogurt and human health in the Journal of Nutrition, Health and Aging. 

People have been making health claims about yogurt for hundreds of years. The Mongol emperor Genghis Khan, in the late 12th and early 13th centuries, reportedly believed yogurt would give his army strength and bravery; it’s only recently that the science is catching up. Bravery: probably not. But a lot of my research looks at how we can stay vital and healthy as we age, and if we can increase our protein intake while reducing chronic disease risk, which yogurt can help us do, then maybe Genghis Khan was onto something.

Now, there’s an interesting paradox here. Yogurt, particularly full-fat yogurt, can contain saturated fat, which has traditionally raised concerns it increases LDL cholesterol and cardiovascular disease risk. Meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials has found that probiotic yogurt can actually reduce total LDL cholesterol in people with mild to moderate elevated cholesterol, while large observational studies suggest that people who regularly eat yogurt tend to have better heart health.

In large U.S. studies, eating yogurt at least five times per week was associated with a 16 percent lower risk of high blood pressure, and among people with high blood pressure, eating yogurt at least twice a week was associated with a 17 percent lower risk of cardiovascular disease in women and 21 percent lower risk in men. And particularly interesting given concerns about saturated fat, a large Danish study found that replacing low-fat and high-fat milk with whole-fat yogurt was associated with an 11-13 percent lower risk of heart disease. These findings illustrate what we call the “food-matrix effect,” where the health effects of a whole food cannot necessarily be predicted from one nutrient, such as saturated fat, considered in isolation.

The problem with these observational studies is that they can’t show causality. Results are susceptible to confounding by other variables like overall diet, lifestyle, and socioeconomic factors. Exactly how and why yogurt is beneficial, and for whom, at what stage of life, is not clear.

All of this paints a complicated picture for the consumer standing in the grocery store, looking at so many different products. Some have high protein, some have more sugar, some have more fat. There’s no straightforward answer, no magic number of servings of yogurt that everyone should eat. I think of it more like a nutrient-dense component of an overall healthy dietary pattern. That might be having yogurt with fruit and whole grains at breakfast or having some yogurt as a snack instead of something more highly processed or higher calorie, or even using plain yogurt in savory dips or dressings.

But we still have a lot to learn — both about the mechanisms by which yogurt is beneficial, and about the strains of bacteria, which are actually very, very different from one another all the way up to their taxonomic class. My hope is that by continuing to study this food, we can get closer to personalized nutrition — the right type of yogurt with the right type of bacteria, for the right person, at the right time.

— As told to Sy Boles, Harvard Staff Writer

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This story is reprinted with permission from The Harvard Gazette.

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The post Why Is Yogurt Good for Us? appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Apple grilled cheese made with sharp cheddar, thin apple slices, and fresh sage comes together in one skillet in under ten minutes, with a touch of honey and Dijon mustard for balance.

My Lifelong Grilled Cheese Habit

Grilled cheese has been my comfort food staple since I became a vegetarian at eight years old, and apple cheddar sage is one of my all-time favorite flavor combinations. I’m a sucker for a good savory apple recipe, and once sage gets involved, I’m completely sold.

What actually ties the whole sandwich together, though, is a thin layer of Dijon mustard on the inside of the bread. It’s my secret ingredient here. It adds just enough tang to balance the sweetness of the apple and honey without announcing itself. Skip it and you’ll still have a good grilled cheese. Keep it and you’ll have this one.

Craving more of this exact flavor combination? My puff pastry pinwheels with apple, cheddar, and sage use the same three ingredients in an easy, party-ready form.

A Few Notes On Key Ingredients

A few quick notes on the ingredients that matter most. Find the full ingredient list and instructions in the recipe card below.

• Apple: Use a firm, slightly tart red variety like Honeycrisp or Pink Lady, and leave the peel on. It holds its shape when sliced thin, and the red skin gives you those pretty overlapping edges once the sandwich is sliced open.
• Sage: Fresh, not dried. A little goes a long way, so chop it finely and don’t overdo it. You want it as a background note, not the headline.
• Dijon mustard: Don’t skip this. It’s the ingredient that makes this taste like more than the sum of its parts, even though it’s barely noticeable on its own.

Getting The Melt Right

• Keep the heat at medium-low. Cheddar takes a few minutes to fully melt, and if the heat is too high, your bread will be dark brown before the inside catches up. Slow and steady gets you a fully melted center and evenly golden crust.
• Sandwich the apple between two layers of cheese. Cheese on both sides of the apple slices helps everything stay put and melts the apple in slightly, rather than leaving it as a cold, separate layer.
• Press gently, don’t flatten. An occasional light press helps the bread make full contact with the pan for even browning, but pressing hard will just push the filling out the sides.

Serving Ideas

• Pair with a bowl of Tuscan white bean soup for dunking, it’s just as cozy and comes together in one pot.
• Round out the meal with something from this collection of blender soups if you want a few more cozy options to rotate through.
• Serve alongside a simple green salad with a squeeze of lemon to cut through the richness of the melted cheddar.
• Make a latte with my apple brown sugar syrup, especially on a cooler day, to lean into the apple flavor already in the sandwich.

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Previously Published on moonandspoonandyum

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Photo credit: Kristen Wood

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Actor Tom Hiddleston said a very wise man told him, “The only meaning in life is to reside as a good object in the minds of others.”

I really don’t know that I reside as a good object in the minds of others. Although I hope so. I have nothing to with what goes on inside someone else. I have a say in what goes on inside me. I work on myself, not on others. I’m of service to others and try to make a difference. I train to be a good man.

Many people reside as good objects in my mind, like my late Mom, the late Mizukami Sensei, Ishibashi Sensei, Lance Miller, and numerous others. I don’t make the journey all by myself. I’m the greater man, the better person because of the good objects in my mind, and in my heart.

I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. We discussed the good objects that reside inside us. Lance said much of his work revolves around helping people deal with the bad object in their minds. That goes for me, too.

In the Yin and Yang universe, there are good objects and bad objects inside us. Much like there is good and bad inside us, too. In my experience, they both exist in us. There is always good and bad, good and evil in me. I have to find the balance. I resolve the hold they have over me.

I’ve trained in Aikido for over 35 years, for well over half my life. Aikido is my life. Aikido gives me my path. In The Art of Peace, Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “Those who are possessed by nothing possesses everything.” That’s how one becomes one with the universe, one with themselves. That’s Aikido. That is the training.

Good objects and bad objects reside in my mind. That’s just the human design. What it is to be human. I’m good with the good objects. What do I do with the bad objects?

When I was 8 years old, Dad scared me to my soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do made Dad so angry with me. I never knew which. I only knew I was his greatest disappointment in life. I would never be good enough for Dad. I would never be good enough for anyone, especially me. I spent much of my adult life proving that I was good enough, that I was good enough for Dad to love me. Yet, being more of anything would never be enough. Again, that’s just the human design.

My traumatic childhood and my fear that I’m not good enough are my bad objects. What can I do about them? Rather what is possible?

Lady MacBeth said, “What’s done, cannot be undone.” The past is the past. I can’t change the past. The bad objects are from the past. Much like the good objects. Good and bad. Yin and Yang. I find the balance.

In O-Sensei’s wisdom, “Those who are possessed by nothing possess everything.” I let go of my bad objects. I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I’m the only one, who can do that.

In Aikido, the safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. When the bigger stronger man attacks me, I wait it out. I enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.

I hold my position under the attack, in the danger. I make my timing. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s only me against me. I’m my greatest opponent, my greatest enemy.

In the danger, I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. My fear of Dad when I was a little boy. Although my fear inside me never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I let go my hold of the bad objects. I free myself. I’m possessed by nothing.

In therapy with Lance, I look at my fear of Dad when I was 8 years old, now perhaps with the wisdom and compassion of the 64-year-old. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father and for being afraid inside. Dad only did to me, what his Dad had done to him. He also got it far worse from his Dad. Dad just didn’t know any better. He was scared.

I forgive Dad for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough to protect Mom and for being imperfectly human, too. I let go my hold of the bad objects. Letting go is the hardest lesson, I’ve learned in life. I practice that over, and over, and over, again. Practice makes the unnatural natural. Just train.

We all have good objects and bad objects that reside in our minds, in our hearts. That’s just the human design. Maybe, the goal isn’t holding on to either, because both are from the past. Yes, good objects are good. Let them be. Yeah, bad objects are bad. Let them go.

We live in the present. The present is all that we have. Create your new objects. The good ones and the bad ones. Life is in the Yin and Yang, in the balance. Things have a way of working out, too.

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Photo: iStock

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A tough investigation moves forward on ‘The Weenie’

Last time on Lanterns, we learned more about the past of John Stewart. When his dad missed out on a life changing opportunity, life in this house was rough for a while. This changed when a strange alien had a chat with his mom and said one of her sons might one day be chosen for a wonderful purpose. After this, his parents did everything they could to prepare him. This led to lots of tough tests, but over time they did well on all of them. We also learned of how someone came along and ruined a mission John was on, which forced him to make a hard choice. As this episode came to a close, Hal paid a visit to someone who he hoped could answer some of his questions. Now an investigation makes some progress on ‘The Weenie’. I was able to watch a screener of this episode and here is what I thought of it.

(c) HBO Max

You can read the premise for this episode here:

As the 48-hour deadline nears, John develops a new theory about the Manhunter’s location, leading him and Hal to run their next move by Sheriff Kane. Meanwhile, Hal’s visit to Sinestro has consequences.

(c) HBO Max

We see Hal Jordan pay a visit to someone at the start of this episode. The conversation has its heated moments, but both sides do get some answers from it. The investigation does make some progress after a person gets murdered it a shocking way. Hal and John think they know who the mysterious benefactor might be, but it ends up being a dead end. Instead, John reveals he had a hunch who it might be, and Hal realizes how much sense that all makes. As this episode draws to a close, Hal does something rash and John isn’t going to be happy about it.

(c) HBO Max

Lanterns ‘The Weenie’ is streaming now on HBO Max. You can follow HBO Max on Facebook and Instagram.

The post Some Progress Gets Made on a Tough Investigation in ‘The Weenie’ appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Men who actually respect women don’t get angry when you say no.

Men who see women as conquests can’t handle it.

Here’s why that distinction is the most useful thing nobody ever told you.

I learned this in a Rewe car park in Maxvorstadt, of all places. Standing between my car and a trolley bay at 7pm on a Wednesday, while Lukas texted me — for the fourth time that hour — asking why I hadn’t confirmed we were going to his colleague’s dinner on Saturday.

I had said maybe.

Which apparently needed explaining.

The texts that followed my “maybe” were not curiosity. They were pressure dressed up as conversation. Each one a little more impatient than the last. Each one a small renegotiation of whether I was allowed to be uncertain.

I didn’t have a name for this at the time. I just stood next to the trolley bay feeling the familiar pull to apologise, to clarify, to smooth it over.

What I know now is that I had just run the only test that actually works.

And he had failed it.

“The way a man responds to ‘no’ tells you more about him than three years of good behaviour ever could.”

1. They’ve Known About This Test for a Long Time

There is a thing that happens in certain male spaces — forums, locker rooms, the particular brand of group chat that calls itself brutally honest — where the stated goal is to never take a woman’s no at face value.

They have frameworks for this. Entire systems.

The logic goes: persistence is attractive. Withdrawal signals disinterest. A man who stops asking is a man who doesn’t want it enough.

What this framework actually produces is a generation of men who have learned to experience female hesitation as a problem to be solved rather than information to be respected.

They’re not attracted to you more when you resist.

They’re annoyed that the mechanism isn’t working.

There’s a difference. It matters more than almost anything else.

I sat across from my third therapist — the one whose office in Schwabing had a plant on the sill that always needed water — and she said something I have thought about every week since.

“A person who truly wants what is good for you can hear you say no. Because your no tells them something about you that your yes doesn’t.”

She said it quietly. Like it was obvious.

It took me six months to understand it.

2. The Anger Is the Reveal

When Lukas was angry — and he was rarely loud about it, it was a specific kind of cold that arrived behind his eyes and stayed there for hours — I always assumed I had done something wrong.

The assumption was so automatic I didn’t even notice it was an assumption.

I had upset him, so I had to have done something. The logic ran backwards. The conclusion arrived before the evidence.

What I was watching, I now understand, was a man encountering a boundary he had not given himself permission to accept.

Men who are genuinely secure — and I have met some, they exist, I don’t want to be unfair — receive a woman’s hesitation as data. She’s uncertain. She needs time. She wants something different than what I’ve offered. These are workable things. These are conversations.

Men who have learned to see women as variable outcomes don’t know how to receive a no because they never built the internal architecture to do it.

The anger is what lives there instead.

“When a man gets angry at a woman for being uncertain, he’s not reacting to her. He’s reacting to the interruption.”

Bessel van der Kolk writes about the body as a record-keeper — the nervous system storing not just what happened but the shape of every response that happened inside it. By the time Lukas reached his late thirties, his nervous system had a very specific response programmed for female resistance.

It wasn’t personal.

It was practice.

3. The Nice Ones Are Trained to Hide It Longer

This is the part they really don’t want circulating.

The men who are worst at receiving rejection are often the ones who appear, for months or years, to be generous and understanding about it. Lukas waited. He was patient. He absorbed my hesitations with a kind of quiet grace that I mistook for emotional maturity.

What I didn’t understand was that he was making an investment.

Each time he absorbed my uncertainty without complaint, he was filing it. Building a ledger. Accumulating what he considered a reasonable basis for expecting the balance to shift.

When it didn’t shift fast enough — when I said maybe on a Saturday dinner and didn’t make it a yes by the following Wednesday — the withdrawal was precise. Calibrated. Designed to communicate that patience had its limits.

I had been reading it as kindness the entire time.

It was a longer strategy.

The men who do this smoothly have done it before. The smoothness is not temperament. It’s repetition.

Hanna told me something similar about the man she left six months before I left Lukas. She said she’d spent two years thinking she was lucky to be with someone so even-keeled. Someone who didn’t push.

Then she said no to something significant.

And she watched two years of even-keeled dissolve in a week.

“He had been collecting,” she said. “I just didn’t know there was a jar.”

4. The Test Works Because It Bypasses Performance

You can fake patience. You can perform understanding. You can rehearse the language of emotional intelligence until it arrives on cue.

You cannot, in the moment of an unexpected no, perform a reaction you don’t actually have.

This is why the rejection test is the only one that is genuinely difficult to cheat.

Everything else — the listening, the consideration, the way he frames things as your choice — these are learnable. They are in every self-improvement book. They are in the scripts that circulate in the same forums that teach men to push past hesitation. Both sets of advice exist in the same ecosystem. A man sufficiently motivated can apply both.

But the half-second before the performance starts.

That moment.

The micro-expression before he catches himself. The breath he takes before he says of course, that’s fine. The thing that passes across his face when you say you’d rather not.

That is the real answer.

“Every man knows in that half-second how he actually feels about being told no. The question is only how quickly he’s learned to cover it.”

My somatic practitioner — I started seeing her four months after I left Lukas, her work was different from anything I’d tried before — talked about the body as a truth-teller that is much faster than the mind’s editing system.

She said: watch what happens in the body before the explanation starts.

She was talking about my own body.

But I think about it both ways now.

5. What Happens When He Actually Respects You

I need to say this part, because I spent so long inside a dynamic that I forgot the other version existed.

When someone respects you — genuinely, in the way that is not a strategy — your no lands differently.

There is a specific quality to being heard that you recognise in the body before the mind catches up with it. A kind of unclenching. A loosening around the jaw.

I didn’t know I’d been holding my jaw that way for three years until I stopped.

My friend Lena — she never judged anything I told her, just listened — said something small and true once. She said: “You should feel lighter after you’ve said what you need. Not braced.”

She was right.

The man who can hold your no with care is not a rare evolutionary accident. He is a man who has done enough internal work to know that your preferences are not obstacles in the way of his preferences.

They are just your preferences.

Equally real. Equally worth knowing about.

That’s not a high bar. It only looks high because so many men never clear it.

6. They Want You to Think the Test Is Unfair

Here is the argument they make when this conversation surfaces — and it does surface, in comment sections, in op-eds, in the particular tone men adopt when they feel something is being said about them collectively.

The argument is: some men are just sensitive. Some men feel genuine hurt when rejected. Emotional response doesn’t mean disrespect. You’re pathologising normal human feelings.

Sure.

Feeling hurt is human. Feeling disappointed is human. The feeling is not the test.

The response to the feeling is the test.

A man who feels hurt and processes that hurt without making it your problem to manage has passed. A man who feels hurt and deploys that hurt as pressure — through silence, through withdrawal, through the specific kind of cold that arrives behind the eyes and stays — has failed.

The feeling is not the issue.

What he builds with it is.

“He is allowed to feel rejected. He is not entitled to make you feel responsible for his reaction to it.”

I stood in the Rewe car park for a long time that Wednesday. Long enough that the sky went that particular grey it gets over Munich in late October.

I read the texts again.

And for the first time in three years, I did not feel the pull to smooth it over.

I felt something else instead. Something quieter and more stable.

I felt like I had finally understood the question he had been asking the whole time.

And I knew, clearly, for the first time, what my answer was.

Run the test. The next time you feel uncertain about a man, say no to something small. Say maybe when you mean maybe. Watch what happens in the thirty seconds before he composes his response. Not what he says — what passes through him before he says it. That half-second is the whole answer.

You already know what a safe no feels like.

Your body has been waiting for you to remember.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Thirty tables. A ballroom at a club in Rye, a hotel floor in White Plains, a tent the size of a hockey rink behind an estate in Bedford. Three hundred people is a different animal from a hundred, and not because there’s three times as much of everything. The room changes what works. Ideas that were charming at eighty guests disappear at three hundred, and the wedding decorators Westchester clubs keep on their preferred lists have all learned the same thing, usually the hard way. A big room punishes small ideas. Here’s what changes, and what to do about it.

Mass first, detail second

In a room that size, the eye reads the whole before it reads anything in it. Guests walk in and take in a shape, a color, a level of fullness, and only then do they look at a table. So the first decision is mass. Not which flowers. How much. The thing they see when the doors open has to be readable from the back wall, which in a real ballroom is a hundred feet away. An eight-foot arch under a fourteen-foot ceiling looks like a piece of furniture. A chart that would have been generous for a hundred and twenty people looks like a menu board.

And the mistake I see most is fairness. A medium budget spread evenly across thirty tables makes thirty slightly sad tables. The room looks thin everywhere instead of full anywhere. Better to make ten tables spectacular and twenty simple, put the ten where the eye goes, and let the twenty hold the edges. Nobody counts. Everybody notices full.

Repeat, but not exactly

Thirty tables can’t be thirty ideas, and they can’t be one idea thirty times either. The first reads as chaos and the second reads as a banquet hall. So it’s three. Three centerpiece designs, a tall one, a low one, and a cluster, laid out so no two neighboring tables match, and every table is one of the three. The tables along the main path from the door to the dance floor get the tall ones, because those are in every wide photo. The corner tables get the simple ones, because they’re in no photo at all. That’s not cutting corners. It’s putting the budget where the camera is.

Linens stay one color at this scale. Two colors alternating across thirty rounds looks like a chessboard from the balcony, and every big room in this county has a balcony or a mezzanine or a staircase somebody’s aunt will photograph from.

The entrance is a funnel

Three hundred people arrive in about twenty minutes. Everything at the entrance has to be sized for that. The welcome sign goes where the cars stop, readable from fifteen feet, since nobody is walking up to it in a crowd. The seating chart is the real problem. One chart for three hundred names is a wall of text that a hundred people are trying to read at once, and it backs up into the parking lot. Two charts, at opposite ends of the foyer, or better, an escort card wall twelve feet wide, alphabetical, in columns, with open floor in front of it so twenty people can read at once. And nowhere near the bar. At a wedding in Purchase I watched the chart line and the bar line merge into a single line that went nowhere for eleven minutes.

Two bars, at least, on opposite sides of the room, and both of them dressed, because the second bar is always the one in the photos.

The ceremony in a big room

Three hundred chairs is fifteen rows of twenty with a center aisle sixty feet long. The back row sees the arch at about the size of a postage stamp. So the arch is ten feet tall and as wide as the aisle, or the grounded pieces on either side are five feet tall on their own, or the chuppah has poles that could hold up a porch. Aisle markers every third row, heavier toward the front, and something substantial at the top of the aisle where the processional enters, since that’s where the phones point first. Seating three hundred people takes fifteen minutes, so every flower up front has been sitting in whatever light there is for a while before anyone says a word. Water in everything. No exceptions.

Rentals by the case

Three hundred votives. Ninety tapers. Thirty vases, thirty sets of candleholders, three hundred chargers if the couple wants them. This is where the budget spikes and it isn’t the flowers. Candles alone for thirty tables is a real line, and everything at this scale is rented, not bought, because nobody needs ninety candlesticks after the wedding. The rental truck is full before the flowers load. The crew is six to eight people for five hours, and the strike at midnight is the same crew, tired. Ask about breakage, ask about delivery windows, and ask the venue in Tarrytown or Harrison what time the room is actually empty, because a big room with a big set takes a long time to build and the venue’s idea of “the room is yours at noon” often means the tables aren’t even in it yet.

Where big rooms go wrong

A small arch, always first on the list. One chart. A room where everything is low, so from the door it’s a sea of linen with nothing rising out of it. One bar. Uplighting in whatever color the DJ likes. Forgetting the upper level, so the photos from the balcony show a beautiful floor and bare railings. The sweetheart table lost in the middle of it all, which is why at three hundred it goes on a low riser or against its own backdrop. The cake in a corner nobody visits. Every one of these is fine at a hundred guests. At three hundred, each one shows.

A room that size doesn’t hide anything. Whatever you bring, it shows you exactly how much of it there is, and then it asks for more. The trick is knowing that before the doors open, at a club in Mamaroneck with three hundred people waiting in the foyer to be impressed.

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There are many people out there who want to write a book, but sitting down and finishing one—never mind publishing one—is far harder than most imagine. When I began working on my first book, The Men’s Group: A Novel of Messy Friendships, I had no idea what I was getting into. I’d tried writing books before, but I never got very far before the motivation faded and, eventually, I stopped writing.

This time was different.

I stayed with The Men’s Group for more than ten years, through multiple drafts, rewrites, writer’s block, feedback that sent my co-author and I back to the drawing board, and countless moments when we thought we were finally done only to realize there was more work to do.

As I’ve reflected on the journey, I’ve realized that persistence probably isn’t the right word for what I did, at least not in the way we usually think about it.

Psychologists Hannah Moshontz and Rick Hoyle argue that our traditional understanding of persistence misses an important part of how we actually pursue long-term goals. “People do not start and finish goals in one uninterrupted episode,” they write. Instead, meaningful goals are often pursued episodically, which means that an important component of persistence is our ability to return to them after we’ve stopped.

That certainly describes my experience writing a novel. I didn’t sit down every morning for ten years and steadily move the book toward publication. There were periods when I wrote constantly and periods when I barely wrote at all. There were times when the book consumed my life and others when work, relationships, and everything else happening around me took precedence.

The important thing was that I kept returning.

As I’ve reflected on what helped me do that, I’ve noticed three strategies that allowed me to persevere for a decade to not only write and publish a book, but write and publish one that far exceeded my expectations.

Involve Other People

Every successful creative or business project I’ve worked on has involved more than just me. When I was nine years old, my dad and I spent every Sunday for two years writing a screenplay together. In high school, I asked my favorite teacher to work with me on an independent study, which became a novella sequel to The Odyssey. And with The Men’s Group, I worked with my friend and mentor, Nick Papadopoulos, from the very first day.

Nick approached me to write the book together. He’d wanted to write one about men’s groups for a long time but hadn’t found the right writing partner. Nick and I clicked right away when we started working on the book, even though neither of had written one before. We started by meeting every week and talking at a high level about what we wanted to write, then working chapter-by-chapter through the first draft. Every week, I’d tell Nick what chapter I’d be sending him and would feel the accountable pressure to follow through.

Over the years, our way of working on the book changed, but what didn’t change was the relational aspect of what we were creating. Even when I went on writing retreats to dive deep into the book, Nick was there on my shoulder—a reminder that what I was writing was for more than just me. I hadn’t only made a commitment to write a book; I’d made one to Nick.

Nick wasn’t the only person I involved in the process. I was in a writing group for four years, and Nick and I worked with three different editors during our decade with the novel. The writing group was an instrumental part of the journey, giving me feedback and helping me hone my craft as a writer, while our editors similarly enhanced each draft they worked on.

So, if you want to write something, find someone to involve in the journey. They could be a co-author, a writing coach, a writing group, a friend, or a family member who is willing to stay alongside you no matter how long the journey takes.

Find a North Star

Nick and I met when I hired him to be my coach, and our early work centered on discovering my Purpose (or North Star), so when we started working on the book together, we zeroed in on choosing a purpose for the project before writing a single word.

What we came up with carried us through the entire process: Make a difference.

The beautiful thing about a North Star or Purpose is that it can be fulfilled in a multitude of ways. Our first draft was all about making a difference by delivering as many transformational distinctions as we could. Each chapter was almost like an instructional guide—through fiction—on how to transform your life. Over the years, how we fulfilled our purpose of making a difference changed, and we eventually arrived at what felt like the appropriate way to make a difference with a novel.

Just like knowing that my writing was also about my relationship with Nick, keeping in mind that there were people out there who might someday read this book and see their lives a little differently drove me forward even when I didn’t want to go on. There were days when words didn’t flow, chapters didn’t work, and we got feedback that meant rewriting huge portions of the book. Whenever that happened—and it happened a lot over ten years—I would remind myself why I was writing this in the first place.

There were people out there waiting for this book, even if they didn’t know it yet.

So, before you even write anything, think about your North Star. Why are you writing this book? It should be something that lights you up and can keep your engine running even when you want to give up.

It’s also likely that your North Star will change over the years, and that’s okay. When I work with my coaching clients, I encourage them to be Directional, not Destinational. Point yourself in the direction of your North Star and allow it to evolve as you evolve.

If your book takes anywhere near as long as mine and Nick’s took us, it will evolve and you will evolve too.

Immerse Yourself

When I started working on the book with Nick, I had no idea what a men’s group was, so I joined the group he’d recently started for research purposes. Whenever I’d wanted to write long fiction before, I’d always shied away from diving into the research component of the project. I wanted to get to the writing and world-building—the fun stuff. The only other time, besides writing essays in college, that I bothered to do my research first was the independent study I wrote in high school. Unsurprisingly, that’s also one of the most committed projects I’ve ever worked on.

After jumping headfirst into the world of men’s groups and meeting with Nick every week to work on the book and dissect our real-life men’s group, I fell in love with group work. I began to explore becoming a coach myself, attended other groups, eventually got certified as a professional coach, and then went headfirst into learning as much as I could about coaching and other approaches to men’s work. My whole life became a research project to better understand all the components of our book: masculinity, father-son relationships, how men relate to women, what good coaching looks like, and how to navigate messy friendships.

I lived and breathed the themes of the book, and in this way, I was writing every moment of every day. I had insights about characters while walking in Central Park. I used the challenges I was facing in my relationships as jumping-off points for the challenges my characters faced. I brought in the coaching skills and tools I saw masters of my industry use to make the coaching in the book real and authentic.

But I didn’t just immerse myself in the content of the book; I immersed myself in the process of writing it.

For years, I had a block on my calendar from 8–10 a.m. every single day before work. I’d go away for weekends or a week at a time and fully immerse myself in writing from 3 p.m. until 3 a.m. When COVID hit and work stalled out, I’d start the day writing at my favorite coffee shop a few blocks away before coming home to take coaching calls. I made writing a priority in my life.

So, if you’ve involved other people and chosen your North Star, the next stage is to immerse yourself in the story you’re crafting. That means spending the tedious time researching. It means becoming a student of the world you’re building. And it also means creating the time and structure in your life to actually do the work, understanding that this is not just the beginning of the process but an ongoing part of the journey.

And here’s perhaps the most important thing I learned from spending ten years writing a novel: you cannot rush what you’re creating. You have to allow creation to take the time it needs to take, which is precisely why commitment becomes so important. Once the shine wears off and the initial motivation begins to fade, what you’re left with are the people you’ve involved, the North Star you’ve chosen, and however you’ve immersed yourself in the content and process.

Those are the things that helped me return again and again for ten years, until one day there was nothing left to return to.

The book was finished.

—

iStock image

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A1 renders an interactive character on an 8.01-inch curved OLED display. The character produces facial expressions and gestures in real time, responds to touch and can be rotated to different viewing angles. The display curvature is intended to preserve a visible sense of depth as the viewer changes position.

The system maintains long-term memory across conversation sessions. According to Everthine, the character can connect current discussions with earlier details, recognize previously seen faces and pets, and retain names associated with stored images. Personality traits can develop gradually through continued use.

Environmental input comes from front and rear cameras and a six-microphone array capable of sound-source localization. A 10W speaker provides audio output. Wi-Fi and Bluetooth support network and peripheral connections. Everthine says sensor data helps the system interpret the immediate setting and shape its response.

A physical shutter covers the camera, and a hardware microphone switch provides a direct sensor cutoff. Everthine says conversation data is protected by end-to-end encryption during transmission and storage. The company also states that this data will never train AI models and that users can permanently delete conversations, memories, characters and account information.

The A1 project builds on hardware shown under the Lepro Ami name at CES 2026. The product now sits within Everthine, an independent brand with its own AI software and hardware roadmap. Core elements carried forward include the curved display and microphone system, while the exterior and interaction software have continued to develop.

Everthine is preparing companion software for iOS and Android with text, voice and video modes. Account linking will allow the same character to remain available across devices. Software and hardware will follow separate release schedules, with software planned first. Pricing and specific launch dates have yet to be finalized.

The company plans initial support for English, French, German, Italian, Spanish and Japanese. Everthine also sets an 18-and-older age requirement and says the interface will continuously identify the character’s output as AI-generated. Crisis-related prompts are designed to trigger emergency contact information.

—

This post brought to you by Atif Sharif

Photos courtesy of client. 

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Getting old does that to you. Forgetting, I mean. Names, dates. But life isn’t a history exam. This is what I tell myself. The Battle of Hastings. The Spanish Armada. Waterloo. Details like this can’t really matter. London bridges falling down. It’s only castles burning.

I can’t remember her name. I must have known it once. Like when, a few days after she resigned, I called her into my office. My memory is hazy. I mean, what kind of a manager would I have been had I met with her and not known her name? Imagine me calling her Shirley if her name was Laverne. That would have been funny. Or sad. Sometimes the difference is small.

Not long after she left, there was that one day when things got really serious; really quickly. We were all in early, already working. An investment bank will do that to you. I had recently been recruited and hardly knew my way around. But in my starched white shirt, bright red tie and power suspenders—all Gordon Gekko like—I was electric with ambition. I was fueled by steaming black coffee, youth, a gaping insecurity, and a need to prove myself.

I heard the commotion through the closed door of my office after the first plane hit. I emerged and saw everyone congregated around the large plasma TVs hung in the boardroom, all set to CNBC. I pushed my way to the front, watched for two minutes, turned toward the dozens of employees and announced my verdict. This had to be a freak occurrence; a six seat Cessna losing its way; a pilot of a small prop plane having a heart attack.

“Okay. The excitement’s over. Let’s get back to work,” I announced over CNBC’s sketchy, early reporting of happenings a mere three City blocks away. My voice was firm. I was the newly installed CCO making an executive decision. Reluctantly, the staff moved back toward their workstations. I heard the grumbling.

It was weeks before, in late summer, the day after the Executive Committee announced my appointment to the C suite that she came to me, resigned, and gave her two weeks’ notice. I had taken it personally, like she couldn’t see herself reporting to a young upstart. But of course, she had a job offer in hand from another member firm for a little more money. Running a specialized operations team, her position would be critical to my success. I needed to assess what to do.

Not knowing her, I had to rely on others’ knowledge of her—her staff of a dozen people, and Tony, whom she reported to. That now made me her boss’s boss. Tony felt strongly that she was good at her job and well-liked by her staff. He also believed that she really wanted to stay. He suggested I consider countering, or at least matching. I wasn’t so sure. I knew she was a single mother, and she sometimes came in late. That much I had noticed in my short tenure. Getting her nine-year-old off to school could be a distraction. So, I called her in and sat her down and interviewed her. And when I did, she just didn’t impress me. Besides, I didn’t have the $2500 in my just inherited corporate budget to match. So that’s how we parted. I had my stock options and executive bonus to think about.

Of course, after the second plane hit, we knew. This was no errant Piper cub. Now I couldn’t get the folks back to work. They were glued to the monitors. Conjecture was rampant. Nobody understood what was happening. And then, at about ten o’clock we heard and yes, even felt that terrible rumble. We all rushed to the other side of our floor where we had a direct view and saw the horror with our own eyes. Then we ran for it.

Groups formed in haste based on planned escape from the now burning City. We all shared a great fear of this new unknown. There were five of us who needed to get back to Long Island. Our run was quickly thwarted by congestion. Zombie-like then, we walked on. We passed countless police, fire, and emergency vehicles going the other way, speeding toward the smoke. We followed the mass migration, like refugees, across the Brooklyn bridge, into Brooklyn, to Atlantic Avenue, and onto the first east-bound LIRR train. It was mobbed and we were numb.

In the securities industry, the U-5 is the regulatory document that must be filed when someone leaves the employ of a NYSE member firm. There are exactly five possible reasons a firm needs to select from to indicate why an individual has become an ex-employee: voluntary resignation, discharge, permitted to resign, other, and death. In the months following that day, Cantor Fitzgerald filed over 650 U-5s denoting death. Their offices had been located on the 101^st to 105^th floors of the north tower. About one in four of all persons killed that day worked for that one particular firm.

Having finally arrived home and climbing the stairs onto the porch on that sunny day in September, the door flew open and my wife of three years rushed out with our one-year-old son in her arms. I pulled her close, my little boy between us. I kissed her, and him, and we three hugged for what seemed like forever.

And somewhere that same day a nine-year-old girl was dismissed from school early. I imagine she was scared, and she was crying. She had no one to hug her or pull her close. Her mother, newly hired as a middle manager at this one particular investment bank and working a quarter of a mile above the street level of lower Manhattan, never made it home. But for the life of me, I can’t remember her name.

—

UAF 175 crashes into the south tower of the World Trade Center complex in New York City during the September 11 attacks.

Flickr user TheMachineStops (Robert J. Fisch)

• UA_Flight_175_hits_WTC_south_tower_9-11.jpeg

CC License

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You finally start getting some distance from your ex. Maybe you’re sleeping better, not checking your phone every five minutes, and beginning to think about what comes next, instead of replaying what went wrong.

Then she texts.

Nothing dramatic. Just something casual like,

“Hey, I was thinking about you.”

Or maybe she,

• Asks how your dog is doing
• Brings up an inside joke
• Wants to know if you nailed that big project at work
• How your family is?

Or wants to know whether you’re seeing anyone.

And just like that, you’re thinking about her again.

This pattern is often referred to as hoovering.

It’s a term used to describe attempts to draw someone back into a relationship or emotional connection after a separation. The name comes from the idea of being “sucked back in,” like a vacuum cleaner. Or like Al Pacino’s character in The Godfather (3).

Hoovering doesn’t necessarily mean your ex is deliberately manipulating you. People reach out to former partners for all sorts of reasons. She may genuinely miss you.

The important thing isn’t that she’s contacting you – it’s WHY she’s contacting you.

5 Ways To Identify Hoovering

Hoovering usually isn’t one grand gesture. More often, it’s a series of small attempts to reopen the emotional door.

One message may not mean much, but a pattern of messages is a different story.

Some common signs of hoovering include,

She suddenly becomes nostalgic.

• “Remember that weekend we spent in Monterey?”
• “I was just thinking about that restaurant we loved.”
• “I still laugh when I think about that stupid thing you did.”

Nostalgia can be completely innocent. But if your ex reaches out and consistently steers conversations toward happy memories while avoiding the reasons the relationship ended, she may be trying to reconnect emotionally before addressing the harder issues.

That’s important because remembering the good parts of a relationship is easy.

Remembering why it ended is usually harder.

She finds excuses to contact you.

Maybe she suddenly needs your opinion about something she could easily figure out herself. She asks about an old account, a piece of mail, something you left at her house, or something equally minor.

Then there’s another question.

And another.

Pretty soon, you’re having regular conversations again.

She tells you she misses you.

This one is obvious, but it’s also easy to misinterpret.

“I miss you” can mean, “I want to rebuild our relationship.”

It can also mean, “I miss having you in my life.”

Those aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Missing someone’s companionship doesn’t automatically mean the relationship problems have been resolved. You have to look at what happens after the emotional statement.

Does she talk about what went wrong and take responsibility for her part?

She becomes unusually interested in your dating life.

• “Are you dating anyone?”
• “Is there somebody you’re interested in?”
• “You seem to be doing pretty well.”
• “Who’s that woman you were with?”

Are all questions or statements that can be innocent curiosity but can also be jealousy.

But if your ex becomes noticeably more interested in your romantic life, pay attention.

Sometimes people don’t realize how much they value something until they believe someone else might have it.

She reaches out when she’s lonely, upset, or having problems.

This is one of the more confusing forms of hoovering.

She calls or texts because she,

• Had a terrible day
• Needs someone to talk to
• Says you’re the only person who understands her
• Had a fight with her family
• Is just feeling sad

You listen because, despite everything, you still care.

And suddenly you’re back in the role of boyfriend, therapist, emotional support system, or some combination of all three.

If she repeatedly reaches out for emotional support and then disappears once she’s feeling better, that’s a pattern worth noticing and ending.

What Should You Do If She’s Hoovering You?

That depends.

Are you sure you know her intentions? If not, slow things down and get some clarification.

You might ask her,

Are you reaching out because you want to talk about getting back together, or are you just checking in?

Her response will tell you quite a bit.

• If she becomes angry because you’re asking for clarity, that’s information.
• If she avoids the question, that’s information.
• If she gives you a thoughtful answer and is willing to have a mature conversation about the relationship, that’s information too.

If she’s trying to rekindle things, you now need to ask yourself some questions before you move any further.

• Why did you break up in the first place?
• Where are you in the healing process, and are you ready to jeopardize that?
• Do you want to be involved in a relationship with her again?

And the most important question of all –

• Has anything really changed?

Remember, actions speak louder than words and real change is tough and takes time.

Before You Go Back, Remember Why You Left

Your ex can tell you that she’s changed. She can tell you that she finally understands what happened. She can promise that things will be different.

But if you’re seriously considering getting back together, you’ll need to have a very direct conversation and see evidence of change, rather than relying on just emotional intensity and raw feelings.

You’ll need to know if she,

• Acknowledges and agrees with you on what went wrong.
• Takes responsibility for her part and has done the work to prevent it from happening again.

And you need to,

• Recognize your own contribution to the problems.
• Be willing to change your own patterns too.

A genuine attempt at reconciliation needs more than “I miss you.”

Lastly, and this is the most important advice for any man dealing with an ex who suddenly wants back into his life.

Don’t evaluate the relationship solely by how you feel when she’s around.

Evaluate the relationship based on the entire picture.

Do you both know what it will take for the relationship to work?

If the answer is no, getting back together because you miss each other will restart the same relationship with the same problems.

On the other hand, if both of you have genuinely changed and you’re able to talk honestly about the past, reconnecting isn’t automatically a bad idea.

Just don’t let loneliness (or physical attraction) decide for you.

Word Of Caution – Hoovering Isn’t Always Genuine Reconciliation

Not every ex who comes back is playing games.

People grow and mature. They get perspective after a breakup. Sometimes two people separate, work on themselves, and eventually realize they want to try again.

But that’s not always the case.

The difference is usually found in the quality of the conversation.

A healthy reconciliation sounds like,

“I’ve been thinking about why we fell apart. I realize I did X, and I understand how that affected you. I’ve been working on it, and I’d like to talk about whether there’s any possibility of rebuilding something.”

A less healthy version sounds like,

“I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you. Why are you being so distant? We were so good together.”

The first acknowledges reality.

The second focuses primarily on emotion.

Emotion matters. But emotion alone doesn’t rebuild a relationship.

An ex reaching back into your life can stir up powerful feelings. That’s normal. You don’t have to pretend you don’t care.

You simply need to slow down enough to distinguish between someone who misses you from someone ready to build a healthier relationship with you.

Those are two very different things.

—

iStock image

The post Is Your Ex Hoovering You? 5 Signs to Tell if She’s Trying to Pull You Back In appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

Recording a meeting without a bot joining is often driven by constraints rather than taste: client security rules that block unknown attendees, sensitive interviews where a minimal third-party footprint is preferred, regulated settings, or a simple desire to keep the participant list uncluttered.

A meeting can be recorded without a bot by using the meeting platform’s built-in recorder or a desktop recorder that captures system audio and microphone input. Notta Desktop supports bot-free capture on Mac and Windows, with a standard cloud-transcription workflow and a separate Privacy Mode for supported local offline transcription. Platform-native recording and desktop Bot-Free capture may still display recording indicators or require disclosure. Users must comply with applicable law, client policy, employer rules, and platform requirements.

For consultants and agencies, bot-free recording can also reduce friction in stakeholder sessions. The meeting stays focused on the participants, the capture remains dependable, and transcript and summary work can happen afterward without having to explain why an extra attendee appeared on the call.

This 2026 roundup compares practical ways to record meetings without a bot joining, focusing on what matters in client work: capture reliability, how easily a transcript is produced, speaker labeling, exports, and how cleanly each option fits real interview and discovery workflows.

Three Methods, Not One

These labels are often mixed together, so this article uses the following definitions throughout:

1. Platform-native recording: Uses recording built into Zoom, Google Meet, or Microsoft Teams. Permissions, notifications, storage, and availability are governed by the platform and account configuration.
2. Standard Bot-Free recording: A desktop application captures system audio and microphone input without adding a bot to the attendee list. Notta Desktop’s standard mode uploads the audio in encrypted form for real-time cloud transcription.
3. Local offline transcription: Audio and transcription are processed on the device. Privacy Mode on Notta Desktop Pro is one supported example, subject to operating-system, model, language, and device conditions.

Uploading an existing recording for post-processing is a separate file-upload workflow. It is not offline transcription, even though it can also occur without a live connection during the meeting itself.

A note on consent: A bot-free workflow does not eliminate consent obligations. Confirm applicable law, client policy, employer rules, and platform requirements before recording. Use the platform’s notification or obtain explicit consent where required. This is not legal advice.

Comparing Your Bot-Free Options

1. Notta

Best For: Consultants and agencies that regularly join client meetings across multiple platforms and want to record without adding another participant to the call.

Notta Desktop is a Mac and Windows application that captures system audio and microphone input while an online meeting is in progress. Because capture happens on the computer rather than by joining the meeting as a separate attendee, no recording bot appears in the participant list. This can be helpful when clients restrict third-party bots or when the attendee list is expected to show only the people actively participating in the conversation.

This bot-free approach comes in two distinct modes. In standard Bot-Free mode, Notta Desktop records the meeting audio and uploads it in encrypted form for real-time cloud transcription. After the meeting, eligible cloud features support transcript review, speaker identification, summaries, action items, and exports that can be used for client notes, status reporting, or handoffs.

Notta Desktop Pro includes Privacy Mode, which is designed for stricter privacy needs. Privacy Mode uses a supported model downloaded to the computer so that recording and transcription are processed locally, with data staying in the local workspace selected by the user. This can be a better fit for sensitive interviews, restricted client environments, or situations where connectivity is unreliable. Availability depends on the operating system, model, language, and device.

Both modes avoid adding a bot to the attendee list, but they prioritize different outcomes. Standard Bot-Free emphasizes real-time transcription and cloud-based post-meeting outputs. Privacy Mode prioritizes keeping the recording and transcript on the local device. Privacy Mode content should not be described as automatically entering Notta’s cloud summary workflow.

Features:

• Desktop capture of system audio and microphone input without adding a meeting participant
• Real-time cloud transcription through standard Bot-Free mode
• Supported local offline recording and transcription through Privacy Mode on Notta Desktop Pro
• Transcript review, speaker identification, summaries, action items, and exports for eligible cloud-processed content

Pros:

• Keeps the attendee list clean across client meetings on different platforms
• Provides a choice between a convenient real-time cloud workflow and a supported local privacy workflow
• Connects standard Bot-Free recordings to practical post-meeting outputs for client deliverables

Cons:

• Standard Bot-Free recording still sends encrypted audio to the cloud for transcription
• Privacy Mode availability depends on the plan, operating system, model, language, and device
• Privacy Mode content does not automatically enter the cloud summary workflow

2. Tactiq

Tactiq is positioned as a browser-based captions and transcript workflow rather than a general-purpose audio recorder. In client meetings where the optics of a bot can create friction, this approach can be attractive because it runs through the browser and does not add a separate participant to the call.

A key operational detail is that its Zoom workflow requires the meeting to be joined in the browser and automated captions to be enabled and running. Since the workflow depends on caption availability and supported meeting conditions, it tends to fit teams that want lightweight transcript capture rather than a full recording-first pipeline.

Features:

• Browser-based captions and transcript capture, not a standalone audio recorder
• Zoom workflow that requires the browser meeting and automated captions
• Export and sharing options for downstream writing and reporting
• Collaboration features depending on team setup

Pros:

• Avoids adding a bot attendee to the meeting
• Convenient for quick transcript capture in recurring browser-based calls
• Helpful when minimal workflow overhead is the priority

Cons:

• Not a general-purpose recorder; fit depends on browser and platform support
• Desktop support is unconfirmed and should be verified before recommending it for a specific client workflow
• Agencies may still need a broader transcript-to-summary workflow for consistent client reporting

3. Meetily

Meetily’s official positioning describes a free, open-source, bot-free desktop application that provides local transcription on Mac and Windows using Whisper or Parakeet. Because it runs locally as a desktop application, it keeps the meeting attendance list clean and does not require a bot to join as a participant.

For consultants and agencies, the trade-off is primarily operational. Local-first tooling relies on the user’s own hardware for performance and requires installation and ongoing maintenance. Summary generation may be local or may depend on a configured API, so it is important to confirm which path is being used before treating it as a repeatable client-deliverables workflow.

Features:

• Free, open-source, bot-free desktop application
• Local transcription on Mac and Windows using Whisper or Parakeet
• Summary generation that may be local or may depend on a configured API

Pros:

• No licensing cost for the core application
• Keeps meeting attendance clean via local, bot-free capture
• Full control over the technical stack for teams comfortable with self-hosting

Cons:

• Requires the user’s own hardware, installation, and ongoing maintenance
• Capabilities depend heavily on configuration and which components are set up
• May require pairing with other tools for robust long-form deliverables

4. Zoom

When the meeting itself is hosted on Zoom, Zoom’s native recording is often the most straightforward bot-free option. Recording can be started through in-meeting controls without introducing an unfamiliar participant, which helps preserve a clean attendee list and avoids confusion in client settings.

For external-facing work, the deciding factor is typically permissions. Many client-hosted meetings restrict recording based on host settings and account configuration. Plan level, administrator controls, host or role permissions, notifications, storage location, and device conditions can all affect whether recording is available. When recording is allowed, Zoom’s built-in approach provides a clean capture that can be shared and routed into a transcription and reporting workflow afterward.

Features:

• Native meeting recording without introducing a bot attendee
• Local and cloud recording options depending on account settings
• Basic controls for starting, pausing, and stopping recording
• Shareable recordings for downstream transcription workflows

Pros:

• No extra attendee required to record
• Familiar workflow for many clients
• Easy capture for Zoom-native meetings

Cons:

• Recording permission and policy controls are host-dependent
• Transcription and summarization workflows vary depending on the toolchain used after export

5. Google Meet

Google Meet supports built-in recording in many Workspace tiers, allowing meetings to be captured without inviting another participant. This can be a strong fit when clients want everything to stay inside the Google ecosystem while keeping the participant list clean.

For agency and consulting workflows, the practical question is whether the host’s Workspace plan and admin settings permit recording. As with other platforms, plan eligibility, administrator configuration, host role, notifications, storage, and device conditions influence availability. When enabled, Meet’s recording can be captured and then routed into a broader transcription and deliverables process.

Features:

• Built-in recording for eligible Google Workspace plans
• Recording stored within the Google ecosystem for sharing and access
• Simple controls for bot-free capture within Meet meetings
• Options that integrate with broader Workspace usage patterns

Pros:

• Records without adding an extra participant
• Good fit for Workspace-native client environments
• Straightforward sharing and access management within Google

Cons:

• Availability depends on plan, admin settings, and host permissions
• Downstream transcript and summary quality depends on the tools used after recording

6. Microsoft Teams

Microsoft Teams is a common environment for stakeholder calls, particularly in larger organizations. Teams recording is generally handled as an in-platform feature and does not require a bot attendee, which can align well with client expectations that external participants remain tightly controlled.

For consultants, governance is usually the key constraint. Some clients apply strict policies around recording availability, storage location, retention, and who is permitted to access the output. As with Zoom and Google Meet, plan level, administrator configuration, host role, notification behavior, and storage settings affect whether recording can be used at all. When permitted, Teams provides a reliable capture path that can later be processed into transcripts and client-ready outputs, subject to client governance rules.

Features:

• In-meeting recording without a bot joining as an attendee
• Storage and access controlled through Microsoft 365 settings
• Policy-driven permissions for compliance-focused organizations
• Shareable recordings for external transcription workflows when allowed

Pros:

• Bot-free capture aligns with many enterprise expectations
• Strong administrative control for clients with compliance requirements
• Familiar interface for Microsoft-first organizations

Cons:

• Recording availability is often tightly restricted by tenant policy
• Exporting and processing recordings can vary based on client governance settings

What to Look for When Recording a Meeting Without a Bot Joining

Choosing among these options depends on who hosts the meeting, which platform is being used, and how recordings are turned into deliverables afterward. The most relevant evaluation points are:

Bot-Free Capture Method: Verify whether the solution records natively in the platform, relies on a bot, or supports a bot-free desktop capture mode. Bot-free recording specifically means no extra attendee is added to the meeting.

Local Offline Transcription, File-Upload Transcription, and Bot-Free Recording: These address different needs and should not be treated as interchangeable. Bot-free recording keeps the meeting clean in real time, but audio may still be sent to the cloud for transcription. Local offline transcription (such as Privacy Mode on Notta Desktop Pro) processes audio and transcript on the device. Uploading an existing recording for transcription later is file-upload transcription, which is a separate workflow and still relies on cloud processing once the file is submitted. File-upload transcription is useful when connectivity during the meeting was the problem; local offline transcription is the choice when keeping audio off the cloud is the priority.

Permissions and Client Policy Fit: Zoom, Google Meet, and Microsoft Teams recording often depends on host settings, account tier, and admin policies. For client-hosted meetings, a fallback plan is needed when recording is disabled.

Speaker Labeling and Review Efficiency: For interviews and multi-stakeholder calls, speaker labeling and consistent formatting reduce editing time and improve the reliability of summaries.

Exports and Deliverables: In consulting and agency work, the recording is rarely the final output. Exports should match the reporting format, handoff process, and archiving requirements used in client delivery.

In practice, teams that need repeatable client workflows often prefer an approach that supports standard Bot-Free recording and, when privacy is the priority, Privacy Mode for supported local offline transcription, which is where Notta is particularly well-positioned.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to record a meeting without a bot joining?

It means the meeting is recorded without inviting an additional participant that appears in the attendee list. Recording happens via native platform recording, a bot-free recording mode, or a local capture method.

If a bot is not used, how is a transcript produced?

Commonly, the meeting is recorded first and then transcribed afterward by uploading the recording into a transcription workflow. Tools that combine bot-free capture with post-meeting processing make this especially straightforward.

What’s the difference between local offline transcription and uploading a recording later?

Local offline transcription (such as Privacy Mode on Notta Desktop Pro) processes the recording and transcript entirely on the device using a supported downloaded model, so audio never has to leave the device. Recording a meeting first with any recorder and uploading the file once back online is a different workflow, file-upload transcription, and it still relies on cloud processing once the file is submitted. File-upload transcription fits situations where connectivity was the constraint; local offline transcription fits situations where keeping audio off the cloud entirely is the priority.

Best Way to Record a Meeting Without a Bot Joining in 2026: Clean Attendance, Repeatable Outputs

When the main requirement is that no bot joins the call, native recording in Zoom, Google Meet, and Microsoft Teams can work well when host settings and policies allow it. Meetily and Tactiq can also fit teams that prefer lighter-weight, self-managed, or browser-based approaches that preserve the participant experience.

For consultants and agencies seeking a dependable workflow across many client environments, Notta stands out by supporting standard Bot-Free recording for real-time cloud transcription and Privacy Mode for supported local offline transcription when privacy is the priority, with a practical path from recording to transcript to summary to client-ready exports.

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Working towards something that not only takes a long time but also requires a level of dedication, grit, and the ability to repeat the same day over and over again with no signs of progress is one of the hardest journeys you can embark on.

This title is one of the most powerful quotes I have heard in a long time. It reminds you that, although today, just like every other day so far, didn’t provide any signs that you’re any closer to achieving your goal, you could still be 24 hours away from everything changing all at once.

This isn’t a sexy topic, therefore, it’s not one you hear very often. Unlike almost every other form of advice on how to achieve your goals, a reminder that you simply need to keep going regardless of how boring and repetitive it might be is not exactly a lesson that can be profited from.

However, no matter how many people are saying it, it’s still true that the very first day could look identical to the last, no matter how many days come in between.

It could mean years, years of just doing the same thing over and over again, which, although it may look more like a sign of failure to everyone else, means the total opposite to you.

But if it’s true that any day during the struggle could be the last, I suppose the only question left unanswered is how. How do you make sure you can reach the breakthrough?

There cannot and will never be a single answer to this question. Who you are, what you’re doing, why you’re doing it and even all the way down to what kind of parents you had all come into play and determine what you need to keep you going.

Therefore, any form of direct advice is pointless. I would, however, like to offer a shift in perspective of sorts, a way of seeing the pursuit of your goal from a whole new angle.

Who Will You Be?

Instead of asking yourself what you’ll get when you win, ask yourself who you’ll become by playing.

The truth is, when you dig deep enough, no outcome of a goal is worth years spent with your head in the dirt, not really. So if you’re trying to achieve something merely for the literal external reward, you’re probably going to quit before ever getting there.

Instead, you need to find a reason for the work itself to be worthwhile, without it only being the vehicle to get you somewhere.

You are that reason, who you become is a much more fulfilling and a more worthy goal than what you get, and the work itself is what’s going to change you, not the reward.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t want an outcome, I’m saying that on days when repeating the last just seems like too much to handle, reminding yourself of who you’ve already become, and who you’ll be at the end of it gives you an alternative reason and an extra push.

I suppose another question you can ask yourself is: Would I rather be at the end of my time, not have succeeded at my goal, but knowing I gave it my all and become the person I knew I could be? Or be happy that I lived a comfortable life, but know deep down I never had the courage to give it a go?

If it’s the latter, then continuing to put in the reps is the only way forward.

The answers to these questions do not make the reps any easier, but they do serve as a form of respite from the constant mental torture we can sometimes inflict upon ourselves.

It is not the difficulty of our work that makes us quit, it is our interpretation of the work and the feelings that come from it that inevitably destroy us, and if only we can get a hold of that, we give ourselves a fighting chance.

So on the days when you feel like doing it the least, remember that you’re always one day away, and tomorrow could be that day.

Previously Published on Growth Hub

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Full-suspension mountain bikes are the most tempting bikes to convert and the most often converted badly. The frame that looks like it has a triangle full of space has a shock sweeping through it. The dropouts that look like any other dropouts are 148 mm Boost thru-axles that no standard hub motor will ever fit. And the rider who wanted 2000W of rear-hub torque for the trails discovers that the kit they bought cannot physically go on the bike.

This guide starts with the decision that settles most full-suspension conversions before a tape measure comes out — hub or mid-drive — then gives a clearance method that treats the frame as something that moves, a dropout check that takes two minutes, and a battery recommendation that is the opposite of what most guides say.

The dropout decides the motor, and it usually decides mid-drive

Standard hub motor wheels use a solid axle with flats that drops into open, slotted dropouts at 135 mm (rear) spacing. Modern full-suspension frames — almost anything from the last eight years — use 142 mm or 148 mm Boost thru-axles that pass through closed holes. Those two interfaces are not interchangeable, and the workarounds (filing dropouts open, spreading a rear triangle, stacking spacers) damage the frame and leave a 10 kg motor hanging on compromised metal.

A mid-drive sidesteps all of it. It mounts at the bottom bracket and leaves the rear wheel, thru-axle, brake and cassette exactly as the frame designer intended. KirbEbike’s Z16 48V 1000W mid-drive fits standard 68 mm and 73 mm threaded bottom-bracket shells with a 176 mm wide body, drives through the bike’s own gears, and keeps the motor’s 6 kg low and central rather than hanging 6–9 kg of unsprung mass off the swingarm. For the majority of full-suspension frames, the honest advice is that the conversion is a mid-drive conversion or it is not a conversion.

Check your own frame in two minutes: remove the rear wheel, measure the spacing between the dropout faces, and see whether the axle slides through a closed hole or drops into an open slot. Closed hole means mid-drive.

Full-suspension mountain bike converted with a KirbEbike mid-drive motor and frame-mounted battery in a workshop

The Moving-Volume Clearance Check

A full-suspension frame changes shape when it moves. The rear triangle rotates around its pivots, the shock body and reservoir sweep through the front triangle, cables go tight at full extension and full compression, and the tyre moves closer to the seat tube as the wheel travels. A battery that clears the frame in a photograph can be crushed by the shock on the first drop.

Measure five zones through the travel, not one zone at rest. Let the air out of the shock using the frame manufacturer’s approved method, or ask a workshop to cycle it for you; never release a coil spring or open a damper to take a measurement.

Zone 1 — Shock and linkage envelope. Trace the shock body, reservoir, linkage and pivot hardware through full travel. Test a cardboard template of the battery at three or four suspension positions, not one.

Zone 2 — Rear-wheel envelope. At full compression the tyre can approach the seat tube, the battery and the cable bundle. Check with the tyre you will actually ride, with mud allowance.

Zone 3 — Battery rail and removal direction. The pack needs room for its case, its rail, its connector and the slide-off movement. A pack that fits but cannot be removed is not fitted.

Zone 4 — Bottle bosses and mounting structure. Many full-suspension frames have awkwardly placed bosses or none at all. Use mounting hardware suitable for the frame and the battery’s mass; never drill carbon or thin aluminium, and never clamp across a shock mount or a moving cable.

Zone 5 — Rider and service access. Knees, cranks, the bottle cage, shock valve, pivot bolts and the battery lock all need their normal paths. A conversion that blocks routine suspension service becomes expensive within a season.

Battery: pick the low one, not the big one

Most guides point full-suspension builders at the largest battery that will physically fit. Ride one for a month and you will understand why that is backwards. The front triangle on a full-suspension frame is short and low, and the shock eats the upper part of it. What fits is a pack that is long and shallow, not tall.

KirbEbike’s two triangle packs are both 97 mm thick, so width is rarely the problem. Height is. The Taishan case measures 386.2 × 97 × 157.4 mm — a long, low wedge — and it uses that one case across 48V, 52V, 60V and 72V. The HS-II carries more energy (up to 1,560 Wh) but rises to 195.4 mm and 281.3 mm on its two upright edges, and that height is precisely what a full-suspension triangle does not have.

The Taishan 48V 30Ah battery is the one to template first. Paired with the Z16 it is the combination behind the published 80 km range figure for that kit, and it is the combination most likely to survive the Moving-Volume check.

Why a mid-drive suits suspension, beyond the dropouts

A rear hub adds 6–9 kg of unsprung mass to the swingarm. The suspension reacts more slowly to small bumps, the wheel is harder to keep planted over roots and braking bumps, and the rebound tune the frame designer intended no longer matches. A mid-drive adds its mass to the sprung frame, where the suspension was designed to carry it, and drives through the cassette so the motor can use a low gear on a steep climb instead of lugging at a fixed ratio.

The trade is drivetrain wear. A 1000W motor through a chain and cassette works them harder; fit an e-bike-rated chain, keep it clean, ease pedal pressure when shifting, and expect to replace the cassette sooner. On a full-suspension bike that is a better trade than an incompatible axle. The mid drive conversion kits collection compares the Z16 with the lighter 500W/750W TSDZ8 for frames where weight matters more than peak torque.

Cable routing that survives travel and steering

• Cycle the rear suspension slowly while watching every motor, sensor and controller cable.
• Keep connectors away from pivots, shock shafts, the chainring, the tyre and rotor spray.
• Leave a controlled service loop near each moving joint, without slack that can snag.
• Use flexible protection at rub points and avoid zip ties tight enough to crush the loom.
• Turn the handlebar to full lock both ways with the suspension at several positions.
• Mount the controller where its case can shed heat and cannot strike the frame at full travel.

Brake and drivetrain checks

Confirm rotor interface, rotor diameter and caliper clearance before ordering anything — on a mid-drive these are untouched, which is one more point in its favour. A heavier, faster bike raises braking demand on long descents; budget for pads, and a larger rotor only where the frame and fork allow it. At the rear, count sprockets and identify cassette versus freewheel for chainline planning, and check chainstay clearance in the lowest and highest gears once the motor is in.

The full-suspension pre-order checklist

1. Frame make, model, year, size and material.
2. Rear dropout type: open slot, quick release or thru-axle, and the measured spacing.
3. Bottom-bracket shell width (68 or 73 mm) and type (threaded or press-fit).
4. Wheel diameter, tyre width, rotor size and drivetrain interface.
5. Shock, linkage and tyre envelopes mapped through full travel.
6. Battery template (Taishan shape first) tested with rail and removal path at several suspension positions.
7. Controller position and cable routes at full steering and full travel.
8. Final weight, brake condition and where the bike will be ridden.

When a different donor bike is the right answer

Walk away if the frame has press-fit bottom bracket bearings and closed thru-axle dropouts together, visible damage, no defensible battery location, cable routes that cross moving hardware, or a carbon structure that would need improvised clamping. Another donor bike is cheaper than forcing any high-current system into a frame that was never designed to carry one.

Z16 mid-drive motor dimension drawing showing the 176 mm body and 68/73 mm bottom-bracket fit

Where we stand

For nearly every full-suspension mountain bike built in the last eight years, the right conversion is a mid-drive with a low-profile triangle battery: the Z16 at the bottom bracket and the Taishan under the shock. Map clearance as a moving volume rather than an empty triangle, leave the thru-axle alone, and accept faster chain wear as the price of a conversion that actually fits.

Frequently asked questions

Can every full-suspension MTB take a hub motor?

No. Most current frames use 142 or 148 mm thru-axles that a standard solid-axle hub motor cannot fit, and modifying the dropouts is not a safe option. A mid-drive at the bottom bracket is the compatible route.

Which battery fits a full-suspension front triangle?

A long, low pack. The Taishan’s 157.4 mm profile clears a shock that the taller HS-II cannot. Template it through the suspension travel before buying.

Does a mid-drive affect suspension performance?

Far less than a rear hub. Its mass is sprung and central. A rear hub adds unsprung mass to the swingarm and changes how the wheel tracks over rough ground.

Should I use a backpack battery if the frame has no space?

Only with a system specifically designed and documented for it. Cable snag, impact and emergency disconnection are real concerns; an unsuitable frame is usually a reason to choose a different donor bike.

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Like several stories I write, I didn’t have an answer to the question posed when I started researching. I’ve been a registered Democrat since I was 18, but to my knowledge, I have never met a member of the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), but I am aware of their recent success in local elections in New York and elsewhere. Are they the Democratic Party’s version of the Tea Party Movement, or are they something else entirely?

On Fox News, which I do watch from time to time, they make it seem like the DSA has taken over the Democratic Party, which has evolved into full-blown Communism. Democratic Party leaders are standoffish about the DSA, wary of the potential threat to their power, yet recognizing its momentum and the need to blend the DSA into the overall Party to achieve the majorities needed to wield true power.

The DSA is the largest socialist political organization in U.S. history. It was founded in 1982 through a merger of two earlier groups — the Democratic Socialist Organizing Committee (DSOC) and the New American Movement (NAM) — and today operates as a big‑tent, left‑wing activist organization rather than a formal political party.

In the 1980s, the DSA was led by Michael Harrington, author of The Other America. The strategy was “realignment,” working inside the Democratic Party to push it left. The DSA advocated for social justice at home and abroad.

In the1990s. they opposed cuts to welfare and neoliberal globalization. They supported Medicare for All and anti‑austerity efforts.

Between 2000–2015, they opposed the Iraq War. They also supported Occupy Wall Street, racial justice, and feminist movements. They remained relatively small, reaching about 6,000 members by 2015. The combination of Bernie Sanders’s presidential campaigns and the election of Donald Trump triggered a massive surge:

• Membership grew from 6,000 to over 120,000 in 2026.
• Younger, more activist membership shifted strategy toward building an independent political force, though internal debate continues.
• There are between 45 and 49 million registered Democrats. DSA members are less than .003% of the Democratic Party
• At the height of the Tea Party Movement, 48% of Republicans said they agreed with the Tea Party Movement.

It would be easy to write off the DSA as a much smaller version of the Tea Party, but that would be wrong. Comparing the percentage of Democratic Party members who are also in the DSA to Republicans who shared Tea Party beliefs is comparing apples to giraffes. If Democrats understood the DSA beliefs, I daresay they would share most of those beliefs as well. The core goals of the DSA currently include:

Core goals include:

• Universal healthcare (single‑payer)
• Green New Deal
• Tuition‑free higher education
• Strengthening labor unions
• Social ownership and democratic control of the economy
• Ethnic and gender equality
• Non‑interventionist foreign policy (including pro‑Palestinian positions)

Of these goals, a sticking point might be social ownership and democratic control of the economy. For DSA, social ownership means that essential industries should be owned publicly or collectively rather than by private corporations. Democratic control means that workers and communities, not CEOs or shareholders, should make decisions about how those industries operate.

DSA materials describe social ownership as:

• Public or collective ownership of key industries, especially “the largest corporations and essential industries.”
• Ownership “in common by those who inhabit [the world], including those whose labor is historically devalued.”
• A long‑term goal of replacing capitalist private property with common, democratic forms of ownership.

This can include:

• Public utilities
• Public banks
• Worker‑owned cooperatives
• Nationalized industries
• Municipal or regional public enterprises

The emphasis is on meeting human needs rather than maximizing profit.

DSA frames democratic control as:

• Workers having democratic control over the means of production — meaning workers collectively decide how workplaces operate.
• Economic decisions made through democratic processes, not dictated by private owners or corporate boards.
• A system where “working people run the economy to meet human needs rather than private profit.”

This includes:

• Workplace democracy (workers electing managers or governing councils)
• Strong unions and collective bargaining
• Public planning of major economic sectors
• Democratic oversight of public enterprises

DSA’s platform ties social ownership and democratic control to concrete proposals:

• Public ownership of major corporations and essential industries (long‑term goal).
• Aggressive wealth taxes to fund public goods and shift power from capital to workers.
• Workplace democratization and union expansion as immediate steps.

Some of that sounds like Communism, but how does that differ from what America has done throughout history and at present? The U.S. government has taken partial or full ownership of private companies throughout American history, usually in specific circumstances like financial crises, wartime mobilization, national security, criminal enforcement, or public‑use infrastructure.

The government sometimes acquires ownership to prevent economic collapse.

• General Motors (2009) — U.S. Treasury took a majority stake during the auto bailout.
• AIG (2008–09) — Government acquired nearly 80% ownership to stabilize global financial markets.

Both firms bought back the government interest, though the Treasury Department lost over $11 billion on the GM deal, originally investing $51 billion and selling its GM shares for $39 billion. The government made a $22 billion profit on the AIG investment.

Government conservatorships have been used when a company is critical to the financial system. Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac (2008–present) — Placed under federal conservatorship; government effectively controls them. This is long‑term operational control, not classic nationalization.

Under eminent domain, the government can seize private property — including corporate assets — for public use with compensation.

Examples include:

• Utility infrastructure
• Land and facilities needed for public projects

Corporate eminent‑domain seizures are uncommon but legally permitted.

During major wars or emergencies, the government has temporarily taken control of industries. Historical examples:

• Railroads (WWI)
• Steel mills (Korean War attempt — struck down by SCOTUS)
• Energy and industrial facilities during WWII

These are temporary operational takeovers, not permanent ownership.

Sometimes the government creates a corporation from scratch. An example would be the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA).

Under the second Trump administration (2025–2026), the U.S. Government has taken equity positions in several firms.

1. Intel Corporation (INTC)

• Stake: ~9.9% equity stake
• Date: August 22, 2025
• Amount: ~$8.9 billion (converted from CHIPS Act grants)
• Reason:
• Strengthen domestic semiconductor manufacturing
• Ensure secure supply chains for defense and AI
• Reduce reliance on Asian foundries
• Support construction of advanced fabs in Ohio and Arizona

2. MP Materials (MP)

• Stake: Preferred stock + warrants ≈ 15% effective stake
• Date: July 10, 2025
• Amount: $400 million equity + $150 million loan
• Reason:
• Secure U.S. rare‑earth supply
• End dependence on China (which refines >80% of global rare earths)
• Support magnet production for jets, submarines, EVs, wind turbines

3. L3Harris Technologies — Missile Solutions (future spinoff: Axyv)

• Stake: Convertible preferred security (equity‑linked)
• Amount: $1 billion Pentagon investment
• Reason:
• Support defense missile systems
• Provide capital ahead of spinoff into new public company

4. USA Rare Earth (USAR)

• Stake: 8–16% equity stake (Commerce Department)
• Date: January 2026
• Amount: $277 million common stock + $1.3 billion secured loan
• Reason:
• Build domestic rare‑earth mining and processing
• Reduce reliance on China
• Support critical minerals for defense and clean energy

5. Additional Quantum Computing Companies (letters of intent)

• Stake: Letters of intent for grants (not finalized equity)
• Amount: $2 billion across nine companies including IBM
• Reason:
• Strengthen U.S. quantum computing leadership
• Counter China’s advances

I have provided this information about U.S. investment in American corporations to say that America already engages in the type of behavior supported by the DSA, not even including the Communist-like policies of Social Security, public education, and welfare.

Much like the vast majority of Republicans and Democrats have no idea what is actually in the platforms of their Party (in the election years they actually decide to have a platform). I suspect most people supporting the DSA haven’t read the fine print, including the things the group supports.

What Republicans need to worry about is that their Party stands for little else other than portraying Democrats as Communists and greatly exaggerating the influence of the DSA. Traditional Republican values have fallen by the wayside, replaced by supporting a totally unworthy individual.

Democrats should be worried about the number of people within their ranks, desperate for change. Democrats need to stand for more than being against Donald Trump, and the twenty-fold increase in the DSA ranks in the past ten years is a cry for help. America’s current system with two major political parties offers little choice to the voters. One could make the case that neither Party pays close attention to the will of the voters; whether it be universal background checks for gun purchases, overturning Citizens United, raising the federal minimum wage, universal Pre-K, or federal paid family leave, all have over 70% support from the public but never become law.

I’ve always found Chuck Schumer to be a bit too satisfied with himself for political wins and unwilling to fight for things that matter. Hakeem Jeffries, who lives in New York and backed several candidates who lost to Democrats aligned with the DSA, will have to win the trust of new members of the House that he’ll need should he become the Speaker of the House after the midterms.

Conclusion

In the end, the Democratic Socialists of America are neither the Democratic Party’s Tea Party nor the caricature painted by cable news. They are the latest expression of a long American tradition: movements that rise when people believe the existing political order is no longer answering the questions that matter. Their influence is real but uneven, growing in cities and younger districts while provoking anxiety among party leaders who fear losing control of the coalition they’ve spent decades assembling.

What the DSA represents, more than anything, is a generational shift in how political power is imagined. Their members are not waiting for permission from the Democratic Party, nor are they trying to overthrow it. They are trying to reshape it from the inside. The same strategy Harrington pursued in the 1980s is now supercharged by economic precarity, climate urgency, and a political landscape fractured by distrust.

Whether the DSA becomes a lasting force or another chapter in the long story of American left movements will depend on what they build, not what their critics say. But their rise makes one thing clear: the Democratic Party is no longer a two‑lane highway. It is a multi‑tendency coalition negotiating its future in real time, and the DSA is one of the loudest, most organized voices in that conversation.

If nothing else, their presence forces the Party, and the country, to confront questions it has avoided for decades: Who should the economy serve? What does justice look like beyond slogans? And how much change are Americans actually willing to vote for?

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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