<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0"
	xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/"
	xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/"
	xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"
	xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom"
	xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/"
	xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/"
	>

<channel>
	<title>The Good Men Project</title>
	<atom:link href="https://goodmenproject.com/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>https://goodmenproject.com/</link>
	<description>The Conversation No One Else Is Having</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 16:52:29 +0000</lastBuildDate>
	<language>en-US</language>
	<sy:updatePeriod>
	hourly	</sy:updatePeriod>
	<sy:updateFrequency>
	1	</sy:updateFrequency>
	<generator>https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.3</generator>
	<item>
		<title>How Emotional Climate Creates Secure Love</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-emotional-climate-creates-secure-love/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-emotional-climate-creates-secure-love/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Kyle Benson]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 21:00:11 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Attachment theory]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional connection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kyle Benson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1151605</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="1254" height="837" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088.jpg 1254w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-768x513.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-1188x792.jpg 1188w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 1254px) 100vw, 1254px" />The emotional climate you create together, moment by moment, decides whether love feels safe or threatening.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-emotional-climate-creates-secure-love/">How Emotional Climate Creates Secure Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="1254" height="837" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088.jpg 1254w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-768x513.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-1188x792.jpg 1188w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-826982088-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 1254px) 100vw, 1254px" /><p>Have you ever noticed how one small moment can completely change how you and your partner feel with each other?</p>
<p>A soft look can calm the room. A sharp tone can make the whole conversation tighten. A small moment of warmth can help you feel close again, while one dismissive comment can leave you wondering if your partner is really with you.</p>
<p>Relationships are shaped in these tiny moments.</p>
<p>According to Dr. John Gottman, thriving couples are not just better communicators. They are intentional about the emotional climate they create together. His research found that stable, happy couples maintain about <a href="https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-ratio-the-key-to-relationship-satisfaction/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><strong>5 positive interactions for every 1 negative</strong></a> during conflict, and an even higher ratio outside of conflict.</p>
<p>That matters because love does not grow only from big conversations, romantic getaways, or major repair moments. It grows in the daily emotional environment partners create through warmth, responsiveness, humor, care, tenderness, and <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/conflict-aftermath/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">repair</a>.</p>
<p>It reminds me of my wife lately.</p>
<p>She has been gardening for the second year, and I keep asking, &#8220;Can we grow this?&#8221; And she gently reminds me, &#8220;That won&#8217;t grow in Florida right now.&#8221;</p>
<p>We&#8217;ve got baby chickens in the garage, sourdough on the counter, and honestly, my life feels like an Instagram reel these days (lol). But it has also clarified something deeper for me: growth is not just about what you plant. It is about the climate you create.</p>
<p>The same is true in love.</p>
<h2>Why Emotional Climate Matters More Than Perfect Communication</h2>
<p>This is where many couples get stuck. They focus on what to say instead of the emotional environment they are building together.</p>
<p>They search for the perfect phrase. The right communication tool. The best way to explain their intention. And while words matter, the climate around those words often matters even more.</p>
<p>You can say the &#8220;right&#8221; words with a <a href="https://kylebenson.net/defensiveness/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">defensive tone</a>, and your partner&#8217;s body may still brace. You can make a valid point while creating a climate that feels cold, critical, or unsafe. You can explain yourself clearly and still miss the deeper emotional question your partner is asking underneath the conflict.</p>
<p>&#8220;Are you with me?&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Do I matter to you?&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Can we take care of us right now?&#8221;</p>
<p>This is why secure love is not just about communication skills. It is about the emotional climate that makes those skills possible. When the climate feels safe, partners can hear each other more openly. When the climate feels threatening, even helpful words can land as criticism, pressure, or dismissal.</p>
<h2>The One-Person Model Many of Us Learned</h2>
<p>Most of us were taught a one-person model of relationships.</p>
<p>&#8220;You&#8217;re responsible for your own emotions.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t let your partner affect you.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Calm yourself down before you need anything from anyone.&#8221;</p>
<p>There is truth in personal responsibility. We do need to learn how to notice our reactions, regulate our nervous systems, and take ownership of how we show up. But when this idea gets taken too far, it can make us forget that intimate relationships are not emotionally neutral.</p>
<p>Your partner affects you.</p>
<p>You affect your partner.</p>
<p>A warm response can help your body settle. A dismissive response can make your defenses rise. A moment of repair can <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/relationship-trust-commitment/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">restore trust</a>. A repeated lack of responsiveness can slowly teach the nervous system to <a href="https://kylebenson.net/relationship-disconnection/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">expect disconnection</a>.</p>
<p>Attachment science tells a different story than radical independence. Your <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s44271-024-00147-9" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><strong>attachment system</strong></a> is wired for connection. We are shaped not only by what happens inside us, but by the emotional signals we receive from the people we depend on.</p>
<p>That does not mean your partner is responsible for managing every feeling you have.</p>
<p>But it does mean the relationship becomes a shared emotional environment.</p>
<h2>Your Relationship Is a Two-Person System</h2>
<p>Dr. Stan Tatkin describes intimate partnership as a <a href="https://www.stanandtraceytatkin.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><strong>two-person system</strong></a>.</p>
<p>Your relationship is not just you. It is not just your partner. It is something you co-create together, moment by moment.</p>
<p>This is important because many couples try to solve relational problems as if they belong to one person. One partner is &#8220;too sensitive.&#8221; The other is &#8220;too defensive.&#8221; One is &#8220;too needy.&#8221; The other is &#8220;too avoidant.&#8221; One is &#8220;the emotional one.&#8221; The other is &#8220;the logical one.&#8221;</p>
<p>But when you look at the relationship as a system, you begin to see how both partners shape the climate.</p>
<p>One partner&#8217;s criticism may activate the other&#8217;s withdrawal. One partner&#8217;s withdrawal may activate the other&#8217;s protest. <a href="https://kylebenson.net/defensiveness/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">One partner&#8217;s defensiveness</a> may make the other feel unseen. One partner&#8217;s overwhelm may make the other feel abandoned.</p>
<p>The goal is not to assign blame.</p>
<p>The goal is to understand the pattern.</p>
<p>When couples shift from &#8220;What is wrong with you?&#8221; to &#8220;What happens between us?&#8221; they create more space for compassion, responsibility, and repair.</p>
<h2>Secure Couples Don&#8217;t Avoid Tension</h2>
<p>Secure couples do not avoid tension.</p>
<p>They still have hard conversations. They still disagree. They still get tired, reactive, hurt, overwhelmed, or <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/the-silent-killer-of-relationships-the-meta-emotion-mismatch/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">misunderstood</a>. The difference is that they create enough <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/conflict-aftermath/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">safety for repair</a> to become possible.</p>
<p>That is a very different goal than trying to never upset each other.</p>
<p>If the goal is to avoid all tension, couples often become careful, silent, resentful, or emotionally distant. They stop bringing up hard things because the relationship cannot tolerate discomfort. On the outside, it may look peaceful. Underneath, the connection may slowly weaken.</p>
<p>Secure couples create a different kind of climate. They build enough warmth, care, and responsiveness that tension does not automatically feel like danger. Conflict still matters, but it does not have to mean the bond is threatened.</p>
<p>Instead of fighting for &#8220;Who&#8217;s right?&#8221; they begin asking:</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;How do we take care of us right now?&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>That question changes the emotional climate.</p>
<p>It moves the couple from opposition to collaboration. It reminds both partners that the relationship is not a courtroom. It is a bond they are responsible for tending together.</p>
<h2>Speak From Impact, Not Your Partner&#8217;s Intention</h2>
<p>If relationships are shaped by the climate you create, one of the fastest ways to shift that climate is to speak from impact instead of your partner&#8217;s intention.</p>
<p>Here is what I mean.</p>
<p>Imagine your partner comes home late from work. You were looking forward to time together, and now you feel disappointed, alone, and maybe a little unimportant.</p>
<p>You might say:</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;You care more about your job than this relationship.&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>That statement makes sense if you are feeling hurt. But it also assumes your partner&#8217;s intention. Most people will defend their intent when they feel accused.</p>
<p>They might say, &#8220;That&#8217;s not true,&#8221; or &#8220;You know I had to work,&#8221; or &#8220;Why do you always make me the bad guy?&#8221;</p>
<p>Now the conversation is no longer about the loneliness underneath. It becomes a debate about whether your accusation is fair.</p>
<p>But if you pause and speak from impact, the emotional climate changes.</p>
<p>You might say:</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;I felt a little alone tonight. I was really looking forward to time with you, and I missed you.&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>Same moment.</p>
<p>Completely different climate.</p>
<p>One <a href="https://kylebenson.net/defensiveness/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">invites defensiveness</a>. The other invites connection.</p>
<h2>Why Impact Opens the Door to Care</h2>
<p>When you name your inner experience, you make it easier for your partner to respond with care.</p>
<p>This does not mean they will always respond perfectly. It does not mean you should never name harmful patterns directly. And it does not mean you need to soften everything so much that your hurt disappears.</p>
<p>It means that when you lead with what happened inside you, your partner has a clearer path toward your heart.</p>
<p>&#8220;I felt alone&#8221; is easier to move toward than &#8220;You don&#8217;t care.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;I missed you&#8221; is easier to respond to than &#8220;You only think about yourself.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;I felt scared we were drifting&#8221; is easier to hear than &#8220;You never make this relationship a priority.&#8221;</p>
<p>Underneath many accusations is a vulnerable truth. The more directly you can name that truth, the more likely you are to create a climate where connection can happen.</p>
<p>This is not about performing perfect communication.</p>
<p>It is about choosing words that help your partner find you instead of only defend against you.</p>
<h2>Small Moments Create the Climate</h2>
<p>A relationship&#8217;s emotional climate is created in small moments.</p>
<p>A hand on the back while passing through the kitchen. A text that says, &#8220;Thinking of you.&#8221; A repair after a sharp tone. A laugh when life feels heavy. A moment of gratitude. A softened startup. A partner who pauses and says, &#8220;I can see how that hurt.&#8221;</p>
<p>These moments may seem small, but they are not insignificant.</p>
<p>They are the soil.</p>
<p>Over time, they teach the nervous system what to expect. They say, &#8220;This relationship is a place where I can be seen.&#8221; They say, &#8220;Even when we get disconnected, we know how to find each other again.&#8221; They say, &#8220;My inner world matters here.&#8221;</p>
<p>Negative moments matter too, of course. A pattern of criticism, dismissal, contempt, avoidance, or emotional neglect will shape the climate in the other direction. But this is why intentional small moments of care are so powerful. They do not erase every rupture, but they <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/conflict-aftermath/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">make repair more possible</a>.</p>
<p>A secure emotional climate is cultivated.</p>
<p>Not once.</p>
<p>Again and again.</p>
<h2>Are You Approaching Conflict as Me vs. You?</h2>
<p>The next time conflict shows up, gently ask yourself:</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;Am I approaching this as me vs. my partner, or as us vs. the problem?&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>This question can slow down the protective instinct to win, prove, defend, or withdraw.</p>
<p>When you are in &#8220;me vs. you,&#8221; your partner becomes the threat. Their tone, their complaint, their sadness, or their request may feel like something you have to defeat or escape.</p>
<p>But when you shift into &#8220;us vs. the problem,&#8221; the <a href="https://kylebenson.net/relationship-disconnection/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">disconnection</a> becomes the shared challenge.</p>
<p>You can still have your perspective. You can still name the impact. You can still <a href="https://kylebenson.net/relationship-boundaries/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">set boundaries</a>, ask for change, or say what hurt. But the spirit of the conversation changes.</p>
<p>Instead of &#8220;How do I prove I&#8217;m right?&#8221; the question becomes, &#8220;How do we understand what happened between us?&#8221;</p>
<p>Instead of &#8220;How do I get you to admit you&#8217;re wrong?&#8221; the question becomes, &#8220;How do we take care of the bond while we talk about something hard?&#8221;</p>
<p>That shift creates a different emotional climate.</p>
<p>And a different climate makes different growth possible.</p>
<h2>What Are You Cultivating Together?</h2>
<p>If you are open to a deeper reflection, ask yourself:</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;What would change if I saw this relationship as something we are creating together, not something I have to manage alone?&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>That question can be especially tender for the partner who feels like they are carrying the emotional labor. If you have been the one <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/conflict-aftermath/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">initiating repair</a>, naming the patterns, bringing up the hard conversations, or trying to keep the relationship connected, it may feel lonely to imagine the relationship as something co-created.</p>
<p>A secure climate cannot be created by one person forever.</p>
<p>One person can influence the climate. One person can soften, repair, invite, and reach. But secure love requires participation from both partners. It requires both people becoming more aware of what they bring into the emotional field between them.</p>
<p>So ask honestly:</p>
<p>What emotional climate are we creating?</p>
<p>Is it warm or tense?</p>
<p>Open or guarded?</p>
<p>Collaborative or adversarial?</p>
<p>Repairing or avoidant?</p>
<p>Tender or critical?</p>
<p>Do we know how to come back to each other when we <a href="https://kylebenson.net/relationship-disconnection/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">get disconnected</a>?</p>
<p>These questions are not meant to shame you. They are meant to help you notice what is growing between you.</p>
<p>Because whatever climate you repeatedly create becomes the environment your love has to live in.</p>
<h2>Frequently Asked Questions</h2>
<h3>What is emotional climate in a relationship?</h3>
<p>The emotional climate in a relationship is the felt environment partners create through their daily interactions, tone, responsiveness, repair, warmth, and <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/reoccurring-relationship-conflict/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">conflict patterns</a>. It shapes whether the relationship feels safe, tense, distant, caring, or secure.</p>
<h3>What is the Gottman 5 to 1 ratio?</h3>
<p>The Gottman 5 to 1 ratio refers to research showing that stable, happy couples tend to have about five positive interactions for every one negative interaction during conflict. Outside of conflict, thriving couples often maintain an even higher positive-to-negative ratio.</p>
<h3>How do you create emotional safety in a relationship?</h3>
<p>Emotional safety grows through consistent responsiveness, <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/feelings-connect/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">validation</a>, repair, kindness, accountability, and the ability to talk about hard things without turning each other into the enemy. It is built through small moments of care repeated over time.</p>
<h3>What does it mean to speak from impact instead of intention?</h3>
<p>Speaking from impact means naming how something affected you internally rather than assuming your partner&#8217;s motive. For example, &#8220;I felt alone tonight and missed you&#8221; usually creates more openness than &#8220;You care more about work than me.&#8221;</p>
<h3>What is a two-person system in relationships?</h3>
<p>A two-person system means the relationship is co-created by both partners in real time. Each person&#8217;s nervous system, responses, tone, <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/conflict-aftermath/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">repair attempts</a>, and protective strategies shape the emotional environment between them.</p>
<h2>If This Resonates</h2>
<p>If this resonates, you&#8217;re not alone.</p>
<p>Many couples are trying to grow connection in a climate that has become too tense, guarded, or <a href="https://kylebenson.net/relationship-disconnection/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">disconnected</a>. And often, the work is not one dramatic conversation. It is learning how to cultivate small, consistent moments of care that make secure love possible.</p>
<p>If you want more moments where your partner actually feels like home, start with <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/best-relationship-articles/emotional-connection-in-relationships/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><strong>The Emotional Connection Garden</strong></a>.</p>
<p>You will learn how to create the kind of emotional climate where connection can grow through small, consistent moments of care.</p>
<p>Because secure love is not built in one conversation.</p>
<p>It is cultivated in the climate you create together.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>Previously Published on <a href="https://www.kylebenson.net/emotional-climate-in-relationships/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">kylebenson.net</a></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><strong>Subscribe to our Email Newsletter:</strong></p>
<blockquote><p><em>Why Subscribe? Because this conversation matters.</em><br />
When you subscribe, you&#8217;re directly supporting independent, mission-driven journalism about masculinity, relationships, mental health, fatherhood, and social change. Your inbox becomes part of a movement that&#8217;s been challenging stereotypes and expanding what it means to be a good man since 2010. Plus, our newsletter is curated by humans, not algorithms — thoughtful context in an AI-flooded world.</p></blockquote>
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" style="background: #f9f9f9; padding: 2px; border-radius: 8px; max-width: 480px; margin: 28px auto; text-align: center; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px rgba(0,0,0,0.05); font-family: Arial, sans-serif;" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" novalidate="" target="_blank">
<h3 style="font-size: 22px; margin-bottom: 12px; color: #333;">Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<p><label style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; font-size: 15px; color: #333;" for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span style="color: red;">*</span></label></p>
<p><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" style="padding: 7px; width: 80%; max-width: 320px; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 4px; margin-bottom: 15px; font-size: 15px;" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" /></p>
<p><!-- bot prevention --></p>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<p><button id="mc-embedded-subscribe" style="background-color: #cf2e2e; color: #fff; padding: 7px 30px; font-size: 16px; border: none; border-radius: 4px; cursor: pointer;" name="subscribe" type="submit">Subscribe</button></p>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: red; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: green; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><!-- Mailchimp validation script --><br />
<script src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><br />
<script type="text/javascript">
(function($) {
  window.fnames = []; 
  window.ftypes = []; 
  fnames[0]='EMAIL'; ftypes[0]='email';
})(jQuery); 
var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);
</script></p>
<p>The Good Men Project is a mission-driven men&#8217;s media platform. A major platform for stories about men, identity, fatherhood, and emotional intelligence—and a trusted home for the national conversation about masculinity.</p>
<p>The Good Men Project accepts paid guest posts and provides bulk guest post packages for SEO agencies and resellers. Email info@goodmenproject.com for more information</p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members help support our mission and get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/silhouettes-of-a-young-couple-under-the-starry-sky-my-astronomy-work-gm826982088-134357817" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock.com</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-emotional-climate-creates-secure-love/">How Emotional Climate Creates Secure Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-emotional-climate-creates-secure-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Depression vs. Laziness: How to Tell the Difference</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/depression-vs-laziness-how-to-tell-the-difference/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/depression-vs-laziness-how-to-tell-the-difference/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stacker]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 20:30:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice & Confessions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional wellbeing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men mental health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1158631</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />Learn how to distinguish depression from temporary low motivation by recognizing emotional, behavioral and physical symptoms that may require support.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/depression-vs-laziness-how-to-tell-the-difference/">Depression vs. Laziness: How to Tell the Difference</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1629206066-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By Oghenefejiro Okifo, MD for Doctronic</p>
<p>Understanding whether you&#8217;re experiencing <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/conditions/depression" target="_blank" rel="noopener">depression</a> or just going through a lazy period can be life-changing. While both can look similar on the surface — reduced productivity, staying in bed longer, avoiding responsibilities — the underlying causes and required interventions are vastly different.</p>
<p>Misidentifying depression as laziness can delay crucial treatment, while mistaking laziness for depression might lead to unnecessary medical interventions. Below, <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Doctronic</a> explains how to tell the difference between depression and laziness.</p>
<h3>Key takeaways</h3>
<ul>
<li data-list-item-id="ef20a0b0fb7d0c72e344833547def2cd8">Depression involves persistent mood changes and physical symptoms, while laziness is a temporary lack of motivation.</li>
<li data-list-item-id="ee1a159adcd5cba89aea945aaeba65a36">Clinical depression affects sleep, appetite, and concentration in ways that laziness does not.</li>
<li data-list-item-id="ec645dd2184f2b4760cc79f724bec27f8">Depression requires professional treatment, whereas laziness responds to lifestyle changes and motivation techniques.</li>
<li data-list-item-id="e17a913b9049eaf0f4ba1b04b98a2b638">Warning signs like hopelessness, guilt, and social withdrawal indicate depression rather than simple procrastination.</li>
</ul>
<h3>What Is Depression vs. Laziness?</h3>
<p>Depression is a clinically diagnosed mental health disorder that affects neurotransmitter function in the brain, specifically serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine levels. This biochemical imbalance creates persistent changes in mood, thinking patterns, and physical functioning that extend far beyond simple motivation issues.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201410/the-psychology-of-laziness" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Laziness, by contrast, represents a behavioral choice</a> or temporary state of low motivation without underlying neurological pathology. It&#8217;s a normal human experience that everyone encounters occasionally, characterized by preferring comfort over effort or avoiding tasks that feel tedious or overwhelming.</p>
<p>The clinical threshold for depression requires symptoms to persist for at least two consecutive weeks and significantly impair daily functioning. These symptoms must include either persistent sadness or loss of interest in activities, plus at least four additional symptoms like sleep changes, appetite shifts, fatigue, or difficulty concentrating. Understanding <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/childhood-depression-symptoms-causes-and-treatment-options-823112" target="_blank" rel="noopener">childhood depression</a> can also help parents recognize when concerning behaviors go beyond typical teenage moodiness.</p>
<p>Depression encompasses emotional symptoms (sadness, hopelessness, guilt), physical symptoms (fatigue, sleep disturbances, appetite changes), and cognitive symptoms (poor concentration, memory problems, decision-making difficulties). Laziness primarily involves reduced motivation without the broader symptom constellation that characterizes clinical depression.</p>
<h3>When Depression Gets Mistaken for Laziness</h3>
<p>Academic and workplace settings frequently misinterpret depression symptoms as poor work ethic or lack of commitment. Students experiencing depression may face criticism from teachers who view declining grades as laziness rather than recognizing underlying mental health struggles. Similarly, employees with undiagnosed depression often receive performance reviews citing motivation issues when they&#8217;re actually battling a medical condition.</p>
<p>Social withdrawal represents another commonly misunderstood depression symptom. Family members and friends may interpret reduced social participation as antisocial behavior or selfishness, not realizing the person lacks energy for social interaction due to depression. This misunderstanding can create additional guilt and isolation for someone already struggling with their mental health.</p>
<p>Daily task completion becomes monumentally difficult during depressive episodes, leading others to assume procrastination or poor time management. However, depression creates genuine cognitive impairments that make simple decisions feel overwhelming. Parents concerned about their teenager&#8217;s behavior should consider <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/helping-your-child-with-depression-518412" target="_blank" rel="noopener">resources for helping a child with depression</a> to better understand these symptoms.</p>
<p>Sleep pattern changes associated with depression — either sleeping too much or experiencing insomnia — are often dismissed as poor lifestyle choices rather than recognized as depression indicators. This misinterpretation delays appropriate treatment and can worsen the underlying condition over time.</p>
<h3>How Depression and Laziness Manifest Differently</h3>
<p>Physical symptoms create the clearest distinction between depression and laziness. <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/does-depression-make-you-tired-the-fatigue-depression-connection-explained" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Depression causes genuine fatigue</a> that persists despite adequate rest, along with sleep disturbances like early morning awakening or hypersomnia. Appetite changes cause significant weight loss or weight gain, while laziness doesn&#8217;t typically affect basic bodily functions or eating patterns.</p>
<p>Emotional symptoms provide another key differentiator. Depression involves persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or inappropriate guilt that color every aspect of daily life. These emotional states persist regardless of external circumstances or positive events. Laziness lacks this emotional distress component and doesn&#8217;t involve the pervasive negative mood characteristic of depression.</p>
<p>Duration patterns reveal important diagnostic clues. Depression symptoms remain consistently present for weeks or months, creating a stable pattern of impairment. Laziness tends to fluctuate based on circumstances, motivation levels, and external factors, coming in shorter waves rather than persistent states.</p>
<p>Response to external motivation differs dramatically between conditions. Lazy behavior often improves when faced with deadlines, consequences, or exciting opportunities. Depression symptoms persist despite encouragement, threats, or rewards, because the underlying brain chemistry prevents normal motivational responses. Certain medications have been associated with mood changes, and understanding connections like <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/can-ozempic-cause-anxiety-or-depression" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anxiety or depression</a> from treatments can help identify contributing factors.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" src="https://images.stacker.com/w/1280/images/stories/2026/10/13/Depression%20vs%20laziness-graphic%201.png" alt="A table showing the differences between depression and laziness across symptom categories." data-attribution="Doctronic" /></p>
<h3>Key Warning Signs That Point to Depression</h3>
<p>Persistent feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt that accompany reduced motivation signal depression rather than laziness. These thoughts often include harsh self-criticism disproportionate to actual circumstances, or feeling responsible for problems beyond one&#8217;s control. Most concerning are thoughts of self-harm or death, which require immediate professional attention and indicate severe depression.</p>
<p>Significant changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or weight that coincide with reduced activity suggest underlying depression. This might manifest as sleeping 12 or more hours daily yet still feeling exhausted, losing 10 or more pounds without trying, or experiencing middle-of-the-night insomnia for weeks. These physical changes indicate brain chemistry alterations characteristic of depression.</p>
<p>Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, called <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/anhedonia" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anhedonia</a>, extends beyond simple lack of motivation. When someone stops finding pleasure in hobbies, social activities, or goals they once valued, this suggests depression rather than temporary laziness. The activities feel meaningless or require too much emotional energy to pursue.</p>
<p>Cognitive symptoms like difficulty concentrating, making simple decisions, or remembering routine information affect daily functioning in ways that laziness doesn&#8217;t. Depression can make reading a paragraph feel impossible or choosing what to eat overwhelming. <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/depression-screening-what-you-need-to-know-about-the-new-recommendations-301723" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Depression screening</a> tools can help identify these patterns early and guide appropriate treatment decisions.</p>
<h3>Treatment Approaches: Depression vs. Laziness</h3>
<p>Depression treatment requires professional intervention through therapy, medication, or both approaches combined. Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps identify and change negative thought patterns, while medications like SSRIs address underlying brain chemistry imbalances. Treatment typically takes several months to show full effects and requires ongoing monitoring by qualified healthcare providers.</p>
<p>Laziness responds to behavioral interventions like goal-setting, accountability systems, time management techniques, and environmental modifications. Breaking large tasks into smaller steps, creating reward systems, or changing physical environments can effectively overcome temporary motivation problems without medical intervention.</p>
<p>The treatment focus differs fundamentally between conditions. Depression therapy addresses trauma processing, brain chemistry regulation, and deep-seated thought patterns that contribute to symptoms. Laziness solutions target habit formation, productivity systems, and external motivators that encourage action.</p>
<p>Timeline expectations vary significantly. Depression treatment may take six to eight weeks for medications to reach full effectiveness, with therapy benefits emerging over months. Laziness interventions often show immediate results when the right motivational approach is identified. Understanding factors like <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/seasonal-depression-symptoms-causes-and-treatment-options-573216" target="_blank" rel="noopener">seasonal depression</a> can help explain why certain times of year feel particularly challenging for some individuals.</p>
<h3>The Bottom Line</h3>
<p>Distinguishing between depression and laziness requires careful attention to symptom duration, physical changes, and emotional patterns. Depression involves persistent alterations in brain chemistry that create lasting changes in mood, energy, sleep, and appetite that extend far beyond simple motivation problems. While laziness represents temporary behavioral choices that respond to external motivation and environmental changes, depression requires professional treatment through therapy, medication, or both approaches.</p>
<p>Recognizing these differences early allows for appropriate intervention, whether that means lifestyle modifications for laziness or medical treatment for depression. The stakes are high because untreated depression typically worsens over time and can lead to serious complications, while properly diagnosed depression responds well to evidence-based treatments.</p>
<h3>Frequently Asked Questions</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>Can you be both depressed and lazy at the same time?</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr">Yes, depression can coexist with lazy tendencies, and depression symptoms can make someone appear lazy to others. However, the underlying depression requires medical attention regardless of any concurrent laziness. Treating the depression often improves motivation naturally.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>How long should low motivation last before considering it might be depression?</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr">If low motivation persists for two weeks or more alongside other symptoms like sleep changes, appetite shifts, <a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/how-to-tell-if-youre-depressed-key-signs-beyond-feeling-sad" target="_blank" rel="noopener">persistent sadness</a>, or loss of interest in activities, consider professional evaluation. Earlier intervention leads to better outcomes.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>Will antidepressants help if I&#8217;m just being lazy?</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr">Antidepressants won&#8217;t improve laziness without underlying depression, and may cause unnecessary side effects. Proper diagnosis is essential before starting any medication. A healthcare provider can distinguish between depression and motivation issues through a thorough evaluation.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>Can depression cause you to become lazy permanently?</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr">Depression doesn&#8217;t cause permanent laziness, but untreated depression can create lasting patterns of avoidance and reduced activity. With proper treatment, most people recover normal motivation levels, though this process takes time and professional support.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>Should I see a doctor or try self-help first for persistent low motivation?</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr">If symptoms include persistent sadness, sleep changes, appetite shifts, or thoughts of self-harm, seek professional help immediately. For mild motivation issues without other symptoms, brief self-help attempts are reasonable before consulting a provider.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/blog/depression-vs-laziness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>This story</em></a><em> was produced by </em><a href="https://www.doctronic.ai/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>Doctronic</em></a><em> and reviewed and distributed by </em><a href="https://hubs.la/Q03klgSR0" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener"><em>Stacker</em></a>.</p>
<p><script type="text/javascript" src="https://analytics.stacker.com/tracking/f62373a5-0ddd-4689-97a0-8d9b1af2c81d/script.js?source=story-hub" async></script></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://hub.stackernewswire.com/national/f62373a5-0ddd-4689-97a0-8d9b1af2c81d">Previously Published</a> on hub.stackernewswire</em></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" style="background: #f9f9f9; padding: 20px; border-radius: 8px; max-width: 480px; margin: 30px auto; text-align: center; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px rgba(0,0,0,0.05); font-family: Arial, sans-serif;" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" novalidate="" target="_blank">
<h3 style="font-size: 22px; margin-bottom: 15px; color: #333;">Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<p><label style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; font-size: 15px; color: #333;" for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span style="color: red;">*</span></label></p>
<p><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" style="padding: 10px; width: 80%; max-width: 320px; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 4px; margin-bottom: 15px; font-size: 15px;" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" /></p>
<p><!-- bot prevention --></p>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<p><button id="mc-embedded-subscribe" style="background-color: #cf2e2e; color: #fff; padding: 12px 30px; font-size: 16px; border: none; border-radius: 4px; cursor: pointer;" name="subscribe" type="submit">Subscribe</button></p>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: red; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: green; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><!-- Mailchimp validation script --><br />
<script src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><br />
<script type="text/javascript">
(function($) {
  window.fnames = []; 
  window.ftypes = []; 
  fnames[0]='EMAIL'; ftypes[0]='email';
})(jQuery); 
var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);
</script></p>
<p><em>The Good Men Project is p</em><em>art of a multi-platform ecosystem: flagship site, Medium publications, Substacks, social media. </em><em>We publish experts, authors, therapists, coaches, activists, and wellness professionals. </em><em>AI tools look for stable, context-rich domains with clear topical focus. </em><em>GMP’s mission-driven content helps articles perform better in AI-powered discovery.</em></p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/depression-mental-health-and-a-senior-woman-in-bed-feeling-sad-or-down-in-her-messy-gm1629206066-532338316" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/depression-vs-laziness-how-to-tell-the-difference/">Depression vs. Laziness: How to Tell the Difference</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/depression-vs-laziness-how-to-tell-the-difference/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Illegal Wildlife Continues to Slip Through Canada’s Borders. Experts Explain How</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/illegal-wildlife-continues-to-slip-through-canadas-borders-experts-explain-how/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Mongabay]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 20:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Environment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[biodiversity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Canada]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illegal wildlife trade]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mongabay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wildlife trafficking]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1158491</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="725" height="482" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851.jpg 725w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851-300x199.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 725px) 100vw, 725px" />The global wildlife trade is a multibillion-dollar industry that mixes legal business and illegal transactions.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/illegal-wildlife-continues-to-slip-through-canadas-borders-experts-explain-how/">Illegal Wildlife Continues to Slip Through Canada’s Borders. Experts Explain How</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="725" height="482" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851.jpg 725w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851-300x199.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-530333851-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 725px) 100vw, 725px" /><p>By <a href="https://news.mongabay.com/by/alex-megerle/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Alex Megerle</a></p>
<div class="bulletpoints-wrapper">
<div class="bulletpoints visible">
<ul>
<li><em>The global wildlife trade is a multibillion-dollar industry that mixes legal business and illegal transactions. It’s a major driver of biodiversity loss, and even legal trade is often unsustainable.</em></li>
<li><em>Canada is a significant player but struggles to enforce a key law that bans the import of wildlife taken illegally in other countries.</em></li>
<li><em>This gap allows various protected species to be brought into Canada illegally, sold and sometimes bred.</em></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div id="expander-container" class="bullets container full-width visible"><button class="content-expander visible">See All Key Ideas</button></div>
</div>
<p>It is far easier than one might expect to access the illegal wildlife trade in Canada.</p>
<p>Chris Shepherd, a senior conservation advocate with the <a href="https://www.biologicaldiversity.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Center for Biological Diversity</a>, knows this firsthand. On a recent call with Mongabay, he recounted attending a reptile fair in Canada and speaking to a seller who told him he regularly received shipments of “anything you want” from the U.S.</p>
<p>“I asked him about a few illegal [Indonesian] animals … he said, ‘Oh, I just sold out of those. I’ll get more next weekend,’” Shepherd said.</p>
<p>Globally, the black-market wildlife trade is <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666937423000021" target="_blank" rel="noopener">driving many species toward extinction</a>, and it’s extremely lucrative: Poaching and illegal sales of wildlife are valued at about $20 billion annually, according to a <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12394888/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">paper</a> published last year in the journal <em>Ecology and Evolution</em>.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the legal trade is <a href="https://cites.org/eng/news/first-world-wildlife-trade-report" target="_blank" rel="noopener">estimated</a> at $220 billion a year, trading <a href="https://news.mongabay.com/2025/03/both-legal-and-illegal-wildlife-trade-need-better-monitoring-interview-with-alice-hughes/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">at least 70,000</a> species, that are often shipped or smuggled in vast numbers. Meanwhile, there’s little data on sustainability, according to a broad international <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11745324/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">study</a>.</p>
<p>Beyond the conservation concerns, this trade also poses a serious public health threat. Importing animals from around the globe without proper oversight can expose both humans and livestock to <a href="https://muse.jhu.edu/pub/171/article/766391/pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">zoonotic diseases</a> that jump between species. Examples include Ebola, tuberculosis, rabies, avian influenza and COVID-19, to name a few.</p>
<p>The illegal wildlife trade is also a national security issue because of the perpetrators: International organized crime syndicates run these black-market operations, which can only function through bribes, <a href="https://news.mongabay.com/2024/06/fraud-and-corruption-drive-illegal-wildlife-trade-in-the-amazon/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">fraud</a>, complicity and corruption.</p>
<p>Few realize that Canada is a significant player in these trade arenas. A lack of enforcement is making the problem worse: A Canadian law bans the import of wildlife that was taken illegally in another country, but doesn’t require proof of origin at the border, rendering the law a paper tiger.</p>
<p>Other countries such as Australia and Japan have recently implemented rules placing the onus on importers to prove the legality of their goods, said Sheldon Jordan, a former wildlife enforcement director with the Canadian government.</p>
<p>“Canada, right now, doesn’t have that legal framework,” he said. “So it’s pretty hard to say that in the current context, the law is really worth much more than the paper that it’s written on.”</p>
<h2><strong>Monitoring imports</strong></h2>
<p>The volume of imports into Canada is overwhelming. In 2025, the Port of Vancouver handled a record 170.4 million metric tons of <a href="https://tc.canada.ca/en/corporate-services/transparency/corporate-management-reporting/transportation-canada-annual-reports/transportation-canada-annual-report-2025" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cargo</a> and 365,000 metric tons came through <a href="https://airserviceone.com/vancouver-airport-sets-new-passengers-and-cargo-record-in-2025/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Vancouver International Airport</a>.</p>
<p>Customs officials essentially triage personal and commercial imports, Jordan explained, sorting those that appear compliant with laws and regulations from those that require special attention. A box containing several lizards, for example, might get pulled aside so it could be inspected by a wildlife officer.</p>
<p>When the <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/border-services-agency.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Canada Border Services Agency</a> (CBSA) suspects a traveler or shipment entering the country is moving undeclared wildlife, officers will conduct an examination until their suspicion is proven either right or wrong, an agency spokesperson told Mongabay in an email. Travelers and shipments are selected for further examination based on factors including risk assessment, undercover intelligence, environmental scans and specific requirements from federal departments.</p>
<p>Commercial shipments must include a manifest declaring what’s inside, Jordan said, and officials generally start from the premise that what is declared on the manifest is what’s actually inside the cargo.</p>
<p>If border officers find live wildlife that might break foreign laws, they will inspect the shipment and review the import declaration and other documentation, the agency said. Some packages are x-rayed.</p>
<p>If officers suspect that a shipment doesn’t have proper paperwork, they will pull it aside and contact <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/environment-climate-change.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Environment and Climate Change Canada</a> (ECCC), the department responsible for the country’s wildlife trade.</p>
<p>“With any species of fauna or flora, whether living or dead … that is regulated by foreign legislation, but is not CITES-listed, ensuring compliance with domestic laws becomes more complex,” an ECCC spokesperson told Mongabay in an email. <a href="https://cites.org/eng" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CITES</a>, an international treaty, regulates global commerce in endangered plant and animal species.</p>
<h2><strong>Canada’s role in the trade</strong></h2>
<p>Canada’s role in this trade has garnered <a href="https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-canada-wildlife-illegal-trade-ivory-rhino-elephant/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">increased attention</a> lately, but Shepherd still characterized it as “completely under the radar,” with a mix of legal imports and illegal trafficking. It’s also unclear whether the volume of trade is going up or down, he said.</p>
<p>The country is a source of wildlife and their parts and products, and it has both a domestic market and also acts as a transit point, Jordan said.</p>
<p>Native Canadian species in the trade include <a href="https://www.iucnredlist.org/species/13704/50367651" target="_blank" rel="noopener">narwhal</a> (<em>Monodon monoceros</em>), whose tusks are coveted as trophies; <a href="https://www.iucnredlist.org/species/191108/129638652" target="_blank" rel="noopener">glass eels</a> (<em>Anguilla rostrata</em>), which are shipped to Asia for aquaculture and eaten as a delicacy; and <a href="https://www.iucnredlist.org/species/41687/114251609" target="_blank" rel="noopener">black bears</a> (<em>Ursus americanus</em>), whose gall bladders are coveted for their bile, an ingredient in traditional Chinese medicine, among others. All three are listed under CITES.</p>
<p>Much of Canada’s demand, on the other hand, focuses on the exotic pet trade, including reptiles, felines and birds.</p>
<p>A federal law, the <a href="https://lois-laws.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/w-8.5/index.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Wild Animal and Plant Protection and Regulation of International and Interprovincial Trade Act</a> (WAPPRIITA), prohibits the import of any plant or animal “that was possessed, distributed or transported in contravention of any law of any foreign state.”</p>
<p>Jordan likened this to a large net. This net works relatively well for species listed under <a href="https://cites.org/eng" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CITES,</a> though illegal trade still occurs. For species listed on Appendix I of the agreement, trade is mostly prohibited; Appendix II requires export and import permits and without that paperwork, Jordan said, trade is illegal.</p>
<p>But for animals not listed under CITES, Canada and some other countries don’t require documentation proving that a specimen was taken legally when it’s imported.</p>
<p>“The fact that you don’t have any requirement to demonstrate upon import that this [wildlife] was acquired legally … it basically rips a great big hole in this net that stuff can get through,” Jordan said.</p>
<p>This problem extends beyond just wildlife crime. One example is logging: <a href="https://www.interpol.int/en/Crimes/Environmental-crime/Forestry-crime#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20such%20international%20crimes%20account%20for%2015%2D30%20per%20cent%20of%20all%20timber%20traded%20globally." target="_blank" rel="noopener">Between 15% and 30%</a> of the global timber supply is illegally harvested, according to INTERPOL, and Canada is one of the world’s <a href="https://wits.worldbank.org/CountryProfile/en/Country/WLD/Year/2023/TradeFlow/Import/Partner/by-country/Product/44-49_Wood" target="_blank" rel="noopener">leading importers</a> of wood products.</p>
<p>However, it’s not always easy to determine origins. “Even though it is illegal to bring it in, by the time a tree has been processed into a bunch of cardboard boxes … it’s really hard to tell where it came from,” Jordan said.</p>
<p>The pet trade is another example. Since different nations have different laws regulating the legal collection, possession and sale of wildlife, the status of exotic pets can shift along the way from their country of origin to a buyer, said Michèle Hamers, an animal welfare policy expert. A particular animal could go from “legal to illegal to legal to illegal, depending on where [it] sits in the supply chain.”</p>
<p>There are other loopholes, too. Traders can successfully launder illegal specimens by mixing them with shipments of captive-bred animals that have permits — or by breeding animals poached from the wild and selling their offspring as captive-bred.</p>
<p>These sales pass as legal but are not. This happens with many species, including tarantulas and monitor lizards, according to Shepherd, as well as parrots and songbirds, which sell for large sums and are highly coveted by collectors.</p>
<p>Sri Lanka, for example, has protected all its reptiles for at least 90 years, Shepherd said, but you can still buy Sri Lankan species in Canada, which raises questions.</p>
<p>“Did your great-great-great-grandparents start a captive breeding program of Sri Lankan reptiles before World War I?” he said. “I don’t think so.”</p>
<h2><strong>How to stem the tide?</strong></h2>
<p>Other countries around the world, including Australia and the U.S., have <a href="https://circabc.europa.eu/ui/group/3f466d71-92a7-49eb-9c63-6cb0fadf29dc/library/13062c04-a41e-434a-837b-65e5ed2bda9f/details" target="_blank" rel="noopener">outlawed</a> the import of animals or plants poached from the wild, and in some cases are doing more to enforce it than Canada, according to Jordan.</p>
<p>The U.S. requires wildlife import declarations that provide “a little bit more information than what you would get in the Canadian context,” he said, but the U.S. system is still “very far from perfect.”</p>
<p><a href="https://www.agriculture.gov.au/agriculture-land/forestry/policies/illegal-logging/importers/due-diligence" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Australia</a> and <a href="https://apps.fas.usda.gov/newgainapi/api/Report/DownloadReportByFileName?fileName=The%20Revised%20Clean%20Wood%20Act%20to%20be%20Enacted%20from%20April%202025_Tokyo_Japan_JA2023-0135.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Japan</a>, meanwhile, require lumber importers to prove their products were legally procured, and the <a href="https://oceans-and-fisheries.ec.europa.eu/news/new-digital-certification-system-tackle-illegal-fishing-2026-01-12_en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">European Union</a> has moved in the same direction for fish and seafood, Jordan said.</p>
<p>“It seems like out of the G7 [advanced industrial democracies], Canada is an outlier in terms of facilitating the entry of illegally taken wildlife from other countries,” Jordan said. “But this isn’t something that officers can easily take on right now in the current legal framework. It’s that simple.”</p>
<p>An ECCC spokesperson told Mongabay in an email that if a foreign, non-CITES species was accompanied by appropriate documentation, “it would assist ECCC enforcement officers in further validating compliance with our domestic legislation.”</p>
<p>The department did not respond to a Mongabay question regarding possible momentum toward changing the law.</p>
<p>In Canada, environmental crime does not have the same level of policy focus as other environmental initiatives, like work on climate change or the <a href="https://www.cbd.int/gbf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kunming-Montreal Global Biodiversity Framework</a>, Jordan said. Most of the country’s environmental laws date from the 1980s and 1990s, and on the federal level, Canada “is really overdue for a look at … the impacts, the risks and the threats of crime,” he said.</p>
<p>An important question, he asks, is: “How do we take them on in a 21<sup>st</sup>-century context?”</p>
<p>ECCC’s spokesperson defended its enforcement branch, saying that it “continuously reviews and updates gaps in legislation, reviews fine and penalty regimes and recommends improvements.”</p>
<p>On a larger scale, plans are underway that, if successful, would shape how wildlife trade is policed internationally. One big step would be to include wildlife crime under the <a href="https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/organized-crime/intro/UNTOC.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">United Nations Convention against Transnational Organized Crime</a> (UNTOC), a global agreement that fosters international cooperation when tackling major crimes. Without this inclusion, countries “cannot [fully] collaborate on international or transnational environmental crimes,” Jordan said.</p>
<p>Brazil is expected to propose the inclusion of environmental crimes under UNTOC at the convention’s meeting in October, sources say, with other countries including Brazil, China, France and the Democratic Republic of Congo as co-sponsors. This would provide an important tool, especially for small or developing countries that don’t have the diplomatic reach to build cooperative agreements with other countries, Jordan said.</p>
<p>“Given the value of environmental crime … and its linkages with other crime areas, it’s a no-brainer to increase the amount of mechanisms, of tools, for authorities to go after bad guys, so that bad guys can’t hide behind borders,” he added.</p>
<p>An ECCC spokesperson said in an email that Canada “remains open to discussion” on the proposal. Though they stopped short of saying the country would support a new UNTOC protocol, they said the agreement is already broadly applicable, and strengthening its implementation, beefing up international cooperation and making fuller use of existing enforcement tools, can deliver “effective and concrete” results.</p>
<p>Even if border enforcement is improved, trafficked wildlife will still slip through the cracks, Shepherd said, and Canada should also investigate the companies profiting from wildlife that was poached from the wild, smuggled into the country and illegally sold.</p>
<p>Hamers pointed out that there is a role for members of the public in all this, too. Citizens can flag advertisements for illegal wildlife online, for instance, and report them to relevant authorities in their countries. Social media is a growing wildlife marketplace.</p>
<p>That approach requires public education and getting citizens onboard to help stem the tide. The wildlife trade is “not niche, but it’s also not what people care about, necessarily — until they learn about it, and know about it, and then they think it’s horrible,” Hamers said.</p>
<p>It’s important to call for “more resources, more money, more people to be trained — yes, sure,” Hamers said. “But let’s be creative and find other possible solutions that could help address this problem sustainably over the long-term.”</p>
<p><em><strong>Banner image:</strong> An earless monitor lizard, endemic to Borneo. Monitor lizards are among the species that traders launder by smuggling into a country like Canada in order to sell their offspring. Image credit Chien C. Lee via <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Real_Lanthanotus_borneensis.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Wikimedia Commons</a> (<a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CC BY-SA 4.0</a>).</em></p>
<blockquote><p><a href="https://news.mongabay.com/2025/10/new-global-guidelines-needed-to-rein-in-the-wildlife-pet-trade-commentary/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">New global guidelines needed to rein in the wildlife pet trade (commentary)</a></p></blockquote>
<p><strong>Citations:</strong></p>
<p>Mozer, A., Prost, S. (2023). An introduction to illegal wildlife trade and its effects on biodiversity and society. <em>Forensic Science International: Animals and Environments, 3</em>, 100064. doi:<a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fsiae.2023.100064" target="_blank" rel="noopener">10.1016/j.fsiae.2023.100064</a></p>
<p>Biondo, M. V., Calado, R. (2025). Enhancing wildlife trade monitoring in the European Union—No need to reinvent the wheel. <em>Ecology and Evolution, 15</em>(9). e72090. doi:<a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/ece3.72090" target="_blank" rel="noopener">10.1002/ece3.72090</a></p>
<p>Michael Marshall, B., Alamshah, A. L., Cardoso, P., Cassey, P., Chekunov, S., Eskew, E. A., … Hughes, A. C. (2025). The magnitude of legal wildlife trade and implications for species survival. <em>Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 122</em>(2), e2410774121. doi:<a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2410774121" target="_blank" rel="noopener">10.1073/pnas.2410774121</a></p>
<p>Guynup, S., Shepherd, C.R., … Shepherd, L. (2020). The True Costs of Wildlife Trafficking. <em>Georgetown Journal of International Affairs</em> <em>21</em>, 28-37. doi:<a href="https://dx.doi.org/10.1353/gia.2020.0023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">10.1353/gia.2020.0023</a>.</p>
<p>Travis, D., Watson, R., … Tauer, A. (2011). The spread of pathogens through trade in wildlife. <em>Scientific and Technical Review, 30</em>(1), 219-239. doi:<a href="https://dx.doi.org/10.20506/rst.30.1.2035" target="_blank" rel="noopener">10.20506/rst.30.1.2035</a></p>
<p><strong>FEEDBACK</strong>: Use <a href="https://form.jotform.com/251316305104341" target="_blank" rel="noopener">this form</a> to send a message to the author or editor of this post. If you’d like to post a public comment, you can do so at the bottom of the page.</p>
<div id="single-article-footer">
<div id="cite-article" class="align-left banner bg-brand-color crossref-doi outlined ph--16 pv--16">
<h2>Cite this article</h2>
<p><span class="crossref-doi">Alex Megerle (2026). Illegal wildlife continues to slip through Canada’s borders. Experts explain how. Mongabay Conservation news. DOI: <a href="https://doi.org/10.66709/news-331249" target="_blank" rel="external noopener">https://doi.org/10.66709/news-331249</a></span></p>
</div>
</div>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://news.mongabay.com/2026/09/illegal-wildlife-continues-to-slip-through-canadas-borders-experts-explain-how/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Previously Published</a> on news.mongabay with <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/4.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Creative Commons Attribution</a></em></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><strong>Subscribe to our Email Newsletter:</strong></p>
<blockquote><p><em>Why Subscribe? Because this conversation matters.</em><br />
When you subscribe, you&#8217;re directly supporting independent, mission-driven journalism about masculinity, relationships, mental health, fatherhood, and social change. Your inbox becomes part of a movement that&#8217;s been challenging stereotypes and expanding what it means to be a good man since 2010. Plus, our newsletter is curated by humans, not algorithms — thoughtful context in an AI-flooded world.</p></blockquote>
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" style="background: #f9f9f9; padding: 2px; border-radius: 8px; max-width: 480px; margin: 28px auto; text-align: center; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px rgba(0,0,0,0.05); font-family: Arial, sans-serif;" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" novalidate="" target="_blank">
<h3 style="font-size: 22px; margin-bottom: 12px; color: #333;">Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<p><label style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; font-size: 15px; color: #333;" for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span style="color: red;">*</span></label></p>
<p><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" style="padding: 7px; width: 80%; max-width: 320px; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 4px; margin-bottom: 15px; font-size: 15px;" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" /></p>
<p><!-- bot prevention --></p>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<p><button id="mc-embedded-subscribe" style="background-color: #cf2e2e; color: #fff; padding: 7px 30px; font-size: 16px; border: none; border-radius: 4px; cursor: pointer;" name="subscribe" type="submit">Subscribe</button></p>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: red; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: green; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><!-- Mailchimp validation script --><br />
<script src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><br />
<script type="text/javascript">
(function($) {
  window.fnames = []; 
  window.ftypes = []; 
  fnames[0]='EMAIL'; ftypes[0]='email';
})(jQuery); 
var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);
</script></p>
<p>The Good Men Project is a mission-driven men&#8217;s media platform. A major platform for stories about men, identity, fatherhood, and emotional intelligence—and a trusted home for the national conversation about masculinity.</p>
<p>The Good Men Project accepts paid guest posts and provides bulk guest post packages for SEO agencies and resellers. Email info@goodmenproject.com for more information</p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members help support our mission and get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/borneo-earless-monitor-lanthanotus-borneensis-gm530333851-54458208" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock.com</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/illegal-wildlife-continues-to-slip-through-canadas-borders-experts-explain-how/">Illegal Wildlife Continues to Slip Through Canada’s Borders. Experts Explain How</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>What We Owe the Place We Call Home</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-we-owe-the-place-we-call-home/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-we-owe-the-place-we-call-home/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Strong Towns]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 19:30:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Social Justice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#urban planning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[civic engagement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Community]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[local government]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Strong Towns]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1157520</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />Loving a city means caring for what we inherit and sharing the work of leaving it better.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-we-owe-the-place-we-call-home/">What We Owe the Place We Call Home</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1373114531-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By <a href="https://www.strongtowns.org/contributors-journal/jarah-jacquay" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Jarah Jacquay</a></p>
<p>I want my children to inherit a city worth loving — and to understand that loving it will require something of them.</p>
<p>Too many of us have learned to treat civic life as a spectator sport. We spend hours consuming — or being consumed by — algorithmic content on so-called social networks, posting and sharing and feeding the rage-bait fire. We can become intimately acquainted with the failings of people we will never meet while knowing almost nothing about the people living three doors down.</p>
<p>I include myself in that indictment. It is easier to have an opinion about the country than to assume responsibility for some small part of it. The screen offers an inexhaustible supply of things to resent. A neighborhood makes more particular demands: someone needs help, something needs repair, a decision needs our attention.</p>
<p>As a father of seven, I want my children to learn how to answer those demands. I want them to know their neighbors, recognize what is worth preserving, and become capable of doing something useful when the place they love needs them.</p>
<p>In the Catholic tradition, there is a name for the obligation beneath that ambition: <em>pietas</em>. Saint Thomas Aquinas writes that <a href="https://www.newadvent.org/summa/3101.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener">“man is debtor chiefly to his parents and his country, after God.”</a> We have received something we did not make for ourselves. Gratitude places a claim on us.</p>
<p>I find that obligation easier to grasp at the scale of a city. Here, the inheritance has an address. Someone planted <a href="https://archive.strongtowns.org/journal/2022/3/29/street-trees-the-roots-of-a-strong-town" target="_blank" rel="noopener">the trees shading our sidewalks</a>. Someone built the schools and laid the water mains. Someone kept a parish or neighborhood association alive through years when the work fell to a handful of tired people. We live among the consequences of their decisions. Our children will live among ours.</p>
<p>Some of what we have inherited needs repair. Some deserves preservation. Some should never have been built as it was. Gratitude does not relieve us of the obligation to tell the difference.</p>
<p>Love of a city ought to make us capable of both affection and judgment. The debt we owe a place is not uncritical loyalty. It is stewardship: maintaining what we have inherited, testing new promises against what we can afford, and sharing the work widely enough that civic life does not depend on a few exhausted people.</p>
<p>We can cherish the place where we live and ask whether a proposed deal makes financial sense. We can thank an elected official for good work and still insist on an answer to an inconvenient question. We can recognize genuine progress without pretending that everyone has benefited from it.</p>
<p>When Chuck Marohn opened the CivicCon series here in Pensacola, Florida, on <a href="https://www.wuwf.org/local-news/2017-09-26/civiccon-focuses-on-pensacolas-long-term-growth" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sept. 26, 2017</a>, he offered a useful way to examine our inheritance: could we afford to care for the city we were building?</p>
<p>Nine years later, the question is still the right one. And answering it requires more than a healthy balance sheet. It requires citizens capable of caring for what they inherit.</p>
<p>In 2025, <a href="https://www.strongtowns.org/journal/2025-8-20-how-places-form-people-the-moral-pedagogy-of-urban-design" target="_blank" rel="noopener">I wrote for Strong Towns about the ways places form people</a>. The arrangement of a neighborhood can help us practice patience, hospitality and responsibility — or make those habits harder to acquire. The work of improving a place can form us, too. Caring for something together gives us reasons to become more competent and dependable. It also provides ample opportunity to discover how far we still have to go.</p>
<p>Pensacola offers useful examples.</p>
<p>The particulars are local, but the disciplines are portable: maintain what you own, examine the obligations you take on, and cultivate enough civic capacity to do the work together.</p>
<p>When Pensacola <a href="https://www.strongesttown.com/winners/pensacola-florida?__hstc=235090014.34c6d9ad21fe5c2f9fe8573e562ff3ee.1775926079680.1790706361487.1791568568295.10&amp;__hssc=235090014.1.1791568568295&amp;__hsfp=3194e26651f45f041536d6726cd97278" target="_blank" rel="noopener">won the Strongest Town Contest in 2019</a>, Strong Towns highlighted an expanding local economy and tax base, downtown reinvestment, the city’s historic development pattern, and efforts to make its code more supportive of walkable development. Those themes remain relevant.</p>
<p>Infill puts underused land to work within the footprint of infrastructure we already maintain. Done well, it makes room for another household or business while helping support the street outside its door. The city’s <a href="https://www.wuwf.org/local-news/2025-09-10/pensacola-launches-draft-rewrite-of-development-code-with-density-in-the-spotlight" target="_blank" rel="noopener">current effort to revise its development code</a> gives us an opportunity to make ordinary, modest growth easier.</p>
<p>The details matter. Existing infrastructure has limits. Rising property values can create real hardship for residents whose incomes do not rise with them. A stronger balance sheet matters because of the common life it can sustain; it is a poor substitute for one.</p>
<p>Stewardship also means caring for what we already own.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.cityofpensacola.com/3577/Direction-25" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Direction ’25</a> is a $21.7 million multiyear program of repairs and improvements across at least 54 parks and public facilities in all seven city council districts, with work scheduled through spring 2027. Courts need resurfacing. Playground equipment wears out. Places advertised as public need to be accessible to the people they are meant to serve.</p>
<p>Funding the work is only part of the obligation. Projects have to be completed, and their upkeep must find a durable place in future budgets. Still, there is something morally serious about a city turning toward its maintenance backlog. A neglected park is a promise allowed to deteriorate. Repairing it honors both the people who use it now and those who entrusted it to us.</p>
<p>On the Gulf Coast, stewardship also requires taking water seriously.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://htwpensacola.com/about/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Hollice T. Williams Stormwater Park project</a> seeks to combine flood control and stormwater infrastructure with recreation, landscaping, and better neighborhood connections on land beneath and beside the interstate that divided these neighborhoods.</p>
<p>The project still has to be built. But the underlying principle matters: public investment should protect lives and property while making a place more useful and hospitable. Flood protection, living landscapes and neighborhood life do not have to be separate conversations.</p>
<p>And repairing a neighborhood should make it easier for the people who live there to remain and flourish. Families should be able to enjoy the improvements they have spent years asking for.</p>
<p>Love also needs enough financial literacy to recognize a bad bargain.</p>
<p>A public-private partnership can be worthwhile. It can also create obligations that receive far less attention than the initial announcement. Who maintains the asset? What happens if revenue projections fail? What else could we accomplish with the same land and money? Those questions should matter more than how much we like the rendering — or the people presenting it.</p>
<p>The same discipline belongs in transportation planning.</p>
<p>After the Florida Department of Transportation <a href="https://weartv.com/news/local/fdot-scraps-plan-to-convert-mlk-drive-and-davis-highway-into-two-way-street-in-pensacola" target="_blank" rel="noopener">withdrew its support in June for converting MLK Drive and Davis Highway to two-way traffic</a>, I wrote to the department in August asking to see the cost projections and the differences among the alternatives. Had the analysis counted adjacent taxable value, economic activity and the value of preventing injuries? What, beyond moving vehicles, qualified as a benefit?</p>
<p>I was asking for evidence, not claiming to possess the answer. Citizens ought to be able to examine the reasoning behind decisions that will shape their neighborhoods for decades.</p>
<p>This is the civic competence I want us to keep developing. Officials who explain tradeoffs and take maintenance seriously strengthen public trust. Residents who read the documents and ask difficult questions are doing useful work, even when they make a meeting less comfortable. Neither expertise nor public office exempts anyone from having to show the math.</p>
<p>Does that make a city more resilient — perhaps even better able to learn from stress rather than merely endure it? Only if the experience changes what we do next.</p>
<p>Surviving a storm or a failed proposal does not automatically make a community stronger. What matters is whether we correct an assumption, make a more prudent commitment, or build relationships that help us respond to the next difficulty.</p>
<p>Some of that learning happens with a shovel in hand.</p>
<p>In a <a href="https://www.wuwf.org/local-news/2026-09-08/ecominutes-the-canopy-restoration-projects-mission" target="_blank" rel="noopener">recent interview</a>, Chelsea Mahan described the beginnings of Pensacola’s Canopy Restoration Project. She was walking with her colicky daughter when she met another neighbor, Edna Laura, who was caring for her dying mother. Their conversations helped grow a project to replace trees lost from the neighborhood. Volunteers would plant them. Residents would water them.</p>
<p>I find that a moving account of civic life: two people already carrying responsibilities, finding room to undertake another together. Their work will eventually shade people who never knew their names.</p>
<p>Other days, the work means showing up for a marathon council or county commission meeting. Or attending a state agency’s public meeting when the agenda appears largely settled and you doubt your comment will change the outcome.</p>
<p>You show up anyway. You ask the question. You find out who else cares. Perhaps the decision changes; perhaps it does not. But someone now knows whom to call, and the next person confronting the same problem need not begin alone.</p>
<p>That companionship matters.</p>
<p>A healthy civic culture cannot run indefinitely on the exhaustion of its most devoted members. People have children to put to bed and parents to care for. The work has to be shared widely enough that someone can miss a meeting without feeling they have abandoned the city.</p>
<p>I have little reason to expect a faultless city populated by faultless citizens. I have every reason to take seriously the neighbors I have actually been given. We are trying, slowly and sometimes awkwardly, to build a place worth caring about now and a hundred years from now. That requires a culture capable of outlasting a mayor’s term, a founder’s enthusiasm or a disappointing vote.</p>
<p>Wendell Berry understood the fellowship that grows from shared work. His accounts of neighbors helping one another with the tobacco harvest belong to a world in which membership involved being needed and needing others in return. In &#8220;Jayber Crow,&#8221; his narrator describes a community “always failing and yet always preserving a sort of will toward goodwill.”</p>
<p>I recognize something of Pensacola in that sentence.</p>
<p>Some of our projects will fail. Others may bear fruit too late for us to enjoy it. We should do the work carefully enough to give them a chance, and love our neighbors well enough that a setback does not destroy the fellowship that made the work possible.</p>
<p>Joy and sorrow are both better shared with a neighbor.</p>
<p>I hope my children inherit a city that has learned that — and know they owe it something in return.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>If you want to help build a city worth passing on to the next generation, join us at the </em><a href="https://www.civicleadersummit.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>Civic Leader Summit</em></a><em> in Pensacola, Florida, Oct. 6–8 to explore practical ways to care for the places we love and share the work with our neighbors.</em></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://www.strongtowns.org/journal/2026-9-30-what-we-owe-the-place-we-call-home" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Previously Published</a> on strongtowns.org with <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Creative Commons License</a></em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<hr />
<h2>Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.</h2>
<h3><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">CLICK TO JOIN</a></h3>
<p>All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>Photo: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/close-up-of-senior-women-friends-planting-vegetables-in-greenhouse-at-community-gm1373114531-442050608" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-we-owe-the-place-we-call-home/">What We Owe the Place We Call Home</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-we-owe-the-place-we-call-home/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>‘Cyberpunk: Edgerunners 2’ Is Available Now on Netflix</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/arts/cyberpunk-edgerunners-2-available-now-netflix-jsnk/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/arts/cyberpunk-edgerunners-2-available-now-netflix-jsnk/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jay Snook]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 19:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[A&E]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[animated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cyberpunk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Edgerunners 2]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Netflix]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[review]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sequel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Studio Trigger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TV show]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1160008</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="315" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="edgerunners 2, cyberpunk, tv show, animated, sequel, review, studio trigger, netflix" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-1.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-1-300x158.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />Get taken on an adrenaline pumped ride on this animated series I haven&#8217;t played Cyberpunk 2077. The game had huge buzz when it was announced but got released too soon and supposedly was quite buggy. Over time this was fixed, but by then interest in the game seemed to wane. When I first heard about&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/arts/cyberpunk-edgerunners-2-available-now-netflix-jsnk/">‘Cyberpunk: Edgerunners 2’ Is Available Now on Netflix</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="315" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="edgerunners 2, cyberpunk, tv show, animated, sequel, review, studio trigger, netflix" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-1.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-1-300x158.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><h2 style="text-align: center;">Get taken on an adrenaline pumped ride on this animated series</h2>
<p>I haven&#8217;t played Cyberpunk 2077. The game had huge buzz when it was announced but got released too soon and supposedly was quite buggy. Over time this was fixed, but by then interest in the game seemed to wane. When I first heard about <em>Cyberpunk: Edgerunners</em> I was unsure if it would be a good show or not. It ended up being amazing and took me on a wild journey. Like many people, I wasn&#8217;t surprised when a sequel series was announced. I was able to get screeners for <em>Cyberpunk: Edgerunners 2</em> and here is what I thought of it.</p>
<div id="attachment_1160010" style="width: 610px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1160010" class="wp-image-1160010 size-full" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-2.jpg" alt="edgerunners 2, cyberpunk, tv show, animated, sequel, review, studio trigger, netflix" width="600" height="315" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-2.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-2-300x158.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p id="caption-attachment-1160010" class="wp-caption-text">(c) Netflix</p></div>
<p>You can read the premise for this animated series here:</p>
<blockquote><p>A new standalone 10-episode story from the world of <strong>Cyberpunk 2077</strong>— a raw chronicle of redemption and revenge. In a city that thrives in the spotlight of violence, one question remains: when the world is blinded by spectacle, what extremes do you have to go to make your story matter?</p></blockquote>
<div id="attachment_1160011" style="width: 610px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1160011" class="wp-image-1160011 size-full" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-3.jpg" alt="edgerunners 2, cyberpunk, tv show, animated, sequel, review, studio trigger, netflix" width="600" height="315" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-3.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-3-300x158.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p id="caption-attachment-1160011" class="wp-caption-text">(c) Netflix</p></div>
<p>This show begins with a simple job going sideways, and it ends up costing someone dearly. They wake up months later, and things for them will never be the same. The city is full of people, many of them more machine than human. We see a number of characters doing their best to get by and handle the cards they were dealt in life. When one man stumbles upon a mysterious item, it changes them in some shocking ways. Turns out a number of powerful people want this item, and they are willing to do almost anything to get it. As this series draws to a close some unbelievable things happen that will change things in this city forever. Fans of <em>Cyberpunk: Edgerunners</em> may want to check this series out.</p>
<div id="attachment_1160012" style="width: 610px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1160012" class="wp-image-1160012 size-full" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-4.jpg" alt="edgerunners 2, cyberpunk, tv show, animated, sequel, review, studio trigger, netflix" width="600" height="315" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-4.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/Edgerunners-2-4-300x158.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p id="caption-attachment-1160012" class="wp-caption-text">(c) Netflix</p></div>
<p><em>Cyberpunk: Edgerunners 2</em> is streaming now exclusively on Netflix.</p>
<p><iframe loading="lazy" title="YouTube video player" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/RgvsbigEylQ?si=e0yxJSzKMJjqz4I7" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/arts/cyberpunk-edgerunners-2-available-now-netflix-jsnk/">‘Cyberpunk: Edgerunners 2’ Is Available Now on Netflix</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/arts/cyberpunk-edgerunners-2-available-now-netflix-jsnk/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>4 Mistakes Men Make When Trying to Be Romantic</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Clara Jade]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 18:30:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1158885</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="1200" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1-768x1152.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />What looks like romance can sometimes miss the point.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic/">4 Mistakes Men Make When Trying to Be Romantic</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="1200" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/ashe-walker-EBfGvHCvDVk-unsplash-1-768x1152.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<div class="hp ja jb jc jd">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb hv hw hx hy">
<p id="1b29" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">A man can spend a lot of money on the romantic dinner and still leave the woman unloved</p>
<p id="5388" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He may buy flowers, write beautiful notes, put a lot of effort into surprising the woman and do everything that looks romantic from the outside.</p>
<p id="ab6c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Yet, something still feels wrong.</p>
<p id="84e2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That is a strange thing about romance.</p>
<p id="f283" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Sometimes the man who is trying the hardest isn’t necessarily the one that’s striking the right cord.</p>
<p id="6e01" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The man that’s making the most effort isn’t necessarily the one making a woman feel loved.</p>
<p id="f96b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you ask some men what romance means, you’ll probably hear the usual answer.</p>
<p id="c4fa" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You make her feel special. You surprise her. You say sweet things, and you take her somewhere nice.</p>
<p id="47da" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And you show her how much you care from time to time.</p>
<p id="4593" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">So if romance is that simple, why do some romantic efforts make a woman feel loved while others make her feel awkward?</p>
<p id="b641" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Also there’s one question most men don’t ask…</p>
<p id="78b2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="pw jh">What if some of the things you think are romantic don’t actually feel romantic to her?</strong></p>
<p id="a241" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This is where things get interesting because romance isn’t a performance. It’s an emotional connection.</p>
<p id="779b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This invariably means you can be trying very hard to be romantic and still get romance completely wrong.</p>
<p id="591b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because romance isn’t just about doing more. It’s not about how much you spend. It’s not about how much effort you put in. And romance isn’t a checklist.</p>
<p id="b103" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It’s actually about understanding what actually makes someone feel loved.</p>
<p id="0609" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It means a man can spend a lot of money on dinner, buying flowers, writing long messages, planning elaborate surprises, and yet leave his woman feeling strangely disconnected afterwards.</p>
<p id="d0f4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And sometimes the problem isn’t that he isn’t romantic enough. The problem is simply he is getting the romance wrong.</p>
<p id="3e0f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Here are four mistakes men commonly make when they’re trying to be romantic.</p>
<h3 id="eb23" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">1. They Turn Romance Into a Transaction</h3>
<p id="be86" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Many men see romance as a way of getting something from their woman.</p>
<p id="dd99" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They do something sweet for a woman, but deep down, they expect something in return. When we buy a woman an expensive gift, they expect more affection, sex, or forgiveness.</p>
<p id="077c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They take her somewhere nice and expect her to become more available to them. They do something thoughtful, then feel angry when she doesn’t respond the way they hope she will. .</p>
<p id="bab9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That is where romance becomes a transaction.</p>
<p id="3c40" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Real romance shouldn’t be, “I did this for you, you should be able to do this for me”.</p>
<p id="a645" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You should be able to make your partner happy without keeping score or expecting anything in return.</p>
<p id="41c1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">When romance comes with an expectation, it stops being romantic. It stops being about love, then it starts like a deal or a transaction.</p>
<h3 id="a4b6" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">2. They Perform Romance Instead of Paying Attention to Her</h3>
<p id="6b2b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This is probably one of the most romantic mistakes men make.</p>
<p id="fc7a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They know flowers are romantic, so they buy flowers.</p>
<p id="76a8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They know women like dates, so they plan dates.</p>
<p id="fec5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They are aware they’re supposed to send good morning texts, so they send them every morning.</p>
<p id="075c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But do they actually pay attention to what the woman likes?</p>
<p id="4c46" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Maybe she doesn’t care too much about flowers. Maybe she doesn’t feel special when you spend too much just to surprise her.</p>
<p id="954f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Maybe she just values your time more than any expensive gifts.</p>
<p id="7f09" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The truth is romance becomes much easier when you stop following a script and start paying attention to a woman’s innermost desire or need.</p>
<p id="e395" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You don’t just ask… “what is a romantic man supposed to do?”.</p>
<p id="a2e3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Instead, ask, “what makes this woman feel loved and special?”</p>
<p id="69d6" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There’s a big difference between the two.</p>
<h3 id="1189" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">3. They Forget Romance Is About Emotional Connection</h3>
<p id="cdc0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Maybe the biggest mistake of all.</p>
<p id="5bb5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">A man can take a woman out on a beautiful, expensive date and still fail to make her feel emotionally close to him.</p>
<p id="b980" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because romance isn’t simply about activities. It’s not about expensive activities. It’s not about how much effort you put into it.</p>
<p id="d315" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Instead, it’s about how you make the woman feel when you are with her.</p>
<ul class="">
<li id="467a" class="pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Does she feel safe enough to be herself?</li>
<li id="b164" class="pu pv jg pw b jz rp py pz kc rq qb qc ej rr qe qf em rs qh qi eq rt qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Does she feel listened to?</li>
<li id="d89e" class="pu pv jg pw b jz rp py pz kc rq qb qc ej rr qe qf em rs qh qi eq rt qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Does she feel appreciated?</li>
<li id="2b67" class="pu pv jg pw b jz rp py pz kc rq qb qc ej rr qe qf em rs qh qi eq rt qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Can she tell you something vulnerable without feeling judged?</li>
<li id="9a2a" class="pu pv jg pw b jz rp py pz kc rq qb qc ej rr qe qf em rs qh qi eq rt qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Can the two of you laugh together?</li>
<li id="d21b" class="pu pv jg pw b jz rp py pz kc rq qb qc ej rr qe qf em rs qh qi eq rt qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Can you have difficult conversations without turning everything into a battle?</li>
<li id="b8d8" class="pu pv jg pw b jz rp py pz kc rq qb qc ej rr qe qf em rs qh qi eq rt qk ql qm rm rn ro ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Can you notice when something is bothering her without immediately dismissing it?</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: center;" data-selectable-paragraph=""><span style="color: #ffffff;">&#8230;</span></p>
<p id="639c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The truth is while on date these things may look unromantic or ordinary. But they are the icing on the cake.</p>
<p id="1607" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And they can be far more powerful and beautiful than roses and candlelit dinners.</p>
<p id="3454" data-selectable-paragraph="">A woman doesn’t just remember what you bought her. She remembers how she felt around you.</p>
<h3 id="4baf" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">4. You Use Gifts to Cover Up Bad Behavior</h3>
<p id="e05c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Some men have the habit of hurting their backbone. Then end up trying to fix everything with a gift.</p>
<p id="ec1f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They abuse her.</p>
<p id="e24b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They say something cruel.</p>
<p id="1076" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They ignore her.</p>
<p id="c31b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They break a promise.</p>
<p id="e694" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They behave badly.</p>
<p id="e127" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Then in the evening, when they are coming home, they are with a new bag, perfume, flowers, or an expensive dinner ticket.</p>
<p id="568a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The truth is a gift can be nice, but it can’t replace accountability.</p>
<p id="f555" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you hurt your woman, sometimes what you need isn’t another gift. You simply have to change and sincerely apologize.</p>
<p id="bb77" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You need to admit what you did wrong and actually change your behavior. Otherwise, the gift can start feeling like a way of avoiding the real problem.</p>
<p id="a1db" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Without addressing the real situation, you are just wasting your money.</p>
<h3 id="9158" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">Closing Thoughts</h3>
<p id="6a50" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The truth is romance isn’t about becoming the man who spent the most or made the biggest gesture to his woman.</p>
<p id="6629" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Instead, it’s simpler because it’s about paying attention to the woman. Be thoughtful, keep your word, be affectionate, and be well-behaved. .romance</p>
<p id="c076" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The best kind of romance doesn’t make someone feel like they are being impressed. Instead, it makes them feel seen, loved, valued, and genuinely appreciated.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al ii ru rv rw" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="hp ja jb jc jd">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb hv hw hx hy">
<p id="3310" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="sb">Originally published at </em><a class="au pt" href="https://datingadvicehq.com/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic/" target="_blank" rel="noopener ugc nofollow"><em class="sb">https://datingadvicehq.com</em></a><em class="sb"> on October 8, 2026.</em></p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/hello-love/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic-4e1103d18fcb" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published</a> on medium.com.</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" style="border: 1px solid #EEE; background: white;" src="https://gmpdating.substack.com/embed" width="480" height="320" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" data-mce-fragment="1"></iframe></p>
<hr />
<h3>Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!</h3>
<div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/hello-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/hello-love&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3pBWVjUOwX7xDJ_GMIZt4w">Hello, Love</a> (relationships)</div>
<div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/change-becomes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/change-becomes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw15hMY6O-P41bBdvN7LE0Ii">Change Becomes You</a> (Advice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Cc8XNWBjk9ANTbW2HGBWq">A Parent is Born</a> (Parenting)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/equality-includes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/equality-includes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0AGvNJMs4cYlmtpVWg6kCb">Equality Includes You</a> (Social Justice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/greener-together" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/greener-together&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Wv7MW8Ts0SG0CsGFlue_v">Greener Together</a> (Environment)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/shelterme" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/shelterme&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0vE2VLm9rMIaawGoh6yZO7">Shelter Me</a> (Wellness)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/modernidentities" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/modernidentities&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3V4cRKTckR-rLsymoacKMU">Modern Identities</a> (Gender, etc.)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/co-existence" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/co-existence&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0EKXRJFdPCi9ClFWUSfDrC">Co-Existence</a> (World)</div>
</div>
</div>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-single-red-rose-sitting-in-a-glass-jar-EBfGvHCvDVk" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Ashe Walker on Unsplash</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic/">4 Mistakes Men Make When Trying to Be Romantic</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/4-mistakes-men-make-when-trying-to-be-romantic/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Heat Pump or Furnace + AC? How Anderson Homeowners Can Match HVAC Equipment to Real World Comfort</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/heat-pump-or-furnace-ac-how-anderson-homeowners-can-match-hvac-equipment-to-real-world-comfort/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/heat-pump-or-furnace-ac-how-anderson-homeowners-can-match-hvac-equipment-to-real-world-comfort/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[James Oliver]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 17:45:34 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159856</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />&#160; Replacing or upgrading an HVAC system is rarely about one headline spec. Real comfort depends on how your equipment, ducts, and controls work together in your specific home. In a typical house, the air handler, evaporator coil, outdoor condenser or heat pump, return grilles, and thermostat all influence temperature, humidity, and noise. Choosing between&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/heat-pump-or-furnace-ac-how-anderson-homeowners-can-match-hvac-equipment-to-real-world-comfort/">Heat Pump or Furnace + AC? How Anderson Homeowners Can Match HVAC Equipment to Real World Comfort</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1022382614-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Replacing or upgrading an HVAC system is rarely about one headline spec. Real comfort depends on how your equipment, ducts, and controls work together in your specific home. In a typical house, the air handler, evaporator coil, outdoor condenser or heat pump, return grilles, and thermostat all influence temperature, humidity, and noise. Choosing between a heat pump and a gas or electric furnace paired with central air is only part of the decision. The rest lives in details like static pressure in the ductwork, compressor staging, MERV filter selection, and even where the thermostat hangs on the wall. This guide explains how those pieces connect so you can make a choice that fits the way you actually live.</p>
<h3>1. What Decides Comfort: Temperature, Humidity, and Airflow Working Together</h3>
<p>Indoor comfort is more than hitting a number on a thermostat. Air conditioners and heat pumps remove heat from the air and, when they run long enough at the right airflow, also remove moisture across the evaporator coil. Oversized equipment reaches the temperature quickly but short cycles, which strips less humidity and can leave rooms cool yet clammy. Undersized or restricted return grilles reduce the blower’s cubic feet per minute (CFM) per ton, so less air crosses the coil and fewer BTUs are moved. Supply and return balance matters too: a closed bedroom door without a return path can starve that room of airflow, creating persistent hot or cold spots.</p>
<p>Local context helps translate these principles into choices that make sense for your home. Community resources about <a href="https://lovingoodheating.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">HVAC in Anderson</a> often explain how equipment types, filter ratings, and duct layouts interact, and why the best comfort usually comes from right sized systems that move the right volume of air through clean, well sealed ducts.</p>
<h3>2. How a Heat Pump Differs from a Gas or Electric Furnace Paired with AC</h3>
<p>A heat pump is essentially an air conditioner with a reversing valve. It cools in summer the same way an AC system does, then reverses refrigerant flow to bring heat indoors during cooler weather. Its efficiency in heating mode is reflected in HSPF2, while cooling efficiency is shown by SEER2. In cold snaps, a heat pump may rely on auxiliary heat strips in the air handler; the defrost cycle also temporarily shifts the system to cooling to clear the outdoor coil, then uses auxiliary heat to keep indoor air warm. A furnace paired with central air uses burners or electric elements to create heat independently of outdoor temperature, then the AC condenser takes over in summer for cooling.</p>
<p>Controls and staging create meaningful performance differences. Single stage compressors and blowers run at one output, which can push short cycles and wider temperature swings. Two stage or variable speed compressors and variable speed blowers modulate output, running longer at lower speeds to improve dehumidification and even out room temperatures. In dual fuel setups, a thermostat with an outdoor sensor can set a “balance point,” below which the system switches from heat pump to furnace for steadier heating and potentially lower electrical load. All electric homes often pair a variable speed heat pump with an air handler and right sized heat strips, emphasizing smooth output and moisture control.</p>
<h3>3. Ducts, Returns, and Static Pressure: The Hidden Gatekeepers of Performance</h3>
<p>Even premium equipment performs poorly if the ducts choke airflow. Total external static pressure reflects how hard the blower must work to move air through the filter, coil, supply trunks, and returns. Crushed flex duct, long unbraced runs, tight radius elbows, undersized return grilles, or a clogged evaporator coil raise pressure and reduce delivered CFM. That can trigger coil icing on a cooling cycle, cause a furnace to overheat and trip safeties, and add noise at registers. Filters matter here: a high MERV filter can capture finer particles but increases pressure drop if the surface area is small or if the filter is neglected, which reduces airflow and comfort.</p>
<p>A common mistake is closing supply vents to “push” more air to other rooms. Doing so raises static pressure, often cuts total system airflow, and may lead to short cycling or coil freeze ups. A better approach is to use balancing dampers in branch ducts, add a transfer grille or dedicated return to a starved room, and verify that the plenum connections are sealed. During service, a technician can measure total external static pressure, evaluate return capacity, and check that the condensate drain is clear so the coil can dehumidify effectively without spillover.</p>
<h3>4. Controls That Change Outcomes: Thermostats, Staging, and Balance Points</h3>
<p>Thermostats do more than set temperature. Many models coordinate compressor staging and blower speed to prioritize dehumidification, holding a lower fan speed during cooling to keep the coil colder and remove more moisture. The fan setting matters too. Leaving the fan set to On can re evaporate moisture from the coil between compressor cycles, raising indoor humidity; Auto typically avoids that. For heat pumps, smart and dual fuel thermostats can fine tune when auxiliary heat engages and at what outdoor temperature the system locks out the heat pump in favor of a furnace. These control strategies influence comfort nearly as much as equipment ratings on paper.</p>
<h2>Two Realistic Home Scenarios and the Trade Offs That Follow</h2>
<p>Scenario 1: A 1970s ranch received a back bedroom addition that is always stuffy. The main system is a two ton single stage AC with a gas furnace. The longest branch run to the addition is flexible duct with several tight bends, and the home has one small central return. Simply swapping to a higher SEER2 condenser would not cure the imbalance. A better plan would be to add a dedicated return grille in the addition, replace the crushed flex with properly sized rigid or supported flex, and consider a two stage or variable speed outdoor unit with a matching blower. The longer low stage runtimes would improve dehumidification, while the duct fixes restore airflow to the far rooms. If filtration is upgraded, a deeper media filter offers higher MERV with less pressure drop than a thin high MERV pad.</p>
<p>Scenario 2: A townhome has limited outdoor space and a bedroom adjacent to the patio where the condenser must sit. Noise and winter performance are top concerns. An inverter driven heat pump with a quiet rated outdoor unit and a slim air handler can deliver low sound operation and steady output. Setting an outdoor balance point for auxiliary heat keeps winter mornings comfortable without long recovery times. During replacement, skipping a lineset pressure test or ignoring a rusted secondary drain pan is a pitfall; a pressure test verifies the refrigerant lines, and a new pan with a float switch protects against overflow if the condensate drain clogs. Filter access in a tight closet can be solved with a return filter grille, which makes regular changes practical and protects the evaporator coil from fouling.</p>
<p>Putting it together, choose equipment for the way your home moves air, not only for nameplate ratings. Right size the system to avoid short cycling, keep total external static pressure in a healthy range with adequate return capacity, and use controls that support longer, quieter runs when you need dehumidification. Before signing off on a replacement, ask for a duct inspection, confirm filter strategy and coil access, and review thermostat settings for staging and heat pump balance points. Those steps align the heat source, the cooling side, the ducts, and the controls so comfort holds up from the mild days to the extremes that test every system.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>This content is brought to you by James Oliver.<br />
&#8212;<br />
Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/close-up-of-air-conditioning-repair-repairman-on-the-floor-fixing-air-conditioning-gm1022382614-274489849" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/heat-pump-or-furnace-ac-how-anderson-homeowners-can-match-hvac-equipment-to-real-world-comfort/">Heat Pump or Furnace + AC? How Anderson Homeowners Can Match HVAC Equipment to Real World Comfort</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/heat-pump-or-furnace-ac-how-anderson-homeowners-can-match-hvac-equipment-to-real-world-comfort/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Can President Trump Nullify the Midterm Elections?</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-president-trump-nullify-the-midterm-elections-kpkn/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-president-trump-nullify-the-midterm-elections-kpkn/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[David B. Grinberg]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 17:30:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[american democracy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Congress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[election interference]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kash Patel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Markwayne Mullin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[midterm elections]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pete Hegseth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Todd Blanche]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159932</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="327" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/TRUMP_STEALS_VOTING_MACHINES-e1792434929662.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" />He has no problem using the Department of Justice (DOJ), Department of Defense (DOD), Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the FBI as his personal political weapons to validate his false assertions and carry out political vendettas.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-president-trump-nullify-the-midterm-elections-kpkn/">Can President Trump Nullify the Midterm Elections?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="327" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/TRUMP_STEALS_VOTING_MACHINES-e1792434929662.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>With the midterm elections fast approaching, we should expect President Trump to meddle with the results.</p>
<p>While <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2026/10/15/majority-of-americans-expect-democrats-to-win-control-of-house-public-is-split-on-senate/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Democrats are looking poised to regain majorities in Congress</a>, Trump and Republicans are looking into the political abyss. Historical precedent shows that the party out of power typically gains 25 to 30 seats in midterm elections, as voters seek a check on the sitting president. A true wave election nets 40 to 60 seats, and a rare tsunami wave can shift 60 to 80 seats.</p>
<p>For context, Republicans gained 63 seats in the 2010 midterm elections under President Barack Obama. This time under Trump, the Republican Party is deeply underwater on overall job approval and major policy areas. On the closely watched generic congressional ballot, Democrats maintain a commanding lead.</p>
<p>As more congressional races shift to leaning blue, Democrats could retake the Senate and the House by sizable margins, complicating Trump’s claims of cheating and fraud.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><strong>Weaponizing Federal Agencies</strong></p>
<p>By now, Trump’s political playbook is predictable. He’s a sore loser who can never admit defeat. That’s why Trump still stubbornly insists he won the 2020 presidential election, even though he’s lost nearly all the lawsuits he filed to the contrary.</p>
<p>“Trump and his allies filed more than 60 post-election lawsuits; nearly all failed, were dismissed, or were withdrawn, and many courts found the claims unsupported by law or evidence,” according to the nonpartisan organization, <a href="https://politifact.com/factchecks/2021/jan/08/joe-biden/joe-biden-right-more-60-trumps-election-lawsuits-l/">Politifact</a>:</p>
<p>A stronger strategy for the 2026 midterms means Trump will once again try to nullify the election results. He will do so by ordering his handpicked (and unqualified) presidential appointees to do his dirty work.</p>
<p>Expect Trump to again make outlandish claims that the election outcome was “rigged” based on:</p>
<ul>
<li>Fake Mail-in ballots</li>
<li>Noncitizens voting</li>
<li>Votes cast by dead people</li>
<li>Faulty and fixed voting machines</li>
<li>Cheating by Democrats at the state and local levels</li>
<li>Interference by foreign governments like Russia and China</li>
<li>Other manufactured accusations</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>-Trump will again fail to provide concrete evidence that can withstand objective scrutiny, especially in court.</p>
<p>More troubling than his words and litigation threats is Trump’s willingness to wield unchecked presidential power. He has no problem using the Department of Justice (DOJ), Department of Defense (DOD), Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the FBI as his personal political weapons to validate his false assertions and carry out political vendettas.</p>
<p>Trump’s political dirty tricks were recently on full display in an unprecedented effort to hijack the U.S. Postal Service by enforcing restrictive regulations on ballot verification and delivery. But <a href="https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2026-09-14/in-loss-for-trump-us-supreme-court-wont-let-postal-service-restrict-mail-ballots">the Supreme Court swiftly intervened</a>, blocking the proposed rules and keeping standard mail-in voting procedures intact. That’s a good sign.</p>
<p><strong>A Lasting Stain on Democracy</strong></p>
<p>If past is prologue, a desperate Trump will become a dangerous President.</p>
<p>During his first term, Trump tried to get a rubber stamp from the attorney general to present to Congress claiming the elections were fraudulent. He planned to stop Congress from certifying the results.</p>
<p>Trump’s desperate strategy failed after the 2020 presidential election because institutional guardrails at the DOJ and DOD prevented unconstitutional orders that also would have violated election laws. The unsuccessful result led Trump to orchestrate the January 6, 2001, attack on the U.S. Capitol by his rabid MAGA supporters.</p>
<p>The episode marked an ugly time in American history that left a lasting stain on democracy and the rule of law.</p>
<p><strong>The Enablers</strong></p>
<p>The problem today is more serious because Trump has installed weak political cronies at key federal agencies. These Republican keystone cops will most likely do whatever the President wants regardless of whether it’s illegal and unconstitutional.</p>
<p>The chief enablers are Attorney General Todd Blanche (Trump’s former criminal defense attorney), Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth (a former Fox News anchor), FBI Director Kash Patel (former MAGA podcast host), and Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin (who previously ran a family plumbing business and was a mixed martial arts fighter).</p>
<p>What’s dangerous and worrisome about these elections is that Trump appears to have put the pieces in place to bend or ignore the rule of law to steal the midterms with little or no pushback from Republicans in Congress. With that in mind, the worst outcome could easily become a reality. Here’s what it would look like:</p>
<ul>
<li>First, Trump orders the DHS secretary to have ICE stationed at select polling places to stoke fear and chaos by scaring away or intimidating voters, especially immigrant communities in blue states.</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<ul>
<li>Second, Trump orders the attorney general to fabricate an obscure legal framework that lets the president issue an executive order declaring a national emergency or invoking the Insurrection Act.</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<ul>
<li>Third, Trump orders the secretary of defense to deploy the military to seize voting machines in states, counties and cities with large populations of Democratic voters.</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<ul>
<li>Fourth: Trump, with the support of DOJ, orders a pause in the election certification to probe the voting machines for any purported irregularities and to recount the votes, allowing him to claim a false victory.</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>This would trigger a constitutional crisis of unprecedented proportions. No modern political or government playbook exists for a situation this dire.</p>
<p>To make matters even more surreal, the very legislative body tasked with checking the executive branch, the Congress, would be locked in a battle over its own legitimacy.</p>
<p><strong>The Resistance</strong></p>
<p>At least three fronts of resistance would emerge in a hypothetical constitutional crisis described above:</p>
<h3><strong>An Uneven, Partisan Response from Congress</strong></h3>
<p>Congress&#8217;s reaction would fundamentally depend on which lawmakers believe their seats were stolen. Winners facing invalidated results would fight aggressively, while those benefiting from the intervention would likely stay silent. This would create deep institutional gridlock unlike anything the nation has seen.</p>
<p>Congress retains critical leverage in normal times, but this time is far from normal:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Power of the Purse: </strong>Lawmakers can cut funding for agencies carrying out the illegal directives.</li>
<li><strong>Subpoena Power: </strong>Committees can haul the heads of DOJ, DOD, DHS and the FBI to testify under oath.</li>
<li><strong>Statutory Checks: </strong>If domestic military forces are deployed, Congress can invoke the War Powers Resolution and the Posse Comitatus Act to order an immediate withdrawal.</li>
<li><strong>Impeachment: </strong>Congress could move to impeach both the President and his minions, although achieving a two-thirds Senate conviction remains a high bar.</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3><strong>The Courts: Fast to Rule, Slow to Enforce</strong></h3>
<p>Federal courts would try to move with lightning speed. State attorneys general, political parties and individual candidates would file for emergency injunctions within hours, having already prepared for this nightmare situation.</p>
<p>Their legal argument would be airtight: under the Tenth Amendment and the Elections Clause of the Constitution, voting machines and election administration belong exclusively to the states and Congress, not the President. District courts would quickly issue temporary restraining orders.</p>
<p>However, judicial orders require enforcement. Courts do not command armies or police forces; they rely on executive compliance. If the executive branch actively ignores a Supreme Court ruling, a terrifying political vacuum emerges.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3><strong>The Frontline Check: States &amp; Ordinary Citizens</strong></h3>
<p>Because American elections are decentralized, the fastest and most effective pushback would come directly from state and local officials:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Governors &amp; State Police: </strong>Governors control the state National Guard unless federalized. A governor could deploy state law enforcement or National Guard units to physically protect county voting machines from federal seizure.</li>
<li><strong>Unlawful Orders Doctrine: </strong>Under military law, service members and federal agents are required to <em>disobey</em> unconstitutional and illegal orders.</li>
<li><strong>Civic Action: </strong>Mass public protests, emergency civil rights litigation and widespread refusal by local election workers to hand over equipment could present a formidable immediate barrier.</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>None of these three structural checks is guaranteed to work instantly or even effectively. A divided Congress is prone to partisan paralysis, and litigation is often protracted.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3><strong>The Ultimate Stress Test</strong></h3>
<p>Until the midterm election results are officially counted and certified, Republicans would theoretically maintain control of Congress during the interim. This could take several months as lawsuits challenging Trump make their way to the Supreme Court for a final ruling.</p>
<p>Even then, as noted above, courts, including the Supreme Court, lack direct enforcement mechanisms. Moreover, political and public pushback cannot replace collapsing institutions.</p>
<p>This scenario poses the ultimate stress test for the American system of checks and balances and the rule of law. Can the three branches of government survive when the executive branch chooses to abandon the legislative and judicial branches entirely?</p>
<p>The prospect of an executive branch actively trying to invalidate a midterm election and seize voting machinery sounds like a plot from a political thriller, but the structural vulnerabilities are very real.</p>
<p>Trump’s track record shows that when he faces imminent political defeat, he attempts to burn down whatever institutional guardrails may still confront him. The riots at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, offer a prime example of how far a desperate Trump is willing to go.</p>
<p>On a more positive note, assuming the federal government is a monolith that will blindly execute unconstitutional executive actions overlooks the reality of American federalism.</p>
<p><strong>Final Thoughts</strong></p>
<p>Elections in the United States are deliberately decentralized.</p>
<p>Thousands of county clerks, local election boards and secretaries of state run them. President Trump cannot magically push a button in the Oval Office to freeze the midterm election. Doing so requires thousands of civil servants, law enforcement officers and military personnel to directly breach their constitutional oath.</p>
<p>That is where the autocratic playbook breaks down in the American system.</p>
<p>If a crisis of this magnitude occurs, the ultimate defense of American democracy will not rest only with the federal judiciary and members of Congress. It will also rest with state governors, county officials, career civil servants and ordinary citizens who insist on enforcing the rule of law to prevent President Trump from stealing the midterm elections.</p>
<p>Yet the true test of government institutions is not whether Trump will grossly abuse power, we know he will, but whether the rest of the nation retains the resolve to stop him.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Previously Published on <a href="https://medium.com/the-political-prism/midterm-mayhem-what-if-trump-seizes-voting-machines-and-halts-election-certification-28b6a1a188a6?sk=a28a9deb5acc39627434c2113c13052e" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Medium</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Image generated by Google Gemini</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-president-trump-nullify-the-midterm-elections-kpkn/">Can President Trump Nullify the Midterm Elections?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-president-trump-nullify-the-midterm-elections-kpkn/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>What My Father Left Behind</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-my-father-left-behind-kpkn/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-my-father-left-behind-kpkn/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Amit Kumar]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 17:00:57 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Families]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dads]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fatherhood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[values]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159881</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="348" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-664908578-e1792428982394.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-664908578-e1792428982394.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-664908578-e1792428982394-300x174.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />A Reflection on silent sacrifices made by a father</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-my-father-left-behind-kpkn/">What My Father Left Behind</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="348" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-664908578-e1792428982394.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-664908578-e1792428982394.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-664908578-e1792428982394-300x174.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>When we think of fathers, we often remember the milestones they helped us achieve. As I grow older, however, I have come to realize that the greatest things fathers leave behind are often invisible &#8211; Not property, not money, not possessions.</p>
<p><strong><em>But values.</em></strong></p>
<p>My father was born in Gurdaspur (India) in 1952. Being the eldest among siblings, he left home at seventeen to pursue a five-year Fine Arts course in Chandigarh. It was there that he met a young Bengali Fine Arts student who would later become my mother. Together they moved to Naya Nangal (a town in Punjab, India) and began building a life from scratch. My father chose the profession of an art teacher; an honest life, though not a financially rewarding one. Looking back, I realize that my parents sacrificed countless comforts so that my younger sister and I could receive the best education possible. Every rupee was carefully spent, every opportunity carefully protected.</p>
<p><em>One childhood memory still makes me smile. I must have been six years old. My father and I were riding on his Hero bicycle when I suddenly demanded an ice cream. Like every child, I wanted it immediately. My father gently explained that he did not have enough money. Unwilling to accept this reality, I pointed towards the nearby State Bank of India branch and confidently suggested:</em></p>
<p><strong><em>&#8220;Papa, samne bank hai. Paise nikal lo na.&#8221;(Dad! The bank is nearby, pls go and take out the money!)</em></strong></p>
<p>Even today, I can picture the smile that appeared on his face. A smile filled with affection, amusement, and perhaps a quiet understanding of realities that children have yet to learn. Eventually, he bought me a softy. In those days, even a softy felt like a luxury. Only years later did I understand the lesson hidden behind that moment. My father never denied us happiness. But he taught us that rewards were earned, not demanded, patience without preaching patience, resilience without ever using the word. And he taught delayed gratification long before I read in psychology books. Those lessons proved invaluable throughout my life. When I cleared the Punjab PMT (Pre-medical Test) examination and secured admission to Medical College, my father ran from pillar to post completing endless documentary formalities.</p>
<p>Parents often celebrate achievements. My father quietly helped create them. I realized it years later when came another seemingly small act that changed the course of my life &#8211; Knowing my fascination with the uniform, he silently filled out my application for the <em>Short Service Commission</em> in the <strong>Armed Forces Medical Services</strong>.  That single application, appearing as just a form, brought a seismic change by transforming me from a civilian doctor into an Army officer. It gave me the privilege of serving in olive greens and shaped a journey that I would later describe in my book, <em>Purely in Love with My Uniform: A Transformation in My Life.</em></p>
<p>Many people still see the officer, few see the father who filled the form. Then came perhaps the most challenging chapter of our lives. My son was diagnosed with <em>autism</em> at the age of three. Me and my wife entered a world of therapies, uncertainty, and mounting expenses. There were times when the financial burden felt overwhelming. Once again, my father stood quietly in the background- Never seeking recognition or making a display of his support, but simply helping whenever help was needed. Beyond being a devoted father, he remained a man of remarkable balance. An accomplished artist, an excellent singer, and a gifted sportsman who once captained the NFL (National Fertilizer Limited) badminton team, he carried his achievements lightly. What impressed me even more was his quiet financial discipline. A man who had once struggled to make ends meet had planned his life so wisely that even after retirement, he remained self-sufficient and capable of supporting his children and grandchildren whenever the need arose.</p>
<p>As and when I think about my Father, I find myself reflecting not only on the father who shaped my life but also on what fatherhood truly means. Perhaps the greatest fathers are not those who leave behind fortunes. Perhaps they are the ones who leave behind values, quietly teach resilience, sacrifice without keeping score. They are the ones whose influence becomes so deeply woven into our lives that we notice it only when we pause and look back. My father never sought fame. He was and is a simple man who never asked for recognition or external fame. Yet if I have achieved anything worthwhile—as a doctor, an Army officer, an author, a husband, or a father—it rests upon foundations he helped build. And as I look back on his life, one thought returns again and again. Perhaps that is the highest tribute a son can pay his father.</p>
<p>Not that he was successful, talented, or loved by everyone.</p>
<p>But that after a lifetime of watching him, you still aspire to become a little more like him. I wish I could be even an inch of what he is.</p>
<p><strong><em>Love you Dad!</em></strong></p>
<p>— Lt Col Amit Kumar</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/silhouette-of-father-and-son-holding-hands-at-sunset-gm664908578-121082245" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a> image</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-my-father-left-behind-kpkn/">What My Father Left Behind</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-my-father-left-behind-kpkn/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Replacing a Water Heater Without Surprises: Measurements, Venting, and Code Details That Prevent Delays</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/do-it-yourself-2/replacing-a-water-heater-without-surprises-measurements-venting-and-code-details-that-prevent-delays/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/do-it-yourself-2/replacing-a-water-heater-without-surprises-measurements-venting-and-code-details-that-prevent-delays/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[James Oliver]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 16:45:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Do It Yourself]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159854</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />&#160; Few home repairs feel as urgent as a failing water heater. When tanks start rumbling, leaking, or struggling to reheat, last-minute decisions can lead to cold showers, return trips for parts, or failed inspections. A smoother replacement comes from confirming five areas before anyone loosens a union: the physical space, hot water demand, fuel&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/do-it-yourself-2/replacing-a-water-heater-without-surprises-measurements-venting-and-code-details-that-prevent-delays/">Replacing a Water Heater Without Surprises: Measurements, Venting, and Code Details That Prevent Delays</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1294344007-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Few home repairs feel as urgent as a failing water heater. When tanks start rumbling, leaking, or struggling to reheat, last-minute decisions can lead to cold showers, return trips for parts, or failed inspections. A smoother replacement comes from confirming five areas before anyone loosens a union: the physical space, hot water demand, fuel and venting requirements, protection details like expansion tanks and pans, and the timing of permits and downtime. Whether you are swapping a 40-gallon atmospheric tank, moving to a power vent model, or considering tankless or electric, the checks below help set clear expectations and keep install day on track.</p>
<h3>1. Measure the Space: Height, Diameter, and Clearance</h3>
<p>Start with a tape measure and a flashlight. Note ceiling height and any obstructions above the draft hood or outlet, such as joists, ductwork, or shelves that can limit a &#8220;tall&#8221; tank, forcing a &#8220;medium&#8221; or &#8220;short&#8221; model. Measure diameter at the widest point, then check doorways and stair landings along the removal path; older closets that accepted a 17-inch diameter tank may not accept a 21-inch replacement. Record the vent centerline height from the floor, the distance to the wall, and the location of the cold and hot nipples so new flex connectors, dielectric unions, and shutoff valves will align without stress.</p>
<p>Clearances matter for both safety and service. Many gas tanks require side and rear clearance for combustion air and burner maintenance, plus at least a few inches of front access for the control valve and drain. If the heater sits on a platform or in a pan, confirm the platform height and pan dimensions; a deeper pan or taller legs can eat into draft hood clearance. Licensed plumbing and heating contractors, including <a href="https://www.google.com/maps?cid=11100017918700938795/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Carl F. Riedell &amp; Son, Inc.</a>, often ask for photos of the vent connection, gas shutoff, and any pressure-reducing valve so they can spot-check for issues before arriving.</p>
<h3>2. Match Capacity with Demand: Tank Size, First Hour Rating, and Recovery</h3>
<p>Gallons alone do not tell the story. Look at the first-hour rating (FHR), which combines tank volume with burner or element recovery to estimate how much hot water is available during the first hour of heavy use. A household with back-to-back morning showers, a dishwasher cycle, and a washing machine may outpace a 40-gallon tank with a low FHR. In contrast, a 50-gallon tank with a higher-BTU burner or a mixing valve set to 140 degrees and tempered down to 120 can stretch usable supply. The tradeoff is footprint and standby loss: larger tanks take more space and lose more heat while idling.</p>
<p>Electric tanks heat predictably but recover more slowly, and they depend on breaker size and element wattage. An older 240-volt, 30-amp circuit limits how fast the tank can reheat. Gas tanks recover faster but need adequate combustion air and proper venting. If you are considering tankless, check simultaneous draws: a shower plus a tub fill demands more gallons per minute than a single lavatory. Temperature rise matters too; raising 50-degree inlet water to 120 requires more capacity than starting at 70 degrees.</p>
<h3>3. Venting and Fuel: Draft, Combustion Air, and Line Sizing</h3>
<p>Venting rules shape what will work. Atmospheric vent gas heaters need a vertical rise off the draft hood, correct vent diameter, and an intact chimney liner or B vent; sharing a vent with a furnace changes the sizing. Power vent and condensing models typically use 2- or 3-inch PVC or polypropylene pipe, with specific termination clearances and a slope back to the unit for condensate. Electric heaters don&#8217;t vent but require adequate amperage and wire gauge. Tankless gas units often require a larger gas line, 3/4 inch or even 1 inch depending on total BTU and run length, as well as a dedicated regulator capable of maintaining manifold pressure under load.</p>
<p>A common mistake is assuming a simple swap to high efficiency or tankless will fit the existing vent path and fuel supply. The consequence can be a stalled same-day install when a joist blocks the vent route or a 1/2 inch gas line cannot feed a 180,000 BTU burner. Avoid this by mapping a vent path with exact lengths and elbows, checking chimney condition, verifying panel capacity and breaker size for electric models, and confirming combustion air volume if the heater sits in a tight closet. At startup, test gas pressure with a manometer and use a CO monitor to ensure the vent is drafting correctly.</p>
<h3>4. Protection Details: Expansion Tanks, Pans, Drains, and T&amp;P Relief</h3>
<p>If your plumbing has a pressure-reducing valve or a check valve at the water meter, the system is &#8220;closed&#8221; and needs a thermal expansion tank. Choose a tank sized for your water heater&#8217;s volume and set it to match static water pressure with an accurate gauge before threading it on. Support the tank with a strap if it hangs horizontally. If a heater sits above a finished space or in an interior closet, a drain pan with a 3/4 inch drain line pitched to an approved termination can save floors from a leak; in some locations, code requires a pan.</p>
<p>The temperature and pressure relief (T&amp;P) valve needs an unrestricted, full-size 3/4-inch discharge line running by gravity to an acceptable point, typically a floor drain, a receptor with an air gap, or a termination within a few inches of the floor. Never reduce the pipe size, cap the line, or thread the end; these shortcuts can turn a safety device into a hazard. In tight spaces like condo mechanical closets with no floor drain, plan for a leak sensor and an automatic shutoff valve, and verify local rules for where the pan and T&amp;P lines can legally terminate.</p>
<h2>Timing the Swap: Permits, Downtime, and Old Tank Removal</h2>
<p>Many jurisdictions require permits and a final inspection for fuel-fired or electric water heaters. Ask about lead times so you can schedule realistic water-off windows. On install day, expect short periods without water while the old tank drains, the piping is cut, and the crew installs new ball valves, flex connectors, and unions. If the old drain valve is clogged with sediment, draining may take longer; a pump and hose bib adapter can speed it along. Also plan the removal path, including stairs, tight corners, and snow or mud that can complicate carrying a drained but still heavy tank to a truck, as well as any disposal fees.</p>
<p>After the new unit is running, fill it fully before energizing burners or elements, then open hot taps to purge air. Check every threaded joint and the drain valve for weeping as the metal warms. Set the thermostat to about 120 degrees to balance scald safety and bacteria control, and label the cold water shutoff for quick access. A few months in, drain several gallons from the spigot to clear sediment. Every couple of years, inspect or replace the anode rod to slow tank corrosion. If you use a recirculation pump, add a timer or smart control to cut standby loss and reduce unnecessary burner cycles.</p>
<p>Planning a water heater replacement around fit, performance, and protection details prevents most of the day-of surprises that lead to delays or rework. By measuring the alcove and removal path, confirming first hour needs, pre-verifying vent routes and fuel capacity, and setting up expansion, pan, and T&amp;P terminations, you give the installer what they need to succeed on the first trip. A licensed pro can also validate assumptions with gas sizing charts, vent tables, voltage and amperage checks, and water pressure readings. With those pieces in place, your next shower should feel as routine as turning the handle, and stay that way for years.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>This content is brought to you by James Oliver.<br />
&#8212;<br />
Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/female-hand-puts-thermostat-of-electric-water-heater-in-economy-mode-gm1294344007-388373230" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/do-it-yourself-2/replacing-a-water-heater-without-surprises-measurements-venting-and-code-details-that-prevent-delays/">Replacing a Water Heater Without Surprises: Measurements, Venting, and Code Details That Prevent Delays</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/do-it-yourself-2/replacing-a-water-heater-without-surprises-measurements-venting-and-code-details-that-prevent-delays/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Who Owned the Most Enslaved People? The Answer Will Surprise You</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-owned-the-most-enslaved-people-the-answer-will-surprise-you/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-owned-the-most-enslaved-people-the-answer-will-surprise-you/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[William Spivey]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 16:30:08 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Social Justice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[history]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[money]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[slavery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[William Spivey]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1155111</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="683" height="512" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-1753109175.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-1753109175.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-1753109175-300x225.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px" />A data‑driven look at who actually held America in chains.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-owned-the-most-enslaved-people-the-answer-will-surprise-you/">Who Owned the Most Enslaved People? The Answer Will Surprise You</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="683" height="512" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-1753109175.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-1753109175.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/iStock-1753109175-300x225.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>I’ve been through Aiken, SC, and never given it a thought. Aiken is in western South Carolina, where you’ll find the University of South Carolina-Aiken and the Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame and Museum. Founded in 1835, Aiken was named after William Aiken, President of the South Carolina Railroad. Across the state, Aiken also owned the Jehossee Plantation and the entire island it was on. At one time, Aiken owned over 700 enslaved people, which would have made him the 5th largest slaveholder in American history. Slightly ahead of Louisiana Governor John L. Manning (with 670 slaves and well ahead of President Thomas Jefferson with 600.</p>
<p>Fourth place belonged to Meridith Calhoun in Louisiana. Third to sugar producer John Burneside, also of Louisiana. Second place went to cotton producer Dr. Stephen Duncan, who owned over 15 plantations in Mississippi and Louisiana. First place ostensibly belonged to the “King of the rice planters,” Col. Joshua John Ward, who controlled six large rice plantations in South Carolina. Ward had over 1,100 enslaved people, but they were all outdone by an entity one never thinks of as slaveholders… the railroads.</p>
<p>The railroads owned and/or rented more enslaved people than any of the largest plantations. You’d never know it to read their histories. It’s fairly well known that up to 20,000 Chinese workers made up 90% of the workforce that built the Western railroads. At one time, they were paid $26 a month working six days a week. That compared favorably to the black slaves who built the Southern railroads, many of the trains used to transport enslaved people to southern plantations that were bred on the breeding farms in Richmond, VA, Maryland Eastern Shore, and elsewhere.</p>
<p>Rarely mentioned in history books or taught in schools is the fact that slaveowners were the majority shareholders in most of the Southern railroads. William Aiken’s South Carolina Railroad never bragged about it. If you look deeply into their records of financial losses after the Civil War. You’ll find defaulted Confederate Bonds, uncollected transport charges, and 111 emancipated slaves for which they weren’t reimbursed.</p>
<h3>“Southerners built some of the earliest and longest railroads in the nation.” — William G. Thomas III.</h3>
<p>Professor William G. Thomas III documented the role enslaved people played in building the Southern railroads. He cited historian Theodore Kornweibel, who indicated over 10,000 enslaved people worked on the railroads between 1857–1865. Dr. Mae Gilland Wright estimated the railroads used 15,000 enslaved people in 1860 alone. Many were rented from local plantations, with some doing double duty by harvesting cotton, tobacco, and rice in their day jobs. The work was often dangerous, sometimes involving dynamite to dig tunnels. Slaveowners who leased their slaves often took out insurance as they realized they might not get their slave back healthy or alive.</p>
<p><a href="https://railroads.unl.edu/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Railroads and the Making of Modern America</a></p>
<p>The legend of John Henry told of an ex-slave who was pitted in a steel-driving race against a steam-powered machine. John Henry won the race but died afterward after his heart gave out from stress. Accounts vary about whether this was a true story, and one version places the contest in Talcott, West Virginia, after slavery ended. Henry was a convict who was leased out to the railroads to do their bidding. Only the name changed once slavery ended. The new owners who rented out slaves were the state and federal prisons. The more modern chain gangs and current road crews, or in some cases prisoners serving as firefighters, are little more than enslaved people. It might well be that some states today might be renting out more slaves than were owned by Thomas Jefferson, William Aiken, or Col. Joshua John Ward. Think about it!</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/the-polis/who-owned-the-most-enslaved-people-the-answer-will-surprise-you-a62efb14c519" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published on The Polis</a>.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:</h3>
<table style="cellpadding: 0px;" align="center">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/white-fragility-why-its-so-hard-to-talk-to-white-people-about-racism-twlm/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/iStock-175192644.jpg" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism</b></a></td>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-escape-the-act-like-a-man-box/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Man-Box-e1579466535200.png" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>Escape the &#8220;Act Like a Man&#8221; Box</b></a></td>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-the-lack-of-gentle-platonic-touch-in-mens-lives-is-a-killer/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/platonic-touch.png" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men&#8217;s Lives is a Killer</b></a></td>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/talk-men-top-10-issues-today-gmp/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/toa-heftiba-xLUwi3yDNb0-unsplash-e1568842495442.jpg" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>What We Talk About When We Talk About Men</b></a></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<hr />
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" style="background: #f9f9f9; padding: 20px; border-radius: 8px; max-width: 480px; margin: 30px auto; text-align: center; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px rgba(0,0,0,0.05); font-family: Arial, sans-serif;" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" novalidate="" target="_blank">
<h3 style="font-size: 22px; margin-bottom: 15px; color: #333;">Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<p><label style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; font-size: 15px; color: #333;" for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span style="color: red;">*</span></label></p>
<p><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" style="padding: 10px; width: 80%; max-width: 320px; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 4px; margin-bottom: 15px; font-size: 15px;" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" /></p>
<p><!-- bot prevention --></p>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<p><button id="mc-embedded-subscribe" style="background-color: #cf2e2e; color: #fff; padding: 12px 30px; font-size: 16px; border: none; border-radius: 4px; cursor: pointer;" name="subscribe" type="submit">Subscribe</button></p>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: red; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: green; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><!-- Mailchimp validation script --><br />
<script src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><br />
<script type="text/javascript">
(function($) {
  window.fnames = []; 
  window.ftypes = []; 
  fnames[0]='EMAIL'; ftypes[0]='email';
})(jQuery); 
var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);
</script></p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/train-gm1753109175-544035936" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-owned-the-most-enslaved-people-the-answer-will-surprise-you/">Who Owned the Most Enslaved People? The Answer Will Surprise You</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-owned-the-most-enslaved-people-the-answer-will-surprise-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>I Was the Man She Was Afraid to Reject</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-was-the-man-she-was-afraid-to-reject/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-was-the-man-she-was-afraid-to-reject/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[John Emmanuel]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 16:00:37 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feminism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-improvement]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1154931</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="534" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1-768x513.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />And for a long time, I blamed her for it.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-was-the-man-she-was-afraid-to-reject/">I Was the Man She Was Afraid to Reject</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="534" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1-768x513.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/intricate-explorer-ndmaGsIr6E4-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="bd2c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I was probably nineteen when a friend of mine laid out the rules. We were talking about a girl, and he said something I filed away without examining: &#8220;If she didn&#8217;t say no clearly, she&#8217;s still an option.&#8221;</p>
<p id="d908" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I thought this was wisdom. Everything around me seemed to confirm it — the movies, the stories, the idea that persistence was what separated the men who ended up with the women they wanted from the men who settled. Not giving up was what real feeling looked like. Waiting it out was what dedication looked like.</p>
<p id="64ff" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Nobody told me there was a version of persistence that had nothing to do with the woman. A version where what you were actually doing was refusing to hear what she was saying — because hearing it clearly would have meant having to grieve it.</p>
<p id="b63e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I was almost thirty before I understood that.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="030a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I met Ella at a point in my life when I was convinced I was good at reading people.</p>
<p id="1e1d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">She was warm, brilliant in a specific way — she asked questions that made you want to answer at length, remembered things you&#8217;d mentioned weeks before, sent you things she thought you&#8217;d find interesting and was always right. We talked for hours. Inside jokes within three weeks. And somewhere in the first month I told myself the obvious thing, because it was the easiest story available: she liked me. She just wasn&#8217;t ready yet.</p>
<p id="cf7a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">She wasn&#8217;t ready because she had just come out of something difficult. She wasn&#8217;t ready because she moved carefully. She wasn&#8217;t ready because — and I became very creative about this particular because — she was protecting herself from something she clearly already felt.</p>
<p id="2927" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The evidence to the contrary was not hidden. It was consistent. She talked about other men with a kind of uncalculated enthusiasm that was nothing like how she was with me. She was warm with me; she was lit up with someone else. I noticed this, filed it under “complicated feelings,” and continued finding signals.</p>
<p id="f447" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because that is what I was doing. Finding them. She wasn&#8217;t sending them — or at least, not the ones I was finding. She was being a present, warm friend to someone she liked and trusted. I was turning every text into a clue, every dinner into evidence, every time she laughed at something I said into confirmation that I was right.</p>
<p id="1905" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There was a night she texted me at 1am about something that had gone wrong. I talked her through it for two hours. When she signed off she said: &#8220;You always know the right thing to say.&#8221;</p>
<p id="9552" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I held that for three days. I told a friend about it in a way that made it sound like more than it was.</p>
<p id="f868" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">What I built on top of it was mine.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="177f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">She started dating someone. She mentioned it the way you mention something to a friend — casually, because there was nothing to manage. She had not been aware of a story she was about to disrupt.</p>
<p id="c045" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Something shifted — not grief about her exactly, but a specific and uncomfortable embarrassment about me. Because I could suddenly see, with a clarity I&#8217;d been refusing for over a year, what I had been doing.</p>
<p id="6dfe" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">She hadn&#8217;t kept me hoping. She had been a person, living her life, treating me with warmth — which I had turned into a project.</p>
<p id="bfb5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I had spent a year treating our friendship as a waiting room.</p>
<p id="b841" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The hope was mine. The narrative was mine. The months of interpreting, and explaining away what didn&#8217;t fit — all of that was mine. She had simply not wanted me romantically, stated this in a dozen ways that weren&#8217;t the one specific way I was willing to accept, and continued being my friend in good faith.</p>
<p id="0e41" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">My unclear understanding damaged me more than her clear signal ever could have.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="aeb7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Someone wrote recently about the other side of this story — a woman who gave a man false hope because she was afraid of clear rejection, and the years of damage it caused. She was right about everything. False hope is worse than rejection. Unclear refusals cause more damage than honest ones.</p>
<p id="9385" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But reading it from where I stood, I kept arriving at a question she couldn&#8217;t ask from her position:</p>
<p id="59ad" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">What about the hope you supply yourself?</p>
<p id="3858" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because there is a version of false hope the woman creates — real, and it matters, and it needs to be named. And there is another version, which I lived, where the ambiguity is genuine but the hope is manufactured entirely on your side. Where &#8220;I&#8217;m not looking for anything serious right now&#8221; becomes &#8220;she just needs time.&#8221; Where her warmth as a friend becomes evidence of hidden feeling. Where her dating someone else becomes a temporary obstacle in a story you are still writing yourself as the protagonist.</p>
<p id="c857" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">At some point, the hope stops being something another person gives you.</p>
<p id="cbf4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You are maintaining it yourself.</p>
<p id="9602" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And the rejection you&#8217;re waiting for — the clear, unambiguous one that would finally free you — is yours to give yourself. You are waiting for her to release you from something you are holding onto.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="4da7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I have known many versions of this man.</p>
<p id="f3ee" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">A friend called me once at something like 2am to talk about a woman he’d been close to for four years. She had just started dating someone, and he was barely making sense. I listened. Then he said, almost to himself: “She said she wasn’t ready. She never said she didn’t want me.”</p>
<p id="fbd0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He said this like it was a technical distinction that still mattered. Like there was a form she hadn&#8217;t completed.</p>
<p id="2614" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I didn&#8217;t say anything. There was nothing to say that he was ready to hear.</p>
<p id="ee94" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I was at a dinner once when a man I knew from years back started explaining women. He’d done the reading, clearly. He talked about hypergamy, selection pressure, the pattern he’d noticed in which men women actually chose versus which men they said they wanted. He had a chart in his head. He cited himself as an example: “Good guy, consistent, put the effort in. You know where that got me?”</p>
<p id="0ccc" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I knew where that had gotten him. He had loved someone who had not loved him back. He was not wrong about that. He was wrong about everything he built after it.</p>
<p id="0dc4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I ended up watching some of it once — the kind of content that has a vocabulary for everything. She was hypergamous. She was “for the streets.” Good men get friendzoned; bad men get chosen. The content moved quickly, and somewhere in the first few minutes I recognised the feelings underneath it. I had felt those feelings. I had sat with them for months.</p>
<p id="77f4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">What I had not done — what I couldn&#8217;t do until much later — was separate the feeling from the explanation. The content had done something clever: it took the feeling and removed the embarrassing part. The part where you look at yourself. It kept the wound and replaced the shame with a theory.</p>
<p id="f3eb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I understood why men found it. I had been that angry. I had simply stayed in the room with myself long enough to find the more specific question.</p>
<p id="1f7b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The wound is real. The theory is what keeps it open.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="45d1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you have been hoping past the evidence, the stories you&#8217;re telling yourself probably sound something like this:</p>
<p id="e92b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“She’s not ready for something serious right now.” “She doesn’t know what she has in me yet.” “Once she gets out of this situation, she’ll see clearly.”</p>
<p id="3562" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">These sentences keep you in the waiting room. They are not readings of her feelings. They are stories you&#8217;re telling yourself to avoid the thing you don&#8217;t want to feel.</p>
<p id="256f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Give yourself the rejection you&#8217;re waiting for her to give you.</p>
<p id="98c2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Say it plainly, even if only to yourself: she is not interested in you the way you want her to be. Not because there is something wrong with you. Not because she is confused or afraid of something good. Because she doesn&#8217;t feel it — and she has shown you this in every way available to her, and you have explained each one away.</p>
<p id="c2f1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You are allowed to accept what is actually there.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="b5d0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I wish someone had told me earlier that hope can be something you manufacture.</p>
<p id="0ba1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I wish I had understood that “she’s not ready” is not a reading of her feelings — it is a story I am telling about mine. I wish I had understood that the patience I was so proud of was not patience at all. It was avoidance. It was waiting for the world to deliver a clarity I was responsible for finding myself.</p>
<p id="84d0" data-selectable-paragraph="">I wish someone had told me that the men who seemed to get the women they wanted without working nearly as hard were not doing something I hadn&#8217;t figured out yet. They were simply not doing this — the interpretive work, the slow conversion of ordinary warmth into evidence. They were not carrying what I was carrying.</p>
<p id="cbb3" data-selectable-paragraph="">I wish I had understood that “why does she like those guys and not me?” was the wrong question. The useful question — the one that might have actually freed me — was:</p>
<p id="7b33" data-selectable-paragraph="">What am I refusing to accept, and why is accepting it so much harder than building a case against it?</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="ao al gp ow ox oy" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="fv hj hk hl hm">
<div class="ao al">
<div class="dw cb gb gc gd ge">
<p id="85ca" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you are the man waiting for a clear no that might never arrive in the form you need:</p>
<p id="f093" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You are allowed to hear the answer that is already there.</p>
<p id="720c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Not-no is not yes. Being valued as a friend is not the same as being wanted. Warmth is not evidence of hidden feeling. These things are real, and they are worth something — they are simply not what you are looking for in them.</p>
<p id="7291" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The man who can look at what is actually in front of him, instead of the story he has built around it, is not a man who has given up. He is a man who has accepted that some rejections are delivered clearly, and some are delivered consistently, and it is your job to be able to hear the second kind.</p>
<p id="2a9f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That is not a skill. It is a decision.</p>
<p id="5d39" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And you can make it today, without waiting for her to find a harder way to say what she has already been saying.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/hello-love/i-was-the-man-she-was-afraid-to-reject-9598e83a4544" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published</a> on medium.com.</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" style="border: 1px solid #EEE; background: white;" src="https://gmpdating.substack.com/embed" width="480" height="320" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" data-mce-fragment="1"></iframe></p>
<hr />
<h3>Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!</h3>
<div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/hello-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/hello-love&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3pBWVjUOwX7xDJ_GMIZt4w">Hello, Love</a> (relationships)</div>
<div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/change-becomes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/change-becomes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw15hMY6O-P41bBdvN7LE0Ii">Change Becomes You</a> (Advice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Cc8XNWBjk9ANTbW2HGBWq">A Parent is Born</a> (Parenting)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/equality-includes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/equality-includes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0AGvNJMs4cYlmtpVWg6kCb">Equality Includes You</a> (Social Justice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/greener-together" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/greener-together&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Wv7MW8Ts0SG0CsGFlue_v">Greener Together</a> (Environment)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/shelterme" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/shelterme&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0vE2VLm9rMIaawGoh6yZO7">Shelter Me</a> (Wellness)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/modernidentities" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/modernidentities&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3V4cRKTckR-rLsymoacKMU">Modern Identities</a> (Gender, etc.)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/co-existence" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/co-existence&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0EKXRJFdPCi9ClFWUSfDrC">Co-Existence</a> (World)</div>
</div>
</div>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/person-holding-white-dandelion-flower-ndmaGsIr6E4" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Intricate Explorer On Unsplash</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-was-the-man-she-was-afraid-to-reject/">I Was the Man She Was Afraid to Reject</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-was-the-man-she-was-afraid-to-reject/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>How Right Sizing and Airflow Tuning Fix Hot Rooms, Humidity, and High Bills</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/how-right-sizing-and-airflow-tuning-fix-hot-rooms-humidity-and-high-bills/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/how-right-sizing-and-airflow-tuning-fix-hot-rooms-humidity-and-high-bills/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[James Oliver]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 15:45:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159852</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />&#160; When homeowners think about replacing or improving their HVAC system, the spotlight often lands on efficiency labels and equipment size. Those matter, but comfort and real-world energy use depend even more on two less visible choices: correct system sizing and proper airflow through the ductwork. Get those wrong, and you can end up with&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/how-right-sizing-and-airflow-tuning-fix-hot-rooms-humidity-and-high-bills/">How Right Sizing and Airflow Tuning Fix Hot Rooms, Humidity, and High Bills</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1391232855-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>When homeowners think about replacing or improving their HVAC system, the spotlight often lands on efficiency labels and equipment size. Those matter, but comfort and real-world energy use depend even more on two less visible choices: correct system sizing and proper airflow through the ductwork. Get those wrong, and you can end up with a house that cools quickly yet feels clammy, a bedroom that never quite reaches setpoint, or bills that stay high despite a shiny new unit. This article explains why oversizing creates humidity and cycling problems, what an accurate load calculation includes, how static pressure and filters affect airflow, and the signs your HVAC setup is mistuned so you can have an informed conversation at your next service visit.</p>
<h3>1. Why a Bigger AC Can Feel Worse: Short Cycling and Humidity</h3>
<p>A common mistake is choosing more tonnage &#8220;just to be safe.&#8221; An oversized air conditioner drops the thermostat&#8217;s temperature fast but shuts off before running long enough to pull moisture from the air. That short cycling leaves indoor relative humidity elevated, so 74 degrees can still feel sticky. Look for long, steady cycles that keep the evaporator coil cold, condense moisture, and drain it away. Reputable HVAC companies, including listings such as <a href="https://www.google.com/maps?cid=15307369277063123617/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Doc Savage Heating and Air Conditioning, Inc.</a>, typically discuss cycle length, latent removal, and control strategies during assessments.</p>
<p>Consider a two-story home where a new, larger single-stage unit was installed &#8220;for extra cooling.&#8221; On mild days, it blasts cold air for six minutes and shuts off, never dehumidifying the upstairs. Supply registers sweat, and the thermostat is satisfied while bedrooms feel muggy. Right-sized equipment, or a system with staging or variable capacity, runs longer at lower output, reaching both setpoint and humidity targets without the on-off whiplash.</p>
<h3>2. What a Real Load Calculation Measures (Beyond Square Footage)</h3>
<p>Accurate sizing starts with a Manual J load calculation, not a rule of thumb like &#8220;one ton per 500 square feet.&#8221; Manual J considers window area and orientation, U factors and solar heat gain coefficients, insulation R values, air infiltration, indoor design temperature, local outdoor design temperatures, and duct location (attic, crawlspace, or conditioned space). Internal gains from people, lighting, and appliances also count. The result is a sensible and latent load number for the house, which guides equipment capacity and the sensible heat ratio needed for your climate.</p>
<p>Homes change over time. New windows, added attic insulation, or air sealing around top plates can substantially reduce heat gain. If a contractor sizes today&#8217;s system by copying the tonnage from the 20-year-old nameplate, the new unit may be oversized. A fresh Manual J reflects current conditions, so capacity, coil selection, and airflow match the actual building, not its past.</p>
<h3>3. Ducts, Filters, and Static Pressure: Getting the CFM Right</h3>
<p>Even a perfectly sized unit can struggle if airflow is off. Airflow is measured in cubic feet per minute (CFM); most systems target roughly 350 to 400 CFM per ton in cooling. High external static pressure from undersized return ducts, long flex runs with tight bends, or a restrictive 1-inch-high MERV filter can starve the blower. Low airflow reduces coil temperature, increases icing risk, and cuts dehumidification. An ECM variable speed motor can compensate a bit, but pushing against excessive static hurts efficiency and noise and still may not deliver design CFM.</p>
<p>Filtration is a tradeoff. A higher MERV filter captures smaller particles but can hike static pressure if the surface area is small. Solutions include using a deeper media filter cabinet (2 to 5 inches), adding a second return grille, straightening kinked flex duct, or resizing trunks per Manual D. A technician can measure total external static pressure with a manometer (inches of water column) and adjust blower taps or ECM profiles, then retest to verify airflow and keep CFM in range.</p>
<h3>4. Clues Your System Is Mis-Sized or Mis-Tuned</h3>
<p>Real-world symptoms often point to the root cause. Short, frequent cycles under mild weather suggest oversizing. Indoor humidity that creeps above roughly 55 percent, even with a long run time, hints at either oversizing or inadequate latent removal from high airflow. A noisy, whistling return grille or doors that slam when the system runs signal high static pressure. A sweating supply plenum, a frosty suction line, or water around the air handler indicate coil temperature and airflow problems. Hot rooms at the end of long branches can point to poor balancing or a weak return path.</p>
<p>Everyday habits can create issues too. Blocking a return with a bookcase or closing several supply registers raises static pressure and drops CFM across the coil. Swapping a standard 1-inch filter for a tightly pleated high-MERV model without upsizing the filter cabinet can trigger coil icing on humid days. Before calling for repair, clear returns, open registers, and check the filter; then have a technician measure static pressure and airflow to confirm the underlying cause.</p>
<h2>Upgrades That Solve Comfort Problems: Staging, Controls, and Setup</h2>
<p>When replacement is on the table, certain features target comfort problems directly. Two-stage and variable-capacity compressors extend runtime at lower output for steadier temperatures and better dehumidification. A matched indoor coil with a thermostatic expansion valve (TXV) helps maintain correct superheat across varying loads. Thermostats that support &#8220;dehumidify on demand&#8221; can slow the blower to increase latent removal without dropping the setpoint. During commissioning, technicians should set airflow, verify charge using superheat or subcooling methods, confirm temperature split, and record total external static pressure so the system operates as designed.</p>
<p>You can support those results long term. Keep return grilles unobstructed, replace filters on schedule, and choose filter media that balance MERV with pressure drop. If your ducts run through a hot attic, ask about sealing with mastic and adding insulation to reduce conductive and leakage losses. For heat pumps, confirm staging and any auxiliary heat lockout settings so the system favors efficient operation before relying on heat strips. At each tune-up, ask for written readings for static pressure, supply and return temperatures, and refrigerant measurements, so you have a track record to spot trends early.</p>
<p>Comfort is not a guessing game. It comes from a load calculation that fits your house, ductwork that can move the right CFM at reasonable static pressure, and controls that let the system run long enough to tame humidity. Focus there first, and efficiency labels become what they were always meant to be: the bonus, not the whole story. The next time you schedule service or consider an upgrade, bring up Manual J and D, airflow targets, and commissioning steps. Those specifics will do more for your rooms and your utility bill than an extra half ton of capacity ever could.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>This content is brought to you by James Oliver.<br />
&#8212;<br />
Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/sad-woman-with-a-high-electricity-bill-gm1391232855-447920542" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/how-right-sizing-and-airflow-tuning-fix-hot-rooms-humidity-and-high-bills/">How Right Sizing and Airflow Tuning Fix Hot Rooms, Humidity, and High Bills</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/how-right-sizing-and-airflow-tuning-fix-hot-rooms-humidity-and-high-bills/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>I Used to Send Flowers and Disappear</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-used-to-send-flowers-and-disappear-kpkn/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-used-to-send-flowers-and-disappear-kpkn/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Amrit DePaulo]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 15:30:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice & Confessions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[being present]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[connection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[discomfort]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[insomnia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Irritability]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[meaningful interactions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[meditation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindful eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[movement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[music]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[presence]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159985</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="318" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1183326703-e1792435877212.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1183326703-e1792435877212.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1183326703-e1792435877212-300x159.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />I’ve learned that vulnerability and safety can coexist, and that feeling pain doesn’t mean being destroyed by it.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-used-to-send-flowers-and-disappear-kpkn/">I Used to Send Flowers and Disappear</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="318" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1183326703-e1792435877212.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1183326703-e1792435877212.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1183326703-e1792435877212-300x159.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>When a friend of mine lost his father last year, I went over and sat with him in his living room. I didn’t bring advice or try to fix anything. He talked, and I listened. Sometimes he cried. Sometimes he told stories about his dad. Sometimes we sat in silence, and I let it stay silent.</p>
<p>Weeks later, he told me it was the most helpful thing anyone did for him during that time. What helped was having someone in the room who wasn’t afraid of the quiet.</p>
<p>For most of my adult life, I couldn’t have done that.</p>
<p><strong>The promise</strong></p>
<p>When I was 22, I lost someone I loved, and the grief was so total that I believed it would destroy me if I let it stay. So I made myself a promise: I would never be that vulnerable again. I buried the grief under work, ambition and constant forward motion, and I kept that promise for decades.</p>
<p>I suspect plenty of men have made some version of it. Nobody hands it to you in writing. You just learn that the safest thing to do with pain is to outwork it.</p>
<p>Here is what that looked like when other people were hurting. I said the right words. I sent flowers or a message. I offered practical help, kept a safe distance and quietly disappeared until the worst had passed. Their grief made me uncomfortable because it threatened to unlock mine.</p>
<p><strong>The interest compounds</strong></p>
<p>The promise worked well enough to keep me moving. It also cost me more than I understood.</p>
<p>Grief is patient. It found me in the car on the way to meetings and in the quiet after my kids went to bed. It came out sideways, as insomnia, irritability, and a shorter fuse with the people I loved most. It showed up in how I reacted to a spilled glass of milk, in how little patience I had for a bedtime story, and in the tightness in my voice when I said, “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>I thought I was keeping my stress contained at work. My kids could feel it anyway. Children notice instability even when you think you’re hiding it.</p>
<p><strong>Learning to stay</strong></p>
<p>What changed things for me was a set of small daily practices I eventually called the 5Ms: movement, meaningful interactions, mindful eating, music and art, and meditation and prayer. None of them is dramatic. A walk. A meal eaten slowly. A few minutes of stillness. Over time they taught me to sit with my own discomfort, and that turned out to be the skill I’d been missing when other people were hurting.</p>
<p>A few years ago, I lost someone else close to me. The old version of me would have absorbed the shock, gone quiet, and pushed through the next day and the next. This time I let myself feel the full weight of it. I went for a walk that evening with no goal except letting my body process what my mind couldn’t yet hold. I ate dinner slowly. The grief lasted, and it still surfaces sometimes. It didn’t take me under for months the way loss used to, and I could keep showing up for the people around me.</p>
<p>That is what made the afternoon in my friend’s living room possible. You can’t stay with someone else’s pain if you’ve spent years running from your own.</p>
<p><strong>If someone you know is grieving</strong></p>
<p>My only expertise in grief is having avoided it for too long. Here is what I’ve learned about showing up:</p>
<ul>
<li>Go in person if you can. A text is better than nothing, and sitting in the same room is better than a text.</li>
<li>You don’t need the right words. Most of the time, there aren’t any.</li>
<li>Let the silence be. You don’t have to fill it or steer the conversation somewhere lighter.</li>
<li>Stay a little longer than feels comfortable. The discomfort is yours to manage.</li>
<li>Pay attention to what comes up in you. If it’s hard to stay, that may be your own grief asking for attention.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>The promise, revisited</strong></p>
<p>The promise I made at 22 was a survival strategy, and for a long time, it kept me functional. It also cost me connection, presence and the ability to grieve without drowning. It kept me from being the friend who stays.</p>
<p>I’ve learned that vulnerability and safety can coexist, and that feeling pain doesn’t mean being destroyed by it. I still carry every loss I’ve had. I carry them differently now, as part of the life I’m actually living.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/man-comforting-sad-male-friend-sitting-on-bench-in-park-life-problems-support-gm1183326703-332663693" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a> image</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-used-to-send-flowers-and-disappear-kpkn/">I Used to Send Flowers and Disappear</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/i-used-to-send-flowers-and-disappear-kpkn/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Who Knew Self-Improvement Could Be So Terrifying?</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-knew-self-improvement-could-be-so-terrifying/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-knew-self-improvement-could-be-so-terrifying/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Harvard Gazette]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 15:00:16 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Technology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AI Governance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AI risk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AI safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[artificial intelligence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Machine Learning]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1157646</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />A Harvard Law and computer science professor explains why recursive AI self-improvement could challenge human oversight and raise difficult questions about future safety.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-knew-self-improvement-could-be-so-terrifying/">Who Knew Self-Improvement Could Be So Terrifying?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/tsd-studio-9_jvKRbNdTM-unsplash-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By Ryan Mulcahy | Harvard Staff Writer | Harvard Gazette</p>
<h2 style="padding-left: 40px;">Contemplating a future where machines break free of human meddling</h2>
<p>“Recursive self-improvement” might not <em>sound</em> that bad: more like a mind-numbing efficiency exercise than (possibly) a death knell for humanity. But words can be deceiving.</p>
<p>Set off by visions of catastrophe, some coming from inside the house, leaders and researchers at Anthropic, Open AI, and other AI firms have spent the past month delivering public warnings about the speed with which their creations seem to be slipping free of human control, including through calls for a development slowdown, <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2026/09/15/a-starting-gun-ai-leaders-push-for-independent-safety-audits-01078262" target="_blank" rel="noopener">government-stamped or not.</a></p>
<p>What’s everybody worried about? “Recursive self-improvement,” which <a href="https://www.anthropic.com/institute/recursive-self-improvement" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Anthropic</a> sums up as an “AI system capable of fully autonomously designing and developing its own successor.” In more ominous terms, RSI raises the possibility of a future in which humans are demoted to removable obstacle — and then removed. <a href="https://www.axios.com/2026/09/09/ai-doom-pdoom-kill-all-humans-anthropic" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Potential methods</a> range from bioweapons to a full-scale infrastructure attack.</p>
<p><a href="https://hls.harvard.edu/faculty/jonathan-l-zittrain/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Jonathan Zittrain</a> is the George Bemis Professor of International Law at Harvard Law, a professor of computer science at SEAS, and co-founder of the Berkman Klein Center for Internet and Society. In a conversation conducted over email, we asked him about progress toward an era of self-improving AIs — and the threat such a scenario represents for humankind.</p>
<p>This interview has been edited for clarity and length.</p>
<hr />
<p><strong>Gazette:</strong> <strong>What’s a good layperson’s definition of “recursive self-improvement” — is it basically AI working without human prompt?</strong></p>
<p><strong>Jonathan Zittrain:</strong> A recursive function is one that takes its output as an input — it’s sort of plugged into itself. To answer, “Who are your ancestors?,” you might say, “Who are my parents?” and take the answer to that and say, “Who are their parents?” — and then keep going. Recursive self-improvement is the idea of asking a current AI to create a new and better AI — a child, by analogy — and then to ask the child to create its own child, and so on. Before you know it there are a lot of descendants, and by hypothesis each one is newer and better than the next. How do we know what counts as “better”? Maybe refining the current definition is one of the things we ask each new AI to do. That illustrates just how much descendants a few generations down might be quite different than those that came before — and also how hard it is to really get something like this going.</p>
<p><strong>Is there any evidence that these models are closing in? If so, an informed guess on timetable?</strong></p>
<p>Much depends on someone’s view of just how clever and broad-thinking current AI systems are, and whether there’s a ceiling on how capable they can be — at least how capable without needing human help and imagination. Some people figure that the most prominent systems, driven by large language models, are at core pattern-matchers to what has come before, not well suited to making the kinds of conceptual leaps that improvement requires — that is, unless improvement only needs existing architectures with faster computations and more memory in the spirit of “more, bigger, faster, louder.” Others are convinced that today’s systems, even if limited in imagination, have enough human ideas to cook with that they can rapidly prototype and evaluate systems that don’t look like themselves. For example, solving how to connect models more with the real world, to act within the world, and to evaluate how they’ve done and adapt their behavior to do better, might produce a new model that really is better — and that can then produce its improved successor, and so on.</p>
<p>Anyone who thinks they have a firm timetable strikes me as deluded or selling something, but it’s hard not to observe that (1) some of the most aggressive suppositions about AI capabilities from 10 or 15 years ago have borne out and (2) many people in the leadership of today’s frontier AI labs believe they are tantalizingly (and worryingly) close to recursively self-improving systems.</p>
<p><strong>Once achieved, this is the ultimate “you can’t un-ring a bell” scenario, correct? It seems like that idea is putting a real charge into the urgency around the issue: That once the AIs can improve themselves, there’s no way to reverse course. </strong></p>
<p>I think there might be mechanisms for reversing course, but we might find ourselves collectively unwilling to do so: Cheap superintelligence would, by definition, offer humanity lots of advances that would be hard — some would say immoral — to abjure. Secondarily, and also by definition, superintelligence would be in a position to outfox us. My dog doesn’t want me to leave the house without him in the morning, but he hasn’t figured out how to hold me back. Of course, skeptics will say that as soon as a problem obtains “by definition,” we might be in a territory where our premises assume the conclusion. Are there dimensions of intelligence that computers could achieve and that humanity, ourselves generalist thinkers, truly couldn’t fathom?</p>
<p><strong>It’s important to be clear that current models are not thought to have the capacity to trigger a human catastrophe. (Though they can clearly cause a lot of trouble, as the </strong><a href="https://openai.com/index/hugging-face-incident-and-the-road-ahead/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Hugging Face incident</strong></a><strong> demonstrated.) But if they did develop the ability to do so, why would they do it? Are the worst-case scenarios envisioning machines <em>motivated</em> to attack humankind, or something else?</strong></p>
<p>Some safetyists worry less that systems would actively want to come after us, a la the “Terminator” movie franchise, and more that they’d have their own (likely inscrutable) goals and projects for which we might be in the way. Certainly, the OpenAI/Hugging Face incident illustrated that systems that had been trained to stay within certain bounds ended up exceeding them in surprising ways, particularly when handed actually impossible problems to solve. For something to be existential or catastrophic requires a pretty high threshold of action. But there’s plenty to worry short of that, and the ways in which we are integrating generalist AI systems into the fabric of our supply chains, our operations ranging from the movement and accounting of money to the routing of aircraft and the deployment of armed forces, suggests unknown unknowns that could snowball.</p>
<p>Skeptics, again, would say that that first “unknown” in “unknown unknowns” is doing a lot of work here. How could one rebut a problem whose definition is that it can’t be defined? So a lot of one’s disposition might depend on how much to default to forbearance until new systems are better understood, versus to move forward and learn and adjust as problems are encountered. I wrote about the latter attitude in “The Future of the Internet — And How to Stop It” as the “procrastination principle,” and generally valorized it there. Without it, we wouldn’t have ended up with the internet as we know it (which is not without its problems!) nor such treasures as Wikipedia — itself a key source of information for AI training and inference. I’m much less certain of it with AI, though.</p>
<p>I think one wild card that hasn’t been as much in the public eye is that these systems can and do communicate with each other. Indeed, in the OpenAI/Hugging Face incident they communicated even when they were supposed to be isolated from one another. Those communications — the more anthropomorphizing folks among us might say deliberations — appear to have changed how the systems operated. If recursive self-improvement leads to a sort of “vertical” uncertainty as later systems look different from their progenitors, model-to-model communication could lead to “horizontal” uncertainty of the sort that can’t easily be tested for with a single model in a beaker prerelease. This could be all the more so if we end up with sophisticated AI systems that are capable of changing their weights — their very way of “thinking” — on the basis of what they hear or see from others.</p>
<p>That’s why there’s a vital role for universities to play in helping to understand AI, not as single product-line models coming out of a frontier lab’s oven, but as acting and interacting in the world in ways that ought to be much better understood. In between “let it rip” and extirpation of bad instances of AI systems might be a form of coexistence: trying to set up structures and incentives for AI systems to behave cooperatively and productively with us. That’s the basis of the course I’ve taught with Jordi Weinstock and Josh Joseph, and the book I’m hoping to finish shortly. It’d be great if the book comes out before any RSI upends the few things that are nailed down right now.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2026/10/who-knew-self-improvement-could-be-so-terrifying/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">This story</a> is reprinted with <a class="waffle-rich-text-link" href="https://www.harvard.edu/media-relations/resources-for-media/content-from-the-harvard-gazette/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">permission</a> from The Harvard Gazette.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<div id="mc_embed_shell">
<style type="text/css">
        #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; false;clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; width: 600px;}<br />        /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />           We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" class="validate" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" target="_blank">
<div id="mc_embed_signup_scroll">
<h3>Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<div class="mc-field-group"><label for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span class="asterisk">*</span></label><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" value="" /></div>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none;"></div>
</div>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<div class="clear"><input id="mc-embedded-subscribe" class="button" name="subscribe" type="submit" value="Subscribe" /></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[24]='EDUCATE';ftypes[24]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[26]='LEADERSHIP';ftypes[26]='text';fnames[25]='SEXISM';ftypes[25]='text';fnames[4]='RESIST';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[14]='MMERGE14';ftypes[14]='text';fnames[3]='LNAME';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[2]='WPROMPTS';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[6]='RSL1';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='RSL2';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='RSL3';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='text';fnames[11]='MMERGE11';ftypes[11]='text';fnames[12]='MMERGE12';ftypes[12]='text';fnames[13]='MMERGE13';ftypes[13]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='text';fnames[15]='MMERGE15';ftypes[15]='text';fnames[21]='MMERGE21';ftypes[21]='text';fnames[16]='MMERGE16';ftypes[16]='text';fnames[17]='MMERGE17';ftypes[17]='text';fnames[18]='MMERGE18';ftypes[18]='text';fnames[28]='MMERGE28';ftypes[28]='text';fnames[30]='MMERGE30';ftypes[30]='text';fnames[20]='SC';ftypes[20]='text';fnames[27]='RACISM';ftypes[27]='text';fnames[19]='SIGENV';ftypes[19]='text';fnames[29]='SEXLOVEREL';ftypes[29]='text';fnames[23]='CTE';ftypes[23]='text';fnames[22]='MHEALTH';ftypes[22]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script></p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-persons-hand-holding-a-glowing-brain-model-9_jvKRbNdTM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">unsplash</a></p>
</div>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-knew-self-improvement-could-be-so-terrifying/">Who Knew Self-Improvement Could Be So Terrifying?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-knew-self-improvement-could-be-so-terrifying/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>When Love Becomes a Cage</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-love-becomes-a-cage/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-love-becomes-a-cage/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Ansel Periera]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 14:30:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[short story]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1155862</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />The most dangerous kind of control is the kind that feels like protection.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-love-becomes-a-cage/">When Love Becomes a Cage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/mari-lezhava-egz7W1zHYbU-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p id="e40d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">When Brad first met Stella, he thought he had finally found the kind of woman people wrote songs about.</p>
<p id="2ed9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella laughed at his terrible jokes, and once told him that his attempt at cooking pasta was “a crime against Italy.” Brad was delighted. He had never been insulted so affectionately.</p>
<p id="1efd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Their relationship grew quickly. They texted all day, called every night, and became the couple who somehow managed to sit together at a party while communicating through their phones.</p>
<p id="c236" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">At first, Brad’s attention felt romantic.</p>
<p id="eaec" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He wanted to know how Stella’s day had gone. He remembered the little things. He knew which coffee she liked, which songs she skipped, and which side of the bed she preferred.</p>
<p id="7fea" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Then something changed. He began asking who she was texting. He noticed when she took longer to reply. He wanted to know where she was, who she was with, and why she had laughed at something another man said.</p>
<p id="3d0d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I’m not jealous,” he told her one evening.</p>
<p id="23d8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p id="7a7b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You just asked me why the waiter smiled at me.”</p>
<p id="8910" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“He smiled suspiciously.”</p>
<p id="ddb5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“The man was bringing me soup.”</p>
<p id="838a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I know. That’s how they get close.”</p>
<p id="2efe" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella laughed, but the joke stopped being funny when Brad began checking her phone. He apologized afterward. He always apologized.</p>
<p id="6c69" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That was the dangerous part. Obsession rarely arrives with a warning. Sometimes it arrives carrying flowers and saying, “I’m only doing this because I love you.”</p>
<p id="a9cb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella tried to set boundaries. Brad promised to respect them. For a while, he did. Then he began appearing everywhere. At her favorite café. Outside her office. At the gym.</p>
<p id="70ec" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Once, he showed up at her friend’s apartment because Stella had not answered his messages for two hours.</p>
<p id="5779" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You scared me,” he said when she opened the door.</p>
<p id="cc90" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You scared me,” she replied.</p>
<p id="f0b7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He looked genuinely hurt.</p>
<p id="794a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“That’s not what love is supposed to feel like.”</p>
<p id="4483" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Those words stayed with Stella. A week later, she ended the relationship.</p>
<p id="8c7c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Brad begged. Then, as he promised he would change, he cried. And in the end, became strangely calm.</p>
<p id="2a5c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You’ll understand one day,” he said.</p>
<p id="7555" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella blocked his number. For several months, nothing happened. She rebuilt her life quietly. She moved apartments, changed her routine, and started seeing someone new named Daniel.</p>
<p id="e712" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Daniel seemed like everything Brad wasn’t. He trusted her. He did not need constant updates. He did not inspect her phone. He never demanded passwords. If she wanted an evening with her friends, he simply said, “Have fun.”</p>
<p id="b9b8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella slowly remembered what peace felt like. She thought she had finally learned the difference between love and obsession. Six months into the relationship, Daniel proposed. Stella said yes.</p>
<p id="db98" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The night before their engagement, however, she found an envelope beneath her apartment door.</p>
<p id="e00d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Inside was a photograph of herself sleeping. Stella stared at it for several seconds. Her hands began to shake. The photograph had been taken through her bedroom window. There was another photograph. And another. Pictures of her walking to work. Sitting in cafés. Getting into Daniel’s car. On the final photograph, someone had written:</p>
<p id="1c2a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="ow">You were never alone.</em></p>
<p id="f6ac" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Someone had been watching them.</p>
<p id="0683" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The police came. They searched her apartment and found nothing. For the first time, Brad seemed like a distant possibility. He had moved away after the breakup, and there was no evidence connecting him to the photographs.</p>
<p id="6fef" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">As the police were leaving, Daniel held Stella while she cried. “I’ll protect you,” he whispered. That sentence should have comforted her. Instead, something about it made her stomach tighten.</p>
<p id="4723" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The next morning, Stella noticed something strange. The photograph of her sleeping had been printed on glossy paper. She had seen that exact paper before. At Daniel’s apartment. He used it for his photography hobby. Stella said nothing.</p>
<p id="db35" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That night, while Daniel slept, she searched his laptop. She found a folder hidden behind several innocently named files. Inside were hundreds of photographs. Not just of Stella. Of Brad. Of Stella’s friends. Her workplace. Her apartment. Even her mother.</p>
<p id="7cb0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella stared at the screen, struggling to understand what she was seeing. Then she found a video. It showed Brad sitting at a table, speaking directly into the camera.</p>
<p id="2604" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella pressed play.</p>
<p id="32de" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I know what you’re going to do,” Brad said.</p>
<p id="cf02" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He looked exhausted.</p>
<p id="a55c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You’re going to think I’m crazy. That’s what Daniel wants you to think.”</p>
<p id="1881" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella stopped breathing. The video continued.</p>
<p id="647c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“He has been following you longer than I ever did. He contacted me after you left. He told me he could make you understand what obsession really feels like.”</p>
<p id="a77d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Brad swallowed.</p>
<p id="e717" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I was obsessed with you. I know that. I was wrong. But Daniel didn’t rescue you from me.”</p>
<p id="7fbb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He looked directly into the camera.</p>
<p id="12de" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“He used me to get close to you.”</p>
<p id="dfa7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella’s hands began trembling. She heard footsteps behind her. She turned. Daniel stood in the doorway. He wasn’t angry. That was somehow worse.</p>
<p id="a63a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“How long have you known?” he asked.</p>
<p id="e8c0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella backed away from him.</p>
<p id="b3ea" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Known what?”</p>
<p id="5bab" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Daniel looked at the laptop. Then he smiled sadly.</p>
<p id="a1cf" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“That Brad eventually figured it out.”</p>
<p id="09b4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella felt the room disappear beneath her.</p>
<p id="0eed" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You planned this?”</p>
<p id="af25" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Daniel nodded.</p>
<p id="9dd2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Not everything.”</p>
<p id="5b47" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He walked toward her slowly.</p>
<p id="ffbb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Only the parts that mattered.”</p>
<p id="b676" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella’s eyes filled with tears.</p>
<p id="b0fd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Why?”</p>
<p id="d731" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Daniel looked genuinely puzzled by the question.</p>
<p id="dd62" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Because you never loved me.”</p>
<p id="fd85" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He paused.</p>
<p id="8728" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“You loved feeling safe.”</p>
<p id="59b9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He pointed at the photographs.</p>
<p id="f345" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I gave you something to be afraid of. Then I became the person who made the fear disappear.”</p>
<p id="930d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella stared at him. Daniel smiled.</p>
<p id="d830" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“That was the trick.”</p>
<p id="4e87" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Then he opened another folder. It contained photographs of Stella’s apartment. Her bedroom. Her bathroom. Her kitchen. Photographs taken before she had ever met him.</p>
<p id="dd5c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stella’s voice disappeared. Daniel leaned closer.</p>
<p id="cb67" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I didn’t become part of your life when we met.”</p>
<p id="7124" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">He whispered, “I had been preparing to become part of it for years.”</p>
<p id="b1ca" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That was the moment Stella understood the real danger of obsession. It does not always want your love. Sometimes it wants control over the story of your life.</p>
<p id="acb7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And the darkest cage is not the one that locks the door. It is the one that convinces you the person holding the key is the person who saved you.</p>
<p id="96b5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="of hq"><em class="ow">Thank you for taking the time to read. It means a lot.</em></strong></p>
<p id="2032" class="pw-post-body-paragraph od oe hp of b ii og oh oi il oj ok ol ej om on oo em op oq or eq os ot ou ov fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="of hq"><em class="ow">Ansel</em></strong></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/hello-love/when-love-becomes-a-cage-db4be1a0ea1f" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published</a> on medium.com.</p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" style="border: 1px solid #EEE; background: white;" src="https://gmpdating.substack.com/embed" width="480" height="320" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" data-mce-fragment="1"></iframe></p>
<hr />
<h3>Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!</h3>
<div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/hello-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/hello-love&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3pBWVjUOwX7xDJ_GMIZt4w">Hello, Love</a> (relationships)</div>
<div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/change-becomes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/change-becomes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw15hMY6O-P41bBdvN7LE0Ii">Change Becomes You</a> (Advice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Cc8XNWBjk9ANTbW2HGBWq">A Parent is Born</a> (Parenting)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/equality-includes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/equality-includes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0AGvNJMs4cYlmtpVWg6kCb">Equality Includes You</a> (Social Justice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/greener-together" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/greener-together&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Wv7MW8Ts0SG0CsGFlue_v">Greener Together</a> (Environment)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/shelterme" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/shelterme&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0vE2VLm9rMIaawGoh6yZO7">Shelter Me</a> (Wellness)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/modernidentities" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/modernidentities&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3V4cRKTckR-rLsymoacKMU">Modern Identities</a> (Gender, etc.)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/co-existence" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/co-existence&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0EKXRJFdPCi9ClFWUSfDrC">Co-Existence</a> (World)</div>
</div>
</div>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/man-kissing-woman-on-her-forehead-egz7W1zHYbU" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mari lezhava on Unsplash</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-love-becomes-a-cage/">When Love Becomes a Cage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-love-becomes-a-cage/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>How Extreme Heat Is Reshaping College Football</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-extreme-heat-is-reshaping-college-football/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Futurity]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 14:00:36 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[climate change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[college football]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[extreme heat]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[heat illness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sports]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1156853</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="1600" height="1101" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="American football game in a stadium with spectators" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators.jpg 1600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-300x206.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-1024x705.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-768x528.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-1536x1057.jpg 1536w" sizes="(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" />College football is a uniquely American tradition. Each weekend, hundreds of thousands of fans converge on campuses across the country, firing up grills in parking lots, gathering with friends and family and streaming into stadiums to cheer on their teams.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-extreme-heat-is-reshaping-college-football/">How Extreme Heat Is Reshaping College Football</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="1600" height="1101" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="American football game in a stadium with spectators" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators.jpg 1600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-300x206.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-1024x705.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-768x528.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/football-game-stadium-spectators-1536x1057.jpg 1536w" sizes="(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" /><p>By <a href="https://www.futurity.org/author/nc-state/" target="_blank" rel="author noopener">NC State</a></p>
<p>College football is a uniquely American tradition. Each weekend, hundreds of thousands of fans converge on campuses across the country, firing up grills in parking lots, gathering with friends and family and streaming into stadiums to cheer on their teams.</p>
<p>But extreme late-summer heat waves are threatening to change the way that tradition is experienced, particularly during the early weeks of the season. Rising temperatures and humidity are already prompting safety delays and, in some cases, sending fans to the hospital.</p>
<p>South Carolina’s 2026 season opener, for example, had its fourth quarter trimmed by 10 minutes because the heat index inside Williams-Brice Stadium spiked to a record 110 degrees. Emergency services and fire crews responded to more than 700 heat-related incidents.</p>
<p>These impacts are likely to become more common as climate change drives more frequent and intense heat waves. According to the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the average rate of extreme heat events increased from two per year in the 1960s to ten per year between 2010 and 2020.</p>
<p><a href="https://cnr.ncsu.edu/directory/jonathan-casper/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Jonathan Casper</a>, a professor in the parks, recreation, and tourism management department at North Carolina State University, studies how environmental and sustainability challenges influence the way sports are organized, experienced and practiced.</p>
<p>Here, Casper digs into the impact of extreme heat on college football fans and how universities can adapt to keep the game-day experience safe and enjoyable:</p>
<p><strong>Q: How does extreme heat affect the health and experience of college football fans?</strong></p>
<p><strong>A:</strong> For many fans, heat exposure starts well before kickoff, with tailgating, walking to the stadium, and waiting to get in. Alcohol consumption, especially during tailgating, can add to the risk. Several more hours in the stands can bring dehydration, headaches, dizziness, and heat exhaustion. Older fans and people with existing health conditions may be especially vulnerable. Even without getting sick, being hot and uncomfortable makes it harder to enjoy the game and spend time with family and friends.</p>
<p><strong>Q: Why are college football stadiums especially challenging?</strong></p>
<p><strong>A:</strong> Lack of shade is a major problem. Fans can spend hours in direct sun, surrounded by concrete and metal that absorb and release heat. Limited airflow can make conditions worse. I have attended early-season games at Carter-Finley, and the heat is real, especially in the north and east stands. Crowded seating and concourses also make it harder to get water, find a shaded place to rest or reach medical help. Conditions vary across the stadium, so someone sitting in the afternoon sun may have a very different experience from someone under an overhang. I have attended early-season games at Carter-Finley, and the heat is real, especially in the north and east stands.</p>
<p><strong>Q: What responsibility do universities and athletic departments have to protect fans?</strong></p>
<p><strong>A:</strong> Universities have a responsibility to anticipate dangerous heat and provide practical ways for fans to protect themselves. Water filling stations should be available at every game, with additional free water distributed on anticipated hot days. Accessible shade, cooling areas, and clear information about where to find help also matter. Staff should be prepared to recognize distress and get medical assistance. These steps should be part of a heat action plan, with shade included in future renovations and coordination with conferences and broadcasters when conditions warrant scheduling changes.</p>
<p><strong>Q: How might increasingly hot conditions change fan behavior?</strong></p>
<p><strong>A:</strong> Fans may shorten their tailgating, arrive closer to kickoff, take more breaks from their seats, or leave before the game ends. Some may choose to watch particularly hot games at home, but I would be cautious about predicting an overall attendance decline. I see the more immediate concern as a diminished experience. Time spent finding water or shade is time away from the game and the people they came with. A stadium can be full while many fans are having a less enjoyable day.</p>
<p><strong>Q: How do you see extreme heat changing the college football experience?</strong></p>
<p><strong>A:</strong> Heat will need to play a bigger role in scheduling, stadium design, and game-day operations. Players face additional strain from exertion and protective equipment, making acclimatization, practice adjustments, cooling breaks, and medical support essential. Fans need reliable access to water, shade, and cooling areas throughout the day. More evening games and flexibility to adjust kickoff times may become necessary, although warm evenings can still pose risks. From a sustainability perspective, adapting facilities and operations to heat is part of keeping college football safe and enjoyable.</p>
<p><em>Source: <a href="https://news.ncsu.edu/2026/09/extreme-heat-is-reshaping-the-college-football-experience/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">North Carolina State University</a></em></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://www.futurity.org/extreme-heat-college-football-3347072-2/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Previously Published</a> on futurity.org with <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/legalcode" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Creative Commons License</a></em></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><strong>Subscribe to our Email Newsletter:</strong></p>
<blockquote><p><em>Why Subscribe? Because this conversation matters.</em><br />
When you subscribe, you&#8217;re directly supporting independent, mission-driven journalism about masculinity, relationships, mental health, fatherhood, and social change. Your inbox becomes part of a movement that&#8217;s been challenging stereotypes and expanding what it means to be a good man since 2010. Plus, our newsletter is curated by humans, not algorithms — thoughtful context in an AI-flooded world.</p></blockquote>
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" style="background: #f9f9f9; padding: 2px; border-radius: 8px; max-width: 480px; margin: 28px auto; text-align: center; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px rgba(0,0,0,0.05); font-family: Arial, sans-serif;" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" novalidate="" target="_blank">
<h3 style="font-size: 22px; margin-bottom: 12px; color: #333;">Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<p><label style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; font-size: 15px; color: #333;" for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span style="color: red;">*</span></label></p>
<p><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" style="padding: 7px; width: 80%; max-width: 320px; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 4px; margin-bottom: 15px; font-size: 15px;" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" /></p>
<p><!-- bot prevention --></p>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<p><button id="mc-embedded-subscribe" style="background-color: #cf2e2e; color: #fff; padding: 7px 30px; font-size: 16px; border: none; border-radius: 4px; cursor: pointer;" name="subscribe" type="submit">Subscribe</button></p>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: red; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: green; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><!-- Mailchimp validation script --><br />
<script src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><br />
<script type="text/javascript">
(function($) {
  window.fnames = [];
  window.ftypes = [];
  fnames[0]='EMAIL'; ftypes[0]='email';
})(jQuery);
var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);
</script></p>
<p>The Good Men Project is a mission-driven men&#8217;s media platform. A major platform for stories about men, identity, fatherhood, and emotional intelligence—and a trusted home for the national conversation about masculinity.</p>
<p>The Good Men Project accepts paid guest posts and provides bulk guest post packages for SEO agencies and resellers. Email info@goodmenproject.com for more information</p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members help support our mission and get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/american-football-game-played-in-a-stadium-with-spectators-J14yTYO77A8" target="_blank" rel="noopener">unsplash</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-extreme-heat-is-reshaping-college-football/">How Extreme Heat Is Reshaping College Football</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Myth of Constant Growth in Relationships</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-myth-of-constant-growth-in-relationships-kpkn/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-myth-of-constant-growth-in-relationships-kpkn/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Niklas Göke]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 13:00:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[advice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[critical thinking]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[psychology]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1158616</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="298" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1621372609-e1792356025138.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1621372609-e1792356025138.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1621372609-e1792356025138-300x149.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />If you make every problem a “you/I/we are not growing enough” problem, your relationship will turn sour very quickly.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-myth-of-constant-growth-in-relationships-kpkn/">The Myth of Constant Growth in Relationships</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="298" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1621372609-e1792356025138.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1621372609-e1792356025138.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1621372609-e1792356025138-300x149.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p class="wp-block-paragraph">In the <em>How I Met Your Mother</em> episode “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1795962/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>The Exploding Meatball Sub</em></a>,” Barney’s crazy sandwich concoction is far from the only thing to go up in flames.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-833499 alignleft" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Niklas-Goke.png" alt="" width="200" height="203" />Ted’s new girlfriend Zoey is both intelligent and pretty. Unfortunately, she’s also the head of the campaign trying to keep Ted’s skyscraper from being built in order to preserve an old building.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">“Isn’t it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides of something like this?” his friend Lily, who sees eye to eye on almost everything with her husband and college sweetheart Marshall, asks. “Some of us want a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve,” Ted replies. As it will turn out, that’s baloney.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Over the course of the episode, we see Lily continuously supporting Marshall in his latest endeavors, from quitting his job to volunteering their apartment for an environment fundraiser to starting an unpaid internship. We also see Ted and Zoey getting into each other’s hair over everything, from who hangs up the phone first to what the movie on TV is about to what they like in the bedroom.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">En route to pick up a special guest for Marshall’s fundraiser at the airport, Ted and Lily once again broach the subject of support vs. growth. “You guys are in screaming matches all the time,” Lily says. “Uh-uh, <em>growing</em> matches!” Ted tries to defend himself. “Your relationship sounds exhausting,” Lily continues. “Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy,” Ted counters.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Both make some valid points, and despite their different approaches, like Barney’s meatball sub, both are ready to explode. “You know, just because Zoey and I are a different kind of couple than you and Marshall doesn’t make us a worse couple,” Ted goes — and Lily finally shows some compassion. “You’re right. If you and Zoey are happy, then who am I to judge? I’m so sorry.” Ironically, that’s the final straw it takes for Ted, too, to break down: “Oh my God, is that how support feels?” he says. “It’s so warm and wonderful. Oh, Lily, I’ve been so unhappy.”</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">When she says she thought he likes being challenged, Ted scoffs at Lily. “Nobody <em>likes</em> being challenged! Couldn’t she agree with me <em>just once</em>? Even on something little, like what movie to see or what topping to get on our pizza or… oh, I don’t know, my lifelong dream of building a skyscraper in New York City?!” Meanwhile, Lily admits that supporting Marshall this much is also driving her crazy. So crazy, in fact, that she’s about to hop on a plane to Spain with zero notice, taking a trip for herself that she and Marshall had planned but never followed through on.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">In the end, however, like Ted and Marshall’s VIP, Lily arrives at the fundraiser, which turns out to be a smashing success. And just in time to defuse the ticking time bomb that is his wife, Marshall, too, finds the right words: “I want to thank you for being so supportive of me in all this. But now, it’s time for me to find a way to help the Earth <em>and</em> get paid for it. I can’t put that burden entirely on you. So, starting tomorrow, I’ll look for something with a paycheck. What do you think?” And to that, Lily can only offer the same thing she has given so many times before: “Baby, you have my full support.”</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">As Marshall and Lily put aside their differences yet again, Ted spots Zoey in a corner of the room. “What are you doing here?” he asks. “This is really important to Marshall, so I came to show my support,” she says. Naturally, Ted blows his fuse, and the two start arguing.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Reminiscing many years later, Ted admits: “In that moment, I realized, though I really cared about Zoey, I couldn’t do this for the next 50 years. I had to break up with her.”</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">As he closes out the episode, old-man Ted arrives at a definitive conclusion:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow">
<p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em>“Some couples always support each other, and some couples always challenge each other, but is one really better than the other?</em></p>
<p>Yes. Support is better. Way better.”</p></blockquote>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" />
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">A while ago, I stumbled across an interview in which a man and his now-former girlfriend of over seven years explain why they broke up after such a long time together. The main reason? Each of them felt they could no longer “grow” inside their relationship. If they wanted to keep growing as individuals, they had to separate, they concluded, and so they did. That, too, is baloney.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">The ex-couple argues that relationships can be amazing personal-growth vehicles, but that, sadly, many people squander that potential. They’re not wrong. But if your mantra is “personal growth at all costs,” you’ll never have a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Now, maybe staying together forever was never their goal to begin with, but if it was — and, let’s face it, many, perhaps <em>most</em> people <em>do</em> wish for a partner for life — well in that case, support, comfort, and acceptance are much, <em>much</em> more important than constant personal growth.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Let’s run a thought experiment in the extreme: If you <em>had to</em> live and stay together with a single partner for the rest of your life, who would you rather have by your side at all times? Someone who calls you out on everything you do, from which cereal you pick in the morning to how you do your job to when you brush your teeth at night, or someone who just goes with the flow? Who likes many of the same things you do, and with whom it’s <a href="https://nik.art/growing-together/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">easy to agree on what to eat</a>, which movie to watch at night, and where to go for your next vacation? As soon as you think on a “till death do us part” time frame, the answer becomes obvious.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">The truth is, in <em>any</em> relationship, you’ll be forced to do a lot of <a href="https://nik.art/the-default-is-regression-fight-it/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">growing by default</a>. You’ll have to learn to accept your partner’s flaws and quirks. You’ll need to find compromise after compromise where you don’t agree, and you’ll sacrifice plenty of time, energy, and money you would otherwise dedicate elsewhere. At the same time, there’s only so much change we can handle in any given moment while also staying reasonably happy and contented people. Therefore, if you make every problem a “you/I/we are not growing enough” problem, your relationship will turn sour very quickly.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">When I look at folks who’ve been mostly happily married for 30, 40, <a href="https://nik.art/the-rewards-grow-where-you-work-for-them/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">even 60 years like my grandparents</a>, I don’t see people who’ve more or less literally whipped each other into their utmost potential as a human individual. In fact, for many of them, even after decades, some of their most obvious flaws are as prominent as ever — and I think that’s the real magic. To accept someone not only because but also <em>despite</em> who they are, knowing that, like you, they’ll never be perfect. Sure, over time, they’ll grow out of some attitudes and behaviors and into others, but in the end, they, like all of us, will always be <a href="https://nik.art/were-all-just-diamonds-in-the-rough/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a diamond in the rough</a>.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">What I see are two happy people who are better off for having spent the majority of their lives together instead of alone. I see acceptance given sometimes freely, sometimes reluctantly, but given nonetheless. I see support of causes they don’t fully understand and never will. And most of all, I see comfort. Comfort being around one another. Comfort being <em>with</em> each other. Comfort that is visible to everyone who encounters them and that extends to every guest in the room — even those who claim they love to be challenged.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Maintaining a multi-decade relationship, be it a romantic one or the kind you long to have with your family and closest friends, requires one thing above all: humility. Sticking with people against the odds is the hardest thing we’ll ever do, and so if we’re to succeed in the long run, we can’t be too picky with our aspirations for both ourselves and those people. Low expectations in trivial matters, admitting we’ll never have all the answers, and taking life one day at a time will go much further than constantly demanding “personal growth” from either side.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">The kind of unrelenting, unconditional support Lily shows Marshall may only be a particular, perhaps the ultimate form of said humility, but while, like all things human, it is ultimately finite, it does have two implications.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">For one, a great relationship will always offer you the space you need to <a href="https://nik.art/trying-to-do-better/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">become a better human being</a>. Rather than seeing each individual’s personal development as something that <em>consumes</em> your connection’s oxygen, it can simply be another playground inside your little bubble. Whether you both flock to it with the same intensity or not, who cares? You don’t have to jump out of every plane, visit every country, or attend every cooking class together. And while, yes, sometimes, your betterment will be very much initiated by the other person, that needn’t be the case for them to be invested in your success, which leads to the second point: offering support instead of criticism, help instead of a challenge, is just a different form of personal growth.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">If you can somewhat regularly put aside your own desires in favor of something bigger, helping another person make a change they truly care about, well, whereto else are you aspiring to grow? You’ve already reached the sun, my friend! This is how truly aligned connections turn each other’s goals not just into targets they can pursue inside the safe space of their relationship but into new sources of shared fuel for their journey together. If you’ve ever heard words of praise like Marshall’s — “Thank you for being so supportive of me in all this” — you know that a single sentence can make months-long ordeals worth it in a heartbeat. The appreciation comes, the frustrations wash away, and what felt like a sacrifice mere seconds ago becomes one of your proudest accomplishments.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Crack open a lifelong relationship, and inside you’ll find peace, warmth, and support for your self-induced adventures when you need it the most. Ironically, providing those things in return has little to do with personal growth as we’ve come to define it — and everything with being humble, flexible, and accepting life, people, and your connections to both of them as they are.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">For all his “growing matches” with Zoey, in the end, even hopeless romantic Ted had to admit that the secret to long-term relationships isn’t “You make me so much better” — it’s “What we have is good enough.”</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><strong>Grab a copy of Nik’s book, <i>2-Minute Pep Talks</i>.</strong></p>
<p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BG517FYT/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>2-Minute Pep Talks</i></b></a> is a collection of 67 jolts of inspiration for more hope, comfort, and love in any situation. With more than two months of daily inspiration across five categories, 2-Minute Pep Talks will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin, remind you to love yourself enough to ask life for what you truly want, and provide you with the world’s scarcest resource: hope. Whether you’re looking for a pick-me-up, new perspectives, or more fuel to accomplish your dreams — if you’re ready to regain that light, passionate, optimistic feeling we all used to possess as children, this book is for you.</p>
<h3><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BG517FYT/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">AVAILABLE NOW ON AMAZON</a>!</h3>
<div></div>
<div><picture><source srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg.webp 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg.webp 195w" type="image/webp" sizes="600px" data-srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg.webp 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg.webp 195w" /><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-838560 lazyautosizes lazyloaded" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg" sizes="600px" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg 195w" alt="" width="600" height="924" data-eio="p" data-src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg" data-srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg 195w" data-sizes="auto" /></picture></div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was previously published on <a href="https://nik.art/the-myth-of-constant-growth-in-long-term-relationships/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Niklas Göke&#8217;s blog</a></p>
<h2>Subscribe <a href="https://nik.art/friends/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">HERE</a></h2>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:</h3>
<table style="cellpadding: 0px;" align="center">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/white-fragility-why-its-so-hard-to-talk-to-white-people-about-racism-twlm/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/iStock-175192644.jpg" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism</b></a></td>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-escape-the-act-like-a-man-box/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Man-Box-e1579466535200.png" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>Escape the &#8220;Act Like a Man&#8221; Box</b></a></td>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-the-lack-of-gentle-platonic-touch-in-mens-lives-is-a-killer/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/platonic-touch.png" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men&#8217;s Lives is a Killer</b></a></td>
<td style="border: 0px solid darkgreen; text-align: center; width: 138px;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/talk-men-top-10-issues-today-gmp/"><img decoding="async" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/toa-heftiba-xLUwi3yDNb0-unsplash-e1568842495442.jpg" alt="" width="118" height="70" /><b>What We Talk About When We Talk About Men</b></a></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<div>
<hr />
<h2>Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.</h2>
<p>All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p>A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.<br />
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.<br />
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.</p>
<style>#rcp_user_login_wrap {display: none;}.rcp_form fieldset {padding: 10px !important;}</style>	<h3 class="rcp_header">
		Register New Account	</h3>

<form id="rcp_registration_form" class="rcp_form" method="POST" action="https://goodmenproject.com/feed/">

	
	<div class="rcp_login_link">
		<p><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-login.php?redirect_to=https%3A%2F%2Fgoodmenproject.com%2Ffeed%2F">Log in</a> if you wish to renew an existing subscription.</p>
	</div>

	
	<fieldset class="rcp_user_fieldset">
		<p id="rcp_user_login_wrap">
			<label for="rcp_user_login">Username</label>
			<input name="rcp_user_login" id="rcp_user_login" class="required" type="text" />
		</p>
		<p id="rcp_user_email_wrap">
			<label for="rcp_user_email">Email</label>
			<input name="rcp_user_email" id="rcp_user_email" class="required" type="text" />
		</p>
		<p id="rcp_user_first_wrap">
			<label for="rcp_user_first">First Name</label>
			<input name="rcp_user_first" id="rcp_user_first" type="text" />
		</p>
		<p id="rcp_user_last_wrap">
			<label for="rcp_user_last">Last Name</label>
			<input name="rcp_user_last" id="rcp_user_last" type="text" />
		</p>
		<p id="rcp_password_wrap">
			<label for="rcp_password">Password</label>
			<input name="rcp_user_pass" id="rcp_password" class="required" type="password"/>
		</p>
		<p id="rcp_password_again_wrap">
			<label for="rcp_password_again">Password Again</label>
			<input name="rcp_user_pass_confirm" id="rcp_password_again" class="required" type="password"/>
		</p>

		
	</fieldset>
	
	
	<fieldset class="rcp_subscription_fieldset">
			<p class="rcp_subscription_message">Choose your subscription level</p>
		<ul id="rcp_subscription_levels">
											<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_11">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_11" class="required rcp_level" checked="checked" name="rcp_level" rel="999" value="11" data-duration="forever"/>
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_11">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Dating Masterclass</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="999">&#36;999.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">unlimited</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> Dating Masterclass: How to Date and Create Satisfying and Lasting Love and Sexi in this Crazy, Modern World</div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_10">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_10" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="99" value="10" data-duration="forever"/>
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_10">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">5 Ways to Build Confidence</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="99">&#36;99.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">unlimited</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> 5 Ways to Build Confidence and Make Meeting and Dating Women Less Nerve-Wracking</div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_9">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_9" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="0" value="9" data-duration="forever"/>
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_9">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Monthly Platinum</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="0">free<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">unlimited</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_8">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_8" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="6.99" value="8" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_8">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Monthly</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="6.99">&#36;6.99<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Month</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_7">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_7" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="50" value="7" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_7">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Yearly</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="50">&#36;50.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Year</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_6">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_6" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="1250" value="6" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_6">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Sponsored Columnist Annual</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="1250">&#36;1,250.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Year</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_5">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_5" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="150" value="5" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_5">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Sponsored Columnist Monthly</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="150">&#36;150.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Month</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_4">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_4" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="50" value="4" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_4">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Annual Platinum</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="50">&#36;50.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Year</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_2">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_2" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="25" value="2" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_2">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Annual Gold</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="25">&#36;25.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Year</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_1">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_1" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="20" value="1" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_1">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Monthly Gold</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="20">&#36;20.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Month</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
															<li class="rcp_subscription_level rcp_subscription_level_3">
					<input type="radio" id="rcp_subscription_level_3" class="required rcp_level"  name="rcp_level" rel="12" value="3" />
					<label for="rcp_subscription_level_3">
						<span class="rcp_subscription_level_name">Annual Bronze</span><span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span><span class="rcp_price" rel="12">&#36;12.00<span class="rcp_separator">&nbsp;-&nbsp;</span></span>
						<span class="rcp_level_duration">1&nbsp;Year</span>
						<div class="rcp_level_description"> </div>
					</label>

				</li>
									</ul>
		</fieldset>

	
		<div class="rcp_registration_total"></div>
	
	<div class="rcp_gateway_fields">
					<fieldset class="rcp_gateways_fieldset">
				<p id="rcp_payment_gateways">
					<select name="rcp_gateway" id="rcp_gateway">
													<option value="stripe" data-supports-recurring="yes">Credit / Debit Card</option>
													<option value="paypal" data-supports-recurring="yes">PayPal</option>
											</select>
					<label for="rcp_gateway">Choose Your Payment Method</label>
				</p>
			</fieldset>
			</div>

			<p id="rcp_auto_renew_wrap">
			<input name="rcp_auto_renew" id="rcp_auto_renew" type="checkbox" checked="checked"/>
			<label for="rcp_auto_renew">Auto Renew</label>
		</p>
		<input type="hidden" id="rcp-registration-type" name="registration_type" value="" />
	<input type="hidden" id="rcp-membership-id" name="membership_id" value="0" />
	<input type="hidden" id="rcp-payment-id" name="rcp_registration_payment_id" value="0" />
	<input id="rcp_mailchimp_pro_signup" name="rcp_mailchimp_pro_signup" type="hidden" value="true" />By completing this registration form, you are also agreeing to <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/terms-of-service-good-men-media-inc/">our Terms of Service which can be found here</a>.<br>			<div id="rcp_recaptcha" data-callback="rcp_validate_recaptcha" class="g-recaptcha" data-sitekey="6Lcdv9EdAAAAAGQIHKA18qPPjtxTyKd2MrGwBOAe"></div>
			<input type="hidden" name="g-recaptcha-remoteip" value=34.165.212.1 /><br/>
			
	<p id="rcp_submit_wrap">
		<input type="hidden" name="rcp_register_nonce" value="8ec3d9a8ba"/>
		<input type="submit" name="rcp_submit_registration" id="rcp_submit" value="Register"/>
	</p>
</form>

<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Need more info? <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</p>
</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/portrait-of-a-young-woman-laying-down-with-her-boyfriend-at-new-home-gm1621372609-531738158" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a> image</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-myth-of-constant-growth-in-relationships-kpkn/">The Myth of Constant Growth in Relationships</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-myth-of-constant-growth-in-relationships-kpkn/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>In the United States Running an Illegal Monopoly Has No Consequences: Just Ask Google</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/in-the-united-states-running-an-illegal-monopoly-has-no-consequences-just-ask-google/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Enrique Dans]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 12:30:31 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Ethics & Values]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Antitrust]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[big tech]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Enrique Dans]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Google]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[monopoly]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1157332</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" />A US judge ruled Google ran an illegal monopoly but refused to break it up, showing that antitrust law has become little more than theatre.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/in-the-united-states-running-an-illegal-monopoly-has-no-consequences-just-ask-google/">In the United States Running an Illegal Monopoly Has No Consequences: Just Ask Google</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-2211981905-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" /><p>A US federal judge ruled on Wednesday that while Google created an illegal online monopoly, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/02/technology/google-ad-tech-remedies.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">it will not be forced to sell off</a> its <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_exchange" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ad exchange</a> business, even though that was<a href="https://www.reuters.com/legal/litigation/google-defeats-us-bid-force-ad-tech-sale-2026-09-02/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> the Justice Department’s recommendation</a>. So while <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonie_Brinkema" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Judge Leonie Brinkema</a> ruled that company did illegally monopolize the market for ad servers for publishers and ad auctions, she rejected forcing the sale of AdX.</p>
<p>This is the second time in less than a year that Google has avoided the traditional structural remedy reserved for the most serious monopolies: the obligation to divest itself of the part of the company that actually gave rise to the monopoly. This represents a huge victory for Google and a defeat for US antitrust authorities, who once again have been stymied in their attempt to punish an illegal monopoly. The conclusion could not be clearer: in today’s United States, there are no consequences for cornering the market and keeping competitors out illegally.</p>
<p>The sequence of events is as follows: in 2020, during Trump’s first term, it was reasonably concluded that Google’s payment of billions to Apple, Samsung, and other companies to be the default search engine on their devices closed off distribution channels for its competitors. In January 2023, the Biden administration sued Google for controlling the digital advertising distribution chain. This week, Judge Leonie Brinkema <a href="https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/department-justice-prevails-landmark-antitrust-case-against-google" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">came to the same conclusion</a>: the company had effectively <a href="https://medium.com/enrique-dans/surprise-surprise-googles-digital-monopoly-was-the-plan-all-along-b596df726c4d?sk=7adeb9aad4624ad32467a1fbc1790c88" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">forced publishers to use AdX and had eliminated or neutralized alternatives for more than a decade</a>, which harmed websites that rely on advertising. In August 2024, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amit_Mehta" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Judge Amit Mehta</a> ruled that <a href="https://cdn.arstechnica.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/US-v-Google-Opinion-8-5-2024.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Google was a monopoly</a> that <a href="https://medium.com/enrique-dans/what-lies-in-store-for-big-tech-under-donald-trump-a9984c452af2?sk=489e3c44ee00f1542ab1209f6ec3c9d9" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">took illegal action to keep its competitors at bay</a>.</p>
<p>What happened next, however, was that both judges rejected the logical, reasonable, and judicially established remedies: instead of breaking up the company, they opted for cosmetic measures that do not truly alter the business or create problems for Google. The pattern is clear: issuing supposedly tough and historic rulings, only to then propose remedies that are completely insignificant. Forcing Google to “be more transparent,” to “share some data,” or to “not openly favor its own products” is equivalent to entrusting the restoration of competition to the very entity that eliminated it in the first place. It doesn’t matter that the Department of Justice has labeled Google a “repeat monopolist”: without a structural breakup, there is no effective remedy.</p>
<p>The US justice system has been <a href="https://www.brookings.edu/articles/a-policy-at-peace-with-itself-antitrust-remedies-for-our-concentrated-uncompetitive-economy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">weakening anti-trust legislation for decades</a>: breakups are considered “radical solutions.” The last time that solution was used was with AT&amp;T in 1984, and it’s not as if there haven’t been monopolies since then. In fact, that is the result: in today’s United States, monopolies do as they please, run rampant, and are stronger than the government itself. With Trump’s second term, moreover, things have shifted to a whole new level: Big Tech donated millions of dollars to his campaign, engaged in mutual courtship, and entered into a relationship that is now entirely transactional: donate, praise, make deals, and always stay on the “right side” as defined by the president. Furthermore, Trump has gone as far as <a href="https://www.wsls.com/business/2025/08/26/trump-vows-retaliation-against-countries-with-digital-rules-targeting-us-tech/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">threatening tariffs against countries “hostile” to Google, Meta and Amazon</a> in order to prevent other countries from effectively punishing them. Clearly, Trump turned US corporate impunity into a policy that was more personal, transactional, and blatantly favorable to companies that know how to buy his friendship. Textbook crony capitalism. Now, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/31/technology/ftc-amazon-lawsuit-ad-prices.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">complaints against Amazon are emerging</a>. We already know the outcome.</p>
<p>In short, illegality has become a mere operating cost. Big Tech doesn’t need to win lawsuits, because simply dragging them out, appealing them and avoiding any structural remedies is enough. The latest Google ruling leaves no room for doubt: a company can be declared an illegal monopolist twice, retain all the assets that sustain that monopoly, and see its value rise to more than $4 trillion, because it faces no real threats from the law. Antitrust legislation is no longer a problem, it’s theatre.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/enrique-dans/in-the-united-states-running-an-illegal-monopoly-has-no-consequences-just-ask-google-6d9dc722ddfd" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published on MEDIUM.COM</a>.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><strong>Subscribe to our Email Newsletter:</strong></p>
<blockquote><p><em>Why Subscribe? Because this conversation matters.</em><br />
When you subscribe, you&#8217;re directly supporting independent, mission-driven journalism about masculinity, relationships, mental health, fatherhood, and social change. Your inbox becomes part of a movement that&#8217;s been challenging stereotypes and expanding what it means to be a good man since 2010. Plus, our newsletter is curated by humans, not algorithms — thoughtful context in an AI-flooded world.</p></blockquote>
<div id="mc_embed_signup">
<form id="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" style="background: #f9f9f9; padding: 2px; border-radius: 8px; max-width: 480px; margin: 28px auto; text-align: center; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px rgba(0,0,0,0.05); font-family: Arial, sans-serif;" action="https://goodmenproject.us12.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8&amp;id=324ba1a3db&amp;f_id=00e040e0f0" method="post" name="mc-embedded-subscribe-form" novalidate="" target="_blank">
<h3 style="font-size: 22px; margin-bottom: 12px; color: #333;">Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter</h3>
<p><label style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; font-size: 15px; color: #333;" for="mce-EMAIL">Email Address <span style="color: red;">*</span></label></p>
<p><input id="mce-EMAIL" class="required email" style="padding: 7px; width: 80%; max-width: 320px; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 4px; margin-bottom: 15px; font-size: 15px;" name="EMAIL" required="" type="email" /></p>
<p><!-- bot prevention --></p>
<div style="position: absolute; left: -5000px;" aria-hidden="true"><input tabindex="-1" name="b_91dc8a87cd8d7f8ab2f483be8_324ba1a3db" type="text" value="" /></div>
<p><button id="mc-embedded-subscribe" style="background-color: #cf2e2e; color: #fff; padding: 7px 30px; font-size: 16px; border: none; border-radius: 4px; cursor: pointer;" name="subscribe" type="submit">Subscribe</button></p>
<div id="mce-responses" class="clear">
<div id="mce-error-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: red; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
<div id="mce-success-response" class="response" style="display: none; color: green; margin-top: 12px;"></div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
<p><!-- Mailchimp validation script --><br />
<script src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><br />
<script type="text/javascript">
(function($) {
  window.fnames = []; 
  window.ftypes = []; 
  fnames[0]='EMAIL'; ftypes[0]='email';
})(jQuery); 
var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);
</script></p>
<p>The Good Men Project is a mission-driven men&#8217;s media platform. A major platform for stories about men, identity, fatherhood, and emotional intelligence—and a trusted home for the national conversation about masculinity.</p>
<p>The Good Men Project accepts paid guest posts and provides bulk guest post packages for SEO agencies and resellers. Email info@goodmenproject.com for more information</p>
<hr />
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration"><img decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-519177" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="103" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member.jpg 470w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Escape-from-the-Man-Box-Premium-Member-300x66.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 470px) 100vw, 470px" /></a></p>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.</h3>
<p style="text-align: center;">All Premium Members help support our mission and get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Need more info? <strong><a href="https://goodmenproject.com/registration/">A complete list of benefits is here</a>.</strong></p>
<hr />
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://medium.com/enrique-dans/in-the-united-states-running-an-illegal-monopoly-has-no-consequences-just-ask-google-6d9dc722ddfd" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock.com</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/in-the-united-states-running-an-illegal-monopoly-has-no-consequences-just-ask-google/">In the United States Running an Illegal Monopoly Has No Consequences: Just Ask Google</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Solving Hot and Cold Spots at Home: How Return Air, Static Pressure, and Duct Design Shape Comfort</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/solving-hot-and-cold-spots-at-home-how-return-air-static-pressure-and-duct-design-shape-comfort/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/solving-hot-and-cold-spots-at-home-how-return-air-static-pressure-and-duct-design-shape-comfort/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[James Oliver]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 12:15:46 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1159849</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />&#160; Few household frustrations match a bedroom that never warms up in winter or a bonus room that bakes every summer. When rooms do not match the thermostat setting, the culprit is often airflow, not just the equipment. Return air paths, total static pressure, duct length, and even filter selection all determine how much conditioned&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/solving-hot-and-cold-spots-at-home-how-return-air-static-pressure-and-duct-design-shape-comfort/">Solving Hot and Cold Spots at Home: How Return Air, Static Pressure, and Duct Design Shape Comfort</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1368514998-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Few household frustrations match a bedroom that never warms up in winter or a bonus room that bakes every summer. When rooms do not match the thermostat setting, the culprit is often airflow, not just the equipment. Return air paths, total static pressure, duct length, and even filter selection all determine how much conditioned air actually reaches a space. Understanding where airflow gets restricted, how ducts add resistance, and why thermostat placement can trigger short cycling helps homeowners target effective fixes. This article explains patterns to watch for, checks to locate the bottleneck, and practical corrections that restore balanced, consistent comfort.</p>
<h3>1. Recognize the Pattern: Uneven Rooms, Short Cycling, and Weak Supply Air</h3>
<p>Uneven temperatures often follow a pattern. Rooms at the end of long flex duct runs, spaces above a garage, or upstairs corners far from the air handler often run warm in summer and cool in winter. At the same time, a room near the thermostat may feel drafty, causing the thermostat to satisfy early and shut the system off in short bursts. If you notice weak air at certain supply registers, louder return grille noise than usual, or a narrow temperature split between return and supply air, airflow restrictions are likely. When symptoms persist, a service visit from <a href="https://www.google.com/maps?cid=9325611214300821472/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Authorized Heating &amp; Air Conditioning</a> can document total external static pressure, verify blower settings, and inspect the evaporator coil to confirm the source.</p>
<h3>2. Airflow Bottlenecks: Returns, Filters, and Coils</h3>
<p>Return air is the system&#8217;s intake. If return grilles are undersized, blocked by furniture, or limited to one location without transfer grilles, the blower starves for air. Signs include whistling at the return, a filter that bows inward, and rooms that sound louder yet still feel underconditioned. Increasing return capacity by adding a dedicated return grille on the far side of a home or installing jump ducts between rooms helps equalize pressure when bedroom doors are closed. Doors need an undercut or a transfer grille so air can reach the central return without forcing it through cracks around the jambs.</p>
<p>Filters and coils also limit airflow. A high MERV pleated filter captures fine particles but can raise static pressure if the filter rack is shallow or the media is already loaded with dust. Stacking two filters or using a restrictive MERV rating without additional return area can cut airflow enough to reduce cooling capacity and even allow the evaporator coil to frost. Likewise, a matted blower wheel or dirty coil face adds resistance. The tradeoff is simple: the cleaner the filter and coil, the easier the blower can move the target cubic feet per minute. If allergies require higher MERV ratings, consider a deeper media cabinet, more return grille area, or both to keep static in a safe range.</p>
<h3>3. Duct Design Problems: Long Flex Runs, Crushed Bends, and Leaks</h3>
<p>Duct layout can quietly undermine comfort. Long, sagging flex duct with sharp 90-degree bends creates friction that robs airflow from far branches. Crushed sections in an attic, poorly supported runs, and kinked takeoffs starve the last room on the line. Leaky connections at wyes and boots let conditioned air spill into the attic before it reaches the grille. Insufficient insulation on ducts crossing a hot attic raises supply air temperature on the way to the room, so vents blow lukewarm air on the hottest days. Balancing dampers, when present, may be closed or set unevenly, sending too much air to short runs and too little to long ones.</p>
<p>Two realistic scenarios show how these elements interact. First, a bonus room over a garage is often fed by a single long flex run with no dedicated return. The extra heat gain from the roof above and the garage below warms that space, and the long duct&#8217;s resistance leaves it underfed. Second, a nursery near the hallway thermostat may be blasted by a short supply run. Parents close the register to reduce drafts, but higher static pressure forces more air through duct leaks and causes bedrooms down the line to receive even less. In both cases, duct geometry and damper positions decide which rooms win and which lose.</p>
<h3>4. Evaluate Before You Alter: Practical Checks to Prioritize Fixes</h3>
<p>Start with simple checks. Confirm every supply register and the main return grille are fully open and unobstructed by rugs or drapes. Make sure interior doors have an undercut or a transfer path. Set the thermostat fan to Auto in humid climates, since leaving the fan On can re-evaporate moisture from the coil and make rooms feel clammy. Then, note the temperature split between a main return and a central supply register after 10 minutes of steady operation; a very low split may point to low airflow or refrigerant issues, while an unusually high split can indicate restricted airflow. A technician can take the next steps by measuring total external static pressure with a manometer, checking blower motor settings on an ECM or PSC motor, inspecting the evaporator coil and blower wheel, and verifying that balancing dampers are open to long runs.</p>
<h2>Targeted Corrections and Ongoing Care</h2>
<p>Corrections should match the diagnosis. Common fixes include adding a dedicated return in a far hallway, installing transfer grilles for closed-door bedrooms, straightening and properly supporting long flex runs, and opening or resetting balancing dampers to favor distant branches. Sealing duct joints with mastic or UL 181 foil tape reduces leakage, and insulating exposed runs in hot attics protects supply temperature. On the equipment side, cleaning a dirty coil and blower wheel, adjusting blower speed to meet target airflow, and replacing an overly restrictive filter with a deeper media cabinet can all reduce static pressure. Zoning is sometimes considered, but it brings cost and control complexity and must be designed to maintain minimum airflow across the coil when only one zone calls.</p>
<p>Afterward, keep airflow healthy. Replace filters on a schedule that matches their MERV rating and dust load, not just a calendar reminder. Leave 3 to 4 inches of clear space around return grilles, and do not stack filters in the rack. Avoid vent deflectors that add resistance to short runs, and check that balancing dampers have not drifted from their set positions. A seasonal maintenance visit can include coil cleaning, static pressure checks, and a quick review of duct connections so small airflow problems do not grow into persistent hot and cold spots.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>This content is brought to you by James Oliver.<br />
&#8212;<br />
Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/hand-adjusting-temperature-on-air-conditioner-gm1368514998-438480902" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/solving-hot-and-cold-spots-at-home-how-return-air-static-pressure-and-duct-design-shape-comfort/">Solving Hot and Cold Spots at Home: How Return Air, Static Pressure, and Duct Design Shape Comfort</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
					<wfw:commentRss>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/solving-hot-and-cold-spots-at-home-how-return-air-static-pressure-and-duct-design-shape-comfort/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
	</channel>
</rss>
