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		<title>We’ve Practiced the Negative Stuff Our Whole Lives, Let’s Practice Meditation to Flip It</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/weve-practiced-the-negative-stuff-our-whole-lives-lets-practice-meditation-to-flip-it/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Carol Lennox]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 16:30:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice & Confessions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Carol Lennox]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[meditation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindfulness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[negative thinking]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1158220</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" />Stopping the negative voices in our heads with meditation.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/weve-practiced-the-negative-stuff-our-whole-lives-lets-practice-meditation-to-flip-it/">We’ve Practiced the Negative Stuff Our Whole Lives, Let’s Practice Meditation to Flip It</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/iStock-1170483442-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>“How do I stop the internal, infernal, eternal chatter?</strong>”</p></blockquote>
<p>Everything we do we learn through practicing. Even the negative things. Especially the negative things. Why not practice something good for us? Something that counteracts the worry, the anxiety, the negative voices in our heads.</p>
<p>My son created <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.anonymous.Moonifestmobile&amp;hl=en_US" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><strong>Vortex</strong></a>, a <a href="https://apps.apple.com/us/app/vortex-daily-manifestation/id6757655663" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><strong>manifestation/meditation app</strong></a> that uses my voice for meditations and affirmations. I’m a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, and, using the app, you can begin to replace the negative voices with mine. You know, the ones that haunt you daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes minute-by-minute.</p>
<p>The concept is that challenging yourself to use it every day for five to thirty days creates the new habit of meditation, gratitude, and manifestation, replacing negative brain loops we are now learning are <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11591838/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">neurologically structured.</a></p>
<p>Do I use it every day? Not yet, but most days. Why? For the same reason most of us don’t practice meditation every day. We’re too busy practicing all the other stuff we’ve been indoctrinated to do. Such as:</p>
<p>Doom scrolling</p>
<p>Worrying — about needing to clean the house, paying bills, making the money to pay bills, and our social lives</p>
<p>Cleaning the house, paying bills, working and writing for money, socializing</p>
<p>Getting caught in brain loops about how unworthy we are, how we need to lose weight, why our neighbor doesn’t like us, where we lost something, how the U.S. is leading the march toward world annihilation</p>
<p>Here’s the kicker. We do all those things because we’ve practiced them until we’re damned good at them. Especially the negative ones. Why should gratitude and meditation be any different?</p>
<p>Here’s the thing, though. Meditation and gratitude practices actually rewire our brains, as reported in the<a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11591838/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> Library of Medicine.</a> We build new neural pathways when we practice manifestation, meditation and gratitude. We retrain our brains to embrace solutions, not problems. To relax into flow as we stop trying to control all the things we can’t. Such as other people. The economy. Traffic. The weather.</p>
<p>My true goal in meditation is to do it constantly. It’s a goal I’ve had for years, decades actually, and, of course, it’s still a goal. Although I meditate formally most days, I also bring my awareness to the <em>moment</em> as often as possible, in every circumstance. The <a href="https://apps.apple.com/us/app/vortex-daily-manifestation/id6757655663" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Vortex app</a> helps with that by sending pop-up notifications several times a day.</p>
<p>I base my goal on the entire concept and teachings of Mindfulness and Awareness. When we live radically aware in each moment, we are <em>truly </em>living. And, in truth, each moment is all we actually have. The rest is either ruminating about the past or fantasizing about the future.</p>
<p>Spiritual leaders and avatars are in agreement about the benefits of meditation. Paul is problematical in many ways, but what he says in 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18 <em>“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances”,</em> is what others, including those up to the present, have said. “Pray without ceasing,” which I interpret as being connected to the Universe each and every moment. In other words, Mindfulness.</p>
<p>Jesus proposed reflecting in nature to cease worry. In Luke 12:24–27, Jesus told his disciples to “consider” (or contemplate) the ravens and the wildflowers to overcome worry. He emphasized that they don’t worry.</p>
<blockquote><p>“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?<a href="https://www.esv.org/verses/Luke+12:24%E2%80%9331/#f1-" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">1</a> 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? — Jesus of Nazareth</p></blockquote>
<p><a href="https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/2017/01/buddhas-teachings-on-mindfulness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Buddha gave us </a><a href="https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/2017/01/buddhas-teachings-on-mindfulness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><em>Sati,</em></a> which I’m not grandiose enough to describe, other than to give you its agreed-upon meaning of<em> “awareness”.</em></p>
<blockquote><p><em>“What, friends, is right mindfulness? Here a monk abides contemplating the body as body, ardent, fully aware and mindful, having put away covetousness and grief for the world</em><strong><em>.”</em></strong><em>(MN 141.30)”</em></p></blockquote>
<p>Modern-day Spiritual writers from <a href="https://www.ramdass.org" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Ram Dass</a> to <a href="https://richardmoss.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Richard Moss</a> to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eckhart_Tolle" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Eckhart Tollé</a> have said the same. We have each moment and nothing more. Worry and anxiety won’t change that. Relaxing fully into the moment is the choice we can make. And that takes practice.</p>
<p>I’ve meditated off-and-on for much of my life. And yet, before therapy and before practicing Mindfulness, I was a worrier. My ex-husband would say, “If Carol doesn’t have something to worry about, she’ll make something up.” He wasn’t wrong.</p>
<p>I began meditating during the Beatles era of studying with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It was new to me, and as a novice young teen living in a small Texas town, I had no mentors. You could say I half-assed meditated. At least I was beginning the practice.</p>
<p>In college, I joined a group that practiced meditation to bring peace to the world. I learned to focus and to watch thoughts float by as if they were on a river. To be honest, that didn’t work well for me. I did better with guided meditations, like the ones I speak on my son’s app.</p>
<p>In my thirties, I attended a weeklong retreat on meditation led by a group of monks in Aspen. During one meditation, let by the abbot next to an outdoor bonfire, I fell asleep. I apologized to him afterward, and his response was:</p>
<blockquote><p><strong><em>“Don’t worry. </em>You received the meditation in your sleep. Sleep is a trance state.”</strong></p></blockquote>
<p>Listening to meditations while falling asleep became a practice. I used it particularly while I was pregnant and alone as a single mother. I knew the baby and I needed sleep and calm, and this worked for me.</p>
<p>During that same retreat, while meditating alone, I wrote,</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>“How do I stop the internal, infernal, eternal chatter?</strong>”</p></blockquote>
<p>The answer came a few years later when I personally studied with<a href="https://richardmoss.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> Richard Moss</a> and read his book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0890873275?lv=shuf&amp;channelId=500&amp;plpRedirect=mhFallback" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><em>The I That Is We</em></a><em>:Awakening to Higher Energies Through Unconditional Love,</em> and then read <a href="https://shop.eckharttolle.com/products/the-power-of-now?srsltid=AU7gw4UKkkVDtXwcm4e7DLvRtRjLU7TxveNZk0GZYraqoaQvhhScHGrT" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><em>The Power of Now</em> </a>by Eckhart Tollé.</p>
<p>Both taught me Mindfulness practice, which precluded a need to “stop thoughts” or even let them drift by. I practiced being grounded in my body, and experiencing the observing part of myself, which I call the soul. Mindfulness finally allowed me to ignore the “internal, infernal, eternal” chatter.</p>
<p>By giving my brain permission to chatter in another room, or as a monkey in a tree outside, I could ignore it and continue to experience oneness with the Universe through the inner energy of who I was when I was born. Pure spirit and body with no language.</p>
<p>Until we get to that level, though, guided meditation is the next best thing. Words from the guide keep our chattering minds occupied, so the message gets through to the soul.</p>
<p>Much as the abbot of the monastery assured me happened when I slept through his guided meditation.</p>
<p>Whichever method you use, the <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.anonymous.Moonifestmobile&amp;hl=en_US" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Vortex app with me leading meditations and affirmations</a>, a Buddhist practice, a Hindu practice, an Islamic practice, or Mindfulness as taught by Richard Moss and Ekhart Tollé, I hope you will practice meditation.</p>
<p>Why not? We practice every other thing that doesn’t serve us. Let’s practice one that does.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/new-choices/meditation-takes-practice-because-wevealready-practiced-the-negative-stuff-our-whole-lives-291a5af84c8b" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published on MEDIUM.COM</a>.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
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<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/woman-practicing-yoga-at-wild-lake-gm1170483442-323910417" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock.com</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/weve-practiced-the-negative-stuff-our-whole-lives-lets-practice-meditation-to-flip-it/">We’ve Practiced the Negative Stuff Our Whole Lives, Let’s Practice Meditation to Flip It</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Why Do Some People Believe the Earth Is Flat?</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-do-some-people-believe-the-earth-is-flat/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-do-some-people-believe-the-earth-is-flat/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Pursuit]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 16:00:49 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Ethics & Values]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Earth Sciences]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Geography]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[history]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mapping]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sciences]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1164401</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="933" height="517" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA.png" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA.png 933w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA-300x166.png 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA-768x426.png 768w" sizes="(max-width: 933px) 100vw, 933px" />Although scientific evidence says the Earth is a sphere orbiting the Sun, there are some people around who still think our planet is flat... and social media plays a role</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-do-some-people-believe-the-earth-is-flat/">Why Do Some People Believe the Earth Is Flat?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="933" height="517" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA.png" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA.png 933w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA-300x166.png 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Earth-from-Moon-NASA-768x426.png 768w" sizes="(max-width: 933px) 100vw, 933px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By Anders Furze, University of Melbourne</p>
<header><a href="https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/individuals/chandra-jayasuriya" target="_blank" rel="author noopener">Chandra Jayasuriya</a> and <a href="https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/individuals/dr-jennifer-beckett" target="_blank" rel="author noopener">Dr Jennifer Beckett</a></header>
<div class="ps-migrated-content">
<p>If you type ‘flat Earth’ into Google, you’d be joining a group of people that have helped to triple the search term over the last couple of years. In fact, a recent YouGov poll found that only around <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/trevornace/2018/04/04/only-two-thirds-of-american-millennials-believe-the-earth-is-round/#73bcc0207ec6" target="_self" rel="noopener">two-thirds</a> of Americans aged between 18 and 24 believe that the Earth is round.</p>
<p>Although the idea the Earth is flat has been scientifically discredited, there seems to be a growing belief in the conspiracy theory.</p>
<div class="container" data-v-fef5a444=""></div>
<p>And it’s getting more traction than some of the other conspiracies out there, like chemtrails (which proposes that a plane’s long-lasting condensation trail is actually made up of chemical or biological agent).</p>
<p>Interest in most of these other far-fetched theories remains <a href="https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2017/11/28/americas-flat-earth-movement-appears-to-be-growing" target="_self" rel="noopener">stable</a> but the flat-Earth movement is growing, particularly in America. And it has some high-profile supporters.</p>
<p>From basketball players to musicians, rappers to TV hosts, a number of celebrities are jumping on the flat Earth bandwagon.</p>
<p>So what’s causing a renewed interest in something that’s been scientifically disproven for the past two thousand years or more? What does it say about social media? And how did we actually establish that the world is round in the first place?</p>
<p><span class="bold">ROUNDING OUT THE WORLD</span></p>
<p>Once upon a time, it made sense for people to believe that the Earth was flat, says University of Melbourne cartographer Chandra Jayasuriya. Ships would sail off toward the horizon and often never return, and those people left behind didn’t really have access to information outside of their communities.</p>
<p>“Their view was egocentric and geocentric. They lived in a village that was the centre of their existence,’’ she says. “The further away from the village they travelled, the more hostile the environment became.”</p>
<p>Greek philosophers established that the Earth was round as far back as the third century BC, but it wasn’t until the 15th century that it became commonly accepted.</p>
<p>The first scientific estimates of the Earth’s circumference were made by the Greek mathematician and geographer <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Eratosthenes" target="_self" rel="noopener">Eratosthenes</a> in 240 BC. He noted that on the 21st of June that year, in a town called Syene (near modern day <a href="https://www.lonelyplanet.com/egypt/nile-valley/aswan" target="_self" rel="noopener">Aswan</a>), the reflection of the sun could be seen in a deep well, meaning that it was directly overhead.</p>
<p>But in Alexandria, around 800 kilometres away and almost directly north of Syene, at noon on the same day, the angle of the sun was about seven degrees – or one-50th of a circle.</p>
<p>If the Earth was actually flat, the angle would be identical in both places.</p>
<p>“From this, he concluded that the circumference of the Earth must be 50 times the distance between Syene and Alexandria,” Ms Jayasuriya adds. “This gave him a figure that was very close to the actual circumference as we know it now.”</p>
<p>In 150 AD, Ptolemy’s treatise <a class="italics" href="https://www.geolounge.com/ptolemys-geographia/" target="_self" rel="noopener">Geographia </a>laid out a revolutionary system of assigning co-ordinates, expressed in degrees of latitude and longitude, to locations around the world. The mathematician and astronomer assigned these coordinates to more than 8000 places across the known world.</p>
<p>Even though many of the measurements weren’t accurate, Ptolemy’s concept of ‘global mapping co-ordinates’ – used to this day &#8211; was based on the theory that the Earth was and is, indeed, round.</p>
<p>“Although Ptolemy’s original map didn’t survive, the text was rediscovered around 1300 AD and cartographers were able to recreate the map”, says Ms Jayasuriya.</p>
<p>As well as observations of the sun and its shadows, Ms Jayasuriya says many scientists throughout history continued to gather observations and evidence that the Earth is spherical including:</p>
<ul>
<li>That we see the top of a ship’s mast coming into port and not the entire ship</li>
<li>That all other planets and celestial objects are spheres</li>
<li>That during a lunar eclipse, the Earth’s shadow on the moon is curved</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h2 class="center">Distrusting the experts</h2>
<p>So why, despite overwhelming scientific evidence that the Earth is an “oblate spheroid” – a sphere that’s squashed at its poles and swollen at the equator – is the flat-Earth movement gaining traction in the 21st century?</p>
<p>Well, in part, according to School of Culture and Communication lecturer Dr Jennifer Beckett, it’s due to a general shift towards populism and a distrust in the views of experts and the mainstream media.</p>
<p>“It’s really about the power of knowledge, and that increasing distrust in what we once considered to be the gatekeepers of knowledge – like academics, scientific agencies, or the government,” Dr Beckett says.</p>
<p>In this kind of environment, “it becomes really easy for once-fringe views to gain traction. You get a bunch of people around you who are constantly reaffirming your belief.”</p>
<p>Dr Beckett also notes that the burgeoning movement speaks to how so-called social media “influencers” can now hold more sway than an expert in the field.</p>
<p>“That’s often because they tend to be better storytellers,” Dr Beckett says.</p>
<p>“And there’s an element of authenticity there – people naively think, ‘Oh, they’re a real person, so it must be true’.”</p>
<h2 class="center">The flat earth ecosystem</h2>
<p>Dr Beckett notes that the flat Earth community uses various social media platforms in distinct, overlapping ways in order to create a kind of ecosystem around their beliefs.</p>
<p>“Youtube becomes a content hub, Facebook becomes an administrative one-stop shop for that hub, and Twitter continually pushing out the messaging,” she says, likening Youtube to a sort of alternative documentary channel for flat earthers.</p>
<p>“It’s a really interesting beast … they can have their daily or weekly TV show in the same way that we go to David Attenborough.”</p>
<p>It’s a more powerful social media tool than Facebook or Twitter because it’s a “high context” platform, Dr Beckett says, where users can stream themselves with an immediacy and intimacy that’s lacking from text or image-based platforms.</p>
<p>“It’s kind of like feeling like you have direct access to David Attenborough, after watching one of his documentaries. Being able to have a conversation with him then have him respond in the next episode to your concerns or your question.”</p>
<div class="container" data-v-fef5a444=""></div>
<p>And unlike TV, on Youtube you can go searching for videos by people who agree with your view of the world. Or in this case, the Earth.</p>
<p>Dr Beckett says that as we increasingly rely on social media for entertainment, we are becoming “affect addicts” &#8211; looking for the next hit of anger, happiness or other intense emotions.</p>
<p>And it’s very easy for misinformation to circulate in this environment. Many flat earthers endorse the idea that the UN logo is actually a flat Earth map, for example.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>But Ms Jayasuriya adds its appearance is the result of a way of ‘projecting’ a 3D sphere onto a 2D plane.</p>
<p>Because there’s “no perfect way to project a 3D sphere onto a 2D surface”, cartographers produce maps using different ‘projections’ for different uses. The UN logo is a particular projection centred on the North Pole.</p>
<h2 class="center">Getting the facts for critical thinking</h2>
<p>So, the question remains: why is this a theory that still persists in 2018 in the face of science, and even photographic evidence?</p>
<p>Well, it also comes back to thinking critically about information that’s out there. Particularly online.</p>
<p>“Look, flat earthers’ are actually employing <a href="https://philpapers.org/browse/cartesian-skepticism" target="_self" rel="noopener">Cartesian doubt</a>; this a philosophical idea that the world outside the self is subject to uncertainty,” Dr Beckett says, referring to a method of sceptical thinking popularised by René Descartes, the French philosopher, mathematician, and scientist.</p>
<div class="container" data-v-fef5a444=""></div>
<p>“But, I’d say the best way to do your research on whether a story is correct is to actually go to the mainstream media, to go to those scientific agencies and see what they’re saying.</p>
<p>“Academics are academics not because they’re trying to pull the wool over people’s eyes, but because we spend a lot of time training and thinking deeply about these issues,” says Dr Beckett.</p>
<p>“You know, a lot of time, work and effort has gone into perpetuating the notion that the Earth is a globe&#8230; perhaps, that’s a sign that it is.”</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
</div>
<footer>This article was previously published on <a href="https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Pursuit</a>. <a href="https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/why-do-some-people-believe-the-earth-is-flat" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Read the original article.</a></footer>
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		<title>The American Dream Wasn’t Built for Climate Change</title>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Grist]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 15:30:16 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="450" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash-300x169.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash-768x432.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />Owning a home is billed as a way to build wealth. For many, it's turning into a trap.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-american-dream-wasnt-built-for-climate-change/">The American Dream Wasn’t Built for Climate Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="450" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash-300x169.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-knox-itQmnTPqAlI-unsplash-768x432.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By <a href="https://grist.org/author/kate-yoder/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kate Yoder</a>, Grist</p>
<p><em>&#8220;This story was originally published by <a title="Grist" href="https://grist.org" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Grist</a>. Sign up for Grist&#8217;s <a title="Weekly newsletter" href="https://go.grist.org/signup/weekly/partner?utm_campaign=republish-content&amp;utm_medium=syndication&amp;utm_source=partner" target="_blank" rel="noopener">weekly newsletter here</a>.&#8221;</em></p>
<p class="has-drop-cap has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">To Sierra Isley, the American Dream brings to mind a home ringed by a white picket fence. “The house in the suburbs is just what you’re taught growing up,” the 26-year-old said. “You know, that’s what you see on TV.” What she wanted for her life was a bit different from that picket-fence ideal, but she still saw the prospect of buying her first house two years ago as a chance to live out what she called “that big dream that everybody has as a kid.”</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Isley and her girlfriend, Jamie, were moving from Philadelphia to Asheville, North Carolina, and found a home they liked, a three-bedroom brick house with lots of natural light and a big tree out front. With some help from their parents, they put down a deposit and got their offer accepted. But when they went to sign the closing papers, a complication got in the way: The house had a huge lien on it. After consulting with lawyers, they decided to break the contract and hunt for an apartment to rent in Asheville.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">It was a blessing in disguise. One month later, while Sierra and Jamie were still unpacking boxes and building furniture, the remnants of Hurricane Helene turned Asheville into a disaster zone. The basement of their apartment flooded, but they were luckier than some of their neighbors, whose homes had been destroyed.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Owning a home has long been seen as a cornerstone of the American Dream — a way to build wealth that you could use one day to pay for your children’s education and fund your retirement. That arrangement was always more precarious than it was made out to be. But as fires and floods damage homes and drive up insurance rates, pouring your life savings into a house has become riskier than ever. In a report called “<a href="https://firststreet.org/research-library/property-prices-in-peril" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Property Prices in Peril</a>,” the firm First Street projected last year that climate risks could knock nearly $1.5 trillion off the value of American homes by 2055. For some people, the sociologist Rebecca Elliott <a href="http://academic.oup.com/socpro/article/73/1/336/7932449" target="_blank" rel="noopener">wrote</a>, “the American dream of homeownership may become a nightmare.”</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Americans are beginning to grasp the threat that climate change poses to their aspirations. According to exclusive polling for Grist from the think tank Data for Progress, 58 percent of likely U.S. voters believe that climate change will hinder their ability to achieve the American Dream over the next 20 years, including 42 percent of Republicans. The survey suggests that people are worried that climate change will increase the cost of living, a concern so widespread that it’s expected to sway the midterm elections on Tuesday.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">The irony is that fossil fuels have long been promoted as necessary ingredients for the American “way of life.” Starting a century ago, oil and gas companies led <a href="https://grist.org/culture/hidden-history-american-dream-oil-gas-investigation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">extensive campaigns</a> to tie their products to comfort and prosperity, a narrative that has been repeatedly deployed by politicians and oil industry executives to thwart climate action. President Donald Trump’s administration has often said that efforts to rein in fossil fuels threaten the American Dream. Earlier this year, when the administration scrapped Biden-era rules to cut emissions from cars, along with the Environmental Protection Agency’s authority to regulate climate change, it touted the effort as “<a href="https://www.epa.gov/newsreleases/president-trump-and-administrator-zeldin-deliver-single-largest-deregulatory-action-us" target="_blank" rel="noopener">restoring the American Dream</a>.”</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">But the fossil-fueled American Dream is in the process of destroying itself. Greenhouse gas emissions from burning coal, oil, and gas have ushered in a new period of precarity, undermining the promise that each generation can expect a better life than the last. Scientific reports warn that climate change “<a href="https://www.ipcc.ch/report/ar6/wg2/chapter/chapter-14/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">imperil[s] the quality of life</a>” for communities in the United States, disrupting livelihoods and cultural traditions.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Either Americans decide to reimagine what makes up the American Dream and abandon that oil-soaked version of prosperity, or climate change will <a href="https://pages.uoregon.edu/norgaard/pdf/Avoiding-Cultural-Trauma-Brulle-Norgaard-2019.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">dismantle it for them</a>.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" />
<p class="has-drop-cap has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">The memories of living through Hurricane Helene are still fresh in Isley’s mind. Hauling water from their flooded basement up to the toilet to flush it when the water ran out. Driving to Jamie’s parents’ house in Atlanta, holed up in a room with both of their cats until they couldn’t take it anymore. Coming back to Asheville and cooking meals in the Crock-Pot with disposable liners because even when the water was running again, it wasn’t safe to wash dishes with.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Two years later, Isley browses Zillow for fun, but she looks at homes through a post-disaster lens. “Now I have that fear in the back of my mind — anywhere near a river, or even a stream, if there’s a little bit of water on the map, I’m like, ‘Oh, no,’” she said. Jamie is trans, and after Trump was elected in 2024, the two of them briefly entertained the idea of moving somewhere with more protective policies, like California. But Isley’s mind immediately went to wildfires. Out of the question.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Isley had fled from hurricanes before, when she lived in Florida during college. She thought she’d be safe from them tucked away in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Asheville was supposed to be a “<a href="https://www.kpbs.org/news/2024/10/09/they-came-to-asheville-looking-for-a-climate-haven-then-came-hurricane-helene" target="_blank" rel="noopener">climate haven</a>,” somewhere that would fare better than the rest of the country as the world warmed. Those promises were shattered when <a href="https://www.climate.gov/news-features/event-tracker/hurricane-helenes-extreme-rainfall-and-catastrophic-inland-flooding" target="_blank" rel="noopener">almost 14 inches of rain</a> fell on Asheville over three days in September 2024. The French Broad River overflowed its banks, flooding homes and destroying parts of the town’s River Arts District. In western North Carolina, more than 74,000 homes were damaged, and only about 4 percent had flood insurance, resulting in <a href="https://www.osbm.nc.gov/helene-federal-funding-request-sept-2025/open" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$9.5 billion</a> in uninsured residential property losses.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Home values in western North Carolina <a href="https://www.richmondfed.org/region_communities/regional_data_analysis/regional_matters/2026/post-hurricane_helene_housing_where_are_we_now" target="_blank" rel="noopener">have declined since the storm</a>, especially in the hardest-hit counties. Asheville’s average home price shrunk <a href="https://www.zillow.com/home-values/50779/asheville-nc/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">5 percent</a> over the past year, while the national average increased 1.2 percent.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">To some degree, housing markets are already pricing in the risk of increased environmental hazards. Homes within FEMA’s high-risk flood zones sell for <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41558-023-01594-8" target="_blank" rel="noopener">2.8 percent less</a>, on average, than what they would otherwise sell for, according to a 2023 study published in the journal Nature Climate Change. The researchers found that homes exposed to flood risk were still overvalued by between $121 billion and $237 billion, though — and they identified Appalachia as a hot spot of overvaluation, one year before Helene hit. The devaluation of homes in high-risk zones is unfolding unevenly and causing “tremendous social harm,” said Elliott, a sociology professor at The London School of Economics and Political Science.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Homes are billed as a way for people to build wealth, but they can turn into a trap. After Superstorm Sandy devastated New York City and the New Jersey coast in 2012, many homeowners couldn’t sell their houses for enough money to buy a new place, leaving them <a href="https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/atlantic-city-residents-feel-injustice-climate-change" target="_blank" rel="noopener">stranded</a>. Even homes that haven’t seen any kind of devastation are at risk of losing value as more people become wary of living in floodplains, coastal places exposed to storms, and wildfire-prone areas. “Those homes could become, in effect, economically worthless even before they are physically uninhabitable,” Elliott wrote in <a href="https://academic.oup.com/socpro/article/73/1/336/7932449" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a study about property values and climate change</a>.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Insurance is meant to offer a measure of safety when taking on a huge debt for a mortgage on a house. Douglas Heller, the director of insurance at the Consumer Federation of America, called it “the safety net for the American Dream.” But insurance rates are part of what’s making homeownership unaffordable for so many. Since 2020, property insurance costs have ballooned almost <a href="https://mortgagetech.ice.com/resources/data-reports/september-2026-mortgage-monitor" target="_blank" rel="noopener">80 percent</a>, with the average single-family mortgage holder now paying $209 per month. Homeowners in the riskiest areas are paying <a href="https://home.treasury.gov/news/press-releases/jy2791" target="_blank" rel="noopener">substantially more</a>, and many in California have been <a href="https://grist.org/politics/decade-of-wildfires-california-insurance-commissioner-race-shape-state-climate-future/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">dropped by their insurers</a>. Home insurance rates are <a href="https://www.nerdwallet.com/insurance/homeowners/home-insurance-pricing-report-2026" target="_blank" rel="noopener">rising faster in the Midwest</a> than any other region, driven by the costs of severe storms.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">“We are, for a lot of people, on the edge of a dysfunctional insurance marketplace,” Heller said. The more extreme weather we’re seeing is only part of the story: He argues that the insurance industry has become a “climate opportunist,” using climate change as an excuse to justify excessive rate increases.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">People relying on Social Security benefits who own condos around Lake Tahoe are particularly vulnerable to rising rates, said Andrew Engler, the founder and CEO of Rock Rose Risk, who helps people in California protect their homes against wildfire and get their insurance premiums down. They’re facing ballooning homeowners association payments, to share the cost of insurance in a risky wildfire area, on a limited paycheck. If they try to move, their properties are worth significantly less because of the huge HOA bills, Engler said. Economists <a href="https://www.nber.org/papers/w32579" target="_blank" rel="noopener">estimate</a> that rising insurance costs linked to disaster risk have reduced the growth of home prices by more than $40,000 in the most hurricane- and wildfire-prone ZIP codes.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Renting might make you more nimble, but it doesn’t insulate you from these costs. One reason rents are going up is <a href="https://www.federalreserve.gov/econres/notes/feds-notes/rising-property-insurance-costs-and-pass-through-to-rents-for-apartment-buildings-20250919.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">because landlords’ property insurance rates are increasing</a>. “Whether you are a homeowner or a renter, we’re all paying for living under the increased risks of climate change,” said Caroline Nagy, the associate director of housing policy at Americans for Financial Reform. That makes it harder for people to save for a home — if that’s even a good idea anymore.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" />
<p class="has-drop-cap has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">When Sierra Isley walks around her neighborhood these days, she sees the evidence of Helene all around her — in the form of banners with the slogan “Asheville Strong” and shirts that say “WNC Strong.”</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">One of the most surprising things about disasters might be the way that people who live through them <a href="https://grist.org/extreme-weather/two-years-after-hurricane-helene-survivors-are-taking-lessons-for-the-future/" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-type="link" data-id="https://grist.org/extreme-weather/two-years-after-hurricane-helene-survivors-are-taking-lessons-for-the-future/">rise to the occasion and come together</a>. In the aftermath of the Helene, with the power and cell service knocked out, Sierra and Jamie walked all around town, talking to their neighbors to try to learn what had happened. People started congregating at the fire station where there was fresh water.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">“It’s hard to put into words what that experience was like, but I’ve never felt more of a community, and really having to lean on my neighbors and feeling like my neighbors were leaning on me,” Isley said.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">While the American Dream is usually all about independence and personal freedom, living through a disaster has a way of revealing how people depend on each other. The experience can prompt people to hold tightly to what they have, doubling down on protecting their communities, said Nick Tinoco, a sociology researcher in a doctoral program at the University of California, Los Angeles, who <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11111-023-00416-5" target="_blank" rel="noopener">interviewed survivors of the 2018 Woolsey Fire</a> in Los Angeles County. Some of the residents he talked to have taken things into their own hands and organized volunteer fire brigades, and plan to stay behind to defend their neighborhoods during future fires.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">As supposedly safe “climate havens” like Asheville experience more disasters, the idea that people can simply move out of harm’s way is losing its grip. “I think we have to just reckon with the fact that we’re going to have to make people secure in the places that they live,” Elliott said.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">She thinks it’s time to rethink the bargain of the American Dream — the expectation that so much of a person’s economic future depends on the fate of a single structure. Many young people have begun to define success differently. A <a href="https://www.ipsos.com/sites/default/files/ct/publication/documents/2025-07/What-the-Future-American-Dream.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">poll from Ipsos</a> last year showed that 46 percent of baby boomers associate homeownership with the American Dream, but only 13 percent of Gen Zers do, suggesting that there’s room for its defining features to change.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Sierra and Jamie couldn’t help but wonder what happened to the house they’d almost bought, and they drove over to check it out soon after Hurricane Helene hit. It was still standing, but they couldn’t see if there was any damage hidden inside. “Who knows if it flooded or anything like that, what kind of storm damage it took, and that would have immediately been our problem,” Isley said.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">Living through Hurricane Helene didn’t just make Isley relieved she hadn’t bought a house in Asheville. It has shaped what she wants for her life, helping her discover a passion for public health and pushing her to want to work in emergency preparedness. Now she’s applying to schools to pursue a master’s degree in public health.</p>
<p class="has-default-font-family wp-block-paragraph">“I think I owe it to people like me, people in other rural communities who are going to face the same kind of climate change emergencies, to use my skills to help combat climate change and natural disasters,” Isley said. “I just feel such a calling.”</p>
<p>This article originally appeared in <a href="https://grist.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Grist</a> at <a href="https://grist.org/economics/american-dream-climate-home-insurance-helene-affordability/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://grist.org/economics/american-dream-climate-home-insurance-helene-affordability/</a>.</p>
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<p><a href="https://grist.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Grist</a> is a nonprofit, independent media organization dedicated to reporting on climate change.</p>
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<p><em><a href="https://grist.org/economics/american-dream-climate-home-insurance-helene-affordability/" target="_blank" rel="Noopener noopener">This Story</a> Was Originally Published by <a title="Grist" href="https://grist.org" target="_blank" rel="Noopener noopener">Grist</a>.</em></p>
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		<title>Marriage Is Mostly Two People Asking Each Other Where the Other One Put Something</title>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Ana Kimber]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 15:00:11 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="1199" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1-768x1151.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />After enough years together, romance becomes a series of missing objects, suspicious accusations, and conversations conducted from opposite ends of the house.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/marriage-is-mostly-two-people-asking-each-other-where-the-other-one-put-something/">Marriage Is Mostly Two People Asking Each Other Where the Other One Put Something</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="1199" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/eugenia-pan-kiv-6DbL_VdP8Oc-unsplash-1-768x1151.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p id="99a2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Nobody tells you how much of a long marriage involves looking for shit. When you’re young and imagining your future together, you picture vacations, holidays, growing old, and maybe sitting on a porch somewhere holding hands. You don’t picture standing in the kitchen at 7:15 in the morning asking a man why the scissors aren’t in the drawer where scissors have lived for the last fifteen years.</p>
<p id="48a9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But that’s marriage after a couple of decades. Two people who supposedly know each other better than anyone else spend an astonishing amount of time asking where things are, denying responsibility for moving them, and eventually discovering the missing object in a location that makes absolutely no sense.</p>
<p id="3f62" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">My husband and I have shared a home long enough that we should have a pretty solid understanding of where everything belongs. We have established places for keys, chargers, batteries, tools, and all the other things that make a household function. Yet somehow, neither of us can find anything without involving the other person in a full-scale investigation.</p>
<p id="e7bb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The most impressive part is how quickly an innocent question can turn into a disagreement about somebody’s entire approach to life.</p>
<h3 id="0719" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">The Question Is Never Just a Question</h3>
<p id="65a8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Have you seen my keys?” sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to ask your spouse. It’s a simple request for information, the kind of question that should require either a location or a polite admission of ignorance.</p>
<p id="cffd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Unfortunately, when you’ve been married long enough, you can hear the accusation hiding underneath it. What the other person is really asking is whether you’ve moved their keys, touched their keys, looked at their keys, or somehow interfered with the natural order of the universe in a way that caused their keys to disappear.</p>
<p id="06de" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“I haven’t touched your keys” becomes the immediate response, even if nobody has actually accused anybody of touching anything. We’ve been together too long to waste time pretending we don’t know where this conversation is headed.</p>
<p id="d88c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Then comes the inevitable follow-up question about where they were last seen. This is usually answered with a location so obvious that the missing item should be visible from space.</p>
<p id="9062" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">“Right there on the counter.”</p>
<p id="d36d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Of course it was. Everything that’s ever gone missing in our house was last seen sitting right there, and somehow “right there” has never been a particularly useful place to look.</p>
<h3 id="db32" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">We Have Two Completely Different Definitions of Looking</h3>
<p id="25f2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There is a particular kind of searching that involves opening a drawer, glancing at the top layer of its contents, and declaring that an object isn’t there. It’s a remarkably efficient method if your goal is to finish searching without actually finding anything.</p>
<p id="92bd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I’ve watched my husband look directly into a cabinet and ask where something is while the thing he’s looking for sits approximately six inches from his face. I don’t know whether it’s a vision problem, a commitment issue, or some deeply ingrained belief that household objects should announce themselves when approached.</p>
<p id="e0de" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">To be fair, I’m not immune to this phenomenon. I’ve spent ten minutes looking for my phone while holding it, and I’ve accused the house of swallowing something that was sitting underneath a piece of mail.</p>
<p id="9cf5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But there is something uniquely irritating about being summoned from another room to locate an item that has not moved since the last presidential administration.</p>
<p id="5185" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Sometimes I don’t even have to walk all the way over. I can tell him exactly where to look, watch him insist it’s not there, and then retrieve it from the location I just described.</p>
<p id="33d9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">At that point, I don’t want a thank-you. I want an official acknowledgment that I was right, preferably signed and dated for future reference.</p>
<h3 id="78e5" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">The Remote Control Has Its Own Marriage Problems</h3>
<p id="bf36" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Some objects disappear so frequently that I’m beginning to think they do it deliberately. The television remote is one of them, and it has apparently decided that its preferred habitat is somewhere between the couch cushions and another dimension.</p>
<p id="b622" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">We can sit in the same room for hours without losing anything else, but the moment somebody wants to change the volume, the remote vanishes. Then we start lifting blankets, checking underneath pillows, and asking each other who had it last, as though we’re reconstructing the final movements of a missing person.</p>
<p id="0714" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The situation gets particularly ridiculous when one of us is sitting on it. We can spend five minutes searching the entire living room while the person responsible for the disappearance is literally crushing the evidence with their ass.</p>
<p id="0802" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And somehow, finding the remote doesn’t end the argument. We still need to establish who put it there, whether it was actually put anywhere, and why the other person didn’t think to check underneath themselves sooner.</p>
<p id="82f2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">These are the kinds of conversations that keep a marriage interesting. Forget candlelit dinners and romantic weekend getaways; nothing brings two people together like mutually accusing each other of losing the Roku remote.</p>
<h3 id="aa88" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">Apparently, Everything Belongs to Somebody</h3>
<p id="450d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">After enough years together, household objects develop ownership arrangements that nobody remembers agreeing to. There are my scissors, his tape measure, my phone charger, his flashlight, and approximately seventeen pens that are apparently too important to share.</p>
<p id="a847" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The rules become even more confusing when one person uses something that belongs to the other person. Borrowing a charger should be a harmless activity, but in a long marriage, it can become a violation of an international treaty.</p>
<p id="0d6f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The real offense isn’t borrowing it. The offense is failing to return it to the exact location where the owner expects to find it, even if that location is completely ridiculous.</p>
<p id="d114" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">My husband can leave a tool in the garage for six months without touching it, but the minute I move it to a place where it won’t get stepped on, he suddenly needs that specific tool immediately. Not tomorrow, not next weekend, but at the precise moment it no longer occupies its original spot.</p>
<p id="e68e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Naturally, I then get asked where I put it. The fact that I moved it because it had been abandoned in the middle of something inconvenient is rarely considered relevant to the investigation.</p>
<p id="97f6" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I suppose I could leave everything exactly where I find it, but then we’d be living in a house full of random objects scattered across every available surface. Which, now that I think about it, might be his preferred organizational system.</p>
<h3 id="e6ef" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">The Search Usually Ends With Somebody Being Annoying</h3>
<p id="2895" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There’s an unwritten rule in marriage that the person who finds the missing object is entitled to be mildly insufferable about it. You can’t simply hand over the item and move on with your day because that would waste an excellent opportunity to establish superiority.</p>
<p id="4f0c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Instead, you have to hold it up, look at the other person, and ask whether they checked the place where it was supposed to be. If you’re feeling especially obnoxious, you can add a comment about how amazing it is that the object was exactly where you said it would be.</p>
<p id="bf48" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The other person then has two choices. They can admit they overlooked something obvious, or they can explain why the item was technically hidden, obscured, or otherwise impossible to locate under normal circumstances.</p>
<p id="1db0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Nobody ever just says, “Well, shit, there it is.”</p>
<p id="2cb1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There has to be a defense prepared, because admitting that you failed to find the ketchup directly in front of you is apparently a threat to your personal dignity.</p>
<p id="4d2b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And because we’re married, we’re going to remember this incident. It will be referenced the next time something goes missing, and possibly during a completely unrelated argument six months from now.</p>
<p id="df42" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">We’ve developed a very sophisticated system of recordkeeping, and unfortunately, it exists entirely in our heads.</p>
<h3 id="e0f2" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">The House Has Become a Two-Person Help Desk</h3>
<p id="020a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">At some point, we stopped being two independent adults who could locate their own belongings and became each other’s household customer service representatives. Neither of us applied for this position, and neither of us is particularly enthusiastic about the responsibilities.</p>
<p id="ed06" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Sometimes my husband calls my name from the other end of the house, and I can tell by the tone that he’s about to ask where something is. He hasn’t even finished the question, and I’m already mentally reviewing the locations of batteries, extension cords, and whatever tool he was using last weekend.</p>
<p id="f148" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I’m sure I do the same thing to him. There are certain objects I automatically assume he’ll know how to find, even when there’s no logical reason he should be responsible for them.</p>
<p id="66ce" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">We have become the human equivalent of each other’s search engines, except the results are occasionally hostile and frequently accompanied by commentary.</p>
<p id="5d82" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And unlike an actual search engine, your spouse remembers every time you ignored their first answer, insisted they were wrong, and then discovered they were right all along.</p>
<p id="dfdd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It’s not the most glamorous part of building a life with somebody, but it is an oddly reliable feature of sharing a home for years. You learn each other’s habits, routines, and preferred hiding places for objects that shouldn’t need hiding places in the first place.</p>
<h3 id="bf76" class="qn qo jg z qp qq qr kb ef qs qt ke ei qu qv qw qx qy qz ra rb rc rd re rf rg ce">I Guess This Is What Growing Old Together Looks Like</h3>
<p id="9bdb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz rh py pz kc ri qb qc ej rj qe qf em rk qh qi eq rl qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I used to think being married for a long time would mean reaching some beautiful level of understanding where two people could anticipate each other’s needs without speaking. In a way, I suppose we have achieved that, although it’s considerably less romantic than I imagined.</p>
<p id="edf2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I know when my husband is about to ask me where something is, and he knows when I’m about to accuse him of moving something I can’t find. We recognize the warning signs, prepare our defenses, and participate in the same ridiculous conversations we’ve been having for years.</p>
<p id="1c24" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There is a certain familiarity in all of it. Not every part of a marriage has to be meaningful, emotional, or worthy of a greeting card to be part of the life you’ve built together.</p>
<p id="8fb0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Sometimes the evidence that you’ve spent decades with someone is simply knowing which drawer they insist they already checked. You know their habits well enough to predict where the missing object probably is, and you know them well enough to understand that they’re still going to argue with you about it.</p>
<p id="7541" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">We may not always agree on where things belong, but we have managed to build an entire household around the ongoing disagreement.</p>
<p id="ea39" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pu pv jg pw b jz px py pz kc qa qb qc ej qd qe qf em qg qh qi eq qj qk ql qm hp ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And if anyone ever figures out where all the missing scissors go, I’d appreciate an explanation. I’ve been conducting that investigation for years, and I have yet to identify a single reliable suspect.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/hello-love/marriage-is-mostly-two-people-asking-each-other-where-the-other-one-put-something-594c272377ee" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published</a> on medium.com.</p>
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<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-close-up-of-a-cup-with-scissors-in-it-6DbL_VdP8Oc" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Eugenia Pan&#8217;kiv on Unsplash</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/marriage-is-mostly-two-people-asking-each-other-where-the-other-one-put-something/">Marriage Is Mostly Two People Asking Each Other Where the Other One Put Something</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Tomorrow Is Tomorrow</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/tomorrow-is-tomorrow-kpkn/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/tomorrow-is-tomorrow-kpkn/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Niklas Göke]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 14:00:49 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice & Confessions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shogun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[success]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1164295</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="346" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-149061543-e1794231113860.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-149061543-e1794231113860.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-149061543-e1794231113860-300x173.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />Life won’t always hand you the best of opportunities in the most convenient of moments</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/tomorrow-is-tomorrow-kpkn/">Tomorrow Is Tomorrow</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="346" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-149061543-e1794231113860.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-149061543-e1794231113860.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-149061543-e1794231113860-300x173.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p class="wp-block-paragraph">It’s only been a few short days since English sailor John Blackthorne arrived in feudal Japan of the 1600s, but they’ve been rather eventful. Cast into the midst of both an international and domestic political nightmare, John and his host Lord Yoshii Toranaga have already saved each other’s life several times from enemies without and within.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-833499 alignleft" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Niklas-Goke.png" alt="" width="200" height="203" />In <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8888596/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">a brief moment of reprieve</a> after an epic boat escape from Osaka Castle, Toranaga watches John dive off the side of their ship in elegant fashion. Eager to learn, Toranaga asks John to teach him. John begins to explain how diving works, but Toranaga would rather he repeat the action.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">“Ah. <a href="https://nik.art/self-awareness-exercises/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Observational learner</a>,” John notes and obliges. As soon as he climbs back on the boat, he hears the next prompt: “Again.” And again. And again. After dozens of demonstrations, even John’s translator feels bad for him. “Perhaps he can try again tomorrow?” Mariko asks Lord Toranaga.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">As John catches his, Toranaga, too, takes <a href="https://nik.art/breathe-in-breathe-out/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a deep breath</a>. It’s been a long few days. The regent has lost several loyal samurai. He has discovered the Christian settlers in his country are plotting behind his back. And to top it all off, Toranaga has been evicted from Osaka Castle, the place where he usually reigns when his fellow rulers aren’t gunning for his head.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">After a long exhale, Toranaga looks out across the ocean. With his eyes on the setting sun beyond the horizon, he finally answers Mariko’s request: “Tomorrow is tomorrow. Today I will learn how to dive.”</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" />
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Life won’t always hand you the best of opportunities in the most convenient of moments — but <a href="https://nik.art/carpe-diem-meaning/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">every moment offers <em>some</em> opportunity</a>, and whichever one you feel inspired to take, it’s best to seize it before the sun sets.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Nobody, not even the scripted characters in <em><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2788316/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Shogun</a></em>, knows what the next 24 hours might bring, but there is an hour unfolding just in front of you right now. The only way to learn, to love, to feel, act, and live, is to use that hour. And no matter what you hope to understand, as long as you make the most of it, at the very least, you’ll always receive a new life lesson.</p>
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Tomorrow is tomorrow — but today, we learn how to live.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><strong>Grab a copy of Nik’s book, <i>2-Minute Pep Talks</i>.</strong></p>
<p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BG517FYT/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>2-Minute Pep Talks</i></b></a> is a collection of 67 jolts of inspiration for more hope, comfort, and love in any situation. With more than two months of daily inspiration across five categories, 2-Minute Pep Talks will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin, remind you to love yourself enough to ask life for what you truly want, and provide you with the world’s scarcest resource: hope. Whether you’re looking for a pick-me-up, new perspectives, or more fuel to accomplish your dreams — if you’re ready to regain that light, passionate, optimistic feeling we all used to possess as children, this book is for you.</p>
<h3><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BG517FYT/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">AVAILABLE NOW ON AMAZON</a>!</h3>
<div></div>
<div><picture><source srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg.webp 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg.webp 195w" type="image/webp" sizes="600px" data-srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg.webp 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg.webp 195w" /><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-838560 lazyautosizes lazyloaded" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg" sizes="600px" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg 195w" alt="" width="600" height="924" data-eio="p" data-src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg" data-srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/2mpt-cover-hardcover-mockup-1-e1663787533887-195x300.jpg 195w" data-sizes="auto" /></picture></div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was previously published on <a href="https://nik.art/tomorrow-is-tomorrow/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Niklas Göke&#8217;s blog</a></p>
<h2>Subscribe <a href="https://nik.art/friends/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">HERE</a></h2>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/tomorrow-is-tomorrow-kpkn/">Tomorrow Is Tomorrow</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>In Our AI World, Is Everybody Now Cheating?</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/in-our-ai-world-is-everybody-now-cheating/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Enrique Dans]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 13:30:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Ethics & Values]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[OpenAI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1163395</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="1253" height="836" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="AI prompt generating content on a laptop" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640.jpg 1253w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-1188x792.jpg 1188w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 1253px) 100vw, 1253px" />OpenAI has fired contractors for using tools such as Grammarly and machine translators while helping train its models, raising the question of where acceptable AI assistance ends.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/in-our-ai-world-is-everybody-now-cheating/">In Our AI World, Is Everybody Now Cheating?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="1253" height="836" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="AI prompt generating content on a laptop" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640.jpg 1253w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-1188x792.jpg 1188w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2241989640-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 1253px) 100vw, 1253px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>What happens when you use AI to train AI? <a href="https://www.404media.co/people-training-openais-ai-fired-for-using-ai-to-train-the-ai/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">If you’re one of the many thousands of people hired by OpenAI to train its AI, you get fired</a>. Ironic barely captures it. It turns out that the company has sacked an undisclosed number of people who were using tools such as Grammarly or machine translators when checking ChatGPT users’ prompts to help improve responses. Basically, they were cheating.</p>
<p>Or were they? Let’s see: first, they were expressly forbidden, in writing, from doing so. Second, they were trying to hide what they were doing. And third, those automated tools were used in tasks specifically requiring human judgment. One could argue that second-language writing or translation doesn’t outsource human judgment to a machine, but that’s not what the job description said. However, the fact the contractual terms make using AI a breach does not necessarily prove that such a policy is sensible or actually makes sense.</p>
<p>Is this really an open and shut case? Is using AI cheating? Is there no wriggle room here? I would say there are three criteria for a hard and fast approach to using AI: violating an express rule; falsifying who did the intellectual spade work; or delegating the skill for which we have been hired.</p>
<p>If you have been specifically told not to, that is, if by using AI you are violating some kind of rule, and yet you use it, you’re cheating. Regardless of whether the rule makes sense or not, you are breaking it, and whoever asked you for the job can rightfully tell you that you were warned. If by using it you are misrepresenting who did the relevant intellectual work, that is, the ideas, value judgments, conclusions, etc. are not yours but garnered from AI, you are passing it off as your own work, and therefore cheating. And finally, if you are outsourcing the expertise or responsibility for which you are being assessed, which would lead to an incorrect grade, that too is cheating.</p>
<p>The nub of the question comes down to understanding at which point does assistance become substitution. AI can organize, summarize, correct, propose alternatives or speed up work whose intellectual foundation and principles are still human. Substitution is when the reasoning, judgement or creation is carried out by AI, and if, on top of that, the so-called author hides this fact, then we are talking about cheating.</p>
<p>I can think of any number of examples: a student delivers a paper in which they are asked to put forward an argument, and has outsourced that process to a chatbot (as well as cheating, it’s a waste of time because the student learns nothing). But if what was evaluated was the research capacity and the use of tools, using AI may be perfectly legitimate, as it is used to check a translation or to ensure good syntax and grammar. Similarly, a manager is paid for their judgment and results, not for personally typing each page of a report or a presentation. It seems unfair to me to deny authorship to a writer or journalist who uses AI to structure, propose alternatives or edit, as long as the ideas, decisions or tone are genuinely their own. I would say that <a href="https://www.ap.org/the-definitive-source/announcements/ap-updates-newsroom-standards-for-artificial-intelligence/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Associated Press</a> or <a href="https://www.springernature.com/gp/policies/editorial-policies/ai-editor-guidance" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Springer Nature</a> lay out their rules clearly, in contrast to other organizations that pretend their writers don’t touch AI under any circumstances.</p>
<p>So why are we now locked in this stupid game of AI hide and seek? <a href="https://www.fuqua.duke.edu/duke-fuqua-insights/Is-AI-Damaging-Your-Professional-Image" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Because AI has devalued some jobs, and people who use it are cast as lazy impostors</a><strong>.</strong> Hopefully, over time, things will level out, and that stigma pushes people to hide any kind of use, even if it’s perfectly legitimate. Institutions with unclear rules only make matters worse.</p>
<p>My conclusion? I refuse to draw the simplistic line between human and AI. The balance lies somewhere between declaring AI assistance and covert substitution. Standards should, in addition to being common sense, specify very clearly what cannot be delegated under any circumstances: learning, judgment, verification, accountability, obtaining original information, or genuinely human evaluation. Everything else is largely a simple matter of how we define our workflows.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>(En español, </em><a href="https://www.enriquedans.com/2026/09/esta-todo-el-mundo-haciendo-trampas.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>aquí</em></a><em>)</em></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/enrique-dans/in-our-ai-world-is-everybody-now-cheating-c4dbfb780cc0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published on MEDIUM.COM</a>.</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/in-our-ai-world-is-everybody-now-cheating/">In Our AI World, Is Everybody Now Cheating?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Well Lights: A Ground-Level Guide to Better Uplighting</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/well-lights-a-ground-level-guide-to-better-uplighting/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/well-lights-a-ground-level-guide-to-better-uplighting/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Prime Star]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 13:15:26 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1165410</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="400" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Uplights-e1794181923602.png" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" />&#8212; A tree, stone wall, or architectural detail can disappear after sunset, even when the surrounding yard has plenty of light. Well lights offer a low-profile way to direct light upward from the ground, drawing attention to a selected feature while keeping the fixture itself less visible. The design starts with the feature, not the fixture.&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/well-lights-a-ground-level-guide-to-better-uplighting/">Well Lights: A Ground-Level Guide to Better Uplighting</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="400" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Uplights-e1794181923602.png" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" /><p>&#8212;</p>
<p>A tree, stone wall, or architectural detail can disappear after sunset, even when the surrounding yard has plenty of light. <a href="http://aqlightinggroup.com/outdoor-in-ground-lights-and-well-lights/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><u><b>Well lights</b></u></strong></a> offer a low-profile way to direct light upward from the ground, drawing attention to a selected feature while keeping the fixture itself less visible.</p>
<p>The design starts with the feature, not the fixture. Decide what you want people to notice, then consider the beam direction, the distance from the subject, and what the light will look like from nearby paths and windows. This helps outdoor inground lighting feel intentional instead of turning every tree or wall into an equally bright focal point.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Choose the feature before choosing the beam</b></strong></h2>
<p>Walk around the property after dark, or picture the view from the patio, front entrance, and main windows. Which feature has a shape or texture that would still read well at night? A tree trunk, a column, a wall with visible stonework, or an entrance sign may each call for a different beam pattern.</p>
<p>A narrow beam can concentrate attention on a smaller subject. A wider beam can spread light across a broader surface. Adjustable fixtures can help direct light toward a target, but the available adjustment and beam characteristics vary by model. Check the product details to understand what the fixture can do.</p>
<p>Distance matters, too. A fixture placed very close to a trunk may create a bright patch near the base while leaving much of the tree dark. Moving it farther away may spread the light differently, but could send more light toward a nearby path or window. Test the planned position from the normal viewing angles before settling on a final layout.</p>
<p>Rather than illuminating every feature, select a primary focal point and consider whether a second, smaller accent supports the view. Leaving some areas darker can help the chosen feature stand out without making the yard feel uniformly bright.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Match the cover and direction to the setting</b></strong></h2>
<p>In-ground fixtures come with different cover and direction options. Some are designed to let light spread more freely, while others use a shield or directional cover to control where the beam goes. The appropriate choice depends on the subject, the desired effect, and the fixture’s intended location.</p>
<p>For instance, an open cover may suit a feature where a broad upward effect is wanted, while a directional or glare-shielded option may be more appropriate when light should be kept away from a path or nearby view. These are general design considerations, not a guarantee of how a specific fixture will perform. The manufacturer’s description and photometric information should guide the choice.</p>
<p>AQLightingGroup’s category includes several types of covers, including open-face, grill, and glare-shield options. Some listed models are adjustable. Compare the exact model’s specifications and use instructions before deciding where or how to install it.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-large wp-image-1165412" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Control-Glare-1024x512.png" alt="" width="740" height="370" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Control-Glare-1024x512.png 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Control-Glare-300x150.png 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Control-Glare-768x384.png 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Control-Glare-1536x768.png 1536w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Control-Glare.png 1774w" sizes="(max-width: 740px) 100vw, 740px" /></p>
<h2><strong><b>Control glare and spill beyond the subject</b></strong></h2>
<p>A fixture can be recessed into the ground and still cause glare. If the lens is visible to someone walking nearby, or the beam crosses a window, the installation may feel uncomfortable. Check the view from standing and seated positions, and from each direction people use to approach the area.</p>
<p>Aim the beam toward the intended feature and keep light from spilling across a neighbor’s property or into the night sky. The U.S. National Park Service recommends directing light only where needed and using shielding and the lowest appropriate light level. It also notes that more brightness does not necessarily improve nighttime visibility.</p>
<p>Reflective surfaces deserve particular attention. Pale stone, glass, water, and polished architectural materials may show reflections that are not obvious during daylight planning. If a beam creates a bright patch or unwanted glare, adjust the direction or consider another cover or fixture type.</p>
<p>Aiming a fixture upward can produce a dramatic effect, but use that effect selectively. AQLightingGroup’s category includes fixtures described for highlighting features such as trees, walls, and signs. Review the exact product information and consider whether the feature can be lit without sending excessive light beyond it.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Plan for ground conditions and installation requirements</b></strong></h2>
<p>The location affects how an in-ground fixture can be installed and maintained. Soil, paving, drainage, foot traffic, and vehicle loads may all matter. A fixture intended for a planting bed may not be suitable for a driveway or another area where it could experience different physical conditions.</p>
<p>Read the manufacturer’s installation instructions for the exact model. In-ground products do not all share the same construction, rating, or installation method. Some require a specific housing or cover, and the right approach to drainage depends on the product and site conditions. Do not assume a fixture is submersible or suitable for standing water simply because it is designed for outdoor use.</p>
<p>Think about access before installation. Lenses and covers can collect dirt, leaves, and other debris, which may reduce or alter the light output. Place fixtures where they can be reached for cleaning or service, and avoid locating them where normal yard maintenance is likely to cover or damage them.</p>
<p>For electrical work, follow the product instructions and local requirements. If the installation involves wiring, transformer selection, or uncertainty about the correct mounting and protection, consult a qualified electrician or landscape-lighting professional.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Build the view around layers, not brightness</b></strong></h2>
<p>Well lights are one possible part of a broader outdoor lighting plan. A ground fixture might highlight a tree, while a separate path light helps people see where they are walking. A porch or wall fixture may serve the entry. Each type has a different role, so avoid expecting a decorative uplight to provide all the illumination needed around a property.</p>
<p>After the fixtures are installed, review the scene after dark from the places people actually use. Check whether the focal feature is visible without overpowering the house, path, or neighboring landscape. Look for direct glare, bright reflections, and areas where the beam misses its target.</p>
<p>If something feels too bright, first consider aiming and cover selection. Adding more fixtures may make the scene busier without improving the view. A restrained arrangement can give a tree or architectural detail enough presence while letting the rest of the property remain calm.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-large wp-image-1165413" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/AQ-Lighting-1024x409.png" alt="" width="740" height="296" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/AQ-Lighting-1024x409.png 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/AQ-Lighting-300x120.png 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/AQ-Lighting-768x307.png 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/AQ-Lighting-1536x614.png 1536w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/AQ-Lighting.png 1983w" sizes="(max-width: 740px) 100vw, 740px" /></p>
<p><a href="http://aqlightinggroup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><u><b>AQ Lighting</b></u></strong></a> in-ground and well light can help you compare different fixture and cover styles. Their product listings provide model-specific information to review before you plan the installation. Start with the feature you want to highlight, then choose a fixture that suits the location and intended beam.</p>
<h3><u>FAQs</u>:</h3>
<ol>
<li><b></b><strong><b>What are well lights used for?</b></strong><strong><b><br />
</b></strong>Well lights are installed at or below ground level and can direct light upward toward selected landscape or architectural features. The specific use depends on the fixture’s design and installation rating.</li>
<li><b></b><strong><b>Can well lights be used to highlight trees?</b></strong><strong><b><br />
</b></strong>Yes, some models can be aimed at trees and other outdoor features. Consider the tree’s size, the fixture’s beam, and how the light looks from nearby viewpoints.</li>
<li><b></b><strong><b>Are all outdoor ground lights suitable for driveways?</b></strong><strong><b><br />
</b></strong> Check the specific product’s installation instructions and any stated load or location requirements before placing it where vehicles may pass.</li>
<li><b></b><strong><b>How can I reduce glare from an in-ground light?</b></strong><strong><b><br />
</b></strong>Aim the beam at the feature and away from normal sightlines, paths, and windows. A shielded or directional cover may help, depending on the product.</li>
<li><b></b><strong><b>Do well lights need drainage?</b></strong><strong><b><br />
</b></strong>Installation requirements vary by fixture and site. Follow the manufacturer’s instructions for the exact model, including any drainage guidance.</li>
</ol>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<h6><span data-sheets-root="1">This content is brought to you by Prime Star</span></h6>
<h6>Photos provided by Prime Star</h6>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/well-lights-a-ground-level-guide-to-better-uplighting/">Well Lights: A Ground-Level Guide to Better Uplighting</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>How America Normalized the Rape of Sally Hemings</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-america-normalized-the-rape-of-sally-hemings/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[William Spivey]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 13:00:44 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Social Justice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[history]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[money]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[William Spivey]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1162534</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" />If it most were anyone else, we wouldn’t be debating it.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-america-normalized-the-rape-of-sally-hemings/">How America Normalized the Rape of Sally Hemings</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-147055402-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Beyond a shadow of a doubt, researchers have determined that Thomas Jefferson fathered the two sons of Sally Hemings, whose DNA was tested. A new wave of DNA research, published September 22, 2026, has delivered the most conclusive scientific evidence yet that Thomas Jefferson likely fathered six children with Sally Hemings, the enslaved woman he owned. Using cutting‑edge genomic techniques, Smithsonian researchers extracted Jefferson’s DNA from multiple rootless hair samples preserved since he died in 1826. They compared it with genetic material from living descendants of Hemings’s sons Madison and Eston. The results were striking: scientists found a less than 0.001% chance Jefferson was not the father of both sons, and companion analyses reported a 99.9% probability of paternity.</p>
<p>These findings go far beyond the landmark 1998 Y‑chromosome study, which could only confirm a Jefferson male; by sequencing Jefferson’s own genome, researchers eliminated the possibility that a brother, nephew, or cousin was responsible. The new evidence reinforces generations of Hemings family testimony and aligns with historical records placing Jefferson and Hemings together during conception windows. After more than two centuries of denial, speculation, and political distortion, the scientific record now overwhelmingly supports what Hemings’s descendants have long asserted: Jefferson fathered her children.</p>
<p>The Jefferson family and many disbelievers refused to accept that Jefferson slept with Hemings for over a century. Almost everyone has grudgingly accepted the relationship as a fact. The argument has changed from whether it happened to how to frame it. Was it a consensual relationship in which the pair fell in love, or was the power and age differential so great, along with the fact that Jefferson owned Hemings and her entire extended family, to the point where she could not say no, and it was rape?</p>
<p>When Sally Hemings accompanied Jefferson’s daughter, Polly, to Paris in 1787, she was 14. Thomas Jefferson was 44. When Jefferson’s 9‑year‑old daughter Polly and 14‑year‑old Sally Hemings arrived in London on June 26, 1787, they stayed at the Adams residence in Grosvenor Square — but Abigail Adams was the only one home. John Adams had already been appointed U.S. minister to the Netherlands (a post he’d held since 1782), and in late June 1787 he was in The Hague, not London. Abigail Adams wrote to Jefferson about Sally’s immaturity.</p>
<blockquote>
<footer>“The girl who is with her is quite a child, and Captain Ramsey is of opinion will be of so little Service that he had better carry her back with him. But of this, you will be a judge. She seems fond of the child and appears good naturd.” — Abigail Adams</footer>
</blockquote>
<p>Sally was not originally supposed to accompany Polly to Paris after her older sister Lucy died (her mother died two years earlier). Polly’s nurse, who would have accompanied Polly, was pregnant and unable to make the trip. Sally was selected instead, as the children got along well as playmates, and Polly pushed for her selection.</p>
<p>Once the combination of oral histories and DNA evidence led to the conclusion that Jefferson had indeed been sleeping with Hemings. America seemingly conspired to make the best of things and absolve one of its beloved presidents of rape, claiming either Sally was a seductress or the couple was in love. Several books made their cases, most presenting Jefferson as innocent and helpless. Jefferson’s home at Monticello acknowledges a relationship and calls it “complicated.” Rape is never suggested as a possibility. American filmmakers have done the most to legitimize the relationship as justifiable, everyonewith casting much older Black actresses as Sally Hemings than the 14-year-old whowho went to Paris,, where the relationship began.</p>
<div id="attachment_1162536" style="width: 526px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1162536" class="size-full wp-image-1162536" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/1_rzd_0LwfbKn_HqwcE4ZD5w.webp" alt="" width="516" height="755" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/1_rzd_0LwfbKn_HqwcE4ZD5w.webp 516w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/1_rzd_0LwfbKn_HqwcE4ZD5w-205x300.webp 205w" sizes="(max-width: 516px) 100vw, 516px" /><p id="caption-attachment-1162536" class="wp-caption-text"><a href="https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&amp;ccid=rzd%2F0Lwf&amp;id=2BDF6980FB2142208CFAB7FA2B794AAEF54F0D7B&amp;thid=OIP.rzd_0LwfbKn_HqwcE4ZD5wHaK1&amp;mediaurl=https%3A%2F%2Fth.bing.com%2Fth%2Fid%2FR.af377fd0bc1f6ca9ff1eac1c138643e7%3Frik%3Dew1P9a5KeSv6tw%26riu%3Dhttp%253a%252f%252fwww.impawards.com%252f1995%252fposters%252fjefferson_in_paris_ver2.jpg%26ehk%3DmAWEzk6M1a34Dnz30twXvX45VMyKQb5uys9BYnYzmi8%253d%26risl%3D%26pid%3DImgRaw%26r%3D0&amp;exph=755&amp;expw=516&amp;q=Jefferson+in+Paris+Poster&amp;FORM=IRPRST&amp;ck=C4FA01CFA6A32306E698E4CA2E8DD83B&amp;selectedIndex=2&amp;itb=0&amp;cw=1373&amp;ch=823&amp;ajaxhist=0&amp;ajaxserp=0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Jefferson in Paris Poster — Search Images</a></p></div>
<p>In 1995, we see Jefferson in Paris,, where 21-year-old Thandiwe Newton pretends to be the 14-year-old Hemings. The movie showed Jefferson pursuing a married Italian aristocrat, Maria Cosway, living in Paris at the time. Cosway left to return to London with her husband, leaving Jefferson sad and lonely. Jefferson was never much of a player, possibly due to his stutter. His attention soon turned to the teenage Hemings.</p>
<p>Newton’s casting has been criticized because she was required to lighten her skin to get the part. Hemings has been described as “very light-skinned,” no doubt because Jefferson’s first wife’s father raped her mother, and her grandmother was raped by a white sailor before that. She was also panned in the Black community for portraying a much younger Hemings.</p>
<p>“Any number of African-Americans take a shot at me for that one.” — Thandiwe Newton.</p>
<p>Jefferson in Paris wasn’t the first time we saw an older actress play Sally. The 1985 stage production, The Mistress of Monticello, featured Tina Andrews as Sally. Andrews was 35 at the time. She later wrote the screenplay for Sally Hemings: An American Scandal, in which the 26-year-old Carmen Ejogo played Sally Hemings. In a 2013 episode of Saturday Night Live, the 41-year-old Maya Rudolph played Hemings in a comedy skit, “Thomas Jefferson Meets Sally Hemings,” which has no basis in history or truth. The point is that what you have never seen is an actress other than a grown woman playing the child Jefferson slept with as a teenager.</p>
<p><iframe loading="lazy" title="Thomas Jefferson Meets Sally Hemings - SNL" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/coDWvebeEc8" width="600" height="337" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"><span style="display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;" data-mce-type="bookmark" class="mce_SELRES_start">﻿</span></iframe></p>
<p>America is incapable of acknowledging its 3rd President raped a teenager. The same is true of the 47th President, which is why we may never see the complete Epstein Files where such a case is described. But that’s a story for another day.</p>
<p>Casting much older actresses as Sally is but one way of changing the narrative about the Jefferson/Hemings relationship to avoid the word rape. My wife was watching Sally Hemings: An American Scandal on television, and I walked in on a scene where Sally&#8217;s mother, Betty (Diahann Carol), told her she’d be accompanying Polly to Paris.</p>
<p>My first thought was that Sally was fourteen when she undertook the journey, and no way did Carmen Ejogo look as young as the real Sally. As I watched, the story suggested Sally was upset about leaving because she was preparing to “jump the broom” with an enslaved boy named Henry. They turned the immature child (according to Abigail Adams) into someone already considering the equivalent of marriage and presumably thinking of, if not already doing, marriage-like things. It wouldn’t be so bad if Jefferson slept with her; if it wasn’t him, it would have been someone else. Because Jefferson kept such meticulous records, we know there was a Henry at Monticello, but nowhere near Sally’s age. The character in the film was wholly imagined to give us an inkling that Sally was a sexual being before Jefferson literally got his hands on her. The movie, Sally Hemings: An American Scandal, was also marketed on DVD as Sally Hemings: An American Love Story. The subtitle was &#8220;Bound by Slavery, Freed by Love.&#8221; Jefferson never freed Sally, not even in his will. After she walked away and went to Charlottesville to live with her sons, Martha Jefferson Randolph allegedly “given her time” to her.</p>
<div id="attachment_1162537" style="width: 510px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1162537" class="size-full wp-image-1162537" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/0_DLrRKvVxao_76zhx.webp" alt="" width="500" height="500" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/0_DLrRKvVxao_76zhx.webp 500w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/0_DLrRKvVxao_76zhx-300x300.webp 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/0_DLrRKvVxao_76zhx-198x198.webp 198w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/0_DLrRKvVxao_76zhx-150x150.webp 150w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /><p id="caption-attachment-1162537" class="wp-caption-text"><a href="https://www.walmart.com/ip/Sally-Hemings-An-American-Scandal/10171670?wmlspartner=wlpa&amp;selectedSellerId=101183744&amp;adid=22222222222000000000&amp;wmlspartner=wmtlabs&amp;wl0=e&amp;wl1=o&amp;wl2=c&amp;wl3=10352200394&amp;wl4=pla-1103028060075&amp;wl5=73114&amp;wl6=&amp;wl7=&amp;wl10=Walmart&amp;wl11=Online&amp;wl12=10171670_10001203105&amp;wl14=sally%20hemings%20an%20american%20love%20story&amp;veh=sem&amp;msclkid=81a62be059ef189526574155d64972e8&amp;gclid=81a62be059ef189526574155d64972e8&amp;gclsrc=3p.ds" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sally Hemings: An American Scandal — Digitally Mastered Paperback Book — Walmart.com</a></p></div>
<p>Watching Sally Hemings: An American Scandal, you’d never know Sally Hemings was his first wife’s half-sister. You’d believe Jefferson’s feelings were pure and romantic and that he would free any of their children when they came of age (it happened only in one case because Jefferson died first). You wouldn’t know that in eight years, Sally never went to the President’s House (White House), though several of Monticello’s slaves worked there. And you wouldn’t even consider the possibility that Thomas Jefferson raped Sally Hemings.</p>
<p>Other films avoided the issue in different ways. The musical, 1776, doesn’t show Sally or any enslaved people at all. The most influential Jefferson documentary of the 1990s, Thomas Jefferson (1997), mentions Hemings without showing her. The Emmy-winning HBO series John Adams gives us plenty of Jefferson and Monticello, but no Hemings. The Real Thomas Jefferson (2008) leaves out the very real Sally Hemings.</p>
<p>My last hope was for The History Channel. surely they would get it right? They did acknowledge the sexual relationship. Suggest her age wasn’t as much an issue then as it would be now but offered no excuse for the age and power differential. They described how Jefferson attempted to hide the legal status of Sally and her brother in France where slavery wasn’t allowed and they could have petitioned for their freedom. What you never saw was Sally and Thomas in a romantic scene, The History Channel wouldn’t go that far. Jefferson in Paris showed an embrace and implied a consensual relationship. Sally Hemings: An American Scandal, showed a gentle kiss that presumably led to sex. There was no nudity. America wasn’t ready to confont the nature of their sexual relationship, especially when the facts say it could only be rape.</p>
<h3>Conclusion</h3>
<p>The question of whether a powerful man in his forties had sex with a teenager he legally owned is not an open historical mystery. It has been answered. Jefferson fathered Sally Hemings’s children; Hemings was enslaved, a minor, and unable to refuse him under any legal or human framework that recognizes coercion.</p>
<p>And yet, for more than two centuries, American culture has produced a steady stream of reinterpretations — romances, euphemisms, “special relationships,” and scholarly contortions designed to make the dynamic seem mutual. These efforts all collapse under one simple test: if the man were anyone other than Thomas Jefferson, and the girl anyone other than Sally Hemings, we would know exactly what to call it.</p>
<p>The only time this country reliably abandons that clarity is when the man in question is a Founding Father. Or, more recently, when he appears in the Epstein files — where accountability has been so selective that only one woman is in jail.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://williamspivey.medium.com/how-america-normalized-the-rape-of-sally-hemings-70d7c365b3a9" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published on William Spivey&#8217;s blog</a>.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-america-normalized-the-rape-of-sally-hemings/">How America Normalized the Rape of Sally Hemings</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>China’s National Parks: Green Goals Through Authoritarian Measures?</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/chinas-national-parks-green-goals-through-authoritarian-measures/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[The Revelator]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 12:30:16 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Environment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Authoritarianism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[china]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[conservation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[environmental justice]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[indigenous peoples]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1163366</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />History is repeating itself with the displacement of local communities in the name of conservation. </p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/chinas-national-parks-green-goals-through-authoritarian-measures/">China’s National Parks: Green Goals Through Authoritarian Measures?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Hoh_Xil-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By <a href="https://therevelator.org/china-national-parks/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Nithin Coca</a></p>
<article><cite>This story was originally published by <em><a href="#" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Revelator</a></em>. <a href="https://therevelator.org/subscribe-to-the-revelator/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Subscribe to their newsletter.</a></cite></p>
<header></header>
<p>In 2015 the Chinese government announced an ambitious plan to build the world’s <a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/china-new-national-park-system" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">largest national park system</a>. China started with <a href="https://wildchina.com/2021/07/sanjiangyuan-chinas-largest-national-park/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sanjiangyuan</a>, a massive park 13,000 square miles larger than Germany and 14 times the size of Yellowstone National Park in the United States, located in what the government called the Qinghai-Tibet plateau. <a href="https://en.people.cn/n3/2025/0826/c90000-20357508.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">State media</a> recently described the region as containing “vast, unspoiled alpine ecosystems” and “pristine rivers and mountains.”</p>
<p>To many environmentalists, this was big news. Over the next few years, groups like Conservation International, The Nature Conservancy, WWF, and others eagerly signed up to play a role in helping China build this system. Reports and articles from then focused on how this would protect wildlife like snow leopards, giant pandas, yaks, Tibetan antelopes, and provide opportunities for China to learn from America’s long experience with conservation and national parks management.</p>
<p>But for Tibetans like Kyinzom Dhongdue, there was a big problem. Of the 10 initially planned parks, <a href="https://www.tibetanreview.net/much-of-tibet-autonomous-region-to-be-incorporated-into-chinas-national-park-plan/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">four — including Sanjiangyuan — were in areas</a> that had been part of the then-independent nation of Tibet prior to the 1950 invasion by China’s People’s Liberation Army.</p>
<p><a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:SNNR_Map_only.jpg#/media/File:SNNR_Map_only.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="https://thumb.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4a/SNNR_Map_only.jpg/1280px-SNNR_Map_only.jpg?utm_source=commons.wikimedia.org&amp;utm_campaign=imageinfo&amp;utm_content=thumbnail" alt="File:SNNR Map only.jpg" width="1280" height="640" /></a><br />
By <a class="new" title="User:Quigley (page does not exist)" href="//commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Quigley&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Quigley</a> – <span class="int-own-work" lang="en">Own work</span>, <a title="Creative Commons Zero, Public Domain Dedication" href="http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/deed.en" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CC0</a>, <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=18495110" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Link</a></p>
<p>“In Tibet, you have an authoritarian colonial power presenting to be some kind of a green hero,” says Dhongdue, former member of the Tibetan Parliament in exile who is now an Australia-based human rights activist. “The environmental movement is in danger of normalizing what China is doing and without really looking at the darker side of these programs.”</p>
<p>She and others fear that history is repeating in Tibet and other regions under Chinese control, such as Xinjiang, homeland of Turkic Uyghurs and Kazakhs, and Inner Mongolia.</p>
<p>In each of these locations, the designation of new national park and land protections systems and increased efforts to promote <a href="https://f004.backblazeb2.com/file/chinaxiv/english_pdfs/chinaxiv-201810.00161.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ecotourism</a> have resulted in the<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0264837718307026" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> ongoing displacement of locals</a> from the land they’ve lived on for generations. In their place, Chinese park officials or tourism interests have taken control.</p>
<p>“These parks are displacing the very same people who have lived on and looked after those lands for generations,” Dhongdue says. “A colonial, foreign government is coming in and protecting a landscape by removing the traditional custodians. And that is a huge problem.”</p>
<p>Nonprofit conservation groups, meanwhile, have mostly remained silent, their messaging focusing more on snow leopards, argali, and other endemic and endangered species over the communities who have lived alongside them for generations.</p>
<h3>Environmental Colonialism</h3>
<p>According to the East West Center at the University of Hawai‘i, The Nature Conservancy <a href="https://www.eastwestcenter.org/sites/default/files/filemanager/Special_Projects/A%20Chinese%20Perspective%20on%20U.S%20Protected%20Areas%20ENGLISH.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">introduced</a> the idea of national parks to the Chinese government as early as 1997 and has played an active role in knowledge sharing and exchanges between the U.S. and China. Conservation International claims to have helped conserve 4.9 million acres of land in China, and one of their <a href="https://www.wilsoncenter.org/sites/default/files/media/documents/publication/Inventory%20of%20International%20Environmental%20and%20Energy%20NGO%20Projects%20in%20China.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">first projects</a> was in Southeastern Tibet. To them China’s 2015 national parks announcement was a major achievement.</p>
<p>While the imagery of parks like Sanjiangyuan evokes an empty landscape untouched by humans, the reality is quite different. According to an article in <a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/china-new-national-park-system" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><em>National Geographic</em></a>, there were an estimated 652,600 people living inside the boundaries of China’s initial 10 parks.</p>
<p>While comprehensive data is lacking, so far these national parks have resulted in the <a href="https://tibetwatch.org/china-constructs-its-first-national-park-leaving-local-tibetans-in-turmoil/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">displacement</a> of <a href="https://www.isdp.eu/social-and-environmental-impacts-of-tibetan-displacement-and-chinas-minority-policy-in-tibet/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">tens of thousands</a> Tibetan nomads and villagers from their land — and likely many Uyghurs and Mongols, too — often to newly constructed urban villages in less desirable locations.</p>
<p>It’s a similar story to what happened with America’s Yosemite National Park, often glorified as the origin of the global conservation movement. There the park’s formation led to the expulsion of the Miwok and Ahwahneechee peoples and eventually their erasure from the landscape, which was promoted to wealthy tourists as an unspoiled wilderness, not a longtime home of thriving cultures.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-39268-9_2" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">same happened</a> to at least 26 Indigenous groups at other well-known national parks or monuments in the United States — including Glacier, Yellowstone, and Shenandoah. For decades this <a href="https://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/erasing-native-americans-from-national-parks/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">history was erased</a> and nearly forgotten.</p>
<p>Today it’s recognized that in the push to protect landscapes and forests in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, environmentalists turned a blind eye to the sometimes-violent displacement of native peoples. In recent years groups like the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/jul/23/john-muir-sierra-club-apologizes-for-racist-views" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sierra Club</a>, the <a href="https://www.npca.org/case-studies/national-parks-are-native-lands" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">National Parks Conservation Organization</a>, and even — at least prior to January 2025 — the National Park Service have begun to reckon with their role in erasing native peoples from landscapes.</p>
<p>The Nature Conservancy <a href="https://www.nature.org/en-us/about-us/who-we-are/how-we-work/community-led-conservation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">also acknowledges</a> the harms of colonialism and the need to involve including local communities and Indigenous peoples in land conservation, as do <a href="https://www.conservation.org/communities" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Conservation International</a> and <a href="https://wwf.panda.org/communitiesconservationcommitment/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">WWF</a>.</p>
<p>In the United States, it was mostly white settlers who displaced Natives from their land — and it was mostly white rangers and officials who managed national parks. Positions of power, and often voting rights, were withheld from native peoples. At the time millions of Native Americans and other oppressed groups lacked voting rights or representation.</p>
<p>For many nonprofits, understanding this harmful past didn’t stop them from actively working with China, despite its ranking as <a href="https://freedomhouse.org/country/china/freedom-world/2025" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">one of the world’s most repressive countries</a>. China’s authoritarian single-party government has criminalized most protests, especially for so-called ethnic minorities like Tibetans and Uyghurs, who face <a href="https://tchrd.org/2025/12/23/arbitrary-detention-torture-and-collective-punishment-of-tibetans-opposing-illegal-mining-in-kardze/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">collective punishment</a> and far more <a href="https://www.occrp.org/en/news/report-chinas-use-of-massive-surveillance-targets-uyghurs" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">surveillance</a> and <a href="https://campaignforuyghurs.org/digital-genocide-the-new-battlefield-for-uyghur-security-and-cultural-survival/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">censorship</a> than the Han Chinese majority.</p>
<p>“Protest has become a very sparse and dangerous thing in Tibet and Xinjiang,” says Dawa Lokyitsang, a Tibetan anthropologist currently doing a postdoctoral fellowship at the International Institute for Asian Studies in the Netherlands.</p>
<h3>The Environmental Cost of Displacement</h3>
<p>Removing communities from landscapes isn’t just bad for people. It can be bad for the landscapes themselves.</p>
<p>In the same ways that European colonialism and America’s westward expansion were disastrous for iconic species like bison and passenger pigeons, many point to the invasion of Tibet as when deforestation, mining, and river damming began to transform landscapes.</p>
<p>“Extraction has been happening for a long time, [starting] right after Tibet’s invasion,” says Lokyitsang. “Deforestation and mining, since the 1950s, it’s been classic industrial, colonial, resource development, and extraction.”</p>
<p>Today science is finally <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/dont-downplay-the-role-of-indigenous-people-in-molding-the-ecological-landscape/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">starting to recognize</a> the many ways that Native Americans molded the ecological landscape of much of North America. Other published science has found that in seemingly wild places like the <a href="https://rainforestfoundation.org/the-ancestral-forest-how-indigenous-peoples-transformed-the-amazon-into-a-vast-garden/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Amazon rainforest</a>, humans are often part of the ecosystem and removing them can have adverse impacts.</p>
<p>In Tibet, too, the role of traditional nomads and other communities should be valued, not displaced, by national parks, says Dhongdue.</p>
<p>“It’s also very important to understand that Tibetans are environmental actors,” Dhongdue says. “We have lived on and conserved this land for generations, and that traditional knowledge is not being taken into account by China.”</p>
<p>A report published last year by the Institute for Security &amp; Development Policy presented <a href="https://www.isdp.eu/social-and-environmental-impacts-of-tibetan-displacement-and-chinas-minority-policy-in-tibet/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">evidence</a> that removing Tibetans from these seemingly harsh landscapes has led to increased erosion, biodiversity loss, and land degradation.</p>
<h3>Silence, Again</h3>
<p>Not too long ago, global conversation groups were happy to speak about their work in China, which was <a href="https://www.nature.org/content/dam/tnc/nature/en/documents/chinabook-part1-lowres.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">highlighted </a>in annual reports. <a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/china-new-national-park-system" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Journalists </a>were welcomed on tours of parks like Sanjiangyuan or <a href="https://www.nature.org/en-us/get-involved/how-to-help/animals-we-protect/giant-panda/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Giant Panda National Park</a>, where, sometimes, they saw <a href="https://www.paulsoninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Sanjiangyuan_National_Park_FullReport-English.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">showcase projects</a> where some Tibetans had been provided housing or low-level jobs at parks.</p>
<p>But critics say these organizations failed to see past propaganda or ask difficult questions about what was really happening.</p>
<p>“The danger is if you’re not addressing both the environmental aspect and people’s rights, these organizations risk legitimizing a colonial system that is in place,” Dhongdue says.</p>
<p>WWF China, The Nature Conservancy, and Conservation International all declined to be interviewed for this story, while Snow Leopard Trust, the Paulson Institute (a sustainability think tank), and Chinese nonprofits like Shan Shui didn’t respond to interview requests. This echoes Dhongdue’s experience when she was working on a <a href="https://www.atc.org.au/report-tibetan-nomads/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">report</a> about Tibetan nomads and land displacement in 2019.</p>
<p>“I’m not surprised, but, yes, quite saddened by that,” she says. “I had the same response: people not willing to engage on issues relating to Tibet.”</p>
<p>Gabriel Lafitte, an independent researcher focused on Tibet, fears that these organizations have self-censored due to <a href="https://www.alliancemagazine.org/analysis/a-decade-of-chinas-overseas-ngo-law-where-are-we-now/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">policies</a> that limit their space to operate in China.</p>
<p>“They have to operate within Beijing’s constraints,” says Lafitte. “Beijing has learned how to co-opt, control, and manage international nonprofit engagement across the entire spectrum of environmental issues.”</p>
<p>An <a href="https://www.alliancemagazine.org/analysis/a-decade-of-chinas-overseas-ngo-law-where-are-we-now/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">NGO law </a>passed in 2016 requires anyone operating in China to have their yearly plans approved by a branch of Chinese government, limiting direct criticism. Even actions taken by overseas offices staff are risky, as statements that anger or upset China could lead to Chinese staff being threatened or even arrested or detained. It’s one reason that human rights and labor nonprofits like <a href="https://www.amnesty.org/en/careers/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Amnesty International</a>, <a href="https://www.hrw.org/contact-us" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Human Rights Watch</a>, and <a href="https://www.transparency.org/en/contact" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Transparency International</a> have <a href="https://www.gmfus.org/news/hope-people-why-china-should-welcome-back-foreign-ngos" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">no presence</a> in China.</p>
<p>Worryingly, some of this is now repeating in the United States, where Donald Trump has also backtracked on quite recent efforts to recognize the erasure of the Miwok, Ahwahneechee, and others from national parks, returning the government, after a brief window, back to silence about the treatment of Native Americans.</p>
<p>The good news? So far U.S. conservationists are mostly <a href="https://www.npca.org/articles/11292-erasure-of-history-and-science-spreads-at-national-parks-across-the-country" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">fighting back</a> against these changes and refusing to forget the dark history. But Lafitte doubts they’ll be willing to speak about the same injustices happening today in China.</p>
<p>“At this particular moment, it’s hard to imagine who might speak up for Tibetans or Uyghurs.”</p>
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<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This story was <a href="https://therevelator.org/china-national-parks/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">originally published by The Revelator</a>. Reprinted under a <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Creative Commons license</a>.</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/chinas-national-parks-green-goals-through-authoritarian-measures/">China’s National Parks: Green Goals Through Authoritarian Measures?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Code Switching</title>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Edie Weinstein]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 12:00:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Breaking Stories]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good For The Soul]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Alhamdulillah]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[American]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arabic]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christian]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[habibi]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Inshallah]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Islam]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[JD Vance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jewish]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mehmet Oz]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Muslim]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Qatari royal family]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1164874</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="600" height="342" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-518272890-e1794139906247.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-518272890-e1794139906247.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-518272890-e1794139906247-300x171.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />and why the Arabic word 'habibi' is trending</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/code-switching/">Code Switching</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="600" height="342" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-518272890-e1794139906247.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-518272890-e1794139906247.jpg 600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-518272890-e1794139906247-300x171.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /><p>What is code switching? It is a means of adapting to one&#8217;s environment, with a desire to fit in and be accepted. It is also a way of acknowledging that you do already belong to a cultural, ethnic, religious, or otherwise oriented group. I learned about the concept without knowing what it was called, back in childhood. My father was raised in a working class, immigrant community in South Philadelphia. He was first generation American born of Russian Jewish parents who fled the pogrom to come here for a safer and better life. My father spoke English fluently and Yiddish passably. I watched how he would interact with other Yiddish speakers, using the words and mannerisms that they did. When they parted, he reverted to the communication pattern I was familiar with. When he was with people of a higher socio-economic status than he occupied, he spoke as they did. When he was with buddies from the old neighborhood, some who were not Jewish, he used South Philly jargon and his regional accent got more pronounced.</p>
<p>As a therapist, social worker, interfaith minister and speaker, I find that this art comes in handy. It is not disingenuous or cultural appropriation to code switch. It helps us to understand each other.</p>
<p>Lately, the concept of code switching has become more prominent with the election of Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed to the Michigan Senate. Like my father he was first generation American born, but of immigrant parents of Egyptian origin. His religion is Islam. His first language is English but he speaks Arabic as well. That&#8217;s where it gets interesting. When he claimed victory, he meticulously pronounced his name. He spoke of the idea of Inshallah (translated to God willing) and Alhamdulillah (translated to Praise be to God). Regardless of your religious orientation or practice, can you think of anything threatening about those blessings? Sadly, there are people who recoil when they hear the words with an Egyptian accent or <a href="https://apnews.com/article/abdul-el-sayed-muslim-american-islamophobia-senate-a3c3a0a3a3779326afe4856687ad3abb">Muslim orientation</a>. His response was powerful.</p>
<p>El-Sayed depicted his election as a victory for all those “who don’t see themselves reflected in our government or who’ve been told that they don’t belong for some reason or another — not just how they pray but who they love, how they identify, the color of their skin, where they grew up.″</p>
<p>“I didn’t run to be the first Muslim senator. I ran to be the next senator of the state of Michigan who happens to be Muslim,” he said. ″But I also know that democracy is constantly about the conversation about who we are, who we want to be.”</p>
<p>Being Muslim should be no more a threat than being Christian in a country in which all people should be free to practice their religion or no religion. I find it ironic that the current occupant of the Oval Office welcomed Dr. Mehmet Oz into his fold and accepted an airplane from the Qatari royal family without batting an eyelash.</p>
<p>Like many, I have watched a certain video over and over, giggling with delight as Senator elect El-Sayed addresses the Veep and POTUS. He refers to J.D. Vance as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQYc39MytzM">&#8216;habibi&#8217;</a> which translates to &#8216;my love&#8217;, &#8216;my darling&#8217; when used with a romantic partner. It extends to close friends and even strangers on the street. He knew it would get a rise out of Vance and his acolytes as he used the word playfully. He went on to say that Vance was constitutionally required to swear him in. The next step was to address Tr*mp&#8217;s difficulty with pronouncing his name and reminded him that once he was sworn in, he would just be called <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWHUZZwzdvk">Senator.</a> As a result of the delightful clap back, the word &#8216;habibi&#8217; is trending. Quick thinking entrepreneurs have created clothing and bumper stickers in response.</p>
<p>In a country that was built by indigenous, immigrant and (horrifyingly) enslaved peoples, there is no room for a belief that only one religion, one culture, one country of origin should hold sway. We can all benefit from learning about each other&#8217;s heritage. I grew up with the idea that America was a melting pot. To me, that meant assimilation into an &#8216;American way of life.&#8217; What the heck is that anyway? I see it now as a beautiful blending of flavors and essences. Kind of like a masala-cholent-stew-<a href="https://www.learningtogive.org/sites/default/files/handouts/Story_Stone_Soup.pdf">stone soup</a> with ingredients from all over this great big old world. Let&#8217;s savor it together.</p>
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<p>&#8212;</p>
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<p><a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/question-do-you-speak-arabic-written-in-arabic-gm518272890-89936805" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStock</a> image</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/code-switching/">Code Switching</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Let Your Partner Know the Version of You Nobody Sees</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/let-your-partner-know-the-version-of-you-nobody-sees/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Mr Nobody]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 11:30:11 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[intimacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Counseling]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="532" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1-768x511.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />Being loved does not always mean being understood. Sometimes the missing piece is context.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/let-your-partner-know-the-version-of-you-nobody-sees/">Let Your Partner Know the Version of You Nobody Sees</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="532" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1-768x511.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/lofosyos-fshZ1ppkZyw-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><figure class="om on oo op oq or oj ok paragraph-image">
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<p id="a621" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your partner knows about the application.</p>
<p id="3e53" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They know the deadline, the job title, and how long you have wanted to leave your current role. They have asked whether you submitted it. Twice.</p>
<p id="20d1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You keep saying you will.</p>
<p id="12ea" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The next evening, they ask again.</p>
<p id="2a0f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="pc">“Do you actually want this job?”</em></p>
<p id="340f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You hear doubt. They believe they are asking a practical question.</p>
<p id="9fc3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="pc">“Of course I do.”</em></p>
<p id="3498" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your answer comes out sharper than you intended. They go quiet, and now there is another thing between you that needs explaining.</p>
<p id="ae7a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The application remains unfinished.</p>
<p id="4d13" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">From their side, it looks like something you keep putting off. From yours, pressing “submit” means risking something you have quietly protected for years: the possibility that you might be good enough.</p>
<p id="3948" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">As long as nobody has evaluated you, that possibility stays intact.</p>
<p id="4d66" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Neither of you has said that aloud.</p>
<p id="1028" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">So each reminder becomes harder to hear. Each defensive answer makes them less willing to ask. Eventually, they stop bringing it up.</p>
<p id="1611" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You wanted the questions to stop.</p>
<p id="1037" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Their silence bothers you too.</p>
<p id="916d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="nr hq">Someone can love you and still misunderstand what an ordinary moment costs you.</strong></p>
<p id="f277" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They may know what happened without knowing what it means.</p>
<p id="f2d1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They know you dislike family gatherings. They may not know which questions you spend the drive preparing for.</p>
<p id="9356" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They know you want to start something of your own. They may not know that you have already tried once, or how long it took to recover from that failure.</p>
<p id="21ce" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Over time, a partner gathers information about you. Some of it comes from what you say. Much of it comes from what you repeatedly do.</p>
<p id="cebf" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">When an explanation is missing, they have to make one.</p>
<p id="584d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your hesitation becomes lack of interest. Your silence becomes anger. A dream you rarely mention starts to look like something you have outgrown.</p>
<p id="f6a1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Their interpretation may be reasonable.</p>
<p id="d975" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It may also be wrong.</p>
<p id="4d64" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="nr hq">And the longer it goes unspoken, the more familiar it becomes.</strong></p>
<p id="1c34" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You might begin protecting yourself from reactions they have not actually had. They might begin avoiding conversations they believe you do not want.</p>
<p id="d5e9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There is still affection between you. You still talk about dinner, send each other things, make plans for the weekend.</p>
<p id="6e9d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But around this one subject, both of you have started being careful.</p>
<p id="4eca" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Back at the application, you consider saying something.</p>
<p id="70c4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Then you imagine how it might sound.</p>
<p id="5e2b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">What if they think you cannot handle rejection? What if the next time you mention an ambition, they remember this conversation first? You want them to understand your hesitation without letting that hesitation become their whole understanding of you.</p>
<p id="960b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It feels easier to keep saying you have been busy.</p>
<p id="0e4a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Until the deadline gets close enough that “later” stops being an option.</p>
<p id="5e4e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="pc">“I know I keep putting it off,”</em> you finally say. <em class="pc">“I’m scared they’ll reject me, and I don’t want to find out how much that would hurt.”</em></p>
<p id="fd9f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The application is still unfinished. There is still a deadline.</p>
<p id="2ade" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But now your partner has something they did not have before.</p>
<p id="5c6c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="nr hq">Context.</strong></p>
<p id="01fb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They can reconsider the reminders, your irritation, the evenings you changed the subject. You can acknowledge that they were trying to help, even when you experienced it differently.</p>
<p id="43cc" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Understanding does not remove the practical problem. It changes how you face it together.</p>
<p id="e15b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And it does not require telling your entire history in one conversation. Sometimes you only need to explain the part that makes the present moment hard to understand.</p>
<p id="141d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Of course, the response may be awkward.</p>
<p id="f9ac" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your partner might immediately offer solutions when you wanted them to listen. They might say, “You’ll be fine,” because they are trying to reassure you, while you hear your fear being brushed aside.</p>
<p id="d76e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">For a moment, you wish you had kept quiet.</p>
<p id="bf0e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This is where the old habit can return: laugh, make it smaller, tell them you were overthinking.</p>
<p id="5fdc" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Or you can stay in the conversation a little longer.</p>
<p id="1565" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="pc">“I’m not asking you to convince me it will work. I just wanted you to know why I’m struggling.”</em></p>
<p id="a276" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This, too, is part of becoming known.</p>
<p id="25a3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There is no guarantee that the first explanation will land perfectly. A caring relationship needs room for clarification, for a clumsy response to be reconsidered, for someone to say, “I think I missed what you were trying to tell me.”</p>
<p id="4d4b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Trust can grow through those repairs.</p>
<p id="934b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Even when the conversation goes well, you might feel exposed afterwards.</p>
<p id="31a2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You replay the admission. You wonder whether you sounded less capable than you wanted to. The next day, you feel tempted to say it was nothing.</p>
<p id="6553" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your partner’s kindness does not automatically make being seen comfortable.</p>
<p id="5497" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You have let them know something that previously belonged only to you. It may take time to get used to that.</p>
<p id="bfbe" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="nr hq">You can let the admission stand.</strong></p>
<p id="a0f7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And you can still have boundaries. Privacy is allowed. You do not owe your partner every memory, every fear, or an explanation before you are ready.</p>
<p id="e526" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">What matters is whether there is room to share something meaningful without having it mocked, demanded, or used against you later.</p>
<p id="f87a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There will always be more to learn.</p>
<p id="b920" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">An old fear may lose its hold. A familiar ambition may begin to mean something different. The explanation that helped your partner understand you last year may no longer fit.</p>
<p id="1ff9" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Being close includes allowing those updates.</p>
<p id="058d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It includes asking again instead of assuming you already know.</p>
<p id="9578" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Eventually, you submit the application.</p>
<p id="f0ef" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You tell your partner, then wait for the familiar question about what happens next.</p>
<p id="8260" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Instead, they ask how you are feeling.</p>
<p id="4b49" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="pc">“Still scared,”</em> you say.</p>
<p id="99af" class="pw-post-body-paragraph np nq hp nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This time, you do not need to make it sound casual.</p>
<blockquote class="pd pe pf">
<p id="0d70" class="np nq pc nr b ii ns nt nu il nv nw nx ej ny nz oa em ob oc od eq oe of og oh fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="nr hq">Sometimes intimacy is someone finally understanding why a small thing was never small to you.</strong></p>
</blockquote>
<p>&#8212;</p>
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<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/person-reaching-out-amidst-colorful-falling-confetti-fshZ1ppkZyw" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Lofosyos on Unsplash</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/let-your-partner-know-the-version-of-you-nobody-sees/">Let Your Partner Know the Version of You Nobody Sees</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Where to Find the Best Wholesale Supplies for Your Venue in Australia</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/where-to-find-the-best-wholesale-supplies-for-your-venue-in-australia/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[IQnewswire]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 11:15:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1165392</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="267" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Venue-e1794180507405.png" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" />&#8212; Running a venue in Australia means managing a long list of recurring needs, from cleaning products and tableware to packaging, uniforms, furniture and safety equipment. Buying these items at retail prices quickly eats into your margins, which is why wholesale sourcing is one of the smartest moves an operator can make. The challenge is&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/where-to-find-the-best-wholesale-supplies-for-your-venue-in-australia/">Where to Find the Best Wholesale Supplies for Your Venue in Australia</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="267" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/Venue-e1794180507405.png" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" /><p>&#8212;</p>
<p>Running a venue in Australia means managing a long list of recurring needs, from cleaning products and tableware to packaging, uniforms, furniture and safety equipment. Buying these items at retail prices quickly eats into your margins, which is why wholesale sourcing is one of the smartest moves an operator can make. The challenge is knowing where to look.</p>
<p>The Australian market offers local distributors, online platforms, trade events and direct import channels, each with its own strengths. This guide walks through the main options so you can build a reliable supply network that keeps your venue stocked, compliant and profitable.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Specialist Wholesale Suppliers Built for Venues</b></strong></h2>
<p>The first place most operators should look is a specialist supplier that understands the day to day demands of venues. These businesses stock the items you need regularly and often offer trade pricing, bulk discounts and fast delivery across the country.</p>
<p>Companies such as <a href="https://clubco.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><u><b>ClubCo</b></u></strong></a> are a good example of a supplier that focuses on the practical needs of clubs, restaurants, cafes and event spaces, giving buyers access to a wide range of products through a single account.</p>
<p>Working with one dependable supplier saves time on ordering, simplifies invoicing and often leads to better pricing as your order volume grows. It also means you have a single point of contact when something goes wrong, which is valuable during busy trading periods.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Local Wholesale Distributors and Trade Suppliers</b></strong></h2>
<p>Every major Australian city has established wholesale distributors that serve commercial customers. Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth and Adelaide all have trade districts where suppliers hold large inventories of catering equipment, cleaning chemicals, paper goods and maintenance items. Buying locally has clear advantages. You can inspect products before purchasing, negotiate directly with sales representatives and arrange urgent pickups when stock runs low.</p>
<p>Many distributors also offer trade accounts with credit terms, which helps with cash flow. When you set up an account, ask about minimum order quantities, delivery schedules and whether they provide price lists that are updated regularly. Building a personal relationship with a local rep often unlocks perks such as early access to promotions and priority service during shortages.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Online Wholesale Marketplaces</b></strong></h2>
<p>Digital platforms have made wholesale buying easier than ever. Australian business to business marketplaces allow you to compare prices from multiple suppliers in minutes, read reviews from other venue operators and place orders at any hour. International platforms are also accessible, giving you the chance to source unique decor, lighting and furniture at lower prices.</p>
<p>The main benefit of online buying is transparency. You can see pricing tiers, shipping costs and estimated delivery times before you commit. The main risk is quality uncertainty, especially with overseas listings. Always request samples for items you plan to buy in large quantities, and confirm that products meet Australian standards before they arrive at your door.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Trade Shows and Industry Expos</b></strong></h2>
<p>Trade shows remain one of the best ways to discover new suppliers and products. Events held in major Australian cities bring together hundreds of exhibitors under one roof, covering everything from kitchen equipment to digital ordering systems. Walking the floor allows you to handle products, compare quality side by side and negotiate on the spot.</p>
<p>Exhibitors often offer show only discounts and free delivery for orders placed during the event. These gatherings are also useful for learning about industry trends, such as sustainable packaging, energy efficient appliances and new safety technology. Bring a list of your current needs and a budget, so you can make the most of your time and avoid impulse purchases.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Buying Directly From Manufacturers and Importers</b></strong></h2>
<p>For high volume items, going straight to the manufacturer or importer can reduce your costs significantly. Furniture, uniforms, signage and tableware are all categories where direct purchasing may make sense. Australian manufacturers often provide custom branding options, which is useful if you want your logo on products your guests see and use.</p>
<p>Direct purchasing does require more planning. Minimum order quantities are usually higher, lead times can be longer and you will be responsible for storage. It works best for venues with consistent demand and enough space to hold inventory. If you do not have that capacity, consider joining a buying group with other operators so you can combine orders and share the savings.</p>
<h2><strong><b>What to Check Before You Commit to a Supplier</b></strong></h2>
<p>Price matters, but it should never be the only factor. Before signing up with any wholesaler, review these points carefully:</p>
<p><strong><b>Reliability.</b></strong> Ask about stock levels, delivery track records and how the supplier handles backorders.</p>
<p><strong><b>Compliance.</b></strong> Make sure products meet Australian safety and quality standards, particularly for food contact items, electrical goods and cleaning chemicals.</p>
<p><strong><b>Payment terms.</b></strong> Look for flexible terms, such as 14 or 30 day accounts, that match your cash flow.</p>
<p><strong><b>Returns policy.</b></strong> A clear process for damaged or incorrect items protects you from costly disputes.</p>
<p><strong><b>Customer support.</b></strong> Responsive service can make the difference between a minor hiccup and a major disruption.</p>
<p>Requesting references from other venues in your area is a practical way to confirm a supplier&#8217;s reputation before you place a large order.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Smart Ways to Manage Costs and Inventory</b></strong></h2>
<p>Finding a great supplier is only part of the equation. How you buy matters just as much. Start by tracking your usage so you know how much of each item you consume weekly and monthly. This data helps you order the right quantities and avoid both shortages and overstocking.</p>
<p>Consider negotiating annual pricing agreements for your most used items. Suppliers often reward committed customers with lower rates and priority fulfilment. It is also wise to keep at least one backup supplier for essential products, so a delay from your main provider never leaves your venue short. Finally, review your supplier arrangements every six to twelve months. Prices shift, new competitors appear and your own needs will change as your venue grows.</p>
<h2><strong><b>Conclusion</b></strong></h2>
<p>Sourcing wholesale supplies in Australia does not have to be overwhelming. By combining specialist suppliers, local distributors, online marketplaces, trade shows and direct manufacturer relationships, you can build a flexible network that protects your margins and keeps your operation running smoothly. A dependable partner such as ClubCo can serve as the foundation of that network, offering convenience and consistency while you explore other channels for specific products. Take the time to compare options, ask the right questions and review your arrangements regularly. With a thoughtful approach, your venue will always have the supplies it needs at prices that support long term success.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<h6>This content is brought to you by IQNewswire</h6>
<h6><a href="https://pixabay.com/illustrations/restaurant-table-luxury-10556945/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Pixabay</a></h6>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/where-to-find-the-best-wholesale-supplies-for-your-venue-in-australia/">Where to Find the Best Wholesale Supplies for Your Venue in Australia</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Bearing Witness in War Zones</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/bearing-witness-in-war-zones/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Harvard Gazette]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 11:00:59 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Ethics & Values]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[human rights]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[photojournalism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reporting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[war crimes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[war reporting]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1164012</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />War photographer Ron Haviv reflects on documenting decades of conflict, revealing how powerful images can preserve evidence, humanize victims, and inspire change.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/bearing-witness-in-war-zones/">Bearing Witness in War Zones</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/jakob-owens-eX5Wu4MNKW0-unsplash-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By Clea Simon | Harvard Correspondent | Harvard Gazette</p>
<h2 style="padding-left: 40px;">Award-winning filmmaker, photographer recounts three decades of trying to produce images that bring about positive change</h2>
<p>Being a war photojournalist is a complex and dangerous undertaking. But the goal is simple: bear witness and, hopefully, inspire positive change.</p>
<p>That’s according to award-winning filmmaker and photographer <a href="https://www.ronhaviv.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Ron Haviv</a>, who has been documenting the human faces of armed conflict for more than 30 years.</p>
<p>Last Thursday, Haviv, co-founder of the <a href="https://theviifoundation.org/educate/programs/visual-journalism-program/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VII Foundation</a>, which supports and educates photojournalists, spoke about his globe-covering career at the <a href="https://www.wcfia.harvard.edu/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Weatherhead Center for International Affairs</a>, giving the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@HarvardWCFIA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">2026 Samuel and Elizabeth Jodidi lecture</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUU3eo0_4qc" target="_blank" rel="noopener">“Testimony 1989 to 2026.”</a></p>
<p>“My goal and the goal of contributing photographers to the VII Foundation and our colleagues around the world is for our work to rise above those images in order to be able to tell stories, in order to be able to have impact and be able to affect change,” he said.</p>
<p>Haviv’s quest began when he was a student at New York University in the late 1980s.</p>
<p>Intrigued by photojournalism, “I started working on the streets of New York and met these amazing men and women that were dedicated toward telling stories that would have impact,” he said.</p>
<p>Many of them, he recalled, would “put their arm around me and say, ‘You should do this or do that’ and so on. And at one point, a photographer who was going to cover an election being held by a dictator in the country of Panama had an extra plane ticket and said, ‘Here’s an extra plane ticket. Why don’t you come with me?’”</p>
<p>Haviv did, and a career was launched.</p>
<p>“There were bullets flying around, and it didn’t mean anything to me. I was just so intent on taking the photographs.” Haviv’s photo of the bloodied vice president-elect, Guillermo Ford, who had been physically beaten by supporters of the military ruler Manuel Noriega, ran on the covers of Newsweek, Time, and U.S. News and World Report.</p>
<p>It also caught the eye of then-President George H.W. Bush, who cited the image in a speech.</p>
<p>“Seven months later … the United States invaded Panama,” said Haviv, who accompanied the troops. “I’m not naive enough to think that the photographs were the only reason for the conflict, but they were part of the conversation.”</p>
<p>Soon after, he flew to China to cover the aftermath of the Tiananmen Square protests, to Africa as Nelson Mandela was released from jail, and to Kuwait City as it was liberated.</p>
<p>However, his belief that photographic evidence could bring political change was soon tested.</p>
<p>In 1991, he recalled, he was hearing rumors that Yugoslavia, a country in transition after the fall of the Soviet Union, “might break apart, and it might break apart violently,” he said. “So I went to Yugoslavia as it started to split apart, the first country being Slovenia.”</p>
<p>Over the next 10 years he documented the segmentation and civil wars that followed.</p>
<p>To illustrate, Haviv presented a short film summarizing what he saw, ending with the round-up of refugees in what was supposed to be a safe zone in Srebrenica but ended up being the site of a massacre.</p>
<p>“I documented what became known as ethnic cleansing … unarmed Muslim civilians being executed by well-armed Serbian paramilitaries,” he said. “This was the visual evidence to prove what everybody else was talking about.”</p>
<p>But this time, there was no immediate official corrective response.</p>
<p>“The photographs completely failed. They did nothing. Nobody cared,” said Haviv.</p>
<p>Eventually things both changed and didn’t.</p>
<p>“Part of Bosnia was declared a genocide, then Rwanda was declared a genocide. And now we have how many more genocides since then? And all of them are happening in front of us.</p>
<p>“We’re out there, myself and my colleagues, trying to bring you information and there’s a disconnect,” he said. “So it is this constant, constant fight to try to figure out what can we do,” he continued, to get people to “pay attention. This is very, very key to everything.”</p>
<p>Along with photos of both civilians and soldiers, atrocities and images of everyday life continuing, even in war zones, Haviv described a surprising commonality he discovered over time.</p>
<p>“In actuality, people are saying the same thing,” he noted. “They’re saying it’s always about the ‘other.’ It’s always about, ‘They’re coming to get me, so I’m going to fight.’</p>
<p>“On one hand, that is very depressing,” he continued. “But on the other hand, it shows also that we’re actually more alike than different. And if we can acknowledge that and try to move beyond that, then perhaps there might be some hope for us.”</p>
<p>The discussion that followed raised questions about the role of aesthetics in his work.</p>
<p>Haviv responded by explaining that he seeks to avoid what he called “war porn,” shocking images of death or poverty.</p>
<p>Looking at a dead body, for example, “You can photograph it like an autopsy picture, and I guarantee you …it will not even register,” he said. “There are ways to document and give value to whoever died and to be able to tell their story.</p>
<blockquote>
<h3>I want you to be drawn into it, so into it that when you actually understand what you’re looking at and read the caption, you’re not going to forget it.</h3>
</blockquote>
<p style="padding-left: 40px;"><strong>&#8211;Ron Haviv</strong></p>
<p>“I want you to have an emotional connection to that photograph. And most of the time the initial interaction and value is going to come through the aesthetics,” he explained, listing such elements as color and framing of a shot. “I want you to be drawn into it, so into it that when you actually understand what you’re looking at and read the caption, you’re not going to forget it.”</p>
<p>Although there is a kind of truth in an image, Haviv took pains to note all that photography, whether taken with cameras or even cellphones, is not objective.</p>
<p>“By its very nature, it’s subjective,” said Haviv. “You move your phone this way or that way; you’re making a decision. What I try to do in my work is to ensure that I’m giving you a fair representation, a truthful representation of what I’m seeing.”</p>
<p><em>An accompanying photo exhibit, “Reflections on Peace,” is on view for Harvard ID holders on the Concourse Level of CGIS South, 1730 Cambridge St., through Jan. 4.</em> <em>The exhibit will be open to the public from noon to 4 p.m. November 7.</em></p>
<p><em>The exhibit was curated by the </em><a href="https://theviifoundation.org/educate/programs/visual-journalism-program/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>VII Foundation</em></a><em>, which creates programs like “Reflections on Peace” and also educates aspiring visual journalists through the VII Academy.</em></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2026/10/bearing-witness-in-war-zones/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">This story</a> is reprinted with <a class="waffle-rich-text-link" href="https://www.harvard.edu/media-relations/resources-for-media/content-from-the-harvard-gazette/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">permission</a> from The Harvard Gazette.</em></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/bearing-witness-in-war-zones/">Bearing Witness in War Zones</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>‘Lost in the System’: What It’s Like to Be Stuck for Months in a Mississippi Jail</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/lost-in-the-system-what-its-like-to-be-stuck-for-months-in-a-mississippi-jail/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Mississippi Today]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 10:30:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Social Justice]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Hinds County Jail]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1164117</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="1600" height="900" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="Prison corridor at night with lit cells" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677.jpg 1600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-300x169.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-768x432.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-1536x864.jpg 1536w" sizes="(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" />Getting arrested in Hinds County leaves some people sitting in jail for months or years with their cases in limbo, waiting for formal charges.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/lost-in-the-system-what-its-like-to-be-stuck-for-months-in-a-mississippi-jail/">‘Lost in the System’: What It’s Like to Be Stuck for Months in a Mississippi Jail</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="1600" height="900" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="Prison corridor at night with lit cells" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677.jpg 1600w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-300x169.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-768x432.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/istock-2114506677-1536x864.jpg 1536w" sizes="(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By <a href="https://mississippitoday.org/author/ivy-scott-the-marshall-project/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Ivy Scott, The Marshall Project</a></p>
<p>Mississippi is one of <a href="https://ilr.law.uiowa.edu/sites/ilr.law.uiowa.edu/files/2023-05/A4_Metzger.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">only a handful of states<span class="screen-reader-text"> (PDF)</span></a> that have no limit on how long someone accused of a felony can sit in jail while waiting for a prosecutor to formally charge them.</p>
<p>Cases can be delayed for many reasons. Judges have crowded dockets. Retrieving evidence from the police can take months. But before all that, a district attorney must decide whether to move forward with a case once an arrest has been made. In Hinds County, prosecutors routinely take months — or sometimes years — to do so.</p>
<p>Altogether, these conditions <a href="https://www.themarshallproject.org/2026/07/21/jackson-mississippi-jail-indictment-grand-jury-hinds" target="_blank" rel="noopener">leave people waiting in jail</a>, unsure what’s taking so long or when there will be an update in their case.</p>
<p>Public defenders say the people who end up stuck in jail typically fall into one of three categories: people who can’t afford their bail, people denied bail by the judge, and people with mental health challenges that need to be addressed before they can be released.</p>
<p>The Marshall Project spoke to three men who have waited for months at the Raymond Detention Center without formal charges — known as an indictment — after they were arrested for nonviolent offenses. During this period, their lives have been in limbo: losing jobs, time with family, and their health, all while sitting without answers inside a <a href="https://www.themarshallproject.org/2025/07/10/inside-the-dangerous-hinds-county-jail" target="_blank" rel="noopener">notoriously dangerous jail</a> currently under the control of a <a href="https://www.themarshallproject.org/2025/10/01/mississippi-hinds-county-jail-receivership" target="_blank" rel="noopener">federal court-appointed administrator</a>.</p>
<h3>When you can’t afford your freedom: Depaul Davis, 412 days</h3>
<p>September 2026 marked one year that Depaul Davis has been waiting on an indictment. Davis, who has long struggled with homelessness, said he was working day labor jobs to try to scrape together enough money to secure permanent housing when he was arrested last year.</p>
<p>A judge set Davis’ bail at $75,000. Bail bondsmen typically take $7,500 upfront, but that was far beyond his ability to pay. Without any family to turn to for help, his only choice was to remain in jail, waiting to see if prosecutors would take his case to a grand jury. In Mississippi, the district attorney’s office cannot pursue felony charges without an indictment from a grand jury.</p>
<p>“I was staying on the streets, trying to keep labor jobs, waiting to get on a Section 8 housing program,” Davis said. “I couldn’t afford a lawyer, couldn’t afford anything.”</p>
<p>Davis said he only expected to be in jail for about two weeks after making his first court appearance last year. Twelve months later, what’s most frustrating isn’t the roaches, or the countless nights spent sleeping on the floor of an overcrowded cell — it’s that behind bars, his life is frozen, unable to pick up work or continue his search for a real home.</p>
<p>“I was looking at apartments on Highway 80, trying to get housed so I could get stable,” he said. “It can get old, staying at a hotel just one or two days until you run out of money.”</p>
<p>He knows the first step is finding a steady job, maybe something in the service industry. Then, he said, he wants to go back to school for business or hospitality management. He dreams of one day running the hotels he used to sleep at just to get one night of clean sheets and a shower.</p>
<p>More than anything, he said, he wants to get out so he can begin taking steps toward turning his life around. “Life can tear at you in so many different ways,” Davis said, and he’s tried his best to endure the wait gracefully. But at times, it can be hard to comprehend how a whole year has gone by without any movement on his case.</p>
<p>“I can get a little impatient, trying to understand. It’s just frustrating because I can’t make progress,” he said in September. “I’m 29 now, and I don’t want to be found in this same situation at 30 years old.”</p>
<p>In October, Davis turned 30. Still in jail.</p>
<h3>When the judge won’t set your bond: Malik Sterling, 254 days</h3>
<p>On his 29th birthday, Malik Sterling found himself in jail and only able to see out of one eye.</p>
<p>Roughly two weeks earlier, Sterling was riding a dirt bike for the first time when he flew off the bike, severely injuring his left eye. He had surgery scheduled with an eye doctor to try to save it. But days before his appointment, he was arrested.</p>
<p>An arrest on a nonviolent charge would typically mean the possibility of release on bail, but a judge gets the final say. In Sterling’s case, the judge disqualified him from bail because of a prior felony charge. If the previous case was still open, it would make Sterling ineligible for bail in Mississippi. His lawyer, however, argued in a July motion that the court closed the old case months ago.</p>
<p>But Sterling was still denied bail and has been sitting in jail since February, waiting for prosecutors to decide what to do with his case.</p>
<p>Jail officials wouldn’t let Sterling go to his scheduled medical procedure, he said, delaying treatment another two months before he was finally allowed to see an outside doctor. By then, it was too late to save his eye.</p>
<p>“The only thing they said they could do for me was remove it,” said Sterling, whose left eyelid now droops over a milky surface. “I done lost everything, including the eye.”</p>
<p>Neither the county sheriff nor the court-appointed receiver responded to multiple requests for comment about Sterling’s access to medical care. The receiver, Wendell France, is barred by a federal judge from making public comments.</p>
<p>In addition to his vision, Sterling said he’s felt the loss of the past seven months in nearly every area of his life, from finances to family to his sense of stability.</p>
<p>“Everything I had going before I came here, I lost. All I’ll be coming home to is the pair of clothes [I came in with]. I can’t go to school, can’t go to work,” he said. “I ain’t got nothing to go back to. I just hope my loved ones are there for me when I get home.”</p>
<p>Sterling used to see his 5-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter — whose nickname is tattooed above his right eyebrow — every weekend. But without any way to load money into his account on the jail’s phone, Sterling rarely speaks to them anymore.</p>
<p>“I liked to buy them things, like if they do good on their report cards, but I can’t now because I can’t fend for myself financially,” he said. Last time they spoke, Sterling said, his son wanted a Paw Patrol truck, while his daughter hoped for a Barbie doll. “But I can’t do nothing for them,” he sighed. “I got nothing.”</p>
<p>Before his arrest, Sterling mainly worked odd jobs: cutting grass and landscaping or washing cars. He’d planned to start school online and pursue a business degree, but he can’t continue his education until he gets out of jail. In the meantime, he said, the connections and repeat customers he built up while working have fallen away.</p>
<p>“I’m basically just like a dead body to the world,” Sterling said, adding that the hardest part has been waiting without a clear end date. He asked his attorney for a timeline — any sense of when the district attorney’s office might decide whether to pursue his case — but he knew that nothing was certain in a court system rife with lag and delay.</p>
<p>“Most frustrating is not knowing: how long it’ll be, when I can go to court. I’m just sitting here,” he said. “I don’t got no court date, I don’t know nothing … As of now, I’m just lost in the system.”</p>
<h3>When your mental health leaves you stuck in the system: Kahari Thicklen, indicted after 135 days</h3>
<p>Kahari Thicklen didn’t know his symptoms — erratic behavior, mood swings — had a name when he entered jail in April 2026.</p>
<p>Thicklen now realizes he has a mental health condition and described the coping mechanisms he plans to rely on to rebuild his life once he’s out of jail: mainly, seeking quiet environments where he can better manage his thoughts and emotions. But even though his mood and behavior stabilized, 24-year-old Thicklen continued to sit in jail waiting on an indictment.</p>
<p>“Because of my mental health, it’s taken time to figure out a good solution,” Thicklen said in September, adding that he was nevertheless surprised to still be sitting in jail after nearly 5 months. “I did think it would take a little shorter time, maybe more like 2 months… but I know [in this legal system], anything can happen.”</p>
<p>While in jail, Thicklen missed his only child’s first birthday in August. He said he tries to call his sister, who has custody of the baby, daily to speak to his son — but it’s not the same as holding him or looking into his eyes, watching him develop from an infant to a toddler.</p>
<p>Equally challenging, Thicklen hasn’t been able to work while in jail; he spoke of the debts he imagines piling up while he sits in his cell, from medical bills to car insurance.</p>
<p>“It’ll take a toll on you,” he said. “Some days you might wake up depressed, some days you might wake up mad, and some days you’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>Before his arrest, Thicklen worked warehouse jobs and most recently drove forklifts for an auto manufacturer. Eventually, he plans to go back to school, ideally in a hands-on trade like culinary school or welding. But he said his first step will be getting a job in a familiar industry and trying to make enough money to clear the hundreds of dollars in debt that’s likely accumulated while he’s been stuck behind bars.</p>
<p>In August, the district attorney’s office indicted Thicklen on only one of the three charges he was initially arrested for, and declined to act on the remaining allegations. Because prosecutors are not legally required to dismiss them, those charges could linger on his record forever.</p>
<p>“In their minds, it’s not their problem to clean up his record,” Thicklen’s attorney said in September. “But a kid who had a mental health episode does not need to be here, sitting in one of the most dangerous jails in the state.”</p>
<p>Thicklen has since been moved to another facility, with a trial date scheduled for March 2027, according to his lawyer and court records.</p>
<p>When asked about the first thing he’ll do whenever he gets out, Thicklen said: “Call my job and try to get back on the schedule.” But he acknowledged there was no guarantee his old employer would take him back after so many months off the job.</p>
<p>“If I can’t go back there, I’ll go somewhere else,” he said resolutely, before pausing. “I just hope it doesn’t take too long.</p>
<p><em>This article was published in partnership with <a href="https://www.themarshallproject.org/2026/11/03/jail-mississippi-trapped-inside-hinds-county" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Marshall Project</a>, a nonprofit news organization covering the U.S. criminal justice system.</em></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://mississippitoday.org/2026/11/03/lost-in-the-system-what-its-like-to-be-stuck-for-months-in-a-mississippi-jail/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Previously Published</a> on mississippitoday.org</em></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/lost-in-the-system-what-its-like-to-be-stuck-for-months-in-a-mississippi-jail/">‘Lost in the System’: What It’s Like to Be Stuck for Months in a Mississippi Jail</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>University of California’s Math Preparedness Crisis Spurs Search for Answers and Solutions</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/university-of-californias-math-preparedness-crisis-spurs-search-for-answers-and-solutions/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/university-of-californias-math-preparedness-crisis-spurs-search-for-answers-and-solutions/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[EdSource]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 10:00:42 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Education]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[College & Careers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[college readiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[math]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SAT and ACT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[standardized testing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[UC regents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[UC Riverside]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[UC Santa Cruz]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[University of California]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1164699</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />With a decision on standardized tests looming, UC's admissions board this week will review data on student outcomes in math.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/university-of-californias-math-preparedness-crisis-spurs-search-for-answers-and-solutions/">University of California’s Math Preparedness Crisis Spurs Search for Answers and Solutions</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/IMG_7544-1536x1152-1-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By <a href="https://edsource.org/author/mburke" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Michael Burke</a></p>
<p>This story was originally published by <a href="https://edsource.org/2026/uc-reinstates-sat-act/769836" target="_blank" rel="noopener">EdSource</a>. Sign up for their <a href="https://edsource.org/subscribe" target="_blank" rel="noopener">daily newsletter</a>.</p>
<h5>Top Takeaways</h5>
<ul>
<li>The University of California’s Board of Admissions and Relations with Schools is set to meet Friday as it continues to weigh whether to recommend reinstating standardized exams in admissions.</li>
<li>The admissions board will review reports that give more context to student performance at UC, including the growing failure rates in calculus and other introductory math classes.</li>
<li>Campuses are simultaneously working to address math readiness as they expand tutoring and other support services. They are also redesigning courses and rethinking whether all students in science programs need calculus.</li>
</ul>
<p>The University of California is facing a pivotal moment in its high-profile deliberation over whether to reinstate the SAT and ACT admissions requirement in response to students’ declining math preparedness.</p>
<p>UC’s Board of Admissions and Relations with Schools (BOARS) on Friday will review reports that more deeply explore the spike in the number of students <a href="https://edsource.org/2026/uc-freshmen-math-failure-doubled/767983" target="_blank" rel="noopener">failing introductory math courses</a> at the prestigious public university system.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, UC campuses and math departments are searching for their own answers to help students catch up in math. They are redesigning courses, expanding counseling services and encouraging students to take summer classes if they are underprepared, especially if they did not take precalculus in high school.</p>
<p>Some campuses are also reconsidering whether students in certain science programs need to take calculus. UCLA, for example, has found success with a first-year math course tailored to students in biology programs.</p>
<p>The reports to the admissions board could chart how UC responds to calls for reinstating high-stakes testing for freshman admissions.</p>
<p>One report will provide more information on enrollment patterns and performance in introductory math classes, such as calculus and precalculus. UC recently revealed that, last school year, 18% of students in those classes failed or struggled greatly. (That figure doesn’t account for students who started in a higher math class or didn’t take math at all.)</p>
<p>BOARS will also review a report on how student outcomes, such as grades and graduation rates, have changed since UC eliminated standardized testing in 2020.</p>
<p>The admissions board is expected to make a recommendation by February on whether to bring back the SAT and ACT for first-year admissions. The UC Board of Regents will make the final decision, likely in the summer.</p>
<p>“The numbers aren’t where we want them. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s the end of the story,” Pamela Brown, UC’s vice president for institutional research and academic planning, said of the failure rates in math courses.</p>
<p>A UC Berkeley alumnus, she recalled herself having trouble in math as an undergraduate before earning her bachelor’s degree in applied mathematics. “You can struggle in math, and you can still succeed at the university,” she said.</p>
<h4>Can the readiness crisis be traced to high school?</h4>
<p>UC is also investigating whether changes in high school course-taking patterns could help explain students’ preparation levels.</p>
<p>Across California, the share of high school students taking precalculus or calculus has steadily declined — from 45.9% of students in the class of 2017 to 33.4% of students in the class of 2024, according to <a href="https://edpolicyinca.org/sites/default/files/2026-04/r_dykeman-apr2026.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a study</a> this year by <a href="https://education.ucdavis.edu/california-education-lab" target="_blank" rel="noopener">California Education Lab</a> researchers. Neither course is required for UC admission, but some students take them to prepare for college-level math.</p>
<p>Those researchers are working with the UC president’s office to analyze course-taking patterns specifically among students who enroll at UC campuses. Their findings are not yet available.</p>
<p>At the same time, the share of California’s 11th graders who are proficient in math — 31.9% last school year — has remained below prepandemic levels.</p>
<p>Joel Hass, chair of the math department at UC Davis, acknowledged that more students are leaving high school unprepared for college math. Still, he said he supports reinstating the SAT and ACT, at least for certain math and science programs that require advanced math classes.</p>
<p>“It sends a signal not just to the campus, but also to the student, that maybe they aren’t prepared as they might think they are, and maybe they need to work hard to prepare for university coursework,” Hass said.</p>
<h4>Rethinking math instruction</h4>
<p>Some UC campuses are trying to support struggling students sooner.</p>
<p>At UC Riverside — where roughly 1 in 5 students in introductory math failed, withdrew or received a D last school year — more students are entering campus taking math fundamentals courses, a level below precalculus.</p>
<p>“This creates a domino effect, with freshmen now taking precalculus starting in winter or spring quarters. Historic data shows taking courses out of sequence results in much higher failure rates,” campus spokesperson John Warren said.</p>
<p>The campus encourages students who need to start in the math fundamentals class to take it in the summer before their freshman year. Riverside has also expanded peer mentoring, tutoring and supplemental instruction for students with the least math preparation.</p>
<p>Warren also noted that the UC system is “exploring math courses that are aligned to students’ study disciplines.”</p>
<p>One such example is at UCLA, where some students take a math course in UCLA’s life sciences college instead of a traditional calculus course in the math department.</p>
<p>The class, “Mathematics for Life Scientists,” is tailored specifically to students in UCLA’s various biology programs, said Eric Deeds, a professor of integrative biology and physiology.</p>
<p>Failure and withdrawal rates in the class are lower than the systemwide average in calculus courses. Students who complete the course often perform better in subsequent chemistry and physics courses than students who took calculus, according to data shared by Deeds.</p>
<p>The reason the course works for many students, Deeds said, is because it “teaches mathematics that is really relevant for the students,” including using math to analyze real-world problems.</p>
<p>One lesson asks students to consider an ecosystem with a predator species of sharks and a prey species of tuna. Students are then tasked with using mathematical modeling to determine what will happen to the shark and tuna populations.</p>
<p>“Those are questions that students in our class find really interesting,” Deeds said. “We get students hooked on the idea that we need this math to be effective as scientists.”</p>
<p>The course is expanding within the UC system. The Santa Cruz campus recently added a class within its math department that is modeled after the UCLA class, and early results in student outcomes “appear promising,” <a href="https://regents.universityofcalifornia.edu/regmeet/sept26/a1.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">according to a report to the UC Regents.</a></p>
<p>Deeds, who said he is “deeply concerned” about math readiness among UC enrollees, said he thinks nontraditional courses like the life sciences one could be part of the solution.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t say that this is the only remedy to this problem. I think that there’s a lot of work to be done,” he said.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" id="pubpixel-pixel" src="https://pubpixel.edsource.org/pixel.png?articleName=University%20of%20California%E2%80%99s%20math%20preparedness%20crisis%20spurs%20search%20for%20answers%20and%20solutions&amp;articlePath=2026%2Fuc-reinstates-sat-act&amp;articleByline=Michael%20Burke&amp;articleTopic=University%20of%20California&amp;articlePublishedDate=November%205%2C%202026" alt="" /></p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><a href="https://edsource.org/2026/uc-reinstates-sat-act/769836" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Previously published</a> on <a href="https://edsource.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">EdSource</a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3></h3>
<hr />
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo Credit: Students walk near UC Riverside&#8217;s bell tower, a landmark of the campus, on Feb. 26, 2026. / Credit: Michael Burke/EdSource</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/university-of-californias-math-preparedness-crisis-spurs-search-for-answers-and-solutions/">University of California’s Math Preparedness Crisis Spurs Search for Answers and Solutions</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>What 30 Years of Watching Men Buy Engagement Rings Taught Me</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/marriage-2/what-30-years-of-watching-men-buy-engagement-rings-taught-me/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/marriage-2/what-30-years-of-watching-men-buy-engagement-rings-taught-me/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Vladimir Milivojevic]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 09:45:15 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Marriage & Commitment]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1165653</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-1333935807-e1794269396950.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" />&#8212; I have sold engagement rings for 30 years. I have watched thousands of men walk into jewelry stores, most of them nervous, most of them underprepared, and most of them making the same mistakes. I am a third-generation jeweler. My grandfather did this, my father did this, and I grew up in the back&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/marriage-2/what-30-years-of-watching-men-buy-engagement-rings-taught-me/">What 30 Years of Watching Men Buy Engagement Rings Taught Me</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-1333935807-e1794269396950.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" /><p>&#8212;</p>
<p>I have sold engagement rings for 30 years. I have watched thousands of men walk into jewelry stores, most of them nervous, most of them underprepared, and most of them making the same mistakes.</p>
<p>I am a third-generation jeweler. My grandfather did this, my father did this, and I grew up in the back of a jewelry shop watching how the business really worked from the inside. When I started my own career in 1996, I thought I had already seen everything.</p>
<p>I had not. What I did not understand until I spent years on the sales floor is how hard this one purchase is on the buyer. Not the financial pressure, although that is real. The emotional pressure. The fear of getting it wrong. The weight of picking something she is going to wear every single day for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>So here are the three things I wish more men knew before they walked through the door.</p>
<h2><strong><b>1. The &#8220;three months salary&#8221; rule is marketing</b></strong></h2>
<p>If you are over 30, you probably grew up hearing that an engagement ring should cost three months of your salary. That number was not handed down from anywhere meaningful. It was invented by De Beers in the 1930s as a marketing campaign, and it worked so well that it became a cultural assumption.</p>
<p>There is no correct percentage of your income to spend on a ring. The right amount is whatever fits your financial life without creating stress. I have sold $2,000 rings to men who proposed with total confidence, and $25,000 rings to men who looked physically ill at checkout. The ring price did not predict anything about the relationship.</p>
<h2><strong><b>2. Ask her what she wants. Actually ask.</b></strong></h2>
<p>Half the men who come into my shop tell me some version of &#8220;I want to surprise her, but I have no idea what she likes.&#8221;</p>
<p>Those two sentences are in tension. If you genuinely have no idea what she likes, the surprise is probably not going to land. The move most couples are doing now is simple. She shows you two or three styles she likes, or sends you pictures, and you still get to pick the final ring. The setting, the stone, the metal, the specific design. The surprise is in the proposal and the specific ring you chose, not in the fact that you are proposing with a ring she would never have picked for herself.</p>
<p>Nobody loses here. She gets something she actually wants to wear every day. You get to buy with confidence instead of guessing.</p>
<h2><strong><b>3. The diamond is not the only option, and she may already know that</b></strong></h2>
<p>This one surprises most of my male customers. They assume every woman wants a traditional white diamond. A lot of them still do. But a huge and growing number of brides want something more personal. I have had grooms come in asking for a one carat diamond solitaire and leave with a two carat sapphire in a beautiful setting, for less money, because that is what she actually wanted when he finally asked.</p>
<p>Sapphires in particular have become one of the most requested center stones I sell. Part of that is Kate Middleton (the blue sapphire she wears was originally Princess Diana&#8217;s engagement ring). Part of it is that sapphires come in almost every color, so there is one that genuinely fits her. And part of it is that sapphires are nearly as hard as diamonds, so they hold up to daily wear without any real issue.</p>
<p>If you have been assuming diamond without really thinking about it, it is worth at least looking at what <a href="https://www.truesanity.com/collections/sapphire-rings" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><u>sapphire rings</u></a> look like in the real world before you commit. A lot of men change their mind the first time they actually see one in person.</p>
<h2><strong><b>The last thing</b></strong></h2>
<p>If I could give one piece of advice to a man about to buy an engagement ring, it would be this. Slow down.</p>
<p>Not the proposal. The purchase. Take an extra two weeks. Ask her casually what she likes. Look at jewelers who show you what they actually charge for the stone, the metal, and the labor, instead of hiding it all behind a vague retail price. Make a confident, well-informed decision.</p>
<p>She is going to wear this thing on her hand for the next 50 years. Spending a few extra weeks getting it right is nothing. You will be glad you did, and so will she.</p>
<h6>&#8212;</h6>
<h6><span data-sheets-root="1">This content is brought to you by Vladimir Milivojevic</span></h6>
<h6><a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/blue-sapphire-ring-on-hand-gm1333935807-416254664?phrase=saphire%20engagement%20ring" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStockPhoto</a></h6>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/marriage-2/what-30-years-of-watching-men-buy-engagement-rings-taught-me/">What 30 Years of Watching Men Buy Engagement Rings Taught Me</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>On Loving, Leaving &#038; Doing it Your Way</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/on-loving-leaving-doing-it-your-way/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/on-loving-leaving-doing-it-your-way/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Selma]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 09:30:12 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex & Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[breakups]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[letting go]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1129693</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />What works for some is unbearable for others. What breaks one person shapes the next. We run away or straight towards it. Before it ends, while it’s breaking and long after it’s over: do it your way.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/on-loving-leaving-doing-it-your-way/">On Loving, Leaving &#038; Doing it Your Way</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="533" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/senya-mitin-wzUz3RGZiFg-unsplash-1-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<div class="hn ig ih ii ij">
<div class="v cf">
<div class="cm bd ht hu hv hw">
<p id="940d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">We can be in a relationship and know it has no future. Maybe too many lines have been crossed. Or that our visions of life are no longer compatible. That we’ve lost ourselves, or that this simply isn’t the kind of love we want for ourselves. We can know all of this and still have neither the strength nor the will to leave. Or we leave, only to return. Knowing we shouldn’t have. And sometimes we don’t stay because we have hope. We stay because we’re afraid to admit to ourselves that it’s over.</p>
<p id="64e1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">And maybe it isn’t weakness that keeps us there. Maybe it’s the ability to see depth in someone that they haven’t found in themselves yet. We get pulled into the contradictions, the complexity, the version we believe exists beneath the surface. We shift pieces, look for clues, and hold onto the idea that if we just give enough, understand enough, love enough, it will work itself out. If we can name what’s broken, it means it can be fixed.</p>
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</div>
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<div class="v cf py pz qa qb" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="hn ig ih ii ij">
<div class="v cf">
<div class="cm bd ht hu hv hw">
<p id="822f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">But real love doesn’t mean fixing something. Or saving someone. It means loving without expecting something in return. It means honoring what makes the other person who they are. No time is running out. No distance that shrinks feelings, that feel so unconditional you could never bring yourself to be selfish.</p>
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<div class="v cf py pz qa qb" style="text-align: center;" role="separator"><strong>&#8230;</strong></div>
<div class="hn ig ih ii ij">
<div class="v cf">
<div class="cm bd ht hu hv hw">
<p id="e38d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">But only you can know when you’ve lost sight of your own life, because you’ve been looking at it through the other person’s eyes for so long. When you stop pushing yourself out of the center of your own story. That boundary isn’t in a book, not in a conversation with a friend, not in this text. It’s in you, and finding it can be sobering, devastating, or the most liberating thing you’ve ever felt.</p>
<p id="7d1f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">It’s about trusting your own timing. Knowing yourself well enough: who you are, what you need, and what you can no longer carry; to recognize the moment when it comes. And that might be the hardest part of all. Not the decision itself, but waiting for the moment when it feels right. And sometimes it never does, and you leave anyway. Because at some point, you simply know, even when it doesn’t feel easy.</p>
<p id="fbca" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">Some people can look at a situation and say: This isn’t what I want, and walk away. Others have to give until there’s nothing left to give. Love until there’s no love left. You don’t have to force yourself to stay or to go before you’re ready to live with the consequences.</p>
<p id="505b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you’re not ready to let go, don’t. If you want to exhaust all options, do it until you know you have. If you can leave, leave. If you go back, go back. Without explanation, without apology. It’s your decision. There are no right or wrong decisions. <strong class="ph in">A decision is simply a decision, and it’s your responsibility to make it the right one.</strong></p>
<p id="18b8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">This is not a call to stay when it’s hurting you. And yet — it’s rarely that simple. Even when you know it isn’t good. Even then, leaving can feel like the hardest thing imaginable. Because love and pain are not mutually exclusive. Because you can love someone who hurts you — and knowing that doesn’t necessarily give you the strength to go. This is not a call to look away from a certain urgency. If you need help, ask for it.</p>
<p id="2b34" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">But this is permission to do it your way. You set the pace, the rules, the boundaries. Even when no one around you understands. Even when you’ll one day tell yourself: I should have known better, earlier. Even then.</p>
<p id="3df7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph pf pg im ph b jk pi pj pk jn pl pm pn gn po pp pq gq pr ps pt gt pu pv pw px hn bg" data-selectable-paragraph="">Doing it your way means giving yourself the chance to grow beyond what you thought you were capable of. To learn what love truly means to you. What do you mean to yourself? Doing it your way is enough. When you’re ready to leave, leave. When you’re ready to let go, let go.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/hello-love/on-loving-leaving-doing-it-your-way-0bbc453f87c5" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published</a> on medium.com.</p>
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<div><a href="https://medium.com/hello-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/hello-love&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3pBWVjUOwX7xDJ_GMIZt4w">Hello, Love</a> (relationships)</div>
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<div><a href="https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Cc8XNWBjk9ANTbW2HGBWq">A Parent is Born</a> (Parenting)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/equality-includes-you" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/equality-includes-you&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0AGvNJMs4cYlmtpVWg6kCb">Equality Includes You</a> (Social Justice)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/greener-together" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/greener-together&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1Wv7MW8Ts0SG0CsGFlue_v">Greener Together</a> (Environment)</div>
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<div><a href="https://medium.com/modernidentities" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/modernidentities&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3V4cRKTckR-rLsymoacKMU">Modern Identities</a> (Gender, etc.)</div>
<div><a href="https://medium.com/co-existence" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/co-existence&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1751732708833000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0EKXRJFdPCi9ClFWUSfDrC">Co-Existence</a> (World)</div>
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<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-man-in-a-cowboy-hat-riding-a-white-horse-wzUz3RGZiFg" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Senya Mitin On Unsplash</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/on-loving-leaving-doing-it-your-way/">On Loving, Leaving &#038; Doing it Your Way</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Letters to My Son: You Don’t See Everything, Only What You Believe</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/letters-to-my-son-you-dont-see-everything-only-what-you-believe/</link>
					<comments>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/letters-to-my-son-you-dont-see-everything-only-what-you-believe/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Cecilio Blanco Ledesma]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 09:00:42 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Families]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fatherhood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[peace]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1162279</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="1200" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1-768x1152.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />It begins in what you choose to notice.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/letters-to-my-son-you-dont-see-everything-only-what-you-believe/">Letters to My Son: You Don’t See Everything, Only What You Believe</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="1200" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/felix-ngo-RdbV6HRpfMY-unsplash-1-768x1152.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p id="7275" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">My dear son,</p>
<p id="1bd7" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce ol" data-selectable-paragraph=""><span class="e om on oo op oq or os ot ou bd">Y</span>ou are not just living a life. You are interpreting one.</p>
<p id="200a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And the way you choose to interpret it will quietly decide everything.</p>
<p id="e49e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Not your talent. Not your luck. Not even the circumstances you start with. Those matter, but they don’t get the final say. The lens you carry inside you does. The beliefs you don’t question. The stories you repeat when no one is listening. That’s where your life is actually being built.</p>
<p id="c056" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I’ve watched people stand in the same room, under the same sky, facing the same moment, and walk away with completely different lives. One walks away convinced nothing meaningful ever happens. The other walks away certain that something important just shifted. Same moment. Different belief. Different future.</p>
<p id="71ed" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That difference is not small. It compounds.</p>
<p id="f366" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And it begins in places so quiet you almost miss them.</p>
<p id="ea4f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It begins in what you choose to notice.</p>
<blockquote class="ov ow ox">
<p id="1953" class="nq nr oy ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph=""><em class="ho">If you decide that life is mostly empty, you’ll get very good at proving that to yourself. You’ll overlook the timing of things. You’ll dismiss the moments that feel too precise to be random. You’ll explain away anything that doesn’t fit your expectation. You’ll call it coincidence, luck, or nothing at all. And over time, your world will shrink to match that belief.</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p id="6878" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Not because the world is small. Because you stopped looking for anything beyond it.</p>
<p id="3101" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I’m not telling you this as a warning. I’m telling you because I’ve done it.</p>
<p id="9c4b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There were years where I moved through life like it was something to manage instead of something to understand. I saw patterns but refused to trust them. I felt moments that carried weight but talked myself out of their meaning. I told myself I was being realistic. Grounded. Rational.</p>
<p id="5e6e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">What I was really doing was protecting myself from disappointment.</p>
<p id="5e1b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because if nothing means anything, then nothing can let you down.</p>
<p id="e097" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That sounds safe at first. It isn’t.</p>
<p id="148c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It drains the color out of everything.</p>
<p id="09ed" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You start expecting less, noticing less, feeling less. You think you’re avoiding pain, but you’re also cutting yourself off from depth. Life becomes predictable, but not in a way that feels stable. In a way that feels flat.</p>
<p id="0ead" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And once life feels flat, it’s hard to convince yourself there’s more.</p>
<p id="d492" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That’s the quiet danger of belief. It doesn’t just shape what you think. It shapes what you’re even capable of seeing.</p>
<p id="6efd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But the opposite is just as real.</p>
<p id="6082" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you choose to believe that life holds meaning, not in a blind or naive way, but in a steady, observant way, something shifts.</p>
<p id="f36c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You start paying attention differently.</p>
<p id="e759" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You notice the conversation that shows up right when you needed to hear something you couldn’t articulate yet. You recognize when rejection isn’t just rejection, but a redirection that would’ve made no sense if things had gone your way. You begin to see how often life closes one door with a kind of precision that only becomes clear later.</p>
<p id="89d5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">None of this requires you to be mystical or detached from reality. It requires you to stay open long enough to see what’s actually happening.</p>
<p id="5822" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That’s harder than it sounds.</p>
<p id="8f76" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because staying open means you can’t control the outcome. It means you have to live with uncertainty. It means you have to accept that you won’t always understand things in the moment.</p>
<p id="e31f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But here’s the part I want you to hold onto.</p>
<p id="728b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meaning is not something handed to you. It’s something you learn to recognize.</p>
<p id="f952" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And recognition is trained by belief.</p>
<p id="c06f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">If you believe there’s something to notice, you’ll start noticing it. If you believe there’s nothing there, you’ll walk right past it every time.</p>
<p id="9eb6" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The world does not force itself on you. It reveals itself based on what you’re willing to see.</p>
<p id="62b0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That’s why two people can live through the same hardship and come out completely different. One becomes closed, bitter, convinced the world is against them. The other becomes sharper, more aware, more grounded, convinced that even pain carries information.</p>
<p id="4cf6" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Neither of them are lying.</p>
<p id="89b8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They’re just telling different stories about what happened.</p>
<p id="00a2" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And those stories become the foundation of who they are next.</p>
<p id="7139" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I don’t want you to misunderstand me. Belief alone won’t protect you from pain. You’re going to face things that don’t feel meaningful. Moments that feel unfair. Loss that doesn’t come with an explanation.</p>
<p id="b683" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I won’t insult you by pretending otherwise.</p>
<p id="d3ec" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But even in those moments, the story you tell yourself matters.</p>
<p id="5cfe" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You can tell yourself that it’s random and empty, that it doesn’t lead anywhere, that it’s just something to endure. Or you can tell yourself that you don’t understand it yet, but it may be shaping you in ways that will only make sense later.</p>
<p id="e22e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">One story closes the door.</p>
<p id="ba1f" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The other keeps it open.</p>
<p id="fe88" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And that openness is where growth lives.</p>
<p id="2302" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I’ve seen this in my own life more times than I can count. Things I fought against that later became necessary. Paths I didn’t choose that ended up leading me somewhere I needed to be. Conversations that seemed ordinary at the time but changed the direction of everything.</p>
<p id="a090" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">None of it looked significant in the moment.</p>
<p id="10fd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Meaning rarely announces itself when it arrives.</p>
<p id="8945" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">It shows up quietly. It asks for your attention, not your certainty.</p>
<p id="67a5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And if you’re not paying attention, it passes right through your hands.</p>
<p id="7564" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This is where most people lose it. Not because they aren’t capable. But because they stop looking.</p>
<p id="56ab" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They decide too early what the world is.</p>
<p id="f74c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They settle into a version of reality that feels manageable, and they stay there. It’s easier to live inside a fixed story than to constantly revise it.</p>
<p id="755b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But that fixed story becomes a ceiling.</p>
<p id="96af" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">You stop questioning. You stop exploring. You stop allowing for anything unexpected.</p>
<p id="63b3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And slowly, without realizing it, you build a life that feels exactly as limited as the beliefs you started with.</p>
<p id="b36b" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That’s not fate. That’s repetition.</p>
<p id="d155" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">So here’s what I hope for you.</p>
<p id="0829" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I don’t want blind optimism. I don’t want you to walk through life pretending everything happens for a reason in a way that avoids responsibility or truth.</p>
<p id="9017" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I want you to be observant.</p>
<p id="5e5d" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I want you to notice patterns without rushing to explain them away. I want you to stay curious when something doesn’t make immediate sense. I want you to hold space for the possibility that there is more happening than what you can see right now.</p>
<p id="0b89" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because that space is where insight lives.</p>
<p id="2dd6" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And insight is what allows you to move through life with depth instead of reaction.</p>
<p id="ae61" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">There will be moments where you’re tempted to shut that down. Where it feels easier to say none of it matters. Where disappointment makes you want to reduce everything to chance.</p>
<p id="6623" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I understand that instinct.</p>
<p id="3994" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But don’t let it define you.</p>
<p id="00dd" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because the story you repeat in those moments will become your default. And your default will shape your future more than any single decision you make.</p>
<p id="0222" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">This s the part that’s hard to accept.</p>
<p id="81ef" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your life is not just shaped by what happens to you. It’s shaped by how you interpret what happens to you, and that interpretation becomes habit faster than you think.</p>
<p id="dd83" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">So choose carefully.</p>
<p id="9a9c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Not perfectly. You won’t always get it right. Neither did I.</p>
<p id="35e8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">But choose consciously.</p>
<p id="8ac6" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Pay attention to the language you use when you talk to yourself. Notice when you reduce something meaningful into something trivial just to avoid feeling it. Notice when you dismiss something too quickly because it doesn’t fit your current understanding.</p>
<p id="92f5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Those are the moments that matter.</p>
<p id="991c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That’s where your beliefs are quietly deciding what your life will look like.</p>
<p id="2e86" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And over time, those small decisions stack.</p>
<p id="0936" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">They become your perspective.</p>
<p id="ade0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your perspective becomes your behavior.</p>
<p id="0496" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Your behavior becomes your reality.</p>
<p id="1c82" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">That’s not philosophy. That’s how people end up living lives they don’t recognize.</p>
<p id="6a42" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Or lives that feel exactly like the ones they imagined.</p>
<p id="635a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I want yours to feel alive. Not easy. Not perfect. Alive.</p>
<p id="ec49" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">I want you to feel like you’re part of something that’s unfolding, not something that’s already been decided. I want you to stay engaged with your own life, not detached from it.</p>
<p id="4f46" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And that begins with what you believe is possible.</p>
<p id="adb3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Not in some abstract, motivational way. In a grounded, daily way. In how you interpret a conversation. In how you respond to rejection. In whether you see a closed door as an ending or a turn.</p>
<p id="1806" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Those small interpretations are where your life is actually happening.</p>
<p id="20b4" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">So don’t rush past them.</p>
<p id="df4e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Slow down enough to notice.</p>
<p id="eff8" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Stay honest enough to question.</p>
<p id="1af3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And stay open enough to let your understanding evolve.</p>
<p id="4d89" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Because the truth is simple, even if it’s not always easy to live with.</p>
<p id="0962" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">The stories you tell yourself will become the life you recognize.</p>
<p id="1f39" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">And I want you to recognize something worth living.</p>
<p id="ce42" class="pw-post-body-paragraph nq nr ho ns b nt nu nv nw nx ny nz oa ej ob oc od em oe of og eq oh oi oj ok fv ce" data-selectable-paragraph="">Dad</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>This post was <a href="https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born/letters-to-my-son-you-dont-see-everything-only-what-you-believe-86edf27ae8ef" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previously published</a> on medium.com.</p>
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<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
<p>&#8211;</p>
<p>Photo credit: <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-small-plant-growing-out-of-a-crack-in-a-rock-RdbV6HRpfMY" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Felix Ngo on Unsplash</a></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/letters-to-my-son-you-dont-see-everything-only-what-you-believe/">Letters to My Son: You Don’t See Everything, Only What You Believe</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>Beyond the Operating Room: How Dr. Jordan Green Is Bringing a Personalized Approach to Spine Care</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/beyond-the-operating-room-how-dr-jordan-green-is-bringing-a-personalized-approach-to-spine-care/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Waqas Malik]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 08:45:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Everyday Life]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1165415</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" />&#8212; She was 93 years old, living alone on a large acreage, and she had a single request. Not to run a marathon. Not to return to work. She wanted to pull weeds around her house without needing a wheelchair to do it. Previous surgeons had told her to accept her condition and move on.&#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/beyond-the-operating-room-how-dr-jordan-green-is-bringing-a-personalized-approach-to-spine-care/">Beyond the Operating Room: How Dr. Jordan Green Is Bringing a Personalized Approach to Spine Care</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="724" height="483" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579.jpg 724w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579-300x200.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/iStock-2216320579-594x396.jpg 594w" sizes="(max-width: 724px) 100vw, 724px" /><p>&#8212;</p>
<p>She was 93 years old, living alone on a large acreage, and she had a single request. Not to run a marathon. Not to return to work. She wanted to pull weeds around her house without needing a wheelchair to do it. Previous surgeons had told her to accept her condition and move on. Her age, they reasoned, made intervention too risky and her goal too modest to pursue.</p>
<p>That conversation might have ended there. But it didn&#8217;t.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.healthgrades.com/physician/dr-jordan-howard-green-xyntmty" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><u>Dr. Jordan Green</u></a>, an orthopedic and spine physician practicing in independent medicine, heard something different in her story. He heard a woman whose identity was tied to her home, to the land she and her late husband had tended together, and to her ability to care for it herself. Her diagnosis was severe spinal stenosis causing neurogenic claudication. Her goal was independence. And for Dr. Green, those two things were equally important parts of the same clinical picture.</p>
<p>That instinct, to treat the person before treating the condition, runs through everything Dr. Green does.</p>
<p><strong>From a High School Classroom to Chicago&#8217;s South Side</strong></p>
<p>Dr. Green didn&#8217;t arrive at medicine through a single defining moment. His interest built gradually, shaped by education and then sharpened by proximity to the real consequences of unequal care.</p>
<p>During high school, a medical science curriculum introduced him to the concept of healthcare disparities. It was the kind of classroom exposure that opens a door rather than answers a question. For Dr. Green, it planted something that grew considerably when he moved to Chicago&#8217;s South Side for college.</p>
<p>&#8220;I was inspired to become a physician to help eliminate healthcare disparities in our country,&#8221; he recalled. &#8220;This knowledge deepened during college while living on the south side of Chicago, where I witnessed disparities firsthand.&#8221;</p>
<p>What he observed in that community wasn&#8217;t abstract. It was the gap between the care some patients received and the care they deserved. That experience became a reference point, a reason to provide high-quality <a href="https://www.sccipa.com/find-a-provider/jordan-howard-green-md/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><u>orthopedic and spine care</u></a> to patients from all backgrounds, regardless of their circumstances.</p>
<p>Those early years also shaped how he listens to patients now. The physician who spent time in underserved communities understands that what a patient says about their life outside the clinic can matter as much as what appears on their imaging.</p>
<p><strong>Why He Left a Large Medical Group to Build His Own Practice</strong></p>
<p>After completing his training, Dr. Green joined a large multispecialty medical group focused on orthopedic and spine care for high-need patients. The work was meaningful. The patient population was complex. But something kept nagging at him.</p>
<p>&#8220;Although the work was rewarding,&#8221; he explained, &#8220;I often felt limited in my ability to fully control the patient experience.&#8221;</p>
<p>That limitation wasn&#8217;t about skill or resources. It was about involvement. In larger healthcare organizations, the patient journey is often divided across departments, coordinators, and providers. That structure serves a real purpose, but it can also create distance between the physician and the full arc of a patient&#8217;s care.</p>
<p>Dr. Green wanted something different. He wanted to be present at every stage, from the first referral to the post-operative visit, managing the process with enough continuity that no detail fell through the gaps. His transition into independent practice was built on that desire.</p>
<p>His practice now allows him to oversee the full patient journey, including:</p>
<ul>
<li>Processing referrals and coordinating initial access to care</li>
<li>Conducting clinical evaluations and diagnostic conversations</li>
<li>Administering nonsurgical interventions, including injections</li>
<li>Planning and performing surgical care when clinically appropriate</li>
<li>Managing follow-up and ongoing care coordination</li>
</ul>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>That kind of continuity isn&#8217;t just operationally convenient. For Dr. Green, it&#8217;s the foundation of the care relationship itself.</p>
<p><strong>Listening Before Deciding: A Different Starting Point for Spine Care</strong></p>
<p>Spine conditions affect people in ways that don&#8217;t always show up clearly on a scan. One patient&#8217;s herniated disc produces debilitating pain. Another person with a similar finding manages well and simply wants to avoid surgery. A third patient carries a diagnosis for years before symptoms become disruptive enough to address.</p>
<p>This variability is exactly why <a href="https://npiregistry.cms.hhs.gov/provider-view/1063904829" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><u>Dr. Jordan Howard Green</u></a>&#8216;s approach to spine care begins not with a treatment plan but with a conversation. Before determining what to do, he invests time in understanding who the patient is, what they&#8217;re experiencing, and what they&#8217;re hoping to maintain or regain.</p>
<p>The questions that matter aren&#8217;t only clinical ones. Which daily activities have become difficult or impossible? What has already been tried? What worries them most about treatment? What does a meaningful recovery actually look like for their life?</p>
<p>&#8220;My patient care philosophy is guided by two essential values: personalized attention and conservative treatment,&#8221; Dr. Green said. &#8220;I prioritize taking the time to truly listen to each patient, avoiding a one-size-fits-all approach.&#8221;</p>
<p>That listening shapes the treatment conversation from the start. Surgery is not withheld when it&#8217;s clearly indicated. But it&#8217;s also not offered as the default first response when other options haven&#8217;t been tried.</p>
<p><strong>The Case for Conservative Care</strong></p>
<p>Not every spine-related condition requires an operation. Depending on the diagnosis, the patient&#8217;s medical history, and the nature of their symptoms, nonsurgical care can provide meaningful relief. Physical therapy, activity modification, medically supervised rehabilitation, medication management, and selected interventional procedures all have a place in the treatment conversation.</p>
<p>Dr. Green&#8217;s position is clear: &#8220;I consider surgery as a last resort and only recommend it when all other treatment options have been exhausted.&#8221;</p>
<p>That philosophy doesn&#8217;t mean surgery is always avoidable, or that delaying it serves every patient. There are conditions where surgical intervention is the appropriate, and sometimes urgent, course. But the willingness to consider conservative options first reflects a respect for patient autonomy and a recognition that recovery looks different for different people.</p>
<p>His research interests reinforce this orientation. Dr. Green has been actively involved in work on biologics and regenerative medicine, areas that hold particular promise for treating complex spine conditions through less invasive means.</p>
<p>&#8220;I find biologics and regenerative medicine particularly compelling,&#8221; he said, &#8220;as they offer potential for managing numerous conditions with minimally invasive techniques, which traditionally required surgical interventions.&#8221;</p>
<p>One of his scholarly articles has been cited nearly 1,500 times, reflecting a contribution to the basic science community that extends well beyond his own clinical practice.</p>
<p><strong>What the Gardener Taught Him About Treatment Goals</strong></p>
<p>The 93-year-old woman with spinal stenosis had been told, by more than one physician, to simply live with her condition. Her age was cited. Her goals were treated as unrealistic. She arrived at Dr. Green&#8217;s practice having already been dismissed.</p>
<p>What Dr. Green saw was a patient whose independence was meaningful and whose request was specific. She wasn&#8217;t asking for a cure or a transformation. She was asking to tend to the weeds around her house, to maintain the connection to the home she loved, without requiring a wheelchair or an assistant to help her do it.</p>
<p>He performed a short, minimally invasive procedure to address her stenosis. Within two weeks, she was back in her garden.</p>
<p>&#8220;She expressed immense gratitude for the chance to continue an activity she cherished,&#8221; Dr. Green recalled, &#8220;which might seem trivial to others but was deeply meaningful to her.&#8221;</p>
<p>That outcome wasn&#8217;t coincidental. It followed directly from his decision to take her goal seriously. Her age didn&#8217;t make her aspiration irrelevant. It made understanding that aspiration more important, not less.</p>
<p>Her story illustrates something that can get lost in clinical settings: the gap between a diagnosis and what a patient actually needs isn&#8217;t always bridged by the right procedure alone. Sometimes it&#8217;s bridged by the right conversation first.</p>
<p><strong>Building Toward Broader Access Without Losing Individual Attention</strong></p>
<p>Dr. Green&#8217;s vision for his practice over the next five years centers on growth without dilution. He intends to bring in additional physicians and physician assistants, expanding the practice&#8217;s capacity to serve more patients across different needs and circumstances.</p>
<p>At the same time, he is looking at technology as a tool for improving access and communication, not as a replacement for the relationship-based care that defines his approach. Scheduling, administrative coordination, and patient communication are all areas where thoughtful implementation can reduce friction without reducing the quality of the clinical encounter.</p>
<p>He&#8217;s also invested in spine product development, working to apply his surgical experience and problem-solving instincts to the design of treatments that may improve outcomes after surgery. &#8220;This work allows me to leverage my expertise as a spine surgeon,&#8221; he said, &#8220;while incorporating my intuition and problem-solving skills.&#8221;</p>
<p>These goals reflect the same thread that connects his high school classroom in medical science to his time on Chicago&#8217;s South Side to his decision to build an independent practice: a consistent interest in improving what patients experience and expanding who has access to quality care.</p>
<p>Dr. Jordan Green&#8217;s patient-centered philosophy is not a marketing position. It&#8217;s the principle that explains how a 93-year-old woman ended up back in her garden, doing something that mattered to her, after being told by others that her window for care had closed.</p>
<p>The through-line in his work is straightforward. Effective spine care requires clinical knowledge, yes. But it also requires the willingness to ask what the patient is actually trying to get back, and then to build the treatment conversation around that answer. That&#8217;s where good medicine begins, and for Dr. Green, it&#8217;s where it has always begun.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
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<h6><a href="https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/doctor-demonstrates-spine-anatomy-in-modern-clinic-gm2216320579-633002592?phrase=spine%20care" target="_blank" rel="noopener">iStockPhoto</a></h6>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/everyday-life-2/beyond-the-operating-room-how-dr-jordan-green-is-bringing-a-personalized-approach-to-spine-care/">Beyond the Operating Room: How Dr. Jordan Green Is Bringing a Personalized Approach to Spine Care</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
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		<title>We Used to Call Leaf-Peeping ‘Going for a Ride’</title>
		<link>https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/we-used-to-call-leaf-peeping-going-for-a-ride/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Kentucky Lantern]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2026 08:30:27 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice & Confessions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured Content]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[autumn]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family memories]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodmenproject.com/?p=1165277</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p><img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" />A nostalgic Appalachian essay celebrates simple autumn drives, changing mountain foliage, roadside stops, family stories and enjoying nature without elaborate travel plans.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/we-used-to-call-leaf-peeping-going-for-a-ride/">We Used to Call Leaf-Peeping ‘Going for a Ride’</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodmenproject.com">The Good Men Project</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="800" height="500" src="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash.jpg" class="attachment-featured-img size-featured-img wp-post-image" alt="" style="align:centre; margin-bottom:40px; height: 300px; width: 600px;" decoding="async" srcset="https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash-300x188.jpg 300w, https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/11/kumara-kahatapitiya-LogYEoFWbP0-unsplash-768x480.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /><p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>By Wayne Knuckles</p>
<p>I saw something the other day about “leaf-peeping.”</p>
<p>Apparently, this is an activity now. You can plan a trip around it, <a href="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.kentuckytourism.com/kentucky-fall-foliage-map&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1792835464172000&amp;sa=E" target="_blank" rel="noopener">consult a map</a>, book a room, and purchase clothing suitable for looking at a tree.</p>
<p>We used to call it going for a ride.</p>
<p>Somebody would look out the window after Sunday dinner and say, “Let’s go see if the leaves are turning.”</p>
<p>That was the planning committee’s entire report.</p>
<p>Nobody checked an app. Daddy might have checked the gas gauge, although sometimes that appeared to be more of a suggestion than an instrument.</p>
<p>Then everybody got in the car.</p>
<p>In the mountains, a fall drive didn’t require much navigation. You picked a road that went uphill and stayed on it until somebody said, “I don’t believe we’ve ever been this way.”</p>
<p>This was generally followed by somebody else saying, “Yes, we have.”</p>
<p>A discussion would develop.</p>
<p>The leaves were beautiful, but occasionally they had to compete with a marital hearing about whether that was the same barn we passed coming back from somebody’s funeral.</p>
<p>There was always something to see.</p>
<p>A hillside gone yellow. A red maple standing by itself like it had dressed up for church. A little house with smoke coming out of the chimney and a dog who considered traffic a personal insult.</p>
<p>You slowed down.</p>
<p>Partly for the scenery. Partly because there might be a tractor around the next curve, and its operator had no particular interest in your afternoon schedule.</p>
<p>Sometimes you stopped at a roadside stand.</p>
<p>Apples tasted better when they came out of a wooden basket beside the road. I cannot prove that scientifically, but I am willing to participate in further research.</p>
<p>If there was cider, you bought some.</p>
<p>If there were fried apple pies, the trip had fulfilled its purpose.</p>
<p>What I remember about those rides is how little pressure there was to accomplish anything. We weren’t trying to reach an overlook before a reservation. Nobody needed a photograph proving we had enjoyed ourselves.</p>
<p>We could look at a mountain without immediately turning our backs to it and holding up a telephone.</p>
<p>Sometimes nobody said much for miles.</p>
<p>Then somebody would point out an old homeplace, and a story would start. Who lived there. Who married whom. Who moved to Ohio and eventually came back.</p>
<p>You learned a surprising amount of family history from the back seat of a car, provided you could hear over the argument about the barn.</p>
<p>I understand the appeal of a fall getaway. These mountains deserve the attention.</p>
<p>But I’d hate for us to think enjoying the fall requires a reservation.</p>
<p>Pick a road. Take somebody whose company you enjoy. Leave enough time to stop when something catches your eye.</p>
<p>The leaves won’t stay much longer.</p>
<p>And if you pass a little stand selling fried apple pies, pull over.</p>
<p>You can admire the scenery while you eat. That way, if the colors aren’t quite what you hoped, you still have a perfectly good reason to declare the trip a success.</p>
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<p><a href="https://kentuckylantern.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kentucky Lantern</a> is part of States Newsroom, a nonprofit news network supported by grants and a coalition of donors as a 501c(3) public charity. Kentucky Lantern maintains editorial independence. Contact Editor Linda Blackford for questions: <a href="mailto:info@kentuckylantern.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">info@kentuckylantern.com</a>.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em><a href="https://kentuckylantern.com/2026/11/06/we-used-to-call-leaf-peeping-going-for-a-ride/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Previously Published</a> on <i>kentuckylantern with <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Creative Commons License</a></i></em></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;">***</p>
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