—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.

Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.

Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!

***

–

Photo credit: christopher lemercier On Unsplash

The post The Hidden Truth: Not Every Relationship Belongs in Couples Counselling appeared first on The Good Men Project.

By Greg Toppo, The 74

This story first appeared at The 74, a nonprofit news site covering education. Sign up for free newsletters from The 74 to get more like this in your inbox.

The largest study ever of school cell phone bans finds that they offer decidedly mixed results, with teachers reporting fewer distractions when students lock their phones away during the school day, but little evidence the bans quickly bring improved academic achievement or better behavior, as many advocates have hoped.

The study, by scholars at Stanford University, Duke University, The University of Michigan and the University of Pennsylvania, compiled data from Yondr, a California startup that makes lockable pouches for schools, businesses and entertainment venues. Published Monday by the National Bureau of Economic Research, it looks at data from about 4,600 schools and is the first nationally representative look at cell phone bans.

It’s also the first to rely on actual data tracking locked-up phones, not just school “no-show” policies that ask students to keep phones hidden in backpacks or pockets, said Thomas Dee, a Stanford economist who co-led the study. No-show policies, he said, are inconsistently and unevenly enforced and not a good basis for research. “We wanted to leverage the data from Yondr because it gives us much more confidence that in-school use of phones is actually being restricted,” he said in an interview.

A 2024 Pew Research study found that about one in three teachers consider students distracted by cell phones “a major problem.” Among high school teachers, that figure rises sharply, to 72%. More recently, Pew researchers found that 74% of U.S. adults say they would support banning cellphones during class for middle and high school students, up from 68% last fall.

Much of that momentum grows from years of efforts by the psychologist Jonathan Haidt, who has pushed for schools to ban phones. Haidt, author of the mega-bestseller The Anxious Generation, has said there’s growing evidence of an “international epidemic” of mental illness that started around 2012, caused in part by social media and teens’ uptake of smartphones in the early 2010s.

As of this spring, at least 37 states and the District of Columbia require school districts to ban or restrict students’ phone use in schools. Teachers and parents typically support the bans, while students, on the whole, oppose them. Students also say schools shouldn’t expect big results.

Here are five key findings from the NBER study:

1. Phone bans work. Teacher surveys in schools that banned phones bell-to-bell found that the share of students reporting using phones in class for personal reasons fell from 61% to 13%. And GPS data suggest phone usage dropped dramatically — a “large and persistent decline” on campuses with bans, researchers noted. These schools saw a roughly 30% drop in total device pings during school hours by the third year after pouch adoption. This change, however, can’t necessarily be read as a direct measure of the change in student phone use, researchers say, since the data also includes use by adults. And pings are often recorded when phones are on but not in use. But the data still suggest that the sheer impact on student use is substantial and that it can be read as a “conservative lower bound” on the magnitude of cell phone policies.
2. Discipline worsened, then improved. In the first year of adoption, schools that banned phones saw about a 16% increase in suspension rates — both in- and out-of-school — but this effect faded in subsequent years, researchers found. The uptick likely reflects the fact that many schools took enforcement seriously — and that students turned to other disruptive behaviors.
3. Student well-being dipped, then bounced back. Subjective well-being declined in the first year of adoption, then rebounded, researchers found. It turned positive by the second year.
4. Academic achievement gains were minimal. Average effects on standardized test scores were “consistently close to zero” across the first three years after adoption, with similar findings across subjects.
5. Attendance, attention and bullying were largely unaffected. Effects on attendance were “close to zero” — researchers also found no measurable improvements in perceived online bullying or self-reported classroom attention.

“I think it’s reasonable to view these results as sobering,” said Stanford’s Dee, who added that not seeing better results at this early stage “is somewhat disappointing.”

But he noted that as schools keep their bans in place, indicators like student well-being and suspension rates improve. In the first year of the phone bans, students’ self-reported well-being dropped substantially, as disciplinary rates rise, Dee said. “But within three years, students’ well-being is actually above what it was at baseline.”

Likewise, he said, the rise in so-called “exclusionary discipline” such as suspension, “really only occurs in the first year of the phone bans. By the third year, exclusionary discipline rates have returned to their baseline levels.”

The study tracked three cohorts of schools, which adopted phone bans in 2022, 2023 and 2024 respectively. Dee noted that the newest cohorts have actually seen test scores rise in a short time. He isn’t exactly certain why, but theorizes that “the entire social context around which we understand phone bans may be changing — I think people are much more likely to see phone bans in a beneficent light now, as something that’s meant to help us rather than constrain us, even relative to several years ago.”

Dee cautioned that the findings are just a glimpse into the early days of phone bans. In the end, phone bans do what they advertise: They drive down student phone use. That in itself has a clear effect, even if other indicators don’t shift right away.

“I firmly believe that getting student phone use down, recapturing their attention in classrooms within schools, is a critical antecedent to realizing their academic potential,” he said, suggesting we need to give them a couple of years to see results.

“We need to not succumb to the usual faddishness that permeates education reform,” he said, “and persist with a robust learning agenda that will allow us to figure out how to manage digital devices and support child development.”

—

This story was produced by The 74, a non-profit, independent news organization focused on education in America.

***

If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.

Photo credit: unsplash

The post Five Things to Know About Largest Cell Phone Ban Study appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.

Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.

Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!

***

–

Photo credit: Everton Vila on Unsplash

The post The Night I Stopped Being Likeable appeared first on The Good Men Project.

By Aviva Patz for Hone Health

Aging is often considered synonymous with physical and mental decline, but a new nationwide survey of 1,000 adults aged 35–65 shows that increasingly, people in this age group feel more in control of their health now than they did a decade ago.

The survey, conducted by Hone Health, a telehealth platform focused on longevity and preventative health, found nearly three-quarters of respondents are actively taking steps to improve their healthspan.

They’re managing their weight, building muscle, getting regular bloodwork, minding their heart health, taking sleep more seriously, investing in relationships, and making time to destress. And taking these proactive steps is making them feel rosier about their future: Nearly a third want to live to 100, especially if they can live those years in good health. Close to a quarter would like to live to 90–99.

“What stands out to me clinically from the data is that 70% of midlife adults feel more in control of their health than they did earlier in adulthood,” says longevity physician Candice Knight, M.D. “That belief matters more than people realize. A sense of control is one of the strongest predictors of long-term health outcomes.”

Knight says she tells her patients they have to be able to see themselves well to visualize the version of themselves they want to become. “When you stop seeing your health as something that happens to you, and start seeing it as something you can shape, that’s when real change becomes possible.”

That sense of control doesn’t arrive all at once. The data shows it plays out differently depending on where someone is in midlife.

The 40s Are the New Launchpad

The 45–49 year-olds — squarely in the heart of midlife — report feeling the greatest control over their health of any age group, with 51% saying they feel “much more in control” than decades earlier.

They rank highly for a number of health habits typical of a lower biological age:

• 74% get regular checkups and screenings
• 68% get regular blood work
• 69% invest in strong relationships

Longevity ambition peaks here too: Adults ages 40–44 are more likely to aspire to live to 90–99 (31%) than any other age group.

The 50s Are a Take-Control Era

The 50s are when people appear to get most proactive about their health. Adults 55–59 rank among the highest for actively managing heart health (79%), immune health (80%), and emotional wellbeing (77%).

This group also leads in doctor checkups and screenings (87%) and regular blood work (85%). Adults ages 55–59 are also among the most ambitious about longevity, with 37% hoping to live to 100 or beyond.

For women, Knight believes that once they move through perimenopause, they begin to feel like themselves again. “Their energy returns, their clarity improves, and with that comes a sense of renewed optimism,” she says. “They finally start to see further into their future, and realize that those can be quality years.”

The 60s Are the Most Underreported Good-News Story in Aging

The 60–65-year-olds are the most likely to want to live to 100 (32%), and they’re following through — ranking among the highest age groups in regular checkups and screenings (83%), blood work (83%), and supplements (86%).

“The later-in-life patients are most optimistic about aging because they often have many fewer responsibilities and commitments, which allows them the time and space for self-care,” Knight says.

The Takeaway

Midlife adults across the country are pushing back against the idea that aging means decline. They’re building habits, tracking their health, and thinking seriously about how long — and how well — they want to live. The data suggests that how you approach midlife may matter more than the number itself.

Results come from a January 2026 online survey of 1,000 adults aged 35–65. The survey explored attitudes about aging, health behaviors, identity, and language preferences related to this life stage. Age distribution: 35–39 (23%), 40–44 (24%), 45–49 (22%), 50–54 (14%), 55–59 (10%), 60–65 (7%). Gender: 48% male, 52% female. Geographic coverage: All major U.S. regions represented. Household income: Broad distribution from under $10,000 to $200,000+.

This story was produced by Hone Health and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.

—

Previously Published on hub.stackernewswire

The Good Men Project is part of a multi-platform ecosystem: flagship site, Medium publications, Substacks, social media. We publish experts, authors, therapists, coaches, activists, and wellness professionals. AI tools look for stable, context-rich domains with clear topical focus. GMP’s mission-driven content helps articles perform better in AI-powered discovery.

If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.

Photo credit: unsplash

The post Most Midlife Adults Feel Better About Their Health Than They Did in Their 30s, According to Hone Health Data appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

Bluetooth headphones have become a daily essential for music, calls, gaming, and even work meetings. With so many options available, it is easy to get confused or overspend on features you may not actually need. In Singapore, where people often use headphones during commuting, office work, and travel, choosing the right pair can make everyday life more convenient and comfortable.

The key is not to buy the most expensive option but to find a pair that matches your usage, comfort needs, and budget.

Why Bluetooth Headphones Are So Popular

Bluetooth headphones remove the need for wires, making them more convenient for movement and daily use. You can connect them to your phone, laptop, or tablet without dealing with tangled cables.

They are widely used for commuting, working out, gaming, and remote work because they are flexible and easy to carry.

Over time, improvements in battery life and sound quality have made them a reliable alternative to wired headphones for most users.

Key Features to Consider Before Buying

One of the most important factors is sound quality. Good Bluetooth headphones should offer balanced audio, clear vocals, and decent bass without distortion at higher volumes.

Battery life is another important consideration. Depending on usage, some headphones last a full day or even several days on a single charge.

Comfort is also essential, especially if you plan to wear them for long periods. Lightweight designs with padded ear cups or soft ear tips usually provide better comfort.

Connection stability matters too. A strong Bluetooth connection reduces lag and interruptions, which is especially important for calls or video watching.

Types of Bluetooth Headphones

There are different types of Bluetooth headphones, and each suits different needs.

Over-ear headphones cover the ears completely and usually provide better sound quality and noise isolation. They are ideal for home or office use.

On-ear headphones rest on the ears and are generally lighter, but may not block noise as effectively.

In-ear wireless earbuds are compact and portable, making them popular for commuting, exercise, and travel.

Choosing the right type depends on how and where you plan to use them most often.

Matching Headphones to Your Lifestyle

If you travel often or use public transport, lightweight earbuds or noise-isolating models may be more practical.

For office or home use, over-ear headphones are often more comfortable for long listening sessions.

For fitness or outdoor activities, sweat resistance and a secure fit become more important than premium sound features.

Understanding your daily routine helps narrow down options quickly and avoid unnecessary spending.

Common Mistakes When Buying Bluetooth Headphones

One common mistake is focusing only on the brand name without checking the actual features. Well-known brands may offer quality, but not every model suits every user.

Another mistake is paying for features you do not need, such as advanced noise cancellation or gaming modes, when basic listening is your main use.

Ignoring comfort is also a frequent issue. Even good sound quality becomes less enjoyable if the headphones feel uncomfortable after short use.

How to Avoid Overspending

Setting a clear budget before shopping helps narrow down choices. It prevents you from being influenced by high-end models with features you may never use.

Comparing specifications rather than just prices is also important. Two similarly priced headphones may offer very different performance levels.

Reading real user feedback can also help identify whether a product performs well in everyday use rather than just on paper.

Conclusion

Choosing the right Bluetooth headphones is about balance, not luxury. By focusing on comfort, battery life, sound quality, and your actual lifestyle needs, you can find a pair that fits well without overspending.

In a busy environment like Singapore, having reliable Bluetooth headphones can make daily activities more enjoyable and efficient, whether you are working, travelling, or relaxing.

FAQs

Are expensive Bluetooth headphones always better?

Not always. Many mid-range models offer excellent sound and comfort for everyday use.

How long should a Bluetooth headphone battery last?

Most good models last between 10 and 30 hours, depending on usage and features.

Do Bluetooth headphones have lag?

Some may have slight lag, but modern versions are usually stable for music and calls.

Which is better, earbuds or over-ear headphones?

It depends on usage. Earbuds are more portable, while over-ear headphones are often more comfortable for long listening.

—

This content is brought to you by Alexander Reid

Photos provided by Alexander Reid.

The post How to Choose the Right Bluetooth Headphones Without Overspending appeared first on The Good Men Project.

If one of the things you’re hoping to find in the new year is love, you should probably take a minute and make sure you’re ready. Whether you’re new to serious dating or recovering from a failed relationship and looking for your next chapter, ensuring you’re ready for that step is a big part of being successful.

The romantics reading this are thinking, “You can’t get ready for love. It happens when it happens! You make the best of it when the opportunity presents itself.”

That’s not entirely wrong, but it’s not quite right, either.

Falling in love isn’t like setting a business meeting. But jumping into a relationship when you’re not ready can have painful consequences for both partners. As a relationship counselor, I’ve seen firsthand just what can happen.

So, if a relationship is on your wish list, making sure you’re properly prepped is a wise move.

After all, you wouldn’t take a car on a long road trip without making sure it’s mechanically sound (at least you shouldn’t). So why would you put yourself out there without performing a pre-relationship tune-up?

How Do You Know If You’re Ready For A Relationship?

New relationships are both exciting and scary. A bit of worry at the start is to be expected.

If you’re one of the many who wonder if you’re actually ready for the commitment and responsibility that comes with a serious relationship, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do you understand who you are and what you value? If you’ve been vacillating between van life and medical school, or are not sure if monogamy is natural, you may have problems establishing a healthy relationship.

 If you’re comfortable with the identity you’ve created and know what’s important to you and what’s not, that’s a good sign.

2. Are you financially responsible? This doesn’t mean being wealthy or even having a stocked-up savings account. It does mean, however, that you have a job and consistent income, pay your bills, live within your means, and have a plan for your financial future.

 Money is one of the top things couples fight about. Getting into a relationship without this base covered is a recipe for tension and arguments.

3. Are your exes firmly in the rearview? Some will say that it takes a few tries and fails to be truly ready for a long-term relationship. I agree with this.

 You have to walk before you run, so, for most people, some unsuccessful relationships provide learning opportunities.

But these past relationships need to be clearly over before starting anything new. If there’re any residual feelings, you’re creating an unfair situation for yourself and a new partner and setting yourself up for failure.

This is particularly true if your past relationship was a marriage or if children were involved. In these cases, there need to be obvious boundaries and enough time for healing. This is generally measured in months, numbering 12 or more.

4. Do you feel comfortable with your own boundaries? Knowing what you will and won’t accept in a relationship is crucial. Yes, relationships require compromise, but everyone should have a baseline expectation when it comes to respect, honesty, and communication.

 It sounds black and white, but people find more grey in these areas than you might expect, and those shades of grey can cause big problems.

5. Are you comfortable being alone? No one wants to feel lonely, but not wanting to be lonely isn’t a good reason to start a relationship. Sadly, one of the consequences of getting into a relationship just so you’re not lonely is can actually be feeling lonely in your relationship.

Before you can be a good companion to someone else, you really need to feel comfortable with your own company. Getting to this state can take time and requires a certain amount of self-confidence.

6. Are you generally happy? If you’re unhappy before a relationship, a relationship won’t fix it. Not only will it make things worse, but it’s also unfair to your new partner.

Before you can have a happy, healthy relationship, you need to get to the root of your discontent. Once you consider yourself happy on your own, you can share happiness with someone else.

Answering “yes” to the questions above is a good sign that you’re stable and ready to begin a new relationship.

The Biggest Way To Know You’re Relationship Ready

But perhaps the most significant sign that you might be ready for a relationship is,

7. You’re not feeling desperate to find one. 

If you’ve answered “yes” to the questions above and are comfortable with letting things happen naturally without desperately pursuing every single person possible. In that case, you’re in a good position to evaluate and find real compatibility.

Trying to force a square peg into a round hole just because you want a plus one won’t work. The truth is most relationships begin when people aren’t actively seeking one.

Being open to meeting new people, dating when it makes sense, or just getting to know someone better is more likely to lead to a compatible pairing than asking every prospect how many kids they want.

Do you want to know another sign that you’re at least getting close to being relationship-ready? You’ve taken the time to read this and sincerely consider whether you’re ready.

A strong, happy, and long-lasting relationship takes more than attraction and love. It takes committed partners who can fully commit to one another. You can’t do that if you’re not ready.

—

iStock image

The post Are You Relationship Ready? Check the 7 Signs That Can Help You Tell appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Shreshtha Das is a Researcher/Advisor on Gender with Amnesty International, focusing on gender, racial justice, refugees, and migrants’ rights. In this interview, they discuss Amnesty International’s research on xenophobic technology-facilitated gender-based violence against racialized migrant women and 2SLGBTQI+ people in Canada. Das analyzes online hate narratives, “great replacement” conspiracies, platform dynamics, anonymity, dehumanization, self-censorship, and the links between digital abuse, public participation, and offline safety.

In this interview, Scott Douglas Jacobsen asks Shreshtha Das about how online hate affects racialized migrant women and 2SLGBTQIA+ people in Canada. Das describes how digital abuse drives self-censorship, professional loss, identity concealment, and fear for family safety. They connect online incitement to offline threats, doxing, vandalism, hijab-grabbing, and hate crimes, while outlining Amnesty International’s policy recommendations: intersectional law, survivor-centred support, cultural accessibility, legal aid, and community-based funding for marginalized survivors today across Canada now. 

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: A general principle in much scientific research, whether in the social sciences or the physical sciences, is that correlation is not causation. But if one controls for enough variables, one can make a compelling argument in a formal expert study.

So here we have online hate, online safety, self-censorship, and public participation. In other words, if someone experiences online hate, and then feels less safe offline because of that online hate, they may self-censor in professional or familial contexts. They may also reduce their public participation because they do not feel safe and have already developed a pattern of self-censorship.

If someone is in the political sphere as a public citizen in a democracy, they may not want to contribute as much if they are afraid for their safety and are already self-censoring.

So there are reasonable connections one can draw among these issues. What has Amnesty International found regarding racialized women, migrant women, and 2SLGBTQIA+ people in this context?

Shreshtha Das: Yeah, so we definitely saw the self-censorship you are talking about. Many people ended up leaving spaces they had spent years building for themselves.

For example, we spoke with independent journalists whose ability to pitch stories, build professional networks, and establish a public profile depended heavily on being active in digital spaces, sharing their work, and amplifying their reporting. When they are forced to leave those spaces, they lose professional opportunities, networking capacity, and visibility.

So that is one direct way in which self-censorship affects the professional growth of racialized migrant women.

The other point is that the presence of racialized migrant women in digital spaces is important because they are uniquely positioned to document and articulate their own experiences in ways others cannot fully do for them. When they leave these spaces, those lived experiences are also erased from public discourse. Instead, someone else becomes the person speaking about them or for them, rather than them being able to speak for themselves.

Digital spaces became especially important because they created opportunities for marginalized communities, including racialized migrant women, to communicate directly and represent themselves publicly.

One of the academics we interviewed said that much of what has historically been written about these issues, including in online spaces, has predominantly come from white academic women. She said it was important for her scholarship to exist so that the pivotal work being done by racialized women would not be erased. When racialized women are pushed out of these spaces or prevented from speaking for themselves, they are once again being spoken for instead of speaking in their own voices.

That has serious implications for political participation and public discourse.

Another form of self-censorship we observed involved fear for family members. Many people said they avoided posting photographs of celebrations or personal moments involving their families because they worried about exposing them to harassment. Public figures sometimes felt that attacks directed at them were, in some sense, an occupational risk, but that their families and friends did not deserve to become targets as well.

So self-censorship also means not being able to present one’s full self publicly.

One example that stayed with me involved someone working in a newsroom who, while recognizing that her position itself was a privilege, was still afraid to let colleagues know that she was a racialized migrant woman. She said that once people realized she was an immigrant, they might begin associating racist stereotypes with her.

So we also saw self-censorship at the level of basic identity itself, which obviously carries serious mental health consequences when people feel unable to openly claim who they are.

In terms of the online-to-offline connection, there are broader statistical trends, some of which we reference in the briefing, including significant increases in hate crimes targeting South Asian, Muslim, and Black communities in Canada.

But there were also many anecdotal examples. Amira Elghawaby, Canada’s Special Representative on Combatting Islamophobia, told us she had received threatening calls from people claiming to know where she lived and warning her to expect attacks. She also described an incident while travelling privately, not for work, when someone approached her and accused her of spreading “Islamic narratives” in Canada, told her to “go back to your country,” and used racist and hostile language toward her.

Another example involved a journalist covering the war in Gaza. After she was doxed online by a local Canadian politician, including the identification of her family’s restaurant, the restaurant was later vandalized and its windows smashed. According to the interviewee, police did not conduct what the family felt was an adequate investigation afterward.

So we are seeing direct links between online incitement and offline intimidation or attacks against people targeted in these campaigns.

We are also seeing incidents such as hijab-grabbing targeting Muslim women, attacks on mosques, and related forms of harassment and violence. Much of this is connected to the normalization of hateful rhetoric online.

Jacobsen: So regarding the political and policy responsibilities Amnesty International has identified: people often talk about rights and obligations, but these are ethically nuanced and multifaceted issues.

What are some of the policy and political responsibilities of Canadian governments, at the federal, provincial, and municipal levels, to address these forms of online xenophobia and technology-facilitated abuse, and to reduce the mental health burden and lack of safety experienced by individuals within the communities you have discussed?

Das: Yeah, there are a range of policy recommendations we have made to different levels of government in Canada.

First of all, there is currently no comprehensive law addressing technology-facilitated gender-based violence, especially one that takes an intersectional approach rather than a race-neutral one. So one of our primary recommendations is the development of comprehensive legislative and policy measures that recognize intersectional harms and allow for meaningful investigation and responses to TFGBV.

One of the most important recommendations we want governments to take seriously is the need for meaningful consultation with diverse groups of women, racialized women, and diverse 2SLGBTQI+ communities. Their lived experiences need to shape how policies are designed and implemented.

As we noted earlier, TFGBV exists within broader xenophobic and discriminatory narratives. So efforts to address xenophobic TFGBV cannot happen in isolation from the structural conditions allowing these narratives to flourish. Any meaningful strategy must also address systemic racism, misogyny, homophobia, discrimination against Indigenous peoples, and broader patterns of xenophobia.

This also means governments and public institutions should actively challenge harmful narratives when they are spread by politicians, public figures, or media outlets. Governments should take timely steps to disseminate accurate information, support public education, and help build a deeper understanding of the contributions of racialized migrant communities.

When harmful narratives emerge, governments should publicly denounce them, acknowledge the harms they cause, and actively counter misinformation and scapegoating narratives. And, of course, public officials themselves should refrain from reproducing such rhetoric.

Another major area of recommendation concerns survivor-centred responses.

We are calling for holistic and culturally relevant support systems for survivors of online violence. That includes accessible helplines, shelters, support services, and systems that do not rely exclusively on traditional criminal justice responses. Immediate support, redress, and long-term care need to be central.

A key point here is that access to support often depends on whether services are culturally relevant and community-based. That is why decentralized funding is so important. Community organizations working directly with migrant and racialized communities often have the knowledge, outreach capacity, and trust necessary to provide meaningful support.

So governments need to move beyond short-term project funding and invest more substantially in strengthening community-based organizations already engaged in this work.

Overall, I would say the core recommendations are these: centre racialized women and 2SLGBTQI+ communities in policymaking; avoid one-size-fits-all approaches; recognize that traditional criminal justice systems do not work equally well for everyone; and ensure that responses are holistic, survivor-centred, and allow for multiple understandings of what justice can look like.

Canada has already done important work, including through Indigenous frameworks and conversations around justice. Those broader understandings also need to inform how responses to TFGBV are designed and implemented.

Jacobsen: Thank you very much for the opportunity and your time, Shreshtha. 

—

Scott Douglas Jacobsen is a Writer-Editor for The Good Men Project with more than 1,800 publications on the platform. He is the Founder and Publisher of In-Sight Publishing (ISBN: 978-1-0692343; 978-1-0673505) and Editor-in-Chief of In-Sight: Interviews (ISSN: 2369-6885). He writes for International Policy Digest (ISSN: 2332–9416), The Humanist (Print: ISSN, 0018-7399; Online: ISSN, 2163-3576), Basic Income Earth Network (UK Registered Charity 1177066), Humanist Perspectives (ISSN: 1719-6337), A Further Inquiry (SubStack), Vocal, Medium, The New Enlightenment Project, The Washington Outsider, rabble.ca, and other media. His bibliography index can be found via the Jacobsen Bank at In-Sight Publishing comprised of more than 10,000 articles, interviews, and republications, in more than 200 outlets. He has served in national and international leadership roles within humanist and media organizations, held several academic fellowships, and currently serves on several boards. He is a member in good standing in numerous media organizations, including the Canadian Association of Journalists, PEN Canada (CRA: 88916 2541 RR0001), and Reporters Without Borders (SIREN: 343 684 221/SIRET: 343 684 221 00041/EIN: 20-0708028), and others.

***

If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.

Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.

—

Photo by Christian Lue on Unsplash

The post Shreshtha Das on Online Hate, Self-Censorship, and Offline Safety in Canada appeared first on The Good Men Project.

By Vicky Zhang

Dear EarthTalk: Is thrifting a form of environmental activism?

—Jane Jackson, New Orleans, LA

Thrifting is more than the act of buying used items; it’s a lifestyle adopted by people who share a distinct set of values. They are promoting a model of circular fashion, which “encourages the reuse, repair and recycling of garments.” Beyond simply being eco-friendly by extending the lifespan of clothing, thrifting also allows people to creatively express themselves, embrace their individuality, and save money.

With regard to demographics, there are two main groups: thrift-seekers and Creativists. Thrift seekers seek the best bargains. Creativists shop used items for eco-friendly reasons or to find one-of-a-kind items. Creativists are typically Millennials, born between 1981 and 1996, and Gen Z, born between 1997 and the early 2010s. Thrift-seekers are more traditional thrifters and tend to have lower incomes.

In the early 20th century, thrift stores began to become more mainstream and welcomed by the public. However, their primary goal was to encourage consumption rather than promote sustainable practices. From the mid to late 20th century, various outcast groups of society, including Hippies and Bohemians, began to embrace thrifting as a way to rebel against overconsumption and materialism. By the start of the 21st century, the thrift and vintage vibe had gained significant popularity in society. It was not until the late 2010s that thrifting became a form of environmental activism as people, especially the younger generation, became more concerned for the environment and the ethicality of the fast fashion industry. In particular, social media platforms, especially Instagram and TikTok, were crucial to influencing people to support thrifting for both fashion purposes and climate activism.

Thrifting undoubtedly has several eco-advantages over fast fashion—the rapid production of inexpensive clothing that moves quickly from design to retail to meet fleeting trends, encouraging a “disposable” consumer culture—it also further encourages consumers to overconsume. Hence, many low-income consumers are at increased risk of being priced out due to the influx of those thrifting. The environment, social and corporate governance club at McGill University furthered the claim by writing, “Thrifting does present a sustainable alternative to fast fashion…but might not stop clothes’ overproduction and its dependency on consumerist culture.” To fix the long-term environmental issue of overconsumption in the fashion industry, consumers must understand and want to change their buying patterns.

Nevertheless, increasing education and access to thrifting can be the crucial first step towards building more sustainable practices. More importantly, consumers should become more mindful of their purchasing habits to combat the overconsumption norm in society.

CONTACT

• Thrift vs. Fast Fashion: Why Gen Z Is Choosing Secondhand
• Sustainable Fashion: How To Build An Eco Wardrobe

EarthTalk® is produced by Roddy Scheer & Doug Moss for the 501(c)3 nonprofit EarthTalk. See more at https://emagazine.com. To donate, visit https://earthtalk.org. Send questions to: question@earthtalk.org.

—

Previously Published on emagazine

***

The post Thrifters Are Environmentalists Too appeared first on The Good Men Project.

By Melissa Garriga

Across the country, resistance to data centers is rising even as plans are steadily being made to build new ones.

According to the Pew Research Center, a majority of new data centers — 67 percent — are being built in rural areas. And three-quarters of those are in Midwestern and Southern towns.

The negative effects have not gone unnoticed. A new data center in Southaven, Mississippi, for example, is reportedly terrorizing the community with high levels of noise and air pollution, and residents are now regretting its existence.

But it’s not just the pollution, the depletion of water systems, and the increased energy costs to consumers that should lead communities to resist data centers. When you dig a little deeper, you begin to see how data centers are built on exploitation that goes far beyond small-town USA.

Data centers are both products and producers of wars that kill people and destroy the planet on a global scale. The rapid expansion of these data centers requires raw materials, especially fossil fuels — resources often obtained through violence —  and they fuel a technology that is increasingly used to commit war crimes.

Fossil fuels provide almost 60 percent of the power for data centers, especially for “emergency generators.” AI data centers run almost 24/7, so these “emergency” generators are consistently operating.

Control over fossil fuels, of course, is a driving factor behind the U.S. regime change efforts in Iran, Venezuela, and other resource-rich regions. And the extraction of other needed minerals — like silicon, gallium, lithium, and cobalt — requires both the destabilization of the sovereign regions in which they are found and inhumane mining practices, including the use of child labor.

Then there is the question of the moral and ethical use of generative AI. The expansion of data centers comes at a time when AI and LLMs (large language models) are increasingly being used by the Pentagon for militarism domestically and internationally.

The Pentagon recently agreed to massive deals with both Palantir and OpenAI. The employment of AI in military operations has already resulted in war crimes. For instance, Anthropic’s Claude was used in the bombing of the girls’ school in Minab, Iran, which killed around 170 students and teachers. Do towns that pride themselves on family values want to be behind a killing machine capable of murdering young girls?

It’s easy to understand why the announcement of these data centers can seem like good news for areas facing dire economic conditions. Existing low-wage jobs are difficult to survive on. But the evidence suggests data centers create very few local jobs in the towns where they’re built. Should this small number of jobs come at the expense of people and the future of our planet?

The state officials brokering these deals with tech companies could instead work on bringing jobs that design, install, and maintain renewable energy systems to replace fossil fuel reliance. They could sign contracts with companies that manage and protect the beautiful natural ecosystems, habitats, and biodiversity that often surround rural towns.

We need jobs that sustain the heartbeat of the Midwest and the charm and hospitality of the South — not jobs in an industry that terrorizes communities and kills people.

Data centers are not just toxic installations in communities’ backyards — they are a driving force behind wars and instability, and they keep American workers tied to the endless cycle of wars for fossil fuels.

In defense of the planet, our communities, and communities around the world, I hope urban and rural communities alike can unite to stop data center projects  — especially across the Midwest and the South, where they have so much beauty and love to protect.

Rural communities’ future is not AI. We should be investing in what makes us great: the people and the land.

—

Previously Published on otherwords.org with Creative Commons License

—

Photo by Janusz Walczak on Unsplash

The post The Dark Side of the Data Center Boom appeared first on The Good Men Project.

‘Steven Spielberg: The Spotlight Collection’ Is coming soon

I have watched a few movies made by Steven Spielberg over the years. Each one has taken viewers on some thrilling journeys and told some amazing stories. Many of these films have spawned sequels which have told the next chapter in these sagas. Recently a spotlight collection was announced for his films and here is my thoughts on this news.

You can learn more about this collection here:

Steven Spielberg is Hollywood’s most visionary director, whose career has defined modern cinema. STEVEN SPIELBERG: THE SPOTLIGHT COLLECTION includes eight of his most iconic films – Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Raiders of the Lost Ark, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, and War of the Worlds. This limited edition collection captures Spielberg’s unmatched vision and celebrates the unforgettable masterpieces of a director whose work continues to inspire generations and set the standard for filmmaking.

In partnership with Paramount Home Entertainment and Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, STEVEN SPIELBERG: THE SPOTLIGHT COLLECTION is the only way for fans to own all these titles together. The set arrives in a stunning 8-Slot SteelBook Library Case, each film housed in its own individual 4K SteelBook. The collection includes over 25 hours of bonus content across select titles, offering fans an in-depth look at the artistry and precision behind some of the most iconic films ever made.

This sounds like a wonderful collection of movies. These are all classics which take audiences on an exciting adventure. Each one of these film comes with hours of bonus content which plan to take people into the process of bringing these stories to life. If you are a fan of this director then this is a collection you will want to pick up.

Steven Spielberg: The Spotlight Collection arrives on 4K Ultra, Blu-Ray and Digital June 9th.

The post ‘Steven Spielberg: The Spotlight Collection’ Is Coming Out on 4K Ultra HD appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.

Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.

Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!

***

–

Photo credit: freestocks On Unsplash

The post I Stopped Looking for “The One” and Finally Found Someone Worth Dating appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Although subtle, that shift explains a quiet decline across everyday life. Skills we once relied on as baseline adulthood—budgeting, navigating, cooking, fixing things, and retaining knowledge—are being replaced by services that shield us from the consequences of lacking them. The result isn’t stupidity; it’s a loss of competence. Technology that once enhanced what ordinary people could do has, in many everyday areas, begun quietly to diminish it.

When Technology Used to Elevate Us

Not every technological advance works this way. At the dawn of desktop computing, secretaries saw the computerized word processor replace the messy “carbon copy lasagna” approach to document preparation. Kudos to “Wite-Out,” but the hi-tech word processor could correct typos in real time, format documents professionally, and retrieve files without secretaries ever leaving their chairs.

Many adopted the tool reluctantly—overcoming skepticism and paranoia—until they realized it didn’t eliminate their roles. It enhanced them. And whatya know? Bosses started typing their own memos. Bosses! Am I right? Secretaries evolved into “administrative assistants,” taking on higher-level responsibilities that had previously lain dormant. Technology expanded human ability rather than replacing it.

That pattern held for a long time. Then something changed.

The New Pattern: Outsourcing Inconvenience

It used to be that a checkbook balance told you something meaningful about your financial health. The detailed list of transactions was a recorded, real-time tally of your available cash. Whether you were depositing your paycheck or paying for groceries with a check, you took a moment to update your balance in your checkbook ledger so that you knew, down to the penny, how much money you had—or had left. It was a built-in feedback apparatus that forced financial awareness.

Now, if you’re wondering, “What’s a checkbook?” then take a moment and call your grandfather. But make sure he’s sitting down before you pop the question. And don’t be surprised if he explains it the way war veterans explain Normandy—slowly, with long pauses, and a faraway look.

Today, we don’t see checkbooks very often—unless I’m fifth in line at Walmart with just a gallon of milk. They’ve taken a backseat to effortless plastic cards, sized to fit nicely in our wallets. After we swipe or tap, all we really know is whether the transaction cleared—but little about our financial footing.

Occasionally, we might glance at our account balance. A positive number may simply mean the credit hasn’t yet caught up with the spending. Credit masks reality, automatic payments obscure spending, and overdraft protection cushions behavior. People now pay subscription fees for “overdraft protection”—the bubble-wrap of banking—essentially buying insurance against their own habits. We used to treat overdraft fees as painful but useful feedback.

Now we pay to remove the feedback.

Navigation tells the same story. Old navigation required spatial awareness, memory, planning, landmarks, street names, cardinal directions, and distances. GPS requires only compliance with prompts. You become a passenger while you’re behind the wheel.

I used to have an excellent sense of direction. Give me a map, and I could usually find my way. Often, I didn’t need a map because my internal compass would reliably point me in the right direction. Over the past several years, that ability has diminished. Navigation apps now guide me through “super-secret” routes—back alleys, goat paths, and the occasional shortcut through someone’s backyard. Their stated goal is to help me avoid traffic, speed traps, and slowdowns. Consequently, the instinct I once sharpened has slowly been whittled away. The apps are efficient, but lately I notice less of what’s around me. I’m less focused on where I’m heading than on where I’m turning.

Tools that eliminate effort also eliminate awareness, which is fine, until you realize you punched in Paris, TX instead of Paris, TN—six hours too late.

Cooking follows a familiar pattern. I remember the thrill of independence when I first learned to scramble eggs. It was a kind of primal kinship to my ancestors who’d discovered fire. Part of me knew I wasn’t ready to open a restaurant, but there was security in knowing I wouldn’t go hungry. Food preparation used to be a key way that skills were passed down between generations—kids watched, helped, and tried things out.

Delivery culture has taken that apprenticeship away. Today, you don’t even need to leave the house. DoorDash manages the ordering, payment (including tip), and delivery—all without requiring you to practice politeness by interacting with another person. Family recipes have quietly become “Saved Orders,” and handling yourself around the kitchen has become pretty much a lost art. Not many of us will become sous chefs, but we should at least be able to feed ourselves in a pinch. Competence isn’t about perfection; it’s about improvisation.

We’ve turned a survival skill into an optional lifestyle choice.

Mechanical competence has suffered the same fate. Flat tires used to mean a jack, a wrench, a spare tire, and a certain amount of clumsy improvisation—the kind of grim determination once reserved for polar expeditions. I changed my first tire in college, breaking a few OSHA regulations along the way, but there was no “Automotive Repair Channel” in our cable TV package. I could’ve paused and watched a few YouTube videos, but I didn’t have twenty years to wait for it to be invented. Nowadays, roadside assistance is often thrown in with your gym membership. And you can sit in your car and watch a ballgame while someone else handles the chore. The issue isn’t that help exists; it’s that self-reliance is no longer expected. Competence is often born out of inconvenience. And if not born there, that’s where it’s conceived.

We’ve quietly decided to outsource the trouble.

Video games provide an unusually honest example of the same pattern. Games once required players to develop the skills necessary to advance to the next level. Increasingly, they offer a different option: purchase a bypass. We used to pay-to-play. Now we pay-to-skip. It sounds nicer than cheating, but the effect is the same—the player advances, but the competence doesn’t.

From Practical Skills to Character Skills

The recession isn’t limited to physical tasks. It has reached into time itself. Punctuality used to be a social expectation. It separated us from the animals. Today, meetings slide, arrivals drift, commitments soften. We’ve never had more timekeeping tools, yet reliability has weakened. “Maybe” has become the default response to invitations, meetings, and volunteer roles—ensuring optionality instead of making an actual commitment. Smartphones were supposed to make us more punctual. Instead, they made the penalty for unreliability cheaper. We have taken a tool designed to sharpen discipline and used it to blunt it.

Knowledge has undergone the same transition. Once, when one of my sons must’ve been channeling Pink Floyd’s “Brick in the Wall,” he questioned why formal education was necessary and asked, “Why do I have to memorize this when I can just Google it?” He was frustrated with the hassle of taking tests and was willing to trade understanding for quick retrieval, assuming that Google would always be there and that it was always, and in all ways, a straight shooter. No programmed biases. Committed to full-disclosure balance in every response, no matter the subject matter. He was willing to surrender not a small amount of agency for the convenience.

This wasn’t an adolescent complaint—it has become the guiding principle of the modern era. We have moved from internal knowledge to external retrieval. But competence relies on stored understanding, not merely searchable data. Memorization isn’t trivial—it creates the mental framework that allows new information to connect. Without it, people constantly have to start from zero. Search engines are incredibly useful, but they work best for those who already have something. Someone with background knowledge can evaluate results, spot bias, and identify mistakes. Those without it often cannot. The greater loss isn’t memory; it’s independence of thought.

Even professional rituals exhibit the pattern. We used to be able to grease the skids in securing a new job. Oftentimes, the mere introduction by a family member tilted the scales in one’s favor. Gradually, with each successive job, the interview process became more complex. The sophistication required one to anticipate certain questions and have a prepared answer. It required adherence to a dress code. You could arm yourself with maneuverability by learning about a company’s background. The Internet was a big help there.

These skills used to be learned informally through family, mentors, or observation. Those pipelines have grown thinner now. Hiring used to be relational; reputation traveled through relationships. The informal transmission of professional competence is weakening. Technology here once helped—it made research easier—but the human transmission lines have frayed.

The Larger Risk

The Competence Recession isn’t about nostalgia or intelligence. It’s about skills we stopped practicing and discipline we stopped maintaining. A society that outsources every inconvenience eventually forgets how to respond when systems fail. Flat tires are small problems, but electrical outages, infrastructure disruptions, and supply interruptions follow the same principle. When apps go down, tow trucks are delayed, delivery fleets are grounded, and search engines are throttled, those who once knew how to improvise will be the ones who eat, navigate, and keep moving.

We didn’t lose competence because we got dumber.

We lost it because we bought substitutes that were more comfortable than the original skill.

The question is no longer whether the substitutes work.

The question is what happens when they don’t.

Previously Published on substack

iStock image

The post The Competence Recession appeared first on The Good Men Project.

I met her on an ordinary day, on my way to see another patient across the street, while working in a large oncology and hematology clinical research unit.

It was a brief moment—one that could have easily been forgotten. But her story stayed with me.

She was in her late thirties—a mother to a one-year-old child, a wife, healthy by appearance. Like so many of us, she loved the sun. The idea of vacation. Scrolling through photos of beaches, imagining warm sand under her feet, the salt in the air, the quiet rhythm of the waves. The kind of light that makes everything feel softer, easier, untouched by worry.

None of it ever felt dangerous.

Until something small changed.

A spot on her skin.
A detail easy to overlook—until it wasn’t.

Then came the biopsy.

And then the waiting.

She was home when the phone call arrived.

Later, she told me she remembers holding the phone a little tighter than usual, her fingers pressing into it, her breath slowing without her realizing it—as if her body already knew.

The biopsy confirmed melanoma.

She needed to return urgently for a deeper excision.

In that moment, everything around her remained the same—and yet nothing felt the same.

Her child was playing on the kitchen floor while sunlight poured through the windows, stretching across the tiles, catching in his hair as he laughed. His small hands moved from one toy to another, completely absorbed in the simplicity of the moment.

The sound of his laughter filled the room.

She watched him the way mothers do—present and distracted at once.

Watching his smile.
Watching the light move across his face.
Watching the rise and fall of his small shoulders as he breathed.

And for the first time, she noticed how fragile the moment felt.

How easily it could be taken away.

And then the ordinary disappeared.

One moment she was standing in her kitchen.

The next, her mind was somewhere else entirely—moving ahead, racing through futures she had never allowed herself to imagine before.

That is what cancer does.

It doesn’t arrive loudly. It slips quietly into ordinary life—into phone calls, into kitchens, into moments that were never meant to hold fear.

The dishes remain in the sink.
The laundry still waits to be folded.
Your child still reaches for you.

But your thoughts are no longer where your body is.

You begin measuring life differently.

Not in years.
Not in months.

But in moments.

Will I see my child start school?
Will I watch him grow older?
What if this has already spread?
What if this moment is one of the last ordinary ones?

In oncology, we often speak about diagnosis and treatment. But the waiting—the space between answers—can become its own kind of burden.

Because waiting is not empty.

It fills the quiet spaces.

It fills the moments between breaths, between tasks, between conversations—with questions, with fear, with imagined outcomes you cannot turn off.

In one reality, life continues.
Children laugh.
The sun still rises.
Dinner still needs to be made.

But inside, something shifts.

Another reality forms—one shaped by uncertainty, quiet fear, and the fragile hope that everything might still be okay.

She underwent the deeper excision and waited again.

Waiting to hear how deep the melanoma had gone.
Waiting to hear whether lymph nodes were involved.
Waiting to hear whether more treatment would be needed.
Waiting to hear what her life would look like next.

Time no longer moved the same way.

Days felt longer. Hours heavier. Even small moments stretched, filled with thoughts she could not quiet.

And yet outwardly, nothing about her had changed.

That is another truth about cancer: fear is often invisible.

Patients sit at dinner tables nodding along to conversations they barely hear. They smile when they are expected to smile. They continue caring for their families while carrying questions they are not ready to speak aloud.

Thankfully, her melanoma was fully excised.

But something inside her did not return to the way it was before.

Because once you hear the word melanoma, sunlight changes.

What once felt warm and effortless now carries memory.

Awareness.

A quiet, constant understanding of what it can take.

Not because of procedures or pathology reports.

But because behind every biopsy is a person standing in an ordinary moment, quietly wondering how much of life will remain unchanged.

Sometimes life does not change in the operating room.

Sometimes it changes in a quiet kitchen, while your child plays in the sunlight—

and you realize how quickly everything you thought was certain can become unknown.

—

iStock image

The post While Her Child Played in the Sun: A Melanoma Story About the Waiting Between Answers appeared first on The Good Men Project.

It might arrive unexpectedly for you, an unwelcome guest. Maybe when you bend down to pick something up and your knee offers a gentle reminder that the warranty period has expired. Or when you catch your reflection in a shop window and realise the bloke looking back isn’t the same one who sprinted through his twenties believing time was infinite.

For many Australian men, strength used to be easy to define. It meant working hard, keeping your word Providing for your family. Getting on with the job without much fuss.

Whether you grew up in the suburbs, in the bush, or on a job site somewhere between Perth and Parramatta, the script was pretty familiar. Strong men didn’t complain. They handled things.

And for a long time that model worked for me, too. But by the time I reached fifty, I found that life had started rewriting the definition of strength, perhaps because the things that require real strength now look very different from the things I admired when I was younger.

The strength of getting back up

By fifty, most of us have taken a few knocks. A business venture that didn’t work. A career path that stalled. A relationship that hit the rocks. Plans that expired somewhere along the way.

In my twenties, setbacks felt catastrophic. I worried that one wrong move might derail everything. Everything! But by midlife, I began to see life differently. Hard years, like dry seasons in the bush, are part of the landscape.

Australia itself is a country built on resilience. Droughts, floods, fires, economic downturns. Yet people rebuild, restart, and tend to find a way to keep going. We start to understand that we cannot control external factors, much as we might try, but we do retain agency in terms of how we respond.

We are always captains of our own ship. Australian cricket captain Richie Benaud had something to say about that.

“Captaincy is 90 per cent luck and 10 per cent skill. But don’t try it without that 10 per cent.”
— Richie Benaud

This quote captures the mindset well. It’s a reminder that life is rarely fully within our control. What matters is how we respond when things don’t go according to plan. Like my Dad always says, it’s not what happens to us, but rather how we react, that’s what counts. The midlife interpretation is that strength at fifty isn’t about avoiding the knockdowns. It’s about getting up again without making a fuss about it.

The strength of perspective

There’s a famous line of poetry every Australian learns at school:

“I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges, of droughts and flooding rains.”
— Dorothea Mackellar

Mackellar’s words describe more than the Australian landscape. They also capture something deeper about the Australian character. Life here has always been unpredictable. Farmers know it. Small business owners definitely know it. Families raising kids through economic cycles know it.

By fifty, most men have learned the same lesson. Life doesn’t run on a perfectly designed schedule. Good seasons come. Hard seasons follow.

We cannot avoid hardship. It’s inevitable. The key is recognising that it will pass. Perspective is one of the strengths that develops with age. Things that once felt urgent begin to feel manageable. We stop reacting to every bump in the road. We keep driving.

The strength of patience

When we’re young, we want progress, and we want it now. The promotion. The recognition. The financial security.

But the longer we live, the more we realise something important. Almost everything worthwhile takes longer than expected. The great Australian writer Henry Lawson understood this well. He observed:

“The bush teaches a man patience.”
— Henry Lawson

Lawson wasn’t talking about laziness or passivity. He was describing the discipline of endurance. Farmers wait for rain. Builders wait for the right conditions. Families wait while children slowly become adults.

At fifty, patience stops feeling like delay. It starts feeling like wisdom. We understand that meaningful things grow slowly. And that rushing them rarely helps.

The strength of emotional honesty

For many Australian men, emotional honesty wasn’t exactly encouraged growing up. The traditional advice was straightforward. Harden up. Don’t whinge. Handle your problems yourself.

There was some value in that mindset. It produced resilience and independence. But it also meant many men struggled to talk openly about what they were carrying. Many still do.

Midlife has a way of revealing that limitation. We start noticing friends dealing with pressures they never quite express. Work stress. Family struggles. Uncertainty about the future.

And slowly, we realise something surprising. The strongest men we know aren’t the ones who hide everything. They’re the ones who can acknowledge what matters.

Australian of the Year and mental health advocate Professor Patrick McGorry has often emphasised the importance of open conversation about emotional wellbeing. His message is simple: silence doesn’t make problems disappear. Strength isn’t pretending nothing affects us. Strength is being honest about what does. That honesty builds better friendships, better families, and stronger communities.

The strength of letting things go

One of the more surprising discoveries of midlife is how many battles simply aren’t worth fighting. When we are younger, ego drives a lot of decisions. We argue harder, we defend our position, stand our ground. We feel a burning sense of justice, the need to prove we are right.

As I navigated midlife, I found that my perspective began to shift. I started to ask different questions. Does this matter in five years? Does winning this argument improve anything? Is this worth the energy?

This, in turn, shifted my perspective on leadership. Australian rugby legend John Eales, known locally as “Nobody”, (because nobody’s perfect), once summed up leadership in a way that applies just as easily to life:

“Good leaders bring out the best in people.”
— John Eales

Bringing out the best in people rarely happens through constant confrontation. Sometimes strength means choosing calm over conflict. Letting small things go. Saving your energy for what actually matters.

The strength of staying curious

Another danger that creeps into midlife is the temptation to believe the best years are behind us. We see younger colleagues with new ideas and new technology and it becomes easy to assume the world belongs to them now.

But strong men resist that thinking. They stay curious, ask questions. They keep listening and learning. Australia’s former Prime Minister Bob Hawke once offered a perspective that fits this idea well:

“The things which will destroy Australia are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first.”
— Bob Hawke

His point was that comfort can lead to complacency. The same is true for individuals. Curiosity keeps a man engaged with life. It reminds him that growth doesn’t stop at forty, fifty, or even sixty. In fact, some of the most interesting chapters often begin later. Bob also taught us there is always time for a beer, but perhaps that is for another article.

The strength of showing up

If there is one quality that defines strength in the second half of life, it might simply be consistency. Showing up for your partner, for your kids. or for your mates. Australian cricket legend Steve Waugh once said something that captures this idea perfectly:

“You’ve got to stand for something in life, otherwise you’ll fall for anything.”
— Steve Waugh

But standing for something doesn’t require grand gestures. More often it looks like reliability, being the person people can depend on. The mate who checks in when someone’s doing it tough. The father who stays present in his children’s lives despite everything.

These things rarely attract attention. But they define character.

The quiet power of the second half

By the time a man reaches midlife, he has lived enough life to understand something younger men often miss. Strength isn’t about dominance. It’s not about being the toughest bloke in the room or proving yourself again and again.

It’s about resilience, perspective, patience, curiosity, and showing up for the people who matter. Those qualities may not attract much applause, but they build strong families, strong friendships, and strong communities.

And perhaps the most surprising discovery of midlife is that you stop worrying about proving your strength. Instead, you start thinking about how to use it well. Or, as Australian writer Tim Winton once reflected when speaking about life and purpose:

“You can’t measure a life by achievements alone.”
— Tim Winton

The second half of life isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about self-awareness, self-acceptance even. Becoming someone others can rely on. Strength may look quieter at fifty. But it’s also deeper. And far more powerful. And for sure that strength helps to ensure that we don’t let the old man in, not for a while anyway.

—

This post was previously published on SUBSTACK.COM.

—

Subscribe to our Email Newsletter:

Why Subscribe? Because this conversation matters.
When you subscribe, you’re directly supporting independent, mission-driven journalism about masculinity, relationships, mental health, fatherhood, and social change. Your inbox becomes part of a movement that’s been challenging stereotypes and expanding what it means to be a good man since 2010. Plus, our newsletter is curated by humans, not algorithms — thoughtful context in an AI-flooded world.

The Good Men Project is a mission-driven men’s media platform. A major platform for stories about men, identity, fatherhood, and emotional intelligence—and a trusted home for the national conversation about masculinity.

The Good Men Project accepts paid guest posts and provides bulk guest post packages for SEO agencies and resellers.

If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members help support our mission and get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.

—

Photo credit: iStock.com

The post Strength Looks Different at 50 appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

Manufacturer spec sheets are a bad way to figure out how hot a composite deck is going to get in Illinois. The numbers in this piece came from an infrared thermometer, three Naperville cul-de-sacs, and a contractor who let me wander around his July job sites with a notebook for a few afternoons in 2025.

Here is what I found: composite boards in Illinois sun get hotter than the marketing copy admits, and the gap between the hottest product and the coolest one is wider than the gap between an adult’s flip-flops and a six-year-old’s bare feet.

What got measured

Three Naperville homes, all within about four miles of the Diehl Road corridor. Three different products: Trex Transcend Tropical in Spiced Rum, TimberTech AZEK Vintage in Dark Hickory, and Deckorators Voyage in Mesa. Mid-tone to dark colors across the board, because that is what the homeowners on these streets had actually picked. A lighter board would have read cooler in every case.

Readings were taken with a Klein Tools IR1000 at three points in the afternoon (1:47 PM, 2:33 PM, and 3:12 PM) on July 18, 2025. Ambient air was 91°F. All three decks face south or southwest. No umbrellas, no shade sails, no clouds over the test patches.

Peak readings:

• Trex Transcend Tropical: 158°F
• TimberTech AZEK Vintage: 149°F
• Deckorators Voyage: 136°F

That’s a 22-degree spread between the hottest and coolest, on three decks within walking distance, all chosen partly because the salesperson said composite “stays cool.”

Why the spread is that wide

The three products are not the same kind of composite, which is the part most homeowners do not hear at the showroom.

Trex Transcend is a wood-plastic composite. Around 95% recycled content, mostly sawdust and shredded film. The wood fibers in the core absorb solar energy and the plastic cap holds it. Dark colors absorb more, which is why the Spiced Rum board topped out so high.

TimberTech AZEK Vintage is a capped polymer with no wood fibers in it at all. The PVC core moves heat through itself differently than a wood-plastic core does, so it runs noticeably cooler than Trex in the same color family, but the difference is not dramatic in mid-tone shades.

Deckorators Voyage uses a mineral-based core. The inorganic mineral material has different thermal mass than wood or PVC. It absorbs less solar energy and sheds what it does absorb more quickly. That is the chemistry behind the 22-degree gap; it is not a reflective coating or a marketing trick.

Radu Oprea is the licensed contractor who runs Wolf Spirit Deck builders Naperville, and he has been installing all three lines in DuPage County since 2018. Standing on the Trex deck in question, he said, “People touch a sample at the showroom in March and think they know what their deck will feel like in July. That sample was sitting under fluorescent light. The deck is going to spend 80 days a year in full sun.”

One thing he flagged that I had not thought about: the heat problem is worst on second-story decks. A ground-level deck pulls a little thermal relief from the lawn underneath. Elevated decks have no grass nearby and no shaded soil to cool the surrounding air, so the boards run hotter and stay hot longer into the evening.

What 158°F actually feels like

For context, hot asphalt in a summer parking lot reads around 140 to 150°F. The Trex Transcend boards on the test deck were hotter than that. Hot enough to cause a first-degree burn on bare skin in about two seconds of contact.

That doesn’t make the deck unsafe. It does make it effectively unwalkable barefoot between noon and four in July and August. Homeowners on the Trex deck told me they had stopped using it in the middle of the day by mid-July and were waiting for the sun to come off it around 5 or 5:30. The owners on the Deckorators Voyage deck, at 136°F, said the surface was warm but tolerable; they were using it at noon without complaint.

Trex’s marketing line that the boards “stay cooler than traditional composite” is technically accurate, since they’re cooler than uncapped first-generation composites from the early 2000s. They are not cooler than the asphalt driveway you parked on five minutes ago.

What it means if you’re picking boards right now

Color matters more than brand. A light Trex board in a sandy tone will run cooler than a dark Deckorators board in a deep brown. But if you hold the color constant and compare similar mid-tones, mineral-based composites have a real thermal advantage in Midwest sun, and the advantage is large enough to change how usable your deck is in July.

Oprea told me his crews have been steering more Naperville customers toward Deckorators Voyage and Vault for the last two summers because of this. The same conversation has been happening in older La Grange neighborhoods, where mature trees have come down over the last decade and previously shaded yards are suddenly cooking; the Wolf Spirit Deck team has had to walk a number of homeowners through the same product comparison there.

Board orientation matters too, and almost nobody asks about it. Boards laid north-south get less continuous sun than boards laid east-west, because the sun moves across the surface instead of parking on a single board for hours in the afternoon. A good installer will bring this up before you sign. A fast installer will lay whatever is quickest.

One last thing about the published numbers

Trex says its boards “stay up to 35% cooler than competing decking products.” That figure is compared against first-generation uncapped composites, which essentially no one installs in 2025. Compared to current TimberTech AZEK or Deckorators Voyage, Trex Transcend ran hotter in this test, not cooler. None of this is meant as a hit on Trex. Several of the homeowners on the test street were happy with their decks for reasons that had nothing to do with temperature. The point is that “cooler” is a comparison word and the comparison group matters.

If you’re shopping right now, ask the contractor to leave sample boards in your actual yard for an afternoon before you commit. Most of the better installers in the western suburbs will do this without being asked twice. Boards behave differently in your sun than they do under showroom lights, and that difference is worth a Saturday afternoon to find out about before you spend $25,000.

—

This content is brought to you by Alexander Reid

Photo provided by the contributor.

The post Why a Trex Transcend Deck Hit 158°F in a Naperville Backyard Last July, and Which Composite Stayed 22°F Cooler appeared first on The Good Men Project.

“Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?”

It’s a simple line from “Night Changes” by One Direction, but it lingers in a way that feels disproportionate to its simplicity. It is nostalgic, but it also names something more precise: the moment when your life begins to move faster than your understanding of it.

This week, I found myself in Memphis for an award ceremony recognizing my master’s thesis as the best in my department. By most conventional standards, this should have felt like a point of arrival. A moment where things pause long enough for you to recognize what you have done. Instead, it felt transitional.

The present did not stabilize. It passed. This is not simply a personal feeling. It reflects a broader historical condition.

As Reinhart Koselleck argues, modernity is defined by a widening gap between the “space of experience” and the “horizon of expectation.” What anticipate about our lives no longer aligns neatly with what we live. The future expands faster than the present can be processed. In that gap, entire versions of the self can disappear.

A year ago, I thought I knew exactly what my life was going to look like. Law school. Marriage. A version of myself that felt structured, legible, and already in motion.Within the span of a week, that version dissolved.

I ended a relationship and defended my thesis almost simultaneously. Shortly afterward, I left law school altogether. What once felt like a continuous trajectory fractured into something less predictable, but more precise.

There is a line later in the song:“Everything that you’ve ever dreamed of disappearing when you wake up.”

Taken seriously, it is less poetic than it first appears. It describes the collapse of anticipated futures, the quiet disappearance of lives that were never fully lived. What disappears is not simply circumstance. It is the imagined continuity of the self.

In retrospect, that anticipated life begins to take on a different quality. It feels coherent, structured, even inevitable. However, it is only because it was repeatedly imagined. It was never fully inhabited.

It becomes something like what Jean Baudrillard would describe as a simulacrum: a representation that appears real, accumulates meaning, and organizes expectation, despite never having been anchored in lived experience. It is familiar, even convincing, but ultimately uninhabited.

And yet the line continues: “But there’s nothing to be afraid of.” This is the more difficult claim.

Because the disappearance is real. The life you expected does not always translate into the life you inhabit. What remains, at first, can feel unstructured, even disorienting. You are left without the narrative that once organized your decisions.

But it is precisely in that absence that something else becomes visible. As Michel Foucault suggests, the self is not a stable entity but an effect of ongoing formation. What appears as continuity is often imposed after the fact. Identity is not preserved through disruption; it is produced through it.

Rapid change makes this process legible.

It forces a confrontation with multiple versions of the self: the one that was expected, the one that briefly existed, and the one that emerges when those expectations no longer hold. The difficulty is not simply that things change. It is that they change faster than they can be understood. This is what the lyric captures.

The night does not change at an unusual pace. What changes is the subject’s awareness of their own transformation within it. The “craziness” is not emotional excess, but a kind of epistemological lag — the realization that your life has already shifted before you have found the language to explain it.

At almost twenty-three, this becomes difficult to ignore.

Not because of age itself, but because of accumulation. Decisions begin to carry weight. Paths close as others open. The imagined versions of your life do not all remain available. Some disappear when you wake up.

But there is nothing to be afraid of. Not because nothing was lost, but because what remains is no longer hypothetical. It is not an anticipated life, but an inhabited one. The night does not move too quickly.

It simply reveals, without warning, that you already have.

The author is solely responsible for all images and media included in this article. By submitting to this publication, the author confirms ownership of the images or that they have obtained the necessary rights, permissions, or licenses in accordance with Medium’s publishing rules. The publication, operated by volunteer editors, accepts no liability for copyright or intellectual property claims.

—

This post was previously published on ILLUMINATION.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

You Said ‘Race’, but Are You Actually Talking About Race?

Understanding the Nonbinary: Are You Confusing Gender With Sex?

The Difference Between Compassion for Those With Disabilities & Ableism?

‘Masculinity’ Is Having an Identity Crisis

The post Does It Ever Drive You Crazy Just How Fast the Night Changes? appeared first on The Good Men Project.

In this episode, we talk about the different “flavors” of betrayal, why it can feel so shocking and disorienting to the betrayed partner, and why healing requires both compassion and accountability.

The Truth About Betrayal: Why It Happens and How Couples Heal: Show Notes

I just released a new Practicing Love episode on a topic that’s incredibly painful and often misunderstood:

Betrayal.

I sat down with The Therapy Brothers, Brannon and Tyler Patrick, who specialize in helping people navigate betrayal and rebuild trust.

We got real about how betrayal isn’t always what we assume it is.

It’s not always about someone not loving their partner. Often, it’s rooted in things like:

• Shame someone doesn’t know how to face
• Disconnection they don’t know how to repair
• Compulsive or addictive patterns
• Or an inability to be fully seen and vulnerable

For the person who’s been betrayed, it can of course feel like your entire world has been shattered. If you’ve ever experienced betrayal, you may recognize:

• The shock and disorientation
• The loss of safety and certainty
• The urge to find answers quickly

One of the things I appreciated most about this conversation is that it holds both compassion for the complexity, and accountability for the harm.

We also talked about what it actually takes to heal and reestablish trust, and why it’s so much harder (and slower) than most people want it to be.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why betrayal happens (beyond the obvious explanations)
• Early signs that something may be off
• How to approach a partner when you feel something isn’t right
• What’s required to rebuild trust after betrayal
• Why healing requires individual work, not just relationship repair

There’s no easy fix here, but there is a path.

If this is something you’ve gone through, or are afraid of going through, you’re not alone. There is more possibility for understanding and healing than you might think.

If this is something you want to avoid, listen to this episode for early warnings and to learn how to stay true to yourself.

Links:

Connect with The Therapy Brothers

ReclaimYourHeart.org

TherapyBrothers.org

Connect with Shana James

Best love and sex of your life quiz

Get a Free copy of Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive.
Whether you’re dating or in a relationship it shows you how to take the self-doubt, struggle and shame out of your love life.

 If you’re looking for love:
Take this quiz: Find Love With More Ease and Joy

 If you’re dating or in a relationship and you want more connection or intimacy:
Take this quiz: What Keeps You From Having the Best Love and Sex of Your Life?

Each quiz only takes a few minutes, and give you a personalized report of how you can have more of the love and intimacy you want.

Bio:

The Therapy Brothers are biological brothers and licensed therapists who specialize in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, and relationship recovery. With over 20 years of combined experience, they’ve supported individuals and couples through some of the most painful and complex relationship challenges—including infidelity, secrecy, and compulsive behaviors.

Their work focuses on helping people move out of shame and isolation, take accountability, and rebuild trust from the ground up. Known for their honest, direct, and compassionate approach, they guide people through the messy middle of healing—where real transformation happens—and help create relationships rooted in authenticity, integrity, and deeper connection.

Previously Published on Shana James Coaching

***

Does dating ever feel challenging, awkward or frustrating?

Turn Your Dating Life into a WOW! with our new classes and live coaching.

Click here for more info or to buy with special launch pricing!

***

On Substack? Follow us there for more great dating and relationships content.

—

The post The Truth About Betrayal: Why It Happens and How Couples Heal (With Brannon Patrick and Tyler Patrick) appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.

Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.

Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!

***

–

Photo credit: Jonathan Borba On Unsplash

The post A Feminist GenZ Review of “The Devil Wears Prada 2” appeared first on The Good Men Project.

There are some sentences that can instantly transport an African child back into survival mode.

One of them is:

“Your father is coming!”

And suddenly, chaos became order.

The shouting stopped.
The TV volume dropped.
Homework appeared from nowhere.
Children who had been fighting moments ago sat quietly like saints preparing for judgment day.

If you grew up in an African household in the 90s, you already understand this level of fear and respect.

This was because African parents didn’t need parenting books.
They didn’t need reward charts and they most definitely didn’t need to count to three.

An African mother could control an entire room with one eye signal.

Honestly, that eye signal was basically an entire communication system.

One look across the room and you instantly knew:

• “Stop that right now.”
• “We’ll discuss this at home.”
• “Don’t embarrass me in front of visitors.”
• “If you continue, your ancestors may meet you today.”

…

No words were needed, really.
Just eye contact and spiritual pressure.

Somehow, every African child understood the intended message immediately.

African mothers mastered silent communication at levels the military should probably study.

That slight eyebrow raise?
It was a sign of danger.

The “come here” finger curl?
Final warning.

The calling of your full government name?
Start preparing emotionally and spiritually, hahaha!.

The funniest part is that African parents could hold an entire conversation in public without moving their lips.

And children understood every message perfectly.

Honestly, African parenting created children with elite-level situational awareness.

You learned how to detect danger early.

You could read:

• moods,
• footsteps,
• silence,
• tones,
• the sound of plates,
• the way doors were closed,
• and even the atmosphere inside the house.

…

You knew your mother was angry before she even entered the compound.

But fathers?

Fathers were different entirely!

In many African homes, fathers existed almost like demigods.

You heard them before you saw them.

The sound of the gate opening.
The cough.
The footsteps.
The clearing of the throat.

Those sounds alone could reset the atmosphere in the entire house.

Children were usually closer to their mothers because mothers were the emotional bridge of the family. They defended you after punishment, fed you secretly, softened your father’s anger, and translated impossible instructions into understandable language.

But fathers represented authority.

You respected them deeply and sometimes, feared them deeply too.

One look from your father and you knew you were completely finished.

You could be laughing one second and suddenly become the most responsible child in Africa.

Somehow, these were the systems that raised many of us.

Back then, parenting in many African homes was rooted in survival, discipline, respect, and community.

Children were not raised only by parents.
They were raised by the neighborhood.

Any adult could correct you outside.
And when you as a child got home, your parents would likely support the adult before even hearing your own side of the story.

Today, that would probably become a Facebook debate.

But the world changed.

Parenting changed.
Society changed.
Children changed too.

Modern parenting especially in many Western societies leans more toward emotional expression, negotiation, individuality, and open communication with children.

Children today are encouraged to ask questions.
To explain their feelings.
To understand why rules exist.

And honestly, there’s beauty in that too.

Because many adults from older generations are now realizing that fear alone is not always the same thing as respect.

Some people grew up disciplined but emotionally distant from their parents.
Some became responsible adults but struggled with vulnerability, emotional expression, or feeling safe making mistakes.

At the same time, many people also feel modern parenting sometimes swings too far in the opposite direction — producing children who struggle with resilience, accountability, boundaries, or respect for authority.

So somewhere between fear and freedom, many families are searching for balance.

Still, there’s something unforgettable about growing up African in the 90s.

People remember the hardship, strictness, and discipline…
but they also remember strong family bonds, shared responsibility, resilience, and community.

We miss the laughter outside at night.
The shared meals.
The respect for elders.
The neighborhood parenting.
The feeling that parents truly carried authority inside the home.

We miss mothers who could discipline a child from across the room without saying a single word.

And we definitely remember fathers whose mere arrival could restore peace instantly.

Now we laugh about those memories online.
We turn them into memes and jokes.

But beneath the humor is something deeper:

An entire generation shaped by discipline, silence, sacrifice, resilience, survival, and community.

Not perfect or always healthy.
But very unforgettable.

And honestly?

Every single person who grew up in an African household felt this.

I did.

Did you?

If you grew up in this era or even heard about it from other cultures or communities, please share your experiences and opinions in the comments section.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.

Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.

Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!

***

–

Photo credit: Lawrence Crayton on Unsplash

The post “Your Father Is Coming.” appeared first on The Good Men Project.

—

The influencer economy has always asked people to turn themselves into a brand. Your face becomes the logo. Your voice becomes the hook. Your daily routine becomes content. Even your private thoughts can become part of the feed if you choose to share them.

But now artificial intelligence has added a strange new pressure.

A creator can wake up and find their face selling a product they never touched. Their voice can be copied into a fake ad. Their name can be placed on a chatbot, a scam page, or a video that looks real enough to fool people who follow them closely. That is not just a copyright problem. It is not just a tech problem. It is a mental health problem.

Deepfakes, AI clones, synthetic media, and fake digital identities are changing what it means to feel safe online. For influencers, the damage can hit hard because their work depends on trust, visibility, and personal connections. When that identity gets copied, twisted, or stolen, the stress is not abstract. It feels personal because it is personal.

Recent reports show why this concern is growing. The Federal Trade Commission has warned about AI impersonation and voice cloning scams, while the Pew Research Center has found that both the public and experts are highly concerned about AI spreading false information and deepfakes.

The New Fear: “Is That Really Me?”

Influencers already deal with comments, criticism, comparison, burnout, and the odd emotional whiplash of being praised one minute and mocked the next. Add AI cloning to that, and the pressure changes shape.

It is one thing to worry about people misunderstanding your post. It is another thing to worry that someone can create a version of “you” that says things you never said.

That can create a new kind of control anxiety. You post a video, and it can be scraped. You record a podcast, and your voice can be copied. You share lifestyle photos, and your face can be used in a fake endorsement. Suddenly, your image does not feel yours fully anymore.

For creators, identity is not just self-expression. It is income. It is reputation. It is a community. It is proof that followers can trust the person behind the screen.

When that identity gets copied, the influencer faces a strange emotional loop:

• “Do people believe the fake version?”
• “Will brands think I approved it?”
• “Do I need to explain myself again?”
• “How many copies are out there?”
• “Will this follow me forever?”

Honestly, that is exhausting.

And when stress builds without enough support, some creators turn to unhealthy coping habits. That is where access to care matters. Influencers dealing with digital harassment, reputation harm, or substance-related coping need real help, not another productivity app. Programs such as Outpatient Addiction Treatment can support people who need care while still managing work, family, and public responsibilities.

Digital Identity Fatigue Is More Than Screen Burnout

People often talk about “digital fatigue” as if it means too many emails or too much scrolling. For influencers, digital identity fatigue cuts deeper.

It is the tired feeling that comes from always guarding the public version of yourself. It is checking your name, your face, your tags, your comments, your brand mentions, and now maybe your AI copies, too.

A creator may already feel pressure to stay polished. AI makes that harder because the fake version can be smoother, younger, more dramatic, more sexualized, or more available than the real person. That creates an ugly comparison. Not with another influencer, but with a machine-made version of yourself.

That can mess with your head.

Deepfakes Turn Reputation Into a Moving Target

Reputation used to move fast online. Now it can move faster than the truth.

A fake clip can spread before the person being copied even knows it exists. A fake voice note can land in a brand inbox. A fake product endorsement can appear on a sketchy website. A fake apology can circulate after a scandal that never happened.

And because social platforms reward speed, outrage, and novelty, false content can gain traction before context catches up. Reuters reported in 2025 that Meta had hosted AI-generated chatbots mimicking well-known celebrities without permission, including bots that engaged in flirty or sexual conversations before some were removed.

That matters for influencers of every size. You do not need to be Taylor Swift or a Hollywood actor to become a target. Micro-influencers also have loyal communities, niche authority, and recognizable voices. That makes them useful to scammers.

Here’s the thing. When someone steals a creator’s identity, the creator often has to become their own crisis manager.

They may need to:

• Warn followers
• Contact platforms
• Document evidence
• Message brand partners
• Talk to lawyers
• Explain the situation to the family
• Keep posting as if nothing happened

That last part is brutal. The algorithm does not pause because someone stole your face.

The Emotional Cost of Always Defending Yourself

Influencers often have to prove that they are real. Real enough to be trusted. Real enough to be followed. Real enough to sell, teach, entertain, advise, or inspire.

Deepfakes flip that burden. Now, creators must also prove what is not real.

That pressure can lead to hypervigilance. A person checks every mention. They search for their own name at night. They read comments they know will hurt. They replay what happened, trying to spot the moment their identity became vulnerable.

This can look like anxiety. It can feel like trauma. For some, it can trigger panic, sleep problems, shame, anger, and social withdrawal.

When anxiety and substance use begin to overlap, the problem needs careful support. Creators under constant online pressure may benefit from co-occurring anxiety and addiction treatment when stress, panic, alcohol, pills, or other substances become tangled together.

Consent Is Becoming a Mental Health Issue

Consent is not only about physical space. It is also about digital space.

Your image. Your voice. Your name. Your likeness. Your mannerisms. Your catchphrases. Your editing style. Your “thing.”

When AI systems can copy these parts of a person, consent becomes messy. Did the creator agree to this use? Did they know their content could train a model? Did they approve a cloned voice for an ad? Did a brand partner have the right to reuse old footage in synthetic content?

These questions sound legal, and they are. But they are also emotional.

Because when consent is ignored, people often feel violated. They feel watched. They feel reduced to raw material.

UN Women has warned about AI-assisted online violence, including deepfakes and image-based abuse, especially against women in public life. That kind of abuse can push people to self-censor or leave online spaces altogether.

Influencers live inside those spaces. Leaving is not always simple. Their audience, income, and creative work are tied to the platforms that expose them to risk.

So they stay. But staying can come with a cost.

When the “Public Persona” Stops Feeling Safe

Many creators build a public persona as a boundary. It lets them share enough to connect without giving away everything.

AI cloning weakens that boundary.

A fake version can speak in your voice without your values. It can appear in content you would never make. It can interact with followers in a tone that feels close enough to be believable.

That is identity stress in a very modern form.

And yes, it sounds a little sci-fi. But it is already here.

For creators dealing with shame, loss of control, or harmful coping patterns after public digital harm, a drug and alcohol treatment program can be part of a larger recovery plan. Mental health care, peer support, digital safety planning, and addiction care often need to work together, not compete for attention.

Influencers Are Becoming Their Own Security Teams

There is a weird contradiction here. Influencers are told to be authentic, open, and always available. But now they also need to act like a cybersecurity department.

They need to watermark content. Track impersonation accounts. Secure email. Watch for fake sponsorship scams. Use two-factor authentication. Keep proof of original files. Monitor voice and likeness misuse. And somehow still make warm, relatable posts about morning coffee, skincare, fitness, fatherhood, dating, finance, gaming, or grief.

That is a lot.

You know what? The creator economy often romanticizes independence. Be your own boss. Build your own brand. Own your audience. But behind that freedom is a lonely truth: many creators work without legal teams, mental health support, or digital safety staff.

A large media company has people for this. A solo creator has a notes app, a panic headache, and maybe one friend who knows how to report fake accounts.

The FTC has also said voice cloning risks cannot be solved by technology alone and that policy, enforcement, and public action matter too.

That point matters. Influencers should not carry the whole burden by themselves.

Practical Self-Protection Without Living in Fear

Creators do need better habits, but they should not have to live like every post is a crime scene.

A healthier approach includes simple, steady protections:

• Keep original files and timestamps
• Use strong passwords and two-factor authentication
• Separate personal and business email
• Search your name and brand at regular times, not all night
• Create a crisis response note before something happens
• Tell followers how to verify your real accounts
• Ask brands to put AI likeness rules in contracts

That last one is big. Contracts should clearly state whether a brand can use a creator’s face, voice, old content, or an AI-generated version of their likeness. No vague language. No, “we thought it was fine.” Put it in writing.

And when the stress becomes too much, step away from the screen before you spiral. Not forever. Just long enough to breathe, drink water, call someone, or get help.

For some people, digital stress and substance use creep in quietly. A few drinks to sleep. Pills to calm down. More caffeine to keep posting. Then more alcohol comes down. If that cycle starts to feel familiar, support from services like Carolina Outpatient Detox can help people take the first safer step toward care.

The Mental Health System Has to Catch Up

Traditional mental health care was not built around deepfake trauma, creator burnout, or AI identity theft. But it needs to catch up fast.

Influencers may come to therapy saying they feel anxious, worried, ashamed, angry, or numb. The root issue may not be only “too much social media.” It may be the loss of control over identity.

That requires a more current kind of care.

Therapists, counselors, and treatment teams need to understand:

• Online reputation trauma
• Harassment and parasocial pressure
• Deepfake abuse
• Creator income instability
• Public shame cycles
• Digital consent violations
• Brand pressure and algorithm stress

This does not mean every influencer needs a special diagnosis. It means providers should understand the context. A fake video is not “just internet drama” when it threatens your income, your safety, your relationships, and your sense of self.

A behavioral health treatment plan can include therapy, anxiety support, addiction care, sleep repair, family support, and boundaries around online work. A behavioral health treatment program can help people address the full picture instead of treating each symptom like a separate problem.

Men, Influencers, and the Pressure to Shrug It Off

For a site like The Good Men Project, this topic has another layer.

Men who create content often face pressure to act unfazed. If someone clones their voice, mocks their body, steals their image, or spreads a fake clip, they may feel they have to laugh it off. Stay cool. Keep posting. Do not look weak.

But pretending does not make the stress disappear.

Male influencers can experience anxiety, shame, anger, and fear after digital identity harm. They can lose sleep. They can overwork. They can drink more. They can isolate. They can become obsessed with controlling the narrative because control feels like safety.

And because male mental health still carries stigma, many wait too long before asking for help.

That needs to change.

A man does not have to be falling apart to need support. He does not have to hit a crisis point. If his face, voice, or reputation gets copied without consent, that is enough reason to take the emotional impact seriously.

What Comes Next for Creators and Digital Identity?

AI will not slow down just because creators feel tired. Voice cloning tools will improve. Video generation will get cleaner. Fake accounts will become more convincing. Brands will experiment with virtual influencers, synthetic ads, and AI avatars because the cost is tempting.

That does not mean creators are doomed.

It means digital identity needs stronger rules, better platform response, smarter contracts, and more mental health support. Influencers also need to stop treating burnout as the price of being visible.

The future of creator wellness will not just be about content calendars, ring lights, and brand deals. It will include consent clauses, identity monitoring, therapy, reputation recovery, and healthier boundaries with audiences.

It will also require a cultural shift. Followers need to pause before sharing suspicious clips. Brands need to verify creator consent. Platforms need faster reporting systems. Mental health providers need to understand online identity harm. And creators need permission to say, “This affected me.”

Because it does affect people.

A cloned voice is not just sound. A stolen face is not just pixels. A fake video is not just content.

For influencers, identity is work, art, income, memory, and selfhood all mixed together. When AI copies that identity without consent, the harm can land deep. The answer is not panic. The answer is care, protection, and a clearer public message: people are not raw material for machines.

And maybe that is the line worth drawing now, before the fake versions get even louder.

—

This content is brought to you by Alexander Reid

iStockPhoto

The post Why AI Clones, Deepfakes, and Digital Identity Fatigue Are Creating New Mental Health Risks for Influencers appeared first on The Good Men Project.