The Greatest Puzzle of All: SELF

THESE WISE WORDS

2017-08-12T16:13:00.000-04:00

Meeka - Photo by Michelle Shaffer

My cat.....

There are a lot of things I could say about these photos. My cat is often my muse, sometimes a thorn in my side, but mostly she makes me smile.

I don't want to make this post about my cat, though. The inspiration for this one came from my brother. He saw the first photo on Instagram and told me to make a meme out of it....something like FML, or the like. Since meme's aren't what I'm about, I thought I'd come up with some blog to tell a story about life's little lessons, about one in particular.

Say what?...

We all have had a moment like this...moments that we could just bury our heads in the sand and forget what happened. Moments that might be embarrassing, shaming, or simply just stunning. I don't know about you, but I have a lot of moments like this. There are a ton of acronyms, stolen from modern texting, that could describe them.....FML, SMH, WTF...and a new one I just learned, KMN. Anyway, you get the idea.

And...

Life sucks...we all know that. Hopefully, though, we all know it has some awesome perks!...you know, being ALIVE is one!! Seriously, though. I've spent a significant amount of time talking with someone that has been going through a rough time, and I've had the chance to impart some of my hard earned wisdom. What I've learned is that without those "FML" moments, we wouldn't appreciate those GR8 moments! (Sorry...couldn't resist the acronym. 😄)

So...

Meeka - Photo by Michelle Shaffer

Open your eyes...like Miss Meeka here >>>>>
...and say hello to the world...say hello to your pain, to your grief, to your hurt...welcome it...embrace it...deal with it....Because if you don't, you'll never realize that there's only one way to go from here....UP. It won't be pretty, and it will most assuredly "suck"...but, from words my mamma always said, "this too shall pass."

Not #1?

2017-08-06T17:37:00.001-04:00


We are like these chickens...all winners, but also always second.

Not #1?

Competition....the driving force in society all over the world. Competition is not just for the traditional sports such as football, soccer, and baseball...to name a few. You see it in mobile apps and games...have the biggest city!...get the most points!...win a prize! And in social media...have the most followers!...have the most likes!...make the most money!...win a prize! At work...sell the most products!...have the most customers!...earn a prize! And on and on and on....

Unfortunately, competition is necessary. It's what drives us all to succeed. It drives every market you can think of from housing to cars to video games. It keeps prices low and standards high.

However, if you're like me, you don't like competition on a personal level. Playing a board game with family? Playing the lottery? Playing for some in-game prize in a community competition on some app you play? Don't care for any of it because the chances of winning are usually quite low. Additionally, that driving force within all of us, the need to be "better" than everyone else, makes these types of competitions quite stressful. Added to that, those times when you know you drew a "bad hand", and you know you're inevitably going to "lose", takes the fun out of it. Now you have to work even harder to succeed.

So why is it so important that we win at everything? To be #1? For a long time I thought it wasn't important; that there will always be someone else that's better than me at something. At least that's what I was told when I was quite young. Maybe I took that to heart a little too much, because, you see, my drive to be #1 at anything almost completely left me in that moment. Why should I care if I'm not first? There will always be someone in line to take it away from me. Even my last name, (all of them as I was married twice), puts me somewhere at the end of the "line". I wouldn't even be first if they reversed the order since none of my last names began with "Z". However, in the few times I have been #1, it made me realize how good it feels to be the "best" at something. Some of my competitive drive returned...and with it...more realizations. The saying is true...there will always be someone to take it from you...eventually.

To my point....

There can only be 1 winner and everyone else just comes in second. That winner will eventually be replaced to take their spot as second alongside everyone else. It's not about being #1...it's about having fun getting there...doing your best...being proud of what you've done, even if it's not #1. The fact that there is always a #1 will ensure that all the "seconds" continue to learn and do better, no matter what it is. It's not important to be #1...it's only important to try. So now it becomes important to show your best work, even if it's not the best.

I WISH I SAID...

2017-08-01T18:04:00.003-04:00

I WISH I SAID...

** Note to reader: This post will be updated from time to time, sharing new "I wish I said...." moments, and a brief story about each of them. Feel free to add your own "I wish I said..." moments in the comments, but please, no foul language...(use symbols/filters if you must). Thank you. **

When I am up late at night and I can't sleep, watching the sun come up through my bedroom window, it is often because I am plagued by things I wish I had said in certain moments. These aren't necessarily moments that happened the day before, or even the week before. These moments range from professional to personal, things I should have said that could have made things better. I am generally a very non-confrontational person, but as I get older, I am learning that I need to speak up. The worst that could happen has already happened, mostly because I did NOT speak up. Sure, those times when I did speak up, those words sometimes backfired, but I take my lumps and learn from them.

So, here goes....

To a Boy: Recently, driving home after dropping my kids off at their dad's house, I passed some kids on bikes. There was a boy lingering behind a couple of girls. The boy was somewhere between the age of 7 and 10. As I approached him, driving carefully, him on the bike trail on the side of the road, he stuck up his middle finger, and as I passed him he mouthed the words to match. I was quite taken aback. Such a young child displaying such vulgarity and hatred. In that moment, I wish I had pulled the car over and had a talk with him, explaining how those things are hurtful. I even wanted to have a talk with his mother about it. Because I was in a hurry to get back to whatever it was I was into, I didn't stop, and now that boy may grow up to be a bully...unless someone else catches it.

On an Application: I recently lost my job due to the business closing...just days after I had surgery. I have been in recovery for about 4 weeks now so looking for a job hasn't been a major priority. However, I stopped in at a restaurant to visit a friend that I worked with before, not really prepared to fill out an application, but I asked for one anyway. As I worked through the application, I came upon the "special skills" section. I was drawing a blank so I wrote something quite brief and extremely inadequate. Late last night, and into the morning, I was contemplating how to rectify this mistake. What I should have written, and what I will most assuredly do when I go back and request another application, is: I have been in the food service industry for 20 years, and know the industry from both franchise and privately owned perspectives. I have excellent customer service skills, as I am able to easily identify with many different customers. I can quickly assess escalating situations in order to diffuse it in a timely manner. I can also effectively train, teach, and lead team members in proper food service etiquette, honing their soft skills, as well. **Update: So, I didn't actually do this one, and it no longer matters. -More on that in a separate post

To My Old Boss and Friend: Relating back to my last job...the one that I recently lost....I wish I had expressed my desire to buy the business before the owner decided to close it down. The owner, old enough to retire, was quiet about what he wanted. The closing came as a surprise to everyone, including his newly hired manager, someone he hired because I was unavailable to do the job. I often wonder if things would be different had I been able to fill the position. I loved working there, I loved the people, staff and customers alike, and would have loved to call it my own one day.

To My Long Lost Best Friend: I'm sorry for hurting you, in whatever capacity that was some 10 years ago...it was never my intention. You are beautiful inside and out. I wish I was there for you when you needed me the most. I love you, and I miss you.

**Update: I had the opportunity to make things right with you, but, even with the best intentions, I somehow managed to mess it all up again. For that, I am truly sorry.

To Those that Hurt Me: I forgive you.

To Those Who Believe I have Forgotten: I have not, and I miss you.

The Journey Begins

2017-07-27T00:57:00.000-04:00

Three Crows in a Tree

The Picture
The picture on the left doesn't say a whole lot about anything. It doesn't show the time of day, where it was taken, or why. I'm not even sure I remember taking the picture...but I know I must have since it was on my phone, a phone no one else touches; (a phone that has no filters, mind you). I know exactly where it is, and most likely what I was doing when I took it.

I live in a townhouse with pets, so, as these things go, I must walk my dog several times a day. There is a rather sizeable tree at the end of my building that often gives spectacular views of the skyline...as you can see.

I'm not sure if I took this picture because of the birds, or the sky, or something else...in any case, it's still beautiful.

Why This Picture? I'm not sure why I chose this picture to use as my first post. I keep going back to this one for some reason. Like me, it has many aspects that are beautiful...the birds, the sky, the colors, the dark and light...maybe all of them...or maybe because I don't even know why I took it in the first place. (Not that birds, and such make me beautiful...but...you get the idea.)

The Lesson is in the Learning. My daily struggles as of late have been with finding ways to flex my creative muscles, so to speak. The only thing I have are my photos...and I can write. So, here I sit, letting my thoughts go here. However, I'm still left with something left unsaid, left undone...something I cannot put my finger on. I must continue on this path I've started, lest I be left alone in the dark forever. I'm sure that's a quote I've heard before, but it is so true in my case. I need an outlet, a vision, but nothing seems quite good enough.

I've never been big on taking pictures, but I have a rather large collection gathering Internet dust, sitting in the cloud, or on my hard drive. I've been trying to figure out ways to dust them off, reuse, or re-purpose them. I've downloaded countless free programs, trying different things out, still not knowing what I want to do with them. I've decided to leave them alone, and use them here, as well as for my other website. I know that I do not want them hidden away, locked behind the virtual prison of my computer.

Wait! What's the Lesson? For me, the lesson is to keep trying, and learn something new everyday, especially about myself, what I love, and even what I don't. I must learn to accept the things I am good at, even if I don't enjoy them. I know, that sounds counter-intuitive, but it is what it is. I'm not very good at a lot of things, and I'm equally good at a lot of other things, all of which I have varying degrees of like and dis-like for. Still confused? I am, too, but probably for different reasons. This is why I want to learn as much as I can...so I can untie this proverbial knot in my brain.

So What About the Crows? The crows, and this picture, really have nothing to do with me...other than its puzzling nature. Once in a lifetime a great photo opportunity comes around, and you must take the shot. That photo was one such opportunity. And, right now, I am in a unique situation that has given me a little bit of time and freedom to discover myself. My 'once in a lifetime moment'. Don't get me wrong, the situation is not a great one, it's simply happenstance. I will soon be back to being the working mother, pseudo-house-wife that I once was, with not a whole lot of time left in the day just for me and my musings. In the mean time, I will continue to post my photos and write about the thoughts they provoke. Maybe in this short journey I will learn a new skill, something I love, and that I am also good at, finding a road to true fulfillment along the way.