The Grey Spectrum Annal

passing turns passing

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 24 Apr 2017 02:31:00 +0000

Things have been improving for a long time now. Immeasurably slowly, I cannot see the changes in myself as they happen. Only in retrospect.

I no longer fully recognize what I have written here. It makes me incredibly grateful to my past-self for recording it.

I have forgotten where I have been and did not know where I would go.

At the time I wanted so much to know where I could go from where I was. I wanted to know what was possible, and how long it would take, and how to get there. I anguished and grasped and flailed and cried and tried and beat myself up for stumbling in circles. Later I accepted the circles were part of the path forward, and that I could not detect if anything was getting better until well after the fact. And I still pushed and tried and was lost and despaired.

It's hard to compare, because my life circumstances changed. They changed everything about the world around me, my perceptions, and the limits of my highs and lows. But still, in this other set of circumstances, I continued to improve inside of that state. I am proud of that. I am proud of where I am and where I have come from. I was never proud of anything before.

Enough side-stepping, here is the path it took:

I tried to remember and believe in the good times or the good people said about me.
I wrote and tried to capture what was happening, and work through it, and remember how I did so.
I tried to push myself away from the senseless self-berating. And to break away from this feeling of what others expected, demanded of me.
I tried to be patient with myself, and give myself time, forgiveness, and gifts of free time and acceptance.
I tried to turn thoughts around and find positive true things I knew.
I called people. I talked to people when I felt alone. Mostly one, a small group of three or five in total.

Then

I stayed in the same house as my love.

He stabilized me, as being around him always has. But now it was consistent and not a buoy tossed to me when I was struggling to stay afloat. That made many things easier. That doesn't mean that I wasn't working on improving myself, and certainly I still did many problematic things starting out. Things that have gradually been erased.
I have gotten better about being good to myself. Eating, resting, keeping warm, taking care of headaches, taking care of my needs.
I have gotten better about doing errands alone, and doing things that are intimidating to me. I am okay getting groceries or shopping or picking up prescriptions on my own now.
I talked about these types of typical career and approval fears with my roommate. I walked him through how I dealt with some things and what I'd advise to do or not do for a better way to go about things. It was cathartic.
I decided early not to feel bad about the goals I set or the work I got. I wanted to get hired. I didn't feel (that) bad about getting work slowly, and I didn't feel (that) bad that it wasn't in my subject area of choice right away, and I didn't feel (that) bad about other people being "ahead" of me in my field. I felt really good after my first job. People would hire me. I was a good worker. I could earn my way and pay for myself. It took me months to apply for work, and months again to apply for work later, and again for the third time. But each time was faster, more comprehensive, more unrestricted, less cautious, less daunted. By the latest time I was sending in multiple in a day, and maintaining one a week for a while. I agonized over every sentence less. I asked over and over for basic advice and approval, but less. I cried with frustration about not knowing what people want to see and not knowing how to give it, but it was a smaller deal than before.
When he left for a week to travel, I broke down immediately. I can't remember if it was a day or mere hours after he left. I was inconsolable. I missed him, I didn't want to be without him. It was a gutwrenching loneliness. It could not be put aside for a moment or removed with any amount of reason or knowledge. It passed over the span of a few hours.
I would watch hours of online streams after I ran out of better ways to spend my time (games to play and books to read). I would not have a good idea of what to look forward to, what to work toward in my life. I got better about that, and I now have much more glimmers of what I want and like and look forward to. I did not spend time out of the room or with friends, but that wasn't really a goal of mine/I am just like that??? I did have a goal of volunteering at the pet shelter to clean the pet rodents' cages, but I was too shy to ask the shelter to do that for a year or two.

And now I have moved out and been on my own for three weeks. I still don't know if I will become lonely again, or lose my self-care. I still don't know how low my lows will be on my own. But there is no denying what I have done. I interviewed, and packed all of my things, and found a place to rent, and filled out job paperwork, and took my car in to the mechanic, and drove 700 miles, and started work the day I moved into my new place (which I had never seen before), and bought food, and set up my room, and set up my mailbox, and went to work 40 miles away every day, and reset my sleep schedule to be 3 hours earlier, and met my coworker, and worried about why my car smokes sometimes... all in the span of two weeks and all totally by myself. And I have been doing pretty well for myself. I certainly have been doing many things and quite self motivated to get out and explore exciting things. I have tried hanging out with new friends, I have been reading and taking care of chores. I have not been eating very well. But, well, here I am. This is where I have come to so far.

And things seem like they will only keep improving. Slowly as ever.

It's not really the crazy adventure I am on that I wanted to know back then. It was the daily level of contentment I have reached. It was the hope that has budded within me. It was the fears that have eroded and faded, if only a bit of weathering. It was the ways it happened and the rate it happened I wished to know. Even if the news was bad. Even if I never got better, or it took decades. Really. I wanted to know even that. I wish I could reach back and try to communicate it.
I don't know how much it would have helped, but I wish I could try.
I had so little comfort. It was so empty for so long. I'm sorry. I don't know why they were so cruel to you. I'm proud of how you fought and felt and suffered and were iron determined to make something, anything fracture, break, breach and give. Sometimes like a frantic animal, but more often with the fierce unforgivingness of a plant root. I wanted so much to know what it was like to feel proud. And I did not know how to. I could not. If only I had known that the very moment I was sobbing, frightened, resentful, fuming, empty, and barren, I was giving myself that pride I craved... even though I would only feel it years later.
It is vague.
It is aged.
It is weak.

It is warm.

It is rooted.

Ergo Proxy - Opening Credits

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 29 Jun 2015 20:16:00 +0000

When I first researched the flashing texts in the opening credits, I read someone saying that they held clues to the show. Yet no one seemed to have translated them and made them available. Finally I did the work myself, and I can see why they were never posted; The text is cut off and difficult to read. The scraps that are available, don't seem to contain much information other than a broken-English translation of a synopsis for the show. There is one section of text that seems to be repeated throughout the opening credits, and I was going to try and piece it all together, but I have decided that it is too difficult and not worth it. I'll still post all of my notes and my image edits to make the text readable.

1
Many as futuristic stories from now. People who lived there
Of ----ind as followers
Orn---raneot(rament?) of the earth, the largest discharge of
Meteor --- cathed burning – happened in old times in century of how
Many --- gad suddenly ---- ings --- nd thr ---
Incastor we d

2
The century of
History of mankind
Saying that, “as for the
Called burning ice happened
Lot of living things died out and thus the
Live only in the bubble dome

Bubble dome “Romud” It is an ideal ity the
Consumption
An advanced making to the network advance
Multipurpose robot from which onomb wa
Of the reacle ---flrunistruerie, and the c---
Been m/pun-aged in an orderly manner if aged
And it peeped and the problem or failing bribe

3
Ever the event that causes the accident --- order happens several y—Another ---- ome
Shelter immigrants have flowed in “rom--- event brought of there---al—of a---
The class difference, and the dissatisfaction ---- there ----ed for----eenau
Reeding ground for crime.
--- big social issues had been generated ---h and Rom
Existence of the virus pro--- of the ------------elling------
Follow man and caused a serious trouble -----
---to appear as though people not to have dissatisfaction -----
Stice and the person who gave up “you should fur----- peaceful
Driven by the desire that it wanted in go out of here
Erase it was taught that the external world was the world of ----
Ous for the Romud citizens.

6
The century of how many is a futuristic sto
Were given the history of mankind as fo
Saying that “as for the environment of the
Metanhaidorad ----that was called burot

----who has -----
Bubble dome Romud --- is an ideal city that
An advanced ----
Wh----
----- support of the eached infrastructure, and t
The society where everything had been managed
Time nor an anti-social molecule

7
Bubble dome
Another by social fear

Dissatisfaction in the dome are small number of people thing. Not
The person who gave up, “you should ---- one” life --- a peaceful dome though
Though they were all ---- by the ---- that ---- to go out of here.
Because it was taught that the external world was the world of death to which the monster strolled and the
Infectious disease was furious for the Romud citizens

8
Environment of the ca----
---in old --------Ow, and---
Who

Utopia that repeat

10
Year up. Anot

13
The century of how many is a futuristic stories ---- Potiou----
History of mankind as follows.
Saying that “As for the environment of the earth, the large----
Called burning ice happened in old time in century of
Lot of ---- died out and thus the --- we ----
Live only in the bubble dome.

Bubble dome “Romud” ---- called utopia ----
Consumption.
An ---- thinking to the ----
Multipurpose robot front ----
Of the reached ---- ture, and the completed
Been managed in the orderly manner
And it peeped

15
Discharge of M----that was
Now and it changed suddenly
Race
Production and
Going by
The life support
Society where everything
Manner if it gave birth to neither a crime nor an anti-social molecule.

16

..............................................................
So the complete text is something like:
The century of how many is a futuristic stories from now. People who lived there were given the
history of mankind as follows
Saying that “As for the environment of the earth, the large discharge of Metanhlidend that was
Meteor --- called burning ice happened in old times in century of how it changed suddenly
Lot of living things died out and thus we d-- human race came to
Live only in the bubble dome

Bubble dome “Romud” It is an ideal city that is called utopia that repeat ---- producing and
People seemed to be
From ystery
Consumption. Another by social fear
An advanced making (thinking?) to the network advance
Multipurpose robot from which onomb wa
Support of the reached infrastructure, and the completed social security of the society
The society where everything had been managed in an orderly manner if it gave birth to neither a crime nor an anti-social molecule.
Birthrate
And it peeped and the problem or failing bribe

Ever the event that causes the accident --- order happens several y—Another ---- ome
Shelter immigrants have flowed in “rom--- event brought of there---al—of a---
The class difference, and the dissatisfaction ---- there ----ed for----eenau
breeding ground for crime.
--- big social issues had been generated ---h and Rom
Existence of the virus pro--- of the ------------elling------
Follow man and caused a serious trouble -----
---to appear as though people not to have dissatisfaction -----
Dissatisfaction in the dome are small number of people thing. Not
Stice and the person who gave up “you should fur----- one” life --- a peaceful dome though
Though they were all Driven by the desire that it wanted in go out of here
Because it was taught that the external world was the world of death to which the monster strolled and the
Infectious disease was furious for the Romud citizens

Extraordinary Anime

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 22:39:00 +0000

This list is so I can remember what I have seen, so it's got junk on it.
The list is not everything that I have seen, because some stuff really isn't worth remembering.
(Hi there, Persona, Tokyo ESP, Nobunagun, Tribe Cool Crew, One Week Friends, Akuma no Riddle, Gokukoku no Brynhildr, Phi Brain, Xam'd Lost Memories, and many more. )
I post repeats because they are so good in multiple categories.

Just good fun, and younger memories, or just other: (almost all are not great)

Kiba
Spiral
Hikaru No Go
SpeedGrapher
Black Butler
^childhood introduction to anime that don't fit other categories, but I still like for that.
---
(actiony+funny)
Ao No Exorcist
Noragami
Nanatsu no Taizai
Fooly Cooly
Black Lagoon
Dragon Ball Z
No Game No Life

(actiony / thoughtful)
Jormungand
Junketsu no Maria
Maoyuu Maou Yuusha
Black Bullet
Yumekui Merry
Chihayafuru
Gosick
Dennou Coil

(thoughtful / unique)
Mekakucity Actors
Ping Pong The Animation
Princess Tutu
Higurashi When They Cry
Samurai Flamenco
Blue Gender
Cowboy Bebop

(forgettable)
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders
Tokyo Ghoul
Dramatical Murder
[C] The Money of Soul and Possibility Control
Darker than Black
Space Dandy
Eureka 7
Elfen Lied
---
v special, hard to categorize
Usagi Drop
Hourou Musuko
No. 6

Philosophic:
(not in order)

Serial Experiments Lain
Kino No Tabi
Ergo Proxy
Mushishi
House of Five Leaves
Time of Eve
Kaiba

I liked it because it had tech/fantasy I have never seen before:
(not in order)

Fractale
Shinseki Yori
PsychoPass
Gatchaman Crowds
Ghost in the Shell
Paranoia Agent
Suisei no Garugantia
Time of Eve
Sidonia No Kishi

I liked it because it made me cry:
(Not in order)

Casshern Sins
Wolf's Rain
Witch Hunter Robin
Michiko to Hatchin
Paranoia Agent
Ergo Proxy
Mushishi
Kino No Tabi
Penguin Drum
Zankyou no Terror
Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso

I liked it because I have a thing for characters that are weird or shy or emotionless:
(sort of in order from personal experience of worst to best, last section is about characters instead of the anime as a whole)

Mirai Nikki
Nazo No Kanjo X
Blood Lad
Black Butler
Hataraku Maou-sama
Un-Go
Another
Jormungand
Wolf's Rain
Say I Love You
Free!
Noragami
Litchi De Hikari
Death Note
No Game No Life
Suisei no Garugantia
Spawn
Casshern Sins
Witch Hunter Robin
Zankyou no Terror
Sidonia No Kishi
Serial Experiments Lain
House of Five Leaves
Ergo Proxy
Mushishi
------------
Amnesia (doesn't understand)
Sankarea (weird impish)
Hyouka (lazy)
Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru (mean, cares, bitter)
No. 6
Kimi Ni Todoke

Will be updated as I see fit. The new season of Sidonia and SNAFU I expect to only add good things to the series.

To Harbor

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Fri, 10 Apr 2015 20:56:00 +0000

Can you tell why I break though?

Shatter into little brilliant glittering ice and water,
too beautiful to be real, the sun in every droplet and shard

Can you, when I throw myself to a swallow's death
     (because the world asked it passingly)
     (and it watches as I fall to lifelessness)
     (surprised, but uncomprehending)

broken body broken wing broken mind broken heart
He once said - I love too much to stand this world

And as I lay (with my broken breathing) I
     look to the world and I plead that it see

That it know what hope is
That it know what devotion is
That it know what idealism is
that it know what what to love is
     and respond to my wretchedness

     And I straighten myself, and I prepare myself, and I shape myself
To stand
To burn
To crystallize
To radiate

     To keep the dream existing here
     in me, in anywhere
     to smash myself as many times as I need to
     until the world grasps the glinting gift
and breathes with me as I lay limp and expended again

What do I do

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 16:42:00 +0000

Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why What can I do? Would getting food. Would skipping work and sleeping. Would working. Would watching more videos. Would treating this seriously? Would ignoring it? Would waiting for it to go away? Would fighting it? Would despairing and soaking in despair? Would listing hopes and looking at my dreams help? Would taking a pill help? Would doing simple chores like cleaning help? Would writing down my thoughts and fears help? Would finding some meaningful story to absorb help? Would talking to someone help? Would going outside help? Would waiting help? Would thinking of more things help?

Ergo Proxy - Episode 23:Proxy/Deus ex Machina

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 07:00:00 +0000

All Episodes: Ergo Proxy Companion Viewing Guide
Previous: Ergo Proxy - Episode 22:Bind/Bilbul
Next: None

Proxy

To love. To be all powerful. To create. To be flawed. To defy one's fate.
All of these themes have stunning development and exposition. I want to explain the philosophical conclusions and commentary they have, but maybe the best way is to tell the story itself.

Once there was a Proxy.

He was a god among gods. He was given his task by the The Creator itself. The humans who created his world. They forged his life, gave him his soul, and then gave him a planet to shape and populate.

And he did. In his youth, with his divine power, he created a city.

It was a paradise full of citizens and autoreivs.
Everything was perfect.

Everyone had everything they could want and everyone took joy from their vital roles in upkeeping the clockwork miracle that was their city system. It was all carefully balanced. No details were overlooked. Every citizen was carefully sculpted so that they could love their life and their place in the perfect society. No one could ask for more.

And most of all they loved their creator. They loved Proxy One, for the glorious gift of paradise he had given them. They worshiped and venerated him. They cherished and prostrated for him. They loved and idolized him.

And slowly, he began to despair.

He saw the flaws in their perfection. They could never become more than what they were. They could never grow or surpass their pitiful predetermined purposes. They could never create something new or surprise their creator because they were only as good as he had made them, and he had made them soulless puppets.

But it was forgivable because the system they were all a part of was beautiful, perfect, and magnificent. It ran with a simple perfection. Flawless and smooth, it spiraled onward, never missing a beat as all of its parts cycled in perfect synchrony. Proxy 1 watched it and smiled.

His creations began to displease him. They aggravated him. More and more he could little stand to be around them. He did not yet know the full reason why.

Perhaps then he saw citizens that somehow, did have potential to grow. Who defied the system in an attempt to improve themselves and the world they were in. And they were rejected. They were rebuked and destroyed by the system. And Proxy One was angry. He was angry because he began to realize. The system they all upheld was flawed and disgusting too. And all of it is because Proxy One himself

You are a god. You have everything. Can do anything. And yet.
And yet.

Everything you have done was a sham. Everything moldered before your eyes. First tiny flaws, then maggots that multiplied until the whole thing dissolved into a horrible repulsive heap. Something so utterly unholy and it was the best that you, a divine being, created out of pure good intentions. It was supposed to be beautiful. It was. You thought it was. But somehow it never was.

And it crawls toward you, slavering for you to feed it. And you gaze on the sorry thing with hatred and disgust but a twisted sort of love because it is the best you could ever do, even though it also destroyed the-best-you-could-ever-do. It is a reflection of you, and you know that. So you hate it and you love it.

But most of all, you are alone.

You aren't aware of it, just the empty place inside you. The smiles covering up the nothing behind. Maybe it is ignorance, maybe it is denial. Underneath you want someone to seek you out. To see your sorry hide for what it is. Someone to forgive you, and then someone to understand what sort of creature you are. All of your goodwill, all of your flaws. You want them to come and to peel back the layers, and you want it to be painful, but you want to stand naked before someone else and be judged. You want to know whether they would look on you with fear and repulsion or with sadness and love. You want to know which you should look on yourself as. You just want to finally know.

You cannot even see past that. But if you could, you would see what was past the future where you are loved. Where you are seen and understood, and are accepted. Then you can fall down from forcing yourself to stand up for so long. Then you can cry and feel and hope and leave the past behind. Then you can see a future that isn't an endless dark tunnel. Then you can begin to stand up, teach yourself how to walk, and go somewhere else than this painful place.

But that is beyond you. That comes after. Right now, you want to prove that you are real. That you exist. And maybe that you have a right to exist.

You want to touch another life. Have it touch you. Just a shred of contact. A flash of understanding between two. A seed of love, forgiveness, understanding, empathy. That might make it all worth it. Lift you up just enough so you can turn your eyes to see where you are and begin to think.

It hurts to see our creations, our children. They are so malformed. Why can't they be better? They come to us, but we can do nothing for them, and we turn away in loathing and shame. They come to us and profess their love, but they do not understand us and they do not love us and they do not want to love us. They worship us, but that is a worthless thing. We want something deeper. Something they cannot give us, even if they wanted to. They cannot understand us. They cannot understand us.

So we despair. And sometimes we rage at the world we were born into, that let us create but we could not create what we needed to create. We cannot create something to love us. We can only create puppets and toys and they cannot love us.

We found love with another. We loved the other proxy. We turned our back on our hateful world and we left them all behind to lose ourselves in love. I do not know what happened to that love, but it was thin. It was patched together from our sadness, our fear, our hatred, and our despair. It was our escape from it, but all it was, was a way to freeze time. It did not let us leave. It only let us sleep. That love was real, but it was shallow and got us nowhere.

So we tried to remake ourselves. If we could not be loved for who we were, then we would erase ourselves and become something that could be loved. So we cut out the parts that could not be understood and dropped the pieces that were left into the world we had created. We tried to be one of them. But we could not give up all that we were, for we still wanted to be loved. And wanting to be loved means wanting to be loved for who we are. So we did not make puppets to love us and we did not erase ourselves completely. And so of course our creations turned us away. They should have, because we failed them and are not perfect like we tried to make them. We are not what we wanted to be, and they are not what we wanted them to be, and they see that we are not what we should have been. We are all imperfect and we all hate it in each other and we are sorry we are like this.

We are sorry we failed you. We deserve to be punished just like we wished to punish you when we saw your own imperfections.

And what way is there out of this? The system yet reinforces the system that cannot improve.

The imperfections. The imperfections.

That is how we found our way out. The imperfections created new lives. They created new things that we could not have created ourselves. And we learned to stop looking for perfection and instead look for life. And we learned to see. And then they saw us. Saw us for who we are. Broken but struggling, just as they. And we learned to love one another. And we learned to love the world and through the world, ourselves.

And so we gave up perfection. And we found what we were missing, even though we were a god.

---------------------------

"The ark an cradle will nurture you, but it will not educate you."

"We discovered the torments of a creator." "And yet, we still loved them."
"The creator wishes to be loved as well." "It's as if I can feel his solitude and despair in the very depths of my soul." "That despair. That pain is the reason they must all be punished."
"You've been manipulated. Buried under the burdens of failed creations and have brought the destruction of man the cusp of its rebirth."
"The Shadow knows. It knows there is a price to pay at the fate of those who would demand a god for a godless world."
"The human race had to be destroyed. They brought this world to ruin, then ran away. Oh how they ran."
"Much in the same way that you ran away from Romdeau, a world of your own making."
"I understand. I know what it is to be rejected, treated like you were nothing."

"I no longer care who I was before I came what I am. I am my self and that is all I need. There's only one truth that really matters to me"

"[We are both definitely Ergo Proxy] But you are not Vincent Law!" "What's wrong with you? They mean nothing to you but failure!"
"This world doesn't deserve to be saved!" "What difference does it make? Do any more need to die!"

"Because I can't let myself forget any more. I'm not talking about remembering the mission that was programmed into me. It's the faces I encountered, the confrontations we had, the love and support given. The life."

"What is it draws you to that existence? It is dark. It's cold. And there's never any knowing what horrors lie ahead." "But that's it. That's what life is. Is all that you said but someone's waiting for me there."

"She plagued you and yet she still loved you. She offered her love to flawed broken souls and in that we found freedom."

---------------------------

Daedalus and Real play out the myth further. Real, Daedalus's child, is given wings, then flies to close to the sun and dies because of it. (Proxies will die if exposed to blue skies/direct sunlight. This is because, once the earth has healed enough, they are no longer needed.)

"There's no place for the sub-humans out there."
"Bringing mankind back through the proxy system. It wasn't supposed to be the first option."
"Even you and I are obstacles, despite our pain and love. Our souls are ruining everything. We're in their way."
Mankind left earth to survive in space in the Boomerang Project while the earth healed. It is in the name itself "Boomerang," - they always intended to return. However, the proxy project was a safeguard. The domes and the sub-humans were created to help the earth heal and repopulate if the original humans were wiped out during the interim. Hence the word "Proxy" - the agents of the creator. That is why they were programmed as they were.

Proxy One says that Re-L's actions are no longer required. Her services then were either attempting to kill Vincent, bringing Vincent to Proxy One, or simply being a citizen of Romdeau. And she chose her own truth, which was to pursue truth at any cost and to show Vincent that she understands and trusts him regardless of his being a 'monster' or a 'god.'

"Autoreivs were nothing more than bit players. Their revolt helped bring about the system's ruin."
It seems that Autoreivs were never really an option to survive and repopulate the earth. Cogito isn't really designed to make them self-aware and able to survive in the new world, but instead to destabilize and destroy the world. It is spread by the proxy to destroy the domes to make way for the first option. That is it's purpose. (Maybe it has another possibility of make the autoreivs fit to survive, maybe it was accidental. The rest of the autorevis don't really seem capable like Pino, Kristeva, and Iggy were. I don't really know what is up with Pino saying she hears the proxy and the others were told not to listen.

"Its an elegant system."
"In fact, we are left to be some kind of monster. And old world demon in a new age."
And just as they were programmed to create new arks for mankind, they were programmed to destroy themselves when they are no longer needed. They had no place in this new world. It is the Pulse of the Awakening they fight each other and destroy themselves. With the coming of blue skies, they are not allowed to live. With mankind's successful return, it is already set within the project to destroy everything that was in the way. The Domes were set to collapse with the loss of the Proxies and the Cogito. I'm a little muddled how much the Pulse of the Awakening is to make the sub-humans survive on their own and how much it is to make them die off for the coming of the original Humans. "But why did they give us souls? We wouldn't suffer if we had no souls." The practical reasons are these - souls along imagination, innovation and creativity. It is necessary to be a leader and a creator, to have these things. Souls also come from the intelligence and the experience of seeing the creations with their own lives, suffering, and dreams. Souls also imply that imperfection and free will that allows something to learn, evolve, and become greater than itself. Perhaps souls are necessary for a being to be a god as well. Perhaps it is also because the Creators, the Humans, wanted their proxies to be as they are. To dream and to suffer the same way. To be made in their own image. To be understood by their creations....
"The creator wishes to be loved as well. It's as if I can feel his solitude and despair in the very depths of my soul. That despair. That pain is the reason they must all be punished."

In case there is any confusions: Proxy One says that "Vincent is just an after image, left behind by Proxy One's despair, a puppet, a phantom, an impostor --- accept it, you and I are the same." That could mean that the Vincent persona is a mask to hide behind for Ergo Proxy, but it could also mean that Ergo Proxy is the copy of Proxy One. And Vincent says that they are both definitely Ergo Proxy. Proxy One calls Ergo Proxy a prodigal son (sarcastically) and then says that ErgoVincent will live, even though normal proxies are susceptible to the sun's rays. All of that seems to indicate that Proxy One created ErgoVincent (He's not a normal proxy, he doesn't have his own necklace - only Monad's or Proxy One's - he looked and acted and thought like Ergo/Proxy1 until after the journey etc etc)

So that seems a pretty safe conclusion. It gets confusing when it comes to the question of why and when.
---------------------------

Daedalus.....
He only wished to love and be loved.
"But it was more than [you] could give."
He knows. He knows. He knows he knows he knows, but that doesn't help that it breaks his heart to know it. He loves her, and he loves that she is who she is, and he would't change her or manipulate her. But that means he has to love that she does not love him in return.

And he tries as much as he can to do it. He even does it, but it destroys him from the inside out.

He takes care of her to the end. He tells her everything and tells her to leave him for her own safety as he lies dying. He watches her struggling against her fate after he has given up and he loves her for it. "You never change. It sickens me." And he smiles with such forgiveness and love when she calls his name. He finally gets her to understand. "And as for me... I..." "Deadalus...." "I'm sorry, Daedalus." "I'm sick of your apologies." He just... wants her to love him.... but he loves her for who she is, and she cannot.

Run Re-l!
Very good.

[VIEW SPOILERS]
[/SPOILERS]

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Kristeva's story, while worthy and ought to have more exposure, is straightforward enough that I won't cover it.

Proxy One says that the mask that Ergo Proxy wears is the "mask of one who would deny his fate." This is interesting, because in the beginning Ergo Proxy denied his fate by running away, forgetting his past, and trying to be a citizen rather than a proxy. And at the end Ergo Proxy may be wearing it because he wants to be more than a Proxy, and change the fate that has been allotted him.

"I have faith."
This is a strange thing for Re-L to say to me.
Faith in ... Vincent? Faith in that the future will be changed by our futile efforts? Faith that doing our best, we are making things better and not worse? Faith in a god that learns from its imperfections? Perhaps it is that she knows she cannot face the world alone, and so will now rely on the others she has found that she can trust.

"Because even if your future is inevitable and nothing but pain awaits me. I'm still doing what I think is right."
Another quote that I love, this time spoken by Re-L. I really do believe this.

Once again I feel dissatisfied with how much I put into this (not enough). There is lots more I could and should have explained about plot and mechanics of the universe, but that feels so dry and I can't remember what I have and have not said. There is more to be said about Pino, Re-L and Vincent in a reflection of their growth and realizations. There are other ways to speak about the proxies and the meaning of being an imperfect god. There is Proxy One's twisted narrative. Their is Raul and Pino and Kristeva. There is the idea of truth, fate, and self-created purpose. There is more to be said about love and the meaning of love. There is speculation about what the humans intended and how they will react. There is tracing the chain of creators and created and comparing and contrasting the relationships. Humans, Proxies, Subhumans, autoreivs.... There is the idea of self-awareness and souls emerging. But for some unknown reason I want to publish this tonight and who knows if I will get back to it. Selfishly it is also because I have other less monumental things I want to write about, but this will be my 100th post on this blog. (!!!!!) And I want it to be this one.

The guide should remain a work in progress, but I don't know if I will actually follow through. Certainly it could and ought to be a lot better composed and organized. Certainly I should add images like I mentioned before. I guess I ought to trust myself a /little/ more since I never (ever) thought I would get as far as to write for all 23 episodes.
I should celebrate.

Fun fact - this is now 103 pages long and about 60k words! Whoah! I bet you didn't know you'd read a book-length analysis of this junk! Just one month shy of 2 years in the making (29th November 2012 - 28th October 2014) ***edit: Oh, I also just passed 10k pageviews for the blog as a whole.

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Ergo Proxy - Episode 22:Bind/Bilbul

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 19:43:00 +0000

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Bind
Raul manages to shoot Ergo Proxy once, but the next ones don't hit his mark. He backs into the elevator aiming at Ergo Proxy, though his gun has no more shells. Ergo Proxy survives only because he ripped his own arm off, preventing the spread of the proxy-killing substance.

Pino is drawing the pictures that she leaves in her home Raul to find. She ends up leaving because her papa isn't coming home and there are people hunting for infected autoreivs she has to avoid.

I'm not sure, but I believe that Ergo Proxy strangled Re-L as well. It is unclear, but she is clutching her throat and grimacing when the show resumes. Her voice isn't ragged, but that might have been oversight. I used to think she fainted, but I'm not really sure anymore.

Kristeva continues to perform her duty, but Re-L recognizes that it is also out of love and choice, not just programming.

The citizens are no longer in denial, but the city is no more honest than it used to be. It is my opinion that this is only a phase of progress on the way to a truly functioning society for these people, but that isn't necessarily right. If it isn't right, I am just as conflicted as Re-L over what is better and more real. The hatred and killing is just another form of denial, but what's more, what if the citizens really can't reform them ways to think for themselves. What if the only way they can survive and maintain themselves is within the twisted system or Romdeau. If that is the case, maybe they deserve to die to make way for a society that can succeed.

"I'm Real Mayer, of course." "No, I'm Re-L Mayer. I don't know what you are."
After Ophelia I don't blame Re-L for being rather rude here...

"You helped Vincent remember Monad. That's me, I'm Monad."
But she's Real Mayer.

"And how the hell do you know who Vincent is." "I need... Vincent."
Real seems to be supernatural in a number of ways. She grew up in the span of months, she knows things she couldn't have known, and she feels things she couldn't have reason to felt. Somehow she seems to be a reincarnation of Monad. Or creepily, she may be Monad brought back from the dead. Daedalus clearly didn't intend it, but she has Monad's memories and maybe soul. Daedalus only meant for her to be Re-L, though perhaps a 'better' version.

"Please, there's no need for him to suffer any longer. I can free him from his burden as the Creator." "Creator?" "Romdeau. He created Romdeau." I don't blame you if you don't believe her. It is out of nowhere and Real is a total unknown for the most part. But after the collective confirms it, and Vincent having a vision and saying he remembers doing it...I think you'll just have to accept that this is the reality of Romdeau.

Daedalus.... also is showing emotion. He used to be so calm and collected, almost unnervingly so. Even recently he would quietly intone, "You're hurting me." But suddenly he yells, "Vincent Vincent Vincent! I don't care!" Re-L is stunned. I don't think she has ever seen him act this way, and she hadn't realized he would do such a thing in reaction to her anguished pleas for guidance. I don't know if you either have realized. Daedalus always seems so placid and content to do what he can, and he seemed to care for Re-L as an ally with a common goal and common proclivity. But, it seems, there is a lot more he didn't make apparent. (at least, to my undiscerning nature...) Daedalus loves Re-L. He wants her to love him, but he's never tried to push her, just hoped she would some day admire him the way he cherishes her. It's mixed up and hidden behind his duties to her and his fascination with research and his snarky attitude. I'm not sure he ever realized it, and I'm not sure if it is just expressing itself now because he isn't that aware of what he is doing anymore. But it's there and it's real.

Re-L certainly never realized.

Re-L can finally get the answers she has been fighting for since the beginning. The Proxies are gods that created the domes. Vincent created Romdeau, but he left it. None of this is figurative. This is literally the reality of this world. The (already aged) Regent was appointed by Vincent, so it was probably within the last 50 years. Within that time Romdeau attacked Mosk. "To ignite the dying embers of our lost glory. A measured act of vengeance." Romdeau was dying without it's proxy and they were angry at their own god for abandoning them. "But Monad stole our light and sealed us in this place with our eyes forever closed. Our vision would no longer be capable of shining on the earth." Monad stole Ergo Proxy, and thus doomed them to a slow death. The collective isn't completely alive, and the city's consciousness isn't either, but they still can fade away and cease to be.

"The irony of the creator's silent return to the city is not lost on us."
I'm not really sure what irony. Maybe it is that the creations gave up on their god, but their god did not completely give up on them. Maybe it is that they were searching for their god, but didn't notice when he had returned to them. Or maybe it is because they rejected his Vincent persona.

There is an inexplicable scene from Episode 17 of the cave paintings of natural birth, and Re-L makes an inexplicable comment. "That means we're the Creator's anguish." I'm pretty sure this only makes sense after seeing the next episode, and even then I'm not sure why Re-L knows or says it.

Daedalus picks up the yarn trail on the way back to the lab. This is a re-enactment of Daedalus's namesake, whom escaped his labyrinth using the red yarn. I don't think that Real is Daedalus's escape, more the symbolism is the way the characters are (in a limited way) caught in fall towards their individual fates. If that is true... then Raul dashing the ball of yarn from Real's hands may tie right back into his determinism to buck his own fate, perhaps even allowing the others to evade their's. (Or... more likely I just want Raul to be a hero in some (any) fashion.)

Daedalus is acting strangely. He is back to being aloof and cryptic, but he's doing it in a sort of "reeling" way to me. He is affectionate, then sarcastic, then polite, then cruel, then impudent and finally brash. I think this is Daedalus feeling despair. He is sweet because he longs so much for Real(Re-L) and he has some hope again that she will care for him, but he is also on the edge of being suicidal because his entire world is deserting him. Not just Romdeau's endowed raison d'etre, but his love abandoning him, his society breaking down, and his genius becoming useless (it will be without a city to support and use him). I cannot imagine the blow it would be to be finally believing that your love cares for you, only to hear her say she didn't save your life for your sake, but for the sake of the one you don't want her to love. Daedalus, despite being given what would seem to be a perfect life with blessed abilities and personalities, is cursed to never have the thing he has discoverd that he desires most. "When I look into her eyes, I want to see my reflections." He cannot make even his creation love him.

"We cannot know the mind of the creator."
"But if a proxy is omnipotent, why did he abandon his creation? Why did he leave this world in chaos?" "There were limits to his omnipotence." "Left, with the disappointment in himself." "But he was an imperfect god, and so his creations, like him, were also imperfect."

If Ergo Proxy were the creator, then how much of everything was by his intentional design. If he created the city and set up the system, then he could easily have guided it's future including Re-L. Personally, I can't imagine it is so, but that is mostly because I am used to listening to Vincent who is just as 'set up' as the rest since he knows nothing of the predetermined fates allotted. But if one were a god. An imperfect god. Wanting to be destroyed. Wanting to be loved. Wanting to be more perfect and wanting to be able to create perfect creations... None of this seems unlikely to happen. And what about the creation? Should they follow the will of their creator, when it was the reason they were created. Can they even disobey it? I will speak more about it later. "No one ever gets to choose who they are born as. No matter what sort of being they are." It seems that Ergo Proxy really did have a death wish. He says that he "knew it would end with [Re-L's] gun at your head." It's hard for me to believe from the context, but I suppose Ergo really did give up and wish to die, at least at some point. Maybe not the entire time, but reflecting back on who he has been, he still seems to be on the verge of wanting to die. "You can. If you want." Re-L looks confused or surprised, and either she knew all along or she figures it out when Vincent acknowledges her choice.

"He's revealed himself to us so many times."
The other proxy was there instead of Vincent in these scenes:
The "awakening" message.
The second pendant left and the destruction in the memory vault.
"That which is divided must become one."
Standing on a building in Romdeau.
Preventing Re-L from shooting in the last episode/being shot/ripping his own arm off.

I have tried to use Ergo Proxy instead of Vincent when it is not clear or when it was the other proxy.

"Even if this is the truth for Romdeau, it is not the great truth you may find for yourself." "A truth that cannot be communicated, it must be realized. For all creatures, no matter who or what they are, truth must be derived from self." "So each of us has to find our own truth." I thought that this was a very western idea, that our purpose is to find our purpose, so I'm surprised that this is being said so bluntly here. However, I do agree with the idea and it is central to Ergo Proxy's themes, that truths are found and created by what we do and seek to know. Fate and raison d'etre, logic and emotion, free will and questioning, each play a role. I believe the statues are communicating a powerful sentiment Re-L expresses in the next episode, and what Re-L, Raul, Pino, and Vincent have all be struggling with the entire time. Not what purpose to create for themselves, but whether they can create one for themselves, and in effect, escape some other fate.

"As long as evil and shame abide. In silence we will find our joy."
Do not awaken us until the end. To rest in peace.
This is the same quote from the statues that opened the series: (from the first episode guide:
It is my pleasure to sleep and even more to be stone:
As long as shames and dishonor may last,
My sole desire is to see and feel no more.
Speak softly, I beg you, do not awaken me.)
It seems to me that everything was building to this point for the collective. Now they view their time as up and their raison d'etre as over. They give the future over to the still-living.

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Sorry, it's a little hard for me to remember what was unclear to me the first time I watched through, and also what I have said in the last 2 years during this guide. I really should go back through, post relevant images, and rewrite/condense repeated content. I'm not sure how unclear it was that it was not Vincent killing Donov. I guess not clear at all since there wasn't any other option until the end of this episode. I am so used to knowing it is not-Vincent that I think of that before I think of it being Ergo and then a surprise that it is not. Also Donov Mayer might not even be a name that is that familiar, maybe "The Regent" or another of his names was the one that was most prevalent and the only familiar one to most watchers.

Re-l's question of "What if the truth is too terrible to ever be unleashed?" is a little esoteric and stated in an awkwardly blunt way, but the central idea behind it afflicts me deeply. I hardly ever contemplate it. I question myself constantly, but in a less piercing way than what I am thinking of now. "What if what I think is real, isn't." "What if what I believe is right, is wrong." "What if what I've been trying to do my entire life isn't just false and flawed, but truly unjust." These statements feel flat and they don't evoke the depth and emotional truth that I've plunge into. Again, rarely, but... once, I ... truly contemplated that question... the thought led me to become hysterical for a few moments. It was ... unlike most anything else I have felt.

It is one thing to ask if we will ever know the truth, but it is vexing to consider if it might be better if we never understand.

This reminds me of a conversation I had where I was considering a rather Utopian world that incorporated civilians carrying guns. If everyone didn't shoot unless provoked by mortal danger, valued life deeply, and was careful to only shoot after consideration, I felt sure that there was nothing inherently wrong with having the sort of power over life and death in the hands of good people. But, in the course of this discussion, I began to be convinced that we are too flawed. Not in that we are bad people, (in the thought experiment it's pre-set that that isn't the case.) but that, even with cation and good intentions we still aren't able or worthy to have the power of even a single lethal weapon ... That conclusion deeply troubled me. It means that we probably shouldn't allow ourselves to wield really any power as individuals, and that is extremely sad to me. I want us to have flaws we can overcome. And I was forced to realize that I don't think or at least am not sure that we can overcome the mistakes we make in snap judgments. I don't know if we can ever be trusted to act correctly when presented with what we think is a pressing threat.

"It's you. Hello me. It's nice to meet you."
Yaaaay. Scriptwriters gotta have fun.

I'm sorry for the quality of this episode guide. Hopefully I'll be able to revamp it, (and others?) but in case I do not.... I apologize.

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What's the secret to direction?

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 28 Jul 2014 16:08:00 +0000

How am I supposed to know what to do when?
How am I supposed to take control of my life and make wise decisions and plan ahead?
What am I supposed to do with
all of this freedom
and these open options
and this directionlessness?

There used to be a path, and the path came to an end.

Some people advise finding a new path - a place to work and a company to climb.
Some people advise trailblazing - adventure and never settling down.
Some people advise a sedentary lifestyle - full of the things that comfort me most.

And what about me? What do I think is what I would grow best at?

I change so much, so often, am still such a being of formlessness and possibility.
My nature is not to settle, but also not to move forward.
(I move in circles and with a peculiar sanguine aimlessness that lands me in places I didn't know existed.)
So how to keep myself moving forward, and keep myself vaguely on some germane area of interest?
I think I might drop concerning myself with the second bit, I think I'll become an expert without purposeful focusing and I think I'll naturally keep falling into my own interests.
But moving forward?
Well I am generally very good at managing to do everything necessary within the time alotted. I can keep planning the necessary things just before I need to.

But.
That was "need to." That was "necessary things."
Those don't exist anymore.

What do I do?
What do I want?!
God help me, I don't know?!
There isn't an answer to that because I am the only one with the answer. And I don't have one!!

I don't have one.....

Will I be happy?
I don't know how the "real world" will react to my efforts, so I don't know exactly how I'll interface with it, but thusfar I've been doing just fine it seems. And I think I definitely have the capability to lead an extremely full and rewarding life. Whether I do, or take many years before I accomplish learning how to do so.... I am far less sure about. I'm a little more sure because of ... well, muni. It seems like together we'll end up practically jumping into a meaningful and wonderful existence after some rearranging and trying at it.

But what about the near future. What about thinking and taking on the mantle of directing the course of my life? Of being in charge of every facet of my life, and thus the very direction it takes?
How do I do that?
How do I think?
How do I make sure I move through life in the right fashion for me?
What is important?
What will cause what to happen?
How do I create my future?

I have been working on changing myself, so that is a first step at least. Starting the setup. Starting the foundation.

But what about the launch? Well, that isn't as important as the running... what about the running? The running of my life? How do I do that?
I can do it functionally.
But how do I do it well?

I guess.... practice.
I'm too unique for a simple answer, though friends and advice will surely shed some light.

When I begin leading my life...
When I pick a direction and start out that way...
Who will I become?
Who is that person?

Ergo Proxy - Episode 21:The Place at the End of Time/Shampoo Planet

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Sun, 13 Apr 2014 08:12:00 +0000

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Ah, the final episodes. These episodes are full of content, both spoken and unspoken. There are a lot of answers finally given. And yes, Ergo Proxy really does give a lot of answers to a lot of questions that have been lingering since the beginning (unlike the Mosk events have implied). A lot of the themes are taken head-on in a satisfactory way. However, the content isn't terribly simple, and takes a bit of thought before it is understood. At least, that how it was for me. A lot of it is just flat out said directly, but for whatever reason I was still confused. I did not get the significance, the themes or many of the plot details revealed, let alone the more obscure stuff that can be surmised from combining the information given here, with hints throughout the rest of the episodes earlier.

A lot of the stuff I didn't notice, I've taken the liberty of already pointing out somewhat along the way, and a lot more I'll explain here. Where I had to do a little digging a few days later, looking up what was being said and why and what Proxies are and.... basically everything, hopefully you'll be able to read and understand without having to work it out alone. I'm not sure if it was because I was blind, or if it really is that hard to know what is going on. In either case, this is the beginning of the end. The next three episodes are continuous and closely linked, but I'll be discussing them piece-meal even though they really are one final episode in most respects. I'm doing this only to make it easier on me for management purposes.

Onward!

-----------------------------------------

The Place at the End of Time

The name "Shampoo Planet" is from a book about Generation Y and its lack of caring for other individuals while getting swept in by capitalist culture. At least that is my not-at-all-professional guess from skimming the wikipedia article. I don't see anything immediately interesting or relevant, so that's all I have to say on that.

It takes Pino about 12 seconds to say three numbers... about 4 seconds per number she says. Four seconds times 30,000 is about 33 hours worth of continuous counting. Which would be possible and consistent with the characters. Buuuuut I'm not sure that is what the authors were going for here. Curiously I couldn't find any significance of numbers in the 30,000 range. So I'm not really sure what to say other than Pino is an ood mix of child and autoreiv and has been drawing her tally marks all over the Centzon Totochtin.

So first Vincent returned to the city. Then Re-L finally followed him, despite the likelihood she would be put to death if she were discovered. Pino was told to wait behind, but follow third after waiting for a long time. This is a dangerous situation for all of them. They all have different reasons for being convicted of serious misconduct and probable termination verdicts.

The immigrants coming to Romdeau are an interesting reminder that now we know some of the lives they are emigrating from.

Pino's first encounter with the dome is very closely a mirror of the scene when they left. The same vent, the same rattling, the same wind and the same forbidding doorway. The vent is open and so she easily enters the dome. This is the first sign of difference. From here on many events will parallel with how Romdeau was in the episodes before they left.

It seems virtually all of the autoreivs have been infected with Cogito. But something is different. Rather than making them free to make choices, they seem to be paralyzed, breaking down, and repeating canned lines like "why am I who I am?" without actual drive to understand themselves. I don't fully understand this turn of events. I believe that the most likely case is that these autoreivs did not have a more stable mind to deal with their new freedoms like Pino did. Some go out of control when faced with an emotional dilemma like Iggy, but I think these autoreivs don't really have anything to live for, so they sort of just... shut down. Without someone else to give them a reason to live, they discover they don't really have a self-given reason to live and faced with this dilemma go into a series of errors that result in a coma of sorts. I think it is fair to say this is comparable to the citizens of the dome too. Some react to their new self-deterministic society with fear, paranoia, denial, violence, or other delusions. I don't see why the different autoreivs might also have a range of reactions to their own sudden free-will. It is also possible that Daedalus or some other part of the dome created an anti-cogito virus that attacks them when they show signs of cogito, or some other countermeasures that mess with the original virus's 'natural' course. This might not even be cogito, but another iteration of the virus designed to spread and kill the autoreivs.

Reminder: Re-L is extremely capable and can take care of herself in pretty much every situation.

I find the encounter with the Autoreiv Disposal Unit pretty funny. This location is the same office and this character is the same character that was Vincent's supervisor way back in the first episodes. No, really, that is the same silly mustache from back then too. Later on, in the Administrative Bureau rooms, the same fellow that was totally dependent on his autoreiv, is still totally dependent on her, even though she and the rest of the job has disappeared. Say what you will, at least in some instances, this series really pays attention to detail.

The interaction between Re-L and the Immigrant official is funny to me because he seems to be making fun of the audience a little, pointing out some of the theories of symbolism that could be going on here. "This whole problem has just about gone critical, we got to used to relying on Entourages" "...you're missing the entire point! We didn't actually need all these autoreivs in the first place! Wouldn't you agree with that, your Excellency?" He's right, in that the citizens relied too heavily on entourages. But it isn't just entourages, it is the system and more obviously, relying on authority. Hence it is a little tongue in cheek that he blames dependence on autoreivs, then turns to Re-L and calls her "your excellency" when it is dependence itself which is the problem. He even ends the conversation with a ploy to get himself "please, if you get a chance, put in a good word for us with the Regent, if you could."

Ergo Proxy starts to be remarkably direct in its exposition. A ton of information is thrown at the viewers and Re-L.
The Cogito has infected almost all the autoreivs. They are now being exterminated.
The bureaucratic system is falling apart in Romdeau.
Raul Creed is missing and presumably up to his own plans.
The launch of the Rapture was widely witnessed, and Re-L has it confirmed that it came from Romdeau.
"Nobody has told them anything." Here I think Re-L is referring to the need to recover a Proxy and the reality of what Cogito virus is, as evidenced by her experience with Iggy and Pino. Let alone the outside world recovering and the ability for them to leave with the correct medicine.
Vincent Law morphs into Ergo Proxy for days without returning and Re-L doesn't know if he will ever be Vincent again. "I should have... right then." She considers if she should have killed him as soon as he stopped being Vincent. Vincent is worth saving, Ergo Proxy is something else.

The killing of the autoreivs is a very interesting issue that the series brings up. Autoreivs are not humans, they are not even flesh and blood. The cogito virus is only a mechanical breaking of their pre-programming to follow directions. Yet the slaughter of all the entourages seems morally reprehensible. "Does cogito give them souls?" was a question early on. Is free will really what makes a soul? How can a parameter being removed, create a soul? And yet, that is exactly what seems to be the case. Pino and Iggy were real beings, just as much as the citizens of Romdeau. Here lies the most interesting comparison. Those citizens that give up their free will, who break down without having someone tell them how to live their lives - do they have souls? The parallels were explored early on in the series, and they return here. I would say that the citizens of Romdeau and the autoreivs are just as alive as the other. Maybe that means they are both alive, maybe that means they are both soulless. Maybe that means they are soulless until they decide to use their emotions and their free will. Whatever your opinion, I have to think that it is a mind that makes the difference, and not the material they are composed of.

The genocide of the autoreivs seems a reasonable turn of events. The people of Romdeau are in distress, and they are sheltered, undeveloped, and immature. They probably don't have the maturity to think of the wrongness of concepts like death and killing and sentience or equality. They were only concerned with their lives and their jobs and their corner of the perfect city. They want their old lives back and they want the problem to go away. They don't think of the future, of government, of resource scarcity or of social turmoil. They see things in black and white. Someone is either sick and broke the rules so they must be removed, or they are healthy and sane and following the rules. The idea of something going wrong in paradise was difficult for them to deal with in the first place, so once the problem is solved, of course things will return to normal in their minds. Progress and change don't happen. That doesn't even exist as a concept. They probably don't even know how much their actions resemble a revolution, "For Romdeau!" and Molotov cocktails being thrown. Nevertheless, they have been introduced to brutality. The killing, the beating, and the destruction won't fade until those citizens have died and taken the memory with them. There is no way for them to know that. On some level, they know what they are doing. "Diiiiie!" they scream, beating in the autoreivs. Something has to be alive for it to die. "Get him!" Something has to be gendered (and usually intelligent or adored) for it to no longer be an "it."

More little details: The blimp that flies by when Re-L walks through the main city of Romdeau, is later perched on by Ergo Proxy, who then crashes it. In a following scene the immigrants are shown under the wreckage, and it shows up one more time when Pino is seen under the wreckage of the same blimp.

The chief of the Administrative Bureau seems to change the topic when Re-L mentions that the citizens are dying, but in reality he isn't. The Aus der Wickel, or the ADW project "it's an absolute failure. Mortality rates are sitting at around 90%." "This is all the data the Health and Welfare Bureau have compiled on the short-term side effects of the ADW project."
"This is our first experiment with martial law provisions. The Security Bureau loves to talk themselves up, but well..." I don't want to say more. You figure out what is going on. (I certainly didn't until the third time going through or so. It was skimmed over and wasn't central to the plot.)
Later Daedalus explains. After all, he headed the project.
"The Wombsys has shut down... so Raul came up with the idea that we should try and change ourselves into something that wouldn't need the Proxy. That's how the ADW project was born. A grand attempt to reconfigure the human body. Not that it was ever going to work."

(But before we move on, back to the Chief at the Administrative Bureau)
"Honestly I don't know why they thought we needed to change everything in the first place. (gasp by Re-L) If our Fellow Citizens had just kept order withing the dome, everything would be fine. It's how we've always survived. We should have just stuck to what we knew worked."
I didn't realize until now the reason that Re-L gasps here. It's because he is one of the top officials, and he doesn't even know why everyone is dying around him. He thinks it is just an expensive experiment, not that the dome's source of life has been lost. Or anything else that has led up to the events now.

Incidentally, his entourage is still lying, dead, in his office beside him from when the citizens stormed in and killed her.

Vincent Law visits Monad's chambers. Interestingly Vincent Law accuses Donov Mayer of doing terrible things to Monad. (rather than Daedalus) It seems to imply that Donov did this out of more than just a need for a Proxy to supply power, but also out of some kind of anger or revenge. He realizes that he has her pendant, and that she is Proxy number 13. (XIII is thirteen in Roman Numerals in case you don't know that) He also has the pendant for Proxy number 1. (Remember, this is out of 500 or so proxies) Ergo Proxy has been pretty good about providing flashbacks instead of making you do the remembering yourself (or leaving you in the dust). Vincent Law seems to be regaining his memories, and then is interrupted. Perhaps because of his memories returning, he reacts and adopts the persona of Ergo Proxy, but falls back into a mix of Vincent Law and Ergo shortly after. Something about the way he leers and then says, "why aren't you afraid of me?" seems like he isn't naturally cruel, but has adopted it, perhaps in a psychological protection mechanism. I say this because people who are cruel or rude or angry often or otherwise hurt others, are doing it because they themselves do not want to be hurt. Not always, and Ergo Proxy up until now has seemed to just be brutal by nature. This really is the first time that there's any indication that there even could be any alternative reasons.

"I know how you feel. I loved her too." Wait, but this is the little replacement for Re-L that Daedalus created. Is her love from his own raison d'etre being transferred, or is there some kind of other mystical connection here? She also knows who Vincent is? Things are getting weird again.

Meanwhile, Re-L is coming face to face with how cracked Daedalus has become. He mistakes her for his second Re-L until she demands to know about why people are dying and the ADW project. It still takes him awhile to accept that the original Re-L has returned, and then he only acknowledges her as "the traitor." Presumably not for failing at her mission, but for leaving him for so long. He gave up on her, and started to blame her for his losing her.
"Let me tell you something interesting. Raul was not the one that ordered the attack on you. I think this is your floor. Now why don't you talk to the man in charge."
"Grandfather. It was grandfather that did all this."
I'm not sure how much Re-L is clued in that Daedalus is more or less trying to send her to her death. The details about Donov Mayer being the one to try and kill Re-L with Cogito were revealed back in episode 10, when Raul confronts Daedalus the first time.

Interestingly the immigrant hunting autoreivs is the same one that tried to hunt Vincent that Pino overheard, back when she first was accused of being infected with Cogito. The lines used are similar to when she overhears them hunting Vincent.
"He's not just another autoreiv." "This could be my chance for a big promotion!" versus
"Boys, I think we just got a promotion! All it takes is something like this to get yourself noticed!"

Ergo Proxy appears. The collective "greets" him.

"Why have you returned? Now you show yourself, now that it is much too late. What do you plan on doing now? Time has already run out, Creator."
"The Regent loved you. The Creator built Romdeau. Brought us into being. Provided us with autoreivs. Helped produce offspring." Ergo Proxy isn't only a power source, but a literal God. He really did create Romdeau. The series is really going full speed ahead with answering a lot of the questions the series has put off until... well, now.
"The Regent hated you. Why do we exist? Who can ease our lonliness? Why did you abandon us? Why didn't you love us?" I find it interesting that the anger is all expressed in anguished questions.
"The Regent searched. He searched not for the creator, but the one who'd stolen his heart. The Monad proxy. The creator returned to Romdeau unbeknownst to us. Disguised as an immigrant from Mosk. The creator stole Monad, and left us again." All of this could have been figured out earlier from all of the statements and intimations and hints dropped along the way. No, you probably wouldn't have realized or even understood what Monad is if you just watched the series without analyzing every line. Or maybe I just am bad at realizing things and thinking about them. Experience has taught me its the latter, despite my own expectations of myself...
"The creator thinks, therefore we are. No matter how we may think. The creator is already not." This seems to imply that the collective and Romdeau either have decided to reject the creator, or else have grown out of needing such a role in their life. "And now he has returned to us once again. Our wish. All worlds are the thoughts of the creator. We are that which is thought. We think, therefore we are. Our raison d'etre." This is double or triple speak for many ideas and themes. The Collective wished for the creator to return. (Why did you abandon us?) But they discovered some ideas. Worlds are thoughts of the creator... and we are that which is thought. (A creator creates by thinking, and we can think) We think, therefore we are. Our raison d'etre. (Decartes famous finding: To prove we exist, we need only acknowledge that we think. The collective has created their own reason for being, and the need nothing else other than to think to have it. They are free from needing a God and free in terms of free will.)

The song Pino hears is the same that she was playing back in episode 17 on the piano she finds.

Re-L witnesses Ergo Proxy killing her grandfather, and yet she can't seem to shoot him. And she still loved her Grandfather, despite all he did. Destroying the dome, hunting Vincent, and attempting to kill Re-L. She doesn't (and we don't) understand why Ergo Proxy is acting like this. It doesn't make any sense for Vincent Law, and we still don't really know who or what Ergo Proxy is besides dangerous and powerful. Re-L still doesn't shoot and Ergo seems on the verge of .... something? And then Raul appears and shoots Ergo Proxy, using an FP shell.

[VIEW SPOILERS]
[/SPOILERS]

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As Pino leaves the ship we see a strange crack in the cliff in the shape of a cross.
The cross symbol has been used in several other situations. I think it is sprinkled about as a reminder of the religious themes and perhaps just as a cool and mysterious "other culture symbol" addition. Which was apparently the case in Neon Genesis Evangelion. Who knew? Thinking about it, this also happens in Death Note a little. (I looked up a little of Serial Experiments Lain, Wolf's Rain, and those don't seem to include any advertently western religious elements. There are, however, a lot of shows that use the "angels and demons" theme with crucifixes adorning everything)
Instances of the cross symbol in Ergo Proxy:
This crevice they hid the Centzon behind. Episode 21

The pillar in the center of the city holding up the dome. (Shown when Re-L calls it a "boring paradise") in Episode 1, and Episode 22.

The Regent's room layout itself (I noticed it in Episode 3 when writing this guide. It's subtle, but I think there)

The book in Hoody's library with a snake and cross Episode 6. (probably just ancient art thrown in to show his real-or-pretend knowledge)

Maybe that crevice is supposed to more closely resemble the necklace Vincent has. I'm not really sure.

The immigrants are probably able to deal with the autoreiv problem best since they aren't born and bred within the Romdeau system. Being recently involved in the study of nature and evolution, I can't help but notice that this is exactly why diversity and suboptimal mutations or sexual reproduction takes place. The immigrants which were at a disadvantage because they didn't have pre-determined roles to fit into, are now at a unique advantage because they can deal with those roles disappearing or changing. Traits that aren't good, are still important to persist for awhile in case they become beneficial. Then those traits can be spread into a population that could use it. That is why sexual reproduction is superior to asexual reproduction. This is almost relevant because of the wombsys being a form of asexual reproduction, except not at all because that is consciously directed and not based on the population that came before and okay I'm way off topic, sorry.

"Fellow c-ci-citizens. Stay in your homes. A curfew is in eff-fffect. We ask that you wait to receive instrrructions from the Citizens Intelligence Bureau -Bureau -Bur-eau. Anyone caught breaking curfew without permission will be pu-pu-punished." I'm pretty sure this is entirely unintentional and unrelated, but (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iZMD_eCpEo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQtZPNjc2gY)

Note: Sorry, I seem to have discovered that it actually is spelled Romdeau, and my switch to Romdo was incorrect. Mosk is still Mosk and not Mosque or Mosc though. Bleh. I will have to fix this. ----7/7/15: fixed---- And while we are talking about names: Donov Mayer is the Regent is Grandfather is His Excellency is the Head of the Administrative Bureau (not to be confused with the chief of said bureau). His entourages are The Collective, the Administrative Bureau, Entourages, the statues. Too many names!)

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Ergo Proxy - 20:Sacred Eye of the Void/Goodbye, Vincent

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 00:51:00 +0000

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The Sacred Eye of the Void

A couple of things immediately hint that something is wrong with what is going on.

The necklace on Re-L is shown, first in the mirror in the opening scene, then when she wakes up during the night and looks at it.

What is more noticeable as odd is the Administrative Bureau treating Raul normally and Raul being submissive again. The dreamlike portrayal of eyes and necklace hint at a dream sequence. It makes sense to be suspicious of the following scenes, and it also make sense that Vincent would not have cause to believe that something is wrong. (He wouldn't know about Raul's changes in personality... which makes it odd that the Administrative Bureau chides him at all...? What about Daedalus, how does he know Daedalus except by stories from Re-L?) What Vincent should notice is Re-L's change in personality. She is much much more docile and pleasant. Vincent probably doesn't notice because this is his imagined or created version of her. And perhaps there is some element of "dream-logic" going on making everything "make sense" to Vincent more than it really does. As Vincent's dream (induced/manipulated/controlled by Swan) it should be an imperfect representation, with some elements of Vincent's own thought style and desires. (in everyone, in Re-L, in Daedalus. Everyone is more calm, laidback, and polite than they actually are. All of the submissive qualitative speech patterns, "sorry, I just, I hope, maybe, I get that feeling, I was wondering, there's nothing I can do" self depreciating, second guessing, are native to Vincent and suddenly acquired traits by everyone else.)

The second shot of Swan shows the chain of her Proxy necklace, which glints. There are a lot of glints in this episode, trying to provide hints at the necklace and other-ness of Swan. The sight of the necklace at the end of the episode seems to tip Vincent off that Swan is a proxy. It may be coincidence and he is realizing it from all of the events clarifying and becoming obvious they were constructed. Just something to keep in mind.

Another quick note: the Administrative Bureau says that now Re-L has returned, the city is saved. They are referring to her retrieving a proxy to power the city, though that hasn't been revealed yet.

Some of the strangeness is explained away by Swan's rationalization: Re-L is more docile because of Vincent's influence as an alternate personality. It is funny, because Re-l is more docile because she is in Vincent's mind, not he in hers.

Some plot points are furthered in this episode as well: Re-l's relationship with her grandfather is spoken of: Donov's one role is to manage the city of Romdeau, and his raison d'etre supersedes his cares for other things, such as his adopted granddaughter. Re-l in real life has a different reaction to his behavior, but the series doesn't pass up this opportunity to reintroduce the conflict and theme.

I'm a bit confused why Pino is shown to be so very emotionally volatile than normal in her first scene. My guess is that she is representing Vincent's ego a little. She is a symbol of his valuing himself (for himself), and is furiously struggling to validate him, but is also a very repressed part of his personality. I'm not sure.

It doesn't sit well with me that Vincent wants to see his other life in Romdeau. I care more about mind than body, so it seems to me that he would not be interest or worried so much about his physical body. If anything, it would be disturbing to see myself outside myself. I would react with "that isn't me" and repulsion rather than desire to find out what happened to "me" and care about that other body/person.... that's my initial reaction anyway. After being stuck for months I'd probably be more used to it and feel differently. Maybe.

Well. Things are making sense plot-wise until Re-L drops her mug and cuts herself. It is difficult for the artists to show the split-personalities and to explain in a few words what is going on. They attempt to do so with the flashes between Re-L and Vincent, trying to show it is still Re-l's body, but Vincent is controlling it temporarily. There is also a lot of repetition of scenes and phrases, illustrating the cyclical, winding, and doubling back that dreams take. After Re-L cuts herself, it all stops being a story that can be told linearly, or being a believable or sensible series of events without being a dream or a hallucination by Swan. I think what happens is that Vincent falls completely for the control of Swan, and so starts to succumb to her spell. He believes he isn't real, and asks her to tell him how to eliminate himself. He disregards that they are drifting between locations and that Swan is easily teleporting around him. I think this is not portraying a realistic dream anymore, but illustrating the state of mind Vincent is in, and the full control Swan now has, rather than trying to be a realistic series of events. That was more an opening plausible construct to get Vincent to this point. (To make things more confusing, this may be a more realistic portrayal of what is actually happening, with the fight between Proxies in a dream reality) Swan wants to see Vincent's desires to control him even further. To the point of being able to kill him.

Vincent's desired past reveals a lot about his hopes. He doesn't want to be a Proxy at all. He does want power, though maybe that is less important and more convenience than anything. (why not be rich, if you could have it with no detriments?) He focuses more on being adored than commanding. He wants so much to get along with everyone. Re-L, Daedalus, Raul, ... and he wants everyone to get along with everyone else too. He wants Daedalus to be Re-l's brother.... that is too convenient, Daedalus is still making her happy, but the competition isn't there to make Vincent uncomfortable or challenged to win Re-l's attention....

Swan betrays herself a little by telling Vincent to imagine a past he desires, and then telling him its his fault Re-L is confusing his desires with her past. Vincent started dreaming because Swan asked him to, and now it's his fault things have gotten worse?

The dreaminess continues. They have a lot of fun with the looping back and forth, and confusion with the direction of time. If we pretend that Vincent is still controlling Re-L, then the series of events of Pino releasing Ergo Proxy, reflect the supposed "real events" that took place earlier. (Vincent (Ergo Proxy) was released by an infected autoreiv, "You let him go" accusation by Swan, "He's going to kill me!" shout by Re-L)

When Vincent pulls out the pendant from nowhere, it shows that he is knowing it is a dream and lucid controlling it.

"You've lost sense of your own sense of place, that is why you'll never find a place to belong."
I don't know why Swan is talking about this, or if Vincent really is totally dependent on being liked by other people. I know he has been struggling with that, but regardless, it is an interesting theme. People have to find worth in themselves, and not rely on the world's recognition of them. Simply put that is because the world won't know them, won't always validate them, and that it isn't a reason by itself. Everyone has to create their own meaning, and after that, they can turn to achieving additional meaning from serving the world's interests. It is a matter of foundation.

There is a William Swann, whom deals with the psychology of how others see oneself. Things related to self identification and self verification, which seems in line with the themes in Ergo Proxy and this episode.

I can't figure out Swan. I think she is trying to kill Vincent. (her method is to get him to reject all hope, making him have nothing to live for and become suicidal, or at least so lost in pain and loss she can take advantage and kill him. This same conflict was used by Ophelia Proxy back in episode 14.) But she also seems to say some things indicating she is pursuing him romantically. (I can't stand men who have the stink of other women.) She also seems to want to help him reject his Proxy side and face himself. ("just take off the pendant," her later smile when he 'wins,' "Take care") As a psychiatrist, maybe she has made it her goal to help the other proxies achieve peace and face their mental problems? Or maybe she really is just crazy and out to kill like the rest.

The end of the dream is more mixing of earlier parts of the dream. Vincent still is a mind inside Re-L. He kills Ergo Proxy, whom he released (using Re-L's body the entire time?). Pino runs up, I don't know what her position (symbolism?) here is.

Vincent's behavior throughout the episode (and series) continues to reinforce that Vincent cares deeply for Re-L. Earlier in the series it was a blind crush. Later it became a solidified instinct. Now he knows her, and sometimes it is just a need, other times it is a strong desire borne of his relationship with her. After the dream is over, they touch each other and voice their concern, while trading roles on the ship like partners. Re-l too. She shows her vulnerable side to him, the fears she has. I suspect her request for the pendant is from a little push by Swan, and not really her personality to do so.

"I think, therefore, you are. Is that it?" This is a line from Anamnesis, episode 11. It is said by Ergo Proxy, speaking about the self in relation to the external world. It may also have something to do with Proxies, but I don't think that is how it is being used. I would, in a little tinfoil-hat-esque-way, suggest it is playing with the way couples rely and need each other, and become different people because of the other.

Remember Hoody's tall tales? What were they?
"You think proxies are monsters? You don't know much about anything." They are power sources and "godlike" immortals.
"They have the power to change their appearance into any form they choose" The Ophelia dome proxy.
"They can disappear with ease, leaving no trace that they were ever there." Most proxies have a habit of disappearing...
"They can also enter human beings and take control of their mind and body." This happens in this episode, or at least dreams.
"They can summon lightening bolts and scorch the earth with their power." The lightening between their eyes when in a death-lock.
"They can even conjure up flaming planets from the sky!" Well, this might be a slight exaggeration.
"Simply step into the wilderness and you'll find them crawling all over the place." They've encountered something like nine proxies now? Monad, Ergo, Senex, Kazkis, hideout, Ophelia, QQQ, Will B Good, and Swan. (The City Lights bookstore owner was probably just a figment of Vincent's.)

[VIEW SPOILERS]

Goodbye, Vincent
Another interesting part about Re-L's reflection on her grandfather, is that it is shared by Vincent's role as proxy. "In the end I was simply serving my grandfather's interests." Creators too, end up being demanded by their creations to serve. - Lead us! Be a Holy God! Inspire us! Tell us what to do! - It would be improper of a God not to behave as a God with its creations. Creations will demand that Gods demand reverence. "In the end, I was simply serving my creation's interests."
I am not sure that is how it has to be. I wonder at how it could be otherwise, with Gods walking as one among their creations and their creations expecting their Gods to be far different than our image of powerful beings beyond earthly bounds. What makes a God a God? It isn't just their power, it is their minds. They are beyond human reasoning. They are either tyrants, or tricksters, or unfathomable. They are not weak, needy, or human in their mental facilities.
Ergo Proxy plays with the results, if they were humanlike in their flaws, needs, and desires. What if Gods wanted to be loved. For themselves. What if they wanted to be accepted as normal and understood as... individuals. Could they? And if they couldn't, then what would that do to them? To be so powerful, but so helpless and ... normal. I will talk of this later, as the next three episodes really directly address this much more strongly thematically.

Swan doesn't seem to have a dome. I wonder if she is a ghost haunting a dome that has completely disappeared from existence, or if she is wandering, or perhaps her dome was entirely a mental construct and that is the form she likes to take too. Vincent defeats her. "Proxies will fight how Proxies will fight" I guess. (Nightmare Quiz Show, ep 15 quote)

As soon as Swan asks Vincent to imagine a past he desires, there is a flash of blue skies and green plants... this suggests either that as a Proxy, Vincent knows how the world used to be and what that sort of paradise would look like, or that it is deeply implanted in the Proxies to desire and try to create a world like that. I really do think those flashes are memories of Earth, implanted or not.

I read some theories that Vincent faces his Proxy side and destroys it as a symbol of the id and what he doesn't like about his instinctive desires. It does seem that from here on he is much more a unified self rather than a broken up series of desires, but I think that is more from the journey overall than this confrontational encounter. He does seem to realize his desire to help Re-L and care for her much more directly. He does seem to trust himself and believe in himself much more later. But I don't really think the facing the Id and shooting it is the symbolism going on here. I think it is much more a simple rejection of Swan's control and winning by maintaining his devotion to Re-L and his hope for a good life. Or something like that.

[/SPOILERS]

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If you can't explain to a child, if you can't break it down to the actual fundamentals of why and how, then you are the one who doesn't understand. I think that is basically true for most all things, both technical and emotional. This is why forcing to explain to someone else, to translate by breaking it down to something that can be translated to another, often clears things up for oneself as well. (speaking broadly) This is why children are perceptive. They deal in things stripped of the extra (sort of superficial) layers that bury all the actual reasons and causes.
I assume it is very plainly wrong that Vincent is doing what he is doing when he can't explain to Pino. Pino going along to kill Re-L is only an emphasis, not the cause of that certainty.
"I have to kill her to save her" This is an interesting phrase to me. That sensation of having to do something wrong to do something good.... It usually is the evidence that it is totally false, no matter the "good" that may come of that "something bad". I think if you have to do something bad, either that "bad" isn't really bad, and then it is all good. Or else that something is actually bad, and then it doesn't matter, the wrong outweighs the right.

I'm not very fond of this episode. I think it does a lot more jumping around than is necessary or helpful. However I do appreciate the attempt to portray something very difficult to portray. They didn't really pull it off, but I admire that they tried. I just don't think it's my taste in a premise. To many mind games, not enough reason or substance behind it happening in the first place. Too fuzzy and non-solid rules, yet treated in a cold and factual sort of way that implies it is supposed to make sense. It doesn't add anything and instead detracts from something that could be strongly a mood piece. Things just sort of happen because "dreams." I can appreciate that as a reason when it is an artistic portrayal of feelings. I am thinking of some movies I have seen. Studio Ghibli (Miyazaki) I think does dreams right. A more serious version of dream-like-ness as storytelling method would be something more like Tree of Life, Black Swan, 2001, or Rivers and Tides about Andy Goldsworthy. In all of those I appreciate it, and enjoy it. (even if that is the exception for me)

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Ergo Proxy - 19:The Girl with a Smile/Eternal Smile

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 20:00:00 +0000

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The Girl with the Smile

I hate this episode. I hate this episode. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it still sucks.

Two things:
Will B. Good and Smileland are Walt Disney and Disneyland. Eastern animation, western animation. Stuff.
Utilitarianism good or bad? Happiness, whether there can be different kinds of happiness.

There. That's it. That's the episode.

whooooooooooo.

Pino learns some stuff and matures and learns to care a bit more. Vincent and Re-L trust her some more.

A proxy that seems to not be insane is found. A proxy is not fought by avoiding contact. He runs the Smileland dome as director. (*cough* dictator *cough*)

They flirt with the concepts of purpose and unused ideas and artists and creators trying to control their creations.

Pino can't cry, so raindrops.

[VIEW SPOILERS]
[/SPOILERS]

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This episode still sucks.
(I might go back and add some more thoughts, but honestly, I'd like to leave this as is.)

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Ergo Proxy - 18: Sign of the End/Life After God

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 19:18:00 +0000

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Sign of the End

A silhouette of Ergo Proxy is seen dancing at the blaze destroying the city.

I forget if I've mentioned before, but they use the surface of the moon as texture for the ground the Rabbit flies over.

Well. Okay. I took a long time waffling over this episode because I was trying to put together a timeline of events, and I can't seem to figure out some of the order of things nor reasons for them taking place. It's a damn shame, because the narrative I want to tell seems to be fatally incomplete without at least a theory on it. But since I can't seem to find any evidence one way or the other, I'm loathe to randomly assign a sequence and an explanation, leaving one gap in an otherwise mostly continuous sequence. It's been irking me every time I come back to write again, and after trying again to figure it out, I keep just walking away in exasperation. But I'm getting nowhere and I have the nagging feeling that I'll figure it all out a couple more episode guides from now, and be temporarily incapacitated by how things so easily slide into place with hindsight. OH WELL. HERE WE GO DESPITE EVERYTHING.
....
oooooooh.
I think I've figured it out this time.

And it does seem to slide into place painfully easily for the most part.

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"I can't believe they pushed it this far. Romdeau completely destroyed the city of Mosk. I wonder what Vincent would do if he knew."
Okay, I really have been away for awhile. I had to dig this back up, but remember way back in episode 7? Of course you do! /sarcasm. Daedalus informs Re-L the following lines: "But before that I'd better tell you everything. Right from the very beginning. We called it the Monad proxy. It was plundered from the Mosk dome."
Tadaa! That's how Re-L knows that Mosk suffered damages, and that it was at the hands of Romdeau. (sometime before Deadalus's birth, since he was created in some capacity to look after Monad.) The clip is played later in the episode, as they ascend to the central chamber of the Mosk dome.

"No, this place looks like it's been this way for quite awhile."
I'm not sure why Re-L informs Vincent of her clues that Mosk wasn't destroyed only by the recent attack from Romdeau. Maybe she is refraining from keeping most secrets from him. (but not all, as she doesn't tell about Romdeau and Monad's unsavory relationship.... I wonder.... is it because it is a shared bond with Daedalus that she won't betray? "Our little secret"? It's not the same secret, but they do keep their confidences.)

"Grandfather must have sent the light. But why now? Is he trying to catch another Proxy?"
Iiiiiii'm not sure why she thinks "the light" came from the Regent. I guess she just traced the flight path from Romdeau's location? If she knew of the Rapture missile, surely she would have called it that, rather than "the light."

Vincent doesn't seem to recognize anything about Mosk. Re-l makes a joke, which is pretty harsh, that he "doesn't even recognize his own city center." (maybe citizens don't normally visit the city centers, so maybe it's a little less harsh. I'm guessing that she just is a bit mean-spirited and regretted a couple moments later speaking before processing her words. *cough* I know I've done that.) Vincent knows her pretty well to already know Re-L means it as a joke. They have grown together surprisingly closely.

"You have spent your existence seeking a God who betrayed you. I am free of your illusions. I seek no God and ask for no salvation. I only wish to destroy."
Raul's switch to destruction as a goal doesn't seem clear to me. He had reasons to desire destruction before, but somehow he went from specific reasons to praising destruction itself. Only that isn't completely true either. He doesn't seek destruction for destruction's sake, but as a method to escape fate, it would seem. "You seek to deny destiny by hastening destruction." (This is in contrast to Kazkis) But this too seems problematic. How and why is destruction a method of escape from destiny? My guess is that Raul prefers it to construction merely because of its speed and scope. Raul is overly attached to destruction, but I think what he is motivated by is freedom and escape, rather than destruction itself. Destruction is just a way of breaking out, being uncontrollable and unpredictable. It is a way to move out of the realm of status quo (Which he started out dedicating his life to maintaining) and strike out in new directions beyond the demons of fate that chase him. He is such a tragic figure, knowing his own weaknesses and failures, but trying to fight on despite how screwed up everything, including himself, is. "I ask for no salvation." He only asks the chance to keep fighting.

"Even if our ultimate downfall is inevitable, Romdeau will not perish as long as we are willing to fight."
Raul has swing completely to the other side of a system of values. When once he put great faith in the system and procedure, now he puts great value on the individual and the will.

"And yet we must evolve! We have no choice! We must all learn to do without God from now on. I will not despair."
"Resist for Romdeau, is that it?"
Raul seeks to destroy the old ways for the sake of protecting the city. He thinks that the best way for Romdeau is to improve, and the best way to improve is to rewrite from a better foundation. He thinks the old ways are no longer good enough. It is a little ironic that he says "they have no choice" but to try and defy fate.

"You hope I'll share in your suffering."
"Raul. Soon you will know. The greatest death. The crushing failure. That which is our despair."
The collective seems to believe, that even taking such new and drastic measures, even fighting as hard as possible to survive against fate, that fate will still prevail and destroy everyone.

"Without a past, can I even prove I exist?"
Fun fact: even with a past, can you prove the past is real? It's an old philosophic conundrum. What if all your memories were invented a second ago? How could you tell?

"Why can't we live without a Proxy? Why did Romdeau have to steal a Proxy from someone else?"
These are important questions. The domes need a Proxy to maintain power. Proxies are like gods in this way. But they also are like a god in their insane strengths and supernatural powers. Proxies were created and released... it's still unclear in many ways how the pieces fit together.

"Maybe forgetting was the only way his mind could protect itself.... but if his memory holds the truth...."
It is a basic dilemma. If you could forget something, even a very unpleasant something, you lose all that you learn from it. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" - George Santayana. However, is every truth worth knowing? This same question is asked back with Kazkis, "The truth is like that too. Someday your eyes will be burnt by the light of truth and you will know eternal darkness."

Pino is developing quickly. She keeps being herself, both autoreiv and child. She can see inhumanly far. She reads children's stories and thinks of them as real. She calls the place "scary" and tells Re-L she is "sorry." Then she is reminded she has an infinite memory and batteries. She detects power automatically and memorizes the screens that flicker on in an instant.

"If I were a simple machine, all of this would be so much easier."
This is a huuuuuge theme. I'll skim over here and talk about it more in depth in later episodes, but a central question of Ergo Proxy is "why can't we be lesser?" It's a neat twist on the often more demanded "why aren't we better? Why aren't we naturally more thoughtful, more intelligent, more perfect, more capable, more powerful?" Instead, autoreivs wish they didn't think or feel. Humans wish they didn't think or feel. They insinuate that they could be happier serving mindlessly instead of "asking these questions." That being said, it's pretty sad that Amnesia was loaded with the task of carrying the memories that Ergo sought refuge from, but even so, he was created for the job. However, he notes: "Conscious entities will sometimes amputate their memories to save a failing sense of sanity. Dementia or amnesia, take your pick. Thank god we met before it ever came to that." And Amnesia, in giving the definition and reason for amnesia implies that he too forgot something in order to protect himself....
("How you met her" must be Monad.)

"I want you to make this your top priority."
"Do I put this ahead of reviving the Proxy?"
"The last thing we need is another God"
Unknown project. Is Raul seeking to destroy Romdeau further by not caring about God and the damage the loss of it is causing the city?
"You're a very odd man... going to such ridiculous lengths."
"I just want a revolution. Will you help usher man in the sublime state we were meant to hold?"
"Alright."
Raul is intentionally written darkly here. He shown as very volatile, dangerous, radical, and nearly evil. We don't know his plan. He does have the attitude of a revolutionary, which is by necessity harsh and to some extent "the ends justify the means." They intentionally avoid telling his plan so you are faced with how he seems versus how he is. It is interesting to ask whether his arrogance is really arrogance. He wants to play God ("how unnatural"), and the series is asking, "is that wrong?"
"I just don't think getting rid of God will change anything."
"Exactly. It doesn't change anything. We need to manifest change down to the cellular level."
He wants to leave the old ways. Since the wombsys isn't operating, they need some way to live without God.... you figure it out. The last episode isn't a coincidence it seems. (It is a little crazy how our own prejudices for "natural" play into how we judge Raul. It would be a common reaction to go from condemning to praising him on this reason alone. I'm not even sure it can be qualified as a reason at all.)

Red Yarn. "He's beginning to crack." Never show that smile.
The red yarn I would be loathe to ascribe meaning too, except yarn takes place in a myth involving the figure Daedalus. Daedalus gives a ball of yarn to the man going into the Labyrinth, so that he can rescue his beloved from the Minotaur and escape the maze safely. It's not clear if the yarn in replacement Re-L's hands is supposed to be helping Deadalus, Raul, or Replacement Re-L herself. Since this is yarn and fate is a theme in this episode, it may also have to do with the Fates whom spun, measure, and cut the threads that guided everyone's lives in Greek myths. They are called the Moirai.
Daedalus has lost both Re-L and Monad, and so his raison d'etre is crumbling. It is a little more than just that. Daedalus is stronger than just his predetermined raison d'etre, but he isn't strong enough to face that and have loved and lost Re-L. He did care for her. And it seems romantically, as he (even more creepily) raises the replacement Re-L to "never show that smile to another man."

Vincent seems to have some kind of subconscious guiding him, even way back at the start when he defied Re-L and kept the pendant.

"So, you're still here. I was sure I'd finally killed you. But you're just a symbol of what I'm fighting aren't you? That's fine. I will destroy you regardless. Because I am not afraid of you."
Vincent and Raul. Their relationship changes here. Now Vincent is fate and the mindlessness of the dome, when once before he was trouble and defiance of the dome's predetermined fate. Raul lives for the truths he has found. Things like freedom and will and survival. Before he followed protocol and authority. Raul is fighting his earlier self, in this sense. And he accepts that. He decides he will live for the future, rather than the past, though the past is what haunts and drives him. (I admire his relationship with symbols and values.)

Sorry, the awakening message might be just as lame as it seems. The same message in both cities, indicates the truth is in Romdeau, not Mosk. At least as a plot point. As a term itself, Awakening is still a mystery. Why are the proxies triggered by each other, leading to all these terrible fates?

"Vincent Law. What are you? Another pendant. What was another pendant doing here? That which is divided must become one. Is that supposed to be Vincent and Ergo? And if it is. Then whoever broke the autoreiv and stole the memories was..." It cuts to a startled stare at Vincent (before or after?) he interrupts her. The awakening message, is Vincent telling himself where to go? It doesn't make much sense.

"We've encountered many proxies, but none of them were the one we're looking for.
Monad was responsible for everything. The message, like a thread linking the two pendants.
The connection between Monad, Vincent, and the Proxy. The answer lies there, I know it."
These lines have double meanings. Don't take them at immediate face value, but do know they point towards knowledge unrevealed.

[VIEW SPOILERS]
[/SPOILERS]

////////////Reactions:

"We'd go crazy if we had to remember everything."
I'm tired of hearing this stated in science fiction. Why is this considered true? At least with "eternal life is awful" there are some reasons to think that. But perfect memory doesn't seem to have real drawbacks. The only claim I've heard is a tenuous: "then we'd spend our days reliving the past" which is pretty bogus logic to me.

"You set aside an ancient thermonuclear device for who-knows-what-foolishness. Then you gave it the criminally ridiculous nickname 'Rapture.' ... I'm amazed it took this long for something to go wrong."
Raul, you might be my favorite character.

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Next: Episode 19:The Girl with a Smile/Eternal Smile

Presently (as you measure)

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 19:45:00 +0000

A mind
with, but not of

/////

Progressing down streets
Mind always on dirt roads out of sight
Mind boxed by concrete
(Eyes fixed on the sky)
(Love in my pocket)
(Love brushing my cheek)
Hurt between my shoulder blades
Don't look side to side, I hear
and I cover my ears
and close my eyes
and bow my head and hurry on.

Feeling love grasp at my shirt
I'm torn... I want
I can't my understanding says ; stern dwindling and miserable
I can my hope says "but" ; howling cutting and infantile
I turn around, covering my face, and feel love envelop me
I melt, I draw hope in swallows, I want to try again again

I was born of hope.
...really
I came, made of fierce brightness and blazing serenity
I lived, quiet smiles and depthless darkness of
                                hope, passion, clarity, mystery, certainty, love of all, life
Then it condensed. and now it's encased in a. loaf of stone
A starcoal that never extinguished
My precious heart
Safe but sealed away
Mine, but not free
I can let it out, but I am entombed it
ironic

                ("trapped in absolute uncertain freedom"?)

Growth all slow expansion
That's how cracks happen

/////

The world spinning with wonder
sharp cold as I plunge
water droplets, hot
Because I breath
Because I know
Because I see Because I live
Because I truly love
And for every burn I bleed
Showing that inside it is intensity barely contained
                by skin
                by normalcy
                by expectation
                by cautiousness and fear of
                                societyfuturestraightandnarrow
                                what I've been told
                                cardboard worlds that are supposed to be approximations

                                Other whispers it isn't so
                                cardboard walls have openness behind
                                world is wider, vaster
                                brighter, bursting, I fill in, imagine

Pull back
"maybe"
always cagey

/////

eyes down, hidden hope
cupped hand holding dreams
sitting alone
whispers wrapped around me
We are both cold and warm, alternating
We are both light and dark, alternating

A-path

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 06:51:00 +0000

All I want is to love and be loved.

It's not much. I mean "love" in the most abject sense... It's all it takes to be content. The smallest, simplest, basest caring about the world and the good things in it. A simple knowledge that somehow the world also cares about me, even if it is merely knowing than I make the smallest difference to some small corner of it.

And somehow I lose sight of these things. I don't know how. I don't know where they go.
But sometimes they're gone.

And what is there left? I sort of stumble around, sometimes cursing everything, sometimes melancholy, sometimes just weary of it all. And the same questions swirl around recurring to me over and over. Why is it like this. What have I done, that makes me like this. What can I do, to escape, to help myself, to solve it plaguing me?

I have some half answers now. I just am like this. It just happens sometimes. It's alright, it passes, it is true that I am lost, but it isn't permanently true. It is okay to let go and be moody for awhile. These answers let me deal with the practical sides of it better, and let it pass a little faster and a little less laboriously. But they aren't much in the way of actual answers. Or solutions for how to avoid or face this.

While I'm like this.... I'm like this.

Hurt, abandoned, wanting to lash out against anything, including myself.
Withdrawn, listless, and even my favorite things are joyless, with no turning point in sight.
I've tried several kinds of help, but there doesn't seem to be any one kind of answer. I'm consoled that time does seem to slowly sweep it by.

But here I am again. Here it is again. It returns all too often, and all too inscrutably.

I'll figure out better ways and better understanding. For now I guess I just... bear it.

(yes, I am aware how melodramatic and self centered I feel. No, it doesn't make any sense or match my character. Yes, I feel free to express it how it feel, uncensored and unmoderated, even if it makes no sense in a practical or realistic sense.,.. because I can't for the life of me make sense of it.... I love so much, I care so much, and yet... it just vanishes......completely..... for no reason.... for days at a time. And I can't even make the least bit of sense of it. I don't know why, I don't know how to deal with it, I don't understand myself and I question and question and question myself naturally already. And I can't even make slow progress. It just ... is... I just... do.... I just.... I.... I'm just lost again.

That's the only "answer" I have.)

Ergo Proxy - 17: Never-Ending Battle/Terra Incognita

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Sun, 22 Sep 2013 23:53:00 +0000

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Never-Ending Battle

Yet another episode that used to be one that I thought was mostly bland and now it is one of my favorites. There is a great deal of setup for the further episodes, a great deal of character development within all the characters, and a great deal of puzzling scenes that I've finally unraveled, and a great deal of allusions and consideration of the series's stronger themes.

I'm not going to spare much comment on the short-term plot that unfolds within the episode as you have already seen that, but I will note that I am pleased at how Raul drops his ID card at the very beginning. His haggard expression and bitter commentary made me believe that it was him doing it suicidal-ly and symbolically, and not at all because he was craftily leaving a trail which would be my first guess. Of course, later, it becomes obvious that that is exactly what he was doing. I'm happy to be fooled.

From the last episode, Re-L has indeed transformed. She is still the same person, with all of her cruelty and biting remarks, but she has become more. She now has another side to her. Her compassion shows when she compliments Pino and again when she says that she believes that she should do all she can to reunite with Pino merely because Pino has shown herself to be devoted. She would never have made such remarks before, or held such values before.

Vincent too, seems to have grown a bit. He treats his lost memory directly and without crippling fears. In fact, he resolutely puts forth an ultimatum. "If I can't be me anymore, I'd rather it end. You understand? I'll need you to kill me." I am somewhat of the same mind as Vincent.

It's no coincidence that this statement is made (commenting on Pino).
"The actions of Cogito infected autoreivs are governed by their emotions; their souls."
and then it cuts to Raul Creed. You think it is Pino for a second, seeing the robotic-like eyescan.
Raul Creed. Cogito. Emotions. Souls. Pino.
These are all one and the same story.
If you doubt this is intentional, I will humbly point you to the end of the episode, where Raul Creed and Pino play the piano.
"I can no longer resist the feelings that drive me to destroy. It was always him. He stole the light from this great civilization. He stole the destruction my despair hungered for. He stole everything from me. Pino."
Cut to Re-L, Vincent, Pino:
"You really like to play." "Yeah, I love it."
(mother of god. Just typing that out and realizing.... realizing the comparison. It rends my soul.)
Raul Creed gained his soul through despair. Pino gained hers through love. They both gained their souls through their attachment to one another. Once again, it is love that makes them whole. Without one another they would just be a madman and an infantile girl.

I have searched long and hard, and seen that a few others have done as I have, but for the life of me, I cannot find what piece of piano music Pino plays. I must therefore conclude that it is original, and intended to reference Mozart.

Update!

Thanks to "Thought Criminal" I think that Pino is playing a simplified version of Mozart's 1st movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. Here is a piano version duet that shows some of the resemblance. And to add on to that, ThoughtCriminal noted that this plays in Alien, and the aliens here in Ergo Proxy bear resemblance in a few ways.

It is somewhat cute that Pino still makes the same mistake she made back in episode 6. "with Quinn she says, "You're like my Papa!" And Quinn says, "Hey, you mean I'm like your Mama, right?" And Pino responds cheerfully, "Oh, I don't know."" This time she calls the pregnant creature "daddy" and Vincent says "oh, not again!"

I do not want to say what conclusions you should come to, but I will list the facts.
The alien looking creatures are quadrupedal and bipedal.
They have a piano.
They do not recognize the language of Re-L and Vincent.
They are not proxies.
They have cave paintings of birth.
They can become pregnant.
They are dying of toxicity within their home.
The outside air is poisonous to them.

Most interesting, of course, is that they reproduce naturally. Re-L draws the connection between the cave paintings and the mother, but she can only think, "it can't be..." at the implications. Again, Re-L has only know and imagined reproduction through a dome city running a WombSys. In fact, all the civilizations so far have been produced by WombSys or been proxies. No wonder the idea is rather impossible for her to accept.

I am not sure at the way the air mixture is. "Strange, the poison should be thinning the farther out we go" suggests that it doesn't. My best guess is that it only changes at the mouth of the cave, where the dead creatures are, and that the toxic air is being artificially generated to keep them alive by the glowing blue machinery. I don't know why it is toxic, other than maybe that is the only compromise they can arrive at. Perhaps it has become a part of their biology, while still weakening them. I cannot say.

Back in Romdeau, the WombSys has fallen silent. The effects of the lost proxy are being felt, and all the accusations against the Administrative Bureau appears to have been well earned. Without shock Daedalus observes, "[He said] the usual. He said to ignore it and we'll deal with it later."
"I told you before, this sort of power would have significant implications."
The proxy is responsible for the WombSys's production. And the significant implications are not just potential ultimate power within the city if you control it, but also the very life of the city and the doom it faces without such power to sustain it. It isn't a crazy rant of Raul to be bent on revenge against the Proxy. The Proxy really did destroy the entirety of Romdeau. It really did steal "the light from this great civilization."

Humans have projected escape routes too. Raul is one step ahead of them however, as he looked at his own before delivering his speech.
In his last moment Raul Creed retraces the place he lost it all. The mall where his wife died. He even takes the heart shaped balloon Pino had on that fatal day.

Terra Incognita translates to "parts unknown" or "unmapped territory." It is also a reference to a short story in which the narrator hallucinates and slowly dies.

"Protocol must always be maintained." ... "And Chief, please accept my admiration of your conduct as a fellow citizen." That was Raul Creed's entire life. Now he is a fugitive. Why? His only crime was performing his role too well. Because he comes to realize that he has been set up since the beginning. His role was always that of a figurehead. He only served by keeping the people blindfolded and gagged. They are the supposed inheritors of the earth, merely waiting to repopulate. Except, that is not how they are being treated. No moves are being made to colonize or treat the outside illnesses. Instead they are held captive in their safe haven. He knows the truth.
[VIEW SPOILERS]

////////////Reactions:

My only thoughts on Re-L and Vincent's adventure are about how resigned the creatures are. They are so weak, both in body and in spirit. I can only guess at what a civilization would be like if it knew it were doomed to an unstoppable decay over hundreds of years. How, from birth to death, the atmosphere would be one of utter despair, resignation, gloom, and morbidity. What would it be like, to live your entire life that way? Save for one or two youths that briefly challenge their fate before giving up because there are no resources, nothing to do, and no hope. (Speculation: They may even be dying from slowly suffocating themselves by using up the oxygen. Dying from their very act of living.) What would it be like, to bear children in a society like that, knowing that they too will merely be part of the inevitable slow death?

Walking corpse from a clockwork womb.... what imagery.

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Ergo Proxy - 16: Dead Calm/Busy Doing Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Sat, 21 Sep 2013 18:04:00 +0000

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Next: Episode 17:Never-Ending Battle/Terra Incognita

Dead Calm

This episode, on the contrary, is both very different, but very enjoyable. It is sweet and funny, while still discussing some important and interesting subjects. What makes an autoreiv an autoreiv and a human human. You might say prejudice or something as well, but really I think Re-L is just being mean because she is petulant, not because she is actually racist or ... specieist or something.

From the beginning, Re-L shows her inability to sympathize or relax.
Sometimes she is competent and well adapted to her tasks: She evaluates their situation, supplies, and maintains her own health. Other times she can barely function correctly. She gets angry at her own and other's mistakes and what she sees as transgressions. She obsesses over puzzles she cannot solve. She does not know how to relax, play, or let things be. She doesn't know how to adjust her attitude or her actions to this new situation where she is a member of a team trapped in an uncivilized location.

At first it seemed to me that her attitude was merely a slight detriment to herself, and a funny dilemma. However, I've come to think that it is really a true fault and a difficult obstacle to overcome within herself.

Her patience is running thin, as she noted accurately at the beginning. The littlest things bother her and send her into frustration. She becomes more and more paranoid. Fundamentally it all comes from the unfamiliarity she has with the situation she is in. Her routines aren't able to address the situation, she can't control the problems that are arising, and she doesn't really understand how to work with her companions. Nor can she imagine acting and thinking any differently than she is.

She can't sleep. She takes an hour to get ready, despite having nothing to get ready for and no one to look good for. She doesn't comprehend the idea of running out of food or water very well, nor that other people have to be accommodated. (In some ways, she has to grow up just as much as Pino. It is immaturity not to be able to empathize with others. How can we then accuse robots of being inhuman for having to learn such things, when we have to learn them as well?) Re-L leaves everything open behind her when searching for her makeup, but is incensed when Vincent leaves the toilet seat up.

It finally dawns on her when she sees Vincent eating without water, and she is somewhat shocked by it. She doesn't take it to be self-sacrifice, at least not completely. She really can't figure it out.

She distances herself from Vincent and Pino, trying to treat them as either something she can deal with through protocol, or else to blame them for their "acting wrongly." Remember, Re-L grew up in Romdeau. She never approved of her life there, but she experienced it her whole life. She does not have any idea how to cope in a world with all of the rules and procedures and regulations and social hierarchy stripped away. If people don't act within their jobs, how is she supposed to treat them? How is she supposed to even think of them? It might even be frightening or at least enviable that Vincent and Pino seem to be able to deal with the situation so effortlessly.

She confronts Vincent - more or less stating her problem directly, though beneath a different pretense:
"So what are your thoughts on our current situation. Any idea how we are getting out of this?"
"I'm not sure what you're expecting me to say. Am I supposed to know how to make the wind start blowing?"
"Aaaannnd?"
"And nothing. That's it."
"Just nothing?"
"Yeah, that's right. It's just nothing."
"And what's nothing supposed to mean? Is it nothing because you've really thought about it? Or is it nothing because you haven't even tried?"

She asks Vincent to tell her the plan despite her own leadership nature because that's how she has been taught life is. She isn't a designated leader, therefore someone else is designated in charge. She helps with Intelligence, that is all she has known and all she has been told she should ever know. What's more, she can't comprehend there being nothing for anyone to do. Even when the Bureau couldn't solve problems, Romdeau would create circles for its citizens to run in, in order to maintain order and pretend nothing was wrong and every problem could be solved. Re-L only knows how to act, to move, to perform duties. (Her comment, "It sickens me." is a direct link to Daedalus and Romdeau.) She does not know how to live life, accept hardship, or how to work within a team. All she can conceive is that Vincent is responsible, and must need to think or think harder. Not that there really is nothing to be done and the best course is to accept that.... let alone the additional step of how to be content with that.

Re-L's Notes:

Results of test: specimen reacted to Amrita cells (from experiment ...?)
// specimen confirmed as a proxy. What’s proxy?
Amrita means of “sweet water”
in ancient Hindu myth
and grants eternal youth and immortality
divide infinitely (no Hayflick limit) --> plus live indefinitely

The membrane surrounding Amrita cells is intensely activated when it nears ATTU

what that means: proxy

-This may be the result of a
magnetic field radiated by the proxy or
an antibiotic to an unknown body
|
v
in either case, this reaction allows us to identify a “proxy”

MCQ (nuts!)-> proxy one? whose him? // ergo proxy = Vincent Law
there’s about 300 proxy in the world

PP - the proxy project
BP - the boomerang project
two project
about..... how long have been

*judgement day -> Boomerang star
proxy
methane hydrate -> “fiery ice”
-> methane [carbon atom, for hydrogen atoms]
-> [three carbon atoms, eight hydrogen atoms]

Note: There is more, but I have not translated it.

I'm going to just post the image here, rather than trying to read and transcribe them. I should look up what they are from, if they are from anything.

There is also a picture in Pino's book that might just be a slide from the show, or it might be referencing something else, I don't know. It looks like it could be classical, but I'm out of luck because I don't recognize the composition:

She then writes in her journal after Vincent bumps his head and says good morning good naturedly, that he is "hard to take seriously." Later she notes: "vincent: left handed" and finally, "facial hair".

Re-L throws a ball with Pino again, and Pino continues to favor her left hand extremely much. She twists in order to catch the ball with her left, even though it is thrown far to her right. Later she is given a can opener and then a knife. Both are placed on her right, and both she swaps to her left hand to operate. She is earlier seen drawing with her left hand too. Since Vincent is left handed, it would seem it is a learned trait or a sign of adoration. More importantly, Pino is seen drawing for a little. She isn't drawing a picture specifically, but spiraling the pen around and around. Still, she is clearly demonstrating a development past her mimic drawings from Timothy. That isn't to say she is not still an autoreiv - she is she is seen plugged in to the ship's power to recharge, and turned off while she "sleeps."

Re-'L's makeup being off shows her both giving up and letting go.

Also, once the snow falls, they are shown having water again to cook food and take showers and maintain life. (They are still in dire straits - they only have beans for food still, but life eases, but now they do have water. Somehow I overlooked this over and over until this time.)

The episode plays with expectations - Re-L sees humans as those who act rationally, responsibly, and with concern for their role in society. Seeing Vincent and Pino playing seems "un-human-like" to her. She can only see the waiting as a waste, and the snow as a hardship. She cannot see that worrying and being miserable is, in fact, the wasteful way to think. Pino and Vincent can be grateful and excited. They can be content and have fun. They know more than one mode of life and more than one joy. They are at peace with life, not in a bitter struggle with it. They know how to make fun of themselves and to let go of worrying. And Re-L begins to see life through their self ridicule and simple mindset. What's more, she dreams of Iggy during the night she makes the transition. He could not resolve the differences or make the adjustment between freedom and the dome, but Re-L does.

[VIEW SPOILERS]
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I think there is a little commentary on what society has done to girl's expectations. They care about their appearance so much that they upkeep it well past it's actual purpose. It has been ingrained in their subconscious so much that it is part of their identity. Whether this is a natural state for a girl, or something that girls do because they are self-conscious and have low esteem, or whether it is the outward pressure that has warped their very subconscious is not implied nor am I sure what I believe either. In any case, it isn't considered unusual or strange that Re-L is so concerned about how she looks while she is trapped in the wastelands and perhaps near death.

Pino has grown a lot in this time. She experiences emotions like joy, contentment, mischievousness, love, respect, and jealousy. She mimics her friends, and helps them by bringing joy and humor. She is at once, just a thoughtless kid, and the only thing between Vincent and Re-L keeping them sane. If you don't think she is a valuable member of their team, imagine the Centzon without her on board. She keeps both Re-L and Vincent stable by giving them perspective and purpose. Not just now, but in the past and future. Not only that, she helps them realize the difference between those with souls and those without.

I don't know what to make of Vincent in this chapter. He is either a naive buffoon or wise beyond himself. I don't know if he sees past Re-L's bluffing to things she doesn't realize about herself - that she is putting on an exterior because she is helpless - or if he just is blind with love for her. So much so that even her glare make him happy she is paying him mind.

I do love how, when Vincent falls and Re-L calls him an idiot, she falls immediately afterwards. And then when she falls, and Vincent tries to reach out to her... suddenly it is so clear:

He cares for her, and she does not know how to accept help.

She does not know how to laugh or smile, and Vincent is so generous to keep reaching out to her.

Yet, he is helpless. He cannot help her, and he sees through her to just how alone and struggling she is. But he can't do anything. Re-L. Re-L is foolish and weak despite herself, and even though she is no clutz or buffoon like Vincent... she is weak to be unable to ask for help or help herself.

She is so strong, to stand so alone. To try to fight against everything and to not know how to be happy.

It is not because she is likable or strong. It is because she is weak, that is the source of her beauty and her strength.

I can see why Vincent is in love with her. It is no shallow attraction. And I can share in his love for her when I look at her through his eyes, when normally I would find her judgmental and blind. And in turn, I can love Vincent through his purity, when normally I would find him weak and incomplete.

It strikes me as close to what love is at its heart. Something that compliments so effectively.... something that makes them so much more than they are alone. Even if it is never love in the romantic sense, it is still a real kind of love.

All Episodes: Ergo Proxy Companion Viewing Guide
Previous: Episode 15:Nightmare Quiz Show/Who Wants to Be in Jeopardy!
Next: Episode 17:Never-Ending Battle/Terra Incognita

Magic Exists

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 23:03:00 +0000

Somehow it appears that I failed to give this thought it's due record, but I came up with this amusing realization far back when I had begun this blog. Specifically I note it on November 8th 2011 when I state: "Admittedly, its hard to accept that there is the possibility of magic when these disciplines strive to dispel all incomprehension, but its not so difficult. Many many things are effected or driven by chance, and really, that's all we are acknowledging."

To put it the argument in another, more paradoxical, (and clearer!) way:
What is magic?

Magic is something entirely outside the laws of nature.
Magic is something we cannot explain, or is patently inexplicable.
Magic is unpredictable and although it has some rules that may explain it (such as being "inexplicable by nature" or "still not negating every kind of logic") it nonetheless, breaks many normal physical laws.
(Or, "Any sufficiently advanced [complex] technology [event] is indistinguishable from [essentially the same as] magic," if you are a fan of the saying)

Now, that isn't to say that the traditional view of magic exists. We do not have ghosts or fairies or dragons or wizards walking about. That isn't to say that magic itself isn't present in our world. You see, one of the things we have attached to the definition of magic is that it is outside our experience. And that, by definition, means that magic cannot exist.

However, if we remove that assumption and allow the possibility of magic to exist - indeed to exist in our everyday lives - it becomes (outrageously) obvious that it does.

We renamed it.

Randomness.

(whether true randomness actually exists, I will set aside for the moment, but for this playful proposition I'll continue, you may substitute "un-knowable complexity" if you prefer)

Randomness is something that we cannot explain, not matter how hard we try. That is it's very nature, to operate outside every prediction.

Sure, we can describe or quantify how "random" something is, but then we are basically just measuring the amount of "magic" that is going on there. Randomness operates in our every day lives, and yet we hardly bat an eye, simply because we are so familiar with it. It isn't "magic" even though it fits every side of the definition, simply because it is just too damn mundane to be called such a lofty word as "magic."

And yet.... that doesn't mean that we don't live every day witnessing and accepting magic.... because it is too normal to remark upon.

I'm sorry if you are disappointed to find out that magic exists and yet is so utterly unremarkable. (I was too)

But then again, if magic is to be normal, it would have to be utterly boring!

Senseless

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 03:16:00 +0000

What is the point of it all?

Why am I wasting all of this time, effort, money, and trust when I don't even care that much what happens in my life. Why am I always taking from other people when it doesn't do any good anyway. When I don't even know what I actually want. When I am just sad and happy irrespective of the things I try to do to make my life worthwhile.

At least I can tell that it isn't my fault. That much has changed. It was, for a long time. It was so clear how I wasn't... was giving up and making life worse for myself because I wasn't doing even the basic obvious things that would make my life better, happier, more stable....

But now, I can list things upon things upon things that I have wanted to do, and am doing.

I can list all the things I am involved in, that fill up my time and my day and can stand up in comparison to other students' schedules. I am pursuing many of my own interests actively, and I am not as shamed by my interest and fun in anime and computer games. I am speaking up and making friends and planning events. I am taking many classes I am interested in, and I know much of the things I am being taught before I am taught it. I am reading books and creating things for other people and am generally liked. I am taking care of myself somewhat, and getting to bed at earlier times and sleeping later than in the past.

But here we are. Again.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be doing this. I don't want to work and even the material itself seems inconsequential. I don't want to do the things that make me happy. I just want to lie down and do nothing.

And really, that is the thing. It's all hopeless. Doing nothing wouldn't really make a difference.

I have to learn to stand on my own, I have to learn to stand on my own, I have to learn how to manage it, I don't know what to fight against, I have to learn to stand on my own, I ... I can't, I must, I can't, I must, how, I must, I must. I'm breaking the things that I care about, and I can't piece anything together - let it go. First, I must, I must, I must, I can't do anything else, I have to learn to stand on my own, I have to learn to stand on my own, I have to learn to stand on my own, help me, go away, I'm alone, it's better this way, I shouldn't say, and I want to learn to, to stand on my own. I have to learn to. And here I am, juggling daggers because I don't know how, I can't. But still it's there, standing over me, I have to learn to stand on my own, it's all hopeless, , , , , , I have to learn to stand on my own, I have to learn to stand on my own, I have to learn to stand on my own, I ------

Neon Genesis Evangelion

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 16 Sep 2013 23:54:00 +0000

Wow....

(That's not a good wow)

So, I had been coming across this anime's name for ages and had read over and over again that it would be the kind of anime that I would like. I tried watching it perhaps a year or two ago, and gave up, thinking that it was too like a typical mecha-action anime for my interest.

I watched the entire series (admitted skimming some of the latter episodes, seeking the more interesting bits) and it is terrible.

Okay, let me say that again. Neon Genesis Evangelion is terrible.

It is not terrible because it is too slow. It is not terrible because the animation and production value are low. It is not terrible because the characters are uninteresting or reprehensible (they are not). It is not terrible because it is too much philosophy for an anime.

It is terrible because all of that "thought provoking and symbolic and deep" themes, are neither thought provoking, symbolic or deep.

I admit that this anime may be of great historical merit. It may be a case of something like Myst. It may not stand against time or be that admirable without context. (and is not "fun" in the typical respects) But maybe it became of great renown for other reasons; Reasons like genre-defining originality/divergence or else the first example of a "mature" kind of anime/videogame and a flagship example of what the genre is capable of.

Whatever the case, Neon Genesis Evangelion is not nearly as good as its reputation would let on.

To get into the dirty details:

The symbolism and relation to christian symbols I did not find to be either deep or nuanced. Words like "adam" "dogma" "angel" "eve" "sin" "human" "soul" "psyche" are tossed around without real examination or implication.

The characters were messed up and multifaceted which I respect, however I did not find them to undergo meaningful struggles and realizations, nor did I consider them that very interesting in their uniqueness or depth of conflict. I did not find them tiresome either. I did not find Asuka annoying or Shinji overly weak.

The ending covered some concepts which I realized myself a few years ago. I found the presentation to be bad in a number of ways. I found the concepts themselves to be, to a degree, obvious. Not that they could not be profound, but that they were discussed in such a way as to be simple and not to be treated in a way which would allow them to be greater themes.

The battles were fine, but the pacing was both slow and awkward. The themes did not run through or interact in any way that would enhance their natures.

The comments made by characters was also stunningly dull. "I worry about him" repeatedly says Misato. And yet she never tries to make suggestions to him or interact with his problems. "I must not run!" says Shinji, and yet he never really builds strength, has set backs, or has a gradual realization. He sways, seemingly without reason, between focusing on Eva, his weakness, his father, and his past. He goes berserk without comment or explanation.

It is neat that the characters are realistic in this way, that they cannot really manage themselves or their problems clearly. But it there is never any depth or meaning to be found, after that is understood.

I understand that Misato's desire for alcohol and her synonymous desire and rejection of love are from her fears of being an adult. I understand Shinji's fear and defeatism and inability to stand up for himself come from his father's rejection and abandonment. I understand Rei's withdrawal and emotionless nature are part of her loneliness. I understand Asuka's bravado and pride are there to cover up her fear. I understand their small reaching out to one another and their accomplishments and their failures. I just do not see that there is anything else that happens or any commentary or any suggestion about what it means. I do not even see room for someone to speculate or create their own interpretations and meanings. It all ends up just being a series of events in my mind, rather than something worth thinking about.

I cannot say for sure how I can find such themes and allusions to be present, and yet not thought provoking. Maybe it is the way they are handled, but I cannot say what about the handling makes it so.

Oh oh, I forgot to mention, I think the monster design of the angels is superb! I'm a major fan.

Down to Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 09 Sep 2013 23:54:00 +0000

( Do I Understand? )

Reverence? I am never without it.

Even when I am witnessing things that others believe to be baneful by nature, I see wonder and beauty. Even for the simplest and most mundane, I am in awe.

What others consider normal or their right, I consider the greatest of blessings, the most stirring of insights, the most fulfilling experiences, the strangest of perspectives.
Always I see that things are beyond their appearance, hints of the divine in all, or else a knowledge of the infinite and the limits of our own awakening.
Always things are seen as reflections connections and aspects of other things. Of sides and microcosms of the entirety. In single components I perceive a window that opens to the whole. Of words that are both mere pieces of greater works, but also dazzling truths within their own right.
I am obsessed with purity and the central essence of things. I am surrounded everywhere with truth and possibility so that I am paralyzed with the meaning of it all.
I see it in the world and I see the world in myself.
Sometimes I am enlivened by the pure understanding, sometimes I am thrown into paralysis by the enormity of it all.
I live for merely understanding fully what I see before me. I live for the comprehension of what is.
I drive and am pulled by it, and my view and the world is illuminated by that shining reality.
I tear down falsity and live freely because of doctrines of "enough."
I realize how small the necessities and how vast the potential in every direction.
I accept the imperfections and rejoice in how they can only enhance existence.
I learn secrets of life and being. I am torn by knowledge that everything is unique and irreplaceable. I am a small flicker in a brilliant star. I imagine how far beyond even the greatest understanding the elegance of the universe is, and of the unapproachable wild extremes at the furthest reaches of every spectrum.
And for every unknown beyond us, there is obvious beauty is everything. Beauty which we have forgotten to perceive.
I am always grateful to glimpse what is, to appreciate what I have lived, to experience contentment in myself and the world, and to feel things fully. I want to know truth and exile illusion.

I am tranquil and distant, because opposite to opposite, I am enraptured in living.

I look at myself, doing this, and think it must be the final answer. I think this life is too beautiful, or too grand, or too perfect for there to be anything more.
I am reminded of what beauty beyond belief I am constantly surprised by. Not merely imagined, but actually taken part in.
I cannot believe that still there is so much more, when I have experienced so much already.

Is it only because I am content, that I believe I see real divinity? Or is this complacency an ignorant comfort?
Neither and both. It serves me well and gives things unattainable with other perceptions. It also is not as perfect as I had first imagined.
I was confused and now am mostly glad to know that, here too, is more for me to know. I do not like the simplistic and exaggerated self-congratulations it implies, but there is a tumultuous energy lingering at the center of this.

I refer to Jem and Kimi Ni Todoke.

So;
it has been the satisfaction of my existence to always cherish the moment,
but so too has it been my fierce thirst to always seek more.

Walking on the Edge of Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Mon, 09 Sep 2013 07:52:00 +0000

( Understand as I do. )

Satisfaction? I do not know it, except as a mere idea of perfection.

Even when I am completing a great revelation and I believe I have come to finish a great movement within my life, it comes at a sort of exhausted relenting that I have done the best I can. That I must release myself to fall back to reality, and often, to sleep. Or else I risk stalling in flight, or plowing into mire, or simply distorting what I managed to grasp with the unmanagable infinites still beyond me.

Not the greatest book, nor the most stirring of insights, nor the quiet calmness of falling to sleep lets me be complete.
Always it is either a tantalizing glimpse of more, a hint of wider applicability or what is to come, or else a sad knowledge of the temporary.
Always things are seen as reflections connections and aspects of other things. Of sides and incomplete images of further on. Of mere words that are both absolute and imperative for the book, but also nearly meaningless compared to what they ultimately mean with knowledge of the complete library.
I am obsessed with edges and definitions. I push everywhere so as to know what is true or possible at every turn.
I do it to the world and I do it to myself.
Sometimes I am enlivened by the pure newness, sometimes I am thrown into chaos by unknowns.
I live for the different and strange. I live for the comprehension of the incomprehensible.
I drive and am pulled by it, and I subject my view and the world to that rule.
I tear myself down and live freely because of doctrines of "enough."
I learn physical limits of sleep and nourishment. I am freed by knowledge that everything is replaceable or nonessential. I am enough in myself. I imagine great accomplishments of devotion, and of immaculate balances from knowing all the "enoughs."
And for every enough, I discover potential .
I desire always to do more, to try new things, to question myself and the world, and to feel things I have never felt. I want to know truth and exile falsity.

I whip myself into a frenzy and I fall into despair, because opposite to opposite, I cannot find purity without finding impurity.

I look at myself, doing this, and think it cannot be sustainable. I think this search is too impossible, or too perfect, or too far from reality.
I am reminded of what beauty beyond belief I have enjoyed. Not merely imagined, but actually taken part in.
I cannot think these things are lies, when I have experienced them and come to them from such laws as I live by.

Is it only because I demand and discern so much, that I succumb so fully to such real divinity? Or is this maddened pursuit a clumsy effort to be refined?
Neither and both. It serves me well and gives things unattainable with other perceptions. It also is not as perfect as I had first imagined.
I was confused and now am mostly glad to know that, here too, is more for me to know. I do not like the simplistic and exaggerated self-congratulations it implies, but there is a Buddha smile lingering on some edge of this.

I refer to Ayria and to Omelas.

So;
it has been the bane of my existence to always need to do better,
but so too has it been my eternal spirit to always grow.

Now and Before and in the Future

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 14:39:00 +0000

I want to think.

I want to always be aware of the world and my world and what could be. I do not want to do things because I feel there is no other way, or because I feel afraid to do something different, or because I have forgotten that the world is more than it is.

If within this year I could realize it, I would never forget to think. If I cannot do that, then I would like to gradually learn.

[question, explain]

I am too afraid of hope to let myself embrace the possibility, but.... I believe it within my grasp. And that I will naturally push closer and closer. And someday, perhaps sooner than later, I will be this person which is only a paragon and a thirst to me now.

The idea of that is amazing to me. That it is realistic; That I can.
[is it real]

And so, I say: I will.

Picky Eater

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 23:48:00 +0000

The following is a list of things I first liked in.....

Middle School:
Coconut
Green Beans
Pomelo
Red pepper
Teriyaki flavor

High School:
Ramen
Edamame (soy beans)
Sushi
Cooked Mushrooms
Olives
Chili
Deviled Eggs
Mahimahi
Miso Soup
Mochi
Tea
Marmelade

College:
Poptarts
Onion Rings
Oatmeal
Tuna
Sardines
Cream Cheese
Tofu
Grapefruit
Canned Peaches
Pears
Rice Cakes
Rice Milk
Soy Milk
Eggs cooked "over easy"

Things I still don't like:
Mustard
Mayonnaise
BBQ sauce
Most sauces...
Pineapple
Mango
Kiwi
Salad Dressing (yes. All)
Pasta Salad
Cream of ***** Soups
Papaya
Pickles
Doritos
Other weird flavored chips
Vinegar
Sweet Potato (fries)
Grits
Lentil (soup)
Stuffing
Scalloped Potatoes
Avocado
Couscous
Honeydew Melon

Outsider

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Sun, 30 Jun 2013 03:20:00 +0000

I do not need people. I have never needed anybody and I have rarely wanted to be around others. This is patently different from not caring. I care deeply about others, almost against my will. I want to help people, teach them, comfort them, help them be happy and accomplish everything they want. But I do not hang around people for myself. I am indifferent. I like to be around people because I like to make them happier and I like to be around people to experience new and different ideas and ways of living. But I do not like to be around people for its own sake. Often I will do it purely for reasons of making people more comfortable around me so that they will not worry about me. I do care, somewhat, what people think of me, but only just. I do not care if they think me strange or alien as long as it does not bother them. This is probably difficult to understand so I will dwell on the point a bit.

If people think I am strange, I do not care. Not unless they are a bit afraid of me, or a bit worried for me. Then I care because I do not want to cause them any upset if I can help it. Thus, I will sometimes spend time with people in order that they understand that I am happy and healthy and not angry or volatile or dangerous. (Far from it!) This puts me in the peculiar position of caring so much for other people that these little details matter to me, but otherwise, I really do not care what people's opinions are of me, or indeed if I go weeks without company.

What I do care about are ideas. I love new perspectives and ideas and thoughts. I like to eavesdrop or discover what people think about as many topics as possible. I tire easily of repetitive topics such as small-talk, but I don't care how benign or extreme or bizarre another person's opinion is, as long as it is new to me, I would love to listen and maybe discuss. Politics, Religion, Art, Math, Science, Nature, Pet-Peeves, Sexuality, Drugs, whatever. I don't care if I disagree, it is hard to find things I will outright disagree about, and in fact it is most likely better if I do disagree. I will talk to all kinds of people about all kinds of things and be excited and interested and bend my mind to understand as much as possible. I will feel a more whole person for the opportunity and other people seem to enjoy talking to me about things because I listen and say what I think, but never belittle their position. Not because I am being polite (I am that too) but because I actually believe and am interested and value their thoughts for what they are. Even though they may not be mine.

So, in this way, I love all people much more than the average person. But in this way, I also do not love people. I love their unique ideas, but I cannot care for their whole or their choice in lifestyle unless it is a way of expressing their ideas.

Another thing I have discovered: While over the last several months I have become much more willing to tell people things that are important to me, I think I do not like the change. It is not because people are not accepting or because I feel the deeper fear-of-being-subverted manifesting. It is simply that I am most often disappointed by people more or less ignoring or not understanding the least bit how meaningful things are. They smile and agree and are happy to talk. But they are happy to talk, not happy of the ideas being communicated so much. Or at least that is what it seems like to me. It makes me feel more alone when I try to invite them to play my games, than when I play theirs.

Oh, I know sound as if I am arrogantly making myself out to be the one and only intellectual, but it is mostly because I do not have words for these types of feelings and concepts. I currently have an overabundance of vocabulary for "ideas, thoughts, meaning, newness, experience, philosophy, understanding" even though those merely cover the path I take to the "life-ness" of which I am trying to speak, and not the "grokking" itself so much. I could switch over to more art, religious, spiritual, and feeling words, but that would feel dishonest. It carries those meanings, and those words capture a very important part of it (maybe I ought to use them more than I do) but I am trying to explain and those words suggest that it is inexplicable. At least with these more parred down and dry and scientific words, I am able to approach how I come about the love-of-living that emerges, rather than just describing the joy of it, wholly detached from how I reach it.

Edit: Why do I always end up talking about myself? I am sorry to do this so overwhelmingly much of the time. I don't like it because it feels selfish (even though it (probably?!) isn't) and downright limiting. I do think that it is a sort of movement in life I am going through, so I'm not tempted to avoid it. I will simply let it pass in its own time or something, and try not to let it bother me overmuch. But it is too bad that I can only seem to speak of this topic so thoroughly when there are so many others I care about. I don't know why I don't think/write of them so much.

Ergo Proxy - 15: Nightmare Quiz Show/Who Wants to Be in Jeopardy!

noreply@blogger.com (Elusive) — Sun, 30 Jun 2013 00:55:00 +0000

All Episodes: Ergo Proxy Companion Viewing Guide
Previous: Episode 14:Someone Like You/Ophelia
Next: Episode 16:Dead Calm/Busy Doing Nothing

Nightmare Quiz Show

I really don't care what goes on in this episode past the cute references and the actual information dump. That's all I'll go over. Thanks.

It was Pascal who referred to man as a thinking reed.
The triangle's relationship between its legs and hypotenuse was discovered by Pythagoras. (Actually many other discovered it before him, but his writings are the ones that have been passed down through our history)
Sound is higher pitched as it approaches and lower pitched as it leaves. This is called the Doppler Effect. (The same as light waves being spread out for stars as the universe expands)
4 degrees Celsius is water's highest density.
Nobel invented dynamite.
Astronomical Unites or AU's are the distance between the earth and the sun.
The opening song is called Kiri by Monoral.

The "mistake" could be many things. It could be that the award is 450,000 points after two clues were revealed. (should be 500,000; 600,000 for the first clues, 550,000 for the second, 500,000 for the third) It could be calling the show QQQ instead of QQQQ.... or something else. I never found anything that seemed appropriate, those are other people's guesses.

"You ever seen a blue sky?" Is a strange thing to say. Then again, the domes have false ceilings and outside has always been shown as grey-brown overcast.

"Ergo Proxy" is "close," but the answer is "Proxy One." Who looks exactly like Ergo Proxy. This seems like nonsense, but why is such a nonsequittor mentioned at all? It makes it seem important, but right now it means nothing.
The best guesses that can be made at this point are things like: all the Proxy's look alike until they change their appearances, Proxy One and Ergo Proxy are brothers, Proxy One and Ergo Proxy are clones, Proxy One created all the other proxies, MCQ just used Ergo Proxy's picture to represent this other "Proxy One," MCQ is just messing with Vincent, because, (let's be honest) it's fun to mess with Vincent.

The WombSys image is described as: "Oh yes, it's alive. Although not quite. I don't want to give it all away, but it's not exactly alive. It looks like it's alive but it's a little different."
"moves and grows so it must be alive," this is patently not the definition of alive. Chemical reactions and machines can grow and move on their own. Reproduction and energy consumption are part of the definition of alive. Also possession of DNA and use of water, although none of these are definitive and none really capture what we mean when we think of "alive." Then again, can you think of a better definition?

"Yes, not that the fact is anyone's fault necessarily. I mean that nobody could have possibly foreseen what eventually happened. It took a lot longer for the planet's environment to restore itself to the proper conditions than the creators had expected. That's probably why their calculations got so messed up. Here's a hint. To survive what happened they needed to build themselves a huge dome.
" People, Mankind, Humans, Men and Women. "
No.
Then what are the dome citizens? Are they all autoreives? I would guess not exactly, they are biological, but biological constructs created in WombSys machines. Then they are not exactly alive nor humans. Still. If this rings as a remarkably limited view of alive or human, then you are not alone.

"The plan went into effect in a much harsher "Awakening Environment" than had been originally anticipated. What proved to be the greatest hurdle for the creators under these harsh conditions was the overabundance of data that had been preserved, particularly the "Origin of Species." Within the major cities the need to adapt to an ever changing and fiercely harsh environment was unnecessary. Therefore, despite the fact that they.... the original ... This law... despite their remarkable.... failing, the project was deemed defective. And the program was slated for elimination. But to admit failure, the creators had to acknowledge that the true failure was theirs. "

If you are confused, that's good. These "creators" seem to be the Proxy's, but then, who wrote "the Origin of Species"? Unless the Proxy's did before embarking on their task. And what is this "plan" and "Awakening?"

"Billions of years after the universe was created in the big bang a strangle little planet was born on the edge of an ordinary galaxy. The name of the planet would one day be "Earth." Pools of water began to form, becoming a miraculous ocean with seaweed and fish. Many strange things happened over the next few hundred million years. Later on dry land dinosaurs appeared. Thus began the law of the law of the jungle: eat, be eaten, or run away. Soon we came to the age of mammals. Here, our ancestors were born. In order to catch his prey, one of the ancestors by chance raises the bone he is holding. Yes, this is the moment when the first tool came into existence. (The image of the bone is a reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey) Way to go humans!"

Confused again? Good. So these are humans. And they evolved naturally and are earthlings. So then, This universe takes place here and presumably our history is this history. But then how did the Proxies and current WombSys humans come around to existence and why is this an interference in "the plan" and furthermore what is "the plan"?

"The last tool they made. It's a big one. It was rushed. Not everyone could use it so it was a bit useless. It fostered widespread resentment. Someone used it to try to get away from earth. " "Rocket."

"The apocalypse is at hand. This is "mankind's last best hope" (the images and words here are a reference to my favorite TV show, Babylon5) of escape from a world that's heading for destruction. Humanity's very own trump card. Science had finally made interplanetary emigration possible. This would be the last tool manufactured here on earth. Completed through the fusion of ultimate wisdom, it was a spaceship built in geosynchronous orbit and referred to as the Evacuation Ship. The correct answer was the Boomerang Star. An interplanetary immigration ship built by humans long ago."

Alright. Things are coming together. Humans left earth, but not all of them. Somehow the balance of Proxy's and current autoreivs/humans came about afterwards. Maybe Proxies are the descendants of humans and made dome cities to replace what they lost.

"In the second half of the twenty first century the most promising alternative energy source to fossil fuels and nuclear power was made by compressed methane gas in solid form.
The answer was Methane Hydrate
The accumulated Methane Hydrate exploded in a chain reaction. What percentage of living creatures on planet earth were wiped out.
85%
The plan to restore the human population had a double letter acronym. The letters were what?
PP (Proxy Project)
What would the human race no longer need once their numbers had been restored on the planet?
Proxy
As a result of the double P plan or Proxy Project the number of Proxies that were released across the planet was ....?
300 proxies
What is the "Pulse of the Awakening." Think about your current situation.
Conclusion of the Proxy Project
Carl Gustav Jung was known as the author of Psychology and Alchemy. Jung was also know as the King of what
subconscious
Humanity had a second plan involving the current outbreak of the cogito virus, what was it called?
The Boomerang Project
The Egyption God Ra was the god of what. (Vincent: I don't know what that is)
The sun
Beethoven's 5th Symphony is commonly referred to as the what Symphony
It's Fate
A person who trains the mind is a teacher. What is someone that minds a train?
Conductor"

Answers without questions:
Failure. Schism. Escape/Contract. Substitute. Oblivion. Awakening. Fight. Enjoy. No. Labyrinth.
Always wins - "make sure you remember his face" - Proxy One.
This seemed odd before, but now it is doubly exaggerated.

"That's how it goes. I guess Proxies will fight how proxies will fight.
I think we really wrapped everything up well."

The announcement at the end was that "The enemy we are struggling to defeat seems to have originated from here. We need to put our heads together and take this out." Then the announcer disappears in a flash of blue light, like he has been killed as a Proxy, which makes sense since he is one.

Oooookay. There is not much to interpret here. It really is an information dump, but in case you weren't listening this is what was said.

Humans used Methane Hydrate as a fuel source, it built up and in an enormous explosion decimated the planet to 15% of its life. They then constructed their last tool on earth, an evacuation spaceship. This ship was not able to rescue everyone and caused a lot of havoc. It was called the Boomerang Star and was an interplanetary ship. (This indicates to me that it would reach another planet, but also return to earth)
The Proxy Project and Boomerang Project were started as well, one being the Proxies and their domes, the other being the cogito infection. The purpose of each is not clear. The humans on earth now are not "actual" humans and not quite "alive." And "The Pulse of the Awakening" is the end of the Proxy Project.... "Think about your current situation".....? There are a few problems though, the earth has not recovered as "the creators" (original humans) intended. Also their texts were persevered and probably gave the dome cities instability with their lessons of striving for greatness. Maybe this refers to the Proxies knowing them as well, and rebelling against their designated Project goals.

The final answer is Labyrinth, which may be a reference to the Labyrinth of mirrors that Vincent was in when he discovered himself as Ergo Proxy.
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////////////Reactions:
I hate this episode. The information isn't terribly original and is not presented well. It's nice to have a history of this version of earth given, and lots more information about what is going on with Proxies. Vincent makes me laugh a few times. I still hate this episode a lot. That is about it.

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