Or was it from the inside of a trash compactor? Unclear. . .

Coming back from his recent trip to Scotland, Trump congratulated the British people for throwing themselves under a double decker bus, seriously rattling the world’s economy, and making me wonder if a second US recession would make me toss my crumpets and run for cover at mommy and daddy’s house like the first one did. Thanks Drumpf.

Looking beautifully tanned from some time on his new golf course, he unveiled his new seven-point trade plan. The plan, which, alarmingly, had similar populist appeal to me as Bernie Sanders’ calls for free education, argued for a withdraw of the US from the Transpacific Partnership, the identification of violators of foreign country trade agreements, the renegotiation of NAFTA with Mexicans (from the other side of the wall, duh), to prosecute and slam China for a little bit of this and a little bit of that. 

 Sorry Repubbles, he got me with the no Chinese food. 

Happily, Democratic support seems to be coalescing around crooked Hillary, and with the pending announcement of Elizabeth Warren as Clinton’s Vice Presidential running mate, I’m so happy, I’m spewing rainbows!

This might not be entirely appropriate on a food blog, but…I can’t get enough of these SnapChat filters

In honor of a Warren-Clinton ticket, Trump as America’s trashman, my Mother’s birthday, and Gay Pride (post Orlando), I am celebrating by making an awesome tie-dye rainbow vanilla butter-cream cake with yellow cake and a berger cookie center [mouth drop]. Stick with me, this is a long one…

To make this neon Tie Dye Birthday Cake, first gather your ingredients. For the yellow cake (2 layers) you’ll need: 3 large eggs (room temperature); 2 cups of granulated sugar; 1 cup of vegetable oil; 1/2 cup of heavy whipping cream; 1/2 cup of greek yogurt; 2 1/2 cups cake flour; 1 tsp baking powder; 1/2 teaspoon baking soda; 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt.  For the cookie center, you’ll need: 6 berger cookies pulverized (about 3 cups); 1 stick of of unsalted butter (room temperature); 1 3/4 cup of flour (I used cake flour). For the vanilla butter cream icing, you’ll need:  2 sticks of unsalted butter; 6 cups of confectioner’s sugar; 1 tbsp vanilla extract; 1/4 cup of heavy whipping cream.

To ice this cake for super smooth edges, I highly recommend investing in a turn-style cake stand and a 10” spackling knife with a flat edge (or partially flat edge) .

First cream the butter and sugar in a stand mixer on medium speed for approximately 2-3 minutes until light and fluffy. Add the vanilla and eggs and mix again until incorporated. Add the cream and yogurt and incorporate. In a slow, light, constant stream drip in the vegetable oil. The mixture will be very liquidy. Slowly (1/3 cup at a time) add the dry ingredients until fully incorporated. 

Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 350 F and grease inside of two cake pans (ideally ones with straight edges) with butter or canola oil spray. Ideally, line the bottom of the cake pan with parchment paper (I always skip this step, which can make removing the cake a real you know what…gasp!).  Place the cakes in the oven for 35 minutes. 

If you can, try and space the cake pans further apart-about 1 inch at the rim. 

Remove the cakes from the oven and allow to cool completely before removing from the cake tins. Once cool, place the cakes into the freezer for a few hours while you prepare the icing. This will help the cake firm up so that they don’t tear when you begin to ice them. 

 These cake pans were too short. I suggest pans that are at least 2 to 2.5 inches tall with straight edges. 

To make the cookie center, you can pulverize your favorite cookies, combine it with 1 stick of melted unsalted butter in a food processor.

Transfer it to a stand mixer and add in about 1 3/4 cup of flour until it firms up again and you can reshape the cookie mixture into a ball, like fudge!

 If you’re familiar with Berger cookies and happen to be passing through maryland, I highly recommend you pick up a box and try it with Berger cookies. The company has recently updated it’s website and now you can order Berger cookies right to your door from anywhere in the US!  

Anyhow…once the fudge has been formed, place it inside another cake pan or 9″ pie pan to form a thin disk of Berger Cookie fudge that you will eventually place in between layers of yellow cake. Place the disk into the fridge while you prepare the icing, so that it has time to firm up a bit.

To make the icing, first cream the butter (whip it on medium for 2 minutes or so until its nice and soft and fluffy). Add the vanilla and then add the confectioner’s sugar 1/2 cup at a time until fully incorporated, then add the cream.  If the mixture appears too thick, you can add a bit more cream to loosen it up. 

 if your cake pans do not have straight edges, you make need to cut the sides off of your cakes so that the edges are perfectly perpendicular to your counter. This will help ensure straight sides to your cake and a more even icing job. 

To Assemble the cake, flip the yellow cake over so that the bottom of the cake becomes the top. Coat the top with a layer of icing. Place the berger cookie layer on top and coat the fudge layer with icing again, layering the second yellow cake on the top, making sure that the flattest side is on top.

I highly recommend a turn-table cake stand and a large 10” spackling knife. The combo will make it much easier to ice a cake like this. You can do a fine job with a regular cake stand and a regular icing spatula, but getting perfectly straight edges might be difficult. 

To create a neon rainbow effect, first apply a base layer to your cake of regular vanilla butter-cream icing. Once the cake it well-iced and smooth all around, place the cake into the fridge or Freezer for a few minutes so that the icing firms up again. This will make it easier to apply a second coat without smearing the first layer. Note, that you may need to double or triple the amount of icing noted in my recipe depending upon the side of your cake. 

Make your neon icing with combinations of food dye. I highly recommend  The Wilton Color Right Performance Color System, which comes with instructions on how to combine your dyes so you create the right color.  I created 5 different colors (Hot Pink/Neon Orange/Yellow/Light Green/Neon Blue). To do this, I separated out my icing into 5 batches and combine the dye with the icing in individual batches. 

 Looks like sunshine and happiness!

To ice the cake, I started from the bottom and applied a base of pink from the bottom up about 1-2 inches. Then I applied orange just above the pink, yellow and so on, each time making sure to smooth out the icing with a spackling knife. 

 I know, I know…you’re impressed. Happy Birthday Mom! Love you.

If you have trouble with this cake, send me an email. I’m no barefoot Contessa. It’s early days… I have time.

-GG

I dare you to try and have a normal sized slice of this cake

It’s a classic!

Heathers is story about a psycho group of croquet-playing popular girls all named…yup!…Heather who rule the school with quintessentially 80s, emotionally abusive, popular psycho(tic)-babble. Unfortunately (for Heather Duke, three’s a crowd–there is only room for one beautifully coiffed chieftain, one queen of the croquet court. And before you can say “as if!” the Heathers set off to murder each other with liquid drain-o cocktails. Because…duh!

Hot. 

Fortunately/Unfortunately, a rebel named J.D. (Christian Slater), who has had just about as much of the scrunchies and shoulder pads as he can handle, decides to stop the madness and blow up the school. Who will rule Westerburg High now [sad face]?! This movie gives me a case of the naughty-giggles every time.

Never looked better. Time to go on a shopp(lift)ing spree! 

When I first saw this movie as a freshman in college, it became an instant favorite. In 2006, I was vindicated when Entertainment Weekly ranked it #5 on their “Best High school movies” of all time list.

Of course, I never imagined that bizarre dark comedies about teenage terrorists and mass killings would mirror our reality.If after listening to the reports on the Orlando terrorist attack and LGBT hate-crime, you’re feeling less like croquet and scones, and more like political activism and petitions, considering joining me in signing a current petition to ban the AR-15 from civilian ownership.  The time to support mandatory background checks for gun ownership and to ban assault rifles is now.  

Anyhow…to make mixed berry scones for your croquet match against your best-frenemy, first gather your ingredients. You’ll need: 2 cups of flour; 1 tbsp baking powder; 1/2 teaspoon salt; 3 tablespoons honey; 1 tbsp vanilla extract; 8 tablespoons of cold unsalted butter (1 stick); 1 cup blueberries; 1/2 cup raspberries; 1 1/4 cup heavy cream;  lemon juice (from 1 lemon); 2 cups confectioners’ sugar; 1-2 tbsp unsalted butter; zest of 1 lemon. 

First, pre-heat the oven to 400F.

In a food processor, mix together the dry ingredients (salt, baking powder, and flour). Cut the butter into cubes and drop into the mixture one at a time. Pulse the ingredients together (3 quick pulses max per cube) until the butter is incorporated and the mixture is mixed but a bit lumpy. Meanwhile, mix together the lemon zest, the honey, and the cream. 

Dump the flour mixture into a mixing bowl along with the berries. Fold the berries into the flour mixture. Slowly incorporate the cream mixture into the berry-flour mixture with your hands, folding together until a dough forms. Try to avoid kneading the dough so it doesn’t get tough. It will seem very wet and lumpy. Like this..!

Gobbledeegoop!

Remove the dough from the bowl onto a very well floured kneading board and shape the dough into a circle or a rectangle. Cut the dough into equally sized triangles and place onto a silpat. With a pastry brush, brush the tops of the scones with the remaining cream. 

 Place into the oven for 15-20 minutes (I cooked mine for exactly 18 minutes). Remove and let the scones cool on a wire rack for as long as you can handle–preferably until fully cooled. 

To make the lemon glaze, heat the juice of 1 lemon with the powdered sugar (2 cups) until the sugar is fully dissolved. Add in the butter and the zest of another lemon and mix together with a fork or a whisk slowly. don’t stop for a few minutes until the mixture starts to thicken. Remove from the stove. As the mixture cools it will become thicker and thicker. You can drizzle the warm mixture over the scones for a light glazing, or wait until its much thicker for a much richer glaze.   Once glazed, place into the fridge to cool for a few hours or over night so the glaze hardens a bit.

Gobble Gobble!

-GG

Brace yourself. . . 

If you haven’t seen Donnie Darko, you’re missing out. Not only is it one of the only movies with both Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal (in fact, the movie that basically launched their careers), but it is produced by Drew Barrymore, and stars film powerhouses…Seth Rogan…AND…Ashley Tisdale… Jake called it one of his “proudest moments of [his] career.” We’re proud too, Jake. So proud…

Potty mouth! 

Next up in my old-person film marathon, was another inspiring tale: Into the Wild–the true story of Christopher McCandless–an emory grad who has a fifth-life crisis and rather than becoming a banker, decides to disappear–the obvious choice.  He burns his cash, ditches his identification and heads off into the wild making his way south to Mexico (Ole!)  before heading north to live with the Grizzly Man in an abandoned bus in Alaska. [Spoiler Alert!] He dies.

Perhaps because I’m living back in the center of the Universe and am constantly surrounded by people dressed in black, the idea of dropping everything and heading into the wild, is fairly appealing.

It’s not Alaska, but it’s what I got for now and that’s juuuust fine. 

Planning ahead for next year, I’ve been thinking of flying to India to hike up to everest base camp for my 36th. Lots of quiet time to contemplate the meaning of life when you have to gasp for air!

Just setting the mood…

Anyhow….as a prelude to 2017, I’ve stolen a recipe from my new friend Natalia for some ethnically ambiguous/sort of Indian soup. It’s deeeelicious and very filling. 

To make this soup, first gather your ingredients. You’ll need 2-3 large potatoes; 2 large red onions; 1/2 tbsp of ground cumin; 1 tsp ground coriander; ~6 tbsp olive oil; 4 large cloves of garlic; 1 fresh red chili pepper; 1/2 bunch of fresh cilantro; 1 cup red lentils; 6 cups chicken stock; 1 can of coconut milk(unsweetened); 1 lemon; salt and pepper for taste.First preheat the oven to ~450 F. Peel the sweet potatoes. Slice the potatoes and the onions into 1” chunks. Sprinkle the onions and potatoes with the ground cumin an coriander and drizzle with the olive oil. Sprinkle some salt and pepper over the veggies. Place into the oven to roast for about 45 minutes or until soft.

Peel and slice the garlic. Finely chop the chili. Chop the fresh cilantro in two and push the stalks to one side. Finely chop the cilantro leaves in one pile and the stalks in another. Set both aside. 

In the base of a large pot or dutch oven, saute the garlic, chili and cilantro stalks in olive oil. Once the veggies have softened a bit (2 minutes or so), add the red lentils. Stir the veggie mixture for 1-2 minutes and then add the coconut milk. 

Cook the lentils for about 20 minutes. The lentils should turn soft and break down at this point. Remove the potatoes and onions from the oven and add to the coconut milk-lentils. Bring the soup to a boil.

Add in the chopped cilantro leaves.This soup can be served as is (really delicious this way) or blended to create a creamy, split-pea like texture. Keep some extra spices, a lemon, and feta cheese on hand to finish the soup off and bring out the flavors as you like.

Let me know how yours turns out!

Muy delicioso,

–GG

Ambiguously ethnic delicious lentil soup

 

Print

Prep time

15 mins

Cook time

1 hour 30 mins

Total time

1 hour 45 mins

 

Delicious and very hearty indian-tasting lentil soup made with coconut milk and sweet potatoes.

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Recipe type: Soup

Cuisine: Indian

Serves: 6 bowls

Ingredients

• 2-3 large sweet potatoes
• 2 large or 3 medium red onions
• ½ tbsp cumin (ground)
• 1 tsp ground coriander
• 6 tbsp + olive oil
• 4 large cloves of garlic
• 1 fresh red chili
• 1 bunch of fresh coriander or cilantro
• 1 cup of red lentils
• 6 cups of vegetable or chicken stock
• 1 can of (light) coconut milk (unsweetened)
• 1 lemon

Instructions

1. First preheat the oven to ~450 F. Peel the sweet potatoes. Slice the potatoes and the onions into 1'' chunks.
2. Sprinkle the onions and potatoes with the ground cumin an coriander and drizzle with the olive oil. Sprinkle some salt and pepper over the veggies.
3. Place into the oven to roast for about 45 minutes or until soft.
4. Peel and slice the garlic.
5. Finely chop the chili.
6. Chop the fresh cilantro in two and push the stalks to one side. Finely chop the cilantro leaves in one pile and the stalks in another. Set both aside.
7. In the base of a large pot or dutch oven, saute the garlic, chili and cilantro stalks in olive oil. Once the veggies have softened a bit (2 minutes or so), add the red lentils. Stir the veggie mixture for 1-2 minutes and then add the coconut milk.
8. Cook the lentils for about 20 minutes. The lentils should turn soft and break down at this point.
9. Remove the potatoes and onions from the oven and add to the coconut milk-lentils.
10. Bring the soup to a boil. Add in the chopped cilantro leaves.
11. Blend if you like!
12. Add some lemon, and salt and pepper for taste.
13. Garnish with cilantro leaves and some feta cheese.

3.3.3077

 I may be 35, but I’ll never stop playing with my food!!!

Last year, for my thirty-fourth birthday, I spent the day at a family friend’s funeral. There was something unexpectedly invigorating about mixing my birthday with a death day, and I remember feeling a profound appreciation for life after the ceremony. I was determined to live my thirty-fourth year guided by a new sense of purpose to live more authentically.

In year 34, I became a belieber. . . 

I made a few pies, gained a few pounds. All signs point to success. This year, I thought briefly about spending time at the 9-11 memorial, before deciding that a jolt of life doesn’t necessarily have to come from death. Sometimes, it can come from cake!

For my thirty-fifth birthday, I made the right decision and took myself on a self-guided tour of some of Brooklyn’s bakeries. My friend Daniel and I rented a Car2go,  packed up the Grumpy Street Team and set off on a day-long cake fest shocking our systems at the boroughs best sugar shops–Charlotte Patisserie, Sugar Couture, MilkBar, Baked, Nine Cakes, and Ovenly–and finished the day with some of the city’s finest pizza a PaulieGee’s–Greenpoint.  What a fatboy treat!

The team behind the action. . . er…

If you’re a foodie and headed to NYC, I highly recommend you follow my route and check off some of these Brooklyn bakeries. Some of them, like Ovenly, MilkBar and Baked, are well-known sweet treat meccas, and others are hidden gems. If it’s your birthday and you’re as lucky as I was, the owners of Sugar Couture and NineCakes may take the time to stop what they’re doing, treat you to free mini cakes, give a quick lesson on how to ice your cake for perfectly smooth edges, or ice a special allergy-free carrot cake just for you. Ovenly may make you a special “Blackout” cake, and Paulie Gee might give you some celebratory free limoncello…

 It wasn’t sunny, but it was definitely a good karma day…

Although I had intended to use the week to make my very own nut-free carrot cake to celebrate my birthday, I was a bit caked out after my birthday extravaganza. So I made pie.

To make rhubarb rosewater custard pie with cinnamon pie crust first gather your ingredients. To make the pie filling you’ll need: about 4.5-5 cups of  chopped rhubarb (about 3/4” pieces); 2 large eggs and 2 additional egg yolks; 4 tsps of rose water; The zest of 1 clementine; 3/4 cup granulated sugar (dominos or other brand is fine); 1/4 cup all-purpose flour;  3/4 cup heavy whipping cream.  To make the pie crust you’ll need: 6 tbsp of veeeery cold unsalted butter; 2 tbsp of shortening; 2.5 cups of flour; 1 tbps of granulated sugar; 1 tsp of iodized table salt; 1 tsp of cinnamon; 1 tsp of nutmeg 1/4 cup ice-cold water; 1/4 cup ice-cold vodka.

To make the spiced pie crust: 

The best way to make pie crust is probably by hand using a hand-held pastry blender, but a food processor works fine. Be careful to not over process the ingredients. Pulse the dry ingredients together and then add the butter and shortening pulsing together until the mixture forms small clumps the size of large peas. slowly add the ice water and vodka  to moisten the dough. You can do this step in the food processor or in a large bowl, combining the dough pieces to form a large dough ball (about the size of a grapefruit).

Once the dough ball can easily hold its shape, split it in half.  

Form the two halves into discs and store in the refrigerator over night or for at least two hours.               Once the pie dough has cooled, remove one disc from refrigerator. Preheat the oven to 350 F.

Roll the pie dough out into a a large circle (about 11 inches in diameter). Place the dough over a pie dish. trip the dough so that it is just 1/2 inch to an inch over the edge. Fold the edges under and flute them or press them with a fork if you’re lazy… Line the dough with aluminum foil and fill the pie with pie weights (if you don’t have weights you can use beans!).

Don’t be a goon…remember to line the pie with aluminum foil before pouring the weights/beans in!

Place the dough into the oven for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, toss aside the pie weights/beans and place back into the oven for another 10 minutes. Remove from the oven for a second time and allow to cool completely.

To make the rhubarb custard pie filling: 

Toss together the granulated sugar, zest, and the rhubarb pieces in a large bowl and set aside. In the bowl of a stand mixer, slowly beat together the eggs and egg yolks. In any order, add the rest of the ingredients and mix together until combined.

To assemble the pie: 

First preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Remove the pie crust from the refrigerator. Place the rhubarb/zest/sugar mixture into the base of the pie.

 Remember to line the pie crust with aluminum foil before baking, or you will spend a ridiculous amount of time plucking out the beans that end up baking into the crust!

Pour the custard mixture over top and place into the oven for about 1 hour and 15 minutes.

All the pie to cool on a cooling rack. I prefer custard cold, so if you’re like me, pop the pie back into the refrigerator and save it for dessert the next day.

 Ugly is as ugly does. Just kidding, this pie is delicious. The combination of sweet smooth custard, tart rhubarb, and fragrant rosewater is a winner!

Enjoy,

-GG

Rhubarb Rosewater Pie with Cinnamon Crust

 

Print

Prep time

30 mins

Cook time

2 hours

Total time

2 hours 30 mins

 

Seasonal rhubarb custard pie with rosewater and cinnamon crust.

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Recipe type: British Comfort Food Dessert with a twist

Cuisine: British Dessert

Serves: 8

Ingredients

• --Pie Crust--
• 6 tbsp of veeeery cold unsalted butter
• 2 tbsp of shortening
• 2.5 cups of flour
• 1 tbsp of granulated sugar
• 1 tsp of iodized table salt
• 1 tsp of cinnamon
• 1 tsp of nutmeg
• ¼ cup ice-cold water
• ¼ cup ice-cold vodka
• --Rhubarb Custard Filling--
• 4.5-5 cups of chopped rhubarb (about ¾'' pieces)
• 2 large eggs
• 2 additional egg yolks
• 4 tsps of rose water
• Zest of 1 clementine
• ¾ cup granulated sugar (dominos or other brand is fine)
• ¼ cup all-purpose flour
• ¾ cup heavy whipping cream.

Instructions

1. Pulse the dry ingredients together. Add the butter and shortening pulsing together until the mixture forms small clumps the size of large peas. Slowly add the ice water and vodka to moisten the dough. Combine the dough pieces to form a large dough ball (about the size of a grapefruit).
2. Split the dough in two. Shape into two discs and place into the refrigerator for two hours or over night until completely chilled and hard.
3. Remove from the fridge and Preheat the oven to 350 F.
4. Roll the pie dough out into a a large circle (about 11 inches in diameter). Place the dough over a pie dish. Trim the dough so that it is just ½ inch to an inch over the edge. Fold the edges under and flute them or press them with a fork if you're lazy...
5. Line the dough with aluminum foil and fill the pie with pie weights (if you don't have weights you can use beans!).
6. Place the dough into the oven for 20 minutes.
7. Remove from the oven, toss aside the pie weights/beans and place back into the oven for another 10 minutes.
8. Remove from the oven for a second time and allow to cool completely.
9. ---------------Next step Filling!----------------
10. Toss together the granulated sugar, zest, and the rhubarb pieces in a large bowl and set aside.
11. In the bowl of a stand mixer, slowly beat together the eggs and egg yolks. In any order, add the rest of the ingredients and mix together until combined.
12. Place the rhubarb-sugar-zest mixture in the base of the pie crust.
13. Cover with the liquid custard mixture.
14. ---------------Next step Bake!-----------------
15. Place into the oven for 1 hour and 15 minutes.
16. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely on a wrack. Place into the fridge and eat chilled.

3.3.3077

Oh hello…British inspired food of the week: Banoffee pie (banana-toffee pie). 

This week the media was filled with stories about Prince Harry who recently arrived in the the US to open a chain of strip clubs called “Queenies” . .  .I mean… to kick off the second installment of the Invictus Games–a sporting event for wounded war veterans. Harry, apparently inspired from his tour in Afghanistan, decided in 2014 to launch the first Invictus Games in London to salute the men and women who make real mental and physical sacrifices at war so that we can enjoy peace and freedom at home (aw thanks Harr-Bear)! The duke opened the games on Sunday (May 8th) in partnership with Michelle Obama, who called Prince Harry “truly our Prince Charming.”

“Hold my balls for a second, Michelle?” –Harr-bear. 

Apparently FLOTUS has amnesia or maybe she’s been hit over the head so hard by Queen Elizabeth’s PR engine, that she’s forgotten Harry’s days as the slutty bad boy of Britain (careful…not work appropriate)!

I can’t slam Michelle too hard though, the royal PR machine is a thing of miracles. Supporting the Invictus launch this week are articles flanking both sides of the atlantic propping Harry up as Britain’s reformed and most eligible bachelor. Pictures of Harry and puppies, Harry with veterans, Harry and Diana. How can you not believe? Now, if only I had the royal PR engine at work for meeee, maybe I would be a permanent staple on the food network, or a YouTube star, or the logical choice for President in November! Oh well.

 Eyes for days

To make my chocolatey “banoffee” pie, first gather your ingredients. For the crust you’ll need: 1 stick of butter (8 tbsp); 2/3 cup cocoa powder; 2/3 cup all-purpose flour (for a gluten free version, you can substitute coconut flour for all-purpose flour. For Passover Matzah meal[above lower left] works fine too!); 1/2 cup granulated sugar; 1 tsp potato or corn starch; 1 tsp salt. For the filling and topping, you’ll need: 2 cans of sweetened condensed milk (this photo shows only one…sorry!); 4-5 ripe bananas; 1 pint of heavy whipping cream; 1/3 cup granulated sugar.

This pie is so awesomely delicious that I’ve made it literally four times in the last two weeks!  I like to make this pie in two stages over two days (crust on day one, and the filling/topping the day of). The only way to really mess up this pie is if you top it with whipped cream far in advance of eating it, leaving time for the whipped topping to melt back into cream and seeping into the dulce de leche making the pie a bit messy (although just as tasty). If you make a mistake along the way or if the condensed milk doesn’t turn out as thick as you’d like, you can deconstruct this pie by chopping it up and serving it in a glass with layers of whipped cream in between the crust, dulce de leche, and pie filling.  If you’re as gluttonous as I am, you may even prefer this version to a fresh cut piece of pie-easier to shovel down the hatch!

To make the pie crust…

preheat your oven to 300 F. Combine your dry pie ingredients in a stand mixer set to low or medium speed until fully combined. Melt 6 tbsp of butter and pour into the mixture (with the stand mixer still running on low-medium speed). The mixture should form clumps.

Empty the clumps out onto a piece of parchment paper or a Silpat and place into the oven for 10 minutes. The clumps should dry out a bit and harden while cooling. Once fully cooled (I sometimes place into the freezer for quick cooling), place the clumps into a food processor and pulse until the clumps disappear and you are left with pie crust dust.

Remove from the processor and place the dust into a small mixing bowl. Melt the remaining butter (1-2 tbsp) and pour into the crust dust mixture. Swirl the mixture around, mixing the butter into the crust dust. The mixture should be a bit wet at this point, but should not be watery or runny.

Empty the mixture into a tart pan (ideally with a removable base. You can also use a regular pie dish here, but if you have a tart pan, I recommend it. It’s much easier to cut a perfect piece of pie from a tart pan than from a pie dish!

With your fingers, press the the tart mixture into the base of the pan and up along the sides to fully cover the inside of the pan. Place the pan into the oven on a cookie sheet for about 8 minutes.

To make the dulce de leche…

There are many different ways to do this…if you’re in a complete pinch for time, the easiest [read: most despicable!] way is to run to the supermarket to buy some dulce de leche in a jar and smear it on top of your pie crust. Jar bought dulce de leche is tasty, but a bit unpredictable in viscocity though. So if you want to really control the thickness of your spread, I recommend spending the extra two hours or so to make it at home.

Preheat the oven to 425F. Empty two cans of sweetened condensed milk into a small baking dish. Place the dish inside a larger glass pyrex and fill the pyrex with water so that the water is half way up the pie dish. Cover the dish with aluminum foil and place into the oven for an hour. Remove from the oven and mix the condensed milk vigorously with a fork or whisk. Recover the dish, refill the pyrex with water, and place back into the oven for another hour. The condensed milk should turn a nice caramel brown 30-45 minutes later and be nice and thick when you remove it from the oven at approximately the 60 minute mark.

Allow the dulce de leche to cool in the fridge over night with the pie crust. If the dulce de leche is like a rock the next day, you can heat it up in the oven quickly (at 250F) for 5 minutes or so.

To make the pie…

Smear the dulce de leche on the pie crust. Cut 4-5 bananas and place the pieces on top of the dulce de leche so that the dulce de leche is completely covered.

Meanwhile, whisk 1/3 cup of sugar and the heavy whipping cream on high until you have whipped cream. Top the pie with the whipped cream, by placing the whipped cream in the center of the pie first. Using a spatula, spread the whipped cream out over the pie. Sprinkle lightly with unsweetened cocoa dust.

Almost ready for The Great British Bake Off,

–GG

I may not be making 5 million dollars a year off of inane videos, but at least I know I can apply stickers correctly!!!

Unlike more productive alternatives, like, say, making a giant meringue pillow to smoosh my face into, watching this freak weirdo woman always leaves me either in a paralytic state of confusion…a Pony hangover, if you will.  As if the uncontrollable vocal fry of my millennial office mates wasn’t enough, I’d say that the fact that this woman makes millions of dollars a year off of these videos is a fairly good indication that the world may be ending.

As someone who previously lived in Brazil in a past life, I can tell you that there may be an nation of aliens below the equator coming to end it for all of us. It’s time to eat as much dessert as possible and run for the hills.

To avoid hitting your head against a wall after a long days work, you might consider the sweet crinkling of plastic wrappers on YouTube, or you can make this blueberry pavlova with pomegranate molasses drizzle and kumquats. Your choice.

First gather your ingredients and preheat your oven to 300F! To make the meringue base, you’ll need 1.5 cups of granulated sugar; 6 large egg whites; 1 tsp of white wine vinegar; and 1 tsp of corn starch (I used potato starch because I was restricted by the evil laws of Passover). For the whipped topping, I recommend 1 pint of heavy whipping cream; about 2 tbsps of granulated sugar; 2 cartons of blueberries; 2 tbsp of powdered sugar; 2 tbsp of pomegranate molasses, and a handful of kumquats!  If you don’t like this fruit combo, you can pick pretty much anything spreadable and top it with anything sweet you like—chocolate mousse with raspberries, lemon curd and blackberries, orange mousse and ginger bread cookie crumble etc.

Poof! Begone wicked relative of the west (who prevented me from photo-capturing my mis en place)! 

Whisk the egg whites on high until you have medium peaks (you should be able to turn the bowl upside down without the egg whites falling out). Add the 1.5 cups of granulated sugar and continue whisking so that the sugar dissolves into the mixture. The egg whites should turn into a very shiny meringue. Keep whisking and add the starch and the vinegar.

Empty the contents of the bowl onto the middle of a silpat or piece of parchment paper and spread the meringue out into a giant circle 9 or 10 inches in diameter (likely almost the width of the silpat you own).

Place the meringue into the oven and turn the temperature down a bit to 275F. Bake the meringue for 1 hour and 30 minutes. Turn off the oven when you’re done and leave the meringue inside to cool in the oven for at least two hours (ideally let it cool completely…but I usually can’t wait).

Flip the meringue over onto a large plate or cake stand. Whip the heavy cream and sugar together to make the whipped cream (whip the cream on high until nice and thick). Spread on top of the pavlova and sprinkle the blueberries on top to fully cover the topping. Place the kumquats as you like (just for color). Drizzle the molasses over the pavlova and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

 ooooooh. aaaaaaah.

This dessert is light and sweet, but carries a slightly tangy taste to it from the pomegranate molasses. I recommend eating it right away. The meringue stays for a day or two, but is fluffiest on day 1!

Brony’s forever(?), 

-GG

Blueberry Pavlova with Pomegranate Molasses (and Kumquats!)

 

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Prep time

10 mins

Cook time

1 hour 30 mins

Total time

1 hour 40 mins

 

Light and fluffy berry pavlova!

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Recipe type: Dessert; Gluten Free

Cuisine: Pavlova with blueberries pomegranate molasses and kumquats

Serves: 10

Ingredients

• 6 egg whites
• 1.5 cups of granulated sugar
• 1 tsp starch (corn or potato)
• 1 tsp white wine vinegar
• 1 pint heavy whipping cream
• 2 tbsp granulated sugar
• 2 tbsp pomegranate molasses
• 2 tbsp powdered sugar
• 2 cartons of blueberries

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 300F. whisk the egg whites in a standmixer with the whisk attachment until medium peaks. add in the sugar (1.5 cups) until the meringue becomes glossy. Add in the starch and the vinegar. Remove from bowl and place onto a piece of parchment paper or onto a silpat. Place into the oven and reduce the heat to 275F. Bake for 1.5 hours and allow to cool fully in the oven.
2. Whip the cream and remaining sugar in a very cold bowl until you have whipped cream. You can add 1 tsp of vanilla to the whipped cream if you are a big vanilla fan. Flip the meringue over onto a plate of cake stand and spread the whipped cream on top of the meringue. Place the fruit on top of the whipped cream and drizzle the molasses on top. Sprinkle with powdered sugar.

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“Halt! Take us to Queens!” –Prince Akim of Zamunda 

Arepas, Chirimoya, Supermarkets that sell Pinatas, mannqueins with enormous boobs…Jackson Heights seems to have all the good things Colombia has to offer…without the Zika virus!

The famous “pollos” 

I made a pit stop for some Colombian food at Pollos Mario on Woodside Avenue (below the 7 train) at around 85th street. Wow. There are 5,000 Colombian restaurants around this neighborhood. Pollos Mario is the classy joint (duh) with the fake orange tree in side that makes loud jungle bird chirping noises while you eat! You balk when I say Queens, but put your snobby away. Apparently Mario is smarter than you are. On Yelp there appear to be at least 5 different Pollos Mario scattered around New York. Score: Enterprising Mario 1; GG 0. sigh. .  .

Pollos Mario is a real fast-casual mecca. You may not get very far if you don’t speak Spanish here, but Mario the genius has brought giant photo menu realness to his restaurant so that even the most timid gringo can find something he might want to experiment with. The portions are ENORMOUS. The empanadas–made with a fried corn meal shell–are little umami pockets of well-spiced, crunchy, deliciousness. The Arepa, topped with a billion pounds of cotija-like cheese will leave you obese and, yet, smiley.   To avoid a heart attack, I had the roast chicken, which seemed to be the obvious choice…I admit that the white-devil in me was a little worried about Montezuma’s revenge, but I emerged whole from my weekend immersion.        You know it’s good when you can’t tell where the arepa starts and the cheese begins

To celebrate stomach bug-free me, I decided to make something inspired by my trip to little Colombia: fresh fish poached in coconut milk with cilantro, onions, and tomatoes. Apparently, coconut milk is not the absolute healthiest thing for you, but this meal is low-calorie, fresh tasting, and easy to make.

To make red fish poached in coconut milk, first gather your ingredients. You’ll need: 1 lb of fish (Acadian red fish, tilapia, or any other mild fish will do); 1 onion sliced, 2 cups of cherry tomatoes; the top 1/3 of a bunch of cilantro (about 1 cup, coarsely chopped or not at all!); 6 tbsp of olive oil; 2 cloves of garlic; 1 lemon (juice); 1 tsp ginger powder; 1 can of coconut milk; salt and pepper to taste.

This entire dish takes about 1.5 hours to prepare–1 hour to marinate the fish and 30 minutes on the stove(max). To marinate the fish, place the fish into a plastic zip lock bag along with half of the oil, 2 garlic cloves (minced) and the ginger. Place into the fridge and allow to sit for 1-2 hours.

When the fish has marinated fully, remove from the plastic bag and set the fish aside. Pour the oil into a sautee pan and heat the oil over medium-high heat until the oil appears thing and runs easily. If the oil smokes, you’ve gone too far. Throw it out, clean the pan and start over.  Once the oil is heated, add the sliced onion and the tomatoes. Sautee together until the onions are slightly softened (but not translucent).  Squish some of the tomatoes in the pan so that the juices can mix with the coconut milk.

When the onions are softened, but still well-structured, pour in the coconut milk. Heat the sauce until it starts to simmer. Allow to cook down for 2 minutes or so.

Add the cilantro.

When the sauce is very hot (boiling or near it) add the fish 1/2 lb at a time (unless you have a ginormous sautee pan). Cover the fish in the sauce for 2-3 minutes.  Remove and repeat with the remaining 1/2 lb of fish.

You can leave the fish whole and plate it over jasmine rice, couscous, alone, or chop the fish up a bit and serve in a bowl like stew.  

Enjoy,

–GG

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish Poached in Coconut Milk!

 

Print

Prep time

10 mins

Cook time

1 hour 30 mins

Total time

1 hour 40 mins

 

Delicious, fresh, filling poached fish in coconut milk, cilantro, tomatoes and onions!

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Recipe type: Poached fish in coconut milk

Cuisine: Latin/Carribean

Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 1 lb of fish (Acadian red fish, tilapia, or any other mild fish will do)
• 1 onion sliced
• 2 cups of cherry tomatoes
• The top ⅓ of a bunch of cilantro (about 1 cup, coarsely chopped or not at all!)
• 6 tbsp of olive oil
• 2 cloves of garlic (minced)
• 1 lemon (juice)
• 1 tsp ginger powder
• 1 8 oz can of coconut milk
• salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Marinate the fish for 1-2 hours in the lemon juice, minced garlic, and olive oil.
2. After 1-2 hours, pour the marinade into a sautee pan and heat on medium-high heat.
3. Sautee the sliced onions and tomatoes on medium high heat until the onions are soft, but not completely translucent.
4. Add the coconut milk and bring to a boil. Quickly reduce to simmer and cook down for 2 minutes.
5. Add the cilantro and stir together.
6. Add the pieces of fish such that the fish is submerged in the sauce for 2-3 minutes.
7. Plate and eat!

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R.I.P. David Bowie. King of the bog. 

After seven months in San Francisco, I decided to join the masses. I became a drug dealer of sorts and, apparently, embarked on a long period of blog-neglect. Just kidding. I did think about transforming my blog into a “munchies” portal at one point, but, in what is likely yet another poor financial decision, I’ve decided against it [sob, sob, sob].

Now that I’m back in New York, happily living in the middle of a hipsters hornet nest in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with my maroon skinny jeans and my ironic $12 bicycle,  I have all the time in the world to revive my newly trademarked blog [Applause, Applause],  explore fancy new food shops and restaurants, and cook and bake and eat and be merry.

This little gem, Greenpoint Fish & Lobster Co., is right around the corner from my house. Fresh fish daily! A+ on that logo too. 

Although it would make the most sense for me to celebrate my blog revival with something New York inspired–perhaps something from one of the many Polish bakeries in my new neighborhood–today I’m feeling nostalgic for my time spent in Baltimore cooking with my mom. Ellen, as my friends like to refer to her, is a fierce ginger, and a mean cook. She makes some addictive cinnamon-raisin mandel bread passed down to her from my grandmother Rose, who passed away from Multiple Sclerosis just before I was born.

La mama.

I like to think of Mandel bread as biscotti’s cute, squishy, jewish cousin. Although I’ve seen mandel bread of all shapes, sizes (some folks make theirs long and skinny just like biscotti), and flavors, I prefer mine as my mom makes them: short and stout–about 2 inches in length, filled with raisins, covered with cinnamon and sugar, and bobbing in a glass of milk.  This isn’t the most decadent dessert you’ve ever tried, but I find that I feel better about myself after eating 10 of these, and that’s really what it’s all about. Isn’t it. . .

mmmm……oink!

To make Grumpy Family Mandel bread, first gather your ingredients and preheat the oven to 350 F. You’ll need: 3 eggs; 3 cups of flour; 1 cup of granulated sugar; 1/2 cup of oil (I sometimes sneak in 3/4 cups…), 2 teaspoons baking power; 1 teaspoon of vanilla; a squeeze of a small lemon; and 1/2 cup of raisins. Apparently my grandmother liked to make her mandel bread with 1/2 cup of nuts, but I’m allergic so these are off-limits.  If you want to nuttify these, I’d probably use walnuts, but I’m probably not the right nut expert to consult here…

A moment on the lips…a lifetime on the hips. Can’t wait!

First beat the eggs on medium. With the mixer still running, slowly add the oil, vanilla, and lemon juice. 

Add the flour and baking powder together one 1/2 cup at a time and give it a twirl. Twirl Ellen. Twirl.

When it’s good and gloopy, add the raisins in. 1/2 cup, 3/4 cup…whatever.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured kneading board. and break the dough into three even parts.

Pull/roll the dough out into long logs and place onto parchment paper or a silpat. Flatten out the tops a bit and cover the mandel bread dough in a mixture of cinnamon and sugar (no secret to this…just mix a whole bunch of sugar and cinnamon together). 

Bake for exactly 30 minutes at 350 F.  Here’s how they come out when my mom makes them…

and when I make them… 

Fat globs of goodness!

Now grab some milk and try not to feel bad about inhaling more than 3.

Happy eating,

Grumps

Cinnamon Raisin Mandel Bread

 

Print

Prep time

15 mins

Cook time

30 mins

Total time

45 mins

 

Tasty and soft biscotti like cookies. Great for dunking!

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Cuisine: Jewish

Serves: 50 pieces

Ingredients

• 3 eggs
• ½ cup of canola oil
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla
• a squeeze of a small lemon
• 1 cup of granulated sugar
• 3 cups of flour
• 2 teaspoons baking power
• ½ cup of raisins.

Instructions

1. Mix together the eggs, oil, vanilla, and lemon juice. Add the sugar and mix until fully combined.
2. /2 cup at a time, add the flour and baking powder until a dough forms.
3. Add in the raisins.
4. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured kneading board and cut into three even pieces.
5. Roll the pieces out into logs and place on parchment paper or on a silpat on top of a cookie sheet.
6. Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar and place into the oven for exactly 30 minutes.

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For as cute as this city appears to be, I’ve come to realize that San Francisco is an entirely backwards place. It is a strange piecing together of villages. Picturesque Victorians and neighborhood restaurants buttress buffalo heards of homeless who roam the streets and ride mass transit together with millionaire techy tweens from facebook and Linkedin and whatever else. I am uncomfortable with this city’s live and let live attitude, but it’s growing on me…like a wart.

Pushing politics aside for the sake of my expanding waistline, one thing I have come to appreciate, however, is…the growing number of bakeries and ice cream bars! The interconnected village matrix in The Golden Gate City is dotted with so many sweet things, I am developing cavities just thinking about trying all of them!

This past weekend, I took my first bite out of the SF bake scene at B.Patisserie, located in Lower Pacific Heights on California Street and Divisadero Street. B. Patisserie is a true French pastry shop, and I highly recommend it for the pickiest, high-brow pastry lover. The bakery serves delicious viennoisserie (bread pastries), like chocolate-banana almond croissants, Madeleines, and Sugary Brioche…

….beautiful french pastry, like Mille Fieulle, Grand Macarons with raspberries and rose mousseline, and lemon tarts, and small sandwiches (but if you come here just for the sandwiches there’s something wrong with you).

I had the most delicious and perfectly made Kouign Amann (pronounced: Queen Amann) with plum and fig preserves I have ever had in my life–the butter and sugar had caramelized together perfectly and the pastry was so perfectly flakey on the outside and soft and buttery on the inside, my arteries clogged and fainted in happiness at first bite.  

I mean… this is serious.

It was a near perfect food moment, sitting at one of B.Patisserie’s cute marble two-tops.

This is just too F#$!*ing cute and French.

I thought briefly about heading home to teach myself how to make this delectable high-brow French treat. There are definitely weeks upon weeks of baking lessons to be had here. But as the bullet hole greeted me on my way home, I decided on something a bit more low brow and American, albeit delicious–Oreo Cheesecake Brownies. I’m saving the Kouign Amann lesson for another day.

Rest your head here. Look at that pillowy cheesecake cookie deliciousness!

To make Oreo Cheesecake Brownies, first gather your ingredients in your mis en place (ingredient list below). Here’s mine!

For the brownies, which I’ve made modifying a delcious recipe off of epicurious.com, you will need 3 tbsp of cocoa powder; 1 stick of unsalted butter; 3 oz of unsweetened chocolate; 2 oz bittersweet chocolate; 2/3 cup all purpose flour; 1/4 tsp of kosher salt; 2 large eggs, 1 large egg white (yolk discared); 1 cup granulated sugar; 1 tsp vanilla extract; 1/4 cup milk or cream. For the cheesecake, you will need 6 oz of cream cheese; 6 oz of sour cream; 2 large egg whites; 1/2 cup powdered sugar; 1/2 tsp vanilla extract.  It sounds like a lot, but it goes quickly!

First prepare an 8×8 brownie pan. Spray the pan with canola oil and “flour” the pan using cocoa powder instead of flour.Melt the unsweetened chocolate, bittersweet chocolate and butter together in a bowl until smooth. You can do this by zapping it in the microwave for 10-15 seconds at a time stirring in between zaps.

Combine the flour, salt, and the remaining cocoa powder and set aside. Beat the eggs, egg whites, and vanilla until the mixture is pale yellow.

Add in the melted chocolate and butter mixture using the whisking attachment and then slowly add in the milk/cream and follow it up with the dry ingredients still whisking very…very slowly. 

Pour the brownie batter into the brownie pan and place some uncrushed oreos on top.mmmmm…

In another mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese with the paddle attachment for at least 5 minutes until nice and smooth and creamy. Add the sour cream and the vanilla and the powdered sugar and beat for another few minutes. Add in the egg whites and beat until combined. Pour the cheesecake mixture on top of the brownie mixture in the brownie pan. Go crazy with adding crushed OREOs to the top!

Bake the brownies at 350 for about 30 minutes. Allow the brownies to cool on a wire rack for about an hour and then chill them in the fridge.

When you cut into the center of the brownies and allow them to warm to room temperature the chocolate may seem wet, but this is really just fudgey deliciousness. Enjoy 1 or two and make time for a run tomorrow!

Oink,

–GG

San Francisco highbrow lowbrow(nies)

 

Print

Prep time

30 mins

Cook time

30 mins

Total time

1 hour

 

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Serves: 12

Ingredients

• Brownie Base
• ------------------
• 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder (I use Ghirardelli)
• 1 stick (8 tbps) unsalted butter
• 3 oz unsweetened chocolate
• 2 oz bittersweet chocolate
• ⅔ cup all-purpose flour
• ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
• 2 large eggs
• 1 large egg white (yolk discarded)
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• -----------------------
• Cheesecake Top
• ----------------------
• 6 oz Cream Cheese
• 6 oz Sour Cream
• 2 large egg whites
• ½ cup powdered sugar
• ½ tsp vanilla extract

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A month ago, just as I was thinking about making a move for the West Coast, I received an email from a producer at ABC about a new baking show they were casting for. Because I was entertaining starting a new consulting project and leaving Baltimore for San Francisco, I decided that rather than throwing just a few of my cards up into the air and see where they would fall. I would throw up the entire deck. I applied on a whim. Surprisingly, I got an interview the next day. Wait. Who? Me? Yes! I’m gonna be a staaaaaaahr!

And I shut it down. Shut. it. down. The casting manager, Erin, was laughing so hard about my wit and charm that she farted over the phone! Just kidding. (Hi Erin!).  I did shut it down though;)  At least the first part. Towards the end of the interview, I was given a technical test to see just how good of a baker I was.  I thought I failed. Pate aux Choux? What? Let’s be real . . . my blog is about documenting the process of learning to cook from novice to expert! It’s a slow process to push out Ina. We’ve already taken down Martha…so we’re getting there, but there are some things, Pate aux Choux, for instance, that I have yet to master.

MeMeMeMeMeMeMe ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^Ina/Martha^^^Cya^^^Sucka^^

Well just call me Wolfgang Puck, because a few days later I was selected to audition for the show in Los Angeles, and last Monday I flew from San Francisco with two loaves of rustic yeast bread in my roller board suitcase, a four layer chocolate cake between my feet, and a 9” Quiche made with rosemary, spring onions, beach mushrooms and manchego on my lap. I spent the night and morning re-icing my melting cake, and praying that the producers weren’t going to end up food poisoned by my few days old frequent-flier quiche!

If this week were the crowning moment of my adult life, I would be well positioned to write a memoir called “Celebrity Reject.” I got cut.Who knows? Maybe they needed a blond? Maybe my head is too small (I’ve heard that only people with enormous heads look good on TV). All I know is that two things are certain 1) I will be beefing up my skills this year and trying out again (Better pop a gas-X Erin. Watch out!) and 2) everyone should try this Grumpy Gourmand original quiche. It’s fantastico!

To make this delicious spring onion, mushroom, rosemary, Idiazabal quiche, first…gather your ingredients! You’ll need. 1 lb of Shimeji or Beach mushrooms; 4 Spring onions (or the equivalent of one large onion); 1 tbsp chopped rosemary; 1/2 lb idiazabal or Manchego cheese; 6 tsp of Olive oil; 5 eggs; 5 egg yolks; 1/4 tsp salt; 1/4 tsp ground pepper; 3/4 cup of cream; 3/4 cup of milk; 1 cup of all purpose flour; 1/2 tsp of salt; 1 stick of unsalted butter;1-2 tbsp ice water.

To make the crust, combine 1/2 tsp of salt, and the flour.
Cube the butter and add the butter to the flour mixture in a food processor one cube at a time, until dough forms.
Add 1 to 2 tbsp of ice water towards the end of mixing process and then remove from the food processor and place onto a floured rolling board.Roll the dough out to a circle of about a 13” diameter. Carefully place the dough over a spring-form pan and mold the dough to the pan. If the dough falls apart, don’t worry about it, you can also throw the dough into the middle of the pan and press down on the dough until it covers the base and sides of the pan. This works perfectly, and it’s actually somewhat easier to do. Just make sure that your dough has no holes in it!When you are finished, place the dough into the refrigerator for 30 minutes to chill. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 375F. Remove the chilled crust from the fridge and poke some holes in the dough with a fork. Line the dough with parchment paper and place fill the crust to the brim with rice or beans and then place into the oven for about 12 minutes. Remove the crust from the oven and  dump out the beans.

Place back into the oven for another 10 minutes until the crust is nice and browned.

Now, cook the veggies, grate the cheese, and prepare the egg mixture!

On medium-low heat, cook the spring onions (sliced) and the mushrooms (I keep them whole) in the olive oil for about 20 minutes until nice and soft. Just before taking the veggies off the stove, toss in the rosemary, pepper, and salt for the last five minutes. Remove from the heat and set aside.

In another bowl, whisk together the eggs, egg yolks, milk, and cream.

To assemble the quiche for baking, grate all of the cheese into the bottom of the baked quiche crust. Pour the onions and mushrooms on top of the cheese, and then pour the egg mixture over the top.

Place the quiche into the oven at 375F for 40 minutes.

Remove from the oven, and allow to cool for 20 minutes before serving.

Enjoy!

-Grumps

5.0 from 1 reviews

Celebrity Quiche

 

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Prep time

20 mins

Cook time

1 hour

Total time

1 hour 20 mins

 

Enjoy this delicious quiche and think of me on your tv screen!

Author: TheGrumpyGourmand

Serves: 12

Ingredients

• 1 lb of Shimeji or Beach mushrooms
• 4 Spring onions (or the equivalent of one large onion)
• 1 tbsp chopped rosemary
• ½ lb idiazabal or Manchego cheese
• 6 tsp of Olive oil
• 5 eggs
• 5 egg yolks
• ¼ tsp salt
• ¼ tsp ground pepper
• ¾ cup of cream
• ¾ cup of milk
• CRUST
• 1 cup of all purpose flour
• ½ tsp of salt
• 1 stick of unsalted butter
• 1-2 tbsp ice water

Instructions

1. Crust:
2. Cube the butter
3. Combine the salt and flour and butter(1 cube at a time) in a food processor. Add 1-2 tbsp of ice water towards the end.
4. Place the dough into a spring form pan (9'') and spread so that the dough covers the bottoms and sides.
5. Place into the refrigerator to chill for 30 minutes.
6. Poke holes in the bottom upon removing from the fridge, line with parchment paper and fill with beans (to the brim).
7. Place into the oven at 375 F for 12-14minutes. Remove and dump out beans. Place back into the oven for an additional 10 minutes or until nice and brown.
8. Sauté the onions(slices of the bulbs) and mushrooms with the olive oil on medium-low heat for 20 minutes.
9. Add the chopped rosemary,pepper, and salt in the last 5 minutes and remove from heat.
10. Whisk together the eggs, yolks, cream, and milk.
11. To assemble, grate the cheese into the base of the crust.
12. Add the onions and mushrooms on top of the cheese.
13. Pour in the egg mixture.
14. Place into the oven at 375 for 40 minutes!

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