The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

A coveted support slot with Lisa Dominique

Chris The Siteowner — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:03:57 +0000

Fretwork Homework rather excellently captures the spirit of being in a band with yer college mates. More importantly, I’m extremely concerned for Lisa Dominique’s welfare, as her website doesn’t seem to have been updated since 2002. I only hope she hasn’t gone the way of that one out of Climie Fisher. Thanks to gNick

See lyrics to Fretwork Homework

The hand-clapping sequence at the end of Blockbusters

Chris The Siteowner — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:26:02 +0000

And so we bid a fond farewell to the magnificent but now completed McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt with Hedley Verityesque, which namechecks no fewer than three celebrities in their sixties, who must be taking each day as it comes (if they’re aware of the frequent consequence of getting a mention in an HMHB song). I’ve never fathomed out what might be described as “Hedley Verityesque” (a certain bowling action, perhaps?). I’m sure you’ll tell me. Thanks to Sarah, Nigel, gNick and John

See lyrics to Hedley Verityesque

I lost my Barbour in Twickenham car park

Chris The Siteowner — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 17:17:15 +0000

I’m sitting on dozens of sets of lyrics here (thanks everyone – truly) which will all get used eventually (we’re past the halfway mark now). However, I still relish a challenge, so I managed to find a song which, remarkably, nobody had contributed, and which I could take the entire blame for. Split Single With Happy Lounge Labelmates is a fine singalong, which not for the first time, becomes a “list song” in places – or are those odd items related? Another great HMHB song title, by the way. Was “Happy Lounge” a real label? I’m sure someone will tell me.

See lyrics to Split Single With Happy Lounge Labelmates

Twenty nine links of chain around my feet

Chris The Siteowner — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:24:24 +0000

Worried Man Blues is that rarest of things, an HMHB cover on record (although there’s a cover in most live shows). It’s an American folk song popularised by The Carter Family in 1930, although the lyrics seem to vary a little between versions (notably “Rocky Mountain Line”/”RC Mountain Line” and shackles being on either “legs” or “feet”). I’ve no idea where or what the “RC Mountain Line” is, as the only reference I can find is in the lyrics to this song! Anyway, hear the George Jones version here or watch this bluegrass version by the Stanley Brothers here:

Thanks to Fifi, gNick and EskimoEric

See lyrics to Worried Man Blues

Bastard doorstep sockless stupid

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 23 May 2009 13:30:19 +0000

Stavanger Töestub is a very funny pisstake of nu-/thrash/godknowswhat metal which doesn’t outstay its welcome at 24 seconds either. According to the booklet (so I’m told, as all my CDs have been up in the loft for ages), the lyrics are:
Bastard doorstep sockless stupid
Kill your laughter pain is brutal
Can’t walk properly for a fortnight
Deus Deus
Norway Reds in Bluecoat Chambers
The pain, oh Momma the pain, worse even than when I cut open
My kneecap on the freshly gritted slope and our village doctor
Cleaned out the wound with a wire brush
So now BANG BANG BANG goes my PLAN (plan plan) to woo the peg lady.
Colossal drag
Teach. Me. To. Go Barefoot.

…but of course they’re not. Nor are they “suitable for work”, as the saying goes. Thanks to Fredorrarci, Sanchez and Zertrudetrout

See lyrics to Stavanger Töestub

She’s on the Isle of Thanet

Chris The Siteowner — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:06:25 +0000

She’s In Broadstairs just about completes Cammell Laird Social Club* but there are a couple of lines which are big queries, so all suggestions gratefully appreciated in the comments below. It’s not often Nigel’s references go south-east of London (Kent, Rye and the South Downs are the only other ones on Stuart’s map), so it’s a rarity. Thanks to gNick, Sarah, Max, Steve and Neil.

See lyrics to She’s In Broadstairs

Windy Militant leads his Basque-like corn grinders to war

Chris The Siteowner — Tue, 19 May 2009 15:00:23 +0000

The Trumpton Riots probably remains HMHB’s most famous song to this day. Although associated with the band’s first album Back in the DHSS nowadays, the track wasn’t on it originally, coming out as a single/EP nearer the time of the second album, Back Again in the DHSS, on which it featured in the “7-in remix” format. However, the EP version was subsequently added onto the CD release of the first album, and the song reared its head for a third time in a live version on the ACD update of the second album. Someone may want to tell me if there are any lyrical differences between the three!

Other than that, having argued about the lyrics and just about settled on a consensus when we discussed the 2003 remake of the song here, I can now present the lyrics to the original version without, I hope, too much argument ensuing. There are some tiny differences between the two. The original handwritten lyrics, which aren’t quite correct, are published here.

See lyrics to The Trumpton Riots

Well we’ve both seen your personalised reg plates

Chris The Siteowner — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:27:03 +0000

Paradise Lost (You’re The Reason Why) is one of the best HMHB song titles ever, and the lyrics ain’t bad either. Here it’s going to cause a little discussion because of one word, I suspect: six different people sent in the lyrics to the song, resulting in five different suggestions – doll, goal, gall, Gaul and Gaulle. Have fun. Thanks to Simon, Sketch, gNick, John A, EskimoEric and Sarah.

See lyrics to Paradise Lost (You’re The Reason Why)

We’ve had Cant conformism since 1966

Chris The Siteowner — Sat, 02 May 2009 07:59:54 +0000

I always thought it would be a little bit perverse to sneak in On Finding The Studio Banjo before a certain other song. So I did.

See lyrics to On Finding The Studio Banjo

They think they’re Benny Goodman

Chris The Siteowner — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:19:41 +0000

It Makes The Room Look Bigger is another one of those songs which sound fairly straightforward to transcribe, but four people sent in these lyrics and I ended up using bits from each version. A Nigel writes: “There’s always potential to find an obscure way to make [a song] a personal favourite; in this case, the lament about the lack of key fobs with the name Nigel, whether in the souvenir stall at your footy club or your favourite Welsh castle. Many of us have had this problem, despite it being one of the most popular names of mid-1963…” (but not as popular as Chris was – Ed). Thanks to EskimoEric, Paul, Charles and Neil G.

See lyrics to It Makes The Room Look Bigger