The Halvorson Family

Shebraber School in Southern Ethiopia

2012-02-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

Last night, Glen and I attended a wonderful event. It was the open house for the Shebraber School Project, hosted at the American Institute of Architecture in downtown Phoenix.

We just met Dr. Brian and Keri deGuzman a couple of weeks ago; both of our families attend Scottsdale Bible Church. Us mommies were drawn to each other, realizing our kids were all from Ethiopia.

The deGuzman family has 4 children from Ethiopia. When they traveled to Ethiopia as part of the adoption process, they were captivated by the beauty of Ethiopia's land and people. Yet, when Brian and Keri witnessed and experienced the day to day grinding poverty of Ethiopia's 6 million orphans, God placed upon their hearts a desire to do something more than adopt. They prayed, and launched into action. God took care of all the crazy details, including securing a 12 acre sight, provided free architectural plans, and giving them a godly Ethiopian man to supervise the project.

The deGuzman family has started a foundation called 4Mati. The foundation operates in partnership with the ASU School of Design, and DeBartolo Architects to establish the Shebraber School, located in Southern Ethiopia. In addition to the school project, the deGuzman family is also opening a medical clinic and orphanage in the area, and hope to involve Scottsdale Bible and other interested parties in missions work for widows and orphans. I sure hope to be a part of this!

I have scanned and attached the brochure we received at the open house. I did not include the many pictures or drawings of the proposed school. If you are interested in more detail, please contact Keri deGuzman (contact info at the end).

If you are a family who has adopted from Ethiopia, or if you are a person who loves to contribute to worthy efforts, please consider making a donation to the 4Mati Foundation. 100% of the monies contributed to this effort go directly to school construction. All building materials and labor are to be provided by the local school community; the Ethiopian government has promised to provide teachers and educational materials. This is a God-breathed project. Please consider how you can be involved.

New Photo

2012-02-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

I can't help but to think there is a touch of sadness in Samuel's eyes. Does he think we've forgotten him?

The adoption process is so long a tedious, at times. Our case still hasn't been submitted to the Embassy, so we really have no way of knowing how long the process will end up taking. I try to block out the reports from other families--- the discouraging reports detailing the arduous hoop-jumping necessary to secure clearance from our very own government. I pray like crazy, all the time, just to let go of the anxiety such waiting can bring.

All in God's time... all in God's way... just trust Him to do what He needs to.

I just miss my baby.

Referral Photos

2012-01-15T16:45:00.000-08:00

Because Samuel was on the Waiting Child List at Children's House in Ethiopia, we were able to receive many months of older photos while we contemplated his referral. The first photos were taken at his admission to one of the area orphanages; the first photo is from October of 2010. His grandmother claims that he is 3 years old at admission.

Samuel was brought into an orphanage in October 2010

Poor little guy! He is very tiny and frightened.

How can this not pierce your heart?

Samuel doesn't like his photo being taken

Next photos from February of 2011

Still looking rather sad

Now, we're seeing a little bit of spunk!

March 2011(?)

Love!

What food, love, and prayer accomplish...

Still small, but smiley! April 2011

May 2011 (?)

The child can be serious....

Sweet!

Samuel with one of the CHI nannies (June 2011)

July of 2011

August 2011

Such beautiful eyes!

September 2011

October 2011

A little mischief in the eyes...

Photo taken in December 2011. He looks a bit older than 4 years old.

January 2012

My little man in traditional clothing... it's a wee bit too small

Doesn't look like a wallflower to me!

Finally... We passed Court!

2012-01-15T15:37:00.000-08:00

This past Friday, I received a wonderful early morning email from CHI. We finally passed court! Samuel's grandmother managed to get to court to testify and sign off on Samuel's adoption. I had initially appeared in court on December 1, 2011, so it was a long time in coming! Samuel is now legally ours... our new son!

We were told that CHI will need about a month to prepare documents for the US Embassy. My only concern at this point is that the Embassy has been requiring additional interviews with birth families. Considering it took over 8 weeks and 6 failed court appearances to get the grandmother to appear in court once, how long will it take her this next time? Ah, yes... breathe. The Lord knows. I try not to worry incessantly with this part of the process. I keep praying to the Lord to bring Samuel home at the right time--- whatever that "right time" turns out to be.

In the meantime, I pray and hope... hope and pray. Some day soon, my sweet son!

First few minutes with Samuel, showing him his photo book. He loved seeing his face on the cover!

Such a handsome little guy!

Samuel and T.J.: friends and brothers in the making

Pure joy!

Our friend, Kassa, provided translation for us at the Thomas Center

Samuel was showing us his bed--- he's still in a crib at the Thomas Center

Orange soda--- clearly a favorite!

A moment of calm contemplation...

Looking a photos with Mom

No News

2011-12-31T10:50:00.000-08:00

Our agency has informed us that Samuel's grandmother isn't cooperating with the court process. She has missed a handful of appointments, which is totally understandable--- given where she is, and given her transportation problems. But, the truth remains that regardless of WHY this woman is not appearing, her failure to appear in court poses hardship on little Samuel.

Did you know that for every month a child is in an orphanage, that child loses about 3 months of physical and emotional development? Orphanages, not matter how good they seem to be, are no match for the love and care of God-fearing parents. Our Samuel has now been in an orphanage for about a year. That's a long time for a 4-6 year old. So, we wait. And Samuel waits.

We also still await word from the judge, but the agency assumes that she will recommend going through the process of abandonment. What this means is that the agency will need to file different papers and make public postings about Samuel, looking for any other family members who could appear or make statements on his behalf. This can be a lengthly process; I do know of one poor family that waited for 2 years for an abandonment to clear! Yet, we have been assured by our agency that Samuel lived in an area that processes paperwork faster. If all goes well, according to our attorney, this additional step should take 2-3 weeks. Then the case still needs to move through the US Embassy.

Like I stated with our last adoptions, I am so grateful that this is not our first adoption! Having gone through adopting 4 other children, a heart learns to more easily "go with the flow." Worrying and getting upset only hurt the person doing the worrying and fretting; and, participating in all that anxious thinking only demonstrates a lack of faith in what God is doing or needs to do. It has taken me years to get to this point in my thinking, but it certainly allows me to be at peace in the situation. I so thrilled that I can pray to my Lord, and give Him all these issues.

Lord, have mercy on all the kids waiting for adoption processes to finalize. Have mercy on the waiting families. Give them strength during the wait, and comfort them with your Presence. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to learn patience and perseverance; thank you for teaching me how to trust You for everything that has, that is, and that will take place. You are a great and glorious God! Bring our kids home when it seems right to You.

Why I won’t buy UNICEF holiday cards

2011-12-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

Why I won’t buy UNICEF holiday cards

Abandoned in Guatemala: The Failure of International Adoption Policies

2011-12-23T13:52:00.000-08:00

WAITING....

2011-12-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

We've been back from Ethiopia for two weeks, and we still have not received our final court approval. I am encouraged that CHI has finally located Samuel's grandmother; she has relocated to Southern Ethiopia for the coffee harvest. Even as we speak, a CHI representative is in route to some small remote village to find Grandma. We were told that the CHI driver would be on the road for several hours, then leaving his car and walking to her village... a 3 day walk! Then, Grandma needs to walk back to the car with the driver, hit the road for Addis, and then go to court. Grandma does have a court hearing scheduled for December 19, but if she does not make it in time, the court will allow her to appear at her earliest convenience.

We take so much for granted, don't we? Can any of us imagine the above scenario? First, it reflects the admirable love and devotion of a grandmother to her grandchild. Because she initiated the adoption, we assume that she also understood the hardship such a decision would bring upon her. She knew she had to continue working, following the coffee harvest to many parts of the region; she also knew that she was alone responsible for all the legal paperwork for Samuel. And it's not a small stack of paperwork. The process includes lots of forms, interviews, and digging. And still, she made the unselfish decision to give her grandson a new family. What a gift! What love! I hope to meet her someday.... Second, this scenario shows us just how much we take for granted and how we fail to understand how much of the world operates.

In America, we live live by the clock, basing many of our decisions of how we can benefit and how we can squeeze more activity into the day. We operate under the assumption that hard work leads to success, and that if you just work quickly and intelligently, success will follow. We feel that we are entitled to excellent education, well-paying jobs, mini-mansions, and fast cars. Our "necessities" are not universal, however. In Ethiopia, necessity is just that: do you need something to live? That is necessity. America needs to reexamine "needs" versus "wants." Do we "need" a car, or do we simply "want" the convenience a car offers? Do we "need" more food, or do we just "want" some comfort? What are you wrestling with right now? Want or need?

Thanks, Grandma for the perspective. Your sacrifice helps me to put waiting--- my want for your grandson-- into an appreciative and grateful context. God will bring Samuel to his new family at just the right time: not early or late. He's always perfectly on time.

Day 7: Ethiopia Court Visit, December 1, 2011/Court Day and Mount Entoto

2011-12-17T16:47:00.000-08:00

... from my personal journal

Well, I couldn't sleep again past 4:00 a.m. Darned dogs! Yap-yap, all night long.... At least it gave me plenty of time to "get my head on straight" before court. I need peace that only my Father can give.

T.J. and I were told to be ready to go by 8:15 a.m.; our case was set for 9:00 a.m., and the court building in some distance from the Ethio-Comfort. Well... it was about 8:45 a.m. by the time Pastor Abdissa arrived. I'm trying not to panic, imagining what might happen if we missed our official court time. Turns out that Pastor couldn't drive his car up the street as the road had been ripped up the day before and large chunks of cement blocked roadway access. Pastor Abdissa, bless his heart, had to "hoof it" from the road to the guest house, adding a good 10 minutes to the already shrinking morning schedule.

After picking up another CHI couple, we finally managed to get to the court building by 9:20 a.m. The court waiting area was not too large--- but it was already jam-packed with people. I'm not a good at estimating numbers of people, but I would say at least 75 to 100 people waited. There were only about 30 chairs lining the perimeter of the white-walled room. Most people stood. It doesn't appear that our tardiness made any difference!

We waited and waited and waited. 10:00. 10:30. 11:00. 11:30. 12:00. Finally, Pastor and Attorney Abdissa is able to make an inquiry. When would we been seen? We were the last people in the room, and we were starting to get a bit antsy. Did we simple miss our appointment? I wasn't too concerned; I figured this sort of thing has probably happened plenty of times. I was just glad we had packed some snacks for the road.

After a few more minutes, we find out that both CHI families had been left off the court docket! Our cases had been returned to archive last week, as neither or our children's remaining birth families had been able to make it to court. Abdissa to the rescue! Abdissa was able to convince the judge that it wasn't our fault that the our names had been left off the docket; He also managed to personally retrieve the files from the court archive. Thankfully, the judge agreed that the mistake was on the court's behalf, and she took the files into her office for review. After about 20 minutes, both families were called back to court (a small room with two metal desks).

In court, we were asked very basic "yes" and "no" questions. All of them were listed in the CHI document regarding court; no surprises. The proceeding only lasted about 5 minutes.

Unfortunately for both CHI families, because the birth parents had failed to show for the final adoption decree, we did not receive our final approval for adoption. This was a bit disappointing, although Abdissa had already warned us that the court would not have all the necessary documents to complete the adoptions. In Samuel's case, his grandmother is his legal guardian. She has moved to Southern Ethiopia, working as a migrant coffee bean harvester. She has already missed 3 court proceedings, and another is scheduled. In the mean time, CHI is trying to "track" her and send a driver to her location. All we can do is wait. I am so grateful to have been through a previous long adoption waits; it has prepared my to stay relaxed. No sense it getting all upset about things you have no control over. Take this one, too, God. You deal with it!

After court, we headed back to the Ethio-Comfort for delicious hamburgers! T.J. was quite excited to have some American food. I was quite thrilled to just be out of the court room.

Kassa and his driver picked us up about 2:30 p.m., and we headed to Mount Entoto.

Mount Entoto is the highest peak overlooking Addis Ababa. Mount Entoto is over 10,450 feet above sea level and houses Addis' first palace (Emperor Menelik II). It is considered by Ethiopians to be a sacred mountain, and holds the palace grounds, a large church, several monasteries, and a museum. Mount Entoto is also covered with fragrant eucalyptus and massive juniper trees. People living nearby trudge up the mountain roads, gather fire wood, strap massive loads to their backs, and walk back down the mountain. Most of the firewood gathers are very elderly women.

Mount Entoto

Juniper and Eucalyptus trees of Mount Entoto

The winding roads made T.J. a bit uncomfortable; he remembered seeing a YWAM painting of an accident on that very mountain... glad I didn't remember that while driving up the narrow pass! I did take note that there were no guard rails on the roads, just lots of people, carts, and donkeys making their way up the mountain. I also note the extreme importance of a car horn. Drivers in Ethiopia use horns more than the brakes, if you get my point. Driving in Ethiopia is always an adventure!

The trip up the mountain must have only been about 20 minutes, but it was significantly cooler at the top. When we got to the top, hundreds and hundreds of people were all gathered: some in traditional Ethiopian dress, some in Western-style clothing. The entrance of St. Mary's had a few stands were devout Orthodox believers could purchase umbrellas and other items. The street was lined with overhead flags; it was decorated like we might decorate our US streets for a Fourth of July parade.

Right as we pulled up to the church entrance, our car died. After multiple attempts to start the car, several people standing nearby simply pushed the car backwards and to the side of the street. Our driver looked at me and told me not to worry. He promised the car just needed some water. He was right.

Orthodox Christians trek up Mount Entoto to worship at St. Mary and St. Michael's churches. By the church ground gates, crowds of people clog the entrance. Women have traditional head coverings; some men wear shawls. The outdoor loud speaker blares the pastor's message; the tone of the address reminds me of Muslim call to worship. Followers repeated the chants and performed ritualistic stances and motions. Many had their own pray mats. Believers bowed, bent down, and even kissed the ground as part of the service.

Saint Mary's

Flag-lined streets

Orthodox Christians, praying

Services are hourly; sermons are blasted over loud speakers

View of Addis Ababa

The poor air quality of Addis

One of the tree-lined walkways on the Palace Grounds

As part of the compound, the country's first palace stands. The rooms were very interesting: simple, thick white plaster walls with dark bamboo wood ceilings. The ceilings looked like an intricately woven, inverted basket--- quite beautiful, considering the age of the structure.

The Palace

Wheat fields surrounding the Palace

Rickety stairs and unsupported walkways made for an interesting tour...

Inside on of the Palace rooms

Ceiling detail

After leaving the Palace and touring its surrounding buildings, we wandered back to the parking area. We notice a long line of people; they are waiting patiently for a small amount of Holy Water from the priests. Believers claim that many have been miraculously healed of diseases such as HIV and cancer.

Holy Water line

We also viewed the museum associated with the monastery. It was an interesting tour, personally escorted by priest. He was very kind, and showed us the many treasures of Ethiopia. We saw ancient Bibles, clothing and crowns from past rulers, and even several Olympic gold medals that had been donated by talented Ethiopian athletes. Unfortunately, photography was not allowed in the museum.

We headed to the parking lots--- car in perfect running order! T.J. had an opportunity to try a small stalk of sugar cane. All I could think of was the germs on the knife that cut the sugar cane... God protect him!

We drove back down the mountain and prepared ourselves for our last meal at the guest house. We already had suitcases packed and ready. Suddenly, who should be at the front door but Fekadu, our son's father! What a sweet surprise! Fekadu brought individually wrapped gifts and hand-written cards for each member of our family. He gave Glen and me colorful beaded cross necklaces; he also gave all the children either traditional clothing or scarves. He was very generous, considering this man makes no salary. I am overwhelmed by his kindness.

Fekadu shared with us that his nephew has been admitted to the hospital for diagnosis of a possible heart condition. It is a sad moment. We all gather, arm in arm, and lift up the needs of this little one to the Great Physician. No need to translate. God is present. It was a holy moment.

I was strengthened by the prayer, as I did not cry when Fedadu left. I felt humbled and at peace--- no need for tears. Fekadu is a strong, gentle man. I think he knows that the Lord has knitted our families together in a very unique way. Oh Lord, how do I deserve such blessings?

T.J., Kassa, and I finished a quick dinner and brought all of the luggage downstairs. Tsebay then convinces me that now is the time to learn a little about injera! Nothing like packing as much living into time as possible!

Tsebay led me to the injera prep room. She showed the proper consistency of injera batter, and then proceeded to show me how to pour the batter in circles onto the hot griddle. This is not as easy as it looks, I soon discovered! I took my pitcher in hand, ready to pour... and I look to the side of me: 3 men, videoing the session! Just a bit intimidating....

My first and only injera looked like a one celled organism. Not too appetizing.

Next, Tsebay brought out several large, heavy bags: teff flour, berberre, and shiro. She wanted to encourage my injera making. Now I have no choice but to try!

Soon came the tears and the hugs of saying good by to so many dear people--- all the people in the guest home, my sweet Tsebay, along with her husband and her beautiful mother. It is so difficult to leave people you've grown to love and to care for.

Kassa accompanied us to the airport, walking as far as he could before we entered a secure area. He hugged T.J. and then me... he fought the tears that had fallen so freely in the van ride here. Kassa calls me his "Mum." Right now, I truly feel that this is true. God has given me a tender heart for this orphaned young man. I want to help him grow into a man of honor and courage who can survive in such a battered world.

We were advised to get to the airport 3 hours ahead of our flight time. It does take quite a bit of time to get through airport security screenings--- 3 of them, plus the time it takes to fill out the exiting country paperwork.

During our wait, we met more wonderful people. Of all the Ethiopians I have spoken with, all of them expressed great joy and curiosity as to why people would want to help their children. As a Christian, this provides me a perfect opportunity to share my convictions. I love this country!

We left the airport, flying Ethiopian Airlines direct to Washington, D.C. via Rome (re-fueling stop). Our flight leaves a 10:15 p.m. We had an hour or so lay over in Rome, and then headed for Washington. We again stayed awake until the final stretch of the trip; this really helped with the jet lag.

Day 6: Ethiopian Court Visit, 11-30-2011

2011-12-10T20:03:00.000-08:00

... from the pages of my personal journal. Photos withheld pending finalized court proceedings.

Wednesday morning, Kassa, T.J. and I headed back to the Thomas Center. Samuel ran straight to Kassa, who then pointed to me. Kassa reminded Samuel that I was his mommy; Samuel ran to me and enthusiastically hugged me... then he ran to T.J. and grabbed his hand. He just stood there--- looking up at his older, taller brother. Samuel's small face absolutely beamed--- joy spilling from his heart onto his beautiful face.

Within minutes, the kids escorted us into the main lobby of the Thomas Center where we again enjoyed orange soda, cookies, and roasted chick peas. This time, however, Samuel was given his very own soda. To say the boy was delighted would be a total understatement! He literally chugged the entire soda--- extending his neck back, opening his mouth and guzzling the contents--- pausing only to insert about 8 small biscuit-type cookies and a couple handfuls of chickpeas! I don't even know how he had time to breathe. It was funny to watch him, although in the back of my mind I'm guessing I may have another child with eating issues. Hmmm.

After the food-fest, we moved outside to get some fresh air and some exercise. Samuel ran around happily with all the other kids, but was careful to involve T.J. and Kassa in the fun. He liked to keep his eye on me. I was sitting in the shade of the building, trying my best not be try to bond (bonding was not encouraged by CHI at this point in the process). This is pretty much impossible--- not to bond! Your mind says one thing, and your heart, another.

Samuel seemed to tire easily today; he also seemed to limp a bit more. Glen has suggested he may have a simple limb length discrepancy. Who knows. Perhaps it was just the excitement of the day.

A wonderful addition to the day was having Samuel cozy right next to me, our backs leaning up against an old mattress and foam pad. The African sun felt splendid, as the breeze was rather cool for an Arizonan. Samuel and I mirrored each other's actions, showing each other how funny we could be. We both thoroughly enjoyed just sitting together and goofing around with each other. We compared each other's foot, hand, and head sizes; then we compared our fingernails. His were way prettier than mine, as his had been painted a beautiful shade of sparkly pink that very morning by a sweet 12 year old girl in the complex. He was quite proud of the polish, and he wondered why mine were so white. He actually tried to scratch off the white color... to no avail.

We continued to play and to follow each other around the front area. Samuel seemed to prefer hanging out with me today, as opposed to playing a rough and tumble game of soccer with the other boys. My heart was bonding. I was not really following the guidelines--- hard for me. But I figured if something happened and this adoption did not go through, at least this child--- this day-- would feel like the most loved child in the world. I would give him today. I loved him.

All was going fabulously until Samuel was asked to wash his hand for lunch. Suddenly, this sweet child's disposition turned to a blank stare with seemingly endless tears streaming down his dusty cheeks. Okay. What's going on?

An older girl tried to help Samuel; she led him to the outdoor faucet to wash his hands. He stubbornly refused. He just stood there, weeping as he clutched on to his photo book.

After about 10 minutes of silent crying--- and seeing T.J., all his buddies, and me wash our hands--- he reluctantly gave his hands a quick rinse. We walked into the Thomas Center and saw the other younger kids already sitting down to lunch. For some reason, the nanny brought his plate of food to him where I was sitting. He was the only child with the adults. I don't know where he wanted to be... he just seemed torn and totally unable to process what was going on. He refused to eat for quite a while. Kassa was finally able to coax him into eating; the food seemed to soothe him somewhat.

We were all puzzled by the meltdown. Had he been hurt? Was he scared? Hungry? Overwhelmed?

Turns out he simply knew what was about to happen. As soon as lunch was set out for the kids, the prospective adoptive parents were ushered out the front door. Then he bolted to me. He clung to T.J., and then to me. He would not let go. All the other court and Embassy families were in the van, and I had this sweet boy clinging to me as if his life depended on it. It broke my heart when the nanny had to pry him off of me. How painful it is to leave someone you just fell in love with! Now I understood why the staff advises you not to bond... but I don't know if I could have done this any other way.

I am happy that I was rather clueless and did not anticipate the abrupt departure. I didn't have time to cry--- which was probably good. Crying wouldn't have helped the situation. I just prayed for my little guy, and hoped that somehow he would understand that we would be back for him.

After leaving Samuel, the van load of prospective and newly adoptive parents (with their kids) headed for the other Thomas Center. Somehow I had failed to remember that there are two facilities named The Thomas Center. One has babies, the staff offices, and a playground--- the other has the older children. (I think that's right!) Anyway, the luncheon was at the baby house. I had mistakenly assumed that we would be eating together with the kids at the first Thomas Center; I thought I'd have more time with Samuel. Oh well. Go with the flow, Kristen!

The Thomas Center luncheon was its usual delicious self: traditional Ethiopian food and lots of it. I did not have the nerve to try Kitfo--- just couldn't do it! Although it was a very amiable group gathered for lunch, I couldn't help but to compare the experience the last time I was there. This time, all the newly adopted were babies. Two years ago, most of the kids were 3 years and up... and they were loud, crazy, hyper, and exceedingly happy. This group was very "tame" in comparison!

Kassa had arranged for his driver to pick us up near the Thomas Center so that we could venture out and enjoy some shopping. I welcomed the distraction. Last time we were in Ethiopia, we did not shop or do anything--- the three kids were so hyperactive, we opted out of all activities. But this was our chance! We headed to a shopping area near the main post office in Addis. It was an crazy, colorful mix of honking cars, swarms of pedestrians, and little shops teeming with all different sorts of goods. I am not someone who enjoys shopping, but this looked fun!

Kassa warned us: let HIM bargain. He gave us strict guidelines: scope out the store, see what you like--- if anything-- and then let him negotiate the price. T.J. had great fun, trying to participate in the haggling process. I, on the other hand, winced at the shouting and bickering. Seriously? Do we have to act like this? All part of the Ethiopian shopping experience, I am told. In the end, we came away with some awesome souvenirs for the kids... and T.J. and I again understood just how important it is to shop with an Ethiopian guide! The prices kept changing, even for Kassa. A tourist would get eaten for lunch, so to speak. Thank you, Lord, for Kassa.

After a couple hours of shopping, we headed back to the Ethio-Comfort for another great evening of delicious food and wonderful company.

I really enjoy staying at the Ethio-Comfort. First, I like the homey environment. People lodging in a guest home are typically looking for a more relaxed environment with family-like interaction. This interaction adds a significant, positive aspect to travel. Families get to talk, cry, and help each other. We had a chance to interact with other adoptive families, families serving as missionaries, and families traveling the globe. It was an education and a great pleasure. Second, the Ethio-Comfort provides adequate accommodations at a reasonable price. Although I never shopped around too much when deciding on a place to stay, I did investigate other traveler recommendations through Travel Advisor and through CHI. I don't really know if there are significantly less expensive places to stay, but I am very impressed that I've managed to stay healthy during 2 trips, and I trust the staff. That goes a long way. Finally, the main reason I love the Ethio-Comfort is the manager: Tsebay.

Ever since meeting Tsebay, we have had the "bond." I think it is the Holy Spirit, uniting new friends. Very sweet. Tsebay is a self-controlled, gentle, strong, determined young woman. She runs two guest houses with ease, despite the fact that she is a very pregnant 7 months. I love Tsebay's "way" with people. She truly has a servant's heart. You can see that demonstrated in the way she listens, attends to, and supports her guests. He guests are her friends, and while you're there, you are family... plain and simple. The wonderful part of this type of hospitality is that it's contagious. I want to be like Tsebay. She has taught me a great deal about Biblical hospitality; I am so blessed by her ongoing friendship and devotion. I love my Tsebay!

The other unexpectedly sweet friendship I have made in Ethiopia is with our Lalibela tour guide, Kassa. Since our connection just 2 years ago, our friendship has grown stronger and more blessed. 2 years ago, we were enjoying sightseeing, talking, and laughing together. Then, I had the lovely opportunity to meet and interact with his family. Since then, we've helped him grieve the loss of his beloved parents to a tragic house fire. Kassa lost all of their household belonging, and then was made financially responsible for his sister, who was physically and psychologically damaged by the fire. His family was awarded a lot of land to relocate in Lalibela, but the law stipulated that he had to build a house on the property or forfeit the land. He had to let the land go, as he did not have the financial resources to pay for construction. This is a lot to handle for a twenty-something.

We have tried to financially supported him--- paid for his driver's license and for his sister's medical bills. But our few thousand dollars are not enough to help him realize his dreams of becoming a sight-see tour bus guide. He needs his own vehicle.

I do not understand the politics or the financial realm of Ethiopia. People can't get loans. The people I talked with who do run businesses in Ethiopia do so because of initial foreign investment. Someone took a chance and offered another person an opportunity to succeed in the business world. This is something Americans don't understand. We complain because we can't get a mortgage for a house, but these people are frustrated because many want to work but don't have the finances to start a business or to follow through with an idea or a dream. There just isn't money in Ethiopia, except, perhaps Chinese money...(the Chinese have funded road-building projects and have imported lots of big, red buses, and who knows what else). Anyway, God willing, we will be instrumental in securing donors for him: Kassa needs $10K to qualify for a loan to purchase a mini bus. Without a vehicle, his work aspirations will remain frustrated. I find that unacceptable.

Kassa has an entrepreneurial spirit: he is smart, funny, multi-lingual. He can look at a situation and see what needs to be done to improve it. I think he would do very well as part of the Ethiopian tourist business. He just needs a chance. Lord, I want to help him. Show me how.

Day 5: Ethiopian Court Visit, November 29, 2011

2011-12-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

From my personal journal; sorry, no photos until court is official and "Samuel" will be his given American name....

At about 10:00 a.m., our CHI driver picked us up to meet Samuel. We were finally going to meet this little boy we've been praying for for a year! As our driver pulled into the Thomas Center, the stark surrounding don't prepare you for the joy you're about to encounter. The area is so poor; the tops of the walls have razor barbed wire, and the tall metal gates are constantly guarded. The van has to honk to be allowed entrance. The other family visiting with us were just as anxious as we were. What was going to happen to each of our families? Would we instantly love our kids, or would this take time? Thousands of thoughts cross your mind in those moments up to the great meeting.

As we got out of the van doors, three children (one for us and two for this other couple) bounded through the front doors of the orphanage. In my hand I held the Shutterfly album I had created for Samuel; it had his beautiful face plastered on the front cover. He didn't know which family was his until he saw his photo... and he instantly came running and smiled a thousand watt grin that bathed the world in glorious sunshine! One look said it all: he now had a family and he absolutely loved it!

We followed him into the Thomas Center's main greeting area and started pouring over the family photo album. Thankfully, our friend Kassa provided interpretation; there was no one on staff to greet us or to interpret for us. Kassa explained all of our photos--- who everyone was. He started kissing the photos, especially the one of Daddy and of our Golden Retriever, Rocket! He read through the book over and over again, just trying to absorb what was going on. Then he started trying to balance the paper album on his head, hoping to gain an approving smile. Little did he know he had won my heart at first sight.

The Thomas Center

The Thomas Center, dining area in view

We were fortunate to spend about 2.5 hours at the Thomas Center visiting Samuel. Samuel LOVES orange soda, cookies, and roasted chickpeas. He gobbled as many off the table as he could... and in record time. He also got a lot of entertainment from the camera. All the kids wanted to get their hands on the camera, so be prepared! We also played lots of soccer and explored the front area of the Thomas Center. There is nothing for the kids to play with except for a flat soccer ball and a few sharp sticks. That didn't seem to stop the kids from playing happily with whatever they found.

What we did notice when Samuel was running around was that he only wants to kick with his left leg. I am not sure if he just has a cute "waddle," or is he had a sort of limp. He does not appear to be in any pain. I know he has significant burns on his left knee from falling into a cooking fire when he was young, so I don't know it that massive scarring impacts his stride. This will be something we'll have to have evaluated by a physician. I wonder if he has a limb length discrepancy?

Samuel is very small. He is supposed to be "around" 4, but he is wearing a 3T shoe and 2T pants and tops. He is also quite stocky. Reminds me of my Asher.

Samuel plays very well with the other boys, and seems to lack the aggressiveness of most of them. He even let me hold and cuddle him. He maintains good eye contact and wants to touch my hands. He loved T.J. and Kassa, and gave them all plenty of attention. He even joked around with Kassa in Amharic!

We were them able to watch the kids eat lunch. I'm laughing inside as I watch the dining table: 8 kids, all incredibly well behaved and polite. They all prayed before eating and waited patiently to be served. (Looks like my Arizona kids could learn a little something here!) What particularly touched me was that he wanted to feed me, and he allowed me to feed him. In Ethiopian culture, it is a sign of affection and respect to feed each other. He touched my heart.

We said a sweet goodbye--- hugs and kisses. We both knew we'd see each other the next day, so no one was too sad.

I love him. That amazes me. Love can happen in moments! I am especially grateful to God that He allows such sweet beginnings, as I know from experience that those sweet times come and go... and come and go. I know life with this new little one will bring hardship and pain, as attachment and bonding challenges all kids and newly adoptive parents. But to just have that first day... a sweet one, at that... is an amazing gift from the Lord. I will cherish this memory in my heart all my days.

Samuel Halvorson. What a beautiful name!

After the visit, T.J. and I spent the day visited a couple of the travel agents Kassa works with. What is keeping Kassa from getting ahead in the travel industry is not having a mini tour bus. One of the owners of the tour agency, after talking with us for quite awhile, offered to help Kassa secure a micro-finance loan AND to personally help him with car financing if he could come up with 60% (roughly $10K). Kassa was flabbergasted, and felt very encouraged. He also recommended that Kassa pray to God every day with his need. I had also told Kassa that if the Lord truly wants him to have a car, he will surely get one! Now, all I need to do if find some other people in the US who can help me raise the money. Lord, please show me who to ask. $10K is nothing for you!

Day 4: Ethiopian Court Visit 11-29-2001

2011-12-04T17:01:00.000-08:00

Excerpts from my personal journal... parts eliminated to protect the privacy of those involved

What an incredibly emotional and sweet day! Today, we were greeted by our former Lalibela tour guide--- Kassa Akele Menale. We had wired Kassa some funds to that he could get on a plane from his home town of Lalibela and spend the week in Addis with us. Kassa looked well, although he did seem a bit beaten down by the hardships of life. He no longer looked like the happy-to-lucky young man we had just seen 2 years ago. We spent a couple of hours visiting and catching up with Kassa, and then proceeded to begin teaching him how to use his new Apple laptop and digital camera. We hoped both would facilitate his tour guide business.

Kassa, our favorite Ethiopian tour guide

After breakfast, we headed to two Addis Ababa museums. The first, The National Museum of Ethiopia, housed the bones of the infamous "Lucy." We saw fabulous ancient artifacts that pre-dated the birth of Christ. We also saw the "fossil record" supposedly documenting evolution. Again... praying in my head throughout the whole exhibit.

The National Museum of Ethiopia

Here's Lucy, or Dinknesh, as the Ethiopian prefer to call her...

Lucy

Other various artifacts:

Water or oil vessel, before Christ

Figurines, before Christ

Royal throne

Lion of Judah

Ancient grave markers

Art

Story of Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

St. George

These are obviously only a few of the artifacts and works from the museum. We would highly recommend making this visit. A guide will give you a personal hour and a half tour for less than one dollar!

We also visited the University of Addis Ababa's Historical Museum. This, too, was very interesting and required more time than we had. A person could easily spend a few hours in this one museum--- we had about forty-five minutes! Kassa kept us constantly moving through the exhibits; I felt frustrated at not being able to read many of the placards on the displays... and I'm NOT a "museum person."

After losing my reading glasses at the museum (a big "darn it all!"), we headed back to the Ethio-Guest House for the most delicious spaghetti ever! Seems odd to get great pasta in Ethiopia, but perhaps that is one good thing that came out of the Italian occupation a long time ago! We had a lovely meal with Tsebay and Abdissa. I had a real opportunity to learn more about YWAM and how it functions within Ethiopia. I have so much to learn about his wonderful country!

Abdissa of YWAM Ethiopia Mercy Development has an overwhelming task: he directs two homes for street children, oversees discipleship training for a rather large group of young people, oversees a child sponsorship program, offers community support and small business help to families, supervises a community feeding program, helps bring water into the area (serves 300 families), and oversees other after school programs for youth. This man is smart, humble, and very loving--- and he is highly respected by the people. I can tell that by how people responded to him. Next time I feel overwhelmed with 8 kids, I think I'll turn my thoughts to Abdissa! He has more on his plate than I do!

T.J. and I spent the rest of the afternoon touring the boys' and girls' facilities. We got to see the Joshua House, home to 13 boys from the ages of 4 to 18. The girls' home (Ruth's House) currently has 8 young ladies, ages 6-18.

Kitchen and bedroom wing of Joshua House

Lots of laundry for lots of boys

Front Yard to Joshua House

Everything was neat and well-maintained at the boy's compound

We learned a bit more about the compounds and how children are brought into them. It is a very long and interesting process. First, YWAM staff walks around the community. As they see children alone and abandoned, they begin to minister to them in small ways. They initially talk with the kids, determining their needs. The staff begins to share food and drink with the kids, and continues to build relationship with them. After some time, and if the child is truly abandoned and without a family, the child is offered a place to stay at one of the homes.

As an adoptive mom, I know how difficult and disruptive a "new placement" can be... and this is multiplied many times over! Yet, peace reigns in these homes. The children were very well behaved, respectful, and very happy to have visitors. They love to learn and to sign about how the Lord has had mercy on them and saved them. It was hard to believe that these kids were once without hope; they now have family and are thriving. Seeing their faces made me full of a sweet joy that only the Lord can bring.

We were truly blessed by being able to bring some personal items, clothing, and school supplies to the boys' home. T.J. also played guitar for the kids, who were so very eager to sing along to new songs. I so wanted to do MORE, but this is what the Lord sent us this time to do.

Loving the boys in Joshua House

Ruth's House

Dining table at Ruth's House

Outside of Ruth's House

Hallway to girls' rooms

Ruth's House

Because of adoption regulations, we were only able to present the birth parents with photo albums of their kids. It is so difficult to want to do more for these wonderful people, but we feel equally compelled to maintain the sanctity of adoption procedure in Ethiopia. If we were to give gifts or financial support to the family, it might be construed by some to be a form of payment for children; this is of course NOT what we want or support.

In our particular case, we have been privileged in that we have been able to send multiple letters and photos over the last two years so that these parents could still in some way participate in their kids' lives. These parents were simply overjoyed to see us and to see new photos of their kids. We spent about 4 hours with them; we laughed, sang together, prayed for each other, and wept together as we said good bye. We even made a call home so that the birth parents could hear the sound of their children's voices. I loved every minute of our visit. God has allowed so much healing and joy to come from pain. But why should I be surprised? God is the master of healing!

Adoption is such a interesting mix of joy and grief. I have an overwhelming joy of having the blessing of more children, but I never lose sight of the fact that these children are only here because of loss and pain. They had to endure great deprivation, agonizing separation, and grief beyond what most of us can relate with. Yet, through God's mercy and His love, these kids are flourishing. And their parents have learned to endure.

I think I saw a little of what heaven will be like today. I sit here, blown away by the grace of god. I feel so unworthy to have the privilege of raising so many. I don't know how we will provide, but I feel certain that the Lord knows exactly what He is doing for and through us. Who am I do question God? God is great! Greater than we can fathom. God is good! So good, we fail to appreciate and understand. Lord, help me to understand and believe.

Days 1-3: Ethiopian Court Visit (11-25 to 11-27-2011)

2011-12-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

The following posts are directly from my personal journal:

It all feels surreal--- sitting on a cramped, uncomfortable airline seat--- headed to Ethiopia once again. I have within me a mix of inexplicable joy and a bit of anxiety. I keep praying to push the last airline flight out of my head... He never gives us more than we can handle, right? I am determined to believe and to walk in faith. His presence comforts me immediately and I feel no fear. I am extremely grateful to God--- and very humbled by His grace. Why us, Lord? Why have you chosen to bless us in such a way? Please help me, Lord. I want to do this well.

Our flight this time around was much more palatable than the first visit. T.J. and I were determined to find some way to lessen the effects of severe jet lag, and we hoped traveling at night might be part of the answer. We initially departed Phoenix in the evening (8:45 p.m.), and headed to San Francisco. After a two hour layover, we took a non-stop United flight that landed in Washington, D.C. by 7:15 a.m. on Saturday morning. During this leg of the journey, we attempted to stay awake. I dozed a bit the last one or so, but T.J. managed to stay awake the whole journey.

We boarded Ethiopian Airlines by Saturday at 11:15 a.m.--- and braced ourselves for a 13+ hour plane flight. By this time, T.J. and I were totally exhausted and ready to sleep. We managed to get a good 7 or 8 hours of sleep on this flight so that when we arrived in Addis Ababa by 8:15 a.m. Sunday morning, we actually didn't feel too horrible. I think this travel strategy really paid off (thanks, Heidi at Susan Parr Travel!).

At the arrival, we patiently waited in the incredibly long Visa-upon-entry line. During the wait, we made instant friends with an amiable young man named Sega. Sega was adopted from Ethiopia many years ago, and was returning to visit his biological mother and family. He was planning on a long 3-month visit, and hoped to learn a lot more about his birth country.

Sega was a very articulate, well educated, charming young man of about 26. Sega was born in Ethiopia, became a citizen of Nigeria, was educated in private school in the UK, and currently lives in the US. He knows multiple languages and hopes someday to work with the United Nations. He is currently in transition again, awaiting his US citizenship papers. Sega had a very interesting, albeit unusual upbringing.

The hour and a half wait in the Visa line proved to be such an encouragement to me. Sega showed how wonderful adoption can be when the adoptive family encourages and promotes a continuation of the biological family relationship. Sega loves and adores both of his families and considers himself double- blessed. This is what I so want for all of my internationally adopted children. I pray in my heart while I talk to Sega: Lord, is this is your will for my children, please show me a way.

Finally, we managed to get through the Visa line. When we arrived at the desk, the attendant looked at us funny: our Visas from almost 2 years ago were still valid! We had not even looked at the passport dates; we just assumed we needed a new Visa. In November of 2009, we ordered Visas through Assistant Stork. I didn't recall ordering long-term Visas, but oh well. We were happy to have made a new friend while waiting in line, and also happy to not have to pay again for Visas!

Upon leaving the airport and getting plenty of Birr (Ethiopian money), we were greeted by a face we knew from the YWAM Ethiopia website: Abdissa Tadessa. Abdissa is my dear friend Tsebay's husband. Abdissa is the director for Youth with a Mission Ethiopia Mercy Development, and we were very surprised that he even had the time to pick us up from the airport--- we know he is a very busy man with many responsibilities. He was incredibly gracious and pleased to meet us; he escorted us to the airport parking lot where we were met by his very pregnant and beautiful wife, Tsebay. I got very teary-eyed seeing her; she is one of my "heart" friends. I am immediately concerned about her, as she looks very large for a woman who still has over 2 more months of pregnancy. She tells me she is in danger of developing gestational diabetes and will see a specialist later in the day. My inner prayer life is going into overdrive....

Tsebay, Kristen, and Abdissa

Sweet Tsebay, a forever friend!

After arriving at the Ethio-Comfort Guest House (Tsebay is the manager), we were greeted by delicious bunna (coffee) and lots of wonderful, warm conversation. I love Tsebay! She is a gentle, diligent, sweet woman who has managed to follow and serve the Lord in difficult circumstances. It was such a joy for me to bring her many things for her new baby. I think we overwhelmed her a bit....

After visiting for a few hours, T.J. and I headed for bed about 6:00 p.m.! We slept fairly well, despite the continuously barking dogs and screaming cats throughout the night. Note to self: remember earplugs next visit.

My Very Own Ninja

2011-11-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

Ninja versus Batman

Dustin, touching the moon

Paper Pregnant at 48

2011-11-14T16:55:00.000-08:00

Paper pregnant at 48 years of age... not quite what I had envisioned for my life! But it is my reality, nonetheless; a reality I am getting ready for, slowly but surely. God give me strength!

Remember all the things you used to do when you were first pregnant or initiated your first adoption? The dreaming? The planning and researching? The shopping? The organizing? The redecorating? Well, by the time you are adding number 8 to your brood, nothing is quite the same. It's all good, mind you... but it's not the same.

It's really quite entertaining for me to think about having our first child. I was first pregnant at the energetic age of 31, having been married one year. I was so excited and nervous I could hardly contain my enthusiasm! With my first son (now almost 17), I went into "nesting mode"very early. I literally cleaned out every closet and every drawer. I read countless books on child-rearing, parenting, discipline, etc. I carefully picked out new baby furniture, color-coordinating outfits, and adorable decorations for the walls. Everything had to match, from the rocking chair cover to the burping cloths and cute baby utensils. I furnished an entire library of books to read to the new baby; I even had foreign language tapes to play for my little one as he relaxed in his crib. I researched the appropriate vitamin and mineral supplements for my body; I made sure I was getting lots of exercise and adequate rest. I even had tons of frozen meals cooked ahead of time. You get the picture. I wanted to control everything in the realm of possibilities I could control. I wanted a healthy, intelligent, perfect little baby (makes me cringe to type that...). Yes, I was one of those people--- one who loved to plan anything she could ahead of time. I don't like surprises. My own little world revolved around little 'ole me. I did appear to get quite a lot done.

And then, well... God happened (and so did 2 additional biological children, and then 4 more adopted children). That's for another time, another blog. Just suffice it to say, I didn't have a clue about life or children or even marriage until the Lord rescued me from my sin and from trying to live a perfectionist's life. I've got a long way to go in the maturity department, but I praise God that I'm not where I used to be; and I know my husband would agree--- wholeheartedly! As my heart changed, my priorities changed, too. That heart change has also altered how I process this child's homecoming.

The process with number 8 has been unique from any other pregnancy or adoption process that we've experienced. From this beginning, starting with the home study, I knew my beliefs regarding adding to the family had radically changed. I finally believed with every fiber of my being that this process was totally under God's care, supervision, and provision. I knew that if He willed for us to adopt again, He would work out all the details. I knew I had to keep my hands off of it, emotionally and spiritually speaking. Contrast that with my first pregnancy and our first adoption... the differences are amazing.

With my first pregnancy, I can recall my insatiable desire to control every aspect of my child's upbringing. (Just look at the third paragraph!) I was determined that nurture, not nature, would prevail. Of course, that whole facade quickly fell apart, starting with my son's colicky, sensitive nature. And by the age of 2? Well, kids are little sinners, something I just didn't take into account! All of this "mother-stuff" was NOT in child-rearing books. But even after child 2 and 3, my quest for the near-perfect child raising, always-on-top-of things mothering was not yet vanquished.

And that's how I went into our first adoption. How tough can this be? I've already been raising 3 pretty great kids. Granted, they are not perfect, but they do seem well adjusted, loving, caring, and affectionate. I assumed adoption would really be roughly the same as having biological children--- without the drama of pregnancy and delivery. That way of thinking started getting pushed aside very quickly as I can remember how uncomfortable our first ever home study phase was--- how odd and unnerving all the intimate questions seemed. Why all the penetrating questions to evaluate your emotional health and your parenting ability? I was determined to love and to rear this little girl the same way I had my original 3.

Of course, it didn't take me long to figure out that my perception was just that--- a perception that was truly wrong. Kids with tough beginning don't just shed their survival mode behavior because you've adopted them. The bonding that may be so natural with your biological children does not necessarily translate to your adopted children--- at least not immediately. Attachment takes intention and more time than you might think. For that reason, my first adopted child taught me more than any of my other kids; I learned just how selfish, fearful, impatient, and self-absorbed I truly was. Adoption has a keen way of shining a light on all of your "issues." Now

With our latest adoption--- and our third home study-- I've learned to just "bare it all," nothing held back. Can my social worker see something I can't? Are there some issues currently in our family we need to address? Are we able to accept and love and teach another little one? Do my existing children have the capacity to welcome another sibling? I now see social workers as friend and helpers, rather than as a potential adversaries. My social worker has helped me to truly accept in my spirit that there are no perfect children, perfect marriages, or perfect environments for nurturing families. I can see that I have learned to juggle fairly well, but have to admit that at times, those proverbial spinning plates wind up falling to the floor and busting into a millions little pieces. And that's okay. Life is what it is, and I am who I am. Just another cracked piece of pottery, being used by the Lord in a pretty wonderful way. My attitude during the process was much more relaxed--- trusting that the Lord would do what He felt was right and good for this family. Adoption has taught me to trust the Lord more completely, and to drawn upon Him for my strength.

How else have multiple adoptions changed me? Well, my idea of nesting is really different! With my first biological child, I mentioned all the things I bought and did. With our first adoptive child, I pretty much followed the same "buy and do" mentality. But now, my "nesting" consists of getting an annual exam, mammogram, and dental visit out of the way! It's a far cry from where I've been. I still do read lots of books, but now it's mainly the Bible and books about other adoptive families' experiences. Although we did have to purchase new furniture for the boys' room, our criteria for purchase was based on the cost and the durability of the furniture. The furniture basically has to last until the kids leave the house. Period. And I don't plan on buying any new clothes, with the exception of underwear, socks, pajamas, and shoes--- all the hand-me-downs will simply have to do. I have nothing on the walls, other than a few footprints. No new toys either. As a matter of fact, I'm cleaning everything out again, trying to declutter and to simplify the feel of the house. By the time you've had lots of kids, you finally realize that kids don't need pretty rooms, matching bedding, designer clothes, or the latest in electronic gadgets to promote bonding and attachment. In fact, having all of that stuff can actually make the home coming harder. Stuff distracts. Kids need YOU, not what you can buy. They need you to love them. Plain and simple. Simple and difficult, all at the same time.

God has certainly taught me a lot over the 17 years of having kids. I've learned incredible lessons, many of them painfully difficult and excruciatingly embarrassing. Pain is such an effective teacher, wouldn't you agree?

These are some of my initial thoughts about growing up kids: stuff doesn't matter as much as you think it does; hold onto things of this world very loosely; this, too, shall pass; God gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want; stop worrying about all the things in the world you can't control; you can only change yourself through the work of the Holy Spirit; life isn't meant to be perfect; kids do not belong to you, they belong to God--- you are a steward and your job is to model God's glory and lead them to know and love God for themselves; staying in the Word is crucial to your survival; put your husband before your children; don't try to be the Holy Spirit Jr. to your husband or to anyone else (!); pursue the path that the Word and the Holy Spirit have shown you--- don't doubt what you've heard or allow others to distract your from your calling(s); forgive yourself; cry out to God for mercy; life is indeed short, so live it fully and without regret; love deeply; remember... this is not our home, so don't get too comfortable.

I think I'm getting excited about this pregnancy. Thank you, Lord, for this blessed adventure!

Photo Book for Birthparents

2011-11-14T16:31:00.001-08:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Photo books are the perfect gift for any occasion.

Small Detail...

2011-10-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Samuel is in Addis Ababa, and is somewhere between 4 and 6... we think.

Yes, We're Adopting... Again!

2011-10-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the cat's out of the bag now! Truth is: yes, we are adopting... again! And yes, it is a "God thing" again.

It is no news to many of you that the latest adoption wasn't exactly the easiest of experiences. Sure, the kids are doing really well now, but the first 18 months were rather difficult. For us to even contemplate adding another Halvorson to the brood was not an impulsive decision. Rather, it was a decision based on the realization that we really aren't too capable--- but He is. We totally understand that it's only through our dependence on the Holy Spirit that we garner enough strength and wisdom to raise 7 (going on 8) kids. It's like jumping off the side of a cliff, trusting that Someone will catch you. Guess we finally do understand that this life is meant to be walked in faith, and not by sight.

We started the update for our home study a full year ago, when we lived in West Phoenix. Then, I just asked my husband if he "wouldn't mind" simply becoming re certified to adopt, since it is much easier to become re certified than it is to completely start the process all over from scratch. I wanted to adopt another little girl, but Glen wasn't so sure. As a matter of fact, he said "Absolutely NOT, are you insane?" But after some time and copious prayer, Glen agreed to at least update our paperwork... but wondering all the while where in the world we were going to come up with the magic money to pay for another adoption--- and feel equipped to support another child. Yet, we moved forward, both of us sensing it was the right thing to do. We knew by this time that if God wants you to do something, He will certainly give you the necessary finances and strength to accomplish the task.

We finished our paperwork (with the exception of fingerprints), and told our agency that we wanted to adopt another little girl. We looked at adoption programs from Bulgarian and from Ethiopia. But nothing happened. Months went by. No little girl. The paperwork sat for months. I supposed it wasn't the Lord's timing for adding to our family. Or, were we done? Was this just a test of willingness? Then it dawned on me, as I'm listening to my girls yell and scream at each other: perhaps we were not looking in the right place. Perhaps it was not a little girl, but rather a little boy waiting for us.

Then I saw his little face... the day we said to our agency that we would be open to a boy. Yes. He's the one we were to pursue! Glen and I both agreed to try and make Samuel part of our family.

Then the next day, to our great surprise, my husband was offered a fantastic job. We pulled up our stakes in our comfortable, quiet community and moved to busy, yet beautiful Scottsdale (known as "Snotsdale" to most Phoenicians). My husband and I both felt this new position was sent from the Lord; my husband was not looking for other employment, and was literally made an offer over the phone! God was providing, and He did so immediately!

Upon moving, we had to update our home study again. Thankfully, our social worker is very accommodating and worked quickly to get us paper-ready. And then we quickly needed some fingerprints. As many of you know, this process alone can take multiple weeks, even months to complete. But not this time. Once we got our fingerprints done, we received them THE NEXT DAY!

We officially accepted the referral of Samuel at the end of August 2011. We submitted our dossier to Ethiopia just as they closed their doors for rainy season.

Just yesterday, we received notice that we already have a court date! December 1, 2011! We were absolutely shocked at the speed at which everything progressed. When God moves, there is no stopping Him!

So now we're busy checking airfares, buying bunk beds, and desperately trying to calm our brains and excited children down. Life comes at you fast sometimes... but we know it's all good.

Anyone Know What This Is?

2011-10-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

That's One Big Stack of Paperwork!

One of My Favorite Photos

2011-10-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

Update for Months 20-21

2011-09-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

It's been forever since I've written a thing. Life just has a way of floating by--- sometimes at speeds that your mind and body can barely grasp. A lot has changed for the Halvorson family; some of it I simply haven't had the energy to put into words.

First, my three Ethiopian children.

The only description at this point is JOY. I'll begin with our boys. My young men are completely bonded, loving and affectionate. They have left behind their anxieties and acting out behaviors; hyperactivity is reserved for exciting events. Both are progressing in school, although mommy has certainly adjusted her expectations of what makes the day a "good school day." I love and adore these boys. I honestly feel that finally... at last... they seem like they've just about always been here.

And oh how I love my newest little girl! Her dazzling smile and contagious laughter brightens any room. When she's happy, it's as if the whole world sings. My dear daughter, however, still has some behavioral and bonding issues. Mainly, I see poor self-image as the culprit. I do think part of it is the age; I remember 8 and 9 being somewhat difficult years with my biological daughter. Something between being caught between childhood and the teen years... it's a challenge for all involved. My daughter is physically affectionate, learning in school, and getting along better with her siblings. But for her, the loss of her birth mom and little brother, along with other painful experiences simply makes her transition more difficult. She has difficulty making friends and being friendly.

I am a great fan of Karyn Purvis' work. In fact, I have been working through her video series on attachment and bonding. After watching and listening to her advice, I try and put some of it immediately into action. As a result, my daughter has been very forthcoming with her history, and the stories just keep pouring out. I think this is helped her to process and accept her past trauma.

One of the conversations I just had with my ET daughter involved how she thought her birth parents viewed her. She told me that her mom loved her, but that her mom had a hard time taking care of her. She moved back and forth between her mom's home and her uncle's home. She remembers often getting in trouble for hurting her little brother; she doesn't relay any stories of cuddling with her mom or having any fun with her mom. Her mom never told her that she was being given up for adoption; one morning after a family party (her farewell party) she just said good-bye---her mom told her she was going to America. As for her birth father, my daughter recalls this (whether it is reality or imagined... it his HER reality): "My father looked at me and made a mean, growling-like face. He hated me. He wanted me to be a boy. I have had dreams that he is in hell, surrounded by fire. I went to try and rescue him, but I couldn't." This is the reality of my little girl.

As her mom, I desperately want her to feel loved, safe, adored, accepted, confident, and brave. She comes from a place of sadness, rejection, and fear. Her healing will be a process, but I am very encouraged by the progress and strides she has made. What is helping this process also is that she is just starting to internalize the Word of God. The Scripture of "overcoming evil with good" is just starting to make some sense. She is learning to be more gentle with her siblings and more kind with her words. Healing is a beautiful, although slow process. I am beginning to see the loveliness of the real girl--- she's beginning to blossom into a new creation.

My other lovely ladies are growing up and changing, too. Although the "cat fights" are still too frequent to my liking, they have certainly diminished in terms of frequency and intensity. All three of my girls are hormonal, which does not help! Additionally, my oldest daughter still struggles with adjusting thyroid levels, something that makes being 15 just that much more challenging. All in all, however, the girls are interacting on a much more peaceful basis. They are beginning to enjoy each other's company, and in fact, seeking one another out just to hang out.

My "original" boys are growing like weeds! Dustin is now taller than I am, and T.J. looks like a man now. I have always dearly loved my boys, but as I see the sweetness and kindness of their hearts towards all of their younger sibs, I feel profound joy. They have learned to put their own desires aside to minister to the needs of their big family. They too, are showing the fruits of reading and applying the Word. There truly is no bigger joy than to see your children following the Lord!

But not all has been rosy. Even those who follow the Lord see dark and dreadful days. We've had some of those lately, too.

One of my dearest friends recently passed on to Eternity. She was one of the very few people who had known me for so long--- my struggles, my fears, my anxieties, my joys--- that losing her just left a gaping hole in my heart. We always had an interesting relationship. We didn't didn't see each other very often, but when we'd talk, it was just like we had never missed a moment. We joked that we had a "Holy Spirit kinda connection." I would have dreams about her, which in hindsight always came true. This was both sweet and painful, as I knew 7 years ago she would die from her cancer. (No, I chose not to share that dream.) Other times, the dreams served to provide her some much needed encouragement during her 13-year cancer battle. I also knew the weekend she died; I literally became overcome by grief and cried inconsolably for two days prior to her passing... only to dry my face and praise the Lord when she did finally died. She lived her life well, and she showed me what holy courage looks like in the face of evil.

My biggest regret was that I did not get to say good-bye to her--- to see her beaming smile one last time. But within three weeks God also granted me that wish: I had another dream, that although it terrified me at the time. I saw her one last time--- sweet Angela, smiling from ear to ear. Her smile let me know that she was more than better--- she was alive and joy-filled! Praise God! He cares about our every need, thought, and desire. His life gives us hope and prompts us to live well.

And that is my prayer: That the Lord would continue to develop in me the strength, wisdom, and character that I need to finish my race well. I want to make My Father proud.

Updates for Months 18 and 19

2011-07-17T18:15:00.000-07:00

What? We're moving?

Yes, it was quite the surprise for all of us... Glen received a totally unsolicited job offer--- a job he just couldn't turn down. The decision itself was a pretty easy one to make; the new position offers Glen a unparalleled opportunity to use his God-given medical diagnostic ability in a much more dynamic and creative way. The only issue was moving--- and moving quickly, I might add.

So after careful thought and much prayer, we left our relatively quite life in Buckeye and headed to Scottsdale. We made the decision, packed, and moved within four weeks! It was crazy busy, but really positive. We knew that the Lord was providing direction and opportunity; all the "doors" flew open and we walked through all of them with relative ease. We were blessed to find a large home with a pool (the pool took much of the "moving pain" away); we were blessed to have been at the end of our lease in Buckeye; we were blessed to find a new church the first Sunday we attended a service. When it's the Lord's will and timing for something to happen, He will surely bring it about!

The most difficult part of the move was the uneasiness some of the children experienced. Thankfully, our yearlings have been home almost 19 months now, so the fear was not too debilitating. The kids had some expected times of anxiety and hyperactivity, but really nothing unusual. I was really quite pleased with their ability to adapt so quickly to a new environment and surroundings. I suppose when you've been through as tough a thing as international adoption is, moving an hour away is not too unnerving.

I imagine the key to my kids' adjustment is simply that they have been home long enough and they feel safe and secure. They trust us to take care of them, and to listen to and acknowledge their anxieties. I still remember the agony Blanca went through years ago, when we moved from California to Arizona. Poor discombobulated Blanca had only been home for 3 months. THAT was a difficult adjustment: Blanca literally cried every night for 3 weeks and acted out at every opportunity. Needless to say, she transitioned well this time and set a good example for the others.

Because of the move, we have put aside formal schooling. That came at a good time for me, as my brain needed a bit of a break from the often times frustrating experience that comes with teaching English as a second language. For two of the kids, we had hit the proverbial "wall" in some of our phonics/language lessons.

The biggest educational challenge at this point is figuring out how to help my daughter with what appears to be an auditory (and perhaps visual) processing glitch. One of my sons may also have a processing issue, too, but it does not appear to be as severe.

With an auditory processing glitch, a person may have difficulty repeating what he or she hears. That person may also have poor auditory and visual memory, not being able to recall numbers, photos, sequences, or other details. A good example of this is not being able to repeat more than about 4 items at a time--- making getting through the alphabet a very time consuming and frustrating process. After doing detailed research and reading in the area of brain integration therapy and numerous processing issues, I believe my daughter and son will be helped by a variety of different modalities I can do at home. Many of the exercises we have tried are taken from Dianne Craft's work. When I unpack all of my boxes, I can pass along the materials we have started using. I do hope this will be the "thing" that helps my children learn with greater ease and less frustration.

Regarding behavior in general, the yearlings are doing very well. The bubble gum dispenser and associated treasure box system still works, thank God! And all of the kids have learned to value money and what it can be used for when managed appropriately. The kids have gone from caving to the immediate gratification of a red gum ball, to saving up eighty-some nickels before deciding what particular toy to purchase. Wonderful experiment!

Lying, stealing, cheating is at an all-time low. The kids now admit to most wrong-doings and apologizing is getting easier. Property destruction is now "normal." They all take much better care of their rooms, the bathroom, and their toys.

Food issues linger with two children. I imagine those issues may be very long term. Severe hunger does leave an evil and hard to forget impression on a young soul.

Any negativity with the kids mainly stems from my still unrealistic expectations as to where the kids "ought" to be at a particular point. Fact is, they are socially younger than their ages; I need to remind myself of it all the time. I also need to remind myself that when they do act out, I can't take their behavior personally. I need to engrave that point on my forehead!

In hindsight, I think the 18 month marker is really a major turning point for post-adoption adjustment. By this time, you've pretty much sorted out behaviors, personalities, and other idiosyncrasies--- in yourself and your kids. Life is much more relaxed and enjoyable; interaction is more natural and easy. Time heals. It is so important to be patient with yourself and your children, and to keep learning. The Lord will show you what He needs you to do and who He needs you to be for your kids. It all takes time, and a surrender of doing things a certain way. It requires you to love in a way you've never been challenged to before--- to love passionately, decisively, and with a determined spirit to never give up and always give more.

17 Month Update

2011-05-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I just spent the last couple of days cleaning out bedrooms. Eight huge black garbage bags full of too-small clothes and extra stuff just headed for a garage sale. We also donated a few other items, as we are cleaning out EVERYTHING.

Reason for the cleaning? My wit's end!

When your social worker and agency "recommend" that you keep it simple, please listen! I thought, truly I did, that I had reduced the amount of stuff in the kids' rooms, but it turns out my version of "simple" was not really simple enough. The yearlings, even after 17 months of structure, rules, and encouragement, can not manage with more than the clothing on their backs and one pair shoes at a time. If they have drawers or closets full of clothing, they will throw it, destroy it, leave it outside, or otherwise waste these items.

I cry when I think of the amount of wasted resources.

Want to send a gift, don't do it unless you don't care if it lasts one day.

What I ended up doing is what I guess I should have done in the first place: I removed ALL clothing, shoes, and toys from their rooms. Everything we kept for the kids is now in one large plastic container--- one per child. Now, they have to ask me for everything. You need clean underwear? Ask Mom. You need shoes? Ask Mom. It is rather tiring for Mom, but I'm hoping that it will teach them to actually appreciate and take care of the items they do have. Even if it doesn't teach appreciation, at least I won't be losing my mind in the mess.

I also have a night patrol: after I have announced bed time and reminded them to pick up their belongings, if anything is left on the floor, I throw it out. I have thrown out (donated) several pairs of shoes, socks, play cell phones, hats, etc. all in just a couple of days. One child now has lost three pairs of shoes in four days. That child's response? The beginning of the week it was, "I don't care." Towards the end of the week it was, "Darn it." Hmmm. Perhaps they are starting to connect the dots.

We are still working with obeying household rules, and the gumball experiment still works (see older post). But even with all the reminding and the incentives, the two older ones still can not take much personal responsibility for their actions. Guess they are just normal kids! In fact, I still get lots of blank stares when I remind them of rules. It has gotten better, especially the lying and stealing--- great strides, in fact. But sometimes they just relapse and seem to forget everything. This is especially true if family or friends visit.

Only other comment for the month is that two of the kids still do not consistently know their ABC's. We've gone back to basics in lots of areas, it seems. Such is the continuing saga of raising lots of kids!

Recent Photos of the Fam

2011-05-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Mom and the Little Girls

The Three Musketeers

The Crazy Boys

All the At-Home Kids

Happy Easter!

Sweet Smiles

Nice Hair

Photo Book

2011-04-26T10:54:00.001-07:00

Click here to view this photo book larger