Last month our dear Calico cat (her name and her breed- clever, huh?), in a very pregnant state, was attacked by all five Irish Setters. Shockingly there were no external wounds, but it was clear that she sustained traumatic [...]]]> Up until my coming to Skambha last year, I hadn’t considered what this concept meant to me.

Last month our dear Calico cat (her name and her breed- clever, huh?), in a very pregnant state, was attacked by all five Irish Setters. Shockingly there were no external wounds, but it was clear that she sustained traumatic nervous system damage.

After two days of observation, and concurrence by the local vet, it became apparent that our Shakti Cat, who I had once seen fending off all five of those dogs at once, was never going to heal. It was agreed that she should be put down, and CB would have the task. I offered to be there for moral support and she accepted.

My only other experience like this was being with the cat of very dear friends who was going to be put down by a vet. In that case, the doctor gave an injection to stop the heart which created no additional stress or pain for the beloved family friend.

In this case, however, the method considered most humane was suffocation with a plastic bag over her head which has been done here many times before with a variety of animals. As CB affixed the bag and covered up Calico in a towel I imagined a similar scenario with the cat quietly going to sleep. Yeah, not so much.

Even though Calico was severely debilitated, her survival instinct was automatic and she began to struggle and howl. It was unpleasant and stressfull, to say the least, but I was there for assistance so I stayed pinned in my seat with a supportive hand on CB’s arm.

Time seemed to drag though perhaps no more that 3 minutes passed before the cat stopped struggling and left her body. I knew that is was the best course, particularly since it was clear that she would never again be capable of  defending herself against one, much less all five, of the dogs but boy was it tragic to witness!

This living steeped in nature has its price; I do not have the luxury of being in denial of brutal realities such as these. As it was, I also witnessed the attack itself and my first reaction had me leaving the scene, and then freezing in fright and screaming like a little girl (no offense to all the brave little girls out there!).  I know these dogs and I know that they love me but as I watched them acting completely within their instincts I imagined them harming me without a moments hesitation. My survival instinct overcame the strong desire to save Calico.

The latest experience occurred just today. I discovered an adorable little puppy in the vicinity of the Cheese Factory this morning. He was starving and sick and curled himself in a ball at my feet. What a little love! My first thought was “OMG, the dogs are going to tear this little fellow to pieces!” Sinraj shooed him away but the critter didn’t go very far, although he somehow stayed out of reach of our dogs during their morning romp. Several hours later, just after lunch we saw him outside the Dairy Kitchen and it was discovered then that at least one of our workers was feeding the little guy.

‘Good lord, don’t feed him!’ I exclaimed. Really? He’s clearly starving, but that will keep him coming back and it’s worse to put him in danger of being brutally attacked by our tribe of dogs, who definitely take advantage of their size and number. RMW, who has lived at Skambha for over 16 years and has seen it all, made the decision to have two of the horse boys put the pup in a horse food sack and take him to the other side of the river and set him free. I could hear the little guy crying and felt terrible that we were banishing him from people, food and possibly putting him in some other kind of harms way.

But what else to do?

Is there a moral dilemma here?

I feel sad for the sweet little puppy but I have no better solution. I cannot take a sick, malnourished puppy into my little one room dwelling and leave him alone the whole day, not to speak of my lack of nursing skills and the fact that the Skambha doggies know where I live. None of the workers stepped in to take the pup home and the other ladies seemed to have no such dilemma, so the only thing to do was to put him safely away from the certain fate of being overtaken by our dogs.

Talk about the lesser of two evils!

I have been consciously refraining from writing about these kinds of experiences because I don’t want to scare people or make them feel uncomfortable but today’s experience struck a deep chord in me and I felt moved to delve into the seeming relative definition of the humane treatment of animals. If I were presented with this situation in the U.S. I would simply have called on my crazy cat-lady neighbor who adores animals, or taken the pup to the nearby animal rescue center. Easy peas-y.

The reality in India, on the other hand, is quite harsh.

BTW, two of Calico’s offspring from two of her four litters last year live at Skambha. Both are female and one is pregnant. The other two kittens from the last litter were taken by workers, and the fates of the other three  from the previous litters are unknown. My thought was to find homes for the surviving kittens. It’s best for them, right? Except that by now each one has been adopted by one of the ladies here (read: they feed them daily). Is it my job to make the decision that the cats should go? Aren’t we just condoning the perpetuation of these cats breeding? I think so. But there seems to be an inertia that prohibits taking the action of spaying them…’the vet would have to come here and he charges an extra rs3,500 (usd70) for house calls’, ‘the cats are mostly feral and how would we catch them?’, ‘who pays the bill?’ etc…

I am getting this lesson in other areas here, that I can’t always muscle my way through a situation doing what I think is right regardless of what others think/feel. It seems logical to me that the trauma of losing these animals to Darwin is motivation enough to overcome the logistical challenges, but apparently not for others.

My wish is that the puppy finds a happy home and gets well quickly but it’s probably best not to think of him at all…

CARPE DIEM!

The Happy Yogini

Although I’ve only just turned the calendar a few weeks ago I am fortunate to have a number of friends who have journeyed [...]]]>

This quote and image were in my head for weeks before my birthday. I felt this intense burst of energy in the anticipation of this huge milestone. WOW, I AM FIFTY YEARS OLD!

Although I’ve only just turned the calendar a few weeks ago I am fortunate to have a number of friends who have journeyed to the ‘other side’ in the past couple of years and with few exceptions, they’ve all LOVED it. Why? For one, they no longer give a damn what people think of them. They are who they are. I love that!

Also, I am the youngster here at Skambha with the next youngest person at 57 and the rest of the ladies in their 70’s!

I feel as young today as I ever have and am in the best health I’ve been in for as long as I can remember. I am certain that it’s due to living in nature and having a purpose. When I worked at the global financial institution (there is a good reason they call it an institution) I was making a great salary and bonus, which I paid the price for in terms of mental and physical health. My purpose? to maintain my lifestyle and acquire more stuff.

My BIG Birthday Unflodment:

~Prayer and meditation to this quote from the Mother of Pondicherry: “Yes, it is truly a special day in one’s life. It is one of those days in the year when the Supreme descends into us -or when we are face to face with the Eternal -one of those days when our soul comes in contact with the Eternal and, if we remain a little conscious, we can feel His Presence within us. If we make a little effort on this day, we accomplish the work of many lives as in a lightning flash. That is why I give so much importance to the birthday -because what one gains in one day is truly something incomparable. And it is for this that I also work to open the consciousness a little towards what is above so that one may come before the Eternal. My child, it is a very very special day, for it is the day of decision, the day one can unite with the Supreme Consciousness. For the Lord lifts us on this day to the highest region possible so that our soul which is a portion of that Eternal Flame, may be united and identified with its Origin.

This day is truly an opportunity in life. One is so open and so receptive that one can assimilate all that is given. I can do many things, that is why it is important.

It is one of those days when the Lord Himself opens the doors wide for us. It is as though He were inviting us to rekindle more powerfully the flame of aspiration. It is one of those days which He gives us. We too, by our personal effort, could attain to this, but it would be long, hard and not so easy. And this -this is a real chance in life -the day of the Grace.”

~Birthday wish from my brother who was visiting for 3 weeks. He was snacking on a brownie at 7:30 in the morning and had a silly grin on his face which filled my heart. Can you imagine living in the middle of nowhere in Southern India and receiving your first birthday greeting of the day from a family member? Life is so kooky sometimes.

~Arrive at the cheese factory office and find my desk decorated by the ladies with flowers and gifts – I was moved to tears because I had no idea that they had planned it.

~Begin the Indian tradition of passing out candy to everyone I encounter with the phrase “deyavusedoo, paper plastic y koopie toe-teal podaoom!” (please paper plastic and waste basket putting!) I am happy to say that I have only found on the ground, and picked up, three wrappers of the +100 candies I distributed, which is a gift in itself!

~My posse of little girls arrive with home made cards that their parents told me they spent hours making the night before. They also gave me glitterful hair clips that only a little girl posse can give.

~On the way up to PNB’s to review accounts, I stopped at the Dairy Kitchen and found a gift from PH of the most delicious home made frozen dutch chocolate cream in the entire world. I kid you not. There was a lot of it and it was ALL. FOR. ME. Yeah, I am not one of those people who feels a responsibility to share dessert foods with others. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine! I am surprised that I only ate 3 or 4 teaspoonfuls and not the whole darned thing right then and there.

~After reviewing the accounts I reminded the Guru that it was my birthday and she gave me a big slap on the back with a “Good for You!”, which I completely experienced as a blessing/healing.

I felt so joyful, in large part due to the fact that I had no expectations about what would or wouldn’t happen throughout the day. I wasn’t caught up in the significance of the number (THE BIG FIVE OH!) and I was grateful for all of it.

~ As I walked the grounds passing out candies, some of the local workers asked how old I was… FIFTY??!!, NO!….. YES!!! Husband? No, No?….Babies? No, No?… (quizzical looks from all) I was reflecting today that I am so happy to be right here, right now. And for this life experience to have happened I had to have some unanswered prayers, which of course at the time I didn’t understand and which caused me a great deal of pain and suffering. THANK YOU, God for saying “Boy do I have something great in store for you!” instead of “YES” to those prayers. (Yes, that would include the “Send Me a Husband, NOW!” prayer)

~The gifts kept coming when the best chocolate shop in Kodai gave me a gift of fresh home made dark chocolate with caramel filling.

~RMW prepared my requested lunch menu, her famous eggplant parmesan and sauteed greens.

~And quite unexpectedly, PNB instructed the ladies to organize a celebration for me that evening. There was even confetti (used and reused many times over, as it should be!) The miracles continued when I happily shared my dee-sert with the group which was paired with amazingly rich Cloud Street Cafe freshly baked brownies that my brother ordered. Death by chocolate – bring it on!

From the age of 35 til 39 364/365ths I spent a ridiculous amount of energy resisting turning 40. Thank goodness I didn’t have that hang up with passing the half century mark (HA!). My goodness, growing older beats the alternative! I know that I am ok with it in large part because I feel and  (and believe that I) look young. I would say it’s been due to daily choices vis a vis what I think, what I do, what I eat and how I feel and it has culminated in wanting to do some high kicks and shout from the roof top ala SallyOMalley “I like to Kick, Stretch, and Kick! I’m 50, 50 years old!!!”

Carpe Diem!

The Happy Yogini

RMW, a long time student of Patrizia Norelli-Bachelet/Thea and resident of Skambha wrote the letter below explaining to her friends and family why she had chosen to leave a life she knew to go to the mountains of South India and live on a 30 acre property with a dairy farm, cheese factory, horse [...]]]>

RMW, a long time student of Patrizia Norelli-Bachelet/Thea and resident of Skambha wrote the letter below explaining to her friends and family why she had chosen to leave a life she knew to go to the mountains of South India and live on a 30 acre property with a dairy farm, cheese factory, horse breeding and a lot of D-I-Y. As a novice student I am just beginning to understand and integrate the knowledge and at the same time am getting the same question from friends, so I asked R if I could publish her letter on my blog and she agreed.

I encourage you to check out the embedded links as well and if you are interested to learn more, a great introduction to PNB’s work is The Magical Carousel,”a simple yet profound tale of two souls on an evolutionary journey.”

CARPE DIEM!

The Happy Yogini

My Life in the Gnostic Circle

I would like to share with you my experience with the Gnostic Circle and Patrizia Norelli-Bachelet/Thea over the years. My work started with Thea herself in 1990. Of course the Gnostic Circle is timeless so I jumped into the Circle itself at birth, as everyone does, at the 0 Point. By the time I came in contact with Thea’s work I had gone through several 9 year cycles and had reached the 5 Point which is ruled By Jupiter, the planet of the guru.

How My life Began in the Gnostic Circle

By 1993 I came to India to study directly with her and in 1996 I wrote the following letter to my friends and family who were wondering what I was doing in India and why I was still here:

“When I talked on the phone with a friend the other day I found it difficult to give her a satisfactory, nutshell explanation of what it is that Patrizia is and does and what I am doing as her student so I tried to do it in aletter. This in part is from the letter that I wrote and I have given it to others who have inquired about my activities. It will take a bit of background work as well as the current update on the yoga I am involved in.

As you know this is a time of transition on the Earth. All the spiritual teachers from the East and the West, the Native Americans as well as the fundamentalists know this is a time of great change. It is perceived by most as an upheaval on the Earth making volcanoes to erupt, earth quakes to occur, floods to take place and creating general mayhem in the world. What is it really all about?

The ‘New Age’ that we are moving into is the Aquarian Age which began in 1926. It is not that we are to transform this world but rather, as the Mother described it, ‘witness the birth of a whole new world’. At a time of such great magnitude as we are experiencing now there are those who are born on earth to focus that new energy. They are called Evolutionary Avatars. I know there is a lot of hype about avatars, ‘you too can be an avatar if you attend the workshops and join the club’. That is not the kind of avatar I am writing of. These are the incarnations who came to ’see’ the earth through this time, the Supramentalisation of life on earth. This process is not accomplished by ‘getting away from it all’ by getting on space ships and leaving the planet, nor is it through meditating yourself into ‘Nirvana’. It is done through the Integral Yoga and realising the supramental life on earth. It is divinizing the earth through this realisation and anchoring it in the earth. ‘The goal, as the Mother said, ‘is not to lose oneself in the Divine Consciousness. The goal is to let the Divine Consciousness penetrate into Matter and transform it. ‘

This has nothing to do with channeling other beings. In ‘The Gnostic Circle’ Patrizia wrote, ‘The consciousness of the Gnostic being is characterized primarily by the ability to see beyond the appearances, with a vision of unity. But this we know has always been the state of realized souls; yet that makes the difference in today’s realization is that the integral yogi follows the perfection of the unfolding spirit in the events of the world with close precision, recognizing the connecting link in the surface events as well as those deeply hidden. That is, he sees the Divine in her full Cosmic Truth, in the state of waking consciousness, not in trance or semi-conscious states, or in the inebriated spasms of divine ecstasies, from where one can perceive the Beloved in All. The experience is in the ordinary consciousness because this has evolved to a higher level and becomes a permanent state which cognizes always in terms of unity, harmony and hence perfection. No aspect of the Earth’s life and process is excluded and one need not abandon this creation in despair and seek the perfection of another plane. The Gnostic being is capable of perceiving the three modes of action the Divine Mother’s creation, preservation and destruction and walks in rhythm with her power at all times.”

In the early 1900’s, Sri Aurobindo was deeply involved with the freedom fighters who were fighting to free India from British rule and began his yoga with the idea of gaining powers to overcome the Brits. Because he was not conscious of his true identity he found himself in jail for a year seemingly for his activities as the editor of one of the freedom journals. I fact it was to take him out of action and confine him in a way that he would go deeply into himself and he opened to the teachings by Ramakrishna and Vivikananda on the inner planes. When he was acquitted and released from prison he left the freedom fighters and went to Pondicherry which was then ruled by the French and out of the hands of the British. There he began his real fight for freedom, his yoga of creating a perfect vessel to anchor the Supramental Consciousness on earth.

Although he had a few others around him it was not until Mirra Richards came to stay that the Sri Aurobindo Ashram came into being in 1920. She was his counterpart, his equal in all ways. Sri Aurobindo said that when one looked at him they should see her and when one looked at her they should see him as well. She was ‘The Mother‘, a manifestation of the Divine Mother on earth. In 1924 his intense yoga took him to his room where he stayed until he left his body in 1950.

The Mother carried on his work in the physical, the transformation of the cells, fully conscious of the job that had to be done. This work for her culminated in 1970 by bringing down the vision of this age, the design of a temple that would anchor this Supramental Energy for this period of time just as the pyramids did in the age of Leo. All through their yoga there were undivine and anti-divine forces attempting to obstruct the work and now they came out in full force in order to disrupt the structure design before it left the drawing board. Over a period of 18 days and nights her vision came and was made clear, the measurements she say were exact, each one being a symbol of Time and in the end the perfect execution of it was thwarted. She was in her 90’s at that time and was not physically able to do battle but the vision was there on the occult plane, she had ’seen’ it and that was enough.

Patrizia came to the Ashram having gone through a major initiation while she was in Rome. She had been studying with Krishnamurthi, who frequently went to Rome. And she studied astrology and she did in depth horoscopes for people, sometimes taking a week to complete. She had never had a desire to go to India until she was requested to do so by the Mother whom she had not met in the physical as yet.

It was not until the Mother left her body in 1973 that Patrizia, through a series of circumstances learned of the conspiracy to change the blueprints of the perfect vision from the very beginning. She was the only one who could ’see’ and understand how utterly perfect the design was and then able to explain it. When she went to the ones responsible for the construction not only with her own knowledge but the Mother’s own words and directions, she too was ignored. So her yoga for all these years, first at the Ashram and then in Kodaikanal, through her writings has been able to hold that vision, document it, and work with the knowledge it brings. This is a monument that shows the evolution of our time that lives and breaths. It is the way of explaining the whole evolution of mankind as well as the Universe, the Cosmos. It is truly bringing the Divine into Matter.

So Skambha, as I see it, is like the Garden of Eden where the Tree of Knowledge grows and must be tended and nurtured. It is not a place to go with the idea that you can contemplate in peace and harmony, but it is a place to be totally involved in the work of holding the Centre for the entry of the Supramental Consciousness on earth. Early in my stay at Skambha, as I was attempting to understand why I was there besides to make cheese, Patrizia told me that I was there to Serve, Participate and See. It is not only for the Tree to grow but for us to eat the fruit as well and ’see’ as she does. Over my time there I have served, I’ve tried to participate, I have had glimpses but I have so much more work to do for it is a long way to the top of the mountain.

The following is an excerpt from conversations of the Mother concerning those who wanted to go to the Sri Aurobindo Asharam which is very apropos for anyone wanting to go to Skambha.

Come for the Divine Work

Every time someone comes to tell me, ‘I come for my yoga, I say, ‘Oh, no! then don’t come. It is much more difficult here than anywhere else. ‘ …

If someone comes to tell me, ‘I come to work, I come to make myself useful’, it is all right. But if someone comes and says, ‘I have many difficulties outside, I can’t manage these difficulties, I want to come here because it will help me, I say, ‘No, no, it will be much more difficult here; your difficulties will increase considerably. And that is what it means, because they are no longer isolated difficulties; they are collective difficulties.

So in addition to your own personal difficulty you have all the frictions, all the contacts, all the reactions, all the things which come from the outside. As a test. Exactly on the weak point, the thing that’s most difficult to solve; it is there that you will hear from someone the phrase which was just the one you did not want to here; someone will make towards you that gesture which could shock you; you find yourself facing a circumstance, a movement, a fact, an object, anything at all - just the things which

… ‘Ah, how I should liked this not to happen’. And that is what will happen and more and more. Because you do not do your yoga for yourself alone. You do the yoga for everybody - without wanting to – automatically.

So when people come and tell me, ‘I come here for peace, quietness, leisure, to do my yoga’, I say, ‘No, no, no! Go away immediately somewhere else, you will be much more peaceful any where else than here.’

If someone else comes and says, ‘Well here I am, I felt I should consecrate myself to the divine Work, I am ready to do any work at all that you give me’, then I say, ‘Good, that’s all right. You have good will, endurance, and some capacity, it is all right. But to find the solitude necessary for your inner development it is better to somewhere else, anywhere else, but not here ‘.

I hope this has helped you understand in part where I am and what I am doing there with cheese making as a portion of the yoga involved. Of course there is much, much more that Patrizia has put into her many books. The object is to live the yoga for as Sri Aurobindo said ‘All life is yoga’”

Living the Gnostic Circle

Today I’m not sure I can say it any better for I am still amazed at the process of the Gnostic Circle. With the Circle and the living guru to guide me I have lived another full cycle of 9 years becoming more aware of this natural process of growth and consciousness with each year. I have found the Gnostic Circle valid to follow as an individual but also as a way to see all in the light of a dynamic movement and life in everything. Thea has recently written, ‘The Gnostic Circle is a static composite diagram. It is when we add TIME to the equation that the Circle moves and becomes dynamic. This is the key feature. What has been eliminated from the quest for the past two thousand years is DYNAMISM. This is what the Gnostic Circle can contribute by the allegiance of Time. Therefore it can now be stated that Time is an ally and not simply the destroyer of all material substance. With it we can BUILD since there can be no material structure without the mortar of TIME and with the Gnostic Circle we BUILD a cosmos, a harmonious whole. ‘

As I have lived the Gnostic Circle each year I have tried to follow it more consciously watching how the cycles manifest in my life as activities and opportunities to learn and grow not only in my own personal microcosm but as it is played out in the world affairs. Like a tapestry the threads are interwoven some more slowly than others. Looking at the Circle you will see that it is a circle within a circle, within another circle, within another circle. Each is one moving at a different pace. The annual cycle is completed in twelve months, next is completed in 9 years having traversed the full circle 9 times, then the one moving more slowly taking 90 years.

The threads of the tapestry stem from the 12 sections of the zodiac and the 9 points or 10 planets. Each one interjects its own special quality providing us with a subtle focus of energy for a period of time, crossing, merging with that of the other layers as it goes creating the fabric which we call our lives. As time moves on events happen to shape us providing opportunities to learn and to grow. To find your present place in the Gnostic Circle is quite easy by calculating from your birth date the positions in various layers of the Circle. All layers start at 0 then move forward at their specific rates of 1 year, 9 years and life. By watching the passage of time at the rate of 12 signs of the zodiac in one year divided by the four quarters it gives you the way of knowing whether you are focusing on your physical, emotional, mental or spiritual bodies for that period. Moving simultaneously at the rate of 9 segments per cycle, each point/number is upheld by a planet and infusing its own specific energy.

If you look at the concentric circles of the Gnostic Circle as separate they appear to be wheels like the gears in a clock, each one is rotating at a regulated speed, interconnecting with the other wheels driven by the central shaft. This way you can see the dynamics of the Circle at work or you could say the Gnostic Circle at play for our lives played out; the journey of life regulated by the clock work of Time. Now if that were all that we had to regulate our lives everyone would have the same experience so the question is; What makes the difference in each individual life?

Knowing that each individual comes in at the 0 point of the Gnostic Circle everyone is equal but then when you can imagine placing that point at the place of your birth in your Zodiacal Natal Horoscope you will see that this is where the magnificent difference comes into play. The wheels begin to turn the blue print takes on shape starting with the parents you were born to, your place in the family, societal status, environment, country, plus all the elements involving the earth at that time, unlimited factors surrounding your birth. This is when the play, the music, the dance really begins. Starting out slowly at birth you lay down the basic web, weaving in the threads as growth goes on. You can see how it fans out around the center, the central shaft driving the whole, which is the seed of you. As the tapestry grows some threads interplay for a time, others just a short thread interjecting a knot of colour as people and events come and go through the picture of your life.

Once the picture is seen it is possible to do a yoga of examining your life by looking at it as a whole, then as separate parts and following the threads in need of rectification. Some times you will have to cut some of the threads off, sometimes repair the ones that have been frayed or left dangling, sometimes by untying the knots. When you become aware of the place you stand at this point in the circle you can see the best route you are able to use to root out the negativity active in your life and go more quickly towards the light. Again as Thea has written; ‘Therefore it can now be stated that Time is an ally and not simply the destroyer of all material substance. With it we can BUILD since there can be no material structure without the mortar of TIME and with the Gnostic Circle we BUILD a cosmos, a harmonious whole.‘ We can use Time on our journey as we ascend to our goal of Knowledge and Truth.

RMW

Skambha,  1996-2005

In early November, to save time and travel costs, I thought I’d take a brief trip to Singapore (SG) to get another India Visa. I was so certain that this [...]]]> I recently experienced two re-entries within a months time which felt as though I was traveling through the atmosphere without the benefit of a protective spaceship.

In early November, to save time and travel costs, I thought I’d take a brief trip to Singapore (SG) to get another India Visa. I was so certain that this was the right course of action, in part because I didn’t feel ready to relate to my former life and loved ones.

Apparently the Divine had other plans. Within 24 hours of my arrival in SG I unexpectedly discovered I had to go home. I was shocked and dismayed. Thankfully, I had a 20 hour flight home to help me transition. (I watched a lot of movies!) A couple of friends had offered to fetch me from JFK and I connected them via email to figure out which one would as I had to log off and board my flight, so I didn’t know whose face I would see there but I knew that I was taken care of. My first response at seeing I’s smiling self was gratitude and joy followed immediately by relief and a release of tears. HOME!

As I mentioned, I was so certain that my plan was also God’s plan that when it didn’t happen, I thought it might be a sign that I was not supposed to return to India. I arrived in CT on 9 Nov and found myself in a very painful void between both worlds. I maintained a low profile for the first few days to allow my body clock and my emotions to adjust to U.S. time and space.

For 9 days I prayed, and proceeded with getting rid of more stuff along with my storage unit with the help, once again, of the amazing Betsy Krobot of Betsy K Home Choreography. While I didn’t know where I would end up, I did know that I needed to keep taking steps forward. Acting ‘as if’ as they say.

Not only did I not know where I was supposed to be, I also didn’t know where I wanted to be. As the days passed I began having thoughts that I didn’t want to go back to India. I couldn’t imagine life here or there. What a conundrum!

My prayer was very simple: HELP! Hahaha…I am only partly joking. I asked to be shown what I was meant to be doing…and where. I prayed for a message so clear that even I couldn’t mistake it!

And then, on November 17th, as I was riding the train into NYC for my appointment with the Indian Visa outsourcing company I felt a shift. I very clearly knew that I wanted to go back to India. It’s no surprise that the process of getting my Visa felt blessed and 5 days later I received notification that my 1 year multi-entry Visa was approved! Yay! A big shout out to the very helpful Travisa Outsourcing gal with whom I had email and phone contact, and who called in favors to expedite the processing of my application.

Then the trepidation set in. I now had a 1 year Visa with a commitment to my teacher (and enough money at the then current exchange rate) to stay for 6 months. What was this next period going to be like? I knew some of the challenges and had already been asked to take on an important role at Skambha. Would I be able to handle it? What kinds of spiritual shifts/ insights/ transformations lay ahead? Only Gods knows.

My 2nd re-entry, back to India, was also buffered by two days in Mysore with my teacher who was paying a visit to the racetrack where she keeps a couple of horses. I slept off my jetlag and had darshans with PNB. [Darshan n. An audience with a spiritual leader, either private or in a group] I won’t go into details here but suffice to say that she told me it was time for me to let go of a key part of my identity that had been with me for decades. As unexpected as it was to hear, we both knew that I was ready. In addition, when I returned to Skambha I was received as staff and no longer a visitor. My responsibilities are bigger and I have been handling the challenges in a much more mature and able manner than I have with similar work experiences in the past. I am growing up mentally and emotionally, which is very grounding. The ladies here have noticed it, too.

Apparently I didn’t need that spaceship afterall…

Carpe Diem!

The Happy Yogini

I’ve been writing a lot about my relationship to stuff and continuing to take actions to [...]]]> I originally titled this post: “Completely Bonehead Move with a Happy Ending…” but once the dust settled from the experience I realized that there was something to be learned, particularly if I refrained from traveling the easy path of self-judgement.

I’ve been writing a lot about my relationship to stuff and continuing to take actions to lessen the inventory of belongings. I am also pondering my need to cart stuff around with me, such as my MacBook, which compared to Ipads, etc. is big, clunky and heavy. What’s it about? Security? Fear of boredom? Preparedness? Not sure, though I am beginning to see that I want to change the behavior and see what insights might arise. To support this my dear pal, A, has offered me the use of her iPad the next time I visit her in NYC.

Here’s the tale:

On a recent Friday afternoon I met a longtime pal, P, for coffee at Grand Central Station, a convenient stop on the way to our respective homes. There’s seating on the lower level where we found a table for two beside a homeless couple who were enjoying cocktails from a paper bag and arguing with an imaginary person. After one particular outburst I glanced over and looked at them, studying their appearance and interaction.

After about 45 minutes P and I left the area and went upstairs where we said our goodbyes and asked a random person to take our photo, all of which took approximately 10 minutes. As I was checking the train schedule on the big board I realized I didn’t have my backpack containing my laptop, that I had left it on the floor under the table downstairs……. SHITE!!!

I RACED back downstairs to find new people sitting at both tables, and no backpack. I asked if they had seen the pack and/or the people and they had; the homeless woman had taken it just a few minutes before my return and they pointed in the direction she had gone. My heart was pounding and I was praying for calmness and clarity about what to do and where to go.

I thought my laptop was gone for good but my feet kept moving. I began with the nearby ladies room and scanned under the stall doors looking for the pack (nothing but feet) then ran up the nearby stairs to the Metro North headmasters station where I was directed back downstairs to the police station on the opposite side of the building. As I was heading toward the police station my intuition told me that I was moving away from the area where I might find that woman and I had a strong sense that the trail was going to get cold very quickly so I stopped and turned around and there, at the spot I had just crossed 3 times, I found her standing still in the midst of the hustle and bustle.

I asked her if she had seen my bag ~ yes, a very nice woman took it

Can you tell me what she looked like? ~ I only know that she was black.

Do you remember what she was wearing? ~ No… I don’t remember

Would you mind coming to the police station to help me find her? I knew she wouldn’t come with me and looking back I think I was just buying time while I figured out what to do or say next.

There was a brief pause as we stood there looking at one another and it was then that I noticed she had a denim jacket over her left shoulder and dangling out from under were the straps of my pack….I stepped toward her and asked “Is that my backpack?” She innocently replied…“Oh, THIS backpack?” as I slowly and gently slid it off her shoulder. There was no resistance on her part. As I slung it over my shoulder, I looked her in the eyes and said “You were right, she was a nice woman” and I walked away with my heart in my throat…Thank you, God!

The whole scenario seems so scripted, which supports my budding belief that everything is planned out by a greater force than me. The things that stand out the most to me are 1) the moments that I studied her appearance so that I could later recognize her 2) my gut instincts were right on when I turned away from the police station and 3) the fact that he didn’t leave the area or at least hide the backpack. So,  while I admit that leaving my backpack on the floor in Grand Central Terminal was a bonehead move, berating myself won’t move me closer to self knowledge which is what I am after on this journey through life.

Constructive outcomes of this experience: Back up my laptop (done), leave it at home more frequently (on going), check the area when I get ready to leave a public place (on going),

…and last but not least, Give Thanks ~ DONE!.

CARPE DIEM!
The Happy Yogini

Invariably there have [...]]]> In January of 2009, after ignoring numerous requests over the previous 6 months, I finally relented and joined the Cult of Facebook. I am so glad I did because I’ve gotten back in touch with some very dear friends from various parts of my life with whom I’d lost touch over the years.

Invariably there have been quite a few folks who I’ve “friended” but didn’t really know well in person and on two occasions have slashed and burned through my list de-friending people who didn’t meet the litmus test; Do I really consider them friends, or have any type of relationship with them outside of Facebook? For the most part, those people haven’t noticed that I disappeared from their list which confirmed there wasn’t a connection. Recently I’ve relaxed a little on this and have friended people with whom I have a lot of mutual friends – mainly from college.

In early September I was looking at the list of “people you may know” and saw M whom I knew in college but wasn’t really close to. Something had me friend him and in less than 24 hrs he accepted. When I logged on to FB a few days later I discovered a message – “Crazy Patti – K says Hello!” - with friend request from J (wife of K, a pal from the late 80’s in Rochester) who I haven’t seen in over 20 years.

I was SO happily surprised and immediately accepted her friend request.

J gave me the highlights of her life followed by “What about you? A quick rundown of your life since we last saw you around our wedding in 1990!!”

“Here goes…I went to airplane mechanic school in ‘90/’91, went to California ’91-‘96, moved to NYC and got a corporate job, got sober in Sept 1997 (yay!), moved to Stamford CT with that company and worked there ‘til the market crash in 2008 (they ’set me free’ thank goodness!), during my time at that co. I bought the cutest brownstone in Fairfield, CT where I lived for 6 years. 2009-2010 went to yoga teacher training, sold the house and most of my stuff, taught yoga for 18 months and in June came to India to live at a spiritual center with my teacher and a small group of students. And then you found me! Hahahaa…it’s been a grand experience (life, that is) and I have such fond memories of you and K and our posse….How did you find me?”

“I’m facebook friends with M and noticed your name. I knew it was you immediately!”

Check this out: M and K have a mutual friend, B. K and B grew up together in Rochester and M and B met at SUNY Oswego. Neither K nor B are on FB. M and J, K’s wife, subsequently met and became FB friends (acquaintances in real life) and when M accepted my friend request J saw it and told K. It sounds convoluted, but it shows me once again how small the world is, particularly with the advent of FB.

I am very happy to say that J and I are going to surprise K with my visit to see them on my way to Rochester for Thanksgiving. It feels so good to discover the same deep fondness is present after so many years of lost contact, and that J and I have things in common that we discovered separately during the intervening years.

It’s going to be a wonderful Thanksgiving and I wish the same for you.

CARPE DIEM!

The Happy Yogini

I wrote awhile back that it took me a couple of months to “land” in India and not too long thereafter I knew that I “needed another 6 months” there. I experienced an internal shift which included slowing down and coming into [...]]]> I’m baaack! In the U.S., that is. Yeah, it’s a surprise to me, too.

I wrote awhile back that it took me a couple of months to “land” in India and not too long thereafter I knew that I “needed another 6 months” there. I experienced an internal shift which included slowing down and coming into the present moment and I knew there was more to discover. I talked to my teacher, who was happy to have me stay, and I figured out that I could swing it financially. Yay!

To save time and money I decided to go to Singapore to get my Visa and to combine it with some market research for the cheese manufacturing business where I volunteer.

The mishaps began when I accidentally left my India cell phone in the vehicle that brought me to the airport and minutes later I was unexpectedly charged a few hundred dollars for overweight baggage. I mistakenly assumed that the weight limit was the same to Singapore as it was from the U.S. A child cried and fussed throughout the entire 4.5 hour middle of the night flight. I arrived exhausted at Singapore airport and discovered that the telephone number for the gal I’d be staying with was one digit too long so I could not reach her. I also came to realize that I didn’t have her exact address, only the building name. In spite of these experiences I had a strong sensation that God was present, I was being taken care of and there was no problem.

This was evidenced by the fact that for every “wrinkle” in my plan there were 2 to 3 people I would encounter that were willing to assist me.  I said a little prayer as I was walking to the airport Taxi area that I get a driver who was willing to provide extra help if needed. As soon as I laid eyes on Asmi I breathed a sigh of relief. He had a gentle appearance and kind eyes and I called on him 4 out of 5 times during my stay in Singapore. I needed a place to leave my bags for a couple of hours and Jane, the “holiday secretary” at the Blessed Sacrament Church, located in the neighborhood of my host, was happy to let me leave my stuff in the office. Shane, the phone store gal, set me up with an inexpensive phone, sim card and pre-paid minutes and she let me use her laptop and internet connection to connect with Nicole, my host.

I also had a wink from God experience on my walk from the church to the phone store. Next door to the church is the beautiful Sri Muneeswaran Hindu Temple and I popped in to check it out. Inside there was a large courtyard
surrounded by altars to various Hindu gods and on the far side a table was set up behind which stood two Hindu priests giving offerings to visitors to place in front of the various altars. Something drew me toward these two young men and I remember thinking that I didn’t know why I was approaching them. As I neared I recognized one of the men as having participated in a ceremony I attended 3 years before, in India at the center where I’ve spent the past 5 months. I asked him if he remembered that experience, if he was there, and sure enough he was! What are the odds? He’s been in Singapore for 2 years and will be there for another 3 months. I surely felt as though God was showing me that all was well.

I had an unfortunate experience with my host and after feeling very uncomfortable staying at her place that night, decided the following morning to cut short my stay there and find other accommodations for the remainder of my time in Singapore.

Asmi fetched me and off we went to the Indian Embassy.  My efforts to get a Visa were thwarted when the interviewer told me in no uncertain terms that they do not provide Visas to non-residents, Thank You Very Much Have a Nice Day Good Bye Madam. I was dumbfounded because I had done the research and would not have made the journey if this information was clearly stated on the website.

What next? “Asmi, to the airport please!” I spent the rest of the day researching plane fares and emailing my pals in CT to let them know I was coming home and that I’d need a lift from the airport and a place to stay. The people at the Singapore Airlines customer service desk, The Coffee Bean and Starbucks, not to mention my pals at home, all gave me assistance in one form or another.

The most difficult part of the unfolding was my disbelief that I had to go home and my feeling that I wasn’t ready. I am in the midst of this spiritual experience and I believed that I should remain in the cocoon, as it were, of India/Asia. I couldn’t possibly explain to my friends and family what I’ve experienced and I felt completely ill-equipped to be in the energy of the Northeast U.S. with it’s fast paced rat race. But the Divine Plan seemed to be showing me differently. Several dear friends got back to me within minutes that I had a ride from the airport and a place to stay and I found a reasonable airfare for a flight leaving the following day.

On Wednesday morning, after a brief meeting with a gourmet food distributor, Asmi delivered me to the airport one last time and off I went, by way of Taiwan. I left Singapore at 1:30 pm and after 20 hours of total flight time, arrived at 9:30 pm on the same day! How is that even possible? Gratefully, I noticed during the first leg of my flight the feeling that I really goofed up drained completely out of my body. I don’t know why I had to make the trip to Singapore but it must be part of the Divine Unfolding or it wouldn’t have happened; I am not so powerful as to be able to mess up God’s Plan.

While still in Singapore I observed to my mother that if your life turns upside down and you can choose where it will happen, I suggest Singapore. I have never experienced another place with absolutely no chaos and people so willing to help at every turn. The other interesting observation is that I didn’t get a sense of cultural history or uniqueness – I took only one photo. There are some very cool buildings but I could do a simple internet search to see them again.

The photo I took which I thought summed up my impression of Singapore, and which I doubted I’d see online, was the Singapore Airport women’s restroom. I’d put it on par with any 5 star hotel, minus the attendant. Immaculate, stylish and calming…with greenery even.

So, what’s next for me? MY plan is to get a Visa this week, empty my storage unit next week and then head home to Rochester for a family Thanksgiving followed immediately by a return flight to India….

…I wonder if that in any way matches God’s Plan for me….

CARPE DIEM!

The Happy Yogini

It happened spontaneously one day as I was taking photos of these beautiful people and noticed that their smiles would disappear the moment I aimed my camera in their direction, even when they asked to be photographed. I asked one of the folks who speaks English how to say in Tamil, the local [...]]]> “I’m learning Tamil”

It happened spontaneously one day as I was taking photos of these beautiful people and noticed that their smiles would disappear the moment I aimed my camera in their direction, even when they asked to be photographed. I asked one of the folks who speaks English how to say in Tamil, the local language, “Smile!/ Siddipu!”. At first I mis-pronounced it as “Siddipoh” which I discovered meant “Smile Go Away!” Now sometimes I’ll deliberately say the latter to get the spontaneous smile and laughter that makes for a great photo (ex. ladies pictured).

From there, I asked our “office man”, M, how to say “How are you?/ Ningul Saukiyama?” was his reply. And off I went, greeting every one of our local employees. They were caught off guard initially but immediately each one began to help me correctly pronounce words and teach me new ones.

One of the other things I learned to say early on was “Please speak slowly!/ Deyeavusedu Medooah Pesingay” which also means “Please Speak Quietly”, though given the context of my learning, they distinguish. Once I accurately sort out the sylables, I have been easily able to correctly pronounce the words of this beautiful language of 4 – 5000 years, one of the oldest in India (ancient wall carvings pictured).

Thus far I have learned:

Courtesies: Deyeavusedu/Please, Nanri/Thank you, EyeYa/Sir, Ama/Ma’am

Greetings: Callie Vanacum/Good Morning, Madeeam Vanacum/Good Afternoon, Nallie Vanacum/ Good Evening, Irah Vhu Vanacum/Good Night, Ningul Nalam Irikingila/How are you?, Nan Nalam/I am fine, Nalakey Poppom/See you tomorrow,

The days of the week: Thingul Keelamay/Monday, Sayvuwhy Keelamay/Tuesday, Bhuden Keelamay/Wednesday, Vialen Keelahmay/Thursday, Vellee Keelamay/Friday, Sunny Keelamay/Saturday, Kneeayruh Keelamay/Sunday

A bit about meals and eating: Nan Caley unavhu sapideh pohiden/ I am eating breakfast, Nan madiyanem sapideh pohiden/ I am eating lunch, Nan makosalem sapidehkundueirukkieren/I am eating corn.

And let’s not forget the all important “Milking finished/Paul Moodindadeh” and “Please close the door!/Deyeavusedu Kadavhu Muduga!”

My next goal is to learn how to tell time. I’ve already learned how to say “6:30/Ar Array”, because our most recent calf was born this past Monday at that time of night and it struck me as a good name for her. Whatever it takes to learn, right?

The writing is an entirely different kettle of fish, comprised of 240 loopy, squiggly characters, which I am not inclined to tackle as yet. The Tamil words and phrases I’ve written are purely my phonetic spellings and are tweaked often as I improve my understanding and pronunciation.

Speaking Tamil, more than any other action, has connected me with our Indian population. On a very basic level I am meeting them on their turf and it feels really good to pierce the language barrier, even if I flub it up at times.

Apuram Poppom! See you later!

CARPE DIEM!

The Happy Yogini