The Haunted Drive-in

Review: The Ritual

2018-02-13T15:07:00.000-05:00

Netflix has been spending millions on original content for a while now, eager to become an entertainment destination unto themselves and not just a place for binge-watching old sitcoms. There have been massive successes (Stranger Things), and some obvious failures (anything Adam Sandler gave them). But when they pick up a low-budget horror flick from a newbie director featuring no big stars and a story steeped in Norse mythology, it's reasonable to assume it's a movie one should skip. This is one of those situations where it feels so good to be wrong. Let's get lost in The Ritual.

This tagline was changed before release, following the tragic shooting in the city of Las Vegas.

The story centers on Luke (Rafe Spall), an emotionally disabled man who's reeling with guilt from an incident 6 months prior. While his friend Rob met his death in a liquor store at the hands of a minor perp, Luke cowered behind a shelving unit, clutching a bottle of vodka like a security blanket. As a tribute to their fallen friend, Luke and the rest of the gang -Phil, Hutch, and Dom- are hiking through the wilds of Scandinavia, something Rob had always wanted to do. No one is talking about what Luke did (or rather, didn't do) in the liquor store when Rob was killed, but it's on their minds.

When Dom experiences an injury that drastically slows him and the group down, it's suggested they cut the trip in half by traveling as the crow flies and taking a shortcut directly through the forest. What begins as an adventure in brotherly hiking quickly turns into a creepfest, as the men encounter pagan cabins, stunningly realistic nightmares, and a predator unlike anything they've ever seen in front of or behind their eyes. And all the while, old regrets keep bubbling to the surface, like bad booze...

The Ritual is one of those films that will either delight or exhaust you depending on how many horror films you've seen. What I mean to say is, it's not a particularly original plot, and the individual story beats will be pretty recognizable too. There's echoes of The Blair Witch Project, The Descent, The Hills Have Eyes, even Jaws. But the movie does everything so well, and so confidently, I just didn't care. Director David Bruckner does a wonderful job with his first feature-length, knowing just how long to hold the camera, when to let the actors do the heavy lifting, when to show the monster in full.

Oh yes, there is a monster. If you have better than average knowledge of Norse mythology, you may be able to see where the story is going by the halfway point, but that doesn't spoil the incredible reveal. The general consensus online is that The Ritual's big bad boasts the best creature design in years if not decades, and I have to agree. A truly original beastie, with a clever mix of practical and CGI effects, you'll be hard-pressed to get it out of your mind. I'm not going to share it here, you have to see it for yourself.

Your mileage on the human antagonists may vary, as they definitely repeat a lot of what's come before, with less verve and imagination than the woods and the creature. Still, the discovery Luke makes in the attic is a highlight of the film. The best thing about the script is how smartly it deployed comedy. The Ritual is not a funny movie and isn't meant to be, but that just makes the two or three humorous moments land that much harder. One unexpected act of violence near the finale made me do an actual spit-take. Everyone in the cast does a fine job, straddling the line between unlikable and sympathetic with aplomb. Probably best known to Yanks as one of the 2 Andys from Hot Fuzz, Spall does a fantastic job as a leading man, and a dramatic one no less.

Like all good movies, it's about something more, and something deeper, than just the surface narrative of a group of men getting lost in the woods and dying. The Ritual digs into things that guys have trouble articulating, even when they want to: guilt, regret, what they need to do to achieve or even feel redemption, forgiveness. Bruckner mentioned in an interview that men have much more difficulty than women not just making new friends as they get older, but maintaining the relationships they have. No one is sure EXACTLY why that is, but the specter of hurt is there on the actors' faces, and it's a large part of the story. It's not lost on me that I'm not much younger than the characters as I write this, and have dealt with this problem. A sobering tale once you dig into the themes.

All said and done, The Ritual is the first A on horror's report card for 2018, and if you're a fan of The Wicker Man crossed with the worst road trip imaginable and just a pinch of Lovecraft, you'll dig it.

The Ritual is streaming exclusively on Netflix.

Review: High Strung (and some info about the future of the Haunted Drive-in)

2017-11-10T18:37:00.002-05:00

Now this is unusual, isn't it? I said I'd be back next month, and here I am! I'm sure anyone who's followed this blog for longer than a few days expected me to write my next post sometime in October 2018. I can't say I blame you, I've never been one for consistent updates.

The point is, I'm back, and I've got some news: The Haunted Drive-in is going to do a little remodeling. Since day one, we've tried to offer news, editorials, and videos that are horror and sci-fi flavored, to the point, and just fun to read/see. And while it's been a grand time building the fanbase on other platforms like YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (all pages I encourage you to visit and join, by the way), getting more interaction at the Drive-in itself would be totally tubular. So, this site is going to experience a bit of a creative overhaul.

I'm going to be borrowing (stealing) from other (better) sites who have been around much longer than I have, and are clearly doing something right. Our aesthetic will be much the same, and our core mission -celebrating the scary, the silly, and the cheesy- will go unchanged. I'm just going to lean a little more heavily into the nostalgic cul-de-sacs that occupy every one of our mental neighborhoods, taking time for whatever comes to mind: old toys, new toys, superhero flicks, superhero comics, holiday memories, obscure movies, and more. The Haunted Drive-in is still haunted, we're just introducing geeky ghosts of yesteryear to share space alongside the terrifying ones.

So! All that out of the way, let's focus on what's current. It's the month of Thanksgiving, and people always wonder what to watch for this oft-ignored holiday. Turkey Day just doesn't lend itself to cinematic magic quite like its seasonal bedfellows Halloween and Christmas do. Oh sure, there's the classic Planes, Trains, and Automobiles with John Candy and Steve Martin (unquestionably THE Thanksgiving movie), there's reliable specials from Garfield and the Peanuts gang, and there's loads of sitcom episodes celebrating the holiday, from Cheers to Friends and beyond. When all is said and done however, that's still a fraction of the output that October 31st and December 25th boast of. So the movie I'm talking about tonight is a bit of a deeper cut. It's not about Thanksgiving, no, but it does focus on the concept of gratitude, mostly by circling around a subject who isn't grateful for anything. This is the little-seen one man rant that is High Strung.

Thane Furrows is not what you'd call a happy man. He's dissatisfied with his work, his mother berates his choices, and his upstairs neighbor plays music seemingly designed to coax blood from his ears. Thane's only therapeutic exercise is a steady stream-of-consciousness, directed at the audience in an endless 4th wall break. We provide him with a sympathetic ear as he unleashes his fury on everything from watermelon seeds to insurance salesmen. Unsurprisingly, Thane's constant complaining has negative consequences, but it's much more serious than developing an ulcer. In fact, if he doesn't stop regretting his own birth so much, he may not be around to regret it at all.

This is one of those movies that almost no one has seen, but every time you talk to someone who has they immediately sing its praises. Incredibly quotable, filled with some great "I know the face, but not the name" actors, and disarmingly simple, High Strung is the kind of comedy that can be watched again and again, even after you know the central mystery and have all the lines memorized. Steve Oedekerk, better known for being a writer and director (Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Jimmy Neutron, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist), is a perfect match for Thane's embittered existence, never making him too odious or too likable, but rather all too relatable. When he says early on "Why should I have to please other people with my work?" it practically feels like the rallying cry of most artists.

An hour and a half of a guy whining would not be very fun if the writing weren't strong, and thankfully, High Strung has a very smart script, with little annoyances that we've all encountered, perhaps even today: an unkillable fly, a stupid game show contestant botching a softball of a question, an aggravating neighbor, that call from Mom we keep avoiding. As Thane's day plows on and his life becomes more imperiled, the dialogue is never too ridiculous. We've all acted like this. We all act like this.

As you can see in any googled image, Jim Carrey is a part of the proceedings. While I don't want to spell it out here, the poster above makes it clear that he's a devilish figure (so it's still spooky enough for the Drive-in. Smooth transition for you all). Filmed before Carrey rose to mega-stardom with The Mask, the cast is rounded out by Denise Crosby of Star Trek: TNG fame, Tom "Biff" Wilson, and Fred Willard. Not to mention a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo from an exceptionally young Kirsten Dunst in a fantasy sequence. But it's really Oedekerk's show.

Never released on DVD or blu-ray, this film is exceptionally difficult to find through proper channels. You can spend an inordinate amount on ebay for a VHS, or just watch it on YouTube. As of this writing, the entire movie is available there, which I've embedded below. It's tough to tell how long this sort of thing will last before some lawyer gets it taken down though, so I'd get to watching it right quick. High Strung is short, sweet, and exceptionally funny, with that twinge of melancholy that makes good comedy so good. You'll be quoting it for the next month. "When is the last time you had your carpet cleaned, Almighty Ruler?"

The Pumpkin Song Must Be Preserved

2017-10-30T20:39:00.000-04:00

As Mischief Night draws to a close and Halloween 2017 gears up, I find myself doing what I always do this time of year: scrambling to finish my annual watchlist before midnight tomorrow.

"Hurry up, hurry up! We've got 32 hours of horror movies to watch and only 27 hours to do it!"

We all have traditions that define the season, whether it be a friend's costume party, carving pumpkins with our kids/nieces/nephews, or sticking to a master list of specials and horror flicks to watch before November 1st arrives. I never get to as many Halloweeny activities as I'd like, but I did manage to get to the party this weekend. All that's left is the watching.

No one in my family cares about horror remotely as much as I do, so I do a lot of my Halloween viewing flying solo. Strange and/or nonsensical as it may seem, if I fail to watch a particular special or movie prior to the big day, I refuse to watch it until the following year. Extreme? Maybe. But something about seeing John Carpenter's Halloween or It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown on November 1st just feels... wrong.

I haven't had a lot of time this month to get through my list, and two conditions really hurt my chances. First, the fact that Halloween falls on a Tuesday this year. It's lame, and it really throws a wrench into spooky plans. Two, I start a new job tomorrow. On Halloween, the most important day of my year. Oh, I'm cranky about it all right. But there's nothing to be done. I can't even stay up late, as my workday begins at 7:30am and goes until 5pm. So frustrating.

I've spent the entirety of today devouring vintage TV specials and horror flicks, since 11am. Whatever I don't get to will have to wait until 2018. Silly, yes. Oddball, yes. But the magic of Halloween must be preserved. Whatever happens tomorrow, we will follow the rules, not just the ones we've been taught by movies, TV, and world history, but the ones we make for ourselves.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to Scooby-doo and the Headless Horseman. Happy Halloween everyone! I'll be back in the month of turkey and stuffing.

Review: The WNUF Halloween Special

2017-10-11T19:46:00.001-04:00

I've mentioned before how Halloween, more than any other major holiday (JUST beating out Christmas), seems to practically run on nostalgia. So much of what we love about October 31st is wrapped up in the experiences we've already had, the candy we received last year or the haunted house we walked through a decade ago. And of course, the cheesy TV specials that have became a ritual of required viewing every season, cartoons and grisly horror and quaint old commercials for shampoo and fast food and department stores that no longer exist. Turns out, the people behind tonight's movie also recognize the power of memories. Let's dive into the WNUF Halloween Special.

Considered lost since its one and only airing back on Halloween night 1987, we can finally view this infamous broadcast for ourselves. Things kick off with the local TV28 news, the anchors all gussied up for Halloween. After features regarding safety tips for kids, a fundamentalist group protesting the celebrations, and local weather, the next program is investigative journalist Frank Stewart hosting the WNUF Halloween special, a live exploration of the Webber house, where a young man famously axed his parents decades ago. Frank's brought a priest and the world-famous spiritualists the Bergers with him, to determine if all the hauntings are rumors and hoaxes or if the old house really does harbor malevolent spirits. There are of course several commercial breaks to get through, being such an old tape, but you can always fast forward. Things are kinda boring until the Bergers start using their audio equipment, at which point it becomes clear that something is not right. And once Frank and co. find out the truth, it's anyone's guess how this live special will end.

I'm not going to be coy about it: this is my new favorite film and has automatically been added to my Halloween playlist from this year on. The look, the audio, the jokes, the small-town TV vibe is all perfect. I have stacks of VHS tapes I pull out to watch every October, and WNUF is JUST like them. Everything from the endless VCR tracking lines to the ads for pumpkin patches and low-budget kids' sci-fi shows would not be at all out of place, and if not for the main attraction, I could believe that this tape was really from the late 80s. Completed in 2013 and recently added to streaming service Shudder, the filmmakers went the extra mile not just recording on vintage film stock, but running the footage through several VCRS until the quality had degraded enough to fit the look they needed. 300 VHS copies were even given away at cons or thrown out of cars at people to build word-of-mouth. What fun. I won't go into too much detail about what you'll see, but if you were born before, say, 1992, you'll get a big kick out of this.

The special itself is basically a found-footage parody, with a lot of intentionally awkward jokes and bad camerawork. But again, it's supposed to be a local news crew live on location, so the bad camerawork fits. The actor portraying Frank is a great talent, he reminded me quite a bit of J.K. Simmons. Everyone else is fine, but it's literally and figuratively Frank's show.

There are some flaws. The seance scene drags a bit, the story doesn't really start until about 35 minutes in (not a problem if you view it as the "old news and broadcast special" it's pretending to be), and the ending is underwhelming. No spoilers, but I wish they'd gone bigger with it. It was likely a budget thing. Besides, going bigger may have hurt the aesthetic anyway. This is is local access, Up All Night, retro Halloween horror, and it's a friggin' blast. Put on your PJs, turn out the lights, and grab some popcorn, because you're in for a scary good time. I love the 80s.

My First Halloween Mood Table!

2017-10-03T23:03:00.001-04:00

Although a fairly recent tradition at 10 years old, Halloween Mood Tables have captured the imagination of monster kids everywhere. Created by Madd Matt back in 2007, the concept is simple: designate a spot in your home and make it Halloween Headquarters. It can be an end table, a dining room table, a coffee table, or even a folding chair. Some people have utilized setups as primitive as a two-by-four over cinder blocks. Whatever the base, it just needs to be a spot that makes you happy and screams "HALLOWEEN" to all who see it. Basically, it's a Christmas tree for October 31st.

There's no right or wrong way to put one of these together. Every Halloween Mood Table is personal and made for and by its owner. Mine includes Ghostbusters Funko Pops, LEGO minifigures, and activity books from when I was a kid. Others might have a place for candy, a pumpkin, or more elaborate dioramas illustrating horror movie scenes. Madd Matt has offered some basic tips, if you're interested in crafting one yourself: Illumination is effective, choose things that matter to you and say "this is Halloween" and of course, enjoy yourself. You can theme it, or let it be a (monster) mash of different things. Go wild and get creative!

While always an avid celebrator of Halloween, I had never done an HMT. Over the last few years, it's really taken off, with hundreds of people putting together their own ghastly shrines. Even a couple celebrities have gotten in on the creepy fun. So, what with this being the 10th year since its inception and having a nice large dining table I never use, now seemed like the perfect time to join in.

Here's a look at my Halloween Mood Table for this year. Some of the best bits:

1. The one-eyed skeleton candle holder with the color-changing eye.

2. The Pennywhistle Halloween Book. The bible of Halloween celebrations and required reading every year.

3. LEGO trick-or-treaters with their own pumpkin pails.

Here's another peek at it in this quick video (warning and apologies, the quality is non-existent. My computer lied to me):

Again, all credit goes to Madd Matt for his brilliant idea and for sharing it with the world. Find more great stuff at his website by clicking here. and from there, you can find his excellent Youtube and Facebook pages too! In the meantime, if you've got a Halloween Mood Table, we wanna see it! Post pics in the comments or tweet them at us!

We're building up to Halloween! (Literally.)

2017-10-02T20:51:00.000-04:00

It's the second day of Halloween (only boring people call it October). I'm sure you're all lining up trips to the pumpkin patch, the drive-in theater, or maybe some Monster mini-golfing. Perhaps you're staying in with hot cider and pumpkin spice donuts. Whatever you're doing, just make sure it's fun, autumnal, and a wee bit spooky.

Today, my brother and I got into the spirit by collaborating on one of my favorite things: LEGO! After deciding on a movie to watch (My Name Is Bruce, if you cared to know), we got to work putting together the Scooby-Doo Mystery Mansion set. It was a fun build, with lots of bats, pumpkins, traps, and hidden treasure. And of course, some creepy old guys in spooky masks trying to stop the meddling kids.

Have a look at our process through the magic of time lapse photography, and if you like what you see here, be sure to like the video and subscribe to the Drive-in's Youtube channel! This is our first legitimate video with original content, and we hope to bring you more soon!

We Just Won't Stay Dead!

2017-09-29T23:01:00.002-04:00

Is it time for my annual post already?

Sheesh, good thing that I don't have deadlines around here, or there'd be real trouble. Though I suppose a place like the Haunted Drive-in always has some dead lines. HA! Any way, it's good to be back. I can't say how long it'll last, but I've learned to just appreciate the moments as they come.

To the three of you who are still subscribed to this blog despite it being updated at a glacial place, blessings on your shrunken heads. Here's hoping you still appreciate my awful puns and outdated references. Of course, we celebrate the scary, the cheesy, and the monstrously silly here, so I think you knew what you were getting into when I started writing years ago.

If you're expecting a post with some substance after all my time away, well, it won't be tonight. I'm still got a lot of spinning plates in the air, metaphorically speaking, so the good stuff will be coming down the pike later on. Soon though, I promise! Instead, let me turn your attention to what's been happening on the Drive-in's fringes.

Not THOSE fringes.

The first thing to note is the regular updates spewing out of our Facebook page. We're sharing something new every few days there, whether it be movie scoops, ridiculous videos, or Halloween playlists so you always have something spooky to watch. If you haven't already liked us, there's a link to the left! Updates on FB are much more frequent, and perfect for anyone with limited time and/or attention spans. Check the feed that's also on the left for our Twitter account. Everything that is shared here gets shared there, plus some cool bonus stuff! Besides, we really appreciate the follow.

Speaking of ridiculous videos, that's the other main attraction: our YouTube page. We've always had one, but for a long time it was a mishmash of playlists and assorted junk, with no real purpose. That's all been overhauled. Most of the playlists have been exorcised to make things more streamlined and simple, those that remain have been added to and cleaned up, and we've been adding our own content steadily over the past few weeks. Most of it right now is collections of vintage commercials from first airings of classic Halloween specials. We've got nearly an hour total of great cheesy ads, from Mcdonald's promos celebrating the return of McRib to "Coming Soon" stingers for the original miniseries of Stephen King's IT! More will be added in the near future, as well as original content (here's hopin'). Please head on over and subscribe, just be sure to say Rabbi sent ya.

I'm optimistic that my writing partner Richard "Daffy" Rodriguez will be keen to return to the Drive-in, but he's been very busy marrying his sweetheart! So, congratulations to them both! Maybe he'll be back after the honeymoon.

And of course, we are mere days away from the Countdown to Halloween, so keep an eye out (preferably on your bedside table) for more posts, more videos, and more spooks. Like I say every year, the best is yet to come. Well, I'm gonna start saying that. Here's one of our recent uploads at our YT channel, a glorious half-hour of early 90s advertisements:

Glad to be back, fiends!

Review: Ghostbusters (2016)

2016-07-16T00:55:00.001-04:00

Yates, Holtzman, Gilbert, and Tolan.

Let's get the obvious out of the way first: nothing was going to live up to people's expectations set by the first Ghostbusters film. That movie was magic, the kind of lightning in a bottle that happens maybe once a decade. The 1989 sequel couldn't recapture it, the director never recaptured it with his similar film Evolution, and despite having the original writers, every member of the cast save Rick Moranis and Sigourney Weaver, and a truly wonderful plot involving Stay-puft, Slimer, a terrifying spider-woman prostitute, and even a hidden island full of dead cultists, the 2009 video game didn't get it exactly right either. Ghostbusters 1984 is one of those high-concept gifts that no sequel, remake, reboot, or spin-off could ever hope to eclipse.

Thankfully, Paul Feig and the women he directed in Ghostbusters 2016 know that. Rather than slavishly recreate the original story, or go wildly off-book to the point that it doesn't recall a shred of what it's supposed to be inspired by, the new film artfully balances between the two options. All of the folks online who ranted and raved at their computer screens are thankfully given very little ammo by the movie itself. It won't win them over -right or wrong, they made up their minds long ago- but for genuine fans who love the GB franchise as well as the average moviegoer, this one's a lot of fun.

The basics: Dr. Abby Yates (Melissa McCarthy) and Dr. Erin Gilbert (Kristen Wiig) are old friends who had a falling out years ago over a book they co-wrote about the plausibility of ghosts. When Gilbert goes to see to it that the book is taken down from Amazon and Google searches so as not to ruin her shot at getting tenure, she is roped into accompanying Yates and oddball engineer Gillian Holtzman (Kate McKinnon) on a trip to a local historic mansion where a ghost sighting was recently reported. One slimy encounter later, the three women decide to go into business hunting and trapping every full-bodied repeating phantasm they can find. After her own disturbing experience in a subway tunnel, MTA employee Patty Tolan (Leslie Jones) joins the team, offering her knowledge of the city as well as her uncle's car. It's not long before the ghostbusters find that someone is actually trying to summon ghosts by building and planting electrical devices that enhance paranormal activity. It all leads to some violent possessions, nuclear explosions, and cartoon characters from hell.

I was a month old when the original Ghostbusters released, and only 5 when the sequel hit theaters. This was my first chance to see a GB film in the theater, and I was going to take it. When the movie was first announced, the hate seemed almost absurd. I mean sure, casting all women IS a gimmick, but that doesn't mean it's going to be a bad movie. When the first trailer hit Youtube, well, there was reason to worry. It was awkwardly paced, unfunny, and seemed overly concerned with showing off action sequences. But still, I determined that I was going to see the movie before making a decision, unlike most.

It's strange that one can't seem to discuss this movie in and of itself. I feel as if I and every other reviewer on the planet are required to share our opinion about the controversy. Well, all controversy aside, this really was as good as I could have hoped for. In my mind, the one sin a movie can commit is being dull, and GB 2016 is clear of that. It's also much, much funnier than the sub-par marketing led us to believe (although honestly, how often does a trailer accurately capture the vibe of any comedy?). If you're not a fan of the cast members, regardless of your reasoning, then I can't help you. I CAN say to all who would paint Melissa McCarthy as a one-joke pony, she offers a character here that is nothing like she's done before. There were no cracks about her weight or intelligence, and most of the humor came from the characters rather than the ridiculous events unfolding around them, which was a key component of what made the humor so strong in the original. McKinnon steals the show as Holtzman, no question. Her character is utterly unique in the Ghostbusters canon, and nearly every line she had was a howler. Leslie Jones, like most, fares better than the trailers might've indicated, but she still gets saddled with a lot of "loud black woman" lines. Still, her contributions to the team matter and they acknowledge her as a full-fledged member by the end, which was great. Kristen Wiig is always dependable, but other than fawning over Kevin, she doesn't get much to do. Oh, Kevin. Chris Hemsworth killed every time he was onscreen, and was clearly having a good time during production. Some of his jokes made me wonder how anybody could be that stupid and live, but I laughed loudly, so I can't complain. The cast is rounded out by several great comedic and dramatic actors who are sadly underused. How do you get Zach Woods, Andy Garcia, and Matt Walsh in your movie and reduce them to glorified cameos? However, The cameos by the original cast are all fun and don't overstay their welcome.

As to the effects, I admired how they took advantage of CGI to do things that just weren't possible back in 1984 (at least, not without hundreds of millions of dollars, which is what Dan Akroyd's original treatment would've required). All the ghosts look distinct and creepy, and the final manifestation is very clever, utilizing something cute and innocent for a disturbing taunt and transformation scene. A few reviewers have said that this film is scarier than the original; I'll respectfully disagree. I may have first seen the 1984 flick when I was only six years old, but nothing beats the initial shock followed by hysterical laughter that the librarian ghost inspired. The new film offers a few unique visuals that will stick with viewers (the parade balloons are a highlight), but the best gags come courtesy of old friends. I won't say more than that. Another thing to commend is the score, which doesn't get discussed often, if at all. The music in the film is appropriate and a lot of fun. The Fall Out Boy remix can burn, however.

My biggest issue is the (non) characterization of the villain. Having a human opponent trying to bring about annihilation is an intriguing idea, and the utter lack of backstory or insight into his thought process was disappointing. He's just an odd guy who hates people. Not movie-wrecking, but that could've been done better. There were also a lot of meta jokes, most revolving around the internet's response to the idea of this movie, which got a tad bit tiresome. Again, not a deal-breaker, but a little self-serving on the filmmakers' part.

As to some critics' more specific complaints, I'll address those here:

There's a queefing joke in the movie. -Yeah, there is. In the original, the most popular character asked a woman if she was currently menstruating, so...
SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILER They banish the final manifestation spirit by shooting his crotchular region. -"Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!" Why is one worse than the other?

Some people refuse to see this film, which is absolutely their right. However, by exercising that right, they give up the one that allows them to express an opinion on it. If you're turned to anger by the fact this movie exists, then watch the original and stop trying to ruin the childhoods of all the kids today who are excited about a new Ghostbusters movie. (See how I flipped it?) If you're a (rational) longtime fan of the franchise or just looking for something fun and funny, you will not be disappointed here.

In short: see it and you'll be grinning for most of the runtime. Also, stay until the end of the credits. The very last scene made me want a sequel.

Welcome to the Spook Factor!

2015-10-30T17:25:00.001-04:00

Greetings and welcome to the very first episode of my brand new show! What is it about? Well, I’ll let the video speak for itself…

I’m really excited to be starting this new video reviewing endeavor! Please leave a comment with any thoughts or suggestions.

I’m not sure if I’m going to keep the “creepy tone” that I use in the video. Might cheer myself up a bit for the first REAL episode. On that note!

I will try my absolute hardest to have at least 1 new video up a month! My hope is to have more than one up a month. However, knowing how life gets in the way, I will only be promising up to 1 video per month. As such, expect the first official episode to come up before the month of November is up! When exactly? Don’t know yet. But soon!

Thanks for watching and I’ll see you around the campfire!

A Sign of Things to Come

2015-10-28T09:59:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! Daffy here.

I'm making this rather short post to let you know that things are in the works. What things? Well, here's a teaser for a little upcoming project I'm going to be starting soon...

I'm pretty proud of it thanks to great editing and camera work by my lovely fiancee, Laura.

As a sort of pre-project hint, here's also a vlog Laura and I did for the recent kid's horror flick, Goosebumps. The video is about half an hour long, so if you have the time, give it a watch!

I hope you all enjoy! I'm really excited. Expect a new video from me either at or before the end of the week! But if you want my video sooner, please be sure to visit my personal blog at Richard's Weekly Journal! Thanks and I'll see you soon!

How Do You Boo?

2015-10-05T17:03:00.000-04:00

One of the great things about the horror genre is just how flexible it is. There's an implication that things will be scary, sure, but you can also go creepy, silly, funny, serious, depressing, and several other ways, and it can all be considered horror or a subgenre of horror. This stuff appeals to so many people because there's so many different takes on the same material.

I don't know about you, but my tastes are pretty eclectic. I can enjoy everything from melancholy ghost stories to family-friendly monster movies to R-rated zombie comedies. When October rolls around however, I tend to focus on one aspect of the Halloween season: the cornball.

Clever. Not what I meant. I'm talking about the goofy, the silly, the sublimely cheesy. I'm not sure why, but during the month of Halloween, I feel like the best movies to watch are the laughably bad ones, the 1950s alien invasion flicks, the Universal Monsters, the classic Halloween specials, the stuff that overflows with plastic bats, jack-o-lanterns, and a group of kids out to save the world. I've loved Halloween my whole life, and it seems, more so than other major holidays, to practically run on nostalgia. Everything I did as a kid -cornfield mazes, s'mores over a campfire, hayrides, haunted houses, pumpkin carving- just seems essential. Plus the food and drink that we associate with the 31st, like apple cider and candy.

Of course, other people do things a bit differently, and that's cool too. Some folks like to host or attend a movie marathon of the goriest, gnarliest stuff they can find. Others like to wear costumes (FYI, it takes more than a corset and animal ears to be considered a costume) and go out drinking. Still others spend time and effort (and loads of money) creating awe-inspiring front yard displays to terrify trick-or-treaters. I think as long as you get involved and have a good and safe time, it doesn't matter how you enjoy Halloween. I stop at animal or human sacrifice though. For me, Halloween is all about being 10 years old again, hearing Bing Crosby sing "The Headless Horseman" while running through the house on a sugar high. So, my question is: how do you boo? Do you go for the cheesy, the scary, the gory, the silly? What does your Halloween look like? Let me know in the comments!

The following cartoon is a great example of my kind of Halloween.

Enter If You Da... Um, No One's In Line

2015-10-01T22:47:00.002-04:00

I'm not old enough to remember when movie houses and drive-in theaters hosted live spook shows, but the ephemera of the era is fascinating. Tattered posters, cheesy trailers, and cheap giveaway items all paint the picture of a magical world, one where maybe, just maybe, a monster really could escape the screen and capture a girl from the audience.

Obviously, these delightfully ridiculous events are what inspired this blog, as well as many other writers, directors, and actors working in the horror genre today. The bad news is, these spook shows actually had a short shelf life, their peak of popularity lasting from the late 1930s until the early 1960s. There's several reasons why the live spook show was put to rest, but the most apparent was that audiences were growing jaded and cynical. Between increasingly impressive special effects in the movies themselves, and a steadily declining interest in the supernatural and/or mystical as the 20th century marched onward, people weren't impressed anymore by plastic snakes and a man in a gorilla suit. The tricks were revealed, the monsters were ignored, and the jokes weren't funny anymore. So after a mere three decades, the spook show was considered passe.

That was the 1960s. If general audiences were too jaded and cynical for the double bill of a cheesy horror movie coupled with a cheesier magician or mystic act THEN, just imagine what it would be like to try it today. The climate is all wrong, it would be impossible. The live spook show is a product of its time, like Woodstock or the neighborhood haunted house. While there's ardent fans and collectors who are keeping the spirit of things alive, I'm afraid that trying one of these events with modern moviegoers, in modern theaters, would go rather poorly indeed.

That may not be the most shocking revelation to most of you, but here's what I'm worried about: I think our continued dive into irreverent disdain may be costing us some genuine experiences. Film and television execs are all about numbers, and if they don't see people lining up for something, they're not going to take the chance on a future idea that offers a similar story. When's the last time we got a new Halloween special? Seriously, give it a think. What's the last new TV event you watched that revolved around October 31st? Was it made in the last 10 years? Back in the 50s and 60s, there were dozens of TV specials being pumped out for all the major holidays, especially Halloween and Christmas. Granted, not every one of them was a winner, but there was so much variety and imaginative storytelling compressed into those animated half-hours. And the 1990s, for all the flak it gets as a pop-culture decade, managed to give us some solid movies for our favorite day of the year, including Hocus Pocus, which was originally slated to be a Disney Channel original when the execs saw rough footage and decided it was worth a theatrical release.

Still waiting on that sequel, ladies.

Unfortunately, as everyone becomes more desensitized and uninterested in original stories and ideas that involve a healthy suspension of disbelief, things like Halloween specials fall by the wayside. Nostalgia is huge, of course, and many would say that many previous outings -like It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown- would be impossible to top. That may be true, but should that keep us from trying? I was watching Girl Meets World with my family the other day, and they did a Halloween episode. Yes, it was corny, had cringe-worthy acting, and was not remotely scary (it's a Disney Channel show, after all, have to protect the little ones), but at least they did a Halloween episode. Whatever happened to Stevil? Sabrina's river of candy corn? Jennifer Love Fefferman? They've gone the way of the live spook show.

I realize a lot of this sounds like an old man shaking his fist at "kids today" and just ranting about how he misses TGIF sitcoms. Guilty. But all the same, we need more each Halloween than just another grotesque Hollywood release and some repeats on television (which by the way, many of the old favorites don't even get shown anymore. Progress). Hopefully, others like myself who grew up watching Garfield and Odie get terrorized by pirate ghosts and Charlie Brown receiving rocks instead of candy will be motivated to give the rest of us some new October viewing traditions in the future. In the meantime, let's be thankful for Youtube, huh?

This Is A Pretty Spooky Thing We're Doing Here

2015-09-27T23:56:00.001-04:00

I hope all you boils and ghouls enjoyed the sheer number of posts I made this year. Man, 2015 was one wild and crazy ride, wasn't it? The things we saw, the shocks we received, the laughs we've had...

Yeah, sure. Uh HUH.

Alright alright alright, so it's another (almost) 365 days without an update. What can I tell you? Like I've said before, you can't rush art. That has nothing to do with my blog, it's just something I've said before. The point is, I'm back! And if you're a regular visitor of the Drive-in (or just understand how a calendar works), then you know why. Yes, it's time once again for the Countdown to Halloween!

Just like the previous two Octobers, those of us here at the Haunted Drive-in will be slinging out new content all month in celebration of our very favorite day, sharing memories and photos from 'Weens past, our takes on recent horror films in theaters and on DVD, and a surprise or two. A theme is still being decided on, but given the great horror icons we've lost this year such as Wes Craven and Sir Christopher Lee, I can promise you that there will definitely be a nostalgic and tribute-heavy vibe. Things are once again being curated by the awesome folks of countdowntohalloween.com, who continue to compile the annual list of participating sites and provide us with sweet digital badges to mark our involvement. If you want to get in on the action with your own Halloween/horror/spooky-flavored website or blog, email the team at Countdown to Halloween straightaway! Then be sure to grab one of the 2015 badges for yourself.

Also, we're bringing back a feature that was sorely absent from CtH 2014: a contest! That's right, you'll once again have the opportunity to win something creepy from us. Check our Facebook page for updates! And we promise that this year's winner will receive their prizes before next Halloween. Long story. Although I did send the last guy quadruple the prizes promised for being so understanding, so who knows what'll happen... Either way, the contest will be announced soon!

Be sure to check back often in the next few weeks, we'll be making up for our extended absence! In the meantime, here's a classic ditty to get you in the spooky mood:

364!

2014-11-01T13:29:00.000-04:00

Another Halloween, come and gone. We always spend weeks and months preparing ourselves for it, and then it's over in a flash, like most good things.

Is it Halloween yet?

I hope you all had a great Halloween this year. I spent most of my time at work (hardly ideal), but I did enjoy seeing everyone else's costumes and gorging on candy between calls. I was also able to attend an awesome Halloween/birthday party for my roommate, complete with pizza, booze, more candy, and horror-themed video games. Not a bad way to close out the spookiest day of the year.

The Haunted Drive-in will be back with another post soon (no, I will not elaborate on the exact nature of that "soon"), but in the meantime, here's a couple pics of the office costumes, as well as the crime scene my co-workers and I put together for the office decorating contest. We lost to a group who covered their entire section -8 desks- in spiderwebs. Not very creative, but it was undeniably impressive.

My serial killer, "The Doctor"

The Walking Dead's Tyreese and Little Asskicker

Apologies to Jack Prelutsky

Enjoy the rest of your Halloweekend everyone!

Good... Bad... I'm The Guy With The Crowbar

2014-10-19T15:42:00.000-04:00

Recently, there's been a huge surge in popularity for specialized gift boxes. Some of them are monthly subscriptions, like Horror Block, and others are one-time gift ideas that can be personalized to suit the recipient's interests. One such organization is the group known as Man Crates Gifts for Men. As the name suggests, they craft unique loot collections that cater to men, with choices for retro gamers, new dads, poker players, and more. The best part is that it all arrives in a large wooden crate that you have to pry open with a crowbar. And the crowbar is included!

All very well and good, you may say, but what does this have to do with Halloween? So glad you asked, metaphorical reader. The fine folks at Man Crates Gifts for Men contacted us here at the Drive-in wanting to know what we'd include in a kit for the poor soul who's trapped in a horror movie and aware of that fact. Which items would prove the most useful in a nightmare scenario? What do you need to survive the terrors headed your way? And does beef jerky ever expire?

MC already has some excellent kits of their own for the specific event of a zombie outbreak, and those are highly recommended. But what we're doing here is compiling an essentials list for dealing with all the denizens of the horror movie universe that you might come across. The things that will keep you alive whether you're up against the walking dead, vampires, witches, sexy witches, vengeful spirits, werewolves, psycho killers, or simply hunger. Also aliens.

So, without further ado, our picks for surviving a horror movie:

1. How To Survive A Horror Movie by Seth Grahame-smith. No matter what project you're undertaking, there's nothing unmanly about consulting the guide. And if your project is staying alive in a world of curses, kaiju, and ax-men, then you'd better have this book. Grahame-smith covers every possible threat from killer dolls (it's a doll, just kick it!) to the devil himself, and recommends the best potential allies in your fight against evil. A very important read.

2. A Shake flashlight. As the author so eloquently lays out in the book above, the horror movie day still has 24 hours, but 21 of those hours are at night. And even when you're not in a nightmare scenario, you can NEVER find batteries. So go with one of these little babies. All you have to do is shake the flashlight vigorously and then turn it on for a bright, clear light that lasts a super long time. Of course, you may not want to see the monstrosity that's coming your way, but it's still better than stubbing your toe on a desk before getting eaten.

3. Waterproof flint. Supposing we're in an end-of-the-world-type deal here, the electricity is going to go fairly soon. That means no lights, no video games, and no microwave. A handy firestarter flint will ensure a light source at night, some protection in the form of a torch, and a way to cook that slightly dented can of SPAM you found. Speaking of...

4. Can opener. Small, lightweight, and absolutely essential in the event of zombies, alien invasion, or widespread plague, a simple can opener can make the difference between an actual meal and that half-chewed squirrel lying by the woodpile.

5. Wooden stake, garlic, and crucifix. Dealing with some aggressive bloodsuckers? These items will give you a fighting chance to make it to sunrise. I would have suggested holy water as well, but unless you're a Catholic priest or know one really well, that's rather harder to come by.

6. A silver bullet. Let's be honest, this is America. You're not going to have any trouble finding guns. But werewolves are notoriously tough to bring down, the only effective method being pure silver introduced to their heart. A silver bullet is the best way to make this happen, but be sure to make your shot count. You won't get another.

7. A first-aid kit. Those little cuts and bruises can be just as deadly as the monsters if they get infected. Take care of yourself!

8. Gerber Gator machete. Man Crates Gifts for Men already threw this item in their Zombie Annihilation kit, and it's a smart inclusion. You can hack apart obstacles and foes alike, and it makes for an excellent close-quarters weapon. Plus, blades don't need reloading.

9. Duct tape. Another essential that the crew at MC knew to give the zombie hunter who has everything, duct tape doesn't need to be explained.

10. fruit and vegetable seeds. Assuming you've managed to locate a safe haven, and the turmoil of outrunning the threat has turned to the stress of finding food, you need something sustainable. A well-rounded garden kit will go a long way in making your temporary fortress a more permanent home.

11. A compass. Doing a lot of walking in the woods? It can be disturbingly easy to go in circles and become hopelessly lost. This simple utility will keep you on the right path, whether it's north for the colder temperatures and lower population or to find the coast and a boat.

12. Binoculars. Need to scout ahead? Want to see the enemy before they see you? A good pair of binoculars will help. You may not be able to spot every possible threat, but it's a big improvement over "Let's just walk on through and see what we find."

13. Stealth tactical knife. So the inbred hillbilly with the collection of rusty farmer's tools and animal heads has you locked in his basement cellar. Make a last-ditch escape attempt by plunging a well-concealed blade deep into his eye. Then his other eye. Then his jugular. Then his stomach. Then clean it off, run out, call the police, and get some fast food. You must be hungry after all that exercise.

So there you have it! The things we can't do without when we're traversing the horror movie universe. Let us know in the comments what you would have included, and be sure to visit Man Crates Gifts for Men for some awesome gift ideas, and just maybe, some life-saving tools. Happy Halloween!

Special thanks to the staff of the Fredericksburg, VA Barnes and Noble for their ideas! You ladies are awesome!

No One Is Eating My Brother!

2014-10-16T22:22:00.000-04:00

I've loved Halloween since my diaper days, and it's a safe bet that most of us remember the thrill of buying/making our obviously awesome costumes, going door to door trick-or-treating, eating our body weight in candy, and getting just a little freaked out by the decorations that people put up all over the neighborhood. (To those of you whose family didn't celebrate Halloween: I am so, SO sorry.)

Unfortunately, as the years go by costumes tend to give way to fashion, candy is replaced by booze, and trick-or-treating is no longer a viable option for us anymore. Now personally, I will dress up and eat candy until I'm dead, but there are a few parts of the Halloween experience that have to be heaped onto the nostalgia pile. Thankfully, the game developer Double Fine has come up with a great way for us to relive them: Costume Quest.

The story begins with Wren and Reynold, a brother-sister pair about to go trick-or-treating. While bickering with each other, a gruesome monster kidnaps Reynold, forcing Wren to come up with a plan to save him. As Wren scours the town looking for her brother, making new friends, and vanquishing monsters, she finds that there's a plot to steal all the candy that exists, in the hopes of summoning an ancient and ridiculously evil force.

Let's talk about the nuts and bolts first: Costume Quest, as a video game, is not challenging, or even all that innovative. This is simple RPG-lite gameplay with turn-based battle, much like Paper Mario. None of the enemies or bosses are especially threatening, and if you're the kind of player who explores every nook and cranny, you'll still finish the game in about 6 hours. Consider it a fun-size Snickers of a game rather than a king-size Reese's cup.

What is so wonderful about this title is that it nails the spirit of Halloween perfectly. This easily could have been a TV special from the late 1980s and the concept and characters would have worked just fine. You've got a story involving evil monsters, trick-or-treating, a plot to take over the world, and little kids being the only ones who know what's going on, with the adults writing off their pleas for help as sugar-induced nonsense. The environments in the game, ranging from a suburb to the local mall to a county fair, are dripping in fake skeletons, witches, ghosts, bats, spiders, scarecrows, and jack-o-lanterns, and the music is suitably quirky and just a little bit creepy. Best of all, the dialogue is frequently hilarious and pop-culture savvy without being overdone, a Double Fine trademark.

What really sells the concept though is the transformations. When the characters enter a battle, they become epic real-life versions of their costumes. So, the kid wearing the cardboard robot outfit is now a giant mech with a heat-seeking missile attack, while Wren's kitchen strainer helmet and Dad's bathrobe have turned her into a shimmering knight with a sword. There are 10 costumes in total, not counting the Grubbins on Ice DLC. Just wait until you see the transformation for the french fry costume.

The action can become a little tedious and the animations a bit repetitive as you near the end, but overall, Costume Quest is a delightful throwback to the glory days of the holiday, when we created our own costumes and were able to walk around the neighborhood at night safely. It's rare to see a story that not only takes place on Halloween, but is so tied into the vibe and the traditions of the day, and rarer still for that story to be a video game. I plan on starting a new tradition of playing it every October, and I highly recommend you pick it up. It's available as a downloadable title for XBOX 360, PS3, and PC.

But wait, there's more!

Costume Quest 2 was just released this month after overwhelming positive response to the first game. Picking up where the DLC for CQ1 leaves off, the sequel features new environments, time travel, an evil dentist, and a spectacularly unhelpful candy corn costume. Here's the trailer:

Review: The Tale of the Dangerous Soup

2014-10-03T14:17:00.000-04:00

What are you afraid of most in this world? Bugs? Heights? Perhaps you're afraid of being alone. Perhaps you're afraid that nobody likes you. Perhaps you're just afraid of that one constant in everyone's lives: Death. Tonight's terrifying tale is all about fear. Specifically, it's about what happens when someone is trying to exploit those fears. Submitted for the approval of our Drive-In patrons, I give you the Tale of the Dangerous Soup.

The Wild Boar is the most popular restaurant in town. This is because of their special dish: The Dangerous Soup. It's so good, in fact, that people are willing to pay $100 a bowl just to eat it. Dr. Vink ("with a va-va-va") is the chef at this fine establishment and the recipe for the Dangerous Soup is a closely guarded secret. What's he putting in the soup? Why are employees suddenly leaving the restaurant? What is that strange, winged statue we keep seeing? I guess the only way to find out is to try the soup...

The story for this episode is nothing all that new. There have been plenty of horror stories where people are fed a mystery substance that may or may not be made of human flesh. However, this story doesn't get that bloody. It IS a kid's show after all. Instead, we have a neat twist to the story, an original "secret ingredient." The story and atmosphere were very well done for a kids show, even if the climax felt a bit rushed for time. When the creepy stuff starts happening, there's a definite surreal atmosphere that adds to the overall experience.

The characters of the episode are fantastic as well. There's Neve Campbell in what I believe is her first horror themed role who plays Nonnie, a manager. She does a fantastic job and plays fear very well. She has one of the best and believable screams of terror I've ever heard. The best character, however, is the eccentric Dr. Vink. Vink is, from what I remember, a recurring character on this show and he always has a different job. The character is absolutely fun to watch as he chews the scenery in every scene. I could tell that the actor just had a blast playing this over the top nutbag of a character. Oh, sorry. He's NOT a nutbag. There's a third character, the technical "main" character named Reed, but he was just okay. I felt he wasn't explored enough for me to care about him too much. Most of what we learn about him comes about through exposition.

I picked this episode to start with because it was one of the only ones I could really remember. I had remembered being scared of it but also liking it a lot. I'm happy to say that it didn't disappoint. It had a good story and great characters. Admittedly, it's a bit slow to start and the ending feels a bit rushed. However, if you're in the mood for something fun and satisfying, I definitely recommend the Dangerous Soup.

I Have A Question for You This October

2014-09-29T17:33:00.000-04:00

October is just around the corner. A busy time of year for the Drive-In. There's the Countdown to Halloween, of course, for which Rabbi no doubt has plenty of ghoulish delights up his sleeves. As for myself, I struggled for a while with something to do to celebrate my favorite time of the year. I want to do a marathon of a supremely spooky series, but which one? Well, Tales from the Crypt is a bit gore-y for my tastes. The Twilight Zone has been analyzed to death. I'm craving something... old, but not too old. Something that really scratches that nostalgic itch I've been feeling. Something to fit this frightful holiday. Finally, I thought of the perfect show. Which leads me to my question...

Yes, that's right, folks. It's that nostalgia bomb from the '90s, that creepy kids' show, Are You Afraid of the Dark? When I was a kid, this show was the pinnacle of fright. Just the theme song had me peeking out from under a blanket week after week. I'd even say that Are You Afraid of the Dark? was my introduction to visual horror much like Goosebumps was my introduction to literary horror.

I was a kid, though, so of course I was scared. I've been wondering the last few weeks... Does this show still hold up? No doubt I won't be as scared as I was when I watched it as a kid, but will I still enjoy it as an adult? Will it be as creative as I remember it to be or will its every attempt at creating a good scary story fall flat? Well, there's only one way to find out...

All October long, I will watch Are You Afraid of the Dark and review the episodes I see for your enjoyment! My original plan involved having a blog up every single day in October. However, I realize that that's not a good option for 2 reasons. 1) I just don't have the time to do something like that. Real life gets in the way. 2) I don't want to step on my partner's toes. He will obviously also be blogging this month and I feel that, if I were to blog each and every day, it would interfere with the blogs he works hard to write as well. So I came up with a compromise for myself. I will attempt to write a blog as often as I can with a guarantee of at least 3 a week.

I'm really excited about this. I haven't seen AYAotD in years and nostalgia is giving me chills. I hope you all have fun following along. If you'd like to watch the show yourself, I've found plenty of episodes on Youtube, which I'll be using for my own watching as well.

I leave you all with the very theme song that so plagued my nightmares as a child...

Review: Best Worst Movie

2014-09-23T00:50:00.000-04:00

Every human being on earth has unique motivations and goals, but it's safe to say that no one grows up wanting to be a failure. Any project we take on, we generally have a desire to succeed and be recognized for our achievement. No one TRIES to create something terrible. So when something terrible is created, the question is always asked: why? Why did this happen? Whose fault is it? And perhaps most importantly, was it all a waste of time?

These are the kinds of questions that the cast and crew of Troll 2 might have asked themselves at some point. Long considered by many to be the worst movie ever made, Troll 2 is a demented unintentional comedy that tries to be a supernatural horror movie, fails spectacularly, and gets great storytelling mileage out of short people wearing goblin costumes (no trolls anywhere), people being turned VERY SLOWLY into plants, and a young boy pissing on family dinner to save his parents' lives. If you haven't seen Troll 2, you are missing out on the best belly laughs of your life. This review is not about that movie however. This review is about the movie about that movie. It's about Best Worst Movie.

From the first few minutes, this documentary hooks us with its warm and honest portrayals of the major players in the Troll 2 saga. The film starts with a montage of people discussing how much they love and respect George Hardy, a middle-aged dentist who lives in Alabama. George is kind, personable, and good with his patients, and it's obvious that he was meant to be an entertainer. He carries Best Worst Movie for most of its running time, and you wonder how it could be that he never got a bigger shot at stardom. Or, if you've already seen Troll 2, then you don't have to wonder at all. George was Michael, the father and hero of that movie, and having something like Troll 2 on your resume is about as helpful as telling a hiring manager that you often black out and wake up covered in blood. The film severely derailed the professional acting lives of its cast. It was considered one of the biggest bombs in the history of cinema, and the folks involved with it pretended it never happened.

After nearly 20 years however, a strange cultural shift was taking place. Troll 2 had become a midnight favorite, a genuine cult classic. People were traveling from miles around and paying good money to see it with other fans. Sure, they were laughing when the director intended for them to scream, but regardless, Troll 2 fandom was officially a thing. Michael Stephenson, the child actor of Troll 2, shines a spotlight on this phenomenon, attempting to reveal why so many have latched on to an objectively bad movie, how the cast and crew of said movie process their newfound celebrity, and what it means for filmmaking in general.

Best Worst Movie is special. Sounds corny, I know, but bear with me. I am not a fan of documentaries as a rule. Sure, if it's a subject I'm into, that's going to fare better than a movie about the evils of the fashion industry, but I find that most doc filmmakers have an agenda that they push without subtlety, as if a movie is just a bigger version of a megaphone for them. Michael Stephenson doesn't do this. He allows the actors and fans to tell the story, never getting in their way or leading them down a preordained path. As a cast member of Troll 2, he gets a pass mostly because he was a kid and dealing with a director who was short-tempered and spoke English as a second language (poorly), so BWM doesn't spend much time on Stephenson's performance. He does engage with George in some delightful scene reenactments, however. Speaking of, George Hardy is the heart and soul of this film. His good-natured attitude, his enthusiasm, and his unapologetic desire to be a star had me grinning throughout, and it's no mystery why he was made the center subject of the movie. When he's asked at the very end of the film, knowing what he knows about the last go-round, if he would star in Troll 3 under the same director, he says "Of course. Are you kidding me? I'd love to be in Troll 3!" What a trooper.

What's most impressive about BWM is its transparency. As much as I liked George, the film never painted him as perfect. It was irksome to see how whiny he became when trying to promote Troll 2 at a horror convention and being mostly ignored compared to the attention he received at sold-out showings months before. As someone who enjoys all aspects of horror, I found his dismissal of fans of the genre narrow-minded and more than a little rude. I then realized that it irked me so much because George was displaying normal human behavior, and I was annoyed that I saw so much of myself in his grousing when the attention and laughs weren't coming his way. Similarly, I was annoyed by Claudio Fragasso (the director of Troll 2) being so arrogant towards the fans, the cast, and Americans in general, but I couldn't help but admire his dedication, and his unwavering belief that he had created something worthwhile. He may have hated that people saw it as a comedy rather than a legitimate supernatural thriller, but he has a point when he says that people are still watching.

The transparency of this film also brought me to some heartbreaking moments. Specifically, the interviews with Margo Prey and Robert Ormsby, the actors who portrayed Diana Waits and her father Seth in Troll 2. Neither one of them made another film, and both of them faded into poverty and obscurity. Ormsby, in particular, regrets having frittered his life away with nothing to show for it but a role in a Z grade movie. Prey, by all accounts, became a crazy cat lady, taking care of her elderly mother and warning away all solicitors and other visitors with sternly worded signs. When Stephenson and Hardy go to visit her, you want to laugh at first, then cry as you realize that this isn't scripted. She complains of loud shrieking noises and refuses to leave her home to join the rest of the cast in a reunion, even for a day. When Stephenson says goodbye, there are tears in his eyes. Is he sad that an old friend and co-star has fallen so low and he can't help her up, or perhaps that his movie mom is not the hero he once thought she was (even if it was just his movie mom)? Either way, it's a devastating part of the film.

Even if you haven't seen Troll 2, Best Worst Movie is an incredible documentary, thrilling, amusing, sobering, and uplifting all at once, and a convincing argument that even the most incompetent works can have lasting value. Ed Wood would be proud.

Something Wicked Awesome This Way Comes... Countdown to Halloween 2014

2014-09-16T02:10:00.000-04:00

It's getting so close, everyone. Starbucks has rolled out the pumpkin spice lattes, cable channels have been running more horror movies than usual, and the air is turning just the tiniest bit chillier... Halloween is coming!

Here at the drive-in, we kinda have a thing about Halloween. Our thing being that we think it's the greatest day of the year. So naturally, Daffy and I were happier than vampires at a blood bank to be asked to participate once again in the annual Countdown to Halloween blog-a-thon!

Curated by the fine folks over at the official roll call for the event, the Countdown is a month-long marathon when those of us with like-minded sites write about the holiday, horror movies, creepy stories, and all manner of related topics as much as we can, both to celebrate our favorite time of the year and to discover some excellent new blogs. This little internet get-together for the creepy kids has been going since 2006(!), and it just keeps getting bigger.

So basically, we'll be increasing our output for the month of October (seriously, I go from about three posts a year to one a day), with new movie and TV reviews, short stories, retrospectives and think-tank pieces. We'll also be running another giveaway, where you'll have the chance to win some seriously amazing stuff. This is gonna be good.

Be sure to visit us often in the next few days, updates will be coming at you fast and furious. Heard that one before, I know. Check out the CtH 2014 site for a list of the participants, and spread the word! The badges for sites that are taking part feature the Creature from the Black Lagoon, in honor of the scaly one's 60th anniversary. Here's one in EYE-POPPING 3-D!!!

Damn, that hurts my eyes... where's the Tylenol?

Review: Seekers of the Weird Marvel Comics series

2014-09-08T01:21:00.001-04:00

Nope. I'm not going to apologize this time. I've just accepted the fact that I am a ridiculously inconsistent writer, and you all should too. Just think of me as the George R.R. Martin of horror blogging. You may have to wait months or years for something new, but it's always worth it, amirite?

"In the next book, I kill off Dr. Who, the Avengers, and your best friend. I HAVE THE POWER TO DO IT."

Obviously, I've kept up with all the various horror-related news and trends while I've been away, and made sure to watch as many new releases as I could spare time for. It seems like we've got another batch of sequels and demon possession flicks on the way, and I'm decidedly underwhelmed about those. Lately, I've been doing more comic reading than movie-going for my regular helpings of scary and silly. I'm particularly keen on the 5-part series from Marvel and Disney entitled Seekers of the Weird.

Just look at that cover art. That thing is beautiful.

Seekers of the Weird is unique, and takes a bit of real world back-story to understand fully. Back when Unca' Walt was still alive and developing new attractions for his still young Disneyland park, the Haunted Mansion was more or less in concept limbo. An (over)abundance of Imagineers were contributing their ideas and theories about what the spooky old house on the hill should be: is it a ride? A walking tour? Is there a story? Do we have too many stories? Are we going for a Gothic feel, or something more American Colonial? Will there be witches and monsters in addition to the ghouls? How about the Headless Horseman as a constant threat to the guests' safety?

In the midst of all this confusion was a man named Rolly Crump. Rolly came up with some exceptionally twisted designs. A candleman burning away to nothing. A chair that came to life. An animated gypsy wagon. An aquarium with "ghost" fish. Walt Disney reportedly loved Crump's art, but had no clue how to incorporate any of it into the finished attraction. It was finally decided that most, if not all of Rolly's work would become a standalone "Museum of the Weird" that guests could experience either before or after the Haunted Mansion proper, perusing the exhibits at their leisure. Crump was never given much credit for his work, even though it is widely believed that his concept art was directly responsible for the iconic "eyes" wallpaper guests see in the ride.

If you've ever been to the Haunted Mansion in Anaheim, then you know this plan never materialized. Now, 45 years later, we have Seekers of the Weird, a five-part comic series inspired by Rolly's unrealized Museum. So, it's a comic book about a Disney attraction that definitely exists, but was never actually built. Get it? Got it? Good, because we're moving on. Teens Maxwell and Melody are often roped into working the counter at their parents' occult bookstore after school. Max rather likes the creepy stuff, but Melody couldn't care less. They both have to learn a large amount in a short time however, because their parents have been kidnapped by an impossibly evil force, and if they don't retrieve a certain magical artifact before the Candleman burns down, the entire world could go up in smoke. The kids have to place their trust in their Uncle Roland, the black sheep of the family who points them to the knowledge (and weapons) they need.

As a story, Seekers is passable. The series is definitely more "influenced by" Rolly Crump's designs rather than trying to use them in an original and thrilling way. Without the Disney ties and the artwork, this wouldn't be a bad book, but it would be less interesting on the whole. The art for the book is splendidly done. The Museum of the Weird is appropriately creepy and disjointed, and the creatures our heroes encounter are legitimately frightening. Marvel takes advantage of the opportunity to craft characters and villains for Disney that the Mouse House wouldn't normally do, and the results are great.

Seekers of the Weird is only the first in the Disney Kingdoms line, which aims to craft new stories based on little-known and/or abandoned concepts and characters from Disney movies and attractions. If you're a Mousketeer, be sure to look for their upcoming Figment and Dreamfinder book. Yes, really. In the meantime, if you appreciate inspired spooky artwork or have been a fan of Disney's Haunted Mansion from way back, Seekers of the Weird is a fitting tribute to an incredible artistic talent who doesn't get enough credit as well as the amazing dark ride he helped create. The hardcover collection of all five issues is out now (use the first link above the cover art to download issue #1 for FREE from Marvel Comics. Just use promo code "WEIRD" after adding the issue to your cart).

For more info on Mr. Crump and his contributions to the Haunted Mansion, be sure to visit Long-forgotten, an incredible historical blog on all things Disney's Haunted Mansion. The author Dan Olson knows so much about the ride, I think he could tell you how many nails are in the building.

Next time at the Drive-in: What are you asking me for? You know I don't know.

Flicking Through Netflix: A Haunted House

2014-04-18T21:05:00.000-04:00

Parody movies are like an art form. Done right, you get a cinematic equivalent of a van Gogh, something that is both funny and shines a light on some of the more ridiculous common threads in movies. Done wrong, you get the equivalent of a 5-year-old's drawing that's been stomped on with muddy shoes, put through a washer, and flushed down the toilet. I'll give you two guesses as to which of these categories I think A Haunted House falls into.

Here's the plot, for what little of it there really is in this movie. Malcolm is dating a girl named Kisha and she moves in with him. "Freaky" stuff start happening. There are a few scenes parodying horror movies, a lot of scenes that are vulgar for the sake of vulgarity, and Cedric the Entertainer putting another nail in the coffin of his career. Blah blah blah, Kisha made a deal with a demon for shoes or something, who really cares?

What can I say about this movie? No, really. I'm trying to reach for something other than "It wasn't funny," which it absolutely, without a doubt was NOT. Parody movies have been going down hill for a while. The last one I remember enjoying at least a bit was Scary Movie 2, ironically another Wayans movie. It's not about subtlety anymore. It's not about pointing out the stupid common tropes in movie genres and making some kind of witty commentary about them. No, sir. Now it's all about "Fart jokes! Let's get high! Look, sex! Sex is funny, right? More toilet humor! Here's a movie reference! The reference isn't really a joke, but you get it, right?" Ugh, I'm just so sick of it all.

Let's get one thing straight here. IN YOUR FACE humor is not always funny. Sure, if you use it sparingly, it can be funny for a change of pace. However, constant IN YOUR FACE humor all the time for every single joke gets tiresome. You know what, the same thing goes for horror. If every scare is a jump scare, eventually the audience will see the jump coming and be ready for it. Not everything needs to be about blood, guts, sex, and violence. Sometimes, the real horror comes from what you don't see. Sometimes, maybe the obvious joke isn't the one you should make.

A Haunted House is a putrid mess. It just boggles my mind that it's getting a sequel. Don't watch it, please. I feel filthy for even giving it a view on Netflix. Even if you're morbidly curious, don't watch it. Go watch something good instead, like maybe a delightful movie about paint drying. You'd probably laugh more at the paint drying than anything in this terrible flick.

Introducing the Enchanted Drive-In!

2014-04-01T16:30:00.001-04:00

Alright, folks, there's a big announcement to make here at the Drive-In. Please forgive me if I start to ramble, but I am excited about this announcement. Right, here goes nothing. I am pleased to announce the the Drive-In is going to be completely retooled to follow a new theme! Lo and behold, the Haunted Drive-In will now and forever be known as the Enchanted Drive-In!

The only thing missing in this picture is a rainbow. That would make it perfect.

For now, allow me to explain exactly what this change means for you. Our focus will no longer be on horror or scary things here at the Drive-In. Our focus will instead be on all things bright and colorful. Let's be honest, nobody likes horror anymore and everyone loves things like My Little Pony. Some new things to look forward to: a series where I'll be reviewing every episode of Friendship is Magic; a top 10 list of the best fairy characters in entertainment; and a retrospective talking about the best toy line of all time, Barbie!

"Extreme excitement" is an understatement when compared to what I feel about the new direction of the Drive-In. Various changes are in the works and I want everyone to be prepared for it. Eventually, I'm sure you will all come to enjoy our new theme. Really, we feel the new, brighter and more cheery direction will ultimately bring more readers to the site. You'll definitely love the site redesign, which will have all sorts of pinks and blues and other pastel colors. Only happy and cheerful topics will be discussed on the Drive-In from here on out. Never again will you see another drop of blood or hear another maniacal laugh in THIS neck of the internet. Embrace the new Drive-In, all, and have a wondrous and magical day!

PS There is a hidden message in this article! Simply take the first letter of every sentence (not including the picture caption or this paragraph) and you will unlock a special secret message just for you! Don't tell anyone! It'll be our little secret.

Review: Locke and Key

2014-03-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

What if you had a key that would let you go anywhere in the world? Where would you go? What would you do? Or, what if you had a key that let you turn into an animal? What if there was a key that allowed you to grow wings and fly, turn into a giant, or gain the strength of Hercules? Furthermore, what if a sinister being was trying to get their hands on these keys and you were the only one who could stop it? My fellow fright fans, welcome to the town of Lovecraft.

The horror comic series of Locke and Key tells the story of the Locke family, who have just moved to their old family home called Keyhouse in Lovecraft, MA. Originally moving here to escape from a family tragedy, the family attempts to adjust to life in the new town. However, something strange is going on. And that's an understatement. It's a story filled with living shadows, other dimensional abominations, brutal murders, and teenage angst.

This is going to turn into a gush fest, guys. It's unavoidable. Locke and Key is not only one of the best horror comics but one of the best horror stories PERIOD that I have ever read. I can't think of one bad thing to say about this brilliant series. One of the best parts, of course, is the story.

The story is heavily inspired by Lovecraft (if the name of the town didn't give that away immediately). There are horrors from other dimensions and magics that make no sense to the human mind. However, the central figures to the story are kids and teenagers. It almost feels like Monster Squad, in that kids are going up against horrifying and powerful monsters. Of course, this goes deeper than Monster Squad as the story deals with grief, alcoholism, peer pressure, guilt, and a whole mess of other things that really make you think. The story is also full of twists and I never saw one coming. It's a brilliantly told story, but the characters are what make this stand out.

The characters of this series have the most development I've ever seen in any horror series. The kids, Tyler, Kinsey, and Bode, grow up a lot through the series, not physically but mentally. My favorite character, though, is their mother, Nina. She hits rock bottom in this series, only finding comfort at the bottom of a bottle. She grieves hard for her husband, she loses the respect of her kids at one point, but she has one of the strongest come backs I've seen. All her character points were done perfectly and my heart broke every time something happened to her. Truly, she was one of the most perfectly done characters in this book.

I'm not an art scholar so I can't think of what to say other than the artwork is fantastic. It feels cartoony, but realistic, if that makes any sense. The artwork is always one of the first things I look at when I pick up a comic, so this one was good enough for me to look deeper after giving the art a thumbs up. Don't know what else to say about that, really.

In the end, this series is 100% worth your time and money. Personally, I got the entire series through trade collection copies. Since the series is finished, it may be the only way you CAN get it. It's heartwarming, exciting, disturbing, and, above all else, it's scary. As a horror fan, this series was simply a delight. Definitely give it a try.

The Importance of Being Scared

2014-02-09T00:11:00.002-05:00

Isn't it fun to be a little scared sometimes? That's our motto around here. Fear is fun, especially when you know nothing can really hurt you. I've been going through some important changes in my life lately and, with those changes, I've been thinking a lot about fear. After all, change can be scary. We, as humans, tend to be drawn more toward stability. Why else do you think people freak out if a series they like is changing in any way? But I digress. This article isn't about change. It's about fear.

My reaction when I heard that a Beetlejuice 2 might happen.

As a kid, I was a big fan of things that scared me. One of my favorite shows was "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" I remember watching the first episode and running to hide behind the couch when the theme song started up. I watched the first few episodes from behind that couch, through my trembling fingers, or from underneath a blanket. I was scared of it. And yet, I kept watching week after week. I eventually started getting used to the show and watched it without having to hide from it.

I didn't know it at the time, but the show was actually teaching me an extremely important lesson. (You know, besides the schmaltzy stuff most kids shows try to get away with.) Fear is good. Fear is important in order to get through life. Without that fear as a child, people will never grow up to be well rounded, functioning members of society. For, without fear, it's basically impossible to be brave.

Here's an example. Shaggy from the Scooby Doo cartoons is the bravest character in that franchise. Why? Because, despite being afraid, despite complaining and wanting to turn back, despite believing in ghosts, goblins, and ghouls, he keeps pushing forward. He helps his friends solve the mystery and he helps captures the monsters. He does all that despite his fear. The others know that monsters don't exist and shrug off every ghost siting as another trick. Shaggy believes in the danger and moves forward anyway. THAT is bravery.

As kids, we expose ourselves to fear. Most kids are afraid of the monsters in their closet or under their beds. The more kids get scared, the more they come up with ways to deal with that fear. They learn from it, finding ways to work with, around, or through that fear. Without learning to cope with fear as a child, I probably would be a timid, shaking mess every time I left the house. I definitely wouldn't love horror as much as I do today.