I have some very fond memories of even the early days when things were really insane. Indian Guides (our version of Boy Scouts) going up north to snowmobile. He was clearly out of his element but he made it fun.

When i couldn’t live another minute without a motorcycle even though it was a request beyond our means at the time he went way out of his way to make it happen.

When I had to have a BMX bike and times were tough he came through. But more than that the steadfastness he showed throughout the years. Don’t get me wrong my eyes are wide open to the short comings and sins of my Father but that is who we all are.

As the years went by and i grew older and i became focused on trying to destroy myself he was always there with unconditional love and an encouraging word. I knew he loved me.

Eventually i got to the end of my rope and the person I ran to for help was my Father. I remember it like yesterday. After a intense night of active addiction I was in so much pain I had to do something. I came downstairs at the nursery house and there he was at the table drinking coffee considering his day and i simply said i need somewhere to go to get help. He said he would take care of it and i went off to work.

Two weeks later I was in rehab! From there things got interesting. He was my biggest fan in my first year of recovery. I fell in love and decided to marry the love of my life. My Father decided to go to rehab!

What a double blessing. After that we attended meetings together often and became true friends. We talked a lot shared a lot.

The years went by and my spiritual journey took some twists and turns as well as vocation and my bride and I moved West. There was distance but we stayed close. He supported me on my spiritual journey no matter what.

I ended up back home and started a business with my brother. My Father joined forces with us and we had a blast. I remember discussing business with him in some key times during that time. He was of great support.

Things ended badly with the business and I was deeply wounded. My Father never showed a hint of disappointment in me. He continued to cheer me on!

It took some time to find my feet again and of course he cheered me on. I have been away from home for years now but we talk often. A few years back I needed to come home desperately. Of course my Father and Mother stepped up and helped make the trip possible. It was a life changing visit for me. To see my kids in the environment I grew up in was so healing for me. To spend time with my family and connect with my Grandfather was a true gift!

Here I am 47 years old with three kids married 25 years and 26 years recovered not having seen my Father for 6 years but knowing deep in my soul that I am loved beyond measure by my father and my Father has created a man who is content in my soul!

Thank you Pops!

Love Forever Zachary

I know when your writing a Christmas Card or anything else this time of year its supposed to be about all the amazing highlights of your year. However that is not at all my experience this year. It has been a series of painful gut wrenching issues with my kids and marriage as well as my job and my walk with Christ.

This year has brought me to the brink of going over the edge in so many ways. I have found myself so tied up in knots that the usual “techniques” and sinful releases have brought no relief. I know I know there are so many people that have it much worse than I do. I get it! I am just saying when the things you care about and the people you love so dearly have had to endure things that just plain break you it is painful!

What I have found as the year comes to an end is non of this changes the fact that God invaded the world by becoming a man to rescue me and you. This does not make the pain and frustration all better but if this was not true I can tell you for sure I would not still be married to the love of my life for 25 years and I would not still be clean and sober my relationship with my kids would be ruined and there would not be a single drop of hope left in me.

I love and miss so many people in my life and I can seem to reconcile how God would want me so far away from them with really no chance of that changing but here I am choosing one more time to simply picking up my cross and following him no matter what.

So Merry Christmas to all! Me and my family will be spending our Christmas Eve with the simple reminder of love by watching Charlie Brown Christmas.

This is one of the things that has been so confusing to me. How can I be a follower of Christ and be hopeless? On top of that I was taught at the root of my conversion that by becoming a follower of Christ that my life would be “blessed” that I would be healthy, wealthy and wise.

The truth is since becoming a follower of Christ my life has become increasingly difficult and thwart with land mines. Many of which I have stepped on and had to deal with the consequences of them. This has lead me to a place of deciding whether what I believe about God is really true.

I have ended up where the disciples ended up. Where else can we go “you have the words of life”. I have confidence in the truthfulness of the gospel. The issue is am I all in regardless of the circumstances I find myself in? Don’t get me wrong I live in the most prosperous nation in the world. I have it pretty good. However their are so many things that create confusion and doubt in this world. So many things that don’t make sense. More and more it seems to bring a confidence that I can trust a Holy God who is perfect in every way.

I am actually in a place now where I can admit I don’t understand much of why God allows some things and that is OK! It does not change the fact that He is God.

He has the words of life. Where else can I go….

It is such a confusing scenario when a lover of God suffers. I know the answer is not all the usual well this person doesn’t go to church enough, they don’t read the bible enough, they don’t give enough etc. all the “religious” activity that we seem to think goes along with having a “blessed life”.

So that leaves me in this place of OK God what do we need to do to not suffer? The answer seems to be clearly we can’t avoid suffering as a follower of Christ. In fact the word of God clearly says we will suffer. In fact it is a blessing to suffer as it brings us to a place of complete trust and dependence on God. I can’t think of a better way to live! To be completely dependent on God and trusting him no matter what.

Over the years of observing my big sisters walk with God it has not always been perfect. It has not always been faithfully observing the “religious” duties we hold up as necessary. But one thing is for sure she has always fallen on the Rock! This is the best example a big sister can give a lost and dying world. No matter what fall upon the Rock of Jesus Christ.

So for me I am a big fan of Dee Dee Land! It sure beats Disney Land!

There is a part of me that just says “really are these things that big a deal?” Shortly after that I will see a headline or a situation where someone has chosen to neglect the “details” in their life and the results are deadly.

So where does that leave me? Well frankly lost! Left to myself I have proven time and time again that I will respond in anger when the situation demands understanding. I will respond in haste when the situation demand patience. I will respond my selfishness and pride when the situation demands serving and humility.

The good news is I am found. I have been hearing Bible teaching in the book of Acts for a few months now. At the beginning of the book the disciples are promised the Holy Spirit. After that there is story after story of where these knuckle heads do amazing things but the thing that is most encouraging to me is how they are different. They are clearly lead by something rather than their own selfish prideful selves.

I am finding this same power is available to me. I have found many times it is as simple as trust and obey. Many times we “hear” the right thing to do in a situation but we doubt it or we just don’t want to do it. We think really? I must be hearing incorrectly.

I am finding that this is a desperate need for me. I must be lead by the spirit and I must trust and obey. By no means am I saying by doing this that everything turns out peachy for me but it certainly beats going off on my own and trying to “figure it out”.

Sometimes life becomes so challenging we end up wondering how could it be that a “good” God be behind all this. I have been studying some material on suffering and it has been deeply profound for me. The people I have been studying are far more intelligent than I am but as I study it I always seem to end up in the same place. Is God really for me?

Recently I was hanging with a buddy of mine who is much younger than me and very wise as well. We were discussing all the challenges we face in life. It was a lengthy discussion but as we neared the end he quietly looked at me and said we always come full circle to the question beneath all the questions. “Is God really for me?”

I was stunned! He went on to say the answer is a resounding Yes! We know God is for us without a doubt based upon the Gospel. The Gospel being God took on flesh (Jesus) and came to the earth, lived a perfect life, was brutally beaten, was nailed to a rugged cross, died a horrible death, rose on the third day, hung out with hundreds of people and then ascended to heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

Really think about this for a minute. God the creator of the universe did all this for us. Clearly he is for us! This changes everything. Seriously, if God is for us what else matters. Nothing else really matters. Regardless of what happens we can know without a doubt God has our back. We have complete assurance that whatever comes our way will be fully redeemed.

Redeemed in a way that will far outweighs anything we can possibly imagine. That is good news! I have been living in this truth the past couple weeks and it makes such a difference. When things come at me that confuse and hurt me I simply turn to this truth in my thoughts and sometimes in action and just ask what are you saying here God? I don’t often get clear direct answers but I have an assurance that God is telling a redemptive story with my life.

Be encouraged friends! God is for you….

What I am finding is one of the key ingredients to doing that is exactly what God offers us through his son being extended to me by the one whom I have sinned against. The humility grace and mercy they have shown me has been overwhelming. This along with the power of the Holy Spirit is beginning to bring real freedom from sin. It is a very powerful force to be offered forgiveness when you don’t deserve it!

All that being said I encourage us all to extend humble grace and mercy to those who offend us by the power of the Holy Spirit. I believe this has the power to change our world.

This is no easy task I speak of because we are all wired in a way that says I am not extending grace and mercy to this person they don’t deserve it. The really hard part is that this is true. None of us deserve forgiveness! However God commands us to forgive. That being said it seems to me that the only way we are able to do it is through the regeneration of our spirit through the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

That is very good news! We have the same power that raised Jesus from the dead available to us in order to fulfill the command to forgive. It seems based upon what I know of the word of God. We simply need to ask for this power to obey his commands.

Be encouraged and be a doer of the word by the power of the Holy Spirit!

One of the things that was really difficult for me was to see how difficult life had become for some of the people I love so dearly. For some reason I felt like if I had just stayed there I could have made a difference in their lives and “saved” them from so much pain. I realize how silly that thinking is but that is how I felt.

The thing that really got my attention though was my Grandfather Archie. Don’t get me wrong I have no false ideas that he is somehow without major flaws but he is an absolutely amazing man. The first thing that got my attention was I stopped by my Grandmothers grave site who had died 15 years previously when I first got to town and who do I see leaving as I pull up? My Grandfather who is still head over heels in love after her being gone for 15 years! Now that is love!

Then I got to see him interact with all of his kids, grand kids and great grand kids and it was so beautiful to watch. The one that overwhelmed me was catching him tending to the chickens with my eight year old son. Nobody was around and I caught it on video. It was priceless.

I spent some time in his bedroom looking at his photographs of the stations of the cross and considered his love and faithful service to his God. It was overwhelming. I read through the history of his family name and heritage hanging on his wall and it made me feel honored to be his grandson. I spent time looking at the pictures of his life scattered all over his home and was struck by all the lives he had touched and that had touched him.

Visiting him filled me with hope that simply a life well lived is honorable and the simple legacy of a man who served his country his family and his God is what its all about. My only wish is that I can be half the man he is!

I now realize this confidence in God’s love toward me stems from growing up with a father that loved me well! Yes he allowed many things to enter my life that were difficult to process and created doubt, fear and unbelief but again I always knew I was loved by him deeply. This has created such a confidence in me that has allowed me to become the man that God intended me to be.

So on this Father’s day I want to recognize Pops my Father who has loved me well! Thanks Pops…

Loyalty at its Best

I was stunned the other day when I realized that there were a few people in my life that have been completely loyal to me throughout my life. Two of them Mother’s and the other one is the Son of God. I know loyalty is not cool or in style these days but if you think about it for a few minutes it is one of the most valuable character traits there is and one of the most difficult to actually practice.

The beautiful thing on behalf of my Mother is it comes so naturally for her. Don’t get me wrong I am sure it has been very difficult for her to practice being loyal in many cases throughout the years but it is just who she is. She has never given up on me on life or on her husband and kids. She chooses to honor her man when at many times over the years she has been questioned by others. She chooses to honor her family and her God in spite of it not being popular.

I am so grateful for her example for the past 44 years. I would not be the person I am today if she had not demonstrated Christ like loyalty to me. Her teaching me this loyalty has been such a blessing in my life. You don’t marry at 22 years old and stay loyally married to the same woman for 22 years without some intense loyalty.

You don’t here the loyalty of Christ being talked about very often but it is so intense and frankly we would be lost without it. He said he will “never leave us or forsake us” and what a promise that is. Knowing that about God as well as my Mother and now my wife is an intense blessing. It allows me to be the man God created me to be.

So happy mothers Day Mom….

I love you dearly….