The Heavensent Life

New post test 1

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sun, 20 May 2012 09:49:00 +0000

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Pellentesque convallis rhoncus dapibus. Donec malesuada euismod nisi, ut malesuada elit luctus a. Duis condimentum nisl in neque dapibus vel accumsan dui bibendum. Phasellus ullamcorper porttitor enim sit amet porta. Sed et imperdiet tellus. Aenean semper ipsum quis neque sollicitudin a placerat ipsum malesuada. Proin eget fringilla nisi. Vivamus condimentum ornare augue, id tincidunt quam ultricies id. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed eu nisi id mauris tincidunt pellentesque. Aenean accumsan laoreet dui in mollis. Etiam eros nisl, aliquam eu auctor eget, facilisis sit amet elit. Aenean elit turpis, condimentum eget malesuada sit amet, laoreet eget lacus. Duis sit amet ligula nec ligula dictum dictum. Mauris vitae nisi orci. Mauris dictum tellus eget odio pharetra lacinia. Aliquam erat volutpat. Donec pellentesque, orci id luctus congue, turpis quam dapibus lacus, vitae rutrum nisi arcu at leo. Nunc eu imperdiet neque. Etiam nec augue metus, in tincidunt velit. Mauris pulvinar tempor pulvinar. Vivamus ultricies ipsum eu lacus volutpat sit amet blandit nisi adipiscing. Morbi vel dui augue. Quisque non erat arcu, ut interdum nibh. Duis ultricies enim non mi pharetra at euismod nisi commodo. Aenean vehicula vestibulum consequat. Cras eget dolor ut sapien condimentum auctor sit amet vel velit. Mauris scelerisque ullamcorper magna, sit amet mattis leo faucibus non. Suspendisse orci lacus, consectetur et dignissim vel, congue non neque. Sed sit amet lorem lorem. Sed id lectus augue. Vestibulum feugiat ligula sit amet sapien imperdiet a blandit ante hendrerit. Curabitur pellentesque egestas dui a bibendum. Morbi vitae nisi neque. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Mauris feugiat, eros a egestas mollis, mi sapien mattis velit, vitae molestie velit ipsum ut nisl. Sed ultricies lacinia turpis sed viverra. Nunc rutrum, neque in vehicula interdum, erat dolor ullamcorper nisi, ac ultricies metus arcu ut massa. Vivamus consequat, erat at pellentesque sollicitudin, arcu nulla adipiscing mi, vitae ullamcorper est enim sed neque. Pellentesque ligula metus, fermentum eu viverra id, vulputate sed lacus. Vestibulum malesuada, arcu eu rhoncus iaculis, erat ipsum suscipit sem, in iaculis ante est ut urna. Etiam eu mauris eu sapien facilisis semper. Vivamus in eros nisl. Sed luctus diam in urna congue aliquam. Suspendisse elementum, mauris ac condimentum consectetur, nisl augue congue arcu, a ultricies lacus dolor in dui. Cras euismod nisi eget metus pellentesque vulputate. Nam eget libero sed orci luctus pharetra sed eget est. Proin tristique, diam ut condimentum dignissim, elit turpis tempus risus, vitae pellentesque eros tortor at ante. Pellentesque quis lectus metus, a volutpat est. Morbi non mollis augue. Vestibulum molestie sodales enim id cursus. Suspendisse velit ipsum, molestie nec cursus ac, tempor eget arcu. Nullam auctor semper mattis. In in elementum purus. Praesent quis augue nunc, ac posuere odio. Sed porttitor nulla ut quam vehicula scelerisque quis a mauris.

MOVING ON

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 09:31:00 +0000

I'm saying goodbye to the old and hello to the new. Thank you for all those who visited this blog and thank you to Blogger for being my home on the web for more than 2 years.

I am moving to my own home:

http://jayme.passiotive.com

See you there!

As within so without, as without so within

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 02:57:00 +0000

And so the wise men say.

I've been trying to organize my life lately: my schedules, my finances, my stuff, my files, my clothes, my blogs and even my online accounts. I've also re-connected with friends and I even respond to email now.

I'm beginning to see how messy everything has been. Since I got pregnant and gave birth to Jamaine, I focused profusely on everything about her. I guess I was worried, unneccessarily, that something might go wrong the moment I shift my focus.

A lot of things cluttered my mind and it resulted to as much clutter all around me. It's not a very happy sight, you see.

So now, I'm taking it one step at a time. No pressure. Just little organizing accomplishments one after the other.

Burning letters

I've recently thrown out all the letters and miscellaneous notes, I've accumulated since my gradeschool years. I consider it my biggest accomplishment yet.

The sentimental side of me vehemently refused at first. Perhaps, that's why I've kept it all these years. There were love letters, letters from friends, farewell notes during graduation, retreat letters, and love poems. A bulk of it were letters from my bestfriend Tin, most of which were on those cute stationeries commonly collected by little girls.

But I realized many of those letters have already done their purpose. They've made me laugh, cry, fume and swoon at one time or the other. But they are all part of the past and should be kept there.

It's time to let go.

Though I can't remember all of them, I do remember that I've been loved and treasured by some of the most wonderful people in this world. And that's something that I would keep for a lifetime.

Besides, seeing the empty space where the box of letters used to be brought a sense of relief over me. As if something was lifted off my shoulders.

I guess in a way, it cleared some clutter off my mind as well.

Charting my direction

Did you ever experience just waking up and aimlessly going about your day?

I did. A lot of times actually.

Before, I had a tendency to live my life on autopilot especially when things got routinary and comfortable. Besides I was only living for me.

It continues to amaze me how one tiny baby can change my life in such a huge way.

Now, I have someone who depends on me to raise her and take care of her. And if I want to do that right, I know I've got to have a plan.

I can no longer live just day to day. I have to live my life with purpose and set some goals.

It sounds hard actually, especially when you're used to just letting things happen and going with the flow.

But having goals helps me determine where I want to be, where I want us to be. And when you know your destination, it makes charting your direction a whole lot easier.

Have you set any goals lately?

Blowing away the dust and some weird things about me

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 04:52:00 +0000

Wow! Did you see the dust I just blew off this blog? Just one more day and it would have been exactly one month since I last wrote an entry here.

Well apart from my mommy, wifey and employee duties, my absence has been partly due to my renewed obsession with reading books.

I aim to finish reading at least one book a week and it's really been an enlightening and inspiring experience. The last time I remember reading this much was when I was in highschool. As to what books have sparked this obsession, that will have to be another story, hopefully to be written within this week...hehe...=)

Thank you to everyone who dropped a note, prayed for and wished my baby well. Jamaine has recovered completely and is a bouncing and beautiful baby again. She can do a 360 degree roll on the bed now, that's why I'm keeping a steady eye on her lest she ends up on the floor. It amazes me how she's growing so fast.

We also had her christened last July 7. I think the 777 date will bring her lots of luck. I will post the pics of the event in my next post.

Meanwhile, Kernie and I are planning to take up taekwondo together. We recently discovered that I've got good flexibility, one of the musts if you want to take up the martial art. He says I'm actually more flexible than he is, but he's the one who's got the red belt. We think going to Taekwondo class may be a good way to spend time together and get back in shape.

Before I end this post, I'll finally answer the meme from Atomicgirl, sorry it took so long. Joel, I'll answer yours next.

Some weird things about me (It's supposed to be ten but I came up short)

1. I sleep with my fists closed or with my hands under a pillow. When I was still a naive little girl, someone told me elementals can read your palms when you're asleep so they can enter your dreams and give you a nightmare. Since then, I always slept with closed fists and/or with my hands under a pillow. Though I don't believe that now, I carried the mannerism with me until I grew older.

2. I hate watching horror movies. I tend to remember the icky scenes and get nightmares.

3. I like to find out the ending of a movie or a story/book before watching or reading it. Some will say this is a spoiler and it takes out the thrill of watching or reading. But I'm a sucker for happy endings, I'm just built that way i guess. When I find out the ending of the movie/book is unhappy, I will not watch/read it. (Imagine my disappointment when I watched the "City of Angels" without finding out the ending first! I ended up loving and hating the movie at the same time.)

4. I like sitting with my legs crossed under me... even when I'm in the office (sometimes when I'm in a resto with comfy couches). I don't know why but sitting that way is more comfortable for me.

5. I eat dessert first. Chocolate is like my appetizer.

I tag Carli, A, Kris and Leah.

More posts soon.

Have a Lovely Day everyone!

UTI or USOG?

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:06:00 +0000

For those who are not familiar with the term, usog is:
- an old belief that certain people carry an unconscious ability to cause discomfort or illness to someone they greet
- it is said that people who are tired and hungry have the strongest power of usog
- babies are the most susceptible to usog though some adults are prone to it too
- usog can be prevented by saying "pera usog," wiping some of the person's saliva on the leg, stomach or forehead of the one he greets, or by wearing amulets

Whatever it is, I'm sure glad it was all over.

Last week, Jamaine was confined in the hospital for four days due to UTI. That's according to the pedia's diagnosis. But according to my folks' theory, she had gotten usog.

Last Tuesday, when Jamaine started vomitting all the milk she took in, I surmised she must have a stomach problem or she must have been allergic to my breastmilk. But when I gave her formula, she vomitted just the same. After the second vomit episode, I consulted her pedia who advised that if she vomits a third time, we must bring her to the ER.

I was clueless as to what may have caused the vomitting. She was completely alright and bouncy before it started. She had no fever, colds or coughs. And after each vomit, she would go back to her usual self as if nothing happened.

A voice echoed in my head, one that I knew too well: "O wag niyo muna ilalabas si Jamaine hangga't di nabibinyagan. Baka mausog yan."

My mom always warned us about that old belief that a baby should not be taken out of the house until she is baptized because she will be susceptible to usog. I simply thought, we shouldn't take Jamaine out because she might be susceptible to a lot of bacteria outside the home.

I suddenly had a flashback: Kernan took Jamaine to the office two days before to visit me during our spiels shoot. And a lot of people greeted her then. I don't remember anyone of them saying "pera usog" or wiping a little saliva on Jamaine's leg which, as the elders say, should ward off usog.

Actually, Kernan and I don't believe in that stuff. Besides, i think, wiping saliva on whatever part of the baby's limbs is so unhygienic and, well, icky. So I simply dismissed the possibility of usog and hoped Jamaine would get well.

But she vomitted a third time so we brought her to the hospital where she vomitted a fourth time. This time, she had gotten weak and her fontanel was a bit sunken signalling dehydration. I couldn't feed her anything since she needed to rest from all the vomitting episodes she had.

The nurses hooked her to an IV and told us she needed to be confined. They conducted a urinalysis and found out there were bacteria and traces of blood in her urine signalling UTI.

I asked the pedia how she could have possibly contracted UTI when she was just a baby. She said Jamaine may have gotten the bacteria from being soaked in a diaper or because of an internal infection. I didn't agree with the former because Jamaine wore cloth diapers throughout the day and disposable diapers only at night. I emphasized to my yaya the importance of cleaning Jamaine immediately and thoroughly whenever she pees or poos. But how could she have gotten an internal infection?

Anyway, Jamaine was given some antibiotics, and she seemed to be doing better. But when I tried to feed her again, she vomitted for the fifth time.

Finally, my parents told me to consider that Jamaine's vomitting may not be an entirely medical case. My mom said we should try to remember the people who greeted Jamaine and who among them possibly carried an usog.

My yaya, who hails from Bicol, believed in such stuff and mentioned that one of Kernan's officemates may have probably caused the usog. The guy, she said, actually mentioned that he did not want to greet Jamaine because he was very exhausted at that time. (It was a common belief that people who are extremely exhausted or hungry should not greet a baby because they carry a very strong usog with them.) But he couldn't resist and greeted Jamaine anyway.

I know it all sounded too ridiculous. My parents said these are things that doctors don't know and believe but they are true.

I looked at Jamaine and my heart was broken at how she would bang her IV board to her face in an attempt to remove it. I would distract her for a bit but then she would go at it again.

I decided it wouldn't hurt to follow my parents advice. I asked Kernan to request his officemate if he could please drop by the hospital and visit Jamaine. I told Kernan, I may not fully believe in that usog stuff, but at that point, I was willing to try anything for Jamaine to get better.

That guy did come a few hours later, He told me that he, in fact, believes in usog and knows he has it. He said he has kids too and he abides by certain supernatural / traditional beliefs and practices whenever one of his kids get sick. Before leaving, he said, "Okay na yan, magaling na yan."

Hours after that, Jamaine started feeding normally and didn't vomit at all. Her repeat urinalysis and urine culture test also came out negative as if the infection never happened.

I told the pedia about the possibility of usog. She said, she does not rule out such possibilities but it was also important that Jamaine's UTI was detected and it should be treated completely.

We were finally discharged from the hospital last Saturday afternoon and Jamaine has been on oral antibiotics since then.

She's doing better everyday and healthy as ever.

So, was it UTI or usog?

Some told me that usog is true and they have actually experienced it themselves. Some say it's just an old folk's belief and the possibility of it happening may just as well be a coincidence.

If there's anything I learned from this, it's to be open to all possibilities and beliefs. As long as it's not harmful or out of this world crazy, it wouldn't hurt to follow some old-fashioned advice.

After all, it's not about proving which between old beliefs and medicine work better. What's more important is to use both to ensure that my baby's happier and healthier.

Fighting the Thinking Block

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 01:56:00 +0000

You know that situation when you think so much so you never get anything done?
Some have writer’s block or blogger’s block if you will, because they can’t think about what to write.

I , on the other hand, was thinking so much about a lot of stuff I want to write about that I never got to write anything. (I won’t list them down because they’re bound to be endless)

So I’m calling it the Thinking Block.

This is something you don’t want to get stuck with because it’s a waste of ideas and opportunities. And it’s not just with writing but with other aspects of life as well.

Thinking is a good thing because it spurs on potentially great ideas. But when you just spend all your energy thinking and planning but never start doing something, you’re putting all those ideas to waste and end up accomplishing nothing.

So this morning, I finally got myself to stop thinking and just start writing.

Can you think about one thing you want to do today but you have postponed it for days or weeks or (fill your time frame here )?

I say, “Just do it.”

Note: You can stop reading this entry and just get moving. I’d be so happy for you because you’re on your way to accomplishing greater things. But if you’re still feeling a little lazy or curious about what I have to say, then read on. I’d appreciate that too. A little delay won’t hurt.
“Just do it” has become one of my favorite phrases lately because it motivates you to take action and empowers you to accomplish greater things.

Whether it’s writing that awe-inspiring blog entry, achieving that healthy body, learning to cook that superb meal, or talking to that guy you’ve been wanting to ask out for a date. They all involve one crucial step: just do it.

You can plan all you want, think all you want, prepare all you want. But those won’t amount to anything unless you take action.

It’s funny how sometimes you build your own obstacles when you think about doing something or trying something new. You think “It’s gonna be hard,” “I’m scared,” “I don’t have the time,” or “I have more important things to do.” You come up with a hundred and one reasons not to do it when there’s just one important reason why you should: to make you happy.

Why postpone your own happiness?

Just start taking action. And when you’re already doing it, you’ll see that all those excuses and fears just start fading away. You’ll find out that things get more exciting as you go along and before you know it you’ve done it.

This post is a concrete example. I started with four words and now I’ve written an entire entry.

Accomplishment is a wonderful feeling to carry around everyday.

An accomplishment, no matter how small, moves you to believe that “I CAN.”

And just imagine how a whole world of possibilities open for you when you start believing in yourself.

Are you thinking of accomplishing something that you want today?

Just do it.

And be sure to tell me how it worked for you. I’d be happy to hear about it.

Get up and get moving!

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Wed, 23 May 2007 10:17:00 +0000

How many times have you tried to start an exercise regimen but never got around to doing it?

I am guilty of this several times over. I would set a goal and promise myself that I would be lean and mean in time for my birthday...for summer...for our anniversary...for Christmas...for New Year. All these have come and gone but my abs remained flabs.

I was never really fat but I was a little sluggish. I wanted to get fit so that I would have more energy.

But everyday, I would manage to come up with little excuses not to exercise.

My body's alright, I don't need to get fit.
I get bored in the gym.
I don't have money for the gym.
I don't have time.

When I was pregnant, one of the perks I enjoyed was not having to mind about my belly sticking out. That's a baby not flab. I actually felt sexier when I was pregnant.

But now that I'm into my second post partum month, some people still mistake me for a pregnant woman. There's nothing more annoying than somebody asking, "How many months?" when you've just given birth. It makes me want to put a sign on my belly saying "Just got a baby."

Even my hubby who loves me dearly asked me, "Are you exercising yet?" Of course, we both know the answer to that.

Inside my head, Ms. Excuses said, "But you're tired. You're busy with the baby. Why bother to exercise?"

I was tempted to agree.

But when I looked in the mirror, I knew I had to kill Ms. Excuses and start doing something.

And I'm doing it not for other people, not for my hubby, but for me.

I'm doing it not to be sexy but to be healthy.

So now I finally did it.

I started doing Pilates again this morning.

And though I haven't gotten the abs in 30 minutes, I feel great.

5 Ways to start exercising

So how do you quash those excuses swimming in your head and motivate yourself to get moving?

1. Be honest to yourself. Admit that you need to get fit and healthy. Remember that the quality of your life also depends on the state of your health. Before you can start taking good care of other people, you have to take better care of yourself.

2. Make it an "excitecise." Choose an exercise that's fun for you. Whether it's exercising in the gym, taking up boxing, playing badminton or learning taekwondo. Choose one that excites you so that you'll be motivated to do it everyday. When you get bored or if you feel you're no longer challenged, choose another.

3. Explore your options. If you don't have the money to shell out for membership fees, there are a lot of other ways to get fit without breaking the bank. Since I can't afford going to a Pilates class on a monthly basis, I bought a Pilates exercise CD and do it at home. Go to any record store and you'll find that they have a decent number of exercise videos on sale, you just have to take your pick. But If doing it at home makes you feel lazy, then go outdoors and go speed-walking, biking or jogging.

4. Make time for exercise. I find that doing it in the morning works wonders for me the whole day. Here's a useful tip to help motivate you: Get something that will remind you to exercise like your rubber shoes or any other exercise gear, and place it strategically so that it will be the first thing you see in the morning. In that way, exercise will be one of the first things on your mind when you wake up. But if you absolutely can't do it in the morning, then do it whenever you're free. Start with 15 or 30 minutes of exercise. Time flies pretty fast once you start moving, you'll be done before you know it.

5. Just do it. Do yourself a favor and just start.

Finally, the most important thing is, get fit for the right reasons. Don't do it for other people because you'll only set yourself up for failure and disappointment. Don't do it because you want to be sexy like (insert celebrity's name here). Your body is unique so it will never be like somebody else's.

Define your own sexy and be proud of your healthy body.

Hello Trinoma!

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sun, 20 May 2007 10:21:00 +0000

"Gusto mong pumunta ng Trinoma?" A asked me.

"Ano yun?"

"it's the mall across SM North. Maganda raw dun."

I haven't frequented the north area lately so I imagined Trinoma was some mini-mall with your usual fare of boutiques and restaurants. I wondered how the owner could have possibly thought it would stand a chance against the SM North.

"Parang Greenbelt daw yun." A added.

A Greenbelt in the north? Now that I have to see. Apparently, A forgot to mention the keyword in the mall's name that says it all: Ayala. So it's not just Trinoma, it's the Ayala Trinoma.

If you haven't been reading the papers lately (like me), these articles from the Manila Standard and Inquirer may be helpful.

And if you're also wondering where they got the name from, Trinoma means "Triangle North of Manila." So would that make SM a Recnoma as in "Rectangle North of Manila?" (Ang corny ko.)

Anyway, since A and I are ~~rich~~ lazy commuters, we got there via cab, roughly 60 to 70 bucks if you're coming from Kamuning Road. But you can actually get to Trinoma faster and for a fraction of that amount if you take the MRT.

Trinoma wins plus points for accessibility because it has an entrance directly connected to the MRT North Station. (It's not yet open though but I suppose it will be opened pretty soon.) I'm thinking it will definitely be one of the reasons why people will be drawn to Trinoma, especially for those people who hate the hassle of commuting and walking along polluted roads.

I, for one, always find it a hassle to go to SM North, Megamall or Robinson's because I don't like having to walk along EDSA just to get there. With all the smoke and fumes you'll inhale while walking, you might as well die of pollution before you enter the mall. SM Makati could be the next best option but it's too far for a QC girl like me. So when Gateway opened, it easily became a favorite hang out. But now, I'm guessing Trinoma will give Gateway a run for it's money as well.

When we got inside Trinoma, we could readily tell it was constructed just like Glorietta. You won't feel the classy ambience yet since many parts of the mall are sill under construction. The floors are still a bit dirty, there are plywood markers for the boutiques and you'll encounter the occasional fly malling with you. But when you go around, you could almost imagine how sleek it would look like when construction's all done.

Just like Gateway, Trinoma gives you the feeling that you've entered another albeit classy world. Considering it's location, Trinoma is like an oasis in the north desert.

A number of stores were already open: boutiques like Genevieve Gozum, YRYS, Oxygen, Apple and Eve, Karimadon, Bench, and Mango are among those I remember. Of course, the ever reliable fastfoods are ready to serve you: Jollibee, McDonalds (directly across each other) and Chowking. I also remember seeing National Bookstore and Powerbooks already open. Plus,Timezone at the topmost floor.

Trinoma's advantage over Gateway, SM and SM's The Block is it's wide array of high end as well as middle class boutiques that can surely capture the A - C crowd. From the signboards, I could tell Trinoma will also house a slew of new restaurants (read: not fast food) that can make it a center of gastronomic feasts.

The Ayalas also made a smart move by getting Landmark Department Store as one of its tenants. Landmark has some really great quality brands that can be had at the cheapest price. I remember my family would always troop to Makati on weekends even if we lived in Manila just to go to Landmark. My mom says most of her best buys were from Landmark's Department Store.It has a great supermarket too.

But what I love best about Trinoma is the viewdeck and the outdoor park that's very reminiscent of Greenbelt.

Perfect for hanging out when you don't have money or you're not in the mood for malling. I saw signs for 7 water features but only a few are operational.

If only our feet weren't killing us, we would have wanted to explore Trinoma's every nook and cranny. A and I can't stop raving about how Trinoma would be our best hang out yet.

Can't wait for it to be completed. i won't be surprised if we'll be malling almost every day.

Goodbye SM and Gateway.

Hello Trinoma!

Fight!

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sat, 19 May 2007 13:28:00 +0000

It started with a simple request that ended with a sarcastic remark and a slamming door. Minutes later, he makes four attempts to call but she left them unanswered. Finally, he sends a message, "Sorry, I got mad. I love you so much." Soon, he returns. They hug, kiss and make up. And just like that, it was all over.

Can having a fight really be that simple?

When couples fight, it's so easy to let a little misunderstanding to snowball into gigantic proportions. They get carried away with the wave of anger and intense emotion.

In the heat of the moment, hurtful words are thrown, grudges resurface, maybe even curses are exchanged.

Before they know it, they've hurt each other so deeply that it becomes hard to remember if they ever loved each other. The relationship hits the rocks, the damage almost irrepairable.

For those in steady relationships, it may be hard to call it quits and just break up. But between a husband and wife, it's even harder especially when you've got kids.

So how do you keep from being doomed to a relationship or marriage of misery?

Having been together for five years, Kernan and I have had our share of fights. But none of them ever escalated into a verbal abuse match because of three important things we've learned through the years:

Respect. It wasn't easy at first, but we've learned to respect each other's differences and how we each deal with conflict: one needs space while the other needs silence. We've accepted the fact that there will be times when we'll have differing points of view and that's ok.

Humility. We've learned long ago that matching each other word for word only leads to more misunderstanding. When one of us is high on anger, the other remains low. Pride can certainly make it tempting to shout back, that's for sure. But you'll find that when you stop and listen, you'll understand where the other is coming from. Humility also means admitting you're wrong and saying "I'm sorry."

Love. And with love comes unconditional forgiveness. No counting of offenses or relegating sins into the back burner, ready to be brought up during another argument. Forgiveness means closing the door behind you and looking forward to start anew.

I've always believed that it doesn't matter who was wrong or who was right. Love doesn't keep a tally board of wins and losses.

What matters is emerging from the fight, not bruised or battered, but better and stronger.

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Mon, 14 May 2007 10:32:00 +0000

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Confessions of a not-so-good cook

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Mon, 14 May 2007 07:09:00 +0000

I have a confession to make: I am not a good cook.

I can't say I'm bad, but I know I'm not that good at it.

I can cook rice (using a rice cooker), I can do your basic sauteing and frying. But when it comes to the real dishes, I'm lost.

Kernan knew my lack of culinary abilities long before we married, and he was fine with it. After all, whatever I lacked in cooking, I more than made up for in dishwashing. So when we started living together, he automatically became the cook, I the dishwasher. A perfect fit really.

But as his wife, somehow it doesn't feel right that I don't know how to cook. I decided it's time to learn how.

Kernan had these fancy cookbooks at home but they seemed too complicated for a beginner like me.

Yesterday, I surfed the net for recipes I could try. I had three requirements: it had to be simple, quick and easy.

I remember how my mom used to watch Del Monte Kitchenomics on TV so I googled their recipes. Good thing they now have a great website with recipes that matched my three requirements. Plus, all the ingredients were locally available and easy to procure.

And for my first ~~experiment~~ trial, I chose the recipe for Corny Beef.

The verdict: perfect.... just kidding! I'd have to be gifted if I got it perfectly the first time.

Being the sweetheart that he is, Kernan finished his plate clean. He said it was a bit too sweet for his taste but it was alright.

I'd say not bad for a first try. Lesson learned: lay off the sugar.

Anyway, I found other great sites for recipes from Nestle, Purefoods and Century Tuna. Can't wait to try all the other dishes.

Maybe when I become good at cooking, I can make recipes of my own too. Til then, it's these two - step recipes for me.

Care to share your easy and tasty recipes?

Easing back into couplehood

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sun, 13 May 2007 14:59:00 +0000

After Jamaine was born, it was inevitable that Kernan and I spent less time together. Naturally, our days revolved around our baby. And I, for one, felt guilty leaving Jamaine behind while we enjoyed ourselves.

So aside from the occasional trips to the grocery, Kernan and I put our regular movie and dinner dates on hold.

I got wrapped up in taking care of the baby while Kernan got busy with work. This worked out quite well in the beginning, but my wife’s instinct told me we were approaching a potential danger zone: drifting apart.

I felt we needed to take a time out and make an effort to be together.

So when he asked me out on a date last Thursday (yes, we still ask each other out on dates), I said yes. After all, it was our monthsary and we wanted to celebrate the 4 years and 11 months we've been together.

After doing the groceries, we trooped to our favorite pizza place for a pasta and pizza feast. Kernan wanted to watch a movie after but I was missing Jamaine already so we decided to go home.

The next day we went on date number 2.

Since I wasn't ready to be too far from home, Kernan and I agreed to go to Gateway. In case of any emergency, we can just dash back to the house in 15 minutes or less. I know, sometimes I can't help but be a worry wart.

We had dinner at Pancake House where we saw this couple having dinner with their cute toddler. i thought in a few months time, we can bring Jamaine to all our fave eating spots too.

After dinner, we watched Spiderman 3 while sharing a chocolate shake and a bucket of popcorn, just like a typical movie date. I found some parts of the movie a bit dragging though. Then again, maybe I was still just a bit worried about being away from Jamaine that I couldn't wait for the movie to be over.

But worries aside, our movie date was great. We held hands and stole a few kisses. I snuggled close to him when I felt too cold and buried my head in his neck when the scenes got too violent for my taste. It was just like the old times.

When we arrived home, Jamaine was awake so we had time to play with her before going to bed.

I guess easing back into couplehood after having a baby can be quite a challenge. But I realized that if you want your marriage to prosper, you have to learn how to be a couple again.

Make time for each other. No doubt the baby will occupy most of your time, among other things. But as much as you nurture your baby, you need to nurture your relationship with your hubby as well.

Ban the guilt. I know this can be quite difficult. But taking time out from caring for your baby doesn't make you bad or neglectful parents.

Loosen up and have fun. It's so easy to ruin a night out by worrying too much. (I know I kinda failed in this area.) But you owe it to yourself and to your baby to have fun every once in awhile. Because when you come home upbeat, you'll communicate those good feelings to your baby too.

Of course, taking care of your baby should always be a top priority. But as with all things, the only way you can ever be good at taking care of another person is when you know how to take care of yourself.

Sleeping like a baby

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Tue, 08 May 2007 14:34:00 +0000

That is actually an idiom for a sound and peaceful sleep.

But when you’ve got a baby in the house, you’ll know that their sleep is not always sound and peaceful.

During Jamaine’s first few days at home, I’d let her sleep in her crib thinking that she’ll benefit from having her own sleeping space.

But I learned soon enough that her crib wasn’t cozy for her. She would often stir in her sleep and she would wake up almost every hour.

One night, following my mom’s advice (reinforced by Sexy Mom’s comment), I let her sleep next to Kernan and me on the bed. For the first time in days, she slept so soundly she almost missed her night time feeding.

Her sleeping space on the bed was only a quarter of her spacious crib but she seemed comfortably cramped. I figured she felt more secure “knowing” we were right next to her.

This wasn’t a problem then because she always slept in one position. But lately, she has been prone to being crushed by mommy.

I guess that means it’s time for us to get a bigger bed.

Sleeping rituals

When I was a kid, I always slept next to my mom because I would get scared when the lights were turned off. I imagined some monster would come out of the dark and get me.

One night, she surrounded my bed with all my dolls and stuffed toys saying they would guard me through the night as I slept. I only lasted a few minutes and ended up creeping next to my mom again.

When I grew older, I had to resort to other ways to help me sleep soundly. Two of my sleeping musts are my dantayan ( a pillow for hugging) and a blanket big enough to cover me from neck to feet. I can sleep on a cushy sofa, on a squeaky papag even on a hard floor as long as I have these two with me.

My mom used to say that we should always pray before we sleep so that we won’t have bad dreams.

For quite some time, I religiously prayed “Angel of God, my guardian dear…” I even prayed the rosary (though I always fell asleep somewhere in the third mystery). But I eventually outgrew saying bedtime prayers. I realized I simply just rambled off these memorized verses without really feeling them.

But through the years, I’ve learned other nightly rituals all of which helped me to sleep soundly.

One great ritual I always try to exercise is ridding my mind of all worries, problems and negative thoughts.

For me, one of the most effective ways to do this is to write in my journal. Sometimes when the thoughts are really bad, I rip out the page, tear it to pieces and throw it away.

Then I try to think of all the little and big things I am thankful for that day. It helps to remind me that whether it’s been a good day or a bad day, every day is a blessing.

Lastly, I make sure I give the “kiss-hug-I love you” combo to my hubby and my baby. I think it’s good to always let your last action for the day be an act of love.

What’s your sleeping ritual?

Moving on with love, friends and ice cream

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sun, 06 May 2007 09:31:00 +0000

I thought the blues would go away with just one blog entry but it took a little bit longer than I thought.

I tried blogging again but I couldn't write anything. Thoughts bombarded my head but I couldn't put them into words.

I guess I was wrong in isolating myself to deal with my sadness. Whether we admit it or not, most of the time we need other people to help us get back on our feet.

That or you can always resort to taking anti-depressants.

Thankfully, I didn't go that far.

Kernan has been very understanding through my down times. Between the two of us, I am actually the more patient one. But he has shown me a great deal of patience for the past weeks, especially during the times when I am less than lovable.

He's also been working thrice as hard (literally he has three jobs), but he still takes time to take care of Jamaine and relieve me of my "mommy duties."

Truly he is my strength and his love has helped me to move on.

Jamaine has also been my constant sunshine.

She turned 1 month last May 1 and we celebrated with cake and spaghetti. She's becoming more responsive now and she never fails to amuse me. I always grab the chance to sing songs to her and tell her stories whenever she's awake. I can't wait when she grows older so we can sing and read stories together.

Sometimes, Kernan and I could spend hours just watching her sleep. If anything, Jamaine has really brought us closer together.

Another high point in my week was an email I got from new blog friend Ria.

It's amazing how people can reach out to you just when you need them. Ria's email reminded me that I do have a lot of reasons to feel blessed and to be grateful.

I always believe such people are angels sent by God.

Thanks for being an angel, Ria.

Food has also been a useful pick - me - upper.

I'm not really a moody eater but eating certain foods have been comforting to me. Ice cream (chocolate and double dutch) is on top of the list. Aside from keeping me cool in this sweltering heat, it gives me my much needed daily dose of calcium. I've also grown a fascination with Yan-yan biscuits dipped in chocolate and Pasencia wheat drop cookies. (So if you want to send some love my way, you know what to buy from 7-11.)

So I'm moving on slowly but steadily. From now on (hopefully), I'll be writing more inspiring and happier entries.

Life is a heavensent blessing and it is too precious to spend wallowing in regret and self-pity.

I'm looking forward to happier days ahead!

Beating the baby blues

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 14:39:00 +0000

I’ve been battling the baby blues for the past week.

It’s like a monster that creeps in at random times of the day that throws “what ifs” and depressing thoughts in my head.

And I cry like my whole world is crumbling down on me.

I’d been trying to keep a brave and happy façade but I’d be lying if I say I’m always happy.

That’s why I’ve deliberately shied away from other people because I don’t want to drag them down the hole I’m falling into. Besides, I don’t want them to know that I’m unhappy.

I’d be such an ungrateful wretch to be unhappy when I’ve got one of the most precious blessings in the world.

But I am was.

At times, I would be so self-centered.

I’d mourn the “loss” of my old body, knowing fully well it would never be the same again. I think about all the things I couldn’t do and all the places I couldn’t go to because I have to put Jamaine as my top priority. I’d be so helpless because I feel like my life has changed so much and I can’t bring it back.

Other times, my worries would revolve around Jamaine.

I worry if she’ll grow up healthy. I agonize over the thought that I might not be able to give her all the love and care that she needs. I even doubt if I can provide her all her material needs.

(Now that I think about it, these worries still revolve around me.)

Everyday for the past week is like some episode from a drama series with me doing an endless monologue interspersed with tears.

But I’ve finally decided that this will stop now.

I will pull myself together and I will start moving on.

I will no longer dwell on the “what ifs” and I will live in the now.

I will open my eyes and learn to appreciate the countless blessings God has given me.

I will close this drama series and open a new episode in my life.

And this time, it stars my wonderful and beautiful baby, my loving and hardworking husband and a more grateful me.

Because in reality, I’ve got all that it takes to have a happy life.

To go back to work or not to go back to work

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 10:43:00 +0000

That is my dilemma right now.

My 3-week leave is about to end and I’m supposed to go back to work on Monday.

At the beginning of my pregnancy, going back to work was never a question. It was a given. I never imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom, let alone be one. The plan was we’d hire a full-time sitter to take care of Jamaine when my leave is over.

But now that Jamaine is here, I find that the decision to leave my daughter to the care of another person is harder to make than I thought.

Just thinking about it now gets me emotional. I don’t even want to imagine what it would be like on my first day back at work.

I’m considering quitting work to take care of my daughter full-time just like my mom.

My mom was working at the time my brother and I were born. Before, she’d tell me stories about how my titas would hide me in the bedroom every morning so that I wouldn’t see her leave for work. That plan always backfired though because I always found out and ended up crying. Other times, she said, I’d desperately hold on to her clothes trying to stop her from leaving.

We stayed at my grandma’s house but we were left to the care of a babysitter. One day, my mom found out that the reason I cried so much when she was leaving was my sitter would hurt me and pinch me. That sitter was fired right away.

Another time, my other sitter neglected me which almost hurt me fatally. My mom and dad got home and found me chewing on something. When they opened my mouth, they found a couple of nails which I somehow got from the area of the house that was being renovated. By some miracle, I didn’t swallow the nails nor did I hurt my mouth. Needless to say that sitter was fired too.

When we started going to school, my mom stopped working to take care of my brother and me. I’d have to say my happy childhood was due largely to the fact that my mom was always there for us. It was great to have her bringing us and picking us up from school. She would play with us, teach us our lessons and cook us delicious merienda. It was so comforting to know that we could run to her anytime, all the time.

When we were in gradeschool, we hit the hard times. My dad got laid off from work and since my mom had no job, we had nothing to fall back on. My youngest brother was born during this time so we really hit rock bottom. It was a good thing some relatives helped us to get by.

I was young then but no longer oblivious to the pangs of poverty. I thought, would we have been better off if my mom was working too?

Nevertheless, I was proud of my parents because they were able to get us through the toughest of times. And though we never got filthy rich, we eventually fared well enough to have the basics and, more importantly, to send us all three siblings to school.

It was then I decided that when I grow up, I’d get a high-paying job and make lots of money so that when I have my own kids and family, they would never have to go through what we did.

Now I feel fortunate because even if my job is not a hundred percent stable, it pays fairly well enough for me to continue to support my family and, so far, to contribute in our household expenses and in providing for Jamaine.

But now that Jamaine is here, I feel a certain sense of guilt knowing that I would leave her for most of the day to be in the office.

I’ve told Kernan about my apprehension to go back to work. He said he fully supports me should I decide to stay home and take care of Jamaine and that he’ll work thrice as hard to sustain our family. (Indeed I have the greatest husband in the world.)

But I feel it’s not right for me to leave all our financial needs to him.

I know it would be impractical for me to quit work at this time. With the rising cost of almost everything, we need the double income to live comfortably.

More importantly, I want to be able to provide everything and anything my daughter needs. No one knows when the hard times might hit, and if ever it does, I don’t want my daughter to suffer even the slightest bit

On the other hand, I feel so torn because no matter how I try to arrange the perfect schedule to accommodate work time and family time, I know that the time I miss spending with Jamaine will never be replaced.

Will the money I earn be worth missing her first laugh, her first step or her first word?

Can I stand the fact that I may not always be there when Jamaine needs me?

Financial security versus quantity and quality time with my baby, is there a way to have both?

A year ago, all decisions I made affected only me. Now every decision I make will affect my family. I just hope and pray to God, I make the right one.

I feel like my life is changing so fast, I can barely keep up.

Pardon the emotion. These must be the postpartum hormones talking.

I cried at the pediatrician’s clinic

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 10:59:00 +0000

It may sound weird but I never thought a baby’s immunization can be so traumatizing. At least for me.

Jamaine had her first check-up last Monday.

The pediatrician’s secretary texted me to confirm if we were coming since Jamaine was scheduled for a check-up and a BCG.

I knew about the check-up but I didn’t know she was supposed to be given BCG too. A wave of fear washed over me as I imagined the needle being injected on my baby’s delicate skin.

She would cry for sure.

And I dreaded seeing her cry.

Since we got home, Jamaine has never been a crybaby. She only lets out a little whimper when she’s hungry or uncomfortable. I think she cried once and only for a few seconds when I wasn’t able to give her milk right away because I was too sleepy. But she never howls or wails inconsolably. A lot have been commenting that she’s such a good-tempered baby (like her mommy).

And so I psyched myself for what was to happen. I thought that perhaps if I talk to her while the pedia gives her the shot, she would be so distracted, she’ll just feel a little pinch.

Don’t they always say it just feels like an ant’s bite? But what if, for Jamaine, it’s more like a GIANT ant’s bite?

I shared my apprehension with Kernie but he wasn’t one to give me false hopes, “Iiyak talaga siya. Ganun talaga.”

As we went inside the clinic, I tried to act brave. I read that babies can sense their parent’s feelings. So I thought that if I acted brave, maybe Jamaine would feel brave too.

The pediatrician placed Jamaine on the weighing scale and took her measurements. She happily reported that Jamaine had gained a pound and grown a centimeter. Good stats after just two weeks.

But I didn't feel like celebrating just yet.

I told her I was nervous that the BCG might hurt Jamaine and make her sick. She said it will certainly hurt but it won’t give her a fever. If it was any consolation, she added that the shot would be administered on Jamaine’s butt cheek and not on her arm so that if a scar develops, it won’t be so visible.

The pedia placed Jamaine face down on the bed while Kernan supported Jamaine’s head with one hand and held the milk bottle in the other.

She sucked her milk contentedly unaware of what was about to happen.

I walked away from the bed feeling like I was betraying my daughter.

And then it happened.

Jamaine wailed in pain.

It was such a heartbreaking cry that I rushed back to the bed with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I looked at Kernan who was teary eyed too.

I stroked her head and tried to console her.

“It’s alright Jamaine, mommy’s here. I love you.”

But she wouldn’t stop crying.

It only took less than a minute for the pedia to patch up the injection site but it felt like forever.

I picked up Jamaine and cradled her in my arms saying “I love you” over and over.

And then she stopped crying.

She started sucking her bottle peacefully as if nothing had happened.

The pedia said we’re scheduled for another check-up and a Hepa shot next week. You can bet I won’t be counting the days til then.

I know that the momentary pain and a couple of tears are a small price to pay to be spared from the vicious diseases these shots are fighting against.

But I’m just wondering, isn’t there a more “humane” way of administering these shots?

It might seem odd to feel like this, but for me, It’s so traumatizing. I still can’t forget how hard Jamaine cried at that moment.

If I could take the shots for Jamaine, I would.

If I could take all the pain she would ever experience in her life, I won’t think twice.

But I guess you can only do so much to protect your kids.

All you can really do is love them unconditionally and hope that it would be enough to make all their pain fade away.

This is called unconditional love

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 05:04:00 +0000

She has puked, peed and pooped at me more times than I can count.

She has transformed me into a milk-producing-diaper-changing-lullabye-singing slave.

She has robbed me of sleep giving me eye bags that seem to sag to the floor.

But I still love her.

More than words can say.

I love her more everday.

How can I not love her?

She makes me laugh even without trying.

She reminds me that the best things in life are free.

And even without words, she makes me feel that she loves me.

The first day at home

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 13:08:00 +0000

Someone once said that when a woman finally becomes a mother, she would come to appreciate her own mother more.

I never grasped its full meaning until my first day at home with Jamaine.

When I woke up that morning, I knew a tremendous challenge lay ahead of me: I had to take care of my baby while I took care of myself.

Before Jamaine was born, I always told my mom that I could take care of my baby and I did not want to burden her or anybody else for that matter. I was confident that Kernie and I can handle everything down pat.

But as the reality of the situation sunk in, it dawned on me that we couldn’t. I was still in so much pain so moving around wasn’t easy.

More than that, I suddenly felt clueless on how to take care of Jamaine.

She seemed so tiny and fragile, I was afraid I would break her or hurt her should I make one wrong move.

My mom helped me get through my mommy jitters. I tried to remember everything as she taught me how to feed Jamaine, wash her bottom, change her nappies and give her a sponge bath.

It was like being in “Mommy Preschool.” And I was determined to make the grade.

I watched my precious baby intently. I patrolled her crib like a girl scout armed with nappies and a breast full of milk ready to respond for any cry of discomfort or hunger.

But I learned this kind of vigilance can sometimes send one on a panic attack.

Jamaine seemed peacefully asleep when she suddenly jolted and let out a little cry, squirmed, stretched and flailed her arms and legs. I tried feeding her but she wasn’t hungry. I checked her nappy but it was all dry. I carried her and tried to rock her back to sleep but she won’t stop squirming.

I was ready to cry in frustration if not for a loud tooting sound minutes later. I felt a warm gush in her nappy that put all my fears to rest. As it turned out, she was just trying to poo.

Lesson learned: not all cries are a cause for alarm.

As I was getting a crash course on mommyhood, Kernie was equally determined to be the perfect house husband. He went to the market and cooked “real food” (our term for home-cooked meals) for lunch and dinner.

He played with Jamaine and couldn’t get enough of her. It was fun seeing this other side of him as a doting father.

The real challenge came at night time. I was careful not to get into a deep sleep in case I might not wake up when she cries.

I expected I might have to wake up every now and then to feed her or change her nappies. What I didn’t expect was that I would have to be awake almost the entire night.

My cute little Jamaine suddenly transformed into a feeding-peeing-pooping machine.

She was hungry every two hours and peed and pooped right after. It was like a never-ending cycle of feeding, cleaning and changing nappies.

And just when I was about to enter Lala land, she awakened and stretched her arms and legs as if to welcome a bright sunshiny morning.

But it was only 3 am.

My eyes were drooping fast but I tried to rock her and sing to her every song I ever memorized. I looped my lullaby playlist 4 times over but no amount of singing could make her go back to sleep.

I could say I’m a veteran at all-nighters but this one almost knocked me down.

She finally fell asleep at 8 am. I hurriedly tried to get some shut-eye knowing she’ll probably wake up for a feeding two hours later.

It was just our first day.

I know I’ll have to gear up really hard for more sleepless nights for the next five years.

Or more.

I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

Heavensent Blessing Part 2: The first meeting

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 07:11:00 +0000

My second day at the hospital was doubly painful.

One, whatever numbing effect the anesthesia had on me from the previous day had completely worn off. I was feeling the full force of postpartum pain and exhaustion.

Two, Jamaine’s pediatrician told me that she would be held under observation for 48 hours to see if she was infected by my UTI. If she was, then we’d have to leave her behind.

So far, all I’ve seen of Jamaine were the pictures Kernie took of her from the nursery. He said she was always asleep with her head turned to one side.

If ever I wanted to see her then I’ll have to go to her myself. I mustered enough energy to get up from the bed so I could be wheeled up to the nursery. I felt like I was in slow motion since every little movement meant pain.

But seeing my baby for the first time made every ounce of pain worth it.

She looked so serene

I wished I could pull the hours ‘til that moment when we’ll be going home.

That night, I was sleepless with anxiety and anticipation.

I feel as though the reality of motherhood had not yet sunk in.

I was excited yet scared to hold her because I knew when that moment arrives, I’d really start being a mother.

***

The next day brought good news.

Jamaine’s test results were in and it indicated no infection.

We could go home by the afternoon.

I went back up to the nursery to pay her another visit.

She was still asleep but I think I saw a faint smile on her lips. Maybe she knew we would be together soon.

For a brief moment, she opened her eyes as if to say “Mommy, I’m so excited to go home!”

In the afternoon, Jamaine was finally brought to my room. Seeing her up close for the first time was a priceless moment.

What made it even more special was Jamaine had her first visitor: Ninang A!

I was filled with so much love for her.

When she looked into my eyes, I knew my life has changed forever.

Up next: The first day at home

Heavensent Blessing Part 1: Welcome Liana Jamaine!

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:39:00 +0000

A sharp pain in my belly jolted me awake. I looked at the clock: it was 3:52 am.

Could this be real labor pains? I thought.

I didn’t want to ring another false alarm.

It was, after all, April Fool’s Day.

I decided to wait it out. I got up from the bed and started walking around the room.

The pain persisted.

I took out my notebook and pen and started timing the contractions.

3:52... 3:55…. 3:57…. 3:59…. 4:02…. 4:06…. 4:10….

Each wave of pain came at less than 10 minute intervals.

At 5 am, I woke up Kernie, “Mahal, sunud-sunod na yung contractions ko…”

“Punta na tayong hospital?”

He quickly got up and loaded our bags into the car. But I was still hesitant to go. Should I wait til my water bag breaks? I didn’t want to go to the hospital and spend another whole day waiting.

At quarter to 6 am, I called my OB. I thought I’ll let her decide this one for me.
The moment she answered the phone, she said, “Game na? Diretso ka na sa labor room.”

I was admitted to the labor room at exactly 6 am. The doctors recognized me from my previous confinement, “Ayan, manganganak ka na.”

After months of waiting, I couldn’t believe this moment had finally arrived.

I was in a painful daze as the nurses prepared me for delivery. They gave me shots of some pain relieving drug but I was far from relieved.

For the next four hours, I was groaning in excruciating pain. For some reason, my body had a high tolerance for the pain relievers and it didn’t have any effect on me. My OB said they had already given me the maximum dosage allowable and they couldn’t give me anymore.

I tried with much effort to remember the relaxation and deep breathing exercises I learned from meditation and yoga. I endured each stab of pain thinking that every minute is drawing me closer to that moment when I can finally give birth.

Close to 11 am, my water bag finally burst. Everything happened so fast after that.

Within moments, I was transferred to another bed and wheeled into the delivery room.

I was fully aware as the nurses scrunched my body into a fetal like position and anesthesia was injected into my lower spine. I felt a wave of relief after that and prepared myself for another long pushing session.

Surprisingly though, immediately after my legs were strapped to the stirrups, I felt my baby slide out of me.

I heard a faint cry and I saw my baby coated in all that gooey fluid as my OB handed her over to the nurse.

It was 11:06 am.

I wanted to tell the nurse to bring my baby next to me but before I knew it, she was already transferred to another room.

For the next hour, I waited impatiently as I was being stitched up. I was surprised that it took much longer than the actual delivery. After the procedure, my OB walked over to my side and congratulated me for a job well done.

It was finally over.

We made it.

Thank God.

The nurses wheeled me to the recovery room where I finally gave in to exhaustion.

When I woke up, I was a bit alarmed to find that I couldn’t feel my legs. I tried to move them but only managed to wiggle my right foot.

Perhaps, sensing my fear, the nurse assured me that sensation in my legs would return in four hours then I would be transferred to my room. I asked her if I could see my baby by then and she said I’d have to wait ‘til the next day. Disappointed, I tried going back to sleep hoping that when I woke up, I would see my baby by my side.

At 4 pm, I was finally transferred to my room. There I found my Kernie, my parents and Kernie’s sisters waiting for me. It was comforting to see familiar faces at last.

Though I was still a bit groggy, I managed to recount much of what I remembered about my delivery experience. I was proud to say I did a pretty good job.

And since I was given clearance to take in solid food, Kernie asked me what I wanted to eat. Funny I was craving for chocolate twin popsies. My hubby couldn’t find one though so he bought a drumstick instead which was just as good for me.

Hours later, A arrived with a box of donuts while Ate Mahleen bought some cupcakes from Sonja’s. My sweet tooth was certainly having a field day.

Never mind if my belly still made me look like 5 months pregnant. After the feat I accomplished, I felt like these treats were my sweet reward.

Carli arrived shortly after A. I was really touched and thankful that they exerted effort to visit me on one of the most momentous days of my life.

I was still weak and bleeding but having my hubby, my family and my friends around me made me feel stronger.

Night came but sleep eluded me. I looked back at everything that happened the whole day.

It all seemed so surreal.

I knew one part of my life has ended and a new chapter has just begun.

The waiting is finally over

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 13:04:00 +0000

After nine months, the long wait has finally come to an end.

I’d like to say, “Welcome Liana Jamaine!”

But it would still be a bit too early for that. Apparently, my beautiful daughter still doesn’t want to let go. At least not today.

But I will.

I’ve decided to quit being impatient and just let go.

The more I waited and counted the hours and the days passing by, the more I got frustrated, even a bit depressed, that Jamaine has not arrived yet.

So I’m just going to take it one moment at a time and just enjoy the experience of still having her inside me and of having alone time with my hubby.

And when Jamaine does come, the feeling will not be of relief because my burden has ended. I will feel so grateful for such a sweet and wonderful blessing.

In the same way that not waiting for this has made it such a great surprise when it finally arrived.

Thanks to Joey Alarilla and the team behind Inquirer Blog Addicts. Really cheered me up after yesterday's disappointment.

Moments with Kernie

The other day, when we got back from the hospital, Kernie suddenly sang "Ikaw ang Miss Universe ng buhay ko...ilang beses ko ba naman sasabihin sayo..."

We slow danced right there in the middle of the kitchen to those two lines that he kept singing over and over.

This morning, while watching the prom scene from Smallville Season 4, Kernie and I slow danced in the middle of the bedroom along with Lana and Clark as Lifehouse crooned...

"Cause it's you and me,
and all other people with nothing to do,
nothing to prove.
And it's you and me,
and all other people.
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you..."

The song has been our LSS the whole day.

I'd say one of the secrets to a happy marriage that I learned so far: slowdance whenever, wherever you feel like it. May look silly and corny, but it keeps you crazy in love with each other.

It was supposed to be just an ordinary Wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 13:59:00 +0000

I got home from work, ate a light snack and settled down to write a blog entry.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot from my back and surrounded my lower belly.

Am I in labor? I thought.

I quickly flipped through my pregnancy book stopping at the page I’ve read and reread over twenty times.

Signs of labor.

It listed back ache as one of them. But all the other symptoms were absent.

Could it be false alarm?

I grabbed my cellphone and scrolled to my OB’s number thinking whether I should call or not. I thought about it as I walked around the bedroom but the pain did not ease up.

I remembered I had a bout of diarrhea the day before, could it have triggered these pains?

It would seem stupid to go rushing to the hospital and ringing an alarm just for stomach pain.

Still, I thought better be ~~stupid~~ ~~silly~~ safe than sorry, besides I don’t know the answer to my own questions anyway. So I called my OB and explained to her what I was feeling. She said it couldn’t be labor yet but I should go to the hospital just to be sure that the baby’s doing okay.

I called Kernie who quickly dashed to the house to pick me up.

Within minutes, we were at the hospital walking toward the labor room. Husbands were not allowed inside so I had to go through it on my own.

Part of me was excited thinking that this could finally be the moment we’ve been waiting for so long. But I was also scared because I doubt if I’m really ready for what’s about to happen.

The doctors at the labor room attended to me right away. They checked my temp and my blood pressure. As it turned out, I had a slight fever.

Then they hooked me to a monitor to check my contractions and the heart rate of my baby. While waiting for the readings to come out, one of the doctors asked me about my medical history.

The questions were pretty simple but I found that answering some of them were quite uncomfortable. I mean it’s not easy to tell a complete stranger when was the first time you had sex and how many times you do it every week, right?

Anyway, the readings indicated that my baby’s healthy but I was having regular contractions. That plus the slight fever plus my previous diarrhea made my OB decide that I should be admitted for the night. My latest urinalysis also said my pesky UTI is still at it so I had to be treated for that too.

And that’s how I ended up in a hospital room on a Wednesday midnight hooked to an IV.

It wasn’t so bad actually except for the stinging pain of the needle stuck to my arm.

Plus, I wasn’t allowed to eat anything until further notice which made me regret not eating the Jollibee spaghetti and mushroom cheeseburger I intended to take out for dinner.

My mom and dad arrived about an hour later to check on me while Kernan wrapped up some things at work and picked up extra pillows and blankets from the house. He was back in the hospital in less than an hour: one of the advantages of having a home and an office just 10 minutes away from the hospital.

It was around 3 am when we finally got settled in the hospital room but I was feeling far from sleepy. Could this really be it?

Sunshine was already streaking in through the hospital window when I finally fell asleep. But I barely clocked in 2 hours of shut eye when nurses came into the room to bring me back to the labor room. I was to undergo another round of monitoring to see if I made any progress.

The results would determine if I will stay in the hospital or if I just have to head on home.

Anxiety gripped me again but having my Kernie with me through the waiting time helped me to deal with it a lot easier. He really is my daily dose of love and happiness.

I may be at my puffiest and reddest but he still thinks I'm the sexiest and prettiest pregnant woman in the world.

When the results came in, the readings hardly indicated a contraction. There were still no signs of active labor.

My OB arrived a few hours later and concluded that I was just in early labor. I may not yet give birth in a couple of days. I requested to be discharged so I could just wait it out at home.

Strangely, as we were getting ready to leave, I felt a bit disappointed albeit relieved.

So near yet so far away.

An update

I had another check up after lunch today. And according to my internal exam, I’ve made very little progress.

I’m a bit disappointed because somehow I feel it’s my fault and I’ve failed at something.

My OB mentioned the possibility of an induced labor by this weekend if I still don’t show any signs of active labor soon. My latest ultrasound revealed Jamaine’s little home is getting matured so she has to come out or else she might be overdue.

In the meantime, she gave me two pieces of advice to help hasten the labor process.
One was to go to the mall and do a little walk-a-thon. So my mom and I went to Megamall to do just that. It must have worked a little because I felt a little pain starting to creep under my belly.

As for the second piece of advice, well let’s just say it’s something I know Kernie will definitely like.

Will it work?

We’ll just see tonight.

If all goes well, I might officially be a mommy by tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

The things you learn when you really listen

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 12:54:00 +0000

Last Sunday, we celebrated Daddy Jun’s 60th birthday with a simple party at Los Baños, Laguna.

Jamaine must have heard her lolo’s birthday wish not to come out yet so we can make it to the party. We were expecting that Jamaine will show signs of her arrival by Sunday but she was snugly behaving inside my belly the whole time.

I guess after “Happy Birthday!”, “You’re giving birth soon!” was the most popular statement of the day. And we all know how much I wish that “soon” would be “now.”

I usually enjoy parties but I was feeling extremely exhausted so I spent most of the day sleeping in the resort’s bedroom. Actually, it was more of trying to sleep because the bed and pillows were hard as rocks. I guess the resort owner just constructed the rooms as an afterthought and didn’t think anyone would actually sleep in them.

The rest of the time, I fulfilled my duties as loving wife and mingled with the relatives. It wasn’t so bad if only my memory was sharp enough to remember all their names. I tried forming an image of my hubby’s family tree in my mind to remember who everybody was but all I could form was a stump.

It’s funny though how the party became a “bull session” of sorts. Because when Daddy’s brothers were asked to give birthday messages, some delivered litanies of self – praises and confessions of long-held grudges.

It reminded me of elementary and high school recollections when we would be asked to confess our hidden hurts and reconcile with each other. It just looked weird that old people would still be doing that.

You would think that when you learned the value of “burying the hatchet” and forgiveness in second grade, you’ll remember it forever. But I guess some lessons are harder to live by than others.

The good thing is the speeches paved the way for reconciliation among all of them. I hope that newfound peace lasts.

As one of them said, “Halaman lang ang dapat itanim, hindi ang galit.”

I wondered, when we grow old, would we be like this too? I certainly hope not.

I’d rather imagine a reunion 40 years from now listening to R&B music (which will probably be old by then), watching hundreds of slideshows of old photographs and reminiscing happy moments we’ve spent as a family.

But I know those “happy moments” need to be made now and gathered over the years. It’s something that we need to make time for amid our harried and busy lives.

I remember someone once said, invest your time and money not in buying material things but in making unforgettable experiences and happy memories. Because in the end, anything material may disintegrate and lose value. But experiences and memories will always be priceless.

Mommy Lilian hit it right on the spot when she mentioned that her only regret was prioritizing work and business over family gatherings and parties. Now that she has grown older, she realized that spending time with loved ones was more important than making lots of money. Thankfully, there is still time to make up for it now.

At some point, the speeches got so lengthy, even repetitive, I was inclined to think going back to the room and trying to sleep on the rock hard bed wasn’t so bad at all.

But Daddy Jun saved the day with a quick punch line that was probably the most important lesson ~~my Kernie should learn~~ I learned:

“Sa 33 taong pagsasama naming mag-asawa, mahalaga na maging miyembro ng RAM. Para matiwasay ang inyong pagsasama, pag sinabi ng inyong asawa na ‘Matulog ka na,’ huwag ka nang lumabas, sabihin mo na lang ‘Right Away Mam.’ Kaya sumali na kayo sa RAM.”

Yesterday morning, I joked Kernie that he should follow Daddy’s footsteps and join RAM. He claims that he has been a member of that organization a long time ago.

He has his own version though.

When I requested him to make breakfast (I repeat, requested), he immediately responded, “Right Away Mahal!”

Nesting instincts on a Saturday 2

noreply@blogger.com (Angel Jayme) — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 07:18:00 +0000

Only this time, it’s not me.

My Kernie suddenly had the urge to set up Jamaine’s crib this morning.

The moment he woke up, he started keeping some of our stuff in the cabinets and clearing out the bedroom to make space for it.

It was cute to see him so focused with setting up the hooks and bars, smoothing out the bassinet and attaching the crib accessories. He remembered and followed the salesman’s set-up demo to a T.

Of course, I did the easiest part and arranged the comforter and pillows in the bassinet.

Now the crib stands as the star of the bedroom.

I absolutely love it because It’s the perfect combination of cute and functional

I know you can’t tell from this picture but Jamaine must have sensed our excitement because she was moving around my belly the whole time we were setting up her crib.

We’re the happiest and most excited parents in the world!