The Heretic's Page - Where Some People Get Royally Pissed Off

Time to Let Dear Vic Toews Know What I'm Doing - continued

2012-02-20T11:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Honourable Minister,

Last night I assisted my girlfriend with assembling an IKEA chair.

During the night I suffered from night sweats.

This morning I did not have a poo :( :( :(

I hope your morning went better than mine.

Yours truly,

Shreddy

How Does Stephen Harper Spell Nightmare ???????? Thomas Mulcair

2012-02-19T17:28:00.000-08:00

Time to Let Dear Vic Toews Know What I'm Doing

2012-02-18T11:06:00.002-08:00

An open letter to the Honourable Vic Toews, Public Safety Minister of Canada

Dear Honourable Minister,

This morning I had three cups of coffee as my breakfast and I feel fantastic after having TWO poos. Life has taught me that any day that I have two poos in the morning generally turns out to be a good day.

Last night I ate a toasted tomato sandwich and washed it down with a chocolate flavoured protein shake.

Tonight I will be eating several slices of thin crust pizza topped with onions.

My girlfriend is out of town this evening and that is good as onions cause me to suffer severe flatulence.

Dear Mr. Toews, I wish you a very nice day and I hope you scrap that silly surveillance bill in its entirety.

Yours truly,

Shreddy

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 5 - Don't Get Caught Dead Without

2012-02-06T20:10:00.001-08:00

CEDRIC - "I am ready, lets go."

(Both Cedric & Hamish climb into the shiny new black Chevy Suburban. As Cedric had imagined Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin in a white undershirt, his disposition was pleasant and the drive to Costco uneventful. They find a parking spot, exit the Suburban and Hamish grabs a monster Costco size shopping cart and Cedric pulls out their Platinum Costco membership card that is reserved for their best customers. They enter the Costco warehouse.)

HAMISH - "Other than pet stain remover and garbage bags, is there anything else you can think of that we may need."

CEDRIC - "Hell if I know, but then again nothing is worse than being caught dead without."

HAMISH - "If the word ever got out that we ran out of anything that we were not supposed to run out of, could we get Gunther into the right dog obedience class?"

CEDRIC - "Then we will go through the isles with me in the lead scouting out supplies of opportunity with you loading the cart. If we go through the entire warehouse we are certain not to miss anything."

(Cedric & Hamish first pass by the electronics section. Cedric stops by the Bose iPod docking stations and turns to Hamish.)

CEDRIC - "Do we have any rooms in the house that still have the old Bose CD high fidelity sound systems in them?"

HAMISH - "I think there is one of those archaic devices in our laundry room."

CEDRIC - "Where is our laundry room?"

HAMISH - "We have lived there for 30 years?"

CEDRIC - "What is your point?"

HAMISH - "We have been living in a home for thirty years and you have no idea of where is the laundry room."

CEDRIC - "Why should I know? We have a housekeeper that comes in five mornings a week. If you think her sound system is not up to standards, lets grab one of these docking stations for the laundry room, wherever that is."

(Cedric moves ahead and Hamish takes a box containing a Bose iPod docking station off of the shelf and he places it in their buggy. Cedric moves ahead through the isles stopping at different high end items that he is unsure whether Hamish & he own one or several of. When in doubt they load an item in the buggy. By the time they almost get to the food section but not quite, the cart is overloaded.)

CEDRIC - "How about you take the buggy through checkout and pay for this load while I go grab another cart. After you load our stuff in the Suburban you can come back in so we have two carts for the food section."

HAMISH - "Just be careful, last time you were here you knocked over a half a ton of Duracell batteries."

CEDRIC - "Don't worry I will be paying attention this time."

(Hamish heads to the checkout and Cedric gets another jumbo shopping cart. Cedric re- enters the store and goes to the spot just beyond where they filled the last cart. He sees that there is a special on Husquvarna chain saws and he has a $120 off coupon. He loads the chainsaw, his fifth one into the buggy. Hamish catches up to Cedric just before the food section and both of them are pushing giant shopping buggies.)

to be continued.....

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 4 - Screw This, Let's Go To Costco

2012-02-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

(We start our scene where we left off last time in scenic Point Grey British Columbia, a wealthy almost exclusively Asian enclave of Vancouver proper. We are at the home of Cedric Woodtall & Hamish Benward the only people of European decent that reside within their neighborhood. Cedric is a balding red headed man in his late 40s, who used to be very athletic in his youth, however he now appears to have the body type of a chef. Hamish is a balding blond haired man who is also in his late 40s. Like his companion Cedric, Hamish used to be very athletic in his youth however now he too resembles a chef. Both Cedric & Hamish are seated in their respective black leather armchairs listening to classical music. Hamish is continuing to read the Financial Times of London while Cedric has finished composing his two hundred & forty-fourth letter to the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada. Cedric turns to face Hamish)

CEDRIC - "I have finished writing another letter to Stephen Harper, could I have your input?"

HAMISH - "Certainly, however this man crush of yours on the Prime Minister is going to get you into trouble. What will you say for example,,, when the RCMP come to the door inquiring about your interest in Stephen Harper? Yours are probably the only non-derogatory letters that the man gets and that would be an unusual occurrence that warrants attention."

CEDRIC - "For the umpteenth time, my only crush is the one that I have on you & it grows stronger every day, ever since thirty years ago when I first had my neck snuggled against your butt when we both made the first fifteen in Rugby at Saint George's."

HAMISH - "Just teasing you, I know that I am the only man that can endure your constant companionship. Anyhow please do read away".

CEDRIC - "Dear Prime Minister Harper, Please raise the age for eligibility for Old Age Pension to 70 years of age. The current system that dates from 1950 is completely unsustainable. When the Dominion of Canada first introduced the Old Age Pension in 1951, the life expectancy at birth was 66.75 years for men and 71.5 years for women. A man was expected to receive on average 21 pension cheques and a woman was expected to receive 78 pension cheques. This system of entitlement was supposed to be sustained by a fertility rate of 3.73 children per woman. Now the average male life expectancy is 76.25 years while a woman can expect to live to the ripe old age of 81.75 years. A grand total of 135 pension cheques for the "Cock" while the "Hen" could expect to soak us taxpayers for 201 old age pension cheques. All of this to be supported by a fertility rate of 1.58 children per woman. A couple in 1950 expected 99 pension cheques between the two of them and provided the country with 3.73 children. A couple today expects 336 pension cheques between them yet they only provide the country with 1.58 children. A child born in 1950 would have paid taxes to provide 26.5 months worth of pensions to the previous generation while a child born today is burdened with an expectation of carrying 212.7 months worth of pensions for the previous generation. With all due respect Mr. Prime Minister raising the age to 67 is not sufficient. Yours very truly, Cedric Woodtall"

HAMISH - "Very well said. A child born today is expected to shoulder 8 times the burden of a child born 60 years ago. How on earth does Prime Minister Harper come up with the age 67? It is just way too low, unless......"

(Both Cedric & Hamish go red as if both of their knickers are getting bunched in a knot at the same time. The simultaneously turn and look towards each other.)

CEDRIC & HAMISH - "He is planning to raise our taxes!!!!!!!!!"

(At the same time Cedric & Hamish's pet miniature dachshund dog named Gunther walks into the room while the two of them are having their vocal anxiety attack. The dog gets frightened and defecates on the corner of their rug. Cedric & Hamish both simultaneously turn to face each other.)

CEDRIC & HAMISH - "Do you know where's the pet stain remover?."

CEDRIC - "Bad Gunther, you are not supposed to poo on Uncle Cedric's rug."

HAMISH - "You used it the last time when you got your knickers in a knot over something. Where did you put it Cedric?"

CEDRIC - "I don't know, let's just say fuck it and go to Costco. We might need some more garbage bags."

HAMISH - "Plus we can watch the breeders and get a feel for how the demographic disaster will unfold."

(Cedric & Hamish both get out of their chairs and walk towards the turd of doggie do. Hamish garbs a small plastic bag and picks up the poo. Luckily it's a small solid one, and Hamish places the bag and the doggie doo in the trash. They turn towards the hallway that leads to their garage.)

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 3 - Why Do Straight Guys Act so Queer?

2012-02-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

(We start our scene in scenic Point Grey British Columbia, a wealthy almost exclusively Asian enclave of Vancouver proper. We are at the home of Cedric Woodtall & Hamish Benward the only people of European decent that reside within their neighborhood. Cedric is a balding red headed man in his late 40s, who used to be very athletic in his youth, however he now appears to have the body type of a chef. Hamish is a balding blond haired man who is also in his late 40s. Like his companion Cedric, Hamish used to be very athletic in his youth however now he too resembles a chef. Both Cedric & Hamish are seated in their respective black leather armchairs listening to classical music. Hamish is reading the Financial Times of London while Cedric is composing his two hundred & forty-fourth letter to the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada. Suddenly without advance warning a blue light that is attached to the retractable wall that hides their 120 inch Led television set flashes on signalling that something had tripped a motion sensor that Hamish had installed on the perimeter of their property. Hamish is a self taught expert in electronics. Being a conservative gay man without a burdensome wife & children, Hamish can afford the highest quality electronic devices made.)

CEDRIC - "Those goddamn deer. I hope you hooked up the high speed surveillance cameras. It would be nice to know which deer is eating my nasturtiums."

HAMISH - "I patched all the cameras in and I have them set for infra red photography mode. We should not be able to see exactly which deer it is however we should have a very good estimate of the size. Would you care to have a look at the offending animal?"

CEDRIC - "I would prefer to eat the culprit glazed with a port reduction. My guess is that it's the big stag that we periodically see walking across our neighbour's front lawns."

HAMISH - "This time I would have to agree with you as I could not possibly imagine any deer other than a large stag clearing our 12 foot tall hedge. If you would wait for a moment we can see the heat signature of the culprit."

(Hamish reaches for his ultra-high-end universal remote control and presses the button that opens the sliding wall revealing their 120 inch Led television set that is thinner than an inch. The set goes on and we see the red heat pattern of some vaguely mammalian form, about the size of a large deer flash quickly across the screen. Its rate of movement was so unbelievably fast that it was impossible to make out the outline.)

CEDRIC - "Are you sure you set the camera on the correct speed setting. It appears what should have been shot at 32 frames per second was shot at one frame every 32 seconds."

HAMISH - "I am certain I set the camera for 32 frames per second however to make you happy I will check for the seventeenth time."

(Hamish logs in remotely to the infra red camera that took the photos. He runs the remote diagnostics tests, checks the frame rate for the 17th time by focusing on a 3 legged raccoon that is moving across their yard and checks the digital movie file. Everything is perfect as it should be as Hamish would not be caught dead using anything but the finest quality sensors and camera equipment.)

HAMISH - "Absolutely everything is operating perfectly as it should. Our home is more wired with security sensors than Fort Langley, Virginia. Besides why are you so obsessed about our nasturtiums? If you continue getting your knickers in a knot over the smallest of things you will wind up in a pine box before you figure out which of your many nephews is gay."

CEDRIC - "I would hate to leave all my money to my older sisters. Forty years later I still cannot forgive them for overpowering me, painting my nails and dressing me up like a girl. If only they knew how much therapy their moment of poor judgement cost me."

HAMISH - "Certainly better not leave the money to the University. Did you hear what the University did with Uncle Micheal's millions? Everything that Uncle Michel could never have imagined. They sold the crib he bequeathed them. That can happen to you if you die before you figure out which of your nephews has a passion for photography."

(At this moment we see Bogdan the Master of Disguise from the Pink Panthers, the World's Foremost Gang of Jewel Thieves from the Serbian city of Nis walks into the television room. Cedric and Hamish have absolutely no idea of Bogdan's double life as one of the worlds top Jewel thieves. To them he is simply "Dan from Serbia", by far the hottest looking man who answered their advertisement offering the guest cabana in exchange for periodic light gardening and house-sitting duties. The guest cabana is small, cozy and impeccably tasteful. However most importantly it provides Bogdan with near invisibility as a smoking hot gardener working for some rich conservative gay guys would not raise any suspicions.")

CEDRIC - "Hello Dan, just have to thank you again for the fabulous job of reconstructing the cedar gazebo. You didn't have to go to all that trouble as we would easily have hired a carpenter."

BOGDAN - "No problem Cedric, its the least I could do for you fellows. If it was not for yours and Hamish's efforts I am certain I never would have passed my refugee hearing. Besides working with my hands and creating something tangible is therapeutic."

HAMISH - "Just to let you know you have both of our permission and encouragement to kill the deer that has been stepping on Cedric's nasturtiums. We can't have him getting riled up and having a mild heart attack again. What if you were not around to administer CPR on Cedric?"

BOGDAN - "You two could both take a class over at St. John's Ambulance and receive your CPR level A for $75, provided you pass the exam."

CEDRIC - "Dan, how about you teach the two of us CPR? We will pay you $1,000 and buy you a first class ticket with Lufthansa so you can visit your mother in Serbia. Why give the work to St. John's Ambulance when we can help a friend."

BOGDAN - "I would love to help guys but I have to leave tomorrow morning for an academic conference in France. I will be back next Wednesday and since it is the day before your birthday Cedric, I will pay for Hamish & yours tuition."

HAMISH - "Be safe and do take care of yourself as we would hate to have any harm befall our fabulous Serbian gardener."

BOGDAN - "Don't worry guys, I am always careful. You two take care and if you have any problems sms me. I will have my phone set on silent or switched off periodically so it might take some time to get back to you. Anyhow good night and sweet dreams."

CEDRIC & HAMISH - "Good night Dan."

(Cedric and Hamish grin like the Cheshire cat as both of them think that Bogdan is totally hot and that its such a waste that a fabulous body like Dan's belongs to a hetero-sexual. Hamish however notices something on Dan's eyelid and waits until Dan is gone to move closer to Cedric.)

HAMISH - "Did you look closely at Dan's eyes? I would swear that he had mascara on his right eye."

CEDRIC - "Would not surprise me the least as most of those fabulously hot metrosexualls act as queer as bedbugs."

HAMISH - "Maybe he was traumatized as a child and forced by his older sisters to dress up in his mother's clothing? Anyhow such a pity that he is straight."

(Unbeknownst to both Cedric & Hamish, it was not a deer that triggered their security sensor but Bogdan the Master of Disguise for the Pink Panthers the World's Foremost Gang of Jewel Thieves from the Serbian city of Nis. Unbeknownst to Bogdan, he had activated a security sensor. Being the one of the World's Foremost Jewel Thieves, Bogdan is capable of detecting almost every security sensor known except for those that only Rich Conservative Gay Guys would not be caught dead without.)

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 2 - We Love Ann Coulter

2012-01-26T20:46:00.000-08:00

(We start of in scenic Point Grey, British Columbia an almost exclusively wealthy Asian enclave of Vancouver proper at the home of Cedric Woodtall. He is seated in the television room with his companion of 30 years Hamish Benward. They are watching their favorite American woman the controversial columnist Ann Coulter on their 120 inch Led television set. Cedric admires Ann's candor. Hamish is reminded of his junior high school days when he had a girlfriend before he met Cedric)

CEDRIC - "That damn Allan Rock is up to his no good tricks again. First he tries to take law abiding citizens guns away, then his university gags Ann."

HAMISH - "Where is his mojo? When he was younger he stood up to the establishment by smoking pot and dancing around naked with John Lennon and Yoko Ono to protest the Vietnam war."

CEDRIC - "Now he lets the Nazi tribunal dictate whats acceptable speech at the university of Ottawa."

HAMISH - "Would you believe whenever I see Ann Coulter on TV I get an instant erection. Reminds me of my misguided youth before I met you Cedric."

CEDRIC - "I love Ann. What I bloody pity that she was not born with a penis."

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 1 - At Her Majesty's Service

2012-01-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

(We start our scene in scenic Point Grey British Columbia, a wealthy almost exclusively Asian enclave of Vancouver proper. We are at the home of Cedric Woodtall & Hamish Benward the only people of European decent that reside within their neighborhood. Cedric is a balding red headed man in his late 40s, who used to be very athletic in his youth. However he now appears to have the body type of a chef. Hamish is a balding blond haired man who is also in his late 40s. Like his companion Cedric, Hamish used to be very athletic in his youth however now he too resembles a chef. Hamish is seated in his black leather armchair listening to classical music and leafing through the atlas of Europe in anticipation of their trip to Europe this summer, while Cedric is busy writing his two hundred and forty-third letter to the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada. Hamish reaches for the remote control and turns off the music).

HAMISH - "Have you given any thought on which cities in Europe we should explore this summer?"

CEDRIC - "Please don't remind me of Europe. You know how much I hate the place and their anti-Canadian attitude."

HAMISH - "Might I remind you yet again for the one hundredth time, one vacation where you like to go followed by one vacation where I like to go."

CEDRIC - "I was hoping that you would have enjoyed our last trip to Texas. Ever since the movie Brokeback Mountain, I cannot seem to get enough of the place."

HAMISH - "If you have such a strong preference for cowboys, why did you wind up with me?"

CEDRIC - "I have an even stronger preference for rugby players, especially the prop flavour. I am curious which European country will we have to endure this time? I certainly hope its not Spain again."

HAMISH - "How about visiting Belgium and the Netherlands? The food is excellent, the sweets even better and the terrain is nice and flat for walking about or cycling. We can visit the Van Gough museum then we can tour the European Union headquarters on the Belgium chocolate tour leg."

CEDRIC - "How about we wave our middle fingers at the closed circuit security cameras at the EU headquarters in Brussels and give them Europeacrats the Pierre Trudeau salute."

HAMISH - "There you go again with that jingoist attitude of yours. Why does every visit to a non English speaking jurisdiction provoke this desire within you to cause an international incident?"

CEDRIC - "You know I don't like the Jingos. I don't like the smell of their cooking and I do not like what they have done to our neighborhood. Twenty years ago we heard birds singing in the morning, now we listen to young jingos revving their Ferraris that their parents gave them."

HAMISH - "Cedric, you have to stop getting your knickers in a knot or you will have another angina attack. Calm down for a moment and breathe slowly. "

(Cedric pauses and uses the breathe slowly relaxation technique that was taught to him by his therapist, who also happens to be a Certified Shamanic Practitioner. We slowly see Cedric regaining his composure and his knickers getting unbunched.)

CEDRIC - "On a different topic, I have just finished writing a letter to the Right Honorable Stephen Harper. I would appreciate your opinion so as long as you don't mind I would like to read it out to you."

HAMISH - "You still have not convinced me that you have gotten over your crush on Stephen Harper, according to my gaydar he is as straight as a pin.."

CEDRIC - "Then explain to me why he insists on being referred to as Stephen instead of Steve?"

HAMISH - "Cedric for the last time, if our Prime Minister Stephen Harper was queer,,, he would insist on being referred to as Stephane Harper or would that be Steffan Harper? Anyhow read away.

CEDRIC - "Dear Prime Minister Harper, As a patriotic Canadian it sickens me when foreign radicals attack our oil sands on the world stage. I recognize the importance of oil sands royalties in keeping our taxes low. I enjoy a European level of service combined with a tax rate that is lower than the USA. I take personal offense with these foreign yahoos to such an extent that I offer my humble services to the crown. I am independently wealthy & I travel the world. I own a cricket bat from my high school days & I want to use it to inflict a savage beating on one of our Country's foreign enemies. Could the Government of the Dominion of Canada grant me a license to beat foreigners senseless with my trusty cricket bat while in Her Majesty's service. Faithfully yours, Cedric Woodtall"

CEDRIC - "Do you think my letter is too harsh?"

HAMISH - "Absolutely not, we should be more aggressive as a country. Its not our fault that we sit on the worlds largest oil deposit. It's time that Canada beat some player haters senseless."

(At that moment the antique alarm clock chimes at 4:00PM. Cedric & Hamish walk over to the antique credenza where their well stocked bar is kept. They pour two small shots of scotch and raise their glasses).

CEDRIC & HAMISH - "God save the Queen"

(They wash back their liquor)

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys

2012-01-20T12:41:00.000-08:00

(We start off in scenic Point Grey, British Columbia an exclusive wealthy almost entirely Asian enclave within the City of Vancouver proper. We are at the home of Cedric Woodtall. Cedric resides with his friend Hamish Benward, and they have been living together since finishing private school (preparatory school for Americans or public school for the British). Our setting is a beautiful tree lined street with one tasteful 1950s executive home with a yard, that is completely surrounded by monster pink stucco and brick boxes that lack yards. At one time the entire street used to be comprised of 1950s executive homes however all the original homeowners except for one sold their houses to big money Asian buyers that flattened the tasteful homes and built stucco monstrosities. The one tasteful house was spared as it belonged to Peter Rogers the wealthy never married brother of Cedric Woodtall's mother. He passed away 30 years ago leaving his nephew Cedric with the Point Grey home and a sizable trust fund. Welcome to the adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys)

(We pan the scene to a living room that is simply but tastefully decorated with black leather couches, black leather overstuffed chairs and heirloom antiques. On the wall we see a official portrait photograph of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the 2nd as well as an autographed portrait of Prime Minister Stephen Harper. The living room has every high end bleeding edge electronic gadget imaginable and in the corner is a well stocked liquor cabinet. We see Cedric for the first time, a man in his late 40s who used to be athletic but now resembles a chef entering the room. He stands approximately 5'10", with balding short reddish hair, glasses and a mustache. He is dressed in a cardigan sweater, wool slacks, wingtip oxfords and he is wearing a St. George's private school old boys tie. He sits in a black overstuffed chair and presses some buttons on the right armrest. We see the wall open up revealing a 120 inch 3d Led television set that is less than an inch thick. He turns the TV to the Antiques Roadshow and settles down in the chair. Shortly thereafter we see Hamish for the first time, a man in his late 40s who used to be athletic but now resembles a chef. Hamish stands approximately 6'3", with balding short blonde hair, glasses and no mustache. He is dressed in a cardigan sweater, wool slacks, wingtip oxfords and he is wearing a St. George's private school old boys tie as well. He sits in another overstuffed leather chair.)

CEDRIC - "Hello, my name is Cedric Woodtall & my companion on the other chair is named Hamish Benward. We are Shreddy's newest composite characters, the Rich Conservative Gay Guys."

HAMISH - "We were created as a composite of Shreddy's conservative gay friends to help dispel some of the negative stereotypes of gay men."

CEDRIC - "Contrary to most popular beliefs the majority of gay men are very conservative."

HAMISH - "We are comfortable with who we are as we were born this way. Since we tend not to be breeders, we have more economic resources at our disposal and we treasure our friends more deeply that any other population demographic."

CEDRIC - "The best platonic friend a man or woman can have is a conservative gay friend and besides if it was not for a little help from his Log Cabin friends, Shreddy would not have got as far in life as he did."

HAMISH - "Being born conservative, white, into money, in a western democracy and gay is winning Mother Nature's lottery. Life is great and we share the fabulous time."

CEDRIC - "Which brings me to the topic of those fellows that you see on TV that are raising a ruckus and prancing about in all sorts of foolish manner. They are not even gay."

HAMISH - "They are simply acting out on their anger against their fathers."

Biggest Winner of 2011 - Kim Jong-un

2011-12-28T16:21:00.000-08:00

At age 28 having a million man army at ones disposal along with a half dozen atomic bombs.

Not a bad job if one could get it.

Should Canada Hunt Down and Physically Hurt Foreign Critics of Our Oil Sands?

2011-12-18T10:46:00.000-08:00

Why does Greenpeace pick Canada as a target of their criticisms yet is silent about China or Russia?

Because Greenpeace knows that they can pick on Canada without facing consequences.

If Greenpeace Russia tried to bring attention to oil drilling on the Russian tundra or the Arctic Ocean,,,,,,, Russia would send an agent to pay a visits to the Greenpeace activist; warn the Greenpeace activist that if they continue to criticize Russia the agent will return a second time. The Greenpeace activist would choose to remain silent as they do not want a second and final visit.

If Greenpeace China tried to criticize the Chinese for shark fining, damming rivers and killing porpoises, or building thousands of coal fired power plants,,,,,,, China would jail the Greenpeace activist as an enemy of the people. When there was a transplant patient of the same blood type that could use the body parts of the Greenpeace activist??????? The Greenpeace activist would get two bullets behind the ear and their body parts would be harvested. Greenpeace China does not criticize what China does as they know what China would do to Greenpeace,

It is time for Canada to stop being pussies. Greenpeace International picks on Canada because they know that they can get away with it. If Canada grabbed the most vocal foreign anti oil sands activists and beat them senseless with hockey sticks............. We would not be getting harassed by professional foreign malcontents.

To Suffer Fools Gladly - Is There Any Point?

2011-12-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

As I get older, I have less time on this earth. As I have less time, I value each moment more and more. As I have grown wiser I have learned that the best way to maximize one's enjoyment is to keep the fools and the scoundrels out of one's life. However once in a while life throws you a curve-ball and one needs to adapt. Soon I will have my ability to adapt tested. Soon I will see if I can suffer complete fools gladly.

Why?

An Example of Why Southern Europe is so Screwed Up

2011-12-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

It is called the siesta, the midday nap. When the country is bursting with tourists eager to spend wads of money, at the height of the midday buying frenzy, everybody closes shop and decides to take an afternoon nap. As a tourist one often finds oneself stranded, wishing that one can throw Euros at a need and make it go away. You wonder how on earth can something as, nobody willing to make money when the most money is to be made occurs, in a supposed free capitalist society?

If you wonder why some enterprising young person doesn't open their own service business that stays open during nap time. One that is so profitable that it becomes the dominant player in the market place. It is because the privilege to open ones own business has to be granted by some state or guild authority, with the number of these privileges being severely restricted.

The simplest way for Southern Euro-zone members to stimulate economic growth is to unleash the entrepreneurial talents of Europe's two most marginalized groups, young Europeans and immigrants of non-European ancestry. 2012 will have lots of North American tourists with money to spend hoping some enterprising people will provide a service to make their needs go away.

The Toughest Battle of All

2011-11-30T11:32:00.000-08:00

Compared to quitting smoking, losing 100 pounds (45 kilos to Europeans) and keeping it off is easy. I have quit smoking for up to 18 months and I have quit countless times. This time Christy Clarke the Premier of the Province of British Columbia is assisting me with BC's twelve week assistance program for those who are trying to quit smoking. The province mailed me a twelve week supply of nicotine replacement patches and I slapped my first one on yesterday. To further assist me with quitting, I am taking 300 mg of Bupropion (Zyban) daily in an extended release dose. The combination of these two treatments has been found to be the most effective aid in quitting smoking (smeauking if one is sexy).

I sure hope that they can work for me.

Happy Thankgiving to all my American Readers

2011-11-24T14:09:00.000-08:00

I would like to extend my best wishes to the residents of the greatest country in the world. To me America represents more than a country. To me America is an ideal.

Happy Thanksgiving

Aiming For the Top of the Fitness Food Chain - Training for a Muscle Up - Part 2 Learning to Fail

2011-11-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

It is now week 2 of my quest to attain a high enough level of strength and coordination to be able to perform a full frontal muscle up without kipping. I am working with a professional gymnastics coach and he has me on a program that should allow me to achieve my goal. To get there I have to learn how to fail. Specifically he has me performing sets of strength training exercises to complete failure. In addition I am being taught new handgrip techniques and treatments. Every week I get some strength training additions and one sequence of muscle firings to learn.

Week #1

1> Build raw brute strength by performing wide grip pull ups with a hand grip that evolves towards the negative grip with the insides of my wrists resting on the bar. The sets are to be done spaced apart to complete total failure. I keep going up towards the bar even after I can no longer clear the bar with my chin. I keep going up until I cannot move up at all.

2> Learning how to adjust my hand grip position on the rings when I am at the top of the pull up. Pull ups on rings are very difficult and shifting ones hands from a pull up grip to the negative monkey grip while hanging at the top of the rings is tricky which leads me to the next lessons.

3> Sanding the callouses on my hands down until they are smooth. Adjusting the hand grip from the pulling grip to the monkey grip in mid air requires the ability for the hands to smoothly transition on the rings. Callouses act like speed bumps requiring one to loosen ones grip to get the hands to slide around the rings. Loosening one's grip usually results in failure.

4> Sanding the insides of my wrists with sandpaper to develop strong enough pre-callouses so as to avoid bleeding wrists when I get at a more advanced state of my training.

Of the four steps, the last two are the hardest to take. I took so much pride in having heavily calloused hands as that would identify me initially to anyone who felt my hands as a member of the working proletariat. Sanding my wrists makes me appear like a tweaker that is into harming myself.

Week # 2

1> Building hand grip strength bu using a 28mm diameter wooden dowel and rotating it while gripped with both hands 30 seconds one way followed by thirty seconds the other way. If you think this sounds easy,,,,,, please try it and see for yourself.

2> Practicing on a meter high horizontal bar the transitioning from the pull up to the dip using my legs for over 90% of my lift. This is to start programming my brain with the complex muscle sequences required as I am gaining my strength that's required for the next level.

The good news is that my training program has so far added 2 complete repetitions to my maximum set of wide grip pull ups. I can now do 9 in perfect form whereas at the beginning of the month I could only do 7.

The bad news is I no longer have the calloused hands of a stone mason. If I am ever traveling in a part of the world where there is a Marxist insurgency and I am captured by Marxists, I will probably be shot for lacking callouses. If someone want to empower an eight year old with a Kalashnikov (AK-47) to be judge, jury and executioner, the most likely instructions are to check the captives hands for callouses and if there are no callouses to shoot the bourgeois pig.

I guess I will no longer want to travel in areas where the Maoists are active.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

2011-11-22T06:52:00.000-08:00

Those of similar tastes congregate in groups.

If one wants to investigate the character of an individual, one needs to look no further than the individual under investigations circle of friends. We are not talking about a one-on-one friendship. We are looking at an individuals attraction to an identifiable group with shared values.

If a persons group of friends are cheats and scoundrels, but they show no sign of scumbag behavior. One only has to wait; for only a scoundrel would be attracted to a group of cheats and scoundrels.

If a persons friends are drug addicts with no off button, but the person shows no signs of that behavior. One only has to be patient and wait; as only an individual who is hurting inside would be attracted to a group of drug addicts that lack off buttons..

Life is a set of lessons. One of the first lessons mother taught me was Birds of a Feather Flock Together. When one makes a bad decision as to a person or group of persons, one has only to blame themselves. This is because 9 times out of 10 pain and heartbreak could have been avoided by listening to Mothers advice.

Warming Up to Stephen Harper

2011-11-17T11:37:00.000-08:00

My intuition has generally served me well and it tends to be bang on. My gut tells me that Stephen Harper will win two or even three consecutive majority governments. Like it or not, it appears that our Prime Minister is here to stay.

An incumbent wins re-election by not losing whereas a challenger has to win an election. For the next Federal election, it will be a three way race between Stephen Harper for the Conservatives, Bob Rae for the Liberals and either of Brian Topp or Thomas Mulcair for the NDP. As an added handicap for the forces that are trying to beat Stephen Harper, Elizabeth May will be acting as the Ross Perot of the left, the lunatic spoiler. There are only a few possible scenarios where a challenger can beat Stephen Harper;

1> Thomas Mulcair wins the NDP leadership and the Liberal party disintegrates as it did in the UK. If this happens and Thomas Mulcair can sell the Canadian electorate on his vision of the New Left; I would give a less than one in ten chance that Thomas Mulcair can defeat Stephen Harper.

2> Bob Rae wins the Liberal Leadership while Brian Topp wins the NDP Leadership. If terrorists put LSD or Ayuhausca in the water supply and the entire country went mad; I would give a one in a million chance that either could defeat Stephen Harper.

For Stephen Harper to lose the next Federal Election one of these would have to happen;

1> A crazed lunatic conducts a massacre in an elementary school using an antique black powder musket a week before the election.

2> Barak Obama tries to make himself appear tough before the next US election for the hawks and he attacks Iran. If Harper pledges Canadian forces for the attack on Iran in return for a Canada/US continental energy security treaty and the war in Iran goes badly, he can loose the election.

3> He drops dead of a heart attack.

Like it or not I can't see how we would not spend the next seven years under a Harper majority.

Aiming For the Top of the Fitness Food Chain - Training for a Muscle Up

2011-11-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

The muscle up is the ultimate apex exercise. It is a combination of a pull up that follows thru into a dip where one effectively stands on their hands on top of the pull up bar. It requires strength, agility, timing and having a proper body weight. Almost every muscle in the body is required to fire perfectly for the exercise to be possible. What percentage of men in their mid 40s are capable of performing a muscle up? Its certainly less than 1%.

Last year during this time of the year I was experimenting with the Adolph Hitler diet (vegetarianism). I documented my bodies train wreck as protein deprivation led to senseless binge eating. I almost hit 180 pounds leading to my post Hitlerian series, "Fighting my Way Out of 32"-30s". This year I am older and wiser. I have a professional gymnastics coach working with me and he is putting me on a training program that if I do exactly as he tells me: I will meet my goal of being able to perform a muscle up prior to my 47th birthday.

Here is a video of the human being who is at the top of the food chain setting the world record for muscle ups.

Here is a video of Eastern Europe's baddest of bad asses Bogdan demonstrating some free styling that includes apex muscle ups.

The European Financial Crisis - What Canada's Response Should Be - Saving Europe's Young People

2011-11-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

The Southern Eurozone economies are in big trouble. Their social welfare state was based on cannibalizing their young and they find themselves in a situation of not enough young Europeans to cannibalize to support their bloated system.

What should Canada do? Target European refugees. Target Europe's young.

This would be something similar to what we did in 1972 when Idi Amin threatened to kill all the Africans in Uganda of East Indian descent. Pierre Elliott Trudeau, our Prime Minister opened the doors and allowed every East-Indian Ugandan landed immigrant status in Canada immediately. We gained 30,000 skilled entrepreneurs and professionals overnight.

For the current European financial crisis we open the doors to all the educated young Europeans who desire to flee a land where there is no future for them. Canada could allow 5,000,000 young Europeans over the next ten years and we as a nation would benefit in many ways;

1> The young Europeans would assimilate immediately. We would not have the problem of useless immigrants that want to live in Canada yet refuse to learn either of our official languages.

2> Letting in young Europeans would spur organic population growth in Canada as young people have children.

3> We would have immigrants that understand democracy, civil society and the rule of law. It is better to have immigrants from places where they already attempt to practice Canadian values.

4> Canada would become a sexier country. European women are slimmer and thus sexier than North American women. European men are slimmer and thus sexier than North American men. Having all these sexy people in Canada would encourage our own population to slim down.

5> Canada would spur economic growth like we did in the 1950s. Our economy grew the fastest during 1957 when Canada allowed 282,000 immigrants from Europe. That is a smaller impact than 5,000,000 Europeans over the next ten years.

What should our immigration preference be tailored towards?

1> More points if under the age of 30
2> Disqualification if they have a criminal record for violence, theft or fraud.
3> Preference given to those demonstrating spoken proficiency in either of our two official languages.
4> Preference given to those with a professional or trade qualification.
5> Prefernce given to those that have demonstrated that they could hold onto a job or run a small business in their home country.

What does Canada have to offer? The same thing it offered my father; a chance to control his own destiny and better his life.

Dear Honourable Prime Minister, are you listening?

The Occupy Movement - to Make the Parasites/Protestors Happy, Who are the 1% That Should be Liquidated?

2011-10-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

I always wonder what would it be like to have the 99% turn on the 1% that represent an alleged class enemy. Do we;

A> Liquidate the wealthiest one percent and divide all their wealth in equal shares with the remaining 99%? (the Marxist solution)

B> Liquidate the most parasitic one percent of cripples and stop seizing the wealth of the 99% that support the weakest 1% (the Nazi solution)

C> Liquidate the wealthiest 1% and stuff their bodies in car trunks (the Baader-Meinhoff solution)

D> Liquidate the wealthiest 0.5% along with their spouses to trigger death taxes that the state could collect (the tax specialist with Baader-Meinhoff sympathies solution)

E> Liquidate the 1% that are occupying civic squares turning the people's property into latrines (the Herzegovian solution as there are no gypsies in Herzegovina and the strees/squares/sidewalks are spotless)

F> Adopt the 100 mile diet hoping it will liquidate only 1% of the population but wait until one third of the population die of disease/starvation/overwork/execution (the Khmer Rouge/Green Party solution).

G> All just learn to get along and understand that the problem is so large that everybody without exceptions must be prepared to make a significant sacrifice.

My first choice is G. My second choice is E. My third choice is F.

It is Time for Canada to Take the Lead in Helping the Syrian People Kill Assad

2011-10-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Our Prime Minister led the coalition of NATO forces that helped the people of Libya kill Gaddafi.

Now it is time to put Canadian tax dollars to work in killing Assad. His father wiped a town of 10,000+ people of the map in February of 1982. During 2011 the son has killed 6,000 pro democracy protestors and counting. If there is a family on this planet deserving of being wiped out completely it is the Assad clan of Syria.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hama_massacre

Canada should do the Arab world a favour build the new $35 billion dollar destroyers and send a tomahawk missile flying into the presidential palace of Damascus with a maple leaf painted on it.

Of All World Leaders, Stephen Harper Desrves the Most Credit for Taking Out Gaddafi

2011-10-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

As a Canadian I am proud of our Prime Minister's performance on the Libiya campaign.

When the other world leaders were saying the Libyan campaign was about protecting Libiyan civilians, our Prime Minister had the balls to say "Regime Change".

Thanks to his leadership, 5 million Libyans sleep safer tonight.

Well Done:)

Will The Federal NDP Elect Paul Martin's Clone to Replace Jack Layton? - The Brian Topp Question

2011-10-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

Does Brian Topp = Paul Martin in social democrat colours?

They kind of look the same.

They kind of act the same.

Neither had been elected to any public office prior to seeking the leadership of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition.

Both were(are) hellbent on destroying any potential opponent for their party's leadership with no care for the consequences that are eventually suffered by the party.

Is Brian Topp a Paul Martin clone in a social democrat wrapper?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/topps-ndp-campaign-tactics-border-on-bullying-professor-warns/article2179865/

Happy Birthday General Ante Gotovina - My Prayers for Your Freedom

2011-10-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

I am a lapsed Roman Catholic. I attend church only when a close relative dies. I don't say grace before meals, nor do I say my prayers before bed with one exception. Every year on October 12, I pray the entire rosary for General Ante Gotovina's birthday.

When he was on the run, 50 Hail Mary's that the ICTY never capture him. After his capture I would say 50 Hail Mary's in the hope of a fair trial. This year after I saw that the Kangaroo Court at the ICTY has no desire for fairness, but a desire to rewrite history, I pray for his release.

What would it take to secure General Gotovina's freedom? Some very noble gestures upon the part of Croatia that somehow I think may be beyond the character of the Croatian government, but here they are anyway;

1> The dropping of all claims against Serbia,

2> The release of all Serbs serving time for crimes committed against Croats during the Yugoslav Civil War

3> The dropping of the pursuit against all Serbs accused of crimes against Croats during the aforementioned war.

In return Serbia;

1> Drops all claims against Croatia,

2> Agrees to the release of all Croats sentenced for crimes against the Serbs

3> Agrees to let sleeping dogs lie and not investigate or pursue further claims against Croatia.

Sounds scary doesn't it,

The butchers of Vukovar go free

The killers at Skabrnje go free and the remainder are not pursued

Croatia's most famous psycho Mirko Norac goes free.

Goran Hazdic is free to decide whether to surface or whether to remain in hiding.

Generals Markac & Gotovina get their lives back.

The ICTY has outlived it's purpose which was to prevent another murderous bloodbath like the Yugoslav civil war from ever occurring again. The perpetrators who are truly guilty of unspeakable crimes know what they did, however the chances of them committing similar atrocities are effectively nil. Still though the parasites at the Hague need to swindle their pensions out of humanity, so their charade of dragging Croats and Serbs before them continues.

I have probably pissed off may fellow Croats with my desire to drop this matter and give everyone their lives back, however I feel I have authority to speak. It was my extended clan that was massacred in Skabrnje, and the loss of a granduncle and cousins in an unspeakable manner hurts. My family members are dead, gone and a futile pursuit of quasi justice will not bring them back. Every November 18th I remember them and take solace in my belief that events similar to those that occurred on November 18, 1991 will never happen again.. However every October 12th a deeper hurt occurs and it is the thought that a neighbour, General Ante Gotovina is spending his birthday and possibly the remainder of his life in a cage.

This year on October 12, I say my 50 Hail Mary prayers in the hope that somehow the people whose decisions count find the will to give General Gotovina his life back.

Happy Birthday Ante Gotovina.