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Oz

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Her Empire, How to Rebuild Intimacy in Long Term Relationships

Tantric Sexual Healing, The Subtle Body as Political Territory: Tantra, Bio-Power, and the Liberation of Sensation

Femina Viva, Spirituality and Sexuality: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

Erotic Non Fiction

Morgan Destera, Self Perception and Acceptance

Sex Work

Cassandra Eden, The Mirror of Aphrodite: Confession of a Devotee of Love

Sex Worker Search, Comparison of Online vs Offline Sex Worker Websites

Oz Bigdownunder, Mistress Harriet, Mistress Vanessa Sin, sissy and Oz

Hellga, Group Sessions eg Cuckolding, Stag/Vixen and Voyeurism

Sandra, The Brat Bat

Milady, Ménage à trois in Paris with Sophie

Adam Black, Choosing the right hotel for meeting an escort

State of the World

Fapspins, How Webcam Sites Really Charge You (Tokens, Tips & Real Costs)

Sugarbutch, Twenty Years of Sugarbutch

Product reviews

Liz Black X, Best G-Spot Vibrator? SVibe Axi Review for Beginners or Pros

Buzzvibes, Vibrator Types Explained: Bullet vs Wand vs Suction (Pros & Cons)

Sex Toy DB, Cowgirl Unicorn Review: The Ride-On Sex Machine Is Everything I Hoped For

Books and Movies

History of BDSM, Dominatrixes in video games: The Celluloid Dungeon

Erotic Fiction

Cuckold Stories, [43M] Locked in lace : I am now a sissy cuck to my wife

Sex News

Horny Chat, How to get Stripchat Tokens at no cost ? (2026 methods)

“The Gang Gets Satirized and Doesn’t Like It” is S04E04 of the legal comedy-drama TV series The Good Fight, aired May 7, 2020.

One of the law firm’s clients is upset because he believes he is being caricatured in a popular play, C*cksucker in Chains. He says he wants them to “gawker” it, which basically means “Somebody’s talking about me in a way I don’t like, and I’m rich enough to shut them up.”

The play was written by a former employee of the law firm, and the characters and relationships do bear a carnivalesque likeness. Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski), the series’ lead, is caricatured as a lawyer who rips off her business suit to reveal a dominatrix outfit beneath. The caricature of Diane’s boss, a black man, rips off his business suit to reveal an antebellum slave costume, and is rapturously dominated by the lawyer-dominatrix, including bullwhipping and anal penetration with a dildo (off camera).

The play within the TV show is a rather unsubtle take on gender and race politics in the workplace. It’s the way Jeremy O. Harris’ Slave Play would be viewed by someone with the values of an upper-class law firm. The idea of “overly powerful woman as dominatrix” also calls back to the infamous SPY magazine cover with Hilary Clinton’s face superimposed onto a woman in a dominatrix outfit. It’s also a funhouse-mirror reflection of the racial dynamics of The Good Fight, about a historically black legal firm that recently began hiring white people, and is now owned by another, all-white-run legal firm.

The characters who see their on-stage parodies are affected, as much as they are loathe to admit it, and question themselves with imaginary dialogues with their doppelgangers. (Not the show’s first use of fantasy, I understand.) Even art considered crude or exploitative can provoke consideration.

Diane and her husband Kurt (Gary Cole) watch the play, and are powerfully aroused afterwards. “We probably don’t want to examine that, do we?” Diane asks Kurt in bed with him. “I don’t,” he says, and rolls over.

The next night, Diane dolls herself up in a dominatrix outfit and riding crop (and hurts herself by whacking her thigh with it), and poses in front of a mirror. The riding crop is apparently the accessory for the dominant woman, her almost universally recognized metonymy.

However, when Kurt sees her in this outfit in their bed, he shuts down, even though she tries to pass it off as a joke. Diane has an imaginary conversation with her caricature/actress, trying to figure out why she and Kurt had such a strong reaction after the play, but he was so cold to her in the dominatrix outfit. The phantasm tells Diane that Kurt was turned on by the image, but he doesn’t want Diane to be the caricature. “People can be turned on by things and not be that all the time.”

On another night, Diane comes out in a different dominatrix outfit, but with the addition of a black cowboy hat and toy gun. This apparently meshes with Kurt’s rustic style and he approves. She mounts him cowgirl style.

Merely mentioning the idea that older people, especially older women, have sexual lives, and even non-vanilla sexual lives, should be commended.

Researching kink in the relatively new medium of video games introduced me to the surprisingly complex history of dominatrix-coded female characters.

One article identifies three phases of such characters in the Japanese video game industry, starting in the 1990s.

1. enemies or side characters in beat ’em up games (e.g. Linda Lash in Double Dragon)
2. playable characters in fighting games (e.g. Ivy Valentine in Soul Calibur)
3. protagonist characters (e.g. Bayonetta in her self-titled series)

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Poison is a particularly interesting case. Not only did she make the transition from beat ’em ups to fighting games, some versions of her background story say she is a transwoman. Perhaps not ideal trans representation, but a character with her own charm.

In the fighting games genre, the selectable characters were based on recognizable archetypes (or stereotypes). It seemed like every fighting game had one female character based on the dominatrix, chosen for visual impact and sex appeal. One example was the whip-wielding Sofia from Battle Arena Toshinden, based on the long-standing trope of the cruel, Eastern European beauty. Sofia actually became the mascot character for the Sony PlayStation 1, appearing in advertisements with provocative lines like “Like to be humiliated by women? Here’s your dream date. Worship me.”, to appeal to adult male (heterosexual) players.

This was apparently too controversial, and Sofia was replaced by the more kid-friendly Crash Bandicoot as the console’s mascot.

Perhaps the final stage of the dominatrix archetype’s development is Bayonetta, the title character of her own series. Not only does she wear a skin tight black outfit (woven from her own hair), some of her fighting moves throw enemies into torture machines or summon giant spiked heels to crush them.

According to the character designer Mari Shimazaki’s notes, Bayonetta’s design was based on “modern witch” with “four guns”:

Since Bayonetta is a witch, her “theme color” had to be black! The other special part of her design is the long hair wrapping around her body. The hair gathered around Bayonetta’s sleeves accentuates the movements of her limbs.

When a female character appears in an action game, her limbs often seem thin and short. That is why I tried to make her more appealing as an action game character by adjusting her proportions and extending her limbs.

(IMHO, Bayonetta’s body resembles the way a small child would perceive the body of an adult woman, with exaggerated secondary sexual characteristics and elongated limbs.)

Bayonetta and characters like her occupy an unstable space between female empowerment and female objectification, and this might actually be a feature, not a bug. As Maddy Myers put it in her 2014 essay, “Femme Doms of Videogames: Bayonetta Doesn’t Care If She’s Not Your Kink“:

…the camera loves Bayonetta’s butt; Bayonetta herself often appears to be “performing” for someone, by posing in a sexual sense, but it’s never entirely clear towards whom: the player, advancing enemies, or herself? The reason this distinction doesn’t matter to me, though, is because the story doesn’t attempt to humiliate Bayonetta. She never gets tied up or restrained; she never gets “put in her place”; she never gets smacked around by a Big Bad Man in an inexplicable cut-scene. Her dominance goes unquestioned throughout the game, which in and of itself is so unexpected and refreshing that I can forgive the fact that the camera assumes I’m very interested in her butt crack. Even the fact that the camera is trying to sexualize Bayonetta feels like a subversion of sorts, given that she as a character is one who refuses to be owned or manipulated; she is the essence of unavailable. You can look, but you can’t touch—not without your mistress’s permission!

It would be easy to dismiss Bayonetta as just an image born of the male gaze, but Myers points out that video games offer their own form of identification, with the player becoming the character:

When I play, Bayonetta is me, and the camera’s glances are just the “sub gaze”—the male submissive’s gaze. Bayonetta holds all the cards.

The third-person camera view of the character does not define Bayonetta; the player’s virtual experience of being Bayonetta does.

Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice, or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust.

If you have a post included, please re-post the latest edition on your own blog, ideally with your own unique comments next to each link.

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Click here to Subscribe to email updates if you’d like to receive Elust as an email once per month.

Oz

Erotic Fiction

Sugarbutch, Supine: A Jealousy Play Erotica Story

Jessica Lansdown, Peeping Tom

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Morgan Destera, Transfer Post – How Do I Feel?

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

ThatGrrl, A Dominant Woman is Not a Fetish

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Fruity Cams, How to jerk off longer

State of the World

Fapspins, Are Webcam Sites Safe? Privacy, Tracking & Security Explained

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Tantric Sexual Healing, Tantric Temporality and the Ecology of Desire: How Ritual Transforms Time, Pleasure, and Attentional Economy

Product Reviews

Oz Bigdownunder, I’ll Let You Lick My Lollypop. Funzze Candy Cane Vibrator

Liz X, Tabletop Review: The simplyjoy 10-Inch Dual Density Dildo

Spices of Lust, VVD Rider Desire Review

Sex Work

Evie + Axel, Anxiety around sexual performance

Mistress Sophie, How Best To Approach A Pro-Domme, (Some Helpful Do’s And Don’t’s)

Sex Worker Search, Clients. Are you more like A? Or B?

Sandra, “Will abuse u and leave marks but make sure u enjoy!”

Mx Valentina, Maid Fantasy. With a Twist.

Vivienne Parker, Swingers Club

Milady, Rendezvous in Paris with a Butt Plug

Hellga, Bunkhaus Dungeon Femdom Session

Books and Movies

O Miss Pearl, “What Fury Brings” by Tricia Levenseller [Femdom Book Review]

The History of BDSM, Box Hill (2020) by Adam Mars-Jones

This essay includes spoilers for Box Hill and Pillion.

Most of the book covers the mid-1970s to the early 1980s in the life of Colin Smith, and his dominant-submissive relationship with the handsome, enigmatic biker, Ray. Colin is Ray’s live-in servant, but he never asks for more intimacy than what Ray allows.

The biggest change between film and book is that, in the film, Ray completely abandons Colin once they’ve become too intimate for him. In the book, Colin takes a break from his relationship with Ray to go on a trip with his aged mother, during which Ray suffers a fatal motorcycle accident. Colin later learns that, while dying in hospital, Ray swore his biker friends to not tell Colin anything about him: not his last name, not his background, not when his funeral was, not even his grave site’s location.

Pillion is a young man’s coming of age story, set in the present day. It ends with Colin developing a sense of his own identity as a gay man and as a submissive, and looking to the future. It’s a disillusionment narrative about Colin seeing beyond the image of Ray as a idealized dominant, to the flawed human being within.

Box Hill is written from the perspective of a middle-aged man looking back on his youth in a bygone time. It’s ultimately about loss. Colin speculates about Ray’s mysterious life and why he completely severed ties with his submissive of 6 years on his deathbed, but ultimately learns nothing new. There’s also a parallel story of Colin’s father slowly slipping into mental illness, then dying, followed by the loss of his mother.

In the later years of his life, Colin has a job as an underground train driver, a stable living arrangement, and he sees men, but doesn’t seem to have a relationship or a future, or at least he doesn’t think about it much. He’s preoccupied with the past, and in his view the present just doesn’t measure up. (There’s little or no mention of the evolution of gay culture in this time period.)

This makes me wonder if Colin is an unreliable narrator, at least concerning Ray. That is, what we get in the book is Colin’s idealized memory of Ray. All of his flaws, or even human details, are erased by Colin, consciously or unconsciously. What’s left is this image of impossible masculine perfection.

In the book, Colin’s relationship with Ray spans six years. Ray dies in 1981, right as AIDS is hitting public consciousness. Perhaps Ray, or rather Colin’s image of Ray as an idealized masculine gay icon right out of a Tom of Finland drawing, could not exist in the same world as AIDS. Colin briefly considers how Ray would have adapted to AIDS (he makes the point that Ray was an extremely safety conscious rider, though that didn’t save him) before giving up.

Colin and Ray’s relationship in the book has much the same problems as in the film: no explicit negotiation between them. Theoretically, Colin is free to leave at any time, but that isn’t saying much.

Both book and film start with the fantasy of the perfect dominant, what Quentin Crisp called “the great dark man” that haunts the sexual imagination of gay men. (In my opinion, submissives and masochists of all kinds can have this issue.) Film Colin learns to look beyond that to the human being, and to assert himself as a submissive. Book Colin never quite gets past the image of Ray, and it’s still there in his mind.

The novella is subtitled A Story of Low Self-Esteem, and that suggests the real mystery of the story is not “why did Ray sever all ties with Colin?”, but “why did Ray choose Colin at all?” In the film, shy and awkward Colin does develop self-esteem, a sense of his own worth, essential to a submissive. Book Colin never really does.

Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice, or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust.

If you have a post included, please re-post the latest edition on your own blog, ideally with your own unique comments next to each link.

For SEO purposes, non-identical re-posts of Elust are much better for search ranking, and it’s much more appealing for your readers.

Click here to Subscribe to email updates if you’d like to receive Elust as an email once per month.

State of the World

Fapspins, Are Webcam Sites Anonymous for Viewers? A Practical Privacy Checklist

Erotic Fiction

Fern River Club, After the Come-In (Part 3)

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Tantric Sexual Healing, Tantra and the Architecture of Intimacy: Rewriting Love Beyond Possession, Identity, and Fear

Awakening Your Inner Essence, When Betrayal Becomes Arousal: Understanding Erotic Survival Through a Tantric Lens

Femina Viva, Submission need not be weakness

Erotic Non Fiction

Morgan Destera, The Spirit Is Willing, Part Two: The Flesh is Weak

B R Saiph, Locked on the Precipice of Permanence: Her Decision, My Submission

Product reviews

Liz Black, Hands-Free Pleasure: A Closer Look at the VVD Rider Desire & Rider Go (Plus Exclusive Discount!)

Spices of Lust, Lovense Gush 2 Review

Sex Toy DB, Saddle Sex Machines or Sybian Alternatives: What Are They, and Which Is The Best?

Sex Work

Rogue Love Escapades, What’s in a name? The inspiration behind Rogue Love Escapades… 

Sex Worker Search, Interview With YAS Work

Danny Gold, Anal Therapy

Adam Black, Choosing the right hotel for meeting an escort 

Oz Bigdownunder, London Eye View MMF Couple Sex Marathon

Ellie Hart, Why Emotional Intelligence Is the Most Attractive Quality

Sandra, A Massage with a Twist

Hellga, Sara Graduates Sissy School

Mx Valentina, 113. Beyond the Veil: The Existential Architecture of Mx Valentina

Books and Movies

The History of BDSM, High Maintenance S03E05 “Payday”: The Celluloid Dungeon

Blogging

Sinclair Sexsmith, Announcing: The Inner Circle Sessions (Patreon Workshops for 2026)

When conservative culture turns its attention to BDSM as a practice and as a culture, the most common view is the neo-Puritanism position that kink is a perversion, the product of an overly permissive, decadent, pornified culture. The shock provides titillation.

However, sometimes the response is different, and the conservatives see BDSM as an application of their ideals. Take, for example, Kelly Brogan and Chantel Quick’s essay “Can BDSM heal the world?” (undated).

According to her website bio, Brogan is a certified psychiatrist, or rather was, as “Dr. Brogan chose not to renew her board certification which expired on 12/31/19”. She is certified in “Integrative Holistic Medicine, ABIHM (The specialty recognition identified herein has been received from a private organization not affiliated with or recognized by the Florida Board of Medicine).”

She is also a major figure in the COVID-denial movement and an anti-vaxxer.

Brogan’s essay opens up with a fairly typical description of bottoming in a bondage session, followed by touting it as the solution to marital problems. However, my whiskers twitched when I got to:

…I believe that we now have the opportunity to mature the insidious backdrops of warfare consciousness and the idea of every man and woman for themselves into the consciousness of complementarity and mutual service.

This is known as complementarianism, a theological view that the two (and only two) sexes are fundamentally different yet complementary. It’s a “separate but equal” idea of gender relations, that in practice tries to cover up a lot of gender inequality.

Brogan and Quick go from garbled Freudian psychology to conspiracy theory.

According to many, feminism was a Rockefeller-funded, socially engineered movement that offered women the poison apple of egalitarian opportunity, and in exchange, they were removed from their homes and role of primary caretaker of their children and added to the taxpayer population.

BDSM becomes the solution to what Brogan and Quick see as the problem of distorted gender roles; complementarianism in action. Their description starts off okay, talking about consent and safety:

BDSM organizes partners into defined roles, connects them through consensual agreements, and creates the conditions for ecstatic union to be channeled through the reclamation of safe power.

But then you notice things like the assumption that the sub must be female and the dom must be male. Though they reference a book written by a dominatrix, Kasia Urbaniak, and talk about using dom and sub roles to ask for money from an uncle, the essay soon returns to the essay of essential female submissiveness.

Why submit?
Because that’s actually what we want as women. We don’t want to be the best man in the room. We want to be well-handled by capable hands so we can finally exhale. Recently presenting at a Weston A. Price conference, I responded to a question about gender dynamics, in part, with the statement, “most women I know long to be well-handled by a powerful man,” and a sensual sigh swept across the 2,000 person room.

This ties into ideas of “surrender” and “a stable, strong, courageous, and intentional man stabilizing a woman’s nervous system”. They even argue that women will unconsciously create their own conditions of confinement, which Brogan ties to her own career struggles for being called one of the “Disinformation Dozen” for her anti-vaccination work.

When talking about the benefits of BDSM, the gender essentialism comes through again.

BDSM offers a framework to resolve the all-too-common pathology of cowering, insecure men and hen-pecking controlling women; when we get into Dom/Sub dynamics, a safety and coherence returns to the field that creates the conditions for true connection.

The essay concludes with a strange contortion of presenting a traditionalist view of heterosexual relationships as being a clever rebellion against the system.

The system would love to remain in charge of determining who’s been a bad girl, who hasn’t, and who gets what punishment, but wouldn’t it be better to empower your man to do that for you?

You’d never know from this essay that BDSM includes switches, or LGBTQ people, or people who don’t engage in dom-sub at all. Brogan and Quick are drawing on the transgressive cachet of BDSM to sell gender essentialism with the promise of better sex and other life benefits that BDSM can’t necessarily deliver. Kink is not the solution to the made-up problem of “cowering, insecure men and hen-pecking controlling women”. Note also that the essay draws on a dominatrix’s book, and Brogan epitomizes the kind of well-educated, professional woman who makes a career out of selling anti-feminism, alongside general crack-pottery.

In my opinion, people should keep their fantasies and their politics separate. The “tradwife” ideal works better as a femsub/maledom fantasy/roleplay scenario than as an actual plan for life. Likewise, if you are a man who wants to pay some guy $10,000 for a weekend-long re-enactment of the first act of Full Metal Jacket, go right ahead; just don’t think it will fix whatever is eating at you.