The HowardShrine

Sal the Stockbroker, movie star

2012-03-24T09:17:00.001-07:00

"SAL THE STOCKBROKER" IS THE "SPECIAL GUEST HOST" FOR "GIRLS GONE DEAD" MOVIE AFTER-PARTY AT TOOTSIE'S CABARET MIAMI, MARCH 28TH PENTHOUSE PET JANESSA BRAZIL AND "TONY BATMAN" TO CO-HOST MIDNIGHT PARTY Tootsie's Cabaret Miami is Florida's supreme adult night club, featuring hundreds of all nude dancers in a huge 75,000 square feet multi-level adult playground. The movie "Girls Gone Dead" premieres at the Colony Theatre in South Beach on Wednesday, March 28th with two screenings. The official movie after-party will be at Tootsie's Cabaret and "Sal the Stockbroker" from the Howard Stern Show will be the "Special Guest Host." "I love Sal," said Tootsie's Girl Madison. "He's so funny on the Stern Show, and I know he will be good in the movie." Tootsie's Girl Ginger agreed. "Whenever the Stern guys are in Miami they come to Tootsie's. Sal always makes me laugh. I think the movie sounds great." The movie is billed as a "comedy spoof" of the horror genre, and stars an off beat cast: Sal the Stockbroker, WWE's Jerry the King Lawler, Beetlejuice, Penthouse Pets Janessa Brazil and Ryan Keely, Tony Batman, Al Sapienza (from the Sopranos), and adult film legend Ron Jeremy. The Tootsie's party is open to the public. Joining Sal as "co hosts" of the party will be adult journalist, TV, and radio personality "Tony Batman" and Penthouse Pet Janessa Brazil, who also star in the film. "Tony Batman has the best site on the web," said Tootsie's Girl Kendra. "I read his stuff every day, and I can't wait to meet him at the party. I heard that he's bringing all the hot girls from the movie." Tootsie's Cabaret 150 NW 183rd St Miami Gardens, FL http://www.tootsiescabaret.com/ http://www.facebook.com/pages/Girls-Gone-Dead/123057481092301?sk=info http://www.girlsgonedeadmovie.com/ http://www.tonybatman.com/ http://janessabrazil.com/

RICK'S CABARET NEW YORK GIRLS SUPPORT JEREMY LIN AND THE KNICKS

2012-02-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

RICK'S CABARET NEW YORK GIRLS SUPPORT JEREMY LIN AND THE KNICKS Rick's Cabaret New York is the famous tri-level gentlemen's club in midtown Manhattan, located just a block away from Madison Square Garden. They are well known for their gorgeous topless entertainers, warm hospitality and celebrity clientele, particularly the biggest star athletes who make the club's VIP section their "second home." Rick's Cabaret is a favorite for many football, baseball and hockey players. The Rick's Girls tell me that that even the players from these other sports have caught basketball fever and have been talking about Jeremy Lin and the NY Knicks. "We love the Knicks, and Jeremy Lin is amazing," said Rick's Cabaret Girl Sky. "He's done so much for the team. I think everyone here in New York has got the linsanity." "He's linvincible," said Rick's Cabaret Girl Anna. "I would like a lintroduction to him. I find him lintriguing," she explained. "I'm wearing his #17 jersey, and its so easy to strip out of," she cooed. "Last night, I was having dinner on the 2nd floor Rick's Steakhouse with some hockey players, and they weren't talking about hockey, but they were talking about Jeremy Lin!" said Rick's Cabaret Girl Athena. "We support Lin and the Knicks. Anyone bringing their ticket stub after a Knick game will get complimentary admission here at the club," said Rick's Cabaret Girl Alex. "Lin is awesome, but don't forget Camelo Anthony," added Rick's Cabaret Girl Gianna. "He's a great player, too!" Rick's Cabaret 50 West 33rd Street New York City *** Three Floors of Luxury *** 100 Entertainers Daily *** Full Menu Steakhouse *** VIP Private Suites photos courtesy of Rick's Cabaret

New shrine message board

2012-02-16T12:18:00.001-08:00

Hey now, one of our true fans of stern from the old shrine board put this board together recently. Anyone who wants to help resurrect the shrine board come join us here

RICK'S CABARET/NYC ENTERTAINERS STRIP OFF FOR GIANTS DURING THREE DAY "BIG GAME WEEKEND" CELEBRATION

2012-02-03T13:23:00.000-08:00

RICK'S CABARET/NYC ENTERTAINERS STRIP OFF FOR GIANTS DURING THREE DAY "BIG GAME WEEKEND" CELEBRATION, STARTING FEBRUARY 3rd WITH "KICK-OFF" PARTY HOSTED BY HOWARD STERN CHARACTER "RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER” NEW YORK CITY – (January 30, 2012) -- The topless entertainers at Rick’s Cabaret/NYC are prepared to cheer on their beloved New York Giants when they play the New England Patriots in the big game February 5th. But not beforeHoward Stern Show character Ronnie “The Limo Driver” Mund pumps up the crowd at an open-to-the-public party starting at 8 p.m. Friday night, February 3rd, to kick off the Big Game weekend. The club is part of the Rick’s Cabaret International, Inc. (NASDAQ:RICK) group of upscale gentlemen’s clubs around the country. "It's always a great time at Rick's Cabaret," Ronnie said. "So many hot hot girls at their New York club--I can't wait." “For the past two weeks some of the entertainers have been starting their routines wearing an over-sized Eli Manning#10 jersey and little else, but they quickly get down to the ‘little else’ stage after a shout out for the Giants,” says Ken Sistrunk, general manager of Rick’s Cabaret/NYC at 50 West 33rd Street across from the Empire State Building. “And we’re planning for a big blast on Friday night starting at 8 o’clock because Ronnie is always a popular attraction whenever he appears at one of our clubs,” Mr. Sistrunk added. “There’s a lot of energy in the club this week and our girls are 100 percent behind the Giants.” Mr. Sistrunk said the Giants-Patriots game itself and all pre-and post-game shows will be beamed from huge television screens on the walls of each of the club’s three floors. About Rick’s Cabaret/NYC: Located at 50 West 33rd Street across from the Empire State Building and down the street from Madison SquareGarden. Playboy.com calls it “the #1 strip club in New York City.” Open until 4 a.m. daily, Rick’s has a Zagat-rated steak house, VIP lounge and three floors of non-stop entertainment. Visit http://www.ricksnewyork.com/ or call 212-372-0850.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME HOWARD STERN??

2011-12-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

The Biz: Is Network TV Ready for Howard Stern on America's Got Talent? by Stephen Battaglio Howard Stern calls himself the King of All Media, but he has never really conquered TV. He'll get that chance later this year, when he joins what has been the most watched summer show, NBC's America's Got Talent, as a judge. It's not a move without risks for NBC. America's Got Talent did not need fixing. But when Piers Morgan chose to leave the judges' panel, executive producer Simon Cowell decided the show needed some shaking up and believes adding Stern can do it. The move has already made headlines, as Stern's edgy, boundary-pushing humor (and skill at self-promotion) has made him a powerful draw on radio for three decades. But before he headed to satellite radio, Stern was a magnet for FCC scrutiny, which hampered the success of his TV projects. In the late 1990s, he scored ratings with his syndicated TV show for CBS; however, top-paying advertisers, sensitive over protests and boycotts, stayed away. "It was a challenge to get premium customers in," says an exec involved with the show. NBC isn't worried about mainstream acceptance of Stern this time around. Entertainment executives at the network are convinced he can be funny within the parameters of broadcast TV and won't change AGT's family-friendly character. "It's a brand that has always meant PG viewing, and there are no plans to change that," says one NBC insider. While the traditionally conservative Parents Television Council has already registered its objection, Madison Avenue is less sensitive to raunchy content. For example, CBS has no problem selling out its Monday-night comedy lineup, a two-hour festival of sex jokes. Brad Adgate of ad-buying firm Horizon Media says AGT sponsors scared off by Stern will be replaced by new ones who will give the show a second look: "Any slack can be picked up by Howard Stern devotees — mostly younger men — who may not watch a lot of broadcast television." More here

Howard Stern, America's Got Nightmares!!! Oooh Faaa!!

2011-12-23T09:16:00.000-08:00

HAHA They really like Howard at the LA Times don't they? Is this the Barbara Streisand lighting we can expect on AGT?

Simon Cowell: Howard Stern will shake up 'America's Got Talent' Howard Stern is going to have some more company on the "America's Got Talent" judging table. The shock jock's hiring announced last week is just part of a total makeover for the NBC summer hit, including a yet-to-be picked fourth judge, according to creator and executive producer Simon Cowell. Stern, who joins Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel, will replace British host Piers Morgan, who left to focus on his CNN talk show. "Having two Brits and one American on 'America's Got Talent' actually was ridiculous in hindsight," Cowell said in a weekend interview with Show Tracker. "I want to bring on a fourth judge as well, definitely an American. And I want somebody who understands what a Vegas crowd would pay good money to judge." Cowell has been unhappy that "AGT" hasn't created more stars like 11-year-old classical singer Jackie Evancho. "I don't think the show over the years has done a good enough job at finding what I would have liked," he said. "The ratio between hit and miss, it's not good enough at the moment. "I hope that with Howard's name - and we'll see what his skill set is like - you can spot that little diamond and help turn them into a star. I don't think the judges have done enough in the past at actually assisting them in the next rounds....We've got to change that." "It's all gotten a little too safe, too predictable," Cowell added. "It all needs a shakeup." Stern has seldom been accused of being too safe, what with his obsessions with sex and bodily functions and in-depth interviews with porn stars. But Cowell says Stern won't be quite as outrageous as some fans (and detractors) might expect. "He can't," Cowell said. "He knows the rules. Will he be controversial? Yes, because he's Howard Stern. He thinks he can do a better job than the people currently doing it. "I love the fact that he's survived all these decades," Cowell added. "He really understands what Americans like and he's not afraid." Photo: Howard Stern is joining "America's Got Talent." Credit: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images source

Howard Stern nose talent!!

2011-12-23T09:09:00.001-08:00

Howard Stern replaces Piers Morgan on ‘America’s Got Talent’ NBC stepped on its own Golden Globe Awards nominations unveiling Thursday morning when it announced minutes later that it had closed a deal for Stern to serve as the new judge on the country’s top-rated summer series, one of few ratings bright spots on the network’s prime-time landscape. Production of the show, which has begun auditioning talent for its seventh season, is moving to New York so Stern can continue to do his SiriusXM radio program. But don’t expect “Talent” to remain a summer show for long after this kind of investment. Weeks ago, when word of “Talent” talks with Stern erupted, his camp put his price tag around $15 million; NBC remained mum. After the deal was announced, Stern was filmed scoffing on the street at a TMZ camer-azzi’s suggestion that he was getting $20 million. Within a couple of hours, that number was being reported as fact by some media outlets. Heck, why stop there? Why not $50 million? The deal marks Stern’s return to the company that famously sacked him more than two decades ago over his raunchy WNBC radio show antics — a fact Stern gleefully noted Thursday on his satellite radio show. “I will be judging people, and, believe me, my opinion is the one that matters on this show. All the other judges will follow suit. . . . There will be no more nonsense,” Stern said on his radio show about his new gig. “Believe me, I didn’t do it for the money,” he added. “I did it because I like the show and I need to be a judge.” For emphasis, Stern’s show also tweeted that he “didn’t do it for the $$$.” Stern was looking for a new career path. Having failed months ago to close a deal to judge aspiring singers on Fox’s “American Idol,” he will judge contortionists, jugglers, clowns, sword swallowers, ventriloquists — and singers — on “Talent.” The gig might seem an odd aspiration for the shock jock, but the former self-proclaimed King of All Media’s kingdom got a lot smaller when he migrated from syndication to satellite radio, and Stern stands to gain a lot in recovered visibility in being seen twice weekly on a broad-appeal vehicle. “Talent” is NBC’s most-watched series, and the most watched show of the summer on any network, clocking 14.3 million viewers on Tuesday nights last summer and 13.3 million on Wednesdays, both series highs for the show. At the time he was pursuing his dream of replacing Simon Cowell on “Idol,” Stern said in interviews that he wasn’t sure whether what the judges do on “Idol” is “work” and that there’s no cushier job on the planet that judging “a [expletive] karaoke contest.” He also said “Idol” was “in trouble” because the judges were afraid to deliver actual opinions about the performances and “they probably do need me.” At that time, “Idol” was averaging 25 million viewers on performance nights. source

Howard Stern makes Jew News!!!

2011-12-23T09:03:00.001-08:00

Judging Howard Stern The future judge is being judged, as NBC is being condemned by the Parents Television Council for hiring Howard Stern to replace Piers Morgan on "America's Got Talent." The Parents Television Council released a statement calling NBC’s decision to hire Stern “an act of desperation” and said that the radio personality “is synonymous with shock, profanity and obscenity.” The statement concluded: “The once-proud broadcast network has lost its way and has made it clear it holds no concern whatsoever for children and families.” source

Listening to Howard Stern makes people crazy!!!

2011-12-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

Accused Killer Who Said Howard Stern Spoke to Him Judged Insane Morgan could be committed for as long as 75 years The man who killed a Wesleyan co-ed and said Howard Stern was communicating secret messages to him was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Stephen Morgan was charged with killing 21-year-old Johanna Justin-Jinich at an off-campus bookstore café in May 2009. Defense attorneys told the judges Morgan was insane when he committed the crime, and that his actions were guided by mysterious messages from the radio personality. A psychiatrist testified Morgan believed Justin-Jinich was hacking into his computer and watching him, and that he showed signs of paranoid schizophrenia. Testimony and evidence at the trial has suggested that Morgan became infatuated with Justin-Jinich when the two met at New York University in 2007 and harassed her in emails and phone calls. "There are no winners here," said Dick Brown, Morgan's defense attorney. Morgan's family cried after the verdict was read. They expressed relief that Morgan will get the help they say he needs, but also expressed sorrow for Justin-Jinich's family and friends. Although the family of Justin-Jinich spent most of the last three weeks in court, they were not present for the verdict Friday. Daniel Jinich, the victim's father, released a statement Friday. "During this difficult time we were moved by the outpourings of kindness and gentleness expressed my many people in Middletown who we did not know but who in their own way reached out to us to express sympathy and compassion," Jinich said. Morgan was immediately taken to Whiting Forensic Institute in Hartford. The state will have 60 days to evaluate Morgan's mental health. He will be back in court Feb. 29, when the same three-judge panel will determine how long Morgan should be committed. It could be as long as 75 years. source

Howard Stern scares people!!

2011-12-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

Jennifer Hudson: Simon's Nice, But I'm Scared of Howard Stern! The diva admits she's afraid of the America's Got Talent judge. By Evelyn Diaz She could handle Simon Cowell, but there's another sharp-tongued media personality that has Jennifer Hudson shaking with nerves. When asked by TMZ how she feels Howard Stern will do as a judge on America's Got Talent, she responded candidly, "I don't know what he's gonna do, I'm scared of Howard!" Unlike many of her fellow American Idol contestants, however, Hudson had only nice things to say about Simon Cowell (who left Idol to start his own competition series, The X Factor). "He says what he means, he's not mean at all," she clarified. Don't think the hundreds of AI hopefuls who didn't go on to win Oscars would feel the same way, though. http://www.bet.com/news/celebrities/2011/12/19/jennifer-hudson-simon-s-nice-but-i-m-scared-of-howard-stern.html

Chaunce Hayden says Goodbye

2011-12-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

Long time contributor to this blog, providing many Stern related stories and leads for the Shrine 100 News team is saying goodbye to his Steppin' Out gig. Thanks Chaunce for all your help over the years, and good luck in your future endeavors. Chaunce: This is very difficult for me to write, but here it goes. After 23 years as the editor of Steppin' Out magazine, today is my last day. I want to thank all of you whom I have worked so closely with for so long. It has been my pleasure and my absolute passion. Thank you all for helping my wonderful career not only sustain, but prosper. While I don't know what the future holds for me, I only hope that whatever I do it leads me back to all of you. Warmest regards and happy holidays. Yours truly, Chaunce Hayden

Happy Holidays from Lonnie Hanover from Rick's Cabaret

2011-12-19T11:56:00.000-08:00

From the Howardshrine Mailbag: Jackie the Jokeman

2011-12-19T11:54:00.000-08:00

Cappazoli and Beccarino are sitting across the bar from two old drunks.
Cappazoli says, "That's us in ten years."
Beccarino says, "That's a mirror, you asshole."

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hi,

Welcome to The JokeLand E-Mail List.
Merry Christmas, Happy Nude Year & I hope you're healthy & smiling.
Please encourage everybody you know who likes jokes to hop on ... simply e-mail me, jokeland@aol.com ...

The Mini JokeMaster Jr. keychain is now available at all Bed, Bath & Beyond & Pottery Barn Kids nationwide ... batteries included, every time the red nose is pushed, it lights up & tells a joke, forty-five kids' jokes, adjustable volume, ages three & up ... your kids & grandchildren will love this thing. click here ...

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An old couple goes into a porno theatre, they watch the movie twice, and they don't get up to leave until the theater's ready to close.
As they're walking by, the usher says, "You folks must've really enjoyed the show."
The little old lady says, "It was dis-gusting."
The old guy says, "It was re-volting."
The usher says, "Then why'd you sit through it twice?"
The little old lady says, "Well, we had to wait until you turned on the house lights. We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in 'em."

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The 2012 AVN Awards has nominated our Jackie's Joke Hunt theme song, "And I'm Thinkin' About You," for Best Original Song ... wish us luck. "AVN" is "Adult Video News" ... better known as The Porn Awards. The awards show is Saturday, January 21, at The Joint in the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel.

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see Jackie 9pm, Friday, February 3rd
Ferrara's
420 Arnold Avenue
Point Pleasant New Jersey
(732) 899-3900

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to all my new trucker pals out there ... please pass the word about my joke shows on SiriusXM Raw Dog 99 & Howard 101 to your fellow drivers ... and please encourage them to sign on for the jokes ... thanks.

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Kim Kardashian walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, Kim ... did you know there's a drink named after you?"
Kim says, "Really? You have a drink called 'A Vapid Greedy Twat?' "

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We love you for tuning in to Jackie's Joke Hunt on SiriusXM, channel Howard 101.
Our next show, 7pm EST this Tuesday, December 13th, is
Jackie's Joke Hunt 254, The Fruit Of The Country ...
... "yee-hah, the farmer's daughter" ...
please call in with your funniest & your filthiest, 1-888-783-7610.

Jackie's Joke Hunt repeats Thursdays at midnight EST& Sundays 4 p.m. EST
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All info is on www.jokeland.com ... please send everybody for a ride onThe JokeLand E-Mail List, all they have to do is drop me a line at jokeland@aol.com

j.

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What'd the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt.

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What would you call an Native American terrorist?
Bin-Drinkin'.

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A pile of vomit goes into a bar and orders a beer. After a few beers, the pile of vomit starts to weep.
The bartender says, "What's going on?"
The pile of vomit says, "I'm feeling a little sentimental. This is where I was brought up."

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Schneider's shopping with his wife when he picks up a case of beer that's on sale and puts it in the shopping cart.
His wife says, "Put that back."
As she's walking down the next aisle, Schneider's wife stops and picks up a big jar of face cream.
He says, "What's that for?"
She says, "It makes me pretty."
Schneider says, "So's the beer. And that's on sale."

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just Juan.

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see Jackie 8pm, Saturday, February 4th
Gypsies @
Mount Airy Casino & Resort
44 Woodland Rd.
Mount Pocono, Pennsylvania
1-866-468-7619

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An old guy's teaching his grandson how to jerk off.
After a few minutes, the kid says, "Grampa, this ain't so great."
Grampa says, "Wait 'til it's your dick."

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Dirty Johnny walks into the bathroom as his mother's coming out of the shower.
Johnny points between her legs and says, "What's that, ma?"
She says, "That's my beaver."
A little while later, Johnny walks into the bathroom as his grandmother's coming out of the shower.
Johnny points between her legs and says, "What's that, Grandma?"
His grandmother says, "That's my beaver."
Johnny walks into the kitchen and he has a sad look on his face.
His mother says, "What's wrong, Johnny?"
He says, "I think there's something wrong with Grandma's beaver."
His mother says, "Why do you think that?"
He says, "Because it's tongue is hanging out."

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Where's a female pilot sit?
The cuntpit.

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for great dirty jokes 24/7, Use Your Finger! (516) 922-WINE
yes, simply dial (516) 922-9463 ...
... not a pay service, just a regular call ...

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A woman's walking down the sidewalk.
A guy coming the other way says, "Hey, lady, there's a tampon hanging out of your mouth."
She says, "Fuck. What'd I do with my cigarette?"

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A lady walks into a very expensive Persian rug store. She spots the perfect rug, walks over to inspect it, and as she bends over to feel the texture, she rips a whopper of a fart. She looks behind her to see if anybody heard it, and all seems fine, but when she turns back around, there's a salesman standing right next to her.
She says, "Umm ... how much does this rug cost?"
He says, "Lady, if you farted just from touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

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Why'd Jerry Sandusky decide not to apply for a job as a lifeguard?
He found out the kids had to be drowning before he could kiss them.

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Minervini says to Rosegarten, "I went home with a hermaphrodite last night."
Rosegarten says, "How was it?"
Minervini says, "It sucked. Every time I went to eat some pussy, I got poked in the eye. It was like drinking a cup of coffee with a spoon in it."

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The clown gets up in front of the kids, puts his hand in his pocket and says, "If any of you can guess what I've got in my pocket, you'll win a prize."
A kid in the front says, "Is it candy, mister?"
The clown says, "No, it's not candy."
Another kid says, "Is it money, mister?"
The clown says, "No, it ain't money, either."
Another kid says, "Well, what is it, then?"
The clown says, "It's my cock."
Nelson grabs the clown, drags him into the kitchen and says, "What the hell was that? These kids are seven years old."
The clown says, "Hey, I'm really sorry. I usually do my show at nightclubs. I'm hungover, and I accidentally went into the wrong routine. It won't happen again."
Nelson says, "It better not or I'll call the police. Now get back in there and entertain those kids. They all love you."
The clown gets back up in front of the kids and says, "Okay, kids, let's start all over again. If any of you can guess what I've got in my pocket, you'll win a prize."
A kid says, "Is it candy, mister?"
The clown says, "No, it's not candy."
Another kid says, "Is it money, mister?"
The clown says, "No, it ain't money, either."
Another kid says, "Well, what is it, then?"
The clown looks over at Nelson and says, "You better call the cops. It's my cock again."

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How fat was she?
At the bottom of her pussy they speak Chinese.

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A lady goes to the doctor and says, "My husband sent me here because he says my vagina has an odor. But but I bent wayyyy over and took a bigggg whiff, and I don't smell nothin'."
The doctor examines her, and then says, "Lady, you definitely need an operation."
She says, "On my vagina?"
He says, "No, on your nose."

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A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horseshit all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She says, "You want tomato sauce on it? We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

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Why'd the Polish terrorist go to the zoo?
To take some ostriches.

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Bartlett's always farting as loud as he can in bed, and it's driving his poor wife crazy.
She says, "Bartlett, one of these times you're gonna be sorry. One of these nights you're going to blow your guts out."
One afternoon Mrs. Bartlett's in the butcher shop, she sees some chicken livers on sale, and gets an idea. She buys a pound of the chicken livers, then goes home and hides them under the bed. That night, she waits until Bartlett blasts away a few times. Then she reaches under the bed, grabs a handful of chicken livers, and throws them between the sheets.
She jumps up and screams, "God damn it, Bartlett, look! Look what you've done!"
Bartlett sees the livers, scoops them up, and runs into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he staggers out, looking really shaky.
His wife says, "I told you one day you were gonna blow your guts out!"
Bartlett lifts one of his hands and says, "Yep. And if it weren't for the grace of God and these two fingers, I'd have never got 'em back in again."

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. Mrs. Hammond reads that if a husband and wife talk dirty to each other, it can revive a sagging sex life.
That night in bed, she rolls over and whispers, "Talk dirty to me."
Hammond says, "Fuck you."

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A forest ranger's talking to a group of campers.
He says, "Bear attacks are rare, but they do happen. We suggest that you wear bells around your ankles. If a bear hears that, he'll run off to avoid any conflict with humans. And in case that doesn't work, I have a can of pepper mace for each of you, to spray in the bear's eyes if one should one attack you. That'll send him scurrying. Now, there are two types of bears in these woods, brown bears and grizzly bears. If you run across a pile of bear shit, it's good to know if it belongs to a brown bear or a grizzly. A brown bear's shit usually has berries and undigested fur in it. A grizzly bear's shit has bells and pepper mace cans in it."

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What's the difference between a rhinoceros and The Lawrence Welk Orchestra?
The rhinoceros has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

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Mrs. Ginsberg walks into her son's apartment unexpectedly and her daughter-in-law's on the couch totally naked. Soft music's playing, and the room smells of perfume.
She says, "What're you doing?"
Her daughter-in-law says, "I‘m waiting for Seth to come home from work."
She says, "Why are you naked?"
Her daughter-in-law says, "I call this my love dress. It's Seth's favorite. It makes him crazy. Whenever he sees me in this dress, he can't get his clothes off fast enough."
When she gets home, Mrs. Ginsberg undresses, puts on a romantic CD, sprays some perfume, and lays on the couch waiting for her husband to get home. Finally, Ginsberg walks in, and there's his wife, sprawled out, totally nude.
He says, "What're you doing?"
She says, "This is my love dress."
He says, "It needs ironing. What stinks? And what‘s for dinner?"

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A guy with three eyes, no arms, and one leg is hitchhiking.
A British guy pulls over, rolls down the window, and says, "Aye, aye, aye! You look 'armless! 'op in!"

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What's a donut maker get when he jerks off to close to the fire?
Krispy Kreme.

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A guy brings a girl home from the bar, he goes down on her, and it smells really foul. But he's determined to stay down there. Suddenly she blasts a whopper of a fart into his face. He keeps eating way, and a few minutes later she rips another huge fart in his face.
After a while she says, "Are you all right down there?"
He says, "Sure, as long as you keep pumping that fresh air."

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A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Have you been drinking?"
The guy says, "Why? Is there a big fat pig sitting next to me?"

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Mrs. Oates is about to go into surgery.
She says, "Doc, how long after my operation before I can have sex?"
The doctor says, "You know, Mrs. Oates, you're the first person who ever asked me that before a tonsillectomy."

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Haberman runs into a bar with the front of his pants open.
He says to the bartender, "Quick, throw a scoop of ice in here ... I've got a homo in the alley who likes it on the rocks."

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A doctor prescribes a very powerful laxative for Mr. Johnson, one pill every four hours. But Mr. Johnson gets confused and takes four pills every hour.
The next morning, his son yells, "Ma! Pop's in the bathroom dead!"
She yells back, "I know. I'll call the undertaker as soon as he stops shitting."

We love you for tuning in to
Jackie's Joke Hunt on SiriusXM channel Howard 101,
calling in, 1-888-783-7610, & helping to spread the word...
our next show, this Tuesday, December 13th, is
Jackie's Joke Hunt 254, The Fruit Of The Country ...
... "yee-hah, the farmer's daughter" ...

Please call Jackie & Ian on the air with your jokes & comments at
1-888-stern 101 ... 1-888-783-7610 ... please e-mail us at: jackie@jokeland.com
Jackie's Joke Hunt repeats Thursdays at midnight EST
& Sundays 4 p.m. EST

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A rabbi and a priest get in an accident. They both get out of their cars, call the police, and as they're looking at the damage they start up a conversation and get friendly.
The rabbi goes in his trunk and gets out a bottle of wine, opens it up, hands it to the priest, and says "Here, have a drink, my friend."
The priest takes a big swig and passes it back to the rabbi.
The rabbi says, "No, none for me. I'm going to wait for the police."

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www.jokeland.com

for information on Jackie's shows, you can always "Use Your Finger!"
thirty years of free jokes!
and dial (516) 922-WINE ...(516) 922-9463
not a pay service, just a local call...

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Raniolo says to his doctor, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every morning I wake up and fuck my wife. I car pool with the neighbor's wife, and on the way to work she gives me a blow job. Whenever I go into the xerox room, I bang one of the office girls. At lunch, I take my secretary to a hotel and fuck her in her ass, because that's the way she likes it. During the afternoon coffee break, I fuck the boss's wife. Then I go home and the maid either sucks my cock or bends over so I can give it to her doggie style. And then at night, I fuck my wife again."
The doctor says, "So what's your problem?"
He says, "It hurts when I jerk off."

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RICK'S CABARET NEW YORK GIRLS "BRIELLE" AND "GIANNA" POSE FOR PHOTOS IN THEIR SEXY SANTA OUTFITS!

2011-12-19T08:42:00.000-08:00

RICK'S CABARET NEW YORK GIRLS "BRIELLE" AND "GIANNA" POSE FOR PHOTOS IN THEIR SEXY SANTA OUTFITS!

"I think Brielle is the hottest Santa ever," said fellow Rick's Cabaret Girl Gianna. "She looks amazing, especially in just a g-string and a Santa hat!"

Brielle returned the compliment, "I want Gianna under my tree," she said.

"Rick's is so much fun during the holidays," explained Gianna. "There are so many men coming to see us and they always ask us to sit on their laps--just like Santa!"

Rick's Cabaret New York

Howard Stern Announces He’ll Be a Judge on America’s Got Talent

2011-12-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

You Can Only See It on Howard TV:

Howard Stern Announces He’ll Be a Judge on America’s Got Talent

New York, Dec. 15 – Howard Stern officially announced this morning that he’ll be returning to NBC to be a judge on America’s Got Talent in 2012. Howard’s agent, Don Buchwald brought the contract in to the Howard Stern Show this morning for Howard to sign on-air.

The complete segment from the Howard Stern Show can be seen only on Howard TV On Demand on cable starting tomorrow, December 16, 2011, and will be available for about three weeks.

Watch here

"RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER" AND "SCOTT THE ENGINEER" AT TOOTSIE'S CABARET IN MIAMI

2011-12-12T15:51:00.000-08:00

HOWARD STERN SHOW CHARACTERS "RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER" AND "SCOTT THE ENGINEER" AT TOOTSIE'S CABARET IN MIAMI

Stripper authority "Ronnie the Limo Driver" took his pal "Scott the Engineer" to Tootsie's Cabaret in Miami over the weekend. The duo flew down from New York to go to the daytime Nascar races, and spent their evenings at Tootsie's, the world's largest gentlemen's club.

Tootsie's Girl Jasmine said, "I listen to the Stern Show all the time. Scott always seems so unhappy. They call him the 'black cloud.' But we showed him a good time, and I promise you, we made him smile."

"Ronnie and Scott are so nice," said Tootsie's Girl Wendi. "I've met Ronnie before when I danced at Rick's Cabaret New York, our sister club. I know that Ronnie loves Rick's and Tootsie's, and we love him."

Ronnie returned the compliment. "Hey, Tootsie's is amazing. they've got like over 300 hot girls stripping. The place is great, And don't forget about DJ Platypus--he knows how to keep the party going all night."

Tootsie's Cabaret

photos courtesy of Tootsie's Cabaret

The State of the Shrine Address

2011-12-09T14:19:00.000-08:00

I just gave the go ahead to pull the plug on the Shrine message board. Sorry to those True Fans of Stern who have enjoyed the board over the years. Thank you all for all the laughs. As some of you may know we became overrun by bots and the only way to stop them was to upgrade our version of message board. No time coupled with my compete lack of knowledge with this computer stuff has lead me to the decision to close the doors. I have a backup of the board and perhaps in the future I can figure out how to restore it back to its glory but at this point it looks doubtful. I love Howard and listen as much as I can but I finally have a new obsession. Following in the footsteps of my hero, Scott the Engineer Salem, I have decided to become a professional bowler. Look for me on tour. i will be the one wearing the hood and screaming bababooey after ever strike.

I few years ago I had to ban a few assholes for chasing all the hot chicks away. They made their own board. I encourage you to pay them a visit. Before they became Shrine Unworthy, they were responsible for some of the good times at the shrine despite their assholery.

They still cry about me fucking them hard in their bloody asses and they are always fun to laugh at them so check them here

I will try and update this blog more inbetween victories when I can.

Doc

Interview with pornstar Emmanuelle London by shabooty

2011-11-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

here

The Shrine on its final legs??

2011-11-19T12:38:00.000-08:00

The Shrine message board has been under attack for close to two years by endless bots. Many True Fans of Stern have abandoned the Shrine because of the bots. In the meantime the cost of keeping the site continues to climb because of the extremely heavy traffic driven by the bots. Currently the team at the host company is on the case. Hopefully they can find a solution to this problem. Some say this is the work of the evil mutt from sternfannetwork still not satisfied with apparently winning the infamous board wars a few years ago. one can only wonder.

in the meantime we invite all of you to stop by the shrine, register or post as a guest in our Hey Now forum where we pick up where the show leaves off, and visit our classic shrine and classic shrine uncensored forums to learn more of our history and our tribute to the greatest show of all time, while we are still around.

Both complete shows can be seen only on Howard TV On Demand starting tomorrow, November 15, 2011, and will be available for about three weeks.

here

here

"RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER" AND "SAL THE STOCKBROKER" celebrate Rick's Cabaret's 6th year

2011-10-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

RICK'S CABARET NEW YORK CELEBRATED ITS 6TH ANNIVERSARY WITH OVER 100 BEAUTIFUL TOPLESS DANCERS AND SPECIAL GUEST CO-HOSTS "RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER" AND "SAL THE STOCKBROKER" FROM THE HOWARD STERN SHOW!

The Rick's Cabaret in New York (one of 23 clubs in the national Rick's Cabaret chain), is known for its beautiful women, warm hospitality, and luxurious setting. The club celebrated its 6th Anniversary with a week-long party. "Ronnie the Limo Driver" and "Sal the Stockbroker" were the special "guest co-hosts."

"Rick's Cabaret really knows how to throw a party," exclaimed Ronnie Mund. "TOPLESS!," he wailed.

Fellow Stern Show character "Sal the Stockbroker" said, "It was an honor to take part in the festivities."

Rick's Cabaret Girl Mika said, "Sal the Stockbroker is funny. He kept telling us jokes. But once I took off my dress he stopped talking and started staring!"

Rick's Cabaret Girl Kendra said, "I danced for Ronnie a little bit, but spent most of my time with a table full of NY Jets football guys. Ronnie didn't mind because they told him that they were fans of his."

"Howard TV filmed some of the fun," said Rick's Cabaret Girl Elise. "Ronnie and Sal with 100 girls--it was wild--but I can't reveal too much. You will have to watch Howard TV on Demand like me and all the girls do!"

Rick's Cabaret New York

ricks.com

*** Three Floors of Luxury
*** Over 100 Entertainers Daily
*** Full Menu Steakhouse
*** VIP Private Suites
*** Roof Deck Smoking Lounge
*** Deluxe Sky Boxes

photos courtesy of Rick's Cabaret New York

Interview with former MissHowardTV model, Melissa Teixeira, by shabooty

2011-10-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

Shabooty Interview Series 2011: Hemi Girl (Melissa Teixeira) [VIDEO]

Melissa aka ‘Hemi Girl’ now falls into a very exclusive bunch of people I have interviewed more than once. I think those folks are limited to the likes of Jesse Jane, El-P, Vinnie Paz (Jedi Mind Tricks), Cage, Joslyn James, et al.

You can read my earlier interview with the former Miss HowardTV model here. And she def looks hotter in person, too!

Plus watch — because SHOTS FIRED at JD Harmeyer!!!

Enjoy,

$habooty!

here

3 million bucks for Artie Lange says TMZ

2011-09-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

Artie Lange's return to radio is paying off for him and partner Nick DiPaolo ... BIG time -- because TMZ has learned the comedy duo will rake in a total of about 3 MILLION bucks!

We're told Artie and Nick just inked 3-year deals for a nationally syndicated radio show premiering Monday, October 3. Sources involved in the deal say each of them will make more than 500K per year of the deal -- and it's going to be called "The Nick and Artie Show."

As TMZ first reported ... DirecTV put together the deal to get Nick and the former "Howard Stern Show" star. We're told there are already plans to simulcast Nick and Artie on The Audience Network next Spring.

The show will focus on sports and entertainment -- and we're told Artie's already describing it like this: "Imagine two hosts from SportsCenter ... if they were under indictment."

here

Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa !!! Stop the clock!!

2011-09-10T06:53:00.001-07:00

HOWARD STERN SHOW CHARACTER "RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER" AT THE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB CONVENTION AND EXOTIC DANCER AWARDS SHOW IN VEGAS!

"Ronnie the Limo Driver" spent 4 days in Las Vegas at the Mirage Hotel attending the 19th annual Gentlemen's Club Owners EXPO, the industry's most important and respected event.

During the daytime convention hours he could be found at the Rick's Cabaret booth. One night he hosted a bikini party with what seemed liked hundreds of the top exotic dancers from around the world. Another night he was a "special presenter" at the Exotic Dancers Awards Show.

"The bikini party was so much fun," said Rick's Cabaret Girl Monique. "Ronnie was the emcee and things got pretty crazy--in a good way."

Rick's Cabaret Girl Holly said that "wild Ronnie" was more serious when he was a guest presenter at the Exotic Dancer Awards Show. "He took his role very seriously--announcing some key awards."

Rick's Cabaret won the prestigious "Club Chain of the Year" honors.

Ronnie commented, "The Expo is a must for anyone in the adult nightclub business. It's the greatest place to do business, make contacts and also meet so many cool people. I can't wait for next year's convention."

Ronnie and other characters from the Howard Stern Show are scheduled to appear at Rick's Cabaret New York next month for that Rick's location's 6th Year Anniversary series of parties.

http://www.exoticdancer.com/ed-nominees-1892.html

ricks.com

photos courtesy of Rick's Cabaret

Howard says goodbye to WYSP

2011-09-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

Listen here

Thanks to True Fans of Stern, dman and CK for the info.