The Hungry Steps

Tribute to our New Mo. Provincial

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 04:01:30 PDT

The Augustinian Sisters Servants of Jesus and Mary in the Philippines are very much grateful to God for giving them SR. CARMEN, a servant leader who for fifteen years have given her life in the service of the Church and in the Community here in the Philippines as a local Superior, formator, Executive Director and Delegate Superior. She is popularly called as SR. CARMEN by the Filipino sisters, MAMA CARMEN by the kids and CARMEN by some of her friends; and now being the newly elected Mo. Provincial of the Maltese Province in our congregation, she will be called "MO. CARMEN".

For fifteen years of being with us in the Philippines, Sr. Carmen has been an example of being a true servant, a mother, a teacher, a sister and a friend who inspired people of different facets of life-young and adult alike. Her welcoming attitude and spirit of friendliness have crossed the barriers of cultural differences and educational backgrounds. Her leadership role enables us to maintain and preserve our unity and love in the community where we live by heart the words of our Mo. Foundress in her last testament: "I leave you charity. This house has prospered through charity. If charity disappears, this house will disappear too".

Sr. Carmen was the one who helped us in the initiation of building up the retreat house (Mo. Teresa Spinelli House of Prayer, the orphanage (Mo. Teresa Spinelli's Treasures), the Novitiate House, the reconstruction of the Aspirancy house in Laguna and the re-opening of the convent in Iloilo. These were just few of her accomplishments while staying here in the Philippines not mentioning her other works of charity.

Now that she's elected as our new Mo. Provincial, I personally dedicate this page to her as a sign of gratitude for all the sacrifices and services she made; and to give honor, glory and praise to God for giving us an epitome of a true religious sister, who once upon a time touched my heart with so much love and respect. Sad to say, she will soon be leaving us to assume her new responsibility as a Mother Provincial hoping that she can carry it out with love, dedication and vigor for which we strongly believe she will.

Though it's hard to let Sr. Carmen go, we realize she does not only belong to us but to everybody in the Province. We will always be there to support her with all our prayers. To you my dear Reverend Mo. Carmen, I wish you all the best for yourself and for the Maltese Province. Your Reverence marked my life with honor and prestige. I thank you for everything that you have shared, for showing me the goodness and beauty of God, the importance of service and self-giving, for allowing me to grow and letting me know the primacy of loving my own vocation; for not blaming me if I committed mistakes but instead giving me chances to rise up again; for accepting me as I Am; for being there when I needed help; for giving me the best of everything; and most importantly for your trust and faith in me. I would like you to know that the child within me have appreciated so much your goodness; and that the God in me finds the God in you. I beg your pardon for everything that offends your goodness and forgive me sister for all my shortcomings as I do yours. I will surely miss your presence here with us in the community. The sisters, the kids, the helpers and all your friends will be missing you too.

Therefore, I would like to end this article by quoting the song " I thank my God each time I think of you and when I pray for you, I pray with joy." God loves you and so do I.

It's Show Time!

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:14:06 PDT

The Wonders of God has fascinated me so much that all I do was to drop my jaw, stare at Him and say nothing - I AM in AWE! Until a friend of mine bumbed my head, squeezed my hand and said, " Are you ok? By hearing this, I came to realize that I was already dreaming from a long time of sleeping.

It has been a long time that I ever used my pen. For so many times that I was just sleeping and resting. Sleeping in my own comfort zones and resting in my own conveniences. The desire to be just what I AM; relaxed and taking life easy. Oooops!!! Hello! It's show time! Time is up. Stop dreaming sister! It's time for you to go on and use your pen again.

YES! It's time to begin, continue and finish. Thanks to you my dear friend who reminded me that I have to write again. In doing so, I will nevert forget your words- to sharpen my pen all the time, to take patience and sacrifice with me in holding my pen as I let myself be held in my Father's hand. As I continue, I pray to God that He will give me courage to erase all my mistakes, to forgive and forget and to have determination to go on with life.

For You

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 06:09:42 PDT

I made this poem two years ago as my reflection when I attended a retreat after experiencing turmoil and tribulations in my spiritual journey. God shows his abundant love and mercy in everything even in creation. This is the reason why I also wanted to share them with you.

Everytime I look up the sky

All I can see are the stars shining so high

It reminds me of that eyes where

I can see light that shows the loveliness

of the heart.

Then I turned my gaze to a lovely flower

All I can see are the pretty butterfly

Savoring the sweetness and the smell of the petals

That reminds me of the milk that my mother

nourished when I was a baby!

Again, as I look up the birds in the air

All I see are their wings that fly so freely

They make the sound of music that healeth

the soul, mind and body of a broken creation.

        Seeing all these I bow my head in the muddy soil
         One creature struck my sight

A very small and pale termite sucking on the soil

This lowly termite eats in order for him

and his inheritance to survive.

Oh what's all these my Lord?

Why are you giving these things for me to see?

But the Lord answered; " My daughter, do you love me?

These things I've shown to you FOR YOU to know how much I LOVE and CARE for you.

If you could only see and understand the wonders and beauty of my love for you,

then; you will not ask me why?"

Yes my Lord, I understand,

but what did you see in me that you love me?

Tell me now so I can see....

My Child, If I let you know how much I love you,

then be with me and stay with me.

It is only then that you can see the love and beauty if you REMAIN in ME.

Disturb me, please!

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 08:11:20 PDT

In this moment of time, I felt sad in the sense that all I wanted is not to hear the message from the speaker nor from God. All I wanted is just to rest and sleep. So funny yet so bad but this is how I felt. It is as if I am still floating in the air, no directions, no intentions and no motivations at all. All I wanted is just to go to my bedroom and sleep.

Depression? Oh No! I think it is not. Tired maybe but it is a product of self-disorientation from home. I'm tired of thinking for everything. I'm tired of doing nothing. I am already lifeless..Fortunately, I remember one of my classmate before when I had a retreat workshop in Cebu and I quote "It's normal for a person to feel such as long as he/she is aware of what's going on inside him/her". The most important thing is the desire.

Yes, speaking of desire "All I need is actually God! All I need is to let God disturb me right now! I want God to intervene my own comfort, that He will slap my face so I can wake up from my sleepiness and come to focus myself only to Him. Ohh...Lord! Please disturb me in Your Presence!

Facebook Addiction Disorder

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 06:40:13 PST

As I sneaked out in the computer this morning, I read a topic "Facebook Addiction Disorder. I was so curious to read what was it all about. I discovered that people nowadays are getting addicted with facebook. There are plenty of things you can do in this social networking. Chatt with friends, share photos, videos and messages. What was most exciting is you can indulge into its online games, stories and many more. Indeed, facebook offers a lot of online programs, activities and leisures that gives pleasures to the person using it. Yes, it is helpful so as to know and keep updated to your love ones' whereabouts. However, there is a bad news! Excessive use of time on facebook is no longer healthy. It makes you become slave. It is because as I have said, anything that gives you pleasure, leads you to become an addict. You might not be aware of this but this kind of addiction kills your time little by little until yo become hooked by it. Little by little, your most valuable time will be wasted. Unknowingly, the disease of addiction becomes your own disease and your day will never be complete without it. You tend to become irritable everytime you lose your time and skip for a day without checking your facebook account. Little by little your social functioning will be affected. You even hurt yourself by sleeping too late at night because of facebook. You spend more of your time on it than your family, friends and loved ones. In short, your life will never be complete without it.
        Yes, this is the new trend of the world today. "Kailangang maging sabay sa uso" You fool! The world is dictating you to be enslaved by the things which does not give us everlasting pleasures and happiness. And if you say, what's wrong with facebook? Absolutely, I say nothing is wrong. That is if you know how to use it moderately. I am not excluding myself for this thing because I too has a facebook account. It is just a matter of responsibility and maturity of our limitations as a person. As individual and of course as religious, we have the great tendency to waste our time. Sad to say, there are plenty of them who become addicted to it. Seminarians, religious sisters, priests and brothers spend so much time on internet and on facebook. They spend their leisures in games, chatting and a lot more. Instead of helping our co-sisters and brothers who are in need, we tend to close our doors and comfortably sit in an ergonomic chair inside the air condition room playing and chatting on the internet. Where is chastity and poverty there. Common, people of God! Hear you who have ears, listen! For who and for what you are? Why are you there when many people outside needs you? I know of some seminarians and sisters who woke up early in the morning just to open the computer and continue playing the unfinished game in the night because it was already very late. Then when meditation and eucharistic celebration comes, they are there sleeping. When given a task or a responsibility to be assign somewhere or sometime of a day, obedience became a question. Why is that so? No energy! No life! Burned out? Yan kasi ubos na ubos na ang lakas sa gabi sa kapupuyat sa internet, lol!(It's because you spend so much of your time on internet). Better not to comment, though I have commented a lot already. Anong pakialam ko sa buhay ng iba? Sa akin man lang, we are gifted with a religious vocation to give life and be a life to others. Not to waste our time and spend so much on things which are not necessary. We are supposed to integrate ourselves with others and share our lives to them and be ready to be with them in times of need.
         Our life as a christian is supposedly given like Christ who died for our salvation. Not for our own selfish desires and pleasures but for the kingdom of God. Religious people dare to be different. A life of selfless giving up to the point of making it empty because it was poured out to satisfy the thirst and hunger of the person whom you love and serve. Instead of putting all energies and time on those things, it could be better if we put ourselves habitually on things which could please God. Dying from our own will is living in the light of holiness. This is what God wants us to be. That is why we wanted to become like Him...to put on the armour of light and cast the darkness away. In this regard, we become conscientious and aware of our own limitations and strength. Thus, we say that being a religious sister or brother is worth dying for.
         What is then my point of letting you know the significance of using our time wisely and living a life with transparency and credibility as a religious? Just one thing for sure, that we will not be misplaced and carried away by the standard of the world. The world now demands us to be popular, more secularized and highly technical but I hope we will not forget that we too as Christians ought to be a living sample of being simple like Jesus who is true, meek and humble. Jesus who has the strong willpower to say NO to sin. That like Him, we as religious may become more aware that the more we wanted to be like Him, the more we become available to people who are in need like Jesus who is ways available for us if we need Him. Our relationship with other people may not only contain within the four square and corners of our computers and waste our time there, but for us to go out from our comfort zone to cross the frontiers in reaching out our brothers and sisters who are in need.

Proud to be Augustinians

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:01:01 PST

The Order of St. Augustine Asia Pacific in cooperation with the Asia Pacific Augustinian Conference hosted an Asia-Pacific Regional Congress for Vocation Promoters on October 1-4, 2009 at St. Nino Center of Spirituality, Cosolacion, Cebu City. The Congress was attended by all vocation promoters from different orders and religious congregations of the Augustinian family; The Order of St. Augustine Cebu Province and Vicariate of the Orient, the Order of Augustinian Recollects, Order of Discalced Augustinians, Augustinians of the Assumption, Augustinian Sisters OSA(ASOLC), OSA(ASJM), Augustinian Recollect Sisters, Augustinian Sisters of the Divine Love, Augustinian Sisters of Little Missionary, Augustinian Contemplative Nuns in Cebu and Bohol, Augustinian delegates from Korea, Australia, and members of the International Commission of vocation promotion from Malta and Chile in the presence of Rev. Fr. Leslie Gatt , OSA and Rev. Fr. Rodrigo Coli.., OSA respectively. We were also honored to have with us our lay collaborators as partners in vocation promotion from the AVP'S (Augustinian Vocation Promoters). Also, with the special participation of two Dominican Sisters of St. Catherine of Siena, O.P. who are also following the rule of St. Augustine.
I was privileged to be sent as a delegate in the said congress as a vocation promoter of the Augustinian Sisters Servants of Jesus and Mary. I have observed and experienced the magic of belonging to a family united with a common touch of love and unity. This was an encounter that filled us with so much joy and laughter as we went out of ourselves and gave our best as vocation promoters in our respective orders and congregations. As we tried to discover and uncover the real joy and beauty of being chosen by God, our desires and beliefs have deeply penetrated solely on the love and compassion of the Beloved, the source of the Real Beauty. We firmly believe that the God of yesterday is the same as the God of today and will always be the same forever who continuously calls us from our restlessness; a God who calls us from our nothingness; a God whose beauty is so ancient, yet so new; a God who never looks on outward appearances but who sees deeply in the heart-a heart that longs for inner peace and reconciliation. Our God is a God who accepts everybody, righteous and sinner alike
The said congress helped me so much to discover the challenges of being an Augustinian religious sister. The culture of vocation today is facing a lot of struggles and crisis that we as laborers of the vineyard must pray and work that the God of the harvest may send laborers for the harvest. The economic situation of the country and in the family, materialism, consumerism and secularism enter and affect the lives of many even religious communities. Sad to say, religious are being succumbed to the so-called progressive secularization. We are forgetting our goal? This keeps on bothering me after listening to the series of talks that our resource speakers have shared with us throughout the congress. The Augustinian families were bombarded with a lot of inspirations and challenges that there is a need for us to wake up to the call. Being one in heart and mind, we have to consider the culture of vocation today in order to reach out the young generations who are the hope of tomorrow's leaders in the Church. As Augustinian vocation promoters, we have to sow the seed of vocations in the mind and heart of the young people,be an example and live faithfully our lifeas religious. Vocation Promotion is not only a duty of those designated as vocation promoters but of all of us who are living a life of service and sacrifice. By our example and way of living, we become true witnesses of the Gospel, faithful to our commitment and joyful in our self-offering. It is a challenge for us to speak the language and culture of the youth in order to understand and reach out to them, enter into their lives and speak words of truth that is easy for them to return to themselves, return to their heart and return to God.
Again and again, as Augustinians, it is always our desire and aspiration to live in the so called "school of life", which we popularly call it community. Yes,as Augustinians, there is something that draws us together. Augustinians don't have any particular area of concern for specialization in terms of charitable works but wherever the needs are, there the Augustinians are. We are the restless people who are continuously searching and seeking for the presence of God in the lives of people and the presence of the same God within our hearts. These make me proud of being an Augustinian, a woman who is always on the go to serve with a humble and happy heart until I find rest in the heart of God.

The Renewal of Promises

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:09:37 PDT

Today, September 23, 2009 is a new page of life for all of us as we celebrate the 182^nd foundation anniversary of our congregation as founded by our foundress- Mo. Teresa Spinelli in Frosinone, Italy. We the professed sisters-both simple and solemn professed have renewed our commitment to God and promised to live again the evangelical vows of chastity, poverty and obedience as an Augustinian Sisters Servants of Jesus and Mary. Personally, it is a renewal of hope, faith and love to serve God and the church. It is a renewal to share in His passion, death and resurrection. It is again a renewal to live as a servant, as a friend, as a sister, as a follower, as a lover and as a child of God.

Indeed, I felt happy and consoled reflecting the faithfulness of God in my life though sometimes I falter. God loves me so much that everything and all that is in me belongs to Him. I don’t have anything of my own, my talents, my abilities, my loved ones, my all are of Him. There’s no reason to greed, to hide and to hoard. I can’t live without Him because I am nothing without Christ in my life. All for the glory of God!

I remember three years ago where I proclaim my promise of offering myself to Him during my First religious profession a day before our foundation. Today, everything is all by grace as I consecrate myself again to Him. My decisions and my choices were not happen by chance but according to His will and plan for my life. I believe that God has a purpose for my life. I may not be able to see it now but it will be revealed soon in His time. God’s marvelous love for me cannot be paid by anything. Even if I have to pay it with love and service, still these cannot surmount His goodness to me. His love for us even causes His life to die on the cross for our sake. According to the Book of Psalm (v: 16). How can I repay the lord for His goodness to Me?. The Cup of salvation I will raise. And I will call upon the Lord?. As I continue, my vows to the lord I will fulfill before all His people. I am your servant Lord. I live my vows only to love and to serve. I will offer to you a sacrifice of praise and of prayer. Today, into your hands I commit again.

Intimacy with God

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:07:29 PDT

( The Article that I’ve written below is based on the reflections and questions posted to us prior to the General Chapter of our Congregation)

Man was created to share continually in God’s life. That is why it is important for us to widen our conscious awareness for the love of God so that we may share the fullness of Christ life. God has given us many gifts and its up to us to use these gifts in order to give praise and glory to His name. Our vocation as a gift creates a deep relationship of friendship bounded with a profound love of prayer and sacrifice. This implies that as a consecrated person, it is especially necessary to deepen our intimacy with Christ by living the Word of God, giving importance to our spiritual life and by being one with father, giving honor to the Son and by following the direction of the Holy Spirit. In other words, by not losing sight of the most Holy Trinity”.

In my everyday life as a religious, I could say that it is also important to deepen my intimacy with Christ in order for me to be one with God and see Him in the face of the people whom I serve. In this way, I have to find ways and means to contemplate His Word, giving life unto it and by allowing myself to be absorbed in the bosom of His loving heart. That by being like Christ, I may see the face of God in my sisters in the community as well as in the eyes of the children and youth whom I serve. By constant seeking and longing of Him help me realize that I am but nothing in front of His Kingdom; that I am poor, weak and fragile. It is only then because of His love and mercy that He has given me enough strength and grace to carry out His will in my everyday life. So to say, that the more I deepen my intimacy with Him, the more I become poor, the more I long for Him and that is all because I am nothing without Christ in my Life. With Mary as my mother and model in obedience, I constantly ask her guidance and love to protect me from all the dangers, to provide me with all the comforts that Her Son Jesus Christ provides.

Prayer is man’s highest fulfillment. It is an expansion of our consciousness into an ever-growing awareness that God and we form a union in love. Everyday is but an honor for me to be united with God and aware of His loving presence in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

Jesus is only asking an hour from me to watch Him in the Blessed Sacrament and it is good that in our community we are given enough time to worship Him in a given schedule. It’s not difficult for me to find time as it is already an opportunity and a gift that we are privilege as a community to have such a daily exposition and adoration. It is by this time that our love and fraternal unity are constantly maintained and augmented by our daily prayer. Sometimes I need to find my own time just to be with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, just to be with Him in the silence of my heart and enjoy the moment in His presence. Despite of the hectic schedule, studies and assignments; still God is faithful; so that is why there is a need for me to find enough time to be with Him in the Blessed Sacrament.
Going back to the community of Jesus, the first Jerusalem community, they are a group of people who have different background, different way of life, tax collectors and sinners they are; yet they become one because of their desire to follow the Lord. To follow Jesus who is the living bread. By recognizing Jesus in the breaking of the bread, their bonding were strengthen which lead them to become more and more aware of their special friendships with Jesus. Thus, they become one in proclaiming their faith. Sometimes we are also like the community of Jesus, we are a group of people with different types of personalities. Yet we only have one aim and purpose. That purpose is simply to serve and love the Lord.

According to our constitution no. 104, “Prayer in common stands for unity of hearts, a consequence of mutual love, where many are the same as one, because he in whom we have our being is one person. For this reason our communities are visibly “one” when we gather to pray in the chapel, where the presence of the Eucharist gives expression and meaning to the main ministry of our religious family, that of being visibly united in love. Meaning, it is simply through community prayer and in the celebration of the mass where we can find strength to create “unity and mutual love with each other as sisters in the community despite of our diversity.

Our Mo. Foundress nourished herself from contemplating the ineffable mystery above all from the passion of Christ. It cannot be denied that Mo. Foundress’ life is full of suffering and difficulties yet despite of, she was able to endure all of these because of her inmost desire to share the passion of Christ. It is very much evident after she founded our congregation which she carried it out in our charism that as an Augustinian Sister Servant of Jesus and Mary, essentially is to become one with the Crucifed Christ, the servant of God, who became man for us and has come to serve and to give his life to redeem many. This requires self-sacrifice and subjection to the will of the Father (Const. no.24). That is why in answering the question, how do I live the difficult moments of my life? My answer will just be very simple. It is simply by living like Christ. Christ life here on earth entails a lot of suffering but in His suffering He remains poor and humble. I too have been a lot of difficult moments in life and there are times when I almost wanted to give up. But Christ showed me the best example in living those times. He showed me to feel my inmost poverty. I have realized that God is there to comfort me. I only find strength upon meditating His passion, death and resurrection. Somehow the victory of the cross gives me consolation that everything will just pass away. That everything has a purpose, believing that there is always a rainbow after the storm. That like what St. Paul says “I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me. Being a junior professed sister, the only thing that I can be is to live my vows to the fullest. That is by being so poor and humble in front of Christ, wherein believing only upon His loving grace and mercy. By obeying and listening upon what the Spirit leads me and of course following the guidance and advices from the superiors and those in authority. Also, by remaining on the love of Christ, by being faithful and chaste as her bride. Most of all, by having a strong personal prayer which is the only weapon for me to persevere and become strong.

There are also moments in life that I need to deny myself, to be stripped off totally and even to forget my own desires for the sake of the kingdom of God. This is what the Lord is asking me, to offer my suffering for the sake of the church, for the sake of my community, of my family and of others who are in need.. Yes, it is so painful and sometimes suffocating but when I offered and lift these up to God, I believe that everything will become smooth and easy. I may not be able to experience it now but with greater hope someday I may savor the sweetness of His glory. Thanks to Him who is so merciful and loving. Praise be the name of the Lord!

Our Constitution speaks of monthly retreat and of continuous conversion thru the examination of conscience. Yes, in order to become more deeply immersed in the mystery of the Triune God and in the dynamism of His action, it is but necessary to value, to profit or appreciate the monthly retreat and profit the time given by the community for meditation and other spiritual exercises. It is by this time where we can gain spiritual inputs from the speakers which help us grow more in the knowledge of God. It is also by this time of monthly retreat where I can examine myself, my failures, doubts and can ask God’s pardon and mercy through the sacrament of reconciliation. Through the continuous meditations and reflections, I also find my greatest struggle of becoming silent before God’s silent love. And only in the silent love of God where I find peace and security within. Just like what St. Augustine exhorts us : “Enter into Yourself: it is in the interior where Truth is found. It is then in my silence where I hear God’s voice through faith and that the Holy Spirit reveals the light of God’s inner love. The Holy Spirit then gives me an interior ears to comprehend what God’s silence is saying.

Aside from attending the community prayer and the celebration of the mass, I have really appreciated the sharing in the community as a form of communion because of various reasons. First, in the sharing of the Word of God and in Lectio Divina. In every religious community, this is the most important wherein each one is encourage to share what has been transpired through her from God. Each one then is encourage to share. Through this, I would say that with God’s guidance and inspiration, we become united to share our own life’s experiences with the members in the community, accepting each others thoughts and feelings and even sharing the most confidential part of one’s life. This is what we call sharing of one’s life in accordance with the Word of God. Second, in the context of the sharing of goods. This is where we are given privilege to know the importance of being sensible as to the needs of others and of course by being grateful to the Giver and to the persons who are in authority. In the sharing of goods and in sharing a meal with one another, these can also help us tighten our relationships with one another and that help us to be one with God as Christ is one with us. In this kind of sharing, we can then recognize that Christ is present with us in our community and as one family we may be able to glorify him as the source of all things.

As of now, I need to find time and commitment to give my ample time in contributing for the oneness in the community particularly in the sharing. Sometimes, by just giving a simple gesture that I’m okey, or just a smile is already a big deal for me in order to lift up the mood of the other. By being sensitive to the needs of the others and by going out from my comfort zone and go for an extra mile just to be one with the others who are in need.

Sa Pagsilang ng Aking Pagkatao

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:27:49 PDT

Sa aking paglalakbay, marami ng pagkakatao't ako'y nalumbay, nabighani at napahalustay. Ito'y sa dahilang marami din ang mga bagay bagay na di ko inaasahang ako'y mapahandusay. Sa tuktok ng bundok at sa lawak ng ilog. May isang ibon na doo'y kumakatok. Tinangay niya ang nag-iisa kong palayok. Dinala sa malayo at doo'y naglalayok. Aking nilapitan at nagbabakasakaling makamtan. Ang akala ko'y malapit ngunit ito pala'y abot hanggang sa dulo ng langit.

Ngunit sa tulong ng Abang ako'y napalapit, sa naglalayok na apo'y aking nasapit. Ang apoy na ito'y nagbibigay ilaw. Sa mga landas ko't uhaw na yapak. Nakita ang ganda't ginto ng buhay, na puno ng saya't walang halintulad. Nagkulay ang buhay, nagbunga ang liwanag. At muling isinilang ang aking pagkatao't puno ng liwanag.

Sa pagsilang na ito'y aking idinalangin. Sa poong maykapal sana'y patawarin. Sa lahat ng pagkukulang at di pagbibigay pansin. Sa kagandahan ng buhay at kadakilaang dulot sa akin. Sa isang iglap lang, ang Poon ay sumagot " Kumatok ka lamang at ako'y lalapit. Ako ang Poon na sayo'y nagmamahal ng higpit. Sanggol ka pa lamang sa aki'y ika'y kaakit akit."

Sa pagkakarinig ko sa mga salitang ito. Di ko maintinidihan ang nilalaman ng aking puso. Gusto kong lumundag sa tuwa pero di ko nagawa, di ko pala namalayan tumulo na ang aking mga luha. " O poon ko, salamat sa Iyo! Ako'y inakay mo mula sa aking pagkabigo. Ibinagon mo't, binigyan ng simbolo. Ipinagbunyi Mo pa at inangkin ng buong puso.

Salamat sa Iyo at natagpuan ko. Ang buhay na wagas at puno ng pagbabago. Sa pagmamahal Mo at mga pagapapayo. Ako'y naging AKO at ito'y dahil sa'Yo. Sa aking pagsilang, dadalhin ko at babaunin ko lamang, ang Iyong pagmamahal na ngayon ko lamang nakamtan. Tapat at tunay at wala ng kailangan, sapat ng buhay na puno ng kaganapan. O Panginoon Kong mahal. Ikaw ngayon, kahapon at bukas. Tinawag Mo ako at ako'y tumugon. Itinuring na anak at ako'y nagagalak.

Ang buhay ko'y nagkulay at puno ng ligaya. Dahil ako'y minahal Mo at binigyan ng pag-asa. Sa kabila ng lahat ng aking kahinaan. Ako'y iyong tinuruan at pinangaralan. Paano kita mapapasalamatan. Panginoong Banal sana ako'y iyong maiintindihan. Ako po'y maliit lang at walang kakayahan. Makapagbibigay ng dangal sa buong sambayanan. Ngunit ang iyong pagmamahal at kadakilaan. Umiilaw sa buhay ko at nagbigay ng daan. Upang ako'y mamulat sa katotohanan. Na ako'y hinirang Mo at pinangakoang bigyan ng buhay na walang hanggan.

Salamat O Diyos Ko, Salamat uli sa'yo. Sa lahat sa mga bagay, panahon at tao. Salamat sa pagbibigay Mo ng tiwala at katapatan dito sa aking puso. Kaya ako'y nangangakong gawin ko ang lahat. Hamakin ang lahat masunod ka lamang. Tulutan Mong ako'y humirang. Gawin ang bagay mapasaya ka lamang.

Ngunit sa buhay na ito, hindi lahat ay puro kasiyahan. Ang akala ko ako ay nagwagi na, ngunit ito pala ay kulang. Ang natutunan ko ay isang kusing lamang. Sa pag-ibig nd Diyos ako'y mayabang naman. Ang sabi Niya "Anak dahan dahan lang. Ang buhay na ito ay hindi paspasan. Manahan Ka at tapat ka lamang. Tawagin Mo Ako ika'y handang tulungan. Ako ang Panginoon mo at Diyos, tagapagligtas Mo at tagatubos. Huwag mong bitawan ang maganda mong kalooban dahil ika'y minamahal Kong lubusan."

Alam ko po na ako'y mahal na mahal mong tunay. Panginoon Ko at Poong maykapal. Ngunit ako po'y nagugulumihanan. Kung bakit habang ako'y papalapit sa'yo, tukso naman ay hindi maiwasan.

Being in Love...

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:48:46 PDT

You have to be consumed. You have to be absorbed and to be used. Foolishness as they say! Yet, this is the truth. A person needs to be broken down into pieces so that others may taste and see the sweetness of His love. It's not easy. However, once we feel and experience it, it keeps us going and sometimes makes us become obsessive of thinking how we can make our lover happy. Sometimes it compulsively leads us to offer our very self for the good of our loved ones. But what is it to be truly in love?

Meditating upon the love of God in my life made me think that being in love entails a lot of giving and letting go. I know for sure that I have to put on the armour of fidelity in the eyes of my Beloved, to express myself freely without reserves, to look and not just to gaze. It is not a smack but a kiss. Not just to touch but to embrace. Moreso, it is to be fully nude in front of the Beloved. To give our all and everything to Him. It is giving to the point of making ourselves naked. Nakedness in the sense of self-emptying. Nothing to hide and nothing to fear. To the point of dying so that others may live.

To be in love is more than that especially if the one we love is the one who gives us life. There's no reason for us to be selfish but to respond from a call to love Him in return. Loving God means loving my neighbor. It was just like quoting from an author in one of the reflections I've read: When a child ask Jesus "How much do you love me", Jesus answered, "I love this much", then He stretched out His hands and died for us. This is it, no more explanation. This is what true love means. By giving oneself even up to the point of dying.

The cross of Jesus is the most and best illustration of what does it means to be in love. Jesus is in love with us and His love is not just ordinary. It is a tremendous love that pierces to the heart. No wonder Jesus is written of as "Tremendous Lover".

Crazy Reflections

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 19:59:13 PDT

A popular saying " work without play makes a child dull" is the same as with if a person is too serious, it makes him grow old and die early, lol! To break the busyness and hectic schedules I have at present, I am forced to reflect on something unusual that drives me to think crazy. I have realized that sometimes we are not in control of our minds. With what and where it goes, lol! Various thoughts and ideas make me open my eyes and see the wonders of truth above and below me.

These realities moved me to try pondering something funny and crazy। After writing about a disease concept of addiction in my previous entries, I have come up with an idea of my own addictions. Do I also have addiction? Crazy thing, right? I began tracing up my family tree to discover the kind of addiction that runs through us. Amazingly and shamefully, I have realized and discovered that indeed addiction is present in the family line. The majority were workaholic. Even my siblings. Not to mention my lola on the father’s side had a compulsive behavior to pray always. My mother and my lola were tobacco users. I had an alcoholic sister and am afraid my only brother would lead to that if he continues.

Upon knowing all these, what is my addiction then? Well, only one thing flashes my mind and I am guilty of it। You might laugh at me after knowing it but I confess I am! Yet, I am still proud to say and admit it। I think and feel that I cannot live without my addiction. I'm already enslaved and hooked by it. Oh, it's not only genetic, primary, progressive, chronic and fatal but all of them. I have to do everything to sustain this disease of mine. I have to conquer various trials, difficulties and sufferings in life to maintain it. I am nothing without my addictions. If there are circumstances when this addiction is not present with me in a day or even in a minute, I feel so empty, alone and feeling devastated. I can say that "I am powerless and helpless”. Yes I am an addict! I am an addict of.......and with ........GOD! Now, you understand why I became a religious sister. My addiction is already part of my life. And so, I am now facing the consequences of being an addict to God. Rejection from the world, friends and loved ones because they cannot understand why I chose this. God is my choice! I cannot imagine myself living without Him and without receiving Him everyday in Holy Communion. He is my life, my all and my desire in life. As St. Augustine exhorts us " my heart is restless until if finds rest in Him". All I have to prepare as for now is the consequences of this addiction: Fullness of life and everlasting happiness of eternal life.

There's no need for me to go for rehabilitation। I am contented with this life and with my addiction। I am convinced that being an addict to God is not curable nor treatable. Yet, it is transferable. I hope! It is a contagious disease of love and sacrifice. Join me and be one...an addict!!!

Addiction is a Disease

noreply@blogger.com (sryhong) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:44:19 PDT

The concept of addiction for me personally is no longer new as a disease but after listening from the testimonies of the residents in one of the "Drug Rehabilitation in Tagaytay" where presently I was doing my Clinical practicum in psychology, somehow helped me understand deeply the disease concept of addiction.

In the center, I have discovered that addiction is not just a vice nor just a result from any experiences or problems that an individual went through, but this is a disease that cannot be cured. Yes, it is somehow a result of a triggering experience, but it is a disease that can only be treated. Like diabetes, it is a disease that can only be treated with proper medication but cannot be cured. Yes, it can be treated but it doesn't mean that you are already free from it, precautions is still necessary because the disease is already part of your system. In the case of addiction, an addict cannot say he is already free because he's already clean and sober. Self-awareness is still necessary, he has to observed certain precautionary measures because anywhere and anytime it recurs. Once a person relapses, he certainly suffers for the rest of his life. I have also learned that the disease concept of addiction has five phases. It is indeed a disease because it is transmitted from one generation to the other. The others phases aside from Genetics are primary, progressive, chronic and fatal.

Most of the residents in the center can relate themselves in the Genetic phase. By tracing in their family tree, they have found out that most of their forefathers, grandparents, if not their parents, relatives and their siblings have different forms of addictions. Drugs, nicotine, alcohol, gambling and even sex relationships as well were just but example of addictions. So it is not a doubt that they too have acquired it. Because they were not aware of it from the beginning, their addiction sparked when a triggering phenomena such as problems, pressures, difficulties and anxieties in life occurred. According to them their disease of addiction have already been present in the genes. The second phase is Primary. Most of them have classified themselves in the primary phase because their addiction started from peer pressures. It was also a result of curiosity. It leads them to do the same thing again until it became a habit. Much worst was when they became hooked and enslaved by it. The third phase is Progressive. In the beginning, it was only a try, an experiment and a shot until it became constant. Thus, it progresses. It started with a peso, until it turns to thousands of pesos. Small thing getting worst little by little until it turns into something big and unmanageable. The fourth phase is chronic. It is a phase where an addict suffered so much. He even face the consequences of his actions. Actions like robbery, stealing, etc...just to get something for their sustenance. The last phase is fatal. There are only three places that an addict can go in this phase. First, in prison. Second, in mental hospital and lastly, six feet below the ground. No further explanation.

However, knowing all these things, makes me more grateful to God realizing that His faithfulness never fades. In fact, upon listening the testimonies of these recovering addict in the center inspired me so much to be passionate enough in this mission. That God after all has a purpose for all of us. He allowed these things to happen to these group of people because He has a wonderful plan in their lives. He is not after of our past but of who will become of us in the future. I was so touched with the sharing of a resident in the center. His addiction brought him for rehabilitation in the center and it is only in the center where he discovered his Higher Power. He now realized that God has a purpose in his life. Before, he was spiritually bankrupt. However, during his process of recovery in the center helps him to discover and know the presence of God in his life. He said "The most beautiful thing was that the love and trust of my family and loved ones little by little is coming back to me". Then he smiled. It was a smile of a prodigal son embracing the love and compassion of the merciful Father. This scenario moved me personally to honor and worship God more deeply realizing that God is always there waiting for us to return anytime from our broken world within. God's faithfulness never fails even if sometimes we falter. His hand and his light will never bring us to a nightmare of sorrow but to a welcoming paradise of grace and happiness. To God be the glory!