the I H8 Review

Top 8 XMAS Songs

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:43:00 -0600

8.) Dominick the Christmas Donkey

I just like the video these guys made. The song is actually originally made in Italian and probably makes sense. But Americans can make beautiful things too!! This is proof-positive.

7.) What if Jesus Comes Back Like That

All I can say is, wow. If Jesus comes back like that I may become a Christian. Perhaps this is the key to keeping Christianity alive, change Jesus's image from a lovable cereal-box character to a bad-ass, conservative cowboy.

6.) The Night Santa Went Crazy - Weird Al Yankovich

Weird Al is a crazy mother fucker. This song proves it. Tied up elves being set on fire, tattooed Jesus of a Santa. Beautiful. I remember listening to this song as a kid on my walkman portable CD player (orange with matching orange accented headphones - the big kind.) Memories!!

5.) The Christmas Coming Out Song

This is just....wow. I definitely don't think they put much thought into this, but I would burn this on any CD with XMAS music I make. Because it's fucking hilarious. Clever? Na.

4.) the 12 Farts of Christmas

A good one for the kiddos, you know, in us all. Who doesn't love listening to fart versions of their favorite XMAS songs?

3.) Christmas in Hollywood - Hollywood Undead

I've got only two words for you, "let's fuck." The beat is groovy and nobody loves screaming white dudes more than us. Usually we are stabbing a bitch while they scream, but "oh my God is that Saint Nick?" Someone saying Fuck Yea to XMAS is great. I love, love, love this song.

2.) Fairytale of New York - The Pogues - lyrics

The part when the duet with Kirsty MacColl kicks in, this song establishes it as a classic one for my XMAS celebrations. Not to mention that I miss New York and everything in it. This song makes it worse, but in a good way. I know a few people who may not agree with me, but this song is the fuckin' tits. Check out the lyrics, this guy knew what's up. Sad story though.

1.) I Hate Christmas - Ren and Stimpy

Another childhood classic. Also, this song is a bluesy, moving tribute to H8ing XMAS. This is the only site that can appreciate the intrinsic beauty of pure and unadulterated passion from cartoon cats and dogs. Ren and Stimpy, please come back to us. The world needs you strange wisdom and sensibility, without it I feared we are all doomed. I fucking hate XMAS.

Trailer 2 for Alice in Wonderland

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:57:00 -0600

DJ Steve Porter featuring Vince Offer - "Slap Chop Rap"

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:05:00 -0600

Saw this commercial on VH1 last night, hilarious. I was so stoned when I saw this, so maybe it was just great because of that, but I have a feeling that this is a classic Commercial remix. Especially given that that guy got sent to jail awhile back. I loved it so much!! Especially the part about his nuts. TV version is shorter and a little different. Either way, you're gonna' love his nuts.

Hopefully the prostitute will let his tongue go next time....

I H8 Healthcare Reform Bill 1 updated

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:30:00 -0600

There's a feeling I get sometimes, when the floor drops from underneath me and my stomach jumps up into my throat. My legs get all shaky and I get really concerned. My heart usually stops beating for a few seconds. That's how I felt after reading this article about the future of our healthcare.

Click here for YouTube video

My God, Lieberman you are a moron!! I was an ardent supporter of healthcare reform before all the government option and Medicare support was removed. All that was left was this watered-down, hunk of nothing. Obama is seriously hailing this as the best thing since SOCIAL SECURITY. What exactly justifies him making this statement?

Come on everybody!! Lets kill this fucking bill. Shoot it in the face, then pour gasoline on it and light it on fire. Lieberman is a huge supporter of the health insurance industry, his endorsement of the bill is their endorsement. Basically--those bitches got everything they wanted. No government option for competition, no real effect to the Medicare program, and worst of all they are now forcing each and every American to own health insurance.

I hate to be inflationary, but you all realize why there are all these TEA parties cropping up everywhere. The government is effectively taxing you to be alive. They are taxing you to exist. The Colonial Americans had a fucking revolution when the British taxed their tea. Now we are being taxed for being healthy and everyone just sits back and fucking accepts this.

I am (haha, obviously sarcastically) out of words. WTF,OMFG,ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!

Boooooo.

I'm not laughing anymore. It's happening people. They are going to pass this healthcare legislation soon. We are all fucked and fucked. Basically, Obama is concerned only with families, businesses and the government. He does not give a shit about you or I as an individual. In fact, he is going to make sure that we are exploited at the benefit of these other people.

So, this is the beginning of the socialization process. Either get married or fucking suffer. I hope I don't get sick any time soon. I wonder what, if anything, this is going to do to my legal status. Perhaps I will be considered a criminal because I am not carrying my life tax. This is crazy, crazy, crazy.

Guess what we gave up, passing this legislation as soon as Christmas?

Soon we will probably have the following happen in our healthcare overhaul:

"leave in place the insurance industry's exemption from antitrust laws"

" increase restrictions on abortion coverage in a new insurance marketplace the bill would establish."

Also - - these are the things that we have lost over the negotiation process:

-expanded Medicare and Medicaid

-no public insurance option

-no requirement for large companies to provide insurance

-no Medicare age increase

This is what is going to be effected, basically:
   -force most Americans to buy insurance
   -slow the rate of healthcare spending
   -slightly reform insurance practices to be more consumer-friendly
   -government will establish an "exchange" to show you how to shop for insurance
   -subsidies to help low-income families (family of four who make up to $88,000 a year)

The whole thing is being subsidized by cuts to Medicare payments. This will lead to more recipients of Medicare, yet less money for their healthcare. Is any of this really looking like the greatest reform since Social Security? Not really.

It seems that Obama just wants to be re-elected and realizes he has to do something big that he actually promised to do. He said, in his statement recently about passing healthcare reform, "I told my former colleagues today ... that we simply cannot allow differences over individual elements of this plan to prevent us from meeting our responsibility to solve a long-standing and urgent problem for the American people."

That's all good and well, Mr. President, but how does any of this solve the problems of the American people? All I see as is a (as Bill Maher called it) big, fat, sloppy blow-job to the insurance industry. They got everything they could have possibly asked for, and more, in this bill.

It is sad how quickly good people can sell out in our vast wasteland of unpolitical and unethical United States of America.

Get ready for more debt, more senseless death, and low, low, low public ratings. Glad I am not you, Big O.

the World Just Got Better: Oral Roberts dead at 91

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:03:00 -0600

Hallejuah, praise the Lord!! The tent revival community got a little smaller today.

Oral Roberts, who is notable for his televangelist fame and (according to his Wikipedia page) "made a name for himself with a large mobile tent "that sat 3,000 on metal folding chairs" where "he shouted at petitioners who did not respond to his healing. (Originally quoted from a TIME magazine article)" died today. :(

Well--I guess maybe once you kill the queen bee the rest of the hive will disperse and eventually die? I am not sure it works that way though...Boo.

Anyways, on a happier note, Lebron James has found an efficient way to work, play and refresh himself all at once, by stealing a fan's fries.

J. B. Poersch, The Biggest Asshole in the Whole World

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 15:44:00 -0600

(man shown is actual size; XXL)

Poersch (you fat bastard) - -

DID YOU NOT GET MY LAST THREE EMAILS!!!!

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, GOD DAMNITT!!!! I WANT NO MORE DNC SPAM, EWW!!

I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! I WILL FOREVER-MORE ASSOCIATE THE NAME JB POERSCH WITH SPAM MAIL. I AM NEVER MAKING A CONTRIBUTION TO ANYTHING RELATED TO THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY AGAIN BECAUSE OF ASSHOLES LIKE YOU.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP FUCKING SENDING ME THIS FUCKING EMAILS OR I WILL SET MYSELF AFLAME!!

YOU JUST MADE A REPUBLICAN OUT OF ME SIMPLY FOR RETALIATORY PURPOSES. AGH!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Love--

Bryan Perryman

----- Original Message -----

From: J.B. Poersch

To:

Sent: Monday, December 14, 2009 3:02 PM

Subject: Let's chat

Dear BRYAN,

2010 will be a brawl. Republican attacks are ramping up. Tea parties have riled up their ultraconservative base. We know just how nasty it's going to get.

All this right-wing passion will be working against us. But a more powerful thing is working in our favor: You.

I wanted to take a moment to thank you for standing with the DSCC. Each and every grassroots supporter makes us stronger - and it's strength we'll need to battle the GOP machine.

But sheer numbers aren't enough, and that's why I'd like you to take part in a special online chat Wednesday at 3 p.m. We need every Democrat to be knowledgeable, engaged and prepared.

Click here to RSVP for the chat.

Going forward, we must hold onto a minimum of 60 seats to stop Republican obstruction. That means fighting for every open seat and helping our incumbents defeat their challengers. I know you have questions about the map, the races, our strategy and our hopes for 2010. Let me answer them during this special online chat.

I want to hear from you, because our success depends on your help. Thanks again for all of your hard work on behalf of change.

J.B. Poersch

P.S.: Don't forget about the online chat Wednesday at 3 p.m. See you then.

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:37:00 -0600

Just got a chance to watch this Werner Herzog remake of Bad Lieutenant, these are my thoughts:

Oh my goodness, what a bad ass flick! Nicolas Cage brings out the crazy in this drug-adled, post-Katrina New Orleans inspired, star-studded film.

The movie features Val Kilmer, Xzibit, and Cage, who is a heroin-loving cop. The movie just follows him through his duties as a homicide Detective, which prove hallucinatory and perverse. At one point he shakes down a couple coming out of a club for some smack, then fucks the chick.

I haven't seen a movie so utterly depressed, yet still so zen-like. The beginning finishs the end, into a complete circle, which is an indication of good writing and a cleverly executed idea.

Choosing New Orleans as a background for Cage's hilariously dark antics is brilliant, as it acts like a stage for a host of vivid characters that literally pop from the screen. I haven't seen a movie recently that I enjoyed watching, as much as this.

At some points I was thinking, holy shit that's so and so and so and so. Casting director did a superb job. Each moment on the screen really brings out the essence of what post-Katrina New Orleans must have been like. It was a run-down city, full of crime and ripe for the picking of criminals and drug dealers. This is the main focus of the plot.

There are some moments when you think, hmm, perhaps the camera man just discovered the camera. Especially the shots involving animals, they will leave you thinking, what the fuck?? But think of it this way, the director wanted to not only tell the story of this crazy mother fuckin' cop, he also wanted to tell the story of what Katrina did to New Orleans. It was a huge natural disaster that disrupted so many American citizen's way of life.

Certainly, these ideas are secondary to the theme of the movie. I think you'll enjoy it, just don't take it too seriously. I definitely felt the director channeling a little Hunter S. Thompson action. In fact, you'll see similarities between Depp's character in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Nicolas Cage's character in this gem. (Terence.)

Val Kilmer has a bit part, but it is up to his usual, odd-role standard. I liked him, especially his hair. But I always like his hair.

Also, Eva Mendes actually plays a fairly serious role and I was quite impressed. I thought she was hil-arious in Stuck on You. Jennifer Coolidge also makes a guest appearance, which leads me to believe that she must be good friends with Mendes (see Night at the Roxbury)

Well--just one more thing that I really love to H8, a Nicolas Cage movie....

I H8 Movie Embargos

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 22:35:00 -0600

I'm drunk and completely out of the loop on Avatar. But I've recently heard about something called movie review embargos. Basically, the movie industry asks that the reviewers hold off on reviews until the movie has been released.

But, I think I may have an issue with this policy. First of all, why should movie reviewers be catering to the desires of the industry? I think I had more journalistic integrity in the high school newspaper and I was the Sport's Editor.

Why am I being such a dick? Well--because if someone on FOX news had heard something about Obama's new healthcare plan, it'd be up as soon as possible. But not movie reviews. Damn, I honestly proved no point in this paragraph.

Here's the deal, if you know something you should let the world know. Because someone is interested and that someone is me.

Fuck those corporate whores that want to buy your praise, be who you are and express what you feel. Then we can listen to what you really have to say. Because people value an honest opinion over what will sell the most.

Imagine if the Ewoks would have become as big a deal as we all think they should've been. I don't want to give anything away, but we could have real-life fucking Ewoks. Fuzzy, self-aware creatures that purr when they like you.

*** this is fucking sweet!!***

Obama's H8-mail

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:32:00 -0600

This is a letter my good friend (and future contributor) Roberto Escamillo wrote to President Obama about the newest smoking regulations:

Obama - - What the heck are you doing to me man? Let me explain my situation and why you taking away my Tobacci has caused me to have such a terrible life. Pres, one day I was going to work. I worked with mentally disturbed individuals in the stock-yards of an Odessa, TX metal recycling plant. Well, every morning I wake up and get my pack of Djarum Blacks, I'm sure you've smoked them before. I can't imagine a guy as classy as yourselves not having indulged in the rich creamy tastes of a fiberglass infused clove cigarette, wrapped in delicious black paper. Every little puff brought me a little further away from my terrible duties at the scrap mill. Anyways, one morning I drove up to get me my smokes and the lady behind the counter told me that President Obama no longer lets me smoke cloves!! They didn't even have one flavored cigarette in the damn store. I decided that I needed to check for myself, so I jumped behind the counter (wrastled with the clerkess for a bit) them hopped back over, empty handed and sad-faced. So, you disgraceful man! I'd like to you know that because of that I was late to work. When I got there my boss told me I had been taking far too many cigarette breaks and that if I did not stop smoking immediately he would fire me. Fire me for smoke at a scrap mill!!! So you know what I did? I spit some chewing tobacci in his face and headed off to wal-mart to see if they had any type of clove to satisfy my craving. Well, when I got there I realized that because I quit I didn't have enough money to get pampers for my son, so I went ahead and just borrowed a few pairs. I'm saving up money to pay your fine for not carrying healthcare, sir, which is irony, huh? Anyways, I got caught stealin' them baby briches and the damn pigs took me to the cop station and put me in jail. For stealin' baby britches!! Long story short, Pres, I missed out on my baby boy's future because you stopped selling my ciggys. How do you plan to compensate me?

P.S.
I have attached a photo of myself for future reference

Roberto

I H8 Peter Fucking Jackson and your Digg Dialogg Interview

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:43:00 -0600

Just watched the Digg Dialogg interview with Peter Jackson. I always kind of liked the guy, not knowing much about him. But, if you watched his Digg interview, you may have been just about as disappointed as myself.

Basically, Digg users were able to vote on questions that Peter Jackson was then asked (on camera) by some dude you probably don't know. The very first question was how he felt about movie piracy. First of all, what a lame question. I'll admit, I think I dugg the question also (hehe) because the pool of good questions was slim, but his answer was quite a lame one. It just shows how much he really loves money. He basically said that since they steal our money from what we make, they will kill film. The equivalent of a toddler screaming at everyone because no one wants to play his way, so he's just gonna' go sit in his room and cry about how mean the evil film pirates can be.

He seemed pretty ambivalent, though, about the death of film. Which is how I'd expect Peter Jackson to be. But come on, film piracy will lead to the death of film? People are going to make movies whether they profit off of them or not. Maybe they just won't be the movies that you like. But, you know, if someone really loves something enough it doesn't matter how much you bank. Mr. Jackson, if you only realized that you are raping your own fans, sir.

There were a few other lame-ass questions, however one was quite interesting and made me think of Peter Jackson as a whole new breed of lame. They asked if District 9 (a flick he produced) made him think differently about how much money it takes to make a film now.

Honestly--I was tuning this guy out at this time, but I think his answer was something like, "blah blah blah, yeah it surely did, I guess I can make crappy movies with less money, I'm sure that's what will happen with Lovely Bones." Perhaps I misquoted him, but either way, wow. So you hate movie pirating (which had a hand in the success of such films as Paranormal Activity, District 9) as the death of cinema, but you think making movies on the cheap is a fine idea. Whatever makes his pockets fatter and his hair fray-out a little more professionally on the ends.

I guess my problem is this, it seems like these huge movie guys are just totally ignoring the potential of social networking and how it applies to movie distribution and piracy. Is it the consumer's fault that they want a product quickly and cheaply when it can be made quickly and cheaply? Perhaps a question like that should have been asked. What about, "why is it that we should have to pay $40 for a blu-ray disc that costs only $6 to make? What right do you have to price gauge?" If we were talking about some other industry (say the oil industry) people would be outraged and probably justified in stealing their gas if prices were being marked up that high.

So, the point is this: perhaps there are people who are illegally profiting off of the hard-work of the movie industry insiders. But how much of the profit is actually making it back to the people who make the movies? Lets give an example here, say I make a blu-ray DVD movie. I bank about $100 for producing the blu-ray, it's low-budget (and everyone has an HD camera nowadays, shit, there is software that can convert DVD quality to blu-ray). So lets say that I start off by having 5 printed. That costs me $30. This leaves me with $70. I sell 3 copies to my friends, but someone steals 2 copies. So, I can not sell them, I have to eat the cost of the two for myself. However, since I sold the bluray (3 copies) at $40 each, I just made a shit load of money. That leaves me with $190....thats 3 times what I invested in the first place!! Who reaps those benefits? Not the cameramen or set designers, I promise. Most of the time they are already paid by the time the movie comes out. Most are salaried, or contract workers who get paid regardless of the success of the film.

Lets say that someone leaks my stupid movie on some illegal download site. Lets say that because it is such a terrible movie, people download the shit out of it. People that would not even buy a DVD of this shitty movie in the first place. So me, being an enterprising type of person, decide that I will do things a little bit differently. I am going to profit off of the pirated files of my own movie, the same way the pirates are (supposedly) stealing all my profits, I'm going to steal theirs.

All of this, in turn, equals more and more profits for me. Think that the record companies and film distributors haven't already thought of this? Well, what about those sites that allow you to download unlimited amounts of content for a monthly fee? Or sites like Hulu, that support their content using ad-revenue? Oh my goodness, it's like a treasure trove of more and more profits I never knew existed!?!? Glee and glee. I'm now a fucking millionare, because I started off by making a movie that cost me only $30 to make in the first place.

Oh yeah, since my movie became sooooo famous now, they are going to start showing it in the theaters. So I am going to make money from the ticket sales. Oh yeah, Burger King wants to do a deal where I sell my movie characters in kid's meals!! I get to make a sequel!!

This seems to be the business model for now, I don't understand why people like Peter Jackson hate on piracy. Oh wait! I think I've figured it out, he wants to make money. You guys getting it yet? It is more profitable for this guy to hate on the piracy and reap the benefits of it, than it is for him to make a better quality, more engaging film that profits because it is a quality flick, not because they were able to market it well.

I guess this is my ultimate beef with assholes like Peter Fucking Jackson, I supported his shitty cinematic vision starting way before Lord of the Rings BS, at Dead Alive. You used so much money to make such a terrible film and it bombed in the public market, like you knew it would. But you did it anyways, because you had a vision and loved blood and guts and grossing people out. Where'd that fat bastard go?

It's sad to see your heroes become victims of the almighty United States of Finance, but you know, he's gotta eat. I guess all the movie pirating is why he lost so much weight. Sorry Mrs. Jackson! I'll buy your son's movies from now on. I don't want him wasting away on us. Hopefully someone will slap some sense of community (that he helped to create his success) back into him. Fuck you Peter Jackson, I H8 you.

I H8 Dreams

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Wed, 9 Dec 2009 20:14:00 -0600

.....beautiful.......

Always taunting me, making me fall in love, feeling like a God, and then you take it all away.

Why can't you let me linger on my stories a little longer? Why must you put me in impossible situations and then see what I do? Why do you take my breath away with incredible happiness just to thrust me into earth-and-soul crushing depression? Do you delight in my sadness? You look on in awe as my fists commit unspeakable acts.

Why must I miss you so when you're gone, then hate you so when you return? Why must you be so vivid and imaginative? So abstract that only I understand the vague moral lessons and fragmented peices of my waking life?

Why do you turn me upside down then flip me inside out? How can you turn me on like no one else? Why are you so hard to describe? How do you show me what it's like to die?

.........amazing.........

Where will you take me next, my fuckling of a friend? To the end?

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sun, 6 Dec 2009 06:20:00 -0600

http://www.comedy.org.uk/guide/tv/poor_todd_margaret/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIF3Jo61xlE

I know, I know. I am slow when it comes to catching up with internet videos. But I came across this little gem this morning called The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret. It stars David Cross (Mr. Show, Arrested Development, pretty much everything) as Todd Margaret, Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Let's Go to Prison) and Spike Jonze.

So far there is only a pilot, which has yet to be released anywhere outside of the UK. Channel 4's website lists the following synopsis:

"American Todd Margaret bluffs his way into an apparently great job opportunity, heading up the sales team in his employer's London office. All he has to do is sell a dozen container loads

of dodgy Korean energy drink before his psychotic boss visits him in a week. Simple. Apart from the fact that he knows nothing about British culture and nothing about sales. He also only has one employee to assist him, Dave, who is perhaps the most wilfully unhelpful employee ever.

Todd's life is further complicated when he lies continuously to cover his ignorance and spectacularly fails to impress beautiful cafe owner Alice. Dave soon takes full advantage of Todd's situation and chaos ensues."

As you can see from the 3 minute clip, this shit is hilarious. I like seeing Will Arnett like this, very typical American male. The saddest part of the entire clip, I saw, was the "How Not to Be a Pussy" CD. I think I own that as well.

Critics seem to have reviewed in favorably, I did read this in one of the reviews:

(****spoiler alert****)

"a prologue involves Todd standing in court as a list of charges is read out by a judge, including "funding a terrorist organisation, possession of biological weapons, treason..." before a caption whisks us back "14 days earlier..."

That sounds fantastic, hopefully I can find some way to watch it. Come one Hulu!! Don't be a bitch!!

I guess for now, I will just have to settle with this clip:

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_vzOpzQBWc

David Cross, I miss the good ole days of Mr. Show. When Tenacious D was still relatively unknown and sketch comedy was still pretty funny. I've never been captured in South America, but that sounds amazing. Nothing more hilarious than an American being forced to lived with Brits and Blinds!!

Eat Acid, Baseball, Touchdown!!

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sun, 6 Dec 2009 05:42:00 -0600

Click here to go to YouTube

This is Mr. James Blagden's funny little short (Dock Ellis & the LSD No-No) about a happy-fun-cracked-out day (or maybe days) of baseball, airplane flights and pickles. It was fantastic, like finding a long lost treasure I'd been searching for, even though I had no I did what I was missing.

James Blagden is an illustrator from Brooklyn who has worked for the New York Times, MTV, Nike, Wax Poetics and other well known publications. He seems to be heavily influenced by comic book characters, his work usually featuring vividly rendered caricatures, funny montages of New Yorkers and even a self-portrait of TMNT Michelango wearing white high-tops. Neat.

http://www.formatmag.com/features/james-blagden/

But this little acid-trip vid is actually based on a Radio Interview by Dock Ellis. The voice-over actor does a great job capturing the essence of Dock, he's a pretty funny guy. You'll especially enjoy the slightly overt sexual reference made by an unassuming announcer with a pickle. At least thats what I think is going on....

The whole story is centered around Dock's no hitter performance while tripping on acid. The entire interview is recalled through animated scenes. It's also pretty informative as well, kind of puts the whole steroid/juicing scandal in a different perspective. Everyone knows baseball has, historically, one of the more sordid histories regarding illegal activity. But who knew that most of all the baseball players were high when they were playing. I've never even thought about how a drug like acid could effect athletic performance, however Dock was able to make a touchdown!

If you'd like some more info on Blagden, there is a nicely written article here.

It's safe to say that I've found a new favorite artist and two new interesting characters to add to my collection. Mahaha! The only thing that I hated about this was that it ended.

Heaven Without Breakfast?

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sun, 6 Dec 2009 04:44:00 -0600

Click here for YouTube Link

No more gravy, syrup, sausage?!?!?!?! Blasphemy!! NO MORE CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH!!!!!!!

http://masshysteriasports.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html

I never want to ever die if this is the case. Wait, wait, wait. I don't believe in God or Heaven. My breakfast was going to end when I die already...Holy fuck.

http://contexts.org/socimages/2008/11/20/the-hazards-of-historical-amnesia-cause-the-alternative-is-too-disturbing/

I seriously need to start eating more doughnuts, apple pie and orange juice. Because if one of these mornings I don't wake up, I am going to be one fat, pissed mother-fucking asshole. I wants my God Damn biscuits and light bread.

How to use Feedburner to make your blog mobile

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sat, 5 Dec 2009 22:40:00 -0600

Here is a little technical knowledge I'd like to pass on, as it seems there is very little information on the topic. Perhaps I will turn it into a blogger widget some day. This is a cheap, fast and easy option for you blog-o-philes. Here goes:

If you are interested in optimizing your blog for mobile smart-phone users (like the iphone) then you need to do the following to redirect mobile users to your feedburner created RSS feed.

1.) make your blog.

2.) claim your feed and create a feedburner account and setup your RSS feed for your blog.

3.) setup your feed, paying particular attention to Smartcast under Optimize (cool feature that lets you setup your podcast and edit some artwork for your RSS feed.) be as extensive as you'd like, it will make a difference on the mobile site.

4.) make a copy of your RSS feed's URL.

5.) Access your blogger account, click on layout and page elements should come up if you are using the new template. If not, skip to ***.

6.) Click "ad a gadget"

7.) under the title, just leave a space and no title.

8.) add the following script into the "gadget" (click to download the script, copy from notepad) then;

9.) be sure to replace the (yourusername) to fit with your RSS feed URL.

10.) hit save then preview your page. make sure that the actual gadget is not visible in your blog.

11.) try accessing your blog from a mobile device. it should redirect the mobile user to your RSS feed and, voila, a handy-dandy mobile site!!

If you have any questions, join my site and message me, I'd be more than happy to assist you!! Well, maybe not more than happy, but I'll do it!! :)

Prophet Yahweh Documentary

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sat, 5 Dec 2009 13:31:00 -0600

brp! productions is currently negotiating terms and times for a feature-length documentary on Prophet Yahweh.
Please check back here for more information, photos, links, blogs and more!

Following the jump are some interesting correspondence between Prophet Yahweh and myself. Here's hoping that Yahweh allows me to conduct the interview! My fingers are crossed.

IN THE BLESSED AND HOLY NAME OF YAHWEH

Dear B P,

In your last email, you said:

> "I am hoping that the "compensation" would in no way jeopardize the authenticty of any interviews or anything that happens during the filming."

I understand.

But, I don't want to be the star of, what ends up being, a multimillion dollar production and I was not compensated like "Talent" is supposed to be for their involvement in such a work.

I will make sure that any compensation for my Talent in your production would in no way "jeopardize the authenticty of any interviews or anything that happens during the filming" of your production.

By the way, I been waiting for you.

I knew you were preparing to contact me.

Do you think that holy YAHWEH would not tell me of you, and what you are preparing to do in your production?

It was shown to me clearly before you contacted me, and bingo, there you are just like clock work.

I must now pray to holy YAHWEH to show me a sign that confirms or rejects my working with you in a production.

I know how YAHWEH works, and based on what I know of Him, He will reveal the answer within a week from now.

I will be in touch soon.

Yours In The Love of YAHWEH,

PROPHET YAHWEH
Seer of Yahweh

www.prophetyahweh.com

To make a donation to Prophet Yahweh's ministry efforts, click on the following link:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=2987686

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication with its contents may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information. It is solely for the use of the intended recipient(s). Unauthorized interception, review, use or disclosure is prohibited and may violate applicable laws including the Electronic Communications Privacy Act. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender and destroy all copies of the communication.

..............................
the end

--- On Sun, 11/29/09, B P <> wrote:

From: B P <>
Subject: Re: You!
To: "Prophet Yahweh" <>
Date: Sunday, November 29, 2009, 1:11 PM

Prophet Yahweh - -

I am open to any type of compensation, what exactly did you have in mind? I am hoping that the "compensation" would in no way jeopardize the authenticty of any interviews or anything that happens during the filming.

Have you done anything like this before? If so, what types of compensation have you been offered in the past?

I am certainly not opposed to the idea but (as I previously stated) would hope that the compensation would not compromise the integrity of the film. I basically want to make a documentary type film, with you talking about your life, past history of UFO summoning and possibly follow you to a summoning.

I have collected as much information about you that I could find online, so I will probably be asking you questions about specific events that have occurred in the public eye (i.e. your news report on the local news in LV; your television experience; etc.) I'm thinking of this as another way for people to get to know you (in a more personal sense) to help explain your religious philosophy and your abilities.

Once I've got a concrete list of questions, I could email them to you for your to review, if you'd like?

I look forward to working with you, sir. Thanks so much for your quick response and your time, as I know it is an invaluable resource nowadays.

Bryan Perryman

----- Original Message -----

From: Prophet Yahweh

To: B P

Sent: Sunday, November 29, 2009 2:48 PM

Subject: Re: You!

In The Blessed And Holy Name Of Yahweh

Hello B P,

I am Prophet Yahweh.

Tell me.

Does your film company offer compensation for its talent.

Yours In The Love of YAHWEH,

PROPHET YAHWEH
Seer of Yahweh

www.prophetyahweh.com

To make a donation to Prophet Yahweh's ministry efforts, click on the following link:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=2987686

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication with its contents may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information. It is solely for the use of the intended recipient(s). Unauthorized interception, review, use or disclosure is prohibited and may violate applicable laws including the Electronic Communications Privacy Act. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender and destroy all copies of the communication.

..............................
the end

--- On Sun, 11/29/09, B P <> wrote:

From: B P <>
Subject: You!
To: (CONFIDENTIAL)
Date: Sunday, November 29, 2009, 8:46 AM

Prophet Yahweh - -

I am an indepdent filmmaker and have recently stumbled across you and your story on the internet. Sir, you seem to have lead quite an interesting life and I feel that everyone needs an opportunity to hear your story. As a filmmaker, I feel that everyone has a unique and interesting life and they deserve to have it out there, how they choose to tell it. I can tell you are very opiniated about your craft and ideologies. I would like to be able to convey these ideas on film.

I know you currently have someone recording your activities, I suppose what I am asking for is the opportunity to come speak with you in person, possibly conduct an interview and follow you to a UFO summoning. I realize that you can't always control when and where an appearance by a UFO will happen, so myself and a small crew would be willing to stick with you as long as we need to do so.

Thanks so much for your time, sir. I look forward to speaking with you in the future. I realize that you most likely have a busy schedule, so please get back to me at your convenience.

Good luck with everything - -

B P

(email addresses and names removed)

Come to Colorado; We'll Taser Your Kids

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sat, 5 Dec 2009 04:00:00 -0600

Next time you are visiting Pueblo Colorado (most notable for being mentioned as a rival team in a South Park episode, The Losing Edge) don't bring your children.

On Thursday, Sheriff's deputies were forced to taser an "out-of-control" ten year-old boy. Apparently he "threatened them with a pipe and a stick, and threw a piece of wood at them." Fortunately, the kid was not harmed. Unfortunately, he was a foster child and had probably experienced some type of abuse in the past. So this most certainly brought up some bad memories, at the very least created some kind of fucked-up-psycho-criminal who hates cops. I would be too.

That is not even the worst part, if you do happen to bring your ten year-old son or daughter to Pueblo Colorado, they better not act up. Last month the Sheriff's Deputies (who must be awfully paranoid to be threatened by children) tased a 10 year-old girl.

I'm guessing the officers felt justified in the use of non-lethal (which are notoriously lethal for the infirm and elderly) because the precedent had already been set on a little girl. I know kids is crazy these days, trust me. But can a trained Sheriff's Deputy seriously not handle a child without the use of potential deadly force, because a stick was thrown at them?

We live in crazy times, my friends, crazy times. Hopefully whatever crazy cops decided to do this are being made fun of by their peers, because if they aren't I have absolutely no faith left in humanity. Biggest moral of this story, don't let your kids breath too heavily because they may end up in the morgue.

Boycott Whataburger for Discriminating Against the Poor

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sat, 5 Dec 2009 01:20:00 -0600

Well--just another stupid story and group of people to add to my list of things I hate. It's official, Whataburger is now really far up there.

So here's the deal, I went to buy a cheesebuger and fries. I was told I could not purchase it because I was paying with $7 in change.

Guess what I did, bitches? I remembered my Taco Bell commercial training, drove my ass over there and spent $7, mostly in pennies. Guess what? They totally accepted it and the lady was not even rude about it.

Boycott Whataburger and their change-hating, discriminatory practices. Some of us can't afford paper money, dick-heads.

Fwd: Join Geocachers to Win the DARPA Challenge - Weekly Mailer Addendum

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Fri, 4 Dec 2009 17:17:00 -0600

Please, if you see any red balloons with numbers on them tomorrow, let me know!!!

(email after the jump)

Begin forwarded message:

From:
Date: December 4, 2009 4:15:08 PM CST
To:
Subject: Join Geocachers to Win the DARPA Challenge - Weekly Mailer Addendum

Fellow Geocachers, As part of the nationwide DARPA event to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Internet, we're enlisting geocachers to be part of a fun social networking/GPS technology challenge. The challenge is to be the first to submit the locations of 10 moored, 8-foot, red, weather balloons at 10 fixed locations in the continental United States that will only be visible during tomorrow's (12/5) daylight hours. The winner will receive $40,000. If Groundspeak wins the challenge with your help, we will throw in another $10,000 of our own money. The full $50,000 prize will go to schools that need GPS equipment through DonorsChoose.org. Tomorrow, December 5th, a group of Groundspeak Lackeys will meet up in the DARPA War Room at Groundspeak's Headquarters to gather information online of the possible locations of the 10 weather balloons. We hope you will follow our attempts to win the challenge and help us along the way by gathering information both online and on the ground. Do you want to help? Visit http://www.10balloonies.com/ - our official web site for Groundspeak's team. We'll provide up to the minute updates there and on Twitter at http://twitter.com/10balloonies. Also, if you are out geocaching, running errands or taking a morning stroll and spot one of the balloons, send us an email at darpa@groundspeak.com. The balloons will be numbered, so we need to know what number is on the balloon along with the coordinates for the location and any additional information (such as "saw from afar." Coordinates need not be exact, (within 1 mile of actual coordinates will do) so an address will work. Even if you aren't in the continental US you can still help! Information will be spreading through social networks, blogs and news outlets. If you hear something helpful for us to find any of the 10 balloons, let us know! With a global community of millions of GPS enthusiasts, we believe that geocachers are ideally suited to this challenge. With our collective efforts, we can accomplish something really positive! Jeremy Irish President & Co-Founder, Geocaching.com Also one of the balloonies

I Blew My Brains Out While Watching Local News

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Thu, 3 Dec 2009 06:34:00 -0600

I am not sure if anyone else has experienced this problem, but I have to get all of my local TV news from about three news stations. At about 5 to 9 am they have some of the worst people in the world doing the local news. I see the same fucking faces every morning, sometimes they look more dead than others. That doesn't bother me so much, what does are the people on there that have THE most annoying voices I have ever heard in my life.

Add to this the fact that the sound guy must not know what he is doing either, because usually these annoying voices are screaming at me about the new Local Hollywood Report or some dumb ass story on something I do not care about. I honestly hate to name names, but if you are a local then you know who Haley Burks is, simply because of the fact that she sounds like she never stops doing crack. Not because what she says is crazy, but because she speaks completely out of her nose. I seriously almost vomited once.

But why does this matter? Why can't I just turn off my telly or just watch something else? Because, honestly, this early in the morning all I can do is put it on the news. I've lived in cities that have awesome local news, my favorite thing to do was wake up and turn it on. It would keep me awake and be quite informative, usually.

Odessa, TX (unfortunately) is one place I can not do that. The stories that are reported on have no relevance to what is going on in our community. This morning one of the top stories was that Facebook is no longer going to have regional networks. WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THAT ALL ABOUT!?!?!?!?! I read the letter on facebook, anyone that has facebook read it. Anyone that does not own a facebook profile could give a shit!!!

Alright, maybe I am being a little over-sensitive about this issue. But when you purchase cable, there should be some expectation of quality programming. I wonder who exactly funds the local news programs anyways? I'm sure the tax-payers support them on some level. Probably ad-supported otherwise. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe if we stopped letting our advertising companies run every little bit of our lives, we wouldn't feel so fucking frustrated from everything.

Maybe if we were ever able to go to a website, look at a book, fucking zone out for 5 seconds without being relentlessly assaulted by the latest ad campaign, life might begin to regain some balance. Perhaps taking consideration on what is being reported and who is reporting it could make a huge difference in number of viewers. In a market like Odessa, people are so isolated from trends and other things going on around the country that people here don't realize that we CAN have options and that we DO NOT have to put up with this ridiculousness.

Is it really that big of a deal, honestly? No, not at all. Do I like being melodramatic about things in the hope someone will read it, agree and attempt to do something about it? Nope. Perhaps the issue lies with me, I'm not even sure anymore. It's a wicked business, if you find me dead in my room tomorrow now you'll know why.

The IH8 Gifts "Top Ten"

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Tue, 1 Dec 2009 23:53:00 -0600

X-MAS time is here again! Get out your stockings and fruit cakes!!! Warm up your piggy-pudding (hmm) and sip some egg-nog, because Santa Clause will be coming to your mom's house tonight. Here's a list of ten things you shouldn't buy your sweety this holiday season:

Image: Ron Bird / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

(Check out the Top Ten Things not to buy this Christmas after le' jump)

10. Jack Spade Designer Frog Dissection Kit
Ohh, just in time for the Holidays, an uber-cool kit for taking apart your frog! It comes with all of this:

This is for the stylish high school student in us all. Isn't it cute! Might be hard to find one of these nowadays and expect to pay out your ass!! But isn't that little limping froggy worth it?

9. Jingle Jugs

This is actually something that I really would like for Jesus's birthday. Although, probably not great for the kid, but perfect for the kid in you! It even has realistic looking nipples and plays "Titties and Beer" by Rodney Carrington, classic! (Something extra: it comes in Christmas Colors)

8. Fetus Cookie Cutter

Now you can enjoy your favorite shaped cookie creations! From chocolate chip, to oatmeal, to macadamia nut, you'll enjoy your cookies so much more when eating them in fetus shape!

7. Digital Chinese Hearing Aids

Talk about the worst, lamest gift ever. I guess it could be funny as a gag gift to someone that doesn't pay attention. Otherwise, let people buy their own hearing aids! I won't lie though, I really want some. This is just gross for some reason.

6. Your Parents Getting Divorced

So Mom is going to live with your new daddy and Pops is shacking up with your best friend from high school? Well, sounds like you got gypped. Although, you're probably getting more presents next year! Well, that is unless your dad loses his job and step-dad Mark doesn't want to buy your stupid ass anything. (Go to a happy place, go to a happy place.) Speaking of a happy place...

5. Elin Nordegren's Nike Forged Blade

This club is perfect for breaking windows and messing up your husband's face if needed. They break the nose straight down the middle so that there is no long-term observable damage. Turn the club around and beat him with the padded grip so as not to leave a bruise. Great for customization, however these babies can get expensive. Make sure you'll golf with them at some point.

4. DVD: Glen or Glenda

The Ed Wood classic transvestite epic starring himself. You'll be ready to "pull ze strings" and let fly with all your hidden underwear and bondage fetishes! The best thing about this film its that it is a terribly awful "true story" that gives you a pretty great idea about how fuckin' insanely brilliant Ed Wood was. I miss the days of cinematic crapola, but it seems to be making a comeback (see Black Dynamite.)

3. Give a Flying Fuck

Now your loved ones can't accuse you of not caring anymore! If they do, throw some batteries in this baby and dive-bomb those mother-fuckers! I'm sure with some tech know-how that you can modify this to shoot dildos, so that you can effectively fuck the area around you. This is not something I H8, this could potentially be something I really love.

2. Girl's Guide to Rock

Everyone knows girls don't rock. Do you remember Yoko Ono? Alanis Morisette? Aqua?! Girls have a long history of sucking at rock music, so this guide probably won't solve any problems. That is unless the book is empty, save for three words. "Leave it alone!!" Stop trying to sell my favorite thing in life to little kids so you can make a ride at Disneyland. Rock is about punching a mother fucker in the face while dancing in a circle, not pussies. Well, I guess that depends on which musician that you choose to enjoy.

And the number 1 gift that you probably don't want to get this X-MAS..........

1. Herpes!!!

Oh that pesky little uninvited guest! The good thing is that you'll remind your beloved of your love for her at least once a month. Plus if he/she's a keeper its almost as effective as a chastity belt! But unfortunately you may miss out on some crusty Christmas lovin', which makes me a sad, sad boy. :(

You Pay for News!!!

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Tue, 1 Dec 2009 20:01:00 -0600

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As Obama sends us on another trek into the abyss with even more soldiers to an impossible war, Google is simultaneously killing free access to news.

This has been coming for awhile now, newspaper publishers have been greedily licking their lips at online news profiteering. They've got ads on their sites, but this is not enough for these guys. You know, normal people can make a living from their news sites with Google Adsense. Why can't the news media not realize that newspapers are dead? Get over it dude!!

Now this, in our increasingly isolationist and news-poor Country we have to pay for online news. Well newspapermen, guess what? People aren't going to pay for that shit!!! You are setting yourself up for failure. The internet is too broad and wide for you to control all of it. We will get our news, just like we get our movies, tv shows and books. That is what I love about the internet, it's like a huge city. If you know where to go, you can pretty much find anything you want.

Welcome to the world of media nowadays guys! You need to think of novel, inspired ways of selling us products with your content. Also--if we are paying for something like the news I expect that ad space shows up no where near my news. You want me to pay for information? Well then keep it clean. How about some more journalistic integrity? That is something for which I would pay. $10 a month for peace of mind in knowing that what I'm being told is reliable? Hell yah!! You might get journalists using more than one verifiable source again!! Woo-hoo.

I realize our economy runs on money. I realize that people should be compensated for the work that they do. But what I am so sick and tired of is having to pay for something that either is so inconvenient that it almost renders it useless or that works as advertised but is so overpriced because of monopoly that normal people can not afford it.

Here is a fantastic example - - Time Warner Cable. I had been a customer for several years, always had so many complaints about their customer service, their terrible equipment, sucky service, pretty much everything. Well, I no longer pay for cable television service and I still watch all the same shows when I want to watch them. Thanks to the internet and sites like Hulu, I can stream and download a huge library of movies and shows. There are also illegal ways of accessing premium content (showtime, HBO) but they are illegal, ya know? Although there is certainly no better way to take control of your TV (instead of it controlling you) than opening up your My Documents folder and click clicking on the latest Demi Moore epic. Makes a nice night with some whiskey.

So where does this leave us now that Google is limiting how much news we can see? I foresee the inevitability of the death of the major newspaper outlets eventually. Hopefully this will usher in an age of independent (free) news sources! Maybe I won't have to listen to Tiger Woods explain why he took a midnight drive, while Iran builds more and more nuclear plants. Me love you Google, long time.

Oh J.B. Poersch, You are Useless

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:19:00 -0600

Well--it finally happened. I unsubscribed myself from the DSCC's email list. That's correct, after 2 years of following these guys and after millions of emails from Poersch, Obama (whoever else the interns were pretending to be) it's over. I'm finally sick of it, the stupidity, the propaganda, the name calling. It's so petty. I guess we never graduate from High School, ever. It had everything to do with this following email:

(email after the jump)

Friends,

I need your help right now. The DSCC's November fundraising deadline is midnight, and Republicans stand ready to defeat health reform and destroy us. If we don't match their intensity, we'll lose this argument - and our majority.

Click here to donate, and a group of senators will chip in the same amount. Even $5 will make a difference.
Thanks for your help. (links disabled, I don't want to support these people in any way.)

J.B.
BTW, donate today, and you'll get 20% off in the DSCC Store.

I can't give you $5, I have no job and am saving up money so I can pay the penalty for not carrying health insurance. It's going to be a long time before I can save up $700+ a year. That's nuts. Either way--seriously? They are going to "destroy" you? My God, I had no idea that health care reform was such a life-or-death situation for everyone! I'd say you're doing a pretty good job of destroying yourselves, assholes. I thought deliberately misleading speeches and cover-ups were Bush's game. But nope, the Dems are killing the "hope" they promised by continuing to do everything the Republican majority were thrown out for doing last year.

So, stop soliciting me for money!! I can no longer associate myself with a political party that does not represent my ideals or seem to care about what will make life better for our country. My friends, until we get a grip on our obsession with money, this is going to be it. In fact, this is it. Just like Michael Jackson.The US overdosed (not by choice) on Propofol and now its dead. No more music, no more plastic surgery to make it look normal. The US is a 'has-been' and will be remembered in history as a society that had great promise, God Damn they got the first man on the moon. Sadly, this will be about it. That is our biggest accomplishment and it happened more than 50 years ago.

Perhaps my outlook is too bleak, but it is justified. You can always argue for either side, no one will ever really be right. But my pessimism isn't baseless, I see the look in my community member's eyes and it tells me everything I need to know. We are failing and people feel hopeless. We are stuck in a complicated balancing act of social responsibility, ethical responsibility, species continuation, environmental responsibility and an ever increasing gap between the rich and poor. In fact, as you read this sentence something bad is probably happening. But will a $5 donation fix it? Nope, nothing will but an internal shift of ideals. The explosion of our world's population needs to be considered. Our natural resources need to be handled differently. Nuclear proliferation for war needs to stop. My country needs to find the passion for living again. Because what is happening now is no longer stagnation, it is decomposition. When I was a child, everything was new and shiny and amazing. Inevitably, the older you grow the more this feeling disappears. But this phenomenon is no longer based on a child vs adult perspective. It is the reality in which many, many people live.

In a society where nothing is new, everything is expected and instant how can we not admit that things are different? Shouldn't we adapt as well? Things should not trickle slowly through bureaucracy when I am able to download a 4 GB file in under 30 minutes. You know how much memory it took to fly to the moon? 2 kilobytes. Maybe I'm just naiive, maybe I don't know as much as I think, but life shouldn't be so complicated and it's definitely way too short to wait in line.

What is our government really doing for us anymore anyways? I hate to rant about politics (apparently it's impolite) so I'll sum it up to one nice little word "bullshit," spoken with a British accent. I realize my power is limited, I don't own the little red switch that makes it go boom. But....this has to stop.

In the words of a extremely smart man I knew, "I love this country, but I hate this fucking government."

The Prophet Yahweh - the Cult Potential

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 02:38:00 -0600

Is this man a technologically savvy entrepreneur? Or should we all be extremely frightened?

I would like to introduce you all to a man I stumbled across on the internet last night. His legal name is Prophet Yahweh. He is, in fact, the dictionary definition of a prophet. I know this video is long, but watch the entire thing to acclimate yourself to this man.

Biggest point from this--Prophet wants you to understand that there were, most definitely, UFOs in the Bible. But what you don't know about this man is that he possesses a power that not many claim, he is a UFO caller. Rather, an intermediary between the Aliens, God and the rest of us, with the ability to summon UFOs and Spaceships (which are two very different things if you ask Prophet.)

My discovery of this interesting character came about as a result of research into a society that provides a $1,000,000 prize to anyone that can conclusively prove any type of paranormal activity (to this date no one has claimed the prize.)

This group has very strict standards to which they must adhere. In fact, anyone that presents a power or ability that has an assumed element to it automatically has their application denied. For example, a woman who applied on the basis that she can speak with the dead was denied because the Foundation was not presented with enough evidence in the application to prove the existence of ghosts, therefore she could not ever conclusively prove that she honestly possessed this ability.

In researching this group's applicants, I came across our friend, Prophet Yahweh. I suggest taking the time to explore his entire list of correspondence with this organization. These emails completely capture the essence of Prophet Yahweh, giving us a glimpse into what goes on inside this man's head. After reading this I knew Prophet Yahweh was something special. I couldn't quite understand if this man believed what he was saying or not. Either way, it was comforting knowing people like Prophet exist, it almost makes my life worth living. Unfortunately--the conversation also illustrates what mental illness can do to a person and it almost makes you embarrassed and sad for Prophet, especially since you're not sure if Kramer takes Prophet seriously or not. Either way, who are these people and why is this the first time I am hearing about this? Apparently, Prophet has been around for awhile.

If you've read through Kramer and Prophet's entire, lengthy exchange you've probably come to the conclusion (as I had) that Prophet Yahweh is completely insane. But it's a novel insanity, a UFO summoner that uses Bible scripture to summon UFOs and Spaceships. In fact, some part of me can sympathize with his delusions, making you almost want to believe they are real. Also, after reading this you may understand a bit better that Prophet Yahweh is not some rogue, individual summoner of the original Alien creators. He is actually well known in the internet community, at least in his mind. Surprisingly, if you check out his personal website, you'll see has had over a million hits.

In fact, several thousand people may have actually shown up to the JREF "event." Prophet has many followers in his local and online communities and he was hosting the event at a public park. Obviously, if "Kramer" was as experienced with this type of event as he presented himself to be, he would have researched this man and realized that if more than two or three hundred people show up to an event, it is required by Las Vegas law to have police officers present. However, due to Prophet's apparent breakdown in communication, it is understandable why this test never actually took place. In fact, there has been internet speculation that Prophet may have been staging these UFO events or that he had been making it all up, a fact that Prophet denies. In fact, Prophet Yahweh has been compared to Joseph Smith in that regard. As with all things speculative, it's up to you whether or not to believe.

But despite many critics, Yahweh still posts YouTube videos and ministries, allowing him to discuss himself in a much more accessible and free medium than radio or television. Check out this video that has been viewed by 19,000 people. Prophet's fame was established by an internet campaign using various websites, YouTube videos and public tours. He appears, on the outside, to be a very eccentric "prophet" for profit. But there is a deeper, darker side to Prophet Yahweh.

Let me provide a few personal details on Prophet:

In 2005, Prophet Yahweh admitted to his Yahoo group his diagnosis of schizophrenia by a psychiatrist in Los Angeles. In an interview with ufocrashsite.com, Yahweh explains that he was once in the military, but:

"Really to tell you the truth, I got only one promotion, and that was taken away.

When my Sargent arranged for me be beat up by another platoon, out side the chow hall, and later another beat me up while shouting "I love the Marine Corps" with each blow, I told the Marine corps to go to hell.

I went AWOL and never came back.

When they caught up with me, they were bringing me my "Undesirable Discharge" while I was in a county jail drug program.

I was so very proud of my discharged (sic) and wanted to frame it."

Prophet Yahweh goes on in various other emails to describe himself using the following:

"As for what I do for a living, I am on a fixed income and am permanently disabled.

I am not connected to a church or any organized religion. I am a loner who has lived like a hermit. I don't go out of my home unless I have to.

I am not associated with any YAHWEH groups or cults, like the so-called Yahweh Ben Yahweh out of Miami.

I have never owned a car and don't know what it is like to ride in a really good car like people have.

I have never owned a home or know what it is like to enter into a really good home.

As far as life is concerned, I am a failure and am only acquainted with suffering, hunger, and confusion of mind and character."

In response to why he lied about his $150,000 income in a personal ad online, Prophet explains that he was only doing this to "weed out women who are gold diggers." Prophet then goes on to explain that he was simply conducting an experiment:

"Well, to tell you the truth, I was kind of conducting an experiment, on the true nature of women, to draw them into me, knowing they would be thinking that I am some kind of wealthy television guy.

And, after talking to them over the phone and letting them get to know me, when they started prying into my affairs and figuring out where my money was at and what strategies they could use to get to them, I would just watch those snakes.

But, when they started unleashing their strategy, to take what they thought was mine, by explaining why they needed me to help them, I would tell them that I was unemployed and could just barely take care of myself.

And, they would say that they thought I was into television and making $150,000 a year, I would tell them that it is my goal to make $150,000 to donate to charitable efforts, but I could not use the money for myself or any one else and that 100% of it had to go to the purpose intended.

Then, I would sit back and just watch the shock come over their faces when they realized that their plans to get money out of me would not succeed.

Boy, you should have seen some of their looks!

I figured that the woman I was looking for had to prove to me that she was not thinking about me having money and that she really cared for me for what I am.

Well, I must say that a number of women did not want my money, and only wanted me, but they all seemed to be on the low levels of beauty."

Actually, Prophet did find a mate online, who he says is "not on the lower levels of beauty." In fact, he does speak kindly (in his own little Prophet way) of his mate.

However darkly comical--the personal nature of the information divulged in Yahweh's various online interviews and postings are worrisome. Yahweh appears to have grudges against the government, a very idealized sense of self, a view of women that appears sexist (somehow) and a diagnosed mental history.

But Prophet Yahweh is also somewhat enigmatic and sweet, almost charming. He is not effective as a seer (in fact most of his prophecies are usually wrong) but he is likable and engaging. Sadly, in my jaded eyes I see his tremendous potential to become a cult leader.

It is undeniable that Prophet is actually knowledgeable about marketing himself and connecting with other people. Despite his constant stream of nothingness about God and spaceships, there is something about Yahweh that is serious and commands attention. I, myself, felt drawn to his ranting and raving, not because I believed him but because of how Yahweh presents his arguments with so much passion and belief. It's clear that Yahweh is certainly a complex cat, but where his intentions lie are not quite as obvious.

Another very interesting aspect to Prophet is his (supposed) love of humanity and social work. He states that he wants to donate his 1 million dollar prize (from the paranormal contest) to a charity of his choice. However, he never specifically states which charity that would have been.

Prophet has also taken a vow of poverty, which he discusses in several on-line interviews. However, pay close attention to the video clip at the end of this posting, for a man that has taken a vow of poverty, he sure has quite a few TV and computer monitors.

In understanding his motives, you have to understand who Yahweh claims to be and who he is in actuality.

He was born in Tennessee, attended the Tuskegee Institute on a basketball scholarship and eventually would go on to have his own radio ministry in Atlanta and then a cable TV show in Los Angeles.

While in Los Angeles, he had a dream informing him that he should move to Las Vegas, where he would have another cable TV show about UFO sightings. Although Yahweh had expressed his beliefs before this, Las Vegas would become ground zero for Prophet's internet blitz.

Yahweh marketed himself using tools like press releases and publicity stunts, however it was his 2005 interview on a Las Vegas ABC news affliate program in which he was able to summon a small orb, which brought him the fame he currently enjoys and his own personal assumption that he was some type of special being that could communicate with God, angels, spirits and aliens. Interestingly enough, Prophet has been able to construct an entire religious ideology around what his beliefs.

The news event would lead to public exposure of Yahweh and many people would come to him, wanting to learn more about him and what he had to say. Despite the fact that much of what he said was ridiculous, it was articulated well. Also--Prophet mixed his Christian messages with ideas about government cover-ups and UFO conspiracy theories. This would lead to his message being sought out by ufologists and on-line believers in extra-terrestrials.

Suprisingly (and most likely) due to the circumstances of the JREF testing, many of his online followers came to the conclusion that the government was indeed trying to cover up some of Prophet's antics because of his strong religious message. Prophet spoke of specific government entities that were intervening with his ministry, constantly sending him death threats (paranoia is symptomatic of schizophrenia.) This has also contributed to Prophet's rise in notoriety in the online communities.

Until now, this has been about the extent of Yahweh's accomplishments in the public eye. In 2005, he stated that he had plans for a US tour, in which he would summon a UFO in all 50 states.

It is unknown if this is what Prophet is currently pursuing, however, Prophet has posted several videos of himself on YouTube, claiming to summon UFOs and Spaceships. Prophet Yahweh has recently started a school on summoning UFOs and is training a man he refers to as Yahwehlite to travel with him and help summon UFOs.

It appears that their next stop is Washington DC. It is not known exactly what they are planning. But it seems like something big. I'm not convinced that it is anything sinister, it could just be another attempt at marketing for Yahweh. But perhaps there is something more in the works. Do Prophet Yahweh's threats to bring armed guards to the JREF testing prove that he has some malice or ill-will to be visited upon someone? In his most recent video (2 months ago) what is the list of people to which he refers? Is it a hit list or something else? What exactly is going on in Prophet Yahweh's head right now?

We may all soon find out, or we may never hear about Prophet Yahweh again. Personally--I'm somewhat frightened. I am searching for more information about Prophet Yahweh, I have sent him (and others) requests for more information I am attempting to confirm the accuracy of some of the statements made in this article. I will be updating this blog as I find out more. If anyone is interested, I think a trip to visit "the Prophet" is in the works.

So, is Prophet Yahweh in it for the money? Is Prophet a religious fanatic or humanitarian? Do you think it damaging to feed in to the mentally ill's delusions? Harmless fun or another tragic story of viral marketing? You decide!

**editor's note--sorry for the extremely horrible formatting, my word processor hates me.

Mythbusters Not Showing the Money Shot

bryanthemayan@gmail.com (b) — Wed, 4 Nov 2009 23:12:00 -0600

I've always been quite a big fan of the show Mythbusters. However, the other night they were testing the myth from a Jason movie where a woman gets her head frozen in liquid nitrogen then it shatters. They were using a pig's head and dipped in in the nitrogen, then just as the hammer drops to smash this pig's face the camera stops and the narrator says it's too gross and they aren't going to show it.

What bull-shit!! I waited the entire episode to see that shit and then, nothing. Disappointment never seemed so sad. Why does this show suck so bad nowadays anyways? It's because that chick got pregnant I bet. Well, that's all for now. Fucking TV.

(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwX6dacm1lLUQU261DeYk64c_OnQqhRoYRq7eJCsSp5JAdQHtfXHuSiMFE7uvtC7bEuxKzCCawba_mqC50T82m90f5iPrhdaH4uf9vi0PVS6JL9ZBsM4ZYp4LI8QG3hP2-bAiuRI9rdobi/s200/ubl-pig-face.jpg)