Yes, the couch sex. An Elk Grove, California teacher sent home a DVD that included a homemade sex scene. It’s unclear what precisely was on the DVD, since the parents only watched a few seconds before removing the DVDs from their players and immediately destroying the discs (*cough* yeah, right *cough*). Although the school district tried to keep the teacher’s identity under wraps, news agencies soon ferreted out her name and splashed it across the paper. The woman in question teaches the fifth grade, and the video was sent home to her 24 students. When the teacher realized what had happened, she phoned each family (in hysterics, of course) to apologize and asked that they destroy the video immediately.

The parents interviewed seemed more bemused than anything. One father reported that the DVD necessitated an impromptu discussion of the birds and bees that lasted until midnight. Nobody seemed to be out for blood, though. So far, other than presumably wanting to crawl under a rock and die, the teacher has come out unscathed. It looks unlikely that they’ll fire the teacher. As legal defense expert Ken Rosenfeld so eloquently stated, “It’s felony stupid, but it’s not a crime.” I personally think she’s already been punished enough, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she quit. I’d personally change my name, undergo painful reconstructive surgery and start a new life as a sheep farmer in Siberia before I went in front of those students again.

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One of our kids is not playing nicely with some of her fellow students. She is doing well academically, but there are some shenanigans going on during the recess and lunch breaks that need to be addressed quickly.

My younger brother struggled to get along with some of his peers, and his troubles were exacerbated by a general lack of interest in school and a sometimes difficult relationship with his teachers (who were not at all curious about why he might not like school so they just stuck him in the corner and told him to be quiet… thank goodness modern education allows for different learning styles in students… but I digress).

My parents were strong advocates for my brother, and I can remember their frustration with The System’s inability to cater to his specific but not unreasonable needs. I think it’s just the perfect happy ending that my brother married a brilliant school teacher and thus restored his faith in teachers and education in general. But at the time, I can remember them being very upset that his behaviour was causing disruption in the classroom; I’m sure they must have felt torn between their concern for his well-being and their concern for the experience of the other kids.

I’m still digressing.

The point is, it is quite confronting to be told that your child is behaving in a way that a) might effect another child’s enjoyment of school, and b) would almost certainly raise the hackles of the parents of that effected child. I know, because my kids have been the target of some fairly unsavoury behaviour in the past and nothing makes my blood boil quite like it. Can’t these parents control their child? What kinds of lessons are they teaching them at home if this is the way they behave at school?

Gulp.

Some of the same behaviours ARE being played out at home, and we tackle it head-on when we see it happening. Perhaps naively, we had no idea it was carrying on in the playground. The teacher was nervous to talk to us about it, no doubt worried that we might react with shock and disbelief and try to blame the other kids. No, we were pretty calm about it. Perhaps not really all that surprised. So we have promised to talk to our daughter about it, and we will check in with her teacher every week to see if there has been any improvement.

I have complained about the dreadful behaviour of other children at our daughters’ school - to other parents, to the Principal - and really all I ever wanted was some reassurance that the behaviour was being managed, that the offending child’s parents were involved, and that the school was employing an effective long-term strategy to not only help that child to learn how to get along with the other kids, but that the other kids (the ‘victims’) were being empowered to stand up for themselves as well. Our goal in this instance is to help our daughter see that this particular manifestation of her very strong leadership tendencies is discouraged, and that she channel that energy in a positive way.

Gosh, this parenting thing is really tough sometimes.

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For me, learning of his death is now one of those moments where I’ll always remember what I was doing at the time. I was at Kohl’s, looking for shoes. I had to put down the Dana Buchman flats and fire up my BlackBerry to make sure what I overheard was, in fact, true.

Being a forty-something woman, Michael’s music was a huge part of my teenage and college years. I went through a phase where I wanted to be a “Thriller” dancer. I practiced that damn Moon Walk for hours after seeing him slide backwards during a “Billie Jean” performance. I consumed alcohol more than once listening to “Bad.” The jukebox (yes; I am dating myself now) at my favorite neighborhood pub had lots of classic Jackson Five tunes.

And, who could forget the lip-sync in college where my whole sorority performed “We are the World.” I was Ray Charles. Ah, good times. Why we didn’t win that talent show, I’ll never know.

That said, Michael Jackson was weird. Over the years I watched him transform from a black man to a white woman with all his plastic surgeries and skin bleaching. I was appalled when he held his baby boy Blanket (calling a kid Blanket is a whole ‘nother post) over a balcony. The Martin Brashear documentary was truly disturbing. And I never really “got” Never-Land.  Having a zoo and amusement park rides on my property? No thanks.

But, the dude could sing and dance. And you can definitely see and hear his influences in music and videos today.

Michael was reportedly gearing up for an extended performance gig in London, allegedly to stage a comeback.  Whether it was to regain his position as the King of Pop or to get some cash to pay down his millions in debts, we will never know.

Rest in peace.

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I have no great sympathy for their claims that the media should back off, respecting their privacy as a family. When you open your life as they have (and as I have on my blog), you have to take the good with the bad. There will be those that love you no matter what. There will be people who will celebrate every stumble and heartbreak you experience. Others will question everything you do. It’s part and parcel of the deal.

In the end, though, what we have is a couple who is ending their relationship in a very public way. Regardless of my opinions about their relationship and parenting choices, I can’t help but watch their faces and see so much that is familiar.

I saw it months ago, the lack of physical contact, the emotional detachment, the harsh words that were only half-joking. They got further and further from each other. Soon, that interview couch could not have been long enough.

Eyes were swollen. Walls were up. The end was near.

They stopped joint interviews. Each took his/her turn with the cameras. The end was imminent.

The time they spent together with the children reminded me of the parallel play of toddlers. Functioning in the same space, but barely aware of the existence of the other. No empathy. No connection.

Now it’s over.

Watching last night’s episode reminded me so much of my experience over the last six months. The grief. The hurt. The regret. Playing things over and over in my head. Picking things apart to figure out where we went wrong. What I did. What he did. What we did.

I could see it in them and I hurt for them. I also know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, I have two little lights and they have the good fortune to have eight of them. The kids.

So, for the kids, I give Jon and Kate the following advice. Many of it came from the therapists and classes I’ve been to and the books I read, so I won’t claim original authorship by any stretch. Nonetheless, I see many parallels between the Gosselin’s post-split parenting plan and ours, so I’ll share the things that have been especially pertinent in our case.

1. It’s not about you anymore. It’s about them. Put the blame aside and think of the kids in every decision you make. What’s best for them may be a pain in the a$$ for you. Suck it up and deal.

2. If you were frustrated by the lack of control you had in your relationship before, be prepared to have even less. He will have his rules and routines and she will have hers. Structure is good and organic is great, but I can’t find any cases of death-by-breakfast-for-dinner.

3. Be flexible. Kids have this funny way of growing up. Their needs will change over time and so will yours. The arrangements you make now will need to shift at least every six months. Set up basic principles and guidelines to be fair, but expect that things will change.

4. Give before you take. If you expect flexibility, patience, and trust from your co-parent, you’ll need to give it first. You don’t have to be a doormat, but you don’t need to be a scorekeeper either.

5. Be prepared to communicate more than you ever did when you were married. Every hand-off will bring updates on who is up to what, schedules, activities, illnesses, boo-boos, school reports and more. Find a way that works for you. If talking doesn’t work, do it by e-mail. Don’t expect your kids to play messenger, they’ll get the emotions right (e.g., your hurt, anger, and distrust) and the facts wrong, neither of which is good.

6. Be the grown up. Yes, you’re both hurting and divorce is inevitably painful. (It should be. If it wasn’t, everyone would do it.) But venting to your kids or around your kids is not the answer. Be careful how you talk about your ex, even when you think the kids aren’t in earshot. Don’t be afraid to ask well-meaning friends and family to hold off on their editorials. It’s okay to let your kids know that you’re sad, but they need to know that you’re both going to be okay. They need to know that THEY’RE going to be okay. If you need help coping with the situation, get a therapist, meet a friend for lunch, take a walk.

7. Be sure to take care of yourself. Use the time away from the kids to recharge your batteries. Trust that your co-parent has things under control and, although things may not be handled the way that you would do them, the kids are going to be fine. The best gift you can give your kids right now is a happy and healthy mom and dad.

As the season progresses, I am sure there will be plenty of armchair experts out there who will analyze every move they make throughout this whole process. Will the decision to share the household work? Will Jon opt to leave for a job out of state? Will the show remain interesting without the constant tension on the sofa interviews? Are the kids getting too staged?

I’m going to stay out of that. I’m going to wish the Gosselins well and hope they find the healing they need.

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No, I do not believe “Miracle Whip” and Kraft macaroni and cheese are their own food groups.

Yes, I get that your homemade sauce stewed from tomatoes you grew your very own self with seeds you obtained from Tibetan Monks on your epicurean tour of the world last year are the epitome of all that is good and decent in the food world.

I understand that you are far too good for “pedestrian” fare such as turkey on Thanksgiving or ham for Easter. It’s something gamey under glass all the way for you. I get that a store-bought cake for any occasion may, in fact, prove fatal.

I understand that the award winning cooking blog that garners something like 10,000,000 hits per minute with family friendly dishes that readers rave about is beneath you.  You wouldn’t touch barbecued meatballs, oatmeal crispies, or “smashed potatoes” with a ten foot fork.

You live to post snide comments on recipe pages and sniff over store-bought sauce. You have a larder full of high quality cooking wines and you’re not afraid to use them.

We get it, we do. You’re better than us. More educated.  More refined. You have an exquisite palate and mad kitchen skilz.

But please, oh please, could you just shut up about it already? The rest of us just really want to cook - and eat - in peace and sometimes only an authentic, old-fashioned, straight-from-the-freezer-case tator tot will do.

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Photo by Flo Holzinger

Earlier in the month, a 93 year old man ran into the front doors of a Walmart with his car. He said he was searching for a parking spot and doesn’t understand what happened. He hit a one year old baby in a stroller resulting in severe head injuries to the baby. Police speculate that he thought he was stepping on the break when in fact; he was stepping on the gas.

Also a the beginning of June, a 73 year old woman, with handicap plates, jumped a curb when she was trying to park and ran into a group of 7 visiting a veteran’s memorial.

Now, you may say that younger drivers can be inattentive drivers as well, as that these accidents could have just as easily been the result of a teen driver, and that would correct. According to the National Highway Safety Administration, ages 16 - 20 do account for the largest amount of fatal crashes, the elderly cause 14% of all vehicle crashes and 19% of all pedestrian fetalities in 2007. This is up 2% since 2002. While the younger drivers are higher risk, risk subsides until 70 years old when risk starts to increase again.

It’s time to hold our politicians accountable. No politician wants to risk losing the elderly vote in order to protect families and children so they stay as far away from this reality as possible, but is a politicians own self interest more important than the public’s general safety?

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This week: Is it ever OK to hit your child? I’m sure many of us have tales of being routinely spanked or even smacked around when we were younger — did it affect your life as an adult? Did it form your spanking policies with your own children? And has the use of spanking as discipline really declined, or is it just that the anti-spanking crowd has been given a bigger voice with the advent of the internet?

Discuss.

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The additional controversy taking place in California is that parents aren’t able to opt their children out leaving parents to challenge the school district with threats of law suits.

According to World Net Daily, the parents claim the California school district is violating federal law, under the following regulations:

Under the regulation, parents must be notified and given an opportunity to opt-out, if the evaluation addresses topics such as:

* Political affiliations or beliefs of the student or the student’s parent;

* sex behavior or attitudes;

* religious practices, affiliations, or beliefs of the student or student’s parent, etc.

In the past, debates have centered around this “opt out” policy which allows parents the option — to have their children pulled out of controversial subjects, especially in earlier grade levels.

According to The School Library Journal, Jordan Sonnenblick, an author and spokeman for an organization called Authors Support Intellectual Freedom, “People have a very rigid, narrow view of what kinds of sexuality are allowed to exist.”

But is that the problem here or is it an issue, as many California parents are claiming, of indoctrination at such a young age?

While I support efforts to minimize bullying (and hate speech) within schools, this is a slippery slope when parents rights are circumvented by school administrators. Shouldn’t the preservation of parental rights be respected as a basic freedom? While some parents may disagree with parents who choose to opt their children out of such moral teachings, parents disagree all the time, yet unless the child is being abused, it’s not anybody elses business when and how parents decide to education their children in matter of sexual attraction, is it?

I don’t necessarily have a problem with older children, with higher maturity levels, learning about two Dads or two Moms living together (ie; sleeping together), but why force complicated social issues on mere babes? Must children be aware of everything social and grown up, including sexual attraction? Can’t kids just be kids and not pawns of social justice and political motives? Why can’t they simply wait to introduce such complicated issues to extremely young children?

I also have to wonder, what if a Muslim child’s parent wanted to opt out? Would the proponents of the LGBT curriculum be “tolerant” of their rights or is it only Christian whose rights are being dimissed? Just asking.

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 Seemingly overnight, my son transformed from a kid we could take anywhere—WOULD take anywhere thanks to his perfect restaurant behavior—into a child that can’t handle sitting in a shopping cart for five minutes while in Target because all he wants to do is squirm and run around and knock things over.

 It’s a tough stage. It’s a stage that makes you doubt yourself as a parent. It pushes you far beyond your patience limit and then back again. It’s a stage where one parent is pitted against the other at times, just desperately trying to find a way to make it through our cheeseburgers on a Friday night out in public.

 Time-outs work pretty well, but my husband and I are still frazzled and on-edge after a particularly difficult tantrum session. But, thankfully, we’ve found a way to cope—we laugh. We joke that living with our son is like living with a very tiny, very loud, very destructive drunk person–emotionally unstable, extreme mood swings, wobbly gait, copious amounts of drool, liquids spilled on the carpet and a predilection for running around naked. It’s like living with a college student.

 So, here’s hoping that this challenging stage passes soon—although it’s sort of the-devil-you-know-versus-the-devil-you-don’t. Because I’ll probably look back at this post later on in life, after he’s totaled our car or something similar, and wish time-outs still worked.

 But, I’d love to hear any other suggestions or comments—even if it’s just to express shared misery!

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I myself was fully prepared for  Ernie and Berts cozy basement apartment, Oscar and his mood swings,  and whatever else was thrown at us as we passed a lazy Sunday away. I wasn’t however, prepared for the warning that reminded me that THIS box set was for ADULTS only thank you very much. After all, who wants their kids exposed to the idea that befriending strangers doesn’t equal cookies and milk, but most likely child molestation.  Or the fact that Cookie Monster not only smokes a pipe, but eats it too!  And  Oscar is far too grouchy and perhaps needs a stint in the psych ward for mood stablizers before coming back on the air. Yep, S.S of the past was filled with too many secret gays, addicted puppets, and cows that move way too fucking slow.

We watched it anway…My 21 month old and I now have daily conversations on cow breasts [it's better than her thinking they were vaginas, which she did at first] and how we get our delicious whole milk from them. Kids these days wouldn’t be able to sit through a 20 minute cow milking if they wanted to.  Not without flashing, bleeps, and bloops anyway.

The kids of the old school dvd had fun.  They played without fear, they embraced the idea of community, and they took it easy. When I look at the kids of today I’m surprised anyone goes outside anymore.  I saw a mother cautioning her son that “the slide was dirty, and not to touch…” If a man smiles at your kid in the food market, chances are (get honest!) that you have a little voice in the back of your head screaming “pervert! he could be a pervert!” even if he just loves kids, and has a few of his own. And god forbid our kids ride a bike without a helmet, or ride the subway alone.

We need to loosen up as parents. Stop judging each other, and head outside in the dirt. Stop worrying about germs for a second, and worry that all the antibacterial propaganda is making super bugs that are more harmful than swallowing a worm or two. And that’s all I got: there’s a handful of chocolate chips waiting for me and I am itching to get my hands on them.

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Nadya Suleman, the mother of octuplets born Jan. 26, has inked a deal with the British production company Eyeworks, which plans to begin filming a reality TV series based on the controversial single mother and her 14 children.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m a little burnt-out on the big-family-I-Gave-Birth-To-A-Million-Kids shows. It’s losing its appeal, its freshness, its ability to cause morbid fascination. At least for me.

I can’t imagine this going well. I can imagine crazy train wreck. I see it going the way of another notoriously infamous family of 10. The show itself won’t be a 24-7 account of their lives, but documenting only special events such as birthdays. They aren’t looking to be the next Jon and Kate, as Suleman points out: “It’s boring”. Uh yeah.

“Nadya knows she has to do something,” says Czech. “But she doesn’t want the constant filming because she feels that would be taking advantage of her kids. She’s trying to find the middle ground and feels this approach will work best.”

Nadya knows she has to do something? She doesn’t have to do anything. Although, she does have to make money and doing a reality show is the quickest route, I guess.

No constant filming because that would be taking advantage of her kids? Isn’t that already happening? Isn’t she already using her kids advantageously?

I have to wonder, though, how much of it is going to be true. She’s supposed to talk about how she was raised and about the donor dad during the course of the show, among other topics. How many different stories were (are) out there bouncing around the internets on these subjects coming from Suleman’s own mouth?

And then, there’s the book deal. She has enlisted a ghostwriter, the same one who did Christopher Ciccone’s (Madonna’s brother) autobiography. Should this be catorgorized as ‘fiction’?

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I’m not a rabid fan of the show but catch it from time to time because my 10 year old daughter (who may in fact represent the show’s true demographic) is. I’m so rank amateur that I cannot even name all the ‘tups’ and define the two older girls as “the one that makes me actually want to slap a child” and “one who genera lly doesn’t.”


I have watched it enough to know that picking apart all the ways that Kate can appear to be a raving witch is as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.  I am not a fan of Kate’s treatment of her spouse, even as I think sometimes we cringe because she hits a bit too close to home. Chastising my spouse for something I think he needs my correction on, I immediately think, agahst “that wasn’t too Kate was it? Because trust me, there isn’t a wife or mother on earth who wants to ‘go there.’

That said, the more I “see” of Jon the more I think Peter Pan has been given a pass long enough.

In nearly every episode I’ve seen Jon wanders around like a dope and seems to get his entire identify from being Kate’s whipping boy. He’s a grown man and if he really didn’t like it to some extent - he’d stand up for himself and put a stop to it.

He gets the natural “aw look a mans trying to help, how cute!” pass from viewers if he so much as takes a child on an outing or ties a shoe. In reality, he seems to enjoy standing around allowing Kate to make all the plans, decisions, and take control. Any co-parenting mother in America who has experienced trying to get even a child or two ready for a major “dress-up” ocassion, juggling shoes and tights and tiny little socks and keeping faces cleaned and hair combed while simultaneously dressing and coiffing herself, only to come down and find her spouse showered, dressed, and lounging on the sofa watching SportCenter, knows of what I speak. It takes more to make a family outing happen than simply taking a child’s hand and buckling them into a carseat.

I don’t know what makes the Gosselin’s marriage work. I don’t know what makes anyone’s marriage work. I’m focusing on mine, thank you very much. Nonetheless, I have to believe that they felt strongly enough about themselves just a few short years ago to create eight mini-me’s. They need to get back to that. I think that if they could step back, turn off the cameras, and come back to a place of mutual respect where neither partner acted like a banshee, or a doormat, there would be hope for them yet.

That said, despite the built-in ease in “bashing” Kate, on this one I kind of have her back. Frankly, I think if I had to spend too much time with Jon I’d probably snap and flip the witch switch too.

Read more at the Jon and Kate site at Examiner.com

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In recent years, well meaning parents enlightened and emboldened by mere conjecture and rumors have started to reject and refuse life saving immunizations for their children. Science concludes that much of the decisions to not vaccinate children is based on misguided trends and misinformation.

Much of these rumors started with outspoken celebrities, because they’re so much smarter than everyday people don’tchya know? Celebrities love selling parents on the demerits of vaccinations as the root of all evil, i.e.; Autism. Never mind that scientist after scientist has completely refuted this claim, parents are so afraid that their kids might turn out to be freaks (like my Asperger* son), that they’re willing to make these hasty decisions in fear and loathing often relying on a false sense of security that “herd immunity” will prevail. Recent outbreaks of various, once eradicated or nearly eradicated diseases have only furthered the lack of evidence to support the herd immunity theory.

The problem is now becoming so serious; it may only be a matter of time before courts step in and order parents to protect their kids, much like they did in Minnesota when a mother refused chemo for her 13 year old son, when there was a 95% that he would be cured with the treatment.

The following will be published in Pediatrics next month…

Before a vaccine was available, whooping cough was a major cause of childhood illness and death in the U.S., but with the introduction of a vaccine in the 1940s, the number of cases fell from approximately 200,000 a year to an all-time low of 1,010 in 1976. Since then, however, the number of whooping cough cases has been steadily increasing, reaching 25,827 in 2004; the highest since 1959. Experts believe this trend could be due in part to the rising number of parents who refuse some or all of the recommended immunizations for their children—a theory confirmed by a recent study.

*Asperger is believed to be something you’re born with unlike other disorders on the Austism spectrum

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Fast forward almost two years.

I’m standing in the kitchen at a friends daughters 2nd birthday, wearing a pretty black sundress from the Gap with one of those waists that poofs out, but in a cute way that makes you feel like a little girl at a picnic, and not so much a fat tub of lard. I’m observing the hostess, her mother, and friends cook, all while attempting to put out a small fire in the oven, when I’m ambushed.

“Is there something in the oven?” [Friends MIL]

“No, I don’t think so. I know there was burnt cake, but I think it’s under control so no, yep, nothing, nada…”

With that said, she reaches out and pats my tummy.

Oh. That oven. The one that makes me look 6 months pregnant, but is really just fat and fantastic for resting books on. And now I’m thinking, what does she feel? Does she feel two layers of cotton and tulle and below that soft mushiness that’s too many chocolate chip cookies and a tummy that never went back to shape? Does she feel like a fucking idiot? I hope so, because who ASKS that, without proof. Like, a head showing.

“Are you sure? I mean..” Insert, another pat, and a knowing glance.

The thing is, as soon as she said that I was mentally calculating my last period. Of course I wasn’t pregnant, but when someone has enough balls to question your own body, you start to wonder if they are right.

“I’m sure, I’m not pregnant, nope, just fat..I have to um, go..”

And with that, I died inside.

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Having not watched much over the last couple of weeks but IDOL and DANE COOK, I finally watched “Glee” on DVR.  I can sum it up in 13 words:  “Fame” meets “American Pie” meets “Rent” meets “Boston Public” meets “Hairspray” meets “Carrie”.  Sounds good, right?

Well the “Fame” reference is obvious.  A one hour musical tv show based on singing dancing students at school.   While “Fame” was set at the prestigious school of the arts, Juliard, “Glee” takes place at your average high school.  If your high school was once the pillar of show choir society but had been taken down a few notches thanks to scandals and unfortunate events, that is.

“American Pie” threw you for a loop didn’t it?  Pair it up with “Rent” and think CHRIS KLEIN and IDINA MENZEL.

Remember Chris Klein’s character “Oz” in “American Pie” was the all star jock who sort of fell into choir and in love with the over achieving choir girl and was embarrassed for the guys to find out about his love for singing?  We have that same situation going here in “Glee” and although you might think that Zac Efron/Troy Bolton/High School Musical might be a more timely comparison, “Glee” actor Finn Hudson is a dead ringer for Chris Klein/”Oz” in appearance, voice, and character.  He is sweet to watch.

“Rent” makes more obvious sense as a comparison, what with the music and all. The two shows also share an offbeat sense of humor.  Now the movie wasn’t that runny as I recall, but the live version had me in stitches with unexpected remarks and zingers.  But the real comparison between “Rent” and “Glee” is that the lead choir girl “Rachel” played by Lea Michele had such a strong resemblence to Idina Menzel who played badass but confused Maureen in “Rent”.  A lot of the time when Michele and Hudson were singing I felt like I was watching Klein and Menzel, in a good way!

I miss the David E. Kelly’s “Boston Legal”.  Do you?  I am excited just to mention it in a post and it’s a bonus that it actually is relevant here.  It is the show I think of when I think of teachers on tv who care enough to go to bat for their students.  The teacher here,  Will Shuster, played by Matthew Morrison (who played “Link” in Hairspray on Broadway) is passionate about glee club.  We don’t know his whole story yet but we pulled a few layers in the premiere episode.  He is married to a quietly bitchy princess who runs up secret charges at Pottery Barn while accusing him of not wanting “more” out of life.  More MONEY that is.  Turns out she was the head cheerleader in school, and he was a jock who loved show choir… and has never been as happy as his times spent at national show choir competitions.  I am hoping to see their relationship fizzle as Mr. Shuster pursues his happiness which consists of equal parts helping the misfit glee club members and getting his own show choir fix.

Lastly, and least likely in comparison is “Carrie”… Stephen King’s homage to the picked on, abused, and desperate to “be” something kids in high school.  All shows highlight that characteristic, yes.  And many shows depict jocks and bullies tormenting other kids.  But when our lead female glee lead has a big red slurpee chucked in her face in the hall way, it is hard not to think of poor Carrie at the prom.  We see occasional glimpses of Rachel’s pain, but it only makes her practice more and sing better, not seek revenge.  Go glee club girl!

“Glee” has some other great characters, including the cheer leading coach played by Jane Lynch, who I LOVED as the sex therapist in “Boston Legal”.  She is brutal and hysterical with her quirks and zingers.  Sort of a tougher, less charming but just as fun, Karen Walker (Will & Grace).

I was sometimes bothered by the kids being tormented and it brought to mind images of the nightmare called “high school” that my own kids will be heading into all too soon.  But mostly I smiled.  Smiled while laughing and smiled while beaming at the musical numbers and seeing everyone grow and come together as a team, finally producing a number that looked and sounded so good I had goosebumps.  “Glee” is on my dvr auto record schedule now.  It makes me happy.  Did you watch it yet?

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7:59: OK, on the couch, remote in hand, glass of wine by my side (beer seemed inappropriate for a guy settling in to watch Jon and Kate)

8:01: Turning Five AND THE FUTURE…

8:02: Didn’t sign up for the public scrutiny, Jon? What did you expect being on TV?

8:03: Uh, oh, Kate’s mad…

8:04: Is it just me, or does Jon seem like he’s had a drink or two?

8:05: I’ve got a solution — don’t be on TV and don’t go on national book tours.

8:06: Kate: “I have a lot of anger.” And you wouldn’t like Kate when she’s angry.

8:07: The new set is certainly an, uh, improvement — it looks so, uh, different.

8:12: Year long planning for a birthday party? That’s about 51.5 weeks longer than we spend.

8:14: Sorry, hard to feel sorry for Kate having to deal with Jon’s weekend off since presumably she has the same off camera help that he has.

8:15: Looks like the kids have developed the same vocabulary my 6-year-old has (who is currently chanting “pooper weiner” as I type)

8:16: Creepy for the kids to say “paparazzi”, not creepy to expose your kids to them in the first place.

8:18: Even the kids keep trying to keep Kate away from them.

8:23: Well there, Kate just validated all the haters.

8:24: Kate: “It’s not fine.” But yet I’ll still keep participating in the show.

8:25: Their kids’ lives have become a business. Nice!

8:26: You have to realize that yes, you may be called your babysitters name, but you have to do what you can to schedule your spray tan.

8:30: If there’s even a 50/50 ratio for commercials/show this past half hour I would be shocked.

8:32: Junkly cunkly? WTF?

8:33: By the way, Kate, it’s actually acceptable to use brown sacks for the goody bags instead of investing/assembling “gift boxes”.

8:34: Look at how Kate has to do everything by herself….

8:35: “We’ll have 4 pinatas we need to line up there.” And I mean “line up” — you had better make sure they are perfectly even.

8:36: 6 minutes, then another commercial!

8:40: These poor parents, go to one birthday party, buy 6 presents!

8:43: Awkward!

8:45: Guests, please ignore the annoying paparazzi following our every move! But please embrace the TLC cameras following our every move, as they pay us.

8:51: Hi magician man, can you make Jon disappear?

8:53: Produce a real rabbit or FEEL THE WRATH OF KATE.

8:54: Wow, that rabbit gets more abuse than Jon.

8:58: OK, staff, now clean up!

9:00: The other 3 are dead to me!

9:01: Kate’s hair has come a long way in 5 years.

9:07: Kate’s here every minute that doesn’t require her to be away. Which is 6 days out of the month.

9:09: It’s not just because you’re parents of multiples, Kate.

9:12: I’m sure there are many thinking there is irony in Kate insisting everything she does is in her kids’ best interest.

9:13: Aaaand, that’s it until next week. Thanks for joining me for the 30 minute premiere crammed into over an hour.

If you missed it, check out a Jon and Kate Season 5 premiere recap here.

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I often hear people saying, “American Idol is fixed.”  I don’t believe that for a minute.  The votes are counted properly.  But there is no way that the votes are cast SINCERELY. Here is where the integrity of the show is lost.  And where the truly invested viewers are duped.

But let’s back up for a minute.  The American Idol Season 8 Finale was a phenomenal show! I have been laughing and dancing for almost two hours.  I don’t know when was the last time I had so much fun watching television and I have completely forgotten how disappointing Tuesday’s show was.

When Norman Gentle came out to accept his award I was delighted.  When Fergie came out I thought the show couldn’t get any better.  When she was joined by the whole BEP crew I thought, “Enough already!  I don’t deserve this many treats.”

Allison singing with Cyndi Lauper was the first time of the night I got choked up.  I think because I’m a little broken hearted for her that she was booted a little early, but mostly I think I had a flashback to high school when “Time After Time” came out and Cyndi Lauper was such a big part of that time.  The Danny and Lionel Richie number was very cool too.  Again, sadness when I looked at Danny.  He should have been center stage tonight with Adam.

What a fun time I was having, all the while in the back of my mind thinking, “cool it girl, you’re about to have your world rocked.  This isn’t going to end well.”  Instead of listening to my own warning, I continued to embrace the show and enjoy each moment better than the last.

Kara upstaging Bikini Girl and her new boobs was brilliant.  How do you have the balls to stand onstage in front of all those people and not only sing in your bikini but sing BADLY?!  While everyone is making fun of you?!  Is she so self absorbed that she doesn’t get the joke is on her?  Oh well.  Kara tore it up and tore it off.  Go girl! I know I just told you earlier today to simmer down and zip it but I am glad you didn’t take my advice. :-)  I was certain that was going to be my memorable moment of the night.

Until…

Adam came out on stage.  His face looked SO clear and handsome.  The glitter around his eyes… he was just beautiful.  But what the hell is he wearing, I said to myself.  Then I quieted myself and heard the song, “Beth”.  I scared the crap out of my kids when I yelled, “OMG Gene Simmons is coming out!  He’s dressed like Kiss!”  Within 90 seconds I was jumping up and down and screaming, “OMG KISS IS HERE KISS IS HERE!”  My kids joined in with me even though they don’t know Kiss.  I just appeared to be having a really good time I guess.

The doom and gloom set in for a minute after that.  “I am so totally being set up right now,” I thought.  “Aw fuck it, I’m having fun.”

The biggest emotional moment was Adam, Kris, and Queen.  A flood of thoughts ran through my mind.  I had heard many ugly remarks over the last couple weeks making references between Adam and Queen.  Funny thing is Adam fans would agree with comparisons and see it as a compliment.  So there they were on stage together, and not only was Kris about to steal Adam’s Idol glory, but there he was horning in on Adam’s moment with Queen.  It should have been Adam’s alone.  And then I got sad looking at them all on stage and thinking about the one great performer that was missing, Freddie Mercury.  We lost him too soon and it would have been amazing to see him singing with Adam.

That brings us back to the results.  It was a super show, wasn’t it?  And seeing everyone perform and seeing Adam and Kris side by side it was more clear than ever that Adam is in a whole different league than everyone else, not just Kris.  Shit, he’s in a different league than half the artists on the radio right now!  “Too bad he won’t win,” I thought.

And then the results.  Kris won.  Adam lost.  Even Kris was stunned.  Speechless, the only thing he could say was, “Adam should have won”.  So true.

I knew Adam wasn’t going to win.  Didn’t for a moment expect it and I am disappointed, but my choice for IDOL has never been a winner.  No big deal.  He’s already a star.  But still I am pissed.  Even though I had no hopes that Adam would win, I was desperately wanting the voters to prove me wrong.  Because the only explanation for Adam to lose to Kris is loads of people voting not necessarily FOR Kris but AGAINST Adam. I am so happy for Kris that he has won and if this changes his life in ways that he never imagined.  It isn’t going to hurt Adam’s future at all.   But I feel like I witnessed a non violent hate crime tonight and I am sick to my stomach.

If you think I am being dramatic, please, imagine them both onstage again, side by side, and recall their performances.  How else do you explain this outcome?

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