Like many imperfect parents, I’m more or less a very good parent on most days… but this requires a certain amount of concentrated effort and a whole lot of help. I used to get help in a bottle, and now I get help from a variety of sources.

But I still need and want a vice.. something that serves no other purpose than pleasure and rebellion. A way to cut loose and be onesself without getting mistaken for a “ma’am” or a “sir”… or someone who is, say, turning 40.

I like to joke about starting a respite center for mothers staffed with hot Italian boys (or girls, depending on your preferences).. and I’m only sort of joking. Seriously, it’s so very easy to take parenting too farging seriously these days.

But the thing is, I miss having a vice. I don’t want anything life or health or marriage threatening, just something to spice things up and remind me of the wild girl I used to be long long ago.

So when my friend told me of her new “thing” for nicotine-free cigarettes (doesn’t that sound like “no strings attached” sex?? nice idea but highly unlikely?), I thought I’d give them a try.

I’ll report back soon.. but until then.. any vices you’d recommend?

The post Smoking, Drinking, and Other Relaxation Methods for Imperfect Parents appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

So join us LIVE tonight, October 5 at 9:00 p.m. EST for the lowdown on getting your button pushed, so to speak. The Whipping Boy accidentally got a ball gag stuck in his mouth so he’ll be working the chat room and this sexy mom will be filling in on the air in his stead. AND WE’RE STILL GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-716-9830 with a question or perhaps your little tip for getting your “oh face” on and you can win a tin of fabulous handcrafted lube courtesy of this enterprising lady.

If you don’t feel like calling, you can send a question or comment to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com, or check out the nifty new chat feature. Click here to listen/subscribe.

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Join us LIVE tonight, August 31 at 8:00 p.m. CST when we’ll give the low down on some of the latest “massagers” currently on the market. We’ll also be joined by guest Racy Red from Mommy Blogs Toronto’s Hot and Bothered to share her views on these little pleasure accessories. AND WE’RE GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-915-8634 and tell us about your favorite sex toy and you just might win either a Nexus Duo Range (nsfw) or a $35 gift certificate from sex toy retailer Babeland.com (also probably nsfw, duh).

Click here to listen/subscribe

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Even though I was planning on being conservative and just ordering a salad, I considered this a big treat in comparison to my usual Lean Cuisines. I told the teenager behind the counter that I was on a diet and asked what she would recommend. She suggested the Chipotle Bowl, a burrito in a bowl, minus the tortilla. “The tortilla will kill ya,” she said.

It’s hard to believe that Chipotle is was owned by McDonald’s. It just looked and tasted so healthy, and damn was it good! So good in fact, that I went again the next week. How could a salad “bowl” be so tasty? I could eat it everyday. In fact, it tasted so good, I started to become suspicious. I purposely asked for only a pinch of cheese, a smear of sour cream and a smear of guacamole, but something tasted fishy, as in McDonald’s Fish Sandwich caloric nightmare fishy.

That night, I went to look up my Chipotle diet treat, but nutrient and caloric information is suspiciously absent from their website. I had to go to www.chipotlefan.com to get the real scoop and it wasn’t pretty. I was so incredibly shocked by what I found out, I confirmed it on Weight Watchers online database, only to find out, even with my “smears”, we were talking 18 points. I only get 25 points a day!! So, I was eating 2/3 of my daily total on that asshole salad! Dieters BEWARE!!!!

UPDATE: As commenters have pointed out, a mea culpa is in order. Indeed, a bowl with “everything” is going to pack on the pounds, but with some smart choices you can get a lunch that is rather healthy, high in fiber, filling, and most importantly, yummy.

Our current Chipotle burrito bowl standby includes: rice, extra black beans, fajita veggies, chicken, pico de gallo, and extra lettuce. Add a liberal dash of Tobasco and you’re good to go. While it’s not exactly “low calorie” clocking in at around 500 calories, it’s still way better than the gut expander version with cheese, sour cream, and guacamole, especially if you’re on a low fat diet.

The post Chipotle “salads” not the best choice appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

How do you trademark “hot mom” anyway? Does that mean nobody can ever write that again? I never got that…

So, hot moms are suing each other. I hope that it all results in a bunch of bitch slapping, cat fights and girls and men running like girls. Man, MILFs have really sold out.

“Hottest Mom in America” Audition

The post Hot moms have sold out appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

FREDERICKSBURG, Va., Sept. 28 /PRNewswire/ — For today’s women, sagging bodies no longer are an inevitable aftereffect of childbearing. More mothers are turning to plastic surgery to regain their figures when diet and exercise alone won’t do the trick — and talking openly about their procedures, according to Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg.

“Most of our tummy tuck patients and breast surgery patients are mothers who want to restore their youthful shape,” says Lesi Beamon Mackey, practice administrator for Drs. L. Thomas Albert, Howard Heppe and Harold Bautista at Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg, VA. “And, with the increasing awareness of plastic surgery, we find more are discussing their surgeries publicly.”

The following are just a few of their stories.

Alicia Lidster, age 47, gave birth to her youngest child nine years ago. Despite compliments from her husband, she felt unattractive because her midsection and breasts were sagging from multiple pregnancies. She consulted with her doctor at Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg and opted for a tummy tuck and breast lift in May 2005. “Before the surgery, I was very self- conscious … Now, I feel better and look better,” says Alicia, a stay-at-home mother who also has four grown children. She feels so much more confident that she donned a bathing suit last year to swim with her youngest daughter for the first time ever.

Chantelle Mullen, age 34, worked hard to lose the weight she gained after three pregnancies. But she could not tighten her sagging skin. “I decided on plastic surgery for the problems I knew I couldn’t fix with diet and exercise,” Chantelle says. Her doctor at Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg performed a breast lift and tummy tuck in August 2005.

Some moms need the security of their children to take the risky plunge with them as more mothers are choosing to go under the cosmetic knife with their daughters. You know what they say, “Mothers and daughters who get boob jobs together, stay together.”

According to ABC news, these are just the beginings of beautiful mother and daughter bonding relationships:

July 5, 2006 — Elvia Rabinor said she hadn’t seriously considered plastic surgery until her daughter, Lauren-Beth Kassinger, asked her about it.

“She called me and said, ‘What are you doing this next week? How about getting your nose done?'” Rabinor said.

Plastic surgeons say this mother-daughter team is an example of a growing trend — friends or relatives going under the knife together.

So, are these mothers exercising their right to look and feel beautiful, or is there something more sinister going on here, like a society that values beauty over the daunting task of motherhood? Are moms given no leeway for honorable wrinkles? Is motherhood no longer an excuse for choosing practicality over the cumbersome? Are our expectations unrealistic?

I don’t know the answer, but let’s pretend you were given the opportunity to have any procedure done that you wanted. Would you do it and if so, what would you have done?

The post Plastic Mothers appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

The term “MILF” was brought?‚? to my attention about?‚? eighteen months?‚? ago, by a male friend of mine.

“A WHAT?” I said.

“MILF.”?‚? And he graciously explained.

“Oh,” was all I could muster.

But secretly? My wheels were turning and I jumped on the bandwagon.?‚? No, not to be one, I would never presume that, even as a single mom in a very married suburb.?‚? Men are way too predictable and I don’t fit the mold.?‚? What I realized is that I sit on the other side of the fence. I?‚? was looking at — no, not just looking, oogling, the dads in the bleachers and?‚? at?‚? Parents Night.?‚? I just didn’t know that doing so, had a label.?‚? But it did from that moment on.

DILF.

Oh, so this was not a new concept, just new to me — and to most women. Grouping other adults, yes, married adults mostly, into the “yes” and “no” columns in?‚? your mind was actually something other people did. Well, obviously men were doing it. Why not women??‚? Maybe most married women aren’t thinking about which married men they find attractive, which ones make them wonder, if even for a nanosecond, just what it might be like. I didn’t when I was married, for the most part. But I’m not anymore.?‚? And?‚? sizing up, so to speak, the dad contingent is a great way to spend time when my own kids aren’t up to bat or when the?‚? game or a meeting is dragging on for way. too. long.

There’s hot mom contents, television, books, websites, and even an MILF?‚? category on this blog. Women are either intrigued or appalled at the concept, but nevertheless, being stuck with that “MILF” label is all the rage.

So if the dads knew, that at least some moms kept a list,?‚? would they?‚? balk or complain??‚? Would they write blog posts and articles and?‚? debate over whether or not it’s good for their image, for their career, or for their children for them to be objectified and reduced to merely a “yes” or a “no”??‚? Or would they take it as it’s meant??‚? As a secret compliment and really rather meaningless. I know that history leaves men and women at different ends of the?‚? sexually acceptable spectrum, but the gap is closing each and every day.?‚?

Would there be a war among dads?‚? based on whether or not they wanted?‚? the DILF?‚? label? ?‚? ?‚? ?‚?

If so, something tells me most would simply surrender.

The post It’s Time for the DILF Wars appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

Word on the street tells me that mini-vans are on the decline. Could it be that today’s fashion conscious mom is ditching practicality for status? Not quite. See, today there are many different options in cars, with cross-overs and station wagons making a comeback, practicality can be had without having to give up on style.

From an AP source published on the HeraldNet:

Of the 14 minivans on the market, sales have dropped on all but the Honda Odyssey. Sales of half the vans are down by more than 20 percent compared with the first eight months of 2005.

Ford Motor Co., which is getting out of the minivan business, predicts that 2006 sales will drop below a million for the first time since 1992.

“I acknowledge that as a vehicle design, the minivan has a lot of very positive attributes,” said George Pipas, Ford’s U.S. sales analysis manager. “There’s a problem, though. A lot of vehicles have a lot of very popular attributes.”

He’s referring mainly to car-based “crossover” vehicles, glorified station wagons such as the Ford Freestyle, GMC Acadia and Hyundai Santa Fe that carry as many people as minivans but have sleeker styling without the soccer mom label. Pipas said about 40 crossovers, many with three rows of seats, are now on the market and the number of crossovers will rise to more than 70 by 2009.

Plus, there’s that soccer mom stigma created by Generation X, the people who followed baby boomers.

“Gen X no more considered a minivan than most people would consider eating soap,” said Art Spinella, president of CNW Marketing Research, an automotive research firm in Oregon.

Plus, when $30,000 will buy you this Honda Odyssey minivan (from Honda’s official website), it may be wise to check out other options as well. You can get a practical vehicle that says more than, “I’m a mom”. So, would you rather get this:

Or this Honda Pilot, for around the same price:

Or this Audi A3 Compact Station Wagon, again, for around the same price? Hmmm….?

…because I don’t care what anybody says, there is no possible way to look good in a minivan. My husband and I have refused to cave, because a minivan is an admission that you are a suburban housewife/breadwinner who lives to cart children around and eat McDonald’s. (That’s always my first impression anyway….no offense to those of you who love your vans, I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions, it’s just the stigma associated with it).

The post Soccer moms vs. MILFS in road wars appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

However, there are many moms out there vying for the cheesy title.

Last week, in Miami, a slew of mothers waited in line in hopes of being awarded the “Hottest Mom in America” title. Winners receive cash prizes and a dream. A pipe dream.

Now, I’m not knockin’ it, because I support moms who take care of themselves and refuse to give up their sexiness in lieu of motherhood, but some of these chicks look as if they’re trying a little too hard to stay young. You can look sexy and beautiful without having to look all skank-like. (Can I say that without feminists holding signs on my front lawn?). Auditions continue around the country for all of you who think you’re the shizzy-mizzy MILF.

From the Miami Herald, photo by Ronna Gradus. Hottest Mom Audition, Miami, FL.

Now this mother/daughter pair takes me back to that 1970s/80’s commercial about who had the younger hands. One is 17, the other 47. It took me a second to decide. You have to admit, this chick is a pretty hot mama:

Read more about Hot Moms, go to The Miami Herald:

Local moms compete for ‘Hot’ title A gaggle of gorgeous moms from across South Florida lined up in Miami Beach for a chance at cash prizes, a modeling agency interview and the title of ‘Hottest Mom in America.’
BY LAURA MORALES

At 5 a.m., when many partygoers are going home from clubland, a bunch of fair ladies began lining up Saturday outside an empty Miami Beach theater with no velvet rope and no bouncer.

Some wore classy, elegant dresses, while others looked set to embrace a brass pole. There were naturally pneumatic stunners and others who obviously had had some, ahem, surgical assistance.

But they all shared one sultry goal: to become the Hottest Mom in America — and earn some cash for themselves and their kids.

The post Who’s the hottest mom in America? appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

How about, what’s now and wow?

-Boots are tres cool. Fall looks are equesterian style and motorcycle boots and wedge boots.

-Ballerina shoes are comfy and way stylish right now. With or without the strap.

-Pointy shoes and round toed shoes are still popular. Look for lots of chrome buckles.

-Textures are patent leather, metallics, animal prints and fabrics, as well as leather, all in fall colors.

Shoes are practical. Shoes are good. New shoes arrive in stores everyday. What’s a MILF to do?

For a quick peek at what’s new, I think Nordstrom has the best “hot” shoe list.

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