The In Between

End of an Era

2011-05-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am afraid I won't remember this moment and I desperately want to so I have decided to write it in case I forget. Joe just left this house for the last time. He moved out today and I waited outside for him while he did one last walk through. I looked in the door and he was standing at the kitchen drinking a glass of ice water in his grey pants that I like and red and blue striped shirt. As I looked in he looked up at me with his head tilted so classically Joe because his glasses always slid down his nose. He looked at me and then set the glass down with only the ice left in it. It's something I see him do all the time but this was the last time. Him setting the glass down seemed so final. And the ice that would melt in a little while and then I would have to clean up later, like a trace of him. It's a trace of him being there. There's so much space in the house now. The carport is too big, the frying pan, the living room. The house feels depleted of all the beautiful memories we here. I can't forget them.

"I wish I could give you the memory I have of your mother that day. I wish I could leave you certain of the images in my mind, because they are so beautiful that I hate to think they will be extinguished when I am. Well, but again, this life has its own mortal loveliness. And memory is not strictly mortal in its nature, either. It is a strange thing, after all, to be able to return to a moment, when it can hardly be said to have any reality at all, even in its passing. A moment is such a slight thing, I mean, that its abiding is a most gracious reprieve." - Marilynne Robinson

News

2011-01-14T15:34:00.001-08:00

It's sad when you can't share the joy.

Put it Down

2011-01-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a woman trapped in a car after a car accident. Her face was really peaceful and her eyes were closed. I think she must have been sleeping when it happened. It was tragically beautiful. I just got done watching All Good Things and the memory of what I saw today kept tugging at my brain. I feel like I have to write it down so I don't forget about it. All Good Things made me feel kind of crazy though.

2010-12-31T12:21:00.001-08:00

it is nice to have a break. i still think i will not photograph people.

Can't Seem To

2010-12-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

I just can't seem to get ahead.

2010-11-29T23:26:00.000-08:00

2010-11-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

Funk

2010-11-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

I've been in a funk today. I think I'm out of it now though. My relations with old friends have been so negative lately I think it's been affecting other aspects of my life. While I've been frustrated with my final I've also gotten more frustrated with people too. I think this might be leading me away from photographing people for a while, at least primarily. I don't know what exactly this will lead me to photograph instead of people but I can feel the change coming and I am slightly looking forward to it. I think people I photograph have grown tired of being photographed too. I want to leave them alone for a while and see what else I can do. I just hope I can still pull off this final and my exasperation with it is not evident.

This is a good kind of anticipation.

Symmetry

2010-11-21T20:44:00.000-08:00

I'm watching a documentary on Netflix called the Science of Sex Appeal. They are currently discussing whether sex appeal has anything to do with symmetry or the Greek's golden section so I decided to play around with a picture of myself. I don't know what I like better. The eyes in the top image are way too car apart but I hate the bags under my eyes in the bottom image.

Neat!

2010-11-19T19:47:00.001-08:00

This guy named Clay took this tint type of me in my class today. I really, really like it!

"You want me to say it worse?"

2010-11-18T14:21:00.001-08:00

Earlier this week I felt like I had hit a wall with my large format final. I know what I want it to look like visually but I haven't worked it all out conceptually and decided what specifically I want the work to be about. My professor has really been pressing me to nail it down but I have been resisting. While trying to figure all of it out I decided to pick up Why People Photograph by Robert Adams and revisit the book for possible inspiration. I feel like I found exactly what I needed.

"Part of the reason that these attempts at explanation fail, I think, is that photographers, like all artists, choose their medium because it allows them the most fully truthful expression of their vision. Other ways are relatively imprecise or incomplete. Why try other ways? As Charles Demuth said, "I have been urged.. to write about my paintings... Why? Haven't I, in a way, painted them?" Or as Robert Frost told a person who asked him what one of his poems meant, "You want me to say it worse?" ...The main reason that artists don't willingly describe or explain what they produce is, however, that the minute they do so they've admitted failure. Words are proof that the vision they had is not, in the opinion of some at least, fully there in the picture. Characterizing in words what they thought they's shown is an acknowledgement that the photograph is unclear- that it is not art....C.S. Lewis admitted, when he was asked to set forth his beliefs, that he never felt less sure of them than when he tried to speak of them." - Robert Adams

Change

2010-11-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

I think I took this back in 2006.

I am going to make some best of 2010 lists soon. Hopefully this will include books, movies, and music at least.

Inspired

2010-11-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Today while looking for inspiration for my final I stumbled across this artist in some old notes I had. I liked what she wrote about her work, " I explored the sorrows as well as the sweetness of family life and, more generally, the ambivalence that shadows intimate relationships."- Rita Bernstein

Francesca Woodman has also given me ideas for my final. I'm excited to see what my final evolves into. It has already changed so much. I'll put up work soon. I have a lot of work from large format but just no time to scan it all.

Golden Goldin

2010-11-05T15:05:00.001-07:00

I was inspired by Nan Goldin and the quote that went with this image today.

"Within intimacy there is often a great distance.."

The view out of my window is so pretty right now. I'm kind of scared of the winter but this golden fall view and the other two souls in this house are reassuring me.

Dunzo

2010-10-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

Something Old.

Glorious Stubbornness

2010-10-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

"I think there’s a glorious stubbornness to human nature. We aren’t machines and that is our glory as it were. And so, we have to take a break quite often. We need a pause. We’re not made for continuous action. We think, we do something and then we pause, we look out the window. Looking out the window is a fundamental part of the human species and its actions. . .There’s an element of redundancy in human behavior and it needs to be there."- Alain de Botton

Reading Gilead

2010-10-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

Still

2010-10-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of having dreams, nothing good comes from them. I need some dreamless sleep for a while.

Abby

2010-10-07T15:19:00.000-07:00

She's getting so big and so much older.

This old house

2010-10-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

Wish I had more time to post on this old thing. I have things to say. I'll get around to it eventually when things slow down.

Just Last Year

2010-10-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

This time last year I was driving around Columbus on my rare days off shooting pictures with my TLR. It was kind of a sacred time. I was completely alone just driving around looking for pretty places to photograph. I finally developed all of the rolls over the past few weeks. It's neat to be surprised by photographs I had forgotten I had taken.

It's strange how much has changed since then, it's bittersweet.

Virginia

2010-09-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

November 13 I WILL be in Virginia. No matter what.

http://museumpublicity.com/2010/09/12/sally-mann-the-flesh-and-the-spirit-at-the-virginia-museum-of-fine-arts/

Serious Boy

2010-09-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm finally starting to get into the swing of things after over a month of school.

There's a boy I see almost every day at work and he never smiles and rarely looks me in the eye. Someone else was serving him today and I made it a point to stare at him the whole time he was in line and he didn't once acknowledge me. I know that sounds creepy but I just did it to test him. I don't understand why he avoids it so much, surely he can feel me staring at him. One day I'm going to get up the courage to ask him why he never smiles. He really irks me.

Weeping Willows

2010-09-19T17:02:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy life I've lead recently, plenty of things to look forward to though.

Sundays always make me sentimental and crave companionship.

"I feel so broke up I wanna go home."

Shy and Tired

2010-09-13T22:17:00.000-07:00