The Incredible Adventures of the Super-Terrific

The End, Part II.

2010-09-07T21:10:00.001-04:00

So I couldn't stay away. I'm here. It's for my corporeal family and friends, so it has real names and places and less talk about boys and food. But feel free to hang out for a spell, if you like. Maybe I'll give it a mashed-pumpkin background too.

The End.

2010-06-11T22:55:00.002-04:00

I know I started this late. End of November, freshman year--so it's more seven-eighths of high school than all four years. But I can pretend, say that I approached my new school as a writing project rather than my life. It took a while to learn to disconnect, and then a while to plug back in. Regardless, I have loved doing this. Writing about school and music and whatever caught my fancy, writing when I was dead-tired or miserable or had nothing to say. I doubt I'll stay off the self-documentation train for long, and wherever I go next I'll post here.
It's been real, guys. Stay cool.
-Leela

Graduated.

2010-06-11T10:47:00.003-04:00

I woke up multiple times last night, jolting up like I had suddenly remembered something in sleep. My dreams were disconnected and discomfiting. But I was feeling fine about graduating, so it might have had more to do with the eating bender I went on Thursday.
Gown, heels, honor cords. My cap was covered with googly eyes, I quite liked it. I sat next to Andrew, and our chatter made the whole ceremony feel less...ceremonial. The sound system was awful, I missed most of Melinda's and the SCA vice-president's speeches, as well as Eric's, though I did catch him mentioning Fancy Friday. That was nice.
The commencement speaker was okay, even if I did have to strain to make out his words. Love what you do, I think he said. It was suitably vague.
For not having to actually say anything, I was surprised to find myself stage-frightened. Nothing terrible happened.
After we'd all filed out of our rows and formed a scrum in the back hallway, I walked around getting hugs. It was a bit overwhelming but no different than all the other graduations I've attended. I had to hunt to find Katherine, and was relieved, once she showed up, that there had not been some drastic shift in our dynamic.
I did not speak to Clark or Nick or Alistair or any of those boys. We were never friends, after all. I did talk to Samuel's sister, Sally, and it did not make me sad. Eric ambushed me and mentioned he had my phone number; I told him to use it. I was put in a number of pictures and, feeling cheerful, gave extreme grins.
Then I went home with my family and felt strange. Just strange.

In Preparation.

2010-06-10T17:14:00.002-04:00

Graduation practice today. The gowns make you so sweaty, I forgot my honor cords, a vice-principal read every name: dull, just dull. Alice, Katherine and I were chatting as we exited, and I said, "Wait. That's the last time we're ever going to do that. Leave the school. The last time." They shrugged and we kept walking.
The whole proceeding reminded me of why I am so glad to get out of high school. These last few months, or perhaps this whole year, has been an idyll of adolescence (yes, who knew such a thing existed). But as a freshman and sophomore, even for some of junior year, that place was the source of all my troubles. I couldn't wait to graduate; I guess I still can't. I am proud to have finished unscathed, and with so many experiences.

Incomplete, But What Isn't?

2010-06-08T22:16:00.003-04:00

What I'll miss about senior year. Not memorable occurrences, but repeated happenings that gave me consistently peachy days:

Melinda (and Sam, on occasion) singing Michael Jackson
class-led tangents in chemistry about sexting
also in that class, making signs for Katherine instead of listening to the teacher
listening to boy bands, Top 40 and sixties pop in yearbook
crashing out after hard practices
drawing a stick figure in the corner of every page of Alice's calculus notes, starting in January
handing out stickers on Fancy Friday
speaking of which, Alice's Fancy Friday outfits (when she remembered)
Goodwill sprees with Katherine
bringing up art history with Anna at odd moments
being the only person in study hall actually working
having a study hall in which to work
escapist or nonsensical conversations with Mr. Atkins
getting to know Karen, Bambi, Christen, Lauren
sleepovers with Anna, even the one when we did homework until four in the morning
getting snowed in
watching Community, Parks and Rec, and 30 Rock
oh yeah, and Glee
gawking at Nick in English

There's a passage from Prep that I thought about many, many times this year:
"The probable outcomes were not in our favor; we were hovering in that thin space before resolution, when the cards still might, but probably would not, fall in our favor. Usually, I just wanted to learn the ending. At that moment, howere, the suspense didn't bother me so much. It was a warm spring night; at least for a little while longer, it was almost nice not to know how it would all turn out."
Back when Anna didn't know if she'd gotten into the University of Pennsylvania or not. At the start of cross-country races. After taking AP tests, sweating and disoriented. Staring out as we drove back from Montreal, New York was so bleak and beautiful I wanted to cry. It seemed so possible that we might all get exactly what we wanted.

Hurm.

2010-06-08T20:31:00.002-04:00

Katherine's mother took this picture of me fifteen minutes after the prom roller coaster began. It will be my only because it encapsulates every picture--you can tell I'm awkward and uncomfortable but, I think, not unhappy.

Sports awards tonight. Melinda got sportsmanship and Alice got MVP, no surprises there. They're half of the 4X100 relay team, which won at states on Saturday. Won! They represent everything joyous and beautiful about running that I fell in love with more than a year ago.
And now the running's done. Embarrassing, but I wish I could keep going. I wish I was good enough to run in college, so that my entire life could be class-practice-sleep-repeat. These are silly wishes born only of Kate Greer and my desire to belong somewhere.
I mean, Montreal, it's giant, who knows where I'll find to fit in?

Linking With Myself, Part II.

2010-06-07T13:52:00.002-04:00

There are fewer today, because my writing from freshman and sophomore years is hard to stomach.

About tenth grade.

About being sad.

About Camp Rock.

About a trip to the beach.

About No Age.

About disembodied fiction.

About a wretched New Year's Day.

Linking With Myself, Part I.

2010-06-06T15:47:00.004-04:00

As a kind of retrospective, and because the only thing I have to talk about are our daily thunderstorms, I am going to link to some posts I like. They're in reverse chronological order, 2010-2008, the rest coming tomorrow.

About Abigail's graduation.

About the best of all possible worlds.

About physical activity.

About coming back from Louisiana.

About how sad I was, once.

About Lousiana itself.

About the Disney Channel.

About Nick.

About May.

About Alice.

About a track meet.

About balanced meals.

About boys.

About pictures of myself.

About The Thermals.

About my advice.

About photography philosophies.

My Camera's Broken, Remember? My Brain Too.

2010-06-05T12:57:00.006-04:00

After practice one day.

Staying up late to write an analysis of this book. It should have been an all-nighter, but I gave up at five and slept in until ten. I got a 94.

After getting ready for prom I was not particularly tolerant.

Feeling and looking kind of manic. Late-May syndrome.

Tie-dying seriously stained my hands. Took a few days to get off.

Coconut water!

Basically.

2010-06-04T21:57:00.002-04:00

Woke up before six, drove to school. Today was prank day. Chalk, greasepaint, plastic wrap, parking all over the lawn, water balloons. The usual.
Had an awards ceremony, a brunch. Went home and watched movies with Katherine. Then we went to Braxton's photography show, just a little thing but pleasant. Katherine and I went out to the patio and looked down at the summer evening. "The city looks so peaceful from up here," I said.
We walked around downtown, then the grocery store. We were low-key. It was easy to forget, until right now, that I'm done with school. Done? I'm not going next week; exams. I have a form to turn in, and I have to go to graduation practice Thursday. Then nothing, forever.

I've decided to quit blogging. At least this way. It was always more of a journal than a website, and in any case, I will soon be too old to keep putting words onto this sweet-potato background. So I'll keep doing the post-a-day until I get my diploma, and then I'm out.

Freeze-Frame.

2010-06-03T20:39:00.003-04:00

There was a scholarship awards ceremony tonight. I went, even though I didn't technically have to, because despite all attempts I am still more focused on beginnings and endings than actual life. And this was a big-deal ending.

But I just couldn't take it. Anna found out she received a $10,000 scholarship and I hated her so much as she walked up it was hard to stomach myself. She is one of my best friends, and I should be happy for her. But I'm not. I must not love her. I sat there as all these familiar faces walked up in their fancy clothes and flashed back to the day musical ended, when I drove around back roads, screaming. It felt the same. I try and try to reconcile what I want to be and what I irrevocably am. Ooh, that was a bad sentence.

But I didn't drive around screaming. I just lied to Alice about having to pick up my sister and ran out, literally ran. There had been a terrifying five-minute thunderstorm while I drove to the school and the air had turned hazy. It was an insanely romantic evening. Tess Lynch got engaged, you know? Anthropologie is channeling Faulkner, t he Franzen piece in this week's New Yorker broke my heart, Jessica Watson is back on land. I'm addicted to nostalgia.

Mr. Atkins has called me all sorts of things this year--"subdued," "engaged," "hard to read." He was probably right, every time. I may not be good at summarizing myself but I am very good at being myself. I can't change.

"Lemon Shorts!"

2010-06-02T16:21:00.002-04:00

Goodwill outing today. I have the most fun shopping there. The frank lighting, the same detergent smell on everything, the polyester. Just love it. I got some regular clothes (like, mall-store material), a mod-ish pink dress, and strange flat ankle boots.
When "Young Forever" comes on the radio I listen, sometimes. My favorite part is "popping up on Forbes Lists, gorgeous."
Avett Brothers, "Kick Drum Heart." Yep.

Like Cattle.

2010-06-01T23:32:00.002-04:00

Today was unofficial senior skip day, so I and a group went to King's Dominion. Two-hour drive, roller coasters, overpriced food. A power outage so all the nice rides shut down and we rode the merry-go-round and other childish things (super-fun). Some rain, more roller coasters. Everyone breaking down. Ice cream. I think wandering around looking for things we hadn't ridden yet? It was kind of a blur. My foot was fine until about 4:30, so I did three solid hours of pathetic limping.
In any case: left the park, food, two-hour drive. Here I am.

There was something about the prepackaged-fun aspect of the outing that sapped me. I'm so used to making my own entertainment. But it wasn't unpleasant, all told, even if my favorite parts all involved me being silly with Alice and I can have that for free at home.

Engagements!

2010-05-31T15:58:00.002-04:00

At Anna's grad party yesterday, I smashed my foot on the bottom of her pool and have been limping pathetically ever since. Today I took decisive action, trying cross-country foot stretches with a golf ball, ice, and ibuprofen. Somewhat better. Victory!
Speaking of gatherings, Katherine had a dance recital and, as always, looked very precise and also like she was facing a firing squad. A few girls seemed to be in every class--pointe ballet, tap, modern, jazz, musical stage dance. Hip-hop too. I'd like to know them, to understand what makes a person go to dance class every day.
Anna and I had a movie night. It was supposed to be Disney-themed, but after the first film we both started crashing. (Ironically enough, it was Sleeping Beauty.) So we slept through The Lion King and The Little Mermaid and went official lights-out at 1:45. As Anna mumbled, "Lame." But we are boring like that, I mean, during Sleeping Beauty there was a line about King Stefan banishing spinning wheels.
"So how do they make fabric?" Anna said.
"They'd have to import all their clothes!" I replied.
"Bad economic move."

Alice is having a cap-decorating party now, so I'm off.

Home.

2010-05-30T15:40:00.000-04:00

The Awl put up a story about summertime, and I read it because it referenced Virginia in the first line. But the location is vague. All that stuff, wicked humidity and amazing thunderstorms and wandering around with ice cream, happens everywhere. That's youth, not Virginia. My summers are spent inside watching movies too, but so it goes in all these air-conditioned states.

Should've Been A Resolution.

2010-05-30T11:43:00.003-04:00

Sometime last fall I made it a goal to gather ten t-shirts before the end of my senior year. Our coach always talks about the importance of goal-setting, so here's one that I met.
1. Cross-country team shirt. It has my name on the back!
2. Cross-country shirt decorated with Puffy Paint. It looks awful but I like it, anyway.
3. Brentsville Relays shirt. The decal glows in the dark.
4. Highlighter-colored meet shirt. So bright!
5. A seven-year old Brevard Running Camp shirt. Our coach has so many shirts she organizes team giveaways.
6. Senior shirt. It proves I'm graduating.
7. Musical shirt. Also has my name on the back!
8. Track shirt. Not much special about it.
9. Shirt I got for staying at the after-prom until 2:15. The theme was "Caribbean Sunset," and the picture on the shirt is just that.
10. Yearbook shirt. There's a Hello, My Name Is... sticker decal on the front, because that was our theme.
11. Tie-dyed shirt I made two days ago in chemistry. It's not the best but, eh, memories.

Going On.

2010-05-29T16:06:00.002-04:00

Whenever I drive into town it's a massive production. I'm not a terrible driver but, after living here for a decade, I still have a tenuous grasp on the roads. I know where stores are in relation to each other but not how they're connected. So I have to look at maps and plot out landmarks. Turn at the courthouse. Stop by the hospital. The planning makes me jumpy but it has to happen, and I'm getting better. Getting better.
Anyway, today is Katherine's dance recital. Exciting, if I manage to get there on time.

Feeling Final.

2010-05-28T18:14:00.003-04:00

I flew home from Louisiana on August 21st. The next day Katherine and I went to the county fair, then a group of us went to Anna's house. We did, I guess, not much of anything. We talked to Aaron on Skype, we made cookies and listened to Owl City. Talked about our summers. Alicia took lots of pictures of us; this was one. I'm resting my chin on Lisa's head, you can tell that we're sitting on the floor--basic facts.

I'm posting it here so that I don't forget what it felt like--good and bad inextricably tied, you have to love all of it. I was exhausted, my skin was in freefall, my hair was dirty. I didn't want to be photographed. We had all traded shirts: Katherine had mine, I had Anna's, Lisa had Alicia's.
Two days later, school began. I ran, I didn't run, I ran again. I did musical and Academic Team and Envirothon. I took four AP classes and two AP tests. I wrote enough essays to kill an average-sized rhino. I said way back when that I was going to "finish [the year], and finish it well." I did! It wasn't pretty, it was glorious.

Preparations.

2010-05-27T22:41:00.002-04:00

When the end comes, you know it. My end is now, right now. Tomorrow is Fancy Friday, my last real Fancy Friday. The last time my stickers and dresses and merriment will be more exciting than whatever else is happening.
Next week: Memorial Day, unofficial skip day, exam day I don't have to attend, regular school day, official skip day. Things are done!
I will now go shower.

Sugar.

2010-05-26T19:36:00.001-04:00

I have a serious sugar issue. It's an addiction that I don't particularly care to stop. If I could, I'd eat dessert every meal of the day--and when I don't have any serious physical activity, I do.
In my house now, we have:
strawberry-rhubarb cobbler
Drumsticks
Vanilla Caramel Chip Bars
dark-chocolate Reese's Cups

I think I will go eat a serving of each now. With whipped cream.

Blah Blah Blah.

2010-05-25T20:50:00.002-04:00

This needs to be put down--not for posterity, just for me. What is going on this week? Nothing, nothing. We had to take a test in English. Alice and I whimpered afterwards, it was the most work we'd done in days.
I wake up late and sing Disney songs. I go to practice and sweat until I shiver because I just don't want to go home. Yearbooks are out and the signatures I'm getting don't make me feel anything. (Except for Alice's drawing of a stegosaurus, which made me happy.) I play Dolphin Olympics instead of doing my homework, then I sing more Disney songs.
I also cannot seem to stop eating.
It is curious but not bad--no, this might actually be defined as giddiness. But who knows? YOU THINK YOU OWN WHATEVER LAND YOU LAND ON. THE EARTH IS JUST A DEAD THING YOU CAN CLAIM.

Stuff, Just Stuff!

2010-05-24T22:03:00.002-04:00

1. Watched the finale of Lost. I stopped viewing the show like a normal person--on television--around the third season. But I absorbed a certain amount of stuff from the Internet and didn't really care enough to think about "spoilers." I also love to be involved in what I perceive as communal events.
I quite enjoyed it.

2. Last full week of school began today. Everyone's excited about it...I suppose I am too. Though really, school ended ages ago. Didn't it? It stopped being my entire life, and it stopped mattering.

3. Abigail is back home. But I have school and track, and she has work and a life outside, so I see her maybe twice a week. This works fine, but I wish I could be gone as much as she is. I would like some mind-numbing job, then sleep, repeated ad infinitum all summer.

My Sister.

2010-05-23T18:28:00.002-04:00

I remember the summers when I was young and didn't realize that other people my age did things with their friends. From June to August I saw people for swimming but mostly kicked around my house. I'd watch TV with my sister, Nickelodeon and Disney--she always controlled the remote. We didn't talk and I tried not to laugh too much, because it bugged her.
I used to sneak into her room and look around, because she had so many things. The objects were alien to me--hairspray with sparkles in it, notes from her friends, fancy candles. She was still in middle school so there was nothing incriminating or even embarrassing to find. Even so, she discovered my creeping one day and chased me around the house. I paid her, I don't even remember the amount, with the understanding that neither of us would bring the subject up again. We haven't.
She was so excited about the signs of maturity--got her license the first possible day, a job as early as she could. She liked to go shopping with her friends. She backpacked through Europe before she'd finished high school. I was in awe and, eventually, I wasn't.
Thanksgiving of my freshman year, she was on break from her first year of college. I spent my time with her, watching Battlestar Galactica DVDs. It was possibly the most fun I had in my first quarter of high school, not just because of Helo's dreamy arm muscles but also because I got to be friends with Abigail. It was the first time we had ever been equal like that.

Disney Day.

2010-05-22T21:35:00.003-04:00

Tally as of 9:35: Pocahontas, Mulan, Beauty and the Beast. Observations:

Pocahontas could teach me a thing or two about awesome hair, and dramatic cliff-posing. But she's kind of bland, otherwise.

Mulan is basically a member of my friend-group. We sing "I'll Make A Man Out of You" roughly once a week. Once a day if it's a particularly joyous period. I love this movie.
Okay, so about Belle--she falls in love with the buffalo who has taken her prisoner? This is not a plot point I understand. But whatever! Fairy tale! Song as old as rhyme!
The Princess and the Frog is next. Unless I wimp out and go to bed.

The King I See Inside.

2010-05-21T22:18:00.002-04:00

Katherine, Alice and I watched The Lion King and sang along. So badly, so badly. We drove to school for track's senior night, smushed in with soccer's because our meet last week was cancelled. I was a bit late and ran into the line just as they were beginning the announcements.
This weekend I will have to do actual errands, alone. Go out job-hunting, deposit money, get a passport-style photo taken. It feels terribly adult to do these things alone.
Nothing else, just that.