The Incredible Vanishing Julie

Fast Food = Addiction

2007-10-24T16:51:00.001-07:00

From New Scientist magazine, 2003:

New and potentially explosive findings on the biological effects of fast food suggest that eating yourself into obesity isn't simply down to a lack of self-control. Some scientists are starting to believe that bingeing on foods that are excessively high in fat and sugar can cause changes to your brain and body that make it hard to say no. A few even believe that the foods can trigger changes that are similar to full-blown addiction.
But how can something you need for survival be addictive? The answer could be in the food itself. The difference between a fast-food meal and a home-cooked one is the sheer quantity of calories and fat it delivers in one go. The US Department of Agriculture's recommended daily intake for a normal adult male is 2800 kilocalories (11,723 kilojoules) and a maximum of 93 grams of fat. A meal at a fast-food outlet -- burger, fries, drink and dessert -- can deliver almost all of that in a single sitting. Biologists are now starting to realise that a binge of these proportions can trigger physiological changes which mute the hormonal signals that normally tell you to put down the fork.
The problem is, people who gain weight develop resistance to leptin's power, explains Michael Schwartz, an endocrinologist at the University of Washington in Seattle. "Their brain loses its ability to respond to these hormones as body fat increases," he says. The fatter they get, and the more leptin they make, the more insensitive the hypothalamus becomes. Eventually the hypothalamus interprets the elevated level as normal -- and forever after misreads the drops in leptin caused by weight loss as a starvation warning.
But you don't need to become overweight to perturb your leptin system. The latest research suggests that it only takes a few fatty meals. In a study published in December, physiologist Luciano Rossetti of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City fed rats a high-fat diet and found that after just 72 hours the animals had already lost almost all of their ability to respond to leptin (Diabetes, vol 50, p 2786). The good news, says Rossetti, is that these changes are reversible. "But the fatter a person becomes the more resistant they will be to the effects of leptin and the harder it is to reverse those effects."
Sarah Leibowitz, a neurobiologist at Rockefeller University in New York City, has more evidence that eating fast food is self-reinforcing. Her experiments show that exposure to fatty foods may quickly reconfigure the body's hormonal system to want yet more fat. She has shown that levels of galanin, a brain peptide that stimulates eating and slows down energy expenditure, increase in rats when they eat a high-fat diet. In fact, Leibowitz has found that it only takes one high-fat meal to stimulate galanin expression in the hypothalamus. When the effects of galanin are blocked, the animals eat much less fat. "The peptide is itself responsive to the consumption of fat, which then creates the basis for a vicious cycle," she says.
What's more, early exposure to fatty food could reconfigure children's bodies so that they always choose fatty foods. Leibowitz found that when she fed young rats a high-fat diet, they invariably became obese later in life. She is still investigating what's going on, but her theory is that an elevated level of fats called triglycerides in the bloodstream turns on genes for neuropeptides such as galanin that promote overeating. This suggests that children fed kids' meals at fast-food restaurants are more likely to grow up to be burger-scoffing adults.
Hormonal changes may remove some element of free will, but on its own that hardly means that fast food is addictive. However, there is another strand of research that suggests gorging on fat and sugar causes brain changes normally associated with addictive drugs such as heroin. Repeated use of addictive substances is thought to alter the circuitry in as yet unknown ways.
John Hoebel, a psychologist at Princeton University in New Jersey, is interested in whether it is possible to become dependent on the natural opioids released when you eat a large amount of sugar. Along with a team of physiologists from the University of the Andes in Merida, Venezuela, Hoebel recently showed that rats fed a diet containing 25 per cent sugar are thrown into a state of anxiety when the sugar is removed. Their symptoms included chattering teeth and the shakes -- similar, he says, to those seen in people withdrawing from nicotine or morphine. What's more, when Hoebel gave the rats naloxone, a drug that blocks opioid receptors, he saw a drop in dopamine levels in the nucleus accumbens, plus an increase in acetylcholine release. This is the same neurochemical pattern shown by heroin addicts as they go into opioid withdrawal (Obesity Research, vol 10, p 478). "The implication is that some animals -- and by extension some people -- can become overly dependent on sweet food," says Hoebel. "The brain is getting addicted to its own opioids as it would morphine or heroin. Drugs give a bigger effect, but it's essentially the same process."
As yet no one knows how a big hit of fat and sugar compares with a dose of, say, heroin. But Hoebel says: "Highly palatable foods and highly potent sexual stimuli are the only stimuli capable of activating the dopamine system with anywhere near the potency of addictive drugs."
Ann Kelley, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin Medical School in Madison, has uncovered more evidence that the release of opioids in the nucleus accumbens tells your brain to keep eating. She found that if rats' opioid receptors are overstimulated with a synthetic enkephalin, the rats eat up to six times the amount of fat they normally consume. They also raise their intake of sweet, salty and alcohol-containing solutions, even when they are not hungry. Kelley has also discovered that rats that overindulge in tasty foods show marked, long-lasting changes in their brain chemistry similar to those caused by extended use of morphine or heroin. When she looked at the brains of rats that received highly palatable food for two weeks, she saw a decrease in gene expression for enkephalin in the nucleus accumbens. "This says that mere exposure to pleasurable, tasty foods is enough to change gene expression, and that suggests that you could be addicted to food," says Kelley.

What constitutes an addiction?
Addictiveness has proved surprisingly hard to define, and there are severaldifferent ways of judging whether a substance is addictive. One of the mostwidely used is known as the DSM-IV criteria, devised by the AmericanPsychiatric Association. To be addictive, a substance has to meet at leastthree of the following criteria:
* Taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than intended* Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control use* A great deal of time spent seeking the substance out, using it orrecovering from its effects* Important social, occupational or recreational activities given up orreduced because of substance use* Continued use despite knowledge of harmful consequences* Increased tolerance with use* Withdrawal symptoms

Bad News

2007-10-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

My father is in the hospital in a coma - he has finally succeeded in drinking himself (almost) to death. Anyone who knows me knows that I've struggled with this for quite a long time. Right now he's unresponsive, his kidneys have failed, and his liver is shot...it isn't looking good at all. The doctors are testing him for a bunch of things and say that they'll do everything that they can, but there is a lot of talk about wills and advance directives and arrangements.

The worst part about this for me is that I haven't spoken to him since february, and now when I tell him that I love him, I don't know if he can hear me...and I don't know that he knew before. I don't know if I'll ever get another chance.

I have another counseling session tonight, and boy do I need it! Pray for him.

Counseling

2007-09-27T05:51:00.002-07:00

Well, I finally bit the bullet and called a counseling center...I have an appointment with a therapist tonight at 7pm. I'm not altogether sure what to expect, but I hope that it will help me in this crazy journey and help me to learn the whys and wherefores of my eating habits. There are certainly enough issues to cover....

more details to come. Wish me luck.

Baby Steps

2007-07-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

I went to the gym today for the first time in a few weeks. I ran 2 miles and did a quick arm/ab workout. It felt WONDERFUL. I also ate a salad for dinner.

I checked out a book from the library called "Rise Above - God Can Set You Free From Your Weight Problems Forever", by Gwen Shamblin, and I'm going tomorrow to B&N to pick up my copy of "The Thin Commandments". (I noticed that below I typed "The THING Commandments" - lol.)

Tomorrow my plan of action is to work out again and drink 100 oz. of water. I've really been slacking on my water intake lately. Start eating badly and everything goes to hell in a handbasket, doesn't it? I'm looking to change that, one step at a time!

Bingeing and Emotional Eating

2007-07-19T17:31:00.001-07:00

I am a binge eater. I am an emotional eater. I am a comfort eater. I eat when bored, tired, hungry, thirsty, mad, sad, happy....

My triggers foods are fast food (particulary McDonalds french fries and hot fudge sundaes), chocolate(particularly kit kat bars, M&M's, and Sour Patch Kids), movie theater popcorn and pool snack bar soft pretzels with cinnamon and sugar. I love love love love LOVE these foods, and would eat them continuously until I die if they didn't make me feel so horrible. But the fact is, they DO make me feel horrible, and after about two weeks of eating them every single day, I begin to grow sick and tired, literally. I also end up gaining a bunch of weight in a very short amount of time. This leads to feelings of self disgust and being out of control, which leads to depression, which leads to more eating. Yada, yada. Rinse. Repeat.

Sometime, my binges are triggered by drinking. Alcoholic drinks are filled with calories (can you say MARGARITAS), and are usually accompanied by really bad food choices - chips, fatty food, late night pizza and taco bell runs - it's all bad. Especially the next day when you have a tequila hangover AND a carb/sugar hangover! Ugh.

What I've never been able to get a handle on is WHY. Why do I continue to do this to myself, when I know the negative effects? Is it something chemical, like the supposed feel good chemicals that are released when you eat comfort food acting to keep me addicted? Am I faced with a life that necessitates total abstinence from these foods a la AA (or OA, if we're getting particular)?

More importantly, how do I figure out WHY, and HOW to make it stop? I've been unsuccessful for about 15 years, and I don't want to face another 15 years of yo yoing my way between thin and fat. I want to be healthy, I want to fit into my clothes, and I want to feel good about myself. I want those things to continue for more than a few weeks or months at a time.

My husband is doing SO well on Kimkins. He's lost about 30 lbs already! He started two weeks after I did. I lost 20 lbs and gained back ten. Sigh.

This blog is beginning to reflect the yo yo aspect of my diet and life. WW, KK, or whatever I do, I need to DO IT and stop this destructive pattern of eating that is going to end up ruining my health. It's already ruining my mental health.

I'm considering going back to weight watchers. I'm considering seeking therapy. I've ordered a book recommended by an online friend called "The Thing Commandments - The Ten No Fail Strategies for Permanent Weight Loss". She says that it is very good. I'm also looking at alot of information on guided meditation, etc.

The bottom line - I've got to get my head right.

Progress - 18 pounds down!!

2007-06-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've updated here! Things are really moving along diet wise - much better than WW was going. It's been about a month, and I've lost 18 lbs, bringing my weight to 162. This WOE is incredible! I'm feeling really good and I'm not hungry or obsessing over food/cravings. Basically, I'm eating lean meats (chicken, fish, and turkey), salad, and EAS low carb protein shakes. I drink a ton of water everyday and use diet soda as a treat. I'm going to the gym about 5 days per week, and I've really started focusing on the weights. I can really see the difference in the shape of my body, and I've lost about 30 inches overall!!

The one thing I've learned and learned hard is that cheating just isn't an option for me until I make it to goal unless I'm prepared to lose an entire week's progress. This may seem like a negative thing to some, but to me, it is just more motivation to get through this and to my goal, and finally to maintenance!!

On Second Thought....Maybe Not So Much

2007-05-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know I'm all over the place with my eating and what I've decided to do. So here's the deal, and this isn't going to change - I'm NOT going back to WW after all. I am changing up the way I eat completely, and for me it is going to be low carb, low fat. I did alot of soul searching, and LC is the only thing that has ever really worked for me, so LC it is going to have to be. Today is day two for me, and I've already lost four pounds of water that has been keeping me bloated and miserable!!! I can and will do this.

Going back to Weight Watchers

2007-05-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

I was considering quitting since my membership got cancelled...but I have decided that is the wrong thing to do. I am going to go, face the music (or the scale) and get back to it. I've done ok this week, but I can do so much better, and I really do think the meetings/accountability will do it for me. Just a few short weeks ago I was having tremendous success with Core and I know it works. I just need to rock the program!

I'm going to eat CORE. I'm going to eat Core even on fridays, even on saturdays, even on sundays! I'm going to eat core when I go out to eat, when there are parties, when it is someone's birthday, or when we have friends over. I'm going to eat core at the pool this summer. I'm going to exercise, and I'm going to LOSE THIS WEIGHT!

Positive Affirmations!

2007-05-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

I am a runner.
I exercise every day.
I lift weights 2-3 times per week.
I am a slim, fit, and toned size 8.
I weigh 140 pounds.
I eat healthy foods that nourish my body and fuel my workouts.
I think before I eat, and eat when I am physically hungry.
I have thin, toned arms and a slim waist.
I am beautiful.
I show love and patience to my children every day.
I appreciate each day and live it to its fullest.

Recommitment

2007-05-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

OK, I have taken the bingeing way too far, and it is time to recommit. No more negativity from now on!

Quoting Marie who quotes Tom Venuto - just so I can have this here to remember:

THE HIDDEN REASON WHY YOU SABOTAGE YOUR DIET AND FITNESS EFFORTS JUST WHEN THE GOING GETS GOOD (AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT)Written by: Tom VenutoTell me if this has ever happened to you: You decide you want to improve your body and live a healthier lifestyle. You read all the books, gather all the information, map out a nutritional strategy, design your own workout schedule (or have a trainer do it for you), and you embark on the journey to a leaner, more muscular physique�?�and it starts working! But the minute you begin getting results, you fall off the wagon. You binge, you skip workouts, you cheat. What�??s most perplexing (and upsetting) is that you know what you should do�?� but no matter how hard you try, you can�??t get yourself to do it! It�??s as if some unseen force is sabotaging you and controlling your behavior like you were a puppet on a string. If this scenario sounds all too familiar, then the answer to your frustrations might lie deep within your subconscious mind in something called your �??SELF CONCEPT.�?? Unfortunately, the average person, at the mere mention of self concept, self worth or self image usually cries, �??Oh no, not another one of these cheesy self-help articles!�?? Whenever I mention self concept to a client who has never been exposed to the idea before, their eyes glaze over and they get a distant look as if they were saying, �??okay Tom, I�??ll be out here in la-la land daydreaming for a while�?� pinch me when you start talking about the good stuff like thermogenic supplements, split routines, killer ab workouts and interval training, ok?�?? You may not understand or appreciate this �??self concept�?? and �??self image�?? stuff yet. However, if you choose to ignore this information, you would be making a grave error. You can be on the most perfect nutrition program and the best training routine in the world, but you�??ll always sabotage yourself in the long run if you don�??t understand what your self image is, how it controls your behavior, and how to change it. First, let�??s talk about your SELF-CONCEPT: This is the total bundle of beliefs you have about yourself, including all the names and labels you put on yourself and the way you see yourself. If you really want to know what your true self-concept is, write down the words �??I AM ______________�?? and fill in the blanks with everything you can think of. For example: I am shyI am not a good salespersonI am fatI am uncoordinatedI am sexyI am unattractiveI am an F studentI am an A studentI am wealthyI am a failureI am accident-proneI am a great conversationalistI am brokeI earn $25,000 per yearI could never earn $250,000 per yearMy body will always be shaped like a pearI'm not very athletic As you can see from the list, you have a �??mini�?? self-concept for every area of your life including your relationships, your ability to attract wealth, your talent in writing, math, art or music and your body image, just to name a few. Your self-concept was first formed in early childhood, largely from the influence of your parents and the authority figures in your life. When you were an infant and a small child, the "lid" on your mind was wide open. One hundred percent of the information and suggestions given to you at this young age went straight into your subconscious where they were accepted as true, even if they weren�??t true. Your mind was like a lump of soft, pliable clay. When you reached adolescence, it was like the �??lid�?? on your mind slammed shut with all the early childhood programming locked inside. As an adult, your self-concept has solidified, but it slowly continues to be molded and reinforced by your successes, failures, triumphs, humiliations and everything you experience, see, hear, read and think. For example, if you go on a diet or exercise program and you fail, this goes into your subconscious memory bank and reinforces a negative self-concept: �??See, I told you I�??ll never be able to look like those people in the magazines.�?? Although your self-concept is deeply entrenched from years of conditioning, it CAN be changed. Before I explain the four steps to making the change, I want to explain self-concept using an analogy everyone can relate to - MONEY! Why money? Well, as I mentioned before, most people not only don�??t understand the self-concept, they�??re bored to death at the slightest mention of it. I�??d hate to see you doze off before you get to the really juicy stuff later in this article, and since money is seldom a subject that bores anyone and it�??s a common denominator between all people, let me explain the relationship between money and self-concept first. Once you see how self-concept affects how much money you earn, you�??ll easily understand how it affects what kind of shape you�??re in. You�??ll then have enough awareness to begin changing your self-concept - and your body - for the better. Question: If you won a large sum of money, or if your annual income suddenly became your monthly income, how would you feel about it? �??That would be AWESOME!�?? is what most people blurt out initially. I have news for you: As bizarre as this may sound, I guarantee that if your old self-concept was still locked in place, you�??d do everything possible to get rid of your new-found wealth. You�??d make bad business decisions. You�??d be unsuccessful in sales. You�??d have an uncontrollable urge to go out and spend the money, splurge on things you didn't need, invest in things you knew nothing about, lend to people who wouldn't give it back or even flat out lose it! Just look at what happens to most lottery winners. Even though everyone SAYS they�??d like more money, that�??s only on the conscious, surface level. The problem is, your behavior is NOT controlled by your conscious mind; your behavior is controlled on a deeper level - from your subconscious mind where your self-concept is located. If having a lot of money isn�??t consistent with your self-concept, it will sooner or later lead to some form of sabotaging behavior to bring you back down to your comfort level. Most people stay inside a comfort zone that�??s consistent with the concept and image they hold of themselves. They rarely rise above it or allow themselves to fall below it. Any time you try to make a change in your life, whether it�??s losing fat or earning more money, it will stir up resistance inside you because you�??re attempting to move beyond the safe, familiar and comfortable. To earn more money, you must see yourself as capable of earning more money and worthy of keeping it. If you see yourself as a $24,000 per YEAR person, you�??ll NEVER earn and keep $24,000 per MONTH unless you see yourself as a $24,000 per month person. Are you starting to understand how the same thing could happen when you try to change your body? To be lean, healthy and fat-free, you must see yourself as being capable of achieving that body and worthy of maintaining it. If you see yourself as a fat, pear-shaped person, you�??ll NEVER be a lean, fat-free person until you see yourself as a lean, fat-free person. Just when you start to see results and become happy with how you look�?�. all of a sudden, you�??ll get the irresistible urge to sleep in and blow off your 6 a.m. workouts. You�??ll get uncontrollable cravings for Ben and Jerry�??s Chunky Monkey ice cream at 11:30 p.m. You�??ll lose your motivation. You won�??t �??feel�?? like working out. These self-sabotaging behaviors are all symptoms of a self-concept that�??s inconsistent with your present results. The part of the self-concept that affects your physical condition and ability to achieve your perfect weight is called the SELF-IMAGE. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon and author of the best seller, Psycho Cybernetics, stumbled onto the discovery of self-image with his patients. Even though he had corrected physical defects and deformities with surgery, his patients often retained their old self-image and continued to see themselves as �??ugly,�?? �??scarred,�?? or �??deformed�?? even though they appeared quite beautiful by society�??s standards. As a result, they continued to behave as they always had; shy, retiring, lacking in confidence. This led Dr. Maltz to the conclusion that changing the physical image was not the real key to changes in personality and behavior. There was �??something else.�?? That something else is the self-image. When the self-image is �??reconstructed,�?? the person changes. If the self-image stays the same, the person�??s behavior stays the same. Emerson once wrote, �??Of what use to make heroic vows of amendment if the same old lawbreaker is to keep them? Jesus taught us that it is folly to put new wine into old bottles or a patch of new material on an old garment. People who don�??t understand self-image erroneously put all their attention on changing their eating and exercise behaviors, but the problem with this physical-only approach is that it�??s not addressing the SOURCE or cause of the behavior. The source of your behavior is your mental self-image. You are more than just a body. You are a body, a mind and a spirit. You will always act - and can ONLY act - like the type of person you SEE yourself to be in your mind.
If you see yourself as a fat person, you will behave like a fat person. If you see yourself as a lean, fit and healthy person, you will behave like a lean, fit and healthy person. A fat person would never work out faithfully every day of the week, so why is it any surprise that someone with a �??fat person�?? self-image would skip workouts? Their brain is programmed to skip workouts. Someone with a �??fat person�?? self-image would never eat healthy, low fat, low sugar, low calorie meals, so why would it be surprising that they cheat on their diet and binge on junk food? After all, their brain is programmed to eat junk. Is this starting to make sense? To make a lasting change, you must work on the physical AND the mental planes. Of course you have to change your lifestyle, exercise and nutrition habits, but the real secret is not trying to force new behaviors, but changing the self-image which controls the behavior. Put your energy on a new mental picture, and the new picture will create new behaviors. Best of all, the new behaviors that spring from a positive new self-image will come without as much effort or willpower because they�??re hard-wired into every cell of your body. The �??unseen forces�?? are now working for you instead of against you. So, lets suppose you have the self-image of an unfit or overweight person�?� How the heck do you change it if it�??s so deeply embedded in your mind from years of conditioning? There are four simple steps: STEP 1: CREATE YOUR NEW SELF IMAGE The first step is to choose your new self-image. You could say this is goal setting, but your self-image is not as much a �??goal�?? as it is a PICTURE IN YOUR MIND. I was on a conference call with success coach Bob Proctor last night and one of the participants said her goal was to lose weight. Bob said something to her that really struck me. He said, �??Have you ever noticed how people are always losing weight and gaining it back? Well, it�??s because if you lose something, your subconscious mind will immediately begin looking for it. Instead, you have to release it and be at your perfect weight. And your perfect weight is a not just a goal, it�??s a picture.�?? So what you have to do first is decide what would you really like to look like if you could have any body you wanted. See the picture in your mind. Make it clear, vivid and dynamic. Dream. Fantasize. You�??ve been endowed with an amazing creative faculty called imagination. Use it - it�??s the starting point of a new self-image and all lasting changes. Many people get scared at this step and ask only for what they think they can get, not what they really want. It�??s okay if this scares you a little. In fact, if your goal isn�??t scary and exciting at the same time, then you�??re not thinking big enough. Don�??t sell yourself short. Ask for what you really WANT. Ignore anyone who tells you to �??be realistic.�?? Take that "lid" off your mind and DREAM! STEP 2: CREATE A WRITTEN DESCRIPTION OF YOUR NEW IMAGE Once you�??ve got the picture in mind, the second step is to put a description of your new image in writing. The act of writing what you want on paper is an intermediary step in going from the ethereal, untouchable state of thought (imagination & dreams) to the concrete, tangible state of form. Once on paper (or a �??goal card�?? you carry with you), your image has in essence, begun the transformation from mental to physical. When you write your goal, use the three P�??s: POSITIVE (what you want to achieve, not what you want to avoid or get rid of), PERSONAL (use the word �??I�??) and PRESENT tense (an already-having-received attitude). Don�??t worry if it�??s not perfect. Just sit down and write, write, write. You can always go back and edit, change or update it later. Just start. STEP 3: ACT THE PART What you�??ve done in the first two steps is literally to create a new role for yourself. You�??ve written your own script. Be like George C Scott playing General Patton. He didn�??t just act. He became Patton - he lived the part. So do all great actors. Be an actor or actress and step into your new role. This will feel awkward at first. Resistance will well up inside you. People will criticize you and say you�??re a crazy dreamer. It will feel like you�??re lying to yourself. Continue to play the new role anyway. Fake it until you make it. Someone once said that most people live like they were extras in their own movies. Why settle for less when you can be the writer, producer, director and STAR of your own movie? Create the character and write the script exactly as you�??d like to be and then play the part until the part becomes real. Take actions that are consistent with the new image you�??ve created. Act the part. Do something every day that moves you closer to your goal. Get moving! Ask yourself, �??What would a person with the type of body I want do in this situation?�?? Then do it. Act as though you were already the owner of your ultimate dream body. A very wise person once said, �??Act as though I am and I will be.�?? You must take action. I�??m not suggesting a Pollyanna positive thinking only approach. Affirmations are an effective part of realizing your new image, but as motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, �??Affirmation without action is the beginning of delusion.�?? In fact, Maltz pointed out in Psycho Cybernetics that the reason affirmations and positive thinking don�??t always work is because they cannot be used as a crutch to the same old self-image. What I'm suggesting to you is positive thinking, positive visualizing, positive action AND the fourth and final step, positive reinforcement, in order to change your old self image. STEP 4: REINFORCE THE IMAGE DAILY�?� EVEN HOURLY The fourth step is to re-program your mind by replacing the old image with the new image through repetition, repetition, repetition. Repetition is the mother of learning and the father of a new self-image. It took a long time for your current self-image to develop so you can�??t expect it to change overnight. It takes at least 21 days of CONSISTENT effort for the roots of a new image to form and sometimes up to 90 days before the roots shoot up through the ground and become visible for all the world to see. Remember, there is a gestation period for everything. Be patient and persistent. Installing your new self-image is achieved by visualizing, reading, thinking and writing your written description over and over again, day after day, until the new image becomes reality. These four methods of reinforcement and repetition will burn the new image into your subconscious mind like data onto a CD. Visualizing is especially powerful. Psychologists have known for decades that the human brain and nervous system can�??t distinguish between an experience that is real and one that is vividly imagined. When you vividly imagine yourself the way you want to be, doing the things you want to do, these mental pictures are not only accepted by your subconscious as real, they are accepted as commands or instructions. Project your image onto the screen of your mind. Remember, it�??s your movie, so you can project anything you want. Visualizing your perfect body image while you�??re in a physically relaxed state is even more powerful because your subconscious is more impressionable when you're relaxed. Thinking constructively also begins to dissolve the old image and solidify the new one. Your self-concept is influenced by outside suggestions, but the greatest influence on your mind is your own thoughts and �??self-talk.�?? The conversation you have with yourself in your head every minute of every day maintains your current self-image and performance level, whether that�??s enjoying high achievement or wallowing in the same old rut. Thoughts, like images, are commands to your subconscious. Once you realize this, you start getting very careful of what you think about. Watch those �??I�??ms!�?? Change your thinking patterns to match your new self-image. You become what you think about all day long. Read your written goal at least twice a day; once in the morning and once again at night. These are the times when your subconscious mind is most impressionable. An incredibly powerful technique is to write your written description on a goal card and carry it with you everywhere you go. Every time you put your hand in your pocket and touch the card, it will make you think about your new image. Every time you get a chance, pull out your card and read it, mentally picturing yourself as if you were already there. Re-writing your written description is even more effective at impressing your new image into your subconscious than simply reading it. Achievement expert Brian Tracy says that if you write out your goal statement on paper every day, changes will happen so fast, it will almost frighten you. This is an incredibly simple, yet powerful technique. You may have heard of these techniques before in self-help, goal setting or motivational programs. But admit it - you probably ignored them because they sounded too �??cheesy.�?? My friend, the most profound truths in life are the simplest and most obvious ones. Don�??t underestimate the simplicity of these methods. Many people I�??ve taught these techniques to wrote them off as trite or corny and didn�??t even give them a chance. Nothing changed in their lives. Others followed these instructions to a �??T�?? and transformed their bodies and their lives beyond anything they ever imagined. There�??s immense power in mental images. The formula is simple: Decide what you want to look like, project your new image on the screen of your mind (visualize), think about the �??new you�?? constantly, create a written description of your new image and read it at least twice per day, (write it out daily for even more impact), then follow through with actions that are consistent with your goal. Your marvelous and powerful mind will do the rest.

Not Doing Well

2007-05-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not doing well at all. I went to NC over the weekend with my Mom and Grandmother and blew WW all to hell AGAIN. Then I came home today, skipped the gym, and ate a ton of crap. I haven't weighed.

Oh yeah, and my WW monthly pass has been cancelled b/c I can't pay. So I guess I won't be going to meetings...

CRAP.

Sabotage

2007-04-25T05:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not having a good week. I'm not on plan. I'm eating things that I don't even really want. Why? I did so well last week, finally getting to my 10 pound mark. Now I'm up three pounds (some of it water, I'm sure, but not all!) and I'm struggling to get a handle on my eating.

I can tell you where this got started - I had a jewelry party last friday night, and I had about 5 glasses of wine. I haven't had anything alcoholic to drink since January. THEN we had company for the weekend, and we ate out twice. From then on it was all downhill.

Why do I sabotage myself this way? I keep asking myself if there's some reason why I may subconciously want to keep myself fat, but I can't think of one. When I think whether or not I want to lose this weight, the answer is an emphatic YES! But then this eating...

Some would say the answer is just STOP eating junk. People who think that way, though, don't know what it is like to have an addiction. If I don't put a cap on this right now though, it will get out of control faster than I can blink. Today's the day.

TEN POUNDS LOST!!!

2007-04-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THE CORE PLAN!!!! I lost 2.8 pounds this week, taking my total to 10.4!!! That means I'm only 7.2 away from reaching my ten percent weight loss mark. It has been a long four months spent experimenting with different foods and point/plan combinations to figure out what works for me, but now that I've found it, I'm hoping that I can keep on rolling from now on.

I think that the biggest thing for me has been not eating white flour or sugar during the week. Technically you're "allowed" to have it on core as long as you count the points, but I'm finding that it just isn't necessary. I don't want it, don't crave it...it's the weirdest thing I've ever experienced. ;) I'm wondering if my whole binge eating thing is due to/triggered by white flour and sugar. Could it be?

Switched to Core

2007-04-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't posted in awhile...but things are looking up here! :) After the 10k I felt that I needed to shake up my plan, and I was tired of counting points and constantly thinking about food and numbers. So, I switched to Core. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! Last week I lost 5.6 pounds!!!!!!!!! This week I stayed exactly the same, but everyone that I spoke to said that it was unusual for me not to have seen a gain after such a big loss the week before. I am ecstatic. I eat healthy food all day long, get my healthy guidelines in, take my multi every day, and drink a ton of water. I don't have cravings and I don't get hungry. In fact, I'm forcing myself to eat sometimes due to the natural appetite supression that comes from cutting out sugar, processed foods, and white flour. Though I don't have to cut out those things altogether - I still have those WPA's for that! I love love love this plan. I can't wait to see what happens next week.

This past weekend I spent Easter at my Grandmothers, and we had an Easter cookout at my Mom's. I ate too much candy. I had too much dessert. Oh well, life goes on. Despite how I ate, I didn't gain! This week I had my WPA's today (Friday), and I'm staying on plan for the rest of the weekend. I'm also going to rock the exercise this week - I'm planning on about 8 hours worth. I WILL lose this weight! I will!

10k Race Report!

2007-04-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it, and I survived! The day was beautiful, about 60 degrees and sunny. There were between 20 and 25 thousand people participating in the race, starting in waves, with the fastest in the front and us slower folk farther back. We crept toward the starting line elbow to elbow, but when we crossed, everyone was able to spread out, and it wasn't crowded at all.
I took my first walk break somewhere around mile 3. At mile 4, I was starting to fade...but then I hit the powerade line and felt better. I slogged on until just before mile 6, where the crowd began to cheer and scream "you're almost there, you can do it", etc. The speakers at the finish line were blasting the rocky theme...I kid you not! So I hauled ass until I crossed the finish line! My final time was one hour, 17 minutes. Not fast by any stretch, but respectable considering it was my first 10k. I came in two minutes over my estimated time.
The race was awesome, especially due to the crowds cheering, bands playing along the course, and the families along the race sidelines holding up encouraging signs. There was so much to see and hear that it kept my mind off of the fact that I was TIRED. :)
I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. I can't believe that I did it, I can't believe that it's over... now I have to find another goal to work toward so that I don't lose all of my progress!

Week 8 Weigh In

2007-03-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm up .6 this week. I'm not surprised at all, given the amount of crap that I ate. I'm actually relieved that it wasn't worse!

I am really feeling motivated now. This week is going to be a good one, I can feel it! I'm out of ice cream, with no plans to buy more. I'm stocked up on fruits and veggies. I bought spray olive oil to get my oils in (something I haven't been doing), some WW smoothies to help get my milks in, and my multivitamins and green tea. I'm working it hard this week!

The 10k is getting closer, and I'm planning on a long run tomorrow. I took a two day break, so hopefully I'll be able to manage 5 miles tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Belated Weigh In Results

2007-03-09T07:38:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot to post my weigh in results for last week!

Drumroll please.....

I lost 2 pounds for a total of 6.6 pounds lost! I finally made it over that 5 pound mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm actually weighing in again a bit later today. I'll post those results this afternoon!

Screw You, Anonymous Forum Member!

2007-03-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

Apparently I'm naive, pathetic, and an idiot to boot. Know why? Because I'm nice. I don't appreciate either being personally attacked online nor sitting quietly by while others are personally attacked. I don't feel that rudeness, cruelty, name calling, and general meanness are necessary in any situation, whether online or in real life. I'll stop one step before "Can't we all just get along", since I know that this isn't a utopian society. We're all different, we all have different opinions, and therefore won't be able to get along 100 percent of the time. It just burns me up to see gratuitous rudeness every time I turn around. The particular forum that I'm referring to, which shall remain anonymous, is full of good information, but is also apparently a playground for assholes who have nothing better to do than pick on innocent people and try to start fights. It is ridiculous.

Just call me Pollyanna.

Or not, because I can't resist this - SCREW YOU, YOU HORRIBLE, MEAN, ARROGANT BASTARD! I hope that you fall ass first on a pointy stick. In the nicest possible way, of course. :)

Weigh In, New Shoes

2007-02-24T17:25:00.000-08:00

As I haven't updated in a while, should report that last weeks weigh in showed a whopping .2 loss, but this week's was better at one pound. My total is 4.6 now, and I'm so close to that first goal that I can taste it (hmm...no pun intended). I don't know what it is about these first 5 pounds, but it seems like if I can break that barrier, then everything will be ok. I've used the two months that it has taken me to lose them to learn to eat over again, to tweak my points to help me lose, and to make the most out of my food.

I began eating my activity points this past week, and had the one pound loss to show for it, so that's a strategy that I'm going to stick with. I may not eat them all, as in the days when I run long and earn 8 or more, but I'm eating at least half of them. I'm also on a mission to eat out as LITTLE as possible. I really do believe that all of this restaurant eating is hindering my efforts.

My birthday was yesterday, and I celebrated with a mini shopping spree with my Mom and Grandmother, complete with restaurant breakfast and lunch, then ate out again for dinner with Andy and went to the movies. That sounds like alot of eating out, but I really feel that I kept things within reason. I ate whatever I wanted, but I really paid attention to my portion sizes and stopped eating when I was full rather than stuffing it in. I still felt a little queasy last night - I call it the food hangover. My body is no longer used to eating all of the junk. Imagine! That got me thinking about how, before I began WW, I was eating that and more EVERY DAY. For instance, breakfast. Yesterday we went to Cracker Barrell, and I got a plate of french toast. Well, pre WW, I would have buttered it up and wolfed it all down. Not this time - I ordered promise spread, used it sparingly, and only ate half. Same thing with lunch - we got Chick fil a in the mall food court, and I split a meal with my Grandmother. Before I would have eaten 12 nuggets, the huge fry, and a large sweet tea all by myself. This time I had about 5 nuggets and half of a regular fry. I still had the sweet tea, but a normal size. Of course, normal eating for me doesn't include these foods, as they're treats for a special occaision. Today I had a dannon light and fit yogurt mixed with a cup of kashi cereal, a banana and glass of milk for a snack, then a pb&j on wheat (natural lower fat/cal pb, sf jelly) and green beans for lunch, half a turkey sandwich with mustard for a pre running snack, then chicken breast and veggies for dinner. For dessert, I'm currently eating my absolute most favorite food, frozen grapes. Yum! I could have done more veggies, but I was on the go alot today. I also had a ton of water. What a difference in menus!

My birthday gift to myself was a new pair of running shoes. I went to the running store, had the guy look at my feet and the wear pattern on my old shoes, watch me run, etc. I brought home the new pair and went off to the gym looking forward to a run in good shoes. Wrong! They're horrible - I now have pains in places that I didn't have pains in before, and I'm pretty sure that I'll have to cross train this week and give my knee a rest due to tonight's run. I'm planning to take the shoes back to the store asap and get something else. At least, I hope they'll exchange them, or I'm out 80 bucks!

Next week will hopefully see me with more than 5 pounds lost and running happily in shoes that don't suck. Crossing my fingers!

Weigh In

2007-02-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I lost one pound! I can't believe it, considering how much horrible junk I ate last weekend, and considering I got invited to McDonalds for lunch yesterday. I tried to be as "good" as possible and ended up with a 15 point lunch...and I didn't drink soda, which is huge for me.

I really focused on exercise and on getting my water in, and it paid off! I had my splurge today, staying within my weekly points, of course, and now I'm ready for a new healthy week to begin. I'm hoping that by next weigh in I'll have finally broken that five pound mark!

Our first group run for the 10k training is tomorrow afternoon. I hope I don't embarrass myself too much!

10k Training Begins!

2007-02-08T05:14:00.000-08:00

Well, last night I was able to run (pain free, I might add!) for the first time since November. I actually didn't do too badly, all things considered - a 13 minute mile, a mile and a half total before I had to stop and walk. I'm a looooong way from 6.2 miles, but it's a start.

I've got my first group run coming up this saturday with the ladies in my Mom's group.
We'll have an interesting time, as a few of us haven't run in months, and some of us have never run at all, and we'll be attempting two miles. I'll probably collapse and die, but it'll get me closer to my goal!

Speaking of goals...I have my weigh in tomorrow. I've been eating very well this week, and trying to do perfectly to make up for all the crap that I ate this weekend. Damn you, Superbowl!

I think I've decided not to buy the WW desserts anymore. They're too much of a temptation and I overeat them after dinner. I end up eating more points at night than I'm eating during the day, and I think that's a bad idea. I'm trying to eat more during the day, make my dinner a little lighter, and still allow for a SMALL dessert. I think that, combined with exercise and NOT eating my ass off all weekend, will really help me to finally see some progress next week. I'll be happy this week if I manage to maintain!

Weigh In and an Injury

2007-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

Well, Friday's weigh in brought good news - I'm down .8 pounds to 182.4! I was hoping for a bigger loss, but it is still progress. I overdid things this weekend at a friend's Superbowl party, but I'm back on track today and I'll take things easy calorie wise (without going too low, of course) and make sure that everything that I eat today is really healthy. Lots of fruits and veggies and water for me today. I'm hoping to break the 5 pound mark by next weigh in!

Here's a wrinkle in my 10k plans - I'm pretty sure that I've broken my toe! I kicked the metal leg of a pull-out bed over the weekend, and now my little toe in my left foot is swollen and all sorts of lovely shades of black and blue and purple. It looks a bit like a grape stuck to the side of my foot. It hurts terribly, and everyone has been calling me "hop along" all weekend. ;) I'm trying to decide if I should see a doctor, but I probably won't. I've got it taped and iced, and there isn't really anything else that the dr. can do for it.

I'm trying to figure out what sort of exercise I can do with this sort of injury. I can still lift weights, so I'll keep that up, but most cardio is out right now. I may go to the gym and see if riding the bike is possible - I could put the weight on my heel and probably not have pain.

I'm going to give the toe this week to rest and heal. I hope it heals fast, because I want to run that race!!!

Oh, My Aching...Everything!

2007-02-01T12:08:00.000-08:00

I've jumped back into the world of exercise after a "break" of about 3 months. I ran a 5k Turkey Trot in November, and I trained hard for that event, but after that things went downhill. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years pretty much assured that I had a multitude of excuses for sitting on my ass, but now I have no more excuses. Weight Watchers says "move more", but I'm taking things a step further...and then another step after that.
Right now, I'm doing 40 minutes on our elliptical trainer at home each day. I can tell that I'm out of shape, because by the time I'm done I'm sweaty and out of breath. I've been doing this for four or five days now, and right now my calves, hamstrings, triceps, and entire back are SORE. However, this too shall pass...or else it had better, or else I'll not enjoy the next two phases of my exercise plan.
I signed up for an exercise challenge that involves at least one full hour of exercise per day, six days per week. Exercise time is reported weekly, and those who fall short are given an X. Three X's, and you're out! I've done these challenges in the past, but after three months it is going to be challenging to get back into it.
Also....deep breath....

I JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE MONUMENT AVENUE 10K ON MARCH 31st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran the 5k distance in November, haven't run since...and now I've just signed up to run 6.4 miles (is that correct?) in two months. I must be insane! However, this is just the sort of challenge that I need to really get me motivated and moving and losing weight.

On the weight loss front, my weigh in is tomorrow at noon, and as far as I know (or rather, according to my scale at home) I don't think I will show a loss at all. At least I won't be gaining!

For now, I'll just continue to eat right, get my water in today, and maybe treat myself to a nice rest on a heating pad later. Aaaaahhhh.....

And So It Begins!

2007-01-30T10:31:00.000-08:00

I'm starting this blog as a means of documenting a journey that will (hopefully) end in a 50 pound weight loss and successful maintenance. I've been struggling with my weight ever since my early teens, but the real problems began after the birth of my first child - an 8 pound 8 ounce bundle of boy that brought me great joy, and an added bonus of 30 pounds. Two and a half years later, his brother came into the world, and with him came the extra 20 pounds to add to the 30 that I never lost from the first pregnancy. Now my babies are 3 and a half and 6, and I have no other excuse than the fact that I love to eat. Alot. I also don't like to feel deprived, which is why previous diet attempts have failed.

I joined Weight Watchers on the 13th of this month. I'm currently on week 3 of the flex plan, and I'm really enjoying it. My first week I flipped out a bit and went on a mini-binge, resulting in a 2 pound gain. The second week I got myself together and lost 3.6 pounds. I'm hoping that this week will put me over the 5 pound mark and into the 170's.

I LOVE Weight Watchers! I go to meetings with a friend on Fridays at noon. Everyone there is really nice and super supportive. The meetings really keep you motivated and give you great ideas, and something about the fact that the girl at the counter will see my weight really keeps me going. I also like the fact that I can eat any type of food that I want - nothing is off limits, not even pizza, mexican food, bread, chocolate... as long as you count it in your points allowance. The food journaling is great as well, because it really forces me to think about portion size and whether or not I'm getting in enough fruit, veggies, and water.

Some things that I've learned so far - that I actually CAN divide my portion in half at a restaurant and put the other half in a box. The remaining half really IS enough food to feel satisfied and have a treat! A great big bunch of grapes (especially frozen) is great tasting and takes MUCH longer to eat, for less calories, than two or three cookies. Skipping meals doesn't actually help you to lose weight. Finally, don't expect to lose it all at once...slow and steady is best and assures that you're really losing fat and not just water.

Today is Week 3 day 4, and it is going well. I've stayed on track, though I've really got the munchies! I had popcorn for my morning snack, and this afternoon I'm having the aforementioned frozen grapes. I've also got a dessert planned - a WW chocolate cake and a glass of milk. YUM!

I'm really thinking of this not as a diet, but as a way of life, and one that I can (finally) stick to.

Just watch me go....now you see it, soon you won't!