The Insanity I Call Life

Day #65 - Times Like These

2014-01-24T15:55:00.000-05:00

So here we are again...

A house that is trashed, a half painted bedroom, an overflowing sink of dishes, laundry piled everywhere... And I sit on the couch writing a blog.

I WAS painting... But got to the point that I needed a step ladder, and then quickly remembered I loaned it to my mother-in-law a few months back and I haven't gotten it back yet. I texted her, haven't heard back, and decided that I'll have Michael stop by to get it on his way home because it's frigid outside and I'm not going out! So the brakes are on the painting project for the moment.

The dishes are never-ending... And I have no dishwasher... Michael and I left a brand new beautiful home on 20 acres to come to a house with no dishwasher?!? I know! And while we're listing complaints (and by "we", I mean, me), I don't have a garbage disposal either. So trash is not a fun thing around these parts. Oh, and 2 full baths in the old (new) house, down to one bathroom that is original to my 1950's (?) cape cod. It's lovely... Really... You'd have to see it to appreciate it. Hahahaha!

Laundry is laundry is laundry. If I could hire one job done at my house. Laundry would be it! The person would have to do ALL OF IT though - the sorting, the washing, the drying, the folding, the putting away. I can't stand a single part of that process!

Oh and I skipped the trashed house part... Since we are painting our bedroom (and again, by we, I mean, me), everything from my bedroom is in my living room/dining room/ hallway. It's lovely... Really... You'd have to see it to appreciate it. And I won't even follow that one up with a hahahaha.

But I do have the girls upstairs "cleaning" their rooms. And dinner is ready, just needs to be thrown together (baked spaghetti). So some things are coming along ok.

As I was painting today, I had more time to think about my "Intentional" word of the year. I'm really working hard at having intentional thoughts... Not letting my head get the best of me... Not letting my mind race... Not playing out conversations that have yet to happen... Not being "so sure" that someone thinks/feels some way when I've yet to hear that from them...

All that being said, the devil knows these thoughts. He knows my triggers. He knows what can send me into a tailspin. And is he does it. He unleashes my brain, my thoughts, silence around me so that I have time to create this gross over-exaggerations of what is actually happening in my life. It makes me quick to take offense, overly anxious, and totally miserable...

But in the midst of this, I think "Intentional". And I pray, and ask God for help reigning in these thoughts... And He helps me... Instead of racing thoughts, I get laundry, and dishes, and half-painted rooms... Along with giggles from my littles as they "clean" their bedrooms while playing dollhouse. And a phone call from my husband who is headed home a little early to relax with his family.

I Am Blessed.

Day #64 - Are We Done Yet?

2014-01-22T15:40:00.001-05:00

Well, we survived the holidays.... A massive ice storm where thousands were without power for upwards of 10 days (luckily not us!)... A snow storm.... A trip to San Antonio for a week without the kiddos... And Lauren's 5th birthday (yesterday)!!

While we were in Texas, 2 out of the 3 girls had the flu... And managed to infect both of the Grandparents charged with watching them...

It was surprisingly hard for me to be away from the littles for so long. I mean, I knew I would miss them, obviously, but it got to the point I quit calling. I was a mess/in tears whenever I'd talk to them, as I could hear Lauren especially having a hard time... So I left the phone calls and checking-in to Michael. We all lived to tell the story... And the break was just what the doctor ordered...

And while in Texas, we got some time to see Dad and Jan. They came down for the weekend and we had the entire weekend free to do what we wanted. We did some sight-seeing, ate some great food, and had some drinks. It was a lot of fun! And seeing them just reminded me of how much I miss them. I wish we could all be closer. We're thinking about a trip to Texas this June, with the girls, but we have some number crunching to do. Not sure if we'll be able to swing it, but I'd sure LOVE to!

Michael and I started painting our bedroom the Saturday after we returned. He got the ceiling done, while I'm stuck working on all the trim work. Today I should be able to finish that part up. Tomorrow, after a trip to Walmart to get my paint re-tinted, I should get the actual wall painting part done. We made the terrible mistake of trying to select a paint color while standing in the store... I don't recommend that! And I totally knew better! Awe well!

Michael left for Illinois again today. I say again, because the day after we returned from Texas, he headed to Illinois for some training for 3 days. This trip is just an overnighter, but it's tough on all of us... Managing the girls alone, while they're missing their daddy, is not easy. But again, we will make it. And it will help us to all appreciate each other a bit more when we're all together. (Hopefully....)

I believe we are going to start a bible study at church on Monday night. It starts at 530pm, so it'll take some pre-planning on my part for meals and such, but I'm really hoping we can swing it.

Kate and Lauren are both excelling in school. I'm amazed by them on a daily basis. And Miss Madeline is excelling at testing Mommy's patience. Hahaha! She's awesome too! We are truly blessed.

This move back to St Johns has not worked out exactly the way we were hoping it would.... But I do think we're better for it... Michael loves his job. I'm still at home with the girls doing the best I can. We love each other and our babies more and more every day. And we thank and praise God for keeping his hand on us through everything. As Michael says, we'll just keep doing what we know is right, and things will fall into place the way they are meant to...

Oh, and my Word Of The Year, Intentional.... Expect to hear some things about that in the future....

Thanks for sticking with me thru my "brain dump"... If anyone is still here reading along...

Hello?!?

Anyone!?!

Awe well...

Day #63 - Part 3

2014-01-08T14:34:00.001-05:00

So after a long-er-ish break, I had to retread everything I had written to try to get back on track! Man, I really stink at this blogging regularly stuff!

So it's New Years Eve... (Not really, but it's New Years Eve in our story)...

We go to Detroit, we have a TON of fun, share a kiss at midnight, and come back "Michael and Stephanie" in my mind. Things from that point forward move VERY quickly.

We had inventory at work, which for the record, totally blows! It was like 10pm on the Friday night, the first day of counting, when Michael was getting ready to leave work. I had to stay later to get things ready for all the guys to come back at 6am the next morning to resume. I went to him, gave him my key, and told him to just crash out on my couch if he'd like. He was living at home, about 30 minutes away, at the time and I thought it'd be easier for him to just stay at my place. I half thought he wouldn't take me up on my offer, but he did... and seemed happy about it.

When I got home, much later, he was laying asleep on the couch. I immediately noticed I had a new floor lamp. He kinda woke up and I asked him about it. He said, "it was too dark in here and you didn't have any overhead light, I hope you don't mind. I tried to match your color scheme and decorating style..." I was flabbergasted. It seems so silly now, but I loved that lamp. I just thought he was so thoughtful and considerate!

A couple of days later, I invited him over for dinner... made chili... We joke about it now, but he said when he walked into my apartment and saw what I had going, he just KNEW it was going to be terrible. I was still cutting up peppers, had the meat cooking, and had told him we'd eat in about 30 minutes or so. His mom simmers chili all day, or at least for a few hours, and that was what he was used to. He didn't think it could be done any other way I guess? But I passed the test. He loved my chili, still does, and he still will tell you that meal sealed the deal for him. At that point, he knew I was a keeper.

Things from that point moved very quickly. I never asked Michael to move in with me. We never talked about living together. He just came over, and never left. We never packed his things up at his parents and moved them to Lansing, they just steadily made their way to my place. There was never a box or a bag transported that I can remember. It was actually almost funny the way it worked out.

And the rest is happily ever after... Marriage, 3 little girls, 3 moves later and here we are!

I think I'm going to take a break from the reminiscing. I've got some other ideas floating around in this head of mine...
Stay tuned!

Day #62 - Part Two

2013-11-06T10:32:00.000-05:00

Okay... so I guess I have to continue this... People are actually reading! Where were we? Awe yes... the holidays...

Let me start by saying, there is a lot of garbage I'm not including... Things about my relationship with Kevin, that although might add to the story, make me kinda wanna gag... And this is supposed to be about Me and Michael. So I'm sticking with that!

So, it's Christmas. Kevin and I are totally falling apart - as in he's not even around. He did stop by (with his daughter) to exchange presents with me, but didn't stay for long... He was off to celebrate the day with his family, which apparently did NOT include me.

I was feeling real sorry for myself... alone on Christmas (although it wasn't the first time)... So I put in a call to one of my besties! Michael! He was with his family in St Ignace. His grandmother lived there and they had visited on Christmas for pretty much as long as he could remember. I sat and chatted with him for quite some time, listening to the chatter in the background, imagining being there surrounded by people that were joyful, kind, full of fun... and it made me feel so much better... I suddenly wasn't lonely... I almost felt like I was there.

And then he said, "Wow Stephanie, if I had known you were going to be alone... I would've invited you to come up here with me..." I blew him off, told him that I wouldn't have gone to his family Christmas celebration, reminded him that Kevin would've lost his mind, said I was fine. In my heart, I knew exactly where I wanted to be... with Michael... Even if we were just really great friends, and nothing more ever... I knew at that moment just how special he really was. I had, at the very least, found someone that I could depend on, someone that truly cared about me.

The next few days came and went... I was working. Kevin and I were totally over. I will tell you - working with him was not fun! And New Years Eve was on the horizon.

Michael was going to Detroit for New Years. After high school, he attended Wayne State University for a couple of years... and he was going back down to see his friends and find some fun to start the year. And, he invited me!!! I was ecstatic! So excited to spend some time with him, in his element, and meet all these people he had talked to me about, to see the places he had described.

So like a little school girl... I ran to the mall with a friend... and tried to find something cute to wear. I went into so many stores, just looking for a sweater, or a shirt, something that would be appropriate.. and I started to realize this was a WAY bigger deal to me than what I initially thought. This silly shirt had to be "just right!" because this night had to be "JUST RIGHT!" Eventually, I settled on a little black sweater...

I include all that about the shopping, only because, when I showed him what I had bought -- He said to me, "Um yea, we don't really dress up or wear things like that down there... We'll probably end up at a hole in the wall bar or something..." Only Michael!!! I did take the sweater, but didn't even end up wearing it!

And now it's time for our scheduled commercial break! Stay tuned for Part Three...

Day # 61 - Part One

2013-11-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

I've been given an assignment by my bff... Write my story. Well... write "our" story... The story of Michael and Stephanie falling in love. The beginning thru to the wedding.

I'm gonna attempt it, only because it's required writing. If you knew my bestie, you'd totally understand... sometimes there's just no saying no to her! ;-) Plus, it helps that she said something about it being good for "us" and that it could help me feel closer to him and blah blah blah. DISCLAIMER -- Nothing is wrong with "us"! We're doing great. He's working a whole lot right now because of harvest... We're just not spending a ton of time together. I promise! Stop it! We're good.

The beginning...
Wow, um, where do I start?
I've gotta start a little before the beginning to lay the ground work/back ground I think...
K, rip it off like a band aid, right??

In June of 2004, I moved out of my then-husband's house and into an apartment. I had been married just shy of two years... and had decided that it just wasn't working out. (there's a whole lot more to that story - maybe another time) At the time, I was working at Biewer Lumber, as was Michael.

Not long after I had gotten settled into my own place, I started dating a guy I worked with, Kevin. UGH! I can't believe I even was interested in this guy! He too was going through a divorce, although he had been married quite a bit longer than I had. He was on the receiving end of his divorce though and it had come as a complete surprise to him. Needless to say, we were obviously both very broken, which most definitely caused us to lean on one another.

Michael and I were decent friends at work... but hadn't ever hung out outside of work or anything. Him and Kevin didn't have a great relationship at all though... That's not true... That's giving them too much credit actually... They HATED each other! HATED!!! They were both supervisors and very rarely saw eye-to-eye at work. They would both tell you that the other one was arrogant. hahaha! Remembering conversations I had with them, separately, totally makes me laugh now!!

At one point, I had kinda made it my mission to make them get along! I mean, Kevin was my boyfriend... and I had spent enough time getting to know Michael that I just KNEW he was fun! They had to be friends because I wanted to hang out with Michael! I would tell Kevin that they could be friends if he'd just try, that Michael was a great guy, that they actually had so much in common -- on and on. Kevin actually replied once "Yea, we have a lot in common! He wants my job and my girlfriend!!! He practically wants to be me!" (Michael and I laugh about that to this day!)

To say my relationship with Kevin was dysfunctional is putting it really lightly. We were a mess! And quite often, when things would go terribly awry, Michael would be the first person I would call. He'd be there to chat with me... or pick me up after a really rough night... Never with any blatant ulterior motives... Just being a friend, and a GREAT one at that!

And then the holiday season arrived -- (stay tuned for the next installment/part two)

Day #60 - No Fall?!?

2013-10-31T08:51:00.001-04:00

Okay, so it's been since July!?! I think I've invented a new style of blogging... It involves writing really well for a few days and then falling off the face of the earth for months at a time.

Today is Halloween! Last time I blogged it was Summer!

I'm real proud of myself with these costumes... I made the skirts and I cut out and glued the logos on their shirts. They look ADORABLE! (in my humble opinion) I'm hoping the weather changes, at least a little, for trick-or-treating tonight. It's pouring rain now.

Michael has been hard at work at the farm. Harvest is upon us. Actually, harvest SHOULD be almost behind us... but we're not where we usually are this time of the year... The weather just has not been cooperating. This rain today will obviously not help.

We have company coming this weekend!! The girls are so excited to see some old friends... and I'm looking forward to some girl time. It's also Michigan/Michigan State football weekend. GO STATE!!!

I've got so much today, I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm hoping to post more regularly -- but I'm obviously terrible at it -- so no promises!!!

Day #59 - Weekend Recap

2013-07-08T14:49:00.002-04:00

Well, we survived!

We attempted our first camping trip as a family, and we lived to tell the tale!!!!

It actually went very, very well. We have access to a pop-up camper, so we took that, and headed off to Harrison, Mi on Thursday (July 4th). We arrived at about 3pm or so at Wilson State Park on Budd Lake. We had a decent site, no problems getting unhitched/unpacked, and set off to explore.

The beach was a bit of a walk from our site, and a little small, but we enjoyed ourselves immensely!!! The girls had a ton of fun in the water, and playing in the sand.

We joined a few other couples, but those people had booked campsites fairly close together. We, due to some miscommunication, were on the other end of the park... That made things a bit tricky in the evenings, but it ended up working out fine.

The last full day we were there, we got to take a boat ride out to the sand bar and the girls had a ball! They loved jumping off the boat into the water.

They were troopers the whole weekend... Made me super proud!!!

Miko and I talked about what we'd do differently in the future, food/packing wise, and we're going to get another opportunity to plan a bit better on Labor Day weekend!! So excited to try it out all over again!

I think we may have found a great way to make some lasting memories!!

Day #58 - Rain

2013-06-25T14:28:00.001-04:00

It started raining last night while Miko and I were at church (we missed church Sunday/he was out of town, so we went last night)... and it has rained on and off all day so far today. There have even been a couple of thunder booms.

I was folding clothes and thinking about it, and something is drastically different this year. Normally, I dislike rain. For obvious reasons - for the dampness, the coldness, the mud that comes with the rain, the havoc it causes on my hair, the locked in the house feeling the children seem to have...

But this year, this season, the weather is having such a huge impact in my life... and rain has become a lot more important.

Too much rain earlier in the season prevented the farmers from getting into the fields. We actually have fields that won't get planted at all this year. They were too wet for planting up until this point, and this blast of rain obviously wasn't helpful. (obviously negative)

But for the most part, the planting is done...the spraying is done... the gassing is done. We're home free. So this rain becomes a glorious, wonderful, thing! This moisture, and the heat that we've gotten with it, is ideal for the growing season in Michigan. This weather makes the farmers smile from ear to ear and makes the farmers wives want to dance in the fields (well, not literally... they'd probably hurt the crops).

Rain has become something we look forward to. It has become a blessing. A prayer answered.

And when you think about how awesome God is and that the rain is such a phenomenal feat in and of itself, it really brings on that sense of awe.

Amazing.

Thank you God for the rain!

Day #57 - It's Official

2013-06-23T12:37:00.002-04:00

It's SUMMER!!!!

And boy, oh boy, the weather sure realizes it! Yesterday was a scorcher and today is more of the same.

I am really missing the air-conditioning of our house down in Osseo. I seem to do alright during the day, especially if there is a breeze, but the evenings get rough. The house has had the entire day to heat up and the wind dies down... It was pretty uncomfortable last night.

Michael is in Manistee for the annual fishing tournament, so it's just me and the littles. I let them sleep in my bed last night since their rooms were even worse, heat wise, upstairs. That put me on the couch for the night. In some ways, I didn't mind, because I had access to the tv... and since I was home alone, I figured it would help me keep my mind occupied.

Not so much.

Television stinks in the summer. Plus, my mind was all spun up on all kinds of things. Add in the heat and it took me FOREVER to fall asleep.

So here we are today. I'm pooped. It's hot. The girls are so excited to be in their bathing suits for the day (although we don't have a pool). I'm trying to get the house in order for when Michael gets home. Getting a bit exasperated, but hanging tough.

I did have a great day yesterday... with my mother-in-law. I know, not everyone can have a great day with their mother-in-law, I am a lucky girl. We went garage saling! And I did good! Well, we both did great actually. We headed out at about 930am and got back to the farm around 430pm! We did squeeze lunch in there and a stop at Walmart. We pulled into the farm with the back of Michael's pickup totally full! HAHAHA!!!

I found 3 pairs of capris and 2 shirts at one place... for a grand total of $8! FOR ME! I was, well kind still am, thrilled. It's all Banana Republic/GAP/Ann Taylor stuff. I'm not one to buy clothes for myself at garage sales... mostly because I can never find anything worth anything... but I did yesterday. Woo Hoo!

So anyways... I should get busy. Laundry to do, dishes to wash, bathroom to scrub. Never ending it seems.

At least I already fed the monsters lunch...

Day #56 - A Little Ditty

2013-05-21T12:07:00.001-04:00

Or a little bitty... We'll see what comes to me...

Today is another laundry, cleaning, straightening, organizing day. Each day like this runs into the next, and the last.

We've had some rain today and yesterday. And we still don't have a single bean in the ground. Corn is done, but no beans. I seem to be more stressed out about that than anyone else in the family. Weird.

Kate has 11 days of school remaining, including today. I'm looking forward to doing some fun things with the girls this summer. Can't wait!!!

Aaron is in town with Mackenzie today. They actually arrived yesterday, so we saw them last night. She is ADORABLE!! And getting so big! She'll be a year old in just over a month! Crazy how fast time passes.

Still waiting for our new windows to be installed. The guy said it'll be a month from when we ordered them... so we're thinking right around the first of June he'll be here working. I can't wait! These windows are terrible. They're old, and filthy, and most don't have screens, and even the ones that do I can't get open. It's been a hot couple of days in this house with the limited air movement.

Memorial Day weekend is quickly approaching... We had plans. HAD. The farming isn't done, so the camping trip has been cancelled. I'm really okay with that. I don't think the weather is supposed to be wonderful for camping anyway.

I think that's it for now... still waiting for that "aha" moment!

Day #55 - Getting Back To Basics

2013-05-19T10:17:00.001-04:00

I haven't been posting... Obviously, right?!! A lot of the reasons lean on pure laziness, but I've also decided I've been putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I've been feeling like I need something "blog worthy" to post about or it's a waste of time. Feeling like if I'm lacking an "aha moment", I shouldn't take the time to post at all.

This morning, as I relaxed with my cup of coffee before starting my day... As the girls played upstairs (and were totally getting along for more than 5 straight minutes)... I was left with my own peaceful thoughts.

I decided that this blog can be whatever type of outlet I'd like it to be. I can write about whatever I'd like. Duh! I need to stop being over-the-top with ideas of grandeur. I mean, let's be real, I'm not going to get famous over all this.

So today, this is what you get...

My reflections over the last week.
Sunday - Education hour and church with my little family. Michael didn't farm in the morning (it had rained on Saturday) and it was Mothers Day. We went to the farm for lunch. Boog grilled pork chops! Later, Michael went to the field so the girls and I headed into Lansing to see Gee-Gee. We went to dinner, Red Robin - Yum, and visited with her. Good fun!
Monday - Got Kate off to school and took the other 2 littles to the allergist. They did awesome with their allergy testing. Found out they're allergic to everything - not really - a lot! Met Lu at the beauty shop while waiting for their prescriptions. Ended up going on an impromptu lunch date with her to Applebee's!
Tuesday - Homemade bean soup for the farmers and Gee-Gee came out to stay the night because...
Wednesday - Mommy and Kate went on her first field trip with her kindergarten class!! I got to take the bus and everything! We went to CMU, visiting the one room schoolhouse and the children's museum. We had a ton of fun!! Once home, we headed into town to get Kate registered for soccer! She's super excited to play, but glad that it doesn't start until fall. She said "I don't want it to interfere with my summer fun".
Thursday - Garage saling with Lu. The littles love it!!,
Friday - Sale at Nancy's - my favorite!!!! And after school, the Lugnuts game!!! Michael was farming, so we invited Gee-Gee to join us. The game was a ton of fun, kids eat free, and we won! The girls actually really enjoyed the baseball game and were entranced by the fireworks afterwards. Baby MJ didn't go, it was a late night, and she ended up staying the night at the farm with Grammy and Papa. She loved that!
Saturday - Up bright and early to head into Grand Rapids. Took the girls to see Uncle Justin. They LOVE him, probably because he's a big kid himself ;-) We all went to the children's museum there! That's 2 museums in one week for little Kate! The girls loved it! They enjoyed bubble making, arts and crafts, block building... The list goes on and on. After lunch and a visit to the giant tire swing, we headed to EGR to a baby shower. Kristin (michaels cousins wife) is due in August. MJ slept thru most of the party, but the big girls had a ton of fun. Kate even won the belly measurement game! Lol!
Sunday - today. I'm playing hooky from church. Michael is farming. Our house is destroyed because of the crazy busy week we had. And I'm just plain tired. The girls dressed themselves in their bathing suits. It's supposed to be in the 80's today. I need to get laundry and dishes and housework caught up, oh, and a grocery store run slid in there somewhere...

Man, I'm tired from just typing all that out!!! I sure glad every week isn't that chaotic!

Oh, and I'll be real glad when planting is behind us...

Post #54 - A Weekend Away

2013-02-21T21:27:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is the day!

Miko and I haven't been away together for more than one night away from the girls, EVER. Yep, and Madeline is 2. So, for at least that long...

To say I'm excited is an understatement!!

We'll put Kate on the bus in the morning, head over to the farm to drop off Lauren and MJ and then hop on the road. We're headed to Dearborn, to The Henry in Dearborn specifically. There is a Farm Bureau Convention there this weekend.

All expenses paid.

2 overnights in a hotel.

3 meals a day prepared and cleaned up afterwards.

Adult interaction. (farmers... but adults nonetheless-haha)

I'm looking forward to an uninterrupted meal (or 2). I will not miss saying "please keep your feet out of your sister's mouth" or "do not color on your face with that marker!". The laundry will still pile up this weekend, but the dishes will be washed. The beds at home will stay made and my bed at the hotel will be made and I won't be the one to do it.

I'm hoping for a few glasses of wine in the evenings, quiet alone time with my husband and adult conversation.

And then... we'll get back Sunday and Miko will immediately leave to head to Iowa. He'll be gone until Wednesday.

I'll be overwhelmed with dealing with the 3 littles alone, but at least I'll have memories of a wonderful weekend away.

Day #53 - Winter

2013-02-19T15:43:00.003-05:00

I'm trying real hard to come up with something inspirational, or thought provoking today... Struggling... My mind just keeps going right back out the window, to the snow, and the wind, and the cold, and the overcast cloudy crud.

Winter does this to me.

Christmas time winter is wonderful. The build up with hopes of a snowy Christmas day I can totally get with.

It's the February 19th, no end in sight, frigid, stuck inside, yuck that I could totally do without.

Every year this happens.

And every year, mid-August, when it's been miserably hot for weeks, I wish for the cold. I long for sweater wearing, scarf toting days... knowing that once they get here I'll wish them away again.

It's like I'm running on a hamster wheel.

I posted on facebook today that I'm ready for summer. I got a lot of "likes" and a few comments. People agree with me.

In August, when I say I'm ready for hats and mittens, chili and homemade bread, will the same people agree? Possibly. Probably.

I'm becoming more and more content in so many areas of my life. Praying for God's help to be happy with the "now".

Don't know if that applies to the weather though... ;o/

Day #52 - Holding Pattern

2013-02-14T23:20:00.000-05:00

The past couple of days, more than once, I have lifted Madeline up... right under her armpits... about 3 inches off the ground and told her to run. She goes bananas, moving her legs as fast as she can. I yell, FASTER! FASTER! And she just continues running, running as quickly as possible, laughing the entire time. It's a funny game - and usually Lauren wants to be next. She's a little more difficult, because she's bigger. And when her little legs get going, she's harder to hold onto. But we manage.

Running in place.

Spinning their wheels.

Going no where fast.

There was a time, not too long ago, that I was on fire. On fire for new friendships. On fire for the future. On fire for the Lord.

Lately.

I'm running in place.

I'm trying to get plugged in. And I know it's not instantaneous. Heck, it took me quite awhile when we moved away. But I guess I assumed it'd be quite a bit easier when we came "home". At this point, I'm feeling like I'm in another holding pattern.

But I'm not sure who is holding me under my armpits.

Or why.
Cuz I'm not laughing. This isn't funny or fun.

And I know there's a lesson in this somewhere. I'm just real anxious to find out/figure out what it is.

Contentedness? Patience? Dependence?

I hear ya God. I hear ya.

I mighta just worked that all out in one little blog post...

Day #51 - Guess Who's Back?!?

2013-02-13T12:40:00.000-05:00

Back again! Steph is back! Tell a friend... Guess Who's Back. Guess Who's Back. (that's my pathetic attempt at humor since it's been sooooo long!!! - Slim Shady I am not... heck, I'm not even slim!)

Ridiculous right?!? September?? It's February! Wowsa! I can't believe I haven't posted in 4 months. We actually just got internet last week. We moved back at the end of August and I've only stayed connected with my phone since. And it's a little ~~pathetic~~ difficult to type an entire blog on my little phone.

I do have some things on my mind to blog about... about I feel like I should get people caught up with what's been going on in our little house... That is if there is still anyone out there reading/checking up on us... I'm sure hoping there is... Because the future might hold some interesting things...

Where do I start???
We're in St Johns.
Michael has now switched jobs. He's soooo much happier where he's working now. I'm so proud of him and his dedication. It's almost like he's an entirely different person. I mean, who can say they LOVE their job? He does. He's actually out of town now, left this morning. There is a big farm show in Louisville, Kentucky this week. He's there thru Friday. I'm hoping he has a nice time, makes some good contacts, and really enjoys himself. It's work related, but let's be honest, he's there to have some fun.
Kate is really loving kindergarten. She's doing a great job. We had a few rough patches to start, but I think it's safe to say that is all behind us. She's 5, close to 6, going on 13.
Lauren just turned 4, and is growing like a weed. She is nearly as tall as her older sister. She's still adjusting to being the big sister while Kate is at school every day, but she's making strides. Being the middle child has it's challenges.
Madeline, aka MJ or Bob, is full of it. She's learning so much from her sisters... really coming into her own. Still a toe-head... Blonde hair, blue eyes.... She's gonna be trouble.
I am still working on making our house a home. I've not really been attending the women's bible study at church. I finished out the Daniel study before Christmas and haven't attended since. The new book really isn't up my alley and the time/day doesn't work very well for me (long story). I did go to a different study on a Monday at church - but I only went once. Between sick kids, and sick me, and the Pastor having to cancel it, I haven't been able to attend since. But I do plan on going back for that one.
What else?
We joined Farm Bureau. We're hoping to make some contacts there. We actually have a conference next weekend. It's Friday thru Sunday in Dearborn. I'm excited to get away with Michael (even if it is farm related). It's all paid for, hotel, food, entertainment. Should be fun!!!
Oh, jeez!!! DUH!!!! We sold our house in Osseo!!! I can't believe I left that out! We listed the house on February 15, 2012 and closed on it February 1, 2013. It was an emotional roller coaster, especially in the end, but it's behind us now. Thank goodness. So now that we've eliminated that payment from our lives, we can hopefully get some things going on this house. I look around at times and just wish I could snap my fingers and get things done! We've decided roof and windows are first, and then we'll decide if the kitchen or the bathroom is more of a desperate situation. The list is kinda endless.
Oh, and another big thing! Vacation in March. At Christmas time, we decided that instead of buying a bunch of toys that our children really don't need/won't play with, we'd head to Florida. So March 1st we'll leave our house headed to Georgia first. We'll visit Michael's sister Nicole (her husband and kids), then over to Florida to see his other sister Heather (her boyfriend) and Mickey Mouse!!! Awe yea!!! We're going to Disney World!!! After a couple of days in Orlando, we'll head down to Grandma Boettger's. She's close to the beach and we plan on taking advantage of that. It'll be a whirlwind of a week, but we're definitely looking forward to it!!!
I think that's it for now... I don't want to bore you... But I may be back. Michael's gone, remember? 8pm until around midnight tends to be a bit lonely...

Day #50 - No Title ;o)

2012-09-19T19:38:00.001-04:00

AGAIN!?! It's been awhile AGAIN?!? I'm real annoyed with myself! I no more than get a few people reading my stuff and then I fall off the edge of the earth!

I can honestly say this time though, that I've been busy! Since my last post, we've moved, Kate has started school, I have painted a living room, 2 bedrooms, an entry way, 2 hallways, a stairway, and 4 ceilings.

We're around the corner from the farm! Michael has started a new job and is going to help with the family farm. I am still at home, but now with only 2 children. Kate rides the bus to and from school each day and is really excelling. I can't believe the difference in her in just 2 1/2 weeks... MJ and Lauren seem to be adjusting well to the move and to being without Kate daily. They're always very happy to see her skipping up the driveway from the bus at the end of the day.

We're attending St Johns Lutheran Church here in town. It's going to be an adjustment. St Paul's was my first real church home and it was very difficult for me to leave there. Honestly, I still feel like a bit of my heart was left behind... Someone posted a picture of the sanctuary on Facebook the other day and I was instantly homesick. And St Paul's is my home. There are a lot of very important memories there. Michael and I have already discussed and decided that we will still be making trips back to visit.

I started a Bible study today. The women's group is doing a study of Daniel. I think I'm going to like it. It's really delving into the book and is exactly what I need. There are only 2 other women in the group, plus the leader and a pastor. It's a big enough group to allow conversation but not so big that we end up off subject. I'll keep you posted on everything there...

We were back in Ohio this past Sunday. Patti gave her testimony at her church. It was phenomenal!!! She's lost 100+ lbs now! I'm so proud of her and her journey. She's such an inspiration!!! We also got to spend some time with the Gulicks and stop by our old house to grab more of our things.

That stop by was quite emotional for me. I'm making the new place my home, but I'm always going to feel attached to Hillsdale County. I made some real good friends there. I grew so much in Christ. Michael and I made huge strides as husband and wife and really started walking with the Lord.

I still have moments of worry... That things are ever going to be "that good" for us again... I mean, in so many ways, this location is wayyyyy better for us (family closer, friends closer, better schools, better job for Michael) but in other ways it was real nice to be just Michael and Stephanie vs. the world. We were really on our own down there. We were making names for ourselves. We were laying our own foundation. We were just us.

There's history here.

Good and bad history.

Just keep us in your prayers...

Blessings -

501. Time for reflection
502. Quick dinners
503. No TV
504. A wonderful weekend of fellowship
505. The upcoming weekend - Go Green!
506. A new chapter
507. Being back in the decorating saddle
508. Ideas swirling around in my head
509. Line drying clothes
510. Hand washing dishes

Day #49 - Writer's Block?

2012-08-07T14:29:00.002-04:00

I seriously have gone over and over at least a dozen topics in my head the last few days. I have stuff to say. But then I sit down to get started writing… and NOTHING! What the heck???

So I decided today to just start writing. I’m convinced if I just start (which is the hardest part) something good will come… And I’m still waiting…

I CAN write about this – Our friend from church. He saw 2 different doctors that both told him that his thyroid growths were something along the lines of “highly probably cancer”. Can you be any vaguer? (Just for the record, vaguer sounds real dumb! But it is actually a word.) Anyway, we prayed. And our church prayed. And we prayed some more. And he went home, to go to Mayo Clinic where he was informed that he was “grossly over-diagnosed”. So there is obviously still a problem, because a person doesn’t typically have growths on his/her thyroid, but not cancer?!? Can you say halleluiah?!?

Now I know what the Christians are thinking… Praise God! He answered our prayers! Our Lord healed our friend!

And I can probably guess where the non-Christians heads are… Wow! Those other doctors were really off base when they told him he had cancer. They probably ought to further their education a bit (at the very least). That guy is real lucky that he went and got further opinions before starting chemo or radiation.

Christ VS Luck

Giving it to God VS Chalking it up to chance

Prayer VS Carrying it all on your shoulders

It astounds me how much easier it is to turn it over to God. Seriously. And it works! That’s the real kicker! This prayer, trusting in God thing, it is working in my life… And in the lives of the people I care about.

Do you need another example?? I have story after story of people that have turned their lives over to God and He has moved mountains for them! This is not coincidence, people! Do you hear me?!? I’m practically yelling to get your attention! ;-)

I have a friend who has struggled with her weight for years. She has been a prisoner in her own body. She’s tried diets and exercise on her own, always failing. She finally gave it to God. She asked Him for help, praised Him when He answered, and gives Him all the credit every time she shares her testimony. She has lost 98 pounds!!! And she’s not done. She’s got more to go, but she hasn’t slipped, lost ground, or even thought about throwing in the towel. God is keeping her on track!

This is real stuff.

And like I said, it ASTOUNDS me how much EASIER it is!

I’ll ask you this -

Actually, I challenge you – I challenge you to give it a chance.

Turn it over to God for 30 days. Commit a month to prayer. If it doesn’t work, go back to doing it your way. And I’ll even take it a step further… You’re probably not reading this by mistake. Something or someONE led you here… Just try it.

You won’t be sorry.

And praise God for Scott and Patti!!!

AND Take THAT Writer's Block!!!

Blessings:
491. God's Perfect Timing
492. His Patience while I learn to wait on His Timing
493. Great friends
494. Godly Counsel
495. Good conversation
496. Beautiful baby girls
497. Our beautiful flower beds (i need to take a picture and share it on my blog!)
498. An upcoming evening at home without children
499. Michael's family which has become mine that allows us the opportunity for much needed alone time
500. Grilling out weather

Day #48 - A Day (or more like 2 weeks) In The Life of Me

2012-07-30T14:57:00.000-04:00

3 girls “resting” on 3 different levels of our home = the perfect opportunity for this mommy to sit down with her new laptop to type/sort out some thoughts/have some quiet time alone.

We have had A LOT going on the last few weeks… A LOT! There have been times in my life that I’ve felt like we don’t have much going on. That has all changed as of late.

It started with an almost weeklong visit from a cousin who lives in Maryland. She lost her dad (my Uncle Buzz) 3 years ago and likes to stay busy when the anniversary of his death arrives. So, she came to visit us along with her husband and 3 boys. It was a great week, filled with a lot of fun, laughter and reminiscing. Memories were made, a few drinks were consumed and promises to get together every year were exchanged. We do need to make that happen!

The eve of her leaving (Friday), we received some sickening news that a friend at our church was going to be leaving prematurely. Michael and I have become quite close with him so it was a shock to us. But he had some health issues that needed to be handled immediately… so we spent the morning of my families last day with us, without them, but in church with our church family praying for safe travels, good news from doctors, and strength for our friend during whatever comes to pass. It was a beautiful service, filled with many, many, many tears… that left me feeling a bit overwhelmed, but faithful… trusting in the Lord to wrap His arms around all of us.

Two days later, VBS started. Kate and Lauren had an absolutely fantastic time! The 3 days were filled with song, prayer, puppet shows, crafts, snacks and a lot of fun. I’m so proud of my big girls and feel so blessed to have found such a wonderful church home for them (and for us!). Madeline and I spent our mornings in the nursery. She played with the other little ones and I had some time to just sit and relax with the moms there. It was truly wonderful, and just what I needed.

Wednesday, we received more hard news. Michael’s brother, who has a month old little baby girl, was rushed to the hospital. He was light-headed, and having chest pains. Long story short, he had a collapsed lung. Yesterday, we drove over to visit him in the hospital, see the new baby, and support his wife. He’s in surgery now as I type.

Woooo!!!

On top of all that, my dad is waiting in Indiana right now for a flight to Afghanistan for the next year (or two)… We need to buy a new mattress and box springs for Lauren’s bed (which we found out was broken AFTER we just dropped money on this new laptop)… The van is burning oil so we might be car shopping soon… And we’re trying to get some things figured out with our cell phone, satellite tv, internet service situation (living in the middle of nowhere doesn’t leave a whole lot of options)

I guess things were running smoothly for so long that I forgot how to handle all this drama and craziness. I’m sure we’re all going to be fine. I do know that everything will work out. Prayers would definitely help though. Please? And thanks!

Blessings

471. Our church family
472. Great friends
473. Family time
474. Great grilled meals
475. Cooking with my husband
476. Swimming with the girls
477. Kate’s new-found outgoing nature
478. Lauren’s beautiful eyes
479. The progress with Madeline’s talking
480. Company which causes me to clean floors
481. A clean house
482. Michael losing a bet with me and cleaning the toilets
483. Evening talks
484. Summer Olympics
485. Long car rides
486. Watching the girls enjoy the beach
487. Making plans for next summer
488. Looking forward to college football
489. Beautiful weather
490. Freshly mowed grass

Day #47 - Floundering

2012-07-02T12:31:00.000-04:00

I'm in a place... I'd like to say it's not familiar... but unfortunately that's not the case. Although... in typing that, I realize that if this was new, maybe I'd be feeling a bit scared. And I'm not scared. I've been here all too often.

Funk. Anxiety. Rough patch. Restlessness. Breathlessness. Stir crazed. Uncomfortable. Unsure. Limbo. Roller coaster. Longest day of my life.

All those words describe it. But I know unless you've been here, you don't get it.

I've been trying to push it down for a few days now, shove it out of my mind, make it disappear... but I know better... If it was that simple I'd keep it hidden all the time.

The puzzling thing is, after dealing with this so many times, it seems like I could figure out why it happens, what to do to prevent it or at least alleviate it, or even how to know how long it's going to last. I have yet to figure out how to do any of those things.

I've spent the morning picking things up, sweeping, doing dishes, the same daily tasks... but it looms... it's over me like a dark cloud... trying to suck me in... trying to convince me that I just need to retreat, go back to bed, cry, bury my head and sink in deeper.

Today, I'm struggling... but I know that tomorrow could be brighter... I know that tomorrow possibly this will all be a distant memory... and yet somehow that doesn't reassure me enough to clear my mind.

1000's of thoughts... mind crippling really...

And the sticking point - I have NOTHING to be upset about. MJ just turned 2 yesterday. We had an absolutely beautiful weekend as a family. We finally got some rain so the grass is greening up a it. The girls are sitting at my feet looking at our wedding album. I'm babysitting another little girl today that is a joy. The sun is shining.

But I'll say this, in listing all that, it almost brings me to a worse place. Why can I feel so stuck when everything happening is wonderful? Why can't I enjoy this moment instead of wishing it away? What else is there? What do I need to stop the madness, the anxiety, the pull into depression?

I'll throw this out there too - I'm ok. I'm not as bad as all this probably sounds. I just felt a pull to share, to relate, just in case someone else is there too. And maybe to look back on, and smile, because when this passes, as I know it will, I'll feel renewed, invigorated, and proud of myself for sharing it in such a public way.

Today, I'll pray.

Please God bring me peace. Help me to pull myself out of this miserable state. I need your guidance to clear my head and clear my heart. I know that as a child of yours, you are always with me, always walking with me and lighting the way. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, AMEN!

Day #46 - Honesty Is Always The Best Policy?

2012-06-28T08:46:00.002-04:00

So I wrote this post months ago... But never posted it... Not sure why. I guess I wasn't "feeling it", but it's kinda relevant now, so I figured I'd go for it. I welcome any input. I've kinda gotten myself into a conundrum here...

When is too much information, truly too much?

Have we lost our filters? When friendships build, or families bond, and walls come down, is that always a good thing? Does telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God = forgetting to guard people’s hearts, crossing imaginary lines and no longer caring about hurting others feelings?

Do we ALWAYS really NEED to know EVERYTHING? If not everything, then how do we know when enough is really enough?

I’m not saying that any of this is always intentional… I think that sometimes we say things, and then look back and realize our buffer was not functioning. In some cases, alcohol may be a factor (not that i’m speaking from personal experience in that area, ah hem) and quite often it’s because our emotions have gotten the best of us. Other times, I truly believe that things are said with the best of intentions, but without maybe thinking through how they will be interpreted or taken.

So does that make it all forgivable?

And if so, how do you forget what has been said once the apology has been issued? Once the words have been uttered, is there any way to really take them back?

I’ve always said, I’m an everything kind of person. I’d rather know, than feel like I have to guess. I’d rather be sure, than assume. I’d rather risk hurting someone’s feelings, than bite my tongue and put on a fake face. And if someone asks me, or demands accountability, I’m definitely going to speak the truth, and hold them to it.

Recently though, I’ve found myself wondering… Why did I need to know that? What good came from the knowledge? What good will come from me spewing these feelings? Does this person really, really, want the accountability that they claim to? If I say ________, will they interpret it as_______?

I guess I’m almost saying that I don’t know that I know what honesty really looks like anymore… That’s scary to think, let alone type, and will be even scarier when I re-read it. That’s where I’m at though…

Is it still honesty if it’s ugly? Is it still the truth, even if it’s just an interpretation? When giving advice, real advice, is it best to follow your brain, your heart, or neither? Is fleshly advice worth anything anymore?

I’m befuddled. Perplexed. Confused. Almost exasperated. I’m convinced that we all need to do the “right” thing (obviously), I’m just not sure what that looks like or sounds like… especially since every situation presents different opportunities…

Opportunities to make or break a friendship. Opportunities to make amends or further divide. Chances to remedy and repair or continue to hurt and build walls. Crossroads that can lead to forgiveness and possible reconciliation or more issues and drama.

One more thing… Just to further complicate things…

If honesty is required, and it’s not always given, what happens to the relationship? Because truly, if we’re all real about it, there probably isn’t a single person that we’re totally and completely honest with 100% of the time.

Blessings

441. A loving, FORGIVING husband.

442. A beautiful day at a pond yesterday.

443. Spending time with great friends.

444. Kate coming out of her shell.

445. Lauren being a love bug.

446. Madeline's no fear attitude.

447. Air conditioning.

448. Grilled chicken legs.

449. A dip in the pool after dinner as a family.

450. Kate and Lauren finally going under water.

451. Kate says it's "easy peasy!"

452. Lauren so trusting.

453. Madeline really really talking.

454. A trip to Manistee.

455. Michael enjoying the fishing.

456. Yummy fish we brought home to grill.

457. Experiencing the beach with the girls.

458. Kate's new key phrase when I ask if the water is cold, "It's not too bad mom!"

459. Massive amounts of sand.

460. Wonderful family friends that open their house to us.

461. Awesome grilled meals - meatloaf and shish-ka-bobs.

462. Spending time with my "other" parents (my in-laws).

463. Ice cream after lunch.

464. Well-behaved girls that make me so proud!

465. A new niece, Mackenzie Mary.

466. Excitement for the new, first-time parents.

467. Another trip to the beach planned to go meet her!

468. A soon-to-be 2 year old baby at our house!

469. Looking forward to fireworks

470. Independence!

Day #45 - Lost Cause

2012-06-10T22:03:00.001-04:00

It's nearly impossible to follow a conversation when only listening to one end of the phone call... and frustrating...
That is all...

Day #44 - Gimme A Break

2012-05-29T10:28:00.001-04:00

This morning as I was making breakfast for the kids, and was already feeling overwhelmed for the day, I found myself deep in thought... I was considering things that I've thought about many times before, but because I can't quite figure them out, put them aside for another time.

Example?

I've said it, many times. "I just need a break!" A break from what you might ask (not if you know me very well though, because you'd probably walk away from our conversation with my knuckle prints on your forehead). A break from dirty diapers, Nick Jr, settling disagreements over who is the real princess of our house and whether or not wearing shorts vs skirts makes someone a boy. A break from making 3 meals a day, brushing 4 sets of teeth twice a day, and reading the favorite books sometimes 5 times a day. A break from unmatched socks, missing mates of shoes, mis-matched earrings and barrettes (how ever you spell those crazy things), and general chaos. A break from... I'm sure you catch my drift... This morning I've already said "Don't put your feet on your sister's face" more than once! I've also let them eat 3 marshmallows apiece because I was already sick of arguing and it was only 830am. Mother of the Year Award?!? Highly unlikely!

All of that, to say this, a break is NOT what I need. I mean, I do enjoy some time alone, or with my friends, but in the end... I come back to snarled hair and kool-aid smiles... and (I'll say it!) I'm immediately right back to where I started. It's not like I suddenly grow patience and don't have a problem answering the same question for the 12th time in 30 minutes. I don't morph into a mom that enjoys scrubbing smashed spaghettio's out of carpet.

Unfortunately I think quite the opposite occurs for me. I find myself wishing the 4 hours with my friends was more like 4 years! I seem to get more easily exasperated. I find myself closer to my wits end, more quickly. It's like I've gotten a taste of freedom and I want it permanently!

Please don't get me wrong... I love my life. I love my girls and my husband. I just have these moments, err, these hours, that I feel overwhelmed, over-stressed, and over-stimulated by toddler activities.

Today is one of those moments.

A weekend of fun, sunshine, relaxation, brings me back to watching Little Bear, filling sippy cups, changing diapers and wishing Miko didn't have to go back to work.

And it hits me... I miss the closeness to home. I miss the random friend drop-ins, the family right around the corner to help out, the possibility of a break any day, instead of having to schedule things... We'll get there... Eventually.

Today, I'll focus on patience and laundry. There's always the laundry.

Day #43 - Am I a Quitter?

2012-03-31T13:31:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I made it through day 3 of P90X. I was so sore, I could barely move, so I decided to take a day off... plus I had heard that the yoga dvd was miserable and that's what was next for me... That evening, I had a long talk with an awesome friend who had some pretty poignant questions.

Q - What is my motive with this new workout? Am I trying to "bulk up" or merely tone and get in shape?
A - Tone. I don't need super muscles... not that I think I'd get them anyway

Q - What is the point of going so big then? As in... Why P90X when I've never worked out a day in my life?
A - No idea. It sounded like the thing to do?

Q - What about trying something that I can actually complete, instead of laying in the fetal position on the floor for 10 minutes right in the middle of the workout?
A - Grand idea! Wish I could say I was smart enough to come up with it on my own...

Q - Ever heard of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred?
A - Yes, and I may be able to get my hands on it fairly easily... on Sunday.

Q - You do realize that if you quit P90X now, you haven't failed? You're doing the smart thing by doing something that you're more capable of...
A - Yet to be determined... because I sure feel like I've failed. I guess I have for sure quit, which would make me a quitter.

So, that's the new plan. I'm going to try something a bit different first. Try to get in shape a little before I try to get in shape a lottle.

I guess it all makes sense. Why go from doing nothing, to working out full bore, 7 days a week, in the most extreme way possible... when I can ease into it... Right?

Am I crazy?

Did she sweet talk me into quitting?

Hello?

Anyone out there?

Did I totally disappoint you guys?

I sure hope not.

I feel at peace with my decision. Stay tuned...

Blessings.
431. Real talk
432. A weekend with no plans
433. A clean house
434. An hour long nap yesterday
435. Craft time today with my big girls
436. Spring Break!!
437. Being led by the Holy Spirit
438. Heart to heart with Miko
439. Holy Week
440. Always remembering the sacrifice of Jesus

Day #42 - day 2

2012-03-27T13:24:00.000-04:00

Okay... I've been a bit apprehensive about posting this, but I'm gonna go for it. Rip it off like a bandaid, right?

Yesterday I started working out.

Well, actually 2 weeks ago, Monday, I attempted and failed.
A week of griping, complaining, whining that I can't do it, motivated me to try again.

So try again I shall, and am.

Which brings me to this post.

I've realized that I was afraid to tell anyone what I was doing, for fear if I failed, I'd look ridiculous.

Instead, I should look at this as part of my testimony (thanks Patti).

I'm going to give it my best, and hopefully after these 90 days of busting my butt, I'll have something to show for it. I mean I WILL have something to show for it. At least I BETTER!

Yesterday was not easy. Today has been rough and I haven't even worked out yet. I have sore muscles that I didn't even realize owned! But at 2pm today, I'm starting day #2.

I've never worked out 2 days in a row before, ever. But years and babies and pounds later, I need to.
I need to feel good about myself for me, and my husband, and my kiddos. That's all super important... but more than that... I need to take care of this body God has given me.

Pray for me. Today at 2pm especially.

-S

Blessings
421. Borrowed p90x dvds
422. Great friends to support me
423. Kate cheering me on as I attempted a push up
424. A summer to look forward to
425. Exciting new things on the horizon
426. Lauren belly laughing as I typed this
427. Grilled out dinners 3 nights in a row
428. A new lawnmower
429. Weeded flowerbeds
430. Possible visitor this weekend

Day #41 - Habits

2012-03-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

Our sermon at church today was about habits... Good and bad. We obviously have the habit to be in God's Word, to be prayerful, at church on Sunday. Pastor wanted us to realize that this should be a daily, all the time, thing.

I can say that I pray way more often than I ever have. I have learned to at least think about God before I make a big decision or say something ridiculous. I'm working on being the wife, and mother, that the Bible teaches me to be.

Even with all that... I'm strides behind where I'd like to be.

I want to leave everything up to God and place everything in His hands, but when He doesn't do things exactly the way I want them done I grow frustrated. When I feel like we're being led in a certain direction, but then things don't work out as quickly as I'd like, I get angry. When people that I love hurt, I have a tendency to want to fix it without consulting Him.

My habit is to gripe, grumble, complain, decide "I'll do it myself".

Our Old Testament reading today was from Numbers. In looking at Michael's bible tonight, it offers this "theme and message":

Numbers relates the story of Israel's journey from Mount Sinai to the plains of Moab on the border of Canaan. It tells of the murmuring and rebellion of God's people and of their subsequent judgment. They were condemned to live out their lives in the desert; only their children would enjoy the fulfillment of the promise that had originally been theirs. Throughout the years in the desert, one thing became clear to Israel -- God's constant care for them. Not only did he meet their needs, but he also loved and forgave his people continually. (emphasis in blue mine)

It's human nature to want more, to voice our gripes, to complain away. We are all sinful beings. But those, those are all bad habits.

Even in my personal time of repentance this morning in church, my selfishness showed through...

I have a plan for my week. I'm going to focus on forming more good habits. I've made a decision to start my day in prayer and end it the same way. I'm going to pray every time I get into my car to go somewhere and every time I reach my destination. I want to thank God for my trials and for my conquests.

It's the least I can do.

He's got enough to worry about without my whining.

Blessings
401. A healthy family
402. Grilling out yesterday in the marvelous weather
403. Our girls reciting the Old Testament books of the Bible with their Sunday school classes at church today
404. Time for personal repentance and absolution
405. God's forgiveness
406. Our church home
407. A "different" type of service this morning
408. Exploring all parts of the Lutheran Service Book
409. Knowing I am never alone
410. Girl Scout cookies from outside of Walmart
411. Our well-behaved girls at a packed Wendy's
412. A quiet evening with Madeline
413. Our one mile walk
414. Sweating while outdoors in March
415. Miko taking the 2 big girls fishing
416. Lauren's first fish
417. The excitement they showed when they got home
418. Miko's patience in taking both of them
419. All 3 of them looking forward to the next fishing trip
420. Tired girls after their baths, ready for bed