The Intellectual Geek

Forgive me, SBI

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:35:00 +0000

Dear SBI,

Where do I begin? It's all my fault!

The other day, I decided to check the balance in my account so that I could splurge on unnecessary online shopping shit. I went to onlinesbi.com and logged in, only to be greeted by a rather slow website, something I assumed was the result of my internet connection.

It was only when I attempted to get a statement of my account that you opened up and told me. I'm so sorry, I didn't realise it was my fault! I know now that I am entirely to blame in this matter. I wish I could fix things with you and go back to the way things were, but I'm afraid you'll say it's too late.

For what it's worth, I want you to know that I hereby render an unconditional apology to you. I didn't mean to cause network delays, and certainly not satellite link failure and network outages, as I later learnt from the newspaper. Please accept my apology for the severe inconvenience I've caused you and come back to me.

Love,

Intellectual Geek

Is nothing sacred anymore?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:58:00 +0000

What is the world coming to, when people openly flaunt their INCESTUOUS relationships with their own siblings on FACEBOOK! Do the bonds of siblings mean nothing to these people? Why do these people get into incestuous relationships in the first place, let alone put it up on Facebook for all the world to see?

P.S: I may have wiped out all last names, but let me tell you that the last name of Imogomeegan (sibling) and Imogomeegan (spouse) is the same.

Spoken like a klassy hooker!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:36:00 +0000

The weighing machine at Shanti Sagar, Rajajinagar. The text reads

"Looking is free. Touching will cost you!"

WTF?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 23:11:00 +0000

What do you get when you train a generation of people to become software engineers and not worry about its social skills? [Granted, I'm no one to talk :P]. BEHOLD!

That's right. People are GOOGLING how to get girlfriends. Bwahahahaha! THIS is what happens when you spend all your time staring at the dim light of your computer screen [I should really shut up now].

Side-notes:

1. The suggestions by Google are driven by the volume of searches, so I can only sympathise with the THOUSANDS of people who voluntarily SEEK torture.

2. A special side-eye to the people googling the second suggestion.

3. How did I find this? Well, I was googling "I want to have your babies, Joshua Bell" to see if anyone else shares my opinion on Joshua Bell's music, but nope. No relevant results.

4. The "arrow" was added in GIMP. Shut up.

Movie Review: Vertigo

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 21:30:00 +0000

I've only just begun my education in all things Hitchcock, but now I know why Lady GaGa chose to reference several Hitchcock movies in "Bad Romance" [Yes, all blog posts MUST mention Lady GaGa somehow]. Hitchcock is the ORIGINAL crazy.

The lyrics:

I want your psycho
Your vertigo shtick
Want you in my rear window

I watched Psycho a month ago, and realised it was ahead of its time in the genre of murder mystery/psychological thrillers. And today, I watched Vertigo.

As the title suggests, the lead character, John Ferguson [James Stewart, in all the classic suits you can find. I think I saw him SLEEPING in one too, I kid you not] suffers from vertigo. Having been forced to leave the police service because of it, he is sought by a friend to track his wife, who's been having a spell of erratic behaviour. While following her, and preventing her from committing suicide, John falls in love with her. Add to this a tale of a Spanish woman, an eerie ancestry, and a death, and you have yourself a twisted thriller.

The cinematography is wonderful, but the clothing even more suave - Shots of the San Fransisco Golden Gate Bridge, the wide roads and the hilly outskirts ain't got nuthin' on the chic suits and hats the women wear and the elegant suits the men walk around in. Is it me or are we as a society losing our sheen [and chic] over the years? Am I the only one who feels that people, in general, were better dressed in the early 20th century than they are today?

In comparison with modern day thrillers, you could say "Vertigo" is a little slow-paced, but for a movie with no gunshots, bombs or black-clad, mask-wearing strangers wielding knives [looking at you, Scream], it is very intriguing. Kim Novak is absolutely gorgeous [added to my list of old Hollywood hotties!]. The musical score swells and ebbs with the importance and intensity of the scenes very well.

The end, however, is unclear to me. [Is revealing the end of a movie made over fifty years ago still count as "spoiling"? :P] I watched the end a couple of times, but I'm led to believe the end was intentionally made ambiguous. If anyone watches/has watched it, let me know what you think.

Rating: 9/10.

Dear last.fm, don't scrobble my porn!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 16:14:00 +0000

^^ :D

I visited my last.fm page today, and I had a shocker waiting - Last.fm [in collaboration with that pesky VLC] had scrobbled [which, to the uninitiated, is basically informing the last.fm website of the songs I listened to recently] my porn!

I've kept scrobbling on while watching episodes of shows like 30 Rock and Glee, and neither appeared on my last.fm page, but, after last night's pornalicious activities, I find that recorded online! Sigh. I guess this is the price I have to pay for leading a social, always connected life - Why stop at "What's on your mind?", let the world know when you're watching porn! :P

Well, the few of you who know my last.fm page may not rush to it, because all evidence of porn has been purged.

I've been saying this all along!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 21:21:00 +0000

Hahahaha!! In your face, DOGS!

According to a new study, domestication of dogs by humans have them dumber, making them more dependent on humans and incapable of problem-solving.

Here's a snippet:

Dogs are now so dependent upon people that they fail certain basic intelligence tests that wolves and wild dogs ace, according to new research.

The findings provide evidence that humans, through domestication of canines, have caused dogs to lose their non-social problem-solving skills. The loss in skills appears to be "hardwired" genetically into dogs, helping to explain why homeless dogs struggle to survive.

Read the full article here.

Cough.

THIS is why I dislike dogs! I find them and their tendency of following people around rather annoying! I mean, SHOO, go live your life, and come back to me when you're hungry/feeling like being scratched behind the ears/ready to cuddle. That's how my cat behaves, anyway. I wouldn't know what to do if my cat looked to me for INSTRUCTIONS. The dog people always say cats can't be trained. As if that's a BAD thing! In fact, that's one of their best qualities. That they are free-thinking and bow to no one. And I'd like to see dogs do impromptu hilarious stunts. *pffft

TEAM CATS FOREVER!

New badge:

Masochistic much?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:40:00 +0000

Get off my favourite songs!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 23:04:00 +0000

[BANDWIDTH HEAVY]

Here we go. Some people just can't leave classics alone! Like Hollywood trying to remake Bonnie and Clyde with Hilary Duff as Bonnie [*snort] just because she resembles Faye Dunaway.

Crime #1:

The other day, I saw the music video of Jason Derulo's ~~Come again? I'm slightly deaf~~ 'Whatcha say' on VH1. Now, before I embed the song in here, I'd ask you to listen to 'Hide and seek' by Imogen Heap first.

Anyone who's watched The O.C [and I know you have, bb *wink] might recognise that this song was used in the second season finale. Now, I give you Whatcha say.

Why, Jason Derulo, WHY did you have to ruin such a lovely Imogen Heap song by using elements of it in your pathetic song?

Crime #2:

Jay Z. Siiiigh. I came across Jay Z's ~~I'm so innovative! I'm gonna reverse the words~~ 'Young Forever' and I was outraged. As if Alicia Keys yelling "Neeeeeeeewwwww Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawk" in 'Empire State Of Mind' wasn't painful enough.

The ORIGINAL song would be 'Forever Young' by The Youth Group [or, as someone might better know it, Marissa and Ryan's song :) ].

And this is Jay Z's version, 'Young Forever'.

I hate everything about this version, right down to its annoying smart-ass title. Why the hell do (f)artists like Jay Z have to spew their (c)rap on such lovely songs? Some people really can't leave well enough alone. Oh, no. They have to take the fondness for the original, and hammer it to death by crapping all over it. Voila! New single at the top of the charts!

Here goes nothing!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sat, 29 May 2010 22:26:00 +0000

I WANT A JOB!

As the holidays after every semester approach, I become hysterical about getting a job. And it's no different this time. Well, I'm not done with my exams yet [and not until june 29th will I be :( ], but I'm trying extra hard this time.

I seriously have no restrictions as to what kind of a job I'd like. I'm open to it all - a waiter position at a café or a restaurant, an article writer thing from Craigslist [does that EVER work out?], an programming internship [paid, preferably] at a software company, a writing internship at a media/news organisation, ANYTHING! Hell, I'll be some desperate designer handbag-obsessed lady's escort to a Sex and the City 2 screening, despite all the hilarious negative reviews. Who am I kidding? I'd enjoy SATC2!

Universe, throw me a fricking bone here!

I've hit up all the usual websites - craigslist, 10internship, and a bunch of others. Nada. The game plan is to ask the IT people at the gym [and there are many] to help me out. I do believe one of them actually owns a fricking software firm. Hoping to get lucky there. :)

Well, if anyone knows of a job opening or has an uncle whose second son's friend owns a company which might have a job opening, write to me! I wouldn't mind working for a non-profit organisation either, although my pipe dreams about Lady GaGa sunglasses might have to take a back seat if I do.

$$$$$!

Aren't exams supposed to be serious affairs?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Fri, 28 May 2010 19:53:00 +0000

Ah, the tale of my microprocessor lab exam.

I still chuckle at how I got away with it! :P

Well, as predicted, I didn't make it on time for the college bus. When I reached college by BMTC, I knew around 17 programs. Out of 30. And I had some one hour to study the rest. And revise. :-/

I knew there was no point trying to stuff in the rest, so I just relied on my luck [oftentimes the reason for many disasters!] and hoped I'd get programs I'd studied. Well, microprocessor lab works this way - You pick up a chit out of several, and that determines which two programs you need to write first and then execute.

I got two programs which I'd PARTIALLY studied/remembered. I wrote the two programs, filling in absolute crap when I couldn't remember some lines of code, knowing for sure they wouldn't work. The external evaluator briefly glanced at it, signed, and told me to "execute them".

My first program was to convert a character to its ASCII code. I typed my program and tried to execute it. Sure enough, it didn't work. Then, I took the easier route.

"Pssst, what's the ASCII code for 1?" I asked the person closest to me.

"31H", he hissed back.

A few minutes later, the externals guy was by my side, watching the output of my ASCII program.

"Enter a character", the screen read.

I entered "1" with as nonchalant an air as I could fake.

"31" the output screen read.

"Ok. Correct. Do the other program", said the lecturer, as he wrote "output seen" on my sheet.

If only he knew the output would be 31 even for 2, 3, or z. :P

My second program was to display the letter FIRE and HELP on a 7-segment display. I still don't know how to do it.

I typed the [rubbish] program I'd written, and it wouldn't work. No surprises there! Fortunately, this time around, my internals lecturer was around.

"Oh, FIRE HELP. This program is slightly difficult", he said.

I grimaced. I knew this guy had a soft spot for me, and, for whatever reason, thought I was a "good student". But what happened next was crazy.

He proceeded to help me out with my code! I'm like, "Could this really be happening?" :D

Well, his help wasn't really effective, because the program still wouldn't work. Finally, he asked me, "Did you execute the other program?"

"Yes, sir. The externals lecturer checked the output", I said.

"OK.", he said, as he looked around for the external lecturer, who had gone out of the lab.

"What was your percentage last semester?", he asked of me.

I saw where he was going with this conversation, and I decided to milk it.

"78, sir", I said, which is anything but true.

"And what is your aggregate of the semesters so far?"

"75, sir", I lied through my teeth.

"Good.", he said, and with one last look around him, he took my sheet and wrote "output seen" for the second program.

As I sat there waiting to be called for viva, I had to bite my lip to not burst out LAUGHING. I mean, I had walked into the lab hoping only to scrape through, but knew I would walk out of it with atleast 40 [out of 50]. But laugh I did, when I left the lab, after a few minutes of viva. :)

To anyone who's got their undies in a bunch about such manipulation and cheating, I suggest you go here and read one of the 30 programs I was expected to remember. There are 29 such shitty programs, some of them much longer than this one. Welcome to VTU!

LOL wut?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Thu, 27 May 2010 21:24:00 +0000

(Insert "shaved pussy" joke here)

Microprocessor lab exam in eight hours. Out of the 30 or so programs I NEED to remember, I now know about 10 [and that's boasting, to be honest]. And in the eight hours remaining, I need to sleep, wake up, get to college in time [lawd knows I'm gonna miss the college bus again], and, of course, STUDY! Should be fun! Program number 7,8 or 9, pleeeease?

Note to future obese workaholic overpaid me: You miss this hectic, sleep-deprived shit, doncha?

Via Katy Perry's Twitter [Why does that sound like a genital reference to me!]

Pet peeve: "ma"

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Fri, 21 May 2010 09:58:00 +0000

Another day, another minor annoyance!

There's a lot of internet chat slang, and I'm as guilty as anyone else of using it. The whole point of internet/messaging slang is that it reduces the number of characters, which can be very helpful if you pay per sms [which, thankfully, I don't]. So, naturally, 'that' becomes 'dat', 'whatever' becomes 'watev' and so on. But the thing that drives me crazy is the REDUNDANT slang that doesn't cut down on the number of characters but spells a word in a different way.

Case in point: 'ma'

Examples [and also the things I passive-aggresively wish for the person I know who uses 'ma']: 'Ma friends ditched me', 'I lost ma phone!!', 'Ma laptop is broken'

Why, dear FSM [I refuse to allow a single opportunity of promoting FSM pass me by, hence the hyperlink], WHYYYY! Let's do a scientific study, shall we?

'My' has [*takes a moment to count with his fingers] two letters.

The alternate word 'ma' has two letters too.

Net character(s) saved by using alternate spelling = 2 - 2 = ZERO

Thing(s) achieved by using 'ma' = Coming off as a poseur douchebag jerk, annoying the recipient of ur text/im, causing unintended misinterpretation of 'ma' as mother.

'Ma' belongs in the same class as 'kewl'. It's supposed to inform the other person of your conversation of your "kewlness" of thought and spelling. Blurgh! Make it go away, please! And while you're at it, get rid of Justin Bieber and all the little Disney dipshits too! Muchos gracias!

I almost died today!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Mon, 17 May 2010 13:21:00 +0000

And I'm not even twenty yet!

I had internals today, and as is customary during internals, my friends and I were sitting on the lawn and studying. I was starving (skipped breakfast, as usual!), so I bought myself a burger and a samosa from the café.

My friend wanted a bite of the samosa, and as a joke (sigh), I put the whole thing in my mouth at one go. She yelled "noooo!" and stormed off, leaving me with a mouthful of samosa, "unswallowable", yet there. Like a complete moron, I tried to gulp it down my throat.

The next thing I know, I couldn't breathe. I was heaving and gasping for air, but couldn't get any. I started walking around. A side effect of playing the fool with your friends is that no one takes you seriously, ever. I should know. While I was struggling to breathe and was absolutely panicking, the idiots around me were LAUGHING, thinking I was faking it!

Still couldn't breathe. And I thought to myself, "no way! This is it? THIS is how I die? Hilarious. Death by samosa?!"

Finally managed to "regurgitate" it [I have a feeling you could've lived without that mental image]. And then drew in a loong breath of air.

Weirdly enough, after that, I was very subdued. Either out of the near-death experience [Yes, I insist on calling it that. Don't laugh] or the embarrassment of the whole thing, I don't know, but I timidly studied. :P

P.S: With my newfound experience, I can tell you this: It IS true what they say. When you're dying, things start to go black. :P Or maybe that was coz of the lack of oxygen supply.

:)

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sun, 16 May 2010 20:06:00 +0000

Mary: Tell me, Edmund, do you have someone special in your life?
Edmund: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Mary: Who?
Edmund: Me.
Mary: No, I mean someone you love, cherish and want to keep safe from all the horror and the hurt.
Edmund: Still me, really

Source: Blackadder Goes Forth via My Booky Wook

Enough!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Mon, 10 May 2010 20:49:00 +0000

Wow! Just wow! One must really admire the audacity of these crooks!

For those of you who don't know, and I'm sure that's almost everyone, B S Yeddyurappa, the Honorable [*snort] Chief Minister Of Karnataka, has released Rs. 1 crore for the development of a temple in Tamil Nadu. Why, you ask, should that be a big deal? Well, it shouldn't. IF the money had been his own. Unfortunately, that is not the case here. The money being given to the temple is of the government.

You can read about it here and here.

A crore, when written as a number looks like this: 1,00,00,000. A crore rupees can fund a government school for several years. A crore can light up an entire village with solar panels. A crore can ensure water supply for a community. But our chief minister seems to think that a crore is better utilised to adore an idol's neck in the form of gold and diamonds.

How can the country continue to call itself a secular one, despite people like our chief minister publicly donating funds to a religious institution of HIS preference, at HIS whim? Another fact that came to my notice by this TOI article was that the chief minister has made BUDGETARY ALLOCATION for donating funds to temples. Isn't that just preposterous?

How can we, as a society, afford to let people like him go scot free? Don't we owe it to ourselves to raise a voice against such overt display of religious bias? People like him rely on our complacent apathy to save them from retaliation for their actions. The idea that a chief minister chooses which temple, and by extension, religion, to favour must be decried as illegal, not ignored and allowed to pass without a glance! The sad part is that the media have clearly steered clear of the issue. And why wouldn't they! As far as they are concerned, there is no controversy here. It would be detrimental to them [and their much-prized audience base] to put the spotlight on the chief minister's bias to Hinduism, the most prominent religion of the country and the religion of most of the audience. And so, the media brush it aside, and the chief minister does as he pleases, no questions asked.

Can you imagine the brouhaha that would've ensued if the chief minister had been Christian and had donated a vast sum to a church? There would've been a media feeding frenzy. That is the double standard of the media. Nevertheless, I would like to see this decision reverted. I would like to see this issue being dragged into the spotlight. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to ensure that, but I sure as hell am going to try. If anyone has any suggestions on how to take this further, feel free to leave a comment or mail me. Thank you. I think it's time I stopped writing about issues and then lauding myself for putting my disapproval out there. I refuse to sit back and watch Yeddyurappa get away with it.

Xperia x10 ads: International vs Indian

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Mon, 10 May 2010 10:43:00 +0000

Here's the international ad for Sony Ericsson Xperia X10 that I remember watching over a year ago on YouTube.

And here's the Indian ad featuring the actress Kareena Kapoor.

Which of the two ads do you think makes the phone seem more attractive?
I was amused when I saw the latter ad on TV, especially with wide-eyed Kareena attempting to wink at the camera and the "Ta-da!" music that accompanies the visual of the phone. Ridic!

Recently discovered words

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sat, 08 May 2010 11:06:00 +0000

Precis - a sketchy summary of the main points of a theory or an argument.

Moue - a disdainful grimace.
Vivisection - the act of operating on living animals (especially in scientific research)
Soupcon - a small but appreciable amount.
Incommode - to cause inconvenience or discomfort to
Plangent - loud and resounding.
Metier - an asset of special worth or utility; an occupation for which you are especially well suited.

Cavil - an evasion of the point of an argument by raising irrelevant distinctions or objections; raise trivial objections.

Filigree - delicate and intricate ornamentation, usually in gold or silver or other fine twisted wire.

Coxcomb - A conceited dandy who is overly impressed by his own accomplishments.

Obviate - do away with; prevent the occurence of; prevent from happening.

Sources:

Stardust - Neil Gaiman

Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

Faith in Indian judiciary - restored!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Tue, 04 May 2010 10:45:00 +0000

For all the court cases that have been lying in neglect for decades, the Indian judicial system has proved it is capable of ensuring justice once in a while, and expeditiously too.

Yesterday was the day of verdict in the Ajmal Amir Kasab vs the Republic of India case, which, as you might have heard, resulted in his being convicted with murder, waging war against India, conspiracy and a horde of other charges. The sentence, however, is yet to be announced.

I remember the days in late 2008, when Kasab had been captured and there was a heated debate (brought to you by the media, of course) on a topic I thought clearly needed no debate - "should the only terrorist captured in the 26/11 attacks be given a fair trial?" And I remember hundreds of people baying for his blood, saying he was a terrorist who infiltrated the country and killed many people and therefore ought to be immediately killed as his having committed a heinous crime was obvious. To me, there was nothing to be debated, because the legal and moral route was very clear - "No matter how obvious the guilt or how nefarious the crime, every person deserves a fair trial, after which he may be convicted or acquitted as the court deems fit." Isn't that one of the founding principles of a just country? We don't just take people behind a wall and shoot them dead because we feel they are guilty. That's what distinguishes us from the Taliban.

Having said that, I think it's now time for me to join others in baying for his blood. India has done right by Kasab by conducting a fair trial, and the verdict was clear to everyone from the beginning. However, if the sentence is any lesser than the death penalty, the whole trial will have been to no effect. Worse, it will be a severe insult to the victims of the attacks and their families.

At the end of the day, I am proud of the fact that we as a country did not resort to animalistic behaviour and conducted a trial. At nearly a year long, the trial, the media says, is one of the quicker trials of the country, which one can only take with a pinch of salt. But its time to ensure justice is served.

P.S: look for Pakistan to step up a ridiculous campaign for Kasab's extradition to Pakistan in the coming days so that it can "try him in court too". Yeah, right! India didn't conduct an arduous trial at much expense to the exchequer so that it could hand over Kasab to Pakistan at the end of the trial, thank you very much. :-)

Way to prove your stupidity and self-contradiction skills!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sat, 01 May 2010 11:21:00 +0000

Al Qaeda's new anthem?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 13:34:00 +0000

	cheryl cole - fight for this love

This is Cheryl Cole's "Fight for this love", an innocuous pop song, possibly about her stable and extremely faithful [*snarkometer explodes!] husband, Ashley Cole. But it contains lines, which, when, I must admit, taken completely out of context, seem like lines the Al-Qaeda would approve of.

Example:

"Anything that's worth having

Is sure enough worth fighting for"

- Maybe you're talking about Islamic supremacy?

More Bin Laden approved lines include:

"Quitting's out of the question

When it gets tough gotta fight some more"

- Indeed!

"I don't know where we're heading

I'm willing and ready to go"

- Spoken like a well-trained suicide bomber!

"Whenever you feel like we're growing apart

Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start"

- in the caves of Afghanistan!

Source: Metrolyrics

Bangalore, one finger salute, SALUTE!

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 12:34:00 +0000

Bangaloreans are ungrateful. They have failed to show gratitude for the honesty with which the JD(S) worked for the city’s development

- H D Kumaraswamy, JD(S) State Chief, on his party losing the BBMP election.

Source: TOI

Whoever authorised this press release deserves a punch [and a crash course in editing]

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 11:57:00 +0000

I found this lovely ~~governmental~~ Governmental press release in TOI the other day. And as I read through it, I could not stop CRINGING. Random capitalisations ['Our Government', 'State', Ugh], changing the addressee [the article goes from 'common man' to 'they' to 'we' to 'you' :D], you name it! The whole thing is such a cringe-fest!

Image courtesy: epaper.timesofindia.com.

Math lecturer/Sex astrologer?

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 18:21:00 +0000

"The probability of getting head is half"

- my dear math lecturer, the only woman on earth who can make probability seem boring to me, predicting the collective sex life of the class while discussing the probability of a coin toss resulting in "heads".

I hear 'yup' is a very talented artist

noreply@blogger.com (Intellectual Geek) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 17:38:00 +0000