The Intentional Family

We Made It!: Two Weeks Post-Move

2010-08-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

A gorgeous shot of California poppies to honor my home state! Photo Credit: heyrc

So it seems that my "I'll be back to blogging in one week" estimate was a bit off...

But that's okay! I've been busy planting roots and digging in heels, because we'll be in our new home for at least four years (the minimum duration of my husband's PhD. program). That might not sound like very long, but I've moved six times in the last seven years. To say that I'm ready to be settled is a gross understatement!

The moving process got off to a bumpy start but, thanks to my dear friend Caitlin (who flew to Texas in order to help us!), we were able to make it across three states with a teething baby, a 17-year old cat, and a U-Haul trailer crammed to its full capacity!

Some neat things happened along the way, and there's one story in particular I'd like to share in an upcoming blog entry.

I'd also love to share about my ongoing nesting marathon! I'm having a grand old time turning this place into a home. It has been a sloooow process, but things are coming together, bit by bit.

It feels so wonderful to be home!

It's Moving Time!!

2010-07-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

Phew!!!

I was hoping to post a more detailed moving update (and perhaps a cute picture of Elise holding a "California or bust!" sign!)... But then I got swept up in this moving whirlwind!

I expect to be away from my blog for about a week. It's exciting to think that my next post will be written at our new place in the Golden State!

Your prayers for a smooth and safe move are appreciated...

California, here we come!!!!!!!

The Spiritual Discipline of Peanut Butter & Jelly

2010-07-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: iboff

My husband and I eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner... nearly every night.

Before you begin to wonder if we also drink apple juice and take naps, allow me to explain how this simple meal has become a part of our family's daily rhythm.

My husband was a seminarian for about one year.

At his former seminary, some brothers owned the responsibility of cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. These brothers ate an abbreviated dinner, known around the house as a "factotum dinner." Their brief meal meant a head start on the evening's clean-up

I can't quite remember why we started eating small dinners. I think it happened rather organically-- a consequence of our very busy first married year. At some point we recognized our trend and began calling our nightly dinner "factotum."

Sometimes it's soup, toast, or an apple. More often, it's good ol' PB&J.

Whatever comprises our little dinner, I've been surprised to discover that it's always deeply nourishing-- for my soul.

First, there's something healthy about going to bed ever so slightly hungry. When our inclination is to grasp and stuff, consuming less generates undeniable physical and spiritual benefits.

We learn to grow in gratitude and humility. How can I complain about the small rumbling in my stomach when so many suffer pangs of true hunger?

Second, a simpler meal can leave room for richness elsewhere. As Christians, we know that fasting also means feasting. We can fast from food in order to feast upon prayer.

A small and simple dinner, I've learned, means feasting on conversation with my husband... entering into rest after a busy day... soaking in love and peace.

That God can bless us so lavishly through a bit of simple bread should come as no surprise to us.

Weekend Link Love

2010-07-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Rms519

Can you tell what I've been thinking about lately?? :o)

Moving Tips from the FlyLady
10 Days in a Carry-On This is very cool... I'm eager to test out this packing technique during our moving road trip! (HT: everyday minimalist)
Can your stuff past the red velvet rope test? ...a question I'm asking as I pack up our place!

Have a blessed weekend!

-Kelly

The Grace of Graphing Your Life

2010-07-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: KrzysztofB

Shortly after I graduated from college, I took a job at a nonprofit organization: a live-in treatment center for children suffering the aftermath of abuse and neglect.

There is one staff meeting I will never forget.

During this particular meeting, the program director explained how he had created a computer-based behavior tracking system for the children.

A tracking system. It seemed so cold to me. I listened intently to the director's presentation.

The tracking system, he explained, worked like this: The live-in caretakers ("house parents") would create a nightly report detailing how each child had behaved that day.

To streamline the process, the house parents would use shorthand codes. There were codes for bad behaviors-- tantrums, running away, talking back, etc.-- and for good behaviors-- helping another child, taking responsibility, finishing homework, etc.

When house parents entered the codes consistently over time, the tracking system could show the daily, weekly, or even monthly ebbs and flows of a child's behavior.

Again, I doubted. Can a computer really provide insight into the heart of a hurting child?

Well, it turns out that it can.

According to the program director, the tracking system actually helped the house parents recognize and reward progress. The house parents could see declines in tantrums, fights, and other undesirable behaviors... as well as increases in healthy actions. This meant that they could offer specific praise.

Keep in mind that, with these hurting children, progress could be more difficult to see. Perhaps a child threw two tantrums during a given week. It sounds discouraging...until you realize that he threw five tantrums the week prior, and six tantrums two weeks ago.

Sometimes, when the spirit is struggling, it's important to search for even the tiniest ember of success.

Second, the computer program could help house parents recognize correlations.

The program director held up a sheet of jagged lines-- one boy's particularly bad week in graph form.

"Do you see this week? This spike in undesirable behaviors?" the program director asked. "Well it turns out that, during this week, the boy's mom went to jail."

The room fell silent.

And sometimes we must understand the bigger picture-- the 'why'-- when we find we've slipped yet again.

I may not need a computer program or special codes, but I know in my heart that I could benefit from taking a simple snapshot of each day and reflecting upon it with Jesus.

Especially when the successes seem few.

The practice of a daily conscience examination can seem cold and overly scrupulous.

In reality, it has the potential to open a floodgate of blessings.

I'm writing this entry to myself more than anyone.

Have you incorporated a daily conscience examination into your routine? Would you like to?

K.I.S.S.: Simple Meal Planning

2010-07-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Plattmunk

"K.I.S.S." (Keep It Simple, Sweetheart!): An on-going series of ideas to bring simplicity, structure, and serenity into the home.

Creating a weekly meal plan is one of my newer endeavors.

It began a few months ago, when I realized that my husband and I were eating the same meals nearly every day (What can I say? He's not picky!)-- and that our health would likely benefit from a little variety. With the birth of Elise, it also became clear that my previous approach to cooking-- surveying the fridge and throwing something together minutes before a meal-- would no longer work. I needed a plan.

Through much trial and error, I believe I've found a meal planning approach that works for me... And, through the process, I've learned a lot about what works for me in general: I need simplicity, flexibility, and balance in my daily tasks!

I tried to begin my meal planning mission by flipping through cookbooks and searching popular food websites and blogs. The results were surprising. Instead of finding healthy, simple meals, I found myself blown off course by information overload.

When I finally shut the books and closed the twenty five open windows on my computer screen, a small whisper in my heart reminded me a of a profound truth: The best plans begin and end with God.

With that preface, I'd like to share a new approach, step by step:

1. Consult with God.
Have you ever noticed that today's cookbooks look utterly exquisite? A quick flip-through might reveal pictures of a gleaming, golden roasted chicken cradled in sprigs of hand-tied herbs, or a layered cake smothered in impressionist swipes of frosting and perched on an antique porcelain stand. These lovely images (and, perhaps, their ability to arouse a growling stomach) possess an allure that could call us off track if we're not careful. It's tempting to see pictures of coq au vin with asparagus risotto and want to serve that for dinner.

But, we must ask ourselves, "What is my present vocation?" In other words, "What is God calling me to do today in my real life?"

For me, the answer to that question (besides being a child of God, which is our constant vocation) is being a wife to Louis, a mother to a nursing, teething 5-month old, a daughter to my parents, a sibling to my sister and brother, a friend to my friends, etc.

The next question, then, involves time. We must ask, "In light of my vocation, how much time does God want me to spend preparing meals?" The answer to this question will vary from person to person. Perhaps you are a person who finds cooking to be a positive outlet, and your vocation allows you to carve out ample time in the kitchen. In this case, it's conceivable that cooking more advanced recipes could line up with God's present will for your life. Or, if you're like me-- a person who doesn't enjoy cooking-- and your vocation limits your kitchen time, perhaps it isn't in line with your vocation to cook recipes that require a lot of time and attention.

Photo Credit: Barnaby

2. Pick recipes that fit your needs and lifestyle.
Once I developed a general idea about the amount of time and involvement I wanted to dedicate to cooking, I determined the number of recipes I would need per week. I've found that 4-5 large meals will suffice for my family, depending on our schedule. If you're wondering how we make it on so few meals, I should note that my husband and I don't eat a traditional dinner (I'll blog about this soon) and that the recipes I'm choosing usually feed 6-8 (plenty of leftovers!).

Before choosing my recipes, I also decided to limit my resources. So, I thinned out my cookbook collection and bookmarked a few key recipe websites. Because I like the convenience that my slow cooker offers, I chose cookbooks and websites that are heavy on slow cooker recipes. Casseroles, too... I love the ease!

When it comes to picking the actual recipes, I've learned to ask three simple questions:

First, the obvious: Is it something my family will like?
Second: Is it healthy, and does it meet the special dietary needs of my family? For example, I am extremely sensitive to sugar, white flour, and white starches-- and whenever I try to convince myself that I can handle the 3 cups of sugar/ white rice/ etc., I always end up regretting it! Therefore, any recipe that requires these ingredients beyond my tolerable limits is rejected unless I can make substitutes (agave nectar for sugar; brown rice for white; etc.).
Third: How involved is the recipe, and do I have the time to make it? When I look at a new recipe, I skim the instructions for prep work and cooking. If it seems overly complicated, I reject it or file it for special occasions.

Even if a recipe meets these three criteria, it won't always make the permanent cut-- for example, if the recipe calls for an ingredient is prohibitively expensive (like the $8 dried mushrooms I bought last week... Oops!).

Now that I've been meal planning for a few weeks, I have several "go-to" recipes that I intend to make on a regular basis. When I'm finished moving, I'd like to print them out and place them in a recipe binder for easy access.

I have seen many great meal planning sheets around the blogosphere, but I've found that I don't really need a sheet-- just my grocery list and meal ideas recorded in my weekly planner.

Photo Credit: Bubbels

3. Fine-tune when necessary.

Sometimes when I make plans, I become too attached to them-- even if they no longer suit my lifestyle. I'm slowly learning that when the stuff of life happens, it's perfectly acceptable to come up with a "good enough" plan.

Last summer I experienced morning sickness so severe that it kept me in my pajamas for nearly three months. If this happens to me again someday, I obviously can't expect myself to maintain my meal planning as usual. I still will need a plan-- just a "good enough" plan, or a plan to accept help. I should not allow false guilt to consume me when the normal plan needs to change.

Photo Credit: Garytamin

4. Check in with God-- a lot.
We humans can be tempted to fashion any simple thing into an idol... Even cooking. It's funny to step back and think about what cooking actually is-- to throw out any mental images of Martha Stewart and the Barefoot Contessa and get back to the Merriam-Webster simplicity of it all. To cook is to prepare food so it is safe and perhaps a bit more delicious to eat. That's it.

Simple things can become idols, but with God those same simple things can become opportunities for prayer and channels of grace and blessing. St. Paul thought so when he told the Corinthians, "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

Happy meal planning, friends!

Weekend Link Love

2010-07-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Gastonmag

The above photo resembles my apartment at the moment. Not kidding! The packing progress (and the subsequent neat stacking of packed boxes) has been slow going. But, it's to be expected. I'm nursing on-demand, and Louis is busy chipping away at his master's thesis. I'm glad I started packing early!

I've been learning a lot this week and feel full of words (which I hope to share sometime soon... Again, I apologize for the lack of posts!)

Now, onto the links... Isn't it funny how God sometimes communicates to us in "themes"-- as if there's a recurring sentence or a general message that sums up what He's trying to tell us during a given season?? Yeah, I seem to be in the midst of one of those times.

Two of my favorite bloggers are helping me remember my current theme... I'm deeply grateful for their honesty and insight.

"Velveteen Me," A Series @ In The Heart of My Home...Thank you, Elizabeth!

Sovereignty, Sickness, & Strength @ Shaun Groves

-Kelly

An Introduction to K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Sweetheart!

2010-07-05T08:48:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: esrasu

Recently, I've discovered the beauty of simplicity. Simplicity is my God-given anchor-- keeping me steady through the toss of anxiety's waves...and keeping me realistic when perfectionism's mirage beckons in the distance.

I've been trying to re-examine the majority of my daily tasks through the lens of simplicity. How can I adjust my expectations? What plans or routines could double as safeguards for my peace of mind?

Whenever I discover a plan that works for me, I'll blog about it and post it under the "K.I.S.S." label: "Keep It Simple, Sweetheart!"

Already, this has become a new mantra for my daily life... I'm looking forward to sharing more with you!

Weekend Link Love

2010-07-03T20:42:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: TallCJ

Is it already time for another set of weekend reading links???

Things have been quite busy around here! My husband and I found out that we are moving... in a little more than three weeks! We've lived here at "Dental View" (a cozy little apartment with a dentist's office directly next door!) for two years now but are excited to be moving back to our home state of California where my husband has been accepted into a PhD. program.

I'll do my best to post occasionally when I have time to take a breather, but I apologize in advance if this blog gathers a little dust! :0)

Here are a few good reads for the weekend... Have a blessed and safe 4th!

Manute Bol's Radical Christianity - a beautiful and refreshingly positive article from the Wall Street Journal.

Renewing churches is a conservation artist's act of reverence

When You Can't Quite Figure Out How to Live Your Best Life @ Holy Experience. Another gem from Ann-- an achingly beautiful meditation on relationships and redemption.

-Kelly

Behold, I make all things new...

2010-06-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Ronboring

Perfectionism's temptations are a tension. On the one hand, I want things just so. And to get things just so, I could allow myself to enter a cycle that is potentially endless:

A tweak here, a tuck there.

A spit and polish.

A stand back and evaluate.

A sigh and re-do.

On the other hand, I could choose to give up completely... Perfectionism is one exhausting bully!

Tonight, it was drafting this week's schedule (something I'm trying to be more diligent about). After several minutes of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, I resigned to the fact that I was stuck.

I sat there in the mud for a few minutes, feeling defeated, when I suddenly noticed my husband's voice. He and his two best college buddies were chatting on a conference call, and--though I wasn't trying to eavesdrop-- their topic of conversation caught my attention.

"There's a scene in The Passion of the Christ," my husband said, "where Jesus looks at Mary and says 'Behold, I make all things new.' That is my favorite scene."

And there it was-- God's surprising reply to my perfectionism. Behold, I make all things new.

Behold...

Stop. Look.

I make...

In your perfectionist thinking, you overestimate your personal power. I am the one who makes, who supremely is.

all things...

I offer my love everywhere, to all people, through all things-- even stuck-in-the-mud situations and (gasp) imperfect schedules.

new.

I have My own definition of 'perfect'... and new is the very beginning.

His definition of perfect-- that's what I want to aim for. And the next time I find myself struggling, I will repeat the words that wilted today's perfectionism: "Behold, I make all things new."

Weekend Link Love

2010-06-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Jair65

A few sweet reads that remind me of childhood innocence and the art of not taking one's self too seriously:

Let Your Kids Get Dirty @ Simple Mom

Six @ In the Heart of my Home

Managing With Grace @ Testosterhome

May you and your family enjoy a blessed and refreshing weekend!

~Kelly

Why, hello there!

2010-06-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Smart Annie

This blog has been bubbling up in my mind and in my heart for some time now. I wanted to create a place, for mothers and for myself... A place where we can be encouraged to learn, live, and love intentionally.

You see, being intentional is not a natural strength of mine. I am a daydreamer, a procrastinator, a sinner.

But God, in his grace, is nudging me in a different direction. And so I'm trying... and it's hard. We mothers fight constant battles in our souls and in our kitchens, and usually in both.

Will you join me in this journey to grow in purposefulness, self-giving, and determination in order to bring Love into all corners of the homes that we live in?

To keep a clean and beautiful home,

To give each day structure and purpose,

To use resources wisely, (whether natural or financial),

To enter fully into the rhythms of daily life-- working and playing, fasting and feasting when appropriate,

To learn how to best love each family member and do that immediately,

To cultivate and maintain friendships outside of the home,

To encourage laughter,

To cast off the choke hold of perfectionism and the millstone of apathy,

**To remember, always, the real reason for doing what we do.

"That my actual life is the focus of my apprenticeship to Jesus is crucial. Knowing this can help deliver us from the genuine craziness that the current distinction between "full-time Christian service" and "part-time Christian service" imposes on us. For a disciple of Jesus is not necessarily one devoted to doing specifically religious things as that is usually understood.

To repeat, I am learning from Jesus how to lead my life, my whole life, my real life... My discipleship to Jesus is, within, clearly definable limits, not a matter of what I do, but of how I do it. And it covers everything, 'religious' or not.

Brother Lawrence, who was a kitchen worker and cook, remarks, 'Our sanctification does not depend upon changing our works, but in doing that for God's sake which we commonly do for our own. . . It is a great delusion to think that the times of prayer ought to differ from other times. We are as strictly obliged to adhere to God by action in the time of action as by prayer in the season of prayer.'

...It is precisely this life that God wants us to give to him. We must only be careful to understand its true dignity. To every person we can say with confidence, 'You, in the midst of your actual life there, are exactly the person God wanted.'"

-From "How To Be a Disciple" by Dallas Willard