The Jagged Pill

My Newest Addiction

2007-04-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

I know I've been absent, but hey! What's new, right?

I accidentally made my way over to You Tube and FELL IN LOVE.

I used to think You Tube was just for goofy videos (which, in part, it is) like bulldogs on skateboards etc.

Oh contrare! You can blog on video there!

Now I understand that many love the anonymity that is involved with blogging, but I'm here to tell you blogging is taken to a whole new level with video! I love it. And there are so many cool people who share the sweetest, funniest, smartest things on tape! There's something for everyone. They have comedy, entertainment, politics, pets/animals, DIY and the list goes on.

I haven't made a video yet (I'm a freaking sissy), but I'm seriously working toward it. I've had a camcorder for quite some time, but have never REALLY used it. I also have an iMac with iSight built in so I have all types of options.

You all should check it out. We could make videos for each other!!!

Now, You Tubers also talk about something called Stickam.com. It's a sort of video chat interface plus a whole lot more. I haven't really gotten in to that yet, but I imagine I will eventually.

Come over to You Tube and see what it's about!

I miss you all!

This is a You Tuber that I absolutely love! She's a freaking riot! Her name is HellaChella...

2007-04-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

HeLp!!

2007-02-25T16:25:00.000-08:00

I need your help!

A friend of mine owns a salon and spa. The current name is, well, ehhh. So she is renaming it after she relocates.

Problem is--we can't come up with a name.

She wants it to reflect her personality, which is extremely eclectic, wild, and sort of "in your face."

She wants the new salon to be welcoming to both men and women, so it can't be anything like "Le Fleur" or "Red's Barbershop." :)

I've suggested one word. GROOVE.

She's mulling it over. Damn woman doesn't trust me--what's that about?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

The only real rule is that it can't be super corny like:

A Cut Above

Shear Professionals

or anything else that is on the same level as Super Cuts. *L*

**I'm expecting great things out of CP in particular.**

I just can't help myself!!

2007-02-24T15:28:00.001-08:00

About a month ago Steve Jobs introduced the next big thing in technology.

Apple is releasing the iPhone later this year--reportedly in June.

If you know me at all, you know that I am a technology junkie, and the thought of this phone in my hand makes me weak in the knees. Yeah, I know--I have no life. ;)

I get a new cell phone about twice a year. I currently use Verizon (a.k.a. suckass customer service), but will pay my way out of that contract to sign up with Cingular--which happens to be the exclusive (blah, blah) carrier of the iPhone.

If you have a while, go check out the keynote speech Jobs gave at MacWorld 2007.

Until June, my BlackBerry will have to do--although I do love this little guy too.

Check this out---this just sweetens the pot!

Who else wants one?

What are they thinking?!?

2007-01-21T08:04:00.000-08:00

Okay.

Call me crazy, but does anyone else think it's disgusting to use images of animals to advertise the food a restaurant is offering?

I HATE [read: want to kill them] these restaurants that use chicken puppets, stampeding steer, and oinking pigs to tout their food!

Example #1:

Ruby Tuesday's is "launching" a new chicken sandwich or whatever (to tell the truth I stopped watching so I really don't know what the product actually is). To advertise that new fare they are literally launching chicken puppets in a catapult. They're cute, nothing like the real thing, and they talk I believe. Can someone explain to me WHY that is appealing?

Example #2:

Hardee's thought it would be cute and apparently hunger inducing to use stampeding steer and cute little oinking pigs to advertise their bacon cheeseburger. Oh. My. GOD. Are they kidding me with that shit?!?

Look, I am NOT a zealot when it comes to animal rights, but I do feel guilty for eating meat. Is it too much to ask not to see my burger alive before I actually eat it?

Am I over-reacting?

Happy Thanksgiving, I guess.

2006-11-23T13:53:00.000-08:00

I am in hell.

Today started out really great, and then in one second my mother ruined it with her usual bullshit.

I have a lot of things going through my mind right now.

Things that have me so confused.

Things that have me rethinking several decisions I have made in my life.

I accepted a new job as a flight nurse. (Yeah me)

I am finishing my first semester in Grad school. (Yeah me)

I am "attacking" my anxiety issues. (Yeah me)

I am drinking a lot of wine right now. (Yeah me now, but not-so-yeah me later)

I am thinking of breaking things off with Mr. B. (Long story, but boils down to his procrastination)

I am attracted to and communicating with a man who is unavailable. (But so am I right now so what the hell?)

I am so mad at my mother I feel like moving away and not telling her where.

It just seems like I don't have any feeling at all right now. I don't care anymore.

I'm tired of being controlled by EVERYONE in my life.

I'm tired of being told what I am capable of and what I am not capable of doing. (I mean I'm 36 fucking years old people!)

This is me, right now...

You're jealous aren't you?

Happy Fucking Thanksgiving.

Humble Pie

2006-10-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

Graduate school is seriously spankin' my ass!

I'm normally a straight "A" student with little effort. At this point, I have a "B" average for this semester. NOT what I'm used to, but at least above the class mean. So if you're wondering where I've been---now you know. I've been buried in books!

I thought graduate school was going to be a fun, hip experience that included me sporting cute "school clothes," nifty messenger bags that tote around my super slim notebook computer, studying with other students in our internet cafe, and STRAIGHT A's.

What a disappointment this has been! :(

I miss blogging and my blogging buddies. Please do not give up on me yet though. I will return to normal blogging... eventually.

I'm here!!

2006-08-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

Before you say ANYTHING...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I got busy, I got lazy, I got hooked on summer TV.

I'm back on the computer these days getting geared up for grad school, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to report in--at least weekly. (At first, anyway)

I love you all, and I love it even more that you didn't give up on me.

Miss ya'll!

**TING**

KB out.

Fireflies

2006-06-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that many of you do not like country music, but I do. I actually love all music, but country is what I was raised on. Faith Hill is sometimes not considered "country" so maybe some of you all will have heard of this song. I listen to this song a lot, but never really listened until recently. I'm including the lyrics because I think they're so amazingly inspirational.

The songwriter is a thirty-something mom from the East coast who has, for years, written songs, but never had the courage to do anything with them. She felt that she had "made her choice" when she got married and had children. She said that when she wrote the lyrics to Fireflies it was to remind her to keep trying, always dream, and always believe. Here they are... I hope you like them. They help me deal with the decisions I've made in my life... maybe they can help some of you too. ;-)

Fireflies

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
And before you knew me I'd traveled 'round the world
And I slept in castles
And fell in love
Because I was taught to dream

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinker Bell
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

Cause I believe in fairy tales
And dreamer's dreams
Like bedsheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan
And miracles, anything I can to get by
And fireflies

Now before I grew up I saw you on a cloud
And I could bless myself in your name
And pat you on your wings
And before I grew up I heard you whisper so loud
Well life is hard and so is love
Child, believe in all these things

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinker Bell
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

Cause I believe in fairy tales
And dreamer's dreams
Like bedsheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan
And miracles, anything I can to get by . . .
And fireflies
And fireflies . . .

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
And before you knew me I'd traveled 'round the world
And I slept in castles
And fell in love
Because I was taught to dream

Funk-a-liscious

2006-06-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my absence.

I am semi-busy, and in a major funk.

Depressed? Yeah, a little.

Questioning the meaning of life? Uh-huh.

Succumbing to the reality of our soldiers in Iraq? Oh yeah. I'm sick for them.

Disgusted with my physical appearance? You bet your sweet ass.

Bored without school? HELL YES.

But I assume I'll survive.

I miss you guys.

I think I'll have a glass of wine, or shall I say whine? ;-)

Something wicked this way comes...UPDATED

2006-05-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes you just get that eerie feeling that something very bad is going to happen?

I'm having it now.

It's a "we're not in Kansas anymore" feeling. Ya' dig?

I worked until 6pm, and as soon as I came out of work to go home, it hit me.

Something bad, strange, eerie, or all of them together is going to happen tonight.

The weather is weird, sort of darkish.

The sky is an odd color, not like stormy, but like W-E-I-R-D.

It is eerily quiet all around me. People are a bustle, but no sound. I mean, I see people (not dead, btw), but they look like they're just going through the motions. There is no "life" about them.

The wind is blowing and the trees are a weird color.

It even smells weird.

You mark my words--something is gonna' go down.

I'm going to sit back, drink a beer, and see who moves on to the final round on AI.

Maybe (hopefully) I'll be back later to report any weirdness going on in these here parts.

*UPDATE*

So you'll all be happy (well, not all) to know that nothing evil has happened--yet.

I still have an uneasy feeling, although it is less intense than earlier.

I snapped a couple of shots of the sky earlier so that I could share them with you.

It was an eerie sight, but I'm not sure how much the photos caught of that. They almost look "nice." Which makes this all the more eerie in my book.

(I think my neighbors need a new roof)

Suffice it to say, all is well for now.

Hope it stays that way. Nighty-night.

On the record with KB

2006-05-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

I know that I have made passing predictions regarding the winner of American Idol in the past.

I am taking this opportunity to make my final prediction for the outcome of the show.

It's gonna' go down like this:

Elliott will be voted off tomorrow evening. Elliott is awesome, but I believe Katherine will beat him on votes. Taylor... well he's a shoe-in.

Next week at the Kodak Theatre Katherine and Taylor will sing their soulful asses off and rock the house.

In the end... Taylor Hicks will earn the most votes, and be crowned our next American Idol.

That's the way KB sees it anyway. Unfortunately, my crystal ball has been known to short out here and there.

We'll see, I may need a new one after all.

Those of you who watch AI--who do you think will take home the crown?

I told you I am psychic!

2006-05-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

Okay.

This is weird.

When American Idol started this season I posted my pick for the top 3.

As I explained here--my feeling is that the top three will be:

*Taylor Hicks

*Katherine McPhee

*Elliott Yamin

Would anyone like to tell me who the top 3 are on American Idol?

Tee Hee.

I'm a psychic.

10 weird things about KB

2006-05-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

Since I begged, and begged, and begged... my favorite pirate Billy tagged me for this meme. Don't worry, I won't tag anyone--I'll just say feel free to tell us 10 weird things about yourself... IF YOU WANT. ;-)

Without further ado:

1. The toilet paper in this house has to roll off the top of the roll.

2. I rub my feet together pretty much non-stop before I go to sleep. I think it's how I put myself to sleep actually.

3. I have to have something crunchy to eat with every meal. For example: I have to eat chips with pizza.

4. My next immediate career goal is to work as a flight nurse for one of our air ambulances. Have I mentioned that I'm afraid to fly?

5. I never turn my back on a dead person. And in my line of work I see a lot of them.

6. I'm addicted to listening to a police scanner. Yes, I'm extremely nosey. If I hear sirens--I want to know what's happening. Not to mention Mr. B is often involved either with law enforcement or EMS. Ahhh, the joys of living in a relatively small town.

7. I dream about my dead relatives (mainly my Grandma and Dad) A LOT.

8. My head is extremely large, and somewhat pumpkin shaped.

9. Music moves me to tears on a regular basis. And I'm not talking about love songs or opera. I mean good music moves me--to tears.

10. I stare at my fingernails constantly as if I'm finding the very one I'd like to bite. Funny thing is--I've never bitten my nails. Wtf does that mean? ;-)

There they are--weird or not--they're me.

Thanks Billy! ;-)

Oh, and if you get a chance. Go see MG and check out what she found in her shoe. I laughed until I cried. It was just one of those things. ;-)

On the red foil wrapper of a Dove Promise®

2006-05-11T18:22:00.000-07:00

In the wake of my recent PMS rampage, I've decided to put my PMS to good use and spread love and happiness throughout Bloggerbia.

I've been craving two things all day long.

A nice glass of Merlot or Cabernet and a bag, that's right, I said a bag, of Dove Dark Chocolate Promises®.

After embarking on my estrogen journey and quenching my hormonal thirst I realized that I need to share with you the "promises" that are being made to me.

For those of you who don't know, and I'm sure that includes men only, Dove Promises are bite sized pieces of heaven that melt in your mouth. There is no need to chew them.

They are creamy and rich, and they make all of your worries go away.

Each red foil wrapper also contains a "promise," and unwrapping them rivals Christmas morning.

Each message serves as a little boost, pick-me-up, or ray of sunshine to help you along with your day.

The following are some "promises" that I have been granted this evening and of course, some commentary to accompany each of them

Enjoy.

I'll set the scene: This is my dining room table right now.

Looks yummy, doesn't it?

Promise #1
Count the stars.
Now I don't know about you all, but that seems like an awful lot of work and added stress for someone who is trying to relax and enjoy some freaking chocolate.

Promise #2
Make a list of your dreams.
Does my Best Buy or Circuit City list count? Does that make me shallow?

Promise #3
Follow your instincts.
Umm, yeah. About that. That usually results in a written warning, tongue-lashing, suspension, or a knock-down, drag-out in my world. Why do I continue to do it?

Promise #4
Smile before bed. You'll sleep better.
I don't know who came up with this shit, but it ain't smilin' before bed that makes me sleep better. *wink, wink*

Promise #5
Don't think about it so much.
I say this to Mr. B all of the time, especially when he's whining for it. He always says he can't help it, and that he's been thinking about it every day since he was 13 years old. I told him if he ever wants it again he better give me a rest [READ: Jesus! Do you ever not want it?].

Promise #6
Decorate your life.
For the sake of Pete! I can't even decorate my home, let alone my life! Can you hire someone to do that for you? If so, do you have any business cards?

Promise #7
Laugh uncontrollably... it clears the mind.
I do this daily! That's why I blog. Every time I read my dear blogger buddies' daily entries I clear my mind. See, I can be sweet again. ;-)

Promise #8
Make your eyes twinkle.
I achieve the "twinkling eye" effect through copious amounts of wine and beer. I'm working on it as we speak. CHEERS.

Promise #9
Smile at yourself in the mirror.
Okay, now who's sick idea was this for a pick-me-up? Who the hell wants to look at themselves in the mirror--especially when PMS is at its height, and their turgid face is staring back at them? For Midol's sake people!

Promise #10
It's definitely a bubble-bath day.
Now this is a promise I can handle! As a matter of fact, I'm headed there now. However, I will NOT step on the scale considering I gained about 5 pounds just writing this post. Assholes. ;-)

Random Thoughts by KB

2006-05-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

1. The presence of workplace drama, rumors, and backstabbing are as reliable as the sun rising in the East every morning.

2. Best Buy's "extended service contract" is a bunch of shit. At least on iPods. Note: They WILL NOT give you a new one if yours becomes defective. They will send it off for repair and leave you musicless for 3-6 weeks. Rat Bastards.

3. Dog farts smell differently than human farts, and are often worse as well. The dogs are in my office, AGAIN.

4. Good, true friends are difficult to find. So when you have a true friend, stick up for them when they're being wronged. See #1.

5. Self-loathing people want others to be as miserable as they are themselves. See #1.

6. I've never understood liars. Don't they know they WILL get caught. And have you noticed that the liars are often the ones who trust others with their lies?? Like their secret is safe with them? Dumbasses.

7. Getting old sucks. I now have enough wrinkle erasing, fine line filling, crows feet diminishing creams to cover the surface area of Pamela Anderson's augmented breasteses.

8. No school for KB = boring f'ing days. Even with work--I'm bored. I just dusted the leaves on my plants for fuck's sake!

9. Every time I find something (no matter what it is) that I love--they discontinue or stop carrying it in my area. I love stir fry, and I love shrimp. I am not keen on slicing and dicing all of the ingredients so I found an AWESOME frozen shrimp stir fry by Culinary Delight. It was simple, unfuckingbelievably tasty, low fat, low calorie, and priced right. I made it about 5 times before--yep! You guessed it. The mother f'ers stopped carrying it! Now what am I supposed to do? Fuck!

10. I think I'm grouchy.

They call me "Bling-Mother-Effing-Bling."

2006-05-06T14:36:00.000-07:00

So I know I'm spoiled beyond belief. I always have been, but I've never "expected" the things I get, yet I have never turned them away. ;-)

As you all know (because I've been talking about it non-stop for the past few months), I graduated last night.

FINALLY.

My parents were as proud as peacocks, and almost brought me to tears just by looking at them beaming in the audience.

The sky was the limit--I could choose anywhere to eat for my graduation celebration.

Of course I knew this was code for you better pick "our" restaurant.

My family owns a few chain restaurants that are nice, but not fancy nice.

So I chose one of our stores, and we ordered, and ordered, and ordered...

I knocked back a few beers despite it being Cinco de Mayo because a margarita would have sent me to hell with my heartburn the past few weeks.

We're eating dinner, and my Dad says, "KB, you like nice things don't you?"

I said, "Uhhh, YEAH. Who doesn't?"

He looked at my Mother, tears welling up in his eyes, and presented me with this...

That's right jokers! KB is sporting the BLING-A-TING-TING from here on out!

My amazing parents gave me my very own, AUTHENTIC, personalized, ROLEX!!

Here's what it looks like on my scaly, dry-skinned, man-hand...

Now, I know that several of you were getting me graduation gifts, but please don't let this discourage you. I'm sure everything you all have gotten me is absolutely perfect in everyway!

You can hand them over any time now. ;-)

Hell hath returned

2006-05-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah.

I've been absent the past couple of days because despite being done with my classes my bitch of an instructor is still haunting me.

I will officially be done Friday.

Once I graduate I will be free to do as I please (well, within reason of course).

I actually did a bit of gardening earlier today and noticed a bumble-bee in my Azaleas. I quick grabbed my camera to get some shots.

The bee didn't turn out so hot, but this shot (I thought) was pretty. It had just rained and the water drops are visible on the petals.

Sorry if pictures aren't your thing--I just thought it to be a refreshing change of pace.

Ciao!

Sure FIRE way to get killed.

2006-04-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm pumping some overpriced gasoline into my oversized SUV, and I notice the gas station is "filling up" itself. The gas guy was filling the underground tanks with his "large hose"--and his large butt crack proudly showing. I think to myself--"now there's a fine piece of meat..." WAIT! What is that??

Oh. My. God.

It's the sexually ambiguous station manager. How do I know this? I frequent this road side one-stop-shopping joint every day on my way to work. I've read the mechanic-style, work shirt she wears bearing the applique badge that lets me know her position is "MANAGER" quite a few times. I also particularly enjoy her mostly missing teeth. Despite her physical appearance she really is quite pleasant to speak with. Notice I said she's "pleasant." I did not say she is "smart."

Cut to the butt-crack exposing "gas guy" filling the underground tanks while a 30-something blonde chick secretly watches him while she's waiting for her $100 fuel bill to build.

I'm watching him... and I notice the manager is standing next to him and HE is standing next to the giant, gasoline-pumping hose.

Can anyone guess what she's doing standing outside next to the gas man??

That's f'ing right! She's smoking her G'damn cigarette!

I thought to myself... "what. the. fuck?"

As I watched this incredibly stupid behavior, and just as I thought it couldn't get worse... SHE THREW HER F'ING CIGARETTE DOWN ON THE GROUND TO STEP ON IT!

Holy fuck! Can someone please explain this shit to me??

Better late than never

2006-04-24T16:46:00.000-07:00

I promised a while back (a long while) that I would share some photos with you all.

These photos will include the overly decorated or simply trashy lawns that I come into contact with while driving through my town on a daily basis.

I live in a decent town. My neighborhood is GREAT. I do, however, have some elderly neighbors (across the street) who decorate their lawn year 'round, and include every holiday of the year! They actually have a lamp on a table sitting OUTSIDE their home! It's on every night. LOL

The other one is over 2 streets and down a block. It's more neat, but waaaaay more cluttered.

I've managed to get pictures on the sly---hee hee--and am going to share them with you RIGHT NOW.

Are you excited?!? Oh, you should be!

First up-- my lovely neighbors. Bless their hearts.

Note the lamp shade located between the pole lamp and the "spread eagle."

It's difficult to get the full effect from this photo, but this lady watches out her window 24/7--if she caught me snapping pictures she'd talk my ear off for 2 hours straight. I know, I've been there.

Let's try a different, more focused view of her house:

Ahh, there. The lamp shade is more easily visualized in this shot.
Yes folks, there really is a Raggedy Ann/Andy doll hanging from the lamp post in the front lawn, and let us not forget the "items" located around the post.

I haven't launched a full investigation as of yet, but I'm sure that if I look hard enough---there WILL be some animals dressed up in clothes somewhere in that mess. I mean, what is landscaping without a goose dressed up in a blue, gingam-check dress??

Moving on...

Again, a home with lovely lawn decorations. I must say--I'm a bit jealous here.

I'll tell you--there is MUCH more, but the street is sort of busy, and I was afraid to draw attention to myself by hanging my head out of my SUV with a digital camera strapped to my neck. I know, I'm a wus.

This next one was taken on the fly. I was driving, and the picture isn't very clear. You can see part of the inside of my car, but you can also get a better/alternate view of the same lawn. Hey, sometimes you have to make do with what you have!

Okay, I am offically back, and I am officially searching for new lawns to post.

So stay tuned!

It's a miracle!

2006-04-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am done with school!!

I am finished! Acabado, fini, rifinito, terminado, beendet--no matter what language you speak--I'M FINISHED!

I am now back among the living, breathing, and normal eating and sleeping.

I will try to grace you with my presence everyday from now on. I know this is what you want--even if it's secretly. ;-)

Okay--I'm off to purchase beer, and lots of it!

Be back later!

In search of something funny

2006-04-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

I ~~spent~~ wasted some serious time today looking for humor.

I set forth earlier today with the intent to find some funny-ass blogs.

Instead of finding blogs that I could place in my sidebar or blogs that I could at least bookmark, I found shit.

What happened to funny, witty blogs? Besides of course, those who already grace my sidebar. Every blog I found today fell into one of these categories:

~Porn
I don't mean soft porn either! I mean photos of anal sex with every type of penetrating object possible.

~Pre-teen/teen angst Why does my life suck so much? type of crap. I just want to say--"Grow the hell up! Wait until you have to pay bills and actually work for a living. You've got it good--live it up while you can--there'll be plenty of time for depression later in life!

~Foreign I only speak and read English, maybe this is my fault, but man there are a lot of them! Most of the time, I can't even understand what language they're blogging in!

~Super religiousI'm not Atheist or anything like that, but I can handle my own religion and my own beliefs myself. I don't need someone to post scriptures etc. to keep me from towing the line.The only things that I covet are MY THINGS.

~Gothic Ummm, yeah. This is so self-explanatory.

~Mommy, Mommy, Mommy blogs I do not have children. I think that children are great, and I want some--even soon, but I don't need to know about every kid that fills its diaper from Malaysia to California or any "binky" troubles that may cause undue stress on toddlers.

~Tech stuff I love this, but not in a blog. Plus it only makes the number of my purchases go up.

~Recipes Again, I love to cook, but learning how to make T-Bones Mexicali isn't exactly humorous or stimulating.

~Stupid Click here at your own risk.

Where have all the funny ones gone? Have I become a blog snob?

I moved to Seattle.

2006-04-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

Or at least it feels like I have.

It has been raining here non-stop these days. The fact that my backyard becomes a lake and my dogs track in mud all over my hardwood floors is not the real problem.

THE F'ING LEAK IN MY BEDROOM ROOF IS THE PROBLEM!

I haven't slept much in the past few nights because of the drumming of the drops into the THREE buckets I have strategically placed throughout the room. It started in spot #1 and has migrated to spot #2--but it wasn't done. Two nights ago Mr. B and I had to get out of bed at 3:30am to move my 1,000 pound dresser and mirror down the wall so I could place bucket #3. It now sounds like the show "STOMP!" is serenading me to sleep each night.

Today there has been no rain. For that I am thankful. Except the TV just showed that we're getting MORE rain and now we're under a tornado watch until 8pm. WTF??

When will it stop?? My roof is being replaced on the 14th--can't it just wait until then??

Arrrggghhhh!

Battle of the illnesses

2006-04-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

I think we all know that someone who constantly has something wrong with them. They thrive on turmoil, illness, and drama. Their lives would not be complete without something to be a martyr for. I have 2 such people in my life... well one is in my life and the other is more of an acquaintance. For now I'll call them Kay & Petunia. The reason that I am blogging about these women is because my mother and I had a great laugh this evening having the following conversation. We said if these two ever got on the phone to one another it would sound something like this:

The Cast
KB as Kay
KB's Momma as Petunia

Kay: Oh Petunia! My kidneys are killing me! They've got me on Cipro, again.

Petunia: Oh Kay! That's nothing. I fell and broke my leg, again. Now I'm on Hydrocodone, and I'm hallucinating.

Kay: Well! I was peeing blood, and now they may need to operate!

Petunia: OH yeah? Mr. Petunia has been ordering drugs on the internet again, and he needs to see a counselor, again.

Kay: I'll go you one better. Mr. Kay has had cancer THREE times. He almost died once. And he DID have a colostomy once.

Petunia: I've been in menstrual pain for 10 years, and now they've decided that I need a total hysterectomy. Again.

Kay: Well they found polyps during my colonoscopy, and now I need another surgery.

Petunia: I had to have my gallbladder removed.

Kay: Been there, done that.

Petunia: Interesting. I had a seizure the other day. They did an MRI, and they found a brain tumor.

Kay: I have a rare pancreatic condition that Western doctors have never seen. I had a liver biopsy, and the dye they used leaked into my abdominal cavity causing me to have an anaphylactic reaction.

Petunia: Mr. Petunia is in a deep depression, suicidal, and seeing a counselor. Again.

Kay: I've had 24 abdominal surgeries, and now my adhesions are so bad that I will forever be in pain.

Petunia: Ummmmm...

Kay: Everytime I go to the ED NO ONE and I mean NO ONE can get an IV in me. They have to call in the pediatric nurse or the flight nurse. I'm THAT difficult.

Petunia: I had to have a breast biopsy.

Kay: Been there, done that.

At this point--everyone on Earth drops dead due to a lack of oxygen in the atmosphere because these two have USED IT ALL UP! Oh wait, I bet at least one of them is allergic to oxygen.

The reason that this is so funny isn't because I'm making up illnesses. Everything that I have typed has been stated by them at one point or another TO ME. I've heard, first hand, the trials each woman faces--daily. It makes me want to screeeeeam!

Do you know anyone like this?

A nurse's job is so complicated

2006-04-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

I am a nurse. A nurse who takes my patients' needs very seriously. So seriously that I would do just about anything to help their health. I have met some lovely patients in my career. I have met some needy patients, and I have met some down right mean patients as well. To all of those mean patients out there. The following is something that I would be willing to do for you. Even though you're mean--I am always here for you. Check it out!