I came across this very interesting video prank on youtube that showcases an interesting quirk of human nature. It’s no surprise that women are highly likely to be attracted to “high status men” (professional athletes, movie stars, musicians, etc) and would typically jump at the chance to be courted by one of these guys. But is there a way for us “normal” men to flip on this pre-programmed female desire switch even though our reality tv show deal fell through the cracks? Keep reading…

This video shows what happens when a bunch of guys get together in a crowded mall and try to convince everyone that their friend is a famous celebrity. What’s funny to me is how all the girls go crazy for this guy even though he pretends to be a completely fictional person (Thomas Elliot from the Spiderman movies). Yet, they pull it off so well that nobody questions their ruse. At the end, a random girls passes him a note asking if he would like to take her out for drinks tonight. No conversation, no game, just the wonders of social proof and faux celebrity status working in his favor.

Now I know you’re thinking “B.S… it’s just a bunch of little kids in the mall. This would never work with adults, etc.” Truth be told, ALL women will subconsciously be drawn towards high status men, yet, you don’t need to be a multi-millionaire or a tv star to entice more hotties to look your way.

The easy alternative is to become a high-status male in just one particular group. For instance, the manager at your local Applebees may be dating some of the female servers who would ordinarily be out of his league. Yet, in that particular context, he is viewed as the alpha male and is likely to appear more attractive to the females on staff then he would if they met him outside of work.

Of course, if you don’t have the luxury of being anyone’s boss (or you’re smart enough to avoid any possibility of a sexual harassment suit) then think up some other contexts in which men act as leaders of a group. Someone has to be the leader/connector of your social circle who is the go-to-guy (or girl) for setting up the group meetups. You might have a friend who teaches cardio-kickboxing classes to the fit women at his gym.  Maybe your other buddy is the organizer of the local toastmaster chapter and is responsible for leading off each meeting and welcoming in new members.

Have I gotten the wheels spinning? Good. Now find a group that you can infiltrate and work you way up the ranks OR go out and start your own group from scratch. You can try meetup.com and start a meetup group for any interest or hobby you might have. If your passion happens to be running, you might want to start your own running group to help people train for marathons (or just to keep in shape). The possibilities are endless so get out there and get things moving.

Oh and before you do, you might want to watch that video.

-Jay

Related posts:

1. Watch “The Dog Whisperer” and Become Irresistible to Women
2. More Bad Facebook Manners

I’m very proud to share with you another incredible success story from a former client. When I started working with Peter a couple of years back, his sole focus was repairing his relationship with his ex-wife to the exclusion of everything else.  While he believed this was all he cared about, he began to realize that he was, in fact, searching for a whole lot more…

“When I started working with you, Jay, I was just a few months out of a divorce.  I wanted to win my wife back, had read your book ‘Get Your Girl Back’ and believed that is exactly what I wanted.  But I realized after working with you that what I needed was not someone else to fulfill my life but my own inner strength, confidence and happiness.  It was a much greater gift than anything I thought I wanted when we started.  Jay, I can’t say enough about what you have done for me.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!”  -Peter Frumenti

Check out his before and after pics and then take a few minutes to watch Peter’s highly inspirational video. I promise that his story will motivate you to make some incredible changes in your own life.

From 440lbs to Marathon Runner – “Anyone Can Do It,” says Peter Frumenti.

Weighing 440lbs and feeling the strain of everyday life, Peter Frumenti transformed himself into a committed marathon runner, shedding over 200lbs. According to Peter, all it takes is the strength from within.  This is the story of how he lost everything but gained a whole new perspective on living…  To Learn more you can follow along his journey by subscribing to his Youtube Channel:  www.youtube.com/user/MakeTheDecision and his blog: www.pathtoawesome.com

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2. More Bad Facebook Manners

A few nights ago, I had the pleasure of spending time with a former client who was back in town for a couple of days. Leslie’s story is pretty remarkable and I’d like to share it in the hopes it will motivate and inspire you.

Back when she came to me, Leslie was struggling through her fellowship at an NYC hospital. The daily hazing, the politics and the long, brutal hours took a serious toll on her energy and self-confidence. But to make matters worse, poor Leslie had an even bigger problem.

Even though she is a brilliant woman, due to her lack of strong test taking abilities, Leslie failed her final exam (the equivalent of the Bar Examination for surgeons) three times in a row. As a result, she was facing a huge dilemma: if she didn’t pass on the forth try, she wouldn’t be able to graduate which would leave her saddled with massive debt from her student loans and no way to pay them off. Needless to say, she was an emotional wreck.

Leslie’s dilemma proved to be a challenging case for me because, at the time, she didn’t believe it was possible to pass her test with only six weeks of prep time (most students need six months of straight study to get a passing grade). So we immediately went to work building up her confidence, allaying her doubts, crafting a study routine that worked with her hectic schedule and making sure she had ways to manage her emotional state whenever she experienced bouts of fear, overwhelm or hopelessness.

Fast forward six weeks later and I’m proud to say that Leslie aced her test and finished up her final classes without a hitch. And now that it’s coming up on two years since her big achievement, the latest is that her private practice is flourishing and she’s engaged to be married in the summer. Way to go Leslie! Hearing this great news had me beaming like a proud parent and I couldn’t wait to share the story with my community.

I’m hoping that Leslie’s struggle will inspire you to believe in yourself and realize that as long as there’s time on the clock, there’s ALWAYS a chance for a comeback. Never give up on yourself because you would be amazed at what kind of last minute victories you’re capable of pulling off. Leslie’s success is a great reminder of the inner greatness in all of us just waiting to be tapped into.

And just to kick up the inspiration factor a few notches, I’ve decided to share a few more success stories which have transpired over the last six months. Now keep in mind that a client doesn’t have to become a successful surgeon like Leslie to be worthy of mention. Anyone who overcomes a personal challenge, no matter how small, is a success in my book. My reasoning for this is simple: the secret to MASSIVE success in life is to keep building on small successes indefinitely. So go take that first step (no matter how small) and keep moving forward.

So here are a few more amazing individuals who have all displayed incredible courage, tenacity and strength of spirit. I’m incredibly thankful to be part of their lives.

(some names have been changed for reasons of privacy)

Todd, who has a history of being involved in abusive relationships, has finally found a partner who treats him with love and respect.

John has tremendously increased his confidence after transitioning to a new sales job and has increased his salary by over $40k.

Chris is finding himself much more calm, relaxed and confident around the women he is attracted to.

Teddy bested his old time in the NYC marathon this year by over an hour, managed to get his depression under control (he no longer takes antidepressants) and finally ended his three year dating dry spell.

Kathleen, who developed a phobia of singing in public when she was younger, was finally able to perform again in front of a crowd for the first time in ten years.

Steven, who worked for years editing films, is finally getting his chance to direct his first feature film (which has a three million dollar budget).

Rick has finally shaken off a severe financial setback that crushed him completely. After two years of chronic anger, shame and depression, he is now able to laugh and enjoy life again.

Trisha learned how to effectively manage her social anxiety, graduate from Columbia Law School with honors and secure a job working at the United Nations.

Max was able to overcome his crippling shyness and ace his interviews for the PhD program at Pepperdine University where he is currently working on his doctorate in psychology.

Justin’s company, Lux Naturals (which makes homemade soaps, lotion and candles), is currently Whole Food’s #1 top-selling bath and body company for the North East region. They are slated to expand nationally in 2012.

Lisa quit her job as a Zumba instructor to pursue her dream of opening a cupcake business.

Suzette was able to taper off her Zoloft (under her doctor’s supervision) after three years of being dependent on the medication.

Len, a senior level corporate executive, is now able to sleep through the night for the first time in years without relying on sleep aids.

Eddie won his ex-girlfriend back after making every mistake possible before reading my book.

Greg was able to reduce his facial tics by about 90% and discontinue the medicine (under his doctor’s supervision) he was using to keep them under control.

Ruben’s small business has almost doubled its profits this year. Ruben has also fulfilled his dream of writing, filming and starring in a short film which was accepted into four film festivals.

Sam finally began his first romantic relationship at the age of 25.

Carlos, a filmmaker, was able to overcome his challenges with public speaking and speak about his work confidently, both in front of a large audience and while being interviewed on one of the largest radio stations in South America.

And lastly, Rachel was able to taper off her Prozac (under her doctor’s supervision) after being dependent on the medication for over 10 years.

Once again, I’d like to express how wonderful it’s been to have coached these amazing individuals. I want to thank them for helping prove that my coaching methods flat out get results and, more importantly, for inspiring YOU to step up to the plate.

-Jay

P.S. If you haven’t requested your free coaching session, than shoot me an e-mail and we’ll get you set up. I’d love for you to be my next success story.

Related posts:

1. Another Massive Success!
2. Rubik’s Cubin For Love And Money

One of the issues that’s been coming up a lot lately for my clients is bedroom-specific performance anxiety. For men, not being able to perform on command scares the crap out of them which is understandable considering their virility is as closely tied to their sense of self-worth as their incomes (and possibly more so).

I know lots of young guys in their 20’s and 30’s who resort to popping dangerous erectile drugs to avoid possible embarrassment. What they don’t realize is that it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to perform on cue every single time since there are many reasons for not being able to maintain an erection (few of them physical). But instead of focusing on the various nuances of the problem, let’s talk solutions.

By the way, this isn’t something that only men are concerned about. Women are also affected by various forms of sexual anxiety. Most are plagued with thoughts such as “will my body turn him on” and “what if he gets grossed out by my cellulite” as well as the standard pregnancy issues. For the ladies who’re concerned about making a great impression (and having as much fun as possible) in the bedroom, the following quick tips will also apply to you.

Tip 1: RELAX! – Stressing about your performance increases the chance that your equipment will fail you. Practicing meditation will train you to relax your body on command – a skill which comes in handy in the bedroom. One simple way to reduce your anxiety is to focus on making your breathing slower and deeper.

Tip 2: Stay present – Instead of worrying about whether your partner is enjoying themselves, make sure that YOU’RE having fun. Stay focused on what’s happening in the moment and really allowing yourself to enjoy the sensations. For instance, if you’re playing with a woman’s hair then you need to put all your attention on it and nothing else. Feel how soft her hair is… enjoy the way it smells, etc. It helps to mentally say things like “Wow. Her hair is so amazing. Other guys would kill to be where I am right now.” Remember to keep your focus on whatever is feeling good to you in the present moment.

Tip 3: Lay off the alcohol – For most guys, this is the bigger killer of erections. Some liquors have a more pronounced effect than others (whisky comes to mind). Alcohol can also help you relax, however, so it’s a double edged sword. The important thing is to understand how your body reacts to it and stay well within the green zone (for some people, this means stopping after 1 glass of wine).

Tip 4: Plan for the worst case scenario – For most guys, the worst case scenario is that they can’t stay up and their partner is going to think less of them. Here’s the thing… your girl’s reaction will be highly influenced by your attitude about the situation. In other words, if you act all distraught then she’ll probably feel the same way.

So when, be prepared to make light of the situation (act like it’s no big deal). Here are a few lines you can use in a pinch:

a) Laugh it off/make a joke: “Whoops. I guess he’s tired today. It probably wasn’t the best idea to drink half a bottle of Patron for breakfast.”

b) Blame it on stress: “I’ve been really stressed all day from work. Let’s just relax for a bit and start up again later.”

c) If it’s the first time with the girl, show a little vulnerability: “You know, I have to admit that I’m little nervous tonight. Can you do me a favor and stop being so sexy?” (most girls will eat this up since they might be thinking you’re not attracted enough)

Tip 5: Get checked out – While the problem is usually a mental issue, lots of guys nowadays are experiencing lowered levels of testosterone due to a wide variety of reasons. A simple blood test will alert you to any possible hormonal problem that should be addressed.

Two quick notes for the ladies:

The more turned on you are in the bedroom, the more turned on your man will get and the more he will enjoy himself. Guys love to feel like they are doing “a good job” and if you are getting really into it, then he will take credit for your pleasure and get even more into it. But if you look like you’re not enjoying yourself then he’ll probably start thinking “uh oh… what am I doing wrong” which will increase his anxiety and yank him out of the moment.

Also, if your partner is experiencing performance issues then act as if it’s no big deal and focus on some other part of the sexual experience. 70% of the time he is just nervous so when you reassure him that everything is fine and you’re not disappointed then he’ll usually be able to snap out of the mindset that caused the problem in the first place.

The advanced techniques I share with my private coaching clients are a bit too extreme to reveal here but if you put the above tips into action you’ll probably be good to go. Give them a shot and let me know how you fare.

-Jay

Related posts:

1. Emotional Control 101 (part 1)

Hey there,

Today I’d like to share with you one of my favorite techniques for battling stress and negativity. I learned this technique many years ago from one of my mentors, Mark Cunningham, and have found it to be an invaluable tool for changing negative thinking patterns. You can use this simple exercise to train yourself to become a more positive (and happy) person.

Before I teach it to you, let me say this… if you just use it once or twice, it won’t have much of an effect. If you want to see powerful, permanent changes in the way that you think and feel then you must use it as much as possible. Consider it part of your long-term strategy for mental well-being.

One more thing… it’s definitely a bit weird. I’m going to be asking you to make images your mind while physically reaching out in front of you to do silly things with your hands. Strange, I know, but just go with it. This weird little technique can change your life.

So here are the steps of The Stop Sign Technique:

1. Anytime you find yourself dwelling over a perceived negative experience, begin to pay attention to the scene in your mind’s eye. Imagine that you are watching a movie that you can freeze by hitting the “pause” button on your remote control. After you’ve frozen the picture, visualize in your mind’s eye a stop sign popping up in front of it.
2. Now reach out with your physical hands and turn up the brightness on the picture (imagine there is a knob underneath the mental screen that you can manipulate with your hand) until it whites out completely and there is nothing left of the original image.
3. Place a golden frame around the picture (just imagine that is is appearing around the blank, white screen).
4. Write in golden marker the lesson you learned from the incident (you may have to stretch yourself to come up with a positive lesson but there is always something positive to be learned from every experience i.e. Burning your hand on the stove has taught you to be more careful when using the oven).
5. Physically reach out with both hands, grab the picture frame and place it (along with its contents) behind your head. Imagine that you can hear it being nailed into place behind you.
6. Place a new scene in the original spot (in front of you) that makes you feel good when you think about it (relaxing on the beach, etc). Watch the scene for about 10 seconds and be sure to feel the good feelings that result.

This simple exercise is designed the train your brain over time to always look for the silver lining in every situation and to easily let go of negative feelings and defeatist thinking. Yes, it’s incredibly silly but it works if you consistently apply it to your negative thought patterns. Go play around with it and let me know what you think.

Wishing you a happy and stress-free weekend.

-Jay

Related posts:

1. Q&A: I Was Betrayed!
2. Emotional Control 101 (part 1)
3. New Year’s Win or New Year’s Fail?

I have been working closely with Dr. Tony DeMarco over the last few months to create what we consider to be the ideal weight loss program (www.thinnerbandhypnosis.com). I’ll be posting more about this sometime soon but for now, check out this short video to hear what some of our clients have to say about it.

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(This post is part 1 of a multi-part series on emotional control techniques.)

If you’re like me, more often than not, you find that your stress levels reach stratospheric proportions. At these times, it’s incredibly helpful to have a set of strategies you can use to calm the raging demons inside you. Today, I’ll be sharing a simple stress-reduction technique that can be used whenever you’re able to sit quietly for 30-60 seconds.

While most people are aware that our emotions influence our physiology, it’s less widely known that our physiology can influence our emotions. For instance, we all know that when we experience an event that makes us angry, our breathing patterns, body position and facial expressions start changing to varying degrees – we may find ourselves clenching our fists, furrowing our brows and breathing faster and sharper.

And by the same token, we can use certain body positions to generate emotions when we are feeling “emotionally neutral”. There’s a fascinating technique called “Alba Emoting” that teaches this more in-depth, but for now, I’m going you how to dissipate unwanted emotions but putting your body in a state of physical relaxation.

There are 4 steps to this exercise and once you’re doing all four at the same time, the body relaxes very quickly.

Step 1: Sit comfortably and do your best to release all tension in the body. If you have trouble doing this, tense your muscles for a few seconds and then release them so you can feel the difference between tension and relaxation. Make sure you let your shoulders drop and let the jaw hang slightly.

Step 2: Bring your attention to your breathing. Focus on breathing slower and deeper. Ideally, you should be breathing from the diaphragm but if that’s a bit tricky for you, just focus on taking slower inhalations and exhalations.

Step 3: Repeat the word “relax” over and over in your mind.

Step 4: In your mind’s eye, see yourself writing the word “relax” over and over on a blackboard. Repeat this sequence for at least 30 seconds or until you are calmer.

Bonus: To use this to fall asleep quickly, before starting the above steps, get into a comfortable position in bed and completely freeze your body in that position. Do your best to resist making even the slightest movement.

Now why does this work so well? First off, tension in the body tends to keep negative emotions going strong. So in step 1, we remove the tension by focusing on relaxing our muscles (breathing slower and deeper adds to this). Next, we repeat the word “relax” over and over which prevents us from continuing any negative self-talk in our minds that might be there (i.e. “I’m gonna kill this person!” or “This isn’t fair! Why does this always happen to me?”) and finally, when we are focusing on picturing the word “relax” it becomes impossible to visualize any negative images which may be driving the undesired emotion. Put all these steps together and you’ll find your mood shifting very quickly.

The more you practice this exercise, the more effective it become so play around with it a bit and let me know how it works for you.

Till next time,

-Jay

Related posts:

1. Oh Crap… It Doesn’t Work…
2. The Stop Sign Technique

I stumbled across an interesting video on youtube that I’d like to share with you guys. It demonstrates how our brain occasionally plays tricks on us and distorts the information that we perceive with our five senses.

In this short clip, you’ll discover that sometimes what we think we’re hearing doesn’t match up to what’s being said. Take the simple test and see for yourself…

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If you were following my rants and raves last year around this time, then you’re well aware of how much I dislike the pseudo-holiday known as Valentine’s Day. Sure, I could go on and on and rehash my gripes but my perspective hasn’t changed one bit since last year. What HAS changed, however, is the fact that I’m currently in a relationship and my girlfriend doesn’t exactly share my sentiments. So it’s safe to assume that today… the sh*t is about to hit the fan.

You see, I’ve tried for a year to convince my girl of the brilliance of my anti-valentine’s day stance… with varying degrees of success. Ok fine, I failed miserably. It seems there’s no way to overcome the many years of cultural influence (ahem… brainwashing) that has polluted my poor girl’s mind.

But still… I refuse to give in. There will be no flowers, cards, teddy bears, chocolates or gifts of any kind today. At least not from me. Let the orbiters and fan-boys fill her v-day stocking to the brim with trinkets and toys but I refuse to budge out of principle. Because someone, somewhere said that all we have are our principles. (I’m guessing he must also have been a stubborn bastard. I salute you, principle guy.)

So the question is… will mi amour accept her teddy-less fate and acquiesceto my v-day abstinence or will she unhesitatingly toss me on my ass like yesterday’s garbage? Stay tuned for the potentially shocking conclusion. In the meantime, feel free to weigh in below. Ladies, where exactly do I rank on the jerk-o-meter?

To get you in the right spirit, here is a nice little collection of Valentine’s Day Fails: http://chzb.gr/dNvM04

P.S. And if you happened to be living on the moon last year and you still don’t understand why Cupid should be disemboweled, check out these earlier posts from my deranged mind and get with the program:

http://jaycataldo.com/blog/valentines-day/who-else-hates-valentines-day/

http://jaycataldo.com/blog/valentines-day/valentines-day-sucks/

http://jaycataldo.com/blog/valentines-day/valentines-day-is-officially-destroyed/

-Me

Related posts:

1. Valentines Day Sucks! – Lets Get Rid Of It Once And For All
2. Dating Tips With Casey From “Hello New York”
3. NYC Dating Magic Part 1

Hey guys,

Here’s a short video of me having some fun on the “Hello New York Show” with their host Casey Grayson. You can check out more of their show here: www.hellonewyorkshow.com

And if you’re interested in working with a dating coach then please fill out the form on my homepage to request a free 30 minute call so we can determine if I might be a good fit for you. Enjoy the clip.

Related posts:

1. NYC Dating Magic Part 1
2. Dating Coach Gets Dumped On Valentine’s Day
3. NYC Dating Magic Part 2

A couple of weeks ago I posted my top New Year’s Resolution strategies and urged all of you to start putting them into action. Some of you went ahead and sent in your plans for 2011 and I wanted to thank you for sharing. You guys think real big… I love it.

My awesome friend Jessica did a breakdown of her New Year’s goals and gave me permission to share. Jessica is a gorgeous and super-talented musician who’s focused on releasing her first album this year. Let’s take a look at her plans for world domination…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope you are feeling refreshed (4-6 hour exemption if you rang in the New Year with

a bang last night), renewed, and excited to start a brand new year!  I certainly am. 

In fact, I started mapping out my New Year’s strategy 2-3 weeks ago in an attempt to

start January 1st on the best foot possible.  While preparing, I came across this

great blog by my friend Jay Cataldo called New Year’s Win or New Year’s Fail; a 10-

tip strategy for sticking with your Resolutions.

Using Jay’s tips, here are my Resolutions for 2011!

Tip 1: Write out your mission statement.

Ok.  I realize most people likely stick to one resolution, but I am a multitasker, so

I usually do 5.

#1: I will ramp up my music career (goal: release an album and achieve a sales

target).
#2: I will make my health and fitness a priority (goal: lose 20 lbs)
#3: I will take better care of my home (goal: no more clutter! And at least 3 nights

at home)
#4: I will stress less (goal: regular yoga and nightly meditation)
#5: I will make a bigger effort to make my relationship stronger (not sure how to

define this in action yet)

Tip 2: Write out your plan.

I like planning – this is my favourite part!  Now, I won’t bore you with my time

lines and details (but I have made them!  And Jay Cataldo has them to help me with

Tip 4), but here are some of the measurable steps I have made:

1. To ramp up my music career: record an album by June 2011,  take guitar lessons to

feel confident jamming by December 2011, work on my knowledge of theory and take my

grade 8 exam in January 2012, write a business plan by the end of March 2011, get a

band together by May 2011, apply for music grants for September 2011 deadlines, find

a manager/booking agent by July 2011

2. To make health and fitness a priority: lose 20 lbs by March 2011, grocery shop

once per week, cook at home twice per week, work out 5 days per week, drink less

(twice per week max), smoke sheesha only on special occasions

3. Take better care of my home: spend at least 3 nights at home (combining cleaning

and cooking – bonus points), wake up by 9am on weekends to get more done in the

mornings

4. Stress less: consolidate activities to see more people at once, do yoga 1-2 times

per week, do nightly meditation

5. Forge a stronger bond with the bf: go to more of his soccer games (1 every 2 weeks

at min.), invite him to more of my music-related events and friends nights out

Tip 4: Find an accountability partner.

This is where this post gets a bit more interactive!  Now that you know where I’m

headed, I’m hoping you’ll help hold me accountable   Feel free to tweet me or leave

me a comment anytime to check in!  There will be monthly progress reports that will

appear in the blog, and I’ve also recruited Jay Cataldo and my lovely boyfriend to

keep me motivated.

Tip 5: Take at least one step towards your goal each day.

Post-it notes with mini goal stuck to my computer screen help me with this one!

Tip 8: Reward yourself.

Hm.  Ok, well, I love fashion and days at the spa!  So, I’m committing to setting

mini-goals that will earn me fun rewards!  In reality, just achieving these goals

will be a huge reward, but the fashion will definitely improve my rockstar image and

look hot on my smokin’ fit bod.  Sounds like extra motivation to me!

There are a few more tips, including #10: Never Give Up, but they’re of a more

personal nature so I’ve left them out of the post (but not out of my planning!).  So,

we’ll end here! 

What are your New Year’s Resolutions?

(you can check out Jessica’s blog here: http://jessicaspeziale.tumblr.com/)

Thanks, Jess. I know for sure you’re gonna make big things happen. And if you ever lose your motivation, both myself and all my readers, will be happy to whip out our paddles and help you get back on track.

So have the rest of you written your plans out in this much detail? If not, then get cracking! Or I’ll have to hire THESE guys to kick your butt.

-Jay

Related posts:

1. New Year’s Win or New Year’s Fail?
2. Rubik’s Cubin For Love And Money
3. NYC Dating Magic Part 2

(pic courtesy of failblog.org)

2011 is almost here and it’s time for yet another round of New Year’s resolutions.  The question is… will you be one of the few people who actually sticks to their plan and makes a positive, permanent change or will your efforts fall into the fail pile along with millions of others? If you’re serious about making things happen in ’11 then you’re going to need a serious plan…

While there any many reasons why people fail to achieve their goals, the #1 issue that I see is lack of proper planning. Adequate preparation is often the most overlooked component of a New Year’s goal setting plan since most people rely solely on the meager motivational boosts they get from willpower. As far as sustained motivation goes, willpower is much like a Snickers bar:  good for a quick burst of energy but leaves you crashing hard shortly after. Since there’s no satisfaction in utter failure, we need to have a strategy that keeps us moving forward long after those empty carbs have left us hanging.

Now, if you tend to suffer from chronic procrastination, then do yourself a huge favor and get started right now. First off, pick a concrete goal that you would like to achieve in the next 3-6 month. Make sure it’s measurable and has a deadline. Next, go through the following ten tips and start putting them to work for you immediately. If you have any questions, feel free to drop me a line. For added motivation, send over your resolutions and update me periodically with your progress reports.

Tip 1: Write out your mission statement

Take out a piece of paper and write something like: “I, Joe Blow, commit to the goal of losing 30lbs by May 1st 2011.” Then sign it and put it where you will see it every day (possibly taped on the wall above your desk). Read it to yourself out loud twice a day (morning and night).

Tip 2: Write out your plan

Expand on your mission statement and write a detailed description of your plan. Then chunk it down to the level of the small daily tasks you’ll complete each day. An easy way to do this is to imagine that you’ve already succeeded and ask yourself which steps you took to get to this point. Work backwards and write down everything that you come up with. Post this list up next to next to your mission statement.

Tip 3: Visualize your successful outcome

One of the most powerful but overlooked goal-getting strategies is the technique of visualization. Yes, it may seem like airy-fairy nonsense, but I promise you there’s something to it. How and why it works, I have no idea and I really don’t care. Just trust me on this one and add it to your goal-getting arsenal.

So… close your eyes and imagine that you’re already succeeded. Visualize the scene in as much detail as you can, seeing yourself in the picture (from a third-person perspective). After about 30 seconds, mentally step inside the picture and see what you would see if this was real (from a first-person perspective). At this point, make sure you feel whatever feelings would be there if this really happened (happiness, pride, excitement, etc). Make those feeling as strong as you can.

Then, after another 30 seconds, switch back to the third-person perspective and repeat over and over for at least 5 minutes. Do this sequence at least twice a day (morning and night).

Tip 4: Find an accountability partner

Our friends and family members can be great motivators is we use them strategically. If you have trouble getting your butt to the gym, for instance, start carpooling with a workout buddy. When someone is honking outside your door at 5am, it will be a lot tougher for you to bail out and hit the snooze button.

If you can’t enlist a buddy’s help in this way, then tell five people your goal and ask then to check up on your every so often. Another good trick is handing a friend $500 and telling them they can give you back $100 each time you reach one of your mini-targets. Loss of money is a great motivator.

Tip 5: Take at least one step towards your goal each day

Momentum is your friend and ally. Any momentum you create can make your life a heck of a lot easier, but lose that momentum and you’ll have wasted lots of time and energy. This is the point where frustration starts to set in.

One of the best ways to keep it going is to do something to help your reach your goal every single day. Even on days that you want to take off, spend at least 15 minutes doing something. Those few minutes spent will add up in the end.

Tip 6: Don’t let yourself cheat… it’s a slippery slope

It all starts with that first day off from the gym which somehow spirals into a four month sabbatical. Resist the temptation to slack off occasionally because these little deviations from your plan can slow your momentum to a grinding halt.

Tip 7: Practice resilience

Setbacks and screw-ups are inevitable – it’s how you deal with them that determines whether you’ll be a champ or a chump. Have you ever said to yourself, “Well, I screwed up and it’s already Thursday. I guess I’ll just start back up again on Monday”? This is one of the most common momentum-slowing traps people fall into. Instead, say, “Damn, I screwed up today. I’m going to make up for it tomorrow.”

Make a firm commitment to yourself to push through any and all challenges and get right back up on the horse each time you fall off.

Tip 8: Reward yourself

Just because you’re not a Chihuahua doesn’t mean you can’t toss yourself a biscuit when you make good. Steady rewards help reinforce your new positive behaviors, so treat yourself to some goodies each time you make some progress.

Tip 9: Work with a coach

The fastest way to succeed, hands down, is having a competent coach in your corner. If you’re serious about success, then a coach’s support and guidance can be worth at least ten times the monetary investment.

Tip 10: Never give up

If you want it badly enough, nothing can stop you. Keep your eye on the target, move full speed ahead and don’t ever stop.

Wishing you love, health and success in 2011,

-Jay
 

Related posts:

1. How To Plan A New Year’s Win
2. Rubik’s Cubin For Love And Money

ER.

All kidding aside, I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for all the love and support you’ve shown me over the last few years. Have a very happy holiday and get ready to kick some serious butt in 2011.

Wishing you and your family all the very best,

-Jay

No related posts.

Hey guys… As I mentioned in a previous post, I was recently introduced to the Paleo Diet and since then, have been working hard on incorporating more vegetables into my daily meals. But I have to say…. veggies are friggen expensive – especially if you go organic (which I highly recommend). But if you choose to stick with conventionally grown produce, there’s a big health risk involved that many are unaware of…

As I’m sure you already guessed, the major problem with conventional produce is it’s pesticide residue. Most farmer dump ridiculous amount of highly toxic substances on their crops to keep insects at bay. And because of this, every time we make the seemingly healthy choice of ordering a salad (or fruit salad) we run the risk of exposing ourselves to carcinogenic and mutagenic chemicals. Nice, right?

Luckily, we have a bit more protection when preparing our own meals. First off, I would recommend buying organic produce as much as possible, especially if the item is listed below. This list contains the foods which are known to have the highest concentration of pesticide residue:

Celery
Peaches
Apples
Blueberries
Nectarines
Spinach
Bell Peppers
Kale
Cherries
Potatoes
Grapes
Carrots
Pears
Tomatoes

But what if you can’t afford to buy organic or just can’t seem to find a store that sells it? The next best thing to do is to soak your produce in a pesticide wash which is designed to remove all pesticide residue from your fruits and vegetables. Now you can go ahead and spend money on a bottle of this stuff (it isn’t cheap) or you can use the simple recipe I’m about to share and make your own.

I heard from a highly trusted source that hydrogen peroxide removes 99% of pesticide residue in about 20-30 minutes. So go pick up a bottle of food grade (3%) hydrogen peroxide and add about ½ cup of it to about a gallon of water. Dump the mixture in a pot and soak your produce in there for 30 minutes. Afterwards, rinse the water off and you’re good to go.

Another quick tip: Certain foods (apples, for instance) are usually coated with wax before they’re sent off to the supermarket.  A waxy coating will prevent hydrogen peroxide from doing its job so it’s best to add a few tablespoons of a wax removing fruit/vegetable wash (can be found at Whole Foods, for instance) to a pot of hot water and let the produce soak for a few minutes before adding the hydrogen peroxide. The combo of the wash and hot water will remove the wax so the hydrogen peroxide can do the rest.

So keep on soaking those veggies and hopefully you’lll avoid an embarrassing future mutation. Remember guys, your wives will not give you any sympathy when you have a 3rd arm hanging off your forehead. If anything, they’ll just use it as an excuse to make you do more chores. 

I’ll be popping my head out again soon with more tips and tactics. Stay tuned and have a kick-ass week.

-Jay

Related posts:

1. The Paleo Solution

I got my hands on a great new book called “The Paleo Solution – The Original Human Diet” by Robb Wolf. If you’re the least bit interested in health and nutrition, I highly recommend that you check it out. Here’s why…

The Paleo Diet takes us back to our roots. Originally, our ancestors ate a diet consisting simply of meat, fish, fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts. Processed and gmo (genetically modified) foods didn’t exist, nor did “fake” health foods such as whole wheat bread, tofu and Kashi cereals. This simple diet gave us all the vitamins and nutrients our bodies needed (and still need) to become mentally and physically powerful, while maintaining a level of health rarely seen in today’s modern industrial age.

What I love about this book, is that the author not only gives you sample meal plans and recipes, but spends a good portion of the book covering the science behind why this way of eating should be mandatory for all homo sapiens. I’ll be posting my experiences with the Paleo Diet over the next few weeks, but in the meantime, I recommend that you check out the research and decide for yourself whether or not this diet deserves a closer look.

Here’s a sample Paleo-type meal that I’ve been addicted to for the last few days. If you happen to love pasta but hate what it does to your midsection, then give this dish a try. It’ll blow your mind.

Paleo Pasta

1 lb  Grass-Fed Beef (from Trader Joe’s)

1/2 can of Marinara Sauce (try to find one with no added sugar or preservatives) 

1 Spaghetti Squash

Brown the meat in a pan with a bit of olive oil. Once browned, remove from heat and set aside. Cut squash in half, remove seeds and bake face down in a baking pan for 30-45 min (at 375 degrees). When cool, scrape the insides with a fork and watch them turn to “spaghetti”. Add meat and sauce and voila.

-Jay

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1. How To Clean Yo Fruits & Veggies

I’ve been saying for years that salt is NOT the enemy when it comes to high blood pressure. In fact, hypertension sufferers who drastically reduce the amount of salt in their diets are increasing their risk of serious health problems.

And to make matters worse, lowering your salt intake will rarely bring your numbers down. Instead, you should make the switch from processed table salt to unrefined sea salt (I prefer the Himalayan variety). Also, you should be aware of a lesser known cause of hypertension: excess fructose consumption.

Believe it or not, a new link has been found between a high sugar diet and high blood pressure. Check out this excellent article by Dr. Mercola if you’d like to learn more…

Avoiding This “Forbidden Food” Could Make You Moody

-Jay

No related posts.

Lately, I’ve been getting lots of questions about my diet and lifestyle. Some of you know that I had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma when I was 19 and this led me to become extremely health conscious. Believe me… after battling cancer once, you never want it to come back.

So today, I’d like to share my “Team Magnificent Super Smoothie” recipe. I drink this bad boy every morning and I’m not kidding when I say this is the TRUE breakfast of champions. As far as the silly name goes, I nicknamed my mastermind group “Team Magnificent” so if you want to be an honorary member, you better get to mixin. And trust me, this thing is so damn delicious that you’ll have no problem adding it to your daily routine.

This recipie makes about 26oz which is a LOT of smoothie. I down the whole thing in one sitting, but you may want to drink half and save the rest for later. Regardless of how much you chug, this incredibly nutritous shake is a complete and balanced meal and will leave you feeling invigorated and full of energy.

Give it a shot and let me know what you think. And if you feel you can top my ultimate concoction, then please post your own recipes below. I’d love to try them out.

P.S. All ingredients can be purchased at Whole Foods with the exception of the Gold Standard Whey (you can get it at Vitamin Shoppe, along with the 26oz shaker bottle you see in the picture). 

Team Magnificent’s Super Smoothie

6-12 oz of Unflavored Almond Milk (if you live in a state where raw, unpasteurized milk is legal, then DEFINITELY substitute raw milk, instead)

Ice Cubes

1 scoop Gold Standard Natural Whey Protein (vanilla)

Assorted fruit (I like bananas, blueberries, papayas and mangos) – you could use fresh fruit or freeze the fruit beforehand and nix the ice cubes

1 tsp Spirulina

1 tsp Cacao Powder

2 tbsps Ground Flax Seeds

1 tsp Raw Honey

1 tbsp Raw Coconut Oil

Make it happen,

-Jay 

No related posts.

Hey there… yes, I know I disappeared for a while but I’ve been working VERY hard on my latest product. The good news is that it’s finally finished which means it’s time to unleash it on the world.

To make things easy, I went ahead and put together a video presentation which explains everything you’ll need to know. If you have a few extra minutes, please go check out it out:

http://jaycataldo.com/free-presentation

If you’re a female who is either single OR in a relationship, you’re going to want to get your hands on this. And if you’re a guy who is currently in a relationship, I guarantee that you’ll want to get this for your girlfriend.

Check out the video and you’ll see what I mean…

http://jaycataldo.com/free-presentation

P.S. Here’s a sneak peak…

-Jay

No related posts.

Q: hey Jay, I have seen some of your stuff, and it seems pretty interesting. I think that your ideas about relationships are good, but im hesitant to look for more advice from you because im not sure about you or why I should listen to anything you say.

I guess you have been a life coach for a while, but to me that doesn’t mean that you have actually helped anybody just that you’re good at marketing yourself. What i’m wondering is do you have a girlfriend, are you in a happy relationship. You say you used to be dorky, and now you are different but is that just marketing or are you really having amazing relationships?

If you really are talented at helping others and you aren’t in a relationship that’s just fine, im just wondering do you really have skills for helping people’s relationships and do you have any couples that have any testimony to this? –A.D.

A: Hey there. Thanks for writing in. First of all, I’ll be the first to tell you that you should NOT blindly listen to anything I, or anyone else has to say. First, you should look over the information. Next, you should ask yourself if there’s a possibility that it might be beneficial to you in some way. Finally, you should go test it out and decide for yourself if it’s useful or if it should be ignored.

And yes, just because I claim to be a life coach doesn’t mean I’ve helped anyone. I mean, all the testimonials on my site are from real people, but who’s to say I didn’t fabricate them? And even if I was able to prove that I’ve helped millions of people, so what? All that matters is that YOU get your desired result. So again, I recommend that you forget about everybody else, test everything out on your own, and decide for yourself whether I know what I’m talking about, OR if I’m full of crap. And if you really feel there’s nothing at all you can learn from me, you can always click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.

And as far as my relationship status goes, I’m not currently in a committed relationship but I am dating some amazing women. The fact that I work 14 hours a day makes it difficult to settle down right down. But committed relationship or not, I can tell you that the women I date treat me the way every guy dreams of being treated. And if you study my strategies, you can easily replicate my lifestyle.

P.S. While I tend to work one-on-one and rarely do couple’s counseling, if you google my name you’ll come across a video of a couple publicly thanking me for helping to salvage their relationship. It’s funny because the girl is Japanese and doesn’t speak any English.

P.P.S. And although I like to keep my personal life as private as possible, followers of my facebook and twitter pages get a tiny peek behind the scenes.

Make it happen,

-Jay Cataldo

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1. Falling In Love Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
2. NYC Dating Magic Part 1
3. More Bad Facebook Manners

 Have you ever been betrayed by an ex? Hurts pretty bad doesn’t it?

 
The good news is, there’s a way to eliminate the pain of a betrayal and it doesn’t involve meds or years of therapy. If you’d like to learn what it is, then keep reading…

Q: I am back with my ex and the relationship is INCREDIBLE  now. (We have split up for 3 months) – I got her back and a BIG THANK YOU, JAY!

I have a final question: She slept 1 or 2 times with her ex before me (but apparently didn`t like it – it’s the reason she left him) and then I got her back.

How do I handle feeling “betrayed” and get the pain out of my body, along with the mental movie (she sleeping with him etc.) – I don’t want to even it out or stuff like that.

(I had some sessions with you and also bought your book) – Thank you so much!

(name withheld), Germany

A: Glad you were able to get your ex back. As far as handling the betrayal, it’s never an easy road. However, it’s good that you’re focused on working through it since it’ll need to be resolved if you want to have the best chance at a lasting and successful relationship.

For the future, I recommend learning to be unfazed by female sexual behavior. From what I recall of your situation, your girl didn’t cheat on you – she slept with the new guy after your relationship ended. As upsetting as this might be, imo, she didn’t do anything wrong.

Women enjoy sex just as much as men and most will have sex with other men after a breakup. This is totally normal and natural and must be accepted (as hard as it may be). If you’re threatened by the thought of your girl sleeping with other men, it will come across in your behavior and usually lead to a loss of attraction – coincidentally increasing the chances that she WILL end up sleeping with someone else, so be careful.

As far as eliminating the negative charge around memories, the best technique for this (one I use with all my clients) is EFT. For those unfamiliar with EFT, it’s a form of emotional acupressure where you tap on certain acupressure points while keeping your mind focused on the feelings you want to eliminate. I’ll be the first to say it’s a little weird (ok, it’s REALLY weird) but it gets results like nothing else I’ve seen.

In your case, you should tap on all aspects of the memory until you can think about it without having a negative emotional reaction. You can learn the basics of EFT at http://www.emofree.com/ but I recommend you seek out a competent practitioner who can walk you through the process and make sure you get the results you’re looking for.

Make it happen,

-Jay Cataldo

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1. Falling In Love Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
2. NYC Dating Magic Part 1
3. Q&A: Help! I’m Emotionally Vulnerable…

Q: “Hi Jay. I could really use some tools to help spotting the kinds of women who are genuinely interested in love, intimacy and friendship, as opposed to the ones who have a power-oriented or sadistic/masochistic attitude towards sex and intimacy. I’ve been involved with a few of the latter (one of whom turned out to have been an incest victim) and I do not want to go through that experience ever again. Also it seems a lot of women learn to see emotional vulnerability in men as a sign of weakness to be exploited and ridiculed.

I want to be able to spot these traits in a woman before she gets under my skin and starts working the cranks. As it is, I am afraid that too many negative experiences like that might numb me emotionally and turn me into a man that I do not want to be. Thanks.”

A: I agree that being able to spot these types of women quickly is a valuable skill to have. Any form of childhood sexual abuse can dramatically interfere with a woman’s ability to have healthy sexual relations with a man. In my experience, unless she’s willing to work through her issues with a competent therapist, she will have difficulty creating and maintaining a quality relationship.

These women tend to attract either a-holes who devalue them completely (this falls in line with their own low self-image, so it’s accepted) or men who are total pushovers whom they will beat down emotionally (in an effort to lash out at the man/men who have hurt them over the years). It sounds to me like you might be in the pushover category which, unfortunately, is going to hurt your chances with most women (emotionally healthy, or otherwise).

The first thing I recommend is that you institute a screening process. One of the most dangerous mistakes a man can make is falling in love with a cold, vindictive and manipulative woman. After you’ve fallen head over heels, you’ll be much more likely to put up with negative behavior because you fear losing the connection. Since it’s almost impossible to change someone’s core personality, it’s best to simply avoid the kinds of women you’re not compatible with.

Screening can be as simple as inquiring about her past relationships/flings and looking for common themes. Was every guy manipulative/abusive? Does she always seem to be in the victim role? Has she admitted to doing anything seriously hurtful to any of her ex’s as a justified form of retribution? These are all signs that you may eventually be in the exact same boat as her ex’s if you continue to pursue her.

Second, I recommend that you keep your distance emotionally until you’re sure your dating a high quality woman who doesn’t have any serious hang-ups. And if she happens to have been sexually abused, you should look for signs that she has resolving the emotional trauma or, at the very least, is currently in therapy.

Third, you should begin to examine why you have these emotional vulnerability problems and do your best to work through your own issues. Many emotionally vulnerable men tend to seek out partners who will hurt them, in order to satisfy some deep unconscious need. If you have a pattern of dating women like this, then you need to examine your own motivations. However, if she was the exception, then creating a screening process and a strong set of emotional defenses should be all you need to ensure you never get trapped in a situation like this in the future.

Make it happen,

-Jay Cataldo

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2. Falling In Love Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
3. More Bad Facebook Manners

InspireMeToday.com asked me to share my 17 best success tips with their readers (special thanks to my friend Sarah Ezekiel for hooking it up).

Check out the article here: 500 Words Of Brilliance

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1. SingleEdition.com Interview

I was recently interviewed by the gorgeous Sherri Langburt of SingleEdition.com. Check out what I had to say about getting over approach anxiety, hooking up your bachelor pad and pulling yourself out of the black hole of the ”friend zone.”

Single Edition Interview 

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3. The Vaynerchuk Experience

It seems my Anti-Valentine’s Day campaign was rather successful. If you want to take a look at the damage, check out the links below…

Radio Interviews:

The Art of Love with Lucia (click on “Feb 14th)”: http://www.latalkradio.com/Lucia.php

The Anti-Valentines Day Battle of the Gurus! w/DeAnna Lorraine: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/deanna-the-date-dr/2010/02/14/the-anti-valentines-day-battle-of-the-gurus

Valentine’s Day: Hallmark Horror or Hallowed Holiday – Dating Experts Julie Spira and Jay Cataldo on “Gab With The Gurus”: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gabwiththegurus/2010/02/11/valentines-day-hallmark-horror-or-hallowed-holiday

Articles:

http://singularcity.com/dating-and-relationships/547-relationship-expert-vows-to-destroy-valentines-day

http://www.metronews.ca/vancouver/comment/article/446206–ease-off-on-the-valentine-s-day-hate

http://www.fashionweekdaily.com/chic-report/article/correspondence-we-actually-received-love-ninja-edition

http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/84033222.html?page=1&c=y

http://www.thebachelorguy.com/5-reasons-valentines-day-must-be-eliminated.html

http://www.momspace.com/news/36312/A-Guys-Take-on-Valentines-Day.htm

http://www.kissandtellkorea.com/02/v-daycountdown/

http://sex.missmanifesto.com/?p=181

http://www.bvonlove.com/2010/02/12/the-anti-valentines-day-manifesto/

http://mavtv.com/wordpress/?p=6636

http://www.blogher.com/top-5-romance-killing-valentines-day-gift-ideas

http://www.newser.com/story/80724/why-valentines-day-needs-to-die.html

http://articles.dailypress.com/2010-02-14/features/dp-gl_keeporcancel_0214feb14_1_love-valentine-s-days-happy-anniversary 

 -Jay

Related posts:

1. Valentines Day Sucks! – Lets Get Rid Of It Once And For All
2. Dating Coach Gets Dumped On Valentine’s Day
3. Who Else Hates Valentine’s Day?

I have some good news for all you Valentines Day haters out there. As I’m sure you know from reading my last V-Day post, I’m on a mission this year to destroy this pseudo-holiday once and for all.

So here’s the good news… The ever-so-lovely Miss DeAnna Lorraine (www.deannalorraine.com) recently had me on her show to explain just why I hate Valentine’s Day so much. Since every guy on the planet needs to hear this, I’ve decided to make the recording available (at no charge) for a limited time, so fill out the form below and download the podcast while it’s still available.

In this 40 minute podcast you will learn:

• The #1 reason why Valentine’s Day needs to die
• Valentine’s Day’s major flaws
• What Tony Soprano can teach you about the dangers of Valentine’s Day
• Why Valentine’s Day is a major competition between a woman and her girlfriends and how to use this to your advantage
• How to use my secret “Love Tactic #9″ to convince your girlfriend to forget about Valentine’s Day for good
• How to wipe February 14th off your calendar forever while making your girlfriend think you’re the most romantic guy on earth

Sign up for for my newsletter below and I’ll send you the link where you can download the 40min podcast absolutely free.

P.S. If you’re already on my mailing list, don’t sign up twice. Just send an email to info@jaycataldo.com with “Vday Podcast” in the subject line and I’ll email you the download link.

P.P.S. You can check out the teaser on youtube: http://bit.ly/8paAQf

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