The Jennifer (Recession) Diaries

The Hollywood Ending

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 23:28:00 +0000

As you know, my family has suffered five long years of financial hardship in the Great Recession, but I'm not complaining. We've also experienced five years of joyous discovery and modern-day miracles. Our faith in God has been strengthened, our hope in mankind has been renewed, and our hearts have been broken open for others. The Recession has been wonderful for my family on more levels than it has been terrible.

The Recession is ending in the U.S., I feel it in my bones.

It is also ending for our family.

Our story concludes with a larger-than-life Hollywood ending--hang on to your hats folks!

I'm thrilled to announce I've received a four-book deal with HarperCollins Children's Books for my new middle-grade fantasy series!!!

Can you believe it? If you've followed my recession blog for the last five years, you know how much this means to my family. But besides the financial opportunities, this means everything to my heart. I've been writing since I was eight years old and I submitted my first novel to publishers when I was nineteen.

I finally broke into traditional publishing with my fifth novel. I wrote it out of pure pleasure and inspiration. It's the book I was born to write as it follows all of my passions--horses, faith, family, politics, fantasy, and love--all in one story! Here is a description of the book from my agent Jacqueline Flynn's website:

"Every hundred years the balance of power is threatened when a black foal, prophesied to either unite or conquer the five herds, is born. No pegasus—not even the foal—knows which he has come to accomplish.

Though this century’s black colt, Star, is born malformed and unable to fly, the over-stallions of the five herds plan to execute him on his first birthday. Because his over-sized wings drag on the ground, Star suffers a constant ache between his shoulder blades, and he must travel by hoof like a common horse. His greatest wish is to be a regular flying foal like his friends, but death and destruction seem to follow his every step.

With the future of the herds in the balance, and more importantly the lives of his best friends, the black foal rockets toward his inescapable destiny."

The first book, The Guardian Herd: STARFIRE, will be released in hardback in the Fall of 2014 with a book to follow each six months.

I feel blessed and grateful. I've worked for this most of my life, but it's still a shock. I just wanted to be published and now I have a book deal that exceeds my wildest dreams! It's hard to believe it's happening to me.

Thank you for supporting me and praying for me through thick and thin. It's been a rough five years and this news is truly a balm to my soul.

My official author photo!

by Karen Perez

Jennifer Lynn Alvarez

The pen is mightier than the sword!

Amen!

THE GUARDIAN HERD SERIES

Book #1

Book #2

Never Say Never: A Mom Writes For Her Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Fri, 25 May 2012 21:08:00 +0000

Well, I have applied for a job. Again. And I have been rejected. Again. I think getting published might be easier!

Here is the response I got from my online resume submission:

"We have received your resume and appreciate your inquiry in a career opportunity with our organization.

During the next two weeks, we will review your qualifications and our open positions and determine whether a match exists. If it does, we will schedule a further discussion with you. If you do not hear from us during the two-week period, we were unable to find a suitable position for you. As we receive hundreds of resumes every month, we apologize that we cannot personally respond to every resume submitted to us to discuss why we will not be moving forward.

Again, thank you for expressing an interest in employment with (name of bank). We wish you all the best in your job search."

I am also querying literary agents. Here is a response I got from one of them:

"Thank you so much for your query.

Please note that, per our submissions policy, we are no longer able to respond to every submission. We receive such a high volume of submissions that a personal response to all is unfortunately no longer possible. We regret that we can't send a personal response to every author, but we continue to read and consider every query carefully, and we are grateful for the opportunity to consider your work.

If we are interested in seeing more of your work, we will contact you at the email address you provided. If you have not heard from us within 6 weeks, please assume that the material submitted is not right for our agency at this time.

Thank you again for thinking of us and considering our agency. We look forward to reading your work!"

I don't understand this rabbit hole I have fallen into where getting work is as difficult as getting published!

One or the other has to pop, and soon. I saved my house with a single blog post, and now I'm trying to save it again with a book deal (or a job). I don't write just for me anymore. I'm writing for our lives, every day, without fail.

I have a fast growing blog to maintain at The Jennifer (Author) Diaries, a non-fiction book proposal out to sell The Jennifer (Recession) Diaries, book two of the Pet Washer Series to finish, and I'm actively shopping my new YA novel, Dead Girls Don't Cry.

People ask me what motivates me--it's survival pure and simple. Writing is no longer just a hobby. I'm hungry for success and it has nothing to do with my ego. I am willing, motivated, and I'm putting in an average of 8 hours per day to make it happen.

This year I became a paid speaker. I taught myself how to create Powerpoint presentations. I taught myself how to market The Pet Washer. I taught myself how to market my blog. I have made industry contacts by interviewing authors, editors, book designers, and publishers. I have created a writing career out of thin air.

One day, I believe I will earn money at it.

In the meantime, I figured I should try again to find a job. Who knew it might be just as hard? Ramon has construction work lined up for awhile, but it's surviving winter that concerns me. We need to prepare for that. I've always enjoyed volunteering, preferring to work for free, but the recession has forced me to put a monetary value on my time.

Will I save the day with a book deal? I'd say the odds are about the same as getting hired so, what the heck, why not?

NEVER SAY NEVER!

Please pray for me, my friends, because I can't do this alone.

Dead Girls Don't Cry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Life After A Loan Modification

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Fri, 04 May 2012 17:05:00 +0000

When I first came out of the closet about our financial difficulties it was hard, but it also brought relief. The construction industry in Sonoma County felt the economic crash first. Most of the large construction companies filed bankruptcy years ago. The smaller ones dried up and blew away. The rest circled their wagons to bear out the storm.

I haven't written in this blog for awhile for two reasons. I have put all my writing time into my new blog, The Jennifer (Author) Diaries and into writing and editing my young adult novel, Dead Girls Don't Cry. But there is another reason I haven't written. I have been hiding.

I wanted our loan modification to be our Hollywood ending. I spent nine months fighting a losing battle with my bank to have it all miraculously turn around with one tear stained blog post! With our home saved, the only thing left is to ride into the sunset, right? I am a writer, I like solid endings like that.

Unfortunately, my life is not a movie. Truth is over half of all modified loans default within nine months. March 25, 2010 (Bloomberg) -- More than half of U.S. borrowers who received loan modifications on delinquent mortgages defaulted again after nine months, according to a federal report.

The last four months have been the worst for Ramon and I since 2008. I like to put on a cheery face and I am full of hope, but it's all smoke and mirrors. I have been a walking zombie. A few times I have woken up crying and this hasn't happened to me since the darkest days when losing our house seemed a sure bet.

I'm tired, nay, exhausted. I have been held to the fire for four long years now. We are at the end of the few resources we had left after bankruptcy. We have been 30 days late on our mortgage twice in the last four months. Ramon is walking the streets handing out flyers about his business. I am working like mad to get a writing career off the ground. I know that writing and selling novels to support my family might be considered a pipe dream--but no one ever did it who didn't dream it first! I believe in myself! I have decided, "Why not me?" Give me one reason why I can't succeed and I will give you ten why I can.

I haven't written in the Recession Diaries because who wants to know that we are still struggling? I wanted to leave things at the triumphant Hollywood ending. But then I opened our local paper this week and I read more foreclosure notices than I have ever seen in my town! I returned to my keyboard and clicked "new post". I am writing this for the people who are losing their homes, modified or not.

April 4, 2012, Reuters, “…the new face of the U.S. housing crisis: Middle class, suburban or rural with a conventional 30-year fixed mortgage at a reasonable interest rate, but unemployed or underemployed. Although the national unemployment rate has fallen to 8.3 percent from its peak of 10 percent in October 2009, nearly 13 million Americans remain jobless, meaning many are struggling to keep up with their mortgage payments.”

A whole new wave of foreclosures is coming. It's not over for my family and it's not over for America. I decided I have to write again for the families who need to know they are not alone. I don't like to be a bother or a burden to anybody, heck, I'm tired of my own problems, but now I see that they are not just my problems. Families like mine are facing what we face everyday.

As bad as the last four months have been, we are looking forward to the future. Ramon has work lined up for May. He says he's "on the launchpad!". This man lives on hope and would die without it. He has never wavered in his belief that God loves us and that everything will work out. A few weeks ago, I struggled to get out of bed--depression had me pinned to my pillow. Ramon blasted me with a lecture about how Alvarez's don't quit, how we never give up, and how I was showing no faith in God. It worked. He snapped me out of it. I married the perfect man for me.

I am not writing today for your sympathy. I'm writing today to say that you are not alone in any trial you face. We are living in tough times. This recession is no joke. I'm not going to suffer in silence. I'm not going to pretend that everything is okay just because it makes for a better story. My life doesn't bend to the will of my pen. I'm not crafting this life, I'm recording it.

Thanks for reading.

The Experiment

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 21:00:00 +0000

I woke up this morning with an idea for my shiny, new blog at www.jenniferlynnalvarez.com. (I'm posting this here in case you are interested in participating in this experiment). You have probably heard of the movie, Julia and Julia? It's about a woman who cooked a Julia Child's recipe every day for a entire year and blogged about the process.

I am setting up my own challenge!

I am going to do one thing every day to promote myself as an author. This will include promoting, The Pet Washer (published last month), and seeking publishers/agents for Dead Girls Don't Cry. I am going to document this laborious process for my own record and for the public record.

This challenge will accomplish the following:

1) Force me to be accountable for my goals

2) Keep track of all my ideas and actions in one place

3) Connect with writers and readers

4) Encourage others and receive encouragement

5) Exchange marketing ideas

6) Showcase the life of a writer--the rejections, the successes and the work of it!

Please click HERE to view the new blog and subscribe to join me on this journey!!

(I will make every attempt to keep my posts short because we are all busy!)

Now--true to form, you need to know what I did today to promote myself. You will be shocked to learn that it included MATH! Egads, I have never enjoyed math (except for geometry!)

Today I registered The Pet Washer with Nielson BookData UK. They are a global information services company. They work with publishers large and small all over the world and keep records on 16.2 million titles. They supply libraries, publishers and bookstores with the most comprehensive global database in the world. Books are ordered using a sophisticated search engine which helps book buyers make informed decisions.

I contacted them for the first time on 12/26/11. Today is January 9, 2012. It took them about two weeks to register my publishing company, Dreamcatcher Books. Today I uploaded my product data and book jacket .jpg file. This is when I had to do the math. Nielson BookData is a British company, so they use different units of measurement. I should say, WE use different units of measurement in America than they do so I had to convert everything.

Being American, I have never worked with millimeters. The Pet Washer is 8 inches by 5.2 inches with a .5 inch spine. Now I know that it is also 203.2mm by 132.08mm with a 12.7mm spine!! It weighs 10.4 ounces or 295 grams (I rounded). I hope I did this right but I also had to convert the price to pounds (why do they measure their money in our weight system--it's confusing enough!!). So my $10.99 USD book costs 7.14 pounds in the UK. (I hope the exchange rate I Googled is correct!)

I successfully included my book in the catalog--barring any emails from the help desk at Nielson pointing out everything I probably did wrong. This is serious business, they have the most accurate title database in the world and I'm winging it! But that's what I'm finding in this indie publishing business--there is a lot to learn. I'm doing the best I can. I'm also seeking a publisher for my next book because this is often too much work!!

This morning, I should have worked on my book. Instead I converted inches to millimeters. But I'm not complaining, well I am, but I'm not unhappy. Everyday is exciting after you publish a book. Everyday I have hope that I will reach outside my own circle of friends and grow. I didn't have that hope when my book was trapped in my hard drive!

Craigslist

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 00:11:00 +0000

I am a huge fan of Craigslist!

I see no reason to hold a garage sale anymore. I have not been able to sell anything for a fair value (to me) at a garage sale. I've spent 6-8 hours with a garage full of stuff, only to make $200. Maybe's it's user-error, but I just don't have any luck, even with foot traffic.

I find that your average garage sale customer is looking for fantastic deals only. The professional customers are looking for the same. There is something about putting your cute sofa on your lawn that transforms it from furniture into junk. I think garage sales scream, "Junk for Sale!" And everyone knows that after 2pm, it's all going to Goodwill anyway (at least that's what I do.)

I think garage sale customers often believe they are doing YOU the favor and you should almost just give them your stuff for free. The exchange of money becomes a polite gesture rather than a business deal.

Not so with Craigslist!!

If you haven't tried it--you must. I use it for all items worth $10 and up. Everything else goes straight to Goodwill and I spend my Saturdays with my family instead of haggling over pennies.

This is how Craigslist works for me. I take a photo and post my item. I generally price it for half of what I paid if it's in good shape (unless it's electronics--then I go lower).

Within a few days, it's sold. Often, it only takes hours.

Here are some examples.

Trendy dog carrying purse--$20. Sold in 2 hours.

10 year old TV--$45. Sold in one hour.

Plastic toy workbench--$10. Sold same day.

Five year old, heavily used portable crib--$40. Sold in two days.

Bedroom set, $1000--sold same day for $750.

Rustic coffee table--$75. Sold in four days and received $45 more dollars to deliver it 16 miles away.

Plastic, faded outdoor playhouse--$150. Sold for $120 same day.

Brand new double-stroller--$200. Sold for $200 same day.

We've also sold cars and dirt bikes and many other things that I can't remember.

Just the above items (not including the vehicles) sold for a total of $1305 and each only took minutes of my time (other than the delivery). It would take me 6.5 Saturdays to make that much money doing garage sales, and I'd have to sell a ton more than 8 items!

My items sell so quickly because the customers on Craigslist are looking online for the exact items I have for sale. They know that potentially thousands of people are shopping at the same time, which produces a real sense of urgency. They want to purchase their items before anyone else does--so they call immediately and set up an appointment with me. Most of my customers arrive with the exact change for the item. Items over $100 may draw some haggling, but that's to be expected.

Both parties generally leave the transaction feeling like they got a good deal. Every customer I've had has been kind and grateful--and I have felt the same way. My items are not perceived as junk. Craigslist customers are savvy to tricks. I photograph my items as they are with no big "production". It's a high-class garage sale, but one that puts real dollars in your pocket and real savings in your customer's as well!

Be safe though! I never meet anyone alone at my house or at their house if I'm delivering an item. I bring my husband.

The second side of Craigslist is the purchasing side. I've had just as much fun and success buying things from Craigslist. Recently, my brother and I fixed up our dad's apartment. He needed a breakfast table. I checked Craigslist, found a solid oak, round table, and we picked it up that day for $40. The cheap tables at WalMart were all over $150.

The unspoken benefit of Craigslist is that it's green. Anytime you can buy something you need used or sell your item rather than junk it--you're helping the environment. You're also buying local and helping your neighbor. Not to mention--it's FREE (unless you use paypal and then there is a small fee--thanks for pointing that out Chris!).

All and all, it's a win-win website and I'm grateful for it!

(I have no affiliation with Craigslist or any of its employees--I'm a natural cheerleader when I find something I like!!)

'Twas the Night Before Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 16:45:00 +0000

They say the Recession officially ended in 2009....hmmmm, not so sure about that. The average U.S. income has continued to drop, combine that with inflation, the re-distribution of wealth, lower home values and we have a lot more "poor" people in 2011 than we had in 2009.

I believe this poem is still relevant so I'm re-posting it. I'm happy to say that 2011 has been better for us than 2008, 2009 or 2010. We have a long way to go though. We've had "just enough" for the last twelve months. Enough is enough they say and it's true. Having too little is pure misery, having too much is unnatural and having enough is just perfect!

(This poem was originally posted on 12/24/2010 and it no longer reflects our exact circumstances.)

'Twas the Night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the home

Not a bill had been paid, not even the loans.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with fear

That Saint Nicholas would not be visiting this year.

Soon the children were nestled all cold in their beds

While visions of propane danced in their heads.

And Papa in his sweats and I, in my gown,

Settled onto our sofa at the side skirts of town.

When out on the roof there arose such a fray,

I thought it was bankers come to take our house away.

Across to the window I flew like a bird,

Only bankruptcy could save us now, I had heard.

The moon on the beads of fresh fallen rain,

Gave the lustre of dreaming to my over-stressed brain.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But eight tiny workers and a big job for next year!

My husband climbed out, so lively and quick,

And signed the sub-contract, lickety-split.

More happy than ever, his workers let out a cheer

They would have jobs for the coming new year!

Now Christian, now Brian!

Now Mario and Rick!

On Daniel, on Ryan!

On, Lionel and Nick!

To the top of the porch!

To the top of the wall!

Paint away! Paint away!

Paint away all!

As dry leaves that before the Recession flew,

When they meet new work, they rise anew.

Up to Ukiah the painters they flew

With a truck full of ladders and my husband too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The sound of a ladder and my dog saying "woof".

As I drew in my head and was closing the shade,

My husband came down with the money he'd made.

He was dressed all in white from his head to his toes,

Except for the paint that splattered his clothes.

A bundle of toys he had slung on his back

And some new boots for me and a treat for the cat

His eyes, how they twinkled, and he looked extra tall.

He was home for Christmas and with presents for all.

His red, little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the paint on his whiskers was like fresh, winter snow.

Some pink chewing gum he held tight in his teeth,

And he blew a huge bubble the size of a wreath.

He had a rugged face and muscles to boot,

They rippled when he laughed, and he was so cute!

He was happy and proud, jolly like an elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a whisper in my ear,

Let me know that things would be better next year!

He spoke no more words but allowed me to see,

As he filled all the stockings for our whole family.

And laying a finger on top of the knob,

He opened the door in search of more jobs.

He sprang to his truck, sent his workers a text,

And away they all flew from one job to the next.

But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Recovery to all and to all a good night!"

My hubby!

The Pet Washer (and five other books that won't leave me alone)!

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 23:02:00 +0000

This is what I wrote in my diary on January 4, 1985 when I was fourteen:

"I'm going to be a writer. Yes, it's pretty much definite. I'm good in English and I've been writing short stories and poems for a long time. Here's how my education will go--Honors English classes in high school, journalism for my elective plus creative writing, psychology, children's lit. etc. In college, I'll major in some type of English class."

I ended up following my advice to the letter. I also co-wrote two plays, wrote numerous short stories and penned my first novel when I was nineteen. I won the Alumni Leadership Scholarship to U.C. Berkeley and earned my B.A. degree in English Literature. I graduated with distinction in 1993.

Then I did what all English majors do after college, I failed to find a job in my field!! Okay, maybe not all of us, but I ended up working in the financial sector for years. I passed the Series 7 and Series 63 exams and worked as a Registered Sales Assistant at PaineWebber in the financial district of San Francisco. I loved the excitement and the numbers! It was all very different for a girl who grew up despising all things Math!

I happily excused myself from the financial sector for good when I gave birth to my first child, Nicholas. I thoroughly enjoyed becoming a stay at home mom (Once the initial shock wore off! I actually freaked out and got a job at the mall for a few months! But, I settled into it nicely after I met some other moms and started exercising!) I went on to give birth to a daughter and to adopt a 17 month old boy. We are now a happy, busy family and all three children are in school, grades 2, 5 and 8.

Which brings me to the point of this post--what I am doing now--which brings me back to my diary entry above. I have always wanted to write. Just write. Nothing else. It's my life dream. My church has encouraged me a lot without even knowing it. Our pastor talked to us a few times about discovering our gifts and our purpose in life. I always come back to writing. It's my passion. It's the only "gift" God has given me (and I use the term "gift" loosely--I'm not referring to my skill but to my heart for writing! God has gifted me with a passion that won't let me go.)

Anyway, I can't sing, draw, cook, build, sew, catch a ball, play an instrument, speak well or anything. I'm pretty lame all the way around. Maybe God muted me in every area so that I would focus on one! Because God knows that if I could sing (which is my heart's desire), I wouldn't write. So I'm pretty happily stuck with one outlet to express myself and it is the pen!

I am pleased to announce that I published my first book on December 2, 2011! It is called, The Pet Washer, a novel for girls aged 8-14 and up! I finished it a little over two years ago but I had to put the project on hold because of the recession. I was too busy declaring bankruptcy, trying to save my home and being the PTA President to give much thought or time to The Pet Washer! This year, I took a page from own diary, and chose to follow my dreams to the end of my life.

So this school year, I re-opened the Pet Washer file and began to edit. I pulled back from my volunteering and other commitments and I'm focusing on my writing as a career. The lack of paycheck is inconsequential to me. I believe that the paycheck will come in it's own time. I don't need to worry about that. I am focusing on my writing as though it is a job that pays me and someday it will. I also realized that if I don't respect my working hours--no one else will either. So I don't feel guilty about volunteering less, I am building a future for myself and my family and it is a lot of work.

I went with an indie publisher. I'm not with a big house and I don't get that prestige. I'm okay with that. I get higher royalties and I own all my rights. My book will never go out of print. I have years to build my reader base and I have complete control. I don't have to worry about an editor changing my work, going out of print or being dropped by bookstores if sales aren't high the first few weeks. I have been reading article after article about indie authors breaking into the mass market and established authors turning down the big houses in favor of indie publishing because they make more money. The publishing world is changing and I'm on the cutting edge!

Salina Shelton, who graduated from the acclaimed Nueva School of the Arts and is now an art major at Humboldt State, did the art for the cover. She brought my little pet washer, Cianna, to life! My friend and experienced editor, Tracy Goodman, edited the book for me. Dawn Betts helped me photoshop the cover and Angie Moberly continues to encourage me to promote myself! I have not done this alone and I have so many people to thank!!

I used to think that when I published a book, that was the happy ending. No! It is just the beginning!! I am half way through with book two of the Pet Washer series. Book two is titled, The Wishing Star, and I'm planning to have it out for next Christmas. In The Wishing Star, Cianna and the stable boy, Caden, venture across the sea to try and win a wish on the Wishing Star. It's guaranteed to come true! Winning the wish in a horse race is hard enough, deciding what to wish for is even harder!

I'm 3/4 finished with my new young adult novel, The Zombie Gene. I hope to have that published by May 1, 2012. I am having a blast writing this book. It's edgy and dark and a thrill to write. My teenage zombie, Leah French, is to die for! She just might steal your heart :)

After these two books are released in 2012--I will finish Book Three of the Pet Washer Series. After that, I will be re-writing the book I wrote when I was nineteen. It's juvenile fiction titled, The Spotless Forest. Readers will meet young Sarah who is swept to another world where all the animals are forced to do chores and keep the forest spotless (not an easy task). Sarah ends up in the middle of a revolution and a huge personal decision--whether to live in the Forest and remain a child forever, or to return to her world, deal with her parents divorce, and grow up!

The last book I have planned right now is the sequel to The Zombie Gene. I am still formulating the plot and title for that book. In the meantime, I will need to be promoting all of the books! It's crazy, there are not enough hours in the day. Will I stop after I'm finished with the six books I have just described--no way. There is no stopping until I'm dead. This is basically my small business now. I may not see returns for awhile, but I know that they will come if I keep blowing on the embers. The early days of most businesses are fragile. I am lucky that all I have invested right now is time and just a few dollars for incidentals. I have nothing to lose--I like those odds!

It's awkward for me to promote my own books. Even at a big house, this would be required of me. I know that and it has to be done. I don't like bugging my friends, but it's not about them buying my books--I could never survive or grow off just my friends buying my books--I don't have enough friends! I have to ask my friends to tell ten of their friends. This is how grass roots marketing works. And so I have done this, for better or for worse. Everyone so far has been incredibly helpful and supportive. I have to say--I have fantastic friends!!

I'm pursuing other avenues as well--I'm submitting The Pet Washer to reputable companies who review books for free and publish their reviews. Smashwords recently accepted the book into their premium catalog! The Bohemian paper is looking at reviewing the book for their spring lit roundup. I'm also submitting to Midwest Book Review. I will be approaching local bookstores to sell the book on consignment. I have a few speaking engagements in the works and I continue to advertise on Facebook, Twitter and through a mailing list. It's a lot of work but my book will die if I don't do it.

Amazon has been amazing to work with. They have the book for sale in the U.S., U.K., France, Germany, Italy and Spain. Smashwords is distributing the book to Barnes and Nobel, Sony, Apple, Kobo and Diesel ebook stores. The book is available in ebook formats and paperback. I'm proud of the quality of the paperback. The cover is beautiful, the paper is thick and creamy and the binding is solid. The quality is much higher than a mass-produced rack paperback! I'm happily signing books as Christmas gifts!! Nothing makes me happier than to know that little girls (and big girls) will soon be reading the book.

So this is what I've been up to. The final piece of this puzzle is that the recession has also played a role in my decision to pursue my dreams. If I were wealthy and had no material wants--I might not be as motivated to carve out a career for myself. I am driven by a desire to be successful down the road for personal and financial reasons, I will admit. I want to contribute to the family finances. I want to help replace the money we lost. I'm thankful that another gift of the recession is that I'm making my greatest dream come true!!

I'm continually amazed that getting stripped of all our money has made my family stronger, happier, closer, exposed our raw love for each other, bonded us to others, broken open our hearts, inspired us and motivated us to work harder! I wouldn't have chosen this road, but it chose me and I'm eternally grateful. I will forever point to our hardship as the best thing that ever happened to us (next to our children!).

Joy Comes with the Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 21:08:00 +0000

I am still here, thinking of my readers ALL the time! I'm writing a new novel--more on that later--needless to say, it's a time consuming project! For now, I want to share the latest lesson this great Recession has taught me!

I have experienced the biggest miracle of all and it has nothing to do with money, health, happiness or a relief from hardship.

I have experienced freedom from fear. There is nothing sweeter.

It started with the shocking realization that I lack faith. I believe in God. I go to church. I pray. I do bible studies. I even experience miracles!!! But I was still living in mind-numbing fear as my world collapsed around us during the Recession. Every single day, we had what we needed (and not a thing more) but every single day I woke up worried again as more hardships deluged us. Through it all, my husband kept saying the magic words, "Everything is going to be okay." But how do you know, I wondered. Ramon said, "God always takes care of us." But He's not making it stop, I worried.

One day, when I was voicing my concerns, he confronted me. "For all the bible studies you do, you don't have any faith at all."

He might as well have slapped me in the face. And he was right. Fear and Faith cannot coexist. That is an absolute fact. The level of my faith was revealed by the level of my fear. My husband's words ricocheted through my brain (amplified by the Holy Spirit I'm sure) and they are echoed in the bible itself. Jesus said to his terrified disciples during a storm, "'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?'" (Matthew 8:26). Then Jesus calmed the storm in spite of their unbelief.

My fear is unacceptable and annoying to God. My fear hinders my relationship with God. My fear doesn't prevent miracles but it prevents me from participating in miracles!

I wrote about the miracle of our loan modification in this blog. That miracle happened for us while I was quaking in my boots. The foreclosure notices on our door struck terror in my heart. My bank was my Goliath. I prayed for divine intervention and then I became inspired to write the blog post titled, Spartacus, which led to our home being saved two days before it's auction date. In this miracle, I cried out like the disciples, "God help us! We're going to drown! (Matthew 8:25) And He blew me away with instant relief from our storm.

These kind of miracles happen to me all the time. I know God hears me and loves me. I believe that! The problem is that I also believe in the storm.

There is another kind of miracle. The kind I can participate in with God. It's the walking on water kind of miracle. When Jesus asked Peter to come out onto the water with him. Peter did it! He walked on water. I wish the story ended there! When the wind kicked up, Peter became aware that he was doing the impossible. His fear rose up in him and he sank. He cried out and Jesus had to save him with another admonishment, "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 22-36). Poor Jesus. I get annoyed when my kids don't trust me too!

Peter was a fisherman. Fisherman know everything about water the way Eskimos know everything about snow. Peter had to have known men, friends even, who drowned in storms. My twin brothers fished in Alaska every summer to put themselves through college. The job they did was recently on television as one of the world's deadliest jobs! Storms kill fisherman. They widow the wives, orphan the children and take men in the prime of their life. Peter's fear of water was greater than his faith in God.

Walking on water is only possible in the absence of all fear.

I want to walk on water! I want to step out in faith in spite of the storm, in spite of what my eyes see or the news reports or the doctors diagnose or the enemy threatens. I want the faith of King David who approached Goliath as a young boy and said, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin but I come against you in the name of the Lord..."(1 Samual 17:45). David ran to meet Goliath, he ran! With a few stones and no armor, he saw Goliath but he didn't fear him. I won't be fearless by hiding from my giants--I will face them, fearlessness allows that. In fact, David had such an accurate view of his giant that he killed him on the first try with one stone and perfect aim. David knew he couldn't lose. I want that!

God can intercede on my behalf and save me over and over again at His whim. He can pluck me out of the water when my fear sinks me. He can inspire me, encourage me, comfort me and carry me but He cannot walk WITH me when I'm afraid. It's easy to trust God AFTER He acts--I'm ready to trust God BEFORE He acts. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31).

So once I became aware that I was not practicing perfect faith, I prayed about it. I prayed over and over for God to cure me of the unbelief that allowed fear to enter my heart. Once again, this is echoed in the bible. A distraught father in Mark 9:24 cries out, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" I love that line! It sums me up!

God's answer was swift. He changed my heart. There's no other way to explain it. I had been living in a constant state of stress which had grown so familiar that I didn't recognize it anymore. I was depressed and I couldn't see that either. My whole blog has been a colossal attempt to process my pain and cheer myself up!

The morning I woke up with a changed heart, I had no good reason to be content or worry-free. Ramon still had almost no work. We still had no emergency fund and no savings. Nothing had changed from the previous day. And it was raining outside to boot! Still, I woke up, I shed my fear and I got out of my boat.

I'm not looking at the water. I'm not believing the storm. I'm not reflecting on the past or worrying about the future. I am living in the present. I am aware that Ramon and I haven't lived a single day that didn't provide for our needs. My stress has all been related to my worry. The fear of declaring bankruptcy, losing a rental home, a vacation home, two cars, three college funds and our retirement was much worse than the actual event. It happened on a day like any other--we filled our bellies, played with the kids, watched a movie and enjoyed our friends. We have no doubt that the college and retirement accounts will be rebuilt. Our help comes from the Lord.(psalm 121:1-2).

I have the spiritual maturity to understand that this doesn't mean our trials are over. Experiencing instant relief from a hardship or illness is called a miracle because it's rare.This is earth, not heaven. There is pain and loss and death on earth. God may have saved our home, but that doesn't mean we don't have to work at keeping it. God may choose to heal a person but that doesn't mean they won't die of something else later. A miracle is the end of one trial, not the end of all trials. The earth will claim me and my home and everyone I love someday--no matter what miracles we experience now.

My new faith isn't about being delivered from the storm. My new faith is about living a fearless life in spite of the storm.

Fearless living is the greatest miracle I've ever experienced. My husband comes by it naturally. In fact, I used to worry that he didn't worry enough. I thought there was something wrong with him!

I don't know what is next for us, and for the first time, I'm not even worried about it!

"Weeping may tarry for a night, but joy comes with the morning." (David's psalm 30:5)

Note about Unalienable Rights Post

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 04:54:00 +0000

I published a post on Monday, July 25th right before 9pm called, Unalienable Rights.

It was immediately sent out via email...however, I continued to edit it after publication. The unedited version was the one that you received if you are an email subscriber. It's a long one, sorry. I usually do not alter a post once it has been emailed--however, if you ever want to make sure you are reading the "final" version of any post--please visit the blog live.

If you prefer to read the shorter version, please go directly to my blog. I cut more paragraphs and fixed some of the bizarre formatting that I didn't notice until I published the post and I added a final paragraph.

I get a lot of private comments to my email address. Please consider posting comments on the blog itself for others to read. You may post anonymously!

Thank you for your patience as I continue to learn about blogging!

Jennifer

Unalienable Rights

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 03:59:00 +0000

Today our country stands on the brink of a government default. Our two political parties can't act with each other or without each other. There is a game of chicken being played and the entire global economy is holding its breath. Wall Street is bracing. Political canidates are weighing in because this goes far beyond meeting our debt obligations. Their futures ride on how they handle this impasse. Seniors have been warned that their social security checks may not be mailed out on August first.

I feel much like I did when my parents divorced. I was six years old. I remember feeling confused. I had never considered that a marriage could be undone. I thought my parents were as much family to each other as my brother and I were to them. The end of my family shattered my unquestioning trust. This is how I feel right now. The Recession, the bank failures, the Wall Street crash, rampant foreclosures, the potential bankruptcy of California and now the possible default of the United States of America have shattered my trust that I can count on anything on this earth.

I was raised believing in certain unalienable rights and expectations of our government. These have all been put to the test! (If my dad doesn't get his social security check in August, I imagine his face will look much like mine did when he announced the divorce!)

The Declaration of Independence says we have unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. (nowadays people say "inalienable rights" but our forefathers wrote "unalienable". They mean the same thing from what I can tell.)

unalienable - incapable of being repudiated or transferred to another; "endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights.

This Recession and the default and the terrorism and the global meltdown have led me to ponder our rights. A lot of them can't exist without revenue--like my dad's social security check. The promises of the government are only as viable as the viability of the government's checkbook. We all hear that social security will someday fail--but next month?

The rest of our rights are at risk due to terrorism, political polarization and fear.

Are human rights truly unalienable? Are they incapable of being taken away? Really? These rights have been removed from citizens in North Korea, in Libya, in China to name a few. In fact, when we wrote the Declaration of Independence stating that ALL people have the unalienable right to life, LIBERTY and the pursuit of happiness--we owned human slaves and women were not allowed to vote. So how are these rights unalienable?

They are not!

They are held to be self-evident and yet they can evidently be ignored.

Without getting political--because I care more about the AMERICAN PEOPLE than the partisan war that is choking us to death--I'm nervous. I see our "unalienable" rights and our American dreams being chipped away. As our country flirts with default, I think of the failures that have preceded it.

Public Education is one. I always thought of it as an "unalienable right". In California, school districts are going bankrupt and days, possibly weeks of school, are being cut. Public education isn't adequately funded. Inadequate education is about as helpful as inadequate healthcare. Even when my state, California, was rolling in dough--education was underfunded. China spends more money every year on education and the U.S. spends less money every year on education. I don't need sharp math skills to figure out what that means for our kids.

My 13 year old, Nick, is reading a lot of books about the end of the world. (I don't think we're anywhere NEAR the end of the world--that would be too darn easy!) I do think we could be nearing the end of the world that we're used to though. I think Americans are going to experience more third world conditions than we were raised to expect from our country. I think we will experience a larger separation of rich and poor.

The middle-class is dying. The loss of it will change this country for the worse. I believe the middle-class has kept this country strong and somewhat honest. The middle-class has been fleeced and there may be more to come. The government has proposed to eliminate the home mortgage interest rate deduction (another unalienable right, right?).

If this happens, it will further decimate struggling homeowners, small-business credit markets and act as a inequitable tax on the hardest hit Americans in this Recession. I believe it will also cripple the fledgling recovery we are experiencing. Revolution often begins with the middle-class. I'm not suggesting anything but fact here. Writing off mortgage interest is so tightly woven into the the American dream that it cannot be removed without unraveling the whole thing. The American home is the key to the American dream and the dream is the only thing keeping the middle-class quiet. My advice to our government--don't mess with it!

I am doubting everything that I once savored as fact!
These "truths" that I once held to be self-evident.

The U.S. government will never default--ha!

Nobody can take a pension away--ha!

I will have social security when I retire--ha!

I have the right to affordable healthcare--ha!

I have the right to religious freedom--ha!

I have the right to be free--ha! (as long as I'm the correct race and creed at any given moment.)

I could be President of the United States (as more and more clowns enter the race for the presidency, I do believe--for the first time--that this could happen!)

None of these old standbys are unalienable rights anymore! Everything is on the table to be cut or taken from us. Nothing is sacred on this earthly plain. We are only one government away from being an entirely different government, if that makes any sense? I am not talking about the current administration--I'm talking about what could come. I'm basing it on what has happened in the past, mixing it with what is going on today and coloring it with my imagination. It is a forest just waiting for a fire. The match--extremists. The fuel--political rhetoric. The victims--our children.

Last week I spent time in Lake Tahoe with some amazing friends. My friend's mother was vacationing with them. She graduated from Santa Rosa High School (a long time ago...) She is attending her 70th high school reunion this summer. I believe she said there are about 53 students still alive from her graduating class. One of them is a friend of hers and she is Japanese. She told me the story about this Japanese friend and how she and her family were seized and interned during WWII.

This wasn't that long ago! I can't even imagine it but she remembers it! She and her friend lived it. I mean, think about it, an order was signed by the president and whoosh--innocent American families were sent to prison camps, a teenage Santa Rosa High students was whisked away! The constitutional rights of Americans with Japanese ancestry on the west coast were stripped in an instant of wartime hysteria--forget the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Forget that "unalienable" means that these rights CANNOT be taken away. They absolutely can.

None of the 120,000 Japanese victims were accused or guilty of any crime. They were eventually paid 20,000 each and given a written apology as reparations--if they hadn't died in the camps.

This is a direct result of living in fear--not in reality. This should not be part of recent American history but it is. We know that a free, multi-cultural, multi-religious society carries certain risks. It's a choice we make here in America and we need to accept the risks along with the freedoms.

If I think that this cannot happen again--I am naive. Do I forsee it happening anytime soon? No. Do I hear rhetoric which could drive certain Americans to discriminate against or intern other Americans? Yes. Everyday. Freedom is a principle and a law. The law can be changed. Our freedom will continue to be trampled on as long as we succomb to fear. For all of our art, ballet, poetry and goodwill--we abound in violent brutality and greed.

On top of the devastation to the middle-class and our past history--the partisan war in our country also concerns me. I have never experienced anything like it. Maybe I never noticed before that America is divided. I believe it is getting worse.

Friends of mine from BOTH sides of the party lines have forwarded propogandic emails for me to read. It's incredible to me the falsehoods that are spread to generate hate. It's incredible to me that a business man/celebrity demanded that our black president display his "papers", and more incredible to me that he did it! (He had already been vetted and proved his citizenship in 2008). The fact that my Hispanic, adopted son would have to display similar "papers" in Arizona disgusts me. This is what I expect from China, North Korea or Nazi Germany, not America. How is my son free? Or more applicable, how is he, or my president, as free as me?

The political polarization of our country and the inflammatory rhetoric are creating extremists who are willing to act. I foresee domestic terrorism, like the Oklahoma City bombing, surpassing foreign terrorism. I read an article today at CNN.U.S. online which forecasts the same. U.S. extremist groups, especially anti-government and anti-immigration groups, are experiencing significant growth. U.S. anti-government groups have grown 60% in 2010.

This is not exclusive to the U.S. The bombing and shooting in Norway a few days ago was perpetrated by a man who is against immigration and cultural freedom in Norway. He wants to keep his beautiful country to himself. Norway refuses to succumb to fear. They insist they will remain an open society. Good for them!

Our generous immigration laws are creating the same outrage here. One of our American states--a state that probably prides itself on the God-given right to liberty--has embraced anti-immigration laws which threaten everyone's right to privacy and liberty. Why are Americans insisting that police have the power to delay, question and require papers from citizens without cause? This is the kind of thing we usually fight against! It's fear. Fear makes us go against our own best interests. How much privacy are we willing to give up to stay "safe". How many innocent people do we have to lock up to feel "free".

We recently hosted Chinese students through our Christian church. My oldest son wanted to be Facebook friends with them. "Tony" (his American name) said that the communist government shut down Facebook in their city because it gave people access to religion. All religion is considered a threat in China and, while allowed, it is closely monitored by the government. (He also has to show papers if he wants to visit neighboring Hong Kong--sound familiar?) Is this who we want to emulate? If we set a precedent by monitoring Muslim groups and private citizens, we open the door to monitoring Christians and other religious groups and organizations-JUST LIKE CHINA.

When freedom is gone for some, we can no longer say we live in a free country. Period. We have to decide--do we want to live in a truly open and free country or do we want to start saying, "Your kind aren't welcome here". I mean, it's our choice. We can have whatever we want. We can have whatever we're willing to fight for. I have no interest in fighting against new freedoms for American people, like the latest uproar over civil gay marriage (churches are still free not to marry same-sex couples in holy matrimony). I don't feel threatened by more freedom.

I'm saving my fight for the loss of freedoms!

I don't care what people do; I care what people are not allowed to do.

Nothing threatens my family more than the loss of our "unalienable" rights!

I don't want to live in fear. That is not the American Way. I don't want rights taken from others so that I can keep my country to myself. We don't have to look far to see what a country looks like that tightly controls religion, birth, private socializing, entertainment, clothing, marriage, jobs and education. It's chilling. Everyone wants to live in the land of freedom and opportunity--can you blame them? The sad fact is that when they get here, they may not be free at all.

This post does not reflect my usual optimism, I know that. It's because a government debt default concerns me. It's because the hate in the heart of the Norwegian terrorist scares me. It's because the loss of innocent life saddens me. It's because real families have lost their homes, surrendered their pets and lost their businesses in this Great Recession. It's because my youngest son doesn't look "American". It's because my sister-in-law is half Japanese. It's because none of this is a game. The victims are real people. The trillions of U.S. dollars are real (I think???). It's because hatred is real and it's not good. It's because I love this country.

We are not entitled to anything.

Our American ancestors fought for our ability to live, to be free and to pursue our American dreams. I will continue to believe in freedom. I will fight fear with tolerance and hate with love. We need to work together! Our government needs to work together! These rights were not given to us--they were earned. And they are always on the table. If we are not at the table, then we are on the menu.

God Bless America!

Why fight?

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 00:08:00 +0000

Today I am writing to encourage everyone.

You can negotiate with your bank, the IRS and the collection agencies yourself! You don't need to hire anyone. I mean, odds are, if you are in hot water with any of these people--you don't have any money to hire help anyway, right?

I am also writing to say that you don't have to be afraid of these institutions. This is all just business to them. You are one pea in a thousand pods that they are dealing with. Some of them use scare tactics on you but that is just what they are--tactics.

In the past, I think most people ended up delinquent due to irresponsible spending. A little yelling and threatening and these spenders would pony up the money for the debt. Today, during the Great Recession, most of us are victims ourselves. We have been laid off, or had our salaries cut or watched contracts for work dissolve into thin air. We lost the equity in our homes, our stocks and mutual funds tanked and meanwhile, our expenses for fuel and food have risen. Mortgages, car payments and credit card bills--which were once easy to pay--are now difficult or impossible to pay. We are responsible defaulters!

The first thing to do is to acknowledge the boat you are in. If you have been devastated by the Recession--you don't have to be ashamed or scared! It is time to take control! No more sadness, no more bitterness, no more "what if?" thinking. It's done. It happened. You are bleeding in shark infested waters--it's time to survive, to swim to shore and to fight back. The organizations claiming to help you are sharks in fancy hats for the most part. Everyone wants a piece of flopping fish. Stop flopping and start fighting!!

"Those who think they can and those who think they can't are both right." --Henry Ford

When I was dealing with my bank and trying to save my home--it was tough! I was overwhelmed by the paperwork. I couldn't believe what I had to do. My modification application was 86 pages long! At the time, I lacked endurance. Just looking at the list of documents I had to acquire drained me! I suffered from headaches, depression, moodiness and sheer terror.

I wrote about all of this at the time. I felt like David and my bank was Goliath. I had nightmares about losing my home and our money. My daughter acted out losing our home with her dollhouse. These were dark times for me (plus it was winter here, so gloomy and rainy to boot!)

Applying for a mortgage modification!

I began the fight to save our home behind the 8 ball. We had delayed the foreclosure, but we couldn't stop it once we came out of bankruptcy protection. We needed a modification to save our home. After months of logging phone calls, sending in paperwork and a experiencing a miracle from God (literally), we received our HAMP government modification two days before our home would have been sold at auction on the courthouse steps.

Talk about a roller coaster ride! By the way, our loan modification includes our missed payments, plus interest. The new payment is smaller because they reduced our rate to 2%. Eight years from now, it will fix at 4.5% for the remainder of the 25 year loan. Besides the fact that we saved our home, we now have a better loan than the original one.

Why fight? It's worth it!

We never dealt much with collection agencies because our debts were eleminated in the bankruptcy. If you are not filing bankruptcy, you can fight them too. Unsecured debt collection is about your ability to pay, not your desire to pay. Ramon and I wanted to pay back every dime--but we couldn't. When it comes down to feeding the family or paying the debt--the choice becomes simple.

Can you pay them in full? If you can--then do it. If you can't--know this--they will settle for half of what you owe at minimum and often for even less than that. It's better to come to a settlement with them than to avoid them. They have often purchased your debt for pennies on the dollar. If they collect half of what you owe--they have just made a profit. Sometimes you can settle for a partial payment and they will mark your credit report as paid in full. This is a good deal for both of you.

Once your debt is assigned to a collection agency--they will hunt you down but they don't expect to get much from you and they don't want to push you into bankruptcy because then they get nothing. Just like a wolf and a deer--when you run, they chase you but if you turn and face them, they back off a little and let you breathe. Keep a call log. Get any settlement offer in writing before you send a check and don't pay over the phone. Call them, face them, deal with them.

Why fight? It's economical.

My favorite organization to deal with is the IRS (I'm not joking). They are professional and informative on the phone. They don't threaten you (they don't have to!). They have a lot of power already so they don't resort to scare tactics.

My current, and hopefully LAST, Recession battle is with them. We never knew what we would owe each year because our income is not predictable. We ended up underpaying and we were unable to make up the difference after the dizzying crash of our assets and business income in 2008.

I just submitted to the IRS an Offer in Compromise. You can look this up on the IRS website. Did you know that the IRS will settle for a partial payment on taxes owed? I did not. Of course, they have to approve the offer and they may not. It's not an easy package of paperwork that they require either. A lot of people hire tax attorneys to submit their offers. Well, that's not an option for us!

I have built up the endurance now to handle lenghty applications and loads of paperwork. I deal with things one form at a time, one statement at a time, one P&L at a time, one question at a time--one day at a time. Anyway, I just sent them maybe 40 pages of documents and IRS forms. I was already successful in working out a deal with our state taxes on my own. It's just an installment agreement but it turned our tax debt into an affordable monthly payment.

Overdue tax is another financial swamp that is ripe with slick solicitors. Ramon and I are being spammed with mail from tax services offering to "help" us settle our IRS debt for "pennies on the dollar". They are sharks just like the people who promise that they can modify your home loan for you. Do not believe them! They are taking people's money and they can't guarantee anything in return. They will not fight for your tax relief like you will! The IRS will not settle for "pennies on the dollar" necessarily--that's not how it works. It's a complicated formula actually and it's based on your assets and your income.

These services are not worth your time or money. Honestly, you will end up doing all of the work yourself anyway. You are paying someone to hold your hand. Use your spouse for that!! Who is going to get your bank statements? Who is going to itemize your assets? Who is going to write your hardship letter? Who is going to copy your pay stubs? YOU are going to do all of that and THEY are going to mail it in for you! They are going to charge you about $4000 to modify your home loan (and statistics show they fail more than they succeed--or they skip town with your money). I don't even know how much these tax solicitors charge, maybe a percentage of the amount you owe? I don't know because I never asked. When I had questions about the Offer In Compromise, I called the IRS 800 number and asked them for free! I don't need to pay for help.

When we filed for bankruptcy, we did use a reputable lawyer (I don't recommend a "do it yourself" bankruptcy!). But I still had to collect all the financial information myself. It was still daunting. Our lawyer didn't come to my house and help me gather up our statements. The paperwork involved in a bankruptcy is massive! I went through all the same stress and dealt with all the same headaches as I did with my modification paperwork. In truth, none of your financial troubles can be taken completely off your shoulders. You have to help. In most cases, since you are doing all the work anyway, skip the fees and be your own advocate!

I did talk to a mortgage modification service once. They are GOOD. They tell you everything you want to hear. They tell you they know how to apply for a modification so that you will get approved. They try to make you think they know special things that you don't know. The truth is that only a COMPUTER could figure out the "magic formula" for your situation. Every case is too different and the NIV test is impossible for most humans to understand. Banks just plug in your numbers and the NIV test software spits out a pass or a fail. I was just about ready to pay the guy when I told him that I wanted to talk to my husband first. That's when he got impatient. He went from reassuring me to trying to scare me. I sensed that I was prey. I hung up on him.

Why fight? No one will fight harder than you will!

I hope you feel encouraged if you are flopping around out there dealing with the fallout from the Recession. Face your situation and fight it one day at a time. One way or another, you WILL get a result, you will know that you did everything you could and you will be able to move forward with your life!

Now for my disclaimer--I am not a financial advisor, I don't know your situation, I write for entertainment purposes and I write based on my personal experiences with the Recession and my personal financial situation. Please seek advice from a reputable lawyer or accountant for your situation.

Okay, I have to say that and it totally contradicts my whole message of "doing it yourself". However, seeking professional advice is not the same as answering spam mail or a soliciting phone call promising you the moon--these people are to be avoided! I think we understand each other....

My hero, by definition

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Wed, 18 May 2011 19:03:00 +0000

I have a new appreciation for tangible skills.

A skill is a:

1. Proficiency, facility, or dexterity that is acquired or developed through training or experience. See Synonyms at ability.

a. An art, trade, or technique, particularly one requiring use of the hands or body.

b. A developed talent or ability (The Free Dictionary)

The less money you have, the more valuable your skills become. Skills can translate into big dollars!

My husband is loaded with skills! In fact, his talents and abilities are what convinced me to transform him from a boyfriend into a husband. I continue to wonder what he ever saw in me. He had to teach me how to make pancakes!

My husband had a lousy job and an even lousier car when I met him. He was 23 with a G.E.D. I was a straight A college student with an actual list of what I wanted in a man--good job, high education, nice car, bookworm, horse and cat lover. Upon meeting my husband and his lousy car, I didn't even attempt to learn his name.

However--the first skill that caught my eye was his dancing and I was hooked after that.

I started following him around. I danced one song with him every time I saw him. After a year of this, I decided to learn his name.

Throughout our courtship, he continued to amaze me with his skills. He never told me he was good at anything. He just did stuff that knocked my socks off over and over again.

One day we went to a taco shop and he ordered for me in fluent Spanish. Who knew?

Every time we went to a carnival, he shot balloons or shot baskets and won me whatever toy I wanted (I was 19 and still thrilled to get a new stuffed animal!)

When his car broke down, he just popped open the hood or scooted under the car and fixed it. He can rebuild engines, transmissions, replace brakes, do tune-ups--you name it.

One day I almost beat him at pool. I teased him mercilessly. He just smiled and racked the balls up again. That round, I didn't even get to play. He called every shot and knocked every ball into the cups. He was making shots that I couldn't even visualize. It was thrilling to watch and I saw that he'd been a gentleman to refrain from crushing me the first game!

One winter I took him snowboarding for the first time. He'd never seen snow fall out of the sky before but I'd skied my entire life. Within the season, he was racing down black diamond runs and jumping. Whatever!

One day he decided to start a painting business and, within a few short years, he was making more money than most college grads ever make.

On top of this, he's caught up on world history, politics and current events. Bring up almost any subject, and he's studied it.

This just went on and on--my husband has been a welder, a waiter, a cook, a baker (a candle-stick maker--lol). My husband can lay tile, lay and finish hardwood floors, paint anything that's standing still, replace a roof, build furniture, fix wiring. My husband can sew, he knows how to ride horses, train dogs, grow food, race cars. He knows how to box, how to wrestle, how to shoot straight. He's strong, fast and flexible. He's good at every sport he's ever tried. He's everything I am not.

He also has a heart of gold. He rescues animals (even animals he's allergic to), gives money to every bum he sees, helps his employees, volunteers and rescues people too.

I'll never forget our trip to Discovery Kingdom one year. We stopped with our kids to buy lemonade by the whale show. Ramon noticed a frantic lady, speaking Chinese and pointing to her baby who was turning blue. She was unable to ask for help. Ramon walked over, took the baby from her, put him over his knee, hit his back until the food popped out, got him breathing again and then gave him back to his mom. He returned to us to pay for the lemonades and moved on to the whale show--he didn't think to comment on what he'd just done.

That's Ramon--he is a hero, he's not trying to be one. It's all in a day's work to him. He uses his hands to help, to build, to love and to protect and he asks for nothing in return. Forget the prince ladies, marry a hero!

Well, if you can't marry a hero, I guess a Prince will do!

A prince is a prince by birth. He did nothing to earn it. His title says nothing about his character. (Although the prince pictured above does seem to possess noble character and soldiering skills--quite a catch for young Kate!)

Here is the definition of a hero:

1. In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.

2. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life.

3. A person noted for special achievement in a particular field: the heroes of medicine. See Synonyms at celebrity.

4. The principal male character in a novel, poem, or dramatic presentation. (The Free Dictionary)

Notice that nowhere in this definition is perfection claimed. In fact, most heroes are flawed. My husband is not perfect--but he is courageous, bold, favored by God, noble of purpose, strong and the principal male character in my dramatic presentation :)

And lately, he's impressing me all over again. In this Recession, Ramon's skills are coming back to save us! Recently, his truck broke down. When times were good--Ramon paid workers to fix our vehicles, do home repairs etc. While he's good at this stuff, he doesn't always enjoy it. It was a luxury for him to pay someone else to get dirty. Now we are back to fixing things ourselves. Ramon got a quote from a local shop on fixing his truck--$1200. He bought the parts and fixed it himself and saved us $700! His skills are not only sexy--they are valuable!

Ramon has used his skills to make money and now he's using them to save money. Through it all, I fall in love with him all over again every day. (Still wondering what he sees in me--seriously, I'm like one of his kids! He takes care of ALL of us!). I guess a hero needs a damsel in distress, right? Yeah, I'm going with that one.

We cannot forget the value of skills during this age of technology! There is nothing like a good dose of poverty to remind one of that. When it comes down to it--all we NEED is food and shelter. SKILLS can produce food and shelter for life. Skills can create income when there are no jobs. Skills can fix what is broken when you cannot afford to pay for repairs. Skills can produce gifts when you have no money to buy a gift. Skills can be traded for things you can't do yourself.

Skills are not learned through osmosis. I told my husband the other day that our kids cannot leave our home without learning our skills (okay, his skills)! It would be a crying shame to release our children into the world knowing less than we do. I've been focused on their education at school--but we have a lot we can teach them at home.

I don't have a lot of practical skills. However, I do work with my children on creative writing (so they too can aspire to be unemployed bloggers--lol!). I'm also teaching them what I know about cooking and animal care. We are going to plant our first vegetable garden soon. Crystal is going to start a business raising hens and selling eggs. David is going to Lego camp to work on his God-given talent for building. Nick will be working for Ramon learning the painting trade this summer and going to soccer referee school.

As much as I want my kids to have college degrees and straight A's--I don't want them to be 100% at the mercy of a white-collar economy. With my B.A. from U.C. Berkeley, I have been unable to flex well to this economy or to motherhood in general. Partly because I majored in English Literature--which doesn't translate into a specific career--and partly because I've been developed for a full-time, white-collar career which would take me away from my family.

I'm grateful to my daughter's 4th grade teacher for teaching her to knit. My daughter wanted wrist warmers this winter--so she knitted a pair. She knitted a gift for David for his birthday. She's teaching David to knit and she's going to teach me too. She's knitting a head scarf for her living history day at Fort Ross and she's going to knit a bag also. I love this! Her teacher taught her an actual skill which results in actual products (on top of her academics). It's so third world :)

All I know is that everything we had, and everything we lost--Ramon bought or built using his skills. I want to pass this on to our children. I want them to be able to use their hands, their talents, in practical ways. I want them to be heroes!

Ramon is not upset by the Great Recession. He never has been. I'm the one who panics because I'm the one along for the ride. I didn't build anything and I can't rebuild anything. I can't fix a car. I don't even know how a car works! I can't make anything. I don't know how to sew, grow food, hunt, shoot a gun or fix anything. (I do know how to hook myself up to someone who can though--but that's not really a skill, is it?--lol!)

But Ramon can do all of this. No matter how many times you knock him down, he will simply rebuild. Nothing fazes him. This makes him worth his weight in gold. What can I say, he's my hero!

Just Married!

Recession Bunny

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 09:08:00 +0000

I created a lot of holiday traditions "pre-Recession"--when we had money--ooops!

My kids used to get a new outfit, a new Easter basket and a new $20 DVD--plus toys, candy, chocolate bunnies and brunch at a restaurant every Easter. Easter was a $200+ affair--easily! It was fun, I will admit that. I didn't give the financial aspect of Easter a second thought when we had money.

I am the kind of mom who says "NO" to everything. So Easter was the only time of year my kids got a new DVD. But it did become a tradition. A tradition that became impossible to continue post-Recession. How sad is that?

Be careful of the traditions you set, new moms, make sure they are Recession proof! Think about it. I used to use holidays and birthdays to beef up my kids' wardrobes, media collections, toy boxes and art supplies. I thought I was progressive to let Santa, the Easter bunny and other holidays be the excuse to give to my kids. I thought it was better then Ramon and I giving them gifts for no reason. I played good cop/bad cop with materialism. Mom says NO, but Santa says YES. That's down to earth, right?

The recession brought up a huge dilemma. What do I say to my kids when the Easter bunny stops bringing the traditional DVD's? What do I say to my kids when Santa stops bringing the WOW gifts? Mommy and Daddy are on a budget--but Santa and the Easter bunny are magic--how do I reconcile that? How do I keep the kids from getting suspicious when Santa gets cheap the same year that mommy and daddy declare bankruptcy?

Well, when the tooth fairy doesn't come, I get creative--"Uh, you lost your tooth after nine' 0clock, she stopped accepting new clients at 8." "You lost your tooth at home, now we're in Tahoe, we need to send a forwarding address." "You put the tooth in a box, she couldn't open it. Try again with a pillow." "She got busy, she'll come tomorrow night and she'll pay you interest." What the heck, I do my best!

I've gotten equally creative with Santa and the Easter Bunny. "We're in a recession--toy materials costs more so Santa's elves can't make as many toys." "Some parents can't afford food so Santa doesn't want to show off." "The Easter bunny doesn't think it's appropriate to hand out DVD's when the state can't afford to pay for education." Lame? Yes. But what is a mother to do?

I'm telling you--don't begin expensive traditions!

I spent $14.00 on Easter this year for our 3 kids. Our new tradition is to use the same baskets every year and to make brunch at home. There are no DVD's--instead there is candy, some gum, some peeps and a fun trinket like sidewalk chalk, a pack of cards or a hot wheels car. Of course, we have our annual egg hunt and Easter service at church too. My kids are just as thrilled as they were in years past. Probably more thrilled because they prefer to eat at home anyway!

My kids never asked for these holidays to be all about them. They are naturally reverent. They want love, not toys. They want a higher power, they want security, they want heaven. They are seekers. I'm filling their baskets and stockings with hope and it's free!

From now on, Easter and Christmas are times to focus more on worship and less on replenishing toy boxes. From now on, Mommy and Daddy give the gifts and Santa and the Easter bunny take a back seat. Once again, I've been living life *ss backwards and the Recession continues to set me straight.

Happy Easter My Peeps!!!

My Kingdom for a Hybrid!

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 19:47:00 +0000

FUEL!

The less money you have, the bigger of a deal this becomes. When we were rolling, I didn't notice gas prices. They had no effect on our bottom line. $4.13 a gallon would have offended me but it wouldn't have hurt me. I knew that heating our home was expensive but $600 a month in propane didn't hurt me.

Once again, my heart is breaking for people, especially seniors or anyone on a fixed income! They have LESS money every time fuel prices go up. So many families struggle every month already. Rising fuel prices WILL cause budget cuts in families.

On a small level, a lot of us are facing the same issues that face the state of California and the Federal government--we have to cut essential programs. Where will families, who barely survive each month now, choose to cut funds? When someone only makes enough to provide food, shelter and medical care--the cuts have to come out of food, shelter or medical care. It's terrifying!

On top of this--teachers, state workers and loads of other workers are having their pay and hours cut more each year. But they don't get a break on rising fuel and energy costs. Families continue to slip out of the ever diminishing middle-class.

People are also getting creative and/or living on less. Our home is heated by propane. We spent $342 to buy 100 pounds of propane this winter and it lasted three weeks--and that's with my thermostat set to 65 and off at night!

After that, we turned it off and didn't turn it back on all winter. Electricity is cheaper. We have a 3600 sq. ft. custom home and we now heat it with electric space heaters (well, not ALL of it--just a few rooms and just when we're using them!).

Before I rediscovered the space heater, there were times that we didn't have heat at all. I'm hear to tell you that LOVE does not make a house a home--HEAT does!! We have the love--but there is nothing cozy about shivering together! There is nothing homey about your child grimacing and groaning every time they have to change their clothes!

This year we dusted off some space heaters and we LOVE them!! We are actually much warmer than we were with the central heat.

Our kids blasted their space heaters for about one hour a day. They heated their rooms to melting, got ready for bed, read their books and then turned them off for bedtime. We did the same with our bedroom. The only room we heated all day was our family room.

We paid maybe $100 and we had all the heat we needed, WHERE we needed it and WHEN we needed it. It's pure genius! With central heat you have to heat the whole house just to get the bedrooms warm--and we never even got them really warm--that would have cost upwards of $600 during a cold month. We were still bundled in sweatshirts even with our central heat!

It's amazing how the human brain adapts. In crisis, our minds work constantly--even while we're sleeping--to solve our problems for us. We come up with creative solutions that we would never consider in a land of plenty. Even when Ramon and I are rolling once again--I won't go back to sucking down propane 12 hours a day to heat my house. It's just silly. I found a solution to a problem that I never knew I had until my finances revealed it to me. Yay for me!

On an off note--I have no doubt we can dramatically reduce or even eliminate our dependence on foreign oil--what I'm curious about is what it will take for us to actually do it! It will take PAIN to change the world. The pain will be hard but the change will be easy peasy. My opinion.

Gas is tougher. We have to drive where we have to drive. I utilize carpools already--not because of gas prices--but because of time. Every mom I know has already reduced her driving as much as she possibly can. Plus, I don't just drive for one--I drive for four. Each of my children has an active life and so do I.

I'm tempted to purchase a little gelding from the Amish that is trained to pull a cart. I can feed him for about $65 a month. We could use him for all of our town driving. Now that's horse power!

Waiting for school to get out!

As much as I'd enjoy my horse and buggy--what I really need is a HYBRID! But they cost even more...

One of the things I didn't like about my Mustang was the gas mileage. Once again, I had the luxury of not having to worry about that kind of thing when I bought it. I didn't even investigate the mileage when I bought it. I assumed it would have good mileage because it was small (hey, I'm an English major and I lack common sense, cut me some slack!). Anyway, it used about as much gas as my Suburban. It was supposed to be my cheap, little town car. Well, that didn't work out so well.

Next time--I'm getting a hybrid! I'm drooling over the new Kia Optima Hybrid. I don't think it's even out yet. The Prius is a little small for its massive price tag (talk about offensive!). I have no idea how much the Kia will be but aren't they made in Korea? Not that I support outsourcing but buying local, organic and American is for rich people--and I'm not freaking kidding about that. Don't get me started, I don't need guilt on top of my poverty!

Anyway, if I buy a foreign hybrid and help save the planet and reduce my personal dependence on foreign oil--maybe in the long run, I have done something good!

There's me, driving to Tahoe! (I'm visualizing what I want!)

All I know for sure is that I WANT over 40 miles to the gallon!!!! Forget about saving the planet or Saudi oil--I almost can't afford to drive at all! I live in the suburbs, I HAVE to drive. This isn't a POLITICAL issue--it's a FAMILY issue!

My kingdom for a hybrid!

"If you pay me, I'll quit!"

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 23:10:00 +0000

Some people have asked me, "Why don't you get a job?"

My answer is, "How would I get all of my volunteering done if I had a job?"

Well, I'm kidding, that's not why I don't have a job. Believe me--I have applied for jobs and I continue to keep my ear out for the right thing. Before we filed bankruptcy, our bills were so high, a job wouldn't have changed anything for us. Our shortfall each month was more than I could have made up on my own.

Now that we've been relieved of our extra cars and homes--my husband gets us by on his income most of the time. We still have some months when we are short, but this is temporary. Work is picking up and we aren't ready to give up on his earning potential just yet. So, we choose to have less money so that I can be with the kids, drive them to their practices and so that we don't have to put them in daycare during the summer months.

And in the meantime--I get to keep volunteering! Yay!

Why do I love volunteering so much? Seriously, I am a professional volunteer. It began as a trade program for me when I was about ten years old. This doesn't qualify as true volunteering, but it was darn close. I worked at barns in Alaska and California in exchange for "free" horse riding lessons. (If your kid ever does this, watch out! It rarely works out to be a fair deal).

I worked countless hours for a chance to get a "free", one-hour lesson. I traveled to horse shows, slept in tents, woke at dawn, slept on my trainer's couch, endured rain, snow and blistering sun. I arrived at the barn in the dark and left in the dark. I bathed horse after horse while the owners went to their dance lessons or their soccer practices. I wiped their boots for them, grazed their ponies and cheered them on while they rode to their hearts content!

Honestly, I loved it though. When I got my hour on the horse--I appreciated it! I reveled in it. I memorized it so that I could relive it in my mind until the next time I earned a ride. I didn't care that I worked 20 plus hours for every one hour on a horse. That hour was worth it to me. Plus, I enjoyed bathing and cleaning stalls. I spent more time with the horses than their owners did! I saw myself as the lucky one (even if the trainers did take advantage of me!)

I never would have worked that hard for money.

From this humble beginning, a passion grew in me for trading my time for anything but money!

During my school days:
*I volunteered for three years at Methodist Hospital in Minnesota as a candy-striper.
*One year at the Hennepin County Wildlife Rehab as a foster mom to animals (any surprise there?).
*Six months at Gehrman Animal Hospital in Plymouth, MN where they promoted me to a paid position--Assistant Veterinary Technician.
*One and a half years as Head Groom in Alaska
*Several years as Assistant to the Head Groom in Woodside, CA
*I volunteered as Assistant Director in a community outreach play at Foothill Community College
*I spoke to Bay Area teens about the dangers of drug abuse for the NAADA
*I volunteered to co-write two plays for the Peninsula Actors Ensemble to further educate students about the dangers of drug abuse.
*At Berkeley, I volunteered for the English Undergraduate Association and served a term as President and a term as Treasurer.

I also worked at paying jobs during these years. Anyway, all of this volunteering did end up doing me some good. I applied for and won the Alumni Leadership Scholarship which helped pay my way through U.C. Berkeley. Go Bears!

After graduating from college, I was forced to take a full-time, paid position. This really cramped my style!

I didn't get to do much volunteering until I stopped working to have children. When you have kids, the volunteering opportunities are ENDLESS! Now I think I need a Volunteer Recovery twelve-step program. "Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I'm a helpaholic." I know that room would be full too--so many of my friends are the same way. We can't say no. We don't want to say no. A volunteers greatest wish is for MORE hours in the day!

Nick and I on a mission trip in Juarez, Mexico.

Presently, I am privileged to serve as president of our PTA, co-leader of a 2/3 year-old class at our church and I'm helping with two fundraisers--the annual Father/Daughter Dance and the dinner at our school's Open House. I also co-lead the T-shirt Design Contest for our school's Fitness Fundraiser and I facilitate a womens' bible study in my home.

Of course, in between all this, my husband and I volunteer for all of our kids' sports teams and in their classrooms and chaperon field trips.

I love ALL of it! I want to do more. Like I said, my wish is for more hours in the day, or maybe for more days in the week!

I have a wish list of volunteer activities for the future. I plan to volunteer at the local Humane Society, I want to get into fostering wildlife and kittens again, I want to spend more time helping our school librarian, I want to mentor teens through our church and I want to host an exchange student.

I also hope to re-start my "Pony Tails" summer horse camp. Before the Recession, I taught girls about horses and gave them riding lessons every Friday. However, it takes money to run the program and I don't have the heart to charge anyone. So I shut the program down and that made me pretty sad. Until our arena is finished, it's just too hard to teach lessons anyway. The money I need is more than I could, or would, ever charge the kids.

The funny thing is that--even though I love the things I do--if you paid me, I'd quit. What is up with that???

I first noticed this phenomenon at the animal hospital in Minnesota when I was in high school. I was so happy when I was a volunteer. As soon as they started paying me, IT BECAME A JOB! Suddenly I was clocking in and out. Suddenly I was doing lots of boring, mundane cleaning and less of the exciting stuff. Suddenly, no one was grateful I was there helping--I was EXPECTED to be there. Eventually, I quit. (It didn't help that I started passing out at the sight of blood...I decided that being a vet was not the career for me.)

The paycheck ruined my fun!

Am I immature or what? I still suffer from this syndrome. As a volunteer, I am in the drivers' seat. I determine my hours. I can't be fired. (Well, I guess I could be but no one calls it "firing"). How do you fire a volunteer anyway??? I guess you EXCUSE them, or you RELIEVE them of their duties. I'd rather be excused or relieved than FIRED--lol.

But I am a reliable volunteer. I do have to meet deadlines, work when I don't want to, work when I'm sick, answer to people, take the fall-out when things don't go well etc. I am responsible. I LIKE responsibility--I just don't like being paid for it.

My husband would probably return me if he could. "Excuse me, God, there's something wrong with the wife you gave me. She has a college degree but she won't work for money. Can you fix her or something? We already have kids, so I'm guessing it's too late to return her." LOL.

There are great benefits to volunteering though.

Because I became a president, my son realized that he could become a president. He ran for president of his school. "Pick Nick" was his campaign slogan--isn't that adorable! (He didn't win though...ooops).

Because we help in the classroom--my kids know we value their education.

Because we help with fundraisers--our teams and school have funds for "extras"

Because I've rehabbed motherless animals--they have survived to become pets or return to the wild.

Because I sat with ill patients at the hospital--people were comforted.

Because I ran a free horse camp--girls didn't have to become slaves for a chance to ride a horse.

Because I taught students about drug abuse--maybe a life was changed.

Because Ramon rescued a litter of kittens--we now have the best pet cat in the world!

Because we adopted our youngest son--our children want to adopt children.

Because Nick painted scripture on an orphanage wall (in Spanish)--the kids wake up to God's gentle Word every morning.

Just one of the many projects we worked on in Juarez.

It is worth it! Maybe this is part of my dilemma. Volunteer work is invaluable. Volunteer work is paid forward. One can't put a price tag on it. When you put a salary on it--you don't diminish the work--but you diminish the impact by turning it into a transaction.

Half of the power of volunteering lies in the fact that people know you are not getting paid for it. When you show up to comfort a dying stranger--they don't want to think that you are clocking in and out! Volunteering is like sex, it means less if you pay for it.

I cannot express how much something means to me more, than by giving away my time for free. Time is the one thing that I can't get more of. It's something that I will never get back. Some people believe that when you give away money, more money comes back to you. While that might be true for money, it is not true for TIME. Time is more precious than money. When we give it away, it is gone forever. We can't make more of it. Every day, we have less of it to give.

While volunteers always appreciate a simple thank you, most of us don't even want that! We do it to serve. The purity lies in fulfilling a need. Serving others IS the reward. Identifying a need and filling it removes one more need OUT of the world. That is the ultimate reward. To live in a world in which every need has been fulfilled--well, some of us would call that Heaven! This is the world I'm seeking.

In the meantime, here on earth, I will continue to consider taking a rewarding job which pays money and fits into my kids' schedules. Believe me, I don't mean for this post to diminish the incredible and helpful work that people get paid to do! Lots of people don't have my issues. Getting paid to help others is actually a Win-Win--it is the ultimate union of needs being met for both parties! I think my true stubbornness about it is that I love my freedom. I'd rather spend 30 hours a week "helping" than spend 10 hours a week working for money. I'm an idiot, I know that.

Someday I will get paid and I won't mind a bit! But I will make one thing clear--from day one--it will be just a JOB and nothing more! When it becomes more than just a JOB, I'll quit, and I'll do it for free!

Attack from Above!

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 20:18:00 +0000

My heart continues to break for the people out there who are losing their homes. The numbers keep rising. In our little town paper, there are 12 foreclosure auction notices this week alone. We are a "small town". Well, we actually have about 9000 total homes and rentals in our town. I guess 12 isn't that much--but tell that to the 12! We have an average of 3 people per housing unit--so that's at least 36 people who are being displaced. Every week there are new foreclosure notices in the paper. There used to be few to no foreclosure notices in our little paper!

I know a few people who were just fine with walking away from their homes. They paid too much, they owed more than it might ever be worth again and their loan was unaffordable. It's a relief to some families. For the rest of us, it's a waking nightmare!

I remember the "terror" in 2004/2005. As homes skyrocketed, families saw their dreams of home ownership disappearing. There was no end in sight. I know that lenders preyed on that fear. I saw it first hand. Fantastical mortgage offers bombarded people's emails, superseding even porn spam. I personally know people who don't read or write in English who signed mortgage papers on homes they couldn't afford. I personally know people who read and write English perfectly well who did the same.

The general feeling was to get "in" before it was too late. A lot of people I've spoken to believed that they could refinance or sell their home before their mortgage rate adjusted beyond affordability. (I can't blame them for not seeing the "end" when Wall Street didn't see the "end" either.) The pressure in the U.S. to own a home is nurtured into us from a young age. The pressure increased tenfold when everyone and their brother, even people with no education or career, started buying up brand new homes. It was the American Dream incarnate.

I know there is controversy over whose "fault" the housing bust belongs too. I value all opinions on the matter. I'm sure that some homeowners were flat out irresponsible and knew it. Still, I side with the American people against the banks. When a bad contract is written in California, the burden of guilt is on the one who wrote the contract--not on the one who signed it. The banks, with all their lawyers and finance degrees, get more blame than the high school graduate or the civil engineer or the contractor or the immigrant--in my opinion! They don't even deny that they knowingly sold bad loans. The whole thing was a gamble--for us!

Not so much for the banks and the CEO's. I just learned today what a CEO of the defunct Countrywide is doing. He started a new company and he is buying up all the bad loans that companies like Countrywide once "approved" and he's getting them for 10% or less of their value. He's foreclosing on the homeowners for a profit or, in some cases, modifying the loans and re-selling them for a profit. He was with Countrywide for 30 years. The bubble and the bust are not a gamble for him--they are both opportunities to make more money!

Another Countrywide CEO, Angelo Mozilo, profited by selling 140 million worth of stock right before Countrywide collapsed. He's accused of publicly misleading his shareholders about the health of loans on Countrywide's books, using his insider knowledge to cash out and leaving his shareholders to watch their stock tank and the company go bankrupt while thousands of his employees also lost their jobs. Mozilo settled his criminal insider trading and civil fraud case this month for 67.5 million and all charges have been dropped.

His settlement will make it that much harder for shareholders to win their lawsuits against him. The SEC looks at the settlement as a victory...but I would rather have seen a guilty verdict, time in prison and direct relief for the American people he harmed. But that's just me...the girl who perpetually roots for the underdog!

My husband and I are in a fragile recovery. It would be easy for me to look at our fight with our bank as in the "past". We got help. My husband is working again. However, I'm still concerned. The plight of my neighbors is my plight too! We are all connected. The kids who are now sleeping on the floor of a relative's home, are the same kids sitting next to MY kids in class. It's OUR community being affected. We can all fight back! We don't have to let life (or our bank) crush us. It's doesn't matter whose fault it is anyway--we all have to move forward and do the best we can.

Here are some tips:

There is help now for unemployed homeowners. You can modify even if you are jobless!

Eligibility*

You may be eligible if you meet all of the following:

You are unemployed and eligible for unemployment benefits.
You occupy the house as your primary residence.
You make your request for help before you’ve missed three payments.
You have not previously received an UP forbearance or HAMP modification.
You obtained your mortgage on or before January 1, 2009.

*Eligibility criteria is for guidance only. Contact your mortgage servicer to see if you qualify for UP.Call 888-995-HOPE.

There is help to modify second mortgages. Call 888-995-HOPE. (If you aren't eligible through this program, you can still apply directly to your bank.)

Eligibility*

You may be eligible to apply if you meet all of the following:

Your first mortgage was modified under HAMP.
You must not have been convicted within the last 10 years of felony larceny, theft, fraud or forgery, money laundering or tax evasion, in connection with a mortgage or real estate transaction.
You have not missed three consecutive monthly payments on your HAMP modification.
You owe more than $5,000 on your second mortgage.
Your monthly second mortgage payment is more than $100.

*Eligibility criteria are for guidance only. Contact your mortgage servicer to see if you qualify for 2MP.

If your loan is current and you owe more than your home is worth, you may qualify for a principal reduction! Call (877)622-8525.

Eligibility*

You may be eligible if:

Your mortgage is not owned or guaranteed by Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, FHA, VA or USDA.
You owe more than your home is worth.
You are current on your mortgage payments.
You occupy the house as your primary residence.
You qualify for the new loan under standard FHA underwriting requirements.
Your total debt does not exceed 55% of your monthly gross income.
You must not have been convicted within the last 10 years of felony larceny, theft, fraud or forgery, money laundering or tax evasion, in connection with a mortgage or real estate transaction.

*Eligibility criteria are for guidance only. Contact your mortgage servicer to see if you qualify for FHA Short Refinance and FHA2LP.

The HAMP program also offers a Principle Reduction Alternative (PRA). Call 888-995-HOPE. The big names participating in this program are Bank of America, Citimortgage, Wells Fargo and JP Morgan Chase.

Eligibility

You may be eligible for PRA if:

Your mortgage is not owned or guaranteed by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.
You owe more than your home is worth.
You live in the home carrying the mortgage you want to modify.
You obtained your mortgage on or before January 1, 2009.
Your mortgage payment is more than 31 percent of your gross (pre-tax) monthly income.
You owe up to $729,750 on your 1st mortgage.
You have a financial hardship and are either delinquent or in danger of falling behind.
You have sufficient, documented income to support the modified payment.
You must not have been convicted within the last 10 years of felony larceny, theft, fraud or forgery, money laundering or tax evasion, in connection with a mortgage or real estate transaction.

Jennifer's tips:

** PLEASE DO NOT hire any company to help you modify your loan. I have never heard of this working out for anyone. I have heard about them taking people's money and then closing down their business. A new friend of mine had this happen to her. Or they call the bank a few times and report to the customer that they didn't get anywhere--well, we can do that ourselves!

One of these companies called me last year. They knew EXACTLY what to say and promise to get my hopes up. They manipulated my fears. I almost did it. I told the man that I wanted to talk to my husband first. That's when he got more aggressive. He tried to scare me with threats that I could not modify without his help. That's when he lost me. A legitimate business can wait for a decision!

Anyway, they usually charge three to four thousand dollars. In truth, they have no more clout than you do. In fact, they have less. The bank doesn't look favorably on them. If you are tempted to hire one of these companies, please make them wait, do your homework on them, ask for five references and call your local consumer credit organization for advice. My friends have been left with no recourse. Their money is gone. The police and the local organizations are unable to help them. The company has dissolved, disappeared. There is plenty of FREE help available!

**If you are going to lose your home, try to short sell it or get a deed in lieu. The reason is because these only last two years on your credit report. A foreclosure and/or bankruptcy lasts for seven years.

You have to apply directly to your bank for both of these. A short sale is when the bank allows you to sell your home for less than what you owe. I believe you also avoid tax consequences with this option (talk to a professional tax adviser please). A deed in lieu is where you sign your house over to your bank and walk away. Both of these options save the bank the cost of foreclosure and they do less damage to your credit report. I think homes will be cheap for longer than two years....so maybe you will have time to save and buy a new house!

**Our California bankruptcy lawyer told us that, oftentimes, a second loan can be stripped away if a home is worth less than what is owed on the first mortgage. One must file a chapter 13 to access this benefit. Please talk to a professional bankruptcy attorney in your state for more information.

**Pray! Pray with others or pray as a family and pray out loud! "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I (God) am among them." Matthew 18:20.

**If you are having trouble modifying your loan, I think a vital component to success is applying massive pressure on the bank! Write your congressmen, write the CEO, write the papers. Name and shame your bank. They do not want bad press. It is the only way to get the bank "emotionally" involved. Otherwise, it's just a business transaction and they truly don't care WHY you are in the mess you're in. I won't say that no one at a bank cares--but the computers don't care, the shareholders don't care. The bottom line is profit.

The bank's reputation is important though. It is their weak spot. That's why you attack from above (like in Avatar when Jake tames Toruk, the biggest flying creature in Pandora.) Jake says, "Sometimes, your entire life boils down to one crazy event. MY theory was, the Turok has no predators; he's the biggest bad ass in the sky. Why look up? That was just the theory, anyway". It's a good theory! The banks are some of the biggest corporations in the U.S., they don't look up! Send a congressman down on them. Send the government down of them. Send the media down on them!

I attacked from above. I am just a girl who blogged about her bank. The next day they called me, "I read your blog," the bank representative said to me and BLAM, I was riding Toruk! I saved my home. You can do it. Find the weak spot, don't give up and have a plan B ready to go. The reality is that we are all heroes. If you lose your home, your story isn't over. You will lead your family to something better. You will spin it into a positive. If you don't, you have truly lost.

Jake riding Toruk!

I hope the following numbers and websites will help you! Please forward this to anyone you know who needs encouragement or help saving their home!

Government programs, all modifications are free: 888-995-HOPE

HUD: http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/recovery/about

Website with information about avoiding foreclosure: http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/avoiding_foreclosure

Look up approved credit counseling agencies by state: http://www.justice.gov/ust/eo/bapcpa/ccde/cc_approved.htm

Consumer Credit Counseling Service of San Francisco. Call 800-777-7526. For my Northern Cal pals--they offer free counseling, help with modifications and they have local offices. I went to an office in Santa Rosa on Stony Point. They called my bank with me every Friday for months. They recorded the conversations and guided me--for free!

Please continue to send me your Recession stories!

alvarezgang@yahoo.com

The Secret Economy of the Poor

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 21:03:00 +0000

There isn't one!!!!

As a previously well-off, middle-class gal, I know I assumed that poor people had special access to cheap shopping. As in, we pay the tourist price and they pay the local price, kind of thing.

In some cases, it's true. There are also places like thrift stores and Ross and Wal Mart. There are also family hand-me downs, church closets and clearance racks.

I already knew about this stuff though. I think I assumed poor people had a secret economy that I didn't know about, some kind of underground thing. How can they live on next to nothing? Maybe they have an underground economy and I just wasn't invited--but I don't believe that. People share their stories with me and they are equally gouged by their own lack of resources.

I have learned a few things about the poor economy. First of all, the world doesn't change to accommodate your poverty--you change your world. The pressure on families to buy and spend remains long after the money is gone. We put a lot of thought into where our money is going. Even the gas in my car is precious and not to be wasted. We have to decline a lot of invitations. We harden ourselves against the temptations of the world. It's a lot of work. Spending was easier!

I also got a hard lesson in Yankee frugality. I think it goes something like this, "If it's broke, fix-it. If you can't fix-it, go without" (or something like that). The words "buy a new one" aren't in my vocabulary. If we can't fix it, we go without. Whatever we can fix, my husband fixes himself.

I also learned that buying in bulk is a luxury! We're a family of five. I would love to shop at Costco, especially for my paper goods and cleaning supplies. I used to shop there. Now, it's impossible. It's not the place to go when you have $40 for groceries. Also, I can't afford a membership. Poor people don't benefit from this service. We end up paying more for the same food because we buy in smaller quantities. If you can't buy in bulk, you get gouged, and you are the one who really needs the price break. I won't say it's unfair--it's just the way it is.

I also learned, as you know, about poor man's credit. I took a personal trip to a pawn shop and I will NEVER do that again (never mind, I don't believe in oaths). Since then I've learned about payday loans and checks into cash. You write a check for like $275 and they give you $250. After a week, you pay them back $275 to get your check back.

I thought credit cards had high interest rates! Poor man's credit comes at a steep price. When people pay high prices to borrow $100 or $200--it's mostly because they need GAS to get to work!!! Or they need food to get through the week. It's about survival. Payday loans are primarily low-income worker loans. They are designed for people who have jobs and who just don't make ENOUGH. One car repair, one E.R. bill and the worker is behind. It's heartbreaking actually. It is desperation. Whenever we have done it, it's because we've been desperate.

Poverty also affects health. I would love to buy organic food--it's out of the question right now. I heard an interview with Suzanne Somers awhile back. She was talking about eating healthy and fighting cancer. She said, "People should buy the highest quality food that they can afford." This was the first time I connected the dots of this harsh reality--quality food costs more than low-quality food.

We push "healthy choices" and "organic" and "fresh fruits and vegetables". However, when you have $40, a family of five and a week before you'll have money again--you buy the highest calorie, cheapest food you can afford. No wonder type 2 diabetes is on the rise amongst the poor. This is causing a health epidemic! This is why poverty in America often leads to obesity. Generic frosted flakes and chips provide more calories than fresh apples for a quarter of the price. Poor Americans are starving for nutrition, not calories.

Poor people are also gouged by excessive fees. We don't have a savings yet. If my husband doesn't get paid on time, our account gets overdrawn. We get charged overdraft fees. If I don't have enough money to cover my transactions, I certainly don't have enough money to cover the fees! Come on now! Again, I'm not saying it isn't fair. I'm a Yankee true to heart. I'm bursting with Yankee frugality, Yankee patriotism, Yankee pride, Yankee compassion and Yankee Independence. I know that the bank is a private company and they have the right to charge their silly fees. It's about awareness. When I'm struggling to pay my bills, these fees absolutely kill me and send me running to "CheckintoCash" where I pay even more fees to borrow money to pay my fees. It's a hopeless, defeating cycle.

Just last week our cell phones were turned off. We borrowed money and had them turned back on in five minutes. We need them for my husband's work and to stay in touch with our type 1 son. Verizon charged us $60 in reconnect fees for that five-minute lapse in service. It just sets us behind even more for next month. It's beyond frustrating.

I think my point is that there is no secret economy of the poor. We actually seem to pay more for everything. It's hard to ever get ahead. It's hard to stay healthy. We aren't even taking vitamins--who has the money for vitamins??? If you do, appreciate it. It's a luxury, take my word for it.

Ramon and I believe this is a temporary condition for us. He currently has steady work. We just have no cushion when we're "in-between money." Most bills won't wait to be paid. We know that we'll get ahead. We believe it will happen this year. We have hope. I feel God cradling us through this Recession. I feel we're blessed.

Which brings me to my other pet peeve--the judgment of the poor. Some followers of God are taught that poverty and illness are symptoms of lack of faith--they are wrong! In fact, age is decaying their bodies, illness is taking their loved ones, everything they own is turning to dust and death will claim them in the end. Faith doesn't equal $$$ or good health. God doesn't work for us, we work for Him. His economy is not our economy. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." (Matthew 6:24 NIV)

God promises provision, not wealth. Money in itself is not bad, it's good! Believing that money is payment due for faith rendered is false thinking. I will not be sending God a bill for my faith. I thank God daily for my life--exactly how it is. The poor and the sick certainly don't deserve to suffer religious judgment on top of everything else!

So how do people live on next to nothing? They don't. Their poverty is often the leading cause of their death.

I'm a compassionate person. I'm the kind of gal who roots for the underdog. I believe that most bad behavior comes from pain. I believe that people are doing their best. I stand against intolerance. I stand against judgment. My foray into poverty has put another feather of compassion in my Yankee cap. The poor get very few breaks in this world.

I like this little cartoon. It pictures the upside of poverty--no debt! Woo hoo! The middle-class has their own set of problems...

This is Cristal Linn's Story

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 20:57:00 +0000

I'm so happy that another reader chose to share her story! Cristal lives in Washington state. Her story is completely different from mine and Sarah's. She had to move out of her rental home and adopt a completely new lifestyle. When you read her story, I think you will be amazed!

Enjoy...

Cristal Lynn

Hi jen. I think I told you a little about how I stumbled onto your blog. I was researching raising rabbits for butchering. I found your blog and laughed thinking, "Oh my God, there's two of us!".

I guess how I got to that point is when, in 2008, my husband and I were freaking out because a customers check for $70,000 had bounced and we had already spent the money for payroll taxes and personal expenses. I had to cancel our trip to Disneyland for Christmas. We were going to take our girls to the Princess Ball on Christmas Eve. We already had ball gowns picked out.

Our business survived the 70 grand hit but the economy was falling fast. We were planning on getting a loan to get our first house! Yeah right! Our rent was $3000 plus utilities and other expenses--cars, gas 1500 we spent a month just on coffee!(sorry Cristal, that sentence didn't totally make sense to me). We spent $10,000 a month just on our bills and expenses. With the business, we spent $70,000 a month.

My husband was very depressed. He said we're never going to get a loan and we were forever going to spend money living in other peoples houses. A plan was hatched and I was scared senseless! We will live in our RV with our 3 kids, buy raw land, work it and do everything out of pocket! I cried the first night.

So we did it. We got the land, parked the RV and got some farm animals to raise to eat. I had a Scarlet O'hara moment standing on the hill of dirt, "As God is my witness, I shall never go hungry again!"

I have worked that ground and lived in that RV for 14 months. We have power but no running water so we bring in hundreds of gallons a day. We can only take 4 minute showers (you would be amazed on how that's even posible!) We rent a porta-potty and even my kids are more in tuned with not being wasteful.

I remember the conversation with my mom, "So your living in your RV to save money to build your garage to live in to save money to build your house?" It sounded crazy! Well, we just dug out our foundation hole. Its been a life-changing experience working with my husband, building our dream together board by board. I went from high heels and Seven jeans to carhartts and muck boots! I bawled the time I put the last of my makeup on because we had no money to buy any more and I haven't missed it. So weird!

My kids and I have fun raising the animals. We went from a few hogs for the freezer to over 30 with orders for meat and baby pigs. We get $2.50 a pound live weight on the hoof and $125 dollars a baby. We have an order for 100 piglets and there's our well!

My husband and I are closer. I learned so much this past year. I love my new life. I feel reborn. This Recession saved my marriage. I'm no longer suffering from depression. I do not miss high heels. Farming was a hidden passion. I found out I have a green thumb. I'm planning on doing community sponsored agriculture on my 16 acres. This has saved me!

*******************

Hi Cristal,

I love your story!! It's amazing. You are a strong woman.

I can't wait to share your story. Can I refer to you as Cristal, or would you like me to use another name? Also, can I include what part of the U.S. you live in? Like Mid-west, southern states or whatever?

Lastly, if you want to send a photo of your farm, or one of your piggies or anything--I will include that also.

I'm fascinated by how you have changed your life. It's a huge change. I'm impressed that you have done so well--even found your calling and more happiness. It's very encouraging.

Let me know!! Thanks, Jennifer

***********************

Thank you. My life is truly amazing. I remember my depression stemmed from feeling I had already accomplished everything. I had the perfect husband, perfect kids and I have a medical degree. But being a mom, the medical field was just too demanding, so I felt useless. My husband does hard labor day in day out and there was nothing I could do. I was helpless.

So having that feeling of accomplishment was what I needed. I get when you said your blog is your therapy. My mucking out stalls turned out to be my redneck zen garden!

A year ago, I was counting down the days for Nora Roberts new book (im a big reader!) and the other day I was jumping up and down because I got my hands on a WSU text book on breeding programs and artifial insemination of swine! Have to laugh at myself for that one--both love stories right?

You were saying something about Farmville and your perfect farm. I live that, only its not a game. I got my plot and I am slowly building it. I have never been passionate about anything. As you can tell, I live, breath and eat this up.

Thank you for listening to me and yes, you can use my name and we're in western Washington! :) Keep blogging, I love it! Sorry for the spelling im bad :) but all my internet is via cell phone.

**************************

This is my perfect, little Farmville farm.

(I fixed up the spelling for Cristal so that you could all just enjoy her incredible story. Thank you for writing me with your story, Cristal. I never expected anything like it. I'm trying to weather this Recession until it's over--you have adapted and changed your whole life, your business. Who knew there was a farmer in you waiting to get out???

I didn't know there was a blogger inside of me. I wonder how many of us are spinning our wheels, living life--good or bad--and missing our true calling. I have written my whole life. It's natural for me to process through writing. I also write juvenile novels. I began working on my latest book yesterday after a break of about a year. It's my passion. It completes me!

What completes you, dear reader???

*I'm still looking for more stories to share. Write me! If you have a friend who has an amazing story or miracle or even a sad story--encourage them to write too. Not all of us have our happy ending yet. Share where you are in this whole financial mess. Share what you've learned. Share some money saving tips. I'm asking all of my readers to WRITE and let me do some reading :) Thank you Sarah and Cristal. Sharing always helps someone, somewhere!

Send your story to alvarezgang@yahoo.com

Sarah's Story

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 21:18:00 +0000

This is the story of Sarah. She and her husband live on the east coast of the United States. She first emailed me on August 31, 2010. She was looking for some advice regarding saving her home. Her mortgage is with Wells Fargo. The following is our email exchange--pretty much verbatim from August 31st to the present. I have changed her name to protect her privacy. All times listed are Pacific Standard time. She did give me her permission to copy to her emails.

This is Sarah's story...

August 31, 2010, 8:30am
Hi Jennifer,

I stumbled upon your recession diary, and I have to say that I felt like I was reading about my life right now. My husband and I are small business owners together and own a very small office furniture dealership. As you can imagine with the unemployment rate as high as it is, our business has been suffering for the last year and a half.

We've been going back and forth with Wells Fargo (our mortgage lender) for almost a year now trying to get a modification on our loan. I've jumped through so many hurdles and just this week was rejected again because they said I didn't get the paperwork back on time. This is not true and was confirmed by the representative who broke the bad news to me. She could see when she looked at notes from prior phone conversations that I did, in fact, have all the paperwork sent in by the correct date. It doesn't matter, of course, because once it's removed from loss mitigation they can't reopen it. But I can fill out all the paperwork again and reapply!!!

Would you have any advice you can offer me? I know it's a longshot, and you do not know me, but I feel like I'm your soul sister out here on the East Coast. Any direction you can give me about what to say or not to say during negotiations would be appreciated. I was particularly interested in what you had written about the NPV. I'm not sure what figure my mortgage company is using, but it could be an old number.

Thanks for your time. I wish you well.

Sincerely,
Sarah

*********************

August 31, 2010, 10:49am
Hi Sarah!

It's great to "meet" a reader. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you two either.

I feel like you need to find a way to go up a level at the bank. I found that the people who answer the phones have no power to help even if they want to. They all say slightly different things. They are trained, it seems, to block you. They are trained not to let you speak to a supervisor. They don't actually research your situation or your questions and most of them don't believe you anyway. I don't think it matters much what you say to the phone reps.

When I got the lady from the corporate office to call me--then everything changed. I got real help. Of course, that was an amazing miracle because she read my blog. But I don't think the bank wanted any negative media either.

To go up a level, you could try getting the newspaper to write about you. You could file an actual complaint at Wells Fargo or file a complaint of bad business practices against them in the courts. You could try getting a face to face meeting. I think that if you can find a way to apply pressure--you might get someone higher up to talk to you. I believe that they WILL help you if they agree that you qualify.

http://portal.hud.gov/portal/page/portal/HUD/topics/avoiding_foreclosure

This website has information and links to other websites as well. They offer free "counseling" regarding your house and finances. It's hard to qualify for the government HAMP mortgage (like getting a camel through the eye of a needle), but it can be easier to qualify for an "in house" modification through the bank.

Pursue everything! Apply pressure! Don't give up! It's exhausting and frustrating....I know. Your home is worth the fight no matter what happens. If we had lost ours, I wanted to know that I did everything I could. It's so hard. I had to fight for it but I also had to let go of it at the same time.

The fact that you got your paperwork done in time is your pressure point. Use it to file a complaint. The phone reps are reading a script. Someone higher up can take a look without you having to reapply! If they made a mistake, then that is your strength and your advantage!

Anyway, specifically, I don't know what to advise because I don't know your house's worth and all that. The counselors can tell you more about your numbers and values and where they need to be. Ask the bank the exact date of the last appraisal. If they can't give you one, then they didn't do it. I think it has to be within 60 days of your application. If it's even six months old, it is too old. Our values out here just keep sinking.

The NPV is too complicated for even the bank to understand. For an in house modification, your payment usually needs to be over 45% of your income. If it's less than that, they may not do an in house modification. The government loan only requires that your payment be over 31% of your income (then they reduce it to 31%).

It's okay not to have equity in your home--and I think it's okay to have a little equity. Some banks like to see equity because they know you have more incentive to make your payments. But if you have too much equity--they won't lose on a foreclosure. Generally, the lower the appraisal the better--but you can't control this either.

I hope some of this info helps. Please don't hesitate to write me with any more questions. I don't know what you believe, but I'll add you to my personal prayer list. If you want, I will have our whole church pray for you--first name only! I believe this helped our situation (and it can't hurt :)

Keep me posted! Jen

**************************

September 2, 2010, 11:49am
Hi Jen,

Wow! Thanks for taking the time to write such a comprehensive email response.

I took your advice and spent most of the day calling around about my situation with my loan modification. I first called the mortgage company. When I couldn't break through there, I called my Senator, the Making Home Affordable Program, and a local credit counseling office. By the end of the day, I was swimming with information. And then I received a return phone call from the loan processor who was assigned to our case 2 months ago (but then promoted to another position in the company before she could actually help us). She looked into our situation, saw that we had submitted the documents in time and put in a manager's request to have us re-instated in the program. This is not to say that we will be approved, of course, but at least someone admitted that Wells Fargo had made a mistake.

The representative from the credit counseling service was also really knowledgeable about the modification process especially how it applies to small business owners.

So, we continue to play the waiting game. I'm going to have to get off this roller coaster ride soon, as the stress has been hard to manage at times.

Thank you so much for offering to pray for us. I do agree that it can't hurt and would appreciate it!

You are a really special person for caring enough to help me out by offering information. I will let you know how things go.

Thanks again,
Sarah

*******************

September 3, 2010, 1:46pm
Hi,

Wow! Getting someone from the bank to call you is a big step in the right direction. I'm glad you don't have to reapply. It's exhausting to have to go through that process over and over. We were denied twice before we were approved. I hope the woman who called you gave you her direct number.

The stress is horrible, I agree. It got so bad that one day I kind of snapped inside--I just finally let go of the whole thing. I kept doing the footwork, but I stopped worrying about all the things that might happen. I guess I really focused on living day by day but I still chugged along calling the bank every Friday and doing everything I could. It brought me some peace.

Roller coaster ride is a great description of what it's like for us during this Recession!! I'm not good with that kind of stress! My husband stayed grounded but I felt like I would break.
Anyway, I do want to know what happens with you guys. I'm praying for you every morning around 6:30am, my time. That's when my alarm goes off to start the day. Keep the pressure on them!

Good luck, Jennifer

********************

September 9, 2010, 7:40am

Hi Jennifer,

I do have her direct number. Unfortuntately, the loan processor that's assigned to the case isn't the kind of person who takes phone calls. No one can give me his direct number, and I had to fax a request for him to call me! How crazy is that?

I know what you mean about letting go. You almost have to take a deep breath and become someone else (like your own advocate) when you make the calls. The stress is really wearing me down. I'm tired when I wake up and find it hard to keep up with my 2 little kids. The real problem with this whole long, drawn out process is the that it's just so time consuming. It takes away from the time that I should be working on our current business and other business ideas. So frustrating!

I have an appointment for a "workshop" in Philadelphia on Saturday where they supposedly can give us an answer right then and there. Seems crazy when I've been working on this over the phone for a year! I don't mean to sound like a complainer, but the whole process just adds up to a whole lot of time that you can't get back: time away from business...and most importantly, time away from my kids. :(

Onward and upward! I know no matter what everything will be okay.

Thanks again for your help!

-Sarah

***************

September 11, 2010, 10:11am
Hi Sarah,

A workshop? Interesting. So it's through your bank? It seems like a big decision for a bank to make on the spot. I hope that's a good thing and not a bad thing. Of course, I would go too. At least you can get face to face with someone. If they say no--keep up the pressure!! Don't give up!

The first priority is your family--your husband and kids. If you guys are healthy and together, you are truly blessed! Fight the bank one day at a time. It won't last forever. I also resented the time away from the kids. I resented the days I had to bribe the kids to be quiet because I was on the phone, or when I snapped at them. I resented the banks getting bailed out and then not helping me. I had to choose every day to not let it spoil my mood etc. I'm sure you are doing a great job! Just keep it up!

Let me know how the workshop goes! Jennifer

******************

September 17, 2010, 10:12am

Hi Jennifer,

It's so funny...I got your email while I was leaving the "workshop." They didn't make the decision on the spot but my contact said she should have an answer by Friday. I will not give up.

I am blessed with 2 healthy kids and a hard-working husband who is just as tenacious as I am. This is all on me though. My husband has to focus on keeping our business going. He's the person that interacts with our customers, and we're lucky to be getting busier given how slow the economic recovery has been. I will see this through. There will be a resolution.

The way you describe the time away from your kids, bribing them to be quiet while you take an important call, etc....that's all me, too. And resenting the bail outs when the big banks won't help people anyway...don't get me started. My mortgage is with Wells Fargo, and the investor is Bank of America. Talk about big bank bailouts.

I'm trying to stay strong and focused. I'm supposed to find out the options today. I will let you know what I hear.

Thanks

Sarah

P.S. I wrote all of the above email throughout the week and just wanted you to see it. We were denied AGAIN this morning but are supposed to try to cut expenses and resubmit. Any advice?

**************************

September 17, 2010, 12:11am
Hi Sarah,

Ughhhhh! I'm sorry to hear that. However, keep going! They have given you the road map to a YES. Do as they ask. You're self-employed so you're flexible. If they adjust your loan payment to 31 or 38 percent of your income--it still has to be a payment that makes sense to them. If you can show some more income by cutting expenses, it makes for a better payment for them. That's their bottom line most likely.

Persistence may not get you a modification, but it's your only chance. Everyone I know was denied more than once. I know people who have spent over a year and then gotten a yes.

My 12 year old was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. We spent a few days last week at Oakland Children's Hospital. He's okay now but he's insulin dependent for the rest of his life. We are a very healthy family with no history of diabetes type 1 or 2. I never saw this coming. We could have lost him!

So stay focused on your healthy, little ones. No matter what happens, you know what really matters.

I hope you are able to keep making your payments while you reapply.

Please keep me posted! Jennifer

***********************

September 23, 2010 7:42pm

Hi Jennifer,

Thanks so much for keeping in touch with me. It's amazing to me that someone across the country who doesn't know me can have so much in common with me and care enough to commiserate and try to help me! I really appreciate you.

Here's the latest. Well, the loan adjuster that we met with at the "workshop" who told me to cut expenses and get back to her basically told me that, hung up with me and closed the file. Isn't that crazy? Why bother telling me to cut expenses if you're just going to mark it as "denied" and close the file? So, this morning while fielding a call from WF's collections department (something I've never dodged), I find out that I'm once again kicked out of the process. Yes, that's right, my point of contact (the loan adjuster) did not tell me what was going on, and I had to hear it from a collections representative. After that I called the executive offices and spoke with a representative there who hopefully will be able to help me. He sounds like he knows what he's talking about, said he would make sure I got a fair review and that I would only have to talk to him from this point on. We'll see. I've also contacted my senator and a consumer credit agency that specializes in mortgage modifications.

Two things I found out that may make a difference: 1) the appraisal that they had done a month ago came in at about $90,000 more than we could possibly get in this market and at least $40,000 more than what we paid 5 years ago when the market was hot; 2) they have been considering some of our business debt as personal debt because it shows up on our personal credit report. I'm not sure what to do about that except to prove that debt is paid monthly via our business checking account.

Now, forget all the nonsense above. How are you doing since your son's diagnosis? That must have shaken you to the core. Please let me know how he's doing. It has to be difficult when a child is diagnosed with diabetes since it's so hard to pin them down...they're always on the move. My husband is diabetic. He was diagnosed in his mid-twenties. It's still considered Type 1 even though for awhile they didn't know how to classify him since usually Type 1 is diagnosed earlier.

I feel your pain...loving someone with a chronic disease is stressful. I'm sure you're doing a ton of research on nutrition and everything, and I don't know what help I can offer, but if I can do anything for you in that regard, please ask me anything. I really want to know how you all are managing. I know it's hard.

Thanks again for caring enough to communicate with me. It means a lot.

- Sarah

*********************

September 24, 2010, 2:04pm
Hi Sarah,

I'm glad to hear that you still have a particular person that you are allowed to call for updates. That is awesome! Your appraisal is an issue. You can let your contact person know that the appraisal is blatantly incorrect. If things don't go your way, you can threaten that the bank is using "unfair business practices." In California anyway, just mentioning "unfair business practices" screams "lawsuit". It should get his attention. You could say the same thing for the business debt if they refuse to allocate it to the business. Keep the pressure on!! You are doing a great job with that. It's the only way. The squeaky wheel truly gets the grease.

Thank you for asking about our family. We are adjusting to the diagnosis. Yes, Type 1 is more common in juvenile's but they do see now that it happens in young adults and even later sometimes. Nicholas is doing well with it right now. He's accepted it better than I have! I wonder if he'll grieve later?

I am just so grateful that he's alive and his organs were not damaged. He's thriving--gaining weight, being playful, seeing and thinking more clearly. I'm grateful to the medicine for that.

Keep me posted on your house!! I'm pulling for you. You are not alone! Jennifer

************************

November 30, 2010, 7:37am
Hey Jennifer,

Sorry I haven't emailed you back in a loooong while. I wanted to wait until I found out my results on the modification. Well, after all we've been through with the HAMP process, we were finally approved for an in-house modification. I couldn't care less what they called it...we got it done. Now, of course it didn't happen until my Congressman wrote a letter for me, which tells you right there that something is terribly wrong with the system because, in terms of the information I supplied Wells Fargo for over a year, absolutely nothing changed from the beginning of the whole process. Thank you so much for all the information and support you gave me. It really made a difference for me.

Is Nicholas still doing well? I've been reading your blog (I "liked" you on FB) and will continue to do so. It's fun to read your perspective on things!

Take care,
Sarah

*********************

December 2, 2010, 3:32pm
Wow Sarah!

Congratulations! It might have taken the congressman writing the letter--but all the credit goes to you. You fought hard for a year, you never gave up, you pressured the bank and you got it done. I'm so happy for you and your family!

Can I post this email on my blog?--no last names of course--and no first names if you don't want your first name. Let me know, I'd love to share your story! In fact, if I could post all of our email exchanges, that would be cool, I think. Basically, you don't have to worry about your privacy with me--but you are a real person like me! People will relate.

Let me know what you think about that. If you don't want to, that's totally fine. It's just an idea.

Anyway, thanks for asking about Nick. He's doing great. It's hardest on me and my husband. He just accepts it. He went to a jr. high dance today. I saw him dancing with some girls in a group and I just teared up. I'm so happy he gets to grow up and do everything that everyone else does--but he just has to do it with syringes and blood checks. He's type 1, so there's nothing we can do about it. None of us ever get a break from it, but that's kind of a good thing. We got used to it and we just stay used to it. I know that new technology will continue to make it easier for him as well. He's happy and a mom can't ask for any more than that!

Thank you so much for updating me. I almost emailed you a few weeks ago. I wondered if you were waiting until you had news. I've prayed for you and crossed my fingers too...I'm thrilled that the news you got was good news!

Jennifer

*********************

January 3, 2011, 7:12pm
Hi Jennifer,

I'm sorry that once again it's been so long since last I emailed you. All of 2010 was so crazy for me, as you well know. Anyway, thanks for the congratulations. I still haven't received the actual loan agreement, but I've made 2 of the adjusted payments already, and the dunning phone calls have stopped. So, I think it's just a matter of time before the paperwork is finalized.

I'd be happy to let you use my story. There are so many people, I think, who are just giving up. Even though it's an uphill battle -- and it shouldn't take a congressman to make the difference -- I guess people in the trenches need some reassurance that things can work out. If you have any follow up questions, just let me know.

I'm glad to hear that your son is doing well. I know it's hard for you and your husband. I can't even imagine. But you're right...if he's a happy kid that makes all the difference.

Please keep in touch. I read your blog and "liked" you on FB. I feel like we're really friends.

Thanks again for everything.

- Sarah

*********************

January 7, 2011, 12:09pm
Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your permission, I'm working on the post right now! We do need to share our stories and help each other. Sadly, the success stories seem to be fewer than the foreclosure stories.

However, people who are still battling can be encouraged by what we went through. It wasn't easy. We probably have a few more gray hairs--but we have our homes!!

Congrats again!

Here's to a better New Year in 2011!! Yours, Jennifer

**********************

Dear Readers--please email me at alvarezgang@yahoo.com if you would like to share your story about the Recession! Your story will be anonymous unless you choose to share your name, of course.

There are a lot of people who will benefit from knowing they are not alone. Whatever you have gone through, or are going through, someone else is also. Please invite your friends to read this and share also. I know people are reluctant to open up--I don't expect much of a response--but please consider taking a moment to share anything related to the Recession--big or small!! Or send advice or tips regarding what has worked for you.

Writing is great therapy. I have released a lot of tension through this blog and I've learned about myself. For instance, I say "Wow" a lot--lol!

Thank you for sharing Sarah!

'Twas the Night After the Recession

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 05:47:00 +0000

'Twas the Night after the Recession

'Twas the night after the Recession and all through the home

Not a bill had been paid, not even the loans.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with fear

That Saint Nicholas would not be visiting this year.

Soon the children were nestled all cold in their beds

While visions of propane danced in their heads.

And papa in his sweats and I, in my gown,

Settled onto our sofa at the side skirts of town.

When out on the roof there arose such a fray,

I thought it was bankers come to take our house away.

Across to the window I flew like a bird,

Only bankruptcy could save us now, I had heard.

The moon on the beads of fresh fallen rain,

Gave the lustre of dreaming to my over-stressed brain.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But eight tiny workers and a big job for next year!

My husband climbed out, so lively and quick,

And signed the sub-contract, lickety-split.

More happy than ever, his workers let out a cheer

They would have jobs for the coming new year!

Now Christian, now Brian!

Now Mario and Rick!

On Daniel, on Ryan!

On, Lionel and Nick!

To the top of the porch!

To the top of the wall!

Paint away! Paint away!

Paint away all!

As dry leaves that before the Recession flew,

When they meet new work, they rise anew.

Up to Ukiah the painters they flew

With a truck full of ladders and my husband too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The sound of a ladder and my dog saying "woof".

As I drew in my head and was closing the shade,

My husband came down with the money he'd made.

He was dressed all in white from his head to his toes,

Except for the paint that splattered his clothes.

A bundle of toys he had slung on his back

And some new boots for me and a treat for the cat

His eyes, how they twinkled, and he looked extra tall.

He was home for Christmas and with presents for all.

His red, little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the paint on his whiskers looked like fresh, winter snow.

Some pink chewing gum he held tight in his teeth,

And he blew a huge bubble the size of a wreath.

He had a rugged face and muscles to boot,

They rippled when he laughed, and he was so cute!

He was happy and proud, jolly like an elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a whisper in my ear,

Let me know that things would be better next year!

He spoke no more words but allowed me to see,

As he filled all the stockings for our whole family.

And laying a finger on top of the knob,

He opened the door in search of more jobs.

He sprang to his truck, sent his workers a text,

And away they all flew from one job to the next.

But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Recovery to all and to all a good night!"

My hubby!

2010 Top Ten Lists

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 22:59:00 +0000

It's almost the end of 2010. Everyone is coming out with their top ten lists. I won't be left out!!

Jennifer's 2010 Top Ten Lists

How I know My Family is in a Recession

10) I gave up on brand name loyalty and I buy whatever is on sale
9)     I provide home veterinary care to our pets
8)     I never have enough money to fill my gas tank
7)     I considered raising rabbits for meat (gag)
6)     I make my kids drink water (even at restaurants)
5)   I send electronic Christmas cards
4)     I chew on one side of my mouth rather than fix the cracked tooth!
3)     I used to be blond
2)     I have no access to credit (other than the pawn shop)
1)     I write a blog about being broke!

How Things Have Changed for my Kids

10) We visit the library instead of the bookstore
9) We stay home
8) We rent movies instead of going out to the movies
7) We avoid the mall at all costs
6) We make homemade birthday cakes
5) We stay home
4) I say NO a lot (even when I don't want to)
3) We do a lot of puzzles and board games
2) We take day trips instead of vacations (gas $ providing)
1) We stay home (a lot)

How Things Have Changed for my Family

10)   We're thankful just to have our bills paid on time
9)     We make delicious homemade coffee
8)     We stay fit, get lots of sleep and brush our teeth extra to avoid medical bills
7)     We have less choices, our lives are simple
6)     We spend lots of time with each other
5)     We have a better loan on our house!
4)     We've learned to let people help us
3)     We cook more family dinners
2)     We are intensely grateful for everything we have
1)     We have more faith!

How I will Know when my Family is out of the Recession

10)   When I can fill my gas tank all the way up!
9)     When I can treat a friend to coffee
8)     When my kids own more than one pair of blue jeans
7)     When we can afford organic food
6)     When we can afford to buy in bulk
5)     When pigs fly (just kidding)
4)     When my tooth is fixed
3)     When we have a minimum of three months of living expenses in the bank
2)     When our front yard wall is finished
1)     When I finally get to book that trip to Disneyland!

When we recover from this Recession, I won't miss buying cheap food, stressing over the bills and scrounging up change to buy gas. It's not enjoyable to be broke even though I've had a lot of good times. It's the underlying hum of stress that I won't miss.

The good news is that I get to keep all of things I've enjoyed about the Recession. I get to keep the family dinners, playing board games, visiting the wonderful library, going to the beach, creating fun birthday cakes and cupcakes and enjoying my deeper faith and trust in God.

Most of us who have experienced the dizzying drop in our incomes during this Recession have the Recovery to look forward to. Most of us are the newly poor--not the lifelong poor. Most of us have lost things--possessions, jobs and homes--but we haven't lost the hope of rebuilding.

Ramon and I lost our retirement accounts, our savings accounts, the kids' college funds, our sports car, our rental home and our condo in Lake Tahoe (I know, poor us, right? Believe me, I'm NOT complaining.) The point is that we lost a lot of net worth and our lifestyle changed drastically.

Even my kids don't miss the "stuff"--they do look good in the car though :)

Financial pain is all relative. I quickly let go of the extras in my life. It was when we didn't have enough money for utility bills, for medical insurance, for dental care or for Christmas presents--that I truly mourned. I thanked God every day for our health, and then my son lost that too. We lost a lot. You also know (if you've been reading) how much was saved--my home and my son's life!

A lot of marriages haven't survived the Recession--mine has! After spending a day playing the "blame game" with my husband, I realized that I would lose him if I kept it up. We have come through this stronger than we went in. We have relied on each other equally. I'm proud of him. He is willing to do whatever it takes to get us through. He's working hard physically and he's always hopeful and positive. He hasn't gotten to enjoy his hobbies or buy clothes in years and he never complains. I adore him!

We celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in 2011 and 20 years since our first kiss!

I've suffered from lifelong mild depression--even when our income was high. My depression is gone now. Sometimes things get so bad that you have to accept your lot and make the best of it, or it will crush you! I've done some serious mental push-ups which have made me stronger. Every time I choose faith over fear in the face of a harsh reality--I'm building muscles. The stronger they get, the faster and easier they lift me out of depression. It's amazing.

I'll never forget what my daughter said when she was about four. She walked outside and looked up. She said, "Mama, I see rainbows everywhere." I looked up. All I saw was a plain, blue sky.

Guess what? Now I see rainbows everywhere!

I used to believe everything I saw. Now I see everything I believe.

It's backward thinking like: the weak will lead the strong, the poor shall inherit the earth, the last will be the first, those who surrender shall have victory and sometimes when you lose, you win! (I wrote about this in Faith is the Victory.)

My whole life has been turned upside down and I've decided that it's a good thing. We were vulnerable to the Recession due to our large amount of debt. That debt could have been removed either through a truck load of cash or through bankruptcy. Our route was bankruptcy. What a blessing! I got my wish of being debt-free and I learned things that money and luxury can't teach!

I never would have signed myself up for a crash course in Extreme Financial Stress and Other Life Lessons. And yet, I find myself enrolled and sitting at the front of the class. Great as it has turned out to be, I am hoping to graduate soon!

School of Hard Knocks

And this is where a lot of us find ourselves--with the hope of Recovery. I've gotten a taste of poverty and I'm grateful that I have a better future ahead of me. I like to think I could keep a positive attitude no matter what--but unending poverty would test me to my core. It would also break my heart for my kids. I know people live it every day. My heart breaks for them.

What my family has gone through in the last three years has changed me forever. I will never look at debt the same, at luxury the same, at money the same. I am a wiser than I was. I do expect that we will become financially stable once again. The economy cycles and we will come out of this. I see our recovery beginning in 2011. I hope I am right and I hope the same is true for you if you are suffering.

What the Recession has Taught Me

10) Recycle, Reuse and Reduce (My Teapot Works)

9) No one is so poor they have nothing to give (The Great Thanksgiving Banquet)

8) When money is plentiful--store some! (Earthquake Proof)

7) My attitude is my choice (Lifeboat Lessons)

6) When disaster strikes, don't blame your spouse! (For Richer for Poorer)

5) Sometimes when you lose, you win (The Biggest Loser)

4) God makes all things Good (even bankruptcy) (Glee!)

3) Listen to the angels and live in the moment (Disaster Proof)

2) We are here to help each other (It Takes a Village)

And the Number One thing the Recession has taught me......drum roll, please.....

1) It IS embarrassing to have your visa card declined! (Declined)

Facing your Fridays

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 23:51:00 +0000

I'm going to write about something the 99ers may be able to relate to--hating Fridays!!!!

The "99ers" is the nickname for the people who have been on unemployment benefits for 99 weeks. 99 weeks translates into one year and nine months! This Recession, the longest and deepest since the 1930's, is characterized by unusually long periods of unemployment for American workers. There are five times as many people looking for jobs as there are job openings, according to the White House Council of Economic Advisers. In this environment, it takes a long time to find a job.

On December 1, 2010 (two days ago), unemployment benefits expired for millions of out of work Americans. By Christmas, another 1.6 million will run out of their benefits. Next year the number will rise to nearly 7 million. If you think the job market is competitive now, I can't imagine how it will look when millions of people begin to get desperate. If you've ever watched a zombie movie--this is what I picture: a company with a job opening will attract mass crowds who are starving for work!

The Walking Dead--a new hit, TV show on AMC

BTW--why are zombies such a popular, cultural artifact? And why are they making a comeback? They aren't intelligent or romantic like vampires. They aren't sexy at all. They are really disgusting. I have a hard time even looking at them!

I will throw in my two cents about why they might be popular now, during the Recession. The zombies don't have Enough. When food walks by, they are activated and they come out in force--hundreds of zombies hoping to feed on one human. They no longer care about fancy cell phones, Uggs, hairstyles or even shelter. They obsess on the one basic, physical need we all have--the need for FOOD.

When those unemployment benefits expire--millions of people will suffer until they find work. I believe that any person who doesn't have ENOUGH to survive, can not help but become focused on ONE thing--getting their basic needs met. Zombies don't loot, they don't harass each other, they don't text. They spend all day, every day in search of food because they are starving!

I know what it's like. We are self-employed. We don't qualify for unemployment benefits. We skipped that step and jumped straight into desperation! We've already been in zombie shoes. We have faced months where we've had food and shelter insecurity. In fact, according to the USDA, 15% of American families faced Food Insecurity last year. That number is about to go up.

Nothing else matters when you're not sure how you're going to get food! I mean your clothes or the latest iphone apps or what's playing at the theaters doesn't matter anymore. Those concerns become luxuries! My family has never gone without food. Something has always come through for us. Just having the insecurity though opens up your mind to the things you'd be willing to do to get money for food (and shelter). I can't imagine what I would do if my children were actually starving! Have you ever asked yourself that?

How far would you go to feed your family?

I don't believe that I would EVER hurt anybody. Maybe I'm naive. I think I would hurt someone if they tried to take food away from my kids but I can't imagine being the aggressor. At the same time, I know that I would get them fed one way or another and I don't want to think too hard about that. I also have a husband who would take care of us. As long as he's around, it wouldn't all fall on me. Anyway, I think the zombie movies touch on some of that food insecurity and our fears of having our humanity reduced.

Anyway, I just meant to write about how I came to hate Fridays. During our darkest days last year, my husband scoured the land for work. There was NONE. I was also applying for jobs (along with dozens, if not hundreds, of others). We both came up empty week after week after week.

Every Monday I woke up in the morning full of hope. "This is the week," I told myself. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday weren't too bad either. Even Friday morning, I woke up with a teeny wisp of expectation that it could still happen--a job or a contract would come through for us before 5 o' clock. But every Friday the sun would set on my disappointment.

Friday evenings were sad in my home. I had to face two, useless days ahead of me. Two days I would rather have hibernated through. I hated using precious resources when there was no hope of making any money that day. We ate our food, depleted our propane tank and used gas in our cars and it felt like a waste to me. I wanted to freeze the weekends and just wake up again on Monday. I didn't mind my family using resources in the pursuit of work and school but not for a Saturday or a Sunday--does that make any sense? Anyone get me out there???

Only unemployed people look forward to Mondays and dread Fridays!!

That's my experience anyway.

And I didn't even mention Christmas! It's heart breaking to be broke at Christmas. Giving presents to our children is part of our holiday. We enjoy giving them gifts. We don't buy them much the rest of the year. They get one gift on their birthdays from us. Christmas is a great time to catch them up on toys and special clothes that they need as they outgrow things (mentally and physically). We are not alone in this! It is depressing when you can't even give a gift to your child. It's a sign that things have really changed. It's something you can't hide from the kids. We can suffer through a lot as adults, but I don't want my kids to suffer. So many kids have already lost homes and pets to the Recession--it's too much!

I don't know what the consequences of this whole unemployment benefit thing are going to be. Of course, I don't really expect people to turn into zombies (metaphorically or otherwise!) I know it's a huge debate and I don't want to get into that. I honestly haven't followed it much. I'm not voicing any opinion on whether benefits should be extended or not. People who want jobs can't get jobs--that's the problem! All I know is that the Recession is real. The lack of jobs, the huge competition for jobs, is real. I don't see how that isn't going to get worse.

I believe that a lot of folks will come to dread Fridays as much as we did.

We're doing better now. I think that small businesses are starting to recover. We felt it early and we're recovering early. I also know families that are just beginning to feel the sting of the Recession. A neighbor of ours just lost his job. My friend's husband can't find work. My other friend believes she'll lose her home this summer. People are in wildly different stages of disaster and recovery and some have been blissfully protected from all of it (except for a drop in their home's value).

Praise God for the families who are doing well. They are a lifeline to others! I can't wait until we are doing well enough to help people.

The survivors in zombie movies distrust everyone. They are paranoid, they shoot first and ask questions later, they assume everyone is a zombie until proven otherwise, they torture. It's all okay though because the zombies are dehumanized--they are undead. The fear of the zombies brings out the savages in the humans.

I don't know what will happen when millions of people become desperate at the same time. I don't think it's a stretch of the imagination to think that things could get worse before they get better. I'm not talking about violence, I'm talking about competition. I'm also not talking about laws or bills or benefits--I'm talking about us--the citizens of the U.S. If things get bad out there, I want to remain compassionate! I want to help, not hurt.

Sometimes all we have left is our humanity!

No one can take that from us!

One Year Blogiversary!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 21:18:00 +0000

I began this blog one year ago today!

I want to thank all my readers for your support over the last year. I get more private comments than public comments. Writing is a transaction. Without readers, the transaction is incomplete. Thank you for reading and for encouraging me!

This blog has been a life-saver for me. It's hard to go through a crisis of any kind alone. I was going through our troubles with the Recession mostly alone until November 24, 2009, one year ago. It was hard for me to speak aloud about our troubles so I turned to my favorite form of communication--writing! I was able to spill my guts to everyone at once.

For me, this is therapy. Believe it or not, I AM a private person. I'm just not private when I'm writing. It's my medium of expression. Some people paint their agony, some sing it, some act it out--I write it! I've kept a diary since I was eight years old. I've written almost every day since--diaries, prayer journals, novels and blogs. I love it!

Today, on the one year blogiversary, I want to share The Jennifer (Recession) Diaries stats with you all.

Over the last year there have been 3,291 visits and 5,648 page views. That's an average of 9 readers per day!

Visitors have come from 58 different countries.

The top 6 countries who visit most are:

1) United States

2) Canada

3) United Kingdom

4) Australia

5) India

6) France

Even more interesting to me are the top 3 blog posts of the year:

1) Meat Rabbits

In this post, I muse over the idea of raising rabbits, chickens, cows and vegetables for food. These are actually GREAT ideas, but expensive to start up. I was too broke to even grow my own food--how's that for poor? It's all the rage though! Who knew that raising chickens, growing veggies and canning would become so cool? Nowadays, nothing says "I'm green" like a backyard chicken!

2) Cougar National Bank

I describe a vivid dream about a cougar who chases me and my children into a bank. She rages against the glass doors while I hold them shut. In exhaustion, my grip on the door slips and she gets inside. My children are hiding. I cower, waiting for the death bite but she doesn't attack me. Instead she takes a sack of money that is near me. It's all the money we have in the world. She takes it and leaves. I'm left grateful. I realize that losing our money is not the end of the world. My children are safe. Not too long after having the dream--it comes true! Creditors take every last dime out of our account.

3) I am Spartacus

This is my favorite post! Not because it's my best writing (it's far from)--but because it was inspired and emotional for me. I wrote this post in a literal fury. This was the night I realized that our mortgage company did something that I believed was unethical regarding our payment. It led to us almost losing our home. Anyway, I felt like Spartacus when he realized that his wife was killed on purpose and that his "owner" had done it. His owner pretended to help him, but the real goal was to make money off of Spartacus. I believed that my bank stood to make a profit if they foreclosed on us. For the first time in my blog, I named my bank and blasted them. I was ready to bring down Washington on them, lawyers, the public. A miracle occurred the day after I wrote the Spartacus post....the bank called me and said, "We read your blog." (Read about the miracle here: Horton Hears a Who )

All in all, it has been quite a year! We've been penniless, bankrupt, without hot water, without heat, without health insurance, without income. We've loved and laughed. We've been cradled by God. We've discovered how much fun we can have for free. We've been shown true wealth. I've experienced human kindness like never before. I've witnessed the fragility of earthly riches and our human lives. I've experienced miracles. I'm far from where I want to be spiritually, but I'm further along than I was! I trusted what I saw on paper (my bank accounts, contracts for work) and the paper failed me. I'm relying now on things unseen!

I believe that real recovery for us will begin in 2011. In the meantime, we're still struggling--a lot of people are. Even if it's over for you, or you haven't been affected, it's still getting worse for some good, hard-working families. I know two families who are reaching the ends of their ropes. They are both facing losing their homes next year.

I read that profits are up but main street is still broken. I believe the Recession is like a bull whip. The crisis rolls down the length of the leather until it snaps and then the recovery is felt as the leather rolls back. We are all on a different part of the leather. It seems to me that the people who felt it first, recover first. Some people are just beginning to feel the snap of the Recession. Some people are just now running out of resources.

We felt it early. We were among the first group to topple after the banks and stock markets crashed. My husband let his workers go slowly. They felt it after we did. Now that he's getting more work, he'll bring the workers back one at a time. The last worker re-hired will be the last one to recover. It's just the nature of this thing from my experience.

For now though, I wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving! To all my readers in foreign countries--I wish you a happy Thursday tomorrow :)

Be Thankful in all Circumstances!

This one is for all my friends who went to Disneyland this week!!

Lifeboat Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 00:17:00 +0000

In my last post, Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I asked people to face their financial demons. I got a personal response via email which hit close to home. A Reader responded that they were also hit hard by the Recession, they filed bankruptcy and they thought they'd be further along the road to recovery by now. She's distressed and tired of being broke.

I just want to say--I relate! She used to do very well, like we did. We are the newly poor--not the always been poor. I wasn't born and bred to this life. Part of my problem is that I'm plain not used to it--it feels wrong!

We've been struggling to make it each month for almost three years now. The day Ramon told me to stop spending money was the day we saw the iceberg. That was in April of 2008. We tried to steer clear of it. We cut our spending. We tried to avoid the collision but it was too late. We struck the iceberg.

The Recession in 2008

It took me awhile to realize that the damage to our ship was fatal. I was in shock. We ran to the lifeboats only to find that they were gone. The Recession had made off with our stock values, our home equity and our income. It hit us that our ship was going to sink.

We madly tried to rescue what we could. We raced through our accounts and properties and possessions as each succumbed to the rising waters. We tried to buy time. We sold everything we could to pay our bills, but the damage was too great once we got behind on our mortgage, our tenants stopped paying their rent and our assets were gone. It wasn't about trying to save the ship anymore, it was about trying to save ourselves. It was terrifying for me.

Our lives under water...

Finally, there was nothing left to be done. The ship tipped into the sea and sliced the waves toward it's final resting spot at the bottom of the ocean. Ramon and I rode this thing out to the final moments. This might sound corny--but, when you lose everything, you have a clear view of what's left--it's love, it's how we treat each other, it's the choices we make.

The ship was just our stuff!

Ramon and I :)

On November 3, 2009, we caught a lifeboat called bankruptcy. Whew! This was a year of joy and hope and relief. We were saved! Multiple lifelines came through for us. Our children qualified for free health care and reduced lunches. PG&E gave us a huge discount on our electricity. Our home qualified for a government mortgage modification which saved it from foreclosure. People came out of the woodwork to help us which renewed my faith in humanity.

Life since then has continued to be a struggle. So where are we now? We're still adrift in that lifeboat. The thrill of being rescued has diminished as we realize we aren't out of danger. This year has been about endurance. Lifeboats aren't meant for long term voyaging! Everything is more work in a lifeboat. Provisions are scarce. There is little room for entertainment. The view never changes.

Adrift

I've been left wondering when things will be back to "normal", or at least when they will get better than they are now! I believe now that the big boat was overrated and it was too large to steer quickly anyway. But I do miss the luxuries, the shopping, the fine dining and the excursions that went along with it. I'm not comfortable being broke. I am exhausted and frustrated by having just enough (but still grateful that I have at least that much!) Even though bankruptcy erased our debt and our mortgage has been modified--we still have income issues caused by the Recession. My husband's industry is still in the dumps.

I have wondered what lesson God is trying to teach us. For awhile I thought, "Once I learn the lesson, this torture will end!" Well, I have learned multiple lessons and the torture continues!

I will share something I have realized in my lifeboat, God did not do this to us! The Recession is like a natural disaster--it has netted good and bad people, states and countries, banks and small businesses alike. It was not God who caused the Recession, it was man. I think the final lesson I need to learn is acceptance.

I need to stop waiting for the world to right itself and accept that this IS my world. It doesn't matter how I was raised or what I'm comfortable with. If I can rise above the middle-class, I can certainly drop below it as well. This is the good news and the bad news about financial freedom. My lifeboat is not my forever home. My riches were not my forever home. I only know that my finances don't reflect my worthiness or my faith.

We are going on three years of financial hardship now. I am stronger because of it. I have developed endurance. I've developed a keen eye for the silver lining. I do see land on the horizon. I do know that the economy cycles. I do believe that we will exit this lifeboat and rebuild our lives. I am practicing acceptance and patience and we're doing all the earthly footwork we can do to pull out of this--namely, rowing like mad for shore!

I already see how this trial is going to help me deal with things in the future. My oldest son, Nicholas, was recently diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. His autoimmune system has destroyed the eyelet cells in his pancreas and he can no longer produce insulin. He injects insulin multiple times per day to to replace the insulin that he no longer produces. There is never a break from this for our family. It's day and night--we are his pancreas. Without the insulin, he will die. Talk about stress...and this will never end!

Three years is nothing compared to the rest of my son's life. The endurance I've developed and the ability to see the silver lining have saved my sanity. In my lifeboat, I have learned to hope when I have none. I have learned to be thankful in all circumstances. I have learned that my attitude is my choice. I have applied all of this to my son. I hope for a cure, I'm thankful for his life and I have a good attitude. The things I've learned are protecting me from the stress and depression that would like to claim me.

Yes, I'm tired. Yes, it's not easy. But the bottom line is that life is a journey, not a destination (no, I did not make that up--lol!). I need to let go of where I think we SHOULD be--and live HERE, right where we ARE.

Our ship suffered a fatal blow that day in 2008. Instead of trying to pull the wreck out of the deep, we need to focus on the horizon, let go of our expectations, be grateful for a lighter boat and row for shore.

I just heard that the single, greatest cause of depression is thinking that your life should be a certain way.

I'm letting go!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

noreply@blogger.com (Jennifer Lynn Alvarez) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 02:06:00 +0000

What would you think of me if I walked up to you and asked,

How much money do you make?

How much money is in your bank account?

How much debt do you have?

How much did that cost?

Is it rude? How well do I have to know you before I can ask you these questions?

I will tell you--I don't know how much my MOM makes--so I guess I'd have to know you PRETTY well!

I grew up with "Don't ask, Don't tell" (no, we're not military). It's about money. Don't ask people how much they make and don't tell people how much you make. It's a taboo subject (like SEX). It's private, personal and it's no one's business but your own.

I recently read an article about Americans' general reluctance to talk about money, specifically salaries. Norway posts the salaries of it's citizens in the NEWSPAPER! Another reason I'm glad I live in America...

I have to wonder if the money taboo helps any of us. Do we keep up with the Joneses because of Salary Insecurity. I can't TELL you how much I make, but I can SHOW you? If I SPEND as much as the people around me, no one will know I make LESS.

It's hard to be a Have-Not!

We used to be Joneses--not THE JONESES but their close cousins at least! Before the Recession, business was good. My husband and I spent a lot of money because we were making a lot of money. For us, it was growing on trees! While we didn't talk about how much we made, it showed.

We lived in a middle-class neighborhood. We added on to our house, bought new cars, went on expensive trips, bought a second home in Tahoe, hired yard service and house cleaners--who knows how much pressure we put on our friends and neighbors? One Christmas I bought my husband ringside seats to see De La Hoya fight in Vegas and I bought a ticket for his friend and that was just one of his presents!

People in my town have varying incomes--but overall, it's a middle-class town (or at least it used to be!) It's a suburban, bedroom community full of families and Labrador retrievers. When someone spends a lot of money, there is chatter about it. People wonder if the person is getting help from parents or if they inherited money or if they really make enough to afford all that stuff? The curiosity to ASK is there--but no one ASKS and they don't TELL.

Now my family is on the flip side. The Recession hit us hard (as you know). Before I started writing this blog--I didn't talk about our hard times for the same reasons I didn't talk about our good times. For one, money matters are private. I don't know if my parents actually taught me that--but I grew up knowing it. For two, when things were good, I didn't want to appear like I was bragging and when things got bad, I didn't want to appear like I was whining. For three, it was embarrassing to admit that I couldn't afford to go to lunch or or to a movie or, later, to pay my bills. I didn't lie, I just didn't TELL. No one ASKED, so no one knew. I covered it up, I hid it.

A friend told me she heard of the middle-class being like ducks on a pond--they look serene but underneath they are paddling like mad to stay afloat. One of those ducks was me!

I'm the ugly one--lol!

It takes a lot of energy to stay afloat. It takes even more energy to keep up a facade while you're trying to float. You have no idea how hard it was to out myself (or maybe you do...). Everyone around me seemed to be doing fine. I made up excuses to not do stuff rather than admit that I didn't have the money. I felt guilt because I couldn't be generous. I felt like a freak in my middle-class town. Even worse, I felt alone.

I didn't know HOW to talk about it. How do I talk about something that is taboo? How do I break an unspoken agreement? It's also just plain hard to admit when your struggling. It's not the American dream, that's for sure.

So how do you do it? Well, I say go big or go home. I outed myself in this blog! I can't explain the relief that I felt. Instant relief, I might add! Even now, I sigh with gratitude that I made that decision.

You have to remember that this was a year ago. A lot of people were still trying to keep up appearances while their finances spiraled out of control. Everything has changed since then. It's almost vogue to be broke and unemployed now! (Unemployed bloggers are all the rage--lol!) Fashion designers in Paris announced that "Opulence is OUT." CEO's hide their new cars by buying them in the same color in an attempt to keep the peace with their employees. Flaunting money now is akin to driving a Hummer to a green energy conference! Not cool.

But at the time, it was a scary step to take. I'm grateful to all the people who contacted me and said, "Me too. I'm suffering too." I have networked with people like me. We have helped each other. I learned and shared valuable information that I would never have known or shared if I had stayed isolated. Talking about it has been nothing but good.

I'm also grateful to all the people who have helped us. I was too proud to ask for help. I still have a hard time with that (hence my little trip to the pawn shop--not too proud to pawn, I guess--lol). The nice thing is that most people didn't ask if we needed it--they just helped. I tried to deny the help, but it came anyway.

I realized that I was blocking the universal flow if I refused. When we had the money, we helped people. So I made a decision not to block the flow. I can't wait until I'm back on the other end though--the helping end!! (As a mom, I also could not refuse anything that would help my children--that's just a no brainer!!)

Lastly, sometimes people feel unloved by God when they are poor (or sick). It's hard enough to be broke without thinking that God has turned His back on you too! It's sad but I think people sometimes feel their income is a reflection of their worthiness or faith or specialness (or lack thereof).

Actually, wrong living can produce just as much wealth (if not more) than right living! And we probably all know someone who is sick who doesn't "deserve" it (for instance all children!). So, in my opinion, my financial status and my health are NOT reliable indicators of God's love for me or my faith in Him. I don't believe that any of us should feel ashamed of our income or too proud of it either. Wealth is a tool to be used wisely and health is fleeting for all of us!

Anyway, I'm not recommending that we all go and ASK each other how much we make--but I am recommending that you TELL someone if you are suffering. TELL everyone if you want--you are not alone. Telling relieves the pressure to keep up--and that's a good thing! Here are the Joneses now...

There's me again :)

Please comment on this post and TELL me how you're doing financially--anonymously, of course (unless you're feeling really brave!)

If you're hiding anything from yourself or others--spill the beans!! No one will know it's you but everyone will benefit (especially you!) My hope is that our true confessions help us all!

I know this is a lot to ASK....no pressure :)