The Jogger's Nipple

Toe Trophies

2011-12-05T10:47:00.001Z

Post Beacons Toes! Will now just wait and see which ones decide to stay and which ones decide to fall off!

The second toes nails are constantly being updated, growing back in all sorts of weird and wonderful fashions. The big toe however, was from booting a rather large boulder descending off the top of the Beacons! I'm hoping this one stays on because regrowth can be very unpredictable!

Beacons Ultra 2011

2011-11-26T15:24:00.001Z

Beacons Ultra 19/11/11 8:39:51 27th
CLICK TO VIEW

Snowdonia Marathon 2011

2011-11-26T14:59:00.001Z

Marathon Eryri / Snowdonia Marathon 29/10/11 3:31:22 148th
CLICK TO VIEW

The Prize

2011-11-23T15:06:00.001Z

Ahh, what can I say, I love Autumn. Cobalt skies, cooling temperatures, crisp mornings and the first signs of winter. It's also the season where summer miles can come to fruition in two shin splinting, toenail dropping, calf crunching Welsh corkers - The Snowdonia Marathon and The Beacons Ultra.

I have a soft spot for Snowdon, it was my first marathon and I hold the race, the competitors, the volunteers and the finishers cup of tea with highest regard. The weather is, as always, a treat. Right angled rain and windy uppercuts. I've written here before about the ins and outs of this race, but as per usual, mile 21 never fails to impress! This year I was joined by two friends, Sam and Imo, who also decided to use Snowdonia as their introduction to marathon running and who both now proudly hold Snowdonia Marathon slate coasters.

I have only one complaint with the Snowdonia Marathon. Last year I didn't get a place. SOLD OUT. Because of those two little words I will never hold the 28th Snowdonia Marathon slate coaster and it will always be missing from my coaster collection. It may seem like a trivial thing but those coasters that sit unnoticed on the sideboard, preventing hazardous candle drips, propping Birthday cards that lack sufficient standing stamina, defending cloudy vase prints from Mamgu's G-Plan veneer, mean the world to me. I have no interest in finishers medals, race numbers are dumped with empty gel packets, but those coasters sit quietly in the corner of the room, with tales of Snowdon running through their foliaton.

This year, alongside my coaster, I have some Beacons Ultra Old Red Sandstone trophies. These trophies, however, are deeply engrained into my elbow, forearm and thigh. Mile 40ish into a 46 mile run and I decided, on a fast rocky downhill section to get my left foot neatly wedged between two large stones. This resulted in a not-so-Superman style flight and a meeting with mud, rock and water. It shook me up. It happened so quickly that I had no time to think until I was looking straight up into the sky. There was heavy mist all day and I was staring into a long, luminous, grey-white depth. Focusless. A beautiful vastness of nothing. Then my elbow sent its appropriate neurotransmissions and I shot up pretty quick clutching my bloodied arm. I spat grainy red dirt from my mouth. Hopping from one foot to another, I was shouting things that I wouldn't even bless Ramsey's ears with. I cursed myself with further profanity, brushed down and checked all body parts could still move. I got back into stride and continued forward progress with a tweaked ankle and a limp.

Sitting with a beer resting on my new Welsh slate coaster and stroking my ever tightening elbow scab, I can now look back at this Autumns racing with fond memories.The coaster will soon find its way back over to the corner of the room and my elbow, knee and thigh scabs will heal up and all but disappear. What wont disappear though, are the moments in a run that can never quite be described. The camaraderie, the self-doubt, the perseverance, the views, the ground underfoot, the last mile, the moment a woodpecker flies out in front of you along a country lane or a sheep seems to be snarling at you.

I've been trying to think which memory from this years races I hold most dear and its been a close call. I thought at first it was the moment a shard of light broke through the clouds in Snowdon and cast a huge spotlight across the floor of a valley. It was like a theatre spot, scanning and highlighting the land in an otherwise grey and damp surrounding. It was breathtaking. But the winner this year was running through forests in the Beacons on a fire track alongside a very experienced ultra runner, named Dee. As we chatted about races, dreams and ambitions we ran passed one of the other racers. He was squatting by the side of the track, about 3 metres from our position, running tights down, knees up by his ears, taking a very large No.2. He was laughing and shouting:

'Nothing to see here! Nothing to see here!'

It was so large, in fact, that we could see it from across the track and Dee instantly shouted back:

'You should chop that off and put it on your mantelpiece, look at the size of it!'

It was quite impressive as far as these things go. I'm not sure if he kept it as a memento of the journey but I suspect he left it in situ. Memories like these, joking about a grown man defecating on the side of a fire track, are what it's all about. Whether you choose to show off your shit on the mantelpiece or happily watch your bloodied scab recede with time, it's the collection of all of these real memories growing with every race that become the proper trophies, the proper Finishers Prize.

As we reached the forest edge Dee turned and with his final words of wisdom shouted out:

'Well, I guess when you gotta go, you just gotta go!'

Priceless.

Kicking the Bucket

2011-06-21T12:18:00.012+01:00

The solitude of clocking miles out on trail and tarmac, for me, is a place where the mind has the opportunity to run around free. Problems or ideas can be thought out. You can wonder in the influence of a majestic swaying tree or dark rolling cloud. Sometimes, when its all going right, you can simply be lost, in nothing.

It's a place where reflection and resolution can be found. But it's also a place where dreams and aspirations can come in and out of consciousness, as extravagantly as you like.

As I'm quick stepping through the marshes, up canal paths and over well worn routes, my mind often wanders into what some would call a 'Bucket List'. This list is a place where ideas and dreams start. Once an idea is put on the list it becomes a part of your future. It could be in the next month or in 10 years, but it's now firmly planted itself into your life and will need to be resolved one way or another. It means research, planning and commitment. It will take hours of fantasising, dreaming and drooling, so that one day you can look it back up and put a big red tick straight through it.

I realised that my Bucket List, or what I would rather call the Tenacious Onslaught of Distensible Objectives list (TO DO for short) is growing and I need to keep an eye on it. So, it starts here and once written down will eat away at my brain until it gets realised.

TO DO List:

1) Complete The Offa's Dyke Path (177m) [I've run half in 2010 but this needs to be done in 1 trip]

2) Coast to Coast, The Dragons Back Route, Snowdonia to Gower (216m)

3) The Beacons Way (98m)

4) Hadrian's Wall (73m)

5) North Face Ultra-Trail Du Mont-Blanc (103m) [Need points!!]

6) The Wales Coast Path (850m) [Path to be completed by 2012]

7) The West Highland Way Race (95m)

8) The Highland Fling Race (53m)

9) The Lakeland 100 Race (100m)

And so it begins... run, walk or crawl.

London Loops: Mile End-Limehouse Marina-Victoria Park-Mile End

2011-05-11T09:19:00.001+01:00

Nice 7 miler, missed out a bit on the GPS but I'm sure you can join the dots! Canal paths, lovely boats in the marina, a quick hop over the A118 and then on to a nice stretch through the wooded ring route of Victoria park.

The Good Samaritan

2011-05-04T15:47:00.011+01:00

It all starts on the DLR. Giggling, laughing, nervous eyes, tapping feet, sports drinks, cereal bars, large cups of coffee and the intoxicating stench of Deep Heat. Anticipation, to say the least.

A rainbow of neon vests adorned with charity logos, slogans and runners names. ‘Go Dave!’ ‘Shaz runs for Caz’. ‘STEEEEVE’. Placards poke out of the top of crowds as families and friends join their loved ones in the precession to the start line. A gentleman in front of me has a picture on his shirt of a tiny baby girl, in hospital, linked up to machinery and surrounded by cuddly bears. Above the picture is the statement: ‘We Love You Sarah’.

There are fancy dressers, tea drinkers, stretchers, soldiers, nun’s, running clubs and solo hopefuls. A sea of people eagerly awaiting their 26.2 mile fate. The tannoy calls out facts and figures, pointing out ridiculous costumes like the man dressed as a toilet and another nutcase dressed as Big Ben (It turns out that his nickname is in fact Big Ben. 5 pints of lager and a wager with his best man and now he’s at the start line in a very large and, I imagine, uncomfortable costume.) Runners are called up for live interviews, giving opportunity to show support for their different causes. A middle-aged nurse from Manchester has raised over £15,000 in a little over 5 months for new equipment in her ward.

The beginning of the race is a blur. Fanfare, cheering, more tannoy calls, Ant and Dec? Thousands of runners swelling together down the streets. Bands are playing in front gardens; onlookers are clapping, cheering and shouting. Children put their hands out for High-5’s. A pub with a Halloween fancy dress theme (?!) and people stood outside in colorful ghoul costumes dancing to Thin Lizzy. Brass band. Jelly Babies. Rattles. Large steel band. Cheering. Sunshine.

I’m not to good in the heat. I’m not one for sun worshiping and a short stint in the sun usually means a nice long sit in the shade. Not today. At every water station I had a gulp and poured the rest over my head and down my neck. Is it me or is it getting hotter?

The cold showers on the road edge every few miles were now my focus point. I kept dreaming of stopping in the centre of the shower and being passed a crisp cold pint. Oh that would have made my day. My pace was good though and more importantly steady. I kept fuelled, I kept hydrated and I kept running.

Then, somewhere around the 19 mile mark, I felt someone lifting my elbow up over my head and tightly gripping my bicep! What the?! I then realised that he was above me. When I looked down my knees were hovering above the tarmac in a strange, crazy-Dad-dance/too-much-liquor kind of way. I was hovering above the road and my elbow was up in the air. The only thing stopping me from kneeling on the tarmac was his persistent grip.

“Don’t go down. They’ll take you off for a check up.” I nodded and lifted myself up on his arm. “Drink this.” He passed me one of the free Lucozade drinks they were handing out along the route. I took a sip. “Drink it!” So I downed the bottle in one. He smiled, slapped me on the shoulder, said “Good man” and took off! I was confused.

I kept walking. I then thought about my gels and pulled out a gel full of caffeine that I was reserving for the last couple of miles and downed that too. I kept walking. People kept cheering at me “Come on, you can do it!” but it all seemed a bit distant. I kept wondering what had just happened? Slowly I could feel the Lucozade and gel concoction starting to take effect. My legs started to work again. Trot. Shoulders and back straight. Move arms. Increase pace. This hurts. My legs had gone to jelly. I was still confused. I’d never ‘hit the wall’ before and was sure I’d had more than enough fuel. This really hurts!

I then thought about a book I’d just finished reading. In fact I hadn’t been able to put it down and read it cover to cover. The book is ‘Running America’ by original ultramarathoner and all round badass Marshall Ulrich. He mentioned a placard he saw in a marathon once that simply stated ‘Blisters Don’t Need Chemo’. The image of that placard bounced around inside my skull until my legs were turning over and my feet were hitting the ground again and again and again. Blisters Don’t Need Chemo.

800m to go. Thank goodness. Eternity, then 600m to go. I was sure that sign should say 4. Come on. Keep going. A woman was running with her back completely bent over and her head between her legs. I have no idea how she was moving forward but she was and people were screaming from all sides to keep her going to the finish. Runners were hobbling in along the road edges. Dazed. Hurting. Confused. The sun had taken its toll. 400m. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. 200m. Keep going. Keep going. Finish Line. Oh man. That hurt. Stop. Bliss.

The World Cancer Research Fund (UK) were kind enough to give me one of their reserved places for this years marathon and the funds raised so far are just over £1,200. There are still donations coming in and I would like to thank everyone who has supported this cause for the Virgin London Marathon 2011. I know that they appreciate everyone’s efforts and donations and I look forward to raising some more funds for their very worthy work in the future.

Thank you x

London Loops: Mile End-Greenwich-Mile End

2011-03-05T12:42:00.000Z

London Loops is a series, as the name suggests(!), of loops in and around London. This first loop in the series has a 3 mile lead up and a run under the Thames, with as many loops of the Greenwich park as you like!

Stop for a moment at the observatory for views across London. You can also straddle GMT before having fun on some of the hills that surround the observatory post. The above loop runs twice round the park, taking in a good incline and a fast downhill per loop. There's plenty of scope around the park for alternative routes, and it could quite easily be made into a perfect half marathon tempo.

Look out for the hundreds of parakeets that now reside in the trees, chatting loudly on sunny days!

Spring in the step

2011-03-01T14:00:00.004Z

Hello!

Well, March is kicking off and I think it may prove to be a particularly busy month! Posts will be weekly from here on in, with old regulars and new tasters, we'll see which to keep and which to bin.

Marathon training is well on its way, with more about mileage and routes next week, and a fundraiser to get some money flowing for the World Cancer Research Fund.

In the mean time another Long Distance Tale, some info about VLM at Excel, and Whistle of the Week...don't worry there's plenty more to come...

Check back for updates!

Rules of the Road

2011-03-01T13:59:00.003Z

So the daff’s are starting to raise their heads in anticipation of sunnier, longer, warmer days. Crocuses are out, peppering our parks and gardens with flashes of purples, whites and oranges under the brewing grey skies. The promise of spring is starting to show its colour across the city not only in the breaking bulbs and buds of branches but by the hundreds, if not thousands, of newly bought fluorescent yellow running tops going up and down our streets.

The paths are officially rammed! New t-shirts, flashing gloves, charity vests and spanking white daps are treading tarmac, cobbles, bridleways and canal footpaths. Expectation of the oncoming 26.2 miles and the community of those involved grow with the season. From the dark winter months into spring the reality of the race becomes more and more present. In the tightly packed streets around the city, runners are passing left right and centre, crisscrossing, sidestepping, hopping and lunging. There are some valuable lessons to be learnt on these training runs, adding to a set of rules that will be invaluable on race day. They are, of course, ‘Rules of the Road’.

Whether a first time marathoner or age old veteran, the rules are the same. The rules should be learnt and learnt well before the big day, because if broken, could cause havoc amongst the ranks! For example, taking into consideration wind flow when spitting, looking over your shoulder when passing, blocking a fellow runner, farting, aid station bottle throwing and urination tactics (see Nov post '26th Marathon Eryri' on how not to do it!).

All of these rules will help in the smooth flow through the pack. Many others around you wont have been as savvy and gained this valuable knowledge before race day. This can result in confusion, a sort of mild panic as heels are clipped and runners around you start to fumble. Over active elbows give your ribs a good dig, water bottles clip your nose, hacked up lung juice lands on your right inner thigh. There can be moments of fluoro-dazzle, yellows, pinks, oranges and greens merging to burn sun dots directly into your retina. But with the rules already learnt you’re able to sidestep the puker, drink from your bottle without drowning, and skip elegantly over the spilled pack of jelly beans.

You’ll be able to run instinctively and with pride, dodging the rule breakers with ease of stride, especially because you know that you have learnt the most important lesson, that is, Golden Rule Number One. The GRNO is a rule that the wisest have prepared for, tried and tested. Out on long runs every type of combination of liquid, food and gel supplement expected to be used during the race has been tested in varying combinations and quantities amongst wind, rain, sun and hail. This is because you know (often through experience), that entering a marathon not having tested all variables of nutrition, there is the possibility of something that hits you with no warning. No hint, not even a rumble. This thing will slap you right in the face and rip your belly apart in one sweeping action. Pain ripples through your stomach and nothing will get in its way. This isn't The Wall I'm talking about here, relatively mild in comparison to this intestine tickler. No, this is, more commonly known between the running community as: The Runners Squits. The consequences of which are beyond any type of muscular control you think you may have. The race shorts with 4 inch thigh cover you bought for the big day wont be any help either in hiding this rule dodger. And if you haven't taken Golden Rule Number One into consideration before setting off around the course, pray that when it happens, you have a porta-loo and an industrial amount of paper roll to help you through the 3 minutes that are about to follow.

It will get messy and you will not get your PB.

FREE Running Show at Excel, 13th April 2011

2011-03-01T13:58:00.003Z

This is the lead up Running Show for the London Marathon - loads of kit and nutrition on offer, talks, and reviews of new stuff! Free to get and pay for a ticket for the pasta party!!

Details on the website here.

"Whether you are running in the race or not the exhibition is an opportunity that’s too good to miss for anyone interested in running and fitness. The 2011 Virgin London Marathon Exhibition will be the biggest ever, the demand from exhibitors to present their latest products and services has been unprecedented. All the major athletic brands are present as will be a multitude of other exhibitors showing and selling everything from socks to global navigation devices to the latest niche products and everything between. The show has more manufacturers, more international races, more charities, more running publications, more medical companies and the best selection of retailers you will ever see under one roof. There is plenty to engage beginner and the serious distance runner alike."

TJN Whistle of the Week

2011-03-01T13:57:00.004Z

More of squawk really, but spotted right on the canal towpath up the Lea Valley on a Sunday long run. Standing insanely still.

Listen here!

Coming up THIS MONTH!

2011-03-01T13:56:00.004Z

Gear Reviews - a look at some of the gear I use for running, good and bad

London Loop - a look at some training loops in and around London

Marathon Update - everything and all that is London Marathon 2011!

AND MUCH MUCH MORE!!

Return / TJN at the Virgin London Marathon 2011!

2011-01-28T08:00:00.008Z

After over a year of hibernation (yes that's hibernation not inebriation!) The Nipple is back full force into the fundraising extravaganza that is the London Marathon!

The lovely events team at World Cancer Research Fund (UK) have very kindly given me one of their places at this years event. As you know the marathon is a massive opportunity to raise funds for worthy charities and I'll be doing all I can to accumulate some cash for WCRF over the coming months.

The WCRF are, in their own words, part of a global network of charities that are committed to preventing cancer... [WCRF] fund cutting edge scientific research and provide people with the information they need to reduce their cancer risk. They are one of the many charities that consistently provide help and support in the fight against cancer. I'm proud to be able to show my own support through running for WCRF and I hope to be able to raise as much money as possible for this worthy cause!

I have a page on their website where donations can be made - it's very quick, simple and safe - just CLICK HERE!

EVERY LITTLE COUNTS!!!

Some London Marathon fun facts:
- Usually the marathon is run on my birthday! But this year falls a week earlier because of Easter. Last year there were 173 runners sharing their birthday during the Marathon.
- There will be 35,000+ runners crossing the finishing line, the largest to date is 35,694 runners in 2007.
- There are 1,250 portable toilets on and around the course.
- There are 81 pubs on the course - which could make for an interesting pub crawl?
- There are 6000 volunteers that make it happen! Bravo!
- Fastest time dressed as a vegetable: 3:34:55, and was, of course, a carrot.

FUNDRAISING PAGE LIVE!

2011-01-28T07:58:00.006Z

WORLD CANCER RESEARCH FUND
FUNDRAISING PAGE
LIVE!!

CLICK HERE TO MAKE A DONATION!!
PLEASE!

[Beacons Ultra 45miles 9:17 18th - in dire need of pie, mash and ale!]

Gift Aid?

2011-01-28T07:56:00.001Z

Gift Aid is a government initiative that allows donations given to charity to be tax-effective. Charities are allowed to claim back the tax already paid on your donations, at no extra cost to you. At the current rate of income tax, WCRF UK can claim back 25p for every £1 donated. Additionally, until April 2011, the government is also adding an extra 3p for every £1 donated to this. This enables us to claim back 28p for every £1 donated since October 2005.

A taster!

2011-01-28T07:55:00.002Z

Watch the volume!

Marathons and Morphsuits

2009-10-30T11:00:00.019Z

With a blood blister the size of Gwynedd on my second toe and a knee joint that needs some serious oiling, its safe to say, the Snowdonia Marathon never fails to impress.

Once again I found myself huddling against anything that offered even a minuscule of protection whilst waiting for the start line to fill. I went through a number of options, curling behind a very small rock – tedious and slightly painful, standing very straight behind a tree – comical and rubbish, then finally, huddling against a rock face with a two inch overhang for protection. I convinced myself the overhang was working until I noticed that all the water flowing off the top of the rock face, combined with the water hitting the rock face, was channeling straight down the rock face directly into my open backpack. Well at least I now know my pack is fully waterproof and given another few minutes I could have tested its 15 litre capacity.

The Snowdonian start line is certainly no advert for Nivea. A motley crew of shivering faces, wet beards, widened eyes and smiles to match. A quick intro from the organisers and you’re off. Up The Pass.

I have two main memories from this years race aside from the sharp weather wallop and the leg tearing as/descents. The first was the support of all the runners, drink station volunteers, marshals and cheerers. Outstanding. I cant decide whether extreme conditions brings out the best or whether the best turn up for the extreme. At mile 17 I joined a pack of 5 runners. 5, very large 6ft+ runners, built, some would say, like brick shit houses. A perfect 7:40 pace, joking, chatting, system checking, pacing, eating and drinking in unity. I entered their pace quickly, getting swept into the squad. The pace stayed perfect and the unit supported. The moment that really stood out to me, and a moment that sums up this marathon in one fell swoop, was when the fifth runner next to me stopped to adjust the wind torn number on his chest. We continued a good 200 yards until the front of the pack noticed. Immediately the strongest runner increased pace and peeled off. He then ran back to the fifth runner and helped with the number. Chatting all the way and increasing tempo they were back with us in no time and resumed position. The squad was back to full force and they continued their journey, no questions asked.

My piggyback on the edge of the squad abruptly ended at mile 21 as they continued their pace up the ever increasing climb and the terrain simply gave me a swift one between the legs. There on in became absolute carnage. Grown men wincing, bolts of cramp hitting hamstrings on either side of me. At one point it felt like being on a battlefield and I wished I was back with the squad. Tears running down the cheeks of wry veterans and young marathon whippets alike. Tyson-esque weather punches adding insult to injury left, right and centre. Downhill became the new uphill. Pain. Then the magic 24 mile marker. Joy.

The second memory is from earlier in the race. I have no idea what mile, where or when, but the image is engrained on my brain forever. I’ve had to think it over and make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating because as I turned a corner with a group of other runners a wonderful, strange and momentarily confusing sight confronted us all. In a small lay-by to the edge of the road, two figures dressed from head to toe in full nylon / spandex suits that completely covered their bodies including their faces, one bright red, one bright blue, stood, at the edge of the road, happily waving at all the runners passing by. Full spandex suits. Head, neck, arms, fingers, legs, feet. And next to them? A tandem bike propped against the fence of course.

Yes.

So then somehow you’ve got round. Into the village and over the finish. Tears, hugs, cramps. A runner violently hanging onto the person designated to hand out the slate coasters with leg ripping pain. Not only has this man been standing in the freezing rain for hours, he now has a crazed runner hanging onto his jacket, wild eyed and screaming. Poor chap. I grab my coaster and head for the tea urn.

Get wrapped up in foil, sip your tea and your on your way. On your way to the hotel bar where the next few hours are spent watching people slowly hobble, limp, and hop to the taps. Experiences are shared, stories of a women with cramp in both legs screaming wildly on the side of the mountains slowly ripples through the bar and empty Guinness glasses fill the tables. What more could you ask for?

Snowdonia Marathon 2009 is being discussed in the Runner’s World forum under the post ‘Camaraderie Rules!’ currently standing at 3936 messages.

Snowdonia Marathon 2009

2009-10-22T20:58:00.008+01:00

Snowdonia Marathon 2009 : 24thOct : Wooohoooo!
...watch this space for TJN Race Report, D.I.Y., Whistle of The Week and lots more Tales of Distance Running!

Mammary Papilla

2009-10-04T18:15:00.010+01:00

My sincere apologies to those who have expressed their disgust in my sluggardly commitment. I will be taking the elegant line ‘it seems you’ve been dipping your thumb in the Vas pot too often’ as one of the main kick-starts to a somewhat muted summer. You know who you are.

TJN: Travel

2009-10-04T18:05:00.008+01:00

Here's a taster of what's been going on this Summer!

Vienna: 15/08/09, 18.32miles [Work trip]

Reykjavik Marathon: 22/08/09, 3:37 [Loaded day pack]

The Return (again)

2009-10-01T13:23:00.012+01:00

Hold onto your hats! Back in 1 week for an October edition of TJN just in time for glorious Autumn! TJN updates, race reports, whistle of the week, distant running rambles and much much more...

Lea Valley Tales: Yes Blood

2009-04-08T10:15:00.010+01:00

So it’s time for the knee clattering cold morning runs to stop? It seems like an age away when I was running in a vest and shorts. In fact I’ve come quite accustomed to layering up, fitting on winter leggings, shorts, vest, t-shirt, socks (pre-heated), winter daps, waterproof jacket (very reflective) and bright (some would say comic) yellow gloves. Then there’s the switching on of multiple flashing L.E.D’s, covering up melon with mountaineering fleece-lined hat (ear-warmers included), slapping copious amounts of Vaseline over cracked lips, eventually stepping out into the wild winds like a fatal accident between an 80’s backing dancer and a Christmas tree. All before 7 a.m.

And what now? Hazy evenings with multilayered sunsets, warm grass-sweeping breezes, cows slowly winding through green pastures as frolicking birds sing in the still treetops? No. I’ll tell you what happens now – Mozzies. Thousands, if not millions of the little buggers swarming around your sweat filled hair, flying kamikaze style right into the centre of your iris. Swarming into your mouth with every deep inhale, causing moments of sheer panic as your left eye is flooded and temporarily blinded by a semi living six legged beast. Flapping arms, paranoid neck slaps and insects stuck to your skin drowning in sweat, is what happens now.

The Babylonian Talmud (Gittin 56b), asserts that the Roman Emperor Titus was punished by God for having destroyed the Temple in Jerusalem. What did God do? I hear you ask. Simple, He got a mosquito to fly up his nose. The mosquito picked at Titus's brain, buzzing ceaselessly, driving him crazy and eventually caused his death. What if one of these buggers decides to climb on up inside your nose while, innocently enough, you're enjoying a so-called ‘leisurely spring evening run’? The results could be catastrophic. According to Islamic legends Nimrod was punished by Allah with a Mozzie. A mosquito entered his head and the humming sound disturbed him so much that he ordered one of his guards to hit his head with a stick. Need I say more? Well ok, According to the “Mosquitoes” chapter in Kwaidan: Stories and Studies of Strange Things, by Lafcadio Hearn, mosquitoes are seen as reincarnations of the dead, condemned by the errors of their former lives to the condition of Jiki-ketsu-gaki, or "blood-drinking pretas".

Bah! I say to sun drenched long runs, flowering hedgerows, shimmering waters and carefree evenings. Be gone the beautiful smell of cut grass and bbq’s and to hell with clouds of The Condemned battling for a place up your nostrils. Shut the curtains, batton down the hatches and get ready to hibernate - the Summer is coming.

Flora London Marathon Special (Edition 2): Sausage&Mash, Lea Valley Tales and Whistle of The Week

2009-04-07T10:30:00.014+01:00

The London Marathon is well and truly on its way and below are a few pictures of some of the prizes up for grabs for the TOP SPONSORS! The first lot combines a tasteful AICR T-shirt, AICR Running Vest, 2 AICR Flags, a pair of HEART UK ‘Team RED’ laces and 3 RSPB pin badges.

MORE TO COME!! Including The Jogger’s Nipple Merchandise!

All donations made through the Justgiving website (Link Below!!) go directly to the Association for International Cancer Research. If you’re a UK taxpayer Justgiving makes sure 25% in Gift Aid, plus a 3% supplement are added to your donation to bump up the total even further.

18 DAYS AND COUNTING – JUST HIT THE LINK!

TJN: Whistle of The Week

2009-04-07T10:00:00.006+01:00

The Swallow, Hirundo rustica.They are extremely agile in flight spending most of their time on the wing, and are found in areas where there is a ready and accessible supply of small insects... AKA Mozzie Eaters.

LISTEN TO THE WHISTLE!