The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

“Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

“Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

“Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?”

So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

When they get up there, she says, ”I have to be honest with you — I’m a hooker.” The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it’s okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ”I have to be honest with you now. I’m a cab driver, and it’ll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.”

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, I personally placed an order for them just a couple of days ago.”

Then the manager drew the clerk next to a sign that read lid supports here and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she asked if we had any of?”

“Poisonous spiders in the fruit department.”

A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout.
The same cashier asks, “Sir, do you own a cat?”
The man replies, “Yes I do.”
The cashier then asks, “Do you have your cat with you?”
And the man replies, “No, I left it at home.”
Then the cashier says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you this cat food unless I see your cat.”

A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, “It feels warm, soft, and gooey.”
The man then says, “Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?”

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the
boutiques…

She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you! I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!”

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, “I’m just pulling your leg……He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.” The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Ohh no, My husband just walked in the door.”

Devastated, she sobbingly asks the doctor, is there anything I can do?

The doctor says, well, if I were you I would run out and marry a Fingerstyle Guitarist, preferably one with an exciting ableton live 8.

She asks, How will that help my illness?

The doctor says, “Oh it won’t help your illness; but it will make that six months seem like an eternity!”

One day, as they were wrapping up a game of pinochle, Ethel looks at Martha sheepishly and says , “Now please don’t get angry with me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t seem to remember your name! I’ve been wracking my brain for the past hour but it still escapes me. Please remind a forgetful old lady!”

Martha glares angrily at her. For five minutes, she doesn’t speak, only giving her friend stares of disappointment. Finally, Martha asks, “How soon do you need to know?”

The 83 year old shouts back loudly, “I don’t know. Let me come up there and see.” She begins walking up the stairs, panting as she wished she had one of those stair lifts she had read so much about, but then pauses . She yells to her sisters “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 81 year old is sitting in the living room, enjoying some tea. She listens to her sisters, shakes her head and mutters to herself, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful. Knock on wood.” She then turns and shouts, “I’ll come up there and help both of you as soon as I see who’s knocking at the door.”

The butcher, impressed, decided to follow the dog and quickly closed his shop.
The dog walked down the street to the traffic-lights where he sat on the pavement waiting until he was allowed to cross.

He then crossed the road and walked to the busstop, with the butcher following him closely. At the busstop, when he saw it was the bus he needed, he got in, still followed by the butcher.

The butcher, now well surprised, saw how the dog lifted his front paws to press the bell to be let off the bus, still with the bag in his mouth.

Dog and butcher walked down the street until the dog stopped at a house where he left the bag by the door, then, going back a bit, he threw himself at the door, hitting it hard. He repeated this several times, but nobody answered the door.

Then to top it all, the butcher saw the dog taking up the bag again, walk around the house, jump over a fence and go to a window. Once there he tapped the window a few times, without letting go of the bag, then he returned to the door.

At that moment a man opened the door… and started to hit the dog. The butcher ran to the man to stop him and said: “Jesus, my friend, what are you doing?. Your dog is a genius!…… He is unique!”

The man, annoyed, answered: “Genius, my arse!! This is now the second time this week this stupid dog forgot his keys…. and comes back when I´m in the bath!!.”