He was an amazing cat who enjoyed watching birds out the window. When young and he would find himself slipping out the door he would get scared and hide near the door and call for help, he did not want to be in the scary outdoors. He would often be waiting for me when I returned home sitting by the door, and acting as if he and been there since I had left… He had anxiety and would pull out his hair. He was very peculiar about his water, how and where. He would also at times come and get me and make we watch him eat, or at least start eating. He was good at telling time.

Thursday 22 January 2026 I was at work, not feeling well and thinking of heading home early when I received a phone call from my mother telling me my kitten wasn’t doing well and she was taking him to the vet where my niece works. Soon another call telling me I should start heading there. I got on the road and drove the 40+ minutes to the vet’s office, sad knowing I was about to say goodbye to my furry companion.

I went in and was present with my kitten, my niece there as well as my parents, as I sheard from the Vet, saw the images of the mass inside him, tears flowed down my face, and really all I could say when asked was “I want him to be comfortable.” I needed him to be at peace, and pain free, and I knew his condition was severe and none of the possible things would bring him comfort and probably not heal him. I only hope he hadn’t been suffering from the mass for some time without letting me know. I said goodbye, and held him as the Vet provided the medicine that would bring him to eternal rest. My heart, my should, all that I am ached and pulsed with love toward him, seeking peace, and silently thanking the Holy for the time this loved one had blessed my life.

Since then I’ve been in a cycle of ups and downs as I deal with the lost, the grief, of this furry little one who meant so much to me, and I deal with realizing he won’t come say good morning, he won’t curl up against my back, that he want be laying there sleeping on the bed, or sitting watching birds, or asking me to have water drip from the sink, or for treats… he won’t scratch on his favorite scratching post, won’t be jumping on my desk or patting my leg when it is time for me to end my day of work when I work from home. He won’t sit in the hall and look at the door when I leave and come home from work or other endeavors. He won’t run across me, or lay upon me and purr… i love him greatly, and I miss him, but I’m glad he went peacefully in the presence of people who loved and cared for him.

Peace be with you all

So, let’s start with a bit of an update. Glancing at the last post that I made it to post, we see I had just been offered and accepted a new position. Yay! That was exciting news. I lasted in that position I was offered for about two months… No, don’t be sad! I’m still there but I’m not. Confused yet? See, I was offered position A, I started that role and within a few weeks I was asked to help with position B. Okay see, now you have an idea of where I am going. Well by the time they finally got all the things in a tow for me to help with position B (and not even everything needed) I came into work on a Monday and my manager, being a bit sad went “Lyle….” And told me of an offer to Position B. The Director minutes later sent me an e-mail and then stopped by as I worked on stuff going “Have you checked your e-mail.

She told me she needed an answer by end of day on Wednesday, in part as they already had an interview scheduled for Thursday for the person, they would prefer to offer the position I was in to, but if I didn’t take B then offer B.  The thing is, while both A & B have some of the same job requirements, in part due to B serving as backup to A they have very little in common with one another. B benefits by having been A, but someone with A skills does not necessarily have B skills.  She emphasized how it would be hybrid; I could work from home most of the time, save my commute etc.…. I thought and reflected over it, and ended up accepting the role, it was mid-September by the time all the paperwork was finalized, and I was doing both roles officially instead of unofficially. We moved my old team’s location from our Admin to our new clinic building in another town on Oct 1^st, my replacement started that day, – though in training so really not until the next week, and then it was full time into my new position.  

 Along with my official role, I also provide some IT support for my department, provide backup to my old team, go crazy as we deal with vendors, government, providers, and so much more in trying to keep a program going that is designed to help us help those we serve.  I will probably write more specifically about that in a separate post… This is a brief update post not an in-depth exploration of a topic! Oh my! Oh, then the Director announced she was leaving, it was a bit sad, and for awhile it was just me and my manager… oh then they pulled in a third person to our team who has nothing to do with our team, but due to several things and hopes that were created by people who didn’t really understand that person’s role and didn’t really understand the laws and rules about the licensure I have and the board I work under as such, and a few other things…. It didn’t pan out as expected and we are still trying to figure it all out.

Oh, and that remote work…. Um well I should work from home, and I was working from home a few days a week, but since June I think I’ve worked at home maybe 4 or 5 times? I just find myself heading into the office and working even though it is 45 mins to an hour and a half drive – often around the hour mark. I just like it there. I need to be there on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the rest of the time I could be remote and sometimes even those days. The office is sometimes absent of others on Wednesdays and Fridays.  Theres a list of reasons why I tend to go in, and I keep telling myself I will change and do more remote, but I don’t.  Though I have reduced my travel by one day as I switched to a 4×10 schedule from 5×8 a month ago. It’s going well and I think I will stick with it. Even being in flare that started just before I made the switch, I’ve been handling the long days better.

Outside of my core job, I am also still engaging in photography, I’ve done some photoshoots, shot a large international conference as part of the staff photography team, and am way way behind on editing photos and creating. Sometimes it is because I just can’t focus on editing, or time or…. I love creating though and am aiming to do a lot more. I’ve also placed several photos up in  office I share with my manager at work, started with a few small prints in frames, and recently placed a large print of mine up on the wall, going to in the next few months get some more smaller prints up on the wall as well.  On that note, I also need to print, and hang prints up in my home office space as well.

Healthwise I’ve been struggling a bit. For the past 3 and a half years I’ve been on a treatment that when I started was like “wow” I forgot how it was like to be in remission, to truly be symptom free… about a year ago or so started slowly slipping from that full state. We did tests right before my most recent infusion, as I was in a flare, and yay me no therapeutic levels of the med in my system and anti-drug antibodies at high levels! So, this morning I went in for more blood work, depending on how it turns out we moved on to trying to get insurance to cover a different therapy and hope it works and keeps working for me. Yay fun times!

Other things on my thoughts of late: For the past few months I’ve had a desire to go back to school and get my D. Min. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to find a program that will work for me and my context. An ordained self-sustaining minister who works for a non-sectarian non-profit and sees that as my expression of ministry and ordination. I would love to find a program that would let me focus both on things that benefit that role, even indirectly, that type of context, and or a focus on liturgy…  I want to learn and study and grow…

Extra benefits, in those times when people call be Doctor, they will be right… instead of being incorrect though M.Div. and various professional doctorates hare similar…

Okay so that’s the update – I’m working for the same organization but different role than I had accepted at the time of the last post, I’m creating but not as much or as well as I would like to, my health is struggling a bit, and I have renewed desire for more education.

I hope to start writing and posting more regularly but no promises

Peace,

Lyle II

When I started in this field it was for a for profit corporation. It was a small portion of the corporation and seen as a way to drive income in other areas of the larger corporation and so some loss in the department was tolerable. Within this corporate setting there was some focus on the shareholders, but I felt we had some focus on those whom we served, and to some degree pay and benefits were okay. They sold this part of the corporation to another corporation that focused strongly in it’s area. Pay increased a bit, some benefits were better (I had more vacation time and slightly more per hour rate) others not so great or mixed (insurance some parts better some parts worse). This second corporation was focused on $$$$. Onboarding training and computer systems focused on giving preferential treatment to those who they made the most off of, hours were cut back, various things done to cut cost that harmed ability to do what we were there (in our minds) to do but to help in creating more profit for the shareholders. I once calculated my total benefits and compared the hourly wage to the ceo’s salary, not his full benefit package, and placing him at 80 hours a week, which I bet is way more than he worked each week, he would still have made somewhere between 400 and 800 (I can’t rememebr for sure which it was any more) times my hourly wage with all benefits included, at a time he was getting bonuses for how well the company was doing and they were slashing hours for us while adding new tasks that were aimed to increase revenue and took away from the role we we hired and trained to do. Turning us in some ways into call center staff while still doing all the stuff we needed to to to help people, and in ways were putting peoples health and safety and even lives at risk. For various reason I left employment with this corporation, and have turned down opportunities from other large corporations in this field.

I found myself with a small group of independent business in the same field that were connected to one another. Staffing for the workload was better. There was more sense of being there for those we served, while still being for profit and having that as an aspect of the larger picture. For various reasons I kept my role limited withe these organizations, being on call /part time. It left me without benefits, and while my pay wasn’t the best (it was okay in year 1), in part do to me not being around all the time, sometimes not working at nay location for months, so not in a regular cycle for increase in pay, when I did ask I was brought up to wages consistent with the field and my experience. For a variety of factors these businesses closed their doors last year. I was offered a job with one of the corporations that purchased a portion of one of the business, for $3 an hour less than I was making from a person who was surprised we were making what we were, which was more than any of her employee, but was close to the state average for the role. Needless to say, both because I knew I could not work for the large corporation, I did not go there. I also knew my claustrophobia and other related anxiety issues would have made working in the place I would have to work impossible for me.

Last week I accepted a job offer in this field once again, this time for a non-profit. Staffing for the workload is significantly higher, the focus is on the people, and somehow the pay and benefits are better than any for profit company I have worked for. I don’t know for sure how things will turn out, what it will be like, I start next week, but so far everything seems to point toward a much healthier work environment, and a much better experience for employees and for those who we serve. I hope it does turn out this way. It’s going to be a struggle for me at times with my health issues and the drive to it isn’t great (though that will get better in a few months when my department moves locations), but the work itself I think and hope will be okay. I would love to be working doing something more me, and preferably from home so I can manages my health issues better without feeling like I’m letting down others, but for now this I think will be okay.

Peace,

Lyle II

On 7 March I started to write a post to reflect on it, however that post evolved and is continuing to. It has become an exploration of my life journey, about history, and about mission, life, lent, liturgy, lament, and more. It is currently called “My Journey with Sacred and Historical Space: Reflection on past, brokenness, and hope for the future.” It is in it’s 3rd start that I have been working on for the last week it sits at over 20 pages typed (not counting pages typed in the first 2 attempts), and will be much longer when the various topics and explorations running through my mind find their way to typed paged. I’m still working on the exploration of the season of Lent, about hope, Missio Dei, and more and will also flush out the reflection and memories portion. A, portion of those pages are several pages of background and definition to help bring understanding and well context to what I am writing. As such it will not be shared here, way too long. (if anyone is interested in it, let me know and I may be able to share the rough document once it is more complete with you.) But I just want to say something out here, incase any still stumble across this page. The entirety of who I am is traveling through a time of lament and in this season of Lent, as are many others. May the Peace of Christ, the Love of the Holy, and the comfort of the Spirt bless and sustain us all as we travel forward with Christ, and seek to be empowered by the Spirit to live and be Community of Christ and help heal a broken and struggling world, while recognizing and encountering our own brokenness.

Peace be with you,

Your sibling in Christ,

Lyle II

One of my coworkers, I guess former coworkers as of yesterday as the place we worked together closed for good Tuesday and yesterday we spent the day packing up the place, had seemed surprised that with the full colour and full amount of hair that I have that I was as old as I am… that was a couple months ago when we had that conversation. But realy what inspired me to write was an interaction with a barista when I stoped to get tea while driving around and reflecting on things today.

But first, lets jump back in time… It was my 31st birthday and I decided to go and have a meal at a local restaurant that I enjoyed and where several of the staff knew me to some degree. I probably had something with falafel or perhaps their spicey mac or their truffle mac, that I do not recall. It was busy when I arrived and the wait for a table was long, but the bar was fairly empty and they offered to seat me there so I didn’t need to wait, I was hungry and accepted. After taking my food order, it was just food and water, but as I was at the bar age is a restriction for sitting, the bartender who had served me at tables in the past, did turn and seriously asked “you are over 21, right?” I said I was, and did not mention that it was my 31st birthday… but smiled a bit that someone could think I was 10 years younger than I was. Today, was another such day… I drove up to the window of a stand I have visited before, the barista that was working I had never encountered. She asked what I was up to today and my response was “getting older.” She looked a tad confused, and so I went it’s my Birthday. She laughed and smiled and she asked how old I was turning, and a genuine sense of surprise washed across her face and through her voice as she said at most I looked like I was 30, twelve years younger than I am. I was shocked to hear that, especially as I feel I have aged a lot in the past few years.

And now I recall a time when I lived in Seattle and I got a salad and slice of pizza at a place a few blocks from where I was living, and for some reason the cashier needed to check my id, when I went to pay… and she went, “this must be old huh?” I went yea, and then later realized it wasn’t that old maybe a year or so, but it was without the beard… So I guess we all have different understandings of age and what makes us guess how old someone is.

I’ve always felt old, and perhaps in part due to all the struggles I have had to face that I wish no one ever had to face, and know some have faced even worse.

and now, I find myself reflecting on some other things: I typed more, and removed it, but here are part of the thoughts on my mind tonight as I move forward into this new cycle around the son

My heart is broken, the my soul weeps, my mind whirls as I see the world near and far and the brokenness that exists. Brokenness that at times I have seen glimpses of healing and restoration, Brokenness that I have at times had hope we could address, and other times felt overwhelmed. Brokenness near and far from me, small and large… Memories flow though my mind of my experiences with that brokenness, as one broken, as one who has added to the brokenness, as one who has sought to be an agent of healing, reconciliation, and restoration. Memories off sermons preached, of advocacy done, of workshops led, of comfort provided… Hospital rooms, prisons, the halls of congress, the White House complex, offices with the Oregon Capital, sanctuaries, fellowship halls, restaurants, coffee shops, parks, hiking trails, cars, and more…. I know I have stumbled, I know I will stumble, but I know I am called individually and communally to be a an agent of peace, healing, restoration, vison, comfort… May I and the communities I am part of find the courage to embrace our callings, to speak truth to power, to act, and move us toward a more whole and healed creation… It’s hard I know when we suffer ourselves, and when we are overwhelmed by the horror of war, of poverty, of injustice, of “leaders” pushing messages of hate and division, when we are overwhelmed by the struggles of our own health and well being, but let’s try… Let’s try and find a way to bring peace, justice, equality, love, healing, restoration and more… I’ve watched us embrace and work toward ending the injustice of world hunger, and then watched as war, greed, thirst for power. and disease, individualism…. reverse some of the progress we have made.

Peace be with you

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A lot weighs upon my heart, mind, body, spirit, the entirety of my soul. Some of that may find its way here, some of it may not. I really don’t know, what I do know is that I want to start writing and sharing things again, even if no one sees them… not sure if the RSS feed is still set up, and if it is if anyone is still subscribed, or if anyone looks here ever out of random curiosity, lol. Well this post is just a post to the world that I hope to start sharing and exploring again. We shall see if that happens.

Peace be with you,

What if? We took the time to pause before we tweeted. What if we took the time to pause before we responded to another Facebook post. What if in that time we paused and sought to understand? What if in that time we paused to know ourselves, to know each other, to name our fears, and our hopes?

What if? Leaders of faith movements small and large, and members of them, who in their core of a sense of calling toward peace, healing, justice, equality, love, did not just speak of the injustices, did not just speak of the oppressed, but found ways to be present in the midst of uncertainty and struggle?

What if? Leaders of faith went out with face coverings and entered the streets, hands gloved and stood in places of unrest and called for peace? What if they stood together despite their different theological understandings untied in that core call of love, peace, and worth. Standing together, encircling one another, and sharing with the broken and hurt on all sided of conflict a message of love, of peace, of hope, of possibility?

What if? Faith leaders, and civil leaders, joined together to form lines of peace, healing, and understanding between the groups with opposing views. To seek to keep people of all sides from escalating from peaceful protest, to acts of violence in expression of their fears, their pain, their anger. To help the police choose to not act in ways that encourage violence, to encourage protesters to speak in ways that help them be heard.

What if? We found ways to use the energy and resources we spend to cause one another to fear, to shout without being heard, to forge healthy relationships, to form new partnerships. To find new ways to protest that do not feed upon fear and anger, but foster hope, peace, and possibility? To find new ways to deal with anger, frustration, brokenness being expressed that does not involve firing teargas, rubber bullets….

What if? When disease spread, instead of trying to shift the blame, or even apply blame, we just work together to reduce the spread. We work together to bring about the healing that is needed, we work together to try and reduce the future struggles.

What if? In the midst of pandemics, we thought of everyone and not just ourselves… if we always thought of everyone instead of just ourselves even in other times?

What if? We worked together to ensure everyone knows they are of worth, that everyone has food, shelter, healthcare, clean water, shelter, connection to community?

What if? we transformed the world into a loving community where injustice is no more, pverty is no more, hunger is no more? We transform the world so people not use peoples responses to viruses as a way to divide and separate, we do not allow pain and brokenness to build up for years, decades…. and wonder why it boils over, but rather find ways to heal and sooth that brokenness, and find ways to end the systems, policies, actions that lead to the brokenness, rather than creating more brokenness in response.

My heart breaks, my soul weeps. My mind swirls, and I wonder how can I be an expression of the living risen Christ in this world. How can I be that minister of peace, justice, healing, comfort, restoration, temple, and love to all people, of all faiths, of all walks of life, of all professions, of all brokenness…. that I am called to be?

How can I, one who is alone and yet called to be in and of community, help heal our broken world, and bring forth healing, peace, understanding, and healthy relationships between myself, the Holy, others, and all of creation?

Peace be with you

If you are reading this, please let me know the types of things you are interested in having me explore, ponder, reflect, and ramble upon. Also, I’ll be attempting to get my Liturgy, Ministry, and Discipleship focused site up and running at some level soon and when I do will add links here along with setting up links to my photography portfolio site, and to various sites of interest.

Hope all of you are doing well and doing your part at staying safe and helping keep others safe during this time.

Peace be with you,

Lyle II