Her cat, Marmalade had just given birth to a kitten. I would go into her room and see this little new born kitten, and would stay up for a bit until the next kitten was born. This cute little kitten I watched being birth had orange fir, similar to her mother, and was smaller than the first one. Afterwards I would go to sleep, and another kitten would be born. The oldest and the youngest both had creamish hair, the middle one was the only one with orange hair and she was also the runt of the littler of three. As the days and weeks went on these kittens would open their eyes, would grow and would start to explore. That little orange kitten would travel from my sister’s room and into mine on her first outing, her brother and sister would travel across as well at times. They would climb up my bed and slide down it back to the floor as well. But that orange kitten from day one was special, she and I bonded from the start. I became her person. I can remember the joy in my heart the day I came home and learned my parents had figured out I could keep her rather than have to give her away. I gave her the name Tiger, and with the advice of my sister would give her the middle name of Lilly.

Over the next few years we would have wonderful adventures together,as she hunted, as we moved, as she gave birth to her four kittens… She took care of me, watched out for me as I grew up. I watched as she and our large dog Keisha worked together. I watched her teach other cats about hunting, watched as she became the queen kitty. Watched the dog opening the screen door to let her out when we lived in Casper, WY.  In 6th grade while living at my grandparents house she lived in the garage, and one day I came home to learn she had been sleeping on the garage door and when it had been lowered it pinched her back. The vet was not optimistic that she would ever be able to walk with her rear legs, but it didn’t seem to stop Tiger, at times I would find her on the other side of the house laying in the sunshine. Over time she would heal and walk and jump like normal, and few would have known she once had her spine pinched, the main sign being a sore spot she occasionally would yelp about when petted or combed.

When I went away to collage in 2000, I went with multiple pillows, one of which was her’s and rarely did I ever use it, usually it laid on the bed next to mine, as a reminder of her, and I cherished the times I was home with family, including her. Even though she became mouthy during those times I was away.  How she would yelp my name, yes my name when given a bath by someone. It is the only time she ever makes a vocal sound that starts with a l like sound, it is so different and unique from the rest of her kitty vocabulary.

After college we would be together again, would move to Seattle together, where she would watch for me at times in the window, and she showed signs of being aware of my illness as I got worse and worse. I also remember being a bit scared when she started having seizures during this time in Seattle, not often but occasionally. Back to Oregon, as I healed and then we moved to Ohio together. Still she was vibrant and full of life. However when I moved up to the Kirtland area she and I took a plane trip back to Oregon, where she would stay as my housing would not allow her to be with me. as I’ve visited a few times, it was always a joy to be with her, to see how she got along with my parents  dog that they got after Keisha passed in my freshman year, how she maintained her queen status over all. When talking to my parents, how if she was near and heard my voice would often either speak up or start purring. 

So often I’ve wished I could hold that little 7 to 8 pound bundle of love, to listen to her purr me to sleep. Especially when I am down, or when not feeling well. Friday, my parents called me. She wasn’t doing so well, the vet thought perhaps a stroke. She hasn’t been eating much either of late, partly due to her pickiness.  My dad noticed she looked similar to how she does when she is having a seizure, well after the worse of it is over, the way her eyes were. Her legs, well mainly one of the back not moving well, she could get down off of things but not on. he had taken her to the vet, and they hydrated her.  She still taking some food, but her weight is down, two days later my dad says she’s just laying around, still not able to get up, her eyes never fully returning,  she gets upset as she goes on her self not being able to make it to the box. (She’s always been a very finicky and picky cat regarding her appearance, always kept herself extremely clean. I can just image how hard that must be…) My mom thinks she is getting worse. Though when she heard my voice (they had me on speaker phone) she peaked up and started purring.  It looks though that after an amazing 21 years 4 months and a few days, it is time for us to part paths on this earth. Though she has not yet been put down, we made the decision to let her find that eternal rest she so deserves.

I’ll miss my moma cat, even more than I do now. Most of my life she’s been there watching out for me, and I there for her. At least she’s not in pain they say, but I know it must not be good for her. Just yesterday was the memorial service for a man who was like a grandpa to me that I was unable to attend, and now another loved one, this one with fir rather than hair, will leave me to, neither was I able to give that final personal in person goodbye to while knowing it would be the last time.

I may add some pictures of her tomorrow to this post…  I miss Bob already, and in the coming days shall miss my fury four legged companion  Tiger, as well, and am thankful and grateful for all they have been to me in my lifetime.

UPDATE

I just received news from my dad. Over the night she has made great strides and her eyes are once more responsive to light, and while limping a bit, she is walking again and using the leg she was struggling with before, and she is being more herself. So hopefully this trend of recovery continues and holds off her day of passing. My heart sings out with joy upon hearing the good news in the life of the little bundle of love and joy that has been a part of my life for the past 21 years. 2/8 1:51pm

Peace,

Lyle II

For this sermon, I went primarily from the written manuscript as I shared the words with the congregation. It was perhaps one of the longest sermons I have given clocking in at just over 27 minutes. After the service, the usually and customary things took place, you know people going by and saying things to the preacher. However I noticed a few things different this time… One is I feel like I received more hugs from people than I have in a long time. This probably has nothing to do with the sermon but still, it is worth noting.  Then there were things people said. Comments from two people have entered into my thoughts over the past few days. The first was something along the lines of “My mind normally wonders during sermons, but you kept me and I stayed with you… you made me think about my calling” (this is a gross miss representation of the many words this individual said in conversation with me, however it hits the points that stuck with me). The other was along the lines of “You sounded more confident… last time you spoke I felt you were holding back”

The first comment I think meant a lot to me, I wasn’t so sure about the sermon. But if at least one person was able to be captured by the words, caused to reflect and hopefully to continue to as the days go forth, then I know it was a good sermon, at least for that one individual. Perhaps not for all, but at least for one. It also goes to show that a longer can work, though don’t expect me to anytime soon go to the 3 to 4 hour long sermons of old.

The second causes me to wonder as well. Is it true I was more confident, did I hold back before? Is it that my last sermon with this congregation was from notes alone and I do not believe ever made it to manuscript form? Were there environmental factors that impacted what I shared then and what I shared today? Or was it just the impact the message had on this person… or something else, I just don’t know, but it does make me wonder.

Well there was a third comment that should come up as well, someone asked me “where I was” for I mentioned some memories of my time in the DR Congo but forgot to mention that is where I was, I realized it as I spoke, but at the time I did it was a bit awkward to slip it in so I just kept going… and well I was caught on it.

If anyone is interested in providing any constructive comments about the sermon I would more than willing to read them, hear them… so here is the audio of it:

Called to Be Prophetic

Peace be with you,

Be it a letter typed on a type writer from a wonderful older member of a congregation I was part of for just a brief time, or a hand written letter from my sister. There’s something special, something unique.  Wednesday on my way to work, I stopped and opened my mailbox, and within were a few items, one of which was addressed to me in the handwriting of my sister. The joy that came to me as I opened that letter, as I read her words in her own hand, was wonderful. The content of the letter brought me joy, and brought back memories. While surly she could have shared the same words in another written form, a form that would have brought them to my eyes even faster, there was something special, something extra by seeing it in her hand, about receiving it in the mail. I was blessed this week by that gift, I am glad for all our fast communication, but I think that letter if received as an e-mail, just would not have been quite as special. So today I give praise for that gift, and hope that we will never forget the power of a written, mailed letter. Or the power of sharing in conversation in person with someone. May there never be a day when we allow our instant communication over vast distances replace completely the wonders of slower personalized communication, or of being in the physical presence of one who we wish to communicate with. Now I must take the time to write to her, to share my joy, to share the smile she brought to my face.

Peace,

As I struggle with personal issues at this time my mind has been a bit cloudy and thus a bit harder to open up and reflect, and yet I have tried, and I hope and pray to become more open as time goes on.

As Steve spoke, I at times looked around to try and have some sense of the needs of those physically present with me, and my mind tried reflecting on the words. It was quite a different experience than the last time Steve brought forth counsel to the church. Then I was sitting near some of my brothers and sisters from Africa in a room filled with people from many countries and cultures around the globe. Sunday I was in a room with people I worship and serve with regularly, representing a much smaller spectrum of diversity and cultures, but still diversity and watching the Prophet president on a wall rather than in person. Then I knew not that it was to be counsel shared, this time I did. So perhaps this all could have impacted my sense of being. However, as the meditation took place, and I looked upon another screen, and skimmed through the words, a greater depth came through me. A sense of “truth” came through me as well.

Each time I have gone back to it, I find a sense of truth. Yet I also feel a sense of incompleteness, of something missing, of edges unpolished… When I think of my experiences with the inspired counsel that became Doctrine and Convents 162 and 163, both before and after they were canonized and my experiences with this document, I find myself in a different place. For all three of these documents I find that sense of truth, with 162 and 163 there was and is a sense that they are scripture as a whole, with this, I find myself not there. If World Conference was right now and this was presented to be considered for inclusion into the Doctrine and Covenants today, I think my hand wound not rise in the affirmative. Yet I do feel it is inspired by the same Spirit that inspired 162 and 163. Perhaps as it is, in my encounter so far something more like the counsel brought forth in 1996 by W. Grant McMurry, which was but a part of what would become the document presented in 2000 and included into the Doctrine in Covenants. Perhaps it is inspired counsel to the church, but not counsel that should be embraced as scripture and whatever that may entail. Perhaps as I spend more time with it in prayer and reflection my mind will change to different understandings of what it is and is not.

I wonder if Steve in a desire to present this document to the church with time to reflect on it before World Conference “rushed” the document. If he had waited one more month to present the document would it be the same as we have before us now, or would it be slightly different? If he had more time, would he still have felt the need to include the commentary/introductions, or would it have flowed without the need for as in-depth introductions? Is it good to have this in depth intermixed within the document?  I know that in the hearing of it, this did in part distract me from encountering it as fully as I encountered upon reading it. Or would it be the same?

But as to the document… focusing just on the counsel..

The first three paragraphs, I keep seeing and encountering a sense of the Holy, even though I struggle with 2c and my personal understandings… the truth and Spirit that flows through embraces me.

Paragraph 4, finds truth as well. The liturgical and sacramental theologian within me finds great joy within 4c: “Explore all the ways the Lord’s Supper can spiritually form the church community into a true and living expression of the life, sacrifice, resurrection, and continuing presence of Christ…”  and the possibilities that could come from embracing these words.

It is perhaps paragraphs 5-7, I find truth and comfort with, and yet it is perhaps this portion where I struggle with the most, and find that sense of “not yet ready” popping up. Perhaps it is the flow of words. Perhaps it is at a time when I have seen and felt the World Conference referring more and more to church leadership rather than embracing its responsibility I fear parts of 7 could be interpreted in ways to do so even more so. That some interpretation could lead to placing more distractions upon those called to be out there leading us in sharing the Peace of Christ, and thus hinder the work of the church. 

Will we assume we know who the “proper World church officers” are and in fact assign these tasks to the wrong ones and hinder the mission of the church? Will be be open to the possibility that the “proper” might not always be the same group?  I worry about 7d and the financial situation of the church. How will we fund national and or field conferences? Is there other mission work that the time, energy and other recourses that will be going into these conferences be better used for? Should it be just the principles outlined in the counsel, or harmony with the principles of the counsel and also those found throughout  scripture and…?

In a day and age where people have limited time that they can take away from work, from caring for their families basics needs, will such events truly be able to foster dialogue, understanding and consent of the whole, or just those who are able to spend time and money to participate in these events? For those who now struggle to find ways to attend mission center conferences, and or World Conferences, uncertain how to do so while also keeping food on the table, roof over their families heads, keeping their jobs… Will they feel include. For those who will have to make the choice of being staff at a youth retreat, or volunteering in ways that help build communities of joy, hope, love and peace and recognize the worth of all persons or attending one of these conferences due to limited time they can take off from employment, which choice will they take?  Will such things foster true consent and growth, or will they lead to hindrances of the work of the church, and perhaps a greater sense of separation within the church between those who are able to participate (weather they choose to or not) and those who are not able to?

Then there is  paragraph 8… the introduction makes me wonder “now free to” did he have a sense of this counsel three years ago, but knew it wasn’t the right time? I must also admit when I heard Steve say the words of 8b my mind went to what transpired early in church history after the death the death of the first president of the church… which did not bring comfort to mind. I would be curious to hear what Steve at this time thinks the words might mean for this time a place. 8c, speaks volumes to me, and yet it is one of the smallest parts…

The final portion paragraph 9: It as well speaks tremendous volumes to me as well, and upon re-reading right now as I type these words I am slowly finding the fog that has been blocking my sermon preparation lifting… still not there to work on the sermon for the 31st but slowly getting there. The words here, and the truth and connection I find with my own personal calling, are wonderful…this paragraph speaks deeply to me….

You know, I’m in a different place than I was two hours ago when I started writing this piece… and now I’m not sure what I do if it was presented to be included in the Doctrine and Covenants or not. My concerns for paragraph 7 weigh upon me, but the truth within each paragraph speaks to me, paragraph 9 so greatly… There is much of it I could see as being right for that place, some I am still pondering, and the question of its completeness still lays upon me as well, though it feels a little more complete after this writing and reflection about it.

The question I now ask myself is, am I ready to truly risk, to truly live? I also ask, how do I work out my struggle between a sense of truth in paragraph 2 and my personal understanding of the sacrament of baptism… Perhaps the greatest struggle, even beyond differences it may express between my current understandings and what it professes, is that I feel we as a body need to develop a deeper understanding and theology regarding all of our sacraments… perhaps this is the start for that discussion and formulation?

Peace be with you