Fatherhood has brought out the best in you as a person and a husband and made the bond of our marriage so much stronger. I’m so thankful for the love and devotion you give to Clara and the love and support you give to me. When she was in my tummy, I would talk to her and tell her she was going to be a wonderful person like you…kind, selfless, loving, giving, caring, intelligent, funny, and strong, yet sensitive.

I love you so much,

Jubers

PS. Since Clara hasn’t exactly learned to write yet, she wanted me to help her thank you for Father’s day…

Thank you, Daddy, for helping bring me into this world.

Oct.2010

Thank you, Daddy, for holding me close.

Oct.2010

Thank you, Daddy, for supporting me.

Oct.2010

Thank you, Daddy, for holding me up.

Oct.2010

Thank you, Daddy, for letting me grab on to you.

Dec. 2010

Thank you, Daddy, for putting me to sleep.

Jan. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for building a foundation for me.

Jan. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for being by my side.

March 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for sharing your TCU spirit with me.

March 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for taking me to music class.

April 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for laughing with me.

May 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for taking me to my first Ranger’s Game.

Sept. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for teaching me to love animals.

Oct. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for wearing my Halloween costume.

Oct. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for eating my Halloween candy.

Oct. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for drumming on pumpkins with me.

Oct. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for playing nosie with me.

Nov. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for buying healthy foods for me.

Nov. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for spending time outdoors with me.

Nov. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for rough housing with me.

Dec. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for all of the kisses.

Dec. 2011

Thank you, Daddy, for experiencing new sights and sounds with me.

Feb. 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for getting dressed up with me.

April 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for reading me stories.

April 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for letting me pick bluebonnets.

April 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for creating backyard adventures.

April 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for playing on the floor with me.

April 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for the dress up clothes.

May 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for building me a table with an exploration bin.

May 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for teaching me to love nature.

May 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for being my buddy.

May 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for holding my hand.

June 2012

Thank you, Daddy, for loving me.

I love you more than you can ever imagine.

Happy Father’s Day 2012.

Love,

Clara

I started out with blueberries. Isn’t this a pretty color?!

The next step was to see what Clara would do with it. She proceeded to carry it to the table, so she could stand on the chair and squeeze and poke it. I should have known.

There were some decorative glass pebbles in the center of the table that she beckoned for, which added a whole other dimension to this activity.

When she dropped a pebble on the table, it made such a glorious sound that I grabbed a glass jar to add to this sensory experience. Since she also liked the sound of the glass jar against the table, we moved to the carpet to avoid the sound of breaking glass. She loved to drop the pebbles in the glass jar, so I thought we could count the pebbles too.

Of course little crumbles of play-doh dropped on the carpet. It was time to clean up the little pieces. Great for finger dexterity!

I’d like to carry it around now mommy… whoa, this is wobbly!

Back to the table!

How about some squatting/balance practice.

Overall, this activity lasted for well over an hour. She was so focused the entire time and napped for about 3 hours that afternoon. It must have worn her out! She explored a lot in this activity, from decision making to exercise, physics, dexterity, sound, counting, to cleaning up. Phew! That’s a lot of stuff to get out of play-doh and pebbles!

There were a few people at the park down the way, when Clara said “baby!” pointing at the ducks at the pond who recently had baby ducklings. Then she excitedly yelled “swing!” We didn’t consider going to the park, nor did we anticipate that walking by the park and not going wouldn’t make sense to her since every other time we stroll by the park, we get out and play. It was almost bedtime and she was barefoot. We turned the corner to go back home and she started to whine.

When I said “we’re not going to the park” and kept strolling, trying to continue the conversation Kerry and I were having that was interrupted by whining, it started to escalate into a full out cry.

Kerry and I are both people pleasers. I’ve always been a “peace maker” and “analyzer”, whereas Kerry tends to be a “conflict avoider”. But parenting has taught us to go beyond our usual ways. We could have given in to what she wanted. We could have been firm and said “no park! stop throwing a fit!”. We could have ignored her cries and just kept walking. We could have been annoyed and frustrated, concerned with what neighbors were thinking about our screaming child.

But, I stopped the stroller, squatted down to her eye level and listened to her and tried to feel what she was feeling. What was it like to be in her position? Excited about seeing the ducks and the swing and wanting to go play, but couldn’t. I gently touched her and told her that I knew she was upset, that we didn’t think about how walking by the park and not getting out to play would be disappointing, that we didn’t bring her shoes and it was too close to bedtime to get out and play. But, we were not going to the park tonight.

Although she calmed down a bit to listen to me, when I stood up to keep walking, she let me know she was still not happy with the decision. But, after a short time, she was distracted by something else and let it go. It felt good to stop and relate to her. We could have kept on walking, ignoring, and let her eventually give up after having a tantrum, doing what is comparable to “crying it out”. But instead of being annoyed and frustrated the entire time, we were back to our peaceful stroll, confident that the tantrum was handled in a caring but consistent manner.

I’ve discovered a lot of things lately about how I want to parent. Everyone has their own way and I’m not here to judge that, even though I might choose differently. A common way is to relate to children as uncivilized beings that need to be controlled, to conform and learn to exist in an adult’s world and not treated as equals, to learn who is boss and receive punishments for doing what the adult doesn’t want. The opposite that I often see is to ignore and avoid, hence not creating any boundaries, to be inconsistent, and not follow through with what you say. This style seems mostly a reaction to the traditional style of child rearing by parents who know they don’t want to be firm disciplinarians, but who haven’t given much thought of how to do otherwise. Unfortunately some refer to this as “modern parenting”, but there are many styles different than the old fashioned “do what I tell you or you’ll get a spanking” style of child rearing. A popular trend right now is the “rewards” style of parenting, giving rewards for doing what the parent wants or positive reinforcement. On the surface the positive reinforcement style seems the most “positive”, but many criticize it for being manipulative and ineffective in the long run, especially when you consider what you’re teaching the child to be motivated by.

None of these common paths completely resonate with me, which I know because I’ve tried them all out! I’ve learned a lot from a couple of authors lately, Alfie Kohn and Daniel Siegel and some mommy blogs such as Play at Home Mom. I’m excited and confident about parenting and raising my child. Many people make comments about how they think I read too much and how you can’t learn things from a book. Well, I’m not raising my child based on what a books says. But, research is important to me. The mystery of the mind, how it works and develops and the complexities of relationships are all fascinating to me. I’ve learned many things that have made a huge difference for the better in our lives. So, I’m going to keep on reading!

Rear Facing Cutie

Every time you get behind the wheel, can you say your child is in the safest possible position and buckled in the seat properly? Would you bet his/her life on it? Have you read your car seat manual front to back and the owner’s manual to your car? Who does? Even if you had the time, with all of the details that go into installing a car seat properly, it can be an overwhelming amount of information.

Did you know that unintentional childhood injury is the leading cause of death and disability for children ages 1 to 14? Not to be Debbie Downer, but injury and death can occur due to mistakes, short cuts, and bad choices made when installing a car seat or when buckling your child in. Safe kids is a national organization formed to educate parents about safety. One of the FREE services they provide is car seat checks and installations. The hands on experience with an expert who has been trained to install and teach you about car seats is invaluable.

We took our infant car seat to safe kids before C was born, for both cars, and when she graduated to the bigger seat. I’m so thankful that my husband does not have an ego when it comes to seeking guidance from an expert. At our appointment, Officer Lonnie gave us a mini education course about car seat safety, explained how our brand of car seat worked with our car model and made sure we understood how to properly install it ourselves. As an officer, he has witnessed many car crashes throughout his career and volunteers his time every week to this organization in order to prevent tragedies he has seen. He is so passionate about this cause and so are the many other volunteers that work with SafeKids.

Here are some key points:

YOUR CHILD SHOULD BE REAR FACING FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. It is SO.MUCH.SAFER. Our car seat goes up to 40 lbs rear facing, then 70 lbs forward facing. That could mean she might be 4 years old before having to face forward! She can learn to sit criss cross applesauce. As officer Lonnie puts it, “broken necks or spines are much harder to fix than broken legs”. He gave us a simple physics lesson to explain how a child is far better protected when rear facing in an impact. Another point was made that having legs dangle off the front of the seat can also cut off circulation. Children might in fact be more comfortable rear facing. They are flexible and can bend their legs!

I’ve heard friends say their child doesn’t like to rear face or they like to be able to see them. This justification doesn’t make sense to me when your child’s safety is on the line. But I’m sure they just don’t understand how much safer it is or they would make a different choice. That’s why I think car seat education is so important.

WHEN POSSIBLE, PUT YOUR CAR SEAT IN THE CENTER SEAT, NOT THE SIDE. It doesn’t take a rocket science degree to figure this one out. In a side impact, even 1 foot difference can be a life saver. Sure it might be a bit of an inconvenience to load your child in the center, but again, at what cost? Here’s where it is a bit complicated. Most cars, even new cars, don’t have the latch system in the center seat. Manufacturers are only required to put two sets of latches in. In an assembly line situation, it’s easier to put them on the side. Thanks car industry! So, you have to use the seat belt instead of the latches. Perhaps a bit more work when installing. But! the payoff is so worth it! When a second child comes along, of course 1 of them will have to be on the side and 1 in the center, unless you have a limo. HaHa!

MAKE SURE THE HARNESS IS TIGHT ENOUGH AND IN THE PROPER POSITION. The shoulder straps should be at or below the shoulders and the chest strap should be right at the nipple line or underarms. When checking for tightness, you should not be able to pinch any material together just above the chest strap. Buckling them in is NOT enough. It must be tight.

These 3 points are pretty universal. But, there are even little details such as not adding anything to your car seat, like pads, toys, seat protectors, or even those shades that stick on the windows. All of those bells and whistles you can buy have not been crash tested with the car seat. And, things fly in an impact. Even more importantly, when actually installing the car seat, there are so many variances depending on the brand of car seat and the make/model of your car. That is why it’s important to have an expert check and/or teach you to install it properly.

It’s so easy to do. Just call and set up an appointment. They have them weekly in your area. You can never be too busy to make sure your child is as safe as they can be in your car!! If your heart is set on facing your child forward before they have to according to their weight, I hope you will consider making an appointment and turning your child back around!

I hate to admit that I’m somewhat of a control freak, although I’m working on NOT being one. Ironic, I know. Luckily I have an understanding and patient husband. We also communicate very well and openly and love each other despite our individual faults or maybe even because of them. Needless to say, I really hate that I can’t “control” what the seed is going to do or know what will become of it. It’s one thing trying to control life in the moment, but trying to control the future… now that takes Super Powers!

I guess I don’t have super powers…shucks.

So I bought the square foot gardening book that a friend recommended and I’m so glad I did! The author, Mel Bartholomew, makes it all seem so easy. He lays out the process in a clear and entertaining fashion and really sells you on the idea of square foot gardening. It seems to be a fool proof, guaranteed success. Great for a control freak (I hate saying that). Do I have to be a freak? Why not a control goddess or something? Since I want to control the perception of whoever is reading this, I want you to know I’m not THAT much of a control freak. It’s just a small part of me. Really though…I’m just trying to be funny. HaHa! (nervous laugh)

Anyway, my main inspiration for this garden is that I want Clara to grow up eating fresh, homegrown vegetables. I also want it to be an activity and project we share together as a family. Plus, I’m already partly a granola mommy, so I might as well take some more steps in that direction! But don’t worry honey, you can always count on a smooth underarm.

It’s scary being a new mom

“So, what do we do now?”, he says. After all, I knew exactly what to do for my birth.  I wanted a natural birth and nobody’s comments, lack of confidence, or scary stories were going to stop me. I also knew I wanted to breastfeed exclusively. Again, I was so confident, there was nothing that would change my mind. My mother talked about how amazing and life changing all 4 of her natural births were and breastfed all of us at a time when it wasn’t popular. She bestowed that gift upon me and I knew I wanted to follow in her footsteps. What an amazing and strong woman.

But I didn’t know exactly what kind of parent I wanted to be. I was clueless. It didn’t even occur to me to think ahead. I was just focused on my pregnancy and birth. Before Clara was born, I had absolutely no idea how to proceed or where to even begin. I guess I assumed I would just figure it out.

There is so much conflicting advice out there that if you don’t have a strong picture about what kind of parent you want to be, how you want to handle sleeping, feeding, and crying, you can feel lost. At least that was my experience. My instincts and intuition were clouded as I doubted and questioned many things.

Before Clara was born, I had never heard of attachment parenting. As I started to learn more about it, I discovered that it is a huge movement and very different from the traditional child rearing styles in many ways. Here’s a link to an article about two extremes of parenting that are popular right now. I am very drawn to many aspects of attachment parenting and it seems to get wrapped into the whole “natural mama” phenomenon. With any style of parenting, there are going to be critics and I didn’t know anyone personally who practiced attachment parenting. I felt alone as I discovered my instincts lead me to more of the natural parenting style. Without this confidence and a community of mothers with similar ideals, my journey was not as clear in the beginning.

Now, with 16 months under my belt, I really am finding my way. I don’t identify with just one particular parenting style, but take from all of the things I learn to create my own. As I become more grounded in how I want to raise my children, I also know that my way is not the “right way”. Although I might disagree with other parenting styles or choices, I certainly don’t want to come across as judgemental or critical.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and redo things with the knowledge I have now. It can be helpful to reflect and learn from the past, but I know that looking back and having regrets is limiting. “So, what do we do now?” I can’t necessarily answer that question any better than I did at day one, but the question is no longer weighed down by anxiety.

Perhaps the best answer is, “We’re doing what we’re doing and it’s exactly what we’re supposed to be doing”.

Pre-ketchup and baking

When I was a kid, meatloaf sounded like eating garbage. I did.not.like.it. But I also didn’t like chocolate. Crazy kid I was.

Anyway, I’m always trying to find yummy and healthy meals that the toddler will eat, the husband will scarf, the mom will feel good about, the freezer will freeze, and will work with substitutions.

Turkey Veggie Meatloaf does just that.

I’m not an exact measurement kind of gal, so here’s the gist:

Cook chopped garlic, onion, and green pepper (or yellow or red) in EVOO.

Toss together shredded zucchini (or squash), shredded carrots, garlic, onion, green pepper, bread crumbs, shredded parmesan cheese, one egg, and your favorite spices. *In this picture, there were some things I didn’t have on hand, so I traded some frozen broccoli(boiled first) for carrots, mozzarella for parmesan and yellow pepper for green pepper.

Mix in 1lb of ground turkey(or ground beef). You have to mix it with your hands, so be prepared to dig in!

Form into a log in an oven-safe dish or pan. Squeeze ketchup on top and spread it out to cover all surfaces.

Bake in a 400 degree oven for an hour. Mmmmmmm… makes the house smell good.

I have to thank my sister Sallie for this recipe! “Thank you Sallie!”

Ooops! Ate some already!

Pom Poms and a Jar

I am not a fan of plastic toys that light up and play music. I call these my “ADD” toys. I can’t imagine that blinking lights and a recorded voice actually teach anything, even though they are fun for the child. There is a ton of research out there that proves how children learn language through a human voice and not through a recorded one. Here is an amazing video called The Linguistic Genius of Babies. I assume the same logic would apply to electronic “educational” toys with recorded sounds. And what about the flashing lights? If you’ve read my post on radiant light sources such as the TV, perhaps the logic regarding light would be similar too.

I’m not so hard core as to not let a plastic noise maker in my house. We do have a few that have been given to us and some that I had before I started learning about other kinds of toys. Her favorite is a toy piano from her nanny, which is the only one that I don’t have “hidden” away. I like that one because it’s a piano.

I prefer she doesn’t have a ton of toys. I’d rather her read books, play outside when the weather is pretty, and use her imagination. Although it’s hard not to be materialistic in our society, perhaps I can at least tone it down a bit. But, there are sometimes when it’s nice to have things that will keep her busy.

When I taught piano lessons, I had a jar of pom poms I would use as a practice tool. For example, I would start out with 5 pom poms. Each time the student played a passage perfectly, I’d take away a pom pom to make it “disappear”. If the student messed up, we’d start the process all over again until all pom poms disappeared. I never threw these pom poms away because I thought I might use them someday.

So yesterday, when I was trying to get some things done in my office, I noticed the jar on the shelf and decided to give it to her. At this stage, she loves taking things in and out of containers. Turns out, it entertained her for quite a while. She was so focused.

I’m no scientist, but I would assume this kind of “toy” is better for her development at building concentration and focus than a toy that overstimulates the brain and changes pace so quickly. And the recycled Joe T. Garcia’s salsa jar and leftover pom poms were free! Can’t beat that!

Daddy and Clara on the train

Swimming in the pool, playing in the park, watching animals at the zoo, riding roller coasters, jumping on a trampoline, and discovering new sights, sounds, and smells are all magical when you’re a child. I remember feeling excitement and anticipation at the thought of these activities as a kid.

We took Clara on her first train ride this weekend. When the three of us do things together as a family, I feel like a kid again with so much happiness and pure joy in the moment.

It was a cold, breezy, but sunny Sunday afternoon in February. While passengers were boarding the Forest Park Miniature Railroad, Clara held my hand as we walked from the engine to the caboose waving to people in the train cars. “All aboard!” said the conductor as we hopped on next to Daddy, squished together to stay warm and cozy in one seat.

As we started to move, I noticed the wonder on her face as we began this new adventure. The cold wind from the Trinity blew on our faces as families on bicycles rode by. “Look!” I would say. “A bicycle!…a doggie!.. ducks!…a waterfall!…a bridge!…a park!”. Who knew all of these things could be so exciting? Mommy and daddy were just as thrilled as she was to point out the sites that passed by. And to top it off, passerby’s waved with big smiles, bringing such joy to the present moment.

Just when things couldn’t get any better, the train stopped for a popcorn break. She was too busy watching the sites to see us “sharing” the popcorn until the very end when I gave her a few small pieces of salty goodness. As the train curved around the bend to go back to the depot, we could finally see the rest of the train and wave to the other passengers. “Choo Choo! Choo Choo!” She’s heard that sound before in songs and books, but now she can associate them with the real thing!

I am so thankful to share these special moments as a family and to experience life as a kid again.

Something is very funny

I have been cracking up for the last half hour! In preparation for week 4, I watched the video to learn the new headlift exercises. Week 3 was pretty uneventful other than really feeling the burn in my transverse and lower back. But this week is going to take a lot of brainpower. As I listened to the instructions on the video, I realized I needed to write some things down.

This strikes me as hilarious and gives me tired-head all at the same time:

In order to engage the transverse, you must remember 5 things about this muscle…Let me teach you the 5 step headlift… There are 4 things to remember before starting the headlifts…It is important to make sure you do the first 3 steps of the headlifts correctly before lifting your head… There are 2 ways for you to know if your transverse is in or out…There are 3 places you need to hold the splint when doing the headlifts…There are 2 visualizations in the headlifts. The first 3 steps are called pelvic stabilization. These 3 steps must be done correctly before doing the last 2 steps of the headlifts.

Bhwaaaahahahahahhahahaha! My head is swimming…

I sure hope I can remember all of that!

In week 3, although I did my exercises, I got a little lazy with steps 3 and 4 of holding in my transverse and getting up and down/picking things up correctly. Also, the splint would ride up to my ribs above my belly button constantly and I would have needed to adjust it with every movement. Since I don’t sit still all day, I’m not sure how effective my splinting was this week even though I adjusted it throughout the day. I’m thinking I might need to order a smaller one. Seems like it would be easier to wear two instead of having to hold the second one for the week 4 exercises anyway.

I really hope this program is going to work for closing my diastasis! I am doing the best I can. One thing for sure is my transverse is getting stronger, my posture is much improved, and I notice my back hurts the next day if I did any slumping the day before. So, I am still building an awareness and seeing results that encourage me to keep going.