the kc experience

Living Obedience & Shutting Down Fear

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Sat, 17 Aug 2019 05:38:00 +0000

Lately we have been trying to teach Lenora the word and concept of "obedience." She will be 4 next month, and she is understanding more and more about what it means to obey mommy and daddy, particularly as her independence grows and she realizes that she does not actually have to obey us if she chooses not to do so. We encourage her to choose to obey because that's what Jesus wants us to do, and it makes him happy when we obey.

You may not know this about me but the Bible story of Jonah is my least favorite of all. It's not something I keep a secret - Matthew is quite familiar with my "the pastor's sermon is on Jonah" grimace. The story frustrates me. Jonah does all the wrong things (until he simply has no other choice), but God still uses him. Yet, in the end, after all Jonah has seen God do (3 days in the belly of a big fish and lives to tell the tale - hello!), he still pouts about his situation and the things God did.

Jonah annoys me. I want him to read his own story and stand in awe of God, not pout about it. And throughout his whole story, it is plain to see that all he has to do is obey God to avoid all the heartache (see above about the big fish).

But obedience is tough. So I have to cut Jonah some slack in that regard. It's tough for my almost-4-year-old, and it's tough for me.

Isn't it funny how parenting can be the most frustrating and most rewarding thing at the same time? I had to know that attempting to teach Lenora about obedience would open my eyes to see how God is asking for my own obedience.

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, and God used her and our conversation to reveal to me that I have been Jonah lately, avoiding being obedient in some situations in my life. Interestingly (but not surprisingly), just the night before I was praying with some other friends and specifically asking God to show us (me) the sin in our lives so we may repent of it. Of course, my prayers were directed toward one situation, and God answered that prayer for a different one. Hah! He's a funny one.

When I was pretty young (before my youngest sibling was even a thought), my mom made a point of teaching us Bible verses that as a family we would focus on memorizing for a week or so. I can't say I remember all of them (sorry, mom!), but one that has never left my side is "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Tim 1:7 NKJV). I have always been so grateful for my mom's desire to instill those words in our hearts because I have called on that verse countless times when I have been afraid. Situations like going into interviews, driving down dark creepy roads, or when my mind wanders into crazy places late at night when I am home alone with the kids trying to determine what the best course of action would be if the house caught on fire (because #momlife).

For the last few months, God has been putting that verse at the front of my mind for different reasons, though. Reasons like being afraid to speak truth in love when it needs to be spoken. I am not a liar, but I tend to keep my opinions and beliefs to myself in situations where I feel like it might not be received well (sometimes that's the wise choice, sometimes not). And God has been calling me out on it. He's been asking me to obediently speak truth in love in several specific relationships in my life, and I have been avoiding it because I am afraid. I have been afraid of unintentionally hurting feelings or inciting anger, and I have let those excuses be the reigning force instead of calling on the power and love and sound mind he's given me.

Since I asked God to show me my sin, which he answered through simple truths spoken by my friend, I am now grappling with how to be obedient and step out of fear to do so. I want to obey because I love Jesus, and I know, just like with Jonah's story and just like we are trying to teach Lenora, he has called me to obedience. I need to get out of God's way and let him use me, especially because I want to be an example for my babies to follow.

I think, for me, it starts with gratitude for some of the things God has given me. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me power and love and a sound mind to call upon when I struggle with obedience. Thank you for showing me sins that need to be confessed. And thank you for using my mom to teach me about who you are all those years ago as I now try to teach my own children those same things.

When A Big Sister Loses A Little Sister

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Sat, 27 Apr 2019 04:02:00 +0000

Grief is a funny, funny thing, isn't it?

This month marks 6 years since Kasie was murdered. Sometimes it feels like yesterday she was here. Other times it feels like a century we've been without her.

The end of April and beginning of May is usually a weird time for me ever since Kasie first went missing. This time of year is marked with so much sadness since 2013. But in subsequent years, this time of year has also held good things, like finding out the gender of LK (2015) and then announcing our pregnancy with LE (2017). (Interestingly, the day we found out Kasie died and the dates of the fun things with our babies all fell on the same day: May 4th.)

Regardless, this year hasn't felt particularly sad or difficult like some years have been. I miss Kasie with all that is in me, but Jesus has seen me through it all and helped me heal (which is a continual process). So usually I miss her in a fond way, not so much a sad way, which has been the case lately.

My best friend got engaged this week, and I'm absolutely over-the-moon excited for her. Besides my brother's wedding (which was in TX, leaving me a little useless for the planning), this is the only other wedding I've been part of (other than my own - haha), and I get to be there for a lot of the planning and festivities since she's my best friend!

It hit me this morning that part of the reason I'm so excited about being there to help her plan and do ALL THE WEDDING THINGS is because I will never get to do those things with Kasie. So there's this big part of me that is so very grateful for Toni (my bff) wanting me to be part of the process simply because I kind of get to do the big-sister-help-plan-the-wedding thing like I should have been able to do with Kasie!!

Up until this evening all I could feel was pure excitement about it. Like literally jumping up and down with glee.

But then the kids went down for bed, and Matthew's at work, leaving me alone with my thoughts (time I normally really savor). The excitement for Toni's wedding has been temporarily matched with grief over the countless big sister experiences that were lost when I lost Kasie.

I will never get to help her find the perfect wedding dress or plan her bachelorette party or give an embarrassing but hilarious MOH toast at her wedding reception or any of the other experiences I should have as the big sister of the bride.

So I'm a little sad tonight and missing my sister.

But I'm choosing simply to be grateful for the time I did have with Kasie, like our childhood experiences and my own wedding. And I'm looking forward to being able to do the big sister wedding thing with Kristen one day in the future.

And I'm very much looking forward to planning with Toni. I'm so grateful Jesus brought her into my life 10 years ago, shortly after moving to WA. I can't wait to help her find THE dress and do silly bachelorette things and celebrate her and Jake.

So here's to sisters, ones born to us and ones we choose.

Toddler Resurrection Eggs

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 29 Mar 2019 05:10:00 +0000

Last year for Easter I wanted to give a gift to each family in our church with a small child. Something to help them share the story of Easter together in a fun and tactile way.

I'd seen Resurrection Eggs all over Pinterest but couldn't find one that really fit what I wanted. So I took a couple of different ideas to create something that I liked and made several sets for our families, and I love how it all came together.

I thought I'd share it this year for those who are interested.

Here's what is in my set:

Heart - On Easter we celebrate God's love for everyone (John 3:16-17).
Bandage - We are a broken world in need of a Savior (Romans 3:23).
Cross - Jesus died on the cross for our sins (John 19:17-18).
Cloth - Jesus was wrapped in cloth and placed in the tomb (John 19:40)
Rock - A stone was placed in front of the tomb (Matthew 27:59-60).
Empty - Jesus' friends came to the tomb and saw the stone had been moved. The tomb was empty! (Luke 24:1-3)

I added corresponding number stickers to the eggs to make it a little simpler and printed the list above on cardstock to go along with my egg carton to use as a reference and starting point when using the eggs with children.

The hearts and crosses were small wooden ones bought online (Amazon, I think). I cut small strips of cloth from a $1 tea towel and bought rocks from Michael's. I was going to just find some in nature but wanted to make sure I found ones that would actually fit in the eggs and that also wouldn't be too small and pose a choking hazard. And the bandages were just a plain box of band-aids from the store!

The were received really well by the people in our church, and I hope they bless you, too!

Happy Easter!

We're getting a Total Money Makeover!

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 29 Mar 2019 04:28:00 +0000

I recently read "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. It was on my list to read something written by him this year. I didn't have any real intention of doing anything with it; I was just curious about his methodology.

Let me just say: I wish I had read this so much sooner! I was surprised at how simple his philosophies are and how accessible his writing is, and I have drunk the Dave Ramsey kool-aid, people!

Matthew and I feel like we're pretty diligent with our finances. For the mot part, we've always seen eye to eye where money is concerned. Our parents raised us with similar perspectives and attitudes regarding finances (a huge blessing and gift, to say the least). We're certainly not perfect and know there's room for growth, but this book definitely put everything into perspective for us.

If you haven't read it, the basic idea is there are 7 baby steps for a total money makeover:

Nothing about what Dave says is radical or earth-shattering. All of what he says is against the grain, though. And, as with everything, you have to take what he says and use it in a way that will fit your life.

For instance, Dave says to sell your cars and stop paying so much on them so that you can get rid of debt faster. While I'm not opposed to that, I'm also not jumping in 100%. For one of our cars, we would be upside down on it if we sold it. It makes more sense for us to pay it off than to sell it. The other car is our minivan that was a very calculated cost that we're comfortable about having. Don't get me wrong: we don't love paying for our cars every month. But we're certainly not stretched too far because of our cars. So we're okay keeping both of them (with the intention of keeping them for a very long time and neither of which did we buy brand new). Dave might say we don't have what he calls "gazelle" focus, but we're okay with that.

In practically every other way, we're on board with what he says! Step 1 was already done for us - check! That was easy. We're currently in Step 2 (like most other people).

To help us pay off all our debt (which is mostly our cars) in record time, we are taking the effort to stick to a mostly strict monthly zero-budget (assigning every dollar to go somewhere so that it's all "spent" when the new month rolls around). This is a new thing for us. We've always kept a loose budget and try to live within our means, but we've never gone over it with a fine-tooth comb every month and only allowed ourselves to spend however much at any given time.

March has been our first month doing this, and, with the end of the month upon us, I have to say it's really changed a lot of our perspective and mentality regarding our finances. I'm honestly so surprised. Dare I say it's almost fun, like a game, to stay within the confines we've given ourselves?! Having the budget has made us think more about each purchase we make and whether it's necessary or not.

I downloaded the Every Dollar app on my phone, and we've been using that to keep up-to-date on our budget and track spending, which has been incredibly helpful. It showed us that, yes, we CAN tithe 10% every month without it putting us in the red!

It feels so good to be telling our money where it's going instead of letting it tell us what we can and cannot do each month.

With our current plan and debt snowball (if you're not familiar with this, you can read more about it here), we are on track to have ALL OUR DEBT paid off in 2.5 years! You guys, I wouldn't have believed it if you'd told me that just 3 months ago. I would have probably laughed in your face and said a very sarcastic "OKKKKK". And yet, here we are, finding more and more ways to cut out unnecessary spending so that we can attack our debt head on.

When I first told Matthew about the whole 7 step process after reading the book, he was kind of middle-of-the-road about it, not 100% in but not 100% out either. And then we crunched some very realistic and DOABLE numbers for our finances to see how long it would take to pay off all our debt using Dave's debt snowball method. Knowing we could have it ALL done within 2.5 years sold him on it.

Being able to make great headway with our finances because we're not constantly fighting debt is a great freedom that we're SO excited about. I'm really really really excited about where God is going to take us with all of this!

Momma Needs Forgiveness Too

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 03:06:00 +0000

This has been a TOUGH afternoon/evening. One of those where bedtime feels a gazillion bajillion hours away.

It was such a beautiful day. And I just wanted to bake some banana bread and then enjoy the sunshine with my babies. But they were tired. And stressed.

And so I was stressed.

REAL TALK: I ugly screamed at Lenora.

She disobeyed me in a way that could have been very dangerous to all 3 of us. And it scared the life out of me. So my knee-jerk reaction was to yell at her out of my own fear and adrenaline.

I can just imagine how terrified and confused her little 3-yr-old heart felt when the momma she loves and trusts was raging at her.

I felt awful. I FEEL awful.

I quickly apologized and loved on her for a bit, just picturing how ugly and scary I must have seemed just moments before. At the same time, I kept thinking:

If she would just listen to me when I tell her not to do things!

That’ll preach, am I right?

Every week, I get a text asking me about the kids in an attempt to document their lives in “real time”. Ironically, the text just came through as I was writing this post. The text:

Did Lenora learn any lessons today?

My response?

Hah. More like, did I learn any lessons.
Lenora learned that mommy is imperfect and loses her mind and ugly screams sometimes.
But I hope she also learned that mommy wants to protect her and sometimes reacts with an ugly scream because she's scared for her. And I also hope she learned that mommy isn't too proud to apologize and ask for forgiveness from her. I hope she learned a little more about Jesus in all of it.

Ugh. What a day. There’s no real "reason" or purpose for my posting this. I guess I felt the need to confess. And to be real about mom life. It’s not always happy smiles on sunshiny days. Sometimes it’s the same sunshiny day with lots and lots and lots of tears.

But I’m so grateful for her perfect, sweet little innocent heart that didn’t hesitate to forgive me when I asked. And she didn’t think twice about snuggling into me later, falling fast asleep well before bedtime.

Motherhood is hard, y’all. Whew.

Update on 2019 Goals: February

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 16:41:00 +0000

I thought I’d give a quick February update on where I am with my goals for 2019.

So far, I haven’t journaled a single nightmare, mostly because I haven’t had many and partly because I forget them almost as soon as I wake up.

Weight loss is slow but sure. January was tough because we were hit hard with a stomach bug, and I could not exercise for about a week. But as soon as I was feeling able, I jumped back on and have been working out six days a week ever since, which feels great! I’m almost done with week 4 of Cize by Beachbody, and I’ve loved it.

I also saw an endocrinologist near the end of Jan regarding my thyroid. After re-doing some lab work, it looks as though I may no longer be pre-diabetic, which is amazing! Since July I’ve gone from diabetic blood levels to normal!!! Praise Jesus for perseverance and victory! This same doctor also prescribed me a new medication to help with losing weight since I’ve plateaued quite a bit for a while.

My reading goal is probably going to be surpassed at the rate I’m going. As of today, I’ve read 11 books in 2019! My mood has been right for reading - so I’ve devoured everything I can get my hands on.

Even though I haven’t been journaling my dreams, I have been keeping up with my bullet journal. It’s been a super fantastic creative outlet for me, while also keeping me organized and on track with different things in my life!

I’m a few days behind on reading the Bible in a year, but nothing I can’t catch up with. I already have a plan to get back on track.

And I’ve missed two weeks for posting a blog. So I think this week I might try to double up!

All-in-all this year is off to a good start and keeping momentum!

Dealing with Postpartum Depression: A Personal Story

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Sun, 03 Feb 2019 05:24:00 +0000

*I am not a medical professional and have no medical experience whatsoever. This is simply me telling my story of dealing with postpartum depression in hopes that it might help others. If you think you might be suffering from postpartum depression, please seek help from a medical professional right away.*

I never struggled with postpartum depression (PPD) with our first child (LK) and had never had depression before having children at all. However, after our second (LE) was born, it didn't take long for the nasty symptoms to rear their ugly heads.

Unfortunately, my knowledge of PPD was despairingly minimal. I knew it was a real thing and should be managed, but I had no idea what it really looked like. At my 6-week follow up after baby was born, my OB asked if I had any thoughts about harming my baby ("no"), and that was the end of the discussion. (Let me add that I love my OB and trust her so much and place no blame on her whatsoever.)

Fast-forward to about 3.5 months postpartum, and I was all over the place. I was extremely tired all the time. I had incredible mood swings and crazy irritability - the littlest things could set me off in a rage. I never wanted to harm my baby but definitely had moments of thinking we made a monumental mistake having a second child and sometimes - and I'm being extremely honest and vulnerable saying this - even wishing he just wasn't here. There were times he would cry, and I would cry because I felt too overwhelmed. I would be instantly stressed when he woke up from his naps and weirdly anxious about nursing him, even though we had no issues with it physically. After spending time with other people, I was so unbelievably physically and emotionally drained from putting on a smile and happy front that my face would literally hurt from the effort.

All-in-all, I was a freaking mess.

And I simply assumed I was merely not handling having a second child well. So many of the things I was feeling seemed so normal for life with a newborn and toddler that I never really questioned it.

One of the worst parts about the whole thing, on top of all the awful symptoms of PPD, was that it made me second-guess who I was as a mother and my ability to be a good one. Of everything, that hurts the most because it was a big, fat, ugly lie, and I unnecessarily doubted myself for far too long because of it.

I remember two very distinct situations where I started to really understand that something wasn't right.

The first was Easter morning. Easter is usually such a good day for me because of what I believe and the joy that comes with knowing Jesus is alive and conquered death! But this first one after LE was born was terrible. I was trying to get the kids ready for church, a normal circumstance for us on Sunday mornings, and I couldn't find LK's tights to go under her dress. And it's cold here on Easter in the PacNW - she needed to wear something under her dress.

I lost my mind. In the most extreme way (for me), I could not contain my anger. I was slamming doors and yelling and reigning terror upon my family. Over a pair of stupid tights. In my mind I knew I was being irrational and over-the-top about something mundane, but I could not convince my emotions of it. I felt completely out of control.

I spent the whole morning feeling numb and distant from everything. Easter was not a celebration for me that day - it was another day to endure. And then I saw all of my friends posting their beautiful, happy family pictures on social media, and I broke down weeping because I felt like our family was anything but beautiful and happy. My sorrow quickly turned into deep guilt because how could I be so ungrateful and unhappy amidst this beautiful life God had given me.

Then about two days later, the second situation occurred. Matthew was trying to snuggle with me in bed, and I wasn't having it. And he was angry, enough to leave and plan to sleep on the couch, which is something that we never do. Besides that, he isn't the type to get angry easily or often.

So I went out to the living room and asked him what was wrong, and he said he felt like I was completely uninterested in him anymore. And that stopped me in my tracks. Because, of everyone in my life at that time (and even now), Matthew was the lifeline of love and support keeping me afloat. My love for him was (and continues to be) so strong that I could not believe he felt at all that I was disinterested in him.

That was the moment the veil was really lifted from my eyes to recognize all the symptoms as a possibility of being a part of something bigger than me just feeling overwhelmed and under-adjusted to having two kids. It finally occurred to me that maybe all the things I was going through emotionally weren't normal. I knew I was irritable and unhappy already. And now I could see how it all was really affecting my family.

So I called my OB's office the next day and was scheduled for that afternoon. I'm so grateful that they don't hesitate to schedule patients who say they're struggling with PPD symptoms because I needed something, anything to get me through that day. After having a meltdown in her office over all my emotions, she knew right away that I was suffering from PPD. She encouraged me to do something for myself every day that helps fill my cup, like reading, and prescribed me a low dose of medication to give my serotonin levels a boost.

I am forever grateful that I sought help from my OB. By the time I returned to her office 2 weeks later for a follow-up appointment, my whole demeanor had changed. I was smiling real smiles and had an abundance of affection for LE that I was struggling with prior to seeking help. It was like a new person had stepped out of the shell of who I was before, and I was so happy.

Looking back on what I call the "dark days", it's scares me how deep I was into PPD without realizing it. I fully believe that I eventually would have had suicidal thoughts if I had not gotten help when I did. I was spiraling out of control and was completely oblivious.

Now, I'm passionate about raising more awareness of PPD and what it can look like for moms of newborns. Had I been better informed about what the symptoms are and what to look for besides thoughts about harming my baby (which I still have never had), I might have been able to recognize what was going on inside of me a lot sooner. I also think that, had he been given more information ahead of time, Matthew would have more easily and quickly realized more was at play for my mental health.

I know many pediatricians have started adding a PPD questionnaire for mommas at baby's 4 month check-up in an effort to catch it sooner and more efficiently, which I think is absolutely wonderful, and I hope more will adopt those practices.

If you have/had PPD or are struggling and think you might have it, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and THERE IS REAL HELP. Please, please, please seek out a doctor you trust who can help you. PPD is nothing to be ashamed about and more common than you know. And you deserve to relish happy moments and bonding with your baby.

Source: Fix.com Blog

Book Review: "Boy Erased: A Memoir"

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 06:02:00 +0000

I recently read Boy Erased: A Memoir by Garrard Conley and thought I'd offer a review of it. I found out about it when I saw a trailer for the movie (with Nicole Kidman and Russel Crowe) based on the book. The trailer looked intriguing, and I figured I'd read the book first.

From Wikipedia:

Boy Erased: A Memoir is a 2016 memoir by Garrard Conley recounting his childhood in a fundamentalist Arkansas family that enrolled him in conversion therapy.

Conley recounts what it was like to grow up in an extremely conservative and fundamentalist religious town as a young man struggling with his sexual orientation.

The book itself was a great read. Conley is a gifted author with a knack for using incredibly moving language. He has a way of connecting the reader to his story that feels intimate, like you are there with him through his experiences and feeling his emotions along with him. The book is mostly chronological, but he interjects various moments in time to help the reader better understand the story at large.

One could argue that this memoir is more about Conley's relationship with his dad, a highly respected religious man in his church and community. If nothing else, it is clear that the underlying theme throughout the memoir relates to his father.

As a heterosexual Christ-follower, I had a surprising and unbelievable sense of his struggle between his sexual orientation and his religious upbringing. He so clearly articulates how he grappled with the desire to please God and his family and his undeniable sexual preferences.

Before reading Conley's memoir, I felt like I had a solid opinion about sexual orientation (from a Biblical standpoint). The real compliment to Conley is that he now has me re-evaluating what I believe. I'm not saying my opinions are necessarily going to change, but his memoir has stirred within me the desire to take a closer look at what the Bible says about homosexuality.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading Boy Erased and would certainly recommend it. (Note: while Conley does a fantastic job of using appropriate expressive language, there are some situations in the book that are of a more mature nature.)

Bullet Journal Pages for 2019....So Far

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 18 Jan 2019 20:25:00 +0000

Hey hey! I got into bullet journaling last year but quickly became overwhelmed by it. But it was also cathartic. So this year I decided to give it a go again but much simpler and in a way that works for me. Sharing some pics below of my pages so far. Some are works in progress, and others are more refined. Looking forward to what other ideas come along! I have something in mind to accompany my Bible reading!

Year at a glance

January meal plan

52 week weight tracker

Bucket list for each season

Tracker for books read in 2019, plus my star rating

52 week tracker for various habits

Brainstorming page for blog post ideas

How to Actually Read the Bible in a Year

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 19:39:00 +0000

Several people have asked me for tips on how to actually finish reading the Bible in a year. Here are my best ones!

Pick a bible version you like.

One thing I’ve found is that if it’s too hard to understand, the more likely I am to check out and/or give up. A couple of simpler versions for reading are NLT and NIV.

Decide if digital or “analog” works better for you.

When I first started out, I decided to go with my hard copy (“analog”) Bible but soon switched to digital because it was just simpler and made it more likely for me to read. There’s no right or wrong option - just do what works for you!

Choose a plan that works for you.

Many many times I tried a plan that was 7 days a week, and many many times I failed to get very far. Mostly because I would have to miss a day or two (or three or four…) and would get so far behind that catching up felt impossible. I suggest a 5 day a week reading plan for some wiggle room and grace. The internet is chock full of different plans, or you can even create your own!

Track it.

It was really helpful for me to track my progress and have a visual of how well I was doing. It also helped me stay organized and not forget where I was in my plan. I used an app to keep up with my plan, but some people use bullet journals or a printed copy with check marks or strikethroughs to track. Again, it’s about whatever works best for you.

Get some accountability.

It’s a lot harder to give up if you have a friend or two encouraging you and lovingly pushing you to keep it up! This also works really well if you’re a competitive person. You can almost make a game of it!

Try to be consistent about when you do your reading.

I find that it’s easier for me to turn off distractions and quiet my soul at night when my children have gone to bed. In general, I try to keep my reading time to about the same time every night so that it’s just a regular part of my routine. It helps to create a habit.

Create small goals for yourself.

The concept of a whole year can be a scary, overwhelming goal. To make it less daunting, take it in smaller bites. Start with just a week-long goal. Then make it two weeks. Or start by trying to get through a month, and then re-start the next month. Before you know it, you’ve gotten through a quarter of the year and then half the year, etc.

Give yourself grace.

Sometimes you’ll fall behind (last year I fell behind by almost a month at one point), and that’s okay. It’s important to remember to give yourself grace when it happens. Just jump back on and work to get caught up. It’s doable, I promise!

Just keep going!

Whatever you do, don’t give up! Show up for yourself and your relationship with God, and keep persevering. Maybe even have a verse that keeps you inspired, like Hebrews 12:1.

I hope you succeed in your goal of reading the Bible in a year! Feel free to comment with any questions!

Hello 2019!

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 19:21:00 +0000

Holy friggin’ moly. It has been a WHILE since I updated here. Like yearsssss. If you’ve been a subscriber or follower, a lot has happened. Here’s a quick recap of the last few years:

2015: had a baby girl (LK)!
2016: kept baby girl alive
2017: had a baby boy (LE)!
2018: somehow kept toddler and baby alive and maintained (somewhat) our sanity

So hello to 2019!! A lot of 2018 was spent trying to stay afloat while battling postpartum depression (probably more on that in the future). And I desperately want this year to be more positive and intentional now that I’m coming out of that period.

I know several people who claim a word for their year, and I think that’s something I’d like to hold onto for this year. And the word that keeps persisting in my mind is

INTENTIONAL.

I’d like to spend this year working on intentional time with my family. Intentional healthy choices. Intentional ministry with my church. And so many other things.

I also have a few goals that I’ve been praying about and feel like need to be intentionally documented and “spoken” into existence, if you will, to keep me on track. Here’s what I have:

Blog at least once a week. I used to really love blogging but have let it slide so much as motherhood kind of took over for a while. But I want to get back into it as a means of releasing some tension and some self-expression.

Read 30-35 books. I read about 30 in 2018, but several were very small. I’d like to up my game this year! Suggestions welcome.

Lose 15 pounds. Back in July I decided something about my health had to change if I want to be happier and be a better mom and wife. To this point, I’ve lost about 25 lbs (give or take), but I have a little left to lose to be at a comfortable, healthy number.

Journal regularly. Over the last few months I’ve had some really stressful dreams/nightmares that I believe have come about because of some unresolved conflict and emotions. This isn’t stuff I’d really like to blog about because it’s personal. So my goal is to keep a journal to - hopefully - release some of those emotions and stress.

Read the Bible in a year. This is something I finally accomplished in 2018 for the first time, and I want to keep momentum by continuing into this year. After I posted about reaching my goal in 2018, I had an overwhelming response from friends who want to come alongside me THIS year, which is really exciting and encouraging!

That’s about it. I tried to keep it all feasible for my lifestyle and time while also making it challenging. What about you? Do you have any goals for 2019? What are you proud of accomplishing in 2018?

I’m so looking forward to jumping back into this blogging adventure and the exciting things ahead for 2019!

#FrescaVoxBox Review

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 16:32:00 +0000

I recently received the complimentary #frescavoxbox from Influenster to test out some pretty cool products. I was super excited to get this particular box - everything in it was something fun to try out! Thanks, Influenster, for the awesome products!

Here's what came in the box:

Neutrogena Healthy Skin Boosters Daily Scrub
Pure Silk Moisturizing Shave Cream
Not Your Mother's Clean Freak Purifying Shampoo and Conditioner
NYC Expert Last Lip Lacquer in Rockaway Ruby
JAFRA Blends
Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs

Here's what I thought about each of them:

Neutroena Healthy Skin Booster Daily Scrub
I was hesitant to try this out because I have a pretty set and regimented skin care routine that I don't deviate from often because of my fickle skin. I decided to try it out at night to remove my makeup/clean my face before bed, and I've been pleasantly surprised. I didn't use any other product with it, which felt odd, especially not using moisturizer. I was worried that my skin would feel really oily in the morning. But I've used it three nights in a row, and each following morning my skin has felt smooth and soft but never oily. I felt like it did a decent job of removing my makeup and left my skin feeling fresh. I'm not sure how this would hold up with my acne prone skin over a long period of time, but I think it's something I'd be willing to give a try for a couple of weeks to see how it goes. Overall I liked this product. The smell was nice, and the results were good. A win in my book!

Pure Silk Moisturizing Shave Cream
Disclaimer: I don't usually use shaving cream when I shave because I use the razors that have the built in shave bars because they're way simple to use in any shower space. With that said, I really like this shaving cream. The scent is pleasant but not overwhelming, and my legs felt nicely smooth and moisturized when I was done shaving.

Not Your Mother's Clean Freak Purifying Shampoo and Conditioner
This product has been an absolute delight to use. My initial reaction was 'just another hippy organic product', but it's actually held up to its claims. I have thick, oily hair, and not all products work well in it, but this was has been pretty good. I got just over two uses out of it, both of which were the usual amount I use. I decided to try this with two different hairstyles that I go to most often to see how it holds up. The first day I used it, I just blow dried my hair and wore it down and plain. I really loved how soft my hair felt throughout the whole day, and the scent was super delightful. It stayed untangled and shinier than usual, which was pretty cool, but it wasn't necessarily any less oily at the end of the day. It also didn't give my hair much lift at the roots, but most shampoos/conditioners don't with my hair. The second day I used it, I scrunched my hair with my usual scrunching product. This day it performed about as expected. My hair was a little shinier than usual but didn't seem to be much different from when I use other shampoo/conditioner products. With the little I had leftover, hubby decided to use it on his beard. He liked the scent and felt like it performed as well as other products.

Overall I really did like this stuff. The price is about twice what I'd normally pay, but it does have some nice benefits because it's bio-degradable (which apparently won't clog the drains) and doesn't have any sulfates.

NYC Expert Last Lip Lacquer in Rockaway Ruby
When I pulled this out of my #frescavoxbox, I was a little blown away by the bright red color! It's definitely bold and not a color I would usually pick out at the store. I don't usually wear much lip color (if any), so I was very anxious about trying this one out. When I put it on, I found out quickly that a little goes a long way. The color was very vibrant and intense, but I really liked it! It isn't an every day wear kind of color for me, but it was still really fun and glammy. I even got a compliment on it from a co-worker. It wore more like a stain than a gloss, and I really liked that about it. Definitely something I'd wear again, but probably not super often.

JAFRA Blends
For this product, I received a full size scent and three smaller sample scents. The full-size I received was the Sea Salt Rose Petals scent, and I LOVE IT. I'm usually really picky about perfume scents because I get headaches easily, but this one is so pleasant and understated. I use one pump on my wrist and use it to splash a little on my other wrist and neck, which has been the perfect amount of scent. I would DEFINITELY buy this product again when I run out.

I also received three sample scents: sea salt rose petals (like the full-size), violet pomegranate, and blackberry juniper magnolia. The idea with these is to layer them either two or three at a time. I think it's a super cool concept. Three individual scents that can be layered for a total of 7 different scents! That seems like a steal to me.

Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs
This is a super interesting product. It's a self-tanner, but it's temporary. Think of it as foundation for your legs. I think the concept is kind of cool, but I don't love the idea of having to reapply it every day for a tan look. It comes in 5 shades, and I received the 'Light' shade. It went on pretty evenly, although I had to work to make sure it got smoothed out on the backs of my knees. The color was perfect for my white legs, not too dark but still a good amount of color. It didn't wear onto my clothes or furniture, which I really liked. I go back and forth on how much I like/dislike the one application only idea. I can see the benefit but also find it a little irritating to have to do each time I want some color. Altogether, though, I was really pleasantly surprised by this product.

"When I Count Blessings" Chalkboard Sign Tutorial & FREE Printable

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Mon, 11 May 2015 18:41:00 +0000

Chewie and I recently (if you consider February recent?!) announced to our families that we're expecting a baby! And I wanted to do it in a super special way - so, of course, I scoured Pinterest for hours when we found out, looking for the perfect way to tell everyone. I eventually found this:

I absolutely fell in love with the concept and wanted to create one for our moms that excluded the great grand children portion, but couldn't find a great tutorial for it anywhere. The only thing I found mentioned using chipboard and doing your own woodwork. NOT. MY. KIND. OF. CRAFT.

I brainstormed ways to tweak this into something that would work for me and was relatively simple. And I think the outcome turned out pretty fantastic!

To make yours, you'll need:

A base of some sort - I bought these wooden pretties at Michael's for $8.99
Chalkboard paint - I got mine (Folk Art brand) at Walmart for $4.99
Paintbrushes
Pen
Paint pen in whichever color you choose - mine was silver
Chalk

The first thing I did was measure the size of the space I could actually use for the words. It was about 10x14.

Next, paint! And paint some more. All in all, we painted 3-4 coats of chalkboard paint on each wooden sign. We followed the instructions, which said to paint a coat and let it dry for an hour.

Once the paint is dry and cured, I printed out the words in the font I wanted to use. I created a document scaled to size to do this, which you should be able to do with any word processing file (I used powerpoint).

I cut out the words and placed them on the sign in the way I wanted them arranged and traced over all of the letters with a ball point pen, pressing firmly to leave an indent in the wood that I then traced with the silver paint pen (tutorial I used here).

Once it was dry, I added the numbers in chalk at the bottom, and voila! I love love love how they turned out and that the chalkboard aspect allows for changes to be made later on to the numbers on the board! Plus, it was a super easy and quick craft to do. I hope you enjoy making one yourself!

(Funny story related to this bottom picture - our young niece thought that the crossed out 7 was a mistake and 'helped' grandma and grandpa by erasing it! After a laugh, the 7 was added back for the full effect. :)

Happy crafting!

PS - We gave these to our moms back in February, and we were SO pleased with their responses - to the baby as well as the project. :)

Practical Ways to Love on a Grieving Friend

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 01 May 2015 01:26:00 +0000

It was about this time two years ago that my sister, Kasie, died. And it was difficult, incredibly difficult. We learned a lot about what's actually helpful and what wasn't helpful at all, and I'd like to offer some of what we have learned for the sake of helping others (whether you're grieving or helping a grieving friend).

Listen Listen Listen

Love in, grief out. Let me repeat that - love in, grief out. Love. In. Grief. Out.

I've heard this idea referred to as "the ring theory" (click for a really helpful illustration). The idea is, if you're speaking to someone closer to the deceased than you, offer comfort and dump your grief on someone else not as close as you are. Those closest are having a hard enough time dealing with their grief to add the weight of yours on top of that. That being said...

Maybe they need to be angry. Listen.
Maybe they need to weep and weep and weep some more. Listen.
Maybe they need to hash through their emotions. Listen.
Maybe they need to share good memories about their loved one. Listen.
Maybe they need to scream. Listen.
Whatever they need. Listen.

It's hard to know how to respond, and there are plenty of articles, books, and blog posts out there about what to say and not to say. But, in general, just be genuine. Really listen to them, and respond with sincerity. That might mean crying with them. It might mean just saying I'm sorry. It might mean sharing a special or funny story about you and their loved one. Whatever it is, just try to avoid quippy remarks. We know they're in a better place. We know they're not suffering anymore. We know they wouldn't want us to be sad. But it's still hard, and hearing those things doesn't help much.

So again, love in, grief out. And listen.

Bring meals

This one is so so so simple but so often over-looked by the friends of those grieving. And we allow ourselves so many excuses: other people have probably brought meals, we don't want to bother them, we don't know their allergies, etc.

But - let me tell you - it doesn't matter. It just does. not. matter.

None of those excuses are good enough. Who cares if they have too much food?? And why would it be a bother to simply drop off some fried chicken or a casserole?? And allergies - they know what they can and can't eat - they'll just be more appreciative that you were thoughtful enough to bring something by to them than a stupid allergy. Food speaks love in big ways to people who are grieving.

By the time Matthew and I got to my family in TX (less than 24 hours after Kasie's death was confirmed), they already had so much food dropped off that some had to be frozen. But no one offered up a single complaint. Not one. We were starved by the time we got there, and there was plenty of food for us to find something without having to go to the store or grab fast food. I can't begin to tell you how huge of a blessing this really was to our whole family. They went quite a while without having to bother with cooking, and that's a big relief in the midst of grief. Plus, so many people come by to offer their condolences that having food around is a real non-burden for those who are grieving.

Don't wait for them to ask for things or help - just give it anyway

Most grievers are actually in need of help, whether it's a ride to the airport, financial help, or just a babysitter for a night out together to discuss everything. However, most of them find it hard to ask for that help for several reasons. Many times, they don't really know what they actually need and, therefore, don't know how to ask.

When Kasie died, several of our friends asked if we needed anything or offered their help (in general terms) if we needed it. However, we honestly were so blind-sided by the situation that we didn't even know what we needed at the time. But a couple of our friends didn't ask - they just helped. I know it can seem kind of obtrusive to just say "we're going to help whether you like it or not", but it really wasn't. It was actually a relief. They said here's our help, we love you. Here's some money to help pay for your last-minute flights, we love you. Here I am to pick you up from the airport so your family doesn't have to worry about it, we love you. And that has resonated with us so much even now, two years later.

Give them space

On the flip side of helping with no options given, there's a fine balance of giving your grieving friends space to grieve privately as well (especially if that's what they need). We were fortunate to be given lots of love through social media and mailed cards and texts, but most of our friends didn't really bother us. They let us know they cared but didn't expect anything from us in return. It gave us the space to wrestle with emotion and plans without feeling the need to make a personal response to each text or comment. Grief is exhausting, and feeling a burden to socialize with your caring friends is even more exhausting. It was so nice to know we had friends and loved ones who cared but also knew to give us the room we needed to just grieve. Don't ignore them - just give them space.

Show a sign of support a few months later

This doesn't have to be anything huge: maybe a card or quick phone call/text to say you're still thinking about them as they continue to grieve. One of the hardest things about grief is it isn't a fast process for those close to the deceased, but it is for most other people. After a few months, most people have more or less moved on and find returning to 'normal' life isn't very difficult. Meanwhile, those close to the situation are usually still grieving pretty heavily and feel like the rest of the world has kind of forgotten. And it's nice to know that your friends are still thinking about you and haven't forgotten the life of your loved one when it seems that all others have.

_____________________________________________

I think this list could probably go on forever for the specific needs of different people in different situations, but I think these things are good for just about anyone going through the grief process. All it takes is a little effort and a lot of love. It goes a really long way.

And, as a side note, we are continually grateful for all the love, encouragement, and support that we are still receiving from our family, friends, loved ones, and those following Kasie's case. If you'd like to receive updates about Kasie's case, you can follow our Facebook page at Remembering Kasie Clary #9 Forever.

For related articles regarding Kasie's death and grief, see:

Losing Kasie

When It Hurts

Jesus Loves Murderers Too

8 Things I'm Learning About Grief

April Goals...but not really

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 03:41:00 +0000

Oh my. I have been a blog slacker the last two months. Like way bad. I don't even have a really good excuse either. Except that we let our friends and family know back in February that we're expecting a baby this September! So I feel like that should qualify for at least a little bit of slackiness. I wrestled with morning sickness most of February, which made life tough for a while. But things are smooth sailing now, and we're happily a month into the second trimester.

Some of the post delay has been due - in part - to some changes at work. I used to brainstorm and draft during my free time there, but I've been moved to a different department with a few more added responsibilities, which has left me with little free time to claim lately (not to mention I got summoned for jury duty and now have to serve the next two weeks or so on a jury).

I feel like a large portion of my blog plans have been slightly derailed with the oncoming of a baby into our lives, too, like the fact that weight-loss isn't so much a priority right now and was one of the leading trends I had planned for my blog posts this year. I had the whole year of blog posts kind of planned out, and now I feel like it needs some changes since our lives are going to be changing so much in the next 5 months (and have changed quite a bit already, actually).

I still have a post in progress that is a special post about how we announced our pregnancy to our moms, and I'm hoping to have that up for you in the very near future. It was a super fun project, and it was perfect for our announcement. I'm eager to share it. :)

Other than that, my blog plans are going to be tweaked a bit, particularly in terms of my monthly goals - I'm not quite sure where I am with that anymore. However, I'm still hoping to have some more posts out to you by the end of the month. I have 3 in mind right now that I'd like to get moving.

So don't despair! More posts to come soon. Thanks for bearing with me!

February Goals & Update on January's Goals

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 18:21:00 +0000

It's already February (my birthday month!), and I can't believe it. Already 2015 is moving by so quickly.

A quick recap on my goals for January, here's what my goals were and how I did on each one:

Lose 6 lbs (which breaks down to 1.5 for the 4 full weeks in Jan). - I didn't quite achieve this one. I was well on my way the first couple of weeks with a total of 5.6 lbs lost in 3 weeks, but the last week of January was a tough one for low-carb eating, which resulted in a gain of 2.6 lbs. Total weight loss for January = 3 lbs on the dot.
~~Write 2 blog posts~~.- I was able to achieve this one with ease. I posted about my January goals (see the link above) and tips for a better 2015.
~~Finish 2 books.~~ - I more than achieved this goal with a total of 3 books read!

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
Blaze by Stephen King
We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

I feel pretty awesome about accomplishing two out of the three goals I set, and I'm not even disappointed about not losing the full 6 lbs since I still lost something. Plus, three lbs lost is still a pretty good start in my eyes.

On to February! Here are my February goals:

Read 2 books.
Post 2 blog updates
Start/Finish 1 craft project (I already have something in mind.)

I decided not to go with a weight-loss goal this month because I'd rather focus on eating right than losing an actual number, especially since I pretty much crashed the low-carb diet the last week of January. I want to work more on persevering and enduring this month.

I already have a great craft project in mind that I'm super excited about and will feature a tutorial on it (probably in March) here on the blog. I have some post ideas running through my mind for this month, one of which I'm particularly jazzed about. And I've got a book checked out from the library by one of my favorite authors that I can't wait to read (and maybe post a review on??). So lots to look forward to in the coming months, and I can't wait to share it all!

10 Tips for a Healthy & Happy 2015

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Mon, 26 Jan 2015 20:01:00 +0000

Are you ready to make 2015 your year? I know I am. Read more for tips to make it happen.

Count your blessings
When we remember the things/reasons/people in our lives to be grateful, it shifts your attitude from negative to positive. Remind yourself often of what makes your life happy and worthwhile.

Smile more
Fake it 'til you make it, right?! It takes fewer muscles to smile than frown anyway. Plus, smiling is contagious.

Improve your diet & exercise more
It's probably not what you want to hear, but a healthier, happier lifestyle starts with your nutrition. When your body is happy and healthy, your whole countenance will have an easier time following suit. Don't know where to start? Go for a walk. Do some gardening. Have a dance party (even if you're the only guest in attendance). Eat more veggies at each meal. Replace an unhealthy vending machine snack with almonds or another protein. Only go to Starbucks once a week instead of every day (you'll save money that way, too!).

Give of yourself
I'm a firm believer in giving of yourself to other people, and I also firmly believe it helps improve our attitudes when we do so. There's a good feeling that comes with knowing you helped make a difference. Maybe for you that's money, maybe it's time (after all, time is money indeed). Just do something for someone else. Pay for the coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks. Volunteer for a local charity.

Cut out the negative
Some people in our lives are toxic, and many times the best thing to do is keep them at a distance. You don't have to subject yourself to that kind of attitude or behavior. When you cut those people (or even circumstances) out of your life, it'll be way easier to be happy.

Make the most of moments
Turn those opportunities to complain or to be irritated into moments to teach or learn or love. Like when your husband asks you to do the dishes after he makes dinner and you just don't feel like it, choose to do it with a good attitude knowing it communicates love to him. Or let your kids make that mess in living room because you know they're making memories together - heck, maybe even join them! The point is to recognize those moments that will make a difference and be fully present in them.

Accept failures & shortcomings
We're not perfect. We will fail, and we will disappoint. I'm here to tell you: Everything is going to be okay! Choose to learn from your mistakes and take criticism gracefully (preaching to the choir on that one).

Drop the pressure (to be the best [insert whatever here])
With the evolving of Pinterest, women especially can feel the pressure to "Do These 5 Things to be a Perfect Mom" or for their outfits/hair/makeup to be perfect or to do all the exercise pins out there. It's okay if you choose to feed your kids chips and animal crackers for lunch sometimes - it's not going to kill them (just try not to do it all the time!). So you don't eat Paleo every meal - you can still choose to be healthy. Find what works for you and your family and roll with it.

Commit to cut out most (or all) unnecessary spending or create a budget
A lot of worries and unhappiness stem from financial stress. Make the decision for this year to be the year you get out of debt. Or set up a budget to put more money into your savings account each pay check/month - or maybe take the step to open a savings account. Take a Dave Ramsey financial course at a local church. If your finances are in order, consider helping a friend set up their 2015 budget. Whatever you choose to do, stick to it. You can make 2015 your year for financial freedom.

Ignore this list and make your own
Lastly, maybe none of these things will work for you. Then scrap it, and make a list of your own that you think will work.

Don't feel like you have to do everything on this list - it's not meant to be a checklist for perfection. They're just tips that have worked for me and other people. Find what works for you and make 2015 your year!

January Goals & Low Carb Update

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 17:45:00 +0000

Since my last post about my 2015 resolutions, I figured that I need monthly goals to help me achieve those resolutions before 2016 rings, and I also thought I'd share some updates to the weight-loss resolution.

My biggest resolution for 2015 is to lose weight. In my previous post, I didn't lay out a specific amount to lose or in how much time I'd like to lose it. I think my ultimate target is going to be losing 60 lbs, which will put me right where I should be, according to the BMI scale. That would mean I should lose about 1.5 lbs per week, which isn't unreasonable. I'm hesitant to put my actual weight on here because I'm completely self-conscious about it. But I'm planning to keep you updated on the amount of weight I lose, and maybe I'll feel comfortable enough to share my actual weight at some point in the future.

Matthew and I started the low carb diet on the 1st and have been learning how to adjust to the lifestyle. It's definitely different and takes much more forethought, but doing it together is super helpful. So far the toughest part is figuring out the best snack foods to eat. We've stocked up on cheese and meats (like salami), as well as veggies, and we go through a lot of salad. As for me, I'm really looking forward to cheat day - haha - and I think I'm handling the whole low carb change better because I know cheat day is on the horizon.

I weighed myself on Sunday, the 4th, so I know what my starting weight is. I decided to weigh in once a week, and I've chosen Sunday to be that day. We've also tentatively planned for Sundays to be our cheat days. I figure having to weigh in on the morning of cheat day will help keep me motivated not to absolutely gorge on carbs the rest of the day. I don't like to weigh in super often because I don't want to become obsessed with the number on the scale, but doing it once a week will give me a good sense of the progress I've made each week and if I need to kick it up a notch.

On top of the low carb challenge, I'm going back and forth on whether or not to get back into jogging regularly. Many of you know I started jogging on a regular basis back in the summer, but I've slowly teetered off. Right now I'm struggling with how much I really don't like it. In the beginning it was kind of a challenge I put on myself - Could I get to the point where I could run a 5k? And now, knowing that I can, I'm rather bored with it and don't enjoy it at all. I feel like hating it so much will eventually wear on me, and I'll end up being super frustrated and quitting. So right now, I'm just not sure what I want to do.

So that's where we are right now with our low carb/weight-loss journey. We're looking forward to being healthier!

As for my January goals:

Lose 6 lbs (which breaks down to 1.5 for the 4 full weeks in Jan).
Write 2 blog posts. (If you're reading this, that's indication of 1/2 of this goal being reached!)
Finish 2 books (I set a goal to read 26 this year).

I believe putting pen to paper really helps solidify plans and keep focus, especially for my personality (the type that will write down something that I've already done just so I can feel the satisfaction of crossing it out). I always use a planner to keep myself and my plans organized, and I'm utilizing it to help keep track of my monthly (and weekly) goals. The need to cross/check them off each week/month will definitely keep me focused.

I'm really looking forward to this whole journey, whether it be weight-loss or more crafting. And I'm definitely looking forward to jumping back into the blog-o-sphere and posting on a regular basis.

Here's to January and the beginning of change!

PS - Quite a while ago I posted about wanting to lose weight with a specific goal in mind. And I feel like, after not sticking to it, this post will look like just another wishful thinking post where I write about the things I'd like to do but never actually do. My goal is to make this go-around drastically different by being realistic, having a very well laid out plan, and keeping you regularly updated. So far, I've already done more to reach my goal this time than I ever did previously. Thanks for your support!

Ringing in 2015

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 21:22:00 +0000

I can't even remember the last time I posted on here, which means it has obviously been too long. I honestly haven't had much to share.

A lot has happened over the last year, and I've decided that 2015 will be a good year and that I'm going to do everything within my power to make that happen.

With that being said, I have some resolutions. I don't normally do new year's resolutions because I feel like it's kind of cheesy and no one holds up to them anyway. However, I feel the need for some change and the new year feels like a good catalyst for it.

So, goodbye, 2014! You won't be missed (much).

Here are my resolutions for 2015:

1. Lose weight. #leanin2015
I know, I know. It's so cliche. But it's high time that my weight become more manageable. And Matthew and I have discussed how we can make this happen (for both of us). We've decided to go with a low carb diet (again, for me).

Because of some medical issues, the doctor recommends low carb, which I tried a few years ago. And I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I lost a considerable amount of weight, but I was miserable. So why try again? Last time, I went all out and cut out as many carbs as possible, which meant never eating any sweets (unless they were sugar-free) and never eating any pasta or bread or rice. That was super, super hard because those are all things I love.

So this time around we're going to give ourselves a cheat day. A day where we're allowed to indulge a bit and have that bowl of fettuccine Alfredo without feeling like the whole lifestyle change (which I prefer instead of 'diet') has gone down the drain. Cheat day will not be a day to gorge on carbs, but it's a day where we can relax a little and eat some of the things we like. I feel like the other 6 days of the week will be more bearable knowing there's a cheat day at the end of the tunnel where I can have my bowl of ice cream.

I haven't decided on the measurable amount of weight I'd like to lose or the timeframe, but I will nail that down soon so there's a realistic goal to reach. The good thing is I feel like this resolution has a reasonable plan that will lead to a lifestyle change and not just a yo-yo diet. It will be hard, but it's not unrealistic.

2. Find a place to serve in our church.
Matthew and I have finally found a church that we feel like we can call home. We've been attending for a little over a month and have already connected with several people there, including a small group that we really enjoy.

Finding a church home has been a really tough process for us, and it's so refreshing to find a place where we feel like God is calling us. And now that we've decided to plant some roots there, I'd like to find one or two places to plug in and serve. There have been a couple of options thrown my way that I think I'll try on for size, and I'm looking forward to jumping in and serving again.

3. Pay off all of our - credit card - debt.
Matthew and I don't have a lot of debt, but our financial situation has changed pretty drastically from when I worked at the church and since he's become a civil servant. So paying off our debt hasn't been as quick as we planned/hoped. But now we can certainly see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it looks good!

So this year, I'd like to get it all paid off (preferably within the first 3 months of 2015) and be done with bad debt forever.

4. Camp!
Over the last 6 months, Matthew and I have been collecting camping gear so we're ready for the 2015 camping season! We got a nice air mattress for Christmas, which was one of the last big things on our list to get, and I found flannel sheets on clearance at Target this week for $17.50. So we're pretty much ready to go now. Plus, Washington has some of the prettiest scenery in the US, which will make camping that much better.

And since we're trying to pay off debt and save for a down payment on a house, we've decided camping will be our form of vacationing this year. We'd really LOVE to go on a cruise this year, but we're prioritizing. So we'll go camping instead! We're both really excited and plan to take a couple of long weekends during the summer for camping trips.

Related to that, camping suggestions/hacks are more than welcome!

5. Craft/Create/Blog more.
I realize that's a very general and broad resolution, but it's more about the principle than crafting/creating/blogging x-amount of times throughout the year. (Although, the leadership minor and OCD monster in me has a really hard time leaving this open-ended and un-measurable... But how will you know if you achieved this at the end of 2015 if you don't define 'more' and set an amount and time frame, making this resolution measurable?!?! Maybe I need a resolution about chilling out a bit. Haha.)

I used to craft ALL. THE. TIME. But over the last year or two, I just haven't had much inspiration or space to craft. And I feel like my lifeless, dull job is sucking the creative juice out of my life.

To combat that, I'd like to craft more to have something that gives a little light to my life and feels productive in a way that my job can not. It used to give me great joy to create, and I think I need that back in my life.

- - -

So these are my resolutions, my plans for 2015 (which, by the way, marks 10 years since I graduated from high school. What?!).

What about you? Do you have any resolutions up your sleeve for 2015?

Freeman Beaty #BAREFOOTbliss - Moisturizing Massage Cream Review!

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Wed, 06 Aug 2014 16:41:00 +0000

I recently received a free Freeman Beauty product from Influenster.com (an awesome website that you should check out) for testing purposes.

Of the two options, I chose to try out the Moisturizing Massage Cream over the Exfoliating Polish. It took me a while, but I finally found it at Wal-mart a few weeks ago. I've been using the cream regularly and thought I'd share my review for the #contest and maybe win a beauty spa package.

The packaging is super cute and looks a little more "mature" than some creams, which I think helps give the feel of a spa experience.

I mostly use the cream for my legs, particularly after I've shaved. The cream is a bit thick, which I was skeptical about at first. Once the cream was on my skin, it blended super nicely and absorbed nicely as well. A little bit went further than I thought it would considering how thick it is.

One of the things I love the most about the cream is that, even though it's thick, it doesn't leave a gross residue or make my hands feel oily. It really seems to lock in the moisture. Also, when my feet seem particularly dry, I've put the cream on them and then socks, which has kept my feet smooth, soft and feeling refreshed.

I also really like the smell of it. I'm very particular about scents because many scents give me a headache. But the Moisturizing Massage Cream has a nice scent that is subtle enough to not make me sick. It's not a very sweet or flowery smell - it has more of a spa product smell.

Overall, I'm extremely satisfied with this product. It has kept my legs and feet looking super fresh and moisturized in the summery, skirt-wearing weather. I like it enough that I'd buy it to continue using it in the future, especially since it's an over-the-counter, easy-to-find product.

Also, as you can see from the picture, when I picked up my cream at Wal-mart, it had a sticker on it to try it free (through a rebate, I believe). So if you're thinking about trying it out, you might be able to snag it for FREE! And who doesn't love FREE?!

8 Things I'm Learning About Grief

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Thu, 22 May 2014 13:57:00 +0000

Well it's been a year. A whole year since Kasie was murdered.

It has been terribly long, yet surprisingly short.

And I've learned a few things. Here are 8 of them.

1. Grief never ends but changes.
In the beginning, I thought I would never stop feeling the immense pain of my loss. Yet, somehow it ebbed and flowed until it eventually wasn't quite so severe. Most days I'm good and can handle every day life with ease. I still miss Kasie and feel and sense her absence from my life, but I'm good. Some days, though, are like the very first day we heard she was gone. Severe and intense and awful. But those are fewer now, which is a welcome change of pace.

2. But sometimes the change of pace is harder than grief itself.
It's a great irony that there is almost a sense of guilt that losing Kasie does not quite sting like it did in the beginning, at least not every day. And that can be hard to cope with some days, like I owe it to her memory to feel the pain every day.

3. Every day life and other unrelated drama gets complicated by grief.
I didn't realize how much every day life and other life drama would be even more complicated from losing Kasie. Any family drama causes me to get upset because I wish Kasie was there for me to talk to about it. The pain of finding out we aren't pregnant is only intensified by the fact that I should have my sister here to cry to about it and to confide in, but I don't. And then I am reminded that when we do get pregnant, I won't get to share that joy with my sister. Which leads to more sadness about our kids never getting to know their Aunt Kasie. And so on and so forth.

Situations that would have been complicated enough is just way more complicated without her here.

4. Dealing with the grief of others is difficult.
Coping with the grief of my family has been harder than I expected, and I have to remind myself that I can't hold myself responsible for making their grief easier to bear. Like my littlest sister and my mom. It's hard to see them upset or watch them deal with grief in their own ways. But grief seems to be one of those things that has to be allowed to play itself out until it becomes easier to handle. And that takes time. And a lot of sorrow. And no one wants to have to sit idly by while people you love are hurting. But that's a harsh reality of grief. You can be there, and you can be understanding, but it's ultimately something each person has to work through individually.

5. Everyone grieves differently.
This should be obvious, but grief is so different for everyone. I have, for the most part, learned what grief looks like for me (although, I experience it in a different way often), but learning other peoples' grief processes has been difficult, particularly those in my own family.

My mom and I went through Kasie's belongings a few weeks ago. For me, it was more or less just stuff. Some of it had some special meaning, but a lot of it was just knick-knack things like broken sandals and college course notes. But, to my mom, they were all special. Her reality is that she will never have anything like that of Kasie's again, which adds more value to it for her. And learning to understand that for my mom's sake (and for others in general) has been more difficult than I expected. The fact is that we all related to Kasie in different ways, which makes grief unique for each of us.

6. Grief incites a lot of anger (in me, at least).
Because we lost Kasie to murder - such a unique, unnatural loss - a large part of my grief is sheer anger. Obviously, I'm angry with the people responsible. But a lot of my anger stems from how slow and unsatisfying the justice process is. Processing evidence takes a long time. Building a case against a suspect takes even more time and patience and frustration. The lack of evidence is frustrating, too. The entertainment industry romanticizes these situations so much that reality is disappointing. Any crime show on TV begins and is resolved within an hour. And, even though we know that it's not a good representation of how the legal system works, it is still difficult to dichotomize entertainment drama from reality.

7. Holidays are extremely difficult and not what they used to be.
I used to LOVE Christmas and everything about the season. I'm the person who put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving and listens to Christmas music year-round. This last Christmas was different, though. I still love it. But it's not as shiny and exciting as it once was. It's...dull. And I don't mean boring. I mean that it just does not glisten for me like it used to do. Celebrations have a hollow in them where Kasie's presence once made them feel whole.

8. Somehow, life still goes on.
Whether I like it or not, life still demands to be lived. Bills still have to be paid. Holidays still come around each year.

Happiness does break through, though, and joy eventually comes. There are still hard moments and days. There is still sorrow. But reminders and memories of Kasie are mostly turned from tears to laughter. Remembering the good times with her eventually became joy-bringing, not sorrow-inducing.

It all just takes time. And having the patience to wait for it to get better can be bleak. But it's worth it.

Fall Wreath 2013 and Wall Bunting

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Fri, 27 Sep 2013 22:41:00 +0000

With the onset of Fall, I always seem to want to craft more. Maybe because I love the season so much. I don't know.

Either way, today - my day off - has been FULL of crafting. And I feel so rejuvenated!

The first project to share, and the main inspiration for getting into the crafting mood is the wreath I made for our door. I am LOVING it!

I loosely used this tutorial from Jones Design Company to make it, but I used a bigger wreath form and, consequently, more burlap. I also had some floral pins on hand from my diy wedding bouquet that I used to class it up about around the ruffle on the front.

As for the little accoutrements, I made the burlap bow a while ago as a fun add-on to a purse. I basically sewed black ribbon onto the burlap and then tied it into a bow. And the "Happy Fall Y'all!" I made from a little piece of wood that I bought at Joanns. I painted it red and then used orange and black paint pens for the letters. The little bow/flower/thing on the edge is just a bunch of twine wrapped up and tied around the middle that I hot glued on.

The best part is that I made them with safety pins on the back so that I can take them off and re-use the wreath after fall!

So I'm definitely pleased with how it turned out!

And, while I was at it, I decided to make a bunting banner for above our tv. The wall just bears so much empty space that I felt like it needed something to make it not seem empty.

It's definitely been a productive day, and I feel so accomplished and revitalized!

Happy Fall Y'all!

Jesus Loves Murderers Too

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Mon, 16 Sep 2013 17:21:00 +0000

Matthew left for an almost-week-long business trip yesterday, which means Fumanchu and I are flying solo this week.

In the year+ we've been married, it's usually me who does the going away. To Texas, to youth camp, to work conventions. I don't think he's been away like this since before we got married. So, I mean, we're accustomed to being separated sometimes, but I'm definitely not used to being the one left home without him. Which made last night super weird.

My grief over losing Kasie ebbs and flows these days. I'll go a week without thinking much about the whole situation, and then the next day I'll be in crying fits the whole day long.

Last night, with Matthew gone and Fu sleeping in Matthew's spot on the bed, I was struck with grief much like the sorrow I felt when we first found out Kasie had been taken from us. It was awful.

I usually think about her most at night anyway, and it's usually accompanied with tears. But Matthew is always in the bed next to me, his presence alone offering a sort of solace.

And with him gone last night, I was just overwhelmed with the emptiness around me, making the loss of Kasie that much heavier.

When we first lost her, I was very, very angry with the person(s) who took her from us. And I still am. But last night, as I lay there weeping out of deep sorrow, I felt so much hatred for the people responsible. As a Christ-follower, I know I'm called to love and not hate, but sometimes it's so so so hard. There are certainly people I dislike, but never have I so disliked someone to the point of absolute hatred.

Last night, though, was different.

I just wanted the person(s) who did this to Kasie to have to hear and see and feel every sob and tear and ache and pain that has filled my life in the last 4ish months. And not just my suffering but additionally the suffering of every other person who has been affected by her death.

And in the midst of feeling all of this hate and anger, the Lord, in his beautifully divine way, reminded me that Jesus allowed himself to be hung on the cross for the person(s) who killed Kasie.

Jesus died for Kasie's killer, too.

His love extends not just to me, but to the ugliest of hearts, including ones who do hateful things like murder. Ouch.

And I have to admit, that made me so much angrier. Angrier because my precious Jesus suffered and bled and died for the person who killed Kasie. It just weighed so heavy on my soul, that his beautiful, life-giving sacrifice extends to someone so vile and malicious.

But immediately following all of those emotions, I felt convicted over my hatred. Because the point of the cross is redemption and forgiveness. That Christ's blood covers the horrendous-ness of what was done to Kasie.

Admittedly, that's a very hard pill to swallow. I want to hate the person who killed Kasie. And I want him to suffer for what he did. But I know that's wrong. And I know Christ calls me to love and forgive. So I expect this road will be a long one, but I feel Christ working on me, showing me more and more of who he is so I can love like he does and understand his sacrifice.

Besides, I'm a sinner, too.

Camp Heroes

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 17:20:00 +0000

I just got back from youth camp this last week, and - yes - I'm still recovering. It was a ton of fun. We got to be a part of 4 of our 13 students making a decision to accept Christ as Lord - wow! Not to mention all the youth who made other spiritual, life-changing decisions. All in all, camp was excellent.

And I could tell you about all of the things I learned and all of the things the kids learned, but that's not why I'm posting today.

Today I'm posting to tell you about a special couple.

At every youth event I see this couple (or at least one or the other of them). They're older - if I had to guess I'd say probably in their 70s. But they're at every youth event. And I'm not exaggerating.

I can't help but admire them. My guess is that being in your 70s is hard enough, not to mention taking care of a group of rowdy teenagers. But they do. And they do it lovingly.

I mean, there are times when I find it hard to put up with youth, and I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm still young. I have more energy than a 70-year-old. And, yet, I struggle on the fourth morning of camp to drag my butt out of bed at 6 am, wake up all the girls, make sure their moving, and get them all to breakfast after a night of sleep that didn't start until about 12 am.

I can't help but feel like the youth group that this couple works with are extremely blessed, and I hope they realize it. This couple, whose names I don't even know, is so diligent in their love for the Lord (you can see it), and they serve their youth group so humbly.

Lots of churches in the Northwest are doing great things. And a lot of those churches get recognized in big ways throughout the Northwest Baptist Convention (our association of Baptist churches here in the Northwest) for their church planting efforts or for events they've hosted or trips they've taken. But I submit to you that this couple (and people like them and situations like theirs) are the real heroes in ministry and who we should be applauding. Ordinary people doing "ordinary" ministry (like taking kids to youth camp), loving on their youth group, and doing it because they love Jesus and want their kids to see that Jesus loves them.

I hope I'm like that when I'm their age. That Matthew and I are still kicking it with the youth (or at least are able to) and serving the Lord and others out of love and authenticity when we're past our prime.

Goodbyes

noreply@blogger.com (The KC Experience) — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 18:51:00 +0000

Every have one of those days or weeks where you're just exhausted?

That's me this week.

I've been emotional lately about Kasie, just missing her a lot. And that's definitely weighed on my soul and physical being.

But last week, my boss, our senior pastor, delivered the news that he's resigning and leaving for Texas with his family before the end of July.

With his leaving comes a lot more responsibility on my plate, which is fine. But there's so much to be done and so many questions to ask. And so many questions that will - I'm sure - be asked of me in the coming days.

The hardest part, however, is the emotion that comes with all of it.

I've worked with Pastor Jamie for a long time now, officially and un-officially. He's been a large influence in my career in ministry and a good, good friend. He has been my mentor. He has been so influential in Matthew's life, especially in these later years. When it came time to pick someone to marry us, there was no question that we'd ask Pastor Jamie. There could be no one else.

His wife, Kim, has been a sweet friend and fellow worship leader. She has helped us transform our second service music-leading with her syrupy voice and genuine heart of worship. Kim was also very much there for me during some hard times when I needed a shoulder to cry on and for someone to listen and give godly wisdom to my situations. I've also learned so much about being a godly wife and mother, especially in the context of ministry life, as I've watched her and lived life with her through the years. She has a laugh bigger than life, too.

PJ's oldest daughter, Chelsea, is a younger version of myself, in so many ways. We are dear, kindred spirits - she's even going to college at my beloved alma mater, ETBU, this fall. We've already been anticipating her departure for college but also expected to see her over the holidays every once in a while. And Chelsea has been there since my beginning here. My first summer at FBCPO as youth intern was her first experience in the youth group. Her and I have grown together a lot. We've walked this road together for a while. Not to mention we are both band nerds. :)

And then there's Phoebe. Phoebe is an absolute delight. My favorite memory of her goes back to my first summer here, and the Greenings invited me over for dinner one night. Phoebe, in her sweet six-year-old(ish) fashion didn't hesitate to ask, "Are you from Mexico???" We all had a good laugh over that! Phoebe just entered into the youth group this year, and it was an interesting start. Chelsea and I have been connected for a long time, but it took Phoebe and I longer to find our special bond. I've grown to love and adore her unique, sweet spirit, and I feel like she is finding herself more and more. She has a big heart and can chat with you all day long.

I'm going to miss my sweet Greening family very, very much. I am, however, among the few blessed ones who will get to see them more than most because their home in TX is very near where my grandparents live. So there's much joy in that. And I'm so excited for this new leg in their journey and for the opportunities that await them all.

And the beauty of the work Pastor Jamie has done here is establishing that the church isn't the pastor. The church is the people, and, more importantly. A friend and fellow FBC worshiper said it so well on Facebook yesterday,

"A pastor is not the church, he may lead it and he may be its visionary, but he is not the church. A pastors job is to lay down a strong foundation for its members, while they themselves are the homes exterior paint. Though outsiders may only see the pastor paint job, the do not see the strong foundation the home is built upon. Though many of us are afraid to see what Color the next paint job may be, we should instead appreciate the condition the home was left in." (Daniel "Roy" Braunstein)

If you're a praying person, I covet your prayers for our church and leadership over the next months. I know this process will not likely be easy, but I believe the Lord will see it through.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on going to bed a bit earlier and resting more. :)