A new film depicts young people as obsessed with social media, and a recent Time magazine cover declared them the ‘Me Me Me Generation’. The Millennials are taking hits from all sides at the moment.

Sofia Coppola’s new film The Bling Ring is based on the true story of a gang of Los Angeles teenagers who allegedly stole millions from celebrities in the noughties. The kids were big Facebook users, and desperately desired the celebrity life of those they followed.

Scene from The Bling Ring, written and directed by Sofia Coppola, starring Emma Watson

To help research the film, Coppola says she hung out with Hollywood teens and witnessed the constant phone and social media use. “Everyone was texting, taking pictures, and I tried to put as much of that in the film as possible. It was almost sci-fi, this idea that living does not count unless you are documenting it.”

“It was almost sci-fi, this idea that living does not count unless you are documenting it”

The Time Magazine article cites hard data: “The incidence of narcissistic personality disorder is nearly three times as high for people in their 20s as for the generation that’s now 65 or older, according to the National Institutes of Health”.

Cover Credit: Photograph by Andrew B. Myers for TIME; Styling by Joelle Litt

I keep thinking about comments made by film director Sofia Coppola on how Facebook (and we can add to that more recent social media platforms such as Instagram) help fuel young people’s obsession with themselves and the celebrity world.

The teenagers in Coppola’s film are now in their 20s. Is it any different for teenagers today?

In my own pocket of teenage land, I get the unsettling suspicion that when planning social events some teens place considerable importance on how ‘photo worthy’ (ie social media worthy) the event will be, rather than just enjoying a good night out with friends. Coppola is right about the efforts teens put into documenting life. At a party for example, there are the getting-ready photos, driving-in-the-car photos, at-the-party photos and perhaps the party-aftermath photos. All pics are shared, commented on, and monitored for ‘likes’.

“There are the getting-ready photos, driving-in-the-car photos, at-the-party photos and perhaps the party-aftermath photos. All pics are shared, commented on, and monitored for ‘likes’”

Coppola says the Facebook generation has lost touch with reality. Living in their virtual world, teens are missing out on real life happening around them. There are times when I would have to agree with her. For example, I recently attended a 15-year-old girl’s restaurant dinner party. I was shocked to see most of the teens constantly on their phones scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Every so often, one would exclaim something like “OMG, check out this photo of so-and-so’s party. I soooo I wish I was there”. Other guests agreed with her. I noticed that the faux pas was lost on the offender and phone-focused guests, but not on the birthday girl and her family. When it was time to take photos of the girl’s party they were actually attending, suddenly the guests snapped on their “we’re-having-a-great-time” party faces to pose for photos that would in just seconds be uploaded to social media.

Do you think when our teens plan and dress for an event, they’re a little more concerned about the ‘photo opportunity’ than the event itself?

Do you ever feel like they’re missing out on real world experiences happening around them when they’re in the virtual world checking ‘likes’ ?

Linking up at With Some Grace for Flog Your Blog Friday.

The Bling Ring opens in Australian cinemas 25 July 2013.

View trailer on YouTube.

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Weekend Notes 16/6/2013

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By Brenda Fry and Rachel Hynes.

Many parents will experience their teenagers being argumentative, defiant, angry and disobedient to varying degrees during the adolescent years. For some children, though, these behaviours are intense and long-lasting enough to be classified as oppositional defiant disorder, or ODD.

ODD affects children and teenagers and is characterised by an “ongoing pattern of anger-guided disobedience, hostility, and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior”.

RELATED: Mentoring for teenagers

It is reported that up to 16% of children and adolescents have ODD, and it is twice as common in boys in younger years but experienced equally by boys and girls in teenage years.

Oppositional defiant disorder – Jayden’s story

19-year-old Jayden was diagnosed with ODD at the age of 12, but his behavioral problems began much earlier.

At 18 months his mother Juanita thought the terrible twos had arrived early, and then at around six years of age there was an escalation of issues. “He became destructive, punching or kicking a hole in the wall several times, once breaking a window,” said Juanita.

In grade 4, his teacher advised Juanita that Jayden was experiencing some learning problems. Juanita consulted a pediatrician and the school guidance counselor to discuss the situation and options. Because of a family history of addiction on both sides of Juanita’s family, she had been concerned about medicating her son. Juanita made some changes to Jayden’s diet, which she believed helped to some extent, but “buried her head in the sand about the rest”.

At the age of 12, Jayden again saw a psychologist. He was diagnosed with ODD and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and referred to a pediatrician.

RELATED: School suspension counterproductive

Jayden was put on Ritalin for the ADHD, but Juanita feels that no real assistance was offered in relation to her son’s ODD. She turned to reading as much as she could about Jayden’s condition.

How is oppositional defiance disorder diagnosed?

Some of the characteristics used in the diagnosis for ODD are:

• persistent stubbornness and refusal to comply with instructions or unwillingness to compromise with adults or peers
• deliberate and persistent testing of the limits
• failing to accept responsibility for one’s own actions and blaming others for one’s own mistakes
• deliberately annoying others
• frequently losing one’s temper.

The latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) provides a list of behaviours under three categories:

• Angry/irritable mood
• Argumentative/defiant behavior
• Vindictiveness.

These categories were included in the latest DSM to demonstrate that ODD has both emotional and behavioral symptoms. The behaviours must be present for at least six months, be directed towards at least one non-sibling, and have a significant impact on home/family life, schooling and other social interactions.

The latest DSM added criteria on the frequency of symptoms, to help distinguish between normal range behaviour and ODD. A severity rating has also been added, and a child can be diagnosed with mild, moderate or severe ODD.

RELATED: Tom ‘Will it Blend?’ Dickson and his gift of ADHD

It is not uncommon for ODD to be diagnosed along with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

It is believed there are two pathways to ODD in teenagers – one is the disorder that begins in early childhood and without intervention or treatment continues into adolescence, and the other is late onset often associated with family stresses such as unemployment or divorce (future outcomes are usually better for this group due to the often better relationships and support in earlier childhood).

Treating oppositional defiance disorder

Treatments recommended by health experts for ODD include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), parent training, family therapy, group therapy and natural therapy. There is no medication specifically for ODD. It has been documented that in some cases where children are treated with medication for other disorders, the characteristics of the ODD are exacerbated.

Parenting and family therapy centres around managing the child or teenager’s behaviour.

Natural therapy as a form of treatment commonly refers to changes in the diet, due to the rising number of allergies or intolerances in children and the impact on their behavior.

Juanita started Jayden on the “failsafe diet” (Free of Additives and Low in Salicylates, Amines and Flavour Enhancers), and believed that it worked well to calm his behaviour. An issue, however, was Jayden eating food outside the diet when he was unsupervised. Juanita noticed his behaviour changed on these occasions.

To any parent who suspects ODD in their child, Juanita suggests you “seek as much assistance as you can, as early as you can. Listen to the teachers. I wish I had.”

The important first step is to get a proper diagnosis from a health professional, and work with them on a plan for your family and child.

Online support for parents and children with ODD

Aussies ODD & ADHD support group (Facebook group)

ODD Parents Room  (Yahoo group)

MD Junction Oppositional Defiant Disorder Support Group

Sources

Sources of information used in this article, other than those linked to above, include:

www.dsm5.org

Wikipedia

Free Dictionary

 It’s Flog Your Blog Friday, so please check out the
great bloggers posting at With Some Grace

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Thekids

Absolutely. There are so many factors that must go into making that decision. Really glad to hear it's working out for the best Seana.

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“My own mother died before my children were born. So the whole child rearing thing for me has been like an exercise navigating the high seas on a moonless night minus a compass and I’m still waiting for my feet to touch dry land.”

The Kids Are All Right forum member Storm spends more time with her teenagers than most of us do, as she home schools. It’s just as well she loves her kids’ company so much! As she says, even if they weren’t related they’d be the kind of people she’d like to hang out with.

Storm came from a difficult childhood, and this drives her to be a better parent to her own children. In this reader profile, she shares her thoughts on parenting teenagers.

So what’s the Storm story?

I’m Storm, a 40-something mum of three rugrats (DD17, DD15 and DS11), whom I also happen to have been home schooling for the last 11 years (yes, I can see your horrified looks!), so I’m a teacher too – without the holidays or pay but I still think I have the best of both worlds.

I’ve been married for 20 years to a wonderful man who also is also a commercial builder, which explains why after 15 years our house is still a work in progress. I must confess that over the years I have eyed off various corners of our bush block looking for areas that would allow me to dig a shallow grave during my moments of utter despair at the speed of our build. I figured it would take a while for someone to find the courage to tackle the snakes and funnel web spiders to search for his body. Hindsight can be a lousy way to learn!

“I am a Motherless Mother, as my own mother died before my children were born. The whole child-rearing thing for me has been like an exercise navigating the high seas on a moonless night minus a compass and I’m still waiting for my feet to touch dry land (though I think it’s now in sight)”

I’d love to say that we live on acreage with chooks, fruit trees and a large productive veggie garden but alas, I’m sad to say instead that we live in outer suburbia with a terraced veggie garden (the pitfalls of living on the side of a cliff) where I have to fight the possums, bandicoots and lizards for the meagre offerings off our limited producing plants (who knew Water Dragons love cherry tomatoes too?) and unfortunately no chooks…

I am also a Motherless Mother, as my own mother died before my children were born. So the whole child-rearing thing for me has been like an exercise navigating the high seas on a moonless night minus a compass and I’m still waiting for my feet to touch dry land (though I think it’s now in sight).

Some of the things I really enjoy are gardening, archery, horse riding, skiing, martial arts, reading and visiting cemeteries (the older the better) though of late haven’t been able to find the time to do many of them, but I’m working on it.

What is your greatest challenge you face parenting your teenager?

In all honesty, I actually don’t really find parenting teens challenging – the earlier years though … it’s nothing short of miraculous that they didn’t find themselves in boarding school in Switzerland!

I like the fact that they can now be rational (yes, you read right), can have an in-depth discussion, see both sides of the coin and put forward a convincing rebuttal should they disagree with me. So give me teens any day, I’m loving it!

How would you describe your parenting style? How does this differ to how you were parented or how friends parent their teens?

I have the dubious honour of having an abusive father so I can’t say my childhood memories are filled with sunshine and lollipops.

I’ve always known that I never wanted my children to think of me as I thought (and still do) of my father – it’s actually been a very strong driving force in helping me control myself in moments of anger and frustration.

From my own childhood experience, I’ve always known that hurting your children (physically, emotionally or mentally), humiliating them, controlling or dis-empowering them, only breeds anger and resentment, not love and respect.

So, I’d like to think that I parent from the angle of the child: things like them having known boundaries and not having the goal posts moved on a whim, considering how my words and actions will affect them before I say them out loud or carry them out, being reasonable with consequences and being consistent. I think I treat them how I would like to have been treated. I never want my children to live in fear, especially in fear of me.

“From my own childhood experience, I’ve always known that hurting your children (physically, emotionally or mentally), humiliating them, controlling or dis-empowering them, only breeds anger and resentment, not love and respect.”

It was very tough for my mother too as she was so far from home (mum was Scandinavian) and really had nowhere to turn – I don’t blame her for staying and though I wish she hadn’t, I understand why she did. In her shoes I would have done things differently but I have the advantage of knowing just how damaging it is from a child’s point of view and I would never want my children subjected to what I had to suffer.

On saying that though my mum was the Yin to my dad’s Yang and proof that every cloud does have a silver lining. It was through my mum that I learned about unconditional love and respect. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for my mum I don’t know if it would have been possible for me to have the close relationship I do have with my own children today.

What’s the greatest thing about parenting teens?

The best thing is being able to live life at their level; they keep me young (at heart at least). We share a lot of the same interests in books, movies, TV shows and humour. Everyday has its own special moments and I love hearing their take on life – it’s always interesting. I know that if I wasn’t related to my children they would still be the kind of people that I would like to mix with.

Forum member Storm loves visiting old cemeteries and shares some of her photos.

Please share with us one rule, guideline or boundary you have with your teen, and what happens if they break it.

We don’t have “rules” per say just guidelines ( like “do unto others…”). What’s most important to me though are trust and respect. As to what would happen should they break either … I honestly have no idea but I guess it would depend on what age they were when it happened and just how severe a breach it was.

What’s the greatest piece of advice you would give a parent whose child is nearing the teen years?

Respect them and listen to them. It’s their life after all and you can’t impose on them your ideals as to what they do with it. All you can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

Love them and don’t stop letting them know that they are loved, even if you’re at odds with each other.

For me, parenting teens actually starts back from day one – “start as you mean to go on”. The hard work is really done early on and by the teens years you’re reaping what you’ve sown.

“It’s their life and you can’t impose on them your ideals as to what they do with it”

What are the top three issues of concern (or interest) for you as a parent of teenagers?

• Teaching kids real life skills rather than just focusing on academics. School is not the be all and end all to a successful life and theses days it gives children even less preparation for living out in the real world. So aiming for a balance between the two, keeping in mind that their days as carefree “children” are numbered. Personally, I like to make sure they get to wring every ounce of fun out of being a child because once they become adults, there’s no going back.
• Being too connected or too dependent on modern technology. Yes it’s great that we have things like the Internet and smart phones etc at our disposal, but to be able to learn to turn it all off and just be. Kids (and adults alike) have far more stimulation in their lives through electronic media than ever before and I think that many people, both young and old, are losing the ability to switch off and relax. I think it’s a big factor in the increase of anxiety-related illnesses today.
• How teens conduct themselves online/Internet etiquette. I find it kind of scary how so many young people put so much of themselves out on display in public media without any thought as to who may see it. I also personally I believe that you should only post things that you’d be prepared to say to someone’s face, though with what I’ve already seen online it would appear that that’s not the norm, more’s the pity.

What do you like about being part of The Kids Are All Right community? Is there something we’re doing not quite right or can improve upon?

I think it’s a great place that parents can go to ask for help or share ideas, stories and experiences about their children. Everyone here has had different life experiences so we can all bring something new to the table so to speak.

My greatest wish is for all parents to have a good relationship with their children – their children deserve it

More reader spotlights

• “Kids are human beings, whose lives belong to them and no one else” Reader spotlight – Mimbles
• “The greatest challenge is keeping up with the changes” Reader Spotlight – Allymum

Does the way you were parented influence the way you parent your own children?

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Grace

As much as we don't like to admit it sometimes, our parents can be the perfect example of how we don't want to parent. And it's not necessarily that all of the experiences need to be disregarded but I know for me, I like that I have the maturity and hindsight to adopt certain values my parents instilled in me but not have to take on other aspects.
Storm's dedication to her children's education and general upbringing is truly amazing.

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By Rachel Hynes.

The McAfee Tweens, Teens and Technology Report, launched this week, reveals the online behaviour of 8- to 12-year-olds in Australia.

One finding that really stood out for me was this:

An 8-year-old is adopting technology as fast as a 16-year-old.

I would consider myself fairly tech savvy, but my teenager leaves me for dead. So would 8-year-olds, apparently.

This probably comes as no surprise to parents of tweens. It’s parents who are giving their children permission to join social networking sites in the first place.

67% of tweens use a social media website.

25% admit to having Facebook (even though the Facebook guideline is over 13s)

95% of tweens on Facebook said their parents had given them permission.

As McAfee’s Melanie Duca asked us at the launch: “Would those same parents give their children access to that many strangers in the real world?”

Managing your child’s time online is getting harder

It is getting more and more difficult to monitor our children’s use of screens and the Internet. On average, tweens are spending 1.5 hours online each day, using three to four devices. The old guideline of having “the family PC” in a “family area” such as the lounge room so you can keep an eye on your child seems almost quaint. Tweens are on smartphones, tablets, laptops, Xbox and Playstation, iPods (with Internet connectivity) … and on it will go as new devices and ways to connect become available.

There can be some tut-tutting and finger-wagging over young kids being on technology, especially unsupervised. And sure, it is entirely possible to keep your kids away from screens and the Internet (at home) if that is what you choose. But most parents are happy for their kids to benefit from our world of technology and connectedness – we just struggle with managing it.

The Life Education bCyberwise program visits primary schools and teaches children a lot of great stuff about online safety. But it is still the parents’ responsibility to know what their kids are doing online and to limit the time they spend online (here’s a tip for parents still to go through this: no child will self-monitor). The older your child gets, the less control you will have.

A good relationship with your child more important than ever

Parenting ‘expert’ Dr Justin Coulson said something very profound and helpful at the launch of the Tweens, Teens and Technology Report. What he said made me realise that technology – its ubiquity and accessibility, and our lack of control over it in our children’s lives – will actually change parenting, and probably for the better.

At around the age of 12 or 13, he explained, our children stop looking to us so much for answers, and we don’t have as much influence. At the same time, technology is bringing the peripheral world into their online world, and into our homes. The more we forbid, the more subversive they can become. Rather than saying no, and having our children go behind our backs (much like our own parents parented, and we responded), we need to educate our children, support their autonomy, and guide them to make the right decisions.

In other words, we can limit screen time, have Internet contracts, install parental controls, know our kids’ passwords, and take any other measure to manage our children and their use of technology. But the best protection for our children, in the tween and teen years, is to have a really good, really real, relationship with them.

“There is no substitute for real time, with real relationships, with parents who really love their kids.”

– Dr Justin Coulson

To read more insights from the McAfee Tweens, Teens and Technology Report, visit www.mcafeecybered.com.

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Thekids

Great to see you there Trish. x

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Why do we have to wait until business hours to book something as essential as healthcare?
Photo Credit: globochem3x1minus1 via Compfight cc

By Rachel Hynes.

There’s a saying: the darkest hour is just before the dawn. It is a hopeful message, meaning that feeling your worst is often followed by a positive change. But anyone who has ever experienced anxiety or depression (and there’s a lot of us) can read this quite literally. For many, the feelings are worse at night. People may get through their day, busy at work and occupied with routine tasks, but in the quiet of evening what’s inside speaks louder.

Also, the evening is very often the first opportunity we get in a busy day to do something about our problem. It’s something we’ve seen on The Kids Are All Right forum. Parents posting late in the evening, in need of advice or support. Their teenagers have behavioural issues, perhaps anxiety or depression, and they are sometimes desperately worried and at wits end.

In these cases, our first advice is to get professional help. It’s what the psychologists we consult with at The Kids All Right say, and it’s what I, personally, as a mum who has engaged mental health professionals for a long time for myself and others in the family, would always do when things got tough.

It might be the kids’ behaviour that is causing the parents grief, but sometimes – often – us parents need help too. A professional ear so we are not carrying the burden alone. Professional help to respond to and deal with their teenager in a constructive way.

But it’s 10.00pm at night. When you have finally faced the truth that your family needs professional help or you’ve worked up the courage to reach out, you now have to wait until morning to do anything. Actually, you have to wait till sometime between 9.00am and 5.00pm the next day when GPs and counselling businesses are open …. and you are busy at work.

This is how people put off taking action to help themselves – the system very often isn’t set up to be available when they need it most, when it suits them best.

And even if you do find a way to make time to make the appointment, you may have to leave the building to do it, because when all you can do is phone a healthcare provider, you do not have the privacy you might need.

1^st Available is trying to change that. 1st Available’s vision is to forever improve access to healthcare for all Australians, by giving us the power to book healthcare when we need to and not just during a centre’s “opening hours”, in the way that suits us best in 2013 – which is online.

We can book our holidays or a restaurant table online, so why not something as essential as healthcare?

Healthcare providers need to be convinced that this is what we want. Which means we need to sign up in droves to show them. Please register your details at 1stavailable.com.au to be part of the movement to put us and our health needs first. For your convenience, 1st Available can let you know the moment a healthcare provider in your area joins their service.

And as further incentive for you to register your details and show healthcare providers we want to make appointments online, 1^st Available is giving away 12 months’ free health insurance with a provider of your choice.

Have you ever been inconvenienced by the limited ways we can book healthcare?

Today I am linking up at www.essentiallyjess.com for I Blog on Tuesdays

Disclaimer

This is not a sponsored post but is part of a blogger promotion that will reward one person who signs up after clicking through from a blog post with 12 months health insurance, and will reward six bloggers with a share of prizes. More information here if required.

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Seana Smith

It's certainly been my experience that the nights can be long... and decisions to help can be made at night time. I have been so lucky that when everyone's asleep in Australia my two sisters are awake in Scotland! But can see that making an appt at night is ideal, and would make it much easier to get to sleep at last.

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As my teenager gets older, her Mother’s Day gifts edge further towards something I might buy myself rather than something I might donate to a goodwill store. But I will always remember with great fondness those funny little presents she brought home from her school’s Mother’s Day stalls.

I love imagining what went through her mind as she perused the selection (at two price points: $5 and $10), and what made her stop at the pair of Napolean false eyelashes and go YES, that is what my mum, who wears minimum make-up, really needs this Mother’s Day.

I know false eyelashes are de rigeur for everyone from starlets to students these days, but let me assure you the only people wearing them in 2006 in Australia were drag queens.

My then 8-year-old was desperate for me to wear them. I told her I would save them for a special occasion. When too many special occasions came and went without me taking those falsies for flutter, she was crestfallen. I spent a couple of days wearing them around the house to appease her.

The question is often “What is the best present you’ve ever received”, but I think it’s much more fun (and easier) to recall the craptacular presents from our kids. With Mother’s Day upon us, I asked a few friends…

“An aqua blue, peanut-shaped terry toweling pillow, that housed an iPod (not supplied, unfortunately). So I could lie on this pillow with my neck at a strange angle and feel like the music was coming out of my brain.”

Louise

“Alice has pre-empted Mother’s Day in her excitement and wrapped up a $1 coin, which I had to open last week.”

Anna

“Unfortunately, the more weird or inappropriate presents have come from my partner: various kitchen appliances/gadgets/utensils (further reinforcing the message that mum = kitchen. This has now been banned), a spider catcher (yes, really), a bucket and spade (to symbolise a holiday that he was going to book, but never did), and the worst: a chintzy Mother’s Journal so I could record all my memorable mothering experiences and share this ‘gift of motherhood’ with my children as they grow (a freebie from his work).”

Susannah

“I remember one year I had to lie in bed pretending to be asleep while the kids lay flowers from the garden all over me and the bed. I even managed to not flinch when I got a still wet-from-the-early-morning-sprinklers rose laid across my face. I thought, ‘this is what I’m going to look like when I’m dead’!! It was all very cute until I realized some of the flowers harbored bugs that started exploring their new environment.”

Katherine (TKAAR Community Manager)

Photo Credit: aussiegall cc

“I regularly get vouchers that don’t often come to fruition, such as ‘we will do the washing up for a week’, ‘we will pack our school lunches for a week’, ‘we will come for 1 run with you (around the block)’. Empty promises … but they mean well…”

Bec

What craptacular Mother’s Day gifts have you received?

IN THE FORUM: What do you really want for Mother’s Day?

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Seana Smith

Hello, the twinnies made fans for me at school and presented them proudly last Sunday. I will miss the gifts from school so much. We're not big on Mother's Day here well, not this year anyway. Teen16 called me when he woke up saying; "Where are you, I want to make you breakfast' but I'd been up and out for HOURS already. They need their sleep those teens.

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I’ve learned a thing or two over the past week, thanks to friends of The Kids Are All Right.

1. ‘Bronies’ are boys and young men who are into My Little Pony. As teacher Joanne wrote on the TKAAR Facebook page: “Last year I taught a couple of year 12 guys who loved them…They had also loaded the complete series on to their laptops. You can probably guess how they went in their exams, given that they spent their spare time watching it rather than studying!” Our community manager Katherine enlightened us further: “Apparently My Little Pony storylines are all inclusive of ‘different’ ponies and the show has been embraced by men who in some way feel like outsiders.”

‘Brony’ – Guys (bros) who are into ‘My Little Pony’.
Image from www.equestriadaily.com

2. Dumb Internet Challenges are officially out of hand. Do you think now we have reached the point of kids sucking a condom in through their nose and passing it out through their mouth, we can STOP THIS MADNESS!? In the interest of research I have been on YouTube watching people choke on cinnamon, stuff their mouths with marshmallows, hold salt and ice in their hands till it literally burns, and pull the latest stunt with latex (thanks to reader Mimbles who can always be relied upon for an interesting link or tidbit). Whatever happened to the goofy stuff we parents did, like etching our boyfriend’s initials into our skin and sprinkling the wound with lead from a pencil? (just read the comments here to know what I am talking about).

The Condom Challenge: suck it in through your nose and pass it out through your mouth. (Image from YouTube.)

3. It costs up to $2,800 to get earlobe holes fixed after they’ve been stretched  by “gauging”. Reader Maxine sent us a story about a teenage girl getting her holes fixed up by a surgeon. Dr Nick Moncrieff reports he is seeing an increasing number of young people for this surgery, indicating the gauging trend is on the wane and kids are getting the holes fixed up so they can get jobs. Many parents make their teens pay for their own piercings – we wonder who is going to pay for the surgery later? Forum discussion here.

Before and after earlobe reconstruction.
Used with permission from Hunter Plastic Surgery.

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Thekids

And maybe, just maybe, this info will be useful one day :)

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This is one of 768,000 videos on YouTube showing people doing the Cinnamon Challenge

Most of us have also probably read plenty of news items warning against this stunt, such as this one on news.com.au this week: Doctors warn teens against dangerous ‘cinnamon challenge’ prank.

There’s been a lot of extra coverage over the past week because of a new report about how the stunt has led to a growing number of calls to poison control centres and visits to emergency rooms. The report’s author Dr Steven Lipshultz says inhaling cinnamon can lead to “chronic inflammation and eventually scarring of the lungs, something we call pulmonary fibrosis”.

From Ingesting and Aspirating Dry Cinnamon by Children and Adolescents: The “Cinnamon Challenge” [download PDF]:

As of August 10, 2012, there were 51 100 YouTube clips depicting the Cinnamon Challenge. One video was viewed .19 million times, predominantly by 13- to 24-year-olds, ages similar to people taking the Cinnamon Challenge and associated with the greatest need for conformity.

These videos have raised concerns of choking, aspiration, and pulmonary damage. In most cases, the effects are temporary, yet the Cinnamon Challenge has led to dozens of calls to poison centers, emergency department visits, and even hospitalizations for adolescents requiring ventilator support for collapsed lungs.

Taking a different angle, US blogger and mother of teens Jessica Gottlieb believes the hysteria is just that, and there’s not too much to get worried about (unless your kid has asthma) in The Cinnamon Challenge is KILLING OUR KIDS (yes, the title is ironic):

“Is the cinnamon challenge good for you? Probably not. Is it smart? Nothing that makes a mess on my kitchen counter is smart. Is every news outlet in America going to spend the week getting shrill with Oh My Gawd Collapsed Lung!? Yes. That will happen. We love to save the children, social media is bad for the children, memes are bad for the children, ingesting spices is bad for the children and while you’re at it stop saying The F Word so much the children have delicate ears.

“This new breed of hysteria is obscene.”

Jessica argues that the 100 people who called the Poisons Hotline in the US did so because they or their kids coughed. She points out there was  one meaningful injury – an asthmatic child suffered a collapsed lung.

“If you tell your kid that the cinnamon challenge is going to kill them and 763 million videos show them that you’re wrong they will never believe you when you tell them about the things that really are dangerous.”

Read Jessica’s full blog post here.

Here are a couple more articles that take a fairly reasonable approach:

- How dangerous is the cinnamon challenge, really? [The Week]

- 5 reasons not to take the cinnamon challenge [Forbes]

Do you agree with Jessica that there is no need to get too concerned? It’s dumb but generally not dangerous?

Or would you still try to scare your kids off it?

Did we do anything this dumb as teenagers, or does it take the Internet to drive such a craze?

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Things I know this week that I didn't know last week #2

[...] boyfriend’s initials into our skin and sprinkling the wound with lead from a pencil? (just read the comments here to know what I am talking [...]

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My mum, who was staying with us, was getting ready to cook my little ones’ dinner when she sought me out to light the oven for her.

Exasperated, I said: “Mum, I’ve shown you how to do that so many times!”

My husband looked at me shocked, and my mum was clearly hurt.

The problem was, I’d misunderstood. It wasn’t that she’d forgotten how to do it, as I’d assumed, but that her hands – weakened by arthritis and a fall that broke her wrists – were not strong or dexterous enough to coordinate the pressing and turning of buttons with the triggering of a gas lighter.

I felt like a heel. Even if she had forgotten, gone are the days when my siblings and I can tease her about her fading memory. Aged 76, it is now all too real. It seems also that my parents are becoming more sensitive and more literal as time goes on. My at-times abrasive humour needs tempering!

I apologised, I was extra kind to her, and I bought a new lighter for the stove that would be easier to use (but unfortunately is even worse). I am very focused on being more patient and understanding, because my parents have turned a corner and are suddenly old. Despite being generally positive, I am sure they have enough frustration about this of their own without me rubbing their faces in it.

I will also read and re-read this helpful article from the Huffington Post, to remind myself how to treat my parents with dignity and respect in future: 8 things not to say to your aging parents  (I’m afraid I’ve been guilty of saying half these things, and thinking some of the others). I’ll also print a copy for my teenager. If the next 40 years go as fast as the first, she’ll be needing it in no time.

How does it feel to turn 80?
“Twice as bad as it did turning 40.”
Norman Thayer (Henry Fonda), On Golden Pond

Here are a few more things I know not to say to my ageing parents:

1. “Use this remote to turn on the TV, then this remote to watch Foxtel, and if you want to watch a DVD  press this button and then grab the Xbox remote and press this button then this one then this one…” (just do it for them)
2. “Mum, your sheets smell” (because her sense of smell has gone and she doesn’t realise she is bringing in her linen off the line before it is fully dry).
3. “Don’t buy any more presents for the kids” (it is one of their great pleasures in life).

What have you learned not to say to your parents?

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Thekids

Yes that would be frightening for your FIL - but perhaps knowing now what he (and all of us) is in for can help him prepare?

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I attended the Digital Parents blogging conference last week, and apart from some excellent workshops and presentations, the highlight for me was meeting other bloggers in real life, particularly those mums of teenagers who are a part of The Kids Are All Right community.

Let me introduce you.

I arrived at the conference with my roomy for the two days, Becci from Birdy Num Num, a mum of a tween boy and teen girl. She and I have bonded over some shared experiences in the past. My daughter is about a year ahead of hers so I can say, “Yep, we went through that too”. (Gee, I hope I’m helpful and not just annoying.)

After that, the first forum member I ran into was Miss Cinders from Saturday Morning Ogre Mum. Miss Cinders has lots and lots of children – six at last count, aged from 7 to 17 – and manages to only look 24 herself. Must be all that country air (must look into moving…) She has such wonderful spirit and energy and managed to get us all jumping on the trampoline (after we warmed up with some quick pelvic floor squeezes). Miss Cinders is just so good at this “community” thing.

I then found Janine from Shambolic Living (mum to two teen girls), who in true shambolic style had to drive the four-hour journey when her flight was cancelled and she was too busy doing a crossword in the airport lounge to get on the next plane. I always look forward to seeing Janine – she makes me laugh so much, and her blog will make you laugh too.

I sought out Lisa from Simple Loving Thoughts, who I have been communicating with online since TKAAR started when she contacted me with some tech advice. That’s the thing about Lisa – she is frank, forthright, and an absolute gem of a woman. We had a personal chat – no mean feat during these events – that resulted in some shared stories and some tears. I won’t forget that in a hurry.

After the first day’s sessions, there were drinks, where I met two bloggy friends in one hit: Beck from CraftyPJMum and Jules from The Bumpiest Path. Beck was a little nervous – this was the first time she had spent the night away from her four teenage boys!!!! It was like she’d never left though, because they kept calling her She is obviously much loved and needed!

Jules has that beautiful mother hen quality where she embraces people and supports them in any way she’s needed. She is mum to ten children, has seven living at home and five of them are foster children. See what I mean by mother hen? She shared her story at the My Blog, My Story session and my heart broke as she talked to a hushed room of her childhood. It is not my story to tell, but suffice to say she is giving back to this world a whole lot more than it gave her in the first half of her life.

Among the other bloggers I loved catching up with, I must mention Grace from With Some Grace, seriously Australia’s answer to Oprah Winfrey after her masterful hosting of the Blogging Through Adversity panel discussion; Vanessa from Babbling Bandit who, despite having a 3-year-old, always leaves insightful comments on our blog posts about parenting teenagers; and Seana from Sydney, Kids, Food and Travel who is travelling the teenage parenting route like us – two teen boys and a set of twins who’ll be there one day. And oh-my-goodness-this-is-a-late-addition-how-could-I-have-forgotten  Jo from Tivoli2Moro – it was fantastic to finally put a face to the name and the home of adorable fashion for the tween-set.

These women are all part of The Kids Are All Right community in some way, and I can’t tell you how glad I am for it. Some of them you will even catch on our forum, sharing their experiences and sometimes asking for advice – yep, even with all the experience six kids bring, mums sometimes still need help! I personally have received fantastic advice or support from each and every one of them.

It was wonderful to catch up with all of them in real life, and I hope one day we can hold our own event and get to meet everyone from The Kids Are All Right community.

 How important is it to you to have other mums to talk to?

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Emma Toomey

What a fantastic event - so wish I could have been there. I'll definitely be making it to the next one. Such a great way to connect and share this crazy ride called parenthood.

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