The K.I.S.S of Life Coach

Practical Intelligence

2011-07-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

Practical Intelligence in a Child

Is Intelligence in our genes ? The answer to that question is Yes. Yes, a child is born with intelligence, at least to an extent. But what kind of intelligence.

There are different types of intelligence.

Analytical
Practical

So, a child can be born with analytical intelligence. A child can start speaking when six months only. Chris Langan was one of such people who talk himself to read by three years of age. Born in an extremely poor home where he had only one pair of clothes to wear and barely nothing to eat. He was an intelligent child, a born genius with lots of analytical intelligence but no practical intelligence and that is why he ended up buying a house on a farm with books and animals, with research papers he wrote that would never be published since he couldn't continue college and since he didn't know what to do about it.

What is practical intelligence and where does it come from?

The particular skill that allows you to talk your way out of a murder rap, to convince your professor to give you extra time to complete an assignment, to persuade your boss to give you half days and to even get your work done from people etc. falls under Practical Intelligence.
Robert Sternberg, a psychologist defines this as "knowing what to say to whom, knowing when to say it, and knowing how to say it for maximum effect."

It is procedural or practical which means that knowing how to do something without necessarily knowing why you know it or being able to explain it. It is a knowledge or skill that helps you read situations correctly and get what you want.

So where does it come from. It mostly comes from our families. A child is like a blank slate. You keep on writing on it in the early years. You teach them, train them and make them practice.

According to a research conducted by a sociologist Annette Lareau on 12 families of third graders discovered that usually well off or rich families are aware of the fact that they have to take part in the child's practical development and teach them how to create and enhance this kind of practical intelligence. Others, usually the low income families see their responsibility to take care of their children but let them grow and develop on their own. However, it is common to see two types of families everywhere. One that takes active part in the Practical development and the other that doesn’t. Even a rich family that is not so educated or doesn’t realize their role of training and participation in a child's growth can fall in the latter category. In the former category, questioning and reasoning is allowed whereas in the latter parents give commands that need to be followed.

A cat shows its kitten seven houses

So, the important question is how you play your part in the practical development of your child ?

There can be numerous things that you could do to raise the intelligence level like making them take part in activities with other kids, keeping them engaged and scheduling their time effectively in some sort of skill learning classes etc. but the common element in all would be a connection or link to people. Psychologists call this parenting style concerted cultivation.

Implementation

An example of implementing this is encouraging your child to think, analyze and ask relevant questions and clear doubts. This provides self confidence and increases the comfort level of a child to connect to an adult. It provides learning of how to connect to the outer world full of strangers.

A mother of a nine year old boy is taking him to see the doctor. In the car, she asks her son that he should think of any questions to ask the doctor. She tells her son " You should be thinking of any questions to ask the doctor. You can ask him anything you want. Don’t be shy. You can ask him anything."

So the mother is teaching his son

He has the right to speak up even though he's going to be in a room with an older person and authority figure
It is perfectly all right for him to assert himself

What does the son do?

He asks the doctor the question that came to his mind while thinking in the car. He has bumps on his underarm. So he asks the doctor to check the bumps. The doctor asks him some related questions like if they itch or hurt and tells that he will check up.

The child

Takes charge of the situation
Gets the focus and attention of the doctor on the issue he chose to discuss
Manages to shift the balance of power away from adults (doctor) toward himself
Is treated with respect and seen as special and worthy of adult attention and interest. These are the key characteristics of the strategy of concerted cultivation.

A child who is prepared and taught how to deal with the tough outside world is better off than one that is left to learn on his own, a way of natural growth. This child depending on the people he meets and the surroundings he grows into does pick up how to deal or not deal but it is a matter of luck by chance.

I know of a person in his fifties who was a talented sportsman and won championships in the local clubs without any mentor or teacher or trainer but who went through life without knowing how to get things done , what to speak how to speak and when to speak and achieved much less than could have. What was the reason behind what he says, "I never knew how to do it when I was young. And I see people who get their ways but I still cannot do it."

Why exactly do you think happened? His background tells us that he was one who had uneducated parents who taught him nothing. He was left off with other extended family and did not know anything about the practical world he grew up in. This is how important parenting in an effective way is. You have to hold your child's hand and teach him all the tricks of the trade to do better and survive well in the race of the outside world.

I remember a saying that we usually hear in growing years. A cat takes its kittens to 7 houses. As a child I didn’t understand what it meant but this article on development of Practical Intelligence is what the saying is pointing out to.

The Happiness Angle

2011-07-23T03:50:00.002-07:00

What is the Happiness Angle ?


Angled Eyes

We all studied maths and geometry in school and sometimes we just used to dread it. Angles! Acute, obtuse, right and all sorts of different angles. But did somebody teach us the most important angle of life? The angle to view our life with. The angle that I call the Happiness Angle. Probably not like all the other angles. So what is this very strange angle then ?

Amazing things happen when you look at life in an amazing way. Shut your eyes or open them and look at it differently with an added 5 degree angle to the normal 360 degree that we think we can get to. Does it make sense? If I was the reader, I would say What crap !

Let's rephrase. Looking at things differently makes one happy.

The Questions ?

1. How can we look at Things Differently?
2. What does looking differently really mean?
3. How would it make us happy?

The Answers.

You think I am going to give you answers ;] Rethink Please. I would love to hear your answers so liberate yourself and write in the comment section below.

But I could do one thing. I can tell you a simple fact that you probably know already but keep forgetting like myself and many others. What you have to do is:

Start to Look. Look at all the things around you, no matter how tiny they are. Things that you keep on taking for granted like the electricity, the clean water, the people who care, the people who clean your roads, the trees, the roads etc.
Feel Things around. Look at the blooming flower, look at the deep sunset, look at a smiling child, look at the starving child, look at the beggar, look at the handicapped, look at those who are sick and weak, who have less means to change their lives. Feel it !

You are so Blessed. Doesn't it really make you grateful, Doesn't it make you happy? Some people look at life like this but mostly we just miss to see things in this perspective. When you look and feel things like this, it changes your outlook in life, it bring happiness. It makes you grateful and being Grateful makes you happy !!!

So, what is the simple fact ?

Be grateful and show gratitude for all the blessings you have that others don't

How to Learn and Implement the Happiness angle ?

Stop looking at things the way we get used to. Stop taking them for granted and realize their worth and importance.
Start looking at those who are unfortunate, under privileged and have less so you realize how blessed you are. How much more you have.
Start being grateful for all you have
Start being Happy

Living on the Edge - How to Kill Depression

2011-07-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

Living on the Edge - Killing Depression with a life of Will

A Life of Will is Exhilarating

Depression is an evil that resides in the mind. It breaks our balance and harmony with ourselves. It kills our positivity and instill negative thoughts in us. There are ways to come out of it but sometimes you just don't know how or what to do.

Bored with Depression ? Can someone be bored with depression. Have you ever seen someone who realizes he is depressed and really sick of it ? If not, well then this is your chance to delve into the minds of such people and excite yourself.

If depression is mild, a sudden inspiration by reading something motivational can change the mental state. A small incident, an expression of love, a message from a friend, a lucky win in a draw etc. can push you out of it. But if it is of a much extreme nature where nothing in life remains important or nothing in life brings happiness, what then?

Sometimes, people try to lose the sense of being alive in such state. And start self therapy. This is when they are bored with it and want to be their normal self. They realize they want to be themselves but they don't know how.At a time when they get bored with depression, bored with not feeling alive and being lifeless and that is when they crave for life. Crave for a mere feeling of being alive and adrenaline rushing through their blood.

A life of will is in your hand. Stop looking for it elsewhere.

So, how would they feel the life, the change, the adrenaline. They would try death defying sports or any activity that falls in this category. And that is when they break the barrier of boredom and feel life. There are people who want to do crime reporting or cover war zones not only for the mere passion of journalism but because in the middle of death they feel most alive. If you find a person who feels alive in the middle of bombs and death and extreme insecurity and unsureness of life, what will your first conclusion about that person be?

This is a place where life is so unsure that you make every second count, you are nervous and excited and thrilled and you feel there is still life inside you so you should act, enjoy and thank for it for you are not dead still. Any any second death can blanket you.

The words below are dedicated to such people who try to live on the edge just for the sake of feeling alive. I hope they find some motivation in them.

A life of will is in your hand. Don't look for it elsewhere. A mental change, a shift in thought will help, and small actions of will will bring a positive balance and kill the evil of depression.

A Life of Will

I cease to exist

Everyday, every night

And then I live on the edge

To prove to myself

If life still exists

Once again life is back

The blood is amber red

It gushes through my arteries

Forcing my heart to beat

In the new rhythm of my deadened heart

I meet life once again

The stranger looks familiar

A face clothed with dust of time

I push hard on the accelerator

And my car swifts by

The high rises towering the skies

An incepting freedom in me, Sighs!

Following me through the streets

In the silent town stands Life

Very still, very quiet

A face emerges suddenly

In front of the windshield

Pointing to the sign that reads

Speeding kills

Living on the edge, however

Defies all laws of mankind

Brings back my long lost friend

LIFE. That I hold still

But now, with my Will

Child Psychology and Advertising

2011-07-11T15:27:00.001-07:00

Who benefits the most from advertising?

If you have noticed young children, you should know the boundaries of their world. Their world starts with them and ends with them. That is how big their world is. They think they are the world and everything around them should revolve around them. They should be the focus and the attention. That is why sometimes the first child who is the center of attention becomes jealous on the arrival of a new sibling. The child doesn't want to share the world of undivided attention and focus.

When they are toddlers and in their first year, the eye is trying to adjust and learn how to focus on an object. The fist eight months are spent in this practice. When they open eyes to the world, a huge colorful world full of strange objects awaits them and they try to use their five senses not only to develop their senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste and smell but also to learn and grasp what they are surrounded with.

If you see young toddlers in the first year or even the older children like five or six year olds, anything full of images,sound and color attracts them. The television tops this list and so does advertising full of quick moving images and strange sounds.

Young children are the most easy catch for advertisers and advertisers understand this. Anyone who has been around a child in a commercial break during the cartoons knows the child's response as soon as the advertisement ends. Yes, it is simple. Can I have that ?

Young children are the best catch for advertisers

Fordham University in New York city conducted a developmental psychology study in 2008 in which 6-year-olds were asked to explain the purpose of advertising, given four choices:

Don't know
For a break
For information
To persuade

The group of kids split their answers among the first three choices, with not one child in the study saying that the purpose of advertising is to persuade. The conclusion on the results was that the kids see advertising as a benefit to them (consumer) and not the seller. Children seeing commercials as a benefit at this tender development age means that they are developing a concept, a fact and a hard habit to break as they grow into adults which helps the advertisers who already understand this benefit.

The research outlines a simple fact which most of us might know but when we have children, we certainly cannot recollect the time we were their age and we miss out on what is going in their minds. If your child is stubborn and has learnt to get his/her way by throwing tantrums, he will most likely make you buy it. When that happens, we are so blank that we don't know how to change it. We don't have the energy and the time to invest in breaking their habit. Whenever we are in a supermarket where they see their advertised products, they will create a chaos if they have not been trained and taught.

This is one way to teach them an important fact about the world and business tactics. To avoid getting into a difficult situation, just follow simple rules from ground zero. Contain the situation before it arises.

When your child is between 2 and 3 years, talk to them when the advertisement ends.

Ask them a question about what is a commercial or advertisement ?
Explain what is the purpose of it ?
Try to teach with a practical example if you can.
Tell them it is not free as they think.

Stop them from making wrong impressions since these will be carried with them in the future. You spend less time if you do it in the early years and cultivate a strong character of understanding and reasoning.

Three Types of People - Three Approaches

2011-07-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

Three Approaches to People, to Life

Human Approach

People are unique. They are different so there is no one approach or behaviour that is applied to all. Human psychology and behaviour is a diverse subject. While approaching people, you need to analyze them a little and then deal with them on the basis of their individual personality. But sometimes, we don’t know what to do. We approach someone for something and the person remains indignant on not listening to you. You keep on persuading and using the same approach and you are met with the same rejection over and over again.

What went wrong? Maybe today is a bad day for me, you shrug. There is no good day or bad day. It's just we are not analyzing at the situation logically and rationally. We keep on looking at the outside world with our own eyes, our own angle and apply our same One approach (which proved to be one time right or right in the past).

The other Person is Me. Is he?

In simple words, we think that the other person is me. So, we think what we would do in that situation. Is this right? No. That person is different and may sometimes be similar to you but many times will come out with a different reaction.

Think of what else you could do in that situation. Although there are no formulas to this. No hard and fast rules or a rule book to study. It is all experience. The more you meet people, the more you identify and pick up about them and the more you learn.

I will share a specific example her. Once a group of student photographers were asked to take a shot of real, old people. The theme was culture based. Holding big SLR cameras in their hands, they stood infront of an old, local coffee shop. A group of old Arabs sat with the traditional attire drinking local coffee and chatting. The question was how to approach them.

First Type, First Approach:

There was a language barrier between the old Arabs and the young students and they didn't feel comfortable to approach them. One of the student, however, showed courage and explained to them with actions and body language that he wanted to take a picture. Suddenly, the whole group of Arabs starting laughing and posing for the camera. The ice was broken, the job done.

Second Type, Second Approach:

Then, they went to a local arab who owned a very old handicraft shop. They approached them and asked him politely if they could take his picture but he refused. They kept on insisting and persuading him but to no use. The instructor stopped the students and told them that their approach was wrong. He was a very old and popular handicraft businessman and so many people might approach him for a picture. He knew he has become popular and won't let his photo taken for free. The moment he took out some money and handed to the old guy, he started posing for the camera.

Third Type, Third Approach:

After the second picture job was done, they moved further on to another old local in the market (souq). As they approached to ask him if they could taken his photo, he reluctantly started saying no. I don’t want you to take my picture, he said. You will charge me for this. The guys explained to them that they will not charge him anything. In fact, they can make him a print. He looked at the camera and said, where is the place from where the picture comes out. Will you give me the picture now? He was a simple person with no connection with technology and the new cameras didn’t make any sense to him. However, they explained to him how it works and where they have to go to get the print of the picture. As soon as he was satisfied that he will not be charged for it, the target was ready to be shot.

All of the people above belonged to the same locality and age group but their mindset and experiences were different and so was the approach to tackle with them. Human behaviour is different and diverse, the reactions too. Analyzing and understanding human behaviour, human psychology, mental attitudes and relationships is very important to succeed in life.

The Mystery of Health, Happiness and Life

2011-07-08T14:40:00.001-07:00

The Roseto Mystery

Roseto Mystery is the secret of Health, Happiness and Life often overlooked. Here, we discuss an article to unravel that mystery.

A stress free life with community

Roseto Valfortore is a village in Italy where people for centuries had a poor and hard life working in the marble quarries or cultivating land. Then in January 1882, there came into existence a new hope of the Land of Opportunity, America. People started migrating and eventually finding work in the slate quarries ninety miles west of the city near the town of Bangor, Pennsylvania.
Flocks of people back home started migrating to this new land when the word of this hope reached them across the ocean. The Rosetans began buying land next to Bangor and created a town called Roseto. Neighbouring town was mostly Welsh and English and next town German which meant that Rosetans strictly stay in Roseto owing to the relations between German, English and Italian.
Roseto, Pennsylvania was a tiny, self sufficient world unknown by the society around it until Stewart Wolf, a physician discovered a mystery that lied in its simplicity.

Mystery lies in simplicity

Wolf, a physician of digestion at the University of Oklahoma in the late 1950's was once giving a talk at the local medical society in one of the towns when a local doctors with a 17 year career approached him and said that I get patients from everywhere but rarely find anyone below 65 years from Roseto with a heart disease.

Wolf was astonished as heart disease was an epidemic in the US with no drugs or treatments invented for it and heart disease was a common cause of death in men under 65 years all over United States. It was impossible to be a doctor and not see heart disease.

What did Wolf do? He started investigating and took the following measures.

He pulled up the death records of the people from the town. He analyzed physician records, medical histories, constructed family genealogies.
He tested every single person in the town for heart disease.

He found that virtually no one under 55 years old had died of a heart attack. For men over 65 years, death due to heart failure was roughly half that of US as a whole. Infact, over all death rate was 30%-35% less than expected. There was no drug addiction, no suicide, no alcoholism, nobody living on state welfare infact no big illnesses. People just died of old age.

Of all the things in life, People are the ones I value the most

So what was the next step. He got help from others and then researched further.

Was it healthy food? NO. Rosetans eating habits were not healthy. They didn't do much exercise, smoked heavily and were struggling with obesity.
Was it genes? NO. Rosetans had relatives living in other parts of US who were dying of the same ailments as others like heart disease.
Was it location? NO. The people in the neighbouring towns were hard working immigrants like them but they suffered from all the diseases unlike them.

So, what was the mystery for a healthy life then ?

The mystery didn't lie in diet or exercise or genes or location.

The secret was Roseto itself

Roseto was magical and the magical life it gave to the people and their health was because of the strong community sense it carried.

Three generation family meals under a roof
Younger respecting elders
Attending church together every Sunday
Sitting at porches, standing in the streets and talking to each other, visiting each other, cooking for each other
Holding tight to the extended family system, helping the needy, restricting the wealthy from flaunting

Thus, they had weaved for them a protective and powerful social structure insulating them from the stress and the pressures of the outside world.

To have a healthy life, people and relationships with you are very important. The basic secret is to lead a stress free life. What contributes to this is the culture, the family and friends, the values of the world, the people we surround ourselves with. These have the most profound influence on who we are and that is the secret of healthy and happy life that most of us are unaware of , miss out on or ignore. The stronger the community sense, the easier the life.

Source : From the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

Happy New Year

2011-07-07T03:23:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year

Happy New Year

Stepping into new years is an annual affair. For some, it marks a time of celebration and starts off with a friend's and family get together, for others it's a holiday in a room with isolation. For some it brings joy, for others it carries the burdens of the past year.

What is past is past. What is future is future. But the best Present we have is the Present. Step into the new year as a present, a gift, a time to try the best , do the best and be the best.

A new era of Hope, a new era of Happiness, of Dreams and Reality knocks our doors. Open them with these enchanting words………

Bring it On ! Bring it On !

I say to the Dusk

Bring it On

Whatever you do

How long you stay

I will Push you Away

So Bring it On

Bring it On

I have a choice

I have a way

I always will

So Bring it on

Bring it on

And I promise with all my heart

I will not let you stay

You will try

You will die

I will try

But I won’t die

So Bring it On

Bring it On

Come fight me

I am the Dawn

Happy New Year !!!

Kick everything that comes your way and take a fresh, jump start at life.Be happy, keep yourself motivated and enjoy whatever you have, try to achieve what ever you want and most of all try as much to Be Yourself.

The Happiness Circle

2011-07-06T14:53:00.006-07:00

Let's Complete The Circle of Happiness

Happiness, Happiness, Happiness ! OMG So much of it
Soooo much of happiness. It is really hard to handle. Why not give some Away?
But WAIT!
Isn't there a Universal Rule that Happiness is one thing that when you give returns back to you manifolds.

Circle of Happiness

Happiness is One thing

that doesn't want to go
doesn't want to be subtracted
doesn't want to be less

Happiness is One thing

that increases
that multiplies
that flourishes
Where Subtraction Becomes Multiplication !!!

It is like everything else and completes a circle. There is a Circle of Life, There is a Circle in Everything. You start at a point and reach a Destination but in a real end, you reach your start again. You complete a Whole Full Blown Circle. Hmm.

Well, The Happiness Circle is also a factual reality. You give away and then it somehow returns to you, thus completing a Full Circle. This is the Law of Attraction , a universal law that works behind it. Many times you donot know and realize that but sometimes you hear stories or reflect on your life experiences and understand this basic fact.

What happens when you make someone else happy ?

You feel happy in the process
You satisfy yourself
You do good to your mind and to your body. This is because you release happy hormone endorphin that does more good to you than you can imagine
You give the universe a reason to smile. That universe might be the person you made happy and the universe returns the goodness.
You bring the universe into harmony because when there is sadness the equilibrium of the universe is destroyed and when you put your goodness in it (try to correct something, a relationship, try to console and comfort someone etc) the negative energy gets cancelled with the positive vibes you give, thus returning the universe to a state of Wholeness, a state of Wellness and Harmony

Universe never keeps the loan that you give it. If you lend something, it will give it back manifolds in ways not understandable, in ways unimaginable. This is law of the universe.

The circle of happiness is

Round and Infinite
Never ending and on going
Ever green and eternal
Infinite and continuing

Let's join hands to share and complete the circle

Let's connect ourselves into a never ending circle of happiness where there is enough for everybody

Let's get into the circle

Let's be the circle

Live Each Day and Live it Big

2011-07-06T13:49:00.007-07:00

Live each day and Live it Big

Amazing things happen in life. I slept and woke up with little remembrance of the dream I saw except for a line LIVE EACH DAY AND LIVE IT BIG ! And I went to my blog and posted the quote.

Don’t think too much about Tomorrow
It just hints mostly sorrow
How would I say so
Because it’s the time from today
That it does borrow
Its tomorrow
Live today
And live it big
To live
To live up to tomorrow

So, what exactly does the quote mean. It's very simple and straightforward. Literally, it means just live in today. Why do I say that thinking about tomorrow hints sorrow. Firstly, it only does so when you think of only bad things that will happen or can come your way and secondly by thinking the wrong way you are actually deducting the time that could have spent in a better way to time that is spent in a wrong way and thirdly you are bringing, attracting and creating bad things towards you.

You should Ask yourself

Who has seen tomorrow ?
Who can guarantee that you will see the morning sun?

You should Live like

Today is the only day you have to breathe, to say sorry, to smile, to show gratitude, to love, to help, to experience, to be happy, to make others happy, to leave a mark, to do a good deed, to taste whatever you have to eat, to thank God for HIS blessings, to smell the flowers, to enjoy nature.
Today is the only life you have in your hands and with every minute that passes by you are writing it with your hand in the Book of Life and leaving your prints in the eternity of time.
Today is what is tangible when you can do what you wish, act and use the choice to live the way you want.
Today is what you have created and own with your thoughts, your speech and your actions.

Say NO to all these

Wasting time fearing tomorrow. Fear of loss of a loved one, fear of loss of job, of stability, of health, of wealth and of anything else that matters to you.The time you spend fearing for something that hasn't happened can be spent in a better way.
Wasting energy fearing tomorrow. Fearing something means that you imagine it in your mind and then cause your body to react to it as if it had already happened. You waste your energy in thinking, in feeling that bad fear, in bringing about the bad effects of the negative physiological changes you cause your body to undergo when you release those stress hormones due to psychological fear. This energy that you have can be spent in a positive way on helping yourself and others.
Wasting resources fearing tomorrow. Apart from above, there are several other life resources you will waste and damage. You will waste your positive potential and talent. You can damage your relationships because all you think is negative and bad. All you think is how your relationships will go bad (When you think about something in a bad way, that is what you are creating ) and your focus will be on spoiled relationships. This is what your family and friends in that relationship will notice. You damage your will, your confidence, your sense of worth, your positive potential to find right solutions and act on them.
Wasting yourself fearing tomorrow. Indeed, you will waste your Truest Self.

Say YES to all these

Spending time positively, effectively and efficiently. Thinking of what right things you can do in the time you have now.
Spending energy positively to make the best of the day and the best of your mental and physical strength and body
Spending resources you possess; tangible and intangible; the right way like your emotions, feelings, potential etc.
Spending yourself the right way by being the best possible version of yourself in the truest form possible

How you can Live up to tomorrow

Only by living up today in the BEST possible way
Only by putting in your MAXIMUM effort today
Only by being PROUD of your actions today