The Kneisley Nest

Gotcha Day

2015-09-04T12:35:00.001-04:00

I'm running on the treadmill this morning and a text pops up on my phone. It is Ben. His text reads, "Gotcha Day blog? It's a really big day... 9 years have flown by."

He got his wish. Here is the blog.

It's Anna's and Brynn's gotcha day. And for those of you who aren't fluent in adoption speak that is the day they were legally declared our kids. It is the anniversary of the day in which a new family member joins the family in the adoption process.

2006
Ben and I sat in a Russian hotel room rehearsing what we were going to say in court to the judge. We were given instructions like, "only let the man speak, don't cross your legs, its a sign of disrespect and only speak when spoken to." I was terrified. Thoughts flooded my mind. What if I do something wrong? What if the judge doesn't award us custody. We had waited and prayed and traveled far. The what ifs got the best of me. Looking back on that day, I see that God had gone before us. He had planned and orchestrated and that was the only way I was sitting in a courtroom in Siberia, a million miles from home, waiting to be given my children, the girls who would make me a mother for the first time. Something I didn't understand then, that I do now, is that God started my motherhood journey in the heart of their birth mother. She chose life for them, despite hardships and poverty and singleness. It would have been easier to end her pregnancy. Now that I have carried children of my own, I am not lost on how brave that decision was. I have no doubt that God stirred her heart for my benefit. I will never be able to thank her enough for the immense gift she gave me in Anna and Brynn.

Ben is correct, nine years have flown by. They were two years old when we landed in the United States. They had never been in a home with lamps and phones and a refrigerator with an automatic water and ice dispenser. They made it their business to check all that stuff out, immediately. They were not interested in eating anything with texture. We spent countless hours getting them to taste food. I thought at times I could not keep up. Their lively personalities, energetic spirits and curiosity kept Ben and me on our toes. Fast forward to today. They are soccer stars, loved by many and they have made the most important decision of their lives by giving their hearts to the Lord. They are total slobs and God has used them to teach me self control when I walk into their room everyday. They are witty, sweet, kind and helpful. They have hearts of gold. They are opinionated and strong and they are mine. I see God's hand in it all and I can't wait to stand back and watch how God uses my precious girls. Anna and Brynn had a less than perfect beginning. They were throw aways in a a society where orphans have a stigma, with little hope. God plucked them straight out of the darkness and gave them new life, literally and figuratively.
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

We (I'm preaching to myself) so often put God in a box, we are unable to fathom the plans He has for us and the works of His hand. We doubt His timing and His sovereignty . We make ourselves unavailable because we are scared to be uncomfortable. I pray my story gives hope and challenges you to trust and be used. God's ways are better than our ways. We don't know the end of the story.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither your ways my ways ," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

Today, I'm looking through pictures of our 2 journeys to Russia and back. I'm remembering the laughter, the tears, the hard times, the doubts, the food, the airplane rides and the moment of being ushered out of the orphanage with two toddlers, I had only met once before. The love I felt for them immediately was supernatural. It has been messy and challenging and fun and I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. I am thankful for what God has taught us through the years through our precious daughters.
September 4, 2006 was a divine appointment and God was with us every step of the way.

Three Years Ago Today....

2015-01-06T08:44:00.001-05:00

Three years has passed since my three year old daughter, Caroline, was admitted to the pediatric intensive care unit. She was placed on a ventilator and told she may not live. I am not the same person as I was then. I don't view life the same, I don't do marriage and parenting the same and I don't serve Jesus Christ the same.

I was a believer. I was kind. But I was passively seeking Jesus. That single trial in my life rocked me to the core.   It changed who I am through and through. I am thankful for walking in the fiery furnace. I will never be the same. I know, that Jesus changed me, so that I can impact others.   We aren't guaranteed time.

Interestingly enough, (Ok, God, I hear you.) My devotion this morning was the difference between speaking and doing. John Piper says, "But let us never treat mouth-deed or the hand-deed with neglect, or preference. Many fail as lovers of Christ by thinking they can replace words with deeds. and many fail, thinking words are enough. Rather, let us think both! Both word and work! Mouth-work and hand-work. Both!"

He also states, "When the tongue and it's sounds (words) are "in truth" they become acts of love. The line of lovelessness is not drawn between speaking and doing, but between speaking and doing in the truth and speaking and doing in emptiness. Truth turns word-love into deed-love. Bam! Profound isn't it.

That was me, three years ago.

Whatever you do, in word and deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus. Colossians 3:17

Boy, did I see people live out this verse when my baby was dying. Jesus showed me tangibly.

After the whole ordeal, I remember talking to one of my friends on the phone, we were reliving the gut wrenching events of the past two weeks. She said, "You have a story to tell. A testimony. You need to tell it."  I do get to share my story often. But hopefully, my life, after this incident, tells about the love and glory of our Heavenly father.

Last night, I sat and read every post from Caroline's Caring Bridge website.  Hot tears flowing down my cheeks. I reread every update, every piece of bad news we received and every praise. I looked at all the comments from people near and far, the prayers and encouragement. I hung onto every word in every Bible verse that my sister, Stacy typed. I believe them to be divinely inspired.

Dare, I say, my daughter almost dying was the best thing to ever happen to me. It was.

I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me to bring the Gentiles to obedience- by word and deed. Romans 15:18

I chuckled last night when I read Caroline was kicking a soccer ball for physical therapy to regain strength after being on a ventilator. She is now tearing up the soccer field, her mouth runs 100 miles a minute and she loves to tell you all about her "fashion." She is a vibrant, healthy and delightful 6 year old. She adores her cousins and is tearing up kindergarten.

Thank you for caring. Thank you for praying. It's hard for me to imagine life without her in it.

I am thankful God spared her life. I am thankful for the trial. I am thankful for what I have learned. I am thankful for more time on this earth to proclaim the name of Jesus Christ.

Are you better after your trial or bitter? What does the God want you to understand?

Enough.

2014-11-28T11:05:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving break. Lovely Friday morning. Lying in bed later than usual. Cozy warm covers envelop my body. My pup sleeps soundly on his back, paws in the air, tucked closely by my side. The gentle sound of his breathing is all I hear. Sun shining through the window, illuminating the red, shiny bulbs on the Christmas tree outside my bedroom door. Empty space in the bed next to me. Thankfulness washes over me with thoughts of my hardworking husband, who arose before the sun and trudged to work, to support his crazy, gaggle of girls. I have no words to describe my beloved's work ethic. It is greater than any human I have ever encountered. Something I greatly admire about him.

Breakfast is Dunkin Donuts. I mean, c'mon, don't we need to add some more fabulous food to the past few days. Aubs and I hop in the mini van in our jammies, our hair in knots on the top of our heads, to retrieve the delicious goods. Charlie, our pup, accompanies, head hanging out the window, eyes half open, ears flapping in the wind. Blueberry, chocolate glazed and cream filled donuts make my girlies smile and their eyes light up like the early morning sun lights up the earth. Fun to wake up to those expressions.

We sit at our familiar breakfast table discussing God, the difference between our feelings and emotions and choosing joy. I explain, we can always choose joy despite our feeling because of who God is. Sweet discussion with squirmy, chocolate faced little girls soaking up God's truth like a sponge. Fruit of the spirit. We each take a turn reciting the list. Love, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control (Galatians 5:22-23) The girls get hung up on remembering goodness and faithfulness. We go around the table inserting each child's name before the trait. Aubrey is loving, Anna is peaceful, Caroline is patient, Brynn is Kind. We can use this everyday to check our attitude and temperament. In desiring to be like Christ, we should exhibit these traits.

Not to mislead you about the way our devotion time looks. A girl trying to write Ben loves Shannon on the inside of my Bible. A girl falling into the floor, off the bench. The littlest feeding the dog sugary goodness and one girl staring at the table top, tracing the lines with the tip of her finger. But His truth permeates like warm soup filling our bodies on a cold day.

I toss out a final thought of conversing with God throughout our day. No matter what is going on.

We leave the table to start our daily chores, dishwasher to unload, beds to make, a dog to feed. A little music makes work so much better. I press play on Pandora on our television and the sounds of Kids Bop blare over our speakers. I love kids Bop! All of the latest tunes without any of the bad stuff. The song "Happy" immediately makes hips sway, girls jump and slide across the hardwood floor. Mama smiles. Perfect.

And He is before all things, and in him all things hold together Colossians 1:17

I am grateful for this day. Trenches have plagued. Without trenches would we recognize mountain top experiences? Often time mountain top experiences are everyday scenarios, if we have the right perspective. Would we have the chance to choose joy? God holds all things together. It is because of HIM that I sit here listening to "Gangham Style" and "What Does the Fox Say" watching littles twirl across my floor.

"All about that Bass," is now blaring. Very fitting considering our eating regimen this week. Aubs is standing next to me shaking her bass or lack there off.

I digress.

The Thanksgiving story that will not leave my consciousness, is the story of the loaves and the fishes. You remember. All too familiar. Christ feeds the 5000. And how does He do that? A little boy brings all that he has, as small as it may seem, He is willing. Five loaves and two fishes to feed 5000 people? The boy offers what he has to Christ, Christ takes it, He looks to Heaven, gives thanks and breaks the bread.

They said they only had five loaves of bread and two fish then Jesus asked them to bring what they had to him. Jesus directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves.

When we take what we have, give thanks for it and offer it to Christ, HE MAKES IT ENOUGH.

This story is recorded in all four Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

We need to give thanks and offer up. Not only on Thanksgiving, but everyday. We give thanks to God not because of how we feel – but because of Who He is.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed; 2 Corinthians 9:8

Glory to God for holding us together. It is enough. I give thanks.

All is grace.

Big vs.Small and Frozen

2014-11-06T00:55:00.002-05:00

Wow. This feels strange. I haven't written on here in quite some time. Honestly, I haven't felt led to blog, lately, until today. I wanted to take a break and really examine my motives for blogging. I never want it to be about accolades or affirmation, only to share God's truth and what He is teaching me. Hopefully, it may help someone else. And okay, maybe to journal a little family hilarity along the way. My girls do and say some pretty funny stuff!

Here I am again, and it feels right. I sit, with a clean kitchen, slumbering kiddos, listening to the clicking of the keys, as my mind rushes. Charlie, my pup, reclining on the ottoman beside me. So much to share. So thankful to God for His infinite wisdom. I can hardly type fast enough. Some things have been whirling around in my head lately, and y'all know me...I have to write about it.

On Sunday, I gained confirmation by listening to my teacher that what I have been pondering and feeling is truth and needs to be postulated. My teacher's voice eerily, echoed the precise culmination of my thoughts and feelings. Introspectively, my reflections passionately weighed on my mind and heart. I could barely sit in my seat. I wanted to jump up and scream "yes!"

Simply stated, things that seem small to us are BIG to God. We are walking by all the "small," seemingly insignificant ways to serve in our daily lives, in search of something bigger. In our minds, something larger, a bigger ministry which must be more important to God. Right? Nope.We aren't being obedient in the little, everyday matters that God wants to use, to impact this world.

A question, Do we allow God to interrupt our daily life, for His purposes?

We already have it figured out. We're ready to check off our to do list. We all hop out of bed with an agenda, things we need to accomplish, places to be, houses to clean, kids to transport. How often, are we not open or obedient to God's agenda for our day...for our lives? Stacy and I always say, if Satan can't make us sin, he'll make us really busy. Too busy to take a meal, write and encouraging note or even easier, a text. Too busy to pick up a friend's child from school, to call someone while you are at the store and ask if they need anything. Too busy to pray for someone, to tell somebody you care and that you love them. Too busy to cut a neighbor's grass or babysit. Just for starters...

I used this analogy to explain these thoughts to my girls. I can still picture their cheerful faces hanging on every word I said. All of them sitting side by side on the fluffy, pink bedspread. Here goes--- God loves us so much, that he cannot wait for us to awake in the morning.(picture the perplexed glances of four little girls) Do we choose to open our eyes and acknowledge God and give Him thanks for the gift of a new day a new opportunity? Do we pray about the people who will cross our path? Do we spend time in His word? Do we ask God to make it clear that if His plans are different from ours, to interrupt our humanness. Are we open to being called to obedience in Christ's leading and purposes?

#preachingtomyself

It's like the scene from the movie Frozen, Anna is standing outside the door waiting for her sister, Elsa, to acknowledge her. Anna loves her so much, she can hardly wait for her sister to open the door and notice her, but she doesn't. I often wonder what God thinks when we jump out of our beds and start our daily routines, often with no acknowledgement of Him at all.

Guilty here.

His purposes for our day are to show God's love to everyone we come in contact with, through caring and serving others. And don't misunderstand me, I am not referring to taking on another obligation at church, that we probably won't fulfill anyway. Not just works, but love. Loving people. (Even prickly people) We must not forget this life isn't about us. Now, when I ask my girls if they took time to acknowledge God first thing, they know what I am talking about. I whisper, God waits eagerly for you to open your eyes. He loves you so!

Sorry for the Frozen analogy, but I do have four girls. We have watched the movie at least one hundred times. I happen to have had an Elsa walking around this Halloween. I know you're shocked. I will spare you my rendition of Let it Go, but Aubrey's performance is amazing, Hands on hips and all.

My Elsa even wore pink cowgirl boots. I apologize for the tangent. Aubrey tends to sidetrack me.

Please, please, stick your heart out there. Be vulnerable. Be in tune to the people around you, in your everyday life. How is God calling you to minister to them? Sometimes it may not be fun or easy, but it's worth it. People, we are missing the small opportunities because we are too busy looking for the bigger ones. Be obedient in everyday life. Be obedient in the small things. Do life with people. You will make an eternal difference for the Kingdom of God.

We, need to stop placing God as an afterthought. He should consume everything we do. Our thoughts. Our speech. Our actions. First.

We are only here for a little while. Let's not set up shop. Things that seem so important on our lists, really don't matter that much. May we make our lives about Christ, His Glory and His Purpose. Do we even have a clue where to start? Have we asked Him?

Not to scare you, but my sister and I joke. Sometimes, we ask to be God's instruments and so much falls in our lap we have to stop and send each other a text that says, "We must really love Jesus!" with 100 emoji's after it. But honestly, if you put the purposes of God first, the rest will get done, miraculously. Try it and see. The peace and joy you will experience from walking in obedience, will blow your mind. Don't forget to look for His provisions throughout your day and thank Him for them. I guarantee you will see when you are obedient, His provisions are all around. Like, the spaghetti sauce I forgot I had, and need for the meal I am taking someone, tomorrow. No trip to the store, with the kids in tow. Score! Thank you, Jesus.

Small may really be big.

O LORD, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; For You have worked wonders, Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness. Isaiah 25:1

The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out. Adrienne Gisoff

Sheesh. This was a long one. Hope I didn't lose you. My parents were just here and we had the most incredible visit. My girls are blessed with such a fun family...

Truth Chasing Me Down...

2014-04-18T17:26:00.004-04:00

Have you ever had a Bible verse or truth literally chase you down? This one has been chasing me. I walked into Kirkland's home store and this picture sat right in front of me on display. I bought it and hung it in my house where we will all see it frequently.

The fruit of the Spirit. It's a popular verse that many people are familiar with.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.  Galatians 5:22-23

I want to exhibit these characteristics regardless of my circumstances or emotions. Boy is that a feat! I have also been trying to teach my kids about the fruit of the Spirit. These traits are absolutely what sets us apart from the world. When we are kind when someone doesn't deserve it. When we are patient when we have every right to be mad and impatient. When we display self control when provoked.

It hit me recently that many people try to "be" those things in life. Be a better you. It's not us who can "be" those things. It's Christ who embodies those traits, always. When Christ lives in us and we let Him lead we will be loving and kind and patient.  It is difficult for us bear fruit apart from Christ.

In teaching this passage to my girls I so want them to understand it is not through their own might that they will display these fruits. It's not by being "good." So many children's books, even Christian books teach just be "good". Well people, being good just doesn't hack it. We can never be good enough. It is because of Christ that they will exhibit these traits.

The other day in the car my girls were being unkind to one another, bickering and fighting. I recited the fruits of the spirit, they immediately began rolling their eyes at me.  "When Jesus is in us and we let him lead we should  display these fruits," I said. Caroline promptly responded, "He is not in me Mama. I have not heard Him call me yet. He's not in my heart yet and I have not been baptized either." Truth. The girl hasn't accepted Christ.  Yet.  She is listening for Him to call her and she is aware. I had to laugh. She thought she had every right to be unkind. She is apart from Jesus.

Anna began telling me about how she hears Jesus. She told her teacher an untruth last week.  Anna said everyday she was in class, she had a voice inside her head telling her to be truthful with her teacher. I excitedly said, "You hear Jesus. I'm thrilled. You have to be still and listen to hear Him." Anna  told the truth. The truth will set you free! It's a domino effect: listening to Christ, obedience, peace and joy results.

A couple of weeks ago, I became aware that self confidence and self esteem are not once mentioned in the Bible. Earth shattering to me. The Bible is a guide to life and those are important. Why are they not mentioned? I have always said, I want to build my kids up so much that the world cannot tear them down. I want them to think they can do anything. It hit me. Confidence and self esteem are not mentioned because they are based on self, self doing, self being. In my quiet time one morning the Lord spoke to me. If Christ living in us and we let Him lead we will be joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful. gentle, and have self control. If we display all these wonderful traits wouldn't we be ultra confident and have awesome self esteem? As Christians, are we supposed to think badly about ourselves? Not at all! The Scriptural position is that we are to focus on God and others, not ourselves (Matt. 22:36-40 Phip. 2:3-8). Any preoccupation with self (either in thinking too highly or too lowly), is an unbiblical response to God’s Word. Rely totally on Christ and you will have lasting peace, love and true joy despite circumstances. Not to mention we should be confident because God created us and made us perfectly in His image.

Pray. Start praying that you will exhibit a life full of the fruit of the Spirit. It will grant you genuine freedom. Freedom only comes through a life filled with the Holy Spirit.

We need to get out of ourselves. Simply stated, "It's not about you." Sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves that we become the center of our own universe. It's about Him. Following Christ breaks the stranglehold of self in our lives as He becomes the center of our universe. We decrease; He increases. Joy results. ---Beth Moore

Happy Good Friday everyone! Sunday is coming! Because He lives, I can face tomorrow!

Monsters

2014-01-20T20:43:00.000-05:00

Monsters.

Monsters have been haunting our house for about 2 months now, scaring my poor little Aubrey to death.

I have told her monsters aren't real. She's not buying it. She tells me they are like vampires with big teeth. Where in the world has my three year old seen vampires? I have told her God is bigger than monsters.  If monsters were real all she would have to say is, "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." The monsters would have to go away. Heck, God is so powerful that he had to appear to Moses in a cloud. His glory was too blinding. He could trump the monsters. Aubs is still not buying it.

Tears and terror every. single. night.  This Mama is tired. You see I've been out of the sleepless nights phase for a while now. Oh and Lord knows, I have paid my dues there. Now, I have children who go to bed, stay in bed usually after me loosing my sanity on them following the 5th (ish) trip to the living room and they sleep until approximately 7am give or take.

This monster thing is causing me to sleep spooning a three year old. And I have a king size bed. The picture you see on the internet is so dead on. The mother with literally one leg on the floor and the toddler sleeping horizontally with her arm across the mother's forehead and one leg across her mid section. That is the perfect visual of me and Aubs lately. Not to mention there is no sneaking out of my room in the morning for a HOT cup of coffee and some time with my Savior before the littles hit the floor. Because she always hears me. "Mom, is it morning time?"

Sigh.

However, as batty as I am becoming, tonight's monster conversation was a little too priceless and needed to be recorded. Hence, this blog.

Aubrey: "Mama please do not go to bed. Stay up all night on the couch. I told you that last night and you went to bed."

Me: "Aubs, I need sleep too. I can't stay up all night and not go to bed."

Aubrey: "Well, please lock my door."

Me: "Honey, do you really think I would put you in a room where I thought monsters could get you? I love you more than life itself. You are totally safe."

Brynn: "We would protect you with our lives Aubrey."

Me: "Plus the Bible says nothing about monsters. They aren't real. The Bible is the truth and if it isn't in the Bible it's not true."

Anna: "The Bible talks about demons and devils. They are real."

Me: "Anna zip it. You are not helping." (Mom eyes follow.) (Mom eyes are when you open your eyes really wide signaling knock it off. I have them perfected.)

Me: "Well, I have a great idea. I have this monster spray under the kitchen sink. The monsters hate the way it smells. So if we spray it all over your room they won't come near it."

Aubs: (Complete silence and skepticism)( She is never silent)

I go and get the spray and begin to spray MONSTER SPRAY (a.k.a. Febreze room spray in lavender scent) Monsters hate it. I spray every nook and cranny of Aubs room.  We started in the hallway leading up to her bedroom door. We sprayed the window, under the bed , behind the door and in the closet.

I saw sweet relief come over my Aubrey's face. By golly I think she bought it. We will see. I will let you know if she ends up in bed with me.

We put on the Bible verse cd just for safe measure. God's word is living and powerful and monsters will flee from it.

Nighty night my precious Aubs, Mommy loves you.

2014

2014-01-02T08:46:00.002-05:00

The rain falls fresh on the ground. The pond rises in my backyard. My girls stare out the window in hopes that the tears falling from the sky will stop. Will stop- for a brief moment so they can play. I woke up this morning wondering if I should begin building an ark. Will we float away?

I sit in chair sipping cinnamon coffee pondering what the new year will bring. Giving thanks for the year past. Thanking God for the lessons learned, the days of refinement that brought me to new heights and new revelations about God, and family and joy.

It washes over me heavy. I want to focus on joy this year. Seeing grace and good in the everyday despite feelings and circumstances. The last few years have been burdensome on my shoulders. My body and soul felt tired most days. But what have I learned? I have learned unspeakable joy no matter what is going on in my life, during my time in this fallen world.

We served at Trinity Rescue Mission before Christmas. Ben the girls and I went to serve meals to the homeless. I want my girls to see the gift of their lives. For that is what it is, a gift from God. We are not deserving. We served meals to the faces of hard life and hopelessness through a hot plate of food and something to wash it down. Most were grateful. But some were demanding shouting at me, " I have been waiting too long and no food." Another commented, "This chicken isn't cooked." Walking back to the car Ben commented, "I was surprised how rude some of the people were. We were handing them free food." I didn't respond. That night in the wee hours of the morning a revelation washed over me. I sat straight up in my bed. God speaking. "I give you a life. A life abundant and you complain. It's not good enough. You want more. How is that any different?" Don't we do the same thing to God in our lives? We say thanks but no thanks. We complain.

I am determined to live differently. To train my eyes to see the good--The God in every moment of life. At first it feels mechanical but giving thanks in hard moments softens hearts. It's a discipline that takes practice and work but becomes more natural over time. I am committing to practice this year. Every day.

"The practice of giving thanks, this is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to His presence, and it is always a practice of the eyes. We don't have to change what we see. Only the way we see it."--- Ann Voskamp

And if you haven't read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I highly recommend it. It has changed my life. I gave her book to everyone I know at Christmas this year.

Prayer.

My other resolve. I began mid fall taking prayer more seriously. Kneeling daily petitioning The King on others behalves. It astounded me how much God listened and answered. People healed from cancer. Relationships mended. The gift of boldness bestowed. He hears. But me, I don't believe that He will answer. He does. Oh ye of little faith. God thank you for showing me you hear me and answer me. A group of girls and I started a prayer group this fall. We learned about the disciplines of prayer and I found such joy praying for and with the wonderful ladies in my group. God is growing and stretching me.

I am beginning a Bible study on prayer next week. I want to learn to kneel, my face on the floor before God, before I talk or worry. That is my wish this year.

I am being molded into the person God desires me to be slowly but surely. I realize how each moment, hard or happy rubs off my rough edges, refining me. All moments-- God ordained. May I be able to teach this to my daughters so that they may learn early in life.

Alright 2014, let's see what you've got. May I receive the moments prayerfully, finding joy and grace.

Some highlights of our advent season.

And God is a God with a sense of humor. He gives me a chance to practice what I type, even before this blog is published. My girls sit at the breakfast table fighting. Caroline spills. Aubrey falls off the bench hitting her head on the floor. Thank you Lord for my children, for another day with them around my breakfast table. Thank you for our daily bread.

Lessons from TobyMac and the Backwards Dress

2013-12-05T06:44:00.003-05:00

I am at the computer this morning writing by the light of the Christmas tree and the garland draped across my mantle. It is definitely therapy for my soul. Merry Christmas y'all!

We took the girls to their first concert a few weeks ago. We went with our closest friends and their kiddos to see TobyMac, Mandisa and Jamie Grace. You will often find us shaking our booties to Mandisa's "Good Morning Song." It was one of the first times I felt like we could go as a family and not leave the littles at home. Anna heard the concert advertised on the radio and begged me to go. Leading up to the concert, Aubrey asked me everyday if the people will sing, "This Girl is on Fire." Ummm no. Sorry to disappoint little one.

I have to say I was lost in thought sitting in my seat listening to the blaring music and staring at flashing lights. The joy that washed over me watching my girls sing and have the time of their lives was priceless. TobyMac did a lot of Christian Rap music, right up Anna's alley. Not so much my cup of tea.

However, TobyMac sang a song called, "Speak Life." My daughters know every word. The message in that song hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't been able to get it out of my head ever since. Here is the chorus:

Though it's crazy, amazing
We can turn a heart with the words we say.
Mountains crumble with every syllable.
Hope can live or die

So speak Life, speak Life.
To the deadest darkest night.
Speak life, speak Life.
When the sun won't shine and you don't know why.
Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted;
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope,
You speak love, you speak...

It got me thinking. Do I speak life to those I come in contact with? Do I speak life to my children?, my husband?

When I was growing up we always teased my mother about "momisms" Momisms are little phrases that my mother would say to us when we were struggling, complaining, or just in everyday conversation. Her top two had to be "Bloom where you are planted" and "Love is a choice, happiness is an ability and God is the source of both." I would roll my eyes at her. But now I use her wisdom with my own daughters.

So I say all this to say, "Speak Life" is the perfect momism! When my kids say something mean or are fighting I just ask them, "Are you speaking life?" They too, roll their eyes at me, but it usually is effective at least for a brief moment. Another one of my momisms is, "If you can't be kind, be quiet." I'm developing my own momism arsenal. So thanks to TobyMac for helping with that. If I'm being honest, Speak Life has been running through my head as I encounter the rude check out lady at Wal Mart this Christmas;) And also, as I work on the my major spiritual project for 2013 holding my tongue!

I got in the car Sunday to head to church with all four girls in tow. I was flying solo because Ben had to work. I was feeling puffed up because I had gotten four daughters ready. You see, I run a full service hair salon out of my bathroom in the morning. They all looked beautiful and we managed to have a "scream free" morning and leave our house on time. As my car rolled to a stop at the stop sign on my street, I noticed my dress felt uncomfortable. I glanced down to see the tag was in the front. I had my dress on backwards. I sighed, sat there for a moment and smiled. Thoughts running through my head: Do I try and make it to the church bathroom? I can't go home. Everyone will be out of their seatbelts and have their shoes off. I will just pull into the school parking lot a street over and turn my dress around. So, I pull in and take my cardigan off and try and contort my body in the small space between the steering wheel and the seat to get my dress fixed. No cigar. I had to actually open the car door, stand up and turn it around. All the while, I hear comments from the peanut gallery in the backseat like, "Well this is awkward. This is definitely one for the books Mom!" I'm sure the whole scene is on some elementary school security camera. When I start to get a little big headed about what the awesome mom I am, God always reminds me... "You don't accomplish anything without My help." It's funny, God usually reminds me through wardrobe malfunctions. I cannot forget the time I walked thorough every hall of Hibernia Baptist Church dropping off my kiddos with my dress tucked in my underwear.

So ladies, you may think other mothers APPEAR to have it together but they probably have their dress on backwards.

Folks, have a wonderful week and speak life!

Lines

2013-12-03T16:56:00.000-05:00

Looking in the mirror, I can see the lines of life creasing the skin around my eyes and covering my brow. I used to say I didn't mind getting older. But as I age, I can see the trials of life like a road map on my face. Pridefully, it bothers me. However, I know deep down that they are what's left of walking some pretty rocky roads. Roads I wouldn't trade for anything now. Roads that brought me to my knees, knowing there was nowhere else to look, but up. I had to look up for peace and comfort and to press on and take another step.

I can honestly say, those lines are not without a purpose. They are present because of the lessons I needed to learn in this life. The trials I had to walk through to bring me to where I am now. One might call it Refiner's fire. When we endure trials it's our chance to glorify Christ in how we handle situations. Did God know they would happen? Yep. He knew He would have to carry me at times. He was there. At every step. He showed up through His living word, kind people and in times there was no other explanation other than Christ. Things that happened that were too bizarre to be a coincidence. He knew I would walk away closer to Him and with new found wisdom I could share with others.

These hard times changed my heart and my life. They have given me an eternal perspective. I've never doubted God's love for me. But I have been angry at Him for my circumstances. His peace surpassed my understanding many times. I have learned about kindness, gentleness and love through hardship. I guess that is what James was talking about when he said, "Consider trials of many kind pure joy." (James 1:2-4)

Today, I have pure joy because of the lessons I have learned, the person I have become in Christ and the relationship with my Savior that I cannot live without. I now have a testimony to share that is full of God's grace and His provisions for me. I have a duty to encourage others.

So, thank you, infertility, international adoption, divorced parents, marriage struggles, parenting struggles, almost losing a child...I could go on. But I won't. All part of the beautiful tapestry God is weaving. I am only a small part. I have faith in His plan when I cannot see. The struggles are not over yet. Not until I face the gates of Heaven one day. My prayer is as long as I walk through this life people see Christ in me.

May I be aware of those struggling this Christmas season. May I be a steady hand to hold pointing them to the only one who matters.

So, I guess I will have to take the wrinkles with the wisdom and thank my God.

Hmmm, I'll take the wrinkles with the wisdom. That would be a good quote for a necklace or a art print huh? Maybe Anna can design it for me.

Can anyone recommend a good eye cream for my stocking stuffer this year....

There have been many crazy blessings along the journey. Here are 4 of them.

Devotions and the Smell

2013-11-11T21:53:00.001-05:00

What a sweet, sweet day. Blue skies and sun shining. Perfect weather. The Kneisley Nest spent this beautiful holiday at the zoo. I kept joking all day, "Why do I need to leave my house to visit the zoo? I live in a zoo." We had a wonderful day in awe of God's creations. I mean seriously, have you ever looked at an ant eater or a giraffe? And people think animals were created by the big bang theory. Yeah right. Nevertheless, I digress.

I had to write a blog tonight to capture the most precious memory with my girls. Our devotion time. Honestly, I was on my A game tonight. Probably, because we didn't have homework and we skipped soccer practice (shhh don't tell). But all my angelic little cherubs were bathed and in pj's early this evening. Perfect time to do a little devotion. Normally, we are rushing in later than I would like after soccer. The kids don't move fast enough for my liking. (Shocker do kids know how to hurry? After my fourth I have decided no!) I lose patience and the last thing that crosses my mind before everyone is tucked into bed is sitting down to do a devotion.

I have been convicted about our rushed devotion time or lack thereof and I vowed to do better. So tonight we began. We all gathered in the little's room. I turned off the overhead light and filled the room with a soft glow from the lamp. The girls waited in eager anticipation. Something about 4 blondies sitting across from me with wet heads, freshly bathed in pink jammies. One of those mental pictures that will be forever etched in my mind. We read about giving Jesus our day and I asked them what they thought that meant. I always feel a little proud when they "get it." I almost expect them not to get it and when they do... wow! What a feeling. My girls answered spot on. Then we talked about lying. We had a little incident today with Anna and lying. Finally, I asked the girls to pick a specific person to pray for tonight. We all joined hands and prayed out loud.

Aubrey of course spent ten minutes "praying" about all the reasons people shouldn't lie. We all smirked and peered out from under our half closed eyelids, trying not to laugh. She is learning. Brynn bent down and kissed her on top of her head, as if to say "good job."

My Brynn. What a precious soul. She prayed for all the "veterinarians" today who serve our country and protect our freedom. Yes. God bless those "veterinarians!" Thankful for them.

Now about the lie.

There has been an smell in Anna's and Brynn's room for 3 days now. I have pulled out beds, taken up the area rug, looked under chairs, smelled curtains and sprayed enough air freshener to kill us all. I couldn't tell what the smell was or where it was coming from. It was getting worse. I questioned the girls about it multiple times. Of course "nobody" (do y'all know him? He lives at our house) knew anything about it. Finally tonight, I got on my hands and knees and just started smelling everything in the girls room from the floor up. It was quite a sight. I was almost afraid to locate whatever was making the fowl smell.

Finally, I found it. In a green box on top of Anna's desk was a clam. A clam all wrapped in toilet paper tucked nicely in her box. We told her when she found it in the lake last week not to bring it in the house. She agreed. She disobeyed and she knew all along it was tucked in her box and told me otherwise. She didn't want me to dispose of the smelly sea creature. Boy, that girl really needs a pet. I had an inkling that she may know what the smell was when she took it upon herself to spray the Febreeze yesterday.

Tonight, the clam went bye-bye. Maybe in a few days the smell will too. It was a very teachable moment about disobedience and not telling the truth. But seriously, my daughter had a freaking dead clam in her room. I can't make this stuff up. Never a dull moment in this household.

I chuckle already talking to Ben about it. He just shakes his head.

So in love with my little, clam hoarding, "veterinarian" loving, God seeking little girls. Thankful God chose me.

Hope your day was filled with special memories. Mine was filled with memories I will never forget!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Temporary

2013-09-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

The message that rings in my heart and my head after church this past week is: this world is temporary. It was explained, that if you stay in a hotel room for 2 days, there is no way you would take time, fix things up, paint and redecorate just to leave in a couple days. Our time on Earth is temporary. Are we eternally minded?

It made me think of all the things I spend time on that don't really amount to a hill of beans.

I just feel overwhelmingly, this life is about people. Meeting people's needs. Encouragement. Showing kindness. It's about family. Bible study. Fellowship with friends and praying for people. This life is about being refined to be more like Christ. This is the cake, the rest is frosting.

When I stand before Christ one day (and I get goosebumps even typing that). I want Him to say, "You were about MY people. You cared. You possessed a heart for others." I can't even fathom. And though I fall way short, that is my prayer.

Today, I spent the most precious day with Aubrey and some sweet mamas and their littles. As we talked, it hit me, our kiddos are being molded into the next generation of people who care. We want them to have a heart for the Lord and to care for others. Shaping their hearts and minds is no small task and of utmost importance.

We laughed at lunch discussing embarrassing mommy moments, parenting failures and temper tantrums.   This is the hard work. And though it may not seem like it now, it will pay off in the long run. God sees our hearts, even when we are in the trenches, digging and digging and digging. Heck, sometimes we are buried.

Before a beautiful rose bush can ever be planted, a hole has to be prepared. It's hard work digging that hole. But the bush needs a firm foundation in order to be planted. It needs care and pruning. It requires the perfect soil and constant watering. It may take a while, but one day out of nowhere we will see that all the hard has work paid off. There is a beautiful rose in bloom. The next day there may be another. Sometimes the weather gets harsh and we must cover and protect our plant. Maybe some of the blooms die off and come back. The God who created rose bushes also created our children. Children need constant tender loving care. It's worth the time. He created Moms with hearts as big as Texas with the capacity to love like nobody else in this world.  We love through trials and hardship. Mothers are perfect for the task God has put before them. But we must rely on Him for guidance.

This world is just a holding place. Spend time on things that matter. Our time here is just the preview before the movie. The best movie anyone could ever imagine. Don't get caught up in the preview. What hope this gives me.

So, while you are here, be an example and love people. Care about others. Meet needs. Offer a helping hand.  Most of the time it will be a sacrifice on your part... do it anyway. Train your children to do the same, to be Christ to this lost and lonely world.

Sweet mothers. Keep it up. A great mother knows sacrifice.  However, there is not a more important person to shepherd than that little one standing at your feet, looking up to you, to point the way.   Are you looking up to get direction from Jesus? The only way.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18.

Who am I?

2013-08-24T23:09:00.001-04:00

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about myself. What I like. What I dislike. About my spiritual life and my marriage. I have been wondering if I am self righteous. I have even been pondering about trivial things like my face. Am I starting to look old? Midlife crisis? Nope. But I do admit sometimes I get lost in the humongous responsibility of my family and forget about myself.

Sometimes, I am awfully hard on myself. This week I talked to God a lot about "me." The resounding answer I heard was, " I created you just the way you are."

On that note who am I?

I’m an honest person. I have high expectations and can be judgmental. I love to cook for people. I hate crafts and don't have a creative bone in my body. I’m courageous and determined. If you tell me I can't do something it makes me want to do it more. I am loyal to a fault. I have a huge heart and I feel peoples pain, deeply. It's a blessing and a curse. It takes a lot to make me mad and I give lots of second chances. I fiercely love my family. I have a heart for orphans and adoption. I hate to clean, but one of my favorite things is a clean house. My favorite spot is the beach. It calms me. I love to shop. I’m a great listener, but I really struggle with keeping my mouth shut at times. My faith is everything to me. I want to share it with the world and don't want to come across as self righteous in the process. Still trying to figure that out. I love people. I feel God has given me the gift of encouragement. I am a sweet tea and fast food addict. I feel my number one job, currently, is to be a good wife and mother. Someday, I want to write a book or be a realtor. I am totally transparent. That is why I write this blog and admit my shortcomings publicly. I hate facades. I talk to God throughout my days. I couldn't live without a relationship with Him and He adores me.

God created me just the way I am and He loves me. (relaxed sigh)

Life is about embracing all your gifts and faults and using talents God gave you. Be who He made you to be.

In this world of blogs, Internet, Pinterest, and Facebook we are constantly exposed to other's lives. We read about what they think and how they parent and how they dress and what they eat or don't eat. It sometimes leaves me wondering. I question myself. Who am I? What do I believe? What do I like? Am I good enough? Media isn't necessarily a bad thing if you can stay grounded in the process. We have to weed through it all. Know who you are. Know who you are in Christ.

Christ gave me that big heart that feels every ones pain for a reason. To benefit His Kingdom. He made me fiercely loyal. He gave me a passion for adoption. He gave me a love of sweet tea. Who knows, maybe someday I will meet someone in the McDonald's check out line that He wants me to be in contact with.

I want to love myself. With all my quirks, and imperfections because God loved me first. He has a purpose for me. But God also gave me trials and four children and difficult people in my life to help me rub off my rough edges. To make me more dependent on Him.

On that note. I did buy ridiculously expensive (for me anyway) skin care products this week because I came to the conclusion that I need them.

Who are you? God loves you.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

For you are my treasured possession Exodus 19:5

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

The Baby

2013-08-12T20:10:00.002-04:00

The last little bird will leave the nest. 3 days a week. Something about the baby. The last one.

My Kneisley Nest. It hangs in a frame on my wall. One of my favorite things.

This time next week I will have all four children in school. It's weird, really. I have thought about this moment many times, especially on hard days. I have wished for it on days I thought would never end and now it is here. People keep high fiving me that I will have all my kiddos in school. It is all so new. It will be good. I'm a little sad. It's like reading the last chapter of a great book you've cozied up to for some time. You know there is a sequel but you haven't read it yet and you fear...it might not be as good.

I've had littles under my feet at home for as long as I can remember. There have been no peaceful shopping trips, no pedicures and no solo visits to the gym. Coffee dates have always included interruptions for potty assistance and requests for snacks. But it's what I know and I have grown kind of fond of it.

My one friend told me, after dropping her baby off at school, she cried all the way from the school parking lot to the restaurant. She arrived at breakfast with her girlfriends and quickly realized she was going to be perfectly fine. I will be fine. I will probably really like it most days. My heart is just a little heavy anticipating the change

I was sitting here pondering that my house will most definitely be cleaner. Surely, I will always have the pantry stocked because getting to the grocery store will be a piece of cake. I won't be scrambling all the time because I will have more time to accomplish my to do list and of course I will probably be 2 sizes smaller by Christmas. I will have no excuse not to make it to the gym. Right? Who am I kidding? Certainly not myself. But it sounds good.

Boy will I miss my sidekick in life. Aubrey. She is my helper, my conversationalist, my Bible study and MOPS escort, my shopping companion, my cleaning assistant, my confidant and my friend. I'm going to miss those sweet blue eyes peering at me as I gaze in my rear view mirror. It's a comfort knowing she is there with me. We do everyday life together.

She told me the other day she didn't want to go to school because she didn't want me to be alone. Sweet girl. Daddy assured her I wouldn't be alone. He told her we would be at breakfast together on a regular basis. I have to say that doesn't sound all that bad.

But as I typed the last few paragraphs the tears started falling. Giving my baby girl wings. Training her up and letting her fly a little at a time. It's not easy and she is the last one.

Something about the last one. The others maybe didn't sting as much because there was another one still at home to fill the void.

That preschool won't know what hit them when my persistent, sugary sweet, hilarious, little spitfire waltzes into that classroom and wins everyone over with her charm. And don't forget that precious, expressive face.

I am her biggest fan. I can't wait to see how she does. In the world. The ballerina backpack is ready to go.

Pray for your children's teachers this year. Pray that your children will be a light in the darkness. Cover your children in prayer everyday as you travel to school.

My child, listen and accept what I say. Then you will have a long life. I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path. Proverbs 4:10-11

Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God's peace which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

As my baby bird's wings get a little stronger on her first solo departure from the nest, you will find this mama on her knees. But really.... I know God has got this.

Anyone free for coffee?

Please bring the Kleenex.

The Sister Life

2013-07-30T23:22:00.001-04:00

There are moments my daughters are completely annoyed with each other. "Moooom, tell Aubrey to get out of our room." "Mama Caroline is touching my stuff." "Brynn is copying me, tell her to stop." I know little sisters can be annoying. However, not my little sister. Never. Love you, Sarah.

Then there are those sweet moments that happen quite naturally. Moments that aren't scripted or encouraged. These moments give me hope. They make my heart go pitter patter and skip a beat.

Brynn tying Caroline's shoes.

All four girls walking hand in hand in the mall today. I walked behind speechless. Never mind that they were totally blocking the aisle. I was basking in the moment. If I only had my camera.

Anna helping Aubrey walk up the steps at church on Sunday.

Caroline making her sister's bed to surprise her.

Anna sitting Aubrey on her lap to ride her Flash Rider 360 because Aubs can't reach the pedals. Last evening Anna went barreling down the driveway full speed ahead with Aubs on her lap. Slight heart attack...slight.( I included a visual for you. Just in case you are not cool enough to know what a flash rider is. I have been enlightened. I just learned on the twins' birthday. Grandma Kneisley delivered.)

The twins take turns carrying Aubrey. She always seems to be too tired to walk. (I have discussed with her that she will be starting pre school in a couple weeks and I assured her nobody will be carrying her just because she doesn't like to walk) Yeah, I did it to her. Poor Aubrey. She was little and slow and the fourth kid. I was busy and in a hurry and it was just easier to put her on my hip and go. Guilty. I guess she will learn to walk more than 2 minutes at a time soon enough. I refuse to carry her into her freshman dorm for college.

I digress.

There is a love exists and is unspoken. It is rare. And though they may not like each other many days. They love each other. Forever. It's the kind of love that speaks without saying a word. I got your back. You're not in this life alone. I am here for you always. I will help you.

It's also the message that Christ has for us--- His children.

I love that. I have prayed for that relationship to develop between my daughters and I am watching it unfold right before my eyes. Slowly, quietly, unprompted.

I have that kind of relationship with my sisters. It's rare. Once in a lifetime. I have always desired to facilitate it with my girls but I had no idea how. So, I have prayed. God is answering my prayer. Day by day. Slowly but surely.

I desire for my girls to be able to celebrate successes and feel each others' pain.
Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15
No competition.

Now, by no means am I claiming that I don't break up approximately 1228 fights per day. Sometimes more. Anna still claims she wants to be an only child. I don't believe her.

Gratitude for the sister life.

Enough for this mama today.

The Birds and the Bees

2013-07-17T10:08:00.002-04:00

It's that time. Time to have "the" conversation with Anna and Brynn. They start fourth grade this fall. I have been told that that is the year that friends start discussing a colorful array of subjects. Looking back on my childhood, it proves to be true. Fourth grade was the year.

It's strange really. With older and younger children, I have a toe dipped in the waters of two different worlds. On one hand I am holding up letter flashcards and playing dollhouse and on the other I have the imminent need to discuss adult things with Anna and Brynn. Subject matter that will steal their innocence. Subjects like how people become pregnant and periods and boys. If done correctly and according to God's plan those things are wonderful. (Well, maybe not the period part. Right ladies?) However, done out of sequence they can cause much heartache and pain. My theory up until now has been ignorance is bliss, but not really. I know that if I don't tell them they will find out from someone else and most likely, kids at school with incorrect information. It seems that I am volunteering to remove the scales of innocence from their eyes. As their Mama it is hard for me to do.

I love their innocence. I love their flat chests and the fact that think someone can only get pregnant after they are married. I love that they believe a baby grows inside a woman after she swallows a seed. I have inquired to see what they know. It isn't much. Honestly, it made me happy that they are still young, their minds are pure and carefree. I wish they could stay that way forever.

They still laugh when they hear the word poop. So imagine the snickers and eye rolls I am going to receive when I start the birds and bees talk. I know I have to prepare them for life. Knowledge is power. I fear telling them too much before they are ready. I worry about the questions they will ask and that I will be able to answer them appropriately.

I bought the book by Judy Blume, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret? Hopefully, that will help. I have read websites like Dr. Phil and Focus on the Family. It's time to jump in head first. I dread it but it's responsible. Can you hear the pep talk I am giving myself as I type? My sweet friend told me the other day that she had "the talk" with her daughter. "It's not fun or comfortable, but you have to do it," she insisted. So I'm jumping in...next week that is.

This week the older girls are still with their grandparents. I will celebrate innocence a little longer. You gotta love toddlers. I will play princess, gawk at twirly dresses for the 100th time and rock doll babies. Because I know, it won't always be that way. Today, I will go back to folding bloomers and frilly socks for a few more days.

If you think of it whisper a prayer for me. I need it. Or if you did something that was really effective please share. This parenting thing ain't easy! I'm sure "the talk" will prove to be a hilarious sequel to this blog. Please standby :)

No Coincidence.

2013-07-16T08:02:00.001-04:00

We all have friends from our life's journey that we may not talk to everyday but will always remain near and dear to our hearts. One of those friends contacted me yesterday. She proceeded to tell me that her grandson had been killed in a tragic accident. He was only 21 years old. She said that she just knew that I would understand.

Ben left for work this morning at 4:30am. His alarm went off approximately ten times. It was blaringly loud. I think it was successful at waking everyone else up except him.  Nonetheless, he left for work and I was wide awake at 5am. Now, for the sake of being transparent, it was the perfect time for me to get my booty out of bed and have my quiet time but instead I was on Facebook. Sigh.

But wait. Before you condemn me I'm going to illustrate how the Lord uses Facebook. My sweet friend I referenced above messaged me. She was on Facebook at the crack of dawn as well. We had a long conversation about God, anger, faith and trusting God when we cannot see. I shared some of my life experiences and we talked about what lessons I had learned from trials. I told her I do know that nothing that happens to us goes unused. Everything in life is used for God's glory and purposes. The good and the bad. I left the conversation promising to send her some verses that would help her get through this most difficult time.

As I dove into God's word, looking for verses to help my friend, verse after verse kept speaking to me. I have been going through some hard times in my own life. The past few days I have been having my own personal pity party. So the verses I was looking up for my friend were just what I needed as well.

This just testifies to the fact that God uses all situations for the good of His children. I thought I was helping a friend but God was really using her to help me. I am humbled. Nothing is an accident, nothing is a coincidence. He uses relationships formed years ago, Facebook and Ben's annoying alarm to have us just where He wants us. God is faithful.

So thankful my sweet friend contacted me. God used it to speak to me about the power of leaning on His word.

It dawned on me as I looked up verses that I should share these with everyone. I know God uses everyday situations to help people who need gentle encouragement. I am starting my day realizing my utter dependence on God's word. It provides truth for me to stand on. A firm foundation. A refuge in times of trouble.

Here are the verses I am sending my friend. Maybe God will use them to speak to you as well. Blessings.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect me. Psalm 23:4

But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed... 2 Timothy 4:17

Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand. Isaiah 41:10

The Lord is good a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust him. Nahum 1:7

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:6-9

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11

Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.  For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;  he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
James 1:2-8

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4

Be strong and courageous. Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30

Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob all the remnant of the people of Israel, you whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried since you were born. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:3-4

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Psalm 112:7

Plaster these anywhere that will help you commit them to memory. your bathroom mirror, your car or by the kitchen sink. We need to have God's word on the tip of our tongues and etched on our hearts. God's word. totally sufficient.

Road Trip

2013-07-10T16:18:00.000-04:00

First stop Kentucky. Every summer we head out of the sweltering heat to visit family and friends in cooler parts of the United States. Our children anticipate it all year and this year was no exception.

My family lives in Kentucky. While there, we visited relatives and swam in Nana's pool. Her pool has a diving board that has no age or height requirement (unlike where we swim). All my girls jumped to their hearts content. This was the first year Aubrey got in on the action and she loved it. One day we visited with my Grammy Jean. She is my only living grandparent and it is always a treat to spend time with her. The girls "endure" all my stories about my childhood memories at her home But we enjoy reminiscing. Nana even babysat for us so that Ben and I could go out to dinner. The girls stayed up late and watched movies.

Second stop, Ohio. Ben's family lives in Ohio. We drove 5 hours north to spend a week with them. They own two acres of land. My girls run around outside all day exploring and helping Grandma pick vegetables from the garden. Sounds idyllic huh? Well it is. We took a picnic lunch to Lake Erie for dinner one evening. On my birthday, we went to the Cleveland Museum of Art and the girls took art lessons. Afterwards, we went to Little Italy and had Italian pastries at a bakery, followed by lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Most of all I enjoyed sitting on my in laws back deck chatting, with the cool, northern breeze blowing through my hair. Cool breezes in July are foreign to this Floridian.

Third stop, The Lake in Apple Valley, Ohio. We have a tradition where each year on the fourth of July we meet our best friends from college and stay at their lake house. We go boating and tubing and talk while our kids take turns sliding and jumping off the dock. It is pure heaven. We wear our bathing suits all weekend. I never know what time it is while we are there. We eat delicious food and catch up with each other. It is so special to watch our children play together. They have so much fun. Our husbands turn into pyros setting off way too many fireworks to count. It is one of my favorite things we do as a family.

This year we did something that we have talked about for the past few years. We left Anna with Grandma and Grandpa Kneisley and Brynn with Nana and Pop.    I feel very fortunate that my girls have grandparents who know them and want to spend time with them. They know their interests, their personalities, their food preferences and what their struggles are. I want them to have one on one time with their grandparents. I want them to remember sweet moments and gain wisdom.

My heart swelled as I listened to Grandma Kneisley read aloud with Anna. I love to watch my mother teach the girls to fill up the deer feeder and sit eagerly on her porch and admire birds and watch for deer. I listen as they tell my girls about faith and friendship and manners My heart overflows with gratitude. It takes a village.

These two weeks Anna and Brynn are receiving priceless attention from their grandparents-- times ten.    Anna will be taking art lessons at the art museum, visiting Niagara Falls and she emailed me that Grandpa had already set her up an art studio in the garage and bought her acrylic paints. Yesterday, I received a text from my Mama with a picture of Brynn at the park eating doughnuts. She will be visiting the Kentucky Horse Farms and playing baseball with her Pop. Mama has already taught her to play two songs on the piano. Priceless, priceless times. Thankful, thankful me.

This is also a test. A time to see if everything I am teaching them is put into action. Not that the Grandparents will tell me. But I can't help but wonder will my girls remember their manners? will they be helpful and kind? Will they clean up their messes and make their beds? Will they remember to give thanks to God everyday without me reminding them? Will they be able to keep track of their belongings and match their clothes? It's hard to let them "fly" a little. This separation is a small glimpse into the future. They will be on their own and I have to rest on the fact that I taught them all I could and it's time to turn them over to God. He will do the rest. It occurred to me today that in life, my girls are truly only in our household for a short time.  Most of their lives will be spent away from us making their own decisions, spreading their wings. Our job is to prepare them for God to use them.

Our car was empty with just 2 kiddos on our trip back to Fl. Every time we stopped to potty I felt like I was missing something.  The noise level is down considerably (Can't complain about that) But it hit me as I sat in their empty room on their beds yesterday and whispered a prayer for them-- they complete us. Our family may not have any boys, and we may have more kids than most but it's perfect and when part of our family unit is missing there is a hole.  It is noticeable. I can't believe I am going to say this but, yes, I miss Brynn's incessant talking. It's weird not to have Anna standing over my bed in the morning asking me what we are going to do for the day.

We dropped Brynn off last before heading home to Florida. Caroline and Aubrey were both crying. Caroline whimpers, "But we have no sisters left." Tears rolling down her cheeks. One of the greatest gifts our girls have is the gift of sisterhood.

Every member of my family plays an integral part in our family dynamics. God planned it perfectly and I give him all the glory.

It's nice to be home. I am spending the next couple weeks focusing on my two littlest.

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”
― Mother Teresa

Have I Told You? Part 2

2013-05-23T11:32:00.001-04:00

My twins 9th birthday is approaching. I just sent out birthday invitations yesterday for their first slumber party. May God be with me. Prayers appreciated! Nine years old. How did that happen so quickly? That is literally half of the time that they will most likely live under my roof---gone. Poof. The parents that have 25 year olds living in their basement just laughed at my last sentence. Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I feel panicky at times about what my daughters are learning and who they are turning out to be. I know that God has this. He is in charge. However, will I be able to stand in front of Him one day and be proud of the job I did as a parent? Do I always give Jesus the glory for their lives and for their successes? That is my prayer. I am humbled at the 4 lives God has entrusted to my care. Parenting is not easy, especially if it is done right. But it's so important and time is fleeting. So while I am blessed to hear the pitter patter of little feet on my floors, I am giving it all I got! I am taking every opportunity to mold and shape and teach.

Here is a little tid bit God is testifying to my soul. I will be obedient and share...if you are out there running around like a mad woman to every sporting event and ballet class and you never sit down for a family dinner. Stop it. The dinner table is where many meaningful conversations about life, friends and how every ones day was happen.Try and carve out time to make family dinner a priority. It is vital. Ok. Glad I got that off my chest.

I wrote a blog a few years ago called Have I Told You? This is Part 2

For my precious daughters...

Do not wait to live life. Do it now. Take hold of your days. Ask God to guide you.

All great achievements take time and perseverance.   I hope that you will always believe in yourself that you can achieve great things. When you get there, I hope you stay humble. Your gifts and abilities are from above. Give God all the glory.

Don't put God in a box. Dare to step out on faith. Some of my greatest life blessings have come by me stepping out in faith. He is God of the impossible. Believe it.

Mistakes are okay in life. But learn from them. Do not constantly fall in the same hole over and over. Our God is the God of second chances. He forgives us. Forgive yourself.

When there are problems with various people in your life.  Take time to reflect and see if the common denominator is YOU. Be willing to examine yourself and your ways and seek forgiveness and reconciliation.

May you see sunshine where others see shadows and opportunities where others see obstacles.

May you find happiness in what you have. All blessings come from above. Do not always be striving for what you do not have. Learn to live a life of contentment, it will bring you peace.

Align your priorities in life with things that are close to God's heart. Does your life bless him?

When your life is falling apart. And it will feel like it at times, sweet ones. Turn to your faith, family and friends to be the glue that holds it together.

Always look for the sparkle that is hidden in the dreariest of days. It's there. And when you can't seem to snap out of a funk, go serve someone. God created us to serve.  Taking care of a persons need will enable you to get over yourself. Hopefully. If not come see me. I will help you;)

When you start to worry give it to God. He does not want us pacing floors wringing our hands. He has scripted our lives and if you a walking through something difficult it is part of His plan.

Pray on your knees.

God cannot fill you up with His precious spirit if you do not get rid of the junk in your heart. Start your day by confessing your shortcoming and fears and doubts. This will make room for His Holy Spirit to work through you.

It is not being the best person you can be. It is God shining through you and letting him lead in every facet of your life.  Let Him take control your responses, decisions and thoughts. Take yourself off of the throne of your heart and place HIM in His rightful place.

Learn manners and table etiquette so that you can be comfortable in any situation.

Don't allow what you can't do interfere with what you can do. I want to fill you with confidence while you are under my roof so that the world cannot tear you down.

Live life with a thankful heart. Give thanks even for little things like sunny days and close parking spaces. This will train your heart and mind to find things to be thankful for despite circumstances.

Find out what your spiritual gifts are and use them.

Take time for people even if you have no time. God will honor your efforts and things somehow seem to get done when you put people first.

When you know you are right do not compromise. But when you are wrong be the first one to apologize. Do not be prideful. Pride will plague your life.

I want you to always feel free to be you. You are God's perfect creation. Being yourself will bring you peace. Living a life that is a facade is exhausting. I love each and every one of your unique personalities.

Love deeply. Follow God's greatest commandment. Be willing to be vulnerable without always fearing rejection.

Your reputation and integrity are important. They must be earned back once they are damaged. Guard them.

If you are constantly making excuses for yourself or a person close to you. There is usually a problem that needs to be addressed. Do not be in denial. Address the problem.You will be glad you did.

Do not underestimate the power of music. Continue our dance parties when you are older.  Sing in a hairbrush in the mirror. Music lights up the soul.

Have the fortitude and faith to hang on to what is important even when others let go.

When you are weary and troubled, Be still and know He is God. "The Lord is your shepherd." He will lead you by still waters. God won't always take you out of difficult situations but He will lead you through them.

When you pray and ask of God always begin by stating you want His will. Even if His will is not your will in the end you will be happier. His plan is always better.

I must go for now. I hear rustling in the pantry in the kitchen. May I savor every moment that I wake up to four little girls around my table. And may I slow down and take the time to tell you while I have the chance.

Love, Mama

Freedom and French Fries

2013-05-02T21:53:00.002-04:00

I'm learning a lot lately. So much about God and myself. They are lessons I feel I have to share. My hopes are that these lessons might prevent people from going down some of the hard paths I have traveled. I write this blog mainly for my girls. I want them to read about details of their childhood and know my thoughts about important issues in their lives. I really want them to know and believe what I am about to write today. It's so important.

I wish I would have learned this about 20 years ago. It is so simple. Yet when I heard it, it was profound and made so much sense.

Duh!

So here I am again, sharing something with you that I hope you will take to heart. Especially my darling daughters.

Women worry so much about weight and appearance. Me included. We (I) (Really I am writing this to myself) do not look at ourselves the way Christ does. We need to look at our bodies as the temple of the Lord and take care of them accordingly. We need to be healthy, not skinny.

The goal for women is to be free. At what weight are we free in Christ? If you have to watch every morsel that goes into your mouth and exercise all the time to be a certain size then you are not free.

On the flip side, if you are not watching what you eat and not exercising at all you are not free either. You are not taking care of your God given temple.

God does not want us constantly be obsessing about our bodies or food or exercise. That makes them idols. It keeps us in bondage.

As Beth Moore put it, "Exercise but then get on with your day."

This is coming from me. I. Am. A. Foodie. Self proclaimed. I hide in my closet and eat chocolate just so I don't have to share one tiny little bite. I like nothing better than McDonald's french fries and a sweet tea and that is okay. In moderation. I believe God wants us to enjoy french fries.
Also, call me inconsistent. I am either running marathons or not working out at all. A little balance maybe?

I have been a size 2 and I have been a size... well let's just say much bigger. But I have to ask myself at what size can I feel at peace? Probably somewhere in the middle. Consider your height and weight. What is your weight of freedom? There is nothing more satisfying than being free in Christ Jesus and accepting yourself as His glorious creation.

My prayer is that as women we can learn to be content with our weight and find the realistic size that enables us to be free in Christ. I believe if we are being honest with ourselves, ladies, we know what that size or weight is. Don't go by what the world says.

To my daughters, please learn this concept of freedom. Don't just make it head knowledge. Pray about it until you believe it with everything in you. Deep in your soul. Learn it early in life and live it. Please. I am trying. Too bad I just learned it at 36. I struggle and I am praying about it daily. I vow to pray for all four of you in this area as you become women.

Yes, I am literally regurgitating my Bible studies but I can't help it. Bear with me.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. 1 Corinthians 6:19

My girls ran their first 5K with me in December. Anna left me in her dust. This mama is trying really hard to practice what I preach and not just say it is important to be healthy but to model it. I have to admit I am convicted that I preach healthy but my head says skinny...working on it.

Laundry. It's Trivial.

2013-04-21T23:35:00.001-04:00

Now there is a title for you. I'm sure that exciting title will reel in the readers. I just felt compelled to write about laundry, it is a huge part of my life.

When I first became a stay at home mom I thought, What is there to this job? I got this. Oh how I was wrong. There is an art to being a ~~good~~ great stay at home mom. I have learned a few things, so I must share. One of my tips has to do with what I have learned about laundry.

I used to be so consumed with laundry when my twins were two that I could hardly make myself do it. It was like a terrible job that was always hanging over my head. I used to let it pile up until there were no clean undies and I had no choice.

Tips about laundry....

Tip 1. Some of you ladies out there have a laundry day and you do all the laundry on that day. Kudos to you. No can do. If I leave all the laundry until 1 certain day it becomes so overwhelming I become paralyzed and don't do anything. No clean clothes in the house ain't good for nobody. I do a little laundry every couple days if not everyday. To me it is a lot less daunting. A lot less folding, a lot less to put away. Drop a load in while you get breakfast ready, or while you are helping the kiddos with their homework.

Tip 2. Do not start the dryer over again. I used to do this. I would think, Geez, I'm just not ready to deal with this task at the moment. Let me just make sure this is good and dry and hit that button 1 or 2 or 3 more times. IT IS DRY. Go ahead and take it out. You are just prolonging the inevitable. The object is not for the clothes to be crunchy. You know what I am talking about.

Tip 3. Go ahead and fold it. Don't wait. Don't leave a basket full of unfolded clothes. It never gets easier. Let's face it you are not going to think later, Wow! I'm so glad I get to fold this laundry now. Plus, it will be so wrinkled you might just have to throw it back into the next load because it isn't wearable in its current state. Not that I have ever done that. That's my only option because I don't iron. Folding the laundry quickly ensures I do not have to iron...that is way worse. My mother in law was visiting once and asked where my iron was. I actually couldn't find it. I located it on the very top shelf of my laundry room cabinets (they go to the ceiling). I had to stand on the washing machine to get it down. I blew off the dust and it worked like a charm. Did I mention I don't iron?

There's that accomplished feeling I get looking at a freshly folded basket of laundry. But putting it away...that's another story.

Tip 4. You are going to hate me. Put the basket away immediately. Yes, your children will end up wanting to play in your basket. They will dump out all your lovely piles and you will kick yourself. Who needs extra work? I was just having a conversation in my head about this very thing.
Procrastinator Me. The babies are sleeping I don't want to go in there and wake them up.
Responsible Me: You know that they won't wake up. That is an excuse, Shannon.
Procrastinator Me: You're too tired it will be fine to do it in the morning.
Responsible Me: Just do it right now. You will not want to wake up to that in the morning. You have a lot to do tomorrow and that will already be done if you do it now.
Responsible me won. I'm secretly glad. 6 years ago procrastinator me would have won that battle for sure.

Tip 5. Start making your eight year olds put away their own laundry and threaten their lives if they cram it in the drawer. And learn to put the smack down on toddlers who change their outfit 10 billion times a day.

There you have it. Laundry rules to live by.

I'm perfecting this art of stay at home motherhood one day at a time. It was either that or move in with my mother who gets some weird pleasure out of doing our laundry. Or maybe she just loves us...a lot.

Now go put your laundry away. There will be more in the basket before you get it in the appropriate drawers. Or, by the time you convince your children to do it or your toddler throws her tenth outfit for the day in the basket because she got a drop of water on her shirt. Seriously.

Serious Cuteness and Demons

2013-04-17T19:30:00.000-04:00

My little Aubrey. A cherub. Maybe, I am a little biased. That youngin is sporting some long lashes attached to those piercing, baby blues. Her blond hair falls perfectly around her face. She is seriously cute. Yes, I know, I am her Mama and I probably think she is cuter than she is.

My friends and I used to discuss whether we would know if our kids were ugly or not. We even promised to tell each other the "truth." I am convinced, no. You will never think your kid is ugly and your friends will never tell you the truth. But I digress.

Really, I am saying all this to say that my angelic little Aubrey is cute but sometimes she can speak to me like she is possessed by the devil and has evil spirits flying out of her. Out of her innocent, perfectly pursed lips, come the most horrific, statements of defiance and a tone of voice that will make your tonenails curl. I gasp, because it takes me off guard. I have never had any of my kids talk to me like this and I am not starting now.

Actually, the minute she talks to me in such a way, she immediately notices the displeasure (and shock) in my facial expression and follows her demand with her most syrupy sweet, softly spoken, "Please?"

Sheesh.

And to add the cherry on top, she usually follows her best manners with, "Mama, you are very pretty." Like that is gonna work....

The other day, I dropped my niece off at her home after preschool. My sister's in laws are in town so we went in to say a quick hello. We didn't have much time. Aubrey went up stairs to play. I totally knew what was coming before I told her it was time to go. "We need to pick up Brynn at school," I yelled up the stairs. Aubrey comes half way down the stairs, crosses her arms and screams, "No. I'm not going. Mama you are mean. I don't like you." (In a demonic tone)

I feel my face turning red as I pick her up kicking her feet. I immediately turn to my sister's mother in law and say, "She hasn't had a nap today." It wasn't even true. Like the only reason she was acting that way was because we skipped her nap. Who am I kidding? I know full well my sweet girl could've slept three hours and she still would have reacted that way when it was time to leave. Does that mean I am a bad mother? I thought about it all the way back to my house. Why did I feel the need to make an excuse for my child's bad behavior? Was I scared they would think I am a bad parent? They know I am not.

I felt convicted about the whole thing.

I am striving to be authentic. I haven't raised my fourth child any differently than my others but she sure does have a fiery temper and it is embarrassing. I'm done making excuses though.

Children will misbehave and it doesn't always mean we are bad mothers. My prayer is that I don't feel the need to explain myself when it happens.

Audience of 1 people. Jesus Christ. That's all that matters. He knows my efforts and my heart. With His divine help, I am trying my darnedest to raise, respectful, obedient, loving, and most of all godly children. I am trying to be authentic through the process.

Next time you see a kid misbehaving or throwing a temper tantrum give the Mama a smile. You know that, "I know how you're feeling, I have been there, I know you're trying, it's going to be okay" smile.

Don't judge. There is a very big chance that Mama might be me!

Authentic faith is not just something I read
Authentic faith is not just something I say
Authentic faith is not just something I feel
Authentic faith is not just something I think
Authentic faith is something I LIVE!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Bedtime-A Reverse Hostage Situation

2013-04-12T06:39:00.000-04:00

Ben and I love to watch Jim Gaffigan. He's a comedian and he is hilarious. I know some of his stuff is on Netflix. He describes having four children like this," Imagine you're drowning and someone hands you a baby." Sad but true.

Let's see, when I was dreaming about the picture perfect family, before I ever had the picture perfect family I thought a lot about bedtime.

I imagined that all of my freshly bathed littles would crowd around me before bed, I would read them a story and say prayers with them and then I would sweetly tuck them in admiring their sweet slumber....NOT.

Okay, this is how it really goes. After dinner I look at each of my children, size up how dirty they are, think about the next days activities and figure out if there is any way I can get away with not giving them a bath.

Reading, um no. I will read you 50 books during the day but at bedtime I am done. Done. Done. Done. Put a fork in me. Not to say I don't sometimes read but I get to pick the book. There is no way I am risking somebody picking the long book with 100 words on each page. The more pictures, the better.

Then you have to factor in that each child will come out for some reason at least 2.5 times. Yesterday to give you an example, Brynn came out to tell me Anna was listening to her iPod under the covers. Caroline came out to tell me Aubrey was stuck between her bed and the wall (background noise Aubs yelling "Help!"). Caroline finally came out for about the 6th time around 9pm crawled up next to her dad on the couch and said, "I'm going to sit here by you and watch TV. I'm not really tired."

Whack a mole I tell ya. Just like a game of whack a mole. It is impossible to win. Jim Gaffigan describes bedtime as a reverse hostage situation. "Just stay in there. I will meet any demand. I'll give you whatever you want, but just stay in there."

Somedays you have to laugh. What else it there to do?

I Love You More...

2013-04-11T10:01:00.000-04:00

I have four children and I try to have different things that connect me to each child. For example, a code word, a special handshake, a certain way we kiss goodnight or a sentence that the other one finishes. One thing I play with all my girls is "I love you more."

When playing I love you more, you look at the person and tell them you love them more than something you really, really like a lot. We had time to play I love you more on our return trip from spring break.

It was very interesting to hear what my girls said.

Me: "Caroline, I love you more than sweet tea."
Caroline: "I love you more than chocolate ice cream with sprinkles on top."

Me: "Anna, I love you more than pretty flowers."
Anna: " I love you more than hot tubs. You know how much I love hot tubs Mom."
It's true when we go on vacation in the summer you will find Anna in the nearest hot tub even though it is 98 degrees.

Me: "Brynn, I love you more than getting blond highlights in my hair."
Brynn: " I love you more than a Reese's chocolate egg."

Me: "Aubs, I love you more than McDonald's french fries."
Aubrey: " I love you more than purple blankey."
Whoa, purple blankey, that is alot, I thought to myself. My sweet girl loves purple blankey. She wants purple blankey when she is sad, when she is scared and when she is just chillin on the couch. That girl loves purple blankey and she just told me she loves me more.

Suddenly from the backseat, I hear Brynn pipe up, "Mama I don't love you more than God. We're not supposed to love anything more than God." It was one of those mommy moments when you smile and think, all the muttering about Jesus and teaching godly lessons on a daily basis is sinking in. You think it doesn't matter and they will never remember but they do. I am not naive to think that she totally understands what it means to love God completely and totally more than anything or anyone else in the world. However, the seed has been planted and by her comment, I think it has begun to sprout. I think I have spent most of my adult life learning how to love God more.

Do we love God more? More than anything else or anyone else in the world.

Do we put ourselves or our children before God? Do we make idols of things like food or fashion or exercise. Does how we spend our time and treat other people reflect that we love God more?

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:37

This made me think about how much God loves us.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

His one and only son. He loves us more.

Spend Yourself

2013-04-05T22:54:00.003-04:00

Well, we made it back from the Bluegrass state. My old Kentucky home. Love that place, but love coming home more. Driving back, I kept thinking about our trip up and how much my older kids pitched in. I kept replaying in my head how Brynn stood right by Aubrey with a trash bag as she vomited. All the while, I was trying to drive and screaming instructions from the front seat. I even annoyed myself. On the ride home, Anna must have picked her sister's blankets and toys off of the floor 50 times, never saying a word. There was a gentle sigh after the tenth time or so. It made me think about how having 2 babies back to back has required my 8 year olds to go above and beyond...alot. And quite frankly, I feel guilty about it sometimes. Mommy guilt. It's the worst! And yes, before you email me I know it's not from God.

Ironically, the day after returning from Kentucky I had Bible study at church. We are studying Beth Moore's The Fruit of the Spirit. By the way I highly recommend. Okay maybe not so ironically, I kinda felt God nudging me a bit as Beth spoke about how selfish the world is. She said we often shelter our kiddos from the wrong things by not requiring them to pour out for others. In doing this we reinforce self absorption. She went on to say that often times when we are in a pit in our lives, if we pour out for other people our problems don't seem so big anymore. So true, isn't it? I couldn't help but think of all the times I have asked my twins to pour out for the good of our family or their sisters over the past few years. It was like God was saying to me, "It's okay."

Doesn't meeting people's needs make you feel good? It's because we were designed by God to show kindness and goodness to others and when we do, it fills us up as well. It meets a need in us. We were created this way.

God really testified to my spirit that my kids would probably be very spoiled. Yes, they are required to help out more because we have four children, but this is teaching them to be a servant, to be like Jesus. Do we possess God's heart of kindness and goodness? Do we share it?

I'm so over lip service. I'm over religion. I am all about a relationship with Christ and the overflowing peace, blessing, contentment and goodness it brings.

I learned a verse this week that I have never read before. I love it.

If you spend yourself for others...

The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11

Beautiful.

Childhood Home

2013-03-24T17:06:00.000-04:00

Sitting alone watching the icy rain drip down the window pane. Comforted by the sights and smells of my home. My childhood home. I left many years ago to make my own life, have my own family. However, I love to come home. I love to walk through the door and be surrounded by the familiar furnishings, family pictures and the very same Easter decorations that adorned my house as a child. I am thankful to be apart of my family.

As I sit here deep in thought, the depth of gratitude for my life and my family overwhelms me. I started thinking about my girls growing up and how I hope they will always love to come home. I hope it will be a place they can come find rest from the world. I hope it will always fill their hearts and minds with fond memories. Once they have made their own nests they will want to return to where their lives began and bring their children.

I am taking lessons from my mother. She makes every effort to make my trip home relaxing, comfortable and fun. How you ask? She does all our laundry, the minute it comes off our bodies. I no sooner take off my pajamas that they are freshly washed and folded on my bed. She cooks our favorite meals. She always has the kitchen stocked with yummy treats and homemade goodies to eat. We don't need them so much anymore, but when my girls were babies she kept diapers and swim diapers on hand. It's the little things. The special touches. I appreciate them so. She never makes us feel badly when our children break her decorations or spill on her floor. She takes people "potty" and shares the burden of getting the littles drinks five thousand times a day. She never complains about the toys she trips over in the floor. I am grateful.

That is why I put 4 children in the car and drive 12 hours to see my mom and dad. Yesterday, our trip wasn't fabulous, I will admit. Aubrey threw up three times on our drive and the highway we needed to take was closed due to a rock slide. We took a one hour detour through the hills of West Virginia. I'm sure anyone would have given me permission to completely LOSE MY MIND, but miraculously-I didn't. So glad that God has been working on me lately. I have learned to find joy regardless of circumstances. Extra time to count my blessings. I feel so much joy inside for my life. The trip may have taken a little longer, but we made it safe and sound to the place we love. We are surrounded by precious family. My kids and I couldn't be more thrilled.

As I finish my coffee before daylight breaks I enjoy the silence. My thoughts consume me. I think about how I want to be my girls mother now, not their friend. God has given me the charge to raise these little ladies and teach them important lessons. If I rely on God, follow His leading and raise my girls accordingly, I can be their friend later. But not yet. Still too much to teach while they are under my roof.

If I teach them well and pass on the importance of a relationship with God, we will be friends later. Just like my Mama and me. We are best friends because she did the hard work of raising me right when I was young. And now I love nothing more than coming "home" to visit, and chat and laugh cause we're friends.

Blessed chaos. My sister Stacy is also home this week. 7 grand kids, 4 adults and a partridge in a pear tree. Don't forget one happy Nana and Pop. Mama looked at me today and said, " I am in heaven." So glad she feels that way. We refer to their house as, "The House of Yes." The grands get whatever they want and all is well. I am excited to be a grandparent some day and do my share of spoiling. That's what grandparents are for!

The whole trip home Brynn kept saying, "Mama, I know this a long trip but it is soooo worth it." I reply, "You're right sweet girl, so right."