Children. When they are your own, they are a mirror. I’m beginning to see many of my own faults particularly in Olive and Boston as they grow older and more independent. It’s making me look at myself in a whole new way and searching for wisdom on how I live and how I effect my kids in ways that may not be apparent. If I react out of impatience, they react out of impatience. Its amazing, haha. They really do what you do, not what you say! Heard that a million times. So anyways… how in the world do I not taint these little souls?! And am I fit to be a dad, sometimes I don’t feel like it?!

Ive been struggling with these questions over the last couple weeks and hit a breaking point yesterday with the stress of work pounding away. About mid day I realized I needed to burn some energy and frustration. I needed to get somewhere quiet so I could actually hear my heart beat and listen for Gods point of view on this whole fatherhood thing.

5:00pm struck and I took to mountain biking a few miles into the foothills by myself. I knew I’d ride and ride and ride. No need to stop and rest till I’m at the end of the trail because I didn’t have too much time to mess with since I was out of cell phone range and Tess could go into labor:)  All of a sudden though, I had a very distinct prompting to stop and turn around. I was only about half way to where I was planning on riding to so it seemed weird and I wanted to fight the urge and keep going, but I stopped and turned my bike around. Just sat there on my bike a bit confused looking out over the stretching valley as my mind imagined what this new little baby would look like, if it were a boy or girl, what my other kids are going to think and feel. Will they be jealous? Will they trust that me and mom have enough love to go around?  Will I be able to provide for my family?

In an instant my heart felt heavy and I looked up to the overcast sky and noticed something beautiful. I caught some movement in the sky, higher then you’d normally see birds flying so my eyes took a second to focus but when they did I realized what I was watching…

Four hawks flying directly above me.

And not circling… they were flying together. Hawks don’t ever fly together.

I couldn’t help but tear up knowing this moment was supposed to happen. Four hawks. Four little Renaud’s. I watched the birds dip and turn with each other and I felt such a sense of peace and couldn’t help but laugh. God does have enough love. And so do we. I couldn’t wait to get home and hug my kids and kiss my wife.

While I was trying to maneuver my lengthy body around the stage during the show capturing some moving images I was able to pull my Contax up here and again to snap just a few stills. It was a great time and I’m super pumped to see the footage and story that Andy is weaving together. It’s gonna be pretty much amazing.

For the photographers… the color is portra 400 shot at 1600 and pushed a stop. The b&w is kodak 3200.

I got this awesome email from the talented photographer Claire of Rouxby where she mentioned she dug my photos and wanted a 2nd shooter at a certain wedding… that wedding is of Brandon and Christie. So she flew into Denver for an afternoon engagement session where I tagged along slinging so

me film. Now… it was kind of a crazy day… some serious wind was happening… like 80mph wind gusts. The road that I needed to take to meet these folks was closed down and when we all arrived we realized that we were going to be freezing cold with dirt and dust blasting us. We made it quick, there wasn’t much talking or hanging out. It was… get out of the truck and lean into the wind, we should be safe cause no one is wearing these fancy pants.

Along with this quick outdoor session we realized that there was a place close by that we could shoot indoors… well, as soon as we got there and I snapped off a couple shots my wife calls me and is in labor with our 4th little one. Needless to say I asked her over the phone… “So I should probably pack my stuff up and meet you at the hospital?” — it ended up being false labor:)

To top it off, Holly over at Mile High Bride has featured a set from the shoot on the blog!! Go check’em out HERE.

This was one of those fairly last minute shoots as we were racing against the clock,  Jason and Jolene were both set to move to the great city of L.A. within a couple weeks so our window of opportunity landed on the coldest day of Colorado’s 2011-12 winter. I picked them up about 9am and it was 11 degrees and when we finished our “lets hurry up and shoot” shoot the temp only rose a couple degrees. They were champs, I felt self-concious and kinda bad that I was putting them through this madness haha.

By far, these are two of the finest people I’ve ever met. That’s a strong statement seeing I only spent a wee bit of time with them but you’ve probably met people like these… you just walk away inspired. They have an energy and authenticity about them that is rare these days. And they were just so damn cute together, they’re love overflows. And since this shoot they’ve gotten engaged! So happy for them!

Well, here are some shots for yah. Some of the guys at ELC Mens were kind enough to donate some items for the day, check’em out. I was pretty worried that because of the cold my film would get a little gnarly but it held up besides some weird color shifts I had to wrestle with… and yay for spring bein here now, yah?

Mr Steve Shafer and Seth Braverman. Two fellas I befriended at the wedding of these two love birds.Our hang out times have been fairly brief but I’ve felt inspired each time. In South Carolina I spent some time with Steve talking about age old trades and the importance of craftsmanship and intention. Something I’ve longed for as I grow older and have children under my wing. A whole other discussion. I also struck up a conversation with Seth about music and photography. He noticed that I shoot polaroids and we soon found out that we share another mutual friend… this talented man. Seth plays the guitar and has quite the natural and intriguing voice, something we talked about as I also spent some years playing and singing. Artistic expression and the intention behind it all. Deep stuff. Following up this South Carolina meeting we finally got back together at their custom furniture shop in Ft. Collins, just a stones throw from where I live. (Well, if you chucked a rock like this guy)

I grew up in a carpenters family and so my first steps into their shop was familiar. The smell of saw dust instantly brings me back to childhood. We spent a couple hours together and touched on topics of fatherhood (Seths wife actually went into labor and had their first child that night!), following dreams, hearing and trusting Gods prompting… also shared a pot of mighty fine coffee and a few cigarettes. We took some photos and I drove away with an additional spark to my step and the need to carry on the meaningful conversations we so easily connected on.

It was a fun time for sure, nice and casual and of course was a pleasure working with Charles, Willow, and Dina Bree. Got a handful of goodies…

Anyways. Wanted to give a shout out to my friend Mark Von Minden as he’s been doing some awesome things with his cameras. First off these two portraits of myself. A week or so ago we jumped into a studio and started messing around with lighting and old cameras while catching up on life and he goes and snags these two shots…I almost died when I saw them, especially this second one. Can’t even tell you how fancy I feel. Amazing. The dude is also featured on the Impossible Projects Blog for his Autumn Songs Series. Here’s a snippit from his site describing a bit about the project:

“autumnsongs is an evolving analog instant photography series by photographer Mark von Minden. Each autumn a set of new instant photographs are paired with a corresponding set of songs by a variety of artists which are then mixed into a DJ set by Mark. While autumn colors and leaves were the original subject matter, there is also a strong element of abstraction within the work. Ultimately, an overall theme of change and progression informs Mark’s approach to the project each year.”

You should surely check it out, browse the photos and soak up the vibey tunes.

“I’ve always wanted to sail to the south seas, but I can’t afford it.” What these men can’t afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of “security.” And in the worship of security we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine – and before we know it our lives are gone.

What does a man need – really need? A few pounds of food each day, heat and shelter, six feet to lie down in – and some form of working activity that will yield a sense of accomplishment. That’s all – in the material sense, and we know it. But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention for the sheer idiocy of the charade.

The years thunder by, The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed.

Where, then, lies the answer? In choice. Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life? ”
- Sterling Hayden

Here she is. I met her something of 8 years ago and we’ll have been married 7 years this June. Do that math and you’ll see we believed in love at first sight, seemingly set apart for each other by the Almighty:)  I vividly remember the first time she ever walked into the Starbucks I was working at in Las Vegas. Her eyes. Thats what caught me first. The second thing that caught me was her quiet spirit, everyone in Vegas, especially the girls are so damn forward. Anyways… one thing then another thing and POW I’ve spent 8 years of my life with the most wonderful and beautiful girl I could have ever imagined. The girl loves deep. There’s so much compassion, care and encouragement. She really is my safe place and also the courage when I need it.

I’m glad she let me take some intentioned photos with her. By the way… she’s pregnant with our forth little Renaud in these here photos. Pregnancy is beautiful, but bare pregnant bellies flailing out all over the place… uhhhh… not my thing when it comes to photos:)

Here’s a few of my favorites.  Film shot through the Contax G2 and Polaroids either the 195 or SX-70.

So there’s this little old man named Gordy who makes these fantastic leather straps and slings for cameras. Take a look at his site over HERE. You may find something you like, I use a couple of the shoulder slings and I tell you what… love’m. You just can’t go wrong with some raw leather and simple design.

Above photo of myself and Carrie was taken by the one and only Parker F.

Anyways…  Lauren is a photographer out of Denver that happened upon a photo I took of a friend that she also knew… this guy. So, she friended me on the FaceSpace and things went from there. She actually asked if I’d be up for modeling for her, I sure was, then I fired back with… how about you model for me? Things flipped around a bit, I shot her first and right now she’s got a pretty awesome idea for shooting me, I’m looking forward to it!

Here is a mix from an afternoon in the foothills of the Rockies. Film and Polaroids.

To the knife: I’ve been carrying it around for the last few days and its slim profile makes it very comfortable to pocket, its easy to forget its there. Opening and closing is straight forward, it doesn’t lock which at first I was a little iffy about but its thumb tab helps it feel solid when open. The sharpness of this blade rivals my straight edge razor. Its scary sharp, it cut through a piece of half inch leather like butter. You’ll want to seriously pay attention to what you’re doing when you’re using this thing. I love it. If you’re looking for a pocket knife….

Picked up the axe at a local Murdochs and wanted to give it a little attention. First I used the thing. Then I sanded it down. Painted and sealed it. Like I said, simple but effective. I like it.

Oh, and she plays the banjo by the way.

I first shot with her a year ago. That was the first time I’ve ever gone out of the ‘hide in my cave’ comfort zone and asked someone if I they’d mind a little photo shoot. I’ve come a long way since then and this second time around helped me realize the journey I’ve been on with this here photography thing. Here’s a handful of my favorites, all polaroid and film.

Hope you enjoy!

I’ve been out of town for a whole week. In Anaheim for NAMM 2012 with DPA Microphones. I have a very hard time being away from my family. The day before I left for this trip I took this photo with Impossible Projects PX680. I’m happy to be heading home tonight:)

Playin catch up a bit with blog postings.

Here are some frames from some time I spent with Courtney Reed back in August. It was a bit before her wedding to a great friend of mine Chris Nicoletti. She grew up in the mighty fine South and it is quite the tradition to get a bridal shoot in for the parents. Whats not so traditional is most of the shots we got:) haha. She was a sport and wanted to have some fun and get those not so traditional shots in. I was more than fine with that.

So, I was pretty excited when Chris Brown of Refueled Magazine contacted me about some photos of mine that he really dug. He wanted to pull some polaroids and digital shots I had taken with the super rad Natasha Terry for his 8th issue. There’s a little spread above for yah:) He placed a hand full of shots smack in the middle amongst some great stories you just have to check out… I happened to already be familiar with Roy Slaper of Roy Denim and photographer Laura Dart so to say the least, Im very honored to be in the midst of these artists!

Check out the latest issue HERE and keep up with Chris on Facebook! The guy has a great sense of art and style.