The Larissa Monologues

Soft Pretzels

2012-05-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have fond memories of baking with my mom at an early age. She would let me mix ingredients, scoop cookie batter onto the pan, and my favorite duty, roll and knead dough. From those experiences in the kitchen, I learned that baking, with all its various steps, is a great way to involve small children in the cooking process.

Fast forward to life with my three-year-old. Aaron is a curious child, always looking for ways to be involved in the things I'm doing. So I figured homemade pretzels would make a fun mid-morning activity. We measured out the ingredients, let the dough rise, and got to the fun part of rolling the dough into pretzel shapes.

Aaron, with all the attention span that a three-year-old can muster, poked and prodded at one mound of dough while I rolled the rest. He wasn't that interested in making a "snake," and instead created a blob decorated with holes.

When the hot pretzels came out of the oven, he proudly exclaimed, "I helped mommy!" That was proof that the morning had been a success. Oh, and the pretzels themselves were perfect. Soft, a little sweet, and a great snack for both mom and son.

Soft Pretzels (adapted from Alton Brown)

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1 1/2 cups warm (110 to 115 degrees) water

1 tablespoon sugar

2 teaspoons kosher salt

1 package active dry yeast

4 1/2 cups all purpose flour

2 ounces unsalted butter, melted

Vegetable oil, for pan

10 cups water

2/3 cup baking soda

1 large egg yolk beaten with 1 tablespoon water

Coarse sea salt 

Combine the water, sugar and kosher salt in the
 bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. Allow to sit for 5
 minutes or until the mixture begins to foam. Add the flour and butter 
and, using the dough hook attachment, mix on low speed until well 
combined. Change to medium speed and knead until the dough is smooth and
 pulls away from the side of the bowl, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. 
Remove the dough from the bowl, clean the bowl and then oil it well with
 vegetable oil. Return the dough to the bowl, cover with plastic wrap 
and sit in a warm place for approximately 1 hour or until the 
dough has doubled in size. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Line 2 half-sheet pans with 
parchment paper and lightly brush with the vegetable oil. Set aside. Bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in an 8-quart saucepan or roasting pan. In the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work 
surface and divide into 8 equal pieces. Roll out each piece of dough 
into a 24-inch rope. Make a U-shape with the rope, holding the ends of 
the rope, cross them over each other and press onto the bottom of the U 
in order to form the shape of a pretzel. Place onto the parchment-lined 
half sheet pan. Place the pretzels into the boiling water, 1 by 1, for 30 seconds. 
Remove them from the water using a large flat spatula. Return to the 
half sheet pan, brush the top of each pretzel with the beaten egg yolk 
and water mixture and sprinkle with the pretzel salt. Bake until dark 
golden brown in color, approximately 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer to a 
cooling rack for at least 5 minutes before serving. 

Hawaii

2012-05-29T14:19:00.002-07:00

Granola wedding favors for Katy's wedding. I baked a massive amount of my Cranberry & Almond blend to fill 70 bags.

Made the necessary stop for Leonard's malasadas. Took home a box of them, but first ate a hot, fresh one in the middle of the parking lot. Totally worth it.

Dad, me & mom at Katy's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and reception, on an incredible ranch on Oahu.

Though the four-day trip felt way too short, it was good to be home. Oh, and we will actually be back in Hawaii in a few short weeks from now. Steve and I were granted a 6-month sabbatical from our work (from July-December), and we are going to spend the entire half year living in Hawaii. No work, lots of rest, extended time with family, and an abundance of good beaches and local food. I can't wait!

Big, Fat, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

2012-05-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I am headed home to Hawaii for my friend Katy's wedding.

Katy and I have known each other for 23 years. We met in Mrs. Welsh's class on the first day of 3rd grade. Both newcomers to the elementary school, she and I struck up an immediate friendship. We had slumber parties, schemed to get our younger siblings to marry each other so we could be family (never happened), gave each other moral support during the horrible adolescent years, mourned breakups, and basically did everything together. Now we're all grown up, and I get to see her marry a really great guy.

And bonus, I'll be in Hawaii for several days! I'm particularly excited to travel by myself, be spontaneous (which is very hard if you have a toddler to chase after), and eat good food with family.

Anyhow, before I jet off on my mini vacation, I thought I'd leave you with some chocolate chip cookies. These cookies are pretty great. As the name implies, they are big and chewy, reminiscent of cookies found in bakeries. Tip: scoop some vanilla ice cream onto a cookie, top with a second cookie, and make a truly delicious cookie ice cream sandwich.

Big, Fat, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies (from All Recipes)

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2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 egg

1 egg yolk

2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper. Sift together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside. In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended. Beat in the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until light and creamy. Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended. Stir in the chocolate chips by hand using a wooden spoon. Drop cookie dough 1/4 cup at a time onto the prepared cookie sheets. Cookies should be about 3 inches apart. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted. Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely. Makes about 18 cookies.

Things I Learned From My Mom

2012-05-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

My great grandmother, mom, me, and grandmother.

Last Father's Day, I wrote about Things I Learned From My Dad. This year, with Mother's Day on the horizon, it seemed only right to honor my mother in a similar way. I love and cherish my mother in so many ways. As I grow into my own sense of womanhood and motherhood, I continue to become all the more grateful for the ways that my mom has formed me. More and more, I hear comments about how much I am like my mother in looks and character. Since she is a pretty incredible woman, I'll gladly embrace any qualities we might share. Here are some lessons I have learned from my mother:

Always write thank you notes.

Sometimes there are more important things than cleaning the house.

Read to your kids.

Don't complain. I'm sure my mom has complained at some point; I've just never heard it.

If you're not going to eat your lima beans, at least hide them under your napkin.

How to sew.

Extend compassion and forgiveness generously.

Handmade is almost always better.

Family is important. Spend time with them, even if it's across an ocean via a weekend phone call.

How to bake almond cookies and make fried rice.

Welcome everyone into your home.

Pursue a vocation that intersects what you love doing and what will help others.

How to do laundry and properly iron men's dress shirts.

Lots of fun can be had with a cardboard box and imagination.

You are never finished growing and learning.

Pray for your children. A lot. Especially during the adolescent years.

Women can have significant influence in whatever they do. My mom has been a teacher, church deacon, stay-at-home-mom, and now, an advisor to the Governor of Hawaii. In all her roles and relationships, she works hard and cares about people.

Thank you, Mom, for all the sacrifice, unconditional love, and grace you have poured out into your family. Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Things

2012-05-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

Picking out baby girl colors. My mother-in-law makes a quilt for each of her grandchildren, and asked for some color ideas for Alexandra's quilt. We went with this chocolate and berries palette.

Fresh garden tomatoes.

The new Los Angeles Expo Line. Now there is a Metro stop near our house that can take us into downtown LA, and eventually, all the way to Santa Monica coast.

Jersey dresses. The only wardrobe item that feels comfortable these days.

Hawaii! I am going to my island home for my childhood friend's wedding in a few weeks. Giddy with excitement.

Cocoa Brownies

2012-05-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a chaotic week. We are having our upstairs and downstairs bathrooms remodeled. That means loud, messy construction is constantly happening in our house. Plus we haven't had a working shower for a week, so that's lovely. Meanwhile, we are having Aaron's birthday party this weekend, and about to host out-of-town family. I'm crossing my fingers, hoping that the delayed bathroom construction finishes by Friday!

All that to say, I'm feeling a little anxious. Want to know what I do when I'm anxious? I bake things. Like these brownies. I had a sudden urge to bake brownies, and came upon Alton Brown's recipe for cocoa brownies. Since Alton Brown knows a thing or two about cooking, I trusted his recipe enough to not make any alterations.

These brownies were excellent. They were rich, chocolatey, moist, and had just the right density. I've made various from-scratch brownies, and these are the best thus far.

Cocoa Brownies (from Alton Brown)

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Soft butter, for greasing the pan

Flour, for dusting the buttered pan

4 large eggs

1 cup sugar, sifted

1 cup brown sugar, sifted

8 ounces melted butter

1 1/4 cups cocoa, sifted

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1/2 cup flour, sifted

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Butter and flour an 8-inch square pan. In a mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, beat the eggs at medium 
speed until fluffy and light yellow. Add both sugars. Add remaining 
ingredients, and mix to combine. Pour the batter into a greased and floured 8-inch square pan and 
bake for 45 minutes. Check for doneness with the tried-and-true 
toothpick method: a toothpick inserted into the center of the pan should
 come out clean. When it's done, remove to a rack to cool. Resist the 
temptation to cut into it until it's mostly cool.

My Little Three-Year-Old

2012-04-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

Aaron is about to turn three in a week. THREE. Unbelievable.

This is Aaron in the hospital delivery room as a newborn...

And now we've got ourselves a three-year-old who laughs and talks and runs everywhere. Aaron goes to preschool several days a week. Aaron loves wrestling with his dad, playing hide-and-seek around the house, and listening to music. His favorite things include ice cream, Disneyland, watching trucks and trains, playing with water, and Finding Nemo. He has a great sense of humor, and makes us laugh constantly. He is affectionate, curious, social, and adventurous. We love our little boy, and are grateful for all the joy that he has brought into our lives.

Vanilla Pear Muffins

2012-04-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

After my recent homemade vanilla extract project, I've been searching for creative ways to use the abundance of leftover vanilla beans. There are many different uses for fresh vanilla, from popsicles to custard to all sorts of baked goods. You can officially expect to see more vanilla recipes around here.

The other day, I made vanilla pear muffins. They were ah-MA-zing. Steve and I both polished off two muffins each right after they came out of the oven. The combination of pear, vanilla, nutmeg and a touch of lemon zest made the super moist muffins really special. I especially loved the slices of fresh, soft pear folded in, marrying perfectly with the unique flavors. To highlight the vanilla, I used a whole bean and a tablespoon of vanilla extract.

If you are new to vanilla beans, rest assured that it is a simple process. Using a paring knife, cut the bean pod in half lengthwise, leaving the top 1/2 inch attached. Scrape out the oily seeds (or caviar) from the inside, and use as your recipe directs. Don't throw the pod away! It can be used later, in something like infused sugar.

Vanilla Pear Muffins (adapted from The Pastry Affair)

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1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 large eggs

1 tablespoons vanilla extract

seeds scraped from 1 vanilla bean 

1 tablespoon lemon zest

1 cup packed light brown sugar

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1 cup unsweetened applesauce

2 large ripe pears, thinly sliced

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease a 12-muffin pan, and set aside. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, nutmeg, and salt. Set aside. In another bowl, mix together the eggs, vanilla, zest, brown sugar, 
butter, oil, and applesauce until well combined. Fold the wet 
ingredients into the dry until just combined; do not overmix. Distribute
 the muffin batter evenly between 12 baking cups. Stick 3 thin slices
 of pear directly into top of the muffin batter. Bake for 20 minutes, until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Yields 12 muffins.

The Myth of the Perfect Mother

2012-04-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Recently, at the age of 31, I discovered that I have been believing in a fairytale. It's not the fairytale of the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or Santa Claus (which I discuss in The Great Santa Debate). I have believed in the Myth of the Perfect Mother. It is a fantasy that I never knew I believed until I myself became a mother. And as I talk with other mothers, I have realized that there are many women who also believe in this same myth.

What is the Myth of the Perfect Mother? It is the made-up fantasy that we as mothers need to be perfect, flawless, and limitless. This "Perfect Mother" might take on different forms, but in essence, she is an impossible, unrealistic version of the mother that women strive to become. Since the Perfect Mother is an unattainable expectation, real mothers are left discouraged and frustrated, feeling the tension of the mythical being they are trying to be, and who they actually are.

In my own life, I personally struggle with shame, guilt, and anxiety whenever I am confronted by my own expectations of becoming the Perfect Mother. I envision the perfect mother version of myself: a woman who delights in spending every moment with her children, who can effortlessly multitask, who feeds her children only organic vegetables and sandwiches cut into hearts, who never needs to ask for help, who mops her floor every day, and who does everything with a smile and impeccable style. Oh, and she never, ever bribes her children's good behavior with TV or candy.

In reality, I am certainly not the perfect mother. Not even close. Here's who I really am as a mother:

I ~~sometimes~~ frequently need help. My husband, family, babysitters, friends, preschool teachers, books and websites written by people who know a thing or two...I need all of these people and resources in order to be a capable parent.

I have survival mode days. There are exhausting days when I reach my capacity to parent like a superhero. I get tired and cranky. My kid gets tired and cranky. On those days, I turn on Sesame Street for my son, order dinner from our favorite Thai delivery joint, and count down the minutes until his bedtime.

I need breaks from my kid. I realize that there will come a day when my affectionate, social, no-personal-space son will become an adolescent who rejects his parents' efforts to connect with him. But for now, I cherish some time apart from him. I get bored with playing hide-and-seek and reading the same books over and over. I enjoy time in the bathroom by myself, evenings with my husband, and days when my son is in preschool.

I make mistakes. Sometimes I yell at my son. Or I forget to give him a bath until it is too close to bedtime, and so he goes to bed with a dirty face and feet. Or I am inconsistent with discipline. I have parenting failure moments, and often need to apologize to my son and ask for forgiveness.

I am learning as I go. Most of parenting (if not all) seems to me like trial and error. Half the time I feel like I am conducting experiments as a parent, hoping that I don't completely screw up my child in the long run. And just in case, my husband and I have already agreed to set aside money for our kids' therapy funds.

Here's the reality: mothers, like everyone, have limits, flaws, and weaknesses. Mothers need grace. And help. Every mother has her own unique ways of parenting her unique children, and should be free from the perception that there is one perfect way to do it. I know this because I am an imperfect mother. I am surrounded by other imperfect mothers.

Today I embrace my imperfections as a mother, and choose to believe that it's enough to love my kid and try my best.

Homemade Vanilla Extract

2012-04-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

After 1 Day

After 1 Month

There are a lot of good things to enjoy these days. 

Gorgeous, 80-degree weather ALL WEEK LONG in Southern California. Honestly, why wouldn't people live here? I've been practically camping out on the front porch in tank tops.
Movie night with my husband. We rented Girl With a Dragon Tattoo. 
Mango smoothies, fresh out of the blender.
Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, happening this weekend right in our neighborhood. 
My mom and dad coming from Hawaii to visit in a few weeks.
Homemade vanilla extract.

Did you know that you can make your own vanilla extract at home? Moreover, it can be done with minimal work, at way less cost than store bought imitation vanilla, and you'll have an eternal supply of it!

Vanilla beans can be expensive, but so versatile for baking and cooking. I bought Bourbon-Madagascar vanilla beans from Amazon, and am happy with the quality. I use vanilla extract all the time in breads, desserts, cakes, etc., and am thrilled to no end with my little glass jar of homemade vanilla extract. It takes about two minutes of preparation, and then two months of waiting for the magic to happen.

Homemade Vanilla Extract (from Simply Recipes)

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3 vanilla beans

1 cup vodka

glass jar with tight fitting lid

Use kitchen scissors or a sharp paring knife to cut 
lengthwise down each vanilla bean, splitting them in half, leaving an 
inch at the end connected. Put vanilla beans in a glass jar or bottle with a tight fitting lid (mason jars work well).  Cover completely with the vodka. Give the bottle a good shake every once in a while.  Store in a dark, cool place for 2 months or longer. Lasts for years.  You can keep topping it off with vodka once in a while as you use it, just remember to give it a good shake.

In Baby News

2012-04-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

We are officially having a little GIRL!

The doctor gave us the good news on Friday as he conducted our mid-pregnancy ultrasound. Just like I do during every ultrasound appointment I cried. That's not necessarily saying a whole lot, since I cry during iPad commercials. But my tears at the news of our daughter came out of a deep sense of joy. Since the doctor's appointment, I have been just so excited as I consider what it will be like to welcome a girl into our family.

My relationship with my own mother is incredibly special to me, and significant in who I am as a woman. I want an opportunity to have that with my own daughter. I want a daughter to nurture and raise and develop into a woman. I want to teach her how to be a person of strength, justice, and compassion. Also, I want to do fun mother-daughter things like style her hair, talk about boys, and show her how to be a master chef.

Our little unborn daughter already has a name: Alexandra, which means "defender of men." We chose the name because it captures both beauty and strength. Plus, Alex is such a cool, feisty nickname.

We can't wait for our lovely Alex to arrive in late-August!

Sadness

2012-04-12T20:38:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was saddened and shocked by the news of two USC students being shot to death. Death and violence is always a terrible thing. But this event hit home for me more than most.

Ying Wu and Ming Qu were both Chinese international graduate students at USC. This campus has been my home, workplace and neighborhood for over 13 years - I attended college here, and have worked as a campus minister since graduating. Several years ago, I began working as a minister for international students, and see this community as family. Many of the students I am connected with are Chinese graduate students. I didn't personally know the victims of the shootings, but am a mere one degree away, as I know several of Ying and Ming's friends. Our home and church are both near to the shootings, and even though I don't feel afraid in this neighborhood, it still is a jolting reality that violent acts like this can and do happen.

I am sad. I am sad for the lost, precious lives of these two students. I am sad for their families, as they grieve and mourn. I am sad for the Chinese international community's fear and confusion. Many thoughts and emotions have flooded over me since I heard the news, but mostly, I am sad.

My Life in Verbs

2012-04-10T15:04:00.001-07:00

Celebrating Steve's cousin's wedding in Sacramento, CA. Side note: my Infinity/Convertible dress (which I've worn at 120 lbs. up to 150 lbs.) is pure magic.

Enjoying... a week of fun and family in Northern California. We spent time in Lodi with Steve's side of the family, and also had a day trip in Palo Alto with my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and several longtime friends. I am really not ready to head back to LA in two days.

Anticipating... finding out baby #2's gender at our ultrasound appointment later this week.

Trying... to kick this annoying cold. I've been sick for a week, which is a pain, especially while I'm pregnant and already so tired.

Wanting... summer weather to arrive. Our BBQ, sangria pitcher, and porch are ready to get some good use this year!

Reading... Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (again, as a review before I read the next book in the series) and Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

Wondering... if I'm the last person on earth to watch the Hunger Games. We're seeing it tonight, and I can't wait. Eeee!

Watching... Game of Thrones. So good. You really should jump on board if you haven't already.

Your turn! Share a verb or two of your own in the comments.

Hot Cross Buns

2012-04-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

One a penny, two a penny, hot cross buns!

Easter weekend is here! Yay for new life, for time with family, and for the resurrection of Jesus! We're spending the weekend with family in Northern California, and I can't wait.

Okay, now for a perfect Easter recipe: hot cross buns.

A hot cross bun is a soft, sweet, spiced roll made with currants or raisins. They are traditionally served on Good Friday, the Friday before Easter Sunday. Marked with a cross that symbolizes the crucifix of Christ, hot cross buns are an old English tradition.

Before baking hot cross buns, my only reference point to them was the childhood nursery rhyme of the same name. I vaguely recall my elementary school days when music education consisted of learning to play four or five notes on a red and white plastic recorder. "Hot Cross Buns,"was among the repertoire each child was expected to know in order to graduate on to greater musical endeavors, such as the ukulele (which is what little kids learn in Hawaii).

Okay, back to the hot cross buns. The buns take some time and care, like any yeast bread. The result is soft and spicy mounds of bread that create a delightful scent as they bake. Don't skimp on the currants or spices - they set these buns apart from your typical roll.

Happy Easter weekend to you all!

Hot Cross Buns (adapted from Simply Recipes) 

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2 1/2 teaspoons of active dry yeast

3/4 cup warm milk

3 1/4 to 3 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/4 cup plus 1 teaspoon granulated white sugar

2 teaspoons ground spices (for example, 1/2 
teaspoon cardamom, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon allspice, 1/4 
teaspoon cloves, 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg)

1 teaspoon salt

4 tablespoon butter, softened

2 eggs, room temperature

3/4 cup currants or raisins

2 teaspoons grated orange zest

Glaze

1 egg

1 Tbsp milk

Frosting

1 teaspoon milk

3 to 4 Tbsp powdered sugar

1/2 teaspoon orange zest (optional) 

In a bowl, stir together 1/4 cup of the warmed milk and one teaspoon of sugar. Sprinkle the yeast over the milk and let sit for 5-10 minutes until foamy. In a large bowl or the mixing bowl of an electric mixer, vigorously whisk together 3 cups of the flour (reserving additional flour for later step), the salt, spices, and 1/4 cup of sugar. Create a well in the flour and add the foamy yeast, softened butter, and eggs, and the remaining milk. Using a wooden spoon or the paddle attachment of your mixer, mix the ingredients until well incorporated. The mixture should be shaggy and quite sticky. Add in the currants (or raisins) and orange zest. If you are using a stand mixer, switch to the dough hook attachment and start to knead on low speed. (If not using a mixer, use your hands to knead.) Slowly sprinkle in additional flour, a tablespoon at a time, kneading to incorporate after each addition, until the flour is still slightly tacky, but is no longer completely sticking to your fingers when you work with it. Form a ball of dough in the bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let sit, covered, at room temperature (or in a warm spot) for 2 hours, until the dough has doubled in size. Press down on the dough to gently compress it. Roll the ball of dough into a log shape and cut it into two halves. Place one half back in the bowl while you work with the other half. Take the dough half you are working with and cut it into 8 equal pieces. Take the individual pieces and form them into mounds, placing them 1 1/2 inches apart from each other on a baking sheet. Cover with plastic wrap and then work the remaining dough into 8 equal pieces and place them in mounds on a baking sheet, again cover with plastic wrap. Let the dough mounds sit at room temperature (or warm place) to rise again, until the mounds have doubled in volume, about 30-40 minutes. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Prepare egg wash by whisking together one egg and a tablespoon of milk. Using a pasty brush, brush on the egg wash over the dough mounds. The egg wash will give them a shiny appearance when cooked. Place in the middle rack of the oven and cook for 10-12 minutes, until the buns are lightly browned. Remove from oven and let cool on the pan for one or two minutes, then transfer the buns to a wire rack to cool. To paint a cross on the top of the buns, wait until the buns have cooled (or the frosting will run). Whisk together the milk and the powdered sugar and orange zest. Keep adding powdered sugar until you get a thick consistency. Place in a plastic sandwich bag. Snip off a small piece from the corner of the bag and use the bag to pipe two lines of frosting across each bun to make a cross. Let icing harden completely, and store in an airtight container. Makes 16 buns.

Beauty

2012-04-05T11:14:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I spent several hours exploring The Getty, one of my favorite places in Los Angeles. One of the exhibits was of the photography of Herb Ritts, an artist who revolutionized fashion photography and re-imagined the human body in the 1980's. I was immediately drawn to his iconic images, and experienced a moment of clarity that occurs when art speaks to one's heart and soul.

For the last several weeks, my body has transformed drastically. My 18-week baby belly has expanded dramatically, along with other parts of my body. Every morning, as I get dressed, I sigh to myself and wonder what clothes will and won't fit. With the added weight, it is hard to move around as energetically as I am used to, and the result is that I feel sluggish and well, unattractive. During my first pregnancy, I felt beautiful most of the time, even in the truly uncomfortable last few weeks. But somehow, this time feels different. Maybe it's because I'm a bit older. Or because the weight gain has been more rapid the second time around. I have wrestled with my own understanding of beauty lately, wondering how beauty intersects with the reality of the physical changes that I am experiencing with pregnancy.

As I walked through the Ritts exhibit, I was surrounded by incredibly beautiful and sensual images. Ritts' work was mostly in the celebrity and fashion world, so many of the faces and bodies were recognizable, from Madonna, to Naomi Campbell, to Richard Gere. Yet rather than typical portraits, most of the photographs captured the subjects in ways that highlighted and celebrated their unique features. One photo was of an Italian model with particularly strong facial elements, including a noticeably large nose. She was posed looking sideways, creating a striking silhouette that demanded attention toward her distinctive features. Other photos gave similar prominence to a runner's massive thigh muscles, and an actor's haunting eyes, and a model's crooked teeth.

I couldn't help but consider my own physical features, and wonder if I am beautiful not despite but because of them. It is beautiful to be pregnant. It is beautiful to have a growing baby in my body. It is beautiful to be a mother.

This morning, instead of looking in the mirror with anxiety and dread, I saw beauty.

Banana Walnut Granola

2012-03-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

This banana walnut granola is truly incredible. Seriously, it is the best granola I've ever made. Which is saying a lot, since I make granola frequently.

It's so great, in fact, that my husband protested when I told him I was about to post the recipe here. But since I don't plan on going back into the granola business any time soon, and I love spreading the joys of good food around, I figured that sharing this one would be the right thing to do.

I happened on this blend of granola in a moment of inspiration. I was craving something nutty and sweet one night, and while rummaging through our pantry, I found a bag of stale banana chips. I have no idea how long those banana chips had been there. Just before tossing the stale chips into the trash, I wondered if they could be revived somehow. "Granola!," I thought to myself. Armed with oats, walnuts, and other ingredients, I went to work.

The result was even better than I envisioned. The banana chips slightly caramelized with the help of the sugars and heat, and the walnuts and coconut gave the granola a rich, nutty flavor. We devoured the granola within a few days, and immediately made another batch.

Usually I would encourage you to make substitutions to the recipe, based on your personal preferences. Not this time! It is perfect as is.

Banana Walnut Granola

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4 cups oats

1 cup walnuts, chopped

1 cup shredded coconut

1 cup banana chips, chopped

1/4 cup sunflower seeds

3 tablespoons flax seeds

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup wheat germ 

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

2 tablespoons honey

1 tablespoon maple syrup

1/2 cup olive oil

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Thoroughly mix all ingredients in a large bowl. Spread in an even layer on a baking sheet lined with foil or parchment paper. Bake for 30 minutes. Stir granola, and bake an additional 15 minutes. Cool completely in pan. Store in an airtight container for 1 week.

Gratefulness

2012-03-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was reminded today by a stranger how incredibly blessed I am. There is much in my life to be grateful for, both big and small things.

Feeling the baby move in my stomach. Small, barely-there movements that remind me that there is a life, a real little person growing in there.
Quiet evenings alone, with a good book and a cushy pillow.
Seeing a squash seedling emerge from the dirt in the garden, even after I assumed last week's rain had washed it away.
Spending time with a friend who inspires me with her courage and strength.
Banana walnut granola.
My son's new affectionate declaration, "Mommy, I'm your friend."
Warm, sunny days that elicit sunglasses and sandals.
Spontaneous poker nights with our living community.
A postcard from across an ocean, just to say hi.

What are you grateful for?

No-Bake Energy Bites

2012-03-21T20:40:00.002-07:00

I have been searching for good, healthy, homemade snacks that we can have at home or while on the go, and found these little no-bake energy bites. They are the perfect snack - portable, easy to make, and short in ingredients. They are sort of like chewy granola bars, in ball form.

Our family devoured the first batch, and I quickly had to make more. Substitutions could easily be made - use different nut butters, add in some chopped nuts, whatever you want. In any case, I recommend skipping the expensive, store-bought energy bars, and enjoying these yummy munchies instead!

No-Bake Energy Bites (from Smashed Peas and Carrots) 

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1 cup oatmeal

1/2 cup peanut butter (or other nut butter)

1/3 cup honey

1 cup coconut flakes

1/2 cup ground flaxseed

1/2 cup mini chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla 

Mix everything above in a medium bowl until thoroughly incorporated. Let chill in the refrigerator for half an hour. Once chilled, roll into balls. Store in an airtight container and keep refrigerated for up to 2 weeks. Makes 18-20 bites.

The Three Important Tasks Habit

2012-03-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

Start the day by creating a list of "Three Important Tasks." That's my new habit to practice during the month of March.

I'm feeling grateful for the timing of this habit. I created the 2012 Habits list back in January, before we knew that we were pregnant. Now, in the throes of the second trimester, feeling overwhelmed and tired have begun to characterize my days. On many days, I am incredibly exhausted, and struggle to know how much to rest or push myself to work. Each morning, I take a few moments, and decide on the three most important things I need to do that day. It helps me to focus on what really needs my attention, versus what is not that important or urgent.

The other day, my list was:

Do the laundry.
Go to the farmer's market.
Play with Aaron.

Obviously most days involve way more than three tasks. But I view any additional things more like a bonus, and am experiencing a lot more freedom from mental/emotional clutter and worry.

Chocolate Stout Cake with Irish Cream Ganache

2012-03-12T14:21:00.002-07:00

Chocolate + Guinness + Bailey's = AMAZING.

We celebrated St. Patrick's Day a little earlier this year, and combined it with Steve's birthday. I wanted to bake a birthday cake that would mark the occasion, and found the perfect solution in this Chocolate Stout Cake. It was moist and decadent, with a chocolatey richness that is brought out by the Guinness. Essentially, it's an Irish Car Bomb in cake form, so what's not to love? Bring this to your next St. Patrick's Day get-together, and serve with vanilla ice cream for a festive treat.

Chocolate Stout Cake with Irish Cream Ganache(adapted from Epicurious)

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Cake

1 cup stout (such as Guinness)
1 cups (2 sticks) unsalted butter
3/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder (preferably Dutch-process)
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1/2 tablespoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoons salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup plain yogurt
            
            
        
            

Icing
1 cup whipping cream
1/2 pound semisweet chocolate, chopped

3 tablespoons Bailey's Irish Cream 

                For cake:

                Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter two 8-inch round cake 
pans with 2-inch-high sides. Line with parchment paper. Butter paper. 
Bring stout and butter to simmer in heavy large saucepan 
over medium heat. Add cocoa powder and whisk until mixture is smooth. Set aside, and cool slightly. Whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, and 
salt in large bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat eggs and yogurt in another large bowl to blend. Add stout-chocolate mixture to egg
 mixture and beat just to combine. Add flour mixture and beat briefly on
 slow speed. Using rubber spatula, fold batter until completely 
combined. Divide batter equally among prepared pans. Bake cakes until 
tester inserted into center of cakes comes out clean, about 30 minutes. 
Transfer cakes to rack; cool 10 minutes. Turn cakes out onto rack and 
cool completely. 




                For icing:

                Bring cream to simmer in heavy medium saucepan. Remove 
from heat. Add chopped chocolate and whisk until melted and smooth. 
Refrigerate until icing is spreadable, stirring frequently, about 2 
hours. 



Place 1 cake layer on plate. Spread 2/3 cup icing over. 
Top with second cake layer. Spread remaining icing over top and sides of cake. Store cake in fridge. Serve at room temperature or chilled. Serves 16. 

Pregnancy #2 Developments - Week 15

2012-03-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

We're at week 15 of this pregnancy, and in the second trimester...hurray!

The last few weeks were characterized by fatigue and nausea, but now I'm feeling a lot better. I also went through a crazy growth spurt, eating EVERYTHING in sight. For a while, I really craved burgers, Mexican food, anything with bread or cheese. Now my diet seems to be back to normal, which is a relief.

My belly has popped out, and I am already having to move up in jeans sizes. Thank God for drawstring yoga pants. By the end of each day, I feel so heavy and uncomfortable that all I want to do is change into pajamas and lounge on the sofa.

I am continuing my normal 4-5 times per week exercise routine, and hope to keep it up for most of the pregnancy. Physical activity plus lots of sleep are fueling my energy during the day when I am not only pregnant, but having to keep up with an active 2-year-old boy.

One of my favorite things about this second pregnancy is that our firstborn, Aaron, gets to be involved. He is excited about having a baby in mommy's tummy, and constantly talks to my belly. Today he laid his head on my stomach, and said, "Baby, you sneeze? (pause) Oh, good." His tender kisses and frequent mentions of the baby are incredibly endearing. Aaron also says he will share his bed and toys with the baby. We should probably get that statement on video, in case he needs a reminder of that in the future.

In a few weeks, we will find out the gender of the baby. We all feel differently about whether it is a boy or a girl. I hope it's a girl, but have no real gut intuition. Steve thinks it's a boy, since this pregnancy seems similar to our first one. And according to Aaron, the baby's gender is different on any given day.

There is a lot to do and think about as we transition to having an additional little one in our lives, but mostly, we're simply excited and enjoying the anticipation.

Creamy Hummus

2012-03-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, after spending a summer in Turkey, hummus became a staple food in our home. Eating it with some warm bread immediately transports me back to the culture of the Middle East.

We usually eat hummus with flat bread, on sandwiches, raw vegetables, or with crackers. It is a healthy condiment, and even our 2-year-old son enjoys it. In stores, it is usually $3-4 for an 8-ounce container, but making it ourselves ends up being far less expensive.

This hummus is versatile, with endless ways you can experiment with flavors and styles. You can add roasted red peppers, eggplant, tomatoes or basil, just to name a few.

Creamy Hummus

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1/2 cup
                 water

1/4 cup
                 tahini

3 garlic cloves, peeled 

3 tablespoons
                 fresh lemon juice 

1/2 tablespoon
                 extra-virgin olive oil

1/2 teaspoon
                 ground cumin

1/4 teaspoon
                 salt

1/8 teaspoon
                 black pepper

1  (19-ounce) cans chickpeas (garbanzo beans), rinsed and drained

Pinch of paprika

Pinch of dried parsley 
                 
              

Place water, tahini, and garlic in a food processor; process until 
smooth. Add remaining ingredients; process until smooth, 
scraping sides occasionally. Top with paprika and parsley. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to two weeks.

In Family News

2012-03-02T17:16:00.000-08:00

Meet the newest member of our family! Baby #2 is scheduled to arrive in late August. We are thrilled to welcome him or her, and become a family of four!

Lemon Blueberry Yogurt Muffins

2012-02-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

On mornings when I'd rather stay in my warm bed, fresh baked muffins help me get up and going. Even better, these lemon blueberry yogurt muffins really do the trick. They are light, fluffy, and flavorful. The yogurt makes this a perfectly moist muffin, with a sweet and tangy lemon and blueberry combination that gives you a zing to start the day.

Lemon Blueberry Yogurt Muffins (adapted from Smitten Kitchen)

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1 1/2 cups + 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

1 cup plain yogurt

1 cup sugar

3 extra-large eggs

2 teaspoons grated lemon zest (approximately 2 lemons)

1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 1/2 cups blueberries, fresh or frozen, thawed and rinsed

1/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a muffin tin. Line the bottom with parchment paper. Grease and flour the pan. Sift together 1 1/2 cups flour, baking powder, and salt into 1 bowl. In another bowl, whisk together the yogurt, sugar, the eggs, lemon zest, vanilla and oil. Slowly whisk the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients. Mix the blueberries with the remaining tablespoon of flour, and fold them very gently into the batter. Pour the batter into the prepared muffin tin, so that each tin is about 2/3 full. Bake for about 50 (+) minutes, or until a toothpick placed in the center of a muffin comes out clean. When the muffins are done, allow them to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before flipping out onto a cooling rack. Cool. Makes 12 muffins.

Can Marriage Withstand Five Finger Shoes?

2012-02-26T14:51:00.001-08:00

Let me preface this post by iterating just how much I adore and respect my husband.

Okay, now that that is clear, Steve did something last week that almost made me choke on my food.

He bought a pair of these:

Vibram Five Finger Shoes. Have you seen these? They promise to give the wearer a "barefoot experience," minus the shards of glass or dog poop one might step on. The basic idea is that one gets to wear shoes without really wearing shoes. I have absolutely no problem with the philosophy and potential benefits of barefoot running. All that sounds fine to me. What I do have a problem with is that these shoes look completely and utterly RIDICULOUS.

They simultaneously remind me of gloves, scuba diving gear, and condoms. Condoms worn on feet. Gross. Just looking at them weirds me out. When people actually wear them, echkk.

For the first time in our marriage, I pulled veto power, and created a rule for my husband: under no circumstances is Steve allowed to wear these while we are together in public.

So far, he has been a trooper, and worn these when I'm not around. Let's hope for the sake of our marriage (and fashion) that continues.