The Lazy Treastises of DB

Application for job as new England Manager.

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:08:00 +0000

Dear FA I would like to formally apply for the job of England manager. I know I might seem like an unknown but I am in fact the most successful football manager ever. While playing FM2008 I led Liverpool to 10 league titles and 7 European Cups, not to mention a vast number of lesser cups. Then I went to Real Madrid and won 5 leagues and 3 European Cups. I'm sure you will agree that having a person with 10 European Cup trophies to his name can only be a benefit for the England team.

I also have plenty of international experience with 3 African Cup of Nations Trophies and a North American Gold cup trophy with Nigeria and the USA respectively. While in charge of England I lost one game in 10 years, to Croatia in a friendly, and won 2 World Cups and 2 European Cups. Again I'm sure you can see how this will be a plus, I am after all the most successful manager ever. Better than Fergie or Paisley or Gary Neville.

My teams play an expansive, quick moving attacking style of football. I pick the most talented and skillful players and look to entertain the public. We might conceded 3 goals but will score 5 and have a lot of fun doing it. Any player who doesn't perform gets shouted out and told to buck their ideas up. I ony accept the best

I have some ground rules I must insist on, these have been the basis of my undoubted success.

1 Steven Gerrard will play in every game, even after he retires from club football.

2 No Man Utd players will ever play for England (many point to my insistence that all English players leave Man Utd as one of the main reasons the club has not won the league for so long and I'm sure we can all be happy about this)

3. My star player is Clive Simpson, who currently does not exist. As such we shall need to clone him. If we start on this now he should be ready by the Euros.

4. At some point in the future I will get bored and restart my managerial career in another dimension. Don't worry I won't delete your dimension, it shall serve as a memorial to my greatness.

I look forward to hearing form you soon

Before Watchmen

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:28:00 +0000

DC have confirmed that a series of prequels to Watchmen are set to be published and will focus on telling the story of each character. It's proven to be quite the hot topic in the comic book world with much debate focused on whether revisiting this classic is a good idea or not.

Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, the original creators of Watchmen are not to be involved in any of the project. Al tough given how Moore feels about DC that was never going to happen. He effectively turned his back on the company over his mistreatment at their hands when the Watchmen was first brought out in 1986.

A new batch of creators have been brought in to work on it and its a mighty impressive roll call of some of the best in the business today. The likes of Brian Azzarello, Darwyn Cooke and J. Michael Straczynski involved it's unlikely any of the books will actually be bad. (If you like comics you owe it to yourself to read Darwyn Cooke). I'm not going to start hating all these people for it as they have done things I've loved. They've also done things I didn't like or just plain didn't read due to lack of interest. You have to let the creators do what they think best and then pick and choose from that. Even if it is a little bit disappointing that they are doing this.

So what are people complaining about?

Well for me it doesn't really matter who they get to work on it or how good the books are, I'm not interested in it at all. I don't hate it or think it shouldn't be allowed, I'm just not interested in it. For the same reasons I wouldn't buy a Before War and Peace book or Before Highway 61 Revisited record. There really is no need for them and it's diluting a thing of genius in order to make money. I really can't see what they will add to the original.

Watchmen stands as a high water mark for comic books. If ever comics are to be thought of as art then this is one of its master pieces and Alan Moors is it's Da Vinci. It would have been nice if DC had treated the book with the respect it deserves. By all means bring out fancy editions of it and I guess if you want to make a bad movie version then fine, but could you not just leave it alone and let it sit as the crown jewels in your library of work?

Moore himself had this to say "I tend to take this latest development as a kind of eager confirmation that they are still apparently dependent on ideas that I had 25 years ago,"

Which frankly is a good point. DC has just refreshed the industry with the whole New 52 thing do they really want to go back to Watchmen? Or are they just hoping for a second movie? Having gathered all this talent why not get them to create new things?

Apparently DC have long been asking Moore and Gibbons to do more Watchmen stuff but they always refused. The fact that they said no should have been an end to it. They both felt they had said all they wanted to. Watchmen is a one off piece of work, not an ongoing series, it's already complete so why try to shoe horn in a load more stories? We already have the back stories of all the characters so why elaborate on them?

DC have said they always need to revamp their characters and keep them up to date. Sure, that makes sense for your ongoing books that never stop but not for a stand alone work. Also if that is they case then why do some characters get dropped never to be seen again?

Some would argue that Alan Moore has himself taken other peoples characters for his own work. True enough but he's was creating something new in the process and not simply extending the stories the borrowed characters originally come from.

One wonders where DC, or comics in general, would actually be with out Alan Moore. He ushered in the modern age and the era of the graphic novel. If DC can have success with the Batman movies then Moore helped make it so. He gave the industry a credibility and artist flourish that has made it possible for comics to be seen as something an art form. Perhaps DC should show him a little bit of respect, you know, given that they kind of owe him.

Sure these days Alan Moore can often come across as a grumpy old man and out of touch with the way things are in comics these day. But if he says he doesn't want this to happen can't DC just say OK and leave it at that? Just because they can make these books doesn't mean they should. Just because you screwed the guy out the rights to the book doesn't mean you should try to wring ever last dollar out of it.

The word prequel will always conjure up horrible images of the Phantom Menace. Star Wars is actually quite a good analogy here. George Lucas made something wonderful and then spent the rest of his life trying to make as much money as he could of the back it. Does Phantom Menace make Star Wars a worse film? No, but it does rather cast a horrid Jar Jar shaped shadow over it. And the name Star Wars doesn't have the same prestige it once did.

Of course every comic book geek thinks they know best about how to run the industry. And we as a group can get very defensive over things. I don't really expect DC to pay any attention to what I think is best. I'll just ignore the books and stick to annoying friends by lecturing them about how great the original is and why Alan Moore is a genius.

FIFA and the Poppy

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:17:00 +0000

The English nation football team plays and game against Spain on this Saturday, which just happens to come a day after Armistice day and a day before Remembrance Sunday. These of course being the days we pay respects to those killed while serving in the armed forces. To fit in with such events the English Football Association wanted the team to wear a poppy on their shirt. Poppys of course being a symbol of respect and remembrance for the dead. However FIFA, the governing body of the sport have refused the request and public outcry has followed.

On the face of it this seems rather daft. What, after all, could be wrong with remembering those who gave their lives to stop the Nazi's? Or protected us from other threats. It won't upset the Spanish as we had stopped fighting them long ago.

But no, FIFA refused. They don't let anything appear on the shirt that is political or commercial. They do have a long history of being corrupt, stupid and out of touch but for once they are spot on with this.

I'm not really sure they are worried about this causing offense to people. Germans would be happy with us paying are respects. Indeed there are a great many examples of Germans paying their own respects to our dead during WW2 itself.

Perhaps some Muslims might not like it given the current wars but those that did take offence are likely just looking for an excuse to do so. And I can't really see any actual governments making a fuss expect perhaps Iran and that guy is nuts anyway.

There might not actually be any thing wrong with the poppy at all but if you allow that you have to allow a lot of other things and this is were trouble can brew. FIFA are simply trying to keep football neutral and avoid political issues growing out of a simple game.

What would be the reaction of the UK if Argentina wanted to remember its dead from the Falkland Wars? Our view might be that they were invaders and how dare they. Of course for them, given that we stole it in the first place, they could legitimacy be seen as liberators.

Japan has shrines to its dead from WW2, how would we all feel if they used their shirt to pay respects to people who have a less than healthy reputation for human rights?

How about if North and South Korea played each other or Vietnam and the USA? They are lots of potential examples of an "international incident" occurring. By having a blanket ban FIFA avoid this.

Its important that football does all it can to not be tools of governments and leaders. Saddam, Gaddafi and Hitler all tried to use the national football to promote and further their government and ideology. If you allow things on shirts you run that risk.

Of course that is an extreme example and perhaps not the same as the humble poppy. But red flower would be pushing the door ajar and once open how do you control what else goes through?

Is this political correctness gone mad? Well at the 1938 Berlin Olympics the England team gave a Nazi salute to honour Hitler. So perhaps a little bit of PC is a good thing these days.

The other point is to avoid things being commercial. We should not forget that the poppy is actually a corporate logo. Its the symbol of the Royal British Legion, sure they are a charity but its a logo none the less. If you let one logo why not let others? why not charge? Best to avoid running the risk of shirts being rented out. Even if you just stick to charity logos you can cause issues as some of them are political motivated. China want want you playing in Free Tibet shirts.

Given that there will be a minutes silence, a wreath and members of the armed forces at the game I don't think FIFA are stopping anyone from remembering things. They are just trying to protect the integrity of the game. I guess to do that they need to be a little bit firm on a cause that might not warrant such stance if seen on its own merits.

Ultimately if England want to play a game sanctioned by FIFA they abide by the rules or don't bother playing.

What seems a shame is that the media and general public have made such an issue out of this. Yet seem to not really care about the causes the poppy raises money for. Its not just about respecting the dead but helping the living. High numbers of former soldiers are homeless, in jail or mentally ill and there is a very high suicide rate. Little is done to help them but instead of lobbying the government and trying to change this people complain about the lack of a poppy on a football shirt. Missing the bigger picture somewhat.

And yes I freely confess to being a left wing liberal who loves political correctness and hates war. But I've also bought a poppy every year. In fact I've been to memorial services in Europe, stood at the graves of the fallen and viewed the fields were there fell. I just don't think FIFA are being unjust or disrespectful.

The New DC 52 - Review of What I Read

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:08:00 +0000

So a month has passed since DC's grand relaunch of its comic books and we have had the chance to read all of the 1st issues. On the whole it seems to have been a grand success, sales have gone through the roof and some issues have gone to 2nd and 3rd prints already. There has been a lot of excitement generated and people have been enthused about comics again.

Certainly from my point of view I've been looking forward to getting my various comics in the post. I've never subscribed to new comics before so its been a new experience for me and one that I've enjoyed. Now as we hit the next month I'm having the fun of getting issue 2 turn up for me to continue on with the adventures.

It also looks like people have been attracted back to reading comics with all the interest. And fresh, readers have also wanted to take a peek at whats happening. Also good to see positive reception from female readers because lets face it, comics have not always been that friendly to them.

Hopefully this will make Marvel sit up and take note because they have become very stale and really need to do something to gee themselves up. Perhaps they will stop worrying about films and get back to comic books. They need to do something as DC have just taken up a huge chunk of my reading time and never used to bother reading them at all.

Although I'm sad that so far my beloved Power Girl seems to have been left out of things.

To be honest I didn't pick up the full 52, think I went for about 13 in the end. I will never read Batman or Superman and don't really care about Flash. A lot of the other stuff just didn't interest me. But on the whole what I read impressed me.

There are three Green Lantern related books and all of them were good with out really impressing. You kind of need to just sit and wait for things to unfold but it should be worth the wait. The main book is written by Geoff Johns who is one of the top writers and he always does good stuff with Green Lantern. Things are still waiting to take shape but I like the characters so will stick with it.

Sort of going with this is a Red Lantern book. It looks pretty good but I'm not sure it will keep my interest for too long. Nothing wrong with it per say its just how many Lantern books do I need right now?

Wonder Woman had stunning art work, really blew me away. The story is just setting things up at the moment but for the art alone I recommend this. Plus every one should read Wonder Woman, she is awesome.

Wonder Woman - Awesome

As a rule I hate all bat related stuff so I was wary of Batgirl but its written by Gail Simone who I like a lot. It seems like things could be head in a good direction and I'm happy to stick with it to see what Gail does.

Aquaman has also been seen as a huge joke in comics, a dumb character who no one cares about. That's pretty much why I picked up this comic. I've never read him before so wanted to see for myself. Geoff Johns turns up again writing this one and he really knocks it out the park. I like how he dealt with the previous image by having the criminals laugh at Aquaman only to see him take a bullet to the face with out blinking. This book totally turns around the character from the joke he once was. The art is also very good, I loved how his fish scale armour seemed to shimmer in every frame. Another must buy.

Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing is for me one of the best things comics have done. So I picked up the title eager to see what they have done. Once again very impressed with what they have done. The art and layout are very much in keeping with the style of previous Swamp Thing books and they do a very good job of keeping that "horror" vibe it always had. I'm having slight issues with the continuity but this is another that gets my seal of approval.

Suicide Squad is looking like a lot of fun, we need more comics with sharks in them. The Frankenstein book also looks like it might be worth sticking with. Alas the same can not be said for Birds of Pray which really did nothing for me at all. Was disappointed with Stormwatch, might pick it up as trade later but for now I'm dropping it.

This one panel is more than enough reason to pick up Suicide Squad

Still waiting for my copy of Animal Man to turn up as I was late ordering but once I saw the art work in it I decided I had to pick it up. It looks fantastic.

So out of the 52 I'm left with around 8 that I'd like to carry on reading. I know I've not tried everything so perhaps I've missed a gem which I need to get. And ignoring Green Lantern whom I'm loyal to regardless, there are 5 books which have greatly impressed me and got me excited about comics, well more excited than normal.

It might not sound much but its actually a pretty good hit rate for me, better than Marvel are doing anyway. Cheers DC.

The Women Who Made England - Gertrude Bell

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 11:19:00 +0000

Writer, traveler, linguist, archaeologist, cartographer, political officer, explorer, mountaineer, scholar and founder of Iraq. These are just some of the labels that one can apply to Gertrude Bell, a quite extraordinary woman, whom was one of those multi talented adventuring types that the British Empire produced.

Gertrude was born in County Durham on 14th July 1868 to a wealthy industrialist family. In 1871 her mother, Mary, passed away while giving birth to a son named Maurice. Gertrude never really got over her mothers death and was prone to bouts of depression. She became very close to her father Sir Hugh Bell, three times Mayor of Middlesbrough. Four years later Sir Hugh married Florence Ollifee a playwright and author.

Aged 17 Gertrude studied at Oxford University and specialising in modern history gained a first class honours degree in just two years. She was the first woman to achieve this. After her time at university and faced with failed attempts at gaining a husband or a career Gertrude went to visit her Uncle and Aunt in Persia. Her uncle was the British ambassador to Tehran. Before her trip she learnt how to speak Persian and in June of 1892 arrived in the country.

While in the Middle East Gertrude became fascinated with the culture and people of the region. She also fell in love with a man named Henry Cadogan. They got engaged but alas he was not rich enough and Gertrudes parents did not approve. She returned to England and a year later Henry died of phenomena.

In the years that followed she became fluent in Persian, Arabic, Italian, French and German. She also travelled and pursued many outdoor activities. One such pursuit was mountain climbing in which she displayed considerable skill and was regarded as one of the best in the world. Much time was spent climbing in the alps. Once accent of Meije in the French Alps, a height of 13,000 feet, was carried out in her underwear as no mountaineering clothes were made for woman. She was the first person to climb seven of the nine peaks of the Engelhorner range in Switzerland. In fact such was her skill that one mountain, Gertrudspitze, is named after her.

After her time in Europe she headed to Jerusalem where she studied and later explored the region on horseback learning the ways of the region. She earned the respect of the locals and won favour with the various leaders of the area. During this time she also took courses in archaeology and cartography and found her talent as a photographer. Gertrude set about documenting both the history and the landscape of the region and published several books on the subject. Such was the quality of her work that they were used to decided political policy in the area. There was also time to translate classical Persian poetry.

It was also during this time that Gertrude met and fell in love with Major Charles Doughty-Wylie. Although he was married and refused to leave his wife for her. So they had a two year affair that remained unconsummated and carried out mostly in letters sent back and forth between where ever the two of them happened to be.

Charles was as every bit in love with the middle east as Gertrude was and had actually be given a medal for his services during the Turkish revolution where he played a crucial role in stopping the Armenian massacres. But within only a few days he would be fighting against the Turks in the Gallipoli Campaign of World War 1. On the 26th of April 1915 he, along with another office, lead an allied attack on a Turkish held fort. Thanks to their gallant actions and leadership the attack was a success. However both were killed in the action, Charles shot in the head by sniper. Such was his love of the Turkish people he actually lead the attack carrying only a stick, not wanting to kill any of them. They clearly respected him in return as his is the only grave of any British or Commonwealth soldier on the Gallipoli peninsular, the rest being moved.

Gertrude's own war service initially saw her with the Red Cross in France. In November 1915 she was summoned to Cairo where she would start working for the Arab Bureau. She became the only female political officer in the British forces. Her work entailed providing information, data and advise as well as making maps vital for the army's advance on Baghdad. Such work allowed her to renew her acquaintance with a certain T.E Lawrence whom she had first met in 1909 while exploring the ancient city of Carchemish. Her efforts during the war, which were vital to success in the region, were rewarded with an OBE.

After the end of WW1, during the spring of 1919, Gertrude attend the Paris Conference to advise on Arab affairs. Then became the Oriental Secretary to the British High Commission in Iraq, once again being the first woman to do so. In 1921 Winston Churchill brought her to Egypt to discuss to be part of the group who would decided the future of Iraq, then still know as Mesopotamia. She played a large part in drawing up both the boundaries and ruler of the new country of Iraq.

Winston Chruchill, Gertrude Bell & T.E Lawernce

She stayed in the country she had created and founded an archaeological museum in Baghdad. There was also time to write a review of the civil administration and translate Sufi poetry. In 1925 she briefly returned to Britain only to find her family's wealth fading fast in the economic problems that followed the war. Her health started to suffer and she returned back to Iraq.

Having recovered from a bought of pleurisy she heard about the death of her younger brother Hugo. Perhaps this was one death to many for her and on 12th July 1926 she was found dead having taken her own life via an over dose of sleeping pills.

Its interesting to note that Gertrude Bell was a member of the Anti Suffrage League and as such opposed to women having the right to vote. Her stance seems to have come from her frustrating at women seeming to be content at being housewives or socialites. Perhaps she felt that women need to do more with their lives to earn the vote. But despite her stance its hard to think of a better example of a feminist showing what they can do. She was the first woman to do a great many things and clearly broke down barriers. Whats more Gertrude left her make on the world and blazed a trail for others to follow.

Virgina Woolf said this about Gertrude, "a masterful woman who has everyone under her thumb, and makes you feel a little inefficient."

Bootleg DVD Covers

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:37:00 +0000

Once upon a time I was walking through town one lunch time when I came across three of my friends, drunk out their minds and with pockets stuffed full of DVDs of pornography so filthy even I wouldn't watch it. They had encountered one of those Chinese bootleg DVD salesmen and in their inebriated state provided him with some custom.

Of course once you enter the world of bootlegging you can find that sometimes the quality control is a little lacking and corners get cut. Here are some examples of when the naughty pirates don't quite get it right.

I think we would all like to go on a fist date with Drew Barry More.

I loved watching the crew of the BattlestarshipEnterprise. Is the "saw like twist at the end" the fact that no one really has a clue whats happened?

Lost in Translation? well so it would seem

Why would the devil want to turn a little girl into a Latino cocaine baron?

Of course he speaks Nigerian, he's Jesus and can do whatever he wants.

I'd love to enter the Matrix

Best film ever

See, he's not American after all.

Why does Indy have a sword? Oh to fight against Sauron, fair enough.

At a wedding recently I got into a debate about who was the better wizard, Dumbledore or Gandalf. This film could well answer that question. By the way Gandalf is better, obviously.

Even Arine couldn't make that film good.

Literally no idea what's going on here.

Nine Oscar nominations, you know that's going to be an awesome film.

Even ignoring the spelling mistake this is an impressive effort. The three listed actors are not in the film, Traci Lords is a porn star ( um, so I'm told). The writing on the back is actually the plot to Sister Act.

Marvel fanboy tries out DC

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 10:18:00 +0000

With out hesitation I will state that I'm a fully paid up Marvel fan boy and jolly proud of that fact. It was Iron Man and the X men that first got my interest in super heroes and comics and started me on a path of geekiness that I have walked every since. Marvel just has the best and most interesting characters, with Dr Doom of course being my favorite.

For the most part I ignored DC as the stuffy old man of comics. They were the ageing cronies while Marvel was punk rock. What I liked about Stan Lee's organisation was that their creations had frailties and weakness, they had moments of doubt and had to work hard to overcome whatever it was they had to overcome.

Where as DC had Superman, who was unbeatable and perfect and frankly boring to my mind. I've never liked Batman ether, he seems an utterly stupid creation. Most of the other DC people seem not that much better. The Flash? Green Arrow? Hawkman? no thanks not interested at all.

Now of course I've missed out Wonder Woman there and that's simply because she is totally awesome and should be read by everyone. Even though I suspect a lot of people don't simply because she's a girl. She gets a free pass.

To be fair to DC they do actually put out the best books but that's via their imprints of Wildstorm and Vertigo. Both those publishers have created some fantastic books that have pushed comics forward. So I came to conclude that Marvel gives you the best heroes and DC the best books, just as long as you avoid all the rubbish DC spandex clad types.

However in recent years I've discovered and enjoyed both The Green Lantern (takes Batman out with one punch) and Power Girl (old school fun). So while most of my self is devoted to Marvel there has been a fair amount of space being claimed by DC. So I approach the relaunch of all the DC comics this month with a bit more of an open mind. I used to say I'd never read DC, which is a sad stance to take and one I'm glad I've dropped.

For non comic fans what is happening is DC is restarting and bring out 52 comics that will all be number ones. Essentially the company is starting again with the aim of bringing in new fans. Some of us older readers seem to be unhappy but no one cares about us anymore. Its all about the need to get more people reading and attract people who might not be quite as geeky and have seen the various films first.

Personally I'm not bothered, its actually quite exciting. Plus I'm so far behind in the continuity of the comic book world its handy to have it all start again. My problem is I don't like waiting months for a story so I either buy a collection or wait for the trades which means I'm always lagging. And I don't like picking up a story half way through and its hard to know where to start in comics.

So with all that in mind I've just made my order which only amounted to 12 of the 52 tittles I'm afraid. As said I have no intention of reading Batman or Superman and all the DC teams look silly. Don't care how many times you tell me how good Teen Titans is I'm not reading it so there.

Naturally I've picked up Wonder Woman and all four of the Green Lantern books and I suspect I will stick with them. Swamp Thing makes it thanks to my love of the Alan Moore run on that book. Apparently Stormwatch has Midnighter in it and he's one of my favorite heroes. Everyone seems to hate Aquaman which is why I've gone for that book, just to see for myself. Gail Simone is a great writer and that's why Batgirl has been bought.

Then there's Suicide Squad, Frankenstein Agent of Shade and Birds of Prey. I know nothing about them but they seems interesting and I'm taking a chance.

So there you have it a Marvel fan boy getting excited about DC, what ever next?

Why Justin Bieber is Totally Awesome

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:01:00 +0000

Yes you've read that title correctly, I do firmly believe that Justin Bieber is totally awesome. Now if you stopping swearing at me long enough to listen I will explain why.

It would seem that the young Mr Bieber is quite the divisive character. His legion of fans worship him just as much as the haters hate him. One only has to see the pitched battles on his YouTube videos to see evidence of this. Even videos that have nothing to do with him seem to be a forum for Bieber bating.

Of course its seldom a wise idea to open yourself up to that wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the YouTube comments section. But sometimes you can't help it and you see things you'd rather not. "Like this if you hate Justin Bieber" "this band are way better than Justin Bieber" or various statements alluding to the sexuality of both JB and his fans. Seems people put a lot of effort into advertising their hate for this guy, perhaps there efforts could be better used?

A common criticism is that Bieber's music is not actually music. With out a doubt it is, just not music that is to every one's taste or going to change the art form in a drastic way. I doubt people will compare his works to Dylan but that is true of a lot of music and its not bad just because its transient. Compared to some its not even really that bad, I've heard worse.

Now don't get me wrong I would rather have screw drives jabbed into my ears than listen to his songs. To me they are tedious, dull and insipid. Completely lacking in anything of worth. But they are not being made for me.

I'm a stuck up muso who spends hours tracking down obscure bands to listen to. I go to gigs in tiny basements and I still buy vinyl. That doesn't mean certain types of music are off limits to me but clearly I'm not the target market for Bieber. This music I don't like that's not really meant for me anyway. Its kind of easy to avoid it, if I don't like something I don't listen to. Instead of letting get you angry why not go and listen to your favorite band instead? Life is short.

When it comes to music Bieber is most likely one of the first musicians that his fans have got into. Lets be honest known of us bought good stuff the first time out, I got a Shakin Steven's LP for Christ shake. Kids listen to crap music, they don't care about poetic lyrics or genius musicianship. They want to dance and mime in front of the mirror. As we get older we develop our taste and venture out to try new things. So its really not worth worrying about kids listening to this stuff, let them enjoy it and know that in the future the will find more "worthy" music.

Its teenage girls that Justin is singing to and in this respect he is no different to a long line of performers. Get some nice looking boys to carry a tune and you will have some hits. He is just the continuation of Take That, The Osmonds, N Sync and NKOTB. Boy bands and solo heart throbs are nothing new, hell even the Beatles and Elvis where screamed at by young girls getting far to carried away.

What Bieber represents is an object for adolescent girls to obsess over and develop a crush on. Every one of us has been at that stage when we were their age. It gets pretty tricky and confusing when all those new emotions kick in and they can be intense and hard to deal with. So we end up having a big crush on someone. For the moment this person will most likely be Justin Bieber. He is the training wheels of romance.

To me having a crush seems like a perfectly healthy thing and a key part in learning about life and love and how emotions work. That first crush you have be a key aid to entering the adult world.

Justin strikes me as being a rather clean cut and wholesome young lad, unless there is some gossip I've missed. He's the type of boy you'd be happy for your daughter to go out with. In short he seems like a safe and acceptable person to be the object of all these feelings that get projected on to him. Rather than say, R Kelly, or 50 Cent.

And while I'm sure those currently feeling the Bieber fever are so caught up in his world they can never envisage being with out him. If you come back in five years time they will have grown up and moved on both musically and romantically.

So lets not be cruel to a guy who is not really ment for most of us and can be easily avoided. Remember he's only 17 and we can't judge people by what they do during their teenage years, we all acted like dicks back then.

Album of the Week - Sweet Substitute

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 08:43:00 +0000

Sweet Substitute - Something Special (Decca 1977)

Confession time dear reader, I know nothing about this group or the music they make. Even the internet has failed to inform me about them. They seem to have fallen in to the abyss and have become long forgotten. Whats worse is that I've not even listened to this record. Whatever the music they are making its a lot less interesting than that cover. There is a story there captured in that photo and like a great artistic master piece you need to look beyond the superficial facade to uncover the hidden truths.

Lets take the woman on the left of the frame, she's called Diana and as you can see is very happy with life. Diana thinks every thing is amazing and wonderful and she will always have a smile on her face and a good word to say about everyone. She even helps orphaned kittens and plays Jazz to them. In many ways Diana is pretty ordinary but her's is the thread that weaves it's way through this story binding everything to it.

Now the lady in the middle is Karen and she has a secret. She is madly in love with Diana, I mean who wouldn't be, right?, but Diana has no idea. Karen will never tell her, she didn't even know she was gay until she joined this band and met Diana. Then her feelings played tricks on her until it dawned on her that Diana was "the one".

You can clearly see in the photo the lusty gaze Karen has, she's not even focusing as she drifts away on a lusty day dream. Karen laughs a bit to much at Diana's jokes and leaves her hands a fraction to long when they touch. Her favorite times are when they get changed in the dressing room and she can steal wanton glances to fuel her unrequited fantasy. Perhaps one day she might work up the courage to make a move.

So we come to the lady on the right, Pamela (don't call her Pam). She is weary of the world and knows how cruel it can be. Something in her past haunts her but she won't say, that information is just for her journal. The others get vague hints of what it might be but just assume that Pamela is aloof and distant.

But Pamela has worked out Karen's secret, she was never being very subtle about it. She also knows that Diana likes the attention she gets from Karen and that sparks are soon to fly. Of course this worries Pamela, already alone she fears if Karen and Diana become lovers that they will dump that spare wheel and she will be left with nothing save her collection of dusty old books and bitterness

She resents Karen for her sycophancy and Diana for having made it through life with a smile still on her face. Why doesn't someone lust after her? why does she prefer to throw kittens in the canal over playing them Jazz? Sabotage is the only option left open to her and she will make sure they will all be as miserable as she for if happiness is denied her then why should any others have it?

Look at her in that picture, Pamela is clearly plotting something here. A fitting punishment for her treacherous band mates who would cast her asunder and sacrifice her on their sapphic alter. She's just about to mutter something under her breath, a quote from the Ancient Mariner no doubt, its always been her favorite.

"Each turned his face with a ghastly pang and cursed me with his eye"
The others hear but, not quite making out the words ask "what did you say Pam?"
"Oh nothing my dears, nothing at all"

Shortly after this photo was taken the band vanished with out trace, who knows what became of them? we shall, I'm afraid never know.

(inspired by watching a Stewart Lee stand up routine who's work I can not talk highly enough about)

Riots

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:18:00 +0000

Thankfully all seems to be calming down and the recent spate of violence and rioting has abated. The streets are safe once more, if someone what cluttered with the detritus of the last few days. News reports shocked the nation and sadly it seems that four people lost their lives in the process. Not to mention all those injured and with property damaged.

One of the main talking points is the question of why this all happened. Superficially its being linked with the death of Mark Duggen and a reaction to his being shoot dead by police. Some would sell this as a Rodney King moment but that is far from the truth. Violence erupted in LA after police officers got away with a crime. In the case of Mark Duggen the violence happened before anyone knew just what had occurred. Even the police had not finished their investigations.

So frankly that it a poor excuse for what has happened. Of course the friends and family of Mark Duggen had every right to make their feelings know to the police. And perhaps the police didn't help matters by making them wait in the street for hours. But this hardly seems like a reason to burn things.

Certainly the police have a murky past of killing people illegally and covering it up. But in all these cases they have been found out through investigation. You can't just assume they lie all the time you need to prove it should it be the case that they have done wrong. I have a great inside knowledge of how police think and work and there are good reasons to mistrust them as an institution. But if you are the victim of crime its them you turn to and they are very good at dealing with that. You feel safer walking the streets at night with a few of them about to the keep the drunks in check. So one can't simply hate all police and blame it on them.

We should actually praise the police for keeping things under control and doing so in a way that is in keeping with the morals of this country. By that I mean we didn't do what Syria did and just shoot people. Once enough police got out on the streets everything stopped. I have seen a video of police beating some kids and I dare say there are more of these but on the whole well done to the bobbies.

Sadly it seems that some people wanted us to behave like the foreign despots we other wise condemn. There were calls for the army to take to the streets, for water cannons and even for offenders to be shot. Apparently it doesn't take much for people to call for violence to be handed out to others.

Much has also been made of social and economic conditions and it is fair to say that things have been better in this country. Have things got so bad that people have no option left but to take to the streets and fight back against the system? In a word, no.

There is no comparison between what has happened now and what happened back in the 1980's. Back then there were real problems caused by the polices of the government. Huge job loses and the closer of the mines, unfair taxes and out right racist police lead to the various riots. Not helped by the police behaving like Roman legions and a government that didn't care.

What has happened here is a load of criminals have been able to engineer a situation where things became lawless for while. All the muggers, burglars, gangs and people who like violence took to the streets to carry out their crimes and opportunistic magpies joined them for plunder. Had this been about social reform there would of been a much wider range of people taking part. There were no students or socialists and how many banners and placards were on show? I suspect the only time politics got a look in was when the far right went out to beat people up. All that happened is that criminals behaved like criminals for a while.

No amount of social change or economic improvements would alter the fact that some people would do this sort of thing. True enough there might be reasons why they behave like that such as education or parenting. But to me this doesn't seem like the collapse of society just the bad guys winning for a few days.

A great deal has been said about a youth out of control and broken Brittan, honestly how do Daily Mail readers stand to go out doors. But there is lot to be thankful for. Most people felt disgust at seeing it all on the news. Communities when out to protect their areas. The power of the Internet was used to organise clean up operations, help the victims and bring the guilty to justice. All this should be seen as a positive thing and proof that while some people burn down house's and loot shops others will help strangers out and behave decently despite the allure of stolen sports wear.

But that is just how we humans behave, some are nice and some are bad. Most of us just try to get on with life with as little fuss as possible. In this respect the age we live in is just like all those that have been before us and will come afterwards.

A tragic thing that this happened in the first place and that people died and so much destruction and selfish behaviour took place. But as we try to come to terms from the aftermath of it all we should take some comfort that it was a very small number of people and the rest of us at the very least refused to join them.

(The image used above has been stolen from here http://www.flickr.com/photos/philippeleroyer/2202178647/ the guy has some nice photos so go and check them out)

Album of the Week - Jim Macleod

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:15:00 +0000

Jim Macleod's TV Favourites - Beltona Records 1976

Could we be looking at the worlds coolest band? I think the album cover more than answers that question for you. If nothing else they sport some impressive ties.

Jim Macleod was a purveyor of music that accompanied Scottish dance music and was a mainstay of regional television. His first broadcast for the BBC came in 1955. During this period Beatles producer George Martin worked on one of his albums.

During the 1960's he became the musical director at the Hydro hotel in Dunblane. He broadcast many shows from the hotel and appears to have been the traditional Scottish dance music's answer to Jool's Holland. Perhaps that's where the later took inspiration for his Hogmanay shows? Jim retired in 2003, having been awarded an MBE the year before, he passed away shortly afterwards.

The rest of the band line up as follows.
Jimmy Macfarlene - Fiddle, vibes and tin whistle
Tommy Ford - Accordian
Tommy McCulloch - Organ
Alex Doig - Drums
John Sinton - Bass

For those not quite sure of what Scottish dance is here's a link to a video of Jim and the boys accompanying some performers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXCBJm6NUOM&feature=related

Posthumous Record Sales

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 08:50:00 +0000

Now of course Amy Winehouse will of been the muse for this blog as she is the latest musician to die. I should stress that I not making any comment about her life or her music here, she has just been the spring board. No, today's subject is posthumous record sales, that strange phenomenon that means those in the music business are better off being dead.

The fact is that if they die, preferably in some sad and tragic way and still young, then a artist will almost certainly have an increase in record sales. Frankly this has always baffled me. Why do sales go up after death? Why did people ignore them when alive?

No doubt the regular playing of the deceased songs will make some people who never heard them become fans. Others might seek to build up their collection now they are gone and still more might think its a tribute in some way. But surely that's not enough to propel them to the top of the charts and provide millions of sales for years to come?

I've always thought that you are either a fan of the performer or you're not, their death shouldn't make any difference to the number of records you own. If Jack White died tomorrow I wouldn't need to buy any of his stuff as I already have it all. But it seems like people buy things just because someone is dead regardless of if they like it or not. Indeed the death might even be the reason they like it. Has the death of Amy Winehouse created more fans purely because they are in some way drawn to the tragic nature events?

Whats more is that posthumous sales make legends when they don't deserve it and keep music alive when it should long since have faded. Take Nirvana for example. Don't get me wrong they meant a lot to me at the time and they were a good band. But if Kurt were still alive would they have sold 24.9 million albums since 1991? No, they wouldn't, they were not even seen as a very good band by most people and critics. Pearl Jam and Soundgarden where much bigger and they have both faded away to nothing. But death creates a legend and it gets handed down like a torch and held in an unnatural reverence.

Take Tupac as another example. 32.2millions sales since 1991, more than any other dead artist. Now I love me a bit of hip hop but personally I have never seen any talent in Tupac. He set himself up as a gangster poet and then got shot. He's not Jesus. I don't see how he can have sold more than double what Jimi Hendrix did in the same time. But then Jimi is a lot less relevant to today then Tupac. Hendirx is of course one of the true greats of music so will always sell records but he means very little to today's youth. His good friend Janis Joplin has manged only 7.8m sales, which is less than Aaliyah. No disrespect intended but this clearly shows its not about talent.

Of course sometimes its a force for good. No one knew about Nick Drake until he died. As a fan of the blues I own a lot of records by dead people but I find them in the same way I do the living. I hear something I like and buy it. People are to quick to create idols and worship them as holy as if death makes them saints. Just play the damn records man.

And as for this 27 club, grow up.

Dumb Comic Book Characters

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 10:16:00 +0000

Comic Books have given us some of the most iconic imagery of the last hundred years. Everyone knows who Superman is for example. The current trend of super hero based movies also means that the spandex clad are very much in vogue. Not to mention that some of the most talented writers and artists working today do so in the medium of comics.

However sometimes the world of comics falls a little bit short and produces things which are just a little bit, well, stupid. Geek I may well be but even I can admit that quality control seems to work on a very inconsistent basis. So lets take a look at some of the more regrettable characters that have appeared over the years.

The Red Bee
Rick Raleigh, The Red Bee made his first appearance in DC comics Hit Comics iss 1 in 1940. He spent his time fighting the Nazi's with the help of his trained bees. Yes, that's right, he had pet bees which he had trained to aid him. His favorite bee was named Micheal and lived in his belt buckle. Due to lack of interest by issue #24 the Red Bee was killed at the hands of Baron Blitzkrieg but he did die saving his comrades. It all sounds like something I made up while drunk.

Matter Eater Lad
As you can see from the picture Matter eater lad has the ability to eat anything. This unique skill first showed up in Adventure Comics #303, published by DC in 1962. Jerry Siegel helped create Superman and for some reason this guy as well. I mean its all well and good being able to eat your way out of a prison but how long will that take? just ask Andy Dufresne. He did once save the universe by eat a doomsday machine which promptly made him go insane. Clearly a character invented by stoned people with the munchies.

Infectious Lass

Infectious Lass and her people are hosts to microbes which give the power to inflict disease on people at will. Now this could actually be pretty useful, give the bad guy diarrhea and they won't do much crime. Alas she was unable to control her powers and infected anyone close by so wasn't much use to any one. Since her first appearance in Superboy #201 she has finally learnt to control her powers but you have to think I dose of antibiotics wouldn't go amiss.

Arm Fall Off Boy

Yes that is his actual name and yes that is what he does. With the power to rip off his own arm and use it as a club Arm Fall Off Boy is one of the most bizarre creations you could come across. Why not just, I don't know, carry a club? That's easier than ripping your own arm off. First appeared in Secret Orgins Vol 2 #46 in Dec 1989.

The Tumbler

On the face of it perhaps it might not seem so bad to have a villain with great acrobatic skills and agility, I'm sure such things come in very handy. But you would have to be very dumb to take on Captain America if all you could do were some forward roles. Lets not forget that the Captain is an enhanced super soldier who is as perfect a physical specimen as can be. An expert in martial arts, a veteran of WW2, member of the Avengers and, oh yeah blessed with great agility. Its like having a hammer fight a grape. Tumbler made a handful of appearances and then was killed.

The Trickster
Even by comic book standards that's a stupid costume and for a guy who is supposed to be really smart why is he using a child's trike as a get away vehicle? Especially since he is trying to escape from The Flash, who by the way has clearly forgotten he is the fastest man on earth and could easily catch that loon. As implied by the name The Trickster is a con man and he first turned up in 1960 in Flash #113.

Asbestos Man
Professor Orson Kasloff was an enemy of The Human Torch and wore a suit and shield made from super asbestos. On the face of it he's the perfect villain for this comic, how can a hero with fire hurt a man covered in flame prof material? Well I guess he can just wait twenty years until Asbestos Man dies of a horrible cancer. First appearance was in Marvel Strange Tales #111 August 1963.

Paper Man
I know that Wonder Woman doesn't get the respect she deserves but this is just silly. Paper Man is actually a kind of weird stalker who steals gifts to give to Diana Prince. He was once a normal man but fell into a vat of magical military paper and then turned into whatever the hell he is now. Its sad that Wonder Woman is left dealing with a villain with the skill to turn into a paper airplane. Started his career in Wonder Woman #165 in October 1966

Squirrel Girl
I like squirrels and I think if I knew a girl who could control them I'd find that very cute and would try to date her. But I wouldn't expect her to use this power and her squirrel like abilities to fight super villains. So fair play to her for doing so and she has actually defeated Dr Doom when aged 14. She she can actually point out that she can handle herself and be useful. But she makes this list as the idea of a girl with a tail who can control squirrels is just plan dumb. I mean what next, a guy pretending to be a bat?

The Fiddler
So this is a comic full of teenagers and you have an old guy called The Fiddler making them do things they don't want to? I'll leave it at that I think.

Album of the Week - Kitchen Buffalo

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:56:00 +0000

Home on the Range

A collection of country and western songs brought together on one record to help promote the wholesale distribution of scouring pads.

That's what this record is all about. Kitchen Buffalo was a range of scouring pads, some heavy duty some filled with soap such is the exciting world of cleaning products. Wilkinson Sword were the manufactures but alas in the brief amount of time I was researching this I could find no information on the product or indeed the record. Like a broken pot from a lost tribe its secrets will forever remain hidden. We can only wonder why buffalo and cleaning pads are so entwined with each other.

Now the cover is not much to look at and not as interesting as former records of the week but its the wonders found on the inside of the gate fold cover that draws one in. We learn that the kitchen scourer market is worth $19m a year and that Wilkinson Sword has 10% share of this market. Surely you want in on some of that sweet action? come on buy some scouring pads to sell in your store.

All the music on here comes from well know country and western singers. Its mostly stuff like Conway Twitty, Pasty Cline and the Bellamy Brothers. The one real high point is Johnny Cash singing Ghost Riders in the Sky.

When I used to sell fencing I once had a a company send me a calender which featured naked ladies standing next to sheds. Corporate gifts can be odd.

News of the World

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 10:26:00 +0000

The News of the World is no more, founded in 1843 it has disappeared for ever amidst scandals and shocking revelations the like of which it would normally have been happy to make headline news.

168 years of journalistic excellence disappears and the grand traditons and values of a British institution vanish. OK, so perhaps most of the words in that last sentence have no place being part of piece about the NOTW. It used to be quite popular in my house when I was growing up. Even back then it was quite racy, full of topless women and tales of orgies and brothels. All great stuff for a teenage boy in the time before the Internet but not exactly Pulitzer standards. But it has always been one of the top selling newspapers and very popular, no doubt helped by the aforementioned scantily clad ladies. The football coverage was pretty good to be fair.

But all that was cruelly taken away from us thanks to the phone tapping scandal. Which has been well documented so I won't waste my time going into the the details here. Now of course tapping someones phone is illegal, immoral and, well, just plain bad journalism. If that's what the paper was doing then good riddance, there is no place for it. Although I would say that the people who read the paper also must take some of the blame.

It was actually 2006 when news first broke of phone tapping when members of the Royal household were victims. Someone went to prison over it and it looked like there might of been a great deal more people being tapped. But the police uncovered nothing else, then of course the guy in charge of the investigation got a job working for News International (owners of the NOTW).

The paper didn't shut down then, no one really cared and it was still being read. Why? because it was all jus celbraty gosip and that, it would seem is fair game. We all love a bit of gossip and are happy to here a juicy titbit. Even if you think you don't, well you do. I don't care about who famous people are sleeping with but I do want to know which players my football team are going to sign or what certain bands are up to. Its all gossip, we all love it.

Perhaps the public did not approve of the methods but the results were worth it and besides if peopel put themselves in the public eye thats their own fault, they are our property. Embolding by all this the NOTW ran with the conept and in doing so crossed over lines that very few people would tolerate. What did for them was hacking the phones of a murdered child and of dead soldiers. Now it appears that those killed in 9/11 can be added to the list.

Cleary that went to far but the warring signs had been there for at least five years. We all knew what they were doing yet peopel still bought the paper. If you read the NOTW then you are complicet in what happened, you wanted it to happen and you choose to ingnore it untill it got to bad.

What baffles me is why they bothered tapping the phones of those people who died? It doesn't seem to me to be much of a story to unearth or extra info to be glinned even if one could look past the lack of morals in doing so.

This incdence does also serve to highlight just how bad jorunalism has become. I mean, come on they hired a private detective, couldn't even do it all themselves. I do have a lot of sympathy for journo's working today, there is so much crap that goes with their job that it has lost any of the grandur it once had. There is far to much news need for the 24 hour non stop media monster and most articels these days are just press release's that handed to the paper from a PR company. Of course there are still good writers out there with intresting things to say but they tend to more columists than reporters. And these days it seems to many sources of news have an agenda.

Which is perhaps the most worry thing about about all this. You have a company controlled by Rupert Murdoch who are setting their own agenda and allowing a rich man to have a proaganda machine. In order to further his business and gain my control he fiances the Converseritve party and is a key factor in them getting into government. It wasn't just the money he gave them it was making the newspapers he controls support the Tories too. So now this rich man has the government in his pocket and has more scope to build his business empire and damage his rivals, such as the BBC. They can even go so far as to bribe the police.

It is, to be polite, fucked up. Hopefully lessons have been learned for all this and we can try to limit the control that a greedy, morally bankrupt prick like Rupert Murdoch can have. Ulitimatly we should not buy papers made by liars that are full of gossipy crap.

Tracey Emin - Love is What you Want

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 09:58:00 +0000

I've long been an admirer of Tracey Emin as a persona and an entity but have had little interaction with or understanding of her art. Certainly I'm not one of the types who dismiss it all out of hand as rubbish simply because its not a landscape painting. Such a method of thinking misses the point of modern art, which to my mind is much more about what you can't see rather than the mundane objects you can see. Art like this is a provocation of ideas rather than a mirrored depiction of the world. So I ventured into the Hayward Gallery to see if the art could match up to the artist.

Upon entering the exhibit you are struck in the face by the huge Knowing My Enemy, a rickety and dilapidated wooden pier with a shed on the end of it. If I recall correctly it was inspired by correspondence with her father with whom relations where difficult. I found that it spoke very strongly about the nature of our various types relationships, how they can go from strength to weakness. What where once solid and dependable become weak and broken as people come and go during our lifetime.

For me the shed at the end was showing us a warm cozy place were people can meet but with the pier leading to it in such a state of disrepair its imposable to get to. It will forever more remain inaccessible and to be viewed from a distance with regret and longing for what has passed. It also makes one think of how the pier might once of been, strong, standing proud against the world. But eventually over time its powers of resistance fade and it falls into disrepair a shattered remnant of what it once was.

As a single piece this was the only one to really stand out and have something to say. There were the quilts and some sketches that show despite what some might think she does have talent for making "proper" art. The neon signs were fun but the film with the dog asking her for sex seemed odd. There was another room with a pile of wood in the middle and a few other things that I walked around and didn't understand very much. The rest of the exhibit was full of personal objects, letters and photos and it was here that the over riding theme came back on track and took hold.

Various cases filled the last room and contained all kinds of items personal to Tracey Emin which acted as souvenirs from her life and of the people she had shared that life with. You become of aware of how we use objects to prove our relationships exist. We instill in the inanimate all our emotions and use them as a totem to show we exist in the world. Feelings are given form in the real world via a little trinket or photograph. And when the connections are served we are left with just plain old ordinary things. Although I did walk straight past the display of tampons but I loved the map of the world, I like maps.

It was a very interesting way of presenting the nature of relationships and it touches on all kinds of interesting subjects particularly that of loss and sadness. Perhaps it helped that I like Tracey Emin and through reading her book and interviews have a better understanding what she is about than I otherwise would. Certainly the show seemed to confuse a couple of people I was viewing with. And perhaps to truly understand it all you need the artist to explain it.

While its true that not all of the art grabs you own its own or has very much to say when you take it all as one whole piece and start to run with some of the ideas and themes then it goes beyond that. Modern art requires you to take leaps of faith and to think for yourself about whatever the concept might be Taken as more than the some of its parts this was a wonderful display and a thoroughly rewarding experience.

LA Noire Plot

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:55:00 +0000

Whats the plot of LA Noire all about? I've noticed a lot of people have come to this blog looking for the answer to that question. While I did a review and moan about the flaws I didn't actually talk about the plot. So here, for those that are want it is an outline of the plot. I've skimmed over a lot of the details and ignored some of the unimportant stuff other wise this would be even longer.

From now on there of course spoilers but then if you're looking at a blog called "LA Noire Plot" then you should kind of expect that.

First off lets deal with all those flashbacks and what they mean. The Flashbacks of the war are for two reasons. Cole is trying to make up for wrongs that he did during the war. He was not a well liked officer, perhaps the worst thing he did was have a cave of civilians burned. He was then shot by one of his own soldiers and this is how he was wounded. The other point of the flashback's is that its these soldiers who steal all the army morphine that turns up later during the vice desk missions. So the flashbacks are a set up for that.

Now as for the murder cases, well they are all being done by one man, a serial killer. You arrest four men, one for each murder, but they have all been set up by the killer. He's planted evidence and framed them. You find this out and he sends you across town trying to find him then you track him down, find out that it was the temporary bar man from two early cases and then kill him. Only he was the son of someone powerful so it gets covered up and the four innocent people get quietly let go.

Then you move on to vice which is all about tracking down the morphine. The soldiers change their mind about dealing with the mob and instead sell it to Doctor Fontain, who is in league with the people behind the housing projects. The mob and the soldiers have a kind of turf war. Cole has an affair with a German singer at the Blue Room club. Your partner, finds out and tells the powerful housing project people who make it public. Cole is disgraced and his wife leaves him and he gets sent to the arson desk.

So at arson there are lots of house fires that end up having a pattern. People who didn't want to sell their homes to the Housing committee are being attacked and their homes burnt down. Some one is sabotaging the Insta Heat boilers (if you recall them from an earlier case). You find out who the guy is and arrest him. But then it later turns out it wasn't him. It later turns out that the housing committee people are running an insurance scam. Basically then want to build all the houses because a new freeway is going to be built on the same land. They can make a huge amount of money when the government gives them compensation and buys their new houses to make way for the road.

Cole's German lover wants him to help look into the death of her friend who died on a building site. This is where you start to play as another person, Jack Kelso, one of the former soldiers. He's an insurance investigator and he starts to find out the truth about the housing committee. The mayor, the chief of police, the doctor, the guy running the insurance firm and various other big wigs are all in on it. You end up attacking lots of them and have big gun battles at the mayor's house in a rather silly way.

Then this guy Kelso discovers who was starting the fires, another soldier who was the one ordered,by Cole, to use his flame thrower to kill the civilians in the war. Now he's gone a bit nuts and works for the doctor. This guy kills the doctor and runs of with the German woman in to the river tunnels. Kelso and Cole go into the tunnels and fight with gangsters. Kelso has the help of an assistant DA who is trying to out all the corrupt officials to gain more power.

So you have a big shoot out in the tunnels as Kelso, rescues the girl, kill the arsonist and lots of gangsters. But the tunnels are flooding and Cole is drowned and killed while the others escape. The game ends with Cole's funeral and his old partner from Vice, the one who told on you, tells us how great he was and what a hero he was in the war and a great family man. The mayor and chief of police are there too, as is the assistant DA who it would seem has cut a deal with the bad guys who have now got away with it all. Cole's lover runs out of the funeral shouting "liars" and Kelso says he didn't hate Cole. Game ends, credits roll.

There are more than a flew flaws in all this plot details of some can be found in another one of my blogs.

Album of the Week - Jim Reeves

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 10:11:00 +0000

Jim Reeves - Bimbo (Camden 1970)

When I first set eyes on this record my initially thought was why the heck is this album called bimbo? and is this a suitable title to have with a picture of a young child? The answers to my questions will take us on a moderately interesting entomological journey.

Jim Reeves was a very successful country singer in the 1950's and 60's who achieved great success on the country charts and sometimes in the wider musical world. His song Distant Drums was a UK number one in 1966 keeping the Beatles of the top spot. His rich, velvet voice brought a lot of people into the world of country music. Even after his death in 1964 he remained popular around the world. While his name might of faded behind others and his music now less popular his legacy has proved to be of great importance to county music.

Bimbo was a song that Jim Reeves brought out early in his career in 1953 and proved a hit making it to number one in the country charts. Written in the late 1940's by Glenn Odell, it was something of a novelty song about a young boy sung in a very jaunty manner.

But why on earth is it called Bimbo? Well that word comes from the Italian word bambino and refers to a male baby or young male child. So despite what we think of the word now the word and the song and indeed the cover fit together nicely. However this meaning was long before the song was written and by the late 40's was being used as we now know it.

By the 1920's the word had changed to mean a stupid male rather than a child. It changed again later in the decade with a 1929 dictionary entry for bimbo providing the meaning simply as a woman. From there is quickly transformed into the bimbo that we know today, that of an attractive stupid woman or one who has a lot of sex with different partners. All very judgemental and unfair of course.

It does make one wonder why the word was used for a song about a small child. Even at the time it was written the original meaning would of seemed antiquated and out of touch, perhaps even quaint. Rather like a song written today titled "Gay" but meant to be about being happy.

I doubt anyone really cared and lets be honest its hardly offensive. Unless of course you look at the German meaning of the word which is a racist slur. Now wasn't that a slightly interesting look at how words change?

LA Noire - Plot Holes - (Spoilers)

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 11:14:00 +0000

Wanted to talk a little about the plot of LA Noire but admitted it from my review to not spoil the game for others.

Whoop whoop, spoiler alert, don't read if you have not completed the game or if you don't want to hear an overly obsessed person moaning about pointless things.

Seriously, spoliers, there you've had your warnings.

Let the rant begin.

The Dahlia murder case. So four people are innocent of four murders yet they behave like they are guilty and don't put up much of a fight? The real killer has framed them yet they seem happy to go along as if they are the killer and not question all the planted evidence. If I was being accused of a murder I didn't commit I would kick up a fuss. And just how the hell does the killer go about planting all this evidence with out being seen? How does he know that the woman will get off at the hobo camp or that a witness will point out said hobo? How does no one see a guy climbing onto a chandelier in a government building and call the cops?Why does no one notice the planted evidence in their homes and think, that's odd, whats that?

When you get to the killers lair what you see doesn't fit with an MO of jumping people in public and hitting them on the head and strangling them. The whole bath of blood and torture instruments doesn't really match up with all the crimes you deal with. There would have been months of planing for each murder, following the vicitm and getting to know there lives before killing them and framing the peopel who knew them. But each case looks like the women just got attacked while drunk.

You should of been on to him from the start but the game doesn't let you speak to the temp barman even they its pretty obvious you should. Why mention him twice if he means nothing? For me the whole homicide desk does not work and once you look at the cases in depth they fall apart. Was very frustrating that you work the case, every thing points to one person who you charge only later to find out that he was framed by the real killer.

Also very disappointing that once you find out who was the killer his whole motives and story where not really reviled to you in any way. I'd of liked to of know how he actually did it all rather then just shot him and move on. It seems like the writers were trying to combine various real life crimes together and just got confused.

There was a neighbour of the house that burned down who told me he knew nothing about the competition yet goes and gets me a flyer that mentions it and I can't in turn ask him about it.

One of the my biggest issues is that the main guy has an affair and cheats on his wife. Why the hell should I care about this guy any more? and how I'm I to believe that he will cheat on his family but not take bribes? At his funeral they mention what a great family man he was even though the whole world knows he wasn't and his mistress is at the funeral. Seemed dumb to me.

The flashback newspapers where fine, up until they showed your partner betraying you yet you still had to work with him because you didn't actually know he'd sold you out. Gave away a plot twist rather cheaply I felt.

The final plot was obvious and I knew what was going on yet still had to go through a lot of stuff to get to the end and I'm sorry but insurance scams are not very exciting. I did also wonder just how many houses they would have to burn down in this way. Seemed you would need to do this a lot and once you got past a few then the flaws in the plan would become apparent.

With the hit and run case, I found the knife right away, yet some how a bloody knife and a victim with stab wounds don't seem to mean anything and I have to leave it in the bin because "someone was cutting meat". I know its said the the victims wounds could of come from the hood orniment but would any detective ignore a bloody knife found at a crime scene?

I messed up a couple of cases and got shouted at and was told I'd be busted down to a uniformed cop. But by the next scene I was being told how great I am and to tackle the next case. It just doesn't matter if you screw up or get things wrong and the cases are never affected by your mistakes.

That's about all I can recall at the moment and I appreciate that some people won't care but if you are trying to make a plot heavy game then get a decent plot. I also will admit that its possible I have missed something or not understood whats going on, it does happen.

There, I feel better now.

LA Noire - Review

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Tue, 31 May 2011 11:12:00 +0000

I can sum up my thoughts about this game like this, started of thinking it was a brilliant and inventive game ended up thinking it was a boring game with massive flaws in the plot that make me frustrated. For me the game gets 6/10 and I can't recommend you pay full price for it.

That was the short version now for those who can be bothered here is the long version.

For those that have not played it what can you expect? Well the game is set in a GTA style open world city which looks amazing and is very impressive. But don't expect to be able to play in it like you can with GTA, this game is very narrow and linear in scope, so much so that it seems a waste of time having this big city in the first place. There's not much to do aside from the main story which keeps you busy but doesn't exactly make you explore. There are side quests but most of these can be done in under a minute. Which leaves you with finding items and cars and not much else. I'd been able to stretch it out to about 20 hours of game play but you could finish it all a lot faster than that.

The new technology they have used here to capture the actors actually works really well. For the most part you can see where the real person is acting, sometimes it doesn't quite work or the character looks like they are super imposed on the back ground. But on the whole this really helps draw you into the game and gets a bit of emotion going on. I would expect this type of thing to catch on in the future. The voice acting is very good too. Although I would say that a lot of the characters, particularly the women tend to all look kind of the same. Its seems like this new tech makes everyone look like they all had the same plastic surgeon. It can also look like the characters are Thunderbird puppets from time to time.

Some of the technical issues with past Rockstar games are still there, the player runs in that weird way and the camera angle gets a bit screwy sometimes but there are fairly minor problems. It handles like the last GTA. Only don't expect the same game, this is not GTA in the 1940's. The game is very slow placed, which is not a bad thing but some people might be fooled into thinking its something its not.

Its good to see a game that is trying to do something different and offer the player an interesting experience and push gaming forward. To begin with I was drawn into it all, finding clues, solving the problems etc. But as you go on it gets rather repetitive. and you are doing the same thing over and over. See a bit of paper, click on it, repeat. It ends up being like an interactive movie rather than a game. Personally I was expecting this to be hard with Silent Hill level puzzles but all the case's seem to be pretty simple affairs with not much investigating to be done. I never really felt like I was cracking a big case but rather I was some kind of imbecilic monkey pointing at things.

Should you mange to make any mistakes during your investigation then don't worry, is hard to screw up completer and there is no punishment even if you do. You could get every question wrong and still convict the right person. Its almost as if the game is doing things on its own and merely given you the allusion of having any control. The side quests can also be down with out much effort, people who are trying to out run you in a car will always crash as some point.

I must of missed the point or trick with the interviewing of suspects because I got so many questions wrong. Its fine if you can use some evidence to prove people wrong as this is pretty obvious. Its the truth/doubt part I have issues with, particularly when it comes to witnesses. I chat away to a barman or a land lady and it terms out they just lied to me, but why would I suspect them of lying in the first place to call them out? I don't understand how this works, which is perhaps my fault but its still a big turn off.

Lastly the plot is stupid, doesn't hold together and has huge holes in it. The final part of the story is weak and you already know what will happen long before the game ends. I think they watched far to many Film Nories which are mostly bad and spent to much time paying tribute to those. The writing is poor for me it kills the game. I can't really go into details here due to spoilers but there are so many holes with the homicide cases it makes you angry, well makes me angry. A plot twist left me debating if I should actually carry on with the game. In the end I was left like some soulless automaton caring on for the sake of it.

But for all that there is something that's worth seeing here, and its worth trying out. This game sets up so many interesting possibilities but doesn't deliver a game that's fun to play. Just rent it or borrow it and don't expect to be blown away at all and instead get excited about what they might do with the next GTA.

Romance Comics

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 27 May 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Romance comics existed as their own genre of comics and as the name implies they depicted tales of love and romance. Today they might seem quaint and old fashioned but at the time they where very popular and actually owe their existence to two of the true legends of the comic book world.

Created by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby in 1947, the intention was to met a new and more sophisticated readership. These two had noticed the numbers of soldiers reading comics during the war as they sought to pass the time. By now the notion of super heroes was becoming unfashionable and view as being for kids, as it does from time to time. So Joe and Jack sought to provide something that adults would want to read and took their inspiration from pulp fiction, soap operas and magazines and the romance comic book was born.

In the 1954 the comics code was brought in by the industry and placed great restrictions on what a comic could include. By the time of the sexual revolution it meant that romance comics where so far behind the times and bore such little relevance to to real life experience that no one read them anymore. By the mid 1970's all the main titles had ceased to be published.

Looking back at them now its clear to see why they stopped being made, stuck as there were in the 1950's due to the censorship imposed on them. I doubt the feminists of the 60's cared much for stories that seemed to show that women shouldn't work or be smart and that fulfilment could only be found in the arms of a man. And the males themselves seemed to be cads, bounders or "pansy" types. The world had moved on and aside from the social issues the books themselves where very formulaic and cut and paste.

But there is some entertainment to be gained from looking at the covers so I present a selection for you below.

Linda is a bitch.

The forbidden fruit of nuns.

Bloody show offs always get the man,

As long as she can marry someone she is happy.

I actually really like this cover, seems very French to me.

Some books would use real photos rather than a drawing but I'm not sure they thought through the whole "back door love" thing.

I think this might be sexual assault.

I'd like to meet more floozie's. they should much nice than sluts.

This doesn't strike me as being very romantic at all.

So many stereotypes going on here that I've forgotten to make a job about scrubbers.

Perhaps if you had done your make up better this wouldn't of happened.

Not sure I want the type of love she has to offer.

So which would you choose ladies?

If it were me I'd want the man who didn't have a jumper with a belt.

To be honest I'd think about that later and get to a hospital to have your broken neck looked at.

Super Injunctions.

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Tue, 17 May 2011 10:44:00 +0000

By now I'm sure with have all heard the word injunction, even if we don't actually know what that words means, let alone the legal gubbins that it relates to. But it now has the enhancement of the word super and that always makes things more important, who would care about just a plain old bowl?

Rarely has one news item been able to so unite as many different people in their interest in the subject. From those with high minded arguments about freedom of speech or sexism to those who are simply chasing the next bit of hot gossip, lots of people are keep track of this story.

Cutting to the chase what has happened is some people have down some stuff they shouldn't off or at least don't want the public to no about and have been able to get a court order stopping anyone from talking about it.

All this talk of footballers having affairs makes it easy to forget that these injunctions do have a useful purpose. They are meant to protect victims of blackmail or various types of abuse and bullying where its important to keep the victims identify a secret. Or in matters of national security or copyright issue. So there are many case's when this is a useful tool.

What has brought it to the public attention is the recent spate of public figures using them to stop matters from their private life becoming known. Many, particularly in the press have argued that is is against freedom of speech and an attempt to control the press. Certainly it would see to be so but one can not really argue this point if one doesn't no what the injunction is stooping you from knowing. There might be one of those aforementioned good reasons. And freedom of speech does actually need restrictions placed on it other wise you have all kinds of issues arise.

One of the key arguments is about weather these stories are in the public interest or not. I'm not sure that the affairs of footballers and actors are. If a very successful Welsh footballer wants to cheat on his wife with a big brother contestant then it doesn't really affect anything outside of those directly involved. We might change our opinion of him but it doesn't really mean to much. Likewise if stars of a popular Channel 4 show about working class people from Manchester are cheating on their partners with each other it's not really our business.

Having an affair can go from the down right morally reprehensible to something that you can fully understand and sympathies with. We are not in these positions so we can't really comment. Of course if it is an MP then that is completely different as they are lying to voters. Or if England footballer are using prostitutes, well that's illegal. So if an actor I've never heard off used a prostitute then it needs to be in the public domain. But if a comedian likes to get spanked then who cares. Or if a respected politically mind BBC presenter had an affair and then got that person sacked after it ended, well that would be pretty bad.

Of course its a tricky moral maze which is why I guess a judge decides. Although its hard to see why a certain angry chef has been allowed to cover up alleged sexual and contractual indiscretion's in the work place.

A company called Trafigura once tried to use one to cover up the fact that they had dumped loads of toxic waste in the Ivory Coast. Newspapers couldn't report it but an MP was able to ask questions about it in Parliament as the injunction couldn't prevent discussion in parliament. AS far as I understand these super injunctions seek to prevent even this.

I've been trying to find out just how much these super injunctions cost and to be honest its hard to tell. Some figures have it at £100,000 plus and that it can cost up £25,000 to contest them. Thus there is the risk that these are only usable by the rich and clearly that is not right at all, the legal system should not have rice range attached to it.

Given that these super injunctions only apply in the UK they do seem rather pointless. Recently lots of foreign media have been happily telling all and sundry who is involved. And of course every thing was pretty much reveled via twitter. So for celebrities they just don't seem to work all that well.

All the gossiping on twitter lead to Innocent people be accused of affairs, as if Jemimah Khan would have sex with Jermany Clarkson. Many footballers have been talked about in less than positive terms. Injunctions might help those using them but there seems to be a lot of fallout on those who are innocent.

One of the things that really annoyed me about all this is that we still know who some of the people involved are. We know that Imogen Thomas is meant to have slept with the Welsh football genius or that Helen Wood is the prostitute used by the actor who likes stately homes. Now it really doesn't seem fair to have their names out there but not the people who brought the injunctions, it takes two to tango after all.

Its very easy to see why allegations of sexism have arisen over this. Sure the man deserves privacy and will go back to his wife but the other woman is at fault so lets name and shame them. How is it right to hang the woman out to dry and not the man? They might want sell their story they might not but if you didn't want it to get out then don't cheat on your wife. In the case of Imogen Thomas there is talk that she was trying to blackmail the man, by naming her it seems to me it would harm her case in defending this accusation.

Most of the time an injunction is a useful tool for those in need of help but now it seems that those people who rely on a public image are using them to stop their indiscretions form becoming know. The moral of the story is if you don't want bad stuff to get out then don't do the bad stuff.

(disclaimer: any similarity to people living or dead is entirely coincidental and should not be taking to be fact. This is the longest I will ever go using the word super and not talk about comics)

Album of the Week - Felicity Kendal

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 16 May 2011 10:20:00 +0000

Shape Up and Dance with Felicity Kendal - (Lifestyle 1981)

Everyone loves Felicity Kendal don't they? She has some how been able to combine wholesome and saucy in one perky package. So what better way to cash in on this than by having her front a workout record.

This record features covers of tracks that claim to be some of Felicity's favorite's but I'm not so sure she is such a big fan of Village People or Buck's Fizz. While these songs are playing the star of hit film Shakespeare Wallah gives out calisthenics instructions. These exercises have been arranged by someone called Cristina Brooke.

In the days before video took off and with out someone in a green leotard on breakfast TV this is perhaps the best way to get an exercise program like this at the time. Its a shame that the mixing is not quite right on this record as often Kendal's voice is drowned out by the music and it can be hard to keep up with the exercises. Alas the helpful picture chart was missing from my copy.

Its also pretty clear that she is in a recording studio rather than actually doing this herself at the time. Which of course makes sense but it does lead to a rather stern voice being used and some how takes away a little of the magic.

But quite clearly a lot of people where very happy with this record as it spent 47 weeks in the top 40 album chart which is pretty good going by any one's standards. A follow up with Angela Rippon was also popular but after that the fickle public turned there back on this series of records which stretched to ten editions. George Best even turned up on one of them.

I'm not sure how useful a tool this for shaping up or keeping fit but if you want a record where Felicity Kendal repeats the word "tighter" over and over and asks you to "hold it" and move "up and down" then this could be the record for you.

Album of the Week - Vince Hill

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Mon, 09 May 2011 13:29:00 +0000

Vince Hill - Edelweiss (Colombia 1967)

"Vince Hill is instantly recognised as one of Britain's best know and most successful singing stars". That's the rather optimistic claim on Vince's website. But back in his day his was quite the star. In a ten year period from 62 till 71 he managed 8 Top 40 hits including a number 2 with this albums eponymous Edelweiss, the song from the Sound of Music.

Its this hit song that Vince is best remembered for and it helped become a mainstay of British TV during the 1970's, even appearing on Jim'll Fix It no less. (although Jim callously ignored the letter my mum wrote in).

Vince is very much a crooner and ballad singer, the sort of middle of the road stuff your gran would like. This record cover and his singing style bring to mind the likes of Des O Conner and its not surprise that they made an album together. But Vince does have a good voice and every now and again on some of his songs there is a touch of something approaching Scott Walker. Not that fans of Scott (as you all should be) need rush out and by his stuff, its only a vague hint of what might of been.

His first hit, The Rivers Run Dry, is a pretty catchy little tune but the main body of his work is sugary saccharine easy listening, Edelweiss being a prime example. Vince isn't here because he was a bad singing or this album is one to amuse. He's album of the week because of that cover. Take a good look at it and see if you can spot any thing wrong with it. Aside from a man dressed like a history teacher of course.

Yes, that's right that flower on the cover is not edelweiss. I'd say its a daffodil but certainly not edelweiss, which is white and has different shaped petals. I guess they decided they didn't need to travel to the higher regions of Austria where the flower grows and instead went for a walk along the Thames. Might also explain why the flower is a little out of focus. "Don't worry" they told Vince "no one will notice". Well I noticed Vince and I'm disappointed.

You bring out an album named after a flower featuring a song named after the flower from a musical based in the location where the flower grows and you can't even be bothered to use the correct flower. Still can't of being easy in the pre photo shop days.

Interestingly the Edelweiss song is not native to Austria and was written by Rogers and Hammerstein for their musical. Austrians had never sung such songs although that didn't stop Ronald Reagan playing it instead of the Austrian national anthem when a hosting a state visit.

Actual Edelweiss

Football Fashion Faux Pas #5

noreply@blogger.com (DB) — Fri, 06 May 2011 09:23:00 +0000

Hull City - 1992 - 1993 (Home Shirt)

Something like this happens when the people who make kits try to get to clever. You can't blame them for wanting to try something different because a teams colours stay the same and there is little you can do. However this need to innovate can back fire in spectacular style.

Hull City are nicknamed the tigers, alas its a rather prosaic story related to the team playing in black and orange stripes and those quick witted folk of Hull comparing it to the animal. I had rather hoped for something exotic like the club being set up by soldiers back from India playing in tiger skins, but no.

So Hull City have a tiger's face as their club badge and actually most of their kits look quite nice. But as you can see from the above picture one day someone thought "hey we are the tigers so why not have a tiger print shirt?"

Its an utterly hideous shirt, the type of thing that lonely middle age women drinking gin on their own in pub in the 1980's might of worn. Not only that but it fails one of its basic functions. Football shirts are worn so that everyone on the pitch knows who is on their team and can see them easily. So taken the colour scheme of an animal that is well know for its ability to camouflage itself might be seen a bad move.

Alas Hull did not learn their lesson and next year they had this fruity little number.

Who knows why the wanted to add spots to the stripes. Perhaps it was a psychological move to instill their players with the strength of a tiger and the speed of a cheetah. It seems this kit was only used from January to May of 1994 so we must assume this experiment failed.

Recently one of these shirts sold on ebay for a £100 and is now most likely being worn by Peter Stringfellow with out a hint of irony.