The Legend of Jacky Maille

Dropping the Tranny Bomb

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 04:14:00 +0000

I'm often asked why I post so rarely. One big reason is that I reply to a lot of online classified ads that end up going nowhere. For every one post I publish here, there's been at least ten ads I've replied to and then forgotten about. Recently, an e-mail from "MichaelW" appeared in my inbox. I'm still not sure what ad this was originally tied to. Prostitution? Who knows...But here's how it went down:
================================

To: Jacky Maille
From: MichaelWxxxxx
Subject: $$$$ easy and fun arrangement $$$$

Hey were you still looking for some help? $$$$

Can you send me a pic or two and tell me where you live again?

=================================

To: MichaelW

From: Jacky

Mike,

Please forgive me. I've answered a few classified ads lately...what is this in regards to?

Jacky

==================================

In hindsight, I'll bet that probably came off as a bit slutty to MichaelW

==================================

To: Jacky

From: MichaelW

I am looking to hang out regularly, can you tell me where you live by and send a few pics.

When can you meet up?

==================================

For some reason, it took me over a week to reply. I was trying to think of something unique to reply to MichaelW with, but instead I gave up and dropped a Tranny Bomb.

==================================

To: MichaelW

From: Jacky

Hi Mick!

I'm so sorry I've been so slow with my replies! You just wouldn't believe all the craziness that's been going on. I sure could use a foot massage!

Anyway, I live in Midtown and I'm usually free on weekends. What sort of fun did you have in mind?

I'm sending along a picture of me.

Cheers,

Jacky

============================

Another week goes by...

============================

To: MichaelW

From: Jacky

Milk,

I haven't heard back from you in a while. Are you going to send me a picture of your sexy self? I'd love to get together this weekend. I have tickets to the Wizard of Oz stage show on Saturday! And then afterwards we could go get totally wasted! Please don't leave me hanging. Let me know if you want to.

=============================

To: Jacky

From: MichaelW

Not interested. I'm going to be too busy. Please stop SPAMMING my email account.

=============================

To: MichaelW

From: Jacky

Meat,

What's wrong? Did your wife find out about us? I hope not, because you make my gaydar go "WHOOWHOOWHOO!"

It's okay. Take all the time you need.

Jacky

==============================

I don't know. Dropping the Tranny Bomb just seems so 2010. I probably could have done better.

Lady Gaga is a Dude

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 03:00:00 +0000

Original Ad:

i am looking for 2 lady gaga tickets, please-looking to pay a reasonable price..for seats...
thanks

=======================

To: Jamie
From: Jacky

If you're looking for tickets for "Lady" Gaga's show on April 18 at the Gwinnett Center, I can help. I have two tickets for that concert and I absolutely refuse to attend, so I'm more than happy to sell them. They're General Admission on the floor if that's okay with you.

Let me know.

Jacky

=======================

To: Jacky
From: Jamie

omg!!! yes absolutely i would love to have thos tickets! how much do you want? and why don't you want ot go see lady gaga in concert...she's completely awesome?

if your talking about the rumors that shes gay or whatever...they arent true

she's not a lesbian...she's bi sexual

her music is awesome!!!

she's a great role model...she's prod of herself

she's a fan of androdgeny and likes the gender bender thing and that definitely started the rumors...

she said --when a guy says, oh I ****** all these chicks this week, there’s a high-five and giggling. But when a woman does it and it’s publicised or she’s open about her sexuality or she’s free, or liberated, it’s, Oh, she must have a ****. There’s a threat. i also carry myself onstage in a masculine way and sing in a low register. this is not out of nowhere, right?

she has also said she has a larger than normal clitorris

shegives us freedom in her music in a way that a others cant...

whatever the rumors are...i don't care

i hope this helps clear things up for you...i would still like to buy those tickets from you if they are at a fair price...
thanks

========================

To: Jamie
From: Jacky

Here's the thing: Lady Gaga is a dude. Not that I have anything against cross-dressing and the trans-gendered. In fact, some of my best friends are fruits. Back in the day, I was a Boy George fan. He was about as effeminate as they got back then, but at least he never claimed to be a female when in fact, he had a penis.

But as long as we're making lists (pardon my usage of capital letters):

I once met Lady Gaga. I kept thinking to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection!" But she did.

At a recent Lady Gaga concert, the bomb squad had to evacuate the arena due to a "suspicious package" on the stage.

The song "Poker Face" is about her screwing a dude but wishing she were with a chick. Ironically, so is the dude.

On her upcoming album she covers a Pussycat Dolls song, with her own spin on it; It's called "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hung Like Me".

She wrote her song "Bad Romance" about the first time she whipped her dick out on a guy.

Her meat dress brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "It looks like you're wearing your mom's curtains."

She refuses to use a cell phone because she's afraid to get a brain tumor. Because you know, one swelling organ is enough, am I right?

I dared my wife to go as Lady Gaga to a costume party, but she didn't have the balls.

I will admit though, I was impressed by her meat dress. She did a good job of hiding her sausage.

Also, I just checked, and the concert is not sold out yet (which restores my faith, albeit slightly, in the intelligence of the Atlanta populace). You can still buy your own and not have to go through the hassle of negotiating with assholes on the internet. Trust me, there's a ton of them out there...

Good luck to you, young Jamie. You never specified your gender, but then again, you yourself said that Lady Gaga is a role model. My only advice is to be yourself, and don't be afraid of your shift key.

Eternally,

Jacky Maille
Paparazzi!

===========================

To: Jacky
From: Jamie

F*** yOU!!! how do you like my shift key now you f***ing troll!!!

===========================

To: Jacky
From: Jamie

and don't bother replying because i blocked your email...

No Respect for the Dead: Jack LaLanne (1914-2011)

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:57:00 +0000

"I can't afford to die. It would ruin my image." ~Jack LaLanne, noted fitness guru, juice aficionado, and all around nut died last night at the age of 96. The official cause of death was complications due to pneumonia. He had too much juice in his lungs. It is one of fate's cruelest jokes that the epitome of health, nutrition and fitness didn't live to be 100. Sadly, he never got to live his ultimate fantasy, which was to punch Richard Simmons in the balls.

Funeral arrangements are incomplete at this time, but it's a safe bet that Jack will be carrying his own casket.

Ideas About Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 05:56:00 +0000

Original ad:

Hello, I am trying to write a book and I am trying to do research on what different people's views are about Heaven. If you have the time and are interested send me your version on what you think Heaven is like? It does not necessarily have to be biblical, it can be your own ideal situation of what you would want Heaven to be like. If you were to go there tomorrow what would you want Heaven to be like? There is no pay for this. If, however, I do complete book and your ideas are good and included in book you will receive credit and compensation if it sells. Right now just doing research and seeking as many opinions as I can. Thank you and God bless

I would like to make a correction here, I am looking for ideas on what you think the physical in Heaven will be like. I do understand the feelings, peace, perfection, but I want to know what you think the physical will look like? What will your mansion look like, what age will you be, will your animals be there? Hope to hear your ideas.

==========================================

To: Kristin
From: Jacky Maille

Are you still looking for stories about Heaven? I ask because I just wrote a poem about my idea of Heaven right before I found your ad on Craigslist. If you're still seeking submissions, I'd love to share...

Sinncerely,

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky

From: Kristin

Jackie--Yes, thank you Im definately still looking for your ideas. I am editing our senior literary magazine at Saint Xxxxxx Christian Acadamy and looking for any submissions about Heaven that we could possibly include. Please send me your poem! I would love to read it and consider it! God bless.

Kristin Xxxxxxxxx

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To: Kristin

From: Jacky

Well shucks, I wasn't looking at getting published and becoming famous or anything. I just wrote it last night at 3AM. Tell me what you think:

Heaven

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
we've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want

When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life, you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Yeah - nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

Yeah: -I've bin waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Yeah, - I'll be standin' there by you
Woah

Weah he Hooooo
you're all that I want
you're all that I need

Me and my friend Ty made a video of me singing this song in my basement last night.

I just posted it to YouTube. http://youtu.be/3eT464L1YRA

==================================

To: Jacky

From: Kristin

Jackie--That was beutiful!!! I have to admit it made me cry a little bit.

Kristin

===================================

To: Kristin

From: Jacky

Kristin,

Let's be real, I don't really buy into the fact that you're "editing" a school literary

magazine based on the poor grammatical and spelling errors that you have

made in your correspondence with me. Seriously, babe, you can't even spell my name

correctly. It's Jacky with a "Y", not an "IE".

So if you even attempt to publish my original poem/song/video in any way without giving

full credit to me, Jacky Maille, then I will be forced to take legal action against you, you pirate!

============================

To: Jacky

From: Kristin

Dear JackY,

We have reviewed your submission and have not deemed it worthy for publication.

Thank you for your submission.

Happy New Year from KFC!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 01:11:00 +0000

KFC is happy to announce that, for a limited time only, is offering their best-selling sandwich ~THE DOUBLE DOWN® ~ buy one, get one FREE!!! (Offer good only at participating stores in Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana.)

That's right folks, that sickeningly delicious-looking one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat "chicken" filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!

Due to a sudden increase in our ingredient supply, we're passing the savings along to you! So Happy New Year and thank you for choosing KFC as your favorite place for chicken-flavored food!

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Meanwhile, in the news...

Seriously folks, you may want to keep your kids inside.

Au Revoir, 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 22:06:00 +0000

Well, it's nearly a new year, Jacky Maille fans. I just wanted to wish my dozens of readers a happy 2011! We sure had fun in 2010, didn't we? We trolled companies like Kroger and Starbucks. We tried to make Cock Retrievers THE dog breed to have. We looked for several roommates and jobs to no avail. My personal favorite was the Female Voice Over. Oddly, the most read post of 2010 was the one with the cheese and cracker trays.

Thanks again for joining me for a fun year of pissing off the interwebs. 2011 should be lots of fun as well. Who knows what we'll be capable of in the next 365 days?

Remember, Jacky is always open to suggestions, comments, and questions. Feel free to use the comment box below, or e-mail me at drewcifer66@gmail.com .

Happy New Year to everyone!

The Black Lips: Satan's New Musical Messengers

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 00:44:00 +0000

Original ad:

I need 1 to 2 tickets to the Black Lips/Deerhunter show at the eyedrum on dec 30th NOW! Willing to negotiate good money for it! I'm traveling 8 hours just to go to this show all in good faith! Please help if you know anyone going! Thank you!

================================

To: Gabriel
From: Jacky Maille

Dear The Black Lips Fan,

I seriously hope you're not going to hitchhike for 8 hours to see a The Black Lips in concert. Are you truly aware of the evil that they cause? Their music promotes Satanism, homosexuality, bestiality, masturbation, and a host of other demonic sins. You may as well attend a Black Mass in the fiery pits of Hell conducted by Satan himself.

The Black Lips concerts begin with the band leading the audience in a chant of passages from the Necronomicon, trying to raise the spirit of their dark master Cthulu. At some point during the show, each band member removes their pants and begins to masturbate on the audience. When they achieve orgasm, they spray the audience with their devil slime which is a cue for the rest to follow suit. Do you seriously want to be in the middle of 1,000 people with their genitals exposed and rubbing away? Not to mention everyone there is on drugs.

The lead singer will often sodomize the bassist throughout the show. The audience is usually unaware as they are at this point having a drug fueled orgy on the floor. The Black Lips conclude each show by sacrificing a dog or cat that they have stolen from a local animal shelter to their lord and master Satan.

My church group has been picketing these Devil Masses for years now. Anytime we are able to prevent even one person from being corrupted by these awful Satanmongers, we feel we have saved a soul for Jesus. I will be praying for you. I hope that the lord Jesus Christ will turn your eyes and ears away from the Devil and his evil band. I would highly suggest you read your Bible and listen to more wholesome music like Reba McEntire and Toby Keith. I understand what it's like to be young and confused. I was once like you until someone showed me the path to pure salvation.

Good Luck to you, and may Jesus shine his glorious light on you and point you in the right direction.

Jacky Maille

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To: Jacky

From: Gabriel

Wow seriously lady you are crazy!!! You dont know whow all kinds of wrong you are! Black Lips aren ATHEISTS and dont even beleive in god or satan so they cant be bad like that!! And just becuse they kiss once during that ONE SONG!!! doen't mean theyre homosexual or gay. Theyre making fun of the people who are CONDMMING them!

Im on my way I already Got my TICKETS waiting 4 me, so if ur chooch group[ is waiting 4 us we dont give a FUCK about u! BAD KIDS!!!!

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To: Gabriel

From: Jacky

Dude,

I'm just cranking you, man. I have never even heard of The Black Lips until I saw your ad online. Then I checked out some of their tracks on MySpace and youtube, and HOLY SHIT!!11! The Black Lips are just awful!

I'm just trying to have fun. This is my first internet.

Jacky

=================================

To: Jacky

From: Gabriel

No way lady. THEY JUSY KISSS. Fucki you its not gay it's pissing you off!!!

Juicy Couture Sunglasses for Guitar Hero

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 19:41:00 +0000

Original ad:

Juicy Couture sunglasses for Guitar Hero

Hi there I am wanting to trade my never worn shades of couture by juicy couture oversized sunglasses for any of the following ps3 items: any guitar hero bundles, band hero bundles, or rock band bundles.

I bought these glasses at solstice on sale for $80 and have only tried them on a couple of times. I have never actually worn them out or anything and they have just been sitting in the pink juicy case in my dresser for a while now. These would make a wonderful x-mas gift for any girl! I was going to put them on e-bay but I've been wanting these guitar games so I figured I'd try this first.

=================================

To: Lauren

From: Jacky

Hey Baby! I've got a Guitar Hero 5 bundle for PS3 if you're really interested. I've never done this sort of thing before, like trading video games for...well, you know. But yeah, I'm interested in meeting up and trading.

Jacky Maille

PS--What do the sunglasses and the bar of soap have to do with anything?

======================================

To: Jacky

From: Lauren

Hi Jacky Im interested in the guitar hero 5 for playstation! Did you read the ad all the way thru? I'm trading the sunglasses and the case for the game bundle. I bought them and then never wore them and I want to get my nephew the game for christmas but money is kinda tight so I'm trading them. Their in perfect condition so if you don't like them they'd make a nice present for someone else! My #770-xxx-xxxx, you can text me if youre still interested.

Thanks!Lauren

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To: Lauren

From: Jacky

Oh.

I thought you were offering to have sex with me for the game. I thought that's what you meant when you said you had a juicy cooter.

My bad.

Jacky Maille

=========================================

To: Jacky

From: Lauren

ARE YOU rEALLY THAT STUPID??!1 juicy couture is a designer brand you idiot! You are either trying to be real funny or you are just a stupid 10 year old! Or you are just retarted! Whatever you are I hope someone slaps you across your fool face!

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To: Lauren

From: Jacky

Lauren,

I apologize for the misunderstanding. Ever since Craigslist took the Adult section away, people have been trying to find different creative ways of hooking up there. I thought that's what you were trying to do. Sorry.

Anyway, I have your number, so if I find anyone who is looking for a pair of hideous looking overpriced sunglasses, I'll pass it along.

Good luck and happy holidays!

Jacky

Santa For Hire

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 02:11:00 +0000

Original ad:

SANTA 4 HIRE!!
I AM YOUR SANTA FOR HIRE. MY PRICES ARE RECESSION PROOF AND I AM WILLING TO TRAVEL!

==========================

To: Santa
From: Jacky Maille

Dear Santa,

I could very much use your services. I am the head of a large sales office that has been hit hard by the recession. On December 15th, I am going to be forced to lay off 250 employees. These are going to mostly be middle class family type people. They aren't aware that it's coming yet. What I thought would be nice was to have Santa come on on the day that the layoffs are announced and hand out the pink slips. In the spirit of the holiday (and to prove I'm not a total Scrooge) I'm also going to be giving each laid-off employee a $10 Wendy's gift card, which you could also hand out. After each laid-off employee gets their pink slip and gift card, security will escort them off the property. I figure the festivities should last last no more than an hour, and I'll pay you $25 for your time. Interested?

Jacky Maille

Operations Manager

Akimbo Software Solutions

=============================

To: Jacky

From: Santa

I am already bookd thru the end of December an I am afraid I will have to decline your invitation. If you decide to look for another Santa you should probably know that the going rate for a Santa is between $75-$250 per HOUR. A Real Beard Santa starts at $250 and for corporate events can go up to $1000 an hour. Costume rental is round $95 a day but most are already reserved before November.

Good luck and Merry Christmas

PS: I don't think its quite in the Holiday Spirit to do what you plan to do. You should wait at least until after the New Year. Just my two cents.

=============================

To: Santa

From: Jacky

Dear Santa,

Just who in the blue hell are you to lecture me about what is in the "holiday spirit"? Since when does a "Santa for Hire" who claims to be "recession proof" get the nerve to tell someone how to spend their American Express Corporate Card? You're the one who's being a Scrooge, pal. You place an ad on a very reputable website like Craigslist advertising a "recession proof Santa" who's "willing to travel" and then turn down my very generous offer to spread Holiday Cheer to what would otherwise be a gloomy event. And you have the gall to tell me how much to pay someone else? You must be the LeBron Fuckin' James of Santa Clauses!

Tell you what, I'll pay you $55 for one hour and I'll give you two of those Wendy's gift cards. That's my final offer.

Jacky Maille

Chief Thief Manager

Akimbo Software Solutions

==========================

Two days later

To: Jacky

From: Santa

Santa doesn't like being pranked. Pranksters go on the naughty list and get their e mails addresses reproted to craigslist.

Hohohoho MERRY CHRISTMAS

=============================

No Respect for the Dead: Leslie Nielsen (1926-2010)

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 21:58:00 +0000

Legendary comic actor Leslie Nielsen passed away yesterday from pneumonia in a hospital. Which is a big building with lots of patients in it, but that's not important. He was 84 and 1/3. When my friend told me he had died, I said, "Surely you can't be serious!" He said, "I am. And please don't call me Shirley. I would have told you earlier, but he wasn't dead then." I said, "84 is a good age." To which he replied, "Well, not for him!"

He had been admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. Doctors said he had a 50/50 chance of living. But there was only a 10% chance of that. It is not known yet whether he ate the fish.

Leslie Nielsen: Dead and Loving It!

Thanks for the funny.

Flesh-Eating Cockatiel

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 20:16:00 +0000

Original ad:

Hand-fed cockatiel, very loving and smart. Says several phrases and has learned to talk easily. Will be a year old in feb. Loves to play games and go for rides on your sholder. I had to move and must sell. $75 cage and all! Needs veggies and good quality seed daily. Very low maintenance.

============================

To: Susan
From: Jacky

Good luck selling your bird. I don't think anyone would really want a cockatiel that eats hands.

Jacky Maille

============================

To: Jacky

From: Susan

Jacky,

That was without a doubt, the most IGNORANT thing I have ever heard in my life. And I am a High School teacher!

I am not going to even dignify your IGNORANCE by explaining what hand-fed means. Perhaps you should spend you online time on websites like College Humor and Fark, and leave Craigslist to intelligent adults.

Good day to you,

Susan Bxxxx

Short & Thick Stud

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 22:14:00 +0000

Original ad:

Short and thick pit for stud

he is a proven stud, rednose with tiger stripe markings(brindle), very good temperment, great stud dog.. if interested will send you pics. Let me know when your girl ready! Thanks!

678-xxx-xxxx

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To: Aaron

From: Jacky Maille

Heeey!

Whassup Short n' Thick? Baby you know my girl always be ready! What you got in mind? You can send me pics. I'll holla!

Jacky

================================

To: Jacky

From: Aaron

(All I got was pictures of this dog)

================================

To: Aaron
From: Jacky

Whateva,

We both know you aint talkin' 'bout no damn mutt. We talkin' bout you taking me and my girl to Red Lobster and then gettin' some booty. Be real.

Jacky

=================================

To: Jacky

From: Aaron

um no im talkin bout my dog!

=================================

To: Aaron

From: Jacky

Whoah Baby!

Calm yo' tits! You aint backing outta this shit, aw hell no! You can try to block my e-mail, but you done went and left your phone number up there on Craigslist for me! As soon as I'm done with my period, Imma call you and we gonna do this! You promised me a short and thick stud, and you're gonna give me a short and thick stud!

Jacky

SNAKES!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 19:34:00 +0000

Original ad:

need someone to come and remove some baby snakes not sure what type but they need to be gone i have killed 2 and theses a nest of them
not sure what type they are but they need to go
i have found some pictures online and kinda looks like a rat snake but im not taking any chances

if u want a snake or many snakes come get them
picture attached is what it looks like just a little smaller

======================================

To: Summer
From: Jacky

The snake in that picture is a Jamaican Brown snake. They don't get very big, but they're some of the deadliest on the planet if they bite you! They're native to the island of Jamaica, but have come to the continent via drug smuggling ships. If you have a whole nest of them in your house, you need to get the hell away from there ASAP! Call the State Wildlife Commission. Believe me, I am an expert on snakes, and I know that a nest of those guys will take over your property and then your whole neighborhood. Above all else, please be careful!

Jacky Maille

Snake Expert

======================================

To: Jacky

From: Summer

ive killed 2 so far and their is more back there but I looked it up and to me they appear to be a rat snake. I mean if they are what you said then I am terrified because I have a 4 year old that isnt scared of them. I dunno ill take a pic of the last one i killed and send it to you and let you see what it looks like.

=======================================

To: Summer

From: Jacky

Summer,

Just be careful. Jamaican Brown snakes hunt in packs. You really should just get the hell out of there. Seriously.

Jacky

========================================

To: Jacky

From: Summer

i call bullshit on u my husband says jaimacan brown snakes arent poisonous.

=========================================

To: Summer

From: Jacky

Slummer,

Who are you going to believe, your husband who was dumb enough to hold a snake he couldn't identify just so he could take a picture? Or me, a world-renowned snake expert?

So be it. I'll be sure to come to your funerals and let your surviving friends and family know that I tried to save you.

May your god have mercy on your souls,

Jacky Maille

Lord of the Snakes

===============================

To: Jacky

From: Summer

ufck u they were rat snakes u asshole!

climbin' in yo windows, sssnatching yo people up!

Karaoke God

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:43:00 +0000

Original ad:

Karaoke and Live D.J. every Tuesday night at Xxxxxx Tavern in Downtown Villa Rica. 8:30 til 11:30
Great food and Entertainment.!

=========================

To: James
From: Jacky Maille

Hello there!

My name is Jacky Maille. I'm sure you've heard of me. I saw your posting about karaoke on Tuesday nights at Xxxxxx Tavern. I'm currently looking for a new place to go on Tuesdays. My old Tuesday night spot closed down (despite all the great business I helped them get), so I'm looking for a new place to go. Can you tell me a little more about the establishment? Also, what kind of crowd hangs out there?

Thank you in advance for the information,

Jacky Maille

=========================

To: Jacky
From: James

Jacky,

Thanks for your interest. Xxxxxx Tavern is located at 600 xxxxxxx hwy in downtown Villa Rica, nest to Advance Autoparts. They have great food and drinks, pool tables, darts and sports. The crowd is a good mix of all kinds of people young and old (21+ only). Karaoke starts at 8:30 every Tuesday night. Hope to see you there!

=========================

To: James
From: Jacky

James,

That sounds great. I may be willing to give your place a try. If I'm impressed, then I'll definitely come back.
I'm sure you're aware of who I am, but just in case, I'll explain:

I am, of course, a Karaoke legend! I am known in many places in the Atlanta area for my mad singing skills. Every business that I frequent sees a larger crowd on Karaoke nights because of me. Just ask the folks at Sweetwater Bar & Grill, Sportstime, or Loobies. They'll tell you. I always get free drinks from the bartenders because they see their tips double on the nights I'm there. People always tell me that I could win American Idol because I'm such a good singer. I plan to audition the next time they come to Atlanta. I have many songs in my repertoire. I'm always singing something different. I usually do slow jams and R&B, but sometimes I'll mix it up with a little pop or reggae.

What I usually do is this: I'll send my sister in around 10:45 to let you know that I've arrived and waiting in the parking lot. She'll let you know the songs I plan on singing. I won't actually make my appearance until you announce me (my sister will come out to the minivan to let me know when I am up). I like to sit out in the minivan and practice my songs before I come in. I prefer to be the last singer of the show. I always do one encore. If the crowd is really good and feeling me, then I'll do two. Afterwards, I like to chill at a table with some honeys and sipping free mai tais.

I'll be sure to give this place a chance next Tuesday night. I'll see you then.

Jacky Maille

=========================

To: Jacky
From: James

That sounds great Jacky. Just so you know, the songlist is 1st come 1st serve. I usually fill up the songlist by like 9:15 or 9:30 so you may want to get there early if you want to sing. Hope to see you there.

James

=========================

To: James
From: Jacky

Jimbo,

I think I made myself pretty clear in my last e-mail about how I perform. You can ask any other KJ in the area and they'll tell you just how damn good I am. I AM A KARAOKE GOD!!! But that's okay. You'll see how it is after one night. Maybe you can come up to Sweetwater tonight where I'll be performing and you'll see how it goes down. Trust me, you and the bar owner will be thanking me for my presence.

Yours truly,
Jacky Maille

=========================

To: Jacky
From: James

Jacky,

No thanks man. We're cool. Maybe you should just stick with the places you already go b/c the bartenders don't give out free drinks and our karaoke is 1st come 1st serve. Nobodys looking to get famous we're just all looking to have a ggod time. Good luck
James

=========================

To: James
From: Jacky

Jimmy,

Whatever. You already said you hope to see me there so no takesies backsies! I'll be up there next Tuesday night to show you what I can do. I'm thinking about doing "On Bended Knee" by Boyz II Men for starters, and maybe "Raspberry Beret" by Prince as an encore. I'll send my sister in to let you know when I get there.
Are you looking forward to it? I know you are!

The Legend,
Jacky Maille

Public Masturbation in Kentucky

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 00:51:00 +0000

Dateline: Knob Creek, KY

Kentucky State Senator Jack Inghoff (R-Naturally) is proposing a bill in the state senate that would impose stiff penalties on public masturbating. The bill is in response to an incident that occurred in the the legislators home district of Knob Creek.

The current law in Kentucky for public masturbating provides for a fine of $500 and/or six months of probation. Senator Inghoff's proposed bill would stiffen the penalties threefold; $1500, and six months minimum jail sentence. The bill has support from other members of the Kentucky legislature.

"It's a sin against God to abuse oneself in private, " says State Senator Phil McCrakin (R-Dongsford County), "...but it should be our mission in the State Senate to make it a crime publicly."

The action in the state legislature stems from an incident that occurred in Senator Inghoff's home district. Police had arrested a local man, Nolan "Woody" Jackson, for indecent exposure outside a gentleman's club in Pentup County. When brought before Judge Ben Grippinett, he stated, "While this might be viewed by some as a juicy case, I am tied up by the law of the land."

Jackson was sentenced to the maximum allowed by Kentucky law at the time.

While the measure has some public support, Senator Anita Hurtin (D-Tuchit County) has expressed some concerns. "Where do we draw the line?", she stated in a press coference outside the Statehouse in Frankfort, "What constitutes 'public' masturbating? If I'm alone in my house with the blinds slightly cracked, and someone sees me engaged in the act, would I go to prison?"

Senator Hurtin quickly amended her statement by adding, "Not that I would ever do that, of course...golly...I was speaking in hypotheticals there...is there a problem with the air conditioner in here? It's awfully hot..."

The Kentucky State Legislature is due to adjourn for the holidays before Election Day. Senate Majority leader, Bob Uppendoun stated, "This measure is important to all citizens of this fine state. We'll do whatever we can to squeeze this one out in time."

National Pornographic

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 00:40:00 +0000

Original ad:

Wanting any free National Geographic magazines that you need to get rid of. Thank you:)

=========================
To: Kimberly
From: Jacky Maille

Hi there,

I have a bunch of old National Geographic magazines from the 1970's and '80's. They're pretty rough shape and some of the pages are stuck together, but let me know if you're interested.

Regards,

Jacky Maille

==========================

To: Jacky

From: Kimberly

Hi Jacky,

Thanks for the reply...where are you located? Hope your having a great afternoon.

===========================

To: Kimberly

From: Jacky

You are so welcome for the reply! I am located in Stone Mountain. And I am having a wonderful afternoon! Thank you so much for your kindness and warmth!

About those National Geographics: Right after sending you the previous e-mail, I called my Mom in the nursing home to ask about all those old magazines. I was never sure why we were always hanging on to them. Well, my Mom tells me some crazy things about those old publications. She said that my late Dear old Dad used to get those magazines because they had naked pictures of native women in them. She said my old man used to cut those pictures out and tape them to the walls of his woodshed and pleasure himself. I think that's just disgusting!

You're not looking for these magazines for that reason, are you?

Jacky

============================

To: Jacky

From: Kimberly

No sweetie...I'm not. I'm just a history buff. I want to teach my grandchildren about knowledge. I may be coming south next week. Is it ok if I email you then?

Kimberly

================================

To: Kimberly

From: Jacky

Kem,

My God! That is just horrible that you want to expose your grandchildren to filth and smut!! Why don't you just get them a subscription to Hustler or Juggs or Sports Illustrated! I cannot in good conscience sell my Dad's old porno to someone who wants to "expose" things to their grandchildren in the "buff" no less!

For shame!

Jacky

==============================

To: Jacky

From: Kimberly

Your mistaken..the magazines have alot of historical and educational lit in them...I would never or have never exposed my grandchildren to filth.The magazines contains literature about nature, the earth, etc....

==================================

To: Kimberly

From: Jacky

Jim,

I'm sorry, but I took all those magazines out back and burned them. I can't let anyone else get their hands on such nastiness. And it sounds like you have a perverted obsession with pornography yourself. I suggest you seek help before you damage your poor innocent grandkids.

Good luck and Jesus bless,

Jacky Maille

Jamaican Nanny

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 23:48:00 +0000

Original Ad:

Jamaican Nanny NEEDED ASAP!!
Hi, Im looking for a Jamaican live-in nanny that has a VISA already. I have three children which are 1,2,&4 of age. I need the get someone up here before the end of the month. The pay would be $180.00per week+room and board, food and a cell phone....Thanks!

==============================

To: Anna
From: Jacky

Good day to you ma'am!

My name is Jacky. I saw your ad looking for a nanny for the young children. I have worked with the many children for 16 years and recently left the job at a local daycare center. I am sorry to say that I am not from Jamaica but I am from Charlotte Amalie in St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands. So I am already a citizen, but with the same Island attitude!

God bless you!

Jacky Maille

=============================

To: Jacky
From: Anna

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for replying to our ad. Yes we would prefer a Jamaican lady because our last nanny was Jamaican and thats what our children are used to, but Virgin Islands is fine too. Our lst nanny recently got married and moved to New York unexpectedly and my husband and I work full time with our own exterminator business.

Can you tell me a little more about yourself? Like how many families have you worked for. You said you left your last position at a daycare center. Can you tell me a little about that? And what sort of philosophies do you have regarding raising children?

If you could get back to us and maybe send a picture and resume would be great. Thanks Jackie!

Anna Lxxx

===========================

To: Anna
From: Jacky

Ana,

Good to hear from you ma'am! I tell you how I work with the children. We kick back, we relax. No worries. We sing songs, do crafts like paper folding and rolling. I worked for several whitey-dem families back home before coming to Atlanta. The daycare center I worked for lost they license to the state for some reason. I don't know. I mind my own business. I am not nosy.

Anyway, I send you my picture but understand this: If the question is will I have threesome with you and your husband-man, the answer is no!

'scuse me while I light this spliff...

Jacky

PS. What kind of cell phone are we talkin', mon? Cause I don't want no cheap ass Nokia. I want an i-phone!

==============================

To: Jacky

From: Anna

Thank you for your interest but we have already filled the position. Thank you.

Anna Lxxx

Boycott Starbucks!

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 18:07:00 +0000

It's common knowledge to every American alive that the Starbucks Corporation has invaded every street corner in the USA. Go to any shopping mall and you'll run across at least three Starbucks franchises. Starbucks has not only infiltrated and injected itself into American culture, it has laid its eggs into our collective consicousnesses. There is even a Starbucks near Ground Zero in Hiroshima!

While people are enjoying their coffees, lattes, cappucinos, and iced frappacinos, they remain blissfully unaware of the atrocities committed by the vast crime syndicate/coffee retailer known as Starbucks.

Despite numerous death threats, I'm going to expose a few of the skeletons in the cellar of the Starbucks Home

Office.

1) Every coffee bean imported from South America for use in Starbucks Coffee is hand burnt by a Costa Rican immigrant with a Bic lighter. He spends 16 hours a day, burning already roasted coffee beans one by one with his lighter. Starbucks pays him a KFC gift card worth $25 dollars every week.

2) All of the delightful pastries you purchase from the Starbucks cooler were made in Bulgaria. They were made by child slave labor in muffin making sweatshops. Big strapping German men in leather and jackboots whip these child slaves repeatedly yelling, "Knead da dough, knead da dough!!"

3) Starbucks doesn't use regular cows' milk. Every Starbucks Latte, Cappucino, Frappe, etc is made with milk from hamsters in Mexico.

These poor hamsters are fed corn then impregnated to produce milk for the Starbucks Corporation. Every Starbucks has a room marked "Employees Only". Behind that door is the hamster rape/milking room...

Save the rainforest, save the Bulgarian children, and above all, save the poor innocent hamsters: Boycott Starbucks!!!

Brazil Butt Lift

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 01:10:00 +0000

Original ad:

Wanted: Brazil Butt Lift DVDs
If you have any unused or used in great condition, please get back to me. I'll pay up to $40. Thanks.

===============================

To: Elanor
From: Jacky

Hi there,

I saw your ad and I'd love to help. I don't have the exact title you're looking for, but I have quite a collection of similar DVDs that I'm looking to sell. I was just going to sell them on E-bay, but if you're interested I can send you my list of titles and see if there are some you might be interested in.

Jacky Maille

=================================

To: Jacky
From: Elanor

Jacky,
Thanks for answering my ad! You're the only person who's replied to me lol! I'm looking for that specific DVD set, Brazil Butt Lift. Send me your list and I'll see if theres any that I can use or maybe use as christmas presents as long as there in good condition.

Elanor Rxxxxxx

==================================

To: Elanor
From: Jacky

Elanor,
I can assure you that all my DVDs are in pristine condition. I'm very proud of my collection but circumstances beyond my control are forcing me to part ways with them. Here's my list:

Puerto Rican Big Booty Shake
Big, Black, and Beautiful
Big Booty Lesbos in Hawaii
Big Booty Lesbos in Hollywood
A Beautiful Behind
American Booty
Buttman & Throbbin
Backdoor Adventures of Beaver and Butthead
Gulp Fiction
Hump Backed at Notre Dame
Lord of the G-Strings (Big Butt Special Edition)
Star Whores: The Empire Licks Crack
They Came From the Planet Butt
Wonka's Willy and The Fudge Packery
White Men Can't Hump

If you're interested in any or all of these, let me know. I'll give you a great deal on some or all of them.

Jacky

==================================

To Jacky
From: Elanor

I am not amused.

==================================

To: Elanor
From: Jacky

Elaine,

Hey, I'm not amused either. After I got fired from my job at the daycare center, I was forced to move back into my mom's basement. She's one of those religious freaks who thinks her house is "unclean" because of my DVD collection so she's forcing me to get rid of them. Listen, I'll sell you all 15 for $30. That's like two bucks a title! And Lord of the G-Strings is a three disc set, so it's an even better deal. Let me know!

Jacky

===============================

To: Jacky
From: Elanor

OMG! I'm not surprised you got fired from your job you fucking perv! And at a daycare center! Go away and leave me alone before I report you to the sex offenders list!

Well-Loved Ottoman

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 21:32:00 +0000

Original ad:

I'm looking for an upholstered ottoman with a max width of 28 inches to put next to my couch.
Please only e-mail me if you have a picture attached.
Thanks!

=================================

To: Otto
From: Jacky Maille

Hi there,

I have an ottoman that I'm looking to get rid of. You might say it's been well-loved. It's yours for ten bucks. You can pick it up today if you're interested. Also, I can do better than just a picture. I'm attaching a video of me and my boys showing the many uses this ottoman has.

Let me know if you're interested.

Jacky Maille

==================================

To: Jacky
From: Otto

Fuck you faggot. And your faggot friends too. Don't ever contact me anymore.

==================================

To: Otto
From: Jacky

I can assure you that the ottoman has been tested for herpes and it's clean. On second thought, I've decided not to sell it. I just can't bear the thought of my ottoman in someone else's house getting humped by some stranger who doesn't love it the way me and my homeboys do. Sorry to waste your time.

Jacky "Pipelayer" Maille

Cock Retrievers Pt. 2: Jacky Gets Busted!

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 21:10:00 +0000

Back in May I posted an entry entitled "Cock Retriever" where I attempted to talk this dude into breeding his Cocker Spaniel with "Puddytat", my [fictional] Flat-Coated Retriever. Recently, I ran across an ad where the person was looking for a Retriever mix puppy, so I sprang into action. The result wasn't quite what I expected, but it's good to know that Jacky Maille is high up on Google's search engine.

------------------------------------------------------

Original ad:

We are looking for our first family dog and would like a 4 or 5 month old female golden retriever mix. Preferably a mini golden/golden cocker retriever/english comfort golden/dakota sport retriever... all of which are mainly golden retriever with a little cocker spaniel and/or poodle mix. Want the look of a golden retriever without the large size.

================================

To: Michael Bxxx
From: Jacky Maille

I was so happy to see your ad online! My Flat-Coated Retriever bitch, Puddytat (AKC Registered) was studded out to an English Cocker Spaniel (named Lawrence Welkbubbles) last June. Several weeks ago, Puddytat whelped 6 Cock Retriever pups. 3 Male 4 Female.

Now keep in mind, Cock Retrievers aren't common yet, but soon they will be the most sought after designer breed in the world! My deal is this: You buy one of my female Cock Retriever pups for $1000, and I'll allow you to breed her with another one of my Cock Retrievers. Soon we will both have Cock Retriever puppies sell Cock Retrievers to families all around the world!

Are you interested? Let's make this work!

Jacky Maille

=============================

To: Jacky

From: Michael

That sound like a good ideas but we dont have that kind of money to spenf....we are just lookingfor a family dog to adapt not to make investments. PS you should come up with a differnt name for your puppies becuse Cock retriever just sounds vulger and you might not be able to make money with a name like that.

Michael Bxxx

=============================

To: Michael

From: Jacky

Mickel,

I'm sorry to hear that you're not interested in being one of the first Cock Retriever owners in the US. It's a well-known fact that designer dogs are the newest craze that's sweeping the Nation. It's a can't miss oppurtunity. If I were you, I'd take out a title loan on your truck or minivan or whatever in order to cough up the cash. You're looking at having a litter of six to eight puppies that you can sell for a $1000 each. Trust me when I say that in five years, no self-respecting gay man is going to be without his very own Cock Retriever. I still have two females left, so if you're still interested please let me know by the end of the week!

I might be willing to break up the payments for you; $500 deposit and $500 when the puppies are weaned and ready for placement.

Jacky Maille

=================================

To: Jacky

From: Michael

FUCK YOU111

My daughter did an internet lookup on your name and found your websight where you have pulled this scam before. We are a vry religious family and we are not going to be scammed by people like you.

=================================

To: Michael

From: Jacky

Mack,

Haha...I am often confused for the Jacky Maille that runs that blog. That guy is quite the legend! I can assure you that I merely share a name with him. Kind of like I'm sure you share a name with other Mike Bell's. I must inform you however that I have sold my last two females to a nice couple in Midtown. I'm hoping to have another litter early next year when Puddytat recovers, and I will contact you when that happens. In the meantime, Jesus bless you!

Jacky

================================

To: Jacky

From: Michael

This will be thae last you hear from me. I warn you that if I see my name on your websight I will call the police and report you to the FBI. your days are numberd ASSHOLE111

=================================

Glad to see that religion is working so well for this guy! Consequences will never be the same!

Dear Kroger: Your Labels Lie!

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 05:44:00 +0000

Kroger is a rather large grocery store chain based out of Cincinnati, Ohio with stores all across the United States. Like many retailers, they have their own generic brand-name products on the shelves alongside the major label goods. The following is an unedited correspondence I had with Kroger's "Consumer Affairs" Department concerning their labeling on a can of olives. Remember dear reader: Jacky Maille is always on the lookout for you, the consumer! Enjoy!

===========================================

To: Kroger

From: Jacky Maille

Dear Kroger,

I was recently browsing through one of your fine stores last week when I ran across a can of Kroger Brand Ripe Olives (Small Pitted). The picture on the can depicted four ripe, delicious black olives on a bed of luscious penne pasta and roasted red peppers with just the right amount of what appears to be oregano. I thought to myself, "My what a tasty snack that would make!" So I purchased the can and went home. I opened up the can and emptied it out in a bowl, eagerly anticipating my newfound Mediterranean feast. It was all olives. No pasta. No roasted red peppers. Nothing but olives. I returned to the same location the next day and bought another can, thinking perhaps I had a defective can. But alas, same thing: olives only. I feel as though I have been defrauded by your labeling and packaging company. I had every intent to purchase a canned mouth-watering olive-pasta-red pepper treat. Instead, I only got olives.

I am very upset with you and I hope we can come to some happy resolution on this whole deal.

Sincerely,

Jacky Maille

===========================================

To: Jacky Maille

From: Christie Mxxxxxxx, Consumer Affairs

Dear Ms. Maille:
Thank you for contacting The Kroger Co. I apologize for the delay in responding to your email. The product is clearly labeled as black olives. The picture of the pasta salad is merely a suggestion on how the olives may be used.

If you have any further concerns or questions please feel free to contact us at 800.632.6900.

Sincerely,

Christie Mxxxxxxxx
Consumer Affairs

===========================================

To: Christie@Kroger

From: Jacky Maille

Chestie,

Thank you for your reply. Perhaps the blame lies with me. I never learned how to read when I was young. It's something I'm very sensitive about. Anyway, from now on I know that whenever I buy a Kroger Brand product, I'm only going to get a third of what is depicted on the label. Thank you for clearing this up for me.

Hey, at least you guys have those cool TV carts to ride around in. Has anyone ever suggested maybe adding some leg room so adults like myself can ride in them more comfortably? Hey, maybe you could have previews of upcoming DVD releases on them. Just an idea. Hey, good luck with that ice cream recall, by the way.

Sinfully,

Jacky Maille

Rent My Creepy Van

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:56:00 +0000

I'm not sure, but I think the humor might have gone way over this dude's head...

Original ad:

van needed for 2 weeks to florida

i am looking to rent a reliable window van at least 8 seats for family to go to sights aroundAtlanta for a week and then Florida for a week careful driver

=====================================

To: Dennis

From: Jacky

Hello,

I recently purchased a van at a police auction. It's a slightly older model, but it should seat your family fairly comfortably. I'm sure you could probably take your dog with you too.

E-mail me back if you're still interested. I can give you more details and send along some pics.

Jacky Maille

===================================

To: Jacky

From: Dennis

please send me more details please thanks dennis

==================================

To: Dennis

From: Jacky

Dennis,

This is what I was told from the people at the police auction:
The van has a lot of mileage on it, but it is in tip-top shape. It's previous owners were a group of college dropouts who took it all over the country, working odd jobs here and there. They were finally busted here in Georgia for running a mobile meth-lab out of the back.

It's clean now and has new tires and belts. Attached is a photo. Let me know what you think.

Jacky Maille

==================================

To: Jacky
From: Dennis

sorry i need window van thanks

==================================

To: Dennis
From: Jacky

Denzel,

No problem my friend. Hell, sometimes I think the kooky thing is haunted. My Great Dane always gets freaked out when I take him for a ride in it.

Jacky

==================================

Trailer Trash Roommate

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:03:00 +0000

Original ad:

Hello, my fiancee and I are living in a 2 bedroom/1 bath mobile home, very clean
and we have 3 dogs.
They are very good with children, and other dogs. We will take care of the
electric and water bills.
You can pay either $110 a week or $350 a month!

===============================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Hello there,

I saw your ad on Craigslist. I live in the area but I'm going to be needing new
digs soon. If your room is still available, let me know and we can trade
whatever pertinent info we need to share

Thanks,
Jacky Maille

==============================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

It is still available. give me a call 404-xxx-xxxx

Whitney

==============================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Whitney,
Thanks for getting back in touch with me. Right now, my soon-to-be-ex has my phone so calling is a bit difficult right now. Basically, I need to be out by the first of the month. He doesn't seem to have a problem with all the great meth that I can score for him, but he keeps picking fights with me over my drinking. So what if I like to go out and party until last call and then bring home random men and women for hot rough sex? I can't help it if I'm loud. That shitweasel needs to go out and get a fucking job if he knows what good for him. I don't do meth myself, but I like to smoke pot and drink. Sorry if I'm going off on a rant here. I'm just so frustrated with that deadbeat limp-dicked motherfucker and I'm ready for some peace and quiet.

I am responsible. I work a full-time job as a dog groomer (didn't you say you had dogs?) so paying my rent on time isn't an issue. I also like to cook big meals (I get the munchies a lot) and I keep my space very clean.

So what's yall's story?

Jacky

==============================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

My mother in-law said that this will not work out, we can't have pot in the house.

===============================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Whitey,

That mother-in-law of yours sounds like a real buzzkill, if you know what I mean. That's okay, I can leave it in my truck and smoke it in there. Of course, that will mean a lot of trips out to my truck, but no worries. I keep all my guns in there too. Speaking of which, do you have a lot of land out that way? I like to shoot at Mountain Dew cans on the weekends.

Jacky

================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

Nah, someone's fucking around on craigslist..probably a little high school kid.
And my mil, is the fuckin' shit. GTFO

================================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Whistney,

I can assure you that if I were some high school kid with no life, I'd be all over some porn right now and not trolling Craigslist. I mean, who does that?
Seriously, when would be a good time to meet up?

Jacky

================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

The second tuesday of next week.

================================================

To: Whitney
From: Jacky

Winky,
Wow. Aren't you just a clever and original bitch!
With that attitude, you're never going to find a roommate for your white-trash trailer. I'll look elsewhere, thank you very much. Good luck.

Jacky

=================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

that was not me! that was the mil .....

=================================================

To: Jacky
From: Whitney

And it's def not white trash, it's on a 2 acre lot with one surrounding trailer. Sorry to burst your bubble.

=================================================

Jacky Speaks!

noreply@blogger.com (Drewcifer) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 01:13:00 +0000

Get a Voki now!

Let the word go forth!