My friend is very special to me. I like her a lot. She’s number one to me in my world. However, since I like her so much… I’ve been hurting and lying to myself. I’ve also drifted away from my other friends since I hang around her so constantly… I don’t understand for sure on why I do that but I’ve been somewhat try to stop being around her so much…

Today, I admitted to my feelings and told her that I still liked her and thought that her and I should talk it over and see how we can still be friends. As usual, I panicked about asking it while she seemed to have no reaction. Just a “oh…okay” look as though it didn’t mean anything, which is what my feelings towards her are;; It’s a hard fact to go on with but it’s true. I just hope that she won’t distance herself from me. She knows my secrets and I know some of hers… She’s also been seeming a bit down lately but she told me to tell her what was on my mind anyway;; So I wonder if I did the right thing…telling her that I still like her…and hoping to be friends somehow… ahh…I honestly have no clue about relationships. I’ve never been interested in them in all honesty- but I’ve had my share of crushes. All were on guys until I met her…but my crush on her lasted long than the guys I had crushes on… I mean, I checked out other girls every now and then but I never noticed myself doing those kinds of things until this year. I’ve never been in a relationship and I’ve asked my friends about it…well…at least the ones who seemed to know what they meant;; They stated that once you entered the “world of love”, you were practically screwed for life…

Anyway… my friend said that she’d think my situation with her over the night and talk to me tomorrow. In truth, I honestly wish for her to like me mutually rather than in a friendly way even though I’m fine with being friends too… ;; my other friends have told me that I lie when I say that I’m fine with being friends…and it’s true but what else can I do? What else could I possibly be? Sure, she and I flirt a lot, to the point where we could practically be dating. We’re close enough to one another most of the time and it could look like we’re lovers but we’re not. Teachers and students stare at us…and she seems worried to be labeled as a “lesbian”… I don’t want her to be labeled. I don’t want her to be sad. I want her to be happy and to be content with her life, to find someone she will love forever and for that special someone to love her back just as much. I don’t want her to suffer like she does already…I want her to just be herself and not be judged. She’s beautiful and smart. She knows how to do things and she helps others when she honestly could care less. She’s sweet and innocent, but others don’t see that.

They only see her as some creep who believes in dragons. A liar who acts up everything that she does. Some psychotic emo lesbian. It makes me want to hurt those people who stare at her…who say these things…and then I find that some of my own friends have said things related to the hurtful words… so I’m torn between them even though I’m sure that I’m now just some random friend who comes by every now and then… I’m not sad or mad or even happy… I just want the best for those who surround me…

Thank you for your time if you happened to read this.
I wouldn’t mind any suggestions and such either.

Again, thank you, and farewell.

- Mii-Chan

P.S. How can teen lesbians/bisexuals find other lesbians/bisexuals? I’m curious on how it all “works” …I know that there are lesbians at my school but… I’m afraid to talk to them;;; They’re all older than me too soo…that doesn’t help me by much… I’m terrified of older people for some reason;;; But I’m willing to talk…

anybody from malaysia??i really need lesb friends now since i dont have one..n i from malaysia(k.trengganu)