The Life And Times Of An Army Wife

TDY means insomnia!

2008-03-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

So For the last two weeks, since hubby's been on tdy all over god's country, i've been up past midnight. I consider this a bit of insomnia. Especially considering my normal bed time is somewhere between 8pm and 10pm. I barely ever make it all the way to 11! There is no real reason for it except the fact that #1-I don't have a job anymore, and so there is no place for me to hurry off to in the morning, and #2-Gabby's school is on spring break...so again...no place for me to be. But the real reason is that Hubby is not here!
I use to go through phases like this when he first joined. Anytime we have been seperated from each other, I've gone through phases of insomnia. I think it's just my bodies way of saying that there is a piece of me missing.
It hasn't really bothered me until tonight. I think that's because I haven't heard from ANYONE today, well except for my mom. But I haven't heard from Hubby, or my other friends who usually text me 90 times a day. Nope, everyone is busy, so I'm bored! Even my sis-in-law isn't online right now. So I've no one to talk to. And it's midnight!

I hate being bored and lonely. I should be either going to bed or doing laundry...

hmmm...sleep sounds more inviting! hahahah

A quick update

2008-03-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

Gabby is doing better. I can tell she's feeling better cause she's gabbing alot more! UGH...But, she is still pretty sick. She is still spiking fevers in the evenings and getting the chills. Her lips actually turned blue yesterday afternoon!

I'm hanging in there. Getting stressed again, but trying my best to stay focused. I need to get back to taking my meds. I hate when I realize I have a problem and then do something about it, and then get lazy about fixing the problem!

The next step is vacation...no let me rephrase that...the next step is cleaning house...BIG TIME! UGh... THEN the next step is packing and leaving for VACA. We have a week. God willing Gabby starts feeling better in the next couple of days so she can help me get this house situated. The biggest obsticle is her own room!

But I'm sure if I get and stay focused, I'll be ok. This week I've been gallavanting all around town with a friend trying to keep my mind off of my problems. I should have just stayed home. I should not have spent money, and I should be cleaning.

Oh well, can't have everything, and I'm certainly not perfect.

This weekend is Easter. Time to renew and move on!

Can my life ever be easy?

2008-03-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm saying Goodbye to all stress, and still I'm under it.

I just called and talked with my boss at BABW. Yeah, well, I was only wanting to take a leave of absence and instead ended up having to terminate my employment there.

Yesterday morning I woke up to Gabby having a 103.4 fever out of no where. It was so sudden and no signs of any issues, I knew that it was bad news, and indeed that's what it was.
My suspision was that her Kidneys had become infected again. She had just come off of antibiotics for a UTI not even a week ago, and all of a sudden, she's brewing with infection again.

So at 7am I called my babysitter, who of course was not willing to take on two children, one of which was sick as hell. I called work, no answer, I called my mom (needed the moral support), I called the school to say Gabby wasn't coming, I called the Docs to get an appointment, and called work again 3 more times every half hour until my manager finally answer. This all happened in the course of two hours.

When I finally got my manager on the phone I was caught with attitude against me. Evidently I was the only one who was working with her all day yesterday and BABW had a party booked for 11am. So I was told "No, you can't call in" and "Well, you need to call a friend" (to which I informed her of the afformentioned info!) lastly met with a "Well, FINE, I'll just have to figure it out on my own!" attitude, which of course, led me to be more stressed out and more upset because now I've realized I have an uncaring boss!

The doctor's appointment was at 1:30, we arrived at 1:10pm and did not leave the dang office until 5:30!!!!! They did every culture under the sun, including throat, blood and urine to find out the cause of infection, only to tell me at 5pm that they know there is infection in her body, but they don't know where, but we're going to give her a shot of antibiotics to help get rid of it faster. During the appointment the doc mentioned possibly having to admit her, surprisingly they didn't go that route. So, for three days in a row, this poor thing has to get two shots in each of her legs. I guess it's better than an iv?!

Hubby is not here, of all times that this comes up again, it's when he's gone. And of course, stupid me stopped taking my meds! I'm dumb, I know I am. But still, why are people so uncaring.

like I said, I just got off the phone with my manager, and to my story about yesterday, and my wanting to take a leave of absense to be fair to my family and to the store she says "well I'm glad you realized that there was a problem, because yesterday was just rediculous here, it was a disaster" Not..."Oh, I'm sorry your daughter is so sick" or at least "I'm sorry your daughter isn't feeling well, but yes it is a good idea to take leave, cause the store can't deal with this...blah blah...

No...just about the store. I guess I thought I meant more to the people there than that? kinda hurtful.

What's a geographical single mom to do? Well, at least I don't have to worry about baby sitting anymore. If I really want to, I can look into being rehired by them at a later time when my hours open up a bit more? But for now, it wasn't great money, and definately not good hours for me. So I guess it's for the best.

Still, it was the best job I've had yet. Well, one that brought me a little joy anyway. and yes, I'm shedding a little tear. I'm upset that again, I've had to give up on something that I honestly liked.

2008-03-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

I've finally come to the realization that I'm depressed. It took me several weeks, but the overall stress and anxiety that I've been feeling, coupled with incessant crying fits was a huge clue! hehe.

I've been in this place before. It's not pleasant, it's not pretty. It's dark and gloomy...hmmm...pretty much just like this northwest territory I live in! ha!
It's hard for me to live in this place. It's harder for my family to deal with me when I'm in this place! So because of that, I scampered off to the docs to get help. The last thing we all need is for me to be off balance with an approaching deployment!

I'm starting to feel better. I'm getting used to the meds, and well, to be honest, I hate taking any type of medication, but I REALLY hate having to take medication for depression. It makes me feel weak. More so, it makes me feel mental. I know I'm not, but still.

Along with the realization that I'm depressed, I've also figured out that I've just taken on way too much. This adds to my stress. I'm needing to cut back, but am finding it hard to let go of things. I like being involved, because it makes me feel needed. But when I'm needed, and I have work to do for those entities, I feel stress...so it's a nasty little circle that I'm in.

Hubby is making me (not really putting a gun to my head, but for my sake and sanity) take a breather from Mary Kay. My biz really hasn't gotten into full swing yet anyway, and for now, I just can't commit to it! So I'm taking a step back from it. I'm also going to drop out of the Enlisted Spouses club. This one is the harder one for me. I'm on the executive board, so I'm WAY needed. And so it's hard for me to admit to them that I'm having issues, and to resign from my post. But I'm not having fun there anymore. Every meeting that I've been to since the beginning of January has been extremely stressful. With all that's going on in my life, I cannot deal with anymore drama, especially other people's drama! I feel bad though because I like the girls that I deal with there. I've gotten a little closer to them, even though they truly don't know me.

What I realize the most, is that I need "ME" time. I need to set aside time for me every day. I'm failing at that. I have soo much going on, so much is beyond my control, that I cannot take "me" time right now.

ahh well, I think I might start writing more. Maybe it will help? Since going back to work, and getting involved I've let alot of the things that I did to keep myself sane go. Maybe I need to find the time to pick them back up again?

I gotta go get Gabby from school...I should start calling her Gappy...she lost her first two teeth! The first was lost one week after her 6th birthday, and the second was lost this past Sunday. Ahhh mile markers!

I need to vent...

2008-02-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

I've been trying so hard to be included into different entities surrounding our post. I think I finally succeeding in doing so, but at a huge cost.

I'm realizing that with every club, school function, and work related affiliation, I'm loosing myself.

My husband has been gone for the past two weeks. He left me behind with two children, an extremely messy house, my parents on their way and a feeling of unending doom on the horizon. I know...really overly dramatic right? Bare with me! I also have my monthly visitor at the moment! hehe

So off he went on his training mission. Meantime, the parents get here and we are ok, doing our thing. Gabby's birthday was last week, he missed that! And then the parents left one week in. Again, messy house, kids on my own (who are now sick!) and he's out doing his thing.

This one week, he's coming home for FIVE DAYS!!! 5...count them...Then he's off again for another 3 weeks of training! He arrives today.

In this one week I have to work for 4 days this week, I have a Mary Kay meeting on Monday night, and ESC meeting Tuesday night, I'm supposed to have Choir on Wednesday, but that's not going to happen, it's the one expendable thing this week...not to mention I'm supposed to be choreographing the school musical Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday...so basically, I have Friday night too myself! That's it!

In the meantime, I'm realizing that I'm being talked about behind my back at the ESC...ooohhh I missed ONE meeting! Wow...I'm a horrible person! I haven't even started learning the choreography for Tuesday, AND the one thing I really wish I could do is CHOIR! ha!

So I'm trying to figure out a way to get what I want. Oh yeah...let's not forget the fact that I'm able to work 25 hours a week, and I've only been getting MAYBE 12! So, I'm thinking, especially after only recieving a $90 paycheck this past week, that I may be quitting this job. The thing about that is, I really LIKE this job. I just have a WHOLE lot on my plate and all I'm doing is paying for child care...in all honesty!

So I'm thinking I should back out of ESC. This would honestly save me alot of issues and drama! I'm thinking I'm also going to back out of my job. I will actually give them two weeks notice, with the intent of coming back in the fall. I just have way too many plans right now!

I need to have a piece of mind. I need to work on me. I would like my days to flow. I would like to get up every day and take Gabby to school, then head off to the gym or the track...I need to get back into exercising! Then I'd like to clean my house. Then I'd like to spend time working my new Mary Kay business. Pick Gabby up from school, help her do her homework, and then just relax. Monday nights do the whole Mary Kay meeting thing, and Wednesdays do choir. Ahhh....that would be ideal.

I wonder if it would work?

I don't know how I ever survived in school. I used to be able to MASTER the unbelievable schedule! It's probably the fact that I'm not only focused on ME anymore...i'm a Mom, I have to be focused on Them...Me time comes at a cost...One that has been WAY to expensive lately.

In a few words, I'm stressed and depressed. I need ME time.

Anyone wanna come and organize my life?

2008-01-17T12:50:00.001-08:00

I'll give you a dollar! hahah...that's about all I got for now!

Anyway, I guess the whole "He's Not Going to Be Here Thing" has truly sunk in and now I'm somewhat getting into action mode. I scheduled Gabby's birthday party yesterday. Gotta love places like build a bear! I don't have to worry about feeding anyone, just paying for them to make themselves a bear! hahaha. Not too cheap, but tons easier on me. And as far as the cost goes, my mom is going to help me out there. Good old Mommom to the rescue!

I've been trying to get our house organized today. I'll probably have better luck tomorrow considering Hubby has a four day which starts tomorrow, so Gabby will be at school, Hubby can help out with Baby girl and E. the little boy that I watch every so often (that is Driving me INSANE TODAY!) ugh...anyway, so hopefully we'll get more done tomorrow.

Hubby was talking about finally putting up the fencing this weekend. Not sure where he thinks we'll have time for that, but hey, more power to him! We need to clean house (all common areas anyway) cause we're going to have people over on Sunday for the football game. CRAP! I forgot to call off from work...UGH...I'll have to do that in a bit.

Work put me at ease yesterday. I didn't have to work, I went in to have a chat with my manager regarding hours. I need to only work days, no nights, no weekends. I thought she was gonna give me some issues with that. I mean it IS retail. But she understood. So I'll be working only days from now on.

Hopefully, I'll be able to find consistant child care! Oye. Which the person who I have now shouldn't have any issues once January is done. She's just been traveling alot!

I'm anxious for February to get here. Not to see Hubby go, but to see my parents come and have Gabby's birthday. After those two things, I'll probably be dreading the next couple months. I didn't know we'd also be spending Easter alone! Huh...my mind can't keep things straight. I'm going to become a list maker! ha...It'll be the only way I keep my sanity.

M. Thanks! you know what for!

And so things must go on...

2008-01-15T21:17:00.000-08:00

Well...I'm going to be on my own in just a couple weeks. So much sooner than expected. Deployments mean training, training still means time away from the family. And of course, as stated before, we find these things out, just mere weeks before the insanity takes hold.

A strange calm lays upon me now. My initial reaction was tears, but what can I do? Not much really. He IS missing Gabby's birthday by one week. Well, we'll celebrate that one early. Something she wants to do with Daddy, Mommy and baby girl, just us four.

My parents arrive the day after he gallops away. So at least for that week I'll have company. I need to definately rearrange my work schedules. I need to be home now. I need to be here with him, with this family...NOW. Luckily I'll be able to go by the store tomorrow while Gabby is in school. Everything will be left up to me now. There is no more relying on him to help with dinner, or Gabby's homework, or calming down babygirl until I can get to her. I will now be both Mommy and Daddy. I'll have to be.

Deployment. What an ugly word to me right now! I'm scared!

Can this Unit ever figure itself out???

2008-01-15T14:10:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna gripe for a few minutes here. I can't go into detail too much, for obvious national reasons, but WHY in God's Great Earth can this stupid Unit NOT figure out what kind of training is necessary to go to war, when it went two years ago?????

Ok, so I have NO idea what's going on in the next four months. I couldn't even tell you what is going on next month! Why? Cause Hubby can't tell me, and the team Sgt can't tell him, cause nobody knows...hmmmm...starting to sound sorta like the whole issue with our back pay! I love this place! UGH.... (Oh PS-Some retarded E-7 dropped the ball and the forms never even made it to Finance! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! Honing Charlie Brown there!)

So Hubby may not be here for Gabby's b-day next month. He doesn't know. It is just under a month a way and I can't really plan for it, cause I don't know where Hubby will be! ::rolls eyes::

I'm pissed about this now, but if you were to approach me about this last night, I would have balled my eyes out! I'm becoming more and more emotional about the whole subject. Frustration isn't the word. I think it's fear. I don't know. I was fine not even two weeks ago and now I'm having trouble sleeping, and well...I just don't want to let go.

Now on top of this is our beautiful little five year old, who I think is making me feel worse. This poor thing is getting so stressed out about all of this. She actually balled her eyes out in front of Hubby the other night as they were playing together. I wonder, honestly, if our emotions are so high because we just finished taking down the last of the Christmas decorations, and we know that Hubby won't be here next Christmas. I wonder if that's what sparked Gabby's reactions? I know mine were initially set off by Gabby's.

God, just get me through this year...and make it quick!

UGH, only Jan 11th and I'm already in that horrible place...

2008-01-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Well, that didn't take long! 11 days into the new year and already my brain is freaking out and I'm going into panick attacks. I had one yesterday and here we go again today!

This probably is true, and for the moment I just really don't want to look into it. My bank is trying to hold my money captive! You see, way back in August of last year our bank screwed us by allowing us to go WAY under, not once, but twice. And while I greatly appreciated the fact that they paid out the money to the checks that were presented, I'm not so greatful that I wasn't alerted to how bad off we were. And more so, to the fact that they were still allowing us to pull money from atms, and use out debit cards (to me, this was totally irresponsible of the bank!) Ok, while it is totally true that the initial thing that sent us under was our doing. The rest of it was theirs. There was no cut off. They charged us fees for every tiny charge we made with our debit cards (we're talking $3 here people). Had the bank denied our card usage like it should have, we would have only gone under by the initial 200 or so. So Ask me why this happened twice that month? By the second pay check, we were so far under that the check didn't make a dent, and so any bills that were paid out to be taken out at the mid month pay, also went under! So really, I do still blame the bank. I know none of my other banks would ever let me go that far! They may fee the crap out of me, but they would NEVER allow the cards to still work! WTF!!!

So today I went to said bank to deposit 7 checks. Christmas and side job money to help us get through this weekend until we get paid on the 15th. Yeah...not happening! The bank insists on an 11 business day hold! Not one cent of that money would be released before the 11th day! Now, with most normal banks, the first 100 is released immediately, which would have been fine. But no, not here, NOT ONE CENT! Now for any of you who do not know, it does NOT take 11 days for a check to clear. It usually only takes 3-5. And actually thanks to the Check 21 act that started in October of 2005, it is only supposed to take 24 hours! But I don't think my bank participates in that, it's federal, but for some reason most of those that work there have never heard of check 21!!!! IDIOTS! The thing that got to me the most though is that the manager ADMITTED to me that they KNOW that all these checks will be cleared before then! HA...so if I allowed them to place said hold on these checks, we would not see that money for about two weeks from now. 2 Fridays from now, IF I'm lucky, they could have screwed me more and not have started the count until Monday! And what's worse than that, one of the checks was local, and another check was only $25! WHAT???

So I'm pissed. I'm pissed at our very bleak financial situation, I'm pissed that we can't find help, and I'm pissed that we are now getting punished for all of this. And worse...the military STILL didn't pay Hubby his back pay! HA...

I love my life!

Weigh in.

2008-01-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, so my idea is to weigh in 3 times a week. I just didn't get on here yesterday to give you the score! hahaha

Wednesday's weigh in: 207lbs
Previous:210lbs
Difference: 3lbs

End Goal: 125
82lbs to go! hehehe

I haven't been as strict as I was the first day or so, I had an ESC (Enlisted Spouses Club) meeting Tuesday night and of course I gave in to the chips an dips that they served us. After the meeting a group of us went out to a bar to say goodbye to one of our members. So along with the chips add a vodka/cranberry to the mix and viola, bye bye diet. Eh...I still weighed in 3 pounds less the next day. So I let up. I had 1 piece of chocolate yesterday.

New Weightloss Challenge

2008-01-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

So I started the "Look Great in 2008" Challenge back in October or November. I did ok for a little while and then went back to work and all hell broke loose and I just stopped really "trying." That's not to say that I didn't pay attention to what I was eating. I just didn't purposesly NOT eat things in order to loose weight. I also stopped going to the gym. So all of that put a damper on things.

Well...it's 2008, just one week in, and today I am starting My own challenge. Why stop a challenge called "Look Great in 2008" just a week into 2008. So, I'm still going to call it that. Except. I'm gonna add "Look and Feel Great in 2008" There...that'll do!

So this morning I weighed in. I am, I have to admit, a little miffed at my start. I was about 3 lbs lighter two days ago! But Alas, yesterday was our wedding anniversary and we went out to dinner and I enjoyed a huge dish of loaded cheese fries. So off to my butt the yummy goodness went!

So here are the stats:

Starting weight: 210lbs (anyone who happens to look back at my previous blogs will note that I have still lost more weight from November till now!)

Goal Weight: 125 lbs

That is a difference of: 85 lbs

I am hoping to achieve this goal by December 31st 2008.

It's a long way off, but I think that given the time allotted, that is a very reasonable goal. Have a good week everyone!

It's a New Year

2008-01-03T16:23:00.000-08:00

So, wow, I haven't been on here for a really long time. Hectic Holidays, family issues, work, kids, etc etc etc...It all adds up to no "me" time!

To be absolutely truthful, I really haven't been online too much at all lately. Just the occasional quicky email check. Just have had no real desire to be stuck on the computer. Hubby took a couple weeks off, Gabby was home from school, so for once it was Family time.

Well, today is Thursday, and it being only the 3rd day in the new year, I figured I'd try and quickly figure out some resolutions that I'd like to have accomplished by this December.

*1- Loose weight (wow, never heard that resolution before!) Ok, so it's not a new one, but it's a good one. I need, and would like to loose approximately 100 lbs by December 31st!

*2- Get to the gym regularly. Again, nothing really striking, but this ties into number 1!

*3- Get a job that I like! I think I've done that, maybe?? I'm not sure yet. I now work for Build a Bear Workshop, and all I can say is where else can you dress up stuffed animals all day long and get paid! lol. Oh, and of course I've definately gained Gabby's respect by working there! I'm her Hero! hehehe

*4- Figure out where the girls and I will be during deployments. Sounds funny, but I'm at a major loss with this one. I keep trying to weigh the pros and cons of moving for that period of time. I just can't sum up an answer!

*5- Become more frugal. This family definatly needs to start cutting corners!

*6- Become more financially sound...yeah, this goes back to 4 and 5. A pro to going home, I can collect more money and use that to pay down more debt!

*7- Figure out the next step...yeah, it's vague in my mind too! hahahah

*8-Be more patient. This mainly concerns Hubby and our five year old. I expect too much from her I think.

*9- Figure out whether or not I want to go back to school. This goes back to 7.

*10- figure out once and for all who is a friend and who is fake

*11- Travel. I hope to have the money, and honestly this could go back to number 4!

*12- Decide on what to do with Gabby's education. Give this school another chance, or move on...

*13- Be happier! Sounds easy?! Yeah, it's not. I have alot a negatives in my life. I wish to turn them positives.

Well, there is my Thursday Thirteen! I hope all of your holidays went well. Mine was pretty successful, even though my entire family ended up getting the stomach flu the week of Christmas! It helped us have a nice quiet Christmas to ourselves.

Happy New Year!!!

On a Bright Note!

2007-11-14T12:23:00.001-08:00

Baby Girl started sitting up on her own last night! yay!!!!! Big kudos to her latest milestone!!!!!

Weigh in wednesday

2007-11-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

Ok...no progress, but hey, I'll get there! I finally got back to the gym last night. I think Hubby and I finally figured out a plan! Maybe!
I started coming up with my own workouts because Hubby is way too busy with his own stuff to worry about my fitness. So I devised a way for me to easilly start running. Our track in the gym is 1/10th of a mile. So 10 laps = 1 mile. Yesterday I walked a lap, then ran the next until I reached a mile. Which inevitably got me to run for 1/2 mile and walk the remaining half. I hope to continue this until I can start running more than one lap and decreasing the amount that I walk. Same concept that Hubby was trying to get me to do, but easier for me to visualize.

Weigh in...staying strong at 210!!! no gains, no losses

Weigh in Wednesday

2007-11-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Last weeks Weigh in: 210lbs

This weeks: 210lbs

Total lost: ZERO.

It's ok, I'm not upset. My family and I are under a HUGE amount of stress at the moment. My exercise routine which got off to such a positive start has already gone by the wayside. So I'm going to try and try to get back on track.

I'm not watching what I'm eating, or the amount of water intake, but with the amount of stress I'm under. I'm not totally concerned about it. If anything I'm probably undereating. Which, if any of you happened to have caught "The Biggest Looser" last night will know, this too can sabotage a diet into plateau.

I would love to make it a point to loose about 15 more lbs by News Years. But with the Holidays coming up, I'm thinking this might be an impossibility? But I'm going to try. If I loose 15 more lbs. Then I'll be sub-200 and I will be heading towards the lower 190s. I think that would be an accomplishment in itself.

Good luck to everyone this week!

hahaha...I'm such a bad daughter!

2007-11-06T18:32:00.000-08:00

My mother called today. Haha...this still has to do with my last post!

She decided to bring up Christmas and the fact that I haven't given her the girls Christmas list. Then proceeded to tell me about the things that she has already gotten for them.

I band her from buying them anymore stuff for this Christmas. She got Gabby 3 toy type things, Baby girl 3 toy type things and both of them are getting a ton of clothes...THAT'S ENOUGH!

Mom's now mad at me! I overruled Grandma!

Oopth...Oh well! muahahahah....

Ahhh, November

2007-11-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

I think November is probably my favorite month. Probably because it is the month of my birth...Yep, that's right folks, I was a Butterball baby...I can't even tell you how many times my birthday has actually fallen ON Thanksgiving day!

This year though, I'm not sure why, but I'm just not feeling it! For one thing it's been colder than most Novembers that I can remember. I don't think it helps that this military house is rather drafty!

Also, I think my family is still reeling from all of the excitement from October. We are still getting over Hubby coming back early from training, and then of course the other family riffs that occurred during the last few days, and then of course the hyped up Halloween day. It's all very exciting and at the same time stressful!

Then of course there is the impending doom of the "Christmas Countdown" UGH...

I tried to lift my spirits on Sunday by giving the old College try and going out to the stores and trying to get ready for this pending holiday season that is so quickly coming upon us.

So we went to yea old PX to make "THE LIST." Gabby was THRILLED!!!!! ::rolls eyes::

Surprisingly for Hubby and I however, she only had us write down about 5-10 things (Hubby was doing the writing and I didn't count it up yet) But seriously, the list wasn't that long.

Now you gotta love 5 year olds. They see something absolutely amazing to them on a tv commercial and it's all they can talk about for the next 10 weeks! So given that she's been going insane over every toy, doll, video game, princess accessories (etc) commercials, a scant list is WAY surprising.

It then occurred to my husband and I. Looking around the PX this year, they don't have THAT much of an assortment for Gabby's age. They have ALOT of Leap Frog stuff and the like, but you can't buy a child ALL of that stuff, it gets boring! And even most of those items were more for Baby girl than for Gabby. So I guess we actually have to brave the stores off post this year. I guess we have to go and make another list.

I was honestly hoping to do some shopping around. Take the prices from the PX then go to other stores such as Wal-Mart, Target, Toys R Us...etc... and find the best prices (and of course factor in tax on everything) It is really important for us to do SOMETHING for these two precious girls this year, but we already know that Santa will probably only be able to bring 1 or 2 gifts. Which in all fairness is not a bad thing.

Hubby and I have been trying for YEARS to cut down on Christmas. But every year our two mothers go insane. Luckily, his parents are having just as bad a year as us, so I know their stuff will be cut down. (I just realized I said "Luckily" don't think me cruel, I don't mean for their misfortune, I mean it's luckier for US that they won't over do things).

My mother however...WOW, that's a whole nother story all together. Irregardless of how bad things are, yeah... My mother will ALWAYS spoil the grand kids over having to pay a bill! It's a blessing in some ways. But lately, it's been getting on my nerves.

I've asked her several times now to hold off on buying ANYTHING for Christmas for my two girls until I let her know what we are getting them and what she CAN get them. She doesn't listen to me. The one very special toy that I wanted to get my daughter, Holiday Barbie...SHE ALREADY BOUGHT IT! UGH...True, I'll give her the fact that it was on sale and cheaper than at the PX, but then I realized she had to factor in the tax, and they were about the same price! And this came not even an HOUR after I had the conversation with her that I didn't want her to buy them anything yet! WTF OVER!!!!

I guess in the end it's not us being ungrateful to what my parents and his parents buy our girls. It's the idea that they are outdoing us, and no matter what I say (to my mom) they don't listen. It's hurting US (Hubby and I) and it's not doing the girls any good either. Gabby has grown to expect big Christmas'. Something that Hubby and I have been trying so hard to explain to her "just because you ask Santa, doesn't mean you will get everything you want" or "just because you put this on your list, doesn't mean that you will necessarily get it."

I just totally depressed myself.

The one thing that Gabby REALLY wants is a Baby crib. She wants to be able to put her dolls to bed like I put Baby girl to bed. I don't mind this idea. My mom has already tried twice to get me to allow her to buy ones that she's seen. I want to be the one to pick this out though. I looked at one on Sunday at the Holiday Bazaar our local Officers Spouses club was putting on. It was hand made and absolutely beautiful! And it was $59! I don't know if I can justify spending $59 on a dolls bed? I want something that is not going to be junked the next time her friends walk through the door, but I also don't want to pay that much money just for ONE gift. I wish I knew how to woodwork. I guarantee I could make one myself.

Hmmmmmm....I see a trip to Michael's craft shop in my future! I bet I could find all the pieces there.

Anyone have any other ideas? Let me know! This Christmas, I need all the help I can get!

Happy Boo To you!!!

2007-10-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

So It's Halloween!!! YAY!!!!! Boyo it's been a long week already, hey at least today is Supposed to be fun! Hopefully the weather will hold out. It's rather cold up here today!

Anyway...today is a very scary day indeed...it's WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY everyone! EEeekkkk...

Last weeks weigh in: 212.5

This weeks Weigh in: 210

Total lost: 2.5

Goal weight....I'll wait until I'm sub 200 to actually make an end goal!

Whooo hooo...2.5lbs!!! So, running can help you loose weight! hahahaha...

This past week my husband and I embarked on a run fit program. I'm not sure if Mr. Man made it up himself, or if he used one from his many running books or Runnersworld.com.

Anywho, It is a program to get a person who is not currently a runner, into becoming a runner...(enter my name here!)

The first eight days you take brisk (and I mean until you are panting like a dog BRISK) walks the first four days is 20 minutes, the next 4 are 30 minute walks. On day nine you start running.

Day nine was this past Monday. I unfortunately didn't get to finish the entire workout due to a bad cramp in my left leg, but this is how I was SUPPOSED to do it.

Warm up on treadmill, bike, or eliptical 5 minutes

Run for 2 minutes, walk for 4 (repeat this 5 times)

Cool down and stretch.

I only made it through three repetitions because of the cramp and because I could hear baby girl screaming bloody murder from the child care center in the gym. Rather distracting!

This whole routine is supposed to be repeated 4 times this week. It is kind of getting screwed up with trick or treating tonight though, so Hubby and I are going to change our run days. The original schedule called for runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. We are going to change that to Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sat & Sundays. Those days aren't used as much by all of the other extra curriculars that the two of us are involved in.

The whole program is supposed to be 10 weeks long, with the person training to run being able to complete a 30 minute run by the end of week 10. (whooo...that is a LONG WAY from where I am!) But it is perfectly understandable, and acceptable to lengthen it. We will probably do each week twice...Especially if you don't get it right the first week, you can practice and do it by the end of the second week before you move on to the next step.

Each week you increase the time of the run and decrease the time of the walk. So you are definately increasing your exercising output in just a few short weeks.

This is really a great work out. Something that will definately show improvements in a short amount of time and something where each day you go, you feel you really accomplished something.

I'm especially lucky cause Hubby LOVES to run, and wants me as his running partner, hence the reason I got talked into this. But, honestly, I watched hubby go from being approximately 275lbs and literally running it all off. It's one of the best ways to get healthier. And with all the new gagits and gizmos out there, it can really be alot of fun.

So...Crank up the music and move!!!!

The Roller Coaster

2007-10-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure where to start, or what to say. I really don't want to make public the goings on of my family this past weekend anymore than to say that we are all ok. I know I scared some of you. Hey...I'm scared too.

It's a funny thing when a major issue consumes your life. It sends you hurling into the atmosphere at mock 3 and then of course somewhere in the event of flying towards the moon gravity pulls you back to earth faster than a speeding bullet.

I'm on this roller coaster ride that is being laid out before me. I'm not in control, and will never be in control of this situation. The situation doesn't lie with me...

All I can do for now is strap in, hold on and pray that the next drop has a safe landing at the bottom of it. The initial drop...you know the largest one...yeah, that's already occurred. I made it through...

Right now I seem to be on that second accent into the atmosphere. The one that isn't as high and not as scary, but still fills you with nervous enthusiasm upon hearing the cranking sound of the gears beneath you pulling you higher.

All I can do for now is maintain life. Keeping my arms and legs inside the car at all times and hope to be able to get off this ride soon.

As for everything else that I have tried to get started. Things are going to be at a stand still for a while. I don't care right now about coupons, or meal planning, or scrap booking, or anything other than the absolute Must-Haves of the day. Most of which mean I have to retain order in this house, which has never truly happened. The disorganized caeous that is my life is going to hopefully somehow become more organized. Taking into advice columns and blogs I've read lately on little tricks of the trade on keeping house. It's not the keeping house that's so hard, it's keeping house in a house that has never truly been totally organized...yeah...that's the tricky part. I never have had the time to lay out organization. My time and efforts go elsewhere, mainly to the family. But I think it's necessary. So today starts a new chapter there. Maybe...I first have to tackle all the other situations of the day.

In any case, I won't be blogging as much...So if you miss me I'm sorry. I have to organize my life before I can give any other person in this world advice on how to be or how to live.

devestated

2007-10-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

How do you make something private after it blew up and became public?

I am so lost, hurt, astounded, sadened, pissed off and so very confused right now.

Where do I go from here?

Weigh In Wednesdays

2007-10-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well...Today is weigh in day. It's been an odd week for me.

Previous weight: 212

Today's weight: 212.5

gain of .5lbs.

I'm really not all to concerned about that .5. That is actually down from my Monday weigh in, which was back up to 215. So I'm ok with basically maintaining.

This past Friday Hubby and I started an exercising routine. This path is basically going to turn me into a runner before to long.

"Kill The Beast"

2007-10-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha...

I love the title! Ok, so that didn't EXACTLY occur yesterday during the parent/teacher conference. It more was along the lines of "Kill the Parent" Ummmm....no, that's not quite right..."Kill the over protective mom" Yeah, that's more like it!

Hubby and I walked into the classroom to not only Gabby's Teacher, but the principal of the school (hmmmmm....Backup?) I guess I gave the teach a "Walking through the door with a pitchfork in hand" image also!? (I dunno where all these people are getting this image from...I'm not THAT bad with people...muhahahahaha)

So we allowed teachy to talk. And talk and talk she did. She IS actually teaching...amazing to me considering all of the worksheets. But whatever...Gabby's doing fine in her eyes.

Then it was our turn to talk....(Man...Can't find the dang pitch fork!!! CRAP!)

So Hubby talked first and brought up the Bully thing. So the Teach tells us that the girl is a "jokester" and she'll "talk" to her. She is "thinking" about moving the kids around since some of them chat it up anyway. I brought up the idea that this girl and the girl sitting next to her got Gabby a time out...Teachy just smiled sheepishly and shrugged (Not an apology in my book...where'd I put that pitchfork again?!" )

Then I brought up the worksheets and the homework.

HAHAHA...yeah....Evidently in this school, I'm the ONLY parent who takes issue with our children doing so many worksheets. The two of them actually told us that on week number one of school a parent DEMANDED that the teacher start giving homework to the kids! WHAT???? Hello, only week one, and they are only in KINDERGARTEN!!! What stupid parent made THAT complaint!

So, the teacher admitted that they get a sheet when they walk into the classroom in the morning (no directions are given for these, cause they are just busy work!) She gives two sheets after reading to assess their skills (ok, I'll buy that!), She gives a sheet after math for that same reason (ok), and maybe a sheet after religion (k...) So if in all honesty they were the only sheets she gave, I wouldn't have a problem...that's still five sheets a day, equalling 20 per week, BUT...these sheets seem to be coming from her text books...so I'm ok with that.

BUT...then she went on to say that they also have to work on their own while she is dealing with one of the reading groups

(DING! Ok, here's the point...here is the busy work....They have reading 3 times a day...there are three reading groups. So therefore, two of those periods are spent with the remainder of the children, 2/3rds of the class, doing busy work!!!) PROBLEM WITH THAT...

Then I went on to the homework subject. My question to the teach was this..."When you plan out your week, do you automatically plan the homework too?" (trick, very loaded question...) Her answer was yes!

(*DING!!!! Ok, which means that she is not giving this homework based on the NEED to give the homework because the children NEED to work on these skills more. NOPE in our lovely principal's own words "Well, at this school we give homework at this age so they can practice having homework." WHAT???)

So in the end, none of my concerns were paid attention to, and my husband for some unknown reason agreed with them on every level (WTF over!) ::rolling my eyes::

So I'm gonna have to suck it up, and pretend to like this teach.

To top it all off, the conference gets over and the principle looks at me and says "So, are you still going to help out with the music classes? You are so greatly needed in there."
HA! Why, so I can teach the classes for you and not get paid! Nice.
Of course, why, Cause I'm a SUCKER!!!!

So here you go ladies...It doesn't matter how involved in your child's education you are. How much the school says they need you. If you have a problem with the teach, the school is ALWAYS going to side with the teach...even if what she is doing is just really wrong on so many levels.

I would love to honestly hear from some other parents on this subject. I CANNOT Possibly be the only person in this country who feels this way!

So to this subject I hope to say "Bon Voyage."

Unfortunately, something is telling me that I will be returning to this again in the future! OYE...May God help me through this year and hope for the best next school year!

The changing tides

2007-10-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

Well, my mood has been changing back and forth from totally uptight and tense like I was on Wednesday to calm and in a "I don't care" attitude. I think part of it is hormonal. For most women this would be the reason. However, I think some of it is stress related.

Hubby returned early from his training, and for a lack of a better explanation he gave up, why? Because of all of the "issues" at home. He doesn't think I can handle things on my own. I've definitely figured that out this week. I mean, I WOULD be handling all of this stress on my own right now would he not have given up on the training and come home...SOooooo, why Can't I handle it?

Sure I definitely have had my moments of breakdown, but that doesn't mean that as a whole, that I cannot handle myself and this family. I've found that in the past week I've been greatly criticised for how I do things, the way I handle myself...etc..... All the while he's sitting there telling me how tense I am...YEAH...NO SH*T Sherlock! I'm being told that everything I'm doing is wrong...I'm not supposed to get tensed up?

It went from subject to subject this morning. From when I actually woke up, to what we were feeding Gabby for breakfast, to how to handle the teacher at the parent teacher conference. Evidently I'm giving off the vibe that I'm going to head into the classroom with pitchfork in hand ready to kill the beast! I dunno, something about me not being able to handle people...::snicker::

Sure I'm mad, but I'm not so naive as to think that I can go in with guns blazing and bite her head off (even though I'd like to!) But on the other hand, I'm not about to take this first year teach by the hand and guide her along the path...that's not my job! That's what she went to college for!

My hubby's point of view on that subject greatly differs from mine. Being a former teacher himself he sees this as her inability to bring anything else to the table of learning. I know for a fact that there are GOBS of books out there on how to create a more creative learning environment. The Internet is Full of ideas AND other teachers' lesson plans! COME ON! She can do better than worksheets! But, maybe he's right? Maybe this one is a loosing battle. I don't know how much she truly cares for these kids, and how much she sees this job as more than just a paycheck. She hasn't truly convinced me of anything positive about her.

I can truly say that for the first week since the beginning of the year Gabby has seemed to have brought home new skills. She's learned graphing and how to figure out syllables. I will also say that I have Definitely found that she has mine and my hubby's stubbornness. Something IS what SHE says it IS, even if we prove to her it's WRONG! lol... As in Minnie Mouse has three syllables...no Gabby, Minnie has two, and mouse has one...No...there's three! No, Gabby, they are two different words, you don't add them together...This argument went on for about 5 minutes in the car. UGH...

Another battle to be won in the classroom is the fact that we just found out this morning that Gabby has a bully. In Kindergarten? NO WAY! Yep...I guess they are training 'em young these days! I want the child kept away from mine...Hubby wants the teacher to decide what to do. Now Hubby and I both endured really hard childhoods where other kids were concerned. I grew up with barely any friends, and those that were my friends were there as a matter of convenience when THEY needed me! Hubby wore glasses, was awkward looking and well...the prime target to be picked on. So we both have experience in this sort of thing. I think My experience being with the Caddy girls are more closely related to what Gabby is dealing with, and so I am more apt to be able to figure out the best ways to handle these things. Number one rule, Walk away...Number two...Make the teacher aware that there IS a problem, and separate them in class. The only thing keeping them next to each other all year is going to do is bring both of their attention levels down as the one constantly interrupts the others learning. Gabby had a time out on Tuesday due to this child's talking-according to Gabby...she wasn't doing anything. So Hubby is right to a point. We aren't in the classroom and need to find out from Teach what is going on...BUT...she doesn't really "see" any problems. I hear of time outs, but I personally have taught this class in music and have seen that it's not working. This is definitely not the class from last year. The one that actually LISTENED! Something is wrong here. And I'm not sure what the answer is.

So in a few hours I will be walking into enemy territory. I hate to think of it this way, but from my understanding of other parents' dealings with her, she's not to apt to change her ways, she's on the defensive. And I'm on the prowl! hahaha...A mother Eagle tending her brood! Muahaha...yeah...

I don't want to have tensions between this teacher and I all year round, but it's hard not to when you say something to her and she doesn't even nod in acknowledgement. She just stairs through you, like she didn't hear a thing.

Which ever way this day goes, hopefully we'll be able to get past it. Even hubby has seen that Gabby's eyes sink heading into the classroom. Last year she LOVED school and couldn't wait to go every morning. And she was so excited to start off this year. But now, the glamour is gone, and she's lost her luster. Sad really...What one individual teacher can steal away from a child. And I guess I'm not blameless in all this. I've had the nasty habit of talking about the teach and the school in front of Gabby...I've tried not to, but she somehow walks into my conversations.

God willing her school year can be revived and she can become a happy little girl again...not that she's all THAT unhappy, but a mother can tell!

Thanks to all the well wishers the past few days. I've really needed the extra little words of encouragement.

My mood....it stinks!

2007-10-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

I've been in THE WORST mood today. I woke up ok, but I just started to blow up by the time I reached Gabby's school. She was so tired. She actually fell asleep on the way to school this morning. I felt bad because there have been several changes in our routine this week, and unfortunately, I think it is affecting her. We now have to wake up, well I have to wake up an hour earlier, and she has to wake up 45 minutes earlier than she's used to.

So I get her to school and we sat in the car for several minutes allowing her to wake up. As we sat there I asked her if everything was ok, and if anything was bothering her. Nothing was wrong, she was just tired. But then she remembered she had "tons of work to do" when she got to her class. I said "what kind of work?" "Well, we didn't finish some of our worksheets from yesterday, so I have to finish them this morning." I got rather miffed at this.
This has been an ongoing issue in our household. While that line, out of context, seems perfectly suited to her young educational life, it's becoming a huge problem! Her teacher is BRAND NEW, Hot off the presses. AND...well, let's just say she's got a lot of issues! Her teaching strategy thus far in the two months that we've had her...Death by worksheets.
I've never known a kindergartener to have finished SO many worksheets in such a short amount of time. By this morning she had already completed (and yes I actually counted) approximately 20 worksheets both in and out of school. IN TWO DAYS...she did 20 worksheets! To me that doesn't sound like the teacher is teaching. More like she wants to give all the kiddies busy work. And when they aren't doing worksheets they are having recess. Yep! My child has THREE recesses a day.
Class starts at 8:30am and finishes at around 2:30pm every day (they have 15 minutes before class in the morning to get ready to start the day, and 15 at the end to get ready to go home). So in 6 hours, they have 3 recesses, one of them has lunch attached to it. Then they have this thing called "Work factory" at the end of the day, which to me is an indoor recess. So they technically have 4!
So 4 recesses and 20 worksheets, doesn't seem like she's actually teaching them anything. I'm seriously not sure how she has time to! So luckily parent/teacher conferences are this Friday, and BOY-O is she gonna get an earfull!!!!
So I walked away from school fuming at that whole mess.

I get home and I just couldn't let it go. I then became depressed after talking it over with my mom because as she so wisely put things..."Well, if you take her out of that school, where are you going to put her?" I quickly said I was thinking about home schooling her...and of course to make matters worse mom's loving reply to that is..."How are you going to do that when you are looking after another child once or twice a week and babygirl, AND you have NO patience with Gabby!" ( Yeah...that just made me feel SO much better) So being defeated in my thoughts, I hung up and just became in a more miserable mood.

Then came another lovely phone call from the Broker. You see, we are trying to sell our house to our Renter...(the house we used to live in before the military!) Seems that now I may have to repair said house before we close...Not to mention that I haven't received rent for the last two months! What ever happened to selling something "As Is!" Ugh, whatever..."Moving on..."

And to top my day off, I dropped (ok, Babygirl knocked it off the counter) my favorite coffee mug, a present from my college for giving to their alumni fund. It broke into pieces.

Feeling like eating out and pigging out...so much for dieting! I need chocolate! Whhaaaaa....I want a plate of brownies! lol...

So much drama today...

God willing, tomorrow will be different.

G-night all.

Weigh In Wednesday

2007-10-17T10:57:00.001-07:00

This is going to be short because I lost my original.

previous weight: 212
today's weigh in: 212
weight lost this week: 0
total weight lost: 3

No progress, but I also didn't gain, so for now, I'm ok with this.