The Life and Times of an Indian Home Maker

JORU KA GULAM BADGES ;)

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:05:00 +0000

Along with a new definition for Joru Ka Gulam we had also requested for contributions for the JKG Badge Contest. We received nine entries. JKG Kislay, our Honor'ble Judge had no hope for mutton biryani (or any bribe in any other form) because we went out of our way to hide all the names from him (except one).

So please treat him now!!

And please don't forget to mention which one is your favorite and most suitable for the Reader's Choice Award.

1.

By Aritra Chatterjee :)

This badge created by Aritra Chatterjee has been chosen by our honor'ble judge, HRE JKG Kislay Chandra, as the 'Official JKG Badge'.

2.

By Freya.

JKG Kislay also loved this badge and declared it the second official JKG Badge.

3.

This badge by Solilo Don is his third choice :)

When a man says "I make hot rotis for my wife.", he might find himself being called a Joru Ka Gulam.

4.

By Freya again :)

This is the coolest looking badge for a sidebar!!

5.
By Homecooked.

Homecooked created this cute looking badge. Traditionally any man who shows affection to his wife is labelled a Joru Ka Gulam.

6.
By Vikas Gupta.

Is chosen by JKG Kislay for

JUDGES' SPECIAL MENTION AWARD

JKG Vikas Gupta II Vikas's Entry Number 3 touches upon the expectation that a woman must change her surname to her husband's when she is married A man is not expected to make any changes to his name though. Any man who does not insist upon this surname changing (sometimes even the first name is changed) risks being labelled a Joru Ka Gulam.

7.
This one is by Freya, thank you for calling him JKG-IN-CHIEF Freya :)

SRK JKG in chief

He's extremely popular amongst women, not just because he is considered hot but because he has changed the way Bollywood husbands spoke of their wives i.e. NEVER!

SRK is not a super star for nothing. He is a feminist and he is not apologetic about it. I have blogged about this here and here.

8.

This badge by Freya emphasises the belief we have that some chores are too lowly for men (so women should do them).

It's often the mothers and even wives who object to men doing these chores. So if a man says he doesn't mind doing the dishes, there's horror and embarrassment for the wife, "Did she actually let him do the dishes!!!"

When he says he loves doing the dishes?

... scandal.

9.
This badge is also created by Freya ... thank you for your contributions Freya!

It's expected of women to be devoted and 'obedient' to their husbands, if a man as much as shows affection he is declared henpecked. The best answer to any such labelling is to wear it with pride.

Which one did you like the best?!
Please choose which badge deserves the Reader's Choice Award!

TO COMMENT CLICK HERE.

Why Do Women Like Shah Rukh Khan?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Thu, 28 May 2009 08:16:00 +0000

Amongst a million zillion other reasons…

In an interview with Simi Garewal she asks him. (Writing from memory, there are sure to be many errors).

“You are sensitive. You respect women. You love your wife! You understand how women feel (etc) … do you think that makes you a little like a woman in some ways? …Effeminate? ”

I have no doubts that even the coolest JKGs would have been unhappy to hear this last line. We know what this question can imply. And how it can label a man in India!

(If a man is described as a woman it means, he is weak, he gossips, he quarrels, he has no muscles, he is a bad driver, he loves to make gajar ka halwa for his spouse, women do not think he is attractive, he pouts if he does not get enough attention from his spouse, he puts his family before his career, he cries easily… etc ).

So what does Shahrukh Khan say? He couldn’t possibly have started a tirade against stereotypes, (which would have been great, though!), so he takes a short cut. He gets his famous look on his face and says,

“.… to be compared to a woman is an honor. I have a lot of a woman in me.”

There was more and it got Simi Garewal her famous ‘awww’ look on her face.

Simi Garewal like many of us believes that Mamta Banerji, Kiran Bedi, my maid who dragged her neighbour off the water tanker with his hair, my other maid who has been thrown out of her house, Mayawati, my grandmother who read Ramayana every morning, Sushma Swaraj, Sonia Gandhi, Pooja Chopra’s mother can all be described very simply in one word, ‘sensitive’. And if a man is sensitive he is being ‘like a woman’.

Most people are wary of labels, because labels put an official stamp on stereotypes, but in India the biggest insult for a man is to tell him he is like a woman. Shahrukh Khan made a compliment of it. Here’s a man who shamelessly flaunts his sensitivity. Dares to show he cares. Loves his family, loves even the daughter. What’s amazing, he talks about his wife with ease, how they met, how they fell in love, and since he is sincere he epitomizes the kind of guy many Indian girls can take home to their mothers.

So how can I object to his using my blog name for a book on his life?

Solilo sent me this, Thank You Solilo!

Are We Still Friends?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 04:47:00 +0000

Finally I have moved this blog to WORDPRESS.

To subscribe to the new blog in Reader or to receive updates in your In box, please click below.

http://feeds2.feedburner.com/wordpress/QiZq

My new address is

http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/

Please do visit!!
:)

You'd like to move to Wordpress too? Read all about how easy I found moving was - and also feel free to ask any questions here :)

Moving From Blogspot to Wordpress

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 14:59:00 +0000

When I started blogging last January, I had created two blogs, one in Blogger, one in Word Press. Both with the same name. Somehow the blogger blog was where the first few posts were published, and then it went on to become an online home :)

Life changed. The world became blog tinted. The Word Press Blog was abandoned. Blogger had me blogaddicted :)

I guess this was because Blogger is easier to use.

Recently when Solilo and Chirag convinced Indyeah, and Indyeah convinced Hitchwriter and Hitchwriter convinced Ordinary Guy and OG convinced Smitha - maybe not in that exact sequence ;) I did not need any convincing :) Roop, Nimmy, Nita, Charakan, Reflections and many other blogging friends had complained that they were finding it difficult to comment, specially from their cell phones. And then I read this helpful post by Destination Infinity where he mentions how he has two blogs one on Blogger and another one on Word Press and he updates both with the same content.

Everybody said Word Press is better than Blogger but I didn't like the idea of leaving behind older content, specially all the discussions and comments. When I read that the content from the first blog, with all the comments, could be imported with one click of a button, to a new blog, the decision was made.

It turned out to be the easiest thing to do. After consulting Hitchwiter, Ajit, Chirag, Destination Infinity and Solilo (THANK YOU!) a copy of all the Blogspot blog content- all posts and all comments were easily imported to the Word Press Blog.

One difficulty was the header from the first blog could not be used for the new blog (size difference). Creating a new one sounds like a lot of fun, so no problem there either.

Copying the blogroll is easy if we follow Chirag's tips in this post. (I am yet to do this.)

I am yet to sort all the categories, and try all the exciting options available in Word Press, this is my first post on WP, (Started writing it on Blogspot, imported to WP - yes 142 drafts were imported too!)

How does Word Press compare with Blogspot?

1. Word Press is great for comments threading , comments editing, moderating, replying to comments.

2. Writing posts is easier too, with an extra interesting option of strike through :) I always wanted this. There are many other features too. Still enjoying the surprises :) It's as good as using Microsoft Word.

3. Then there are BLOG STATS .

Blog stats look like this. (This means we do not need widgets like Feedjit, Live Traffic Feed in WP, but I read somewhere that these widgets can be added to Word Press too)
Blog Stats Summary Tables

Total views: 49

Busiest day: 24 — Monday, April 6, 2009

Views today: 24
Totals

Posts: 216 (imported from Blogger)

Comments: 9,750 (imported from Blogger)

Categories: 255

Tags: 0

4. You can also see Referrers and Search Engine Terms the same way.

5. Categories are another feature that make it easier for blog readers to look for what interest them. Like I found some readers were interested in reading only Family posts or only Gender related posts, Blog Spot does not have Categories - and I missed that.

6. Word press also lets you choose who can see your blog, in case you wish to have a blog for just your family, or a group of like minded people you have that option!

7. I think what might be easier in Blog Spot is it is easier to use and decorate :) You can add a wider range of fun widgets.

8. The ease of importing, the the excitement of redecorating a new home are tempting, but the biggest charm that Word Press has is the ease of replying to comments. Blogging is interactive, and being able to respond to comments was important for me.

Do you think this move will be good idea?

What would Taliban say to Juno?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 06:45:00 +0000

Note: The same post also available at http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2009/04/04/what-would-taliban-say-to-juno/

This video can be very disturbing.

"Please stop it," she begs, alternately whimpering or screaming in pain with each blow to the backside. "Either kill me or stop it now."

A video showing a teenage girl being flogged by Taliban fighters has emerged from the Swat Valley in Pakistan... The two-minute video, shot using a mobile phone, shows a burka-clad woman face down on the ground. Two men hold her arms and feet while a third, a black-turbaned fighter with a flowing beard, whips her repeatedly.For being sen with a man.

The girl in the video is 17, same age as a girl studying in class XII. How old is that? Girls at 17 are giggling and gossiping about which boys they think are cute, and if the giggling is reciprocated maybe they go out. Sometimes without the parents’ knowledge. They might bunk school or college, maybe deceive the 'authorities' and ruin their future either by neglecting school work, or by getting into ‘serious trouble’, and since we do not live 'abroad' they cannot hope to have the baby and find her loving adoptive parents like Juno could.

(If you have not seen the movie yet, please do.)

There are chances of their being put in a situation where they take their own lives, because we believe that for girls there is no life after dishonour. Nothing happens to the boy.

Without getting into how wrong or how unacceptable it is for a girl to behave so immorally or irresponsibly, I wonder if WE have the moral right to have such control over another human life and body, for any reason, even for ‘ her own good’?

And then how is it good for her that she can be beaten in pubs, flogged in public, or offered the option of marrying her rapist.

How is it good for her that we have created a society where another rapist declared the victim ‘too used’ to marry his son.

We have made so much of a girl’s virginity and her reputation, that she will not be able to tell if the rapist is not a stranger, but her own father? Malayalidoc, a doctor in Kerala, wrote a post about incest leading to AIDS here. And we see how we have enough control over her life to decide if she is better dead.

Justified under certain circumstances?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 06:38:00 +0000

Three questions.

1. Can mob violence against unarmed citizens, including women and children have ‘other side’...like they might have done something to offend this mob, so they deserve this violence by them?

Can we say, mob violence against unarmed citizens can be justified under certain circumstances?

2. Do we honestly accept that the same rules must apply to everybody, including us?

Now mob violence is no longer something that happens only to other people. There is no telling what about us might offend somebody enough to want to kill us. Our language, our origins, the Gods we worship, the clothes we wear or whether we drink tea, coffee or something else, what we read, which movies we watch, what artwork we create ... do we think this is understandable ... under certain circumstances?

3. Do you think Gandhi was not entirely correct in preaching non violence?

MIP: Men In Pink

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 03:34:00 +0000

This young man I knew said he resented the luxury of ‘choice’ that women had. He loved cooking and he claimed he would have kept a great home and made a great stay-at-home-dad. He did not want a career.

Social stereotypes take away our choice to do what makes us happier and more satisfied... perhaps also content and hence better people. Creativity and talent also thrive when we are not fighting our natural abilities, just to confirm.

So when non confirming women entered the so called male bastions, men also got the opportunity to barge into fields like fashion designing, modeling, dancing, music and cooking. And much maligned beauty.

Little boys have always been obsessed with their hair and their muscles and hats and helmets, and their dad’s belts, shoes, sun glasses and after shaves. Yet one hears of the metrosexual man (e.g. David Beckham and Shahrukh Khan) being put down by those who believe he’s not macho… Maybe there is some envy in this? But the metrosexual man like most non conformists doesn’t care. He makes his own rules. He makes his own breakfast in his fancy, squeaky clean kitchen, if he wants to. He will wear pink if he likes pink. I guess he is happier.

Now come to think of it, why should men not wear pink? Traditionally, anyway, India did not have much gender-bias when it came to colours. Krishna is known to have loved a bright yellow. Pink turbans are as common as brilliant blue and outrageous orange.

Unlike in the West, Indian men were always free to show emotion, though they were not really free to shed tears the way women could. An unnecessary taboo. Because if crying was a sign of weakness, most women would be weak. We know they aren’t, not really. Vulnerable? Yes. Lacking in courage? I don’t think so. Courage has no gender. Yet sometimes we expect little boys to be born Bollywood heroes.

When we were young, my brother and I were terrified of the dark, of most insects, of reptiles and of ghost stories. I was reassured and comforted. He was criticized and lectured.
How was saying “Don’t be a girl!” going to help a child get over normal childhood fears? I was afraid of the same things but I once looked up paryayavachi (synonyms) for coward to tease him.

Years later, when my son was four, he was playing alone in his room, and he started shrieking hysterically. After many reassuring hugs he pointed at a dead bee on the bed.

I called my brother. He did remember my list.

Individual liberty lets you be you. It’s a only antidote for the unfairness of stereotypes. So are men in Pink :)

I also don't want to be a Feminist.

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 05:59:00 +0000

I don't want to be a Feminist.

55 WORDS FICTION

I don’t care about being equal to men …me wants to live my life peacefully… doing my own thing.

You're working?

Love my job.

Have kids?

Planned later.

Can you make chappaties?

We’ve always had a maid for that!

What will you do if your husband was violent?

You think I’d marry someone that kind?!!!

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:

Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule)

A setting, One or more characters, Some conflict, and A resolution.

(Not limited to moral of the story)

All's well that ends well.

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 08:35:00 +0000

55 WORDS FICTION

How The Green Eyed Monster Died

My black eyes avoided Devi’s tearful brown ones.
Why are women so jealous? I wasn’t divorcing her dammit!
My friend, the wimp, passed her his handkerchief. He was a comfort, dropping in everyday. ..

I was right.

Women need babies to keep them occupied. All her tears disappeared when she saw our blue eyed twins.

Betrayal of the B.

My black eyes avoided Sally’s brown ones.

I looked straight ahead and drove. She snuggled closer. This wasn’t going to be easy.

We were on a lonely highway now. I stopped, opened the door, pushed her out and before I could change my mind, drove away.

I could see her running after the car.

Barking.

When Harriet Met Sally

My black eyes had been avoiding Harriet’s tearful brown ones. I didn’t want to drive with blurry eyes. We missed her mom.

Then we saw her running on the highway. Was she mad!? Harriet screamed. I hadn’t hit her, but we stopped.

The vet gave her tranquilizers. She’ll be fine.

Harriet already is.

Said Noodle Strap to the Sari - I

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 14:36:00 +0000

55 WORDS FICTION

Flashing Traffic Lights

Sari clad Susheela glared at the girl in the next car. Music blared though the traffic. Long nails tapped brazenly on the steering wheel. Couldn’t she cover her tattooed shoulder? Then they blame the men....

The light turns green.

A knock at her car window. Startled, she turned to him. And turned away, red faced.

Edited to Add:

Urban Dictionary ( http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flasher ) describes FLASHER as,

Flasher:

1. A person, usually a man, who takes pleasure in exhibiting his private parts to random people in public. A clichÃ© flasher wears a dust-coat, flabs of which he spreads in front of his victim(s).

2. A person who interupts tennis/soccer or any other kind of match by running onto it naked.

Flashers do it usually without a particular reason, for the sake of doing this.

Ad.1 While I was going to meet you I came across a flasher, lurking in shrubs. He had nothing to be proud of!

Ad.2 Kournikova was to serve when a flasher burst in and ran with his fingers V-shaped.

The Earth Hour in 55 Words

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:27:00 +0000

Inspired by Solilo, Usha Pisharody, Tearsndreams, Smitha, Ajit and Dhiren my attempt at 55 words fiction :)

The Earth Hour

We would have forgotten if a friend hadn't called to remind!

But we sat in a balcony lit by many neighbours’ lights. Son brought out his guitar and we sang tunelessly. We SMSed all our friends, and took pictures.

Then a friend messaged back, ” You are not supposed to use cell phones cheater!”

Cruelty to animals is a proof of our love for humans?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 11:26:00 +0000

Cruelty to animals is not a proof of our love for humanity. On the contrary people who are cruel to animals are likely to be cruel to humans also. Our assumption of superiority over all nature and all other creatures is the reason why we have to buy drinking water today. Might is right begins with animals and ends with holocausts.

I always remember this friend who called late one evening, many years ago, she was complaining about the disturbance caused by the noise made by pigeons. Maybe we will soon have no reasons to complain. Sparrows are said to be disappearing from cities. Other birds will follow?

Since we don't believe in keeping birds (or animals) in cages, and since we wanted this round eyed cheeper to practice flying and fly away, we let her out of the cage, shut all windows and switched off all fans.
She was cheeping aloud, eating a little then dozing off.

Then we noticed a sparrow crashing into the window panes, and this baby bird also flew to the pane, it was obvious that this very worried male sparrow on the other side was our baby sparrow's dad. We slowly slid open the window, and the way they met was worth seeing.

This was like a miracle. And then mother bird also came, she did not feed her, she just hung around. I was too overwhelmed and relieved and amazed to pick the camera. I wish I had taken some more pictures. The baby bird inside the cage, feeding off our hands, and the way they first greeted each other were precious!

These pictures were taken much later. We thought it would be easier for the parents if they did not need to go looking for food leaving us worrying about the baby outside the window. So we placed food and water for them. They feasted and fed the baby. And many pictures are blurred because there was too much sunlight outside and I was afraid of frightening them away. (all excuses for bad photography)

It is amazing how they did not reject the baby. It's possible that sparrows don't reject their babies touched by human hands. Or maybe the baby is too old to be rejected.

I have assumed they were the parents, because of the way they greeted each other, and the ease with which they showed him how to fly away to a tree outside. (But I have seen, twice, male cats adopting and taking care of kittens in Kerala, so maybe birds do the same thing?)

The parents visited us for breakfast today morning also, and carried beakfuls of boiled rice for our little Tweeter :)

Like Solilo said this amazing experience did remind me of Mahadevi Verma's amazing stories.

My Sentiments Are Hurt

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:20:00 +0000

I have always admired Maneka Gandhi. She is one of the most honest leaders we have and she is not as popular as she deserves to be. I have read she can be rude, but I can understand. Many animals lovers find it very difficult to understand how those who don't care for animals are not able to understand how they feel.

It's like my cat has dozed off while cleaning my hand, with a bit of his tongue still hanging out.

(Nikon D60 is not very polite, it woke him up)

My mom calls, I pick the cell phone and try to pull my hand from under his face, and he immediately presses a soft claw to hold the hand tighter, and snuggles, still more softly into my palm. Eyes squeezing, shutting even tighter. My mom thinks having animals at home ties you down, but I irritate her by telling her what the cat just did.
She is horrified, "Babies do that... your brother was like that as a baby! Why have you got this cat so used to you, what will he do if he is ever separated from you?"

He will die of fear, anxiety, hunger and predators. It's like leaving a city child in a jungle.

Now if a neighbour was to tell me they think cats are cunning, cruel, selfish or bring bad luck, I will try and show them why I disagree, because there was a time I thought the same.

We were coming home after a party one wet, cold (eerie) night, a long drive on an empty road, huge moaning trees, wild rains and then we notice something small moving in the middle of the road. A frog? A snail? There was no way to make sure it doesn't get crushed, so we had to stop to push it aside. In the headlights, I saw a little kitten, soaked and shivering ... looked around for a mother, there was none, so we picked it up and brought it home 'for the night'.

I soon learnt why those who loved cats (Usha Pisharody, Reema, Aneela and Alankrita who claims hers is the handsomest cat in the world :D) just loved them. Maybe it's the way they wake up, looking sleepy, like babies? And then where do you leave them, knowing they can't really take care of themselves?

But I have no idea how to feed or care for a baby sparrow.

Found this one also in the middle of a dark road yesterday, but now she is here, cheeping aloud for food.

Is it true that now that we have 'touched' it, it's parents will reject her? What does one do? We are hoping she will learn to fly better, and fly away. We have a cat at home and this extra responsibility is just not welcome. But this bird looks as much like a baby as a kitten does. Anybody seen a puppy learning to walk? This chick who can fly a little, was slipping on the kitchen counter, feet splaying like a puppy's.

If we leave it, it will not be able to take care of itself. I know crows will eat it alive within hours.

In a similar situation in the past I had emailed to Maneka Gandhi. I was a total stranger, but she was very helpful. I have heard of others who have spoken to her and she has helped them. Now which other political leader can we think of who would have done this? Replied to email or picked her phone to respond to an aam janta?

So just think, here's a fan, who likes her even though she belongs to a party openly supporting a candidate who has allegedly made a shocking, unconstitutional hate speech. And that candidate is her son. It troubles me, I feel betrayed.
My sentiments are hurt.

NOTE Something unbelievable happened to the bird next day, guess what? A special award for the correct guess!!! I had never dreamt that possible, now she is best possible hands... guess whose???

Edited to add: Find the answer here :)

Equal Rights and Opportunities for all?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 21:59:00 +0000

(Deleted the first part)
Just some questions to help me write a post on this....

1. Do you think Equal Property Rights can empower women?

Answer - Yes? No, Not required, women can be better empowered with education?

2. Is it not against our culture for a sister to demand or accept a share from her brother's rightful inheritance (even though the law allows her a share in her grand parents' property - a daughter can be disinherited by her parents from their self acquired property, through a Will. It is also common to get girls to sign their share away.)

Answer Yes, because they have streedhan and dowry? And they also get a share of their husband's property.

3. She tied a rakhi on his wrist and he will be there if she needs him. Does she really need a legal right to a roof over her head? (Domestic Violence Act has made ' a roof over her head' compulsory, for married and unmarried women). And then she has her husband and sons also.

Yes? No?

4. Chaudhary Charan Singh (... not sure, I think it was him only) was concerned that if sisters are given equal property right,than they will quarrel for property with their brothers. He felt it was unnecessary to create a rift between siblings for a few acres of land. He obviously only valued the closeness of the Ambani brothers, Bachchan brothers, and now the Gandhi brothers.

Answer: So is it better that brothers share property rights, and daughters get a part of their husband's property?

5. Should they be expected to care for their parents if they take their share in property.

What do you think?

Edited to add: I feel, Empowerment through equal property rights is more about ATTITUDE less about the size of inheritance. It is good for any child’s self esteem to know that if her parents’ had one rupee then she and her brother will get fifty paise each. Even a brother will find it easier to respect a sister who is equally strong and capable, compared to a sister who is always second to him and dependent on him for her protection.

Unfortunately even today, many Indian parents are convinced that every penny given to a daughter is taken from her brother’s rightful share, hence you have parents helping even a needy daughter without letting the son know. And the son’s outrageous indignation is difficult to understand until you realise how he has grown up hearing that everything they have his rightfully his.
Legally all the children have equal right to their parents’ property, but the parents can disinherit a child from the property they have earned himself. Property that has been inherited from grandparents belongs equally to all the grandchildren, including a daughter’s children.

At the same time, according to the law, parents are entitled to receiving care from all the children, sons and daughters. A son in law who does not allow his wife to care for her parents, (while he considers it her duty to care for his parents) is obviously wrong, because she is legally bound to care for them, just like it is his duty to take care of his own parents.

How are caring and inheritance related? Unfortunately money does matter more than it is supposed to, so it is better for old parents, to have - if nothing else at least the power of financial independence and legal protection.

We featured in Deccan Herald :)

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 06:19:00 +0000

Imp's Mom sent me an email this morning,

Hi IHM,

u;ve been talked about in today's DH Living, Virtual Catharsis for women :)

http://deccanheraldepaper.com//svww_showarticle.php?art=20090321l_004100004

Congrats!! had to log in and let u know :)

Thank You Imp's Mom!

And below are some excerpts from the article :)

Deccan Herald
Virtual catharsis for women

Several homemakers as well as working professionals are creating online diaries that are sometimes an extension of their lives, sometimes a tell-it-all and sometimes fantasy-filled journeys, says Kalindi Sheth

An year ago, a 43-year-old homemaker from Mumbai started writing about her everyday life, and whatever touched it. Nothing extraordinary about it, except that her 'diary' was online.

She called herself Indian Home Maker (IHM), and her blog, The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker, because it aimed to be about "the life of any middle-class Indian homemaker. I know that my friends, who are also homemakers, go through similar experiences." Her blog, IHM was not just an outlet for her thoughts but was also her support system.

A subliminal trend has taken root in urban middle-class India as the Internet becomes both affordable and popular. Several women, homemakers and working professionals, the young and not-so-young, are creating online diaries that sometimes are an extension of their lives, and at other times, fantasy-filled journeys of what they yearn to be.

Political and personal

Often, though, like in the case of IHM, blogs start out as simple updates on their lives, and mutate into a discussion portal for issues that span the political and personal.

Monica Mody (...let me go find her in the blogosphere!) says, 'It has allowed many adolescents, women, people with crazy/interesting hobbies, old women, right-wing and left-wing fundamentalists, and so on, to record their thoughts/observations and articulate them and find sympathisers ... Which means that blogging can be a progressive or regressive force depending on who is blogging.'

While blogging has helped several women find an outlet for their thoughts, and sometimes, garner support in troubled times, it is merely a tool.

Other bloggers featured from my blogroll are, 'MadMomma, a blogger from Delhi and a mother of two, who started her blog in 2006 out of boredom.' and Aanchal Tyagi, a filmmaker based in Delhi, started a blog titled 'Three Drinks Ahead'.

Made my day :)

I conduct mini exit polls :)

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 04:22:00 +0000

We pass by an election poster and I asked.

IHM: "So do you think Sanjay Dutt will win from your home town?"

Driver #2 : "He will win."

IHM: "Yeah I read somewhere, he has no rivals ...others have criminal cases against them ... or are not popular."

Driver #1: "Let there be anybody against him."

IHM: "Is he that popular?"

Driver #2 : "He said he would not have fought against Vajpayee-jee."
(In a tone that implied nothing could be more honorable.)

IHM: Oh Vajpayee jee? But why is Vajpayee jee so popular?

Offended silence.

IHM: Err... I mean of course he made great speeches, of course he is highly respected, no criminal cases against him either... So you think Sanjay Dutt would really have never won against him?

Driver #2 : Sanjay Dutt would not have fought against him.

IHM: But I had no idea BJP was popular there...

Driver #1 and Driver #2 : BJP no, not BJP! Our vote is always for Sa Pa. (SP)

IHM: And Amar Singh? What do you think of Amar Singh? Do you like him?

Driver #1 : We vote for Mulayam jee.
(I take it that this means they would not have voted if Amar singh was the candidate ...)

IHM: And how is BSP?

Driver #1: Mayawati has made her statues everywhere. (More details explaining why they don't like her ...) But she has all the votes of X and Y castes and now even Z community.

IHM: Why vote for caste or religion!? Vote for whoever does something for road and electricity.. look at the condition of these NCR roads! Isn't it wrong to practice untouchability ?

Silence.

IHM: Is it still practiced?

Driver#1: When X & Y castes visit, they are given chairs to sit.

IHM: So you respect both ... I thought both couldn't be put in the same bracket!

Silence.

IHM: Doesn't that show respect????

Driver #1: Only chairs are offered. No charpoys.

I have no idea what this means... ! But they thought I understood and I didn't want to show my ignorance, and anyway they were clear Sanjay Dutt will win and if he is stopped from fighting elections, than his wife Manyata will win. In Sanjay Dutt's case the votes will not be for caste.
I realised I could not discuss Manyata's comments on wifely duties here...

Now let's see how right these guys are proved eventually!

EDITED TO ADD: X and Y castes are Dalits and Brahmans.

Tattoo Tales :)

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:45:00 +0000

My mom is horrified, "You let her go where?"

IHM: "Err it's okay, she will be fine ..."

My Mom: She didn't listen to you? Give me her mobile number. Let me speak to her ...

IHM: "Ma, I have seen the place, and I liked the design she chose ..."

My Mom: 'Tattoo is same thing that our bai has on her arm? Oh! It must be one of those stick-on things?"

IHM: "Err no actually it is the permanent kinds. But don't worry, she is a sensible girl ... I have considered all these things. And so has she. It's her arm ma ;)"

My Mom: "You allowed her to get a permanent tattoo! "

IHM: "Maa I had bigger concerns, the place is hygienic, and they use disposable needles ..."

My Mom: "You give the phone to your your Lord and Master!"

IHM: He isn't home :)

My Mom: Son is home?

IHM: Son?? Yeah ...

So I give the phone to Son, who had been busy with his home work.

This is what I hear (He isn't too comfortable with Hindi.)

"Yeah but Nani times have changed, zamana abhi badal gaya hai nani !"

"Nani but she is .. err woh aaj ke zamane ki ladki hai! "

"But it's her hand nani, she likes it, and all our friends also have tattoos ..."

" ....no she can't jump in a well if they do but err ... it's a very common thing these days, now times have changed a lot ... "

"Me? No? I have not thought about getting one for myself Nani... err Thank You Nani :D"

"...but actually it is not considered a bad thing these days, your time was very different ... now we have modern technology."

"Yes Nani you are also modern."

"Okay Nani. Er but nani, .. err but if your daughter wanted a tattoo what would you have said?"

"Oh!..... Yes Nani."

" But actually Mamma is also planning to get one."

"Nani wants to speak to you."

The phone is handed back to me.

A Dog's Vocabulary

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 07:12:00 +0000

Do you want a biscuit?
A cake?
Water? You want to go down?
Bath?
Get down!
Take!
Come. Go. Sit. Run! Catch! Jump!
You want to go out and eat grass?
Go sleep in your own bed!
Good boy.
Bad boy!
No we don't run after cats!
Walk?
Papa. Mamma. All familar dogs, cats, and human names.
Where's your leash?
Find your bone!
Where's your ball?
Gabbar Singh find Sher Khan..where's Sher Khan?
Find!
Go out in the balcony.
Medicine. Vet.
Water. Food. Pedigree. Biscuit. Royal Canine.
You want milk?
Where's your bowl?
Do your job!
Where's your collar?
WAIT!
It's hot!
You want the AC on?
Any sound of the biscuit tin opening. A chocolate wrapper anywhere.
Go sit in window!
Look Devil's outside! (The neighbour's dog)
Stop barking!
Now sleep.
Where's your quilt?
Who tore this newspaper?
Go get the newspaper!
Shake hands:)
Pillow. Table. Kitchen.
Fetch. Bark. Quiet!
"Aww you missed me!"

She is an old friend. The baby is a Dalmation, a fast growing, unwanted, unwelcome pup.
She says she is not fond of dogs, but is beginning to like hers just a little.

Guess what's she trying to say?

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 05:22:00 +0000

She calls to say, "We are giving him up for adoption."

Next week.
"I say such stuff when I am upset, I can never even consider that, he can't even sleep without some part of him touching me."

"He cried all night, only stopped crying when I sat with him in my lap."
(I warned, "Don't do something you can't continue doing, this can become a habit!" She didn't listen.)

"IHM I really was against it. I knew I didn't have the patience required ...!"(crib, crib, blah, blah)

She calls again,
"IHM he has so much energy, I am so tired, I take him to play in the park, I do everything so he will get tired and sleep for sometime ..."

And then again,
"...but today my mom in law saw how he placed his hands on the kitchen sink to peep inside ... he is only fascinated by the noise of running water - but she thinks it's unhygienic. ...but he looks so cute when he stands like this, he is just a baby you know, she doesn't understand ..."

"You won't believe how he hates the visits to the doctor, he hides his face in my shoulder, why can't we have painless injections?"

"IHM I end up doing everything for him. Nobody helps me."

"He is smart you know, his vocabulary is amazing ..!"

"We were out all day, couldn't take him, and he was so upset, he missed us, specially me and he clung to me all night... "

"My husband is the reason why he is so spoiled! He is so inconsistent. One day he is angry for the same thing, next day it becomes so cute ... And then he says I am the one who spoils him!"

"I am not the emo-types ."

"If I have another one, I know he will be very well brought up. I have learnt so much while raising this one!" This was yesterday :)

What do you think of her?
Guess ...??

The First Born Tag ...

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 02:30:00 +0000

Mamma Mia tagged me to do this one.

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?

Yes.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?

Yes. (No interesting answers here!)

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?

"How can someone NOT eat when pregnant? Dr Are you sure this nausea isn't jaundice?"
And then a kind friend told us where to get GORDON BOURNE's 'Pregnancy'. That changed the whole attitude :)

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?

No.

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?

Read all about it here :)

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
The doctor said it was pregnancy. (And no jaundice)

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?

Had gone to the hospital with Husband. By then everybody had guessed from endless Bollywood style (but much worse) retching.

8. DUE DATE?

Wasn't sure she would be a Capricorn or an Aquarius!

9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?

Enough to make me wish I wasn't pregnant. Hated the first trimester. Lost weight, threw up a lot.

10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?

Plums, Chole Bhature, rasam, Bhindi fried without jeera, chappaties without ghee, cucumber, ..Mom's cooking.

11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
After the first trimester, almost nothing.
Not even being advised to drink pure ghee, not even people saying avoid this eclipse and that food, gain more weight or don't get wet in the rain, don't dance, don't wear jeans, don't sit on a bike ...
I had my bible in Gordon Bourne's pregnancy :)

12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?
A girl.

13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?

No. We would have been happy with either, didn't matter.

14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?

10 kgs.

15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?

No.

16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?

No baby shower, and didn't miss it either.

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?

No, none after the initial morning(Morning?) sickness.

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?

Bombay.

19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?

Four-Five hours.

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL/BIRTH CENTER?

Strolled into the hospital, it was almost next door . She was born just a few hours after the due date, so it went as planned.

21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?

The gynae and her team...

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?

Natural.

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?

No. But was seriously considering it.

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
2.9 kgs.

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?

At 6 42 am :)
The doc told me to look up and see the time, because she realised the baby will be born with one more push. I was tired, so she said "Feel the head, it's almost out!", and I felt her head, as soft as my elbow. Next minute she was crying like a typical Bollywood new born!

26. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN THE DOCTOR ANNOUNCED THE SEX OF THE BABY?

I asked to hold her. She twitched her mouth and I saw a dimple, and then I think it was the relief and disbelief that it was all over without the world coming to an end, I laughed aloud and thanked everybody (almost silly it seems now, but I have read many mothers do this).

27. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST REACTION ON SEEING THE BABY?
Overwhelmed, very emotional, relieved it's over, and awed .. totally in awe ...

28. DID YOU CRY?

No laughed aloud.

29. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Brat!

30. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY

She is a teenager. Her shoe size is bigger than mine :)

Like Abha who tagged me, my pregnancy was one of the funnest times of my life.
Did all kind of things to have a happy baby. Read good books, listened to good music, took pictures, exercised, picnicked in the hills. Add to that the hormones make your skin and hair look so much nicer. Everybody had predicted it was going to be a girl :)
I had expected someone like me, she turned out to be like my sister :(

I would like to tag Imp's Mom, Indyana, cantaloupes.amma, Phoenixritu, Varunavi, Ugich Konitari, Ritu, Priyanka, Sandhya, Mampi, How do we know, Pr3rna, Bones, Nimmy, Monika, 2B's Mommy, Goofy Mamma, Solilo, Shail, UshaPisharody and MySpace, Tearsndreams, Just call me A and Dipali. And the newset blogging mom I know, Aneela :)
Anybody else who would like to do this tag, simply must do it ... do let me know when the tag is done, it will be a pleasure to read it. Also wondering, did you laugh out loud like I did?

Practical Paro Artless Chandramukhi

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:18:00 +0000

Dev D is overwhelming, every time I think of writing about it, there are so many thoughts rushing in I end up writing about something entirely different...

Number one I had no idea we had started making movies like this.
Number two the director is a man.
Number three he has been smart enough to make such a movie and still keep it out of all controversy. I almost thought it was a B grade movie when Chammak Challo is asked to send a photograph of hers to Cool Dude during an online chat. She could have met the same fate as the Delhi school girl in the MMS case...
I had always wondered what that Delhi student's family might be going through, the police had gone to meet her. The parents said she had been sent abroad (Ah the magical place, thank God for Abroad!) ...why can't India be a bit of abroad for it's female citizens? All that moralising in those days, gave me the creeps . She was just a kid and obviously not a very smart kid. Not like the street smart (but equally lovable) Paro. She was not really a criminal, just a foolish, naive, stupid girl. She needed to be told to mind what she got herself filmed doing, and by who. It should have been left at that.

In the movie she is half Indian and I have seen how confusing our culture can be for all half western, half Indian girls. I see one such naive fool with this boy in dark corners near my place. I sometimes think I should tell her mother to watch out for Indian double standards. Does this foreigner know what hypocrites we Indians are? Sometimes my neighbours discuss how this is offensive. I really can't see how it offends them though I have tried. So I tactfully suggest we leave these kids' morals to their parents.

We Indians are not naive like this American girl, ...Paro epitomizes some of us and I admire her for her practicality!

Paro is smart. This girl has confidence, she is proud of passing with good grades every year, better than Dev D, who barely scrapes though :) Our justified faith in education as a saviour, and our Indian obsession with good grades. I know many class toppers being equally bright in every field, including -like Paro, in their ability to break some social standards of perfect female behaviour. But their biggest ability lies in still surviving it all, to live a normal middle class life. That's the best part. We see it happening everywhere. So unlike the child like trust and innocence of the Western girls who get caught on camera and ruin their lives. Why can't they understand our Indian values and culture? What's so complicated in this simple rule? And it couldn't get simpler than this: Just don't get caught.

That's our culture in four simple words. Just don't get caught.

The Art of Not Being Provocative

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 10:02:00 +0000

This post is in response to this post by Nimmy , which was in response to this post. This is just an attempt to answer some of Ms B's questions, please feel free to add your own views ...

Miss A : Hey hey,read what IHM has written about so called provocative dressing

Miss B: Yeah,I read it, she is talking about an idealistic society, where everybody is mature and is aware of one own responsibility. Idealism is good,but reality and practicality is different.

IHM: The post is about many different kind of people living in the same society. There will be modern and conservative families. There will also be criminals and anti social elements in a society.

We need to make sure all crimes are punished to set good examples. No excuses for any crimes, including those against women.

If the hormonal/testosterone problem is very severe I once read the French government suggested some simple hormonal treatment to cure such anti social men, who are just not able to control themselves from raping/molesting. (being sarcastic)

Sex crimes are a result of Provocation or Opportunism?

Considering how such men only get provoked when they are in cowardly gangs, on lonely roads, when women is are from poorer classes, when there is little chance of being punished etc, it sounds like it has nothing to do with seeing a good looking woman and suddenly being provoked into molesting.

Miss B: Any woman should be able to wear what she wants anywhere, and for that matter, so should men, but if we go by that ideology, then nudism should be perfectly acceptable in all spheres of society too. We should all be able to keep our doors unlocked when we leave home and also to keep our valuables on the table unattended while we nip to the toilet in a busy cafe too. However, human nature is unpredictable and thus we must always be on our guard. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance”

IHM: Be on your guard by all means.

Learn karate. Keep a cell phone, keep pepper spray, take a friend along - but don't fall into this trap of believing that being dressed 'modestly' will protect you.

And do get out, do dress up, if everybody locked themselves in their houses, the streets will only become more unsafe, and then if you are forced due to some emergency ....

About Nudism? I don't know if this is relevant here but acceptable or not, even nudism is no excuse for a man to get provoked into raping a woman.

According to the law, even a prostitute cannot be raped.

Miss B: You messed it, In fact men like to look at such women who reveal their assets, who make private things public.

IHM: They are free to look. Only look. Appreciate? Sure.

Pass remarks? Touch? Molest? No. We live in a civilised society. They need to be taught that in a civilised society they may not touch anything that looks good to them. And they may not dare to touch another human passing by on the road without their permission.

Miss B: Ha ha,if that was they case,why don’t they wear such revealing dress inside their house and in front of family alone ? When she wears it to public,the message is simple-that she feels good being looked at,maybe by men or maybe by women. Isn’t this ‘feel good’ thing called attention seeker?

IHM: I assure you thousands of women in the more civilised societies, India’s bigger cities, developed world, in villages, in slums do not get molested for looking attractive, but because they are not in a position to get the culprit punished.

Maybe women feel good when men and women look at them. Maybe they just look good for themselves. That’s their problem. Molesting a woman is still not permissible.

Miss B: So tell me why do you dress in a way that will attract comments.?

IHM: Because In have no idea what will NOT attract comments except teaching the commenter a lesson. Do you think a sari or a burka will stop comments? Read this, in a country where women are forever being stoned/lashed for getting raped , where they are covered from head to toe, they still get comments and they can’t even dare to complain, they have car accidents because .. read this to know what blaming the victim can do. Is this normal life?

This can happen to us.

This also shows why we need women in positions of decision making.

Miss B: Agreed, but why do you get offended at somebody else’s comment if you feel you are right?

IHM: We get offended because we know we are right. And we know there are a few who, against all logic, will try to tell us that no matter how we are dressed or how we live or what our age, the commenter was provoked and we are to be blamed.

Miss B: Tell me why you women want to portray yourself as sexual objects while you go on 40 km essays on asking men to stop viewing women as sexual objects? When you yourself feel and is proud of being a sexual object, why do you complain about others looking at you through such glasses..?

IHM: Women do not want to be sexual objects.

Their bare arms, their legs, their eyes, faces, elbows, feet, hair let loose have not been created for men.

Every part of her body has a purpose. The legs are meant to take her places, to run, jump, to help her swim (in practical swimming costumes too), the nose needs to breath fresh air, the eyes need to see the open sky and trees and the world. Just like men’s eyes, nose, legs and arms.

When we ask her to cover her body to avoid provoking men into crimes, then we make her a sexual object.

She should be wearing whatever makes her comfortable, not perspiring in layers to feel (unrealistically) safe. Nothing is as unsafe as these layers of covering and hypocrisy.

These layers that cover her also keep her silent. We know of women who are victims of incest, abuse and torture but never dare to speak, because they know they will be made to feel like it's their fault. All this starts from 'you did not dress/talk/walk/smile etc right'.

Women must have an equal voice in the society, in law making, in education, in science labs, in war strategies, in the parliament everywhere. Such thinking might discourage them from stepping out, it does put women at a huge disadvantage.

Miss B: Tell me something,when women know that there are some sick devilish men out there in the society,should she opt to take care herself by dressing modestly,or should she go around enrolling all eve teasers to mental asylum..Tell me which of the two choices is practical?

IHM: What exactly is dressing ‘modestly’? Do the perverts get to make this decision and then guarantee women freedom from sexual crimes? Why do all civil societies (I don’t consider Taliban and Saudi Arabia civil societies) and women object to this?

Are crimes against women really related to the way we dress? Are women traditional Indian clothing safe from sexual assaults? If they are not then is it possible that we are imprisoning and controlling women in the name of protection?

Clothing is symbolic. When we tell women to dress to prevent provocation-related crimes aren’t we indirectly but very clearly telling the men that women and not they are responsible for such crimes?

Miss B: Yes,I am aware of the double faceted hypocrisy. I agree that society should provide a safe environment for all its citizens and not punish women for the few criminal men who can nor control their urges. But then again, how can government take care of each and every single citizen in the country?We have our share of responsibility..The bottom line is that in public some modesty is required to avoid problems.

IHM: The fact is that safer cities for everyone else are automatically safer for women too. This shows that if the law of the land is upheld, women (and hence families) are also safer.

A lot of harm is done when we justify such crimes. We need to unequivocally condemn any such acts and shift the shame from the victim to the culprit.

Punish a few, condemn all, and see the difference it makes. It will also give the girls and women and their families the confidence to give back to the guys, we will see bystanders also pitching in to thrash a molester.

Men who attack do that only because they know that there is a strong chance that they can get away with it. When we talk of provocative dressing we give them a very strong message that they will not be blamed. That's a very dangerous message to give in a civil society.

Miss B: I completely agree with you that women are not responsible for crimes committed on them and I agree with the ‘She did not ask for it’ theory.But in our real life.theories have less importance than practicals..I agree that as far as the dress code is concerned, the problem is the uneducated and ignorant observers not the dresser. Having said that, a person cannot but be mindful since there are just too many uneducated and ignorant people out there.So,it your choice whether you choose to be daring and outgo these vultures..But trust me,it is better to take care..“The stronger sex is actually the weaker sex because of it’s weakness for the weaker sex.”

IHM: If everybody had always lived in such fears women would still be wearing traditional clothing of their native places.

The fact is they don’t, that without really thinking about it, women realise that what they are allowed to wear is symbolic of how much freedom and equality they have. Along with economic independence, success, wealth comes the freedom to enjoy looking good and having fun.

So long as criminals of all kinds including sex crimes are punished to set good example for a good, civil society, we will find we are on our way to a better, more equal society.

Society gets used to anything, instead of getting them used to watching women being molested, let them get used to women walking freely, looking good, looking sexy and still not being assaulted.

I am being idealistic?

Here’s a self confessed pervert, read what keeps him well behaved (From Nimmy’s blog)

Dabir Dalton said

February 28, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Years ago during an eye exam the female dr. who sat directly in front of me during the exam was wearing a low cut blouse and the way she sat gave me a clear view inside her blouse…This made me very uncomfortable because I knew that if I said anything it would have been me who would have been charged with sexual harassment due to the double standards promoted by feminists like Miss A…Since then as much as possible I make certain to have my wife tag along whenever I have an appointment with an immodest female professional…]

Indian Homemaker said

March 1, 2009 at 7:39 am

Doesn’t this show that fear of punishment makes all kind of men behave best? In a world full of people of all kinds making everybody responsible for their own behaviour seems to be the most practical thing to do. -IHM

This simply sums up whatever I have been trying to say.

NOTE: Published it, but I am going to be trying to edit it to make it shorter, I realise it's too long.

Not Pink. He hates Pink.

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 04:15:00 +0000

What did you think this post was about? I know pink is generally associated with .... blushes but...

This post is about the handsomest cat in the world, he doesn't like Pink, he has been neutered so he has been called GAY, but I know he is MACHO, because I found he hates pink. He chose to sleep on a blue cushion.

Edited to add: Ms Renuka Chaudhary asked this! :)
Some of us might want to apply for Ms Nirmala Venkatsh's post, because she has been sacked.
I will be responding to Ms B soon.

Provocatively Dressed

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:01:00 +0000

To Moral Brigade(s) and their Supporters,

I think we need to realise that frivolous terms like Provocative Dressing might make sexual assaulters feel that the responsibility of preventing sexual assaults lies with the women.

Violent men are helpless victims of provocation?

Also, when we say women must not dress provocatively we must remember we are beginning to sound like Taliban. (Now we wouldn’t want that?)

We also need to keep in mind that we are talking about adult citizens here, they have the right to vote, they can get a driving license, and they can even own property or start an independent business! And often do and very successfully too. (I understand that can make anybody painfully jealous, it does seem wrong that they should do so well despite the major hurdles their gender faces ... but women these days are like that, give them a chance and they fly, reach the sky, and even the moon. Accept it.)

Your over enthusiasm and interest in her clothes might lead some to believe that you are looking at women more than you should be. (Most women consider such unwanted attentions very revolting; they might suspect your morals).

Your insistence in deciding the correct code of dressing here is against the law. (I am assuming most of you offenders and supporters have not been to school, so I am simplifying it for you.)

Instead we need to ensure that men are guided very firmly about the acceptable code of their own conduct. They need to get it very clear that tight jeans and noodle straps are poor excuses for criminal acts against other equal (even if they are better qualified, they are only equal) citizens.

We need to concentrate on providing a secure academic and emotional foundation to create a nation of women who do not hold themselves responsible for any and every atrocity committed against them. Your own mothers, daughters, sisters and wives also will benefit more from this (much more) than from being taught how to dress.

I know of thousands of women who have not benefited in anyway, when they were compelled to cover themselves from head to toe in traditional attire. Their families, specially their children have suffered because these mothers were often made too weak, by such controls, to stand up for them in all so many ways children need their mothers to....so it seems wearing traditional clothing does not automatically make you a better mother, sister, daughter, citizens, wife, woman etc.

Strong mothers and strong women make a strong nation.

You think it is only about drinking in the Pub? The dinking in the Pub is just symbolic (Just like PCC is). You understand symbols? Like bangles for weakness? Like Duryodhan and Duhshsan for ... if only you had some education, it would have been simpler to explain. But let me try ...

When a nation overlooks an act of violence against it’s citizen only because they are women, they are not creating a very confident generation of women.

Let me try and speak your language again,

...these women are going to raise the future of this nation... Please let us stop treating them like they have no thinking capacity!

And this is a nation where women are anyway having difficulty even being born. We make it tougher for parents to have daughters, and for those daughters who are born to feel safe, let alone feel free.

Women (and men) need to be able to decide for themselves how they dress, what careers they choose, when and to whom, if at all, they marry or live with without marrying.

Because we have hungry families, and unemployed men, and no drinking water, and houses which flood every monsoon.

Tomorrow you might find even a girl’s face, eyes, lips or feet provocative? How are you guys going to survive?

I think we need a stricter code of conduct for men like you here.

A bit of gentlemanly behaviour and discipline will benefit you in your lives. Women are now everywhere. And we will see them as bosses, better drivers, being able to afford better recreation ... (I understand the surge of envy, but you really have to work harder, just being born a male is not really important any longer, at least in their circles...). Many of them come from families where success is more important than marriage and children are. (Yes I am aware that this is all too much to digest, it seems these women come from a different planet, well in a way they do.) Many are happily married with children, oh yes and their husbands are aware that they drink, and talk to men in their office and also outside but no, they don’t drag them by their hair for that ... (You ask, ‘Why not?’. Let’s just say, self confidence does that to men. And women too. You won’t understand ...)

The world has changed too much while you were worrying about which caste or religion or language or region was being victimised.

But it’s never too late. You just need to understand that they are your equal. No matter how much better they earn, what fancy cars they drive, how much more fun they seem to have, how much better they look ... they are only your equals.

As for their clothes, for all you know there is probably a future scientist behind that Rakhi-Sawant-dress-alike.

Get a life.

Maybe I Am Biased ...

noreply@blogger.com (Indian Home Maker) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:33:00 +0000

The two precocious little boys ... I don't think any other Indian director has created little boys like these two. I have seen them in real life. So many of them ...

But that is not why I totally loved the movie.

When right in the beginning Abhishek Bachchan says very quietly, "I will take her to India dad." We all gasped, because that again is the kind of thing I can so imagine my son saying .... many Indians will relate to that.

But there is a lot more to the movie ...

There is the way the women dance, I have seen women dance exactly like that. The movie made me want to call my mom.

Then the rat poison ... I have heard of threats that backfired.
And the tray of orange squash for the boy's family coming to see her...
And another girl waiting to get married, so her life can begin ...
About women bonding not scheming against each other like in Ekta Kapoor serials ...

The girl's rebellion - not because there is a boy friend in the back ground but because she wants more from her life.
It reminded me of the worst night mare I escaped when I didn't have to be 'seen by the boys family' (I would have squirmed and died right there).

It reminded me of a of white canvas tote bag I carried to college. It read 'I Heart Delhi'.

Any director who can see all this and care to show it in a movie, has to become a favorite director!
(If I had to make a movie it would have been something like this.... )

(I learnt from Monika's blog that he is the same guy who created 'Rang De Basanti', another movie I loved.)

Delhi-6 is about everything we blog about. And then some more.
Gender discrimination Communalism. Politicians. Corrupt Policeman. Caste-ism. Sensationalising Media. Our hypocrisies. Our infrastructure. Our Traffic situation.

...and yet Delhi-6 does not judge us. The director is almost affectionate towards the people in Delhi-6 and their follies.
And Ramleela.
The guy's a genius.

Delhi 6 is....
Bright coloured, earthy, ethnic prints, parandis, chunky silver armlets and bangles, roof tops, winter afternoons, Ramleela, jalebis, courage, youth, idealism, love, freshness.
Rang De Basanti
Bunty aur Bablee
Namesake
And Vikram Seth's 'Suitable Boy'.

Abhishek Bachchan is more Shahrukh Khan here than Amitabh Bachchan. Loved this character ...
And the girl! Loved her the most when she changes into ... err no spoilers (but watch the video!)
Loved that spirit.

I guess I am biased towards idealism and hope.
I am biased towards movies that make us think there is still some hope for us as a Nation.
I *HEART* Delhi-6 :)