The LAN (South American Airline) customer service was exceptionally cordial, and even though it was by no means their fault that I missed my flight, they have upgraded me to business class and given me complimentary access to the VIP lounge (only 4 hours) all with no fees to change my ticket. Hear that U.S. based air carriers, it is possible to not treat your customers well and it makes them happy and they may be tempted to say nice things about you.

Anyone giving out travel awards for being the most likely to be shaken down by customs? I’m certain I’d win, as this has become the expectation rather than the exception.

My first experience on a funicular was laughable. Marsha and I, having run out of ideas of what to do took the recommendation to take the funicular in Wellington, New Zealand to the botanical gardens on top of their undeveloped hill. The ticket was about ~$3.00 as I recall, which seemed like a bargain until we realized the ride ascended no more than about 300 feet up the hill. For extra laughs, there was a stop midway at…well, I don’t remember what the stop was for, probably a fish ‘n chips stand or something. The experience we had after meeting a Dutch couple turned out to be the highlight of the day, but that is another story.

The funicular in Santiago is, at least, a better value for the money as it ascends quite some distance, but at the top, one finds exactly what one would expect to find – a monument and vendors. At least the emerging economy version of safety and maintenance provided a bit more “thrill factor” than Wellington’s funicular, but all in all, the experience was blase at best. My promised “scenic vista” of Santiago was shrouded in heavy smog. The monument atop the hill was being repaired. I did take the opportunity to have a go with the local cuisine which consisted of an empanada filled with ham, cheese and tomato and to drink I had a mote con huesillo which is a tea made with dried peaches and wheat. Who came up with that idea? I didn’t much care for it!

I ended the day in Barrio Bellavista which seems to be the hip, trendy neighborhood in Santiago. I found a little cafe called La Case En El Aire (house in the air – meaning ‘open air’ dining). There, the staff wore T-shirts bearing the likeness of Che Guevara, Commandante Marcos (of the Zapatistas) and two other prominent, but lesser known socialist leaders. The irony wasn’t lost on me when I discovered the cafe served a selection of international beers and piped in muzac versions of 70’s & 80’s American pop music. Viva la resistance and death to imperialism and all that.

Onward!

With the planets aligned properly, I was actually done a day early; a first! I’ve arrived in South America in plenty of time to make my flights which leaves me killing time in Santiago, Chile. I took it pretty easy my first day – camped out at the hotel until temperatures cooled off a bit in the evening and then I went wandering around a bit, foraging for food and beer. I really haven’t got any idea how to spend today, though I reckon I’ll go find the funicular and check that out – I’m not paying another night’s hotel rate at the Sheraton so perhaps I’ll either go find a hostel or just stay up late and head to the airport as I have an early A.M. departure for Lima and then Guayaquil.

I don’t anticipate anything too exciting happening for the next couple of days, and Santiago seems fairly unremarkable. I’ll update if any of that changes.

I did manage to upload some photos from the northbound cruise.

So here’s the deal, a LOT of what I want to see and do are on the west coast of South America, BUT I would also like to see Iguazu Falls which happens to be closer to the east coast, quite close to Buenos Aires in fact. Now, after zigzagging this massive continent, I was looking for a way to get back to Santiago for my return flight home. Again, this is a toss-up between economics, comfort and experiences..anyhow, in my search I found a cruise that departs Buenos Aires and sails to Santiago (Valparaiso) with ports of call in: Montevideo, Puerto Madryn, Stanley (in the Falkland Islands or Islas Malvinas as you see fit), Ushuaia, Punta Arenas (I’m not bothering getting off the ship at this one…), Puerto Chacabuco and Puerto Madryn. The cruise is 14 nights and the total cost is ~$2200.

Anyhow, this looks like a pretty cool cruise and I’d just like to put it out there to my friends and family or anyone else who reads this and might have some free time in December for a cruise. Split the cost with me, or make me an offer! you can either email me or if you don’t have my email address, use the handy-dandy contact form.

A few weeks back, I received a synopsis of the cruise which I will be departing on. The cruise is (was) putting in some Antarctic field camps on the way to Palmer Station there is a day or two built into the schedule to allow for weather delays which are common (ya think?). With the field camps put in the last major objective of the cruise is to exchange some passengers. The ship arrived this afternoon, but high winds with gusts near gale force prevented the ship from tying up to the pier. If it is able to tie up tomorrow, things will still look good for a departure on the 22nd. There is, however, a fairly good chance that we’ll have to make a detour to a godawful hunk of rock about 40 miles from here. There is some sort of whiz-bang sciencey type GPS instrument parked on that rock that hasn’t been working right and an attempt will likely be made to get it back to working order.

Here’s a map of the cruise route

The malfunctioning instrument is a fairly big deal and lots of people are interested in having it fixed, but the rock that it is on is woefully inaccessible in all but the calmest of seas and winds. Add a generous helping of sea ice to the mix and this part of the cruise becomes a huge wild card. Nonetheless, I have gambled a bit and gone ahead and booked some plane tickets. I am now free to obsess over things that are even further in my future and represent greater unknowns. You can track the ship here or, sometimes that one doesn’t work and here is another or…if you’re reading this article on my site, as opposed to some rss feed/facebook/twitter thing…there is a “Where’s Will” link on that slick new drop down menu immediately under the header on this page. Through the magic of my superior php coding skills, the link should automatically change based on the dates when I THINK I’ll be on the boat and will then revert back to my old iPhone tracking thingamajiggy at the end of the cruise so that you can follow my movement through South America

As I was trying to get more in touch with why I feel this way, I was reminded of the story of the Red Box. If you’re in the U.S. you’ve likely seen, or even used one of these at the supermarket or fast food establishment. It’s called “Red Box” and it’s a little automated video rental kiosk. The concept is really pretty neat – you swipe a credit card, rent a new release movie for…I dunno, I think $1/day. You can return the DVD to any Red Box anywhere! Yep, seems pretty neat. And cheap! So, the last time I was back in the U.S. I rented a movie from one of these things. All went well with the rental but when I tried to return it, the machine was on the fritz….stuck in some sort of infinite computer loop or something. I was actually standing in line behind another person for quite some time. I just figured the guy was a luddite and couldn’t figure out the overly complex task of inserting an object in a slot, but alas, it wasn’t him, it was the stupid machine – just sitting there, not doing anything. He finally gave up and when I stepped up to the machine it was displaying some sort of error message. I found the manager of the fast food establishment and asked for help. My rudimentary Espanol skills tell me that he was trying to inform me that it wasn’t his problem – the machine didn’t belong to the restaurant and that in order for my problem to be resolved I would be required to speak to some cretin in Bangladesh or Tallahassee. I called, I was put through a series of voice prompts that resulted in yet another infinite loop. No matter what I said I was always met with a response of “oh, so you’d like to become a member” or “did you say you’d like to make a payment?”. Yes, seriously. This went on for what seemed like forever. Finally, through some sort of incomprehensible electronic sorcery, my call was routed to a never-ending queue to speak with a real live human being. The music that was looped in between assurances that my call “is very important” caused my ears such pain that I prayed that Lawrence Welk’s orchestra would appear and those goofy tap dancers from his show would ram the heels of their stupid little tap shoes so deep into my ears that I would be relieved of hearing such atrocities for eternity. No such luck, only more nerve-racking music that Satan himself must have orchestrated in a bid to drive normal people into homicidal rages.

After being on hold for something like 6,546 days, I was finally connected to a real human who, surprisingly, happened to be extraordinarily congenial and was able to tell me that their systems had crashed or something and that I would have to wait to return my DVD and that the system would automagically know that I wasn’t able to return it on time and, furthermore, I wouldn’t be charged for the “extra” day. I was quite relieved by this news but at the same time my level of annoyance had gotten really out of hand. Even if I figured that my time was worth minimum wage, I could have just purchased the DVD and been better off economically than to have spent the time I spent trying to turn the stupid thing back in…and that’s only counting the time at the kiosk and on the phone and no time driving back and forth from the stupid thing.

Now, to most people dealing with this type of thing on a daily basis an experience like this surely seems quotidian but to me who has become accustomed to problem resolution being done in a very personal manner and quite timely…well, this experience became another huge frustration and an unbearable vexation and representative of everything I seem to come to Antarctica to avoid. Seriously, my biggest frustration here is when the coffee runs out and as amped up as I get about things like that, the resolution is so completely simple and easily managed that I feel fortunate to not have to deal with impersonal solutions to problems.

Enjoy your Red Box DVD kiosk, your ATMs, your self-checkout, drive-through banking and dining where something ALWAYS goes amiss. Bask in the glory of 64 channels of shit – several of which seem to have some screaming jack ass purporting to be reporting the news. Enjoy all of those modern “conveniences”. I think I’m going to go to some unknown beach that barely has electricity and where “agua caliente” as an amenity isn’t something you can take for granted and is a selling point at some (but not all) lodging. I’m going to the beach to live the “sandal life”.